#my dad is emotionally close and id he love I will probably never see him cause he’s gonna move probably far away and I don’t have a car

[yoohyeontual]

I didn’t think my life could go worst than it was

[do-you-have-a-flag]

Destiel shippers come get ya’ll juice!

SO @deadwright​ and I were inspired by Some Tumblr Posts and the twitter Roadhouse  Wedding stuff and keep writing headcanons about Thee Destiel 2021 Married Ever After S16 SPN Romantic Event Of The Season, so here’s that. 

Arranged in order of marital chronology and cutting out us keysmashing too much:

oh man imagine all the burgers they get catered for the reception dean got it done himself he would’ve been so particular about the catering bridezilla cas would probably be THEE bitchiest bridezilla

it's also definitely that trope where all the other hunters ect KNOW that that many of them and the wedding party are essentially a target for trouble so everyone spends the 24 hours leading up to the vows taking out every beastie who shows up on a revenge kick out of sight because they'll be damned if they let ANYTHING stop this wedding and Dean and cas are both having their marital jitters oh god im not good enough what if something goes wrong about mundane things while monsters are getting their ass kicked outside AWWWWWWWW for sure for sure, they’re hunter royalty this wedding is a big deal like half the attendees are nursing injuries but grinning widely

they don't do the can't see eachother before the wedding thing because you KNOW dean would be fixing cas' tie last minute

dean wears a blue pocket square to match cas' tie cas wears a FLANNEL SQUARE

I’m obsessed w the idea of cas giving dean a little bit of his grace in a small bottle on a chain for him to wear or like a wing feather or some part of him god the grace in a bottle breaks me every time in fic dean probably builds cas something but every time i try to think of something specific i choke up

i was thinking like what if trading grace is as close to a romantic gesture as angels have and he's like..... technically i left some grace behind in your mark when i dragged you from the pit and dean is like ARE YOU SAYING WE'VE BEEN MARRIED THIS WHOLE TIME? 

they are so sweet i’m on the verge of tears the ability to do anything by halves in their relationship was burnt out by like the second return from the dead moment they are too insane to be anything less than All In And Then Some

at one point someone was like hey cas do you want to run your vows by someone as practice? and he started reading what he'd prepared and it devolved into Biblically Grand Statements Of The Power Of Love And The Redemption Of - ect ect ect and it's because unlike the confession scene he's had TOO much preparation and overshot into uncanny angelic vibes he makes some edits because he know the expressions he gets when he reads it aren't what he intended

dean writes page after page after page of unused drafts, none of them are particularly floral

he does the cliche of ripping up his vows and improvising at the altar, something he gets mercilessly teased for because he swore he wouldn't but it classifies as a chick flick moment

THAT’S SO PEAK HIM OH MY GOD and you knoooooow you just KNOW it’s beautiful and emotional and everyone is crying

god the NOVELTY of dean being emotionally honest in front of people......im gonna faint YEA yeah... ONE TIME ONLY DEAL he thinks loudly at Sam's smug expression

anyway, at the wedding dean is the one who spends the whole ceremony with like crying cat meme eyes after the confession scene i’m pretty sure the minute the vows start cas is in the same boat USELESS HUSBANDS dean gets passed a handkerchief for his tears and immediately goes to use it on cas' face and they both laugh sob love the idea that everyone individually thought they were too tough to cry but they all broke at various stages yeah sam definitely starts to choke up just standing up there with his brother sam chokes up before the ceremony even started, like probably when he was pinning on dean’s corsage

anyway, Jack dancing with his two dads at the reception CAS’ BEST MAN / FLOWER BOY FLOWER MAN let him heelie down the aisle with the flowers LITTLE MAN GO NYOOM who makes him a little flower crown he wears with a proud lil smile? claire ofc, with those hair braiding skills? she makes it BEAUTIFUL flower crown: on nails: painted dads: MARRIED!!!!

when they say i do and kiss and everyone is cheering you can't convince me that someone doesn't let off what is either a gun or a dubiously legal firework in celebration jack pops a few lightbulbs in his uncontrollable joy

Dean and Cas can't let go of each other, it's at LEAST one point of physical contact for the rest of the reception PERIODT

CAN YOU IMAGINE THEM DANCING TO AIR SUPPLY

they definitely didn't do the wedding gifts thing but a few mysteriously show up anyway; discuss waffle iron from sam bc he remembers the becky incident meanwhile claire gets them flavoured lube because she’s an insane little mean girl she gets them a sampler package with like novelty flavours, gotta spring extra for a wedding PIE FLAVOURED LUBE

it’s gonna be the party of the century omfg you KNOW it! that dancefloor going OFF the BAR is FLOWING

dean gets dragged up onto the bar to make a speech and there's a moment at the end where he drags cas up there too and they're being playfully yelled at not to scuff it and there's hooting and catcalls as dean and cas kiss and dean gestures rudely before almost falling backwards off the bar before cas grabs him and climbing down is less romantic or dignified but he couldn't care if he wanted to

meanwhile sam and claire are outside defacing the impala with silly string and lewd graffiti and tin cans tied to the bumper for the going-away oh it is one hundo percent a just married atrocity there's enough condoms hidden in the car that they're still finding them months later

anyway wanna hear my disgustingly soppy honeymoon roadtrip concept? YOU KNOW I DO OKAY SO

you know at some point dean must have said some sad thing like for the longest time he never thought he'd live long enough to get married and the only circumstances he could imagine was hooking up drunkenly with a stranger at some vegas wedding scenario like that's the best he would ever get and he thinks it's mostly forgotten but then during their cross country honeymoon roadtrip castiel does in fact navigate them to las vegas and quietly mutters that the legal veracity of the little chapel on the city limits is dubious at best and they're already married so it couldn't do any harm and they get officiated by an elvis impersonator and a woman wearing more sequins than fabric throws cheap confetti over them

and after that they stop into every venue they can find that would be friendly to them to pretend they're eloping and at one point dean even pulls out the fbi id badges and the officiant is under the impression he's facilitating some sort of covert workplace romance 

one place is a kitchy little house that's clearly just the couple who run it opening their strange home to anyone who needs it and have been since the 70s and Castiel thinks for a moment when they're asked to pin something to the collection of stuff on the walls and ceiling before pulling the receipt for the pie they'd shared earlier in a dinner out and scrawling his and dean's name on it to be added to the clutter 

and at one point they stand ankle deep in a pond while some old hippie lady wraps their clasped hands together with soft fabric and chants something that dean knows isn't real magic but hey he's not going to tell her that and after the ceremony they sit on the grass and feed each other sweet bread to complete the binding or whatever and it's nice but it doesn't compare to the ranch where they both tossed their cowboy hats in the air and were given a horse to ride to their camp site

i thought about riverboat gambling for point one seconds and now i know in my bones that one of their many weddings was on a riverboat, they made the captain officiate after cornering him on deck in like five minutes, the crew sent them complimentary champagne and they threw fries at the birds following the boat while sharing it straight out of the bottle

if destiel can go canon multiple times they can get married multiple times CHANGE MY MIND THEY GET MARRIED SO MUCH the MOST married i just want them to get gay cowboy married

eventually i want them to end up at the beach bc dean has canonically never been to the coast their road trip is to get to the other coast

they send just married postcards back to sam from every stop sam stops feeling hurt he was left out of their vegas elopement wedding by the third wedding postcard he recieves sam saves them ofc bc GOD can you imagine them looking at the postcards on their 30th anniversary or s/t 🥺 showing their grandkids and recounting the story of each wedding there's a seashell taped to the last one

cas gets a terrible sunglasses tan and dean gets burnt on the tips of his ears and there's sand on sand on sand in all their clothes and at one point dean is blinking away salt water and cas is gripping his arm and saying something about the coral by them in the water and dean thinks that he likes floating beside cas a lot better than flying

dean has cas pick ice cream for them from a truck and hustles at carnival games enough to win them both big novelty foam hats and they both go back to their room and pass out immediately post shower sprawled across the bed and still smelling like sunscreen and salt water

dean tucks a little cocktail umbrella behind cas’ ear

cas spends most of the next day in dean's zepplin shirt and a pair of shorts they only picked up once they got there because neither of them thought to bring beach clothes, they sit on the balcony and dean sips his beer and idly plays with the ring on cas' finger and they play a game of what fictional monsters could they beat in a fight

cas’ true form is the size of the chrysler building he can fight king kong easy that's what he says and dean's like okay but what about mothra and castiel is like how would YOU defeat mothra and dean just goes "bugspray." GDJSGSHSGSHDSJ DEAN WOULD

in honour of misha putting his whole pussy into the role, cas wears a dress in at least one of their weddings

it's at one of those theme parks that's just historical re-enactments and people get their vows renewed there and there's costumes for the photobooth and the staff are like how long have you been married? castiel says two weeks, three days, eighteen hours, and twenty five minutes................ approximately.  and the photo is cas in a classical wedding gown and dean is wearing the veil with his old timey suit and there's a moose head on the wall behind them wearing the top hat he was given and they send that print with an arrow pointing at the moose with sam written next to it

i keep thinking bitch!!!! you KNOW WHAT!! you KNOW that dean is the type a guy who's heart races every time he feels his wedding ring/is always fiddling with it in the weeks after the wedding, like an anchor to remind him they really got married this is real he would NEED that physical reminder that he can have good things

he’s never ever going to take it off, the tan line will be permanent

how funny it would be if dean gets injured on a hunt and the monster guy is about to kill him and then the lights blow out and the monsters are like what was that and dean is just like "[spits blood] that's my husband." and nek minnit cas has just ripped through them thanks to teleporting in angel style and is just like Cas: [heals dean] "you're late for movie night" Dean: "Well if you'd gotten here earlier i would have been on time." Cas: >:| [kisses him]

cas is like i didn’t burn the popcorn this time you BETTER be alive to see it

[worstloki]

Fic idea: Loki mermaid AU with literally any plot except merfolk are canonically genderfluid (inspired by this one post about genderfluid merfolk in trending tumblr wont let me link it)

I can’t find the post but I’m jumping on the gender-fluid merfolk bandwagon so thank you for that :D

- plot? what plot? 

- okay so instead of falling off the bifrost or whatever odin dumps both his male princes manly sons #patriarchy on earth to learn some lessons in humility/obedience but to avoid the two of them working together he’s left thor as a human on earth and dumped loki into the water as a half-fish (thanks, odin)

- thor bumps into jane and darcy and erik except when he can’t lift the hammer he’s decided to go reunite with loki (because loki always knows what to do - he’ll know what to do about the hammer and how to get father to accept them back!) and they help him set up an ID and stuff for himself after jane realizes the guy has very limited knowledge about the wormhole he fell through.

- thor struggles with getting a job and working hard to be able to work on-board a cruising agency. he learns to work hard for what he wants, he waits tables and makes beds and no one lets him near the cooking but he washes dishes and everything else on-board the R.D. Stark, while always keeping an eye on his map and which parts of the ocean they’ve gone over and not found loki on, because he totally believes loki would be trying to get to him and staying near the surface just like he is. 

- loki though? nope. not even trying to get back. he knows thor is out there and he believes odin will accept his heir back eventually, but himself? yeah he figured out what happened, its obvious he was either abandoned/stolen and actually a jotun, so as far as he’s concerned being stuck as a mermaid is an upgrade. not to mention mermaids don’t have gender roles so he can go around following his interests and doing whatever he wants (he’s considered a juvenile mermaid and gets adopted by the collective mermaid community) and he can switch genders freely and no one judges loki for it. he’s happy down here exploring and learning and the ocean is a huge place to explore and he’s got a knack for learning ocean magic (odin didnt remove his magic he removed his knowledge of magic so he cant use it without relearning everything) and he’s even got friends now (more on this later)

- The Avengers left as humans are Tony Thor and Clint, where Tony is still Tony, and Clint and him work for SHIELD and the real reason they hired Thor was because SHIELD has been keeping an eye on the guy claiming to be an alien deity since trying to lift the hammer... they get close to Thor and with the amount of tales this guy has to tell and the way his eyes water when he talks about his brother they’re starting to believe him... and now Stark is helping cover the areas on the maps they haven’t covered and he’s built sonars to pick up on ‘mermaid’ if they really are underwater somewhere...

- The Avengers left as mermaids are Steve (found frozen the mermaids found him and converted him with ocean magic), Natasha (Budapest mission with Clint gone wrong she drowned in the Denube...) and Bruce (a bullet didn’t work but surely the hulk couldn’t breathe underwater?... anyways now he’s a mermaid and into water calming meditation and stuff and the hulk is just him but green and doubled in size but he keeps the tail) and they’ve been a part of the mermaid community for a while but they’re barely passing as adults even steve at 100 because mermaids are long-lived oKay so they’re a group that goes exploring and fights capitalist sea monsters and stuff

- thor learns to show when he cares and to value lives of even lesser races like humans and fish creatures when his friends are in danger (tony and clint probably started drowning in the on-cruise pool or something smh) while loki learns self worth and that identity isnt based on material things like gender or what services you can offer another (probably after he profusely apologizes for not being perfect and preventing something in a fight?)

- the sound waves tony’s sonar has? yeah its messing with the beings that live deep underwater including the mermaids (ouchie ears hurtie) and some ancient sea monster they’ve waken up with tony’s powerful tech (cthulhu is that u??)

- anyways loki and co. turn up to fight the monster while its attacking thor and co. and then the day is saved through teamwork and mermaids singing (okay, steve and loki singing, because they’ve got good voices and nat can only sing in russian...) the monster to sleep by projecting their voices into tony’s sonar machine.

- then you’ve got the reunion and thor learns loki never intended to go back to asgard because he thinks he has nothing there... the mermaids are staying on the cruise pool because Clint and Nat need to have a talk too because Clint was blaming himself for her death and maybe there’s some emotions there (they’re friends but also clint doesnt have a family in this AU) ? nat has learnt to be more expressive and clint is so so happy for her... thor does NOT want to leave his brother he doesnt care if he’s jotun he just wants to be with his brother... tony meets steve and is like ‘woah ur the guy my dad had the hots for’ and they get along and tony’s kinda curious about underwater tech? tony mentions the winter soldier and suddenly steve loved living underwater but he doesnt care if the world has moved on he has to go see bucky--  but, oh? what’s this? Tony is offering to bring his parent’s killer to steve? he understands the brainwashing doesnt leave the man responsible? Tony has learnt to be down to earth? by spending time making genuine friends for the sake of making friends? he’s gotten emotionally attached? he’s learnt empathy through watching thor;s love for his brother and watching clint melt at seeing nat alive? 

- anyways thor and clint decide to stick with their respective merfolk (thor doesnt care if it means giving up asgard’s throne he just wants his brother to be happy and if that means changing genders and living underwater and being appreciated for magic thor would happily trade the throne for that) (all clint had was shield anyways and nat? she was a friend he’d trade the world for even years later) steve wants to turn human and go to bucky but tony brings bucky to him with a hit on the noggin and after some time in wakanada™. OH I didn’t mention that Tony absolutely freaks out when he finds out BRUCE BANNER the legend himself is underwater too... Tony totally gets VIP membership and can switch between human and merman now... because he helped ‘unite many broken souls’ or something... hmm... Stark Industries Underwater Division sounds nice....hmm........

- everyone lives happily ever after and odin chokes on his mead when he tries to check on thor’s progress and finds him and loki happily together adventuring actually getting along 

[fromthemouthofkings]

10 Favorite Characters

Thank you @wisteria-lodge​ for tagging me!!

1. Grand Admiral Thrawn (the Thrawn trilogy by Timothy Zahn)

I stan 1 (one) blue alien Sherlock Holmes

[image description: the cover of The Last Command by Timothy Zahn, showing Thrawn as a blue-skinned humanoid with blue-black hair and glowing red eyes, wearing a white Imperial uniform. end id]

So I’m specifically talking about the book character here; I have no idea what’s going on in the Star Wars TV shows. But Thrawn of the Star Wars Legends universe (and the newer canon book, Thrawn) is hands-down one of the best and most interesting characters I’ve ever seen. He’s brilliant, creating battle strategies by studying his opponents’ cultural art to understand their cultural psychology and look for weaknesses in their thinking. And despite being a morally grey character, he’s not unduly arrogant and is actually extremely likeable--he has to work hard to get into the Imperial command structure that heavily discriminates against non-humans, his motivation is the best interest of his people, the Chiss, and he is always willing to explain his thinking to his close allies and friends. And who else would respond to being stabbed by smiling and saying, “But it was so artistically done?”

2. Beren (specifically, from Philosopher-At-Large’s script/screenplay adaptation of Tolkien’s story of Beren and Luthien, A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog: The Lay of Leithian Dramatic Script Project, which can be read in full here: https://rustbucket.net/leithian/index.html)

Do we not all want to yell at the gods about theodicy until they answer our questions to our satisfaction? I specifically pick Beren not from the original Silmarillion, as much as I love Tolkien’s work, but from Philosopher-At-Large’s script retelling, because A Boy, A Girl, & A Dog might just be my favorite work of literature of all time--fanwork, original fiction, or otherwise. I stumbled across it via a fanart of Beren on DeviantArt, like, six or seven years ago that referenced it, and my life has never been the same. It was hard to pick a favorite character, since literally all of the Script’s characters hold a special place in my heart, but I love Beren’s gentle, dry humor and his grim, determined, reckless stubbornness. His relationship with Luthien is of course the driving point of the story, but I thought that his relationships with Finrod and the other members of their company, and his backstory in Dorthonian and his interactions with the Valar were spectacularly done as well. This story is full of the grim determination to at least try and keep loving people, to keep throwing yourself at a problem and refuse to back down until you find a satisfactory solution, and Beren is right there at the heart of that, and I think that makes him pretty hopepunk.

3. Hamlet (Hamlet by William Shakespeare)

What is there to say about Hamlet that hasn’t already been said a thousand times by people significantly more learned and eloquent than me? I love him. He’s a genre-savvy protagonist trapped in a world where nothing! Fucking! Makes! Sense! My poor emo boy. I feel so much for him, being trapped in a situation where he needs to learn the truth in order to move forward and finally act, but there’s no way for him to get at the truth, so instead he just spirals further and further into fey, frustrated, erratic “madness.” Such a disaster bi. Definitely in love with his tired functional gay bf Horatio. Drama queen and Pretentious Asshole TM. In any decent modern au, he loves Hot Topic and gets all his clothes from there. I don’t even really do theater, but I’d love to have a chance to play him onstage.

4. James Dunworthy (the Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis)

The Oxford Time Travel series by Connie Willis ranges from hilarious (To Say Nothing of the Dog) to heartbreaking (Doomsday Book) and Mr. Dunworthy is right in the middle of all of it. For those who haven’t read it, the premise of the series is that time travel has been discovered, but we can’t use it to change the past, so instead it’s mainly just used by historians going back in time to study history, and Mr. Dunworthy is the head of the history department at Oxford University in the year 2060. He might be strict, but he has strong dad vibes, and, just, cares so much for all of his historians. He basically adopts Colin when Colin is stranded in Oxford over Christmas during an epidemic, he regularly puts himself in danger to look for lost historians, he helped invent time travel, and he knows that the point of studying the past is caring about the people who lived there. I want him to be my dad.

5. The 9th Doctor (Doctor Who)

Okay, I love 10 and 12 and 13 almost as much as I love 9, but 9 has to be my favorite Doctor. He was my first doctor, and what really got me hooked on the series was his kindness--hard-won and hard-clung to after the trauma of the time war. It isn’t always easy for him--the time war took everything away from him, and you can see how he’s tempted to be angry and bitter and harsh--but even so, he insists on helping people, on atoning for his mistakes, on nonviolence and using kindness and cleverness to fix things instead of violence and hate. He says, guns are bad and bananas are good, and every person is important, and when asked if he’s a coward or a killer, he says, “Coward. Any day.” And that philosophy, that choice, has left a deep impact on me.

[image description: gif of the 9th doctor saying “Who said you’re not important?” from New Who Season 1 episode 8, “Father’s Day.” end id]

6. Eliot Spencer (Leverage)

The whole premise of a group of thieves, criminals and con artists getting together to take down corrupt people in power is great, and Eliot is my favorite. He may have done some seriously bad shit in the past, but now he’s just devoted to taking care of the team, and particularly his hacker and his thief. I don’t know that he believes he’s worthy of their love, but he’s still somehow the most mature and emotionally stable member of the team; he knows how to control his anger and live alongside his regrets, and despite his grumbling, he dives headfirst into protecting the rest of the team and keeping them safe. Bonus points for being in an almost-canon ot3, and for the passion that he brings to his cooking. Also, I headcanon him as gray aro and transmasc, because I can.

[image description: gif of Eliot standing back-to-back with Parker and Hardison. end id]

7. Jon Sims (The Magnus Archives)

I’m only on season 3 of TMA so far, but I love Jon with all my heart. Working at a supernatural research institute, after having had a supernatural encounter of your own, and still choosing not to really believe in the supernatural until it knocks down the door to your office and riddles you with worms? Big mood. He’s a stubborn workaholic disaster ace, and I relate because I too struggle to interact with people and tend to get lost in obscure research projects for hours at a time. Somebody give this boy a hug and then a nap.

8. River Taam (Firefly)

Once again, there are a lot of good characters in Firefly, and I was hard-pressed to pick just one of them to put on this list. But River is a sweet summer child slowly overcoming trauma to find the joy and delight in the world around her that she had before the Academy, and I want all the best things for her. Bonus points go to Simon, who gave up everything he knew to save his sister, and Mal, who stubbornly sticks to his own code of honor even after loosing the war and much of his faith.

9. Lancelot (The Once and Future King by T. H. White)

A splendidly complex and morally grey take on our favorite legendary hero. T. H. White writes a Lancelot who struggles deeply with guilt and pride and imposter syndrome--who struggles desperately to do what is right and to channel the traits he finds in himself--both strengths and flaws--into doing the right thing. His scrupulosity is sadly relatable, and the lines “It is so fatally easy to make young children believe that they are horrible” and “ You could not give up a human heart as you could give up drinking. The drink was yours, and you could give it up: but your lover’s soul was not your own: it was not at your disposal; you had a duty towards it” are both absolutely haunting. It’s only implied in the book, but T. H. White admitted in letters that Lancelot enjoys pain, and is probably bi as well, and a bit in love with Arthur, and that he feels very guilty about it, and I just want a fluffy modern adaptation where Arthur and Guenevere and Lancelot can be in the kinky ployamarous triad that they deserve and just be happy together.

10. Luna Lovegood (Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling)

While I have some problems these days with the Harry Potter series and the transphobia of its author, it’s possible to like something without minimizing its flaws, and this list would not be complete without Luna Lovegood. I spent significant portions of middle school pretending to be her. She taught me how to embrace my own unabashed weirdness, and I wouldn't be the same without her.

@a-nerdy-shade-of-purple @conan-concocting-chaos @one-supportive-august​ @the-lyra-cal-trans​ @the-eleftheria​ @dumpstertrash​

[queenofthearchitect]

You did what?

This was requested by: @biforrollynch

Request: Hiiiiii idk if youd be comfortable with this request but could i have a seth/Oc fic where the girl has relapsed and harmed herself after a couple years being clean and she doesnt wanna tell seth but he notices and she thinks seth is gonna leave her for it and she hates herself until seth makes her see shes everything? ofc he doesnt leave her and he helps her through it and tells her how important she is to him and how much he loves her??

Warnings: cussing, self harm, angst, fluff

Trigger warning: despression, and self harming. Self harming and something everyone deals with some point in their life and if you are dealing with it please talk I love you guys.

Tag list. @theworldofotps @writtingrose @new-zealand-chic @sassyspacedust @wolfiegal98 @haharollins @the-beastslayers-queen

Please enjoy 🦖

Seth was gone on again, I felt alone even though he was a phone call away it just wasn’t the same. I was downstairs elbowdeep in dishwater when my phone dinged, I walked over to it and it was from WWE and I clicked it and my stomach dropped Seth and his coworker Becky Lynch were smiling together and a little to close if you ask me. I put my phone down and tried to calm myself, I continued washing dishes when I got pulled from my thoughts. I grabbed my phone again and I saw it was from Twitter this time I opened it, I saw the same picture from the WWE of Seth and Becky.

I read some of the comments, Seth had always told me not to because of it the jealous fans but I always did and this time I knew he was right. I took about 10 minutes to read some of the comments when I had enough I threw my phone and I went upstairs, i wiped the tears from my eyes. I grabbed my razor blade and I slid the blade across my hip, I felt the anxiety leave my body but it was filled with another emotion that was regret. I knew cutting myself was not only hurting me but it was hurting Seth and I’s relationship.

After I cute myself the first time, I kept thinking what would happen if Seth saw and what if he left me? I can’t loose him. I walked to the mirror pulled the top of my shorts down and I slid the blade slowly across my skin at first but then I moved quickly while I put five more lines down my hip. A few hours Seth had came home, and my stomach dropped I stared at my now new cuts and I quickly cleaned the blood and I put on some shorts, when he came into the bedroom, he smiled at me and kissed my head. “Hey beautiful did you miss me? I’ve missed you.” I nodded and I kissed his lips.

He pulled away from the kiss and raised an eyebrow. “Okay Olivia what’s going on?” I looked up and him and forced a fake smile “nothing babe I’m fine.” He pursed his lips together and looked into my eyes. “Olivia have you been crying?” I got out of his grasp and I moved away from him. “I said I’m fine Seth okay.” I sighed and I walked out the bed room. I was fighting back tears, for the first time in a long time I felt ugly and it was my fault.

I was cooking downstairs for Seth, I reached for a bowl on the top self little did I know Seth was walking into the kitchen at the time. “Olivia what is that?” I grabbed the bowl and got off my tippy toes, I turned and looked at him. “What’s, what baby?” *i looked at him and smiled while he his hands rested right above my ass. “These Olivia.” He raises my shirt some and pulled my shorts down a little bit. “That Olivia, why did you do that?” My smile dropped a little bit more and more while he waited for my response.

“It’s not important Seth it’s not a big deal, I don’t want to make something out of nothing.” I slipped out of his arms and continued to make dinner. “It’s not important my ass, also it may not be a big deal to you but it is to me.” I sighed and I continued to toss the salad I was currently making. “Seth look I love you and I would love to talk to you but I don’t think you would understand.” He let out a scoff and crossed his muscular arms. “Olivia I can you just have to let me in, you’ve shut everyone out and won’t let anyone in.”

I looked at me and I let out a laugh. “Yeah and when I shut everyone out you were the first to leave.” Before I could even take a breath he started talking. “Olivia that’s not fair and you know it, I told you why I left.” I rolled my eyes while I kept tossing the salad. “Yeah and I’m sure you went straight to her when you did.” I turned around and crossed my arms while leaning against the countertop looking at him. “Her? Who’s her Olivia cause I didn’t ever cheat on you.” I pushed some hair behind my ear and I was trying to keep calm but I couldn’t any longer.

“Becky, becky is the her, I seen the picture of you and her together WWE made a post and it soon got to me by some fans and a few of our coworkers, you guys looked happy together.” He put his arms down and walked over and wrapped his arms around me. “S-So what your saying is you did this over me?” I looked up at him and then laid against his chest. “No Seth I didn’t do it over you, I did it because the comments that were made and what our coworkers implied.”

I scoffed and I shoftedbme weight on my other side. “Seth you don’t get it, I don’t like her all up on you.” “Olivia your jealous really? I haven’t given you a reason to doubt me at all who cares what others say.” I looked at him and shook my head and I walked towards the door with Seth hot on my heels. I went to our bed room and I grabbed my car keys and put on some shoes, Seth kept calling my name and kept asking where I was going but I didn’t answer him. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry.

I drove and sat in the Waffle House parking lot and my phone kept going off, I had ten miss calls from Seth and at least fifteen text messages from him. I was going to givebin to him like I always did if he didn’t anything from my point of view then there was no more use of arguing, I was tired of it all I don’t know what to do anymore. I was pulled from my thoughts when my phone started going off and I looked at it and I saw the caller ID and answered it. “hello?” I waited before my best friend Renee finally spoke. “Hey girly Seth called dean and he told me to call you so thats why I’m calling not that I don’t love you.”

I smiled at her words and I start playing with my hair while I explained to her what happened, I got myself up all worked up again. I started crying but Renee told me not to, she gave me great advice to just cool off then just go back home cause apparently Seth was worrying himself sick. I rolled my eyes and hung up my phone. I turned my car back on I start to drive home, I saw a Starbucks and I pulled into it he could wait a little bit longer. Starbucks always seemed to help calm me down I don’t know if it was the smell of coffee or just drinking it.

After I got my White chocolate mocha with whip cream from Starbucks I got in my car and I head back home, when I arrived home I felt anxious. I got out of my car with my Starbucks in hand, I decided to just ignore him until I drank my drink cause I’m emotionally drained. I didn’t want to argue anymore but I’m not about to get talked to like I was a child. I twisted the doorknob and I walked inside, I put my keys on the key ring and stopped in my tracks when I seen dinner was done with a little note I picked it up and quickly read it.

Olivia.

When ever you want to talk I’m upstairs in the bed room, I’ve already eaten so don’t worry about me you eat and I’ll clean up okay by the way the chicken was great and so was the salad. I love you!

~ your boyfriend Seth

I just say the note down and I continued to sip on my mocha, I made a plate and started eating. After I was finished I started putting the food away and I started doing dishes, Seth came downstairs and looked at me “hey babe I know your probably still upset but I just worry about you and I love you and if anything ever happened to you.” I sipped on my coffee and continued doing dishes. “Olivia I don’t think I did anything to deserved the silent treatment.” I looked at him and put the dishes on the dishstrainer. “Seth I know you care but your not my dad okay, I love the fact that you care but you don’t see anything from my view.”

He sighed and held me closer letting his body warmth wrap around me, taking his scent in making me calm down some. “Babe I know what you mean I just wanted to let you know I’m only in love with you and no one will ever pull us apart.” I looked up at him, I pulled him down and our lips connected. When we pulled away both of us breathing heavily. “Seth I know I just so scared you are going to leave eme for some one else, that’s why I hid the cuts from you and I didn’t intend on you to find them cause I’m always scared your going to leave me.”

He smiled softly at me and left a small little peck on my lips, he pull me to the couch with him. “Olivia I would never leave you, I’m always going to love you through anything, I’m not going to let one little slip up chase me away and not love you because I do Olivia and I plan on making you my wife one day.” I smiled at him and snuggled into him. “Promise?” He smiled softly and started rubbing my shoulder. “I promise Olivia I won’t ever let anything come between us but you got to start talking to me about things instead of cutting okay babe.” I nodded my head and I kissed his neck and down his shoulder and shown his arm.

“How did I get so lucky to have you Seth Rollins?” He smiled and kissed my head. “Well if it makes you feel any better baby I haven’t always been this way, it’s taken a lot of growth and me growing up to get to where I am and now that I have you I don’t plan on doing anything to screw that up.” I smiled and sat in his lap and smashed our lips together. “I love you Seth Rollins.” He smiled at me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I love you Olivia so much, now come on let’s go cuddle.” I nodded and he stood up with my legs wrapped around his waist and while he carried me to our bed room where spent all night making up for our fighting.

A/N: I finally got this done and I loved writing it, I hope you all enjoy it and I love you guys so much for all the support and love y’all give me, life gets in the way but you guys and writing are my get away so I’m so greatful also sorry if this was long I wanted to make this one fic instead of 2. ❤️❤️

[lets-imagine-some-khr]

Saw your ask and I just had to! How would the Vongola Boys act as parents? Any ideas on how many children they'll have?

*crack knuckles* Hell yeah! I have a whole next gen au fic planned out that I’m too scared to work on and post pftt 

SO Tsuna I see having four kids! One girl and three boys wit the girl being the oldest! Their names in order is Renata, Hiroki, Taiyo and Basilio who is a few months older than Reo

I see him being kinda overwhelmed at times because lets just say ¾ of his kids cause chaos and one seems to attract trouble just like him when he was younger. He would be super strict on spending time with each of them enough due to his own real lack of a father growing up. He is actually kinda strict with punishments but not to a crazy extent and half the time a good sob from his kid can get him to loosen it.

As for Yamamoto I see him having kids a bit later compared to everyone else, not because he did not want kids but because e wanted to not rush finding his true love I guess as well as worry for their safety so In my draft so far he has a 4 month old boy called Reo and a two year old called Kaemon.

He is SUCH a natural dad on the outside but really when its 2 am and his kid is screaming then we see the real Tired Dad mood, tough he makes a big point of never yelling at his baby for the most part and keeps up his usual routine. Really he is just trying to be as good a dad as his was for him. His dream is to get them into sport as much as he was and he constantly brings them around the other vongola kids because as Yamamoto sees it they are basically all siblings just without the blood.

Ryohei has a twins and since he kinda only wanted one with his wife that’s probably it! The boy is called Asahi and the girl is called Atsuki

He is hella involved with his kids and is still his dramatic self while parenting aggressively cheering them on however he is one of those parents that goes silent and rather than yell he just lets it known he is disappointed and it KILLS THEM. He also comes across as kinda cringy because he constantly is butting into his kids hobbies and popping in to see them when they have friends over but its legit because he adores them and even if he does not understand their hobby he will still make an effort. He is as emotionally clueless as he was in his youth but he really tries guys like he really really tries so hard. He often goes to his sister for help or advice and if his id is clearly frustrated he tries to blow it off via sparring.

Gokudera has one daughter called Minerva. She was left on the vongola doorstep at age 3 and so was a biiig surprise lmao

He gets a lot of help from his sister and his friends because at first he was quite insecure over being a father and well Minerva saw him as a stranger but over around a year he started bonding with her properly and actually end up really close because of how they started. They have a good relationship and he is pretty lenient but has some rules he is serious about her never breaking, mainly because they are based on his own mistakes. Though he tries not to be a hypocrite though and has tried to stop smoking. High key she has improved his life. 

Hibari has Two kids, two girls called Ume and Sachiko

Strict Dad and honestly hides how much he loves his cubs and only shows this in small and I mean SMALL gestures. He knows basically everything they do and though he is protective to a highhhh degree he also allows them to make their own mistakes, still he makes sure he steps in before anything too bad happens. His kids are usually the only ones to spot his actual mood under his usual intimidating face. He is also super selective over who he allows into is kids life, though he lets some things slide which is surprising to everyone. 

Mukuro was extremely hesitant about having kids and was convinced that due to his past he could not even have kids. So he adopted a few teenagers once he was older, knowing how it felt to be unwanted in a way since teenagers usually are not adopted. This included one girl, two boys and eventually he settled his nerves and had a kid , who is a boy and is the same age as Kaemon. Their names are Reiko, Leon, Quincy and Sora

He plays pranks on his kids and scares the living day lights out of them but he really is there for them emotionally as he wants to raise them to be more than their pasts, something no one did for him

Lambo I see being a big brother figure to many of these kids but I have yet to think of any kids he may have?

[missjackil]

My 14x16 Opinion

Don’t Go In The Woods

I must admit I have mixed emotions about this one. I didn’t hate it at all, but there were things about it I didn’t like. This one won't make my top 20 but I won't mind rewatching it. So, if you want to read me pick it apart, you know where to click😜 

I have seen a big improvement in the season since the mid-season finale, and though this is my least favorite one of the half, it's not my least favorite of the season. I'm a little disappointed in the low amount of bro love, but it was still there, so I'm not angry. I will get to that in a minute though. Im going to start this off in the “THEN” because I think there was an important piece of information in it, that we didn't see in the actual show. They show a portion of last week’s episode, where Sam is talking about hating being at the Bunker, he sees the bodies of the AU Hunters and he says “ This is on me, I brought them here” but he didn’t say that in the episode. Like the line was cut/deleted, and they forgot. 

This isn’t the first time that’s happened. Another time I remember is in the “THEN” portion of First Born in s9. They show Sam and Dean on the “break up bridge” and Sam says “And Kevin? Someone else getting hurt because of me, I can't live with that” and that wasn't in the actual scene we saw, it was just Sam saying “And Kevin?” and going right to Dean “No Kevin’s blood is on my hands” Now I know they have tight time restraints, but they should be more aware of scenes that were cut. I know that we all know these were things going through Sam’s mind at the time, but its better to have it in canon than to just assume. 

So the episode starts with two kids making out in the woods. Now, Ill just tell you right now, I have a big squick about underage kids making out and in sexual situations, and though it was mild enough not to make me turn the show off, it was enough to make me cringe and say “eww just stop” Then thankfully they're interrupted by the boy’s cop father and the token stupid girl in the horror flick goes off in the dark alone to die, I mean to pee. The bathroom was nasty enough for me to have decided Id hold it till I got home, but no, guess she really had to go, and I could have done without having to watch her sit on the toilet... just sayin...

Back at the bunker, we have an interesting and pretty sweet brother scene. We Wincesters and Bronlys got to take back “Mornin Sunshine” from the Hellers when Dean said it to Cas in S12 and they insisted “In French,it means Good morning my lover!” and “In Swahili,it means “Good morning love of my life and soulmate!!” It doesn't matter that Dean said it to Lucifer last season, they missed that part hehe but they couldn't miss this 😎

Moving on....

It was funny when Dean asked if Sam was watching porn and Sam saying “You know the internet isn't just naked people right?” And Dean says “Not my internet” Oh I do enjoy brotherly bickering, but Sam found a case, and I found it interesting the way Dean said,“I thought you needed time?” it was a little sarcastic, but not in a bad way. I dont think Dean is comfortable with what Sam told him last week. I think Dean believes Sam is just not happy there period, and is going to want to leave him soon. He isnt pushing Sam out though, I think how he didn't want to call Cas to come help or to bring Jack, was his way of saying he wanted time with just the two of them. 

Now they go have a talk with Jack, we see Sam visibly disapproving of lying to him as to why he can’t come. Though I agree with Sam that Jack should know the truth, I also agree with Dean that the truth hurts sometimes so we lie. In this kind of situation, its a double-edged sword, 

Now Jack’s portion of the episode was good but it was uncomfortable. I felt like Jack was stiff, not his normal self. He’s really stopped talking like a robot since halfway through S13 and he seemed a little more clueless than normal. I understand that we’re supposed to “see” that he’s losing his soul, but that would just make him cold, not robotic. Soulless people are still that person, but with no emotions or filters and such. I did laugh though when he said:“What’s a ghost?” LOL that was cute. Its like Sam and Dean told him not to talk about hunting or monsters with people, so he just pretends he doesn't know what the word even means. 

Now I'm not a fan of bringing in the Kids Klubs on the show but I think it was ok to bring these kids back for this part of the story. Familiar faces that we see trying to befriend Jack, him going out of his way to impress them, and getting someone hurt. But for the Hellers who decided the last time we saw them, that Max and her girlfriend are Dean/Cas and Elliot is Sam, I have to point out who was riding in the back seat?? So If they are a parallel of Sam/Dean/Cas Elliot is Cas kiddos! Sam NEVER takes a back seat to Cas! 

So now they come again to being really close to squicking me out. The girls hanging all over each other, and the leg rubs and the giggling and the slow almost kiss looked and “felt” to me like a porno and since it was established in Lebanon that Max is underage, it creeped me out. Dial it back show, adults are watching😒

Moving on to the case, I have to say I really thought this monster was creepy. how he blended into the shadows and I couldn't quite tell if it was a figure lurking in the trees, or actually just a tree. The whistling was also well done, it was just human enough to think “No, that's not the wind”. Sure, he was like a Wendigo reboot, but everyone has been saying they want cool monsters of old like Wendigo right? 

What I noticed during this time, was Sam reacting to the word “freak”. It was subtle the first time, enough that I'm not sure that he actually had a reaction, or if I'm just “seeing” it because I looked to find one? But the second time seemed genuine. Sam showed that he was moved emotionally, maybe not from the word but from the lying definitely. Sam has been on the edge of an emotional cliff all season, and he’s gonna blow, and it's not gonna be pretty fellas. 

Now we have Jack showing off to his new friends and of course, accidentally hurting one of them, and when he healed her, they didn't forgive him. This is obviously not something Jack is familiar with, anytime he’s healed someone in the past, they were grateful, but not now, not with normal people. This is going to be an issue. I do need to say that it was a little stupid and OTT to have the girl who is scared of this sword trick, to literally run INTO the path of the blade. 

Now on the ride home with the boys, they have a little bit of an argument, that basically says Sam is tired of, and probably resentful of all the lies in their lives. Wondering how things would have been different had they ever told Dad they weren't okay. Maybe even wondering how life would have been for him had he known what was going on with himself growing up. Anyway.... we’ve not heard the end of this yet.

So to sum it up, it wasnt a bad episode, nor a great one. so its probably the calm before the shit storm of the season finale and the next episode should kick it off. 

On a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon Ill give this one a 6.5. More broments and less kids making out and Id rank it 7.5 

[theatreakasuna-store]

BASICS.

full name.  Sasori.    pronunciation.   Sas-or-e?  Idk  GDkkgkdg  dont  @  me.  nickname.   Sasori  Of  The  Red  Sand,  Genius  Modelling  Specialist  of   the  Puppet  Brigade,  Scourge  Of  Sunagakure,  Mr-Happy Time  Puppet  Show.  Danna/Master,  My  Man.  ( Looking  @  Deidara  for  these  last  3  smh  )  gender.   Agender.  Any  pronouns.  height.  4 ft -  5 ft 3′ age.   12-35  zodiac.   Scorpio.  spoken languages.   Japanese -  English  as  well  in  modern  verse.  I  write  him  in  English  regardless  tho  bc.... Obvs. 

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair colour.   Red. eye colour.  Dull  Brown.   skin tone.   Light  / Medium.  No  imperfections.  Uncannily  perfect.  body type.  Light / Thin.   accent.   None?  dominant hand.  Right  but  Sasori’s  a  little  bit  ambidextrous  if  I’m   honest.  posture.   Confident,  energetic  but  composed.  In  Hirkuo  however  he  is  literally  crawling  across  the  ground  on  all  fours.  tattoos.   none  /  Kanji  for  Scorpion  painted  onto  his  living  core.  most noticeable feature.  His  large  doe  eyes  are  pretty  distinctive  along  with  his  fluffy  red  hair.   However,  Sasori’s  real  body  isn’t  seen  very  often  &  hes  typically  spotted  within  his  puppet  Hiruko,  who’s  most  distinctive  feature  is  really  its  entire  form  given  it  would  seem  to  be  a  large,  frighteningly  deformed  man  who  crawls  rather  than  walks  upright. 

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth.   Land  of  wind,  Sunagakure.  hometown.  Sunagakure. manner of birth.   Uh.  Y know.  Normal?  first words.   Probably  mum  tbqh.  Or  Dad.  I  imagine  Sasori  was...  A  real  good  talker  pretty  early  on  so  its  hard  to  say.  I  dont  think  Sasori  had  trouble  articulating  himself  at  all  so  he  pretty  much  didn’t  have  a  ‘baby  talk’  phase  or  anything  like  that.  siblings.   N/A parents.   Kakko &  Tsume  -  Father &  Mother.  parental involvement.   Sasori  parents  were  incredibly  warm  &  loving  &  he  spent  his  first  five  years  of  life  with  them.  Tragically  they  were  killed  on  a  mission  which  left  Sasori  in  the  care  of  his  grandmother,  Chiyo.  Their  loss  had  been  devastating   &  the  transition  from  his  loving,  happy-go-lucky  parents  to  the  much  cooler,  sterner,  slightly  distant  care  of  his  grandmother  was  very  difficult  on  Sasori  &  things  just  went  downhill  from  there.  Chyio  always  looked  after  Sasori  so  he  wasnt  neglected  physically  but  emotionally  &  mentally  was  another  story.  

ADULT LIFE.

occupation.   Missing  nin.  Mercenary.  current residence.   N/A.  Lives  on  the  move.  close friends.  Kumoshi,   Orochimaru,  Deidara.  relationship status.  N/A.  Verse  dependent  I  guess.  financial status.   Not  exactly  rich  but  hes  never  struggling.  driver’s license.  No.  criminal record.  Extensive. “vices”.   Wrath,  sloth. 

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation.  Asexual.  romantic orientation.   Gray-aromantic.  Heavily  leans  towards  men  but  its.  Eh.  preferred emotional role.   submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  unknown preferred sexual role.  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  sex repulsed  |  uninterested  libido.  Non  existent.   turn ons.   Interesting  Jutsu.   Youth.  Unfading  beauty.  Artful  techniques.   turn off’s.   People  breathing  typically.  love language.   Sasori  is...  incredibly  muted  in  his  emotions  save  for  annoyance  &  blood lust  which  are  pretty  strongly,  occasionally  over  emphasised.  However,  Sasori  is  capable  of  caring  although  he  typically  employs  a  tough  love  approach  to  this.  You  can  majorly  see  Sasori  showing  he  cares  by  pushing  another  person  to, essentially,  do  better  in  battle.  Obviously  this  is  all  with  the  intention  prolonging  their  life.  relationship tendencies.  Sasori  would  probably  prefer  to. . .  love  from  a  distance,  hes  not  overly  feely  or  physical  typically  but  given  this  is  all  completely  new  territory  that  hes  inexperienced  in  I  wouldn’t  say  anything  for  sure. 

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song.  Despair.  I’m  just  gonna  use  the  official  one  because  I’m  too  lazy  to  drag  up  my  playlist  jgkfgl.  hobbies to pass the time.  Sasori  spends  most  of  his  free  time  remodelling & maintaining  his  puppet  collection  along  with  designing  new  puppets.  Otherwise  he  studies  jutsu &  prepares  poisons  to  coat  his  puppet’s  weaponry  in  to  provide  &  extra  edge  in  battle.  He  usually  does  his  work  at  night  &  “sleeps”  very  little,  even  when  he  was  still  human  this  was  the  case  for  him.  mental illnesses.  I  place  Sasori  as  suffering  chiefly  from  psychotic  depression.  He  has  heavy  anti-social  traits  but  overall  I  think  psychotic  depression  kind  of  explains  most  of-  if  not  all  of  Sasori’s...  unusual  behaviours.   physical illness.   None.  left or right brained.  Probably  more  right  brained  honestly  but  I  don’t  know.  Id  say  Sasori  has  a  good  medium  going.  fears. Sasori  fears  very  little.  He  doesnt  like  large  bodies  of  water  much  given  growing  up  in  a  desert  things  like  big  rivers &  oceans  were  totally  foreign &  so  they  make  him  a  bit  uncomfortable   but  I  wouldn’t  put  it  as  a  real  “fear”.  self confidence level. High  but  for  all  his  tremendous  power  &  skill  Sasori  is  quite  humble  in  comparison.  Hes  confident,  self-assured  but  he  doesn’t  tend  to  make  an  ass  of  himself  about  it &  he  can  happily  accept  &  recognise  his  faults &  when  others  are  right/better.  vulnerabilities. Sasori’s  major  vulnerability  is  his  living  core  located  where  his  heart  would  be  in  his  chest.  Damage  to  this  can  &  will  kill  him,  however  otherwise  hes  psychically  invulnerable.  Other  than  this,  Sasori  is  still  rather  human  so  he  does  suffer  unusual  moods  but  hes  typically  learnt  to  be  very  restrained.  

Tagged  by:  Stole  it  from  my  self. 

Tagging:  @explosionrelease , @masshirohebi​ , @gengakki​ , @bxngbocm​ , @stcnedheart​ , @bakisensei​ , @masked-stitches​ , @moonescent​ , @delightfulcruelty​ .   

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[whyldkratts]

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

[nurseperriestyles-blog]

More of the Same

A/N: I do not take credit for this picture. But I did have my husband edit her hair and eye color to match Perrie. This is the closest I’ve found online, and it’s pretty close. 

This post probably had a lot of typos and issues, as per usual. I was fighting sleep when I wrote it

Template from:

https://theboson.deviantart.com/art/Blank-Character-Sheet-2-1-8-390-Questions-460031650

“I’d much rather save the heroes than be the hero.” --Perrie Styles

 General Information

Name: Perrie Styles

Pronunciation: Pear-ee

Name Meaning: Pear tree

Name Origin: French

Other Names: Pear

Gender: Female

Titles: Nurse Styles

Birth Name: Perrie Styles

Birth Date: October 17th

Birth Length: 16 inches

Birth Weight: 6 ½ lbs

Birth Place: Infirmary in Wall Rose

Manner of Birth: Natural

First Word(s): “Uh oh”

Dominant Hand: Right

Astrological Sign: Libra

Catchphrase: “Fuck.” (She says it way too much)

Autograph: Literally just a “P” with illegible scribbles after it

Handwriting: The messiest, most lazy chicken scratch ever. She has very pretty, neat cursive handwriting, though, when she tries.

ID Number/SSN: N/A

License Plate Number: N/A

Appearance

Picture: See above

Height: 5’4

Weight: 110 lbs

Species: Human

Race: Caucasian  

Blood Type: A-

Symbol: N/A

Skin Color: White

Birthmarks: N/A

Extra Anatomy: N/A

Hair Color: Pale, icy blonde

Hair Length: Just above her collar bones

Hair Type: Wavy

Hair Style: A long, messy bob

Widow's Peak: None

Eye Color: Dark blue/grey

Eyebrows: Full with a subtle arch

Nose Shape: Small and turns up at the end

Teeth: Straight and white

Face Shape: Heart shaped

Complexion: She has pretty clear skin, but around her hair line tends to get a few small bumps from sweating.  

Facial Hair: None

 Health and Image

Diet: Perrie doesn’t watch what she eats at all. It’s lucky that she finds time to eat at all.

Exercise: She walks to and from work, and is on her feel all day, but that’ all the exercise she gets

Fitness: That’s one of her least favorite words

Posture: She slouches a lot, but if she’s trying to impress someone, she’ll stand up straight

Dexterity: She isn’t very clumsy, unless she’s really tired

Reflexes: Her reflexes are better than average. She’s pretty good at dodging items thrown by hysterical patients

Abnormalities: None

Handicaps: None

Medication: None

Allergies: Cats

Diseases: None

Illnesses: None

Disorders: PTS from the fall of Wall Maria

Broken Bones: None

Wardrobe: She mostly wears cotton dresses and skirts, her nursing smocks, collared button ups

Accessories: None. She doesn’t wear any jewelry or anything because she loses it or it gets in the way

Equipment: N/A

Musical Instruments: None. She has no musical ability whatsoever

Piercings: None

Hygiene: She’s not a neat/clean freak, but she keeps herself and her hands very clean

Makeup: Nope. Perrie doesn’t have the time or skill to put on makeup

Perfume / Cologne: She keeps a bottle of her mother’s perfume that smells like roses, but she only wears it on special occasions

Scent: She washes in strawberry scented soap and shampoo. She really, really loves strawberries, ya’ll.

Scars: She has a thin, diagonal scar on her left thigh

Tattoos: None

Voice

Voice: She has a sweet, soft voice. When she’s mad or super serious about something, it’s more loud and firm

Pitch: On the higher side, but not obnoxious and squeaky  

Laughter: She has a rather loud laugh, and she snorts sometimes

Impediments: None

   Psychology

IQ: 148

Vocabulary: Perrie has a very extensive vocabulary, especially medical terms and such. She isn’t pretentious about it, however.

Memory: When she’s learning something, or needing to remember something important, she has an excellent memory. If it’s just everyday things, or when she’s really tired, she can’t remember anything

Temperament: Choleric

Learning Style: She starts by reading and studying something, then moves on to hands on learning

Emotional Stability: She is very emotionally stable. She can, however, become overwhelmed and freak out, but not very often

Mental Health: She’s healthy. She has slight PTS and can freak out in certain situations, but it isn’t debilitating.

Philosophy

Religion: None. She believes firmly in science and thinks religion is ridiculous, but she doesn’t slam it in people’s faces. She never talks about religion with others.

Superstitions: None

Spirit Animal: If she had to pick an animal, it would probably be an owl

Etiquette: Perrie is very polite and kind in social or professional situations, but she can be very vulgar in casual situations, or if she’s bothered

Alignment: Lawful good

Perception: Realist

Philosophy / Motto: “She believed she could, so she did.”

Taboos: Murder. No matter what, Perrie could never bring herself to take another’s life. It is against everything she stands for as a nurse

Vices: Cursing, spite

Virtues: Kindness, open-minded, hard-working

Character

Primary Objective: Become a doctor

Secondary Objectives: Enjoy life with her family and friends

Priorities: Her job and her loved ones

Motivation: Being the best she can be

Self Confidence: Very high

Self Control: High most of the time, but sometimes her temper can get the best of her

Self Esteem: High, though she can be self-conscious about some things

Quirks: Chewing her lip, snorts when laughing, dry hands, always has stained clothes, her hair is always a mess. 

Hobbies: Cooking, gardening, reading, sewing

Closet Hobbies: Drawing. She isn’t very good, but she likes to doodle and sketch. She would die if anyone knew

Guilty Pleasures:

Habits: Lip chewing, cursing, hand washing

Desires: Success in her job, safe family and friends

Wishes: Defeat of the Titans, to become a doctor

Traumas: Titan’s invading Wall Maria, being betrayed by close friends...

Worries: Her friends/family being hurt, failing at her job, Titans

Nervous Tics: Lip chewing

Soothers: Quiet places, her garden, cooking, sewing

Soft Spots: Kids, puppies, pretty flowers

Cruel Streaks: Perrie isn’t cruel at all, but she can be a little spiteful. She would never intentionally hurt anyone, though

Accomplishments: Finishing nursing school and becoming a nurse, saving many people, learning how to cook new things

Greatest Achievement: She will always say her greatest achievement is making her dad proud. She’s such a daddy’s girl.

Failures: Not being able to help people when the wall fell, losing patients, she feels like she fails Eren everytime he gets kidnapped. She also felt like a failure when Ty joined the Survey Corps despite her trying to convince him not to, not remembering her mother

Biggest Failure: She feels that Carla Yeager’s death was her fault. She feels that she should have gone and seen if she was okay before fleeing Shiganshina.

Favorite Dream: She dreamt that she had a giant garden beyond the Walls, and there were no Titans. She could hear her father whistling somewhere near by, and she could smell strawberries and tea leaves..

Worst Nightmare: Perrie had a nightmare that her father and Ty were Titans, and she watched them eat Mikasa and her mother. She woke up and felt like crying after it

Earliest Memory: She remembers a woman singing and a vase of roses on the kitchen table

Fondest Memory: There’s so many, but her favorite is her father teaching her how to plant a rose bush

Worst Memory: The day Shiganshina fell

Most Prized Possession: Her mother’s perfume

Most Valuable Possession: A rare cookbook Ty got her for her 19th birthday

Collections: Cookbooks

Embarrassments: She’s embarrassed anytime a guy flirts with her. She gets so flustered

Humor: Sarcastic and silly

Regrets:

Secrets: The fact that she draws, her secret savings stash,  

Darkest Secret: She doesn’t really have one

Pet Peeves: Weeds in the garden, when people can’t cook

Phobias: Germs

Greatest Fear: Losing her family/friends

Confidence: 8/10

Creativity: 8/10

Generosity: 10/10

Honesty: 9/10

Loyalty: 10/10

Insecurities: 4/10

Patience: 7/10

Predictability: 6/10

Reliability: 10/10

Responsibility: 10/10

Trustworthiness: 10/10

Common...

Compliments: “Cutie” “Healthy as a horse!” (She’s a damn medical nerd)

Insults: “Asshole”

Expletives: All of them. Every one of them.

Farewells: “See ya later” “Be safe”

Greetings: “Hi” “Hello, I’m Nurse Styles” (at work)

Mood: Tired and friendly

 Preferences

Likes: Flowers, books, working, new dresses

Dislikes: Losing things, arguments, not being right

Favorites: Strawberries, pastel colors, spring, naps

Least Favorites: Lettuce, cold weather, Military Police (Even Perrie thinks they’re assholes)

Home, Work, and Education

Sleep Patterns: Sporadic at best

Eating Habits: She eats whenever she remembers

Pets: None

Job Title: Nurse

Experience: 4 years

Work Ethic: She is diligent and hardworking

Transportation: She walks

Criminal Record: None

Dream Job: Doctor

Social

Mother: Moria Styles (deceased)

Father: Desmond Styles

Guardians: She’s of age, so none

Siblings: None

Children: None

Close Relatives: Ty Styles (cousin) Ansel Styles (Uncle) Lise Styles (Aunt)

Distant Relatives: None. She had a very small family. Her grandparents on her mother’s side only had one child, and her father’s parents had Desmond and Ansel. Both sets of grandparents were killed in the culling after the fall

Best Friend: Ty, Hanji, Eren

Close Friends: Mikasa, Armin, Petra, Levi, most of the Survey Corps

Confidantes: Hanji, Levi, Ty

Allies: The Survey Corps

Acquaintances: Her co-workers

Rivals: Hanji, but in a friendly way

Inspirations: Hanji, Levi, Erwin, the doctors she works with

Heroes: Ty, Desmond

Mentors: Grisha Yeager, Hanji

Romance

First Love: Levi

Love Interests: Levi

Marital Status: Single

Orientation: Straight

Flirtiness: She’s too awkward and shy, but she has her moments

Turn ons: Intelligence, dedication, loyalty

Turn offs: Cockiness, selfishness, “assholes” (as quoted by Perrie)

Fetishes: None

Virginity: Perrie hasn’t even been kissed. Poor kid.

Reactions

Angry: When she’s angry, she’ll have a stony expression and not speak unless spoken to. She will say spiteful things, but not very hurtful. She’ll roll her eyes and curse even more than usual.

Anxious: She’ll tear into her lip big time, sometimes she makes it bleed. She will pace a little and talk rapidly and nonstop

Conflicted: She’ll go back and forth between her choices, being very adamant that she’s made her choice, but then the next second she’s switched.

Criticized: She can take criticism very well most of the time, especially when it is from superiors. But if someone is just being overly critical and mean, she’ll bristle and call them out

Depressed: She’ll bury herself in her work, and when she’s home, she’ll hide in her garden or bedroom and avoid people

Embarrassed: She’ll avoid eye contact, blush violently, and stammer a lot

Excited: Perrie’s eyes light up and she’ll smile and jitter around

Frightened: She’ll freeze up for a moment, but then slide her mask on and fight through the fear

Happy: She’ll smile and hum and compliment everyone

 Personality

MBTI Personality Type: INFJ-A

[axelsagewrites]

"How Do You Love Someone" Magnus Bane

Ashley Tisdale Lyrics

Warnings----Swearing, implied sex, implied abuse/rough family life

Hi! My names (y/n) and I’m 97….. yeh I’m a vamp sooo yeah. I was turned at 17 in the late 1930s. My parents knew because my mum was a mundane with the sight and my dads brother was a werewolf.

Momma never told me how to love

They hated each other. They both blamed themselves at first when I was turned.

Daddy never told me how to feel

Even before that they weren't close. There marriage was a mistake.

Momma never told me how to touch

They never hugged, kissed or would even sleep in the same bed.

Daddy never showed me how to heal

After I was turned dad stopped talking to me as much because what his brother told him about vampires.

Momma never set a good example

Dad was away more and more on business trips or at political meetings so Mom  went out a swell. She started sleeping around and got the name town slut. Also because I didn't go out during the day (because duh) they thought I was dead. They said my mom killed me when she was drunk or that id moved away pregnant. That hurt because now it was physically impossible.

Daddy never held momma's hand

When dad got back he never talked to mom.  It was like they were strangers who shared a kid.

Momma found everything hard to handle

Mom would scream at him for anything cause she was always drunk. She would yell at me for everything. If I folded a shirt wrong or she had a crease on her dress she would break down crying.

Daddy never stood up like a man

Dad was enlisted in ww2. He didn't want to but had no choice. When he left he didn't even say goodbye. My mom had to work in the factories and I was alone all day in the house and had to go out to feed at night.  My father tried to desert the army and was killed. When my mom got the letter she was happy to be free of him and moved. She left me behind though.

I've walked alone, broken I didn't know what to do. It was getting harder for me to hide the fact that I was feeding of villagers. I found another vampire named Camille in the 1950s and she offered me passage to her clan in new york. Emotionally frozen I went with her and didn't talk to any of the other vampires. One night in the 60s a fledgling I had barely spoken to invited me out to the pandemonium. Getting it on I decided to go to try find some form of love or even just friendship. I went every night with these fledglings and later on with other vamps. Every night I would hook up with someone new. I just wanted to feel loved or wanted. Getting it wrong It didn't work. If anything it made me lonelier. Even though I would ‘talk’ to people of every gender and species (apart from werewolves) but I was to scared to get close to them.

How do you love someone Without getting hurt I didn't have any close friends because every other friendship had went badly. How do you love someone Without crawling in the dirt My first and only (boy/girl)friend had cheated on me and had left me in the middle of nowhere 10 minutes before the sun was to rise. So far in my life Clouds have blocked the sun How do you love, how do you love someone How do you love, how do you love someone

I was always the chosen child The biggest scandal I became I was kind of notorise in New York and Brooklyn clubs because of how often I was there. I was invited to one of Magnus Bane’s parties and thought I might as well go. They told me I'd never survive But survival's my middle name “Oh (y/n) is that you?” I turned around to see the fae that had cheated on me and to fry. “Oh hey, (Lillian/Lawrence)(fem/male)” I grimaced walking away. “I assumed you were dead” they shouted over the crowd gathering attention. I turned around and glared at them walking back, mad. “Wouldn't blame you. I mean you did leave me in the middle of a fucking field 10 minutes before the sun rose. Im bloody lucky I didn't fry!” They laughed looking down then they looked at me dead in the eyes “You didn't die then but anyone who has met you thinks that you wont survival much longer. Your not capable enough.” “Fuck you” “Don’t forget I cant lie” they smirked. By this point we had gathered a small crowd. The fae and werewolves were all behind him backing him up and anyone else was just watching. “Maybe not but your manipulating bitch.” I spat at them. My whole body felt hot even though it was impossible and I was clenching my jaw and fists. “You act tough but I doubt that you've ever been in a fight” he walked closer and his entourage was egging him on. I walked in closer as well, only about a feet apart. We now had the attention of most of the party and Magnus was just starting to notice. “Want to try huh” I shoved him and people behind him moved back “Fucking try it. Im done with your shit so either hit me or a drain you dry” I yelled the first part but the last threat came out as a deadly whisper. He just smirked looked past my shoulder and said barely audible “Try it” As I bared my fangs about to lunge at him a wave of magic flew me to the side and bellowed “ENOUGH”. I was lying against the wall and quickly sat up. “What is going on here?” the glittery man demanded “Well?” “The vamp threatened me and went to attack me”  (Lillian/Lawrence)(fem/male) Spoke calmly. Magnus looked at me then at them when he added “I cant lie” The warlock looked at me “Out. Oh and next time don't drink as much”

I've walked alone, hoping Just barely coping Getting it on Getting it wrong I looked at him in slight confusion, I hadn't drunk anything since my mothers abuse. Not a drop. “You heard me, out and sober up before you think of coming to another one of my parties.” I just looked down in disbelief and lightly laughed. I got up and started walking to the door, the fae and werewolves looked at me in disgust. Other vamps in shame and warlocks in sheer unamusement. They thought it was me. Right as I grabbed the door handle to open the door I turned round and looked at the man and said “Its a good thing you cant have kids.” How could someone be a father without listening to both sides of a story? I slammed the door and left.

How do you love someone Without getting hurt How do you love someone Without crawling in the dirt So far in my life Clouds have blocked the sun How do you love, how do you love someone How do you love, how do you love someone I got back to the hotel dummort went to my room. Later on after the sun had risen and vamps were trapped inside Raphael burst into my room. He was the only person I had considered a friend in the last 50 years and what he said broke me. “you need to leave” I looked up at him from were I lay reading on my bed and said “what? Why?” Quietly laughing thinking it was a joke. “You cant stay here after what you did at Magnus’s” “That fae started it!” I stood up defensisvley. No one would even ask what I had to say about it. “Its what you said that's the issue,” I looked down remembering what I had said “after the sun sets you have to leave.” I packed up as much as I could into a backpack. I had nowhere to go and a crushing time limit. When night fell I walked to the exit to see Raphael standing there with his arms crossed. Other vampires were there, some out of anger because of way I did/say and some just to watch as I was tossed out. I just looked at him and silently nodded walking out. Why would I even try to stay if he hated me? For the next few nights I slept around just so I would have somewhere to stay when the sun was out. I went to the pandemonium 1 week after being evicted from the hotel. I had my backpack on and was walking around trying to find someone horny enough to let me stay over when I saw Magnus sitting on a couch with 5 empty cocktail glasses. I froze when I saw him. I knew if I wanted to be able to move on id have to talk to him. As if sensing someone was watching him he looked at me and stood up, walking over. “You” he said as if I had just murdered his whole family. “You” I responded with an icy glare. He grabbed my arm and dragged me to a room in the back. “What type of stunt was that back at my party?” he asked “what did you mean its good I cant have children?” “I mean you have to listen to both sides with kids,” I responded looking awing from him “its the same with adults. You need both sides of the story.” “You started the fight why would I need to ask you what happened?” “Because he egged me on,” I snapped, voice raised. He flinched a little. “He left me to die and was tormenting me. Then you had the audacity to say that I was drunk. I haven't drunk in 80 damn years. Not after what it did to my family” I yelled. My chest was heavy and then my eyes widened.

It's hard to talk “What did it do to your family?” he asked softly but still in his normal volume. To see what's deep inside My eyes started watering as I remembered what it did to my mom. It's hard to tell the truth “Nothing” I whispered When you've always lied “it dosnt seem like nothing” I burst out crying at they words. I leaned against the wall and slid down it. After about 5 minutes he spoke “You should probably go. The sun will be up soon so I'll make you a portal.” “I have nowhere to go.” “You can stay with me” he softly said down to me slightly smiling. How do you love someone Without getting hurt How do you love someone Without crawling in the dirt So far in my life Clouds have blocked the sun How do you love, how do you love someone I stayed at his that day and just lay there doing nothing. As soon as the sun left I went to walk out. “Where are you going?” he asked. I just looked down. “alright” he huffed slightly “but come back before the suns out” I left in silence. I couldn't stay, I didn't know what he was planing but I didn't trust it. No one was just nice to me.

How do you love someone And make it last How do you love someone (love someone) I did the same the I had always done and crashed at a ransoms house. I was all alone in the house when a portal appeared and Magnus came through, “Where the hell have you been? I thought you whether coming back.” “There was no point, you didn't want me there” I lied “How could you know that? I was just trying to be nice to you. Maybe even become friends.” he asked angrily. Without tripping on the past So far in my life “We cant be friends.” More lies, truth is I didn't know how to love or be friends with some one. I was too scared to try. “Why not?” Clouds have blocked the sun How do you love, how do you love someone How do you love, how do you love someone, someone

“I don't know how to alright,” silent tears came out as I yelled. He looked at me in shock “I don't know how to be friends with some one. Im always scared their going to die or leave or hurt me like (Lillian/Lawrence)(fem/male). My mom was a drunk and my dad hated me. I don't know how to love some one and I cant feel a damn thing! Why do you think I sleep with so many strangers? Its the only love I know.” I yelled with all my pent up aggression. “Let me teach you,” he whispered, grabbing my hands “Let me show you how to feel again.”

Masterlist

[shslbullrider-blog]

45 qs

oooh my god this is typical ellie “answered too long” there are no short responses but lots of ebull spoilers bc i dont care.

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

ebull has one big sister!  she and her are obnoxiously close, and have been known to game situations so that they’re both doing similar things at the same time -- just so they can spend as much time together as physically possible.  they’re physically separated most of the time, so they have to make any time they get for each other really count--!

ebull has always been achingly protective over her sis, who, in turn, is a bit more clever and wise than her.  they kind of have always lived in each other’s minds and they really balance each other out!  

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

loving, but distant.  ebull doesn’t see her mother that much -- mostly for vacations and for the odd week or two out of the year.  she talks to her on the phone often enough, but it’s not quite the same.

most of their face-to-face interaction is based in her mom making up for lost time -- which tends to lead to ebull’s fashion and life choices being prodded at.  lovingly!  but in that completely-serious-tongue-in-cheek way.  theyre a pretty dry but warm family over there in gen, but it does embarrass her a bit. 

 she’s a bit more secretive towards her mom than with her dad -- but doesn’t really find that to be a bad thing!  mostly bc her mom is a bit of a gossip though and it Strains Her Life.  she’s also got an issue with respecting ebull’s privacy and she really hates that.

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

extremely close.  ebull is a bit of a daddy’s girl and it’s kind of obvious -- she spends a lot of time with him, tells him all of her issues, asks him for advice, rags on him -- and he dotes on her like no one’s business.  she could probably get away with murder and have her dad ask her where to hide the body -- he enables a lot of her behaviors in a way her mom refuses to.

he does have a few very hard limits, though.  and ... makes it painful when she crosses them, because he tends to feel rather personally slighted if ebull keeps things from him or goes against direct advice.  they live together most of the time when ebull isn’t at home, so she tries to avoid this whenever possible.

sometimes by drawing in!  oops.  privacy.

he’s a really dry but extremely warm guy in gen tho -- kind of a great person and ebull admires him a lot.

does not fucking get video games though.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

ummm not really, not counting murder game things.  

sawako’s death fucked her up in a way that she doesn’t like to talk about -- even to people she’s close to -- but well!  that’s private--!

not even michiko knows the extent there and that’s saying something.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

advil, spare bandannas, potions, sawako’s love/friendship potion (it pokes at her back like constantly), tissues, pens, little scraps of paper, small vials of perfume, essential oils, hand cream, hershey kisses, needle + thread, mini toothpaste/toothbrush, a photo of her sister, gum, about four tubes of lipstick, mascara, her ID, like a single monocoin, sometimes you get a spare pair of clothing in there (plus calvins!), breath freshener, nail polish, nail cutters.

...

her jacket has more pockets than you’d ever fucking know.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

warmth.  being enveloped in warmth.  sunny days, laying in the grass, swinging a bat with her dad, driving over 100mph and feeling the warmth of the car through her hands.

....

sometimes she dreams of ow characters kissing her too but that’s a whoooole other kind of warmth she wouldn’t admit to.

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

coldness.  dying slowly and alone.  calling out to people to receive no answer.  people she’s close to telling her she’ll be right back and not answering her call thirty minutes later.  various situations of seeing various corpses of cared-for people in increasingly horrifying death poses.

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

nah! why use guns when she’s got THESE GUNS [pretend she flexed]

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

nah not really!  and if it did change, she didn’t really notice.

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

being honest -- super honest?  more.  a lot more.  jackets and things to cover her neck -- she can’t wear dresses comfortably without pulling tights up or she feels uncomfortable.

but she’s willing to wear the hot ‘skimpy clothing’ to fit in better with her ‘fellow teens’ because that’s what’s attractive, right??  god shes sure this works??  janties are in season right she can bring them back??

stunningly if ebull is comfy w u she tends to wear more clothes in ur presence idk what that says about her.

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

the first few months in the game, before merge.  it was a constant, waking fear back then.  wake up in cold sweats and close to puking.  character spoilers: she was always worried, anxious, and uncomfortable but u know she’s thriving.

(also, she’s ridiculously good at seeming calm).

there have been high points since merge -- including not getting texts back from tomoka, michiko calling her for help in ch5, and some assorted Other Business (lol) but yeah it’s eased off a little and hasn’t breached that level since.

outside of game i dont know if ebull knows what it’s like to know fear.  she DID have a frighten that she thought was rather substantial in telling her parents she got into hpa for being a gamer but honestly she lived and like most things in her life it went better than she  expected it to.

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

well, she’s really good at SEEMING calm despite alarm bells in her head.  and she actually thrives during high stress situations!  she is deathly composed and very comfortable during raids, and actually has found that trials are kind of becoming comforting, in a sense -- and she feels calm in her accusations.

... thanks.

in general, she does better once she’s used to a rotation.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

nah not really!  she’s more squeamish than she seems at first glance, but it doesn’t obstruct her from what ‘has to be done,’ so to speak.  

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

names -- comes with the territory (given the fact that she deals primarily with online people).  but she’s super good at both, and very rarely gets a name unattached to a face -- or forgets either.  she finds it inspires bad blood.

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

kiiiiind of ?  it’s a strange case.  ebull’s used to the finer things in life and has certain standards -- like, if she’s dating someone, she insists on both sentimental and expensive gifts (because the combination ensures that she covers her bases and that they “really” care about her -- it’s proper that way), and if she was denied anything from her current standard of life she... might go through a bit of a culture shock, really.  

money and status has been a huge theme of her life and upbringing -- with two working parents who sacrifice family time for their successes.  so she knows what it’s like to have a lot of it in a rather... passive way.  she has no interest in the excess that her family can get into, but she’s never ever ever had to even think about money in a lasting way -- she gets speeding tickets out the ass and the only concern she has is how her family might bully her, rather than the monetary cost associated with it.

she can afford to not be preoccupied with wealth, is probably the best way to put it.  she gets that this puts her in a pretty good position, and is empathetic to people who struggle, but really wouldn’t know what to do if she couldn’t just pay for shit she breaks without thinking about it.  so like, she’s not out there purposefully decorating her house with useless pieces of shitty expensive art or always after the highest brands, but wouldnt know what to do if the ability to do that was suddenly stripped away.

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

ebull would claim a mix of both -- that competence and fulfillment in other areas help to ensure happiness, etc, but.

if you really put a gun to her head on this one, she’d have to admit to ‘happiness.’  she’s not very ambitious and not competitive in the slightest -- if she’s struggling emotionally and upset all the time, what point is there to her successes?  does success mean anything if it’s not attached to fulfilling work? 

she’d never claim that people have to be happy all the time, but don’t you have to lose to fully appreciate your wins?  it’s a conundrum.

she’s very go-with-the-flow in nature, and finds things escalate fast when people stress over finishing, being right, or attaining perfection.  it’s better to take a walk and let it sit for your health and happiness than push yourself further.

this is probably at least partially due to her overall ‘ahh’ feeling about how much her family works, but she absolutely doesn’t hold it against people who think differently.  kind of admires them, really!  she’s just not built for it.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

a stuffed monkey her dad got for her during one of his trips to america.  she keeps it somewhere in her room.

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

ambition ambition ambition -- though admittedly, ebull has neither trait, in her view.  wisdom is fine and good, but it’s easy to sit and get complacent with it, she finds.  also people who think of themselves as ‘wise’ tend to give her headaches.

she admires cleverness above both but finds it’s not the same as either.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

jesus christ where do i even fucking start it’s kind of a cyclical mess.

her biggest is most likely how long it typically takes her to get comfortable with people.  ebull finds vulnerability, opening up, and the like... extremely difficult (but v attractive).  she’s extremely adept at turning conversations into what the other person is feeling, and avoids giving any insight about her life in most situations -- even with people she claims to be close to.  she keeps any cards she intends to keep close to her chest, even when it doesn’t make sense to.  she’s understanding to the point of becoming a doormat in some places, and is easy to take advantage of once she’s committed -- but fears getting to that level, and will naturally close off if someone doesn’t read her mind and figure that she’s uneasy.

then she’ll ghost that person for hurting her feelings or just using her.  which happens often, not because someone actually did, but because she thought they did.

she works primarily in the realm of assumed knowledge, and, as a naturally perceptive person, knows that it’s unfair of her to assume people will remember as much about her as she does to them -- but it hurts her feelings anyway if she’s close to (or is crushing on) someone who doesn’t seem to just ‘get her.’  you can’t rush things in too fast, but you also have to be the one to make the first move.  you have to get her but be okay that she will almost never tell you a direct answer.

she keeps her preferences and desires coy and mysterious until she’s comfy and ugh yeah.

like in general this is a self-feeding mess of an issue here and it’s of no surprise that before the game she’d never been in a relationship.

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

usually it’s just to look for improvements to herself.  she very rarely uses other people as a basis as to what she should be doing in an excusatory way -- like ‘if theyre not working, i dont have to be.’  she hates that.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

she always -- and i mean always -- blames herself first.  this drives BYE(star)BYE up a wall when theyre playing games because yeah she does this incorrectly a lot.

she usually needs people to let her know when she’s being a bit too hard on herself or over-extending.  but even in these situations she... relies on someone else to take the blame off her directly, rather than believing it entirely herself.

22. What does your character like in other people?

cunning, warmth, a bit of a tongue-in-cheek attitude, bullying, ambition, COMPETENCE, a bit of daredevil attitude, ability to hold her leash, genuine care, passion, ability to admit fault, EMPATHY, work ethic, good-humoredness, effort, something that i can only describe as ‘has the vibe of a ‘’’bad boy’’’ but treats her right,’ the ability to balance her out in any way fucking possible, the ability to make decisions, teamwork, commitment, the ability to just ‘get her,’ caution.

no one person can have all these things which is so upsetting but she lives.  mostly if you balance her out and make her smile... she’s good.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

brattiness, hypocritical behaviors, blaming others needlessly, saccharine niceness, people who are weirdly friendly, touchiness too soon, obstructing team work, people who think theyre somehow above rules/norms, unwarranted self-importance, people who dont even pretend to try to understand where others are coming from, people who expect other people to do work for them, people who spread gossip too far, no boundaries, people who act as if theyre above bias/other human things/etc, ‘weak’ personalities, people who just escalate her rather than grounding her out a bit, people who take advantage of other people’s feelings, people who intentionally hurt others, sadistic qualities, overt self-flagellation, cattiness over men in women, men who are nasty towards women,  infidelity, lack of loyalty, promise breaking, people who claim to care past a polite level but don’t.

...she can take any of those in doses, and she’s very willing to admit that no one is perfect -- and she’s sure she expresses some of those herself, sometimes.

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

weird question for ebull.

trust is a strange thing for this gal.  when ebull uses the word ‘trust,’ she means she has an expectation.  for instance, she trusts someone named “bigdragonfucker42069″ to be kind of unbearable in the team’s groupchat.  she makes these kinds of judgments very quickly, and can be said to ‘trust’ every single member of her class -- such as, she trusts veronica to come into a trial logically and get exasperated by any court theatric, and she trusts masashi to say little in trial but to be marginally sensible when he gives ideas.

most of these expectations do include trust for being alone together with them, sometimes during motives, because she trusts people to not go after one of the clearly athletic people who could phone a friend and have backup in minutes.  shit like that.

this doesn’t mean, however, that she trusts people in a traditional sense -- and it goes in negative ways -- like she trusts that there are maybe two people that, even before the game was revealed as a vr, would give a shit if she died beyond ‘fuck now we lost someone who does shit.’  it doesnt always work to her self image’s favor!  

for a more traditional trust -- like trusting with emotional intimacy... um.

....

that takes.  a long time.

...a very long time.  and you have to pass shittests.

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

quick to suspect, slow to solidify -- if that makes sense.  she doesn’t put much above just about anyone, but she’s willing to see reason or be proven wrong, and is pretty gracious when this is done.

doesn’t change a damn bit if she’s close to someone, but her um.  reaction.  might be a lil different.

26. How does your character behave around children?

she loves kids so much and is eager to teach them things, show them things, the whole bit.  god.  she loves kids.  easiest way to get her to genuinely smile is to bring a damn toddler around her.

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

eagerly, but levelly.  she doesn’t shy away from much, but she’s more looking to compromise or do whatever suits the group best than whatever interests she might have.

she finds she does get a lil excited at ‘locking horns’ with people, though.  so to speak.

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

depends entirely on the situation.  usually really slow -- she’s got about three locks on herself, calm down mechanisms, ability to tone down her impulses (and her impulses are RARELY ‘hurt someone’) -- but she does have.  big.  no-nos.

if any of those no-nos are touched she kind of goes blank white and will get violent without warning.  these things don’t really happen in real life though so she’s usually safe.

sucks 2 b in this game tho lol sorry jiji.

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

she really wanted to be the first female mlb baseball star.  died when she was about nine because it felt really unattainable, and she’d rather... accept her lot in life than try hard for something and fail that badly (oops).  now it’s too late to do anything about it even if she wanted to so she considers this a success in some way.

she isn’t here to make waves or so she says.  she doesn’t talk about this much but she does still love The Sport.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

people who use other people’s feelings against them, or abuse the trust other people have in them for their own gain.  people who lie in relationships.  cheaters.  people who could give a shit if they hurt someone they claim to care about.

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

sitting with her family in their country home for their week alone together.  having only a few homework assignments to do, about to go on a walk with her sister so her parents can have time alone.

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

she’s accidentally hurt someone she cares about -- they’re trying to act ok, but she can tell that they’re upset and that their trust in her took a hit.  she has no way to really apologize -- no way to fix it quickly.  she’s alone in her room, trying not to dwell on it but finding it impossible.  it’s cold.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

always always always willing to improve.  she takes all crit pretty well and never takes things personally.  maybe to a fault.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

not only does she immediately move on to a different method, but she mapped that method out mentally around the middle-mark of her first attempt, making it easier to jump into.  ebull has never seen the point in trying things over and over again in desperation, and is always looking for new ways around something.  she’s adaptable in almost every sense, and doesn’t feel too bad about failure the first dozen of times as long as she eventually settles on an answer.

this sometimes leads to some rather unconventional solutions but you know.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

ummm this is really dependent on the person, her intentions with the person, and their overall ‘relationship chemistry.’

ebull is extremely adaptable and finds it easy to go along with what other people need or desire in a relationship -- and therefore most of the time, if she likes a person, she tends to turn into some kind of balancing act.  she’ll also seek their company in her own ways!

it diverges a little between her intending for a friendship and her intending for a lover, however.  if ebull wants to have someone as a friend, she tends to spoil them -- to get into their interests a bit and starts to joke around early.  friends also get clued into her feelings and her background almost readily, and she’s more willing to explain herself or get into the things she likes (or even reveal embarrassing tidbits about herself) with people she feels mostly platonic towards.

if ebull intends to try to date someone, she um.

does her best to act absolutely detached from them.  if at all possible.  she shields any information about herself behind seven proxies of coyness.  she tries to turn every conversation into something about what the other person wants or their feelings rather than her own.  she gives little, coy compliments -- winking nudges of her interest -- but absolutely doesn’t invite the chance to get closer.  above all else, she tries to remain mysterious.

...it’s a lot easier to be her friend.  or like.  go from friend=>lover because holy shit is her dating scheme a pain in the ass.

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

depends on if this is a business/pleasure relationship.  in business, or for similar things (like a family her parents are trying to impress), ebull is remarkably good at acting at least interested in and polite towards other people.  she’s very willing to be or act compassionate even to people she detests, as she finds that there’s too much emotional energy used up by being mad or trying to behave anti-socially around someone she has to be around.  ebull values group cohesion and effort above most else, and finds that she starts causing issues by gaining attitudes.

if she has to be alone with someone she dislikes, she’ll smile politely, giggle at all their jokes, shrug her shoulders a lot, and move on quickly.  mostly you can tell if she dislikes you if she’s consistently trying to avoid speaking with you, and doesn’t coyly hint at things.

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

she finds these two are almost irreparably related, and likely couldnt choose between the two.  mostly because she’s more interested in just letting her actions speak for her, rather than get into fights over if she’s a good leader or deserves her position or anything.  it’s counter-productive to focus on either of these.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

weirdly enough she will usually just remove herself and her healers, if at all possible.  that, or try to calm the problem/threat or work around it -- rather than remove it entirely.  she’s not afraid of confrontation, but finds being quick to jump doesnt tend to look good.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

nope!  ebull doesn’t tend to deal with animals often.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

politely, doesn’t tend to seem entirely bothered by slip ups or the like.  the type of person who notices that something is going wrong in the kitchen or her waiter seems frazzled and responds with “im in no rush, so take your time” or merely steers the dinner conversation away from how hungry people are into something more productive.  tips well.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

earn it, fullstop.  and this includes things that people don’t traditionally associate with being earned -- like a good partner, for instance.  she detests when people demand or act deserving of things like other people’s respect, time, sympathy, or effort without giving a good reason.  this is partly why she’s not easy to phase even in the game when things go badly, because it’s easy for her to rationalize that she must have done something to disrupt other people’s trust in her -- and therefore lost her standing for their attention.  

she has never, ever assumed that she deserves something just for being there or showing up -- and finds that when things are just given freely, she gets a little anxious.  usually she assumes some ulterior motive.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

nah!

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

um unless you count 12 year olds on youtube who love her tanking videos, no.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

if it’s by text to a person she’s friendly with and has no intention of ever dating?  super easy.  “ilyyyyyy” and shit, sometimes cheeky.  she can also use the term ‘love’ very indiscriminately, as one of her more charming speaking tics.

any other circumstance? hoo boy.  she can think of no harder phrase to utter -- and this is coming from a gal who refuses to make first moves or say things in a non-delicate manner.

she finds phrases like ‘i love you’ way too fucking vulnerable to be said lightly -- and has to be absolutely sure before saying it.  because she fears not having her feelings reciprocated over most things, ebull will NEVER say it first, even if that means it takes years to exchange the phrase.  she’s also the type of person who could hear someone else say it in earnest and feel only uncomfortable -- if she doesn’t feel the same way.  rather than fake her feelings and return it, she’d find coy, cute ways to brush it off.  she doesn’t  take this shit lightly and has determined ‘i love you’ to be something said only with absolute certainty.

also if you say it too fast or in a position she thinks is kind of manipulative (such as saying it for the first time to her as you’re attempting to get next stage intimate), she’ll probably get disgusted at you for faking your feelings in an attempt to make her put her guard down and that’s a break up.

so yeah if she says it to you out loud, platonic or romantic?  she means the hell out of it.  also it probably embarrassed her to say and she might be close to crying.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

ebull is a buddhist and is therefore ‘covered’ when it comes to the afterlife -- so she doesnt really fear what will happen to her on paper.  off of paper she’s kind of still a bit weirdly superstitious and it’s a meld of traditional worries on top of bizarre concepts like american ghost hunting shows.  she’s kind of superstitious and willing to believe a lot of things -- especially things that can’t be especially disproven -- and can consolidate a world where most people reincarnate but maybe christians or something all turn into ghosts, and--

she also quietly believes in cute sounding myths, or old adages like “what will be will be” which she finds strangely comforting.  most things all point to her still being accounted for in the afterlife.

her big fear associated with death is leaving people she loves behind -- or how they’ll do without her there.  she doesnt want people she loves to dwell on her being gone.

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/ouch-supernatural-gets-emotional-twigs-twine-tasha-barnes/

Ouch! Supernatural Gets Emotional with Twigs & Twine & Tasha Barnes

Sometimes it’s downright painful being a Supernatural fan! But I don’t mean that as a complaint—this is part of what the Show has always been. Two weeks in a row that were painful is tough to take, there’s no doubt about that, but there was a lot to appreciate in this week’s episode. Even the painful was just done so well! Grudging admiration, Steve Yockey, for the writing, Richard Speight Jr., for the directing, and all the actors for conveying the pain so brilliantly. Before I do an actual recap, here are some of the reasons for my grudging admiration. First, I love when an episode is a mirror for the Winchesters. This is a tradition going back all the way to the beginning, something Kripke liked to do and made work extremely well. Sometimes the mirror is a little too large and obvious, but in this case, I didn’t think we were too pounded over the head with it – or maybe I just enjoyed the pounding. Which sounds really wrong. Max and Alicia, the witch twins, were immediately seen by fans as a mirror of Sam and Dean in their first episode. Their closeness, the way they talked at the same time and finished each other’s sentences, the way they squabbled but clearly always had each other’s backs – all of that reminded us of the Winchester brothers. Sibling pairs often are used in the show as a mirror for the brothers, so that wasn’t a surprise. It was a surprise to see them back in another episode! A very pleasant one. Even in the limited time they had onscreen in their first appearance, they made a big (and positive) impression on fans. So yay for Show listening! There were several scenes where the parallels were made explicit, including Sam quoting Dean as he tries to convince his brother to come to the aid of Max and Alicia. The call back to the pilot made me smile, and had the intended effect on Dean too. Sam: Their mom’s on a hunting trip and hasn’t been home in a week… Dean: (in the pilot): Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days… I know not everyone enjoys the call backs, but I really do. I do a lot of research on fandom and the psychological impact of being a fan, and one of the things that makes us feel good is the familiarity of our favorite shows. We respond emotionally to our favorite television shows differently than we respond to any old show – they have more impact, actually creating some of the same physiological  and psychological reactions that we have when we sit down with an old friend to chat over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. So all the small nods that reinforce our familiarity with a show increase that emotional impact. The phone call that Dean makes to his mother is also a call back, to the early episode aptly titled “Home”. In that episode, one of the first times I noticed how unique this show is and how unafraid the actors were to really “go there”, Dean calls his Dad and pleads for a call back, his eyes watering and his lip wobbling as he admits he doesn’t know what to do. I can’t watch it without my eyes watering too. In this episode, Dean doesn’t get as overtly emotional—his relationship with Mary isn’t as long standing and intense as his bond with John was—but he once again pleads for her to call him back and admits that he feels “spun out” and over his head.  I’ve had many conversations with Jensen about how the emotion in those scenes is not something he has to create, it’s something that happens organically. That’s clear by the small, unconscious tells – like a hint of Ackles’ Texas twang coming out as he tries to hold back the emotion from his voice. Those little things, and the way these actors are fearless in letting their emotionality come through, are what make this show so special and so impactful. Second and relatedly; the acting. Ackles and Padalecki knocked it out of the park with their empathy for Max and his repeated, brutal losses of his family—something the Winchesters can relate to with every ounce of their being. All three of the Banes family members were also incredible--Alvina August as Tasha, Kara Royster as Alicia, and Kendrick Sampson as Max. Alvina made us love her even in a short amount of time, which meant her children’s anguish over her death was incredibly painful. Kara showed us once again Alicia’s badass bravery but also her great love for her mother and her brother. And Kendrick Sampson nearly killed me by portraying Max’s devastation so powerfully that I could feel it in my gut. And it hurt! Sometimes I love this show so damn much even as I’m sobbing on the floor scrambling for more tissues. Not sure what that says about me. The BMoL story line ran parallel to Sam and Dean’s throughout the episode, which can sometimes give me whiplash from going back and forth. In this case, director Richard Speight Jr. and writer Steve Yockey made it seamless, and actors Samantha Smith and David Haydn-Jones made it snap with tension and intrigue. There was never a second of this episode where I felt like I had a chance to catch my breath, let alone think about making a sandwich! Smith’s slowly dawning realization of the colossal mistakes she’s made, and Jones’ portrayal of Ketch’s complicated feelings for Mary losing out to his indoctrination and psychopathology were fascinating to watch. And yes, also painful! And third, some big kudos to Richard Speight for the brilliant directing and gorgeously shot scenes, Serge Ladouceur and his team for the beautiful lighting throughout, Jerry Wanek and his team for infusing the twigs and twine theme throughout the episode (even in the wallpaper!) just so we could be even more creeped out than we already were, and the special effects wizards for making those violet eyes and all the other effects look anything but cheesy. And to Lou Bollo and his team for pulling off another epic fight scene worthy of the epic fight scenes in this show that have come before. [caption id="attachment_45848" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Photo: @sleepypanda[/caption] So yeah, I really liked this episode even if “enjoyed” wouldn’t be quite the right word. Let me walk through what happened, so I can point out more of what worked and possibly a few minor quibbles (because when does a review not have quibbles??) Unless it’s a Robbie Thompson episode. Then I plead for your indulgence. The episode begins right where we left off last episode, with the boys waking up the next day and trying to figure out what the hell happened with Cas (pretty much the way I felt after the last episode too). Dean draws a line between Castiel’s profession of faith in Lucifer’s child (and presumably his decision to knock Sam and Dean out and leave them in a playground) and the things Cas has done before with good intentions—for the right reasons, as he says. If you read my last week’s review, Dean and I were clearly on the same page. Dean: Last night, I didn’t recognize him. The boys are clearly worried about Cas. Meanwhile, Sam unwraps the broken Colt – and I actually leapt up to my feet and screamed! I was so devastated by its seeming loss last week, and so ecstatic to see that the boys haven’t given up hope on her yet. Dean: Can you fix it? Sam: I hope so. Me: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!! At first I was surprised that it wasn’t Dean trying to do the fixing, since he’s the mechanical wizard who’s always taking apart the guns and putting them back together. But I assume this isn’t exactly a mechanical problem. Go, Sammy!! We’re re-introduced to Max and Alicia, and immediately the parallel is set up with Sam and Dean. They’re bickering, lovingly, as siblings do. Max: You’re being dramatic. Hah! I just talked about that same accusation being thrown at Dean by his sibling in last week’s review. Maybe it really is a sibling thing. (Actually that accusation might have been thrown at me by my brother a time or two, come to think of it…) Sam convinces Dean to help them by quoting Dean’s way of convincing Sam in the pilot, and off they go. Before he leaves, Dean makes that poignant phone call to Mary, leaving a voice mail just as Dean did for his dad in ‘Home’. The next scene of all four siblings together is awesome. Max is already one of my favorite characters, in part because Sampson pulls off both being a powerful witch and being a charismatic person. Max is also another queer character for the show, happily announcing that he got the hot bartender’s phone number. Remember the early seasons when Dean might have been uncomfortable (and we were uncomfortable with Dean’s discomfort)? Dean and Sam join Alicia in their affectionate ribbing, and then Dean wants to do some male bonding with Max over the grenade launcher. Seems like such a small thing, but I don’t think it is. I loved that scene so much, and love Sampson’s portrayal of Max. Alicia and Sam have their own bonding moments, which I got distracted by for a few moments by Jared’s glorious hair tossed by the wind. Anyway, we find out that the twins are hunting a borrower witch, which yay for Yockey keeping canon! Alicia and Sam connect over feeling like their siblings shared a special bond with their single parent. Alicia: Magic, it’s their thing. Sam: Dean and my dad had that bond with hunting. It was also interesting to have an outsider pov on Mary from Alicia, who wryly notes that Mary “doesn’t seem like much of a hugger.” I’ll say. The foursome arrive at the place they track Tasha to, which is a beautiful Vancouver house or something standing in for a bed and breakfast. This show has ruined me for idyllic bed and breakfasts in the countryside – I’d just be waiting for someone to kill me! I need to give Yockey and Speight some love for the wine scene too. And probably Ackles, for holding his wine glass in his fist so awkwardly, making it crystal clear that Dean isn’t used to drinking wine without ever saying a word. And Sam giving his brother his own glass of wine when he goes out to grab the food from the vegan restaurant. Sam: Dean, drink. (pats his brother on the knee affectionately—again one of those small nonverbal moments that say so much, and that every single person in the fandom picks up on. And appreciates) Dean: Yes. (pours Sam’s wine into his own glass happily) That was just such a Sam ‘n Dean scene—the kind I’ve been missing so badly all season. Thank you Steve Yockey! We already know at this point that Tasha isn’t really Tasha, but I have to say, that twig doll was pretty damn real! She had all of Tasha’s memories, and she certainly seemed warm and loving and wise. I liked watching her and Dean observing Max and Alicia squabbling, both of them with such fond looks on their faces. Dean is so wistful, it hurts my heart. He loves knowing that Max and Alicia had what he and Sam never did—a loving mother with them to raise them. And you just KNOW that he’s wishing that for Sam, most of all. Oh, Dean. Where are my tissues? Tasha and Dean talk about mothers too—a theme of Season 12. Tasha on moms: You think they’re perfect, then you grow up and realize they’re just people. This was one of the few times in this episode that I scratched my head. Show is really wanting us to go down that road, I guess—of saying that Mary is imperfect because of course all of us, moms or not, are imperfect. I’ve been worried about this all season, that they took us so far in the opposite direction that it’s going to be very difficult to spin us around and make us say oh well, Mary was pretty awful to her boys but hey, no one’s perfect. Why did you make it so difficult, if that’s where you wanted us to end up, Show?? I honestly don’t know if I can go where you want me to. And it’s not because I think moms have to be perfect—god knows, I’m not, just ask my kids. But this went so far away from perfect! Moms don’t have to be perfect, but they don’t have to be callous and hurtful either. We get another nice little slice of “yes these are the Winchester brothers I know and love” when Sam returns with the takeout and motions Dean to come with him. Dean: I know that look. What’s up? Nothing more Winchester than nonverbal conversation and reminding us that’s how well they know each other. Sam and Dean check out the basement where that creepy guy emerged from as they arrived (and I forgot to say how much I adored Jared’s awkward little wave—he has so much talent for doing comedy that doesn’t get used very often! I laughed out loud and had to replay that moment a few times). Nothing funny about this scene though—they find Tasha’s dead body. That’s horrible enough, but what happens next absolutely broke me. Max sees the light on and comes down the stairs. Sam and Dean (breaking my heart in pieces) try to shield Max from seeing his mother, instinctively wanting to keep him from that unbearable pain even though of course he’ll have to know. And oh my god, Max’s face when he does see her. Kendrick Sampson acted the HELL out of that scene! Max (brokenly): I… I just… He breaks down in sobs, and so do I. Sam and Dean, watching, are clearly devastated too, remembering their own traumatic losses, including their dad. Jared and Jensen were amazing in this scene too, again with all those little seemingly inconsequential nonverbal reactions that are anything but. At separate times, each of them scrubs a hand over their face, like they can’t quite decide how much emotion to let show there. Again and again, they look at Max and then turn away, like it’s physically too painful for them to watch his pain and empathize with it so thoroughly. God, that was a hard scene to watch. And absolutely masterful –from all involved. Dean and Max confront the witch, while Alicia tries to help her “mother” and Sam gets beat up by the twig doll hotel guy. The witch needs time to do some serious exposition, so she puts Dean and Max under a spell that freezes them. Dean looks distractingly pretty during this time, so I don’t mind so much that there’s a lot of exposition going on. Max, on the other hand, looks devastated—he’s forced to actually see his mother murdered. That trauma contributes, I think, to him considering taking the witch’s deal, but Dean tries to talk him out of it. Dean: No, your mom is gone. It’s awful and it sucks but… The witch silences him, though Max does hesitate. Meanwhile, for some unknown reason nobody has told Alicia that the twig doll is not actually her mother, so she’s not much help to Sam as he gets tossed around like a ragdoll and then strangled (shades of early SPN!)  She finally comes to his aid, only to be stabbed to death by the twig doll that’s not really her mother. How heartbreaking was it that when she saw her “mom” stand up, Alicia happily said “Mom!” right before she killed her. I gasped out loud when Alicia went down, truly horrified. Dean managed to break the witch’s spell long enough to shoot her with witch killing bullets, and when she dies, the other twig dolls disintegrate. Too late to save Alicia though. Sam yells for his brother, his anguished “DEAN!” ringing down the hall. And then Kendrick Sampson destroys me all over again, as Max sees that his beloved sister is dead. It was such a call back to All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2, the scene that kept me crying for literally an entire week when Sam dies in Dean’s arms. Max has such a similar reaction, rushing to his sister’s side and leaning over her sobbing. Max: Please, no, hey hey, no no no… It’s what the Winchesters say when one of them dies too –they always say “hey, hey” when trying to talk the other one out of leaving them, so when Max said the same I totally lost it. Nobody told me I’d need THAT many tissues! Sam and Dean are thinking the same thing; they look at each other pointedly as Max cries. He sends them away, and they respect his wishes and go. In the car, Sam tries to reassure his brother that he did the right thing, that he saved Max (his soul anyway). Dean: Yeah, he seemed super saved. Dean is so sad about how things went down, saying that they had a loving family, “the kind we should have had.” Dean: Sam, we do terrible things all the time to save each other, that’s what you do for family. Who am I to stop him? That’s pretty much Supernatural in a nut shell, and it’s why I love this Show. Hearing Dean say that just made me even MORE emotional. There’s a great music cue as Max does the same, putting his sister’s heart in the twig doll and bringing it to life. Alicia’s body burns as the twins leave, twig doll Alicia as mystified about what’s happened as Sam was when Dean sold his soul to bring his brother back to life at the end of Season 2. Oh, the call backs, my heart can’t take much more of this! Meanwhile, in the second story line, Ketch is torturing what at first looks like Mary but is in fact a shape shifter. Mary is watching, and her phone rings. Mary: It’s Dean. Ketch: And?? That sets up the beginning of the end for Mary and Mr. Ketch’s unlikely romance, if you can call it that. He takes every bit as much pleasure in torture as we would have expected him to, and Mary sees that side of him for the first time-the brutal side that his charming exterior has covered up. It’s telling that Mary refers to the shifter as “he” and Ketch corrects her to “it.” That’s what the BMoL – and every torturing regime ever—does in order to be as brutal as they are. They dehumanize, see anything other as “it” so they can torture with impunity and without regret. Mary is as put off by seeing this as Dean was when he was hunting vampires with Ketch. The Winchesters can be ruthless, but most of the time (if they’re not demons at the time or whatever) they don’t take pleasure in it. Afterwards, Mary is angry. Ketch, on the other hand, wants to jump into bed and work off all that adrenaline. (Ewww). Mary shuts that down pretty quickly, and Jones does a good job showing us, again with those subtle nonverbals that all these actors excel at, that Ketch is hurt by the rejection. And for someone as ruthless as him? That is not going to be a good thing. He taunts Mary that she’d better call Dean, or “he’ll think Mommy doesn’t love him”. Ouch. On the nose there. Mary finally gets Dean’s message, and leaves Dean the voicemail she should have left him way back in Episode 2 or 3, telling him that she’s sorry she hasn’t been there for him and Sam. Mary: But I want to be. I will be. I miss you boys. I love you. Me and everyone else watching: uh oh, that sounds like the sort of voicemail people leave when the show is about to kill them off. Ketch has been careful, even sending emails as though they were from Mick so Mary won’t get suspicious. But Mary is a hunter, and she’s smart, and soon enough she finds Mick’s body in a storage container and a room full of hunters’ photos and stats that make them look like the next intended targets. Ketch tries one last lie about Mick. Ketch: An accident, with a werewolf. Mary: (incredulous) A werewolf shot him in the head? Ketch: It’s not impossible… Me: actually laughing out loud. Nice dialogue, Steve Yockey! We then get one of those epic fight scenes that Supernatural is known for, thanks to Lou Bollo’s amazing stunt choreography and the willingness of the actors to always give it their all. They throw each across the room, get in punches and kicks. Ketch is still not entirely ready to give up on her, which really says something about the effect she had on him. He says he can keep her safe, if only she plays nice. Mary: I don’t play nice. I’ll say. Mary breaks his arm and brass knuckles him in the nuts, leaving him on the floor as she walks out. Nope, not that easy! Ketch tasers her and she falls flat to the floor. Meanwhile, Dean and Sam are driving away. Sam falls asleep, leaning against the window in the passenger side while Dean drives and keeps an eye on his brother, just like in all the best fanfic. Then Dean checks his voicemails. He gets to hear the one from Mary, which I’m glad about; so often in this show, the most important voicemails never get heard. Then he hears the one that tells him to call her, that they’ve got a problem. Dean to sleeping Sam: Sam, wake up, it’s mom, something’s wrong. SAM! Me: Why is Sam not waking up??? Is something wrong with Sam? (Probably not, this was just a fitting transition to the next scene, but it worried me) We end with a splash of water on a bound Mary’s face as she comes to. Ketch: (ominously) Remember Mary, I gave you a chance. And then we see the person NONE of us ever wanted to see again (but expected nevertheless). Lady Toni (with her goddamned notebook again): Now Mary, let’s begin. [caption id="attachment_45875" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Caps by @kayb625[/caption] Talk about callbacks! This episode may not have been enjoyable—in fact it was downright painful to watch at times—but it was incredibly well done. Kudos to all—writer, director, cast, crew. I’m full of trepidation as we start careening toward the finale, but that’s just Supernatural, isn’t it? For more Supernatural, check out our new book, Family Don’t End With Blood: Cast and Fans on How Supernatural Has Changed Lives, available now here! Check out next week's Supernatural 1221 There's Something About Mary.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[theradicalintrovert]

“Victim mentality”

If it’s essential for parents to want their kids to be better versions of themselves, is it not acceptable for kids to want the same from the parents? Or are the kids too “naive”, and “don’t know what they want”?

Well, for one thing, kids do know when they want more love. 

I sat in silence having porridge for breakfast planning the workday in my head, when Mom uncharacteristically decides to give me company. “Why do you carry so many cards in your wallet?” she asks.

She knows just the right buttons to press at the right time. I say nothing. Like always. What she means is why do I carry around my IDs and my debit and credit cards in my wallet when I could carry only the essentials, while keeping some safely at home (in the event of me losing my wallet). She means well.

“Do not go through my wallet,” I reply, trying to keep calm while my slightly raised voice betrays me. Well the conversation ends with her getting defensive and saying “I don’t go through your wallet,” etc. 

Lies.

You see, she has been doing that for years now. Going through my drawer, my books, and my wallet. And that has perhaps made me even more fiercely protective of my privacy. When I stuff sponge in the keyhole of my bedroom door, I come back from work, to see it removed. It has come to a point where I can no longer consider that space as my home. It’s not. It’s my parents’s home, not mine. 

Perhaps I’ll paint an incomplete picture without giving you a backstory. I was brought up in the tea gardens of Assam and Kerala, while studying in Darjeeling and Ooty, respectively. My brother (5 years older), studied in the same boarding schools. It was a beautiful life, the ones you read in story books, with streams, outdoor fun, childish adventures, et al. 

Soon though, we moved to the city (Calcutta), a noisy chaotic mess that people somehow found ‘convenient’. My grades dropped, my interactions with people changed, I suddenly had access to all the distractions that a city had to offer, but most crucially, I came back home to my parents every day after school. From ‘talking’ to them once every two weeks by an inland letter, now I had to talk to them every day. 

As I struggled to adjust to this life (from the real jungle to this concrete one), my grades fell dramatically. Soon whatever talk was had with my parents, revolved around this. Screw friendships, screw play time, first get your grades straight then think about other things. Yeah I remember quite clearly what Dad said - there’s no point in making friends; eventually they’ll all go away and no one will be there for you when you need them. You need to be able to do things yourself. 

Great advice. So I stopped allowing myself to get close to people emotionally. always kept a distance. Didn’t go out with them as much. Heck even if I wanted to, I couldn’t because I never got any money, because you know, my grades were not good enough. So here I was in a new city, in a new setting, new school, new acquaintances, distancing myself from friends, no money to hang out with them either, but somehow a new girlfriend. 

Yes, in the 8th standard, I began seeing someone. Respite from the other crap. Also made me feel good about myself. I had something (someone) to look forward to everyday. She paid for everything when we went out. She called me on my brother’s phone at night. She was not perfect for me, but at the time, she was what I needed. 

Predictably enough, my folks found out about it. And when they did, all my money (whatever I had managed to accrue) was taken, my landline privileges revoked, and thus began the age of monitoring. My mom would be around every time I got a call. If I had to step out, I would be given exact change for the bus/auto fare. I had to borrow money from my brother to go out with her, buy her gifts on birthdays, buy my friends gifts (”what’s the point when you won’t get gifts from them in return” - probably because I never got the money to treat them somewhere. Nor did I invite them home because I always thought they would inconvenience Mom, and she wouldn’t miss an opportunity to tell me how it was not ideal to have them over). So I convinced myself that celebrating birthdays was a bad idea, and that only superficial people (read: rich) do it. I mean who celebrates the day they became a burden to the earth. I found meaning in the philosophy that productivity should be celebrated, and not mere existence.

Sounds fair, I guess.

I think they got used to the fact that I would probably never achieve the academic heights I once reached. My other achievements went largely unnoticed. When I became the school’s football captain, the house captain, regional finalist in the American Spelling Bee (twice),  the top scorer in the Green Olympiad (nation-wide), one of the highest performers in the ASSET test (nation-wide), and other inconsequential things. 

If home was a pressure cooker, at least in school things began to improve. Sometime during that blissful period, Mom saw me watching porn. My brother’s collection, but obviously I couldn’t out him. I told them I found the disc in school and next thing you know they come to school and talk to the principal regarding this. Yet another father-son moment that could have been...

Then after the 10th Standard, I had to change school. Money was short and the school wasn’t going to reduce its fees. So off I went, leaving the rich kids of DPS, to a local school. The teachers here would also take tuition classes of these very students (so ethics went beautifully out of the window). The kids here would take these tuition classes, else they would be subjected to grading bias. 

Run like a typical government institution, it was no surprise that the people who came to study here, too were from a different background, and culture. Barring a handful, I couldn’t have a conversation with any one of them. This was the phase where I got addicted to computer games. I would leave for school but instead of actually going, I started visiting this cyber cafe. I couldn’t bring myself to go to school. In the 12th grade, my attendance dropped to 19% before the school called my parents asking about me. 

What ensued was a slap on the face (quite literally) and even more monitoring. So much so that my brother was then tasked with accompanying me to school every day. Perhaps I deserved it. It was the most important year of my school and I was slacking. 

Then came college. Went to Mumbai. 3 years there on a pocket money of 1,500 per month (in Mumbai, yes). Sure I had hostel, and food. Perhaps I did not need more. I stopped buying clothes altogether, not that I used to do much shopping before. Again, who needs new clothes when you have your mind to colour your world. Death to superficiality! Never mind the embarrassment of going out on that rare occasion looking like the change in your wallet (useful sure, but you’d rather have notes).   

Did not get placed anywhere so came back home directly after college, with nowhere to go (story for another day). I was definitely living up to my father’s dream. Did a course which he did not approve of. Took 5 years to complete a 3-year course. And came back home without a job. 

Finally though I managed to bag a sales job in a multinational company. Something I was clearly not suited for. But I took it because the money was not bad (anything more than zero was not bad). Within 3 months I felt the pressure to leave, and that is exactly what I did. Didn’t tell anyone I was struggling. How could I tell my parents? They thought here I was at least doing something instead of just lazing around in the house. I couldn’t muster the courage to tell them I couldn’t do this, and that I was thinking of quitting. 

Anyway when Dad found out that I left the company, the first thing he asked was, “Did you leave, or were you fired?” In hindsight, I think he just genuinely wanted to understand the circumstances of my departure. Well, I guess I would have been fired eventually had I not left. I stayed jobless for a while after that. Applied to loads of places, even if it meant doing something I did not particularly like. I couldn’t stay there could I, using up the space in the home, while contributing nothing. Here I was crying myself to sleep for failing to launch but what good would that do? I needed to stand on my feet and do something for myself instead of moping all the time.

Finally I got a job in a content writing firm in Bombay. Once again to the land of opportunities. I think my parents were proud, to some extent. My dad cried as my train left the station. The second stint wasn’t that bad. I was getting by, barely. But it was nice to be able to stretch my legs. But good things rarely last, and soon I was moving about more than I wanted, getting ripped off more than I would have liked, and then came an opportunity to open a new branch office in Calcutta. 

I came back. Left all my clients, my independent life, because how often does one get an opportunity to head a branch office. But I thought being 24, and a person who does all this would change the perception that my parents would have of me. But predictably Mom began to rifle through my things once again and found weed in my drawer. Here I thought we had moved beyond this surveillance. But apparently not. However she decided not to question me about this at all. In fact she took the box and kept it - perhaps wanting an escape from all the failures I’ve brought upon them. 

Anyway, today she came and asked me about the cards in the wallet thing. Well, she was right. Like they always are. Perhaps I don’t know anything.  

[groupie-inspired]

The meet & greet

I was just thinking over how I ended up wanting to be a groupie in the first place and I am having all these flashbacks of stuff I did when I was younger. Here is one of those stories.

The summer before my freshman year (I was 13), my best friend S and I decided to go to a Shane Dawson meet and greet in the city. It was in a Barnes and Noble. In order to get in, you had to get a color coded wristband and buy at least one signed book. The problem was, my friend’s dad was NOT about that getting up early stuff at that moment so I was responsible for securing our wristbands. Let me tell you, this was a fucking ordeal. My dad and I get there at around 6:00... the line is already around the block. Mind you, this an NYC block— not a normal block. I’m thinking, oh shit. I get in line and my dad stays off to the side. I end up speaking with some girls and we’re all like chatting and one girl recorded me for her vlog. I never did get to see that vlog, though. It’s hard for me to describe this part of the story because it was like a never ending expanse of nothingness. It was a line. All I remember, is that the disorganization of the whole thing was immediately clear. I don’t remember the exact details of when the doors were meant to open, but all of the sudden some girls (I mean boys were there but not as many) are walking out with their books and red wristbands. That means they were the first in, but no one was supposed to be let in yet. Then things stop for a really long time and I’m like. Omg.

Fast forward, this goes on for multiple hours. FINALLY, I somehow am inside. I think I cut it pretty close because my wristband was purple, and if the first girls had red ones this was a ROYGBIV situation. I knew going in though, that it was only supposed to be people who were there who got wristbands. I had to somehow get another wristband out of the cashier. I get mine and put it on, and my dad says to him, “Her brother isn’t feeling well so he didn’t come to wait on line, can we have another for him?” The guy experienced some hesitation but overall was really nice, so his attitude was, “I’m not supposed to do this, but if you buy two books I’ll give it to you.” My friend wanted a book anyway, so we were golden. Boom. I got it. I go home for a few meager hours of rest before I have to go back again for our time slot.

My friend’s dad and her meet me at my house. There’s a bus stop around the corner, and we wait there until we catch the bus into the city. Once we get there, the situation gets really chaotic. It was the end of July so it was HOT as FUCK out. But we aren’t at that point in the story just yet.

Naturally, we go and sit inside the store. Her dad left to do something for a minute so we were just there on the floor. A girl with winged eyeliner and frizzy blonde hair comes up to me. “Hey, how did you get a wrist band?” In hindsight, knowing what I know now, I’m pretty sure this girl was probably significantly more experienced in this type of situation than I was. She wasn’t waiting on line if she was able to work around it. So I tell her, “Oh sorry, you had to be there this morning. I’m not sure if they have any left, but you can ask.” She goes and asks, and she was told no. I didn’t see her again until later.

At some point, we were told to move upstairs. Then, we were told to move outside. They kept playing fucking musical chairs with where they were going to have the crowd. We stood in that heat for hours. In those days, I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t emotionally prepared. But there we were. I met some other people too. One girl had colorful hair. I think I can’t remember this event as well as others because the sun on my head gave me memory loss or something 💀.

After an extended period of time, we are finally brought into the building again and wait in yet another line. Once we’re at the second level, I see the blonde girl again. The security guard is standing right by the escalator, and from his expression I can see he is worn out. Who wouldn’t be, given the dismal state of the crowd control in that place? I guess I can’t blame the store for being unprepared... it’s a bookstore, not a concert venue or something. I can see her assessing the situation. She chooses what she deems the correct moment, and slides into the horde of us that are waiting to be let up to the final level— the last thing standing between us and what we came here for. He’s checking everybody’s wrist bands. She almost gets past him, but no such luck. He gets quite an attitude with her, and I get the impression that wasn’t their first interaction that day. She goes off to the side and starts texting.

My friend and I are let upstairs where we wait again. There’s a whole security thing we have to go through, and finally we are able to take our photo with Shane Dawson. He was really nice, but by this point I was less than enthused about the situation. I saw on Instagram that people who stayed upstairs or had different colored wristbands got to see a speech of some sort, and got to use fun props and pose with him and everything. I was a little annoyed. Still, the photo happened and it was nice. The girl who went before us, though, was having a total meltdown. I mean, hysterical crying. Shrieking. I didn’t understand why this girl was out here letting it all go instead of making a good impression. Sometimes I wonder what her and blonde girl are doing these days.

We took the bus home. The whole day was exhausting. I know now that meet & greets are not worth it, like at all. But I was thirteen I didn’t even know that there could ever be another option— not in regards to that specific situation, but just in general. I just wanted to meet the person who’s content I admired, and interact with them.

My point in telling this story, is that I think I always had the groupie spirit in me LOL. I’m not in the scene yet, obviously, but mostly because of circumstances making it so I haven’t been able to try. I’m a hard worker when it comes to this stuff!! But I don’t have the necessary toolkit *cough* ID *cough* to even gain entrance to the places I want to go. Let me tell you, I did HOURS of research. I asked friends. I asked my friends’ friends. Unfortunately, to no avail. As of now, I can only go where the law lets me. My main goal right now is like... trying to network I guess? When I can go to concerts, I’m trying to meet other girls who maybe know what they’re doing or have resources that I don’t. At this point I don’t really care what anyone thinks or what anyone tells me is the “right” way to be. I’m a creative person and I have a need to be around other creative people, what can I do? I love music and art and the world and I need to be around people who know what it means to truly love those things and have it as an inseparable part of yourself. I’ll keep trying!

If you all thought this story was fun I definitely have more I can tell you about. I appreciate if you give me feedback, it helps me know that people are listening and that I’m not screaming into the void. Xx