#mr muderer

[ace-sher-bi-john]

Highlights of Today's Episode (Basically John and Sherlock both being my patronus at the same time):

John putting less and less effort into his disclaimers.

"That would be fabby fab" - Dr Jonk Watson, 2024

Sherlock explaining linguistic concepts used in neurotypical conversations and John not even beginning to understand a word of what he said.

Jonk: This boat is awesome! We should live here!

Sherlock: I agree! *pumps out sewage*

"Ta"

John singing, forgetting he's recording a podcast "I'm living in a box. I'm living in a cardboard box" - My patronus, right there!

Oh hi oh!

Sherlock telling Mariana that John wishes to "present her as his sexual partner" so they can participate in swinger culture.

"This episode better make sense! You better not be making this up!" - Poor Mariana thrown in the deep end with zero context

"Can I just climb aboard please Mr. Murderer?"

"It's my birthday!" "What are you? Twelve?" "Just do it!"

"World class wife! Worldy. 10/10 wife, would recommend to a friend!"

Sherlock constantly bringing up his birthday like he's Rapunzel. "Also it's my birthday... Just so you know :)"

Sherlock and John having really soothing voices, as usual. If I was trying to sleep (it's 12:42am est as I am writing this), their voices could lull you to sleep. Very calming!

Sherlock getting a birthday party and completing the mission in record time because of course he does! Sherlock is a happy boy.

[shitposts13]

[thebookishwallflower]

i have a Hole in my Soul the size of The File

[loulouwrites]

HELLISH . AFLIE SOLOMONS

summary: alfie's secretary makes the decision to marry, it's a shame her prospective husbands seem to disappear after one meeting warnings: angst, violence, swearing, jealousy, threats, borderline stalking honestly, muderous thoughts, unedited, unrequited love word count: 3.5k a/n: i've been away for a while bc life is hard. i wanted to write a little alfie story not related to the 'home series' and came up with whatever this is so i hope you enjoy. i'm working on a taglist, so if you would like to be included, lmk <3 also lmk if you'd like a part 2 to this, i've already cooked something up!

She had known Alfie Solomons for about three years, and they had been friends since they had met.

Two years into their strange friendship, she had been sacked from her job as a secretary for an Italian businessman, he didn't say why he suddenly decided he didn't require her services, but they both knew. Tensions were rising between the Jewish quarter and Italian quarter in Camden, and everybody was sticking to their own side of town.

When she had told Alfie about it, he had offered her a job immediately - the rising tensions were partly his fault anyways.

Her mother had not been happy when her daughter came home with news she would be working for Alfie Solomons, but when she saw the stack of notes Mr Solomons had given as a 'pay advance', she warmed to the idea.

It was easy work. He had his men for the nitty-gritty stuff, she merely typed up Alfie's ramblings and sent threatening telegrams to people - it was easier than any legitimate job she had ever had, and it paid better, too.

She would often have lunch with Ollie, Alfie's second in command if you wanted to call him that. She was allowed a longer lunch than he was, Ollie wasn't supposed to have a lunch break at all, but if she were talking to him, it was rare they would be interrupted, unless there was an urgent matter to attend to.

Ollie was a good gossip, better than any of the other men in the bakery, Alfie excluded. But, unlike Alfie, Ollie had no interest in her, sexually or romantically, so she enjoyed the time she could spend talking to him, discussing rumours or chatting about their lives outside of work without it turning into something else within minutes.

"Do you think he'll let me leave an hour early?" She asked from where she was perched on the man's desk, swinging her feet back and forth.

"He'd let you leave now if you asked," Ollie replied, rolling his eyes at the girl. It was true, Alfie would probably still pay her if she didn't show up, he'd let her release a group of pigs in his office if she wanted to.

"He's in a mood, though."

"He's always in a mood."

"Not as bad as this," she pointed to their boss' office, where the blinds were pulled up, showing his figure stomping around the small room, throwing pieces of paper and trinkets onto the ground.

"Fuck," she sighed as a loud crash was heard, though they couldn't see what had bared the brunt of the man's rage from their seats.

"Maybe reschedule?" Ollie offered, his eyes not leaving the glass window of Alfie's office.

"I'm just going to ask him," she planted her feet on the ground, ignoring Ollie's protests. "The worst he can do is say no," she shrugged, walking towards the office door.

"That is not the worst he can do," he called after her in an urgent whisper.

She didn't knock when she entered, she never had, and she wasn't about to start now.

A book flew past her face when she stepped inside, and she quickly stepped to the side, it hitting the wall behind her and falling to the floor.

"What did...that Russian book ever do to you?" She asked, and his head snapped up to look at her, his eyes wide.

"Shit, sorry 'bout that, love," he sighed, wiping a hand over his face but she waved him off, moving to sit in one of the chairs at his desk.

"Bad day?"

"Better now," he winked at her, and she rolled her eyes playfully. "What do you want?"

"I want to leave an hour early," she offered him a wary smile, clasping her hands together pleadingly.

"You fuckin' what?"

"Please, Alfie-" she started, but he was up from his seat before she could finish her sentence, pacing up and down the cramped office with his hands on his hips. "It's only an hour, and I'm not doing anything anyway."

"You're not doing anything?" his eyebrows raised as he turned to face her. "You're really admitting that to your boss?"

"Please, Alfie," she stood up, taking a few steps towards him. "I never ask you for anything."

She scowled at the obnoxious laugh he let out in response.

"Never ask me for anything?" his voice raised an octave to mock her. "A pay advance that you still haven't paid back," he help up a finger as he counted. "A weekday off so you can go shopping when it's less crowded, a bonus so you can get your mum a birthday present, a day off when your fucking cat died," he stepped towards her. "Asking me to come to it's fucking funeral."

"You said it was a lovely service," she placed a hand on her chest in offense.

"You know what?" he sighed, rubbing a hand up and down his face. "Just fuck off, yeah?"

"Really?" She smiled, clapping her hands.

"But you will come in an hour early tomorrow to make up for it, or so help me God, I will come to your house and drag you here myself."

It was an empty threat, and they both knew it.

"Thank you, Alfie." She reached to place a kiss on his cheek, not taking offense when he reached to wipe his cheek when she pulled away, already opening the door to leave. "I'll see you bright an early tomorrow."

She couldn't make out what he grumbled after her.

Alfie waited until she had left the bakery to slink out of his office, approaching Ollie's desk, and tapping on it with his knuckles.

"Why'd she want to leave early?" he asked his assistant, not missing the way the younger man sunk down in his seat.

"I don't want to tell you," Ollie replied, sheepishly.

"Ollie," Alfie warned.

"She's meeting up with someone?"

"Ollie."

"A man. She's meeting up with a man, her mum's friend's son or something. Think she's looking to settle down, you know?"

Alfie hummed, a hand coming up to rub his beard. "Interesting," he mumbled, walking back to his office, landing a smack to Ollie's head as he passed.

Her suitor had been a perfect gentleman. Jacob had taken her to a fancy club in a nicer part of London, had bought her dinner and drinks without grumbling about the prices, and had dropped her off at home with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to take her out again the following weekend.

She hadn't thought a man her mother had set her up with would be particularly charming, but she had been proven wrong, the stupid smile she wore on her face all week being proof of that.

She had been thinking of settling down for a while. All of her childhood friends were married with several children at this point, and she didn't miss the sympathetic looks they would give her when she told them she was still unmarried, still childless, and still working.

Marriage was always something she thought would come naturally -as it seemed to do with everyone else around her - but years rolled by and she was still no closer to the life that had seemed so easily achievable when she was young. So, she had decided to take matters in her own hands, informing her mother and everyone else she could that she was ready to marry, and asking them to let her know if they knew a boy they thought would be a good match.

And, she thought she had found the good match on her first try, but when the week after her date rolled on, and there was no word from Jacob, she realised how stupid she had been.

She had been moodier than ever that week, stomping around the bakery with a scowl on her face, smacking the keys of her typewriter harder than necessary, and barely speaking two words to whoever approached her.

She was not dealing with the rejection well.

So, when a handsome worker - who she recalled was named James -- passed her desk, offering a confident smile as he did, she wasted no time.

She wandered into Alfie's office with her hands clasped behind her back, swaying slightly as she waited for him to look up from the papers on his desk.

"What?" He asked, still reading the scribbles on the page.

"Didn't know you'd taken new people on," she shrugged nonchalantly, keeping her tone light and unbothered.

"And? What about it?"

"I don't know," she shrugged again, stepping further into his office. "Just a lot of new faces around here,"

Alfie groaned, dropping the papers from his hand and removing the glasses he wore from his face. "Since when do you care about new faces?"

"I don't," she laughed defensively. "I was just wondering about one of them, is all."

"You were just wondering about one of them," Alfie's eyebrows rose, and he leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. "What were you wondering about?"

"I mean...maybe some background..."

"Like what? His favourite fucking book? The fuck you expect me to know?"

"I was just wondering, that's all," she held her hands up in defense, and her boss' eyes squinted at her words.

"I thought you were already seein' someone, that is why you left early a couple weeks ago, ain't it?"

"Who the fuck told you that?"

"Don't matter," Alfie offered her a smile. "Didn't work out or something..."

"No, it didn't," she huffed. "So...about James..." she trailed off, waiting for Alfie to step in, but he merely offered her a blank look. "Alfie," she whined, stomping her foot against the floor."

"Don't know 'im. Sorry, love," he waved a hand dismissively.

"Fine," she spun on her heel, storming out of his office. "I'll find out myself."

James was lovely. She had 'bumped' into him when she was leaving, and it hadn't taken him long to offer to take her out for drinks when he finished his shift, which she had accepted with a grateful smile.

He had met her outside of the local pub near the 'bakery', it wasn't a particularly nice establishment, but the lager was cheap, and she supposed he didn't have the money to spend in a fancy club like Jacob had - not with the pittance she was sure Alfie was paying him.

He was funny, and quite respectful in comparison with some of his colleagues. He had asked her questions about her interests, had shared his own, and she was delighted that they seemed to have quite a bit in common.

They had ended the night at her door, with chaste kiss, and another promise to go out again the following week, and she had closed the door with a grin on her face.

"See you at work tomorrow," he had said as he walked away.

When she arrived to work the next morning, the same grin still on her face, she couldn't stop her eyes scanning the floor as she walked to her desk, desperately trying to seek out James, but, when she couldn't find him, she had shrugged it off.

Maybe he was ill or something.

It was now Thursday. Her date with James had been on Monday, and there had been no sign of him ever since.

It was hard not wonder, had something bad happed to him? Had he been hiding every time he saw her walking through the distillery? Had he been so repulsed by her that he had quit his job just to avoid seeing her again?

The thoughts had consumed her all week, and they had affected her mood significantly. Unlike with Jacob, where she had been an angry force at work, she was now forlorn, barely speaking to anybody, and zoning out of conversations with a vacant look on her face.

It was starting to worry her boss, who spent longer than appropriate watching her from his office window.

He had called her into the office that afternoon, watching as she walked seemingly in a daze, her eyes were duller, and he face appeared more sunken.

She didn't say anything when she took a seat at his desk, nor did she meet his eyes when he said her name.

"You alright?" he had asked, his tone more concerned than he wanted it to be.

"Wonderful," she replied, her voice flat, fiddling with a thread on her skirt.

"You've been wandering 'round like a ghost for the past week, love. What's goin' on with ya? Please don't tell me another fucking cat died."

She huffed a laugh that was clearly fake, still fiddling with the thread when she responded. "I think I'm unmarriable, Alfie."

Alfie's shoulder's straightened at her words, leaning his arms on his desk, he studied her face, watching as she blinked away the tears that were beginning to pool in her eyes. "The fuck are you talking about?"

"Two men in two weeks, Alfie. I have gone out with two men in two weeks and they have both disappeared...literally disappeared, I haven't seen them since."

Her eyes lifted from her dress to meet his, and Alfie was struck by how sad she looked. He had never thought she would be this upset by a couple of boys not getting back to her after one night.

"That's silly, love," he sighed. "It don't mean nothin'"

"Yeah," she scoffed, "it does."

He considered telling her in that moment, he truly did. A better man would have, would have confessed right then and there.

A better man would have told her that they had cornered Jacob after he had dropped her off at her door. How he had almost certainly broken the young man's nose before he had a chance to blink, how he had had his men hold the boy by the shoulders while he whispered a warning in his ear.

"Stay away from her."

He really should have told her that he had turned up at James' shitty flat on Monday night, waiting for the man to return from his date with her. That his worker's body had began to shake when he saw his boss leaning against his front door, his arms crossed against his chest and a cold look in his eye.

"Have to let you go, son," Alfie had said. "A worker that is more concerned about fucking my secretary isn't one I want workin' with me."

James had begun to splutter a reply, but Alfie was already heading for the stairs.

"Best you stay away from her, yeah?"

It hadn't been a question.

He really should have told her, but he didn't. Instead, he had sighed and rose from his seat, moving into the empty chair beside her.

"You ain't unmarriable, woman," he told her, patting her shoulder. "You just chose two fuckin' idiots."

"Whatever you say, Alfie," she said, standing up and walking out of the office without another word.

He should have confessed, but he didn't. He did, however, promise himself he would not get involved in her personal life anymore. The next man she met, would not have to face a threat from Alfie Solomons.

She had been leaving her home to go to work when she had ran into Elijah on the street. He had chased after her, holding an envelope in his hands, waving it frantically when she finally turned around when she heard the stranger's voice calling after her.

"I think you dropped this," he handed her the envelope, and she breathed a sigh of relief when she took it from his hands.

"Oh, thank you," she laughed. "My boss would have murdered me if I lost it."

He had laughed at her words, not realising she wasn't exactly joking about her boss.

"I'm Elijah," he held out a hand, which she took with a smile.

"He's really nice, Ollie," her words were muffled as they travelled into Alfie's office, and he had to press his ear closer to the door to be able to hear her clearly. "A real gentleman."

'A real gentleman.'

Alfie rolled his eyes, 'gentleman' was just another word for a soft prick.

"We're going out again tonight," she told her friend. "Said he has a surprise for me."

"What do you think it is?" Ollie asked her, and Alfie rolled his eyes again. Ollie was worse than a fucking twelve year old girl.

"I mean we've been seeing each other for a while, he's met my family, I've met his..." she trailed off, and Ollie's gasp was clear as day from where Alfie was standing.

"You think he's going to propose?"

And just like that, Alfie's heart dropped to his stomach. He tore his ear from the wall, storming back to his desk, dropping to the seat with a heavy thud.

Of course Elijah was going to propose, of fucking course. She had been seeing him for the better part of four months, and she spent every waking minute talking about the nice doctor, it was natural that his was how it was going to progress.

He regretted not cornering Elijah on is way to work the moment she had mentioned his name, regretted not giving him the same treatment he gave the two men that came before him. He should have, should have twisted the man's arm behind his back until he was crying like a little girl, should have had his men hold him down while he kicked him in his ribs until blood came out of his mouth, he should have put the barrel of his gun to his head an pulled the trigger.

But to what end?

She was a good girl. She wanted to get married, have a few children and take care of the house while her husband was at work.

Alfie couldn't offer her that.

Everything he could offer her, he already had. He had given her protection, a stable income, and some form of friendship. He could never give her what she truly craved. He knew that, no matter his feelings for her - feelings he didn't understand himself - he couldn't give her the life she deserved.

And that thought made him sick.

The room was too hot for him to sit in any longer. Alfie pushed through the crowd of people, shoving them harder than necessary until he reached the door, the sound of music and laughter fading as the heavy door closed behind him.

He took a seat on a damp wooden bench, his head dropping in his hands.

It had been a lovely ceremony, a bit small, and a bit cheap for his tastes, but she had managed to make it lovely anyways.

He stood when she entered, her parents on either side of her, walking her to the end of the aisle.

She didn't spare Alfie a glance, too busy looking ahead - looking at him. The bitterness twisted in his stomach and it took all the self control he possessed to keep a neutral look on his face.

Elijah met her at the end of the aisle, taking her hand and helping her up the little steps, a sickening smile on his face.

Alfie didn't miss the sympathetic glance Ollie, who was beside him, threw him.

"Not enjoying the party?" her voice was as sweet as anything, full of happiness.

"Weddings ain't really my thing, love," he offered her a smile, it dropping as quickly as it came.

"But this isn't just any wedding, Alfie," she said, taking a seat next to him. "It's mine, you should be happy."

"Why is that?"

"You've finally gotten rid of me," she laughed, nudging his shoulder with hers. "You don't have to pay me to sit around and do nothing all day, should save you a bit of money."

Alfie didn't laugh with her, a bitter smile on his face as he looked down at his hands.

"Oh don't tell me you're sad about me leaving?" her voice held nothing but humour and Alfie wanted to scream at her.

How can you be so blind?

Can't you see I love you?

"Nah, I'm just upset it took this long," he said eventually, rising from his seat, patting her on the shoulder as did. "I'm gonna head out, but congratulations, love. You look very beautiful."

Her eyes softened at his words, her smile widening from where she was sat, looking up at him, her eyes sparkling.

He didn't have time to react when she shot up from her seat, throwing her arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer to her.

"You're the best friend I could have asked for, Alfie," she whispered, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah, well," he cleared his throat, pulling her arms away from his shoulders and taking a step back. "Fuck off, now. You're missing your own wedding you stupid woman."

She laughed, nodding her head and disappearing back into the building before Alfie could blink, leaving him frozen in place, the bitterness that once consumed him being replaced by what felt like an all-encompassing sadness.

'The best friend I could have asked for."

What a fucking joke that was.

[urapunk]

rip gary smith, you wouldve love khan academy.

GARY SMITH HCS!!

As mentioned before, he qouldve loved that stupid little website my little cousin uses, because it just sort of tells him how to do it. Hes so lost in math its insane, and he cant remember how to do long division and half of his times tables are off. Hes awful at his 9s specifically.

So sleepy. Hes SO. SLEEPY. Sleeps all the time in mr hattricks class (another reason for his awful mathematics) and dr. Slawter barely knew his name with how much gary neglects to interact with the class.

While he was asleep in class one of the girls braided part of his hair (hes always mischaracterized as weird but literally everyone listened to him he was a popular kid) and he had no clue it was even braided until he heard giggles behind him in 5th period.

Always hungry, but also loves anything that tastes plain. Its definitely the texture he likes about food, but with most foods its taste too. (Loves fried chicken and would probably muder you for a drumstick)

Genuinely a weaker person when hes medicated. Lost to one of the non clique kids because he passed out. He hadnt taken his meds for a few days before that day so that sort of helped it haooen since he wasnt used to the sick feeling.

Randomly cuts his hair. Like an impulse but he can control it, just decides "......mmmm too short on this side" and it looks .... Actually perfect the next day? The only time it looked bad was one time when his cat jumped onto the counter and scared him, which fucked up his cut so he shaved it. Was crying the entire time.

I hate when people think he wasnt a popular kid post showdown, and make him just an unsocial weirdo. If he could get everyone else AND the jocks to follow him then he definitely had a reputation.

<3

[elsa-fogen]

Hey! Fist of all, I want to say I ADORE you're artwork, it's amazing!

Second, I've had this personal little headcanon that I really would like someone from the Hazbin Hotel fandom to think about. I like to think that Alastor watched his mother kill his neglectful and maybe abusive father. Which explains his adoration for her and wherehe got all the muder from.

I know it's probably not that, because Heavens system is so terrible that Mrs. Alastors mum would have probably been in hell too.

I really want to hear your opinion on it, because I love the Aus you create.

(AlsoI'mreallysorryifIcomeoffrudeok thankyou)

Thank you so much!!

This is an interesting headcanon! But then, if she went to Hell, where's she now? Was she killed by angels? Or Alastor just assumed she's in heaven and never tried looking for her here? Or they never recognised each other because they had changed too much?

i was thinking about the au(?) ahere Alastor finds out that his mother wasn't actually in heven and was exterminated in hell... and... yeah, heaven won't survive this. I doesn't matter how long it'll take. Decades? Hundreds, thousands of years? But Alastor won't let it go and WILL avenge her.

OH SHIT- I just thought that he may start hate ALL the angels, and want to kill ALL of them (starting with Vaggie? ANGST!) and THIS REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE (COUGH COUGH ARTIFICER RAIN WORLD COUGH)

To add more spice: Vaggie is the one who killed his mother. HEWHWJHREHJWJHRWEJHRHGWEGHRGHHGWE Ohhh this is so bad, OH THIS IS SO BAD

But my personal headcnon is that SHE was killed by her husband and then Alastor killed him. And that she's in Heaven

UPD: This idea about Al's mom killed in hell was actually said in my discord by @tyrantchimera!!!

[mistressoftheelderitchwhorehouse]

Chuuya Drabble 2

Chuuya was an unapologetically possessive lover. He wanted you safe and happy in all things, as that was what you deserved. However, perhaps it was a lack of better judgment or this being his first stable relationship, he had chosen not to disclose his profession to you.

Muder.

Torture.

Some of the best tools at the Port Mafia's disposal.

The sweet foreigner with the wide smile, and who more often than not was fussing with her twists in embarrassment just didn't belong in his bloodstained world. A fact that he made clear whenever he and others might make the stop at the Tobacco Shop.

It was during one of these visits that he found himself at after a risky trade deal with a drug smuggling ring. He leaned against the counter while you refilled his lighter with more fluid. Your hands moved with ease, the tendons bending and flexing beneath umber skin unmarred by the never ending corruption of Yokohama.

"I can't believe you have such a beautiful antique piece." You said as you set down the fluid. "I'm beyond jealous. How did you even get this?"

"Found it."

His gaze tore from your hands and to your unamused face."You managed to find a 100 year old lighter?"

He shrugged. "Find weird stuff in the shipping buisness. The other day we found a shark head in a warehouse."

"Ew."

"A face only a mother could love."

You rolled your eyes, and he couldn't help the slip of a smirk on his lips as he watched you put the lighter back together.

"How much longer are you working tonight?"

You took a quick peek at your watch, another beautiful piece he had found just 'laying around'. "About 10 minutes."

"Let's grab something to eat then. I know you didn't bother with lunch."

You paused and looked up at him through thick eye lashes. "Mr. Nakahara, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Could be." He reached out and held your chin between two fingers, his smirk growing. "Is it working?"

You leaned into the kiss, your words being swallowed by his lips. "Always."

[iknowthegammer]

1st Cutscene for Overdue Sonic Mix

WARRING: SWERS 😨

(Sonic Version) Pico: alright this is it.. I can’t win if I accept my own fate?

Mr Hedgehog: Any last words?

(Sonic Version) Pico: Skidibi Toilet

Mr Hedgehog: wh- what?.. Anyways time to di-! *gets shot in the chest* are you f*cking serious?

(Sonic Version) Pico: shut ya b*tch a*s mouth ahh skidbi rizz sigma… …hehehahahAHAHAHAHA- *Processing to laugh for 15 secs when Mr Hedgehog is confused*

Mr Hedgehog: You Looking Like Recoloured Dumb B*tch if I ever see one going to a school that’s gonna ended up horrible >:(

(Sonic Version) Pico: oh wow really? I am not gonna be surprised truth is that I am more than a kid- *Gets Hit by A Rock on the Forehead* OW WHAT THE F*CK.. why did you do THAT for-

Mr Hedgehog: You know why? Now you know! Kevin.. GET THAT CHEETO PUFF MOTHERF*CKER >:(

Tails.exe: alright :V

Pico: wh- WHAT THE F*C-

In the next scene where pico runs and knocks rouge the bat (Tails.exe Version’s) Door to get in but failed horribly-

(Sonic Version) Pico: meow.. 😿

Rouge the bat (Tails.exe Version): GET THE F*CK OFF MY PORCH- STUPID A*S ORANGE RODENT!!!!

(Sonic Version) Pico: *Runs after getting jumpscared by rouge the bat into the green suspiciously bush* where do I get away from these 2 maniacs.. ohhh.. I know what to do 😏

Pico hides inside of an cardboard cake so that the party friends would grab it for their school celebration-

Tails: yey it is time for us to dine!

Toad: Horray!

Knuckles: this is for victory!

Sonic: Yippee!

Mr Hedgehog: hey where that orange f*cker!? Do you know where he is?

Tails.exe (Kevin): Hedgehog.. this is an school party outside :(

Mr Hedgehog: I am not interested of saying that there’s a party.. we needed to find the orange dude!

Sonic (MX Version): Lala Tada It is a good day to not be dead! *Process to be shot in the heart* I am dead!!! *Dies*

(Sonic Version) Pico: Hehehe! (I made a distraction! Time to get out of here)

Mr Hedgehog: he is right there! GET HIM-

Rouge’s The Bat (Tails.exe Version): EVERYONE CATCHE HIM!!!

Sonic (MX Version): you shot me now I kill you >:(

(Sonic Version) Pico: AHHH- WHAT THE F-

6 hours and 2 minutes ago

Pico: hey Boyfriend and Nene

Boyfriend: Yeah

Nene: hi Pico.. how is your outside of the day been?

Pico: not good at all.. I got beaten up so horribly by animals that Girlfriend had to grab me and put me down next to your house..

Boyfriend: Beeb Bop Bah (oh no)

Nene: what happened?

Pico: I ran into an serious hedgehog that’s all is about-

Mr Hedgehog: I AM GONNA TO MUDER YOU ALL-

Boyfriend & Nene: *SCREAMS*

Pico: WHAT THE F-

THY END IS HERE

[missfishersmurderpolls]

It's almost semi-finals time!!

The quarter finals have concluded and our ridiculous episodes have been whittled down from eight to four:

Murder Under the Mistletoe

Death Do Us Part

Death Comes Knocking

Murder in Montparnasse

Which will make it to the finals of the Most Ridiculous MFMM Episode Tournament?!?! Only Mrs Bolkonsky can tell until the votes are in.

Both semi-final polls go live at 12pm BST on 21st June (tomorrow!!) and will be open for a week. Happy voting!!

[ID: Image showing brackets for MFMM Most Ridiculous Episode with semi-finals populated. Muder Under the Mistletoe will face Death Do Us Part while Death Comes Knocking will face Murder in Montparnasse. /End ID]

[mairablue]

Hello! 😊 I saw you're accepting requests and I was wondering if you could write something with Scorpio and the mc watching a movie of murder mystery genre. I'm not pressuring you of course! 🌷

Also, I saw you wanted tips as well and all I have to say is.... Write whatever your heart tells you to. Writing is an expression. It's love, spirit and everything alike put down into words. Also, just because someone has a different writing style than yours, doesn't make it better than yours. All people have their own style in writing and all are beautiful and meaningful.🙃 And if you think you haven't found your own style yet, just keep writing about anything you want and soon enough you'll be where you want to be. (Also, sometimes we might not like something we're writing, because we're focusing at one piece at a time, but if we push through the doubts and finish it, once we reread it, we see how good it actually is, because we see the meaning of each word and we see it complete.)

SCM - Department of Punishment

Scorpio ♏ - Movie Night

Synopsis: A movie date ( sort of ) with Scorpio.

A/N : Thank you for requesting . I have tried my best, hopefully you like it. 🙂

You were sitting on your bed, writing a diary entry. You had a few assignments to complete, and here you were wasting your time.

You sighed and went to your study table, opened your notebook and started thinking. You definitely needed help and a bit of rest.

" Why am i so tired, all the time ? I need to complete it as soon as possible. But i want to sleep." you sighed, and closed your notebook. " I will write it tomorrow. " you thought.

There was a knock on the window. You opened it and saw Scorpio. He smiled at you. He was wearing casual clothes and had a small bag in his hand.

" How are you ? " he asked. " I am fine. " you said. " You look tired. " he replied . You smiled ruefully and said " Well i could say the same for you, Mr. Scorpio. " you both chuckled at that.

" What's in that bag ? " you asked. " I brought a DVD and you're favorite chocolates 🍫. I thought we could watch a movie tonight. " he said. " DVD ? Where did you get it?" " Karno gave it to me. Well he said the story is good, so I thought we could watch it. If you want to? " he replied bashfully.

You two sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and chocolate. The movie had subtitles. The story revolved around a man who was recently transferred to a remote village in the middle of a tropical rain forest. " What language are they speaking? It is beautiful. " Scorpio asked looking mesmerized at the tv screen. " I haven't heard this language before, but it indeed sounds beautiful. " you said.

The movie opened with some children reading story books and one of them goes on to read about a ghost, who is known to kidnap and kill children. The story goes on to show a kid being kidnapped by an eerie figure.

The story goes on the introduce the villagers and tells a bit more about its characters, finally introducing the main character, accompanied by his daughter, who has arrived to investigate further about the mysterious murders and kidnappings.

You were getting a bit scared but Scorpio was looking at the tv screen with undivided attention. Being mesmerized by the countryside landscape of this foreign land. It was indeed beautiful. Even though you have never been to a place like that, but you were nonetheless pleased to have been introduced to such beautiful place.

The story moved forward to some gruesome scenes, showing the muder of a villager. Few minutes later it introduced two new characters, a girl who has returned to her village for summer vacation and a boy who has just returned from London, after living there for the past ten years.

They both met the main character in the forest, when they thought someone was chasing them. They were in a relationship having met a year back in college. Everything seemed normal at first. The boy was from that village and surprisingly he had runaway from home as a 14 year old. Some believe he had been living in London. Here he was, back to his village; his mother couldn't stop crying when she heard he has returned.

Everyone was happy in the family. His father is the headman of the village and that girl, he is with is his father's friend's daughter. Everything seemed perfect. But the main character had his doubts about this boy.

" This is getting interesting. " smiled Scorpio. " I think the main character is judging too quickly " you said, and perhaps you were right. It was too early to link this new guy to the muders, after all, everyone seems to kinda recognize him as the runaway boy from their village, he and that boy had the same name and he even knew a lot of childhood incidents from his life ; some of which were only known by him, his mother and his cousin brother.

The main character was looking through criminal records when a villager approached him. The villager said he knew some important details of the runaway boy 's family and relatives. The villager was no ordinary man ; he was the principal of the village school and provided the main character with some information about this runaway boy.

" This seems too easy." you said, Scorpio nodded in agreement. " But i don't think the principal is a genuinely good person," " What? Why not ? ". " I think he wants to trick the main character into believing something, which is far from the truth. " Scorpio said.

The movie was slowly approaching its climax. With the main character being informed about a girl and her brother being kidnapped. When he reached there; a secluded part of the forest where the girl and her brother were being held captive, on a old almost destroyed castle like structure. There was a big water well beside the structure. The whole arrangement seemed like ritual setup.

There were two men wearing black clothes and mask. The main character got severely injured and woke up tied beside the girl. One of the man was holding her brother on the ground and the other one had a sword in his hand ; ready to behead the boy.

Somehow the girl managed to loosen the rope tied around the main character's hands, freeing him. In the end it was revealed that those two men were the school principal and the runaway boy, and they were cousins. The principal brought his distant cousin from another city to take revenge on the runaway boy's family .

The runaway boy was killed by both of them 10 years ago when he tried to inform the police about them. And were the ones who abducted and killed those missing children and villagers. Their victim's bodies ended up in that water well near the structure, and they spread the rumors of the eerie figures and ghosts by paying the wood cutters and frequent travelers.

The movie ended with the main character rescuing that girl and her brother by killing those men, and telling the respective families the incident. The runaway boy's mother still believed her son will come back one day; as the village headman asked the main character to not inform her( his wife) of their son's death.

" I liked the movie. Did you like it? " Scorpio asked. " Yeah. It wasn't too scary. I feel bad for the mother." you replied.

" Do you want to cuddle ?" You were taken aback. This was Scorpio, after all. He was asking for cuddles. " Scorpio, are you alright? You have been acting strange." you asked " You were stressed and i haven't seen you in days. So i thought we spend some time together and relax. Just the two of us." he said.

He was smiling at you; the most gentle smile he has ever shown anyone. He carried you to your bed and gently placed you on the bed. He sat beside you and stroked your hair until, you fell asleep.

A/N : My friend recently watched a movie and told me the story. This movie i wrote about is loosely based on that. I hope you like this story.

[youritalianbookpal]

It occurred to Penelope that of all the Bridgertons, Hyacinth and Colin were the most alike. It was probably a good thing Colin was so often out of the country. If he and Hyacinth ever joined forces in earnest, they could probably take over the world. Julia Quinn, Romancing Mr. Bridgerton

Ok but it's so cute that we have not one, but two Bridgertons who would very easily get away with murder if they wanted to.

And I have the sneaky feeling that the youngest would be the most likely to actually commit a muder.

[skytga]

Information on Sweeney todd :

The tale was a feature of the 19th century melodrama and is a london legend. Sweeney Todd first appeared as a villain of the penny dreadful serial (the string of pearls) it stated in 1846 but ended in 1847. The barber from Fleet Street formally known as Benjamin barker would muder his customers with a straight razor. Then he would give the corpses to mrs.Lovett who would bake there flesh in to the pies. He would give them to mrs.Lovett by dispatching the body’s through a trap door that leads to the basement .In Most Versions of this penny dreadful him and mrs .Lovett hire an unwilling orphan boy called to Tobias ragg to serve the pies to customers.Tobias is also the one who goes on to kill mr.Todd

[askivyalexandria]

Log Entry Earth Date 29/12/2022:

I’ll be making a tag list for the logs, so please comment or send an ask to let me know you’d like to be tagged when the log entries are posted. (If you send an ask I will delete it once I've added you)

Loki has somehow made it to Aurora. Stay tuned.

Carmilla refuses to say who their favorite mechanisms is.

Anti-honestly hour.

Jonny was sleep deprived and could “smell colours.”

Oh, not the Mr. Spider shit again.

“Cruel and unreasonable” “I think that describes me very well actually.”

“Sometimes it’s just you, your bed, and Japanese american indie pop singer mitski”- Jonny

Jonny claims he is not a catboy.

“i have a suspicion you quite like the idea of cannibalism” “what gave you that idea”

Jonny wouldn’t mind dating Brian and Ivy in the future.

Hard to be the cannibal allegations when you are a cannibal.

Hugs for Brian.

Raphaella is now getting sent kiss marry kill questions.

Shitty summary of our blogs asks!

Ivy really likes posting that homophobic dog.

Lyfrassir briefly talked to Loki.

Someone gave the other octokittens a spquid.

Mono stole what appears to be a lighter.

Loki is just staring at Aurora right now. They don’t plan on going in unless one of us decides they’re not muderable.

Jonny specifically talked about their mother just so Ivy would have to continue to write things in this blog. Here’s that post.

Jonny wanted to gay post but knew Ivy would just write, “gay posting as usual.” And so, they did.

Jonny likes head scratches.

Jonny asked Tim if he could eat them.

Jonny is mostly a carnivore.

Literally, at the last minute, Jonny said Ivy’s her favorite archivist.

Jonny thinks Nastya is nice to hug.

[urapunk]

RONNIE REESE WEST CHARACTER TRAITS.... SOMEONE KILL ME

SO I GUESS THESE ARENT LIKE SET IN STONE BUT SOME OF THEM ARE

Has the biggest 'clean it up' attitude. If you're acting a fool and disrupting a class from doing work and getting a good grade then he WILL throw a desk, or at the very least a chair at you.

He/They, is what they prefer. My only oc with diff pronouns!! Doesnt mind being considered a girl but doesnt like when you point out his feminine features, like their lips, neck, or lashes. It gives them an odd sense of gender dysphoria and confuses them on whether they wish they were a girl or boy... Thinks he was cursed by having a stronger jawline, thick brows, and greek nose.

MF Doom listener. Practices so many instruments just so they can show off the fact they can play some of the samples. Loves to try and replicate potholderz on guitar. Also plays trumpet, his favorite.

Wants to muder mr burton. (Thank you to @/muppetears-stuff for that one) and considers ground alamming him when he corrects their stance before a wrestling match. Has left a visible red hand mark on his bald spot (thank you to @/floort for that one too 😭😭)

Ethan and Ronnie are twins, with damon being their older step sibling. Damon was 4 when they were 2 and introduced to his 2 person family, which was just he and his mom. (Mommas boy.🫶)

Likes to steal jackets. The jocks treat them like a moody younger sibling, and he has atleast 4 different lettermans. One from ted, damon, kirby, and a previous student at bullworth who they miss. (Probably bob idfk)

Theres one spot in ms. Philips room where the sun shines through the window just perfect, and ronnie asks to sit there everyday. Fell asleep in that spot and ms. Philips decided to draw it since it was the middle of november and the sun set faster, leaving thwm in a silvery glow. Ronnie thinks gold is his color but ms. Philips says its definitely silver.

Loves mr galloway. Besties. Bestiest of besties.

Guzzles down pipeline punch monster like its the last theyll ever have. The love that shit so much, and pretty much any sweet, punchy flavored thing.

Helps Damon do his homework so he doesnt pick on anyone to do it for him. Sure, they're a bully after all but they have a jimmy complex. They want order to the school, they dont want to rule it though. Having a dumb bum brother is embarrassing too. Had to teach him how to turn decimals into fractions.

Does that thing where you put some glue on your hand and wait for it to dry so you can peel it. Thinks its rather satisfying.

They're not a great person. Totally a bully, but only to perverts like earnest and people who piss themself at their grown age.(algie.)

All 3 of the siblings are opposites. Ronnie and Damon bicker over everyrhing while ethan uses/eats whatever theyre bickering about. He takes his chances even if it means getting his ass beat.

Got a family trip canceled because the fought over where thwy wanna go. Ethan chose japan, ronnie chose brazil, and damon didnt wanna go anywhere.

<3

[lolitastories]

————Maybe————

Description:

You work alongside Matt and Foggy at the law firm. Of course as one of the most successful lawyer in the city the one and only Tony Stark would recruit you. As you are trying to find a meaning of your life you find life in someone. It’s may be a rocky start for you two but maybe it’s worth taking.

Chapter 4:

I agreed with Tony when he offered so kindly for me to stay. I roam the room for the whole day because he says I should get better before doing any work. But he promised to get as much information on the case as possible. Now it was the next day. Nat got some clothes brought to the tower and thank god for that. “ Tony what do we have?” I received a message from tony saying he wanted me to meet him this morning in the conference room

“Goodmorning to you too, am doing good thanks”

“Goodmorning Stark. Glad you’re doing well. Can we get on with the man's murder?” I sat down next to him. He places a folder infront of me. “So the man in the picture was his uncle?”

“Yes. The marking doesn’t go back any further than that. The uncle was questioned but nothing. He only told the detective it was a family tattoo” Bullshit. It has to do more than that. If not than the muder is trying to set up false leads and if that's the case than we are back to square one.

“No. It can’t be nothing. The two other men found with him were not family related. They as far as we know were friends. No job relation so either they messed with the wrong crowd or all three won the lottery for a straight ride to death.” That sounds like bad buiness. “I guess we are going to have to question him”

“We are going to be on the radar. Then we both will be kicked out the case” Tony sips his drink and I smirk towards him.

“Say we see him in a public setting and just start talking” I shrug. “And if they say anything about us bring up the case than I have a good lawyer you can call”

“Sure has gotten me out of the worst” He moves to stand taking the envelope in his arms. “But you are not going. Not leaving this tower until they catch this guy or people” I don’t say anything but that caught his attention. “Why is that smirk still plastered in your face?”

“Well Mr. Stark.” I stand place a hand on his shoulder “You know eitheir way I wasn’t going to follow your instructions but turns out this time it is not for my benefit.” its true. When someone forbids me to do something It just makes me want to do it more and I will find a way. “Steve has a ticket he needs resolved and for that I need to show up in court”

“You can always give them a call?”

“And that's how you think I got in good standing with the judge? Tony you should know better than anyone that the way to people is facing them face to face” I walk out going to find steve.

“Just know that I am letting you go! Not you! And take Bucky with you!” I roll my eyes as I continue walking. I have to find Steve so we can get this meeting over with. Yesterday I tried to take care of it over the phone but these people in the court just don’t like being nice. I know it's the kind of job they are in and it's not their fault. People can be a pain and the pressure they place on them is big but damn, can’t they just get a message through?

“Lets go Steven, we got that appointment at 10”

“I thought you were supposed to be a good lawyer, good enough to not have your client go to court” I am just going to ignor his words. Ignore, ignore. The soon we get back the sooner Bucky will be plastered outside whatever room I am in. I take the passenger seat all the way down to the court house. I could feel the stare in the back of my head and the thick tension was felt too.

“Don’t speak a word, we will be out in 3 minutes tops” We walk in and walk straight into our appointment. “Goodmorning Judge”

“Hey!” when she looks at me her eyes recognize me. “I didn’t see you on the defence paper”

“It was short notice, this guy over here wasn't even in my roster.”

“I see Tony got you a lot of clients” We laugh before she continues “So let's get started so running a light”

“Yes. Even america’s captain makes mistakes”

“Sure do. Everyone does. And you must know that just because he has saved us from many attacks, he still broke a law”

“Totally understand your honor” I notice Steve about to lift his hand when I slap it away.

“But knowing you are now in charge of this guy, I know you will take care of it” She hands the folder over to the officer beside him “How are the boys?”

“Still living it day by day. I tell you I thought working for them would be easier but thank god Karen is there to keep me sane most of the week”

“I understand” she points her head at the officer beside her laughing. “Well you go and take care of this troublemaker” With that we are sent out. Check the time, 3 minutes.

“Where is Bucky?” I look behind us and he is not following us. So much for a guard dog. We look around until we see him out the glass door in a cop car. Fuck. Now to save this other soilder. “Can you get him out in 3 minutes?” I wanted to tell him we could always go home. But I am more excited to see his face when I solve his problem.

“I can figure it out in 1” We head out. “Why would he get arrested? Who is he really Steve?”

“Quick story, we were stationed together in the 40s. Right when I became Captain America. His group was captured. Red Skull, and we rescued them. Later we were at war again on a train and he fell. We thought he was dead until recently. We got a word about someone with the alias, The Winter Soilder. He was an assassin, brainwashed to Hydra's favors. He was doing that for the longest and I had no Idea of it. There was a whole controversy with Stark but now he is all better. He went to Wakanda and the programming on his head was gone” In the use of words I know he was holding things back. Maybe to protect Bucky or because I know him being his bestfriend and not being able to help him while he was suffering for so long did affect him too.

“So is he in god standing with Tony?” I am not good in situations like these. I can’t speak on what has happened because it has nothing to do with me. While it comes to Steve feeling guilty well, It sometimes best to let people heal.

“For the most part. He accepted him as part of the team so we call that a start” I laugh a little. We finally got to the station. “Goodmorning. We are here for James Barnes” The front lady awkwardly typed in her computer. I watch the interaction between her and Steve. She was nervous. The golden boy himself was standing infront of her.

“Yes. He was taken in just a couple minutes ago. I'm sorry but I can’t give you any deta-” I cut her off by setting my card infront of her.

“I am his lawyer.” Simple and short. I need to get out of here. I hate police stations, and hospitals, also resturants but that is besides the point.

“Of course. Give me one second” She walks back through a door. Well hell. My plan to make it a minute was failing. I look around trying to figure out who is involved. Bingo.

“Where are you going?” Steve says grabbing ahold or my wrist

“My one minute starts now” I say. I head myself down towards the sheriff. As I began talking I was texting back and forth in our group chat. Which included Karen, Foggy, and Matt. I figured out Bucky was in jail because he had violated his court ordered therapy session. I settled it and walked out with the Sherriff.

“I know If I ever need a fast lawyer I will contact you” I laugh as he sways my card around.

“I always do my best and thank you for being so kind” I shake his hand seeing as Bucky and Steve are waiting for me. “Is that a good enough lawyer for you?” I smirk at Bucky who would rather stab himself than look me in the eyes right now. “Let's get back to the tower. I need to talk to Tony” but of course nothing can be too simple.

“Mr. Barnes?” We all turn to take in the lady standing infront of us. “Session, Now” Bucky’s head turns towards me with a bigger smirk.

“I just got you out of Jail not mandatory therapy” I shrug. He huffs following the therapist. Steve and I sit outside waiting for him to be done.

“You got his order cleared didn’t you?” I nod. He didn’t have to go anymore to the therapy sessions but when he looked at me, I just had to do it. Well unless he decides to continue them, for his good I hope he does. I can’t even imagine how it was to suddenly live in a totally different place. He was in and out of the ice only to kill and now free of all that the only one he has is Steve. He didn’t get to see his family one last time.While we sit I make a few phone calls. Tony finished with the interview and was getting a couple of things together for when we arrived at the tower. I advised Matty and the team to hang back and not try to be more involved than they already were. I don’t need anything to happen to them just because I decided to continue on with the case. “Do you ever think one day in the future you would have a normal life?” What kind of question is that?

“Why? Is Captin America thinking of the white picken fence life?” He shruggs looking at his hands. “Deep down I know I want a family. Maybe 4 kids. 2 dogs. Big house that's big enough for us but with a lot of land. Maybe a couple of fruits growing everywhere.”

“But?”

“It's a future that is uncertain. I don’t like uncertainty, so I’d rather play it day by day” I keep hoping that one day I will find someone who stands me up enough, and live until our last breath. But I don’t know what will happen, so it's better not to speak and let things find its course.

“I hope you decide to come on your own, next time” Steve and I jump up hearing the door open from the therapist office. She pats Bucky’s back and he walks past me to stand next to Steve. “Can I speak to you?” I can feel their stares through my back as I just shake my head and follow her inside her office. “You haven’t been to see me in almost 2 weeks” She takes her seat on her chair pulling out her notepad.

“The past couple weeks have been busy. I tried my best but those two weeks were very difficult to take time for myself” Lie. I know I could make some time for atleast a 30 minute session but I didn’t want to stop by.

“Well now that you're here just answer me one question” Her pen clips and the point attaches to the paper ready to start writing. Fuck. “Since the last time we spoke we agreed you were going to contact your family, did you” There it was. The fucking question of the year for me.

“No. I still need time. I have a hard fight against myself but you know I will do it eventually. Soon”

“Let's not diagnose ourselves. You are very smart but sometimes coming up with our own explanation on why we do things will push us back from our actions.”

“Yes. Of course” I smile standing up. “It was nice to see you and I will certainly take your advice. '' With that I open the door and continue walking to freedom. I hate being talked to or criticted like I'm some child, atleast that's how I feel when I am in that room.

“I hope to see you soon too” I look down, walking past the boys out the entrance. We get into the car and drive off. The whole ride I spent looking outside the window. I wasn’t embarrassed about them knowing that I talked to a therapist, I just don’t like answering questions about my life that can be kept without saying.

“Y/N, Tony is waiting for you upstairs” I see Pepper holding on to her tablet like always. “Tony Spoke to the guy and of course denied everything but finally we were able to get something out of him. A couple years ago the guys nephew and the two other guys were suspect of a murder”

“Whose murder?”

A/N: I never saw myself fan-girling over anybody until Sebastian Stan came into my life. LIKE LOOK AT HIM.

[ssaalexblake]

there isn’t a power in the world that’d get me to rewatch s3 of stp but i Swear I do in fact remember Jack being shoved in the brig bc he did a murder. Like, i mean, he was not convicted or anything but he was implicated and was going to be put on trial for this among other, smaller, crimes. I’m sure I didn’t make that up. He got out of the brig by trickery (though, he did do so to save the crew of the titan which is honourable, i’ll give him that). 

And while the show Has had more than one member of the cast commit murder, so that isn’t exactly a moral judgement against him narratively even if he did kill somebody, the show has Also generally made a vague effort to portray a justice system. Agnes was cleared of murder charges because of that mind meld, proving that Yes, some kind of justice system is in action here. 

Seven committed murder. Two, in fact. On screen. But the only person she told was Rios and he’s evidently not a snitch. Seven has not been put on trial because, frankly, she’s apparently just better at murder. 

Elnor also had that head lopping off thing going on. I doubt Starfleet has record of this considering where it happened. Also arguments of self-defence may apply. I don’t remember exactly though, I didn’t like that episode (the exposition eps in serials Usually suck and that did not break trend imo). 

So like... Did starfleet just decide to ignore that murder when all this chaos blew over? Was the murder a non issue? I mean it’s not like we can Add contextually to this him controlling crew members against their will to Knowingly cart his ass off to the borg queen which resulted in All That Death and Destruction and Trauma as well, which you’d think would result in Some consequences. Even if the consequences were a psych eval to determine his culpability. Even if they decided he was Not culpable, it would still have been a consequence of all this. 

What i’m saying basically is that it canonically took Agnes a year to get off a murder charge due to somebody messing with her brain in Significantly less complicated circumstances than Mr. Borg Jr who Also had a murder charge against him. 

Yet in a year He’s apparently been fast tracked through the academy that Should take years, only to be assigned to the flag ship, and be sat on a chair on the bridge as a Special Councillor. 

I’ve not been this mad at white man bullshit in scifi since that fuckawful ad astra film where the protag commits muder in space bc he’s such a sad sad man and poor Him and goes back home scott free and then Gets The Girl as a reward. 

I’m not even saying that Jack necessarily Would have been found culpable, it’s canon that people screwing with your brain Is a legal defence in this time bc we saw it with Agnes, and he quite obviously had weird things going on inside his head far out of his control making him act in ways he wouldn’t have done had it not happened, but it’s also canon that the system takes time in Far less complicated situations. 

It also adds insult to injury that even if all the above wasn’t an issue, what happened at the end would Still be a travesty of nepotism and white man self insert characters. But it makes it So So So much worse in context.