#mushy may??? nah. soul crushing angst

[kelthebarb]

dew likes to watch the rain.

he sits by the big window in the ghoul common room, hands in his lap, eyes wandering over the courtyard outside.

everyone else knows not to bother him during this time. whenever they hear the pitter patter of the rain on the windows, they know not to go looking for Dew. it’s his time.

why does he do this?

it reminds him of who he used to be. before the Clergy took his element away. he doesn’t feel right in his own skin anymore. he’s too warm for his own liking. he changed, and he doesn’t like it.

everyone else tries to help him. they feel terrible, almost guilty for letting the Clergy take him away from them — take their dewdrop away. it wasn’t a matter of his element, it was a matter of his happiness. dew hates what he became.

everyone else tries to help him. mountain, the most. he hates seeing his mate like this, practically a shell. he’s not like he was, he’s distant. it’s almost like he’s a memory for mountain. he tries to break the walls that the transformation put around his beloved, but nothing he tries ever works.

mountain tries everything. taking him swimming in the lake — ending up with dew sitting on the dock and mountain trying to gently coax him into the lake.

he wants his dew back.

dew hates the emotional turmoil he’s putting on his packmates. his brain calls him a burden. he tries to fake being how he was, but it hurts him to keep it up. nobody ever believes him, anyway. they can see right through him, and it almost hurts him to see how easily they know their dewdrop.

dew feels wrong every time mountain calls him ‘honeybee.’ it was all because of his purring. his gills made it sound like the buzz of a honeybee. it was the most adorable nickname, and he was mountain’s honeybee.

his purring is more like growling now. gravelly and scratchy. he wants to be mountain’s honeybee again, even if mountain never stopped calling him that.

he looks in the mirror and sees how he changed. he hates it.

the way his hair went from a silvery blonde to an orangey blonde. the way his eyes went from a beautiful dark blue to dark grey. his scarred gills.

mountain would admit it a thousand times; he was still beautiful as ever, but it didn’t feel right. because dew didn’t feel right in his own body.

the thing about dew’s transformation that messed mountain up the most was his scent. fresh rain, the morning dew, dry sand on the beach.

it was a scent that mountain looked forward to when he entered dew’s vicinity. it still lingered on some of dew’s things, on the bedsheets in mountain’s room, on mountain himself.

after that day, the scent was gone. replaced by the scent of a blown out candle.

one that lost its flame.

he wants his dew back.