#multi generational

[hyperlexichypatia]

I’ve been seeing a few viral posts like “You don’t have to move out of your parents’ house when you turn 18; multi-generational homes are good.” And I agree – multi-generational homes ARE good, and cultural stigma on living with one’s parents as an adult IS wrong! Personally, I’ve lived with my parents for most of my adult life, first by financial necessity, and later by choice. If you’re fortunate enough to have a good relationship with your parents, spending time with them can be great.  BUT.  While you don’t necessarily need to move out of your parents’ home when you’re 18, you DO need to start thinking of yourself as an adult and making your own choices, and your parents will need to respect that. If you and your parents can seamlessly make the transition to viewing you as an adult housemate rather than a child under their care, that’s great. Sometimes, though, even the most respectful parents will have a tendency to Meddle, and even the most self-assured young people will have a tendency to Revert to old roles and habits. If this is a problem, you may in fact need to get some physical distance to reinforce the psychological distance. And even more importantly, every young adult deserves the living wage and affordable housing to live on their own, whether or not they ever choose to use it. I’ve been shouting into the wind for years that the “young adults are still children” narrative is an excuse to normalize the low wages and high costs of living faced by Millennials and Gen Z, and “Multi-generational homes are good” seems hardly better in this respect. At best, it’s tonally mismatched to the cultural and economic moment. At worst, it’s normalizing the conditions of abusive control of young people. Somewhere in between, it’s propaganda reframing being unable to afford housing as a wholesome family lifestyle. In fact, I think the demographic this demographic is nominally targeted to – 18 year olds who are freely choosing between two options, having both the financial resources to live on their own, and supportive parents who would willingly share a safe and respectful multi-generational home – are a relatively small segment of the population.  “Multi-generational homes are good” does nothing for the 18 year old living with their controlling parents because they can’t afford to move out, let alone the 18 year old moving in with an abusive partner because it’s the only way xe can escape xyr even more abusive parents, or the 18 year old living on the streets because her parents kicked her out and she’s ineligible for any benefits because she’s assumed to be supported by her parents (who have no legal obligation towards her). And as always, young people most likely to be controlled, abused, rejected, or involuntarily “helped” (which is also abuse) by parents and family – queer young people, disabled young people, young people who’ve made different reproductive or philosophical or religious or life-path choices than their family approves of – are most harmed by having no economic options to live on their own. So can we get universal housing, universal living wages, and universal healthcare and student aid for young people which doesn’t require the involvement of their families FIRST, and THEN, once everyone has the option of living on their own, remind them that multi-generational homes are also good as one option among many?

[cclust]

Pool Phoenix Picture of a massive tuscan backyard with a rectangular infinity hot tub

[where-dreams-dwell]

Random thought spawned by TikTok: Successful multigenerational parenting should take notes from Star Trek.

The captain and first officer are the command team: they decide (within reason) where the ships going, how fast it moves, how it gets there etc. They call the shots and the buck stops with them. They are ultimately responsible for the ship. And they may switch roles as the situation calls for it, with first officer becoming captain as needed, but at the end of the day they operate as a team.

These are the parents.

But if you’ve set up your village correctly, they can be the bridge crew. Experts in their field, ready with advice, options and to provide support. Sometimes the captain shouldn’t make a decision before checking in with one of them for their knowledge or advice. But no matter what advice they get, the command crew should be confident in making their decisions because it’s what they think is best. They’ll have to justify it later if the admiralty have questions, so they need to be sure of their choices regardless of who gave what advice.

And if you’re a member of the bridge crew (looking at you Grandparents) you need to accept that you’re not in the command chair. You might give your expert opinion and advice on a situation, but the captain is likely getting advice from multiple people and their decision probably takes all that advice into consideration. You (the navigation officer) might think the course forward is obvious, but another expert (the communications officer) has more information for the captain which you’re not privy to which informs the command teams decision.

And once the captain has made a decision, you can’t contest it. Like the ref in any sports game, their call is final.

For the ship to sail smoothly, the bridge crew needs to work as one, and support the command teams decision. And yeah, sometimes the captain is going to make a bad call. But then you debrief afterwards and learn where you went wrong. What should the command team do differently next time? How should they weigh or value different peoples expertise or advice?

As the bridge crew, you’re there to support command. Advise and inform yes, but ultimately to aid command so they can make the hard calls.

And giving them honest advice, to the best of your knowledge, and then aiding them once they’ve made a decision? That makes them more likely to turn to you again in the future.

And we can take it a step further - sometimes the command crew will be away from the helm, maybe injury or personal reasons. And they’ll need to appoint someone else (‘Sulu, you have the con’). They’re only going to pass that command to someone they trust can handle the responsibility. If you’re constantly questioning or overriding their decisions, how likely are they to trust you in the captains chair?

The ship works best when the whole bridge crew work as one. Every person is a valued member of the team, and at the end of the day the ship is the priority.

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Don’t know how well I articulated this but the analogy wouldn’t leave my mind…

[snazysworld]

[marca-espana]

Contemporary Deck in Phoenix An illustration of a sizable, modern backyard deck with a fire pit and a roof expansion

[martinskita]

Contemporary Deck in Phoenix An illustration of a sizable, modern backyard deck with a fire pit and a roof expansion

[kingwenish]

Stucco - Exterior Inspiration for a huge mediterranean brown one-story stucco house exterior remodel with a hip roof and a tile roof

[cartahstaph]

Outdoor Kitchen Outdoor Kitchen in Phoenix a sizable image of a pergola in a Tuscan backyard stone patio kitchen.

[randomfurlong]

Roofing - Tile Huge tuscan brown one-story stucco house exterior photo with a hip roof and a tile roof

[ekowkumasi]

Mediterranean Exterior Inspiration for a huge mediterranean brown one-story stucco house exterior remodel with a hip roof and a tile roof

[biophysicalresonance]

Garage Expansive Phoenix Inspiration for a huge mediterranean attached four-car porte cochere remodel

[danielaprice]

Mediterranean Patio a sizable image of a pergola in a Tuscan backyard stone patio kitchen.

[expectopatronope]

Contemporary Deck Example of a huge trendy backyard deck design with a fire pit and a roof extension

[chrisshields18]

When thinking, about legacy, think about then, next and now. With that in mind, you will successfully, build generational wealth, and generational equity, which is the foundation to, a long lasting legacy.

[design-and-html]

Great Room - Kitchen Large tuscan-style open concept kitchen with a beige floor and a farmhouse sink, recessed-panel cabinets, dark wood cabinets, marble countertops, marble backsplash, stainless steel appliances, two islands, and multicolored counters is shown in the shot.