Any tf2 headcanons?
I was hoarding this ask for when I have alot of hcs but I now realize that that was an awful idea becuz now there too much going on in my brain. So I'll tell you the ones I can remember rn.
(btw this is gonna be a mess of silly and sad contention into a blender, so sorry for any whiplash)
Everyones business last name is TF2. It's canon, Ms Pauling said so.
Scout and Ms Pauling have one thing in common, they're simps for women out of their league and it's sad.
My current idea of the plot is that Ms Pauling is now the new administrator and the mercs are still working for her but now instead of a war they are now a Hire-A-Merc organization. Why, so they can pay the blood pact that the old administrator got them in from Abraham Lincoln.
The team is a merge for BLU and RED team members.
BLU: Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engineer | RED: Heavy, Demo, Spy, Sniper, Pyro
Engie has an gaming channel.
Engie is a little person. (you can't convince otherwise LOOK AT HIM)
Engie does his own surgery, not that he doesn't trust Medic. He just doesn't trust Medic. He has more trust that in his drunken state he could chop his arm off cleaner than Medic because of his god complex.
Engie says trans rights.
Engie has two moods: Wholesome bumpkin or manic "i am better than all of you".
Medic and Heavy are married. (but to be fair thats just canon)
Medic never had a medical license but he did go to school... for animal care.
Medic has a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree and lied ALOT to military when he got drafted to get out safely.
He got a nazi skeleton and dead parents out of that.
Medic burn his documents so now the only people that knows is the people he tells like Heavy.
Medic only have two reasons for being here- 1) to experiment on everyone. 2) Heavy
Medic eats like a cat eating a dragon fruit. And so does Archimedes.
Medic is the definition of "no rules no boundaries he doesn't flinch at torture and sells blood for money. He's your new best friend."
Medic is slowly going more insane with time and can't tell if it's because he sold his soul to the devil or because someone is secretly fucking with him. (it's Spy)
Heavy met Medic before joining the team.
Heavy has a cooking channel.
He's a masochist. (he has too if he's with Medic.)
Heavy will kill Soldier before he starts having kids with Zhanna. He's still not ok with him.
Heavy has lots of cute moles on him. (Medic makes sure to kiss each one and make sure they're not lethal.)
While Im at it Heavy family is cursed to fall in-love with insane men.
Pyro-vision is just Pyro going through a heat stroke.
Pyro is the leader of the hate spy club.
Pyro has kids that live in the ocean with his mermaid wife. Don't ask how, it's Pyro.
Engie and Scout are the only ones that understand what Pyro is saying completely.
Engie adopted Pyro unofficially but that's his son right there.
Soldier and Zhanna are gonna have twins.
Soldier and Demo had kiss once- with their socks on.
Medic did a blood test on Soldier and he actually is not 100% American, he doesn't know and everyone intends it to stay that way.
Soldier and Scout actually know each other from before getting hired by BLU. They were comrade in the 100,000 new men program in Vietnam.
After Scout left in general discharge from a land mine incident he thought that would be the laat time he sees him. He was wrong.
Don't worry they're chill, well as chill as man can be when their hand is somehow a magnet to your neck.
Sniper is a social smoker.
Sniper is like a lizard, he doesn't fuck with the cold.
Sniper is younger than Scout. He just spent too much time in the sun and now he looks like a divorce 40 y/o dad struggling with his mortgage. Or just a brown Adam Sandler.
Sniper got those old man bones AKA my bones. His knees be cracking down the hall.
Sniper hops round different peoples places for the holidays. He spent the most time at Engie's house with Pyro; he had spent a Christmas or two with Scout's family but a "certain someone" doesn't appreciate the bushman there and ruining his holiday with his family.
When Scout has to give directions or details of the area he just draws it. Because NO ONE understands this mans writing.
Scout's life mission is to be Gods greatest gift and not just for the women. Like the bible said "a hole is a hole"... or atleast thats what Scout remembers from church.
Scout while being illiterate CAN speak Spanish, Italian, Vietnamese and French. (but he doesn't remember where he learned french from tho.)
Scout is resistant to radiation at this point.
Before becoming a merc, Scout was working at a diner that fitted him quite well.
Waffle House at the graveyard shift.
Scout's fuckboy attitude comes from daddy issues while Spy slut attitude comes from mommy issues.
Spy came from a rich family until he ran away to help in the war effort and became a spy. He doesn't regret his decision nor miss his home but does wish he did a proper goodbye to his brother.
The reason Spy has teeth capsules in his mouth to begin with is because one time him and a his fellow spy were getting torture by the enemy by having their teeth removed. Now all his teeth are fake.
Speaking of teeth, Scout got his buck-teeth from Spy.
Spy HAS gotten lungs transplanted several times from Medic because this mf refuses to chill out and get help with his smoking problem.
Spy is gender fluid.
Spy is a furry.
Demo is going to kill him one day.
That day is when he finds his DA account.
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