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#mostly while still asleep
shivtomdivorce · 2 years
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my desire to wake up earlier vs my hatred of going to bed before midnight vs my need to sleep minimum 8 hours
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guys please pray for me
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I have the urge to write a seven-season-long medical drama, so here is a concept for Top Gun Hospital AU with ER hate-to-love hangster AU that no one asked for.
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as a warning: this is a bit incohesive and silly
All the aviators are doctors and all the WSOs are nurses. With the exception of Bradley (but there’s an explanation for it).
Mav — cardiothoracic surgeon; Ice — former neurosurgeon and Chief of Surgery, current Head of Patient and Medical Services (so, entirely admin). I imagine they have the same kind of relationship as House and Cuddy in this, including Ice keeping an entire legal team for Mav’s unconventional practice methods. They've met during med school and had been rivals up until they both finished general surgery residency. Slider is an OR nurse turned anesthesia nurse. Goose was an ER nurse and met Mav during his rotation as a med student and died after an incident in the ER during Mav’s residency (that was the moment he switched from emergency medicine to surgery).
Phoenix — emergency, but she managed the impossible (like Mav) and switched from obgyn residency after the first year (only chose obgyn in the first place because of her mom, a renowned obgyn in Oregon), she's still really passionate about the obgyn field but didn't enjoy the work enough to do it for the rest of her life; Javy — general surgery; Payback — emergency with sub-spec in pediatrics; Friz — respiratory medicine; Omaha — oncology; Yale — ortho surgery.
Bob — a former OBGYN nurse, left because of a toxic work environment, working in the ER six months now, Phoenix's favorite nurse now, duh; Fanboy — started in peds oncology, had to switch because it was too hard on him mentally and is now peds emergency; Halo — started as a palliative care nurse, switched to oncology after a few years; Harvard — OR nurse, switched from general team to ortho
Hangman is the new trauma surgeon starting in their ER. Born and raised on a ranch, was expected to take over the ranch but never wanted to. Thankfully, he had too perfect grades to not send him to college — his parents wanted him to be a vet, which obviously didn’t happen, so he could stay close to the family business. He moved to California for his MD. He has terrible bedside manners with patients and patients’ family, but is surprisingly decent with kids, has lost respect for nurses sometime during his first residency year, and had a terrible case of Ego hit him during his trauma surg fellowship.
Now, about Rooster:
Bradley got into a pre-med program, Mav (who had set up Bradley’s college fund) said he’s not going to pay for it since he doesn’t want Bradley to be a doctor (long hours, lack of work-life balance, burnout, high stress, etc. It was more complicated because Mav still has the Goose trauma). So they had the fallout, Bradley moved out and deferred college to find a way to pay for it and, wanting to gather hospital experience, started working as a CNA in Peds ICU at a children’s hospital which accidentally was having a new CNA intake at the time. He liked it, actually loved it, and started hesitating whether he should continue with pre-med and be like Mav or go for nursing, like his dad. Year after, he got an offer from the hospital that said hey, we’ll fund some of your BSN as long as you work for us while you study and then work for us for another four years after getting your license. So he became a nurse, got certified as peds nurse after working two years in PICU and after another three, switched to the Pediatric Rapid Response Team, where he stayed for another two years before getting a spot as a senior nurse in adult/peds ER in a different hospital.
His relation to Mav and Ice only came to light a few months after the hiring process, as Bradley didn’t even know they worked there when he applied and it’s still a hash-hash topic in the ER. He’s been in the ER for almost three years now and has become an unofficial second-in-command as one of the few with substantial experience.
I imagine he’s definitely one the best nurses you could have as a patient — he’s honest but in an empathetic way, he’s worked in the most demanding environments with the most complex patients (ICU and RRT), he’s skilled and experienced in most procedures. Because he is one of the few male nurses, he’s the one dealing with inappropriate patients, aggressive patients, patients that need restraint, frequent flyers, etc. and he genuinely doesn’t mind — he is the perfect mix of calm and firm that makes him very reliable in most difficult situations. He is absolutely most reassuring and guiding with new stuff, be it new nurses or med students that don’t know what’s happening, and he doesn’t judge. It does help, too, that he was partially raised by two very cocksure surgeons and therefore knows how to deal with doctors that turned a bit too arrogant.
Before I go to the hangster part of this shit, I want y’all to know it all started because I found this Rooster-coded scrubs:
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I imagine that he buys most of his scrubs since the work-issued scrubs don’t fit well on men (most unisex ones are very much just female fit stamped with unisex label) and peds nurses can have lots of cute ones so the kids feel less nervous around them
Also, this is a warning that yes, Bradley is trans in this scenario, too, because I said so. It's relevant to a few scenes, I think?? and there's tw for transphobic OC
Now, a bunch of scenarios I can see for this AU:
On the first day at his new workplace, Jake makes a reputation for himself. He confuses Nat, in her hospital-issued scrubs and with her doctor tag clearly on display, for a nurse and literally talks over her in front of a patient. Same thing happens with Billy because he’s Filipino and there is a large number of Filipino nurses everywhere and he’s stereotyping. Then he makes another patient’s parents agitated. This is when he meets Bradley — he takes over to talk to the parents and calm them down before it can escalate, basically shushing Jake out of the room. Jake doesn’t clock he’s a nurse at first — he’s a big, very fit, very well-built, very handsome dude with a questionable mustache who looks comical in a pastel pink scrub top with a teddy bear pattern and a matching headband on his forehead, but also the sheer shock of how different to all the nurses he looks gives Jake a pause  — so he doesn’t say anything even if it pisses him off a nurse just forced him out of the room.
*
It starts innocently with Bradley though — Bradley comes up and asks, “Jake, can you put the narcotics order into the system for Lily?” and Jake scoffs and corrects, “Doctor,” tapping his full tag with Dr. Jacob Seresin.
Bradley, as the nurse’s tag says, raises an eyebrow and says, “Doctor Jake, can you put the narcotics order for Lily?”  Natasha, standing behind him, snorts. Jake doesn’t even have the time to tell him off because he’s already gone when his brain processes.
*
Natasha drops off a patient on him — a taxi driver who had a stroke while driving and had been in a car accident, that had been thrombolysed but might need emergency surgery because of a suspected GI bleed. He’s stable, so they're going to check if he can be admitted to neurosurg and wait for his turn there or if Jake will need to take over before that.
Bradley hands him a tablet the minute he walks into the room.
“What’s that?”
“Results,” he supplies before going back to setting up an oxygen cylinder at the bottom of the bed.
“I didn’t order that,” he notes. The blood and urine panels are what he would order with suspected operable GI bleed but he’s barely looked at the patient’s case before he walked in there.
“I did,” Bradley tells him as he switches the oxygen from the wall socket to the tank supply. “Faster this way.”
“No,” Jake says, blood boiling. “You do exactly what I tell you to do and only that.”
Natasha raises her eyebrows, high on her forehead. Bradley doesn’t hesitate — waves on Bob from behind the glass wall and they both grab each side of the bed.
“I supposed you want to put the CT order yourself then,” Bradley says as Bob takes the small back monitor and attaches it to the frame. He steps on the bed brake and rolls out the bed, straight into Jake and Nat, fast enough that he moves out of the way on instinct. “Better do it fast because it’s free now and I’m going.” *
“Did you see that? Who the heck does he think he is?” Jake asks Nat.
“Better put that CT scan order,” is all Natasha replies as she walks away.
*
It’s Reuben’s patient, an eleven years old boy with blunt trauma, and Jake makes a verbal order to Bradshaw, who is the boy’s nurse. “I understand but I think that—” and Jake goes, “If I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.”
The whole room gets quiet and everyone looks to him — Reuben, Mickey, and the technician are wide-eyed.
Bradley just says, “Alright,” in a perfectly leveled voice and leaves the room.
 Mickey is not making eye contact as he quips under his nose, on his way out of the room, “You do realize he basically runs this ER, right? You’re making your life a lot harder.”
*
Jake orders IV fluids for one of his patients which is also in Rooster’s section that day and he bleeps the order info to Rooster. Fifteen minutes later he sees that it hasn’t been filled and is like, hah, I knew there is a reason I hate that guy. Finds him when he passes Jake in the corridor and is like, “I want you to start the IV for room 7. Now,” and Rooster  just tells him, “No, do it yourself or find someone else.” 
They have a little back and forth as Jake follows him down the corridor which ends with another, “No.”
There’s still no charge nurse in the ER (she’s on medical leave that will most likely end with her leaving employment, from what Jake gathers) so he makes a datix and the ER nurse manager (Warlock) following up is apprehensive because obviously, he knows Bradley, and hears about what actually happened — Bradley was getting an igel for a toddler from the peds side and deemed it more important than starting a bag of saline to bust someone's blood pressure.
Jake feels like an idiot.
*
Jake and Reuben are charting next to each other and Reuben gets bleeped his patient’s lab results. Jake, who is also waiting for lab results, complains about how he sent a pod to the lab before Reuben. Reuben just gives him a look and says, “Yeah, that’s because I asked Bradley to put my request in.”
And Jake is like, “What does he have to do with anything?”
Reuben looks at him like he’s dumb and says, “He has more sway with the lab,” and walks away with his tablet.
*
Javy is doing a consult for Nat and stops to chat to Jake (they know each other from residency days) and Bradley comes by and says, “Maggie’s becoming hypotensive again,” and Javy observes as Jake looks at the nurse that came, gives him a very long, very detailed look and licks his lips.
He manages to think Oh before Jake asks, “Maggie?”
The nurse looks seconds from rolling his eyes. “Mrs. Lawrence? Room 5?” 
“That's Margaret.”
“She prefers Maggie.”
And it goes on, with Jake standing there rigid, puffing up his chest and cocking his hip out. “Did you start the fluids?”
“Finshed already.”
“Start another bag.”
The nurse looks unimpressed and instead of confirming says, slowly, like he’s talking to a child, “Her fluid balance is positive. She’s usually on pressors.” Jake’s face gets red and he goes, “Then put an order for her.”
It’s kind of funny to observe and to be fair, the nurse does give Jake a minute to go over what he said, leaning his elbow on the counter, eyebrows raised, before he points out, in that damn slow, unimpressed tone, “I can't put orders for things like pressors."
He hands Jake the closest tablet and starts walking away.
Jake calls after him. "What, you're not even going to draft it for me?"
He doesn't even turn around and Javy is silently shaking from the laughter he's holding in, "I thought I wasn't allowed to do that, doctor."
*
Mav comes down to the ER to talk to Rooster on a slower day — about how they’re about to sponsor a new CRNA for the cardiothoracic surg unit and maybe he could put a good word for their development team for Bradley and yada yada.
It happens like that: Mav comes down, Bradley is charting next to the monitors station, Jake is going over a scan on the opposite side when The Dr. Mitchell himself comes down and stops next to Bradley. He gives Bradley and his pink Paw Patrol scrubs a look and clears his throat a couple of times before Bradley raises his gaze toward him, turning away a second later and ignoring him again.
Jake is freaking out — this is The Dr. Mitchell and one of the reasons Jake wanted to work in this exact hospital, along with the rumored to-be-announced cardiothoracic surg fellowship under Dr. Mitchell he had his eyes on. He’s been thinking about how to make contact with Dr. Mitchell since he started in the ER and here he is, telling unresponsive Bradshaw, “I heard you’re looking to go back for your Master’s in the near future.” Bradshaw doesn’t say anything and Dr. Mitchell adds, “We have a CRNA development spot for—” and Bradley tells him, not turning away from the screen, “I’m not an OR nurse,” and then taps his card on the computer’s reader to log out and walks away.
Dr. Mitchell is a fucking legend, a VIP of this hospital, so Jake just stands there, contemplating how the heck Bradshaw could do that and hears him mumbling under his breath, “Really slick, Mav,” and jumps on the opportunity to say, “I’ll be talking to his supervisor about this, his attitude is unacceptable, Dr. Mitchell.”
And Dr. Mitchell turns to him, raises an eyebrow and asks, “Excuse me?” 
“The nurse you were talking to. He might be senior in here but his attitude’s been horrible and I’ll personally step in. This won’t happen again.”
Dr. Mitchell gives him a look before slowly saying, “I suggest you mind your own business, Dr. Seresin,” and walks away.
Nat is silently laughing a few feet away and Jake asks her what’s so funny. His heart dead-ass stops when she says, “You do know Dr. Mitchell is Bradley’s dad, right? They might not be on the best of terms but that’s still his son.” And Jake has the urge to bang his head on the keyboard in front of him. 
TW for transphobia.
There’s a new nurse practitioner to be (graduated, about to get her cert) that's rumored to be a candidate for the charge nurse position. Izzy. She’s quite young for that, younger than Bradley for sure, must have barely worked in the clinical area before going for her Master’s. Jake doesn’t know if it’s on purpose but the nurse manager and Bradley keep on putting her in his section.
She’s—well, she’s a bit too in his face. She agrees with everything Jake says and doesn’t roll his eyes at him, which is boring, and she’s, for an NP, not that knowledgeable. She doesn’t argue with him, which is a change, and Jake starts to hate it after about five hours. Her voice is saccharine sweet, she keeps on standing a bit too close to him at all times, and she’s decent with patients, but she keeps on asking him about the smallest of things.
Jake’s section is less busy, usually, since he deals primarily with trauma in the ER, but she never bounces off to help others when she is free, like Bradley did. She’s clinging to his section, a little bit, and he doesn’t get why. It’s not like he is any nicer to her than to Bradley or any other nurse.
She is busy taking bloods and Bradley finds him when he has a second alone, finally, and enlightens him about why.
“If you don’t believe me, you can just ask any other nurse. Everyone noticed.”
“If you really think that then why do you keep putting her in my sections?”
“I don’t. She’s senior as an NP, she’s taken over allocation from me now.”
Jake’s mind only focuses on one detail. “You were allocating yourself to my sections?”
“Only because no one wants to work with you and because I’m actually certified in trauma.” That makes sense. It’s not like Bradley would work with him voluntarily. “Look, all I’m saying, you watch out — you fool around with her and then reject her and she’s going to HR. I know the type.”
“The type?”
“You know, the girl that thought she’ll become a nurse, snag a rich doctor and never work again? Well, it’s not always women, there are guys who do that too, but in this case, she’s very much the type.”
“And you think she’s trying to—snag me?”
“She’s certainly not going after the residents that are getting paid twelve bucks an hour or Reuben who is married,” he points out. Which, again, fair, even if he didn’t know Reuben is married prior to this strange conversation.
Jake stares at him, processing, until he blurts out, “I’m gay.”
“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Bradley says after a second, eyes barely noticeably a bit wider, before he walks away.
“Was he bothering you, doctor?”
She calls him doctor, always, and it honestly makes him grit his teeth. Now even more. He’s got a bad feeling about it.
It gets confirmed later when Jake is taking care of a six-year-old girl who had fallen down the stairs. She’s dehydrated and Izzy’s just tried to put a cannula on her three times before Jake told her to grab the bedside ultrasound and not make the girl cry even more.
Bradley passes by the room and Jake’s learned that he can’t leave a distressed child alone, so he comes in and gets the parents and the girl relaxed. He’s about to go in and tell him to leave it alone until Izzy brings the ultrasound when Nat grabs him by the arm and tells him, “He was in a Rapid Response Team, I’m pretty sure he can put a cannula in blind. Just let him do it.”
And he does let him. Watches, expecting the girl to burst into tears at any moment but she never does. Bradley’s literally been in the room for less than ten minutes and it’s all back to calmness.
Izzy comes back with the ultrasound. It should not have taken her so long to grab it. “What is he doing there? That's my patient.”
"He said he can put the IV line without the ultrasound.” Well, Nat said so. Jake can’t believe he’s saying but, “He’s a peds nurse, he’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure the girl's parents wouldn’t want him anywhere near her.”
This sets alarm bells in Jake’s head. “What do you mean?”
"People like him shouldn't be around kids," she says, to his horror. She leans in, way closer than needed, and conspiringly whispers, "Dr. Seresin, haven't you known that he is, you know, a she in disguise?"
He’s dumbstruck. "I'm sorry?"
"He's actually a woman, just pretending to be a man because he's mentally—You're the doctor, I'm sure you know better than I how the brains of people like them work. He shouldn't be around that girl, is what I'm saying. I certainly wouldn't like him around my child, if I had one."
Jake didn’t know this about Bradley but he understands what she means, even with how awful she is about it. This, however, should not be a piece of information thrown around in public if Bradley didn't wish to disclose it, and certainly not in such a manner. "And how do you know that, exactly?"
"Nurses share a locker room, it's not hard to notice how she, you know, mutilated herself."
Jake doesn’t say anything out loud but mentally he is preparing datix report in his head. He catches the ER’s nurse manager before he goes home, too, because that’s some shit he doesn’t stand for. He might be an asshole but he’s not a bigot.
Next time he comes to work, Bradley is back in his section and Izzy is no longer employed.
“Thanks,” Bradley says, when they’re at the station, next to each other, in a relatively slow moment. “If I went on my own, we’d have a weeks-long investigation that would probably end with her or me moving to a different unit.”
“She said this shit to your face?”
“Kept calling me she in front of patients,” Bradley admits after a moment. “I think most of them thought they misheard but—I knew.”
“Well, good riddance then.”
Bradley snorts, but he’s looking down at the tablet in his hands, smiling, and wow, the apples of his cheeks are so round and his eyes so bright and Jake can't breathe for a second.
---
(there might be a second part coming because I meant seven-season-long medical drama literally-- including Jake realizing he's an idiot, Mavdad drama, Jake having his hands inside Bradley (in the literal, surgical sense) and jealousy that could rival the McDreamy/Dr. Grey drama)
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Did I ever show you the month old redesign of my TADC chocolate bunny oc ? No ? Well here
Yayyyy... (the amount of times I wanted to post this and forgot...)
YES OC X CANON IS INVOLVED SHUT UP >:(
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She has two different shocked expressions but I'm too lazy to make the other one,but its probably gonna be the most shown one lol
Also my account is dying help
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deus-ex-mona · 22 days
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. ​how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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carpisuns · 1 year
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theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??
#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!!#but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money#like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When#a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol#and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet#and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that#this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN#and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol)#also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol#anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary#it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense??#like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd#coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly#ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa#and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!!#omg ok maybe noT help lol#well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya#i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ??#and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ??#why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here#ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down#don’t look at me#ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep
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glambots · 1 year
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Okay, so I know this is probably NOT how it's going to go at all, but I think a really, really interesting take for the Ruins DLC (or just A Post-Fire AU in-general), would be for the fire itself to have snapped the animatronics out of the viruses hold. Like, the sheer damage or security/self-preservation protocols it instills straight up is enough to short circuit the virus and snap them all back to reality.
Imagine the horror of finding out what they've done, what they've been forced to endure, and what's happened to their home all because someone had control over their bodies and minds and it took an entire fucking fire bringing the building down to free them from it. Ouugh.
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possiblyhuman-dotcom · 2 months
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You know the hyperfixation has wrapped its hands around you and started squeezing you like your a fucking squeaky toy when you start hearing their voices everywhere (it was not their voices) and you spend every waking moment thinking about them and then even when you do sleep they crawl into your dreams in the most bizarre ways and also when you drop everything to eat up the new content and when you go feral and start foaming at the mouth whenever you hear their names in a place where you are obviously gonna hear their names... (Like in other peoples videos or just their user name.. on their own account)
I should go to sleep
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oh-gh0st · 1 year
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last night i found out the unfortunate news that atsushi is a bmw driver
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gutsfics · 6 months
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I’m just curious, I’ve seen you mention Mormons a couple times (something about Nia too that I forgot) and I’m curious if you’re like, post/ex Mormon or Mormon-adjacent or something? Bc I am… idk it’s complicated lmao spiritually/mentally out, but physically halfway in, I guess? So I was just wondering, hope you don’t mind!
Feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable
ex mormon baybee!!!!!!!! baptised at eight & everything
long story somewhat short is that me & my immedeate family left the church when i was like 12 when my dad came out as gay, but i personally specifically didnt go to church much before that bc my Neurodivergencies made it hard so my parents basically gave up on trying to wrangle me every time id have a meltdown about it (long and boring + uncomfortable clothes i hate = disaster for the undiagnosed adhd trans egg and his parents) so its not like i was too indocternated in the church & all in all i came out surprisingly (but not completely) unscathed. i hear stuff from when my parents were younger and im like "fucking WHAT" like all of the time
but like it was still a big enough thing in my life for me to hc characters (modern!Nia) or see paralells in media (the church of Helios) or even write my own characters as ex-mormon (HWU!Avalon)
so me mentioning mormonism is kinda like 50/50 dunking on the old religion / feeling empathy for ppl that are stuck in a place that is not right for them. maybe more like 40/60, it really depends on what im talking about
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sysig · 1 year
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Yeah! Now there’s a proper Fallen Angel! (Patreon)
Also ft. some of the mid-transformation design sketches:
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Took a few wing iterations to decide how I wanted the swirls to appear - I do still like them appearing from under a tuft of feathers, as well as the double-lined look, but even simple single-line looks nice :)
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I considered a “bleeding” heart at first, red and slashed, but I think an “over-flowing” pink heart is more accurate to their theme! It looks ever-so-slightly less gruesome as well haha
They’re the (Fallen) Angel of Desires! Not like Eros or Cupid, not that specific, just Desires in general - not needs but Wants. Not of hunger, more like a craving for a familiar food; not of sleep but of comfort; not of belonging but of company - impulses and snap decisions, positive and negative :)
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I also considered some asymmetrical design elements like a single rattail to the stage left-
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Or keeping two wings still but set to one side, but in the end I liked the symmetrical look better
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Some notes about the goop! The hole can sometimes overflow since it’s not very deep, dripping is normal, but it just dissipates off the skin usually. The goop form is kind of similar to crying - it’s a release of some Big Emotion but with the entire body rather than flushed out through the tear ducts, so crying is unusual during that time! It’s much more common for everything except the eyes to be dripping, including hair and glasses haha
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thatfaerieprincess · 11 months
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I often forget how badly the cold can fuck me up and then one slightly-too-chilly-for-slightly-too-long outing and I’m out of commission for the rest of the damn day…
No outdoor winter job for me I guess
#took a little hike w friends! saw a spruce grouse! got lightly attacked by said spruce grouse!#stood and watched some cormorants and chatted! saw a great blue heron! and some harbor seals!#my hands were tingly numb the entire 10 min drive back to the apartment!#and then I thought I had escaped mostly okay bc my chest hadn’t gone yet#but a few mins back at home and my hands still stiff and then my chest started up#it wasn’t even that cold!! I wasn’t that cold!! god damn circulation!!!#my chest hurt for a while and piled under my electric blanket but could barely even tell it was warm#had some snacky lunch and hot chocolate#I think I fell asleep a little bit#but my chest still hurt for a while and once it faded out my hands were still cold#and my chest felt sensitive after hurting#still feels sensitive now but not as bad#but I literally just had to lay around for ljke 3-4 hours after being out#ended up wearing the heated vest so I could get up and make soup for dinner#thank u Izzy for ur loving phone call soup support#doing better now but god I hadn’t had a bad one like that in a bit#first real cold day of the season here tho so I guess par for the course#good reminder that I really should not be looking at fully outdoor winter jobs#bc I was considering one and was like maybe I’m just being dramatic about the cold and my circulation idk I could probably do it#I could be out all day teaching ppl in the snow#and then it drops to the 40s here for the first time and im knocked on my ass#maybe no snowshoeing for Sam I guess#I think this was also the first time my housemate saw me like that too#everyone at the office knows abt my heated vest and that I don’t have great circulation#but it’s not usually a big issue I just tend to wear a double layer when I do night programs#I’ll have to make sure I’ve got the right layers in the next weeks now that it’s getting cold#bc I can’t let this knock me over when I gotta be teaching#sorry long tags idk I just laying in bed thinking about it all and needed to put it somewhere#I just kinda forget this can happen until it does and im sitting here like surprised pikachu#im a rambling sam
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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#okay so like#that was technically a nightmsre but like holy shit it was so cool#??? great movie plot and all i suppose and very dramatic presentation lmaoo shoutout to my subconscious#good one#i dont remember all of it but we were like in a castle or something and there seemed to b some sort of spirit (?)#which already got to one person#and idk twords the end it was like me there other two young women and a witch(?). i guess we brouyht her to deal#with the issue idk? so. she goes on abt how this and that needs to b done and how essentially we have to do some ritual to be bound#to some goddess for the sake of protection or something. so i was like. okay#(protection from whatever tf was in the castle)#so i lay down on this table partially naked my two friends (?) and myself quite anxious and the witch starts to paint in black paint (?)#char (?) mostly geometric symbols and runes over my entire body (which were cool as hell) and chanting things and whatever while#my friends are like. getting more anxious but im starting to kinda fall asleep under whatever spell#and i manage to ask the witch before its over - so the deal is. a part of myself in exhange for protection - yes? asking for confirmation#again#and she replies something along the lines - she only asks for your service (or smthing like that) and i was like. that i can do. but#i didnt pick up on the slight edge in the tone lmao. so. the spell gets completed. i pass out or die or i feel my soul sink down and leave#my body and im like okay cool. waiting to be returned into my body now that the ritual is technically over. for a second i get scared but#then. i seem to open my eyes. i seem to move my hands and get up and stand up off the table. except i realize very quickly that. im not in#my body. the witch and ppl are gone and. im essentially just a ghost not attached to the actual body which i still laying there. and then.#i realize there are. so many. and i mean so many. versions of myself in this ghost form in a state of absolute fucking insanity throughout#the castle. like Losing it badd like screaming nonstop banging against shit sitting around hysterically muttering etc etc just. the entire#hall that im in is just fucking full of them. and i realize. those are the other versions of me which have woken up just like i did rn#and realized the body had been stolen and were trapped like this. and theyd all been losing their minds for god knows how long. and now.#im just version 473839 of myself which has tried to wake up in a desperate attempt but still found myself unbound to body and trappee#so. i feel like im abt to lose it in 5 seconds flat as bad as the other ghost versions of me are. bc this shit is horrifying. like more#horrifying than just waking up alone would have been. and then idk?? fucking?? dramtic movie shots around the castle bc my brain was on#some directing shit. and like it pans out but then focuses at some point on this painting on the wall. which i realize is a painting of one#of the dudes in the castle which seemed to have been possessed or affected by whatever we brought the witch to fix. but. taking a closer#look (w the overlapping screams of my several selves in the background). i see that. the dude in the painting seems alive. hes Stuck in the
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ceaselessbasher · 1 month
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I wish I could go full scientific method on this shit, but I have the very strong hypothesis that listening to brown noise to help me go to sleep increases my sleepwalking/talking incidents
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piknim · 1 month
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Good news, dog likes to be groomed
Bad news, im now covered in fur
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shegetsburned · 28 days
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obsessed with sukuna who’s inexplicably fascinated by the way you sleep. <𝟑
he does watch you from time to time but you never realize it. not in a creepy way, but more in a curious one. he mostly wonders why you seem to feel so relaxed in his presence, considering he strikes fear into the soul of anyone he comes upon— but not you. there’s something about you. something deeply annoying.
you’re cutely tucked between his sheets, a little drool dripping from your lips to the pillow. you’re completely relaxed, one naked leg sticks out of the covers while the sound of gentle little snores grace sukuna’s ears. defenseless and completely at his mercy but he finds nothing better to do than to stare.
he hasn’t touched you nor does he wish to disturb your sleep. it’s almost a whine of disgust that escapes his lips when you turn in your sleep and snuggle the pillow which smells just like him. you’re so insufferably adorable. sukuna’s fascinated by the way your rested cheek against the pillow makes your lips puffier and the way your breath follows a particularly peaceful rhythm in unison with the movement of your chest.
little did you know, he’s been staring for hours. watching you unintentionally scratch your hair or tighten your grip around the pillow you’ve been hugging tightly against your chest. your hair’s a mess but it flows beautifully with the messy covers of sukuna’s bed and your mouth opens when you’ve finally reached a deeper state of sleep. he has watched every single one of your movements carefully and still cannot pinpoint the reason why he cannot stop staring.
maybe it’s the fact that you’ve confidently assured him hours prior that you’d never sleep in the company of someone like him. failing miserably when the softness of the sheets overcame your stubbornness. or maybe it’s the way you’ve tried reaching for him even through the night. he had every intention not to allow you to touch him, but the time finally came when he was asleep and your hand found its place on his chest, following the breathing of his burning heart.
remembering how careless you both were disgust him. allowing you to touch him is one thing— because, yes, he allowed you, but to occupy his every thought every since you met him is infuriating. he couldn't even catch a break when you were sleeping. there’s a reason why he felt the need to stay and, of course, he’d refuse to ever admit that he had gone soft on you.
no.
he wants you to be terrified of him. he wants you to fear his name and worship the ground he walks on. he wants to feed on your tears and delight himself on your cries.
does he, though?
"’kuna.."
here it is again. you’re mumbling his name in your sleep and it takes every fibre of his being not to shut you up. an irritation. an itch in his plan. that’s what you were. a nuisance he needed to take care of. his hand moves on its own towards your neck, pointy nails ready to tear your skin apart but seems to stop just over your jaw. an hesitant groan almost wakes you up before you’re lulled back to sleep with long digits simply grazing your cheek.
"shut it, woman."
and before you know it, he’s caging you in his arms, breathing pattern slowly synching with yours while his other hands cover both of your bodies under the warm blankets of his comfortable bed. he won’t let you go until he’s rested and the king of curses does need a exaggerated amount of sleep with you snuggled against his chest.
© shegetsburned 2024 please do not repost/edit/or claim my writing as your own.
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