#mostly emotionally
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I'm on day 5 of migraine hell and I've just been in bed all day while it's been storming outside, and just when I start to feel (physically) okay, I get hit by Big Sad.
#Eli Speaks#it shouldn't really surprise me#ive been getting hit by these specific sad feelings a lot latelt#*lately#and idrk what to do with them#ive been meaning to talk to my therapist about this#but theres so much fucking context to get into#and just thinking about that feels overwhelming#mostly emotionally#but if i dont talk about it ill also explode#unfortunately i cant even really talk about it here#doesnt feel right#i wish i could talk to the people who know#but thats the problem#they dont want to talk to me#i couldve reached out before things got too bad#but its too late now#its been too late for 6 months#hell its prob been too late a lot longer than that#but thats when they finally said it was too much#and i get it#i fucked up#im willing to accept that this is the repercussions of me fucking up#and that they have every right not to want to talk to me or have me in their life#but idk where that leaves me really#ive been trying to better myself#i want to be a better person and better friend#but i also wish i couldve done better in the past#ill try not to dwell ill try to move forward ill try to be better for the friends i still have and the friends i may make in the future#i hope theyre doing well and are getting what they were looking for genuinely
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Man, Life just wrings you out like a rag on occasion
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The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic
#bloodweave#baldur's gate 3#bg3#gale x astarion#astarion x gale#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual#the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max#I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together#toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable#I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him#and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale#and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually#helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god#at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale)#anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again
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#911edit#911#911 abc#buddieedit#buddie#evan buckley#eddie diaz#my edit#hanna.gif#favorite underrated moment from s7#i feel like i mostly just disregard this season because too much of it is just so stupid and it don't wanna validate the shitty writing#but it was actually really interesting the way eddie approached this whole situation#+ the moving too fast thing with marisol in the beginning of the season#it doesn't really get acknowledged other than bobby's little 'you haven't talked about her like you're ready to live with her' comment#but eddie was not even slightly emotionally invested in that relationship yet they were acting was like they had been together for years#he was sooo comfortable in the functions of a long term partnership even if the center of it was completely hollow#which i think parallels his feelings here. buck asks him twice what he wants in this season and both times he cannot give a real answer
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i love seeing out of context posts about long-running stories with deep lore because it's always shit like "MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!! i can't believe that the metallic athenaeum's envoy actually used never-ending dance of the 57th universe on rionne as if she's not LITERALLY the incarnate of august?!?!" it's like buddy boy thank you for the spoiler tag but all of those words are incomprehensible without at least 5 years of foreshadowed knowledge, 7 different fan theories, and 21 wiki entries
#rambling#this post was about 3 different fandoms#number 1 was my friend trying to explain to me what was happening to dazai bungo stray dogs (i have not seen bungo stray dogs)#number 2 was ominscient reader viewpoint. anything tagged MAJOR SPOILERS for orv is either completely incomprehensible or like.#an image of someone interacting with a book. and somehow BOTH manage to be emotionally devastating in context#number 3 was me trying to explain genshin lore to a friend and realizing i sounded deranged saying shit like#“after the primoridal one fought the second who came celestia used nails to supposedly heal the land but enkanomiya still sank rip”#how did the wot fandom find this i am a gaming blog mostly..
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sometimes after a long day of being molested by the whole town all you need is to soak in the bath with your bestie (˶ˆᗜˆ˵)♡
with @wreckowafer 's yunie <3
#what better way to cheer up your bestie than spilling tea as you sit in the bath together and ignore the sting of your bruises <3#yunie and damsel are both severely emotionally stunted but they enjoy each other's presence. cuties ♡#wafer and i did not coordinate bathroom posts btw we literally just have the same braincell 😭#dol pc#i wanted to draw the girlies a bit bruised up since i haven’t drawn Damsel with bruises#which simply would not do#damsel doesn't get harassed as much but she still gets harassed#she's small and not very strong so she relies on her reputation mostly to send people away#and if they won't leave she gives them mind melting head and contemplates killing them off later <3#anyways...on to the other drawings i have in mind 🙏🏽#no nippies so hopefully tumblr won’t snipe me 🙏🏽#forgot Damsel's industrial in that second pic....oh well#ignore how small my handwriting is I'm trying to curb that but i'm failing 😭#tw bruising#tw implied assault#damsel draws sometimes#damsel evren
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no nuance ♥️
#we haven't killed each other in a while let's gooooo#jk i feel like this isn't particularly wartime inducing?#top/bottom preferences aside how do you feel it goes down in your SOUL#buckeddie#buddie#911#also how are some ppl able to post polls with closing options other than 24 hours or one week :o#anyway dropping this and going to shower and sleep if it flops ignore it omg.#also ignore Technicalities pls by crying over missionary we can include simple things like jacking each other off#i mostly mean like Emotionally i guess. but feel free to interpret however you want#polls
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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we get to listen to og reputation forever and never have to hear another rep tv theory ever again

#we won fr#I don’t know which part I’m more excited about#because I’m so emotionally attached to rep as it exists right now#but I’m also so tired of the theories#obviously I’m mostly excited for Taylor because I know how huge this is for her#but it’s so exciting for all of us too
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I want to smother him.
I want to be clingy and overbearing with him but only in private, like the personal solitude of his room.
I want to cling to him as he lays in bed, trying to do something else like read or play a game.
I want to mold myself into his side, kissing his neck, stroking his chest, rubbing my legs against his.
I want to distract him with my affection. I want him to become flustered at the stark contrast between public and private affection and how he's the only one who knows there is a difference in the first place.
When I tease him about being flustered and he tries to push me away with his hand out of embarrassment, I want to grab it and kiss his fingers all the way down his arm.
I want him to give in despite being embarrassed. I want to kiss all over his face as he huffs in defeat after the rather pathetic attempt at a struggle.
I want to mumble a little "I love you s'much" into his warm cheek as the skin heats up even more at the confession and my lips on his skin.
I want him to have an internal struggle, trying to man up and say it back. Only to weakly mumble out, "Whatever." as he places his hand over his bright red face.
#emotionally distant but easily flustered men LETSSS GOOOOOOOOOOO#bakugo katuski x reader#sanemi shinazugawa x reader#aizawa shota x reader#shigaraki tomura x reader#megumi fushiguro x reader#sukuna x reader#tsukishima kei x reader#genya shinazugawa x reader#obanai iguro x reader#and any of your choosing 💕#tbh i was mostly thinking of Sanemi when i was writing. i think hes neat
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devastated to find out that the bisexual sisters are not, in fact, twins
#mark does give off more younger sibling vibes but that’s mostly because he’s emotionally stunted lol#mark scout#devon scout#devon scout hale#severance
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asgore saw a bee gently land on a flower petal and cried at the beauty of nature, like, the other day. toriel had a breakdown so bad she passed out on the floor the moment her children's deaths fully caught up with her and then she got back up and hasn't shed a tear since in 700 years
#i feel like asgore's the kind of man who tears up really easily as an emotional reaction#not just for negative emotions. mostly the positive ones like awe and affection and beauty#toriel's death grip on her emotional state would put sans to shame#they're emotionally constipated like that#undertale#toriel#asgore#hcs
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I need more dca fics to read, not just because they're all so cool and special and unique-
I want to collect their y/n's in my pocket, and bring back the y/nverse. All of them in a lil pocket dimension (the dca stay in their respective stories, this place is reserved for the self inserts and side characters/family to interact. The boys can have their own pocket dimension)
The y/ns live on the same street or apartment complex, being bunched into groups that are roomies
For example. Bamsara's Solar Lunacy y/n, Paper-Lilypie's CCRT y/n, and bones-of-a-rabbit's staffbot y/n. SB is there so CCRT can perform routine maintenance, plus CCRT can be a but messy, plus they could help clean up after ccrt's kids. SL is where, you may ask? Their room has been vacant for some time, but CCRT and SB keep it clean and regularly dusted, out of respect. They don't know if or when their friend will return, but they'll be welcome at any time.
Naffeclipse's y/ns share a suite, probably.
spadillelicious's LDR y/n could stay with saltciphblr's lovebug au y/n
Again, I need to read more to get a better feel of the different wonderful y/n's
This probably won't be uploaded, maybe someday, but this is mostly self indulgence that my brain has been blasting on repeat all day
Into the y/nverse, I raise you from the depths
#bamsara#spadillelicious#paper-lilypie#bones-of-a-rabbit#saltciphblr#naffeclipse#dca#fnaf#into the y/nverse#dca fanfic#solar lunacy#copper cogs rusted through#ccrt#staffbot au#lovebug au#love death and rollerskates#i wonder which y/ns wouldnt get along#need to sit on this idea a bit more#just wanted to throw it out there#dca fandom#this fandom has shaped me in so many ways#mostly good#some emotionally scarring#pointed stare at sleuth jesters#im shy and scared to tag the authors#go check them out!#eating their writing
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Horrible thing to say but I think there's a real chance Jiang Yanli was both of her parents' least favorite child and knew it and just kinda. Had to go on with her life knowing that.
#mdzs#jiang yanli#yunmeng siblings#madam yu's favorite kid is jc. she doesn't. um. SHOW it in a very affirming way but he's clearly the one she's emotionally most invested in#jfm's favorite kid is wwx. is he even one of his kids? doesn't matter. he's the favorite#(madam yu does NOT see wwx as her child so he doesn't factor into the calculation for her.)#i think jfm's neglect of jc is talked about. mostly because the both jc and wwx are clearly aware of it and so it's mentioned in novel#but um... DO we see either of yanli's parents give much a shit about her? ever?#jfm doesn't even ask if she WANTS her engagement dissolved before doing so#also the reason stated by other characters for jfm not liking jc is that he's madam yu's child. you know who is ALSO madam yu's child?#i think jfm may find jc.. harder to get along with. but i also think whatever discomfort from his marriage he projects onto his kids#it also extends to yanli. it's just that he's not constantly REMINDED of yanli like he is jc#(because madam yu keeps yelling about it)#and so he just... doesn't think about her much at all#madam yu meanwhile treats yanli with this air of disappointment. she seems to resent that she's 'weak' and gentle and quiet#and that she cares so little about status so as to treat wwx like her little brother#i think yanli is just fundamenally so clearly... not the child either of her parents wanted. and it shows.#i'm slightly peeved fandom doesn't talk about this as much as they talk about the effects the jiang parents had on the two boys.#but to be fair to fandom the book doesn't either#which is probaly just danmei-typical misogyny. but to give a slightly more watsonian reason#i think the yunmeng bros are genuinely unaware of this. yanli is PERFECT how could her parents not love her?#(of course they notice something like zixuan's initial dislike of her but that's blatant.)#(vs the attitude of the jiang parents towards their daughter which seems to be mostly... disinterest and disappointment)
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I love the fandom nickname "the pearl of driftmark" for lucerys, but since I like him sassy and unhinged and mean I think there might be another one that'd fit him. One that aemond sees in every smirk lucerys shoots him over yet another unworthy suitors shoulder. One that is only whispered not fit for polite company. They call him "the siren of high tide" in those instances. Because sirens are as dangerous as they are beautiful and they are apt at luring unsuspecting men to their death. Suitors and political opponents alike seem to vanish one after another around lucerys velaryon who just smiles mysteriously and dangerously beautiful revelling in both his nicknames echoing through the realm.
#the suitors disappearing is aemonds fault by the way#mostly at least lucerys is definitely baiting him#but what is a boy to do to get the attention of his favourite emotionally constipated uncle around here#toxic lucemond my beloved#lucemond#lucerys x aemond
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Second half of the Tetro Pink group
Horay for traumatised 17 year olds
#tetro danganronpa pink#tetro danganronpa#okazaki hanano#hama ran#tsuno manami#hiroaki nakamigawa#tamba ruiko#hasegawa ken#watari nishino#yanagi shigeki#all done just in time for tetro friday#i don't think i'll ever emotionally recover from chapter 4#some of these were a pain to draw#mostly okazaki and watari because of the jacket capes#also hamas background too#that background alone is what made hama turn out to be the longest time taken out of all of these#100% worth it
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