#muse from hercules that says hunkules

[renim-gauge]

yoo happy birthday matthew mercer 🙏 you've voiced so many iconic characters from my childhood, hope you're having a good one! it's not often you turn 40

[honestlyeddie-im-bi]

The Hercules live action movie is gonna be a clusterfuck but I sort of want Oliver Stark to get the Hercules part just to hear that muse saying “honey, you mean Hunkules” cause that would be hilarious and no one from 911 (fandom, cast, and crew) would ever let him live this down.

[dolls-self-ships]

So I don’t have part 2 done yet but I made a little intro with the narrator and the muses! Part 1

“In the pantheon of Greek Mythology, there are many tales and epics of love and romance. Orpheus and Eurydice, Physce and Eros, Apollo and Hyacinthus. Some say that stories about passion are the universal-“

“Oh, now we’re talkin!” The muse of comedy, Thalia, hollered from her painted spot on the bronze vase, which sat on a pillar in the dimly lit history museum.

“Um, e-excuse me, but I was in the middle of narrating.” The disembodied voice spoke.

“Oh, we know.” Melpomene, the muse of tragedy, chimed, stepping into frame on the pottery.

“But you’re makin’ this sound like a story that’s the opposite of passion.” Said Thalia, resting her hands on her hips,

“No offence.” The muse of dance, Terpsichore, added sweetly as she poked her head out.

Thalia nodded, a big excited smile on her face. “Mmmhm! We wanna hear about the drama, the spice, the seduction~ HA!”

“Now,” Calliope, the tallest, the muse of epic tales, elegantly strode into the middle, clasping her hands together. “Just tell us who this story is about, and we can take it from here, darling.”

The narrator continued. “Well, it’s, not your average tale, but-“

The petite muse Terpsichore gasped. “Oh! Is it about Zues and Hera?”

“Uh- no, it’s-“

“Hunkules and me~?” Thalia joked, gesturing to herself.

“What? No, it’s about-“

“I bet it’s going to be about the-“ the muse of history, Clio, was about to make an educated guess before the narrator re-interrupted.

“Would you ladies please let me finish?”

The five ladies collectively sighed.

Terpsichore waved her hand, smiling. “Okay, say your thing, baby.”

The narrator cleared his throat. “Thank you. As I was saying, this particular love story, is about, Hades and-“

All the five muses nearly jumped, their expressions ranged in varying levels of confusion, surprise, and even disgust.

“HADES?!?” They all shrieked.

“You mean the villainous Lord of the Underworld Hades?” Melpomene asked, just to make things clear that there wasn’t maybe a nice, good guy mortal who happened to be named Hades.

“Yes, that Hades. The God, of the Underworld.”

“Bob, have you been mixing up the scrolls again?! That man is E to the V to the I-L EVIL! Euck!” Terpsichore wailed, scrunching up her nose and sticking out her tongue.

The narrator stammered. “Yes, he is but, everyone deserves to be loved. Don’t you girls think?”

“Mmmhm,” Thalia crossed her arms. “Well maybe those who aren’t nasty no-good-evil-doing Lords of the Underworld.” She said, shaking her finger disapprovingly.

Clio nodded promptly and rolled out her scroll. “His records show nothing but bad deeds, plotting, and scheming!” She stated, reading off the roll.

“Yeah!” Terpsichore agreed. “Nothin’ but lying, taking advantage of all those poor mortals all the time!”

“And not to mention that man is more beastly than godly! Those sharp teeth and sunken eyes of his give me the heeby jeebies, Bob!” Thalia hugged herself, shivering at the thought of what she just described to the narrator.

“I understand the concern girls, but... haven’t you all considered that- maybe all that of could change? Um, minus the.. sharp teeth and sunken eyes part.”

“As crazy as it sounds, I think Bob may have a point here, darlings. Love, is a powerful thing~” Calliope advocated, balling her hands into fists and pumping her elbows to her sides to put emphasis on the word “powerful”.

“Ah, there you see? That’s the spirit!”

The tall muse nodded. “Mhm, now, why don’t you carry on with your story so my girls and I can sit back, and listen this time.” She gave accusing looks to her colleagues, which earned her sheepish smiles from all of them.

“Why thank you, Calli.”

Calliope nodded.

“Ahem, our story begins with a princess, named Kassandra-“

Thalia blinked. “Princess?! Oh I know Hades isn’t about to corrupt that poor pretty young thing! Not on my watch-“

“AHEM.”

Thalia snapped her lips together. “Ha, carry on.”

“Now, where was I? Ah yes, our story begins with Princess Kassandra. A beautiful young princess from the land, of Corinth. The youngest of three daughters, and yet, heir to her parents throne, was being sent to Athens to study the arts, history, and the art of diplomacy. However, the journey there would not be safe for her to go alone, and therefore, she needed a hero to protect her every step of the way. And that hero, ladies and gentlemen, was to be none other than our Hercules.”

[kyliwrites]

HELNIK

"I can't believe you don't like Disney movies."

Pairing: Nina x Matthias

Word Count: 2k+

Fluff or Angst?: Fluff

Oneshot?: Yes

Proofread?: No

Unsurprisingly, when Nina suggested a stay-at-home movie night, there was a good deal of discourse about which movies to watch. As usual, everyone had a certain Opinion™ about which Marvel films were trash and which were alright (which dissolved into a debate about Marvel vs. DC; poor Wylan was clueless and shrunk into the sofa when the choruses of “SPIDERMAN!” and “IRON MAN!” grew to a screaming match that became a pillow fight between Inej and Jesper). And most of all, Kaz’s choices were… well, they were a far cry from the general mood Nina had intended to set for the night.

All she’d wanted was a night of peace and relaxation, and maybe to shove everyone else off the sofa to cuddle with Matthias, but no one needed to know that part. The point was, she hadn’t planned on the utter chaos that her friends left in the wake of determining a movie to watch, though she probably should have.

Her entire living room was trashed.

“Did you guys really have to shred my favorite throw pillow?” Nina groaned, flicking a feather off of her sleeve with a pointed glare at Inej. The girl hoarded knives like a madwoman, and Nina had no doubt the mess of stuffing strewn across the navy carpeted floor was her doing.

“I’m sorry,” Inej said, ducking her head sheepishly and looking decidedly unsorry.

“Mmhm, sureeeee you are.” Nina glanced to Jesper, who sat covered in little white wisps of pillow insides. He grimaced and made an attempt at defending his honor, but Wylan spoke first.

“He deserved it. He threw one first,” he said, sounding unbothered by the catastrophe that had befallen Nina's apartment. He smirked at his boyfriend from where he’d curled up a safe distance away from the rough-housing. Kaz, leaning against the wall, raised his brows in dry, contented amusement.

“What!?” Jesper placed a hand on his heart, mock offended. “You wound me, merchling. Aren’t you supposed to jump to my defense? Go on, love, yell, 'He’s not to blame!’”

Satisfaction danced across Inej’s face as she slid off of the sofa and dusted feathers off of her leggings. “You’re the one who insulted Spiderman. You got only what you asked for.”

Matthias huffed out a breathy laugh and strode forward to wrap his arms around Nina. He placed a kiss to the top of her head. “Regardless. I’m sure we can all agree that the best superhero of all time is Thor.”

There had been a time when he would have recoiled at the very thought of such public displays of affection, back when he’d just immigrated to New York, but now it was their trademark. Where Nina and Matthias were, little whispers and giggles followed - bets on when they’d forego common decency and, point blank, start making out.

It never happened - well… not often, anyway. There was that one time when two of her managers had walked in on a somewhat passionate kissing session in the back of the restaurant Nina worked part-time at, but that was a story for another day (and a miracle that she wasn’t fired then and there). She didn’t like to think of Zoya’s disappointed face or Genya’s broad smirk at the moment… regardless of the fact that Zoya’s disappointed face was Zoya’s regular face and Genya always smirked.

Nina leaned back into Matthias’s embrace and smiled up at him with an, “In your dreams, Thunder Thighs” and a grin.

Amused exasperation replaced the sweet smile that had been on his face moments prior. “You’re all uncultured swine. Thor is the best superhero, and that’s that. You can’t change my mind.”

Jesper arched a brow. “That sounds vaguely like an invitation to change your mind. Ever heard of—” Inej smacked him with a pillow.

“You can’t seriously intend to argue yourself into another pillow fight, Jes,” Wylan retorted. He shifted away from Matthias, Inej, and Jesper, ever the pacifist.

Actually, that was a lie. He had once shoved Kuwei Yul-Bo into a garbage can on Broadway Street when he asked Jesper on a date—coincidentally, it was while Wylan and Jesper were on the way to see Kinky Boots. On a date.

Wylan was by no means a pacifist—it was more that he was currently done with everyone's shit

Nina sighed, knowing she was going to have to break apart World War III on her own. Kaz was watching them with narrow eyes, humor evident in his wry smile, and Matthias, Inej, and Jesper seemed ready to face off like it was a three-way nineteenth century Russian duel.

“Okay, guys, stop. No superhero is the best—”

All three offenders opened their mouths to object.

“—let’s stop arguing about Marvel and DC and… watch a Disney movie?”

Jesper and Inej closed their mouths, and after a moment, they nodded in reluctant agreement. Wylan beamed, and Kaz merely shrugged. He had a sadistic streak when it came to Disney—cracking jokes when Bambi’s mother died, pointing out continuity errors, essentially ruining their childhoods—the like. Nina had suspected he loved witnessing their discomfort from the moment he had the audacity to laugh at the scene in Pocahontas when John Smith was shot and say, “They died of STDs. Fucking idiots.”

But Matthias had never watched a Disney movie with them before - he was the only ‘yes’ left before they could get on with picking which movie (another battle to be waged later).

When Nina turned to gauge his reaction, a look of pure disgust and confusion was etched on his face. Disbelief sprouted across her own.

“Matthias… don’t tell me. You’ve never seen a Disney movie? What kind of household did you grow upon?”

He frowned. “We didn’t have Disney movies. My family does not support the company.” Nina caught her friends' gazes as they all rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Let me guess, you were put to work the second you could lift your refrigerator at the tender age or six months,” Jesper drawled, leaning back on the sofa.

“I could not lift my fridge at the tender age of six.”

“Ohh, right. Your parents never taught you what a joke is. You have my sincere apologies, Thunder Thighs."

“Matthias,” Matthias corrected, but before this debate could get out of hand, Nina flung her arms out and shouted, “Well, this has been great and all, but is anyone concerned that Matthias has never, not once, seen a Disney movie?”

“No offense, but it’s not exactly on my bucket list, love.” Matthias brushed a strand of copper hair out of her eyes.

“Well, now it is on my bucket list to get you to watch a Disney movie. Oh, I’ve got it! Hercules. Since you’re the classics major.”

No one offered any objections, aside from an attempt from Matthias that was quickly silenced by a kiss on the lips from Nina that left him red-faced and speechless.

And thus, five minutes later, the lights had been flicked off and all (most) of the couples were not-so-discreetly cuddling. Inej and Kaz were… sort of sitting together underneath a hand-woven blanket, but that was as close as it got with those two. Nina counted it as a silent victory.

Wylan and Jesper were literally just spooning, and Nina’s head was in Matthias’s lap as the sounds of sweet mythological-themed jazz filled her ears. Bless these powerful African-American ladies for their roles as the Muses.

The peace didn’t last, of course, because their group was undeniably the most dysfunctional gang ever to exist.

"Hercules? You mean Hunkules!”

“That was the worst joke I have ever heard,” Matthias growled, making a face.

“Shhh, you oaf, you have to listen to the story.” Nina swatted his chin affectionately.

“I don’t want to listen to the story,” he insisted, rubbing at his stubble where he’d been Swatted. “I know it already. I’m majoring in classics.”

“Sh! Save it for later.”

He obeyed with an uneffected roll of his eyes.

She was surprised he’d managed to keep his biting remarks to himself throughout the introduction, but it wasn’t too much of a shocker when he started at Hades’s appearance on screen.

“That is not Hades. Tell me that’s not supposed to be Hades.”

“It’s supposed to be Hades.”

“That is wrong!”

“It’s a kids’ movie and he’s the villain, of course he looks wrong. Now shut up and watch it.”

Matthias let out a beleaguered sigh and cast his gaze back toward the television screen.

Most of the movie progressed uneventfully from that point onward, but during the ending, Matthias sucked in a breath and Nina just knew he was going to rant about the inaccuracy of a children’s movie and Greek myths for a solid twelve and a half minutes.

“First of all, why was Hades portrayed so *horrendously?*”

“You laughed at his jokes.”

“I laughed because they were stupid. But why was he so- so-”

“Gay?” Nina suggested with a wriggle of her brows.

Matthias’s neck was red with the determination of a man who was not going to back down from a fight. “Yes? Well…” He considered it for a moment. “No, that part was actually spot-on. All of the Greek deities were tragically bisexual—”

“Can I get a pin that says that? ‘Tragically bisexual?’” Jesper laughed.

“Make it yourself,” Matthias retorted and returned to his rant. If Nina was being honest, she tuned him out after the words, “scrawny golden white boy" were uttered, opting instead to watch his entire face move with his mouth.

It was addicting, seeing his eyes alight with passion and flare. He seemed so relentless, so full of emotion that he was bursting at the seams with it, and it was a relaxing change to what Nina was accustomed to seeing… the frigid, daunting mask of stoicism he wore around everyone else. It was why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place. He was strong, well-mannered, but most of all, he had conviction in his beliefs, a fire behind his ice that melted it into water—even if he hadn't always clung to the... correct... beliefs. He hadn't always been so open-minded.

She liked to believe that she'd somehow changed him, that the goodness in his heart had been stirred into awakening by her hand. That she'd made him a better man. That she'd taught him to love her as an equal. She liked to imagine that one day they might return to his family and spread what he'd learned. The Helvars were good people deep down, but uneducated in the ways that mattered—in the emotions and hardships of those less fortunate than them. They had prejudices of their own that Nina dreamed of helping them overcome... and some people had prejudices against them she wished to eliminate. Maybe these were the foolish ramblings of an optimist, but she had her hopes, and if they worked together they might overcome the biases of the world.

Nina cursed herself. Oh, this heart of hers. She was getting sappy in the midst of an argument about Disney.

“For God’s sake, Matthias,” Jesper was saying when she finally tuned back in, as exasperated as ever. “It’s Disney.”

“That’s precisely the problem." Matthias’s eyebrows were knit together. "Children are being educated wrong! All of them will grow up having learned the myth incorrectly. Do you know how difficult it is to relearn a topic after years of—"

Jesper cut in with an, "Okay, I can’t sit here and listen to this anymore. I’m leaving.” Wylan made a noise of protest, clearly unwilling to be deprived of the warmth of his boyfriend’s arms, but Jesper tugged the blanket away and started to rise.

Nina, chuckling fondly, gestured to the door. “Then get out of our apartment. I’ve got classes and work tomorrow, and I’m not staying up any later than this. Besides, Matthias needs his beauty sleep.”

“Alright, alright,” Jesper grumbled, slinging an arm around Wylan as they took their leave.

Matthias poked her chest with an affectionate glare. “My beauty sleep? Isn’t that what you need?”

“No, because I”—she prodded him right back—”am already stunning, thank you very much.”

Matthias’s teasing expression fell, and was replaced with something kinder, softer. “I know. You, Nina Zenik, are the most stunning, gorgeous, beautiful—ridiculously beautiful, might I add—”

Nina grew flustered.

"Obviously," she said, though her cheeks were pink, and she pushed him gently.

Matthias was undeterred. He was gazing at her with depthless tenderness. “—most amazing, talented”—at this, Nina snorted—”woman I know.”

An awkward clearing of the throat interrupted Nina before she could even reply to that.

Kaz. Oh shit, she thought.

“Oh shit," she said.

“If you could take that elsewhere, that would be just stellar,” Kaz whispered.

“No, why don’t you leave my house? And why are you whisper—oh.”

Inej had lain her head on Kaz’s shoulder and was out like a light.

“Yes, oh.” Kaz scowled, shooing them away. “I don’t intend to move, because this one sleeps about as often as I do. Now go cuddle elsewhere.”

“Kicking me out of my own living room? Brekker, you’re a riot.”

“Fuck off, Zenik.”

Nina snickered and Matthias whisked her away with a firm glare at Kaz. He practically carried her towards their bedroom, ignoring her giggles and protests, and kissed her sweetly before drawing the covers over her shoulders.

“So how did you really feel about the Disney movie?” She asked when they were both comfortably snuggled beneath the comforter.

Matthias groaned. “It’s midnight, Nina.”

“Answers, Helvar. I demand them.”

There was a pregnant stretch of silence, and just when Nina was sure he wasn’t going to answer, he said, “...It was inaccurate and a mistake was made by ever producing it, but… it was alright.”

She let out a whoop of victory at which Matthias rolled his eyes and turned on his side.

“I win!” Nina cawed, drawing him back towards her. “Ha!”

“Oh, lovely. You’ll be insufferable now.”

“You love me, though.” Nina kissed the back of his head, content to breathe in the scent of him as she buried her nose in the crook of his neck.

“That I do. I most definitely do.”

“Good,” she murmured. “Because I love you, too.”