#my covid brain is working ot

[brain-rot-central]

Astarion keeps a journal that details the course of the game.

Starting from his abduction, to learning he's been infected with a mind flayer parasite, meeting everyone, fooling around and falling in love, etc.

He only realizes he has actual feelings for Tav/Durge after their second night together, while journaling about it.

[thalassarche]

So, I'm sleepless at 1am and I'm tired and I'm upset so I'm going to get out the shit that has been going on for me the past month and a half, because it keeps leaking out in tags and I guess maybe I should not do that. This is going to be long and it's a huge bummer. I just don't feel like I can come out and talk about it directly to anyone because it is indeed a huge bummer and I just. can't deal with like. the feeling of unloading this on someone and then what. but throwing it into the tumblr void and hiding it behind cuts feels less like I'm throwing a bunch of gross stuff at someone's feet so like, yeah. Content warnings for uh, facing the mortality of aging parents, the American healthcare system being a fucking nightmare, mentions of strokes, infections, and other huge medical problems, and basically stuff being awful.

I have lived with my mom as her caregiver for the past three years, since losing my job during covid. She is six years in remission from breast cancer, diabetic, and in end stage renal failure, meaning her kidneys don't work and she needs hemodialysis 3 days a week. I came in mostly to do things like shopping, the majority of cooking and cleaning, be present in case of falls, things like that. It's worked out, mostly. It sucks that she had to move to AZ to live near her brother simply due to the fact that her cozy little house in MT that she got remodeled to her needs has no dialysis centers within an hour's drive and the closest ones had no open seats anyway, not even for a summer stay, because of the nationwide nursing and technician shortage in healthcare. So she lives in AZ and goes to dialysis 10 minutes away. It works out, sorta. But. Since August 1st:

she had a stroke, which affected the language centers of her brain and made speech, writing, and complex communication difficult

she spent a week in neuro ICU for follow up; this was at a hospital 20 miles away in Phoenix. yes I drove there every day to see her.

she was transferred to a rehabilitation center after that week, where she had several good days but then started to experience severe lower back pain.

the back pain got so severe that she was crying and even screaming when being helped into/out of bed, or having the head of the bed elevated so she could eat.

myself and her other present family were very upset about this, because she was in pain! and also it was preventing progress in her PT/OT after the stroke! we wanted them to do something and find out what was going on!

an xray was done. "no significant findings."

we asked for a CT scan or MRI if an xray found nothing.

it didn't happen. maybe insurance said no, maybe assumptions were made that it wasn't necessary.

but mom spent the rest of her 15 days at that rehab facility on tylenol and then oxycodone.

she was then discharged, and yet in no state to come home.

we found a short-term care facility for her that she'd actually stayed at after her initial ER stay that discovered her renal failure. we thought that she'd do okay there.

she didn't. she declined. she was still in severe pain. MWF for her dialysis, she was basically just, done. and they had scheduled her dialysis at 6am. so. the day was just over, no ability for therapy.

they still just gave her oxycodone so even on good days she was sleeping a lot and very out of it.

we asked to speak to the physician and her case worker. we were not able to.

we asked for her to get further testing instead of just this pattern of throwing narcotics at her and watching her decline. it didn't happen.

at the end of her second week there, she was becoming less responsive and more inclined to just sleep.

she wasn't eating. I tried so hard to encourage her to eat, I even fed her. she still would eat a few bites and then be uninterested in more.

one day she only ate a cup of yogurt.

then she was so badly out of it and barely responsive that I demanded that they do something. so they gave her narcan. because maybe she was too lost in the oxycodone sauce. didn't help, they gave her more. didn't help. they called EMTs.

she ended up in the ER, where they did a CT, MRI, and bloodwork.

(this was a week ago)

turns out she has an infection in her spine. which is osteomyelitis, an infection in the bone and bone marrow that just constantly hurts. oh also numerous pressure sores, including a bad one on her heel, and a bad one on her lower back. either could have introduced the infection into her spine.

that infection has spread to her blood. yeah she's got sepsis.

she also has had at least one additional stroke and her speech has degraded even further.

she spent several days in the ICU and it was very touch and go.

it is still very touch-and-go but she's now in progressive care (pcu) which is a downgrade from ICU in terms of how serious.

but yeah. sepsis is very dangerous for young and relatively healthy people. she is 74. her diabetes means her healing is very slow. her renal failure means that her system can't handle a heavy load of antibiotics so they have to be given more spaced out and in lower doses.

it. sucks.

I still go to see her every day and talk to her even if she's not responding. I sing songs she knows. I put on videos of the church services in her hometown for her to listen to. - it. sucks. so. much.

oh yeah also her place here in AZ is in a retirement park and I can only be here because she resides here. so if something happens even in terms of her moving her permanent residence elsewhere I can't stay here.

I have no income I basically just lived here with her and she covered my expenses as my pay for being her caregiver. so like. looks at the potential need to get independent housing, looks at bank account with $30 in it, laughs darkly and decides I can't think about that.

besides I need to think about how this could be the last time I have left with my mom.

it. sucks.

[uozlulu]

back on my trying to write that comedy prompt fic about the daughters running into Armand in the kitchen that I’ve given up on making a comedy and therefore suddenly I have ~ideas~ bs

So time to organize my thoughts and see if that leads somewhere

General inspirations:

The general prompt from reblogs past: Daniel’s daughters come for a visit and run into Armand using the infamous blender in their dad’s kitchen. A reblog requested it goes like a a sitcom

I also want to put this with another post from a shorter time go that requested Louis be in on this in some way (also it’s funnier if you’re like “Why is there a twink is my dad’s kitchen...?” “omg there are *TWO* of them”

When I first set out to write this prompt it went sideways on it and I ended up with a fic that wasn’t as good as it could have been. One of the reviewers wanted the daughters to interact with the vampires, but that’s going ot happen anyway simply because of the first part of the prompt

Might not come up in the fic but how I think this fits together timeline wise:

Armand was Alice and Daniel’s brain is trying to make sense of patchy memory

Daniel and Armand broke up in the early 80′s when Daniel realized he was 30/in his 30′s and with a vampire that is never going to turn him. He wanted more from life than boytoy

Daniel’s daughters are 37 and 32, but I’m still going to call them Mandy and Jess because that’s just who they are to me now until canon gives us canon names and details

The girls’ mom met Daniel in rehab, both of them had their problems, which is why it didn’t really work out

Jess has a girlfriend, Mandy is a serial monogamist who is happily child free

Things that will show up in the fic:

Jess will try anything once, including the rat’s blood Armand is aerating in the blender

Mandy basically raised Jess because their dad was always off on some story and their mom had work

Mandy knows Armand from back when he was stalking Daniel still. He knew her mom’s secret code for adult friend. After he stopped stalking Daniel, Mandy kind of wondered if she’d just made him up

Jess has never seen Armand, but she has heard of both Louis and Armand because she found a notebook Daniel made documenting all of the first interview he could remember

Daniel does not remember writing it down from memory. Jess says she found it at the bottom of a fire-proof file tower when looking for her birth certificate to get her learner’s permit

“You don’t seem phased by vampires.” “I’m an art professor. Half my students think they’re vampires. It’s easier to roll with it.”

Mandy meanwhile is in a state of this might as well happen

Some other ideas (some of which are cracky hold overs from the sitcom prompt, some of which not sure if I’m going ton use):

Jess and Mandy show up with groceries. The pandemic’s winding down but still going after all

They’ve both had COVID and there are after-effects

The daughters get roped into helping Armand with one of his videos. Daniel enters the living room in time to see them mid-shoot

[elf-ring-system]

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3 Pt4

Martin,

You are shockingly chill. I'm not really sure why our brain picked up on you for your role, but thanks for helping out as much as you do

Miku 💠,

I'm really proud of how hard you're working. I know it's hard to keep your worries to yourself, but you're doing a great job

Mizuki,

Mi amor, love of my life, etcetera. I can't thank you enough for everything this year. I don't think if I sat down and wrote every perfect trait I could imagine it'd come even close to you. I really don't know how you put up with me, I'll be forever grateful. You approach everything with kindness and grace, and an incredible amount of it at that. I'd almost think you were just faking everything if you weren't the same way with everyone else. I know it's a low standard to be impressed that you don't hit on my younger selves even verbally, but it means a lot regardless. I don't think I would have made it this far without you. Much love <3

Mono,

Even if you make us all go dormant a lot, I probably would if I could too. Thank you for everything this year, I know it's been a rough one. Even though we all know it's just the trauma, you handle everything very maturely. I'm glad you're looking out for us. I promise I'm working my hardest to get us out of here as soon as we can

Mukuro,

I know you weren't very active this year, but I wanted to write you something anyway. I'm glad we knew each other when we did. I hope you can have the chance to work through things like I did in the near future. You deserve that much. I'm always here for you whenever you need

Nagito,

I miss youuuuuu. Come backkkk. I'm amazed by how well you handle the various children you have to look after, it definitely was not what I expected when I split you. You were a delight to co-host with, even if we each had our own delusions to work through

Oboro,

This is the equivalent of early covid commercials. Thank you for all that you do, I know it's a lot to manage. I know everyone appreciates it more than I can really word. Make sure you take some time for yourself every now and then

Omori,

Thank you for teaching us pluralkit. Mwah mwah mwah /p. I haven't talked to you much, but I know you help keep Basil running, and you handled things after your split, so I'm at least grateful for that much

Ote,

I respect the drip. I'm very sorry we don't smoke. Thanks for working with Glitch. I hope to see more of you

Pickles,

I almost gave you "best protector" over Glitch. Thank you so much for looking out for Alfred, and by extension, me. You're far too young to have to worry about that kind of thing, and I really am sorry. Please feel free to ask to come out to look at the fairy lights whenever you want. I'll always be willing to sit with you

[heraldtim]

Fatigue Episode.

I am mostly putting this down here so I can refer to it later.

I am in a "fatigue episode." This is what we've called these periods of time that have occurred intermittently since my son and I were both sick in early 2020. (Might have been COVID, might have been something else, there were no COVID tests yet and we just thought it was a "bad flu.")

In 2020 & 2021, these episodes were just completely debilitating. They come on suddenly (less than a day sometimes), and then I (or my son) simply can't stay awake. It comes with serious inability to concentrate ("brain fog"), muscle aches, feeling overheated/feverish (but no actual fever on the thermometer) and hunger, especially for protein. I've had them last up to 2 weeks. My son had one episode that lasted about four weeks, and he's been stuck in sort of a double-episode since August 10th (bad episode for 3-4 weeks, felt fine for 3 days, then back into an episode from which he just now seems to be emerging).

Since mid-to-late 2021, my episodes have become less frequent and less severe. Instead, it's been more of a permanent kind of up-and-down wave-- some days/weeks are better, some are worse, but I'm mostly functional. This is the biggest episode I've hit in at least a few months.

These episodes seem to be triggered by stressors: mental/emotional stress, physical stress (anything more than very mild physical activity), or immune stress (getting a cold or something similar, or having seasonal allergies kick in, which activates and stresses the immune system). I certainly have plenty of stress lately, including surprise money issues. A week ago my work laptop died and the stupid company still hasn't replaced it, leaving me stressed about getting work done and trying to do work through my phone (which totally sucks).

But I've been through al ot, and this is the first episode this serious that's happened in a quite a while. I'm not sure what to make of that.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Everyone shut up stop the music: appreciation ask

I want to thank u for making this blog, ur writing is very inclusive, i don't think i have ever seen a work of yours that has described the reader's look which is both extremely rare and extremely difficult, ur writing is also rlly??? easy to read??? idk how to explain it's just that it's not full of difficult words or lacks details, i have some mental problems and sometimes it's hard for me to read because of how much detail there's in the writing, too much detail makes my brain hurt and it gets hard to concentrate, too little detail makes it too hard to get the image of the scenario which leaves me frustrated for no reason, i hate that fact about me cuz it makes me abandon a lot of books/fanfics, but ur writing is rlly pleasant, its comforting to find a account like this tbh, you're also super friendly w ur anons/followers which is rlly comforting, at first i got super nervous whenever i sent an ask cuz i was like omg they're gonna judge me so hard but honestly you're just so chill i now get super happy whenever u answer any ask i sent even tho my asks are super goofy, you have a lot of requests and i want u to remember to not overwork urself unless u want ur bed to be shitted on, you had covid TWICE yet u posted 2 (or more i don't remember) fics in a rlly short time, i hope you're okay now or that the pain haven't gotten worse, you're rlly strong and covid is a pussy bitch so i hope u get better soon. This ask is kinda random and honestly im kinda nervous it feels too friendly cuz like we don't rly have intimacy and all that BUT i love ur blog so i wanted to write u this. Drink water rest and eat well, are loved, this is a threat - 🕴️

DUDE IM CRYING RN???? OMG??? THABK U???

Also ty so much for the feedback on my writing style. I try to keep ot detailed but concise? (I think that's the word?) I worked with ppl who had a hard time reading along with fellow kids with autism so I kinds adapted that style for them and was nervous to see if other ppl understood it so tha k u

This made my week omg

[museum-spaces]

Blog update.

For those of you who forgot, or are new, the mandate of this blog is to promote museum accessibility. Especially for ND folk but all aspects of access are explored here.

I'm Farmer (they/them/any) and I'm a disabled museolgist (someone who studies the work of museums).

It is the social media side of www.museumspaces.com which I haven't updated since 2019. Since then I moved to Tofino BC, a town of less than 2000 citizens and a museum smaller than the Small Gallery at the AGN.

I spent 1/2 of 2019 and all of 2020 there and then ran away. I say ran away because that's literally how my brain categorizes my move out of Tofino. Flee. Flight. Escape.

Anyway. This is because right at the start of 2020(before covid got to Canada) I started having panic attacks. Covid made everything worse and I spun into a very deep depression. I don't remember a whole lot of 2020 but I know it sucked.

I somehow reached out for support and had an amazing OT from May-ish until December when I left. She is the only reason I might have stayed.

Anyway on Dec 22, 2021 I got my new appartment. I moved in on the 27th. I hardly left the appartment until February.

I learned to knit.

By mid June I was well enough to start working part time. I'm currently a laundry associate at a hotel. It does not pay the bills. I also thought I was ready to volunteer at the local city museum.

I lasted 2 hours.

My puppy came home to me on Aug. 18th. He turns 9 months old tomorrow. Almost as soon as he got here I've been having odd illnesses. Pink eye, sinus infection, new allergy? Etc. He's doing great and loving the snow. He has also improved my life in measurable ways like I knew a pup would back in 2019.

With @chaotic-archaeologist 's help I've started really exploring archaeology. He recommended a great intro textbook and pointed me towards a Canadian who often runs digs. I might be going on one this summer. I still have some time to apply though.

In the last month I have started applying for museum jobs again. I have interviewed at a few for various positions. I have an interview for a cruise ship art gallery on Friday. Not sure I want that one (my grandma was on a cruise ship at the start of the pandemic), but its good practice to go through the motions. Its been a while.

With any luck I'll land on a job in a museum in a city somewhere. I'm hoping for Ontario but I will go where there is work for me. Then its saving up again and applying to either a second masters or a phd.

With reaching out about jobs etc, I am once again dipping my toe into museum accessibilty. With that I hope to liven up this blog, and the site too.

I can't promise much, but I will try.

[wayfaringmd]

Hi. I've been looking through your blog, and was wondering if you or any of your followers could point me in the right direction. My mom is fostering a relative's 3 children. I live with her, and help with their care as much as possible (their 4, 7, and 8, and she's 60 with RA). The oldest has a different father, who is in prison for a non violent crime and turned custody to my mom until he gets out in a few years, but the younger two we are adopting. I am allowed to listen to my phone while at work, and wondered if you knew any youtube videos or podcasts I could listen to to help educate me? Thankfully there was no physical abuse, but the older two have clear memories of domestic abuse, there was also neglect. The middle one also was a micro preemie, and due to that is developmentally behind. I feel like we've made some great leaps with them, and the school system has been very helpful making sure they get the extra help they need with PT, OT, and the like, but I do want to learn more what we could do to help

Hey friend! I just want to thank you in advance for being willing to study and learn more about these kids so that you can relate to them better. That’s a huge thing that many people are not willing to do the work to do, but I think you will find it rewarding.

The only foster podcast I listen to is called the Forgotten Podcast (see also the Forgotten initiative on Instagram). They come at foster care from a Christian perspective, but most of the podcasts are not faith focused. They go through the emotions associated with being a foster parent, single parenting, transracial parenting, taking care of kids at various ages, and tackling common challenges in foster care.

In addition to that podcast I HIGHLY recommend everyone who lives with those kids or who spends significant time with them read Parenting the Hurt Child, by Keck and Kopecky as well as The Connected Child and The Connected Parent by Karyn Purvis. Those will give a good solid foundational understanding of how children from traumatic backgrounds (children from hard places, as Purvis calls them) think and act, and in turn how we should respond to them. I would also recommend The Whole Brain Child and Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel to add understanding of how these kids’ brains are affected by trauma and how our own parenting styles are formed. These books all come in audio versions and I’ve found them at my local library.

I’d also recommend getting involved with your local or state foster care association. Foster parents have to have a certain number of hours of training on subjects relevant to foster care for every licensing cycle, and since COVID the state levels have posted lots of free webinars on those subjects. They’re usually open for anyone to watch.

In related news, I HAVE AN ADOPTION DATE!!! In just over a month I will officially be a momma of 2!

[raeseddon]

So, before I could schedule my twice yearly appointment with him, my neurologist, who I adored, switched to in-patient only which put me out probably the best doctor I've ever had. (Next to my rheumatologist.)

It took everything I had not to openly cry, though once I'd scheduled with a different doctor, I did swear. A lot.

Abled people have a hard time understanding the frustration and sorrow that is losing a good doctor. Now I don't even know if my new one believes my chronic pain disorder exists. So I could be back to trying to fight him on basic treatment that my last neuro never questioned for a second. Now instead of my doctor being willing to work around the system to treat me, I could be met once again with "that's not how it works, my hands are tied." To go from someone who openly agreed to move mountains for me to someone who will barely climb the slightest hill is, regrettably something I and everyone else like me is far too familiar with and it's hard not to connect back certain specialties to Covid.

Like, did my neuro switch to in-patient only because of all of the cases of oxygen deprivation for people who didn't get to respirators on time, or at all? The last time I was getting OT/PT regularly, one of the patients I got to know was a covid survivor whose lasting "brain fog" had the same effect on her cognitive abilities as a moderate stroke. Think about that for a second. How many of the people admitted with "happy hypoxia" and survived came out of it with at least some permanent cognitive issue? I'll never know because at this point the cdc is just straight up lying about the numbers in that there are so many more than they're saying.

And the push to insist that Omicron isn't as bad while HALF OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF EUROPE could be infected in the next few months? Not helping. And while in my case it's a mild inconvenience at the end of the day, let's not forget that everyone from cancer patients to gunshot victims still aren't being admitted to ERs and hospitals all over the country because of how transmisible Omicron is.

[frakyeahbattlestargalactica]

Fleet,

Saul Tigh needs your help.

Please read. Help if you can. Pray if you believe. So say we all.

From Shari Ulrich on Go Fund Me:

Michael and Susan Hogan have been dear friends and neighbours of mine on Bowen Island for 20 years but most of you probably know them from film and television - Michael as “Colonel Saul Tigh” in Battlestar Galactica, as “Hagan” in The Man in the High Castle, as “Otto Gerhardt" in Fargo", or in any one of 150 roles he’s played over the years. And Susan from hundreds of TV, film and theatrical roles over more than 4 decades.

Since meeting at the National Theatre School of Canada in the early 1970’s, Michael and Susan have lived and worked and raised children and grandchildren in Canada. To know them is to love them. And right now, they need our help. They are private people – so it has taken a long time for Susan to be comfortable sharing the harrowing story that changed their lives forever.

In Susan’s own words:

“ You probably know Michael as an actor. Or maybe you know him as a friend, an acquaintance, a co-worker, a father, a grandfather, or a husband. My husband. I am Susan Hogan and I am married to this extraordinary man. We have been each other’s best friend for decades.

On Feb. 17, 2020, everything changed drastically in our world. Michael was in Vancouver participating in a Battlestar Galactica convention, and at dinner following his day’s work, he fell and hit his head. Hard. He went to bed that night not realizing that the impact had caused a massive brain bleed. He was unable to be woken the next morning and was taken to Vancouver General Hospital and emergency surgery performed. It took 57 staples to close the part of his scull they had to remove in order to reach the damage.

The accident left him with complete paralysis on his left side, memory loss, cogntivie impairment and an inability to swallow.

Then things became incredibly more difficult during the COVID pandemic with visits by family being restricted then denied and no care team (physiotherapist, OT, speech therapist, etc. ) allowed in.”

Needless to say, this life changing injury has sent a tsunami of heartbreak through the family. And with recovery relying heavily on contact with family as critical members of the health care team, the agony of separation is indescribable.

Susan has been exhaustingly researching Michael’s frequently changing medical conditions, and is in daily contact with his doctors, nurses, specialists, and social workers.

On June 18th Michael was moved into The Berkley Care Centre in North Vancouver. Susan is allowed limited supervised visits - socially distanced, no contact, no touching, not even a smile can be exchanged given the mandatory face masks. For someone with a brain injury that face, that smile, that contact with a family member is critical grounding for them. To be denied that is torturous.

Susan has finally been able to find and get permission for a physiotherapist to go into the facility 2 or 3 times a week. Michael still cannot stand and needs an overhead lift to be moved from the bed to the wheelchair. He still requires a feeding tube into his stomach. He has regained his speech and is largely coherent and cognizant but there is a long long road ahead.

Though it is hard to imagine, I think it’s fair to say it is unlikely Michael will be able to work again. And for these past seven months, neither has Susan, given the circumstances . She is facing an uncertain future to navigate other than knowing that the financial demands will continue to be great. There are the known costs of the Long Term Care facility, a customized wheelchair, a private physiotherapist to tend to him there, and ongoing costs of medications, foot care, adaptive clothing etc. And if he’s able to come home which would be far preferred - an overhead lift to move him from bed to wheelchair, a hospital bed, ramps, one to two live-in care-aids, renovations to accommodate the wheelchair including doorways and bathrooms, and a vehicle to accommodate the wheelchair.

Of course, in these times there is increasing need and decreasing income due to Covid 19. But thanks to this platform any help you can provide for Susan and Michael as they navigate this new and difficult landscape will add up to a significant difference in their lives. Considering the formidable contribution to theatre, film and television they have both made, I felt it worth asking.

Thank you for listening and please share far and wide.

— Shari Ulrich

HELP MICHAEL HOGAN ON GOFUNDME

An update from Susan Hogan:

“Just sitting at the coffee shop, where Michael and I would come every morning. We would sit at the same table every day. It came to be known as "our" table. No one else would sit there:) We would talk about our dreams, plans, places we wanted to travel to, things we wanted to do to the house ..... People would often stop and say "what could you guys POSSIBLY have to talk about after all these years?" But we always did. We would be laughing our heads off about something, an audition gone bad? ... and he has me in stitches, tears rolling down my face"

That was our relationship. We were part of each other. Two halves of a whole.

Now I sit here alone. An empty chair across from me. My heart aching

And the tears are back. Not in laughter now though.

In grief.

Not shared with him.

For him.

For us.

Missing him. So much.”

[popculturebuffet]

Pinky and the Brain: A Pinky And the Brain Christmas Review or I Just Think Schotzie’s Neat

Christmas Continues on this blog... and getting away from one set of Christmas commissions and into another, I offered my friend Blahdiddy three commissions as a present. The other two we’ll get to eventually, but with Animaniacs on the brain, heh, due to the reboot, he selected two Pinky and the Brains and one Animaniacs for me to cover. And while I intended to cover this one sometime this month anyway, my friend’s recent and sad covid diagnosis meant i’m bumping this one all the way up to the front of the line so he has some christmas cheer during this rough time. So with that in mind let’s talk about pinky, pinky and the brain brain brain brain brain shall we? Of course we can’t really talk about pinky and the brain without talking about Animaniacs. I absolutely love the series, I grew up with it as a kid and reconnected with it as an adult when it ended up on netflix. It was smart, well animated and most importantly really fucking funny. I highly recommend checking both the original and reboot of it out some time if you have Hulu. Speaking of the reboot while I might go on in full about it at some point it’s pretty good, with some creatvie jokes, some nice updates, with Rita Anita Anrita being a great new addition to the warner side of things. It’s only real flaw is it gets a bit reptitious as for the most part there’s only really the warners and pinky and the brain with a few exceptions one of which DAMN well deserved at least two segments and we all know which one that is. 

Bring.. this.. to series. The warners and pinky and the brain segments weren’t bad, but as is inevitible in a screwball comedy some just weren’t as good as others and those fell harder when you’ve already seen 2 or 3 better versions of this sort of skit in the season. They did really find their groove towards the end and if you like both Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain, or even just one or the other, it’s worth checking out.  But enough about the reboot let’s talk about those labratory mice whose genes have been spliced. Thanks to wikipedia, I now know the duo were based on Eddie Fitzgerald and Tom Minton, who worked with Tom Rutgeter on Tiny Toon adventures, with menton being the one who came up with Narf, even saying it in one episode of Tiny Tunes. During the creation of animaniacs, Bruce Timm, yes THE Bruce Timm, sketched the two, and Ruetger added mouse ears and the rest was history. Maurice LaMarche was the one who added the Orson Welles to the character, as LaMarche saw the Orson Welles in Brain, ran with it and got the part and a long and storied career in voice acting as a result. In a nice and fitting bit of contrast, Rob Paulsen got the part.. because he was already on the show. Not to downplay Paulsen’s clear talent, I just find it hilarious. 

That’s about what I could dig up on the behind the scenes of the show. From what I can tell it was greenlit because Animaniacs was a massive it, and Pinky and the Brain was the most popular segment, so it just made sense. The show would likewise be a massive sucess with both adults and kids, and go on for three seasons and what should legally be considered a war crime. 

For those of you blissfully unaware yeah, that happened, no no one people actually LIKED from Tiny Toons was in it. And yeah if you want me to talk about it commission it otherwise not going near this one. While I do need to tackle more bad animation... I’ve successfully avoided watching an episode of this show for 22 years next wedsday, I’m not breaking the streak for free. 

But some.. things aside I remembered liking the series as a kid but just never got around to seeking it out as an adult. I had nothing against the animaniacs segments and I even still have a stuffed brain doll I got at a garage sale.. the pinky is sadly missing and persumed dead. I just wasn’t as bit into it as I was the slappy bits rewatching animaniacs and didin’t really see reason to watch the show. Watching this though made me realize I was wrong and I probably watch more of it in the future This special is damn good, i’m pleased ot review it and to revive and old childhood memory. So with all the exposition out of the way let’s talk Pinky, PInky and the brain brain brain brain christmas edition after the cut. 

This was indeed a special: while it was presumably produced with season one of the show and is packaged with it both on DVD and on Hulu, where I watched it, the special was aired in prime time and even put on it’s own VHS.. which I found out and of course, like with my review of the Darkwing Duck Pilot, had to use as the art for old VHS’ tapes for cartoons.. was really fucking beautiful and it’s a nice break from my traditional screencaps.   So we open with a clever Christmas rendition of the theme, frequently sprinkling in bits of other christmas stuff, utterly fantastic. The intro animation is less impressive as it’s literally just the regular intro but with a stock snow effect over everything. In case you thought Ducktales doing that was a new thing. I do not blame the team however, as apparently they only had a week to get the scripts out, so I highly doubt warner was forking out more cash for the animation than they had to. They still forked out enough to make it LOOK really good mind you, something I wish they’d do more often with their DTV Movies but do do with their animated shows still with certain exceptions so good on them, i’m just saying they clearly cared more about money than having a memorable christmas opening. Given a budget to actually make one, i’m sure the animators would’ve come up with something lovely, and i’m sure the same is true of Ducktales and other shows and like i’ve said, i’m highly in favor of shows actuallly doing unique openings for the holidays, especially since Holiday episodes tend to get reaired every year as long as the show is in circulation on the network. Sometimes even if it isn’t. So it’s fully worth the effort to fork out a little extra for this as while you’ll most likely only use it once, you’ll be using the special for years. You can afford to treat yourself networks come on. It’s...

Just like Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain. But onto the episode itself after 80 years. We find Pinky writing his Christmas list to santa, complete with Narf, a gag I like. As usual for a comedy show, I will try to gloss over as much of the gags as possible, to avoid repetttion but yeah this episode is really damn funny and reminded me just how good these characters are. Maurice and Rob just have perfect chemistry. It’s like Tom and Jerry: It’s a very simple premise, that one being “Cat chases mouse and Mouse beats shit out of mouse”, and pinky and the brain of course being “Super genuis mouse and dimwitted but loveable sidekick try and takeover the world eveyr night”. But a simple premise can be used just about anywhere and adapated for anything. To me a cartoon’s premise only has to be as complicated as it needs to be to work. Sometimes you have a vast complex tapestry behind the world like She Ra, Steven Universe or Avatar with lots of planning and ins and outs and deep character stuff.. and sometimes you just have two mice who get into shenanigans because one is a would be dictator who sounds like orson welles and the other’s a loveable british weirdo/moron. Sometimes simple just works. 

Anyways, Brain, noticing Pinky’s distracted and replaces himself with a horrifying poorly made doll of himself called Noodle Noggin, which is both an excellent name and not the only time they’d use the name either, as there was an animaniacs short about Brain making himself a fad to endear himself to the children of the future with the same name. It’s just an inherently funny set of words, but also shows Brain’s genius in a subtle and clever way as he never spells it out, but despite sounding kind of ridiculous for such a buttoned up intellectual like brain... he knows that’s the kind of name kids will eat up. His schemes may often fail, but he’s an objectively brilliant schemer and i’ts often either PInky’s incompetence or his own miscalculation of humanity, either over or underestimating them, that undoes Brain.  Back to the plot, so Brain’s plan is to distribute noodle noggins around the world, make it the hot new toy, and as always, take over the world. Problem is naturally two Mice simply don’t have the resources to make the billions of dolls. But PInky stumbles upon the solution in the paper: a want ad for elves! Everything about that sentence except “pinky stumbles upon the solution” has not aged paticuarlly well, but point is they have a plan and we have our christmas special.  This does bring me to my one problem with the special.. Brain’s weird inconsistency towards Santa. What I mean is he spends the portion doubting Santa can do anything he’s claimed to despite being proven frequently he can. That part is not all that annoying as it’s in character with him and while yes, he is a talking mouse, he’s also a man of science and reason and Santa is the opposite of that. That would be fine... IF it wasn’t for the fact that said magical bollocks weren’t constantly part of his plans. Despite Brain constantly throughought the special doubting Santa... his plans FREQUENTLY rely on everything we’ve heard about him being right. His initial plan here ENTIRELY runs on the fact Santa has a massive workforce to make the toys yet even if that’s true by Brain’s own logic, he wouldn’t be able to deliver them. Later when the boys need to escape, They hide with the Reindeer despite Brain just saying santa can’t be everywhere in one night.. which if he can’t then the odds are slim he’ll wind up at Acme Labs isn’t it? It would be fine if the special acknowledged any of this outside of one bit we’ll get to, but other than that one bit.. they don’t. IT’s just really frustrating and really sticks out since the rest of the special is perfection, so this one failing bit really grates. That being said, it dosen’t last long enough to really drag the episode down as a whole, just to annoy me a bit every so often. It speaks to the episodes quality that the bad part ONLY drags so much because everything else is so well put together.  So our boys head to the north pole with the help of a kooky pilot and a santa dummy, this pilot is voiced by Tress MacNeile and is easily one of the best parts of the special. And naturally given their luck, she asks them to take the wheel so the plane instead jerks and causes them to fall out. Luckily they end up near Santa’s workshop and soon apply for temp work with local head of things and gruff type Shotzie, played by Jeff Bennett. And yes that is his name.  I like Shotzie: he’s a goateed elf and Bennett just plays him well.. hard to explain honestly I may just like his name and Bennett’s voice for him, one he used before in animanaics for various bit parts and in shows after this, it’s just a voice i’ve always liked. 

They get put to work in the mail room, which is the bit I mentioned: Brain earlier scoffed at Santa answering all the letters with Pinky simply suggesting that Santa had his elves go through all of them. Turns out Pinky was right... while he may be a BIT stupid, one intresting thing i’ve found about Pinky after watching the reboot that ironically the friend who comissioned this and I discussed is that he’s not ENTIRELY stupid, it’s just , much like Dan from Dan Vs his knowledge is just random.. he can not know how a lot of things work, but sometimes like in this instance Pinky generally just GETS something. It’s part of why he and Brain are such a good team despite their failures: Brain is all about planning and thought and research, Pinky is about intuition and gut instinct. He just does things and it often works out. This also makes their recently added backstories all the more brilliant as they explain this well: Pinky started life just being told to find the diffrence in cheeses and thus was taught form childhood to trust in himself and his weird brain. Brain was cruelly torturued with an experiment on learned behaviors via electroshock, and was taught to never give up control again, to always know what’s going on and to always control it. It perfectly sums up who the two are and why they are that way.  Brain however quickly pivots, as the mail room ends up being the perfect location to start his plans. Since their job is to file away what each person wants Brain simply adds Noodle Noggin to it and plans to put his plans into the workshop. While Santa and Schotzie are suprised and baffled, Santa quickly adds it to the list. However things hit a snag when Schotzie gets supscious when the two try to sneak into the blueprint room to drop theirs off and he accidently yanks off their disguises leading to a REALLY fun chase scene, as the boys end up in a toy wherehouse and thus try out various toy cars: a barbie dream car that dosen’t have a working motor, a toy truck that dosen’t go very fast, and finally an rc car that while fast naturally just means Schotzie can grab it and capture them. It’s easily my faviorite scene of the episode just for how clever it is and as someone whow as a kid around the time this came out, I applaud the accuracy.. granted I didn’t have any of those personally but I had lots of friends so yeah. 

So our heroes are interrogated.. and again Brain brilliantly pivots. Schotzie assumes since they have the blueprints their spies for the easter bunny or the tooth fairy or Herschel, the Hanukah Goblin. Why Herschel never got his own Hannukah special trying to stop Pinky and the Brain from using it to take over the world, I genuinely do not know and that’s something the reboot really needs to adress in the future. Seriously Hannukah needs a mascot and it’s either Herschel or the Hannukah Zombie. Kwanza already has Kwanzabot. I want to see more of Herschel the Hannukah Goblin dammit!. I love goblins. Especially this one.

And this one

And most of all this one

I likes goblins. It’s a thing. So anyway, point is Schotize has the blueprints taken in while our boys slip out and sucessfully make their way outside, though they have to find a way home to turn on the mind control device. They see Santa and brain being a dick refuses to let pinky hand in his letter.. but does as mentioned earlier have them pose as reindeer.  So our heroes make their way home and in time to be able to activate the device once santa’s route’s finished!

And.. then land directly on the mind control device thing, meaning they now have to scramble to repair it. Oh and Pinky is inconsolable after realizing Santa didn’t get his letter and Brain is a HUGE dick about it. Easily the worst i’ve seen him just far more focused on his machine than his friend’s wel lbeing especially since ALL he needs from pinky is for him to throw one lousy switch. 

But we then get easily the best part of the entire special. As Brain scrambles to rebuild his device while abusing his best friend we get a really nice tense sequence as Brain rebuilds while kids all over the world warmly receive noodle noggin. I mean.. it’s not the creepiest doll I’ve seen a kid enjoy. 

Also Bill Clinton gets one because the series apparently really likes “Bill Clinton is stupid jokes” Oh you poor innocent dears who haven’t had to suffer through the president being revealed to be a sexual predator, the one after him being even dumber if not a predator, the one after that being easily one of the best people around, and the outgoing one being a waking nightmare whose both a preadator and dumb beyond all comprehension ina dangerous and soul crushing way. 

But yeah onto the good part, Brain, for whatever reason, reads the letter.. and finds Pinky asked for nothing. He just wanted to give Brain the world at long last, recognizing his friend really and genuinely means well for it and that he’s worked hard to conquer it. And with that goal in reach, with the very thing he’s always wanted his... Brain instead uses the device to wish a merry christmas. He sees through his friend’s kindess and selflessness that he himself.. has been selfish once again turning something into a world destroying plot and being cruel to his best friend... when all his best friend wanted was to selflessly make sure he finally got what he wanted. It’s then that Brain, for all his cold and cynical logic and superiority complex, realized the true meaning of christmas, which i’ve said before and i’ll say again: it’s about giving, about giving someone something with your heart and soul just to be nice with no expectation of something in return. It’s about being selfless for once instead of selfish. I’ts about love. And Brain loves his friend too much to destroy his faviorite holiday. For once the world can wait.. and for once they all join in saying merry christmas to one another and in love and camradire. And I know not everyone celebrates christmas, there are other winter holidays and not everyone in the world would willingly do this. I know all that.. but the special has such a well meaning message, I really can’t be mad at that or get into the weeds too much> This isn’t some jackass making an entire movie, of which there have been several, saying “There’s a war on christmas” which instead equates to them just bitching about not everyone celebrating HIS holiday. It’s about a mouse for one moment truly being selfless and putting ihs loyal and faithful friend over his greatest want to give him a nice christmas and to do something nice for the world instead of trying to take it. And that.. that’s really damn heartmelting.  So we end on the two exchanging presents, with it being a little extra heartwarming as Brain likely already got Pinky something meaning even before his big revelation, he really does care beneath all the dope slaps. Pinky got him a keychain of the world and rather than be frustrated like you’d think.. Brain just takes it in stride. It is christmas after all.. the world.. it can wait. For now it’s just the two of them having one moment in time, this merry christmas.  Final Thoughts: If it wasn’t obvious, I loved this freaking special. It’s funny, clever and has one hell of an ending. There isn’t much more to say other than go watch it if you have Hulu.. you will not regret it and a sepcial thanks to Blah for comissioning this. it was an amazing time and is now a competitor for a spot on my best christmas special list. For now though it’s just really good and I say go check it out. Merry christmas, happy holidays and later days. 

[dredbyun-blog]

Umm, i don't know what I'm suddenly doing here. All I know Is I should be doing OTs to get my mountain of work done. Haha. Workload's been really bad for the past two weeks because covid has temporarily stolen some people from our team. But then maybe I'm just really tired so my brain just wants me off work for tonight at least. Not really sure what I want to talk about here though.

So I browsed my stuff here and well, I guess I remembered some fragments of my 90% bitter and I guess 10% sweet past and I've realized how much I've grown over the years and how much peace I have with myself right now. I guess thanks to the different work people and shits I've had to deal with, the bad decisions - both work and personal - that I've made in my life, the whole adulting thingy and my brain which had been stern in telling me that I gotta do at least one important thing to 'improve' my life and that is to try to love and accept myself and man, was that not easy. For starters, even if I wasn't clinically depressed (because I never really had a consult), I know that crying almost everyday, consistently staring at the ceeling while feeling an ironically excruciating void, imagining myself jumping off a cliff or having a dagger cut straight to my heart is not in any way normal like how do you love yourself when you're that broken? But a part of my brain was just like, hey, "it's enough, you're enough." I've had my fair share of toxicity that I've showered in this society and had tolerated a huge amount directly thrown to me as well and there was just one day where my brain was like, "hold up, that should stop right there". After several reflections, blocking toxic/unhelpful people off my life, getting rid of a few social media that I felt was toxic and by just being stealthy and focusing on myself - career, random hobbies, etc - I just did it. Don't get me wrong though. I still got some insecurities and frustrations but they just feel different like they no longer run my world. Rather, I've been letting my strengths rule me. The negative stuff comes to visit sometimes but I do my best to not let them win. I always try to focus on the things that I am and can be and let the I'm nots and can't bes take very very long huh naps. I've become optimistic with life yet still with a sense of realism. So what I'm saying is, there's hope and you just gotta get the help that you need to make you chase it and keep you to continuously do so. In my case, I was able to help myself but be it another person, a family, a friend, a religion or a professional help, you just gotta have to get that help. You have to allow yourself be vulnerable and to trust someone to help you with life. It's easier said than done but it'll definitely be worth it.

Idk why I suddenly preached. Lol.

But well, umm, a few life updates about me because this is my blog (is this still even a word) haha. I left my first job and for more than a year now, in a work-from-home setup for a corpo one. I'm quite missing some aspects of my previous job but I'm trying to put that thought behind because I know I did the right choice of taking a leap before the pandemic started because my home and my room is the safest place for me right now. All that's keeping me busy aside from work is tending to our doggos and aquarium fish needs, doing raw vocal covers when work stresses me out, watching random movies/series/anime but not like gotta-watch-them-all-ish Just a few random shows/episodes on the weekend. I have a person of almost two years now who loves me so much that I sometimes feel guilty cause I kinda have love reservations that is for myself but it doesn't affect our relationship much as he supports me all the way and wants me to always feel good about me. We got tons of differences and I feel like I've been maturing faster than him but it's also not too much of an issue because we're both lenient with each other with regards to different aspects of growth. I just feel quite lucky that I met him when I was already whole and had love to give. Like when I no longer need someone to fill my void because I've already filled it myself. The relationship is not in any way demanding nor either of us wanting to take specific this' and thats from each other and just us being there for each other with the ups and downs of our individual lives. It feels very chill yet very warm still. Truly, it makes a lot of difference when both of you got love from your own souls to share with. Feels soooo much of a refreshment also when you came from an unlabeled relationship where you constantly strived to keep the person even if he makes you suffer financially and sometimes makes you even lose some dignity. Oh, those dark times. Although I'm thankful that I made all those bad decisions in my life 'cause they made me grow. Maybe I'm still not financially well-off right now nor working my dream job; or as 'succesful' as some of my batchmates and I'm still having life problems but I feel peaceful and I wouldn't trade that for anything.

So, umm, I guess this ends my diary like I still gotta work in a few hours. Lol. Just realized, it's nice to put a bit of my story herein for my future self to read.

#personal #disry -ish

[teawiththeot]

First week of fieldwork. How does treating make me as OT student feel ?

First question people always ask me when I tell them that I am an OT student is ‘ huh what is OT and what do you guys do’ ? I love the concept of OT because we are involved in rehabilitation (regain of loss skills) and habilitation (gaining new skills) through a whole person approach. As OTs we support people in daily functional activity to improve lifestyles and live a more independent life. OT is a required service for patients especially if they are diagnosed with a illness, or had an injury, surgery or disability that may prevent them from being able to engage in daily activities such getting out bed, dressing, feeding, doing laundry, cooking and many more.

To be honest, first year I was not sure what OT really is either? I would usually say: “it’s like Physio but not really Physio” I had struggled to get a well-rounded idea of what OT is and what exactly we do. My second year (in 2020), I still was not sure, but I had an idea, because of COVID- our clinical work was cancelled, so most work had to be done online, I was not expose to real injured clients. We had to do assessment of the client with our families at home, which felt ineffective because “family patient” had no injury or diagnosis and was fully functioning. It is only now beginning of OT3, things are starting to fall into place. We are linking diagnoses, assessment and treatment method and clinical work has officially began for me. So, first week of fieldwork, how does treating make me feel?

To be honest I was nervous and excited at the same to learn more about the role of OT and the treatments we do. I was really looking forward to challenge myself and improve my skills and oh I really got the challenge I was looking for. My client Lauren is a 58-year-old left CVA and has expressive aphasia. Expressive aphasia, also known as Broca's aphasia, is a type of aphasia characterized by partial loss of the ability to produce language (spoken, manual, or written), although comprehension generally remains intact. A person with expressive aphasia will exhibit effortful speech. According to research, it can occur suddenly after a stroke or head injury or develop slowly from a growing brain tumour or disease and once the underlying cause is treated, the main treatment for aphasia is speech therapy. Lauren was admitted to my hospital only last week. She currently has not seen a speech therapist and communicating with her is a challenge. She cannot seem to have a way of saying ‘No’ even when I ask her to nod for yes and shake head for no. assessment such as Pain and sensation cannot be done with her because she can never answer my questions even after simplifying to yes and no., we currently cannot have a conversation, our sessions are filled with instructions from me telling her what do and providing physical assistance such as tapping her to move this leg and demonstrations. I had to look at more functional assessment and treating. Mostly this week, I was focused on assessments as assessments are important because they are focused on getting an understanding of what our patient’s current abilities are and which enablers may affect it. Treatment intervention I was able to do with my client was bed mobility, bed to wheelchair transfer and dressing, because the client has been recently admitted after falling at home, she had decreased strength and needs one person assisting her with ADLs but has some independence, however, she is not doing the methods correctly and could possibly hurt themselves. I had to teach her a correct and energy conservation method to easily transfer from the bed and dressing her gown using hemi-methods. I do not think she has grasped what I had taught her, we would have to repetitions and include the use of assistive devices. Her inpatient intervention is improving the areas of impairment to help her perform her ADLs more independently before returning home.

Therefore, I am excited, anxious, there is so much research that I will have to do about stroke patients, aphasia and handling it but I am looking forward to learning and growing more each and every day of my OT life as the opportunities present themselves and looking forward to helping Lauren improve her lifestyle.  

here are some references used in the blog and more to know research about stroke, stroke symptoms, stroke therapy, aphasia and types of aphasia

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/7624 -  This article explains why strokes occur and how to treat them. It also explains the different types of strokes

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7589849/ - This article goes into depth about the pathophysiology of the stroke, just to understand more about stroke

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/stroke/in-depth/stroke-rehabilitation/art-20045172 - What to expect as you recover 

https://www.physio-pedia.com/Stroke:_Physiotherapy_Treatment_Approaches -Physiotherapists also play an important role in stroke therapy, here are some of the treatment approaches from a member of the MDT

https://www.aphasia.org/aphasia-resources/brocas-aphasia/- To know about aphasia, types, causes and treatment

[blogging-studentstyle]

Mandisa Nzuza

219014888

BLOG- WEEK 1

From theory into practice:

Your first week of fieldwork. How does treating make you feel?

Initially even before starting fieldwork, the transition from assessment to intervention seemed intimidating and which resulted in me being nervous on my first day. We arrived late on our first day due to transportation problems, when we got there, we all did not know where to go so we struggled with finding the place, but the securities helped. We were welcomed by our supervisor Helen and Zinhle, from there we had time to introduce ourselves and the supervisor. We were then orientated by the resident OT, Nadine who told us about the ins and out of the hospital, she informed us about the protocols, and what is expected from us as OT students, especially when handling the clients and about the no falls policy. We were also introduced to the other OT’s who welcomed us well. When we were left with our supervisor, her welcoming and calm nature helped calm us down as everyone was nervous of starting the block. We then had a tour around the hospital where we orientated to the different wards and the resources of the facility. After the orientation we were then given our client’s names which we will be working throughout our block. On the first day we were only able to introduce ourselves to the clients and do a mini interview as we did not have much time left. The second day was a bit better as we were then able to start with planning our intervention as we were able to do activities with the clients and some standardised assessments to assess residual function which will help when planning intervention.

During the second day we also had a donning and doffing tutorial where we were taught the correct ways of wearing PPE’s and what type of PPEs to wear when. This was very helpful as we are approaching the 3Rd wave of COVID 19.

The clients that I got were responsive during the interview and both were welcoming but the second client was holding back as it was as if he was not comfortable with sharing personal information and was very vague when talking to me. The first client Mr N who has left CVA, ‘Cerebrovascular accident (CVA) is the medical term for a stroke. A stroke is when blood flow to a part of your brain is stopped either by a blockage or the rupture of a blood vessel. There are important signs of a stroke that you should be aware of and watch out for.’ Mary Ellen Ellis.2018. Some of the signs that Mr N presented were blurred vison, right side weakness and dizziness. The assessments that I managed to do with Mr N are Upper limb Muscle strength and Range of Motion and we played cards which the first part of it was a card memory game and then we played crazy 8 where I was able to observe bilateral hand function, motor planning, sequencing, and hand eye co-ordination. Feedback from my session was very helpful as some of the things I would not have thought about. The supervisor gave me structuring feedback that I had room to improve the client’s trunk control and dynamic sitting balance by allowing the client to sit unsupported even in a wheelchair by providing cushions and maybe removing armrests. The feedback will help me in the future when planning intervention and also look out for grading opportunities that will still benefit the client and further facilitate an improvement in function.

My second client, Mr M is paraplegic, T3/4 Spinal cord injury and utilises a harness for support. Initially I was frightened with handling the client as this is the first time encountering someone who is paraplegic and was afraid of doing physical activities with the client. My supervisor helped orientate me firstly towards the diagnosis and what factors I should look at when handling client e.g looking at residual function, working with that and improving it. I was not able to do any formal assessments with the client as he was always busy with either the physio or the OT, this helped me as I was able to observe during session and I was then able to see the client’s abilities and limitations, he has adequate static sitting balance which is supported by the harness. Observing the client during activities was of great help as I got a better understanding of the client. ‘Spinal cord injury is the Damage to any part of the spinal cord or nerves at the end of the spinal canal. A traumatic spinal cord injury may happen because of a sudden blow or cut to the spine. A spinal cord injury often causes permanent loss of strength, sensation, and function below the site of the injury.’ ‘Paraplegia. This paralysis affects all or part of the trunk, legs, and pelvic organs.’ Science Saturday: Mayo Clinic research is a step toward hope for spinal cord injuries.

One thing my supervisor said that was mind-blowing and which helped calm me down and refocus on what I came here to do rather than trying to perfect everything in my learning stage. She said, ‘More than anything we are here to learn.’

[adhdanalogbrain]

Hi! Do you have any tips on how to make new routines? With the covid-19 quarantine stuff, all of my normal routines are gone and so, due to my awful executive dysfunction, I can’t get ANYTHING done. This morning it took me 2 hours just to get out of bed and I keep skipping meals bc I can’t get myself to just physically eat even though I want to. I know I need new routines, but I don’t know how to make them bc of the executive dysfunction. I can’t even get myself to make a schedule or a plan

Hey,

So, I’m going to try and reblog some more specific stuff in response to this later tonight so that you have more resources. For now, I’m going to give you some ideas, and then I’m going to ask you a big big question.

Creating a new routine out of thin air is really hard, especially when you don’t have any external factors (work, school, etc) driving it. However, once you get settled into your new routine, you’re going to start feeling a lot better, and it WILL get easier over time. This is not forever! You are not stuck like this permanently! Here’s some things to try:

Plan out your day ahead of time

Whenever your brain is Working Best, sit down and figure out a realistic routine - Then write it down and put it somewhere you can see it first thing in the morning when your brain is still all sleep-drunk and muddled. 

You may need something sketched out in broad strokes, such as: 1. Get out of bed, 2. Shower and get dressed, 3. Breakfast and coffee

Or you might need to go super detailed: 1. Wake up, 2. Drink water, 3. Take morning meds, 4. Get out of bed, 5. Stretch, 6. Pee, 7. Shower, 8. Brush teeth, 9. Get dressed, etc

It will take some trial and error to figure out what works best for you, so don’t stress about getting it perfect the first time.

Prepare for your day ahead of time

Look at the list you just created, and envision how you get from steps 1 to 2 to 3. Then arrange your environment to create the smoothest transition between each step. 

For example, in step 2 of the second example above, you need to drink water. If there’s no water on your bedside table when you wake up, you’re going to stall out. So fill a glass / bottle and put it there. (You can also do this with plain coffee or tea - it’ll be room temperature but it’ll be caffeine in your face before you need to brain how to make caffeine)

For step 3, same thing - set out your morning meds in a pill case, or even a cup or a small bowl, and put them next to your bed so that you don’t have to do any kind of braining while you’re still half asleep. 

Work through the whole routine and set up your space to have the bare minimum of obstacles to completing each task and moving to the next one.

Set alarms. So, so many alarms.

To wake up in the morning, set 5 different alarms 3 minutes apart with 5 different obnoxious ringtones. Set them to have the shortest snooze and the largest number of repeats.

When you wake up, roll over and drink your water. Take your meds. Flop back down and let out the BIGGEST ANNOYED GROAN that you possibly can without alarming the neighbors. Say, “I don’t WANNA get up!” Grumble about it annoyedly.

And then say to yourself, “Once I get my feet on the floor, I’m going to feel SO. MUCH. BETTER.”

And then GET. YOURSELF. UP. 

(Listen it is truly awful and terrible that NT people are always like “Just power through it! Mind over matter!” because that is just a ridiculously obtuse suggestion and should be banned by the Geneva Convention. This is not what I’m telling you. What I’m telling you is that sometimes getting out of bed takes all the effort you have, but you can do it if you make that effort. Yell and grumble and groan and whine as much as you need to wake yourself up and get your feet. on. the. floor.)

Get a buddy. Get a bunch of buddies.

You know other people in this same situation. Get ahold of someone. Get ahold of several someones. Create a group chat where you all text every morning with, “I’m up. You up?” 

Accountability buddies are win. Let other people help you. Let yourself help other people.

And then...

Once you’ve got your morning figured out, you can proceed to use these strategies to set up the rest of your day. If it helps to plan your meals and set alarms for mealtimes, do it. If you can set up a video get-together every day at lunchtime with your accountability buddies where you all eat lunch together, do it. 

And if it takes a while to figure out what will work and what won’t - that’s okay. That’s okay.

The big big question at the end of this post

Go re-read your message. Does that sound like executive dysfunction.... or does that sound like depression?

If you are able, check in with your doctor / therapist / whoever and let them know you’ve been having trouble. Describe what’s been happening. See if they have any more ideas / advice for you. It is ok to ask for help. It is good to ask for help!

Hang in there, buddy <3 You can get through this.

[amour-de-tous]

Finally, the update on my health

TW: lots and lots and lots of talk about health, and bad health, in particular, below.  So I know I never really updated everyone on What Was (is) Going On With My Health. It’s been a huge mess, and I run out of spoons every day just trying to eat meals at the right times to take my meds.  Shortest version possible (believe it or not): at the end of May last year, 2019, pretty much all my joints and extremities swelled up unbelievably. Like I couldn’t put my feet on the floor because they were so swollen it felt like the skin would split open. I had to sit in a chair all day with my feet elevated on a stool and pillows just to keep them from continuing to swell, and I had to sleep with pillows under my feet to keep them from swelling more during the night. I say “sleep” loosely, because I was getting about an hour to two hours of very interrupted sleep every night. The swelling was so bad that just to leave my chair where my feet were elevated, and go sit at the table to eat meals, my feet would swell so bad it was hard for me to walk from the table back to my chair. Then my hands started going numb and tingly, but not in a “my hands are asleep” kind of way, but more an “this is excruciatingly painful but I still can’t feel my hands” kind of way. I couldn’t close my hands into a fist, and I couldn’t open my hands either, they were frozen in a sort of half curled position. There were several weeks where I couldn’t hold a fork or spoon to feed myself. There were months upon months were I couldn’t brush or wash my hair by myself. I spent months with my hands/wrists/feet/ankles packed in ice every 20 minutes to try to control the swelling. I also had this awful brain fog situation where I couldn’t focus on anything. Even if I had been able to hold a book, tablet, or phone (which I couldn’t, because my hands were so bad), I couldn’t read because I had absolutely zero concentration or focus or comprehension. Even watching TV was almost impossible because I would zone out and come back to awareness and so much time had passed I’d have no idea what was going on. I literally spent three or four months just sitting in that chair in pain, staring at the ceiling, crying on and off. So, so much more below the cut.

I could barely attend my niece and nephews baptism. We were there for as long as it took for the actual service to happen, and while I tried to stay for the meal and gifts and such, I was in such excruciating pain--and using a cane to even be able to walk--that we had to leave early.  My niece’s 4th birthday was a few weeks later, in late June, and again I was there with a cane and in excruciating pain. I’m my niece’s favourite person and having to tell her Auntie couldn’t get down and play with her, or hold her, was terrible. By the end of June, my PCP had run enough tests to be outside his area of knowledge and referred me out to a rheumatologist. The earliest the one I wanted to see could see me was January. This was the first week of July. So I looked around for whoever could see me first and chose them. The soonest someone could see me was, unfortunately, on my birthday last year, July 15th. So I spent my birthday seeing the rheumatologist, being diagnosed with carpal tunnel, tendinitis, and what he suspected was rheumatoid arthritis. Once I left his office, I spent my birthday getting bloodwork (8 vials, yikes, which continued monthly for the remainder of 2019), and then getting fitted for a set of wrist braces that I would have to sleep in for maybe the rest of my life, and wear during the day when the pain was so bad. The rheumatologist literally said to me “well, none of your labwork confirms this and we don’t really know, but we’re gonna treat you as if you had rheumatoid arthritis”. Although he kept running tests to try to confirm the RA, he didn’t look anywhere else to try and figure out what I actually have. So they started me on medication(s), and referred me to occupational therapy and physical therapy. I was so bad when I started going that my PT consisted of sitting in a chair and (trying) to flex my ankles in different directions, and then a lymph massage to try to reduce swelling. My occupational therapy, when I started, consisted of trying to pick up pieces of sponges and put them in a cup. I was so bad that was actually almost impossible for me. They also referred me out to have a nerve conduction test, where they stuck needles all through my arms and electrified them. It was the worst thing ever, let me tell you. Then I got referred to a hand surgeon (who is lovely, actually) for surgery. He decided to hold off on surgery and see if steroid shots would help (they did, to an extent, and I am so grateful for that). Fast forwards through months and months of testing and bloodwork and physical and occupational therapies and medications, and the swelling had reduced enough that I could stand up or walk to the bathroom or eat dinner without swelling up so bad anymore. Being at PT and OT still meant I came home and had to pack my feet and wrists in ice and elevate to take care of the extra swelling, but it was better. Not good, not right, but better. Fast forward more, still, and it’s December. At that point I could stand long enough to help cook dinner, or even run an errand or two before I was in too much pain and had to sit and elevate again. In mid-March they released me from PT and OT. Not because I was better--I still couldn’t (and can’t, now) bend my wrists at all--but because the prescription had run out. I’d basically used all the allotted amount I had. This ended up being alright in the long run, since aside from one trip to the lab for bloodwork, I haven’t left my house since my last day of OT on March 13th, due to Covid. Turns out having an auto-immune disease and being on immunosuppresants makes you REAL high risk for Covid, and I’m just not playing that game. At the beginning of April, I finally got to see the rheumatologist I WANTED to see all along (via video visit! Didn’t even have to leave my house and be exposed!). She’s awesome and is really set on finding an ACTUAL diagnosis for me and not just saying “we don’t know”. Had 9 vials taken from me in her first round of bloodwork, and then she said it looked like it could be Lupus and did more tests. She’s now pretty certain I DON’T have Lupus OR rheumatoid arthritis. I had an appointment with her at the very end of July (video, again), and it turns out she thinks I have something called sarcoidosis. This is going to require a CT scan, for my lungs and heart, to see if the disease is in them. Evidently with this particular auto-immune disease, your body overreacts and encapsulates what it thinks are dangerous foreign bodies (but really are just part of your own immune system) and creates “granulomas” around them. Basically think of an oyster creating a pearl around an invading body, except in this case instead of pearls, I have lumps of stuff that hurts me.  Horrifying to know I have to walk into a hospital at this point in time, of my own free will. Like I said before, aside from one set of bloodwork, I haven’t been exposed or been out where I could be exposed at ALL. All that goes out the window once I walk into a hospital for a CT scan. :\ After the CT scan, depending on the results, there’s other tests I’ll need. Chest x-rays, EKGs, pulmonary function tests, lung biopsies (YIKES) and others. She seems fairly confident that this is the correct diagnosis for me, but wants confirmation and also to see progression of disease.  At any rate, she’ll be changing my medication. Which sucks for so many reasons, not the least of which is I just picked up 360 tablets of it that I now won’t be taking. :| Also the fact that now I get to try a new medication and do the “am I having side effects or am I just anxious” song and dance. She’s also talking about needing to put me on steroids which I am REALLY unhappy about. I suppose it’s better to go on steroids than to die, but I’m still really unhappy about it. In other, related news, I’ve developed hypercalcemia. Which means there’s too much calcium in my blood, which can cause a HOST of other problems. So I’ve been put on a no-dairy, low calcium diet. Do you know how many items have calcium in them? Almost everything, that’s what. Also, they fortify all the non-dairy “milk” products with calcium. They all have as much or MORE calcium than dairy milk. It’s been a NIGHTMARE, to the point where I’m actually afraid of food now. I’m obsessively reading labels and doing research online. “How much calcium is in 81 grams of kiwi, after all?”. Nightmare. Dairy was my #1 love and foodgroup, and having to suddenly figure out all new things to eat and ways to cook while simultaneously being in pain and *exhausted* 24/7 because auto-immune is not. fun. at. all. It’s already all my energy every day to help make, eat, and clean up a meal. I literally have to sit in my chair after a meal with my feet elevated to recover. Now having to spend all this energy on a whole new diet plan is a nightmare. Basically this whole thing has been a MESS. It’s been 15 months, I’ve been being treated for the wrong disease for 14 months, the news I’m getting now is worse than the news that flattened my emotional response all those months ago, I still can’t function, and I can’t work. Oh, yeah. I haven’t played an instrument since May 2019. My whole life revolved around my music, and now I can’t even play to make myself feel better, because my hands don’t work. I’ve also been out of work since then, too: my last concert was April 2019. I haven’t made any money since. But I have had co-pays out the wazoo! Which reminds me that they raised the price on two of my meds, because of course they did. Thanks, congress. This has been really, really hard. My anxiety has skyrocketed through this, and my depression isn’t doing much better. Although physically I’m not as bad as I was, I’m nowhere near normal, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to my normal again, either. The best I’m hoping for at this point is to be able to eat calcium again someday, to not have my organs eaten up by this disease, and to continue existing. It’s been exhausting. It really, really has.  That’s not to mention the added stress and anxiety over Covid, and the fact that neither mom nor I can even go to a grocery store because of my high-risk status. We’re averaging getting groceries about once a month right now. It’s super fun now because I have to read the label on EVERYTHING but Aldi doesn’t post their nutrition labels online and!!! That means I have to either guess or not get things! Great!  All this to say that I miss being on tumblr. I miss all my friends here. I miss talking to you all and being able to laugh with you and geek out. Things have been really hard for me (and there are multitudes I haven’t included in here; even if my hands would allow that much typing, I’d probably hit a character limit. Just: I miss you all. I love you. I’ve been a wreck, but I think of you all often. <3