#my BEST friend muriel.

[lovaboy]

anyway i love muriel so much, they looked terrified on the elevator ride down to earth with their bosses and crowley but the second they all step into the bookshop muriel's like oooh BOOKS! and completely tunes out of the conversation 😭 they literally don't look up from this book until aziraphale rings that bell to call for order, and then they go right back to it when shax starts talking i'm DECEASED.

me when i've just been caught helping a demon access sensitive files by one of my bosses, exposing the mystery of the entire season, and then get dragged into a fight between my bosses and the bosses of hell but i'm autistic and very nervous so i just read this book for the entire debacle

[aheartofgold]

Muriel, though? Muriel, who is so pure of heart, so naive, with such a childlike spirit? Muriel, who didn't listen in the private conversation because it wasn't their business? Muriel, who helped Crowley without thought even knowing that Crowley is a demon? Muriel, who Metatron called dim without a second thought for them?

Muriel is going to be sooooooo important

[sentientsky]

muriel goodomens should be allowed to do whatever they want without any quencies. you agree.

[violetfaust]

If I had a nickel for each time I saw a rebel angel and his best friend/common-law husband adopt an adult-at-first-sight celestial being who's the embodiment of sunshine, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot TO YOU. it’s a treasure to me.

[crow-in-springtime]

‼️Category 5 silliness event‼️

[number1spongebobfan]

[rattoenailclippings]

WE GETTING OUT OF LAZARET WITH THIS ONE💯💯💯💯💯🔥 🔥🔥🔥🔥🤭🤭🤭🤭🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

[adetheenby]

i think they would be friends and like flowers, how do yall think muriel knows about bees and hornets? i wonder who asked them bout em

[the-crap-gatsby]

NO CAUSE IM STILL FUCKING WEEPING

NEIL GAIMAN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN

(I don’t mean that I think you’re great but I still need processing time 😭💔)

Aziraphale there better have been something in that coffee or I’ll burn all your favourite books myself.

[gamerbot-22]

Arcana LIs Tending to Red Plague Trauma Flashbacks (Part 2: Julian & Muriel)

Part two to the following request by @dameschnee123!

Feel like we need to ramp up the angst so when you can piggybacking off of my last request, M6 when MC has a horrible flare up ft. a lengthy bout of high fever + memories/hallucinations of being burned at the Lazaret. For a lil fluff the first thing they do when the fever breaks is call for the M6.

I would also like to thank @starry-eyed-wolf for giving me the motivation to get this wrapped up finally!

DNI

C & TWs include:

All: Angst, sad/bittersweet endings at best, discussion of trauma/traumatic events. Julian: Hallucinations, mild descriptions of the feeling of burning alive Muriel: Anxiety

Part 1 | Part 3 (WIP)

🩸 Julian (x)

"HERE! I’M HERE!”

The shop rattles as Julian stumbles in through a back window, nearly falling flat on his face when his foot catches on the windowsill. Malak crows in alarm, soaring in over the doctor's head and flying in circles around the interior of the shop. His heavy black wings shake hanging gems and bundles of herbs. The air fills with the smell of the distressed herbs and the dry screams of the raven.

Any other night, Malak would have perched himself on the skull on one of the back shelves. Julian would have a glass jar full of soup in one arm, a smile on his face, ready to share dinner and a few stories with you. Now, both creatures are full of fear.

Julian staggers to his feet, accidentally slamming the window behind him shut just a tad too hard, causing the frame to rattle in place once more. "MC!" He calls into the shop, dashing through the curtains of the back room he stumbled in from and into the main room of the first floor. "Be quiet, Malak!" He scolds, half-heartedly swiping at his companion as he continues his restless flight around the room. "MC!"

Malak squawks once more before landing on the counter, hopping from side to side and restlessly shifting his wings against his back. Once he settles, it's oddly quiet. There's no sign of life aside from the gently swinging wares that Malak had bumped into earlier. Julian stands at the foot of the stairs, a hand on the banister as he looks up. He doesn't realize that he's holding his breath until he hears the wooden floor above him creak. "MC?" He calls, much softer this time but still tinged with worry.

Upstairs something crashes and the doctor shifts back into high gear, quickly ascending the stairs with his coat flowing behind him like a heavy shadow. Malak follows after, cawing once he reaches the top of the stairs and zips in through your open bedroom door ahead of Julian.

"Stay back!" You yell as Julian rounds the corner after Malak, stopping the doctor dead in his tracks. You're propped up against the bedframe, breathing ragged and panicked, and face red and wet with sweat. In one arm you wield Asra's old traveling staff, aiming it right at Julian's heart. Your grip is shaky, like your arms could give out at any moment and send you crumpling to the floor. "Don't touch me!"

Julian raises his hands in defense and takes half a step back from you. "Won't! I won't! I'm over here." He assures you quickly, speaking against the growing lump in his throat.

Malak settles on the end of the traveling staff, folding his wings and staring down his beak at you. The sight of him sends a jolt of fear up your back and you drop the staff, shrieking and falling backwards onto the floor. The raven quickly takes flight before he can hit the floor and crows in panic, flying into yet another fit of going in circles around the room.

"HEY. You quit flying around this instant!" Julian hisses, raising his hands towards the ceiling and swatting at Malak a few times. The bird's cawing mixes with your panicked screams and Julian's heartbeat throbbing in his ears; it's all unbearable. After a few futile attempts Julian manages to land a light but firm hit to the side of Malak's wing, disrupting the bird mid-flap and finally getting the message across that Malak needed to leave.

The distressed cawing quiets as Malak makes an exit, soaring out to the hall and down the stairs. Julian doesn't even stop to think of whatever might be happening now that his companion's fit moved to the shop, all he can focus on is you, laying flat on the floor of your bedroom, struggling to find the strength to prop yourself up.

"MC, please, hold still," His voice is still shaky with annoyance, but his tone is vastly more serious. His coat trails behind him when he kneels beside your head and it takes every ounce of restraint to not just pick you up. You very clearly did not want to be touched, and he wasn't about to distress you any further unless it was completely necessary. "What's happening, what do you see?"

"Stay back," you wheeze. The fight still rages in your chest, but your body doesn't follow through on your effort to get up and run away from the shadow looming over your side. You were used to the doctors in their blood stained white frocks, their sickly-sweet or macabre monotone voices, and their horrible tools you saw them brandish at both you and other patients. Was this a new doctor? A change in staff? Something entirely worse? "Please don't take me downstairs..." You plead against the hot tears welling in your eyes.

Julian's heart sinks at your tone. He balls both hands into fists and rest them on the floor beside his hips and rocks backs away from your face. "You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to, MC," The doctor says firmly, trying to keep it together. The last thing you need now is to have him openly panicking, too.

"What are you seeing, MC?" The shadow's voice echoes in your head, making your head throb like a beating drum. Tears are freely falling down your face now. Your body feels like it's on fire and your vision is res and blurred at the edges.

"A s-shadow..." You rasp, trying to roll onto your side away from Julian.

"Hey hey hey!" Julian carefully takes you by the shoulder and you twist against him, whimpering as two big tears roll down your cheeks. "I know, but you shouldn't move," Julian orders and slightly tightens his his grip.

The gears in the doctor's head are turning at double speed, trying to sort out how he's going to help you. "Where's the shadow?"

"Y...You."

Ok, so you're hallucinating. "Is the shadow scaring you?"

"Yes..." Your body shakes as you cough. Slowly you start to curl into yourself, trembling hands clutching at your clothes to simulate a tighter space.

"Hey, I don't want to scare you," Julian drops the Big Doctor voice and sits upright, still gently holding your shoulder. "I'm not scary, I just want to help you."

You don't respond outside of a miserable whimper. The beating in your skull is getting louder and the reverb feels like it's spreading out to the rest of your skeleton, shaking you down to your marrow. It all hurts so much.

He wants to ask you more questions but you're clearly in no shape to speak now. Carefully and quietly, Julian unfastens his coat and lets it fall to the floor behind him, then sets to work removing his heavy gloves. "You're sweating a lot. Are you warm? You can just nod."

Julian watches you closely as you tilt your head up and down slowly. "Can I touch you? I promise it won't hurt you. Nod if yes."

Another soft nod follows. Julian sighs in relief and pulls off one of his gloves, holding it in his other hand so he can reach for you. Portia always told him he had the coldest hands, and he wasn't about to leave you like this, so maybe this would help you to cool off while you regained your strength.

You flinch against the shadow's fingers when they touch the back of your neck. It's cold, freezing even, compared to the burning heat that threatens to consume your entire body. "Does this help?" The shadow asks behind you. It's voice sounds familiar now, but your head still hurts too much to think about it. "Yes," you respond through grit teeth.

"I can cool you off more if you come with me," Julian assures you, not moving an inch from his spot on the floor. You seem to be responding better to him now, so he feels more confident in suggesting further relief. "I can get you some cold water we can put on your forehead, and there's medicine I can give you downstairs."

Instantly the heat comes searing back, frying the ends of your nerves and threatening to roast you from the inside out. With a panicked sob you try to scramble away from the formerly comforting shadow. "N-No! Not downstairs! You can't make me!"

Julian stares in surprise for a second before scrambling to his feet. "Hey, hey! I won't make you go anywhere!" He insists, once again stifling the urge to just pick you up and hold you. "You just need your medicine, please--"

"Whatever medicine is downstairs you can keep to yourself..." Your words drip with a venom so potent it almost stops Julian's heart completely.

Your heart sinks as you look over your shoulder and find the shadow's shoulder slumped, the hand it had pressed to your neck half extended towards your crumpled shape on the floor. An unknown guilt constricts your throat alongside the smoke that rises from your stomach and you wish desperately you could take back what you said.

Both Julian and you stay in place, frozen stock stiff and silent as death. The weight of your words hangs like a sword over your heads, and it feels like an eternity before Julian finds the ability to speak.

"I know you're confused," he speaks slowly, cautiously stepping close to you, "and very scared. Very very scared." Julian kneels once more, keeping his ungloved hand outstretched to you. "But whatever you're seeing isn't real, MC. I'm here and I want to help you."

You tremble against the side of the bed on the floor, one arm thrown over the top of the mattress and clutching at the blanket. The fearful beating in your chest starts to slow to a more reasonable pace as the shadow in front of you speaks. As it speaks you swear the voice becomes more and more familiar.

"There's nothing downstairs that will hurt you. And if anything tries, I'll be there with you." Julian gently touches his fingertips to your trembling hand. You aren't as hot as you were earlier, and his shoulders relax in relief. "Please, MC, let me help you."

The uncomfortable warmth living in your hands retreats against the shadow's cold touch. Your head throbs once or twice more before seemingly relaxing, clearing the edges of your vision. Everything still seems strange still, a little otherworldly, maybe, but the fear starts to leave as the shadow fully takes your hand in its own.

"Y-You promise it's safe?"

"On my life, MC." Julian gently takes your other arm and lifts you to your feet, propping you against his chest before your legs can give out and send you back to the floor. "Come on, I'll keep you safe."

The two of you quietly move from your bedroom to the hall to the staircase. Julian's sure grip and comforting promises of safety keep you steady as you travel down the stairs. By the time you reach the landing, your headache is almost completely gone and your body doesn't feel like it's cooking from the inside out anymore.

"You sit here, I left my bag in the back room." The shadow helps you settle onto a cushion near one of the shop windows. He presses his bare hand to your forehead, feeling out any remnant of the fever. "Seems almost normal now, but you should still take some medicine. I'll just be a second."

The shadow turns away with a flourish, the image of a black coat coming through clearly in your eyes. A little stunned, you rub your eyes and look towards the doorway to the back room, but all you catch is a boot sliding between the shutting curtains. You look over the room and slowly start to recognize the familiar sights and smells of your shop. On the shelf behind the counter sits Malak, having long since calmed down from his panicking from earlier. If Malak is here, then...

"Julian?" Your voice is strained but loud enough to get his attention. The doctor's tired face pokes out from behind the curtains and he lifts his arm, showing off the cloth bag of medicine he's started to take with him everywhere.

"Right here, my love," he smiles. You see that his eyes are a little watery as he strides back over to you, easily producing a small vial of an orange-ish medicine from his bag.

"What happened?"

"It was just a bad flare up," his assurance seems a little flimsy as he kneels beside you on the ground. Without breaking eye contact with you he opens the glass vial with a satisfying pop! "Open, please, this'll help kill that fever."

You take the medicine from Julian and down the dose in one swig. Your whole body shudders against the artificial taste and you involuntarily stick your tongue out like a child.

"It's awful, I know," Julian chuckles, taking the empty bottle from you and dropping it back in the bag.

"Ilya, I'm so sorry," you sigh, leaning against his chest. You feel his torso stiffen under you, no doubt his face red with a blush at the sudden contact. "I said that awful thing to you... and I almost hit you with the staff..."

Julian freezes, pondering what to say. Truly he's at a loss for words to comfort you. Finally he just wraps his arms around you, holding you as close as he can manage, letting your warm body settle against his. "It's alright, MC, it's alright..." You can feel his chest puff up a little before he continues "It wouldn't be the first time I was threatened with a staff, after all. Doubt it will be the last. Did I ever tell you that story, MC? About the marauders I met outside of Firent?"

You chuckle against his neck, "No I don't think you have." The adrenaline wearing off from that whole experience has left you completely wiped, and a story would definitely help your descent into a comforting sleep. "Tell me about it, would you?"

"It would be my pleasure, love."

🐻 Muriel (x)

You had been getting progressively worse for the last few days. It wasn't anything new to either you or Muriel, but you could tell by the way he stood just a little closer to you than normal and gave you a little extra soup every evening that he was worried. He always stayed close to the hut, making sure your window was open and he and Inanna were in earshot at all times and every day or so he would tell you how the neighbors were doing.

Today was actually a very eventful day for the neighbors, as the latest round of chicks had just hatched. After the chicks had some time to get acclimated to the world around them and rested with their mothers and a few handfuls of feed as a bribe, Muriel gathers a few chicks together in his hands and brings them back to the hut.

The man is brimming with excitement. You've always taken an interest in the neighbors (even if it was a little annoying when you first insisted on helping feed them,) and seeing the newest additions to the family was sure to lift your spirits.

Muriel carefully cradles the chicks in his hands, speaking softly to them about how nice you are and how happy you're going to be to see them as he shoulders the door open. As soon as the heavy wood gives way and creaks inward, Muriel is greeted by Inanna shoving her face against his arm, jostling him so hard he almost drops the chicks.

"Inanna..!" He quickly raises his hands away from the wolf, sheltering the chicks against his chest. Inanna wasn't the type to jump on anyone, least of all him, without reason. Instantly Muriel begins to worry. He didn't hear you say hello when he opened the door, and the fire in the fireplace sounds like it's gone out since he started it earlier that morning.

Inanna snuffs against Muriel's arm, a low whine rumbling in her throat, then steps away and trots over to your bedside. Muriel's shoulders drop when he turns to see you. Your face is drenched in sweat, tears leaking from beneath your eyelids and hands clutching at the fur blanket so tightly you could pull the fur out. Your chest heaves with each shallow breath, the occasional groan of pain a dry creak that barely makes its way past your lips.

Quickly Muriel follows Inanna to you, still holding the chicks in his hands. He frantically looks around for where he can put them before settling on putting them in a hand-carved wooden bowl on the shelf above you. Once they're all in he sits beside you, carefully sliding one arm under your neck and lifting you up to lean against him. Your face is burning hot against his chest and hands, but he doesn't let you go. Inanna leaps up onto the mattress and lays across your legs and hips, putting as much weight as she can manage on you to try to steady your breathing.

"MC?" Muriel asks softly against your head. He carefully brushes your hair out of your face and wipes the sweat off your forehead with his calloused fingers. "Hey, MC, wake up." His voice begins to shake.

You stir against him and Inanna, a dry rasp the only thing that escapes you. "Stay there, Inanna," Muriel sets you back down against the pillows. You could talk just fine when he left for the chickens earlier. Had you been yelling for him? Or were you just dehydrated from a flare up? Muriel couldn't decide which was worse while he hurriedly checks his shelves beside the fireplace for the medicine he's been making for the past month or so. In his search, a few pieces of earthenware get jostled from their spot, with one bowl sliding all the way off the shelf and crashing to the floor, shattering on impact. The hermit curses under his breath before kicking the fragments away. He can clean it up later.

Finally, hidden behind several other jars of herbs and home-made salves, Muriel finds the little jar of cooling salve sitting pristinely at the back of the shelf. He snatches it quickly and in just two strides he's back by you and Inanna.

The wolf is laying entirely over your legs, her head resting on your stomach now to try to spread out the weight. Her yellow eyes are focused on your face and nothing else, and she hardly acknowledges Muriel outside of a slight wag of her bushy tail.

Muriel carefully opens the glass jar, immediately getting hit with the strong smell of peppermint and ginger. Inanna huffs from her spot on top of you but doesn't move. "I know, Inanna, but it should help." Normally he would've gotten some kind of tool to help apply the thick salve in the jar, but he wasted enough time already trying to find the thing. He knows you probably can't hear him, but he still gives you a small warning before applying the medicine to your cheeks and forehead.

You flinch away from Muriel's touch at first, but it doesn't stop his effort. He just waits until you settle again before trying again, going as long as you'll let him before turning away again. It feels like it takes hours before he's finished spreading the salve across your skin.

Muriel sits on the floor beside you, setting the salve aside and resting his chin on the mattress by your shoulder. Inanna shifts her weight slightly, occasionally wagging her tail or huffing to keep herself awake and aware. At the very least the medicine seems to keep your fever down, as you aren't sweating as much.

For a while the three of you stay in place, totally silent until a soft peeping from the shelf above you reminds Muriel of the chicks he brought specifically for you to see. With a grumble Muriel stands upright and reaches for the bowl he put the chicks in, taking care as he leans over you and Inanna. Only one of the three chicks is awake with the other two curled up close at the bottom of the bowl. "I suppose you three want to go back to Mama, don't you?"

"I'll be right back, MC," he touches your shoulder shyly before stepping back outside, carrying the chicks carefully in his arms. Muriel's head is clouded with thought as he makes his way to the neighbors' nest. He knows the path so well he can navigate the uneven terrain perfectly while he thinks of you back at the hut, throat strained and hands tight with pain. Inanna is with you, yes, and he trusts her with everything, but he still worries that something might happen more while he's out.

This will be the last time he leaves the hut for a while, he decides. There's plenty of food in storage and anything else he needs he can get on the way back from delivering the chicks. Speaking of, he pushes through the underbrush of the forest and arrives just before sundown to the chickens' little haven in the wood. He kneels near one of the nests, gently rubbing the chicks' backs before laying his hands flat on the ground and letting them back to their mother. The experienced hen barely lifts herself to let them squirm under her feathers to join their siblings, clucking softly as the last one manages to squeeze in.

"See you," Muriel nods before rising back to his feet and turning back towards his home. Occasionally he stops to gather a few herbs and wild vegetables, but in he end he only returns with maybe a handful of vegetation total.

He pushes through the door once more, this time it opens much easier. Inanna's ears perk up in acknowledgement as Muriel arrives, but she otherwise remains still, her eyes still fixed squarely on your face. At least your breathing has seemed to steady while he was out.

Muriel set all the herbs away in the sacks he keeps in the corner for food and finally gathers up the shattered pieces of clay from earlier and sets them carefully on his workbench. The container should be easy enough to fix, and it's not like he has plans to go anywhere else for a while. It'd be a nice project to work on while you all wait for the flare up to subside.

After everything is set in its place, Muriel just sort of stands in the middle of the hut, shifting his gaze between you and Inanna. Inanna just stares back at him occasionally, her mouth settled squarely in an almost puppy-like begging face as she looks between her two humans.

Minutes of silence pass and are only interrupted when Muriel's stomach growls with the ferocity of a caged tiger. It would be amusing if it wasn't suddenly so uncomfortable. He should probably make some food... Maybe the smell will help ease whatever is on your mind as you rest. The hermit turns back to the fireplace, re-lighting the wood that's already there and adding more kindling to it. The pot hanging over the new fire is empty, ready for a whole new stew from last time.

Inanna likes lamb the most out of all the meet Muriel has already, and he had some carrots and potatoes, so that's the obvious choice. Also probably the easiest. Alright, that'll be what's for dinner.

It's quiet as Muriel prepares everything. Inanna doesn't huff or whine while everything is cut and seasoned, having fallen asleep by the time Muriel made his decision for dinner. The only sound in the entire hut is Inanna's occasional snore, you turning against her weight, and the stew bubbling once Muriel has it over the fire.

As the thick soup cooks, Muriel sits back down beside you, this time pulling the chair from his worktable over so he's not just sitting on the floor. He gently rubs Inanna's head, waking her up from her heavy slumber. Her ears perk up and she looks sideways at her companion, a concerned whine squeaking past her jaws. "I know, Inanna," Muriel sighs, smoothing her coarse dark fur. "They'll be alright. I think you're helping a lot."

Her tail wags softly with a half-hearted pride and fixes her eyes back on you. Your breathing has steadied and your sweat seemed to have lightened up. Muriel quietly thanked Asra for his help with making the salve.

"Do you want some stew?" Muriel asks no one in particular once he smells the spices in the pot. Inanna carefully lifts her head, tilting it in interest when Muriel gets up and shuffles over to the fire. As he readies three bowls for serving, his mind starts to wander. You had been quiet since he gave you the medicine and Inanna got settled on top of you. One side of his brain was calmly reassuring him, drawing the conclusion that whatever was upsetting you earlier had past, and now you were just getting some well deserved rest. The other side, however, was starting to settle into full panic mode. What if he somehow made it worse with that medicine? Was the smell too much for you? Is Inanna too heavy? Did you call for him while he was gone and he wasn't there to comfort you? Were you ever going to wake up?

Muriel freezes in place by the fire, just staring into the flames while he tried to make sense of his thoughts. He didn't even realize how much it was hurting his eyes until he felt Inanna press her cold nose into his hand, shaking him free. "Thanks, Inanna," he breathes, setting the half-full bowl of stew in his hands on the floor for his friend. "I'll watch MC for now." She licks his hand once before turning to her dinner, immediately going for the biggest chunk of lamb.

He's barely made two steps towards you before you toss in your sleep, taking the first deep breath of consciousness. "Muriel...?"

"'M right here." He sounds a little more frantic than he means to as he slides across the dirt floor to be right by your side. Inanna disregards her food entirely and trots over beside Muriel, shoving her cold nose right against your cheek and huffing affectionately.

"Oh--" you groan, gently pushing Inanna out of your personal space, "Hello to you, too, Inanna." You push against the mattress and sit upright, Inanna and Muriel watching you closely the entire motion. "What happened?"

Muriel's breath hitches. "I... I don't know. I wasn't here." His heart lodges in his throat and he tries to fight back a few tears, "I wasn't here but I should have been. I gave you some medicine and Inanna watched you for a while but I don't... I don't know what happened."

Your eyes widen with surprise, maybe a little guilt, too. You don't remember much from past this morning when Muriel went to check traps and visit the chickens. The only thing you can piece together from then and now is the weight of what must have been Inanna on your chest and a cool feeling on your face and neck. That was probably the medicine Muriel was talking about.

"Hey, it's alright." You rest your hand over Muriel's. A few tears run down his scared face and onto your knuckles when he takes your hand in his and squeezes. "I'm glad you were here when I woke up."

"M-Me, too." He breathes, more tears welling up in his eyes.

You both sit in heavy silence for a moment before Inanna takes it upon herself to break it. She puts her front paws on the chair Muriel is sitting in and licks the side of his face, wiping away tears but leaving some wolf slobber behind in the process.

"Aw, Inanna," you laugh, letting go of Muriel's hands so he can wipe the thick spit off of his face.

The wolf barks once, unashamed of her actions, before turning tail and walking back to her bowl of stew. Once Muriel is finished cleaning himself off, a tight chuckle escapes him. "I don't suppose you're hungry after that big nap."

"Are you kidding? I'm starving."

[frozenhi-chews]

HOW DID THIS ANGEL AND DEMON TAKE OVER SO BADLY AAAUGHHHHH

[amuseoffyre]

I was watching the bts videos yesterday including the making of the opening credits and Mr. Anderson said “We added plaques to the back of chairs and Neil chose who to honour on them”.

He’s referring to the chairs we briefly see in the theatre where Aziraphale is doing his magic act:

Left to right: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and The Crow Road by Iain Banks.

I want to focus on these three in a row specifically because Neil chose to put those books there in that order and I had something of an epiphany last night about it all when insomnia was chewing on my toes.

These three books have also been mentioned out loud in the show in episode 2 when Gabriel is reorganising the shelves:

“It was the day my grandmother exploded” - The Crow Road

“It is a truth universally acknowledged-” - Pride and Prejudice

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” - A Tale of Two Cities

For those unfamiliar with the books, I’ll do a quick potted summary of each, with a focus on why I think they’re relevant and especially why the order of the chairs in the theatre feels relevant.

A Tale of Two Cities

Set during the French revolution with one lead who is an aristocrat who has stepped away from his class and background to support the less fortunate than himself because he disagrees with the way they did things. Also, he changed his name because he doesn’t want to be associated with the place where he came from.

The big culmination of the books is when said man is betrayed and set to be executed, but his friend takes his place. There is very literally a body swap by someone who looks very like him in order to save his life. This body-swap is done out of love.

aka - season 1.

Pride and Prejudice

Two people from very different class backgrounds have a very very bumpy start to their relationship because of misinterpretation, miscommunication and a lot of external pressure put on them by the rules of their respective societies. Both of them have different information and because of that, both of them are seeing exactly the same situation very differently. One of them tries to express his affection, but does it so badly that the other tells him there is no chance she will join him.

aka - season 2

The Crow Road

A young man tries to solve a mystery of someone’s disappearance using only the papers they left behind, with said young man’s background rooted in faith and belief in a higher power. There’s also a secondary plot about emotional growth into a more mature and more fulfilling relationship.

(And wouldn’t you know it, it’s the book handed to Muriel by Crowley, who tells them they’ll like it, and the Metatron comments on it)

aka - season 3

Needless to say, I am quite excited :)

[azirafeast]

I am SO EXCITED for the 4th Annual #Azirafeast, The Feast Day of the Angel Aziraphale, an inclusive fandom event! It’s celebrated November 19th and is a made-up holiday that brings the community together, regardless of how a person participates in fandom.

On November 19th, everyone is welcome to celebrate the Feast Day of Aziraphale by drinking cocoa and wine, eating good food, reading, being stylish on their own terms, enjoying the company of friends and embracing the spirit of Aziraphale! Please share your pics on socials with #Azirafeast!

Creators are encouraged to show Aziraphale indulging in what makes him happy or why you love him (canon or fanon!) Create “Lore” for why Aziraphale has a feast day! What miracles throughout history has he performed? Creations can be dramatic, serious, sexy or silly!

All forms of creation are welcome: Draw, write, sing, act, sew, bake, cosplay or anything else! However YOU want to appreciate our favorite angel. All variations, versions and representations of Aziraphale are welcome on the feast of Aziraphale.

Anything tagged #Azirafeast or I will reblog, the same for Instagram and Twitter. I’ve had a permanent highlight on my Instagram for the last 3 years, and maintained this tumblr. Check out what others have made for previous years!

There is also an AO3 Collection: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Azirafeast

Anything added to it I will promote on my socials for #azirafeast.

I know I don’t have the biggest following, but the idea is that on the feast of Aziraphale even fans who don’t have a large social media presence will still be seen, still have their experiences noticed, and will feel part of a community that cares.

Folk can get stressed about creating by a “due date.” I encourage folk to post early if they want, and to keep posting after Nov 19 if they miss the day or don’t finish in time. Aziraphale procrastinated on preventing the apocalypse, you’re just embracing that energy!

And remember, you don’t have to “make” anything to participate. Eating cake and lying to your boss is a great way to celebrate! Confuse some customers, watch a nature documentary, get drunk, be kind to someone (Muriel) who is new but trying their best!

Just make sure to tag your contributions with either #azirafeast so we can celebrate with you! Please feel welcome to take my words and reshare anyway that you like, and make your own posts to generate awareness! Please do share in any fandom communities you’re a part of, or feel free to try to convince people IRL this is totally a real holiday.

I do not run, own, control or anything of the sort in regards to #azirafeast. The idea came from Cliopadra and a private discord server, and the brilliant folk there picked the date and ran with it. I encourage folk to participate because I think it’s a lovely idea! It is NOT “mine.”

[actual-changeling]

i wonder if angels actually have a bunch of abilities they're not aware of because they never had a chance or even the imagination to use them. for example, talking to animals.

crowley swings by the bookshop daily to help muriel adjust to earth and humanity (and to make sure all the books stay exactly where they belong), and one day he opens the door and finds them lying on the floor with a tiny, fluffy, cream-coloured dog (pomeranian in my mind).

both look up, the dog gives a little excited bark and sprints towards crowley, and muriel just watches, visibly delighted.

"oh, hi mr. crowley!"

he stares down the dog, his brain blue screening because that's. that's a tiny creature. in the bookshop. slobbering all over the carpet.

the dog stares back.

"what-"

"who," muriel corrects, pushing themselves upright and gently slapping their thighs; the dog immediately runs back and settles in their lap with a lot of swiveling and stumbling.

"that's cupperty! she said her human wasn't being very nice to her so she ran away, but i told her she can stay with me. we're 'best friends forever'," muriel finishes, pronouncing the last three words very distinctively.

a dog. in the bookshop. a very tiny, hairy dog.

crowley slowly makes his way over to his armchair, keeping an eye on 'cupperty' the entire time, and when he settles into his usual sprawl, she zooms over to him - apparently asking for permission.

a dog. on his lap.

oh, what the hell, why not.

[vidavalor]

*dings the bell* … I’m back.

My Ukrainian friend made potato salad! It has cucumbers, carrots, onion, & canned green peas in it, and it’s absolutely delicious!

Sooo… can I ask what moment/scene you found the most devastating so far? I guess The KissTM is the most popular but I wonder if you’ve spotted something even more heartbreaking?

Hi @procrastiel Much love to you and your Ukrainian friend & please thank her again for me for the recipe as we made it and it was delicious. 💕Hope she's doing well. The KissTM is pretty heartbreaking for sure but I had a couple of moments that I found at least equally as heartbreaking...

The blues below the cut. TW: Depression.

What really got me in S2, in terms of heartbreaking stuff, was the focus on the less "showier" kinds of depression in Aziraphale and Gabriel. I'm not dismissing the amazing Crowley story the show has been telling but it tends to be more overt. The story focusing on depression lingering beneath different types of exteriors-- those who project themselves as being upbeat and/or fine-- was really well-executed and it had moments as devastating to me as the kiss.

The "but that's for professional conjurers only" scene and, in particular, the choices made in Aziraphale's response to Crowley's "my Nefertiti-fooling fellow" response is probably my favorite bit of acting in the series entirely to date. Michael Sheen broke me into little pieces with the way he conveyed a lifetime of pain, depression, anxiety and sleepless nights in Aziraphale's eyes on the "professional conjurers" bit and the smile...

...I love how you literally watch the pain of it all melt off his face at Crowley gently reassuring him and the smile that starts and then becomes just a beam of love he can't keep off his face. It's gorgeous.

It's actually what makes The Final 15 hurt even more, really, I think-- because you know that this is what Aziraphale needed. It's the same core set of problems but he needed 1941!Crowley and he got AlphaCentuari!Crowley because of where they both were at in the moment. It just makes 2.06 even more brutal because it shows you how they do understand each other and how right they are for each other if they could just stop being idiots lol.

I also actually think this is one of the most intimate scenes in the show. It shows a lot of guts on Aziraphale's part to be honest about how he's feeling and that's courage that Aziraphale has in general but was lacking a bit in the present in S2. He lets Crowley in here-- which is the theme of all of it and what he's not doing in S2 very much, especially in 2.06-- and we get a scene where Aziraphale is vulnerable and hurting and trusts Crowley with it and Crowley is there to help him as much as Aziraphale helps Crowley. It's very sweet and romantic but in a heartbreaking way because of how it shows how much pain Aziraphale is carrying around with him all the time. The lovely bit, though, is how it also shows how Crowley knows and is trusted with it. That it all takes place in largely the same space as the mess in 2.06? Gah. Devastating...

The other storyline that broke me was Gabriel. I know not everyone has the empathy for him that I do and he can be a total jerk, no doubt, but I thought he was the best example of the show bringing in other perspectives on life in Heaven/Hell in S2. We had angles like Furfur and Muriel illustrating that life for those not on Earth is lonely, isolating and boring and that many are yearning to live a bit more. Crowley and Aziraphale have not had it easy by any means but we are given characters whose perspective is that they're jealous that Crowley and Aziraphale have at least been able to be on Earth and have one another this whole time, which is more than a lot of other angels and demons can say, and that's fair. Expanding upon the glimpses of Gabriel that we saw in S1 and showing that, really, he's more complicated than we might have expected, was something I both loved and was a bit broken by.

Essentially, S2 shows that Gabriel is actually arguably the worst off character of all of them-- Crowley and Aziraphale included. That he really had no one until Beez is shown on his face so well-- Jon Hamm and Shelley Conn selling Gabriel's depression and how healthy this relationship is in almost no time at all really shows how great they both are. Look at this poor bastard, though, really...

He has the worst job of all of them. The Metatron is really in charge of Heaven-- Gabriel's the pretty face, forced to keep everything going or be killed for disobeying. S2 emphasizes how much he and Beez did what they did at the end of S1 basically at gunpoint-- it was kill or be killed and neither of them have the power to overthrow anything on their own. They have enough power, in the future, to probably help sway some things. Gabriel's always had enough power to make differences where he could and he used it to try to protect people. He can be a judgy jerk but he also fundamentally cares about the people around him and he's been drilled for so long into believing that upholding Heaven is his only purpose and only reason for existence that he's even still mulling over the ghosts of those thoughts when he has his whole gravity crisis in S2, even when he can't remember his name.

This is the bit that got me actually teary, though:

Imagine being thousands of years old and no one's ever given you a present. You don't have a birthday. You don't celebrate holidays. No one's ever protected you or been on your side or even just listened. You don't have any friends because everyone is afraid of you and you have to put up those pretensions to stay alive. The people you spend your entire life with are out for blood-- they'd sooner see you stripped of your sense of self and tossed through the ranks or to Hell and take your seat. Your life is one, long, never-ending meeting with your abusive dad and charming personalities like Michael and Uriel and Sandalphon. For six. thousand. years. Gabriel had never eaten anything before S2. He's never slept. Imagine six thousand years of being the Senior VP of Climb Every Bullshit Mountain without ever having a lunch break or ever going home. It's kind of no wonder that Gabriel spent half of S2 taking a nap-- he's exhausted.

He's not from anywhere. He doesn't even have a desk. Is it any wonder that this poor bastard was already rebelling a bit in S1? That he didn't totally get Earth but he was sneaking down there to get tailored suits made just so he could have something that is his own and taking himself for jogs in the park so he could get away from everyone for awhile? He's vain, sure, yes, but really because his looks are all he has that actually belong to him. It's why Beez gives him a pass on the statue-- because they know that this poor guy doesn't have anybody but them. The humans immortalize him in marble like he's a God and everyone in Heaven and Hell is terrified of him-- and he's been terrified of trying to be real with others because who is he going to trust who won't stab him in the back?

All Gabriel has that is his own are his clothes and Heaven even takes that, too. Beez is the first person who has ever seen Gabriel as a person. Is it any wonder why Gabriel likes and goes to Aziraphale for help? He knows that Aziraphale is the only angel who is both kind and sorta sees him there sometimes. He's the only one who ever seems to consider that Gabriel might exist in there as more than just The Supreme Archangel.

Gabriel's memory loss is actually very much akin to the real world occurrence of retrograde amnesia, which can and does actually happen to people who have undergone traumatic events. (It doesn't happen all the time but it's also not as rare as you'd think it might be.) The mind shuts down in such a way as to intentionally forget everything related to the trauma in order to protect itself and that can sometimes result in a loss of identity. The forgetting, though, also frees Gabriel because when he can no longer recall the fascist system of Heaven that has been harming him for so long, the actual self that he's been repressing and hiding shows up.

I see a lot of people talk about Jim as if he's a separate entity from Gabriel and he's really not-- he's Gabriel without the self-protective airs that Gabriel puts on. Jim is really not much different from glasses-free Crowley-- they have the same approach to self-preservation. It turns out, when he's free from the toxic masculinity hellscape that is Heaven, Gabriel likes hot chocolate and tiny dinners and bookselling and is emotionally available and mindfully curious about everything. He's a lot of fun and he cares about his friends and is grateful to have them. He's still a snarky bitch sometimes but so is Crowley lol so... That Gabriel was so miserable before, though, I thought was really pretty heartbreaking.

Now that I've depressed you, we'll leave on the sweeter note of Gabriel torturing some humans to romance Beez...

[paperclipninja]

I can't believe I forgot one of the most significant moments (imo) when I was mulling over duality etc here, and that is when Crowley goes up to Heaven to try and figure out what's going on. Actually, it's more than just multiple layers of truth. Yes there are a couple of truths at play, but as an audience we are given SO much information in this scene that it's almost hard to take it all in so I'm going to try and lay it out.

Here is what we learn in the whole scene:

Crowley knows that Muriel is a scrivener, including that they're 37th class. How?? Up until Crowley tricking Muriel into taking him to Heaven, there'd been no conversation about their angelic status

Crowley has a solid understanding of the way Heaven works and how to get around it (bees/once you're in, that they never change passwords etc)

Crowley has access to high level files

Saraqael seems to have a fondness? towards Crowley and allows him to view the trial, let's him know what happened and tells Muriel off but also not really

We get all the info about Gabriel and what happened

That Heaven wipes memories when demoting angels

When the alarm goes off because Aziraphale uses his halo, Crowley declares 'let's get back there' and directs Saraqael, 'you too' and they follow without question (though Crowley's original plan may have been to go and get Heavenly reinforcement but still, interesting the way he takes control and they just listen)

So the overarching duality in this scene - yes it is hilarious, the way Crowley gets Muriel to take him to Heaven in the first place and of course this whole situation:

but it's also an incredible act of love.

The entire season establishes unmistakably that Crowley has some very real trauma from his experience of being in Heaven as Aziraphale and cast into the hellfire, highlighted through his reactions to JimGabriel. Not to mention his history with Heaven and all that.

So in trying to come up with a solution to the demons attacking the bookshop, knowing that Heaven no longer have any real interest in helping Aziraphale, he willingly goes up there, the place he has made his feelings about very clear, to try and find some answers.

Yes this is a demonstration of Crowley's love for Aziraphale but it's also a demonstration of his love of humans and humanity. He puts aside his own feelings, takes a real risk (because he couldn't have known how any of the senior angels might respond to him being there...could he? Or what if the Metatron had seen him there? That's another pondering for another day...) and goes to the one place he has outright said he doesn't want to go back to, just to try and find a way to protect the humans and help Aziraphale.

THIS, to me, is the entire crux of where this is all heading. It's exactly the same reason Aziraphale gets in that lift. At the end of the day, Crowley and Aziraphale love humanity and want to protect it, even if it means risking themselves.

The multiple truths of this scene actually create a distraction I think. The humour of Crowley's outfit and little prancy toes make us think this is a light and funny moment, while we're also delighted by his subversion of Heavens 'rules' and processes and the revelations about Gabriel. It is both funny and informative. It does give us hints about Crowley's past while moving the current story forward.

But I think it's easy to miss the actions here, and that is that Crowley, who was cast out of Heaven, witnessed the ease with which they continue to cast angels into hellfire, saw the callousness of the Supreme Archangel as he condemned his best friend to no longer exist, put aside all he's witnessed and experienced because of love.

This is a love story. The love story of an angel and a demon, yes, but the love story of two entities, hereditary enemies, who fall in love with humanity and whose love for one another will give them the strength to protect it. At least, that's my take on it anyway :)