#my dad just called me after taking daisy to the vet

[doyeons]

my heart hurts so bad

[daisylu-rocketdog-blog]

Did you know the word “euthanasia” itself comes from the Greek words “eu” (good) and “thanatos” (death)? I just learned that the other day.

Daisy Lu was euthanized this past Tuesday, and for her, it was a very good death. Let me tell you about her last day.

That morning, I drove to my parents' house with snacks for everyone in tow. I had been crying a lot the night before, so I just wore sunglasses in the grocery store. I tried to keep a positive attitude, though. I wasn't originally planning to visit Tuesday; I thought I had said my goodbyes already on Monday evening after returning from my partners' Mom's house. But when I got home Monday night, the grief was so overwhelming, and I'm not sure why I ever thought I shouldn't be there to spend Daisy's last day with her. With this realization, I felt a new optimism that I got to spend a whole new day with my baby dog. It was a sunny day. ☀️

When I arrived, Daisy was sleeping. I didn't want to wake her so I just said hello from a distance and put my groceries away. I sat on the porch with my grandma for a while, and then my dad got home from work. Everyone was coming home early from work that day. Once he went inside, he said Daisy woke up and looked at him sleepily. He brought her outside and I was so happy to see her awake. I pet her and we walked around together.

She had been dealing with kidney failure for a while, as well as some eye issues that were causing her vision to decrease. These factors and old age. But, she could still walk. Apparently she had trouble with that on Sunday, and that's when my parents made the call. Tuesday though, she was doing relatively well.

So Tuesday Daisy walked, and walked, and walked. She didn't want to rest very much. She'd rather walk around her favorite spots in the yard and sniff. I followed her but kept some distance so she could go to the bathroom. Then when she got tired, we picked her up and carried her back home. I think she appreciated that.

She probably went through that routine five times over the course of the day. You could tell she was tired and in pain, but still energetic enough to go through her routine and get some love from us. It was the perfect time to have her put to sleep; she was not suffering immensely, but still we knew her quality of life was affected more negatively than positively.

She ate some of her favorite foods that day: smoked chicken, cheese, Fritos chips. Anything she wanted we let her have. So many pets and kisses. Rides around the yard in our arms. We told stories about and talked to her. She watched me play a little Zelda on the couch where she sat in her bed next to me. The one thing that pained me most was that she was not wagging her tail. I hadn't seen her do that Monday night nor all day Tuesday.

It was about an hour before the vet arrived. She had been pacing some, but sat down next to Mom for a minute. Then suddenly she excitedly jumped up off the porch with her tail wagging. She soon slowed down, but just to see how quickly she got up and know that she was elated for that time made me indescribably happy. She kept walking around the yard. I think she must have seen a chipmunk.

The vet was nice, and talked us through it. She explained that the first shot would be a sedative, and the second would be the medicine to help her take her final sleep. We gave her lots of pets and scratches. I think the first shot startled her a little, but I don't think she felt any real pain. She slowly started to become sleepy and my mom held her. My mom passed her to me when she was still half awake, then her head finally started to droop a bit in my arms and I knew she was asleep. I set her down so that she would be comfortable. After a few more minutes, the vet gave the second shot. It was a very peaceful end. She looked like a little angel lying there in her bed.

The vet helped me make a paw print in plaster with her name, and helped shave some of her hair off so that I could keep it in a little box. I have the plaster and her fur on my bedside table.

After the vet left, we moved her from the bed she was in to lie on top of her favorite coat of Mom's. She loved to sleep in it. We gently put her into the curl position she loved to be in (like a little grub worm), and then wrapped her in the coat. We then placed her in her favorite bed, and covered her all up with her blankie that my grandma had crocheted.

My parents had dug a place for her in her favorite spot just inside the woods. Not many trees so she could walk around, but no yard grass so she could go to the bathroom wherever she wanted. She liked to lie there and cool down or look down the hill. My dad lowered her in and used the tractor to cover her slowly. My mom and I watched. It was all very nice.

My partner and I are going back over to their house tomorrow to have a cookout and I'll bring flowers for her grave. We'll find a flat headstone and my mom has a friend that will paint Daisy's caricature on it. We'll make the area nice, too. My mom plans to tend to the area around the grave and keep a path there so we can walk to it.

I'm excited to go back and see her spot and make it beautiful for her. I couldn't have asked for a better death for my Daisy Lu, and I'm grateful my parents took such good care of her when she was alive.

I am still grieving though, and I don't know how long it will take. At least this makes it easier. But I have cried every day since Monday. I hope it will get easier than this. I ordered a custom shaped pillow with a photo of Daisy on it and one for my dad for Father's Day. They should be getting here today. I miss her so much. I just want something to cuddle that reminds me of her. I love and miss you, Daisy Lu. I'm so glad you had a good last day. ❤️

[suituuup]

pieces - epilogue

That’s it, folks! Thank you for coming along this journey. Huge shout out to @snowonebutyou and @lilhan, this story wouldn’t have been the same without their help.

ao3 link

*

“Come on Bean, you can do it,” Chloe encouraged, holding her arms out towards Marleigh as the one-year-old stood, Beca sitting behind her. 

Marleigh grinned and took an unsteady step, then another one, before falling on her bum. She giggled and pushed back to her feet to make the remaining three steps to her mom, collapsing into her arms. 

“Oh my goodness, you’re walking,” Chloe gushed as she peppered her face with kisses. “Where did the time go??” She set her back down, facing Beca. “Wanna do it again?” 

Beca grinned, extending her arms this time. “Come to Auntie Beca, MJ!” 

Chloe smiled, holding Marleigh’s hips as she spoke close to her ear. “Go to Mama.”

Beca froze and met her eyes, a silent question swirling in them as they simultaneously filled with tears. Chloe’s smile simply widened, and she glanced away from Beca to focus on Marleigh as she toddled to Beca, squealing as she did. 

“You-- really?” Beca asked as she held Marleigh against her. 

Chloe nodded. “You’re not her aunt, Bec. You’ve been there since day one, raising her with me. I know it can’t be official on paper yet, but to me, you’re Marleigh’s other parent.” After a pause, she added, “If you want that, that is.” 

Beca visibly swallowed, and a couple of tears spilled down her cheeks. She cleared her throat, seemingly at a loss for words as she glanced at MJ, leaning in to kiss her chubby cheek. 

*

Beca wasn’t a fan of the cold, but she had to admit that a white Christmas was pretty dope. 

So was Christmas in the Beale fashion. They had spent the day before baking cookies, singing Christmas carols, and once it was dark, had gone out to Rockefeller to see the tree. 

Beca woke to the sound of babbling through the baby monitor that morning, and after finding Chloe sound asleep, turned the device off and slipped from under the covers. She padded to the nursery across the hall and smiled at the sight of a wide-awake Marleigh staring up at her with those big blue eyes. 

“G’morning, Bean,” she murmured, bending down to pick her up. Turned out Marleigh was still a bit sleepy, cuddling into Beca as soon as she was in her arms. Beca brushed a kiss to her forehead. “Merry Christmas.” 

She walked down the hall towards the living room and turned on the tree lights, knowing how obsessed Marleigh was with the colors. 

“Look at aaaaall the presents, Mar,” Beca said as she pointed to the various piles of gifts she and Chloe had hustled to wrap last night. “I think most of it is for you, baby.” 

Marleigh babbled incoherent things, pointing to the tree. Her features broke into a wide smile as she looked at something over Beca’s shoulder, and Beca turned around to see Chloe padding over. 

“Merry Christmas,” Chloe said, leaning in to kiss Beca’s lips, then Marleigh’s cheek. 

Marleigh had a blast opening her presents, even though she looked definitely more entertained by the wrapping paper than the gifts themselves. Beca felt nerves sprout in her belly as she stood up to pour herself more coffee, plucking the small box laying under the tree and handing it to MJ. 

“This is for Mommy,” she whispered, pointing to Chloe. “Can you go give it to her?” 

“Ya!” Marleigh exclaimed and walked over to where Chloe sat. 

Chloe glanced at Beca questioningly, then at her daughter. She took the box, her hand shaking lightly. “Thank you, baby.” Her eyes met Beca once more, then widened as she opened the box to find a sparkling diamond ring. Not any ring; her grandmother’s. “Beca…”

When she finally tore her gaze away from it, Beca had shuffled closer. “That business trip I took to LA a couple of months ago? It was actually to Portland. I wanted to ask your parents if they were okay with me asking you an important question, and your mom insisted I had this ring. Chloe…” she took a deep breath, shifting from a sitting position to down one knee. “You are everything to me. This past year and a half have been my happiest yet, and it’s all because of you. And I want to make this, us, to become a forever thing,” Beca paused, smiling as happy tears stung her eyes. “Chlo, will you marry me?”

Chloe choked on a watery chuckle. “Yes,” she whispered, crushing the distance between them to press a lingering kiss on Beca’s lips. “I love you.” 

Beca beamed. “I love you, too.” She laughed when Bean crashed their embrace, wrapping an arm around her. Her heart felt fit to burst from happiness. “And you.” 

*

They started house hunting as soon as Chloe secured a vet tech position in the clinic she was completing her internship in, in Stamford, Connecticut. After a couple of months’ search, they found a lovely farmhouse in Westchester County, just outside of Bedford, located an hour from Manhattan and thirty minutes from Stamford.

It was built in the 1900s in the New England housing style, complete with the traditional covered porch, metal standing seam roof, rafter tails, and barn-style garage. The interior had been fully renovated, giving way to a fresh and modern spin. 

“There’s a greenhouse, too, and a cottage,” Chloe said with a soft gasp as they wandered about the three acres that came with the property after visiting the inside. Marleigh was just ahead of them, exploring. “We’d have enough space for a dog, and maybe some goats and chickens?” 

Beca chuckled. “Goats and chickens? Since when are we having a farm?” 

Chloe giggled, shrugging. “I really want Bean to grow up around animals.”

Beca smiled and kissed Chloe’s cheek. “Fine, we can have goats and chickens. I won’t be going around the chickens, though. They kinda scare me.” 

“Really?” Chloe asked, unable to stop herself from snickering. 

Beca glared. “Don’t make fun of me, Beale.” 

“Mommy!” Marleigh called out, holding up what looked like a daisy. “Look. Pwetty.” 

Chloe crouched down to her level, smiling. “Very pretty. Do you like it here, baby?” 

Marleigh nodded her pigtails bouncing with the movement. She pointed to the swingset. “We go there?” 

Chloe pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Go ahead.” 

They signed the papers a few weeks later and were set to move there the following summer, after Chloe’s graduation.

All the pieces of her puzzle were finally coming together, and Chloe couldn’t feel happier.

*

“You ready to clap, Bean?” Beca asked as she and Marleigh sat in one of the back rows, among the other students’ families. “It’s almost Mommy’s turn.” 

“Mommy?” Marleigh asked, pointing at the stage. 

“Not yet,” Beca murmured, smiling at her impatience and brushing a kiss to her head. 

Two students later, Chloe walked across the stage. 

“Mommy!” Marleigh called out as the Dean handed Chloe her diploma. She clapped from her spot on Beca’s lap, beaming. Chloe waved and blew them a kiss before she headed down the steps leading off the stage. 

The ceremony ended forty-five minutes later, and Beca and MJ met up with Chloe by the side of the stage. 

“Congratulations, baby,” Beca murmured, kissing her softly. “I’m so proud of you.” 

Marleigh dutifully gave her mom the flowers she and Beca picked up this morning. “Congwatulations, Mommy!”

Chloe bent down to pick her up. “Thank you, my love. I feel like this calls for ice cream. What do you say?” 

“Yes! I want four scoops!” Marleigh declared, holding up three fingers. 

Beca chuckled, holding up four fingers herself. “That’s four, Bean.” 

Marleigh copied her, grinning “Four scoops!” 

Beca tickled her sides, drawing a string of uncontrolled giggles from the toddler. They settled at the park with their ice cream, enjoying the warm June afternoon. 

Chloe cuddled close to Beca as they watched Marleigh play with her toys ten feet away. “She’s growing up way too fast,” Chloe murmured. 

Beca hummed. “Is that your subtle way of telling me you’re ready to have another kid, Beale?” 

A giggle flitted past Chloe’s lips. “No. I think we’re just on the brink of getting a case of the terrible twos, so it’s probably best if we only have one kid to handle for now.” 

Beca laughed. MJ was definitely showing some temper and had already given them a taste of what toddler tantrums could be like. “That’s probably wise. And maybe we could get married first, too?” 

With the house hunting and Chloe finishing up her school year, they hadn’t really talked about it. 

“Can we do it at home? I really want my dad to be there.” 

Her father’s condition had stabilized over the last year or so. They had visited him a few times since MJ’s birth, and Beca could tell he was relieved to be able to hold his granddaughter and interact with her despite his condition.

“Of course we can,” she murmured, brushing a kiss to Chloe’s forehead. “I was also thinking… that we could stay there longer this summer? Two weeks is going to fly by, and if we stayed a month then maybe your mom could take some time off?” 

Alice had been caring for her husband for the last five years, and Chloe had shared that she was worried it was taking too much of a toll on her. 

Chloe lifted her head from Beca’s chest. “Would you really be okay with that?” 

“Yeah,” Beca said, brushing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. 

“Mama,” MJ called as she walked over, holding a rock. “Pwesent.” 

Beca held out her hand, smiling. Marleigh had an obsession with rocks, lately. “Thank you, baby. I love it.”

MJ snuggled in between the two of them, curling up against Beca’s chest. 

“You tired, Bean?” Beca asked softly, dropping a kiss on her hair. MJ didn’t answer, her breathing evening out a few seconds later. 

Beca shared a look with Chloe and smiled. It felt odd to think of how, ten years ago, she was convinced music and success would be the key to her happiness. And it had been, for a good five years, up until Chloe came back into her life. 

This, what they built together since then, brought Beca to another level of happiness she didn’t know was possible. 

*

They got married on a warm September evening, at an orchard with the ocean as a gorgeous backdrop. 

Marleigh was supposed to be the flower girl, but she changed her mind last minute, refusing to go first and clinging to Chloe, who ended up picking her up before she walked down the aisle alongside her father. 

Beca’s father walked her down the aisle next, and Chloe heard Marleigh gasp. “Mama looks pwetty,” the two-year-old whispered. 

“She really does,” Chloe agreed quietly, tears of happiness already filling her eyes as Beca came to a stop in front of her. 

“You look…” Beca faltered, shaking her head as what looked like awe flashed in her features. “Incredibly beautiful, Chlo.” Her focus shifted to MJ. “And you’re the cutest flower girl ever.” 

Marleigh giggled and motioned for Chloe to set her down, but she remained by Aubrey’s side. They recited their vows in front of their closest friends and immediate family, exchanging rings and somehow managing to make it through the ceremony without bawling their eyes out. 

“I now pronounce you, wife and wife,” Aubrey said, a beaming smile breaking across her features. “You may now kiss.” 

Chloe grinned and cupped Beca’s cheek, stepping closer and pressing a lingering kiss to her lips as their friends whistled and hooted. 

“Yuck!” Marleigh exclaimed, and Chloe found her peeking through her fingers when they parted. 

She laughed and picked her up, she and Beca kissing each cheek before they started down the aisle under the applause of their loved ones. 

*

“Where we going?” 

Beca smiled as she laced Marleigh’s shoes. “We’re going to the courthouse, Bean.” 

“Wha’s that?” 

“It’s where big decisions are made, by people we call judges. Today we’re meeting with a judge who will decide if I can become your real mom.” 

They had tried to explain that to Marleigh since signing the petition for Beca to adopt her, but Marleigh had argued that Beca was already her Mama. It had been a long process since their wedding, with background checks and a visit from the child protective services. 

“I hope the judge says yes,” Marleigh said as she swung her legs. 

Beca smiled. “Me, too.” She kissed her forehead and picked her up, heading down the stairs. Part of her expected Marco to show up out of the blue, but she knew that was unlikely, as he probably didn’t know of Marleigh’s existence. 

Nerves sprouted in Beca’s belly when they sat down for the final hearing. Marleigh sat on her lap, asking questions about the room they were in and being a welcome distraction as they waited for the judge. 

“And that?” 

“That’s a gavel,” Beca said. “The judge hits it when he makes a decision, or sometimes, when there’s a lot of people in the room and they’re talking too loud, the judge will slam it on their desk to request silence.” 

They stood when the judge walked in, the middle-aged woman motioning for them to sit down while she reviewed their file. 

“Mrs. Rebecca Mitchell, is it still your intent to adopt Marleigh Beale and become her other parent under the eyes of the law?” 

“Yes, your honor,” Beca answered, her voice shaking slightly as emotions swirled in her chest. 

“Mrs. Chloe Mitchell, do you still consent to Rebecca adopting your daughter and giving her, her last name?” 

“I do, your honor.” 

The judge motioned for them to come forward. “Sign here, and here.” 

Beca sucked in a sharp breath, meeting Chloe’s eyes before she took the pen and scribbled her signature at the bottom of the document. Chloe did the same right after, casting Beca a smile. 

“You say yes?” Marleigh asked, looking up at the judge. “Mama is my real mom, now?”

The judge chuckled, smiling warmly. “She is. Congratulations.” 

Beca wiped a tear sliding down her cheek. “Thank you.” 

She pulled her family into a long embrace as soon as they stepped out of the courtroom, basking into the moment.

“Can we go get ice cream, now?” Marleigh asked, breaking the silence. 

Chloe smiled and kissed her daughter’s cheek. “I think that’s a great idea.” She slid her hand into Beca’s, raising it to her lips and dropping a kiss to her knuckles. “Come on, Mitchells. Ice cream’s on me.” 

*

Fall was Chloe’s favorite season. It got incredibly beautiful in Westchester once the tree adorned their golden and scarlet leaves, and one of her favorite things to do was sit on the porch swing while nursing on a cup of coffee or tea, sometimes reading a book, other times watching her daughter play with her dad in the backyard, like today. 

Her parents had moved to the East Coast six months ago, as they wanted to spend more time with Marleigh. It made sense that they moved into the cottage on Beca and Chloe’s farm, so Chloe could be around to help her mom out. They had fully renovated the interior, with a fully-equipped kitchen, master bedroom, and cozy living and dining room. Marleigh was thrilled to have her grandparents around. She loved to play games with her grandpa and do farm tasks with her grandma, like feeding the chickens and goats, collecting eggs, or gardening.

“Go fish.” 

Marleigh made a disgruntled noise as she reached for another card. She huffed dramatically when Mike asked her for a card she had. “Grandpaaaa.” 

Chloe looked over her shoulder when she heard approaching footsteps. She smiled at her wife as Beca sat down beside her, and reached over to stroke her growing belly.

Chloe released a content sigh. “Do you ever feel like… pinching yourself? Because this feels too good to be true?” 

“Every morning when I wake up next to you,” Beca said, a teasing lilt to her tone. 

Chloe giggled. “Corny.” She turned her head to look at Beca. “When I was at my worst, I thought my life as it was back then would be it. I thought that I was far too broken to come back from it,” she paused, glancing at Marleigh and her parents and blinking back the tears threatening to blur her vision. “And now I have all this, and sometimes I can’t believe that this is my life. I feel incredibly grateful and lucky. More than I can put into words.” 

Chloe had been clean for nearly five years now. She hadn’t touched cocaine or alcohol since her first day of rehab and the cravings were no longer there. She sometimes thought about it on difficult days, but that’s all it was: a thought. It drifted away nearly as soon as it materialized, because Chloe was stronger now, and she knew how to handle the fleeting temptation. 

Beca pressed a kiss to her temple. “You fought for that, Chlo. First by leaving Marco, then going to rehab, and being determined to keep your head above the water through the bad days that followed.” 

Chloe’s free hand slid inside Beca’s. “Thank you for believing in me. For believing that there was still a piece of the Chloe you once knew in there.” 

Beca lifted their hands and pressed a lingering kiss to Chloe’s fingers. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Their peaceful, heartfelt moment was soon over when the tornado that was their four-year-old ran up to them. 

“Mama,” Marleigh said as she settled on Beca’s lap. 

“What’s up, Bean?”

“How did you and Mommy meet?”

Beca hummed. “We went to school together. Mommy forced me into joining this singing group.” 

Chloe gasped. “I didn’t force you, Beca Mitchell.” 

“You burst into my shower,” Beca muttered as Marleigh giggled. 

“While you were naked?!” 

“Yep,” Beca said, widening her eyes at their daughter. “Can you believe that?” 

“Was it love at first sight?” 

“No. It was something deeper than that. For me at least. Something that grew slowly in my heart. So slowly that it took years for me to realize it.” 

“Years??” Marleigh gasped. “That’s a long time.” 

“Yeah. I was an idiot.” 

Chloe giggled. “We were both idiots.” 

“But now you’re together, and that’s what’s important, right?” 

Chloe narrowed her eyes at MJ and reached out to ruffle her red hair. “When did you get so smart?” 

Marleigh shrugged, then dashed off to go back to her grandparents, drawing a chuckle from both Beca and Chloe. Beca glanced at Chloe, squeezing her leg. “You alright?” 

“Mmm.” Chloe rested her head on Beca’s shoulder, her hand finding Beca’s stomach once more in hopes of feeling a kick or two. “More than alright.” 

-fin-

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Sandwiches and charming little huts 

Walking the trails of Charm Villa is like stepping into a bright, colorful, and cute notepad. Rolling hills with vibrant green grass and colorful flowers scattered all over. On the tops of the hills are rustic and whimsical little cottages and huts, as well as shops, cafes, and a library. Take a picture and you’d think it was from a stationery set!

After sleeping in until around eleven we met up with Gutsy and Livvy at Coffee Studios for a tour of Charm Villa. Gutsy’s a college friend of Daisy Jane who just moved to the village a few months ago. Livvy’s her niece - first cousin once removed - and she and Jack - her dad/Gutsy’s cousin - own Coffee Studios. The cafe was founded by Gutsy and Jack’s grandma, then it was passed down to Jack’s mom, and after she retired her son and granddaughter now run the place.

The cafe’s best known for their sandwiches and every few months they set up a contest for a new sandwich to add to the menu. Livvy was the one who started that tradition and it got popular so it stuck. Guess what today happened to be? While Lolly, Pancetti, Biskit, and Lyman prepped for the contest, the rest of us hung around the village before meeting back around 3 for the contest.

I’ve only met Gutsy a handful of times over the years and she always leaves an impression. The name Gutsy - short for Augusta - fits her to a T. She said that she never thought her impulsiveness and wild imagination would make her a good detective and yet there she was solving crimes and saving the day. Gutsy really does remind me a lot about Jamie, except a lot more extroverted and bold. Honestly, I’m surprised that they haven’t crossed paths yet.

So far Gutsy’s enjoying the peaceful village life. It’s a huge change of pace compared to her old life. Gutsy grew up in a boarding house that also ran a stable so her life revolved around horses since forever. Her father died when she was seventeen, opening up a can of worms that led to her getting tangled up with an embezzling scheme that he was involved in and indirectly caused his death. After exposing the crime, Gutsy joined a task force dedicated to investigating crimes relating to shady underground practices involving horses like racing and such. 

Daisy Jane and Gutsy met in college when they became roommates. At the time Gutsy was considering studying to be a veterinarian but ended up dropping out a year later because the task force was starting to take over her life. In retrospect, the whole being a vet thing wasn’t meant to be for her.

Being a detective was an unexpected turn for Gutsy, one that no one saw coming - and yet, at the time, it made sense. For a while, she felt that she found her calling, especially after being betrayed by what her dad and his friends had done. Maybe, in a way, she was trying to absolve him of his misdeeds. Solving mysteries and working with horses, what else can she ask for?

But then around last year things went sour. Investigating crimes has its dangers, which Gutsy knows all too well. She can handle being a target, but when loved ones are in the line of fire, that’s where she draws the line. The birth of her daughter Lulu led to Gutsy reevaluating her life choices. Eventually she decided that it was time to move on and give Lulu a stable childhood.

That’s why she decided to settle in Charm Villa. Other than her cousins and a small handful of relatives, Gutsy doesn’t have much family. With Lulu to take care of, a journey of self discovery was out of the question so she opted to stick close to family for practical reasons. With Livvy in college and only coming home every other weekend and Jack having experience as a young single parent as well as needing help with the cafe, Gutsy knew she and Lulu would be in good hands. 

While she finds herself much happier and less stressed in Charm Villa, Gutsy does miss being around horses. As far as she knows, the nearest stable is about two hours away so she hasn’t had a chance to visit yet. Maybe when Lulu’s a little older, she says. For now, Gutsy and horses are taking a long break. 

The way she describes it is like a close relationship that has gone a bit too codependent. All her life she grew up surrounded by horses so she related to them more than people. Her views on the family she grew up with, especially her dad, have been clouded in recent years. When she put together the pieces, she didn’t want to believe it, but at the same time, it all made sense. While being a detective gave her a sense of purpose, it also showed Gutsy how deceiving people can be. She always - and still - find horses more trusting than people, so in a way she relied on them as a crutch. Do it for the horses - that was her mantra whenever she tackled a case that would push her limits. Then that led to her letting the task force take over her life to the point that she had nothing outside of that. 

Eventually it got to the point where all she cared about was getting the truth out. Right and wrong, black and white, collateral damage was unfortunate but it didn’t matter as long as what’s done is done. As a result, Gutsy ended up burning a lot of bridges, which in turn made her question if she did more harm than good.

Lulu was her wake up call, the one who turned Gutsy’s life upside down and forced her to reevaluate her future. Being a parent wasn’t in the cards for her but in the end she made her choice. While the idea of raising a kid is still terrifying for her, so far it seems to be the best thing to happen to her. After spending most of her life jumping headfirst into danger and chasing thrills, Gusty realized the weight of her actions and how one can’t always jump to conclusions or make poor judgements just to get ahead of everyone else.

Maybe it’s another attempt to right her dad’s wrongs - that’s still something she struggles with - but Charm Villa, the cafe, Lulu, her cousins, it’s been doing her a lot of good. There’s still a lot that Gutsy’s uncertain about, but getting herself out of a bad place is a good first step. After everything she’s been through, I hope she finds that peace of mind she deserves. From the looks of it, I think she’s finding her way.

Around 1:30 we headed back to the cafe to help set up for the sandwich contest. When we were done, we had time to kill so Jack and Livvy gave us a tour of the kitchen. Then we made lattes and bread, which was a lot of fun. By the time we were able to master latte art, it was time for the contest to begin!

Candy Fruit Sando by Lolly A super sweet take on the cute Japanese fruit sandwiches! To kick things up a notch, the fruits are coated with a sugary syrup for an extra crunch! Fresh ripe fruit candied to perfection, freshly whipped cream that feels like eating a cloud and a soft and pillowy brioche to tie it all together - it’s the perfect addition to any bento box! Rod - Candied fruit?! Genius! 9/10 Snooty - I just wanna take pictures of it and make my friends jealous over how pretty it looks! 10/10 Sylvana - Strawberries and cream are a winning combo! 8/10 Audie - Aesthetic and yummy - that’s a win for me! 9/10

Spa Day Sandwich by Pancetti In need of shaking up your skin care routine? No need to swap out your face mask or moisturizer when you can have a sandwich instead! All the freshest veggies guaranteed to give you a healthy glow like cucumbers and seaweed seasoned with a zesty citrus glaze on a slice of lightly toasted pumpernickel. Snooty - My skin’s already feeling great! 7/10 Sylvana - This kinda reminds me of a salad, but in sandwich form! 6/10 Audie - This was definitely inspired by a spa! 6/10 Rod - Skip the moisturizer, go for the sandwich! 7/10

The Ultimate Dessert Sandwich! by Biskit What happens when you mash a pie, cake, and pudding into one? Well, we’re about to find out with this sandwich! The bread’s kinda like a pie crust/brioche hybrid and the sauce is a rich caramel custard. In between are thin slices of red velvet cake, blueberry-ginger pie filling, and slices of yellow cake. Sylvana - If this doesn’t satisfy your sweet tooth, I don’t know what will! 8/10 Audie - Talk about indulgent! 6/10 Rod - Perfect for a cheat day after an intense workout - but only in moderation! 7/10 Snooty - Are you sure this is a sandwich? 5/10

Take a Bite of Nature! by Lyman Need a palate cleanser after having too many sweets or processed foods? Nothing like fresh organic veggies to put your body back in balance! Green, leafy veggies, rustic roots, and crisp, sweet fruit on sprouted bread - all the flavors of nature in one tasty package! Audie - Crunch, crunch, crunch! 7/10 Rod - I wonder if this will make a good post-workout shake… 7/10 Snooty - Turn the bread into croutons and add some dressing and it’s a rustic salad! 8/10 Sylvana - This is probably better than some of the stuff they sell at health food stores 7/10

[wayneimagine]

Wedding bells

Anon asked: Idk if you’re doing requests but maybe!!! Could you do a thing with Wayne on his wedding day cuz I saw somewhere(I think it was here??) of him marrying young and adoring his wife and I’m FEELING THINGS RN??? Or something where he reflects back on his past and just gets lowkey emotional about his current happy family(wife and kids and new friends or something??) if ur not taking requests pls feel emotions with me over this AAAAA

Guess who had mayor feels while writing this? This is one of my favorite imagines, hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

----

If someone had said to Wayne that he would marry the love of his life when he turned 20 in a room with his loved ones, he wouldn’t have believed them. He thought that he would never fall in love with someone or that it wouldn’t be serious enough to propose to them. Love just wasn’t in Wayne’s plans. But now, here he was. Straightening his suit while waiting for (Y/N) to show up and start the new part of their lives together. They had met when they were fifteen, and they were absolute highschool sweethearts even though all their classmates thought Wayne was crazy and dangerous. (Y/N) had been friends with Orlando since they were born and when she changed schools she met Wayne thanks to him. She wasn’t scared of him, and she helped him when his dad died. They went to Florida together to get his dad’s car back and even though he had to spend one year on a prison there, (Y/N) visit him every visitation day. Sometime he wondered how he got so lucky with her. He loved her more than anything, so that’s why when they both turned nineteen, he proposed to her. She was overjoyed. She loved him dearly too, so they started making arrangements to have the wedding as fast as possible. And now here he was. Orlando next to him as the best man, a few friends from college, (Y/N)’s family, his mom (who, even though it had been difficult for the two of them) had reconnected with him after he left prison and the man who used to be his principal and who let him live with him when he came back to Brockton and didn’t have nowhere to be.

Wayne thought about all they had done for this day. (Y/N) had started working teaching English to a few immigrants and Wayne had done multiple jobs, from construction to internships in banks and companies. The two of them had saved a lot for a house, and with help from both of their families (who were more than happy to help them because they just wanted to see them happy and married), they got enough money to have the ceremony on a nice banquet hall.

“You nervous man? You don’t stop fidgeting ” Orlando asked

Wayne swallowed before shaking his head “She’s gonna be here any minute.”

“Dude, I still can’t believe we’re doing this.” Wayne furrowed his eyebrows at him with a slight scowl on his face

“What you mean?”

“I always thought I would get married before you. I mean, we had just finished mid term finals and you were buying the ring.”

Wayne chuckled “You’ll find the one. What happened with that girl from vet school...”

Everyone turned silent as the bridesmaids entered the banquet hall. There were Trish, Jenny, another girl from college named Veronica and Del. Each one of them were wearing a light pink dress and a bouquet of daisies.

“Can’t believe this is happening” Del whispered

“Right? That’s what I said to Wayne”

“At least he’s wearing a normal suit and not something like what my Dad wore at his weddings” Jenny said and they bit their tongues to not let out a chuckle.

All except Wayne who was too busy in seeing (Y/N) appear. She walked down the aisle with her dad and god she looked absolutely beautiful. She was wearing a white short dress and a flower crown which held the veil. Her smile couldn’t get bigger and when she was next to Wayne she locked eyes with him.

“Well don’t you look extremely handsome with that suit?” She whispered

“I love you”

The ceremony started and all went smoothly. (Y/N) was wrapping her head around the fact that she was now a McCullough when it was time for the kiss. At least now she didn’t have to stand up on her tiptoes, all thanks to her heels. They kissed and everyone cheered up and even some of them whistled. After they ate, the couple had their first dance as a married couple and they started dancing with their families.

“I can’t believe my baby boy just got married” Maureen said to Wayne.

Wayne smiled and saw (Y/N) on the other part of the room. She was dancing with her younger brother, and they were laughing while he spinned her around.

“Everyone says it’s a surprise that I asked her so soon, you think the same?” Wayne asked her mother after twirling her around

“Of course no! It’s so obvious that you two love each other, you can sense it from a million miles away. I remember when I met her and she said you were just friends. Yeah, just friends my ass.”

Wayne laughed while remembering that part of their trip to Florida. “We had gotten into a fight and we took a break before...ya know”

“You stopped her from leaving and kissed her? Yeah, I remember seeing my son’s first kiss”

“Now look where we’re. Seriously Wayne, I couldn’t be happier for you. I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. You’ve changed for the better.”

Wayne smiled and his face turned red. “Thanks ma.”

The song ended after a while and it changed to a different and more upbeat song. (Y/N) grabbed Wayne’s arm saying “It’s our song! From our first dance at Trish and Jenny’s school”

Trish and Jenny must have remembered too because they started chanting “Wayne, Wayne, Wayne” along with Del while they danced.

After a while of dancing, (Y/N) went to her table to take of her heels with Del, who couldn’t stop teasing her.

“So? (Y/N) McCullough, oh tell us please, when will you bring to the world a little McCullough? We’ll need to get ready and fireproof everythin’ and buy ‘em hammer” (Y/N) laughed and tried to hide her blushing face. “Jeez Del, if we have a baby you’ll have to learn things about babies too, ya know? You’ll be their cool aunt.”

Del smirked “Hell yeah, I’ll show ‘em the best music in the world and how to throw a punch at a bully”

After a couple of more songs it was time to cut the cake. Of course that when they cut the first piece for the newly weds they got the other one dirty on the face with the cake. After they cleaned up, and everyone got their piece, Orlando got up to make a toast.

“I’ve known (Y/N) since we were in diapers, and I never imagined her with someone like Wayne. But Jesus, when they met each other, all thanks to me (don’t worry Del, you also helped their relationship), they couldn’t be in different rooms. (Y/N) had fallen in love with him after a month and two dates and Wayne had had a crush on her since he laid eyes on her”

“So, one day at college, Wayne goes to me and says he’s got somethin’ to show to me. And he just goes and takes out of his bag a tiny box and when he opens it I’m shocked to see an engagement ring.”

“Turns out, the same day after we got our mid term finals results and he saw he had done them well, he went to Del’s university, picked ‘er up and went to buy a ring. Five days later, he calls me thrilled to say that (Y/N) had accepted.”

“All in all, I want to say that these two are your highschool sweethearts who have gone through a lot of things, so I’m have to see them here, on a day for themselves only. I congratulate you guys and wish you the best.”

(Y/N) and Wayne and hug Orlando and everyone cheers and congratulates the two of you and (Y/N) can’t thank Del enough for helping Wayne pick out a beautiful ring because all of this is happening thanks to her too.

Another hour goes by and, after throwing a bouquet of roses (which Jenny catches and yells “gay rights!” because she’s super drunk as well as Trish who goes to her and kiss her and wow they’re also highschool sweethearts), (Y/N) and Wayne are only a few of the people who are slow dancing.

(Y/N) is resting her head on his shoulder while his arms are loosely wrapped around her waist and they’re slowly moving to the music, because they feel they’re the only people in the room.

“I love you so much.” (Y/N) says looking at Wayne. He pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles as she continues “This is one of the best days of my live.”

“I think the same. I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.” Wayne says and she kisses him.

Because they have gone through ups and downs on their relationship and people think they’re too young but they’re young and in love and (Y/N) loves her now husband and Wayne adores his wife.

 And they know everything will turn out fine because they have each other and they can begin a new stage of their relationship.

[heartlandians]

Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 64

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors.

* * * *

After trying to feed Bruni, Amy decided the horse needed a place to stay for the night. Even though it was still early, it was best to get started as the darkness fell this part of the world quicker during this time of the year.

Since the barn with other horses was out of question, Amy figured she’d make room for Bruni to the Quonset hut as they have kept horses there before whenever situation called for it. 

The most prominent memory Amy had about a situation like that was when Pegasus had been sick and eventually passed because of contamination with Kit’s horse, Daisy. After that, Amy had always taken horse’s well-being more seriously as diseases - such as strangles - were not always easy to spot from the surface. When it came to this job, with no mentor around after Marion’s death, it was live and learn that taught her the best, even if it meant that sometimes tragedies occurred and there was no fixing them.

“Hey, Mitch”, she hollered from the barn door when Mitch was closing the back door after letting the horses out to the back field. “You busy?”

Mitch turned around and fixed his hat on the top of his head as he walked closer to Amy.

“Well, not that much. I mean, there’s always something to do, but I’m sensing you have something in mind”, he replied. Mitch had a list of things he did every day or throughout the week, but if something more urgent came up, he was willing to move plans around.

“Yeah, I do. We just got a new horse, Bruni, and she’s from Iceland”, Amy filled him in. “I’d like to keep her separated from the other horses which is why she’s now at the open shed.” She gestured toward the shed’s general direction.

“Okay, good to know”, Mitch commented. He didn’t want to take any risks.

“But she can’t stay outside throughout the night which is why I’m planning to make her room from the Quonset hut, but I could use some help”, Amy explained. “I need to put up few steel panels, spread some wood shavings on the floor and so on.”

Mitch nodded, understanding what Amy needed. “Okay, let’s do it.”

* * * *

“So... what’s the horse’s story?” Mitch asked when they started to move things around inside the hut to make room for Bruni’s temporary stall. 

“The owner bought her from Iceland and noticed she had lost her appetite, so he got worried and called the vet. Cass had examined her and it seems like there’s nothing medically wrong with her, so she suggested they would give me a shot”, Amy explained, piling boxes out of the way. “I tried to get her interested in oils for starters. So far she hasn’t eaten anything, but she’s only been here less than an hour. It takes a while for the appetite to come back, especially if there’s something going on with her mind.”

“Sounds to me like she could be depressed, or something”, Mitch commented.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing”, Amy admitted. “I’ve seen cases like this before; just like with humans, it can be hard for a horse to accept change whether it has to do with their living conditions or the people they’ve lost. I remember when my mom died, her horse... or well, dad’s horse who just had a close bond with mom, became depressed and stopped eating. Just when I thought I was losing him, he sort of... became alive again when he thought he saw mom. It was actually Lou’s friend and not mom, obviously, but... Anyway. The smell of mom’s jacket kind of helped him to transition from the dark place he was in into accepting that things had changed. Honestly, you never know what works, so you have to try everything. Smells can be pretty powerful.”

“Yeah”, Mitch said, stopping to think that. “Sometimes I smell something and it takes me back to Afghanistan”, he hummed, even though it was more like a heaviness on his heart than some kind of bittersweet memory. “What’s your favourite smell?” he changed the subject slightly.

Amy thought about it a while even though in the end the answer was pretty obvious. 

“Horses. The barn”, she smiled, glancing at Mitch, almost as if thinking it was kind of silly. “That’s partly why I wanted a place above the barn. It smells like home whether I’m in the loft or I’m around the horses in the barn.”

“Ha... Should have guessed”, Mitch replied, feeling like Amy was pretty easy to read when it came to some things. She was “what you see is what you get” kind of woman and there was something nice about that.

“What about you?” Amy asked back.

“Eh... I don’t know”, Mitch said, trying to think of all the smells he liked. “I guess leather. Maybe it’s some kind of primitive thing or something.”

“Yeah, I get that”, Amy admitted. She mostly associated the smell of leather with horses too, so it was also one of the elements that made her favourite smell.

“So... the horse is from Iceland...” Mitch continued the conversation about Bruni so he would be up to date with Amy’s plans with her. “What are you going to do to bring Iceland here? Or do you have to send her back if nothing works?”

“You can’t send Icelandic horses back”, Amy pointed out. “Once they’ve left the country, they can never return. It sounds kind of harsh, but it’s why they’ve been able to keep the bloodline so healthy.”

Mitch nodded, recalling the country was an island, after all. “Oh, right.”

“I have to do some research”, Amy said, then actually replying to the question Mitch had made. “I was thinking of spending the night here with Bruni. Observe her and make sure feels safe. Could give me some time to look into the breed and the country.”

“What about Lyndy?” 

“I’ll have to ask Grandpa and Lisa if she can sleep in the ranch house. I doubt Jade wants to stay over; she already came in today even though I had planned to give her a day off. Not to mention, she’s set to look after Lyndy the whole morning tomorrow because I was thinking of running some errands”, Amy shared. “I don’t feel good about Lyndy being in the loft on her own even though it’s not that far away and I have a baby monitor set next to her bed. I guess I still have some worries after the break-in...” she admitted. 

“Well, that’s understandable. And you gotta do what makes you feel safest”, Mitch said. “This one guy at the group has a fear of forgetting to unplug the iron after he’s ironed his shirt in the morning, so he takes the iron with him to the truck”, he shrugged. “Whatever works.”

Amy smiled a little, even though she could kind of understand the reasoning behind it. “Huh, I guess...”

They then started setting up the panels when there was enough room.

“So... how’s that going? The group thing, I mean?” Amy asked carefully. She didn’t know if Mitch had continued to attend the meetings or if he had found it to be useless.

“Uh, fine, I guess. I’ve only been few times, but... so far it’s been okay”, Mitch replied, helping Amy with the panels. He knew he could trust Amy with that stuff - after all she was one of the few people who had ever seen him have a panic attack - but he still felt insecure about the whole thing. “Then again, we’ve not really done anything “too bad”, we’ve just spend time together, doing stuff, mostly.”

“Well, that can be therapeutic too, you know. Just having someone there. You don’t even have to say the words, but they still get how you’re feeling”, Amy said. 

“Yeah, that’s true”, Mitch agreed. “I guess I’m putting too much pressure on myself. As if I need to set some kind of system for myself to see if I’m making progress or not. Like people expect results from me.”

“No one expects you to follow some kind of plan”, Amy pointed out. “You gotta give it time. Everyone’s on their own journey.”

“You’re right.” Mitch knew it, but only when Amy said it he allowed himself to believe it as well. “Thanks for always being someone I can talk to.” He smiled at Amy as their eyes met from the opposites ends of the panels.

“You’ve been that to me too”, Amy admitted. “I sometimes wonder what I would have done these past months without you helping me out with everything and always offering me a listening ear. And it’s not just because you’ve been here when I’ve not had anyone else, you’re... actually a friend and so patient, so I have no doubt that even if I would have other people here, you would still be the same.”

"Thanks... That actually means a lot”, Mitch said as they locked the panels to their places. “Especially because I cannot be that patient with myself. But at least I can be that with someone else. So maybe there’s a chance I can learn to be that with myself too someday.”

“I think it’s possible. I know from personal experience it kind of takes time, but it’s doable. Just a word of warning, though; it usually isn’t a pretty process.”

“Is anything that requires change?” Mitch hummed with a smile. 

“I guess not”, Amy admitted. It seemed like they both felt the same way about change; it was inevitable but that didn’t mean they would have to like it.

Mitch had to wonder. “So you mean to tell me you’ve not always been this patient?” 

It was one of the qualities Mitch had picked up to be Amy’s main characteristics as soon as they had met. She had been so understanding with him as well when he had struggled bonding with Maverick.

“Oh, no...” Amy almost laughed. “I’ve gotten myself into a lot of trouble because I wasn’t very patient. You don’t even want to know.”

“When you say that, you do realize it only makes me more curious, right?” Mitch said back, wondering what kind of things Amy was referring to. It was hard to imagine her getting in trouble with anything, unless it was a misunderstanding of some kind and she had only tried to do the right thing.

Amy smiled shyly, feeling a wave of embarrassment washing over her as she thought back to her history with breaking the law. She always felt like she had had good enough reason to bend the law a little, but looking back, she realized she could have gone about them a bit different way, usually by doing something that involved law enforcement as her help. 

“It’s hard to believe you would do anything to cause trouble”, Mitch added.

“Well, I did. But I guess after a while things just started piling up”, Amy thought out loud, “and I began to see that my choices would affect my future and I didn’t want to miss out on having what I have now, my business and Lyndy.” 

There was a beat.

“Was Ty prone to... things like that?” Mitch asked warily. “I mean, didn’t you say that the guy who broke into your loft was Ty’s “old friend”, or something?”

Amy sighed deeply without even realizing his initial reaction to thinking Ty and breaking the law. 

Everyone had always claimed Ty to be “the bad boy” with his rebelling attitude and unlawful actions, but Amy had thought he had had his reasons to do what he did. 

But lately, it had gotten a little ridiculous, especially now that Lyndy was a factor. He had probably meant well, but Ty had given Amy so much worry over the years that she was tired just thinking about them, not to mention when she had had to live through them, nervously waiting for a police or a bad guy would come and deal with him. 

There had been few times when she had thought about calling the police herself, just to get it over with, even though she had not, of course, wanted Ty to end up in jail. All she had wanted was to be released from having to carry that burden with him. Hudson was a small town, after all, here everyone knew everyone and it was usually only a matter of time when the consequences caught up on someone. 

Amy recalled being paranoid sometimes, especially when a police car drove pass her as she was borrowing Ty’s truck or some shifty looking car looked like it was trailing her.

Through it all, somehow, Ty had been able to avoid any jail time, though there had been that one time in drunk tank when she and Ty had been broken up - or whatever Ty had wanted it to be called. A break?

In a way Amy had hoped that humiliation of her coming to get him and Caleb from the drunk tank to set Ty into the right path, but unfortunately for her, nothing had stopped him from breaking the law just because he knew he could get away with it. 

“I don’t want to talk about that, if that’s okay”, Amy requested after a while.

“Oh, of course. Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry”, Mitch said. 

Mitch knew he didn’t know the whole story, but he still couldn’t help but think that usually the women who were in jail were there because of men. Maybe they had to defend themselves from men or men had put them in a tight spot where they had to fight their way out, no matter what. 

Of course there were exceptions to the rule, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of finding Ty a bit... shady. Maybe he was biased because he had seen Amy’s struggle with this separation and her distancing herself from him on purpose, but... then again - what if he wasn’t?

Hadn’t Ty’s story at Heartland began when he had been on probation? And after that, he had had his interactions with police and criminals. 

There was also that time when Amy had gotten hurt in the loft, just before Ty and Amy had decided to break up. Mitch still couldn’t shake the odd feeling that he had had after Amy had fallen down the stairs and broke her arm. And now Amy didn’t want to talk about him. It was her right, of course, but Mitch only hoped that Amy was safe and the only reason she didn’t want to talk about it was because she was done talking about Ty.

For now, Mitch decided it was best to leave that subject to be.

[whisperingwillowssds]

Last night, our beautiful giant Kenna passed away. We were five minutes from the vet and she drew her last breath. After taking xrays it is somewhat inconclusive about exactly what happened. Possible pneumonia with an extremely enlarged heart. Obviuosly there was heart related issues and some unusual looking areas surrounding her heart, lungs, and chest. Kenna was a 9 yr old Euro Great Dane at 160 lbs. She was old for her size and breed. Being that large is taxing on a heart and body. It came on suddenly without previous issues. We are so saddened by her passing. Kenna was so very special just as her sister Daisy is. Her family originally dumped them at a shelter in TN because they no longer wanted them. They were heartbroken but Kenna was healthier and the strongest of the pair. She helped Daisy and was her comfort. Kenna settled in quickly at the sanctuary and had been here for 7 months. She was a very special giant. She did not know she was huge. She loved snuggling and insisted on full body hugs. When you would hug her she would happily purr like a cat. Kenna was gentle and did not have a mean bone in her body. She adored her sister and they were so strongly bonded. Kenna was a very special soul to me personally and this is a hard loss for me. I loved her greatly. She was the best at head hugs and laying with her whole weight on you. I couldn't move but she was happy. She was a sensitive heart and followed me everywhere. My Dad would have called her a clod hopper! She stomped everywhere she went and walked with full force. We named her Kool-aid Kenny after the Kool-aid man! She would bust through doors, crowds, and down halls, she had no clue she was a big girl! My heart is hurting today but I am so thankful we saved this beautiful soul. She was a true friend, a part of our family, and a remarkably loving dog. Until we meet again... 💗 Please donate to help with her medical cost and cremation: Paypal.me/whisperingwillowssds #greatdane #kenna #restinpeace #seniordogs #greymuzzle #rescuedandloved #rip #rainbowbridge #youwillbemissed #giantbreed #danes #whisperingwillowsseniordogsanctuary #whereloveiswhisperedtothelastbreath (at Whispering Willows Senior Dog Sanctuary, Inc.) https://www.instagram.com/p/BpP9y4LBGRL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1le46capr4yux

[glitter-son]

My dog is dying and I haven't felt this depressed in years.

Tw: ruff stuff (I'm ((not)) sorry for that pun, Sue me! (don't actually sue me)

My dad send me a text today, saying something about calling him back and that it's about daisy (our 14 y/o dog). Being moved out from my family home, about a 3 hour drive, I knew it was gonna be shitty news the second I saw that text.

When I called my dad back he tried to, very sincerely but light-heartedly, tell me that:

They lost her while walking in the forest, and found her weirdly out of breath with her back legs shaking. My dad immediately went home to get the car to pick her up and carry her to the vet, who told them her lungs were filling up with fluid.

They walked away from them with a prescription and an appointment for next week.

I knew she'd go sometime, she's a 14 y/o medium-sized mutt we lovingly took in from a shelter, she'd been showing signs of aging for a while now.

But this news really was the cherry on top of the shit-cake that is 2020.

Thank fuck my mom wants to take her to my place for a little walk and just chillin', or I would've been entirely in shambles.

But if I'm gonna be honest, right now I fucking am. I haven't felt this empty and depressed for a long long fucking time, everything that was going to supposedly be better for me this year, is out there to fucking kill me man. Indirectly, or with its bare goddamn hands.

F U C K

(This was a picture my mom send of her, after they went to the vet.)

✨She's chillin'✨

[spudsthepiget]

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged,

I was tagged by pansexualgalacticgargleblaster

LAST: Last Drink: Water, it’s just become a habit at this point. Last Phone Call: I called my vet yesterday to make an appointment for Trudy. Last Text Message: “Yeah, they’re just mush, use plenty of water” from my mom. I asked her if it was okay to put lentils down the garbage disposal. Last Song You Listened: Bad Girls by MIA. Kind of a weird one for me. Last Time I Cried: The other day when I visited my grandfather.

HAVE YOU EVER: Dated Someone Twice: No. I always keep in mind that a relationship ended for a reason. Been Cheated On: I don’t have confirmation, but I suspect so. Kissed Someone and Regretted It: Only once, and I aim to keep it that way. Lost Someone Special: I lost a special someone as a romantic partner, but was able to keep him as a good friend. Been Depressed: I’m human, so yes, but I’ve come a very long way since then. Been Drunk and Thrown Up: Nope.

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU: Made a New Friend: Yes, I made friends with an Order Up driver at the park not too long ago. Fallen Out of Love: Yep. When a relationship explodes on itself in the wake of a horrible weekend, that tends to happen. Laughed Until You Cried: I know I have, but I can’t think of a specific. Met Someone Who Changed You: Not that I can think of. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were: Yep, after getting called a horrible person by my friend’s husband for not practicing a religion, I’ve gotten a lot better at realizing who my friends are. Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: My dad’s girlfriend talks crap about me every time I’m over, but that’s nothing new.

GENERAL: How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: 4. Three are my friends, and one is my mom. Do you have any pets?: I have 4 precious guinea pigs! Guinness McDougal, Trudy Peppermint, Cherry Ann, and Marybell Daisy. And a pet rock named Vesta Antoinette. Do you want to change your name?: Only my goofy last name to something more normal. What time did you wake up this morning? : I think about 9:30? What were you doing last night?: Watching Little Evil on Netflix. It wasn’t bad. Name something you cannot wait for: My vacation to Las Vegas in November!  Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Does Thomas count? What’s getting on your nerves rn?: My little brother. Blood type: That’s a good question, I wish I knew. Nickname: Ms. Moogan, but that’s only to some of the kids at work. Status: Single for right now, but hoping to change that. Zodiac sign: Taurus. The wonderful day of May 3rd!                              Pronouns: She/her. Favorite tv show: Jessica Jones, Penny Dreadful, Daredevil, The Defenders and Futurama. High school: Seems weird to think that was 6 years ago already.               College: My grandpa made me promise to go, so let’ s say N/A on that for now. Hair color: Dark brown with red tints. Long or short: Shortish. It’s a little past my shoulders. Do you have a crush on someone: Maybe. What do you like about yourself: I come up with really cool (I think anyway) creative ideas.

FIRSTS: First surgery: I had my wisdom teeth removed in high school. First piercing: My earlobes when I was 12, but they were infected thanks to Claire’s bad methods, so I had to let the holes close. I had them redone at 18, though. First best friend: A girl named Ali that went to my preschool and kindergarten. First sport you joined: Horseback riding in 3rd grade. I miss it, but I don’t miss the other students. First vacation: I went to Florida in 5th grade to see my older brother’s high school graduation. First pair of sneakers: No clue.

Eating: I made the saddest dinner and put it down the garbage disposal because it was so bad :( Drinking: Nothing, but I might have some rice milk later. I’m about to: Hop in the shower. Listening to: Nothing right now, but I might play the American Hot Wax soundtrack again. I love that album. Waiting for: Tomorrow, so I can get some Indian food with my mom and older brother. Want kids: Not really, but I guess I’m open to the idea of it with the right person. I wonder a lot if it’s wrong for me to take being a parent away from someone that really does want to be one. Get married: For sure. Someone in my family has to lol. Career: I have no idea. Maybe magazine photography? I’m having a career crisis right now.

WHICH IS BETTER: Lips or eyes: Eyes. I love eyes because they’re unique to every person. Hugs or kisses: I like both. Shorter or taller:  I’m 5'10″, I can’t be too picky there. Older or younger: Slightly older. Younger hasn’t exactly worked out for me. Romantic or spontaneous: I also like both of these. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. Loud people tire me out. Hook up or relationship: Relationships. I don’t do hookups.

HAVE YOU EVER: Kissed a stranger: No. Drank hard liquor: Yes, but not since January. Lost glasses/contacts: No, but I mangled a pair of glasses pretty badly after falling off a horse once. Sex on first date: No. Broken someone’s heart: Yes. It was never my intention, but I had to. Been arrested: No. Turned someone down: Oh yes. The world of online dating has a lot of weirdos that you don’t want to say yes to. Fallen for a friend: No. My love life and platonic life are two separate entities.

DO YOU BELIEVE: In yourself: Depends on the task at hand, but usually. Math is an automatic no. Miracles: Yes, I like to think so. Love at first sight: Yes. Some people you just feel it. Heaven: Some form of heaven. I like to think that I won’t just be in a hole in the ground or on a relative’s bookshelf, but I can’t say for sure. Santa Claus: No, but I work in elementary and preschool, so I have to tell kids that he’s real.

I’m going to tag: ridmiz  kentrules5423 amusementofaprincess (If they would like to, no pressure) and anyone else that would like to do this. :)  

[findlgbtqfriends]

Pretty Fly Gay Trans Guy

Hi everyone. My name’s Ashton, I’m 17, gay, and trans (ftm). I live in Austin, Texas, and I’m just looking for other people like me. I’m really trying to meet other trans guys who have transitioned (I’m pre everything, but might be getting top surgery this summer). I only know two other trans guys, and none of us have transitioned past clothes, hair and binders. It’d just be nice to see that there is a future. Anyways, I’m also looking for friends or maybe even a relationship. I’m into a lot of stuff.

Movies: Almost any Marvel movie Action? That’s about it, except for a few others.

TV Shows: TWD Voltron Supernatural Sherlock

Books: Anything by Rick Riordan Eragon series The Seventh Son series Eon (another series) Harry Potter (I’m a hufflepuff 😊)

Hobbies: Writing (Mainly fanfiction) Drawing (Not very well) Reading Woodworking Cooking/Baking (This I do well)

Some other stuff about me is that I love animals. I’m a junior in high school. After graduating high school, I’m gonna take a couple years, and just take two or three classes so I can get my life together. When I go to vet school, I want to be able to put my all into it. I’ve been working towards it my whole life. I have two dogs, Petey and Daisy, who I love very much. I’m a good friend (all my friends call me dad) and I give good advice. I’m a pretty chill person, though I can seem kind of stand offish or awkward at first. Once I get to know you, you will learn that I’m pretty crazy. If you want to talk, my tumblr is namariah-santya (I made this tumblr when I identified as a girl). Hope to talk to you soon!

[coreytravelogue]

May 18, 2020 - Burnaby, BC

I wasn’t planning on making anymore entries into this travelogue for some time, at least till the end of the summer or when this fucking pandemic is finally starting to look like it was going to be over.

However my frustrations on many first world problems in my life is leaving me with no real outlet that really satisfies me right now. I don’t feel like watching movies, I don’t feel like listening to music though I have been getting back into that a bit more these days, I don’t feel like having beer outside of the momentary highs I get from it. Don’t like being trapping a house that I don’t really want to be in anymore. Its no so much the people in it except for one shit bag but more so the house is just not good to be lived in anymore. Friends are gone or only come to me when they need something from me. I am fearing that I am going to stuck where I am working at, while I am lucky to still have a job at this time I feel like I am going back into the same problem I had when I worked at EA, basically stuck in one position and going nowhere. Though at least I am getting paid a decent wage where I am but it alone is not enough to be a living wage in Vancouver. I guess long story short is I am having a hard time keeping my mental health in check.

More so Patch died today. You don’t know him but he was my parents pet that they got not long after I moved away from Fort McMurray to start a new life in Vancouver. I can’t help but feel both are inter connected in some way. Patch was a dog I spent a lot of time with when I was visiting my parents or they were visiting me.

Before Patch I had 3 other dogs in my life. One was Fluffy who was a miniature husky at least from memory but the more I think about it I don’t know if she was. My only memories of her was that she never wanted to be with us. All she ever wanted to do was run away. My last memory of her was my mom and dad telling me she died which was basically a lie that they told me when I was older. The truth was they were tired of always trying to look for her that they basically let her run off. I don’t understand why she couldn't stay indoors with us but who knows.

A couple years later which seemed like an eternity as a kid, even now when I look back at it it seemed like a long time in-between my dad picked up an abandoned puppy whom I would call Kelly. Kelly was a big ball of love, though while she got to live a long and for the most part safe life I can’t help but feel regret that I never got to know her as much as I could have much less take care of her. I wound up thinking about her more when she died than when she was alive maybe because I felt I had a lot in common with her at that point in my loneliness and though taken care of when I needed or could use it I was neglected. 

She lived form around 1993 til 2007 when she was put down because was in too much pain and could barely move. Her passing hit me hard, but i know it hurt my dad more given he was the one who found her on the side of the road and was there to see her pass at the vet. When he called me right before I was to start work at the spaghetti factory I can tell her was distraught. After the news I went into the bathroom and tried to get all my crying out before i had to work so I could not break in front of strangers for the most part. I did wind up snapping in front of them later on but that had more to do with sleep deprivation and depression than losing Kelly but I wouldn’t be surprised. I would post a picture of her here but the one that I got tumblr doesn’t seem to like. Instead I will post the video of the song that whenever I hear that song I always think of her. I don’t know why as the song and her don’t have much of a relation outside of the fact that when I hear it I think of her.

Back at around 1997 I can’t really remember the year we adopted our third dog whom I would name Prince. it would be him that I would probably have the strongest bond with. Where Kelly was more my dad’s dog Prince was mine and took to me more than anyone else. I won’t say we were inseparable but when at home he was not too far from where I was most of the time. He was timid, shy and quiet, at least till someone was at the door then he would bark his ass off till the person came in. He would be there to nurture me during my initial heartbreaks and rejections as a kid when I had no one in my life who would.

In 2005 I decided to move away from Fort McMurray to start a new life in Vancouver. My dad trusted one of his brothers to take of Prince while we were gone much to my disapproval because I knew he wouldn’t be able to. By the the time we crossed the BC boarder we got a call him him saying he lost Prince and could not find him. May as well say Prince died that day because I would never see him ever again. I cried from the board all the way to Salmon Arm and resented my dad for not listening to me for many years after that. I wish I had a good song for Prince but I don’t.

Which brings us to Patch whom my parents adopted in the new year. I never got to know Patch like I knew Kelly and Prince. I would only really get to see Patch once or twice a year for the 14 years I known him. I remember when my parents told me they picked up a new dog I was still angry at my dad and felt there was no way I was going to take to Patch the way I did the others. Which seems cruel and selfish, what did Patch ever do to me but be chosen by my parents? In an immature fashion I feel this way towards Daisy who is the newest member and as of today the sole pet of our family.

However like in total Patch fashion he forced himself on me and forced me to warm up to him.

Patch was not like Kelly or Prince, to be honest Patch was bit of a grump if not an ass at times. Patch liked to have his way and that was that. Patch and my dad were inseparable most of the time as my dad would be the one to walk all the time and more importantly he would take Patch with him on rides to Tim Hortons. Patch would often sit on the passenger’s seat. Anyone who would try to sit on that seat instead of him (including me) would risk getting bit by Patch. Patch only got worse with that as years went. 

Patch was a bit of a character, he loved the snow as much as me and loved it being thrown at him however for some reason he would bit the shovel while i was shovelling the snow as if tit hindered me from doing it yet seemed to love getting in front of anywhere I dumped the snow as if he was reminding me to give him the snow.

Even though he was not one to console you when you were sad like Prince and Kelly would he would at least be there for you nonetheless. During his early years Patch could not be left alone. If I was the only one in the house he would purposely go down the stairs and if I was laying on the couch he would lay right under me and put his paw up to touch me. He always had to touch me for some reason. He stopped doing that after a couple of years but I always remembered that.

One tick of Patch’s was that he would continuously lick and bite his own leg, a times to the point where he would lick the hair right off it and continue till an open wound and apparently right before he passed it was worse than it ever was before and the last time I saw it was pretty bad as it was. This was something me and my parents could never figure out how to keep him from doing. It could have been boredom but he was doing it even when I was around giving him consent attention and energy to burn off. Maybe this was a mental health issue of his own we will never know I guess.

Patch at least up until the last 3 years of his life was a ball of energy that you could not keep up with. Me and Patch would spend hours in the basement in Newfoundland chasing each other around the pool table. I would always be the first one too tired and had to stop while Patch was often just starting. Just given him a bowl of water and he would get right back on me as if he had the whole day to rest.

I have two very strong memories of Patch, sadly neither of them are very positive. One was during New Years Eve; I was deep into my depression and loneliness wishing to die. I had an emotional breakdown that felt so painful all I could do was scream and shout as loud as I could in blind anger and sadness. I   remember vividly the look on Patch’s face that night, it was of fear and anger. He was afraid I was going to hurt him (though I wasn’t and didn’t) but anger. I would like to think it was anger that he could not do anything about what was making me so distraught but chances are he was just angry because he was annoyed at how loud of was screaming and yelling into nothing. Who knows.

The other memory was a year of two before my parents stopped coming to see me every summer. My dad was walking Patch along a trail he taken him in many times before when suddenly Patch ate something. it was something that was apparently poisonous to him and nearly killed him. Apparently for that day and the next he was fighting for his life. All I could remember during that time was how distraught my dad was. I could tell at that point in time and maybe till today Patch was probably the only real friend my dad had left outside of me maybe. I mean my dad has friends I know but I don’t know if they were as close as he was to Patch. Only one closer would be me I would assume. It was the first time I seen the look of sadness and concern in my dad’s face. He was always someone who hid everything whenever he could either behind alcohol or anything else. I guess I am no better than him in that regard.

Most of my other memories of Patch are rather repetitive. Like I have said before it would involve playing in the snow, chasing each other in the basement, playing tug of war with him, or just continuously give him belly rubs that he could never get enough of.

It has only been in the last three years that I started to see age in him. In the last 3 years it seemed like was suddenly more slower, more grumpier and more tired but he never stopped licking or wanting attention when he could get it. Over the last three years it became apparent to me that his time on this earth was coming close. I wasn’t and I am still not really ready for it. I feel like my problem here with Patch is the same as it was with Kelly and Prince. I felt like I never got to spend enough time with them. Where with Kelly I had every chance in the world to just go outside and play with Kelly but I didn’t because I felt I had better things to do like playing video games, watching and anime and doing anything else. I felt like I could have spent more time with Prince though I did spend lots of time with him. I could have taken him on more walks, both of them I could have actually. 

With Patch while me and him have had our spats I tried my best to rectify those mistaken and even now I still feel like I failed though I don’t think it was entirely my fault. At the end of the day I only really got to spend time with Patch about maybe 19 times. From 2007 to 2014 I would see him twice a year, from 2015 to 2019 only once a year.

Patch’s passing me is making me aware of how quick time has went over the past 14 years. I am not going to go over how things have changed for me for the uptinth time, it seems like that is all I ever do is look back instead of looking forward.I can’t help but think Patch’s passing is an indication that maybe I should close the book on this period of my life and go somewhere else. Maybe be there till Daisy passes. Chances are by the time Daisy passes I will probably find my way to Newfoundland, a place that I am not quite sure I want to go to but find myself being drawn there otherwise. The thing is I don’t know what to do or where to go, Edmonton seems like the best choice but what to I know going back into the lion’s den in a world I wanted so badly to leave and not entirely enthralled about returning to. I really don’t know what to do anymore.

I miss Patch, I know my dad misses Patch, I was told Daisy misses Patch as well. Patch will be missed by many. I have a good feeling my dad will probably get another dog for himself soon. At his age he needs as many good things around him as possible. There is only so much I can do from here with my own problems and feeling I am nearly on my own to solve them.

I am starting to wonder what Christmas is going to look like with only Daisy there now. I enjoy playing with Daisy but like Patch she is a completely different breed of personality herself.

2020 has brought many interesting changes as well as challenges in my life that I must figure out. While I have come a long way I still have a long way to go and something must change. I can’t live in this run down house anymore, while I have enjoyed living with one person who I have seen as my big sister and has been one during the times I have needed one there is also another person whom I see as less of a man and more of a over grown child bully who needs to be stood up to. While I have a decent job I need to find a way to navigate my way up the ladder and not settle. I need to find new interests to spark me the way movies, music, video games and such once did. Music may still be one for me but I am starting to realize movies aren’t anymore. That and so much more I got to figure out. I look at being 35 as being half way through my life. If I am lucky I only have 35 more years before I really need to start worrying about my mortality.

A lot to think about, a lot to do. RIP Patch 

Shazbot nanu nanu

[its-lifestyle]

Dogs are wonderful but they do take a lot of looking after. Basic how-to guides talk about the three-times-a-day walks, the vet bills, the twice-daily meals, plus the grooming and perhaps the barking. However, there is a lot of other information that doesn’t get out there that easily.

So, we asked seven Malaysian dog lovers to share tips that they think new dog owners won’t have come across.

When your children get a puppy, you will inherit the dog!

“When my son was a teen, he bought Kiera from a breeder. She’s an Alaskan Malamute and taking care of her was too much for him. As I work from home, the dog bonded with me.

“A few years later, my daughter who was studying abroad adopted Mikko, a Shiba Inu. She brought him back when she came home – but she’s working now, and I’m at home, so guess who has an extra dog?

“All kids want a puppy but they don’t understand that it’s a 20-year commitment – and that they won’t be kids forever. So, if yours want a pet, just know that there’s a very good chance you end up walking it, feeding it – and loving it.

– Reggie Lee, cartoonist, guardian to Kiara, an Alaskan Malamute; Millo, a Shiba Inu; and dad to the newly adopted stray mix, Jamie

You’ll probably underestimate homing time

“Rescue dogs have been abandoned and neglected, so they have lots of emotions to work through. They will be nervous, not trusting that they have a forever home, so they need a lot of comforting before they understand that they are truly home and welcome.

“When Huggie came to live with us 18 months ago, my little daughter was there constantly saying, ‘This is your home, this is your bowl, you have a bed here, we love you.’ He needed it because he had to learn to be unafraid. So, reckon on a minimum of two weeks to get the pet settled – and likely more.”

– Bobby Keng Hsing Ong, shipping company consultant in Puchong, Selangor, and dad of Huggie, a rescue dog adopted in 2017

Dogs need to know that you love them.

Attention is key to bonding

“When your pet wants to talk to you, pay attention, even if you’re busy. Pick them up, hug them and talk to them. If they are small enough for you to carry them about, do so.

“Dogs need to know that you love them. They crave that reassurance, and contact is the way you signal that to them. If you don’t hug them, they are disappointed. It’s so sad. It hurts their feelings. So, be mindful of your pets. Hug and show them your love.”

– Khoo Kong Soo, pet rescuer, who shuttles between Kampar, Perak and Kuala Lumpur

Even when you think you know dogs, adding one to your tribe may be difficult

“Jade came to us as a pup, and we had two older dogs, so she was the baby. Later, when we brought in Duchess, Jade was already three years old. She wasn’t used to being a mum/aunt-type figure. Jade was too big, played too rough, and she frightened Duchess.

“As our new pup was so small, we kept her away from Jade for a year. With hindsight, that may not have been the best approach. Today, they’re still not really friends. Jade spends a lot of time in the garden and Duchess tends to stick to being indoors, and we use a divider when they’re in the same space.

“I think that when you introduce a new dog, you have to do a bit of reading up, and be prepared to deal with size and character differences.”

– Katelyn Pereira, student in Subang Jaya, and mum to Jade, a German Shepherd, and Duchess, a Poodle

Tiny puppies don’t drink regular milk

“Most puppies can’t tolerate cow’s milk as they are lactose intolerant. You can tell as they throw up or have diarrhoea. So, people go for formula puppy milk (universal replacement milk) but the amazing thing is that most dogs don’t like it very much.

“That’s when you end up buying goat’s milk, which is expensive. A small bottle is RM5 and it lasts one or two feedings. Powered goat milk is much cheaper and lasts a few weeks. Happily, when puppies get to crawling, you can start adding in real food, like minced meat and egg yolk.

– Siew Yenn, rescuer in Petaling Jaya, and mum to six dogs, including the seven-month-old mixed puppy, Pixel, who enjoyed goat’s milk

As your life changes, you may not be a good dog parent

“If you and your partner get a pup, you may think of it as a fur-baby. You work at raising the pup and how to fit work and play around a young dog. However, it’s your own life changes that are an issue.

“At the moment, relationship issues are the No.1 reason for dogs being dumped. Maybe the new apartment won’t allow dogs, or perhaps there isn’t enough money to pay for food and vet bills. We even hear of stories of dogs being given up when the new partner doesn’t want the dog from the old relationship!

“Marriage is another ‘killer’, especially if you want kids. There are many in-laws who will tell you to get rid of your dog – that it’s dangerous, dirty, and so on. They go on and on and on about this. It can be hard to resist them.

“Then there’s your career. What happens if you get a new job and have to move to a new town? Getting a room or a flat is easy – but getting a condo that accepts dogs is not.

“I have four dogs at the moment because people didn’t think about planning ahead. So, when you get a pup, please ask yourself: Will I be in this relationship and home in 15 years’ time? And if the answer is no, then don’t do it.”

– Shayne Lee, business development manager from Kuala Lumpur, and mum to four rescue dogs, Ice (Poodle), Neil and Gabriel (both Maltese), and Bobby (mixed breed).

Some dogs are really very hard to train.

Some dogs are not trainable so be prepared for chaos

“When I saw Benjy Boy on Facebook, he looked so lost that I felt sorry for him. I really thought it over before I contacted the rescuer because I already had two dogs. We went about it carefully, with me sending over money to have him cleaned up and neutered, so he was healthy and tick-free.

“When I finally got him, about a month later, he was much taller than I expected – my two are short compared to him. Also, he was a real rascal. He jumped all over Danny Boy and Daisy Belle, terrifying them. He tore up his bedding – and my cushions. And he peed everywhere!

“Then there was the noise. I cook lunch and dinner for the dogs, and from the second Benjy smelled the food, he’d be screaming and yelling and jumping and barking. After a month, I was a wreck and my house was practically destroyed.

“I actually called the rescuer to say I couldn’t cope. But as soon as I said it, I felt so bad that I changed my mind. I mean, it’s only a house. It can be washed, cleaned and tidied. And Benjy had already been rejected by several homes because people couldn’t cope with him.

“In short, I renovated the house and spent some money building him his own run. And I work to keep him separate from the other two. Three years later, Benjy is still wild. Training did absolutely nothing. He destroys his bedding, eats my cushions and he’s super noisy. But he also jumps on my lap for a cuddle and he’s very loving always.”

– Royce Rachel Thevarakam, secondary school teacher in Rawang, and mum of Danny Boy and Daisy Belle (both Lab-Beagle mixes), and Benjy the Destroyer

from Family – Star2.com https://ift.tt/30Kgmkq

[centralparkpawsblog]

How to Stop Dogs from Pooping in the House

https://www.centralparkpaws.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/31fiMzsdEOL.jpg As my dogs have gotten older, their minds and bodies have changed with the aging process.

Sophie and Daisy both have issues with their eyesight and hearing.

Also, Daisy suffers from cognitive dysfunction (it’s like Alzheimer’s), which has impacted her housetraining, resulting in her having accidents.

When Daisy first started pooping in the house, I brought her into the vet to make sure there weren’t any underlying health issues.

After running various tests, we figured out it was related to her getting older. Over time it became clear that Daisy suffered from cognitive dysfunction, which is not uncommon in older dogs.

I was relieved that Daisy wasn’t sick, but was disappointed that she was struggling mentally.

It wasn’t long after this that Sophie started having issues when we left for more than four hours.

Again, I brought her to the vet office and found out that like Daisy, it was likely due to age. However, unlike Daisy, it was due to anxiety.

In addition to age-related issues, sometimes dogs will poop in the house due to illness.

Calvin has irritable bowel disease, which can result in accidents when he has a flare-up.

Beyond age and illness, sometimes dogs have not been adequately housetrained.  It is not uncommon for me to foster an adult dog that has never lived in a house.

Why is My Dog Pooping in the House?

There are various reasons why dogs poop in the house:

Cognitive dysfunction – Seniors with cognitive dysfunction can forget their housetraining, resulting in accidents.

Loss of muscle in the anal reflex ability[1].

Diet – Sudden changes in a dog’s diet can negatively affect a dog’s gastrointestinal system.

Diseases – Like Inflammatory Bowel Disease or cancer.

Nerve Damage – Neural issues that impact the sphincter’s ability to function properly.

Illness – Parasites or colitis.

Change in Lifestyle – It is not unusual for rescue dogs who have lived their lives outside not to be housebroken.

Stress – If a dog is under stress, it can result in your dog getting colitis.

Age – Puppies require housetraining, and until they receive it they will continue to poop in the house.

Why Is My Dog All of the Sudden Pooping in the House?

Sometimes dog poop in the house and people incorrectly think their dog is mad at them.

Dog’s don’t get mad at us; sometimes they are scared of us or anxious by our reaction, but don’t be fooled into thinking they look guilty[2].

If your dog is suddenly pooping in your house, it could be a medical condition and seeking veterinary assistance is advisable.

Some health issues that would cause your dog to poop in the house are a change in their diet, colitis, bowel cancer, or intestinal parasites.

Sometimes dogs will poop in the house because of anxiety or stress.

It is not uncommon for dogs to poop after a move, a change in the family structure such as a divorce or new baby, or even another pet. They aren’t pooping because they are mad about the change, but instead, it is a stress response.

Another common reason for dogs to poop in the house is because your pup is getting older.

Fecal incontinence is not uncommon in senior dogs.

As dogs age, their bodies and minds can be negatively impacted. Some dogs may lose muscle mass and the nerves dull in the sphincter area, suffer from cognitive dysfunction or suffer from “old dog” anxiety.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a straightforward answer to this question.

Why Does My Dog Poop in the House in Front of Me?

Like most things relating to dogs, there are few different answers.

The first two that come to mind are fecal incontinence and cognitive dysfunction.

I was recently at my cousin’s house dropping something off. Since it was a workday, I went inside to see if her senior dog, Jet, wanted to go outside.

Jet is a Doberman Pinscher and is an absolute sweetheart.

Unfortunately, Jet suffers from arthritis and fecal incontinence.

After letting Jet back inside after he finished his outside business, I walked him back to his bed.

I started to say goodbye, and instead of laying down, he began to poop.

He was standing looking right at me, and he had no idea what was happening.

This type of event is just as embarrassing to them as it is to you

The reason this happened was because Jet has lost muscle control and has lost nerve sensitivity in his sphincter.

Another incident that happened was with Daisy.

Daisy has arthritis.

She was outside going to the bathroom. After she finished pooping, I called her in, and unfortunately, when she came inside, she preceded to squat and poop in the house.

Unfortunately, her legs get sore from squatting, so sometimes Daisy needs to squat multiple times.

Since I was in a hurry, I had forgotten this and had rushed the process. Trust me, I felt like a horrible mom!

Finally, in a recent article[3], it mentioned that pooping in the house could be that your pooch thinks they are giving you a gift.

Not sure my opinion on this, but thought it would be worth mentioning.

Why Is My Dog Pooping in the House When I Leave?

Often when a dog poops in the house in your absence, it’s because of one of three principal reasons.

First, they didn’t have enough time outside to relieve themselves or were distracted by other things instead of taking care of business.

Younger dogs and dogs with cognitive dysfunction are the ones that most often suffer from this issue.

The next reason is that your dog is older and can no longer wait as long, between bathroom breaks like they once did.

In our house, 4-5 hours is the longest they can last.

The third common reason is separation anxiety, or stress.

Accidents in the house are a common symptom of separation anxiety.

Why Has My Dog Started Pooping in the House at Night?

There are a few possible reasons for nighttime pooping.

One reason is fecal incontinence. Dogs who suffer from this condition, like Jet, often defecate in their sleep.

Another possible reason is if your dog is eating too close to bedtime.

Your dog may require more time between mealtime and when they go to bed.

Even if your dog has treats before bedtime, that may be enough to cause them to have nocturnal accidents.

A third potential reason is that dogs who are given too much freedom in the evening, but not enough exercise during the day, can find themselves up and wandering the house.

Just the action of walking around the home can trigger a response in your dog to need to go to the bathroom.

A final reason for nighttime pooping is incorrect housetraining.

Sophie, my foster fail, used to get in trouble for making noise at night. If she had to go to the bathroom in the evening, she would sneak off and find a place to poop instead of waking us up.

Because of Sophie’s lack of proper training, she had become fearful of drawing attention to herself.

Eventually, when she would start stirring at night, Daisy would wake us up so we could get Sophie outside.

Is your dog pooping in their crate, not the house? We have an article about that as well!

How to Stop My Dog from Pooping in the House?

Like all of the other questions, there isn’t a straightforward answer.

The answer depends on why your dog is pooping in the house.

Below, I’ve listed a few scenarios and solutions.

However, as always, I encourage you to check with your vet to ensure there aren’t any underlying health issues.

I know that might seem extreme, but it’s just as likely to be a health issue as it is a behavioral issue.

My dad’s golden retriever, Jacquie, was a rescue from RAGOM and shortly after she was adopted, she started pooping in the house.

At first, it was assumed it was just behavioral due to the change and stress of a new home. However, after it didn’t resolve and other things came up, my dad brought her to the vet.

Devastatingly, they discovered she had cancer.

Though Jacquie was only with us for a short period, we were still all quite heartbroken.

How to Determine Why Your Dog is Pooping in the House

I know how hard it can be to deal with this issue and the best piece of advice I can give you is remembering your love for your dog.

Next, take a step back from the situation and look at the whole picture. Determining why our dogs are pooping where they shouldn’t be is half the battle.

Consider everything:

Did you change their food recently? Did you buy new treats?

Did you move? Change jobs?

Did your regular schedule or routine change?

Did you have a change in your household? New Baby? New Pet? Divorce? Death?

How old is your dog?

Is your dog behaving differently in other ways?

Do they only poop when you’re away?

Do they only poop at night?

Do they only poop during a storm?

Once you have determined the reason your dog is pooping in the house, you can move forward and figure out how to resolve the issue or at least learn to manage the situation.

If Your Dog Suffers from Fecal Incontinence due to Age

50% of seniors over the age of 11 suffer from cognitive dysfunction[4], and many others suffer from arthritis and loss of muscle in their sphincter.

Regardless of the cause, the bottom line is our senior pups need to relieve themselves more frequently.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a medication available that can help with this issue.

However, there are a few things we can do to minimize the number of accidents our dogs have.

One option is to change our dog’s diet to a low residue/low fiber dog food.

A low residue diet is lower in high-fiber foods[5]. Low residue diets are intended to reduce the number of bowel movements.

These diets have fewer whole grains, fruits, and vegetables.

Here are some examples:

Purina Pro Plan Focus for Sensitive Skin and Stomach

Taste of the Wild High Prairie Bison and Venison

Orijen Regional Red

Another thing we can do is to ensure we give enough time after meals for our dogs to go to the bathroom before we leave or go to bed.

When my dogs were younger, their bathroom habits were like clockwork. Feed them, and a half-hour later they would need to go and relieve themselves.

Nowadays. when we feed them it can be anywhere between a half-hour to an hour and a half before they need to relieve themselves.

Needless to say, we needed to manage the situation better to avoid accidents!

Also, since most seniors can’t wait as long as before between bathroom breaks, you may need to consider having a friend or family member come in to let your dog out.

If my husband and I are going to be gone for an extended period, say to a wedding or party, we will hire a dog sitter.

The dog sitter comes over for a few hours to help break up the time and give the dogs a chance to get out.

Tip

If you are unsure where to find a dog sitter, try calling your local vet. Or, if you have a veterinary school nearby, many of the students love supplementing their income with pet sitting.

If your Dog Poops in the House Because of Anxiety

Some dogs have separation anxiety, old dog anxiety, or thunderstorm anxiety.

The treatment type for their anxiety will depend on the severity of the situation.

Some easy in-home methods for helping your dog would be to use:

A Thundershirt (Check out our review here!).

Aroma Therapy – Like lavender and chamomile. I like Earth Heart’ Canine Calm Spray.

Dog-Appeasing Pheromone (DAP) therapy[6].

Calming Chews such as NaturVet Quiet Moments (this worked when Sophie’s anxiety was at a lower level) and Zesty Paws Calming Bites.

Also, some dogs respond better to smaller environments.

I have had foster dogs that feel more comfortable when crated than when given free rein of the house

It isn’t a punishment to crate your dog, especially if your dog feels safer while confined.

Essentially, treating your dog’s anxiety is the key to prevent them from pooping in the house.

Health Issues

If your pup has a medical condition such as parasites, colitis, or irritable bowel disease, then treating the condition will minimize or even eliminate your dog pooping in the house.

However, some disorders like irritable bowel disease may still have occasional flareups, resulting in the inevitable accident in the house.

Could those health issues affect your dog’s poop’s color, too? Check out this article for more information on orange dog poop!

Housetraining Issues

Some of my former foster dogs had never been in a house before, so had never needed to be housetrained.

Sadly, some dogs we have rescued have lived in deplorable conditions, including having to live in their mess.

With dogs coming from these types of situations, housetraining requires additional patience and tons of positive reinforcement.

Training dogs with this background can be challenging but extraordinarily rewarding.

However, the good news is that all dogs of any age can be housetrained.

Tips for Housetraining

CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN!!! If a dog smells an area they or another dog has used to go to the bathroom, they will continue to use this spot. This is why it is so important to use a good cleaner to eliminate the smell.

Good Products to Get Rid of the Smell

Thieves Household Cleaner

Clorox Urine Remover

Nature’s Miracle Stain and Odor Remover

Don’t Throw the Poop Out in the Garbage

If your dog has pooped indoors, move the poop outdoors.

Because dogs tend to use the bathroom in the same area, it can also work in our favor.

Move the poop outside, and when training your pup, lead them to the area you put their poop.

This will help encourage them to poop in that same place.

Use Positive Reinforcement

Every time your dog poops outside get excited and reward with treats and affection.

If you scold your dog for going to the bathroom indoors, likely you will only scare them; positive reinforcement is more powerful than punishment.

Pooping in the House Because of Cognitive Dysfunction

As I mentioned earlier, Daisy has been suffering from cognitive dysfunction for the last year.

One of the challenges has been her loss of housetraining skills.

Daisy had always let us know when she needed to go outside. During the day she would wait by the backdoor and at night she would wake us by hitting the side of the bed.

At first, we thought she had completely lost all of her housetraining skills.

However, we soon realized that her cues for needing to go outside changed.

Now, instead of going to the door, Daisy balls up the rugs in the room.

So, if your dog also has cognitive dysfunction, look for new patterns in their behavior. The cue for letting you know they need to go out may have changed.

Though there is no cure for cognitive dysfunction, there are some supplements that can aid in reducing the symptoms:

Nutramax Welectin, which is a salmon oil full of fatty acids  known to help brain function and skin issues

Kinpur Hemp Oil

Recently, as in yesterday, we were informed by Daisy’s internal medicine veterinarian that there is a medication that is now being used to help with cognitive dysfunction.

It has a 76% success rate and a low risk for side effects[7].

The medicine is called Selegiline. You can find it at Chewy, though it does require a prescription.

Though Selegiline will not cure cognitive dysfunction, it can aid in helping your pup remember their housetraining skills.

Final Thoughts

Having your dog poop in your house can be frustrating, gross, and even embarrassing.

However, there is usually a solution or at least ways to reduce the frequency of occurrences.

The first step is determining why your dog is pooping in the house. Then you can decide on the best solution to fix the problem.

Remember your dog isn’t doing this to get revenge on you.

Dogs are fortunate enough not to be petty enough to do such things.

Unfortunately, they do suffer from other unpleasant emotions like fear and anxiety, both of which can contribute to unwanted behavior.

Do your best to be patient and diligent in finding the root cause, and likely everything will come out smelling like roses! (Sorry couldn’t help myself!)

FAQs

How Do I Stop My Older Dog from Pooping in the House?

It all depends on the reason why your dog is pooping in the house.

The problem could be the result of a health issue, cognitive issue, or just part of the normal aging process.  Always start with contacting your vet.

How Do You Punish a Dog for Pooping in the House?

You don’t.

Positive reinforcement is the most reliable and effective method for training your dog.

Resources

https://www.petmd.com/dog/conditions/digestive/c_dg_fecal_incontinence

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090611065839.htm

https://www.intermountainpet.com/blog/is-your-dog-revenge-pooping

https://www.petmd.com/dog/conditions/neurological/c_dg_cognitive_dysfunction_syndrome

https://www.webmd.com/ibd-crohns-disease/low-residue-diet-foods#1

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2839826/

https://www.wedgewoodpetrx.com/learning-center/professional-monographs/selegiline-for-veterinary-use.html

The post How to Stop Dogs from Pooping in the House appeared first on Central Park Paws.

from https://www.centralparkpaws.net/dog-training-tips/stop-dogs-pooping-house/

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Dog Gone Problems: 18-month-old Goldendoodle doesn't respect its 14-year-old owner | Momaha.com

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Dog Gone Problems: 18-month-old Goldendoodle doesn't respect its 14-year-old owner | Momaha.com

Dog Gone Problems is a weekly advice column by David Codr, a dog behaviorist in Omaha. David answers dog behavior questions sent in by our readers. You can reach him at dogbehaviorquestions@gmail.com.

I have an 18-month-old Goldendoodle who is a very kind and loving dog. My family’s intent is for him to work as a therapy dog. The problem is I am a 14-year-old small girl who this dog doesn’t respect at all. I feel like I have tried everything. My family has hired behaviorists and trainers. I walk him 30 minutes a day — morning and night — and I train him for 10 minutes after each one of those walks. No matter what I do, he doesn’t respect me. However, he respects the rest of my family. All my dad has to do is walk in the room and he will drop whatever he has. It’s the same with my brothers, who are 11- and 16-years-old.

The next issue is that he has possession aggression. He is very fast. He grabs everything and does not let it go (at least for me). For example, he loves socks and will swallow them. Because of this he has had to get two surgeries and has had multiple visits to the vet to induce vomiting. We have buckets with lids and locks, but he can also open doors. When he gets something to chew on and I try to take it away, he growls — a lot. Then when I try to open his jaw, he bites me.

I need help. How can I make him respect me? Is it my fault or the dog’s? 

Wow. It sounds like you have quite a few issues going on. From what you wrote, it appears you are doing some good work already. Maybe we just need to add a little fine tuning. I can share a few tips.

Let’s break your letter down into individual sections so you can focus on one thing at a time.

First, respect for dogs can be confusing. Some of the factors may be related to your age and stature. Size matters to dogs. That said, one of my former apprentices has gone on to become a dog behaviorist and she is just over 5 feet tall. So it’s something you can get past.

While the walks are great, they may not be enough. Your average dog needs an hour of exercise every day, but some dogs may need even more. From what you wrote, I’d guess your dog falls into that category. This video on creative ways to exercise dogs can help you supplement your walks with some easy indoor exercise options.

I’d look for some ways to build in compliance before your dog gets what he wants in your day-to-day life. Petting with a purpose is a wonderful way to help your dog learn to respect you as a leader and help him practice asking for things instead of telling you what to do.

Do you enforce rules with your dog? Dogs often see those who enforce rules as the leader. Enforcing rules gives you an opportunity to demonstrate your leadership in small, subtle ways multiple times a day.

I’d suggest you also start developing a strong leave it command with your dog. Once established, you can pull out high-value items and leave them on the floor when you can supervise and give the dog the leave it command. The more you repeat this, the less the dog will try to take things you want them to leave alone.

Lastly, this video includes a really easy and sneaky way to condition your dog to come to you — even when you don’t call him to come over.

Remember, training and behavior are separate. While training is awesome, I’d suggest you work more on these structural changes and behavior exercises to help your dog learn that listening and respecting you cause good things to happen.

Good luck and remember — everything you do trains your dog. Only sometimes you mean it.

Close

Despite being a senior cat at 10 years old, Baby is full of energy and mischief. Here, she dangles from a bannister in her house in Gretna.

Karen Windle, copy editor

We’re Bruce and Ernie (left). We love sneaking raw bacon off the kitchen counter, lounging around the house naked, er, without our collars and making friends with deer. (The deer *love* to play tag, but for some reason we’re always “it.”) 

Katy Glover, online editor

Buster can put a smile on your face like no one else, including those of neighbors who spot him dragging me along on a walk or run. Unfortunately, this high-energy guy recently has been sidelined by the doggie version of a torn ACL and subsequent knee surgery. He could use a little boost, so I’m nominating him for the OWH Pet Parade.

Julie Anderson, news reporter

At left is Clyde. He’s a dog. He’s 2 ½. He’s deaf. At right is Pieces. He’s a cat. He’s 13. He can hear. They would like very much for you to pick them!

Brad Davis, business editor

If you’re an avid reader of the World-Herald, maybe you’ve heard of Cooper. Features reporter Chris Peters has written about raising Cooper. Here he is on the custom pallet bed his mom built for him.

Chris Peters, features reporter

At left is Daisy. Her best friend is a reindeer, who comes to visit a few weeks each year. She complains a lot to the non-magical beings she lives with, for obvious reasons. At right is Diaz. He’s a handsome  boy who doesn’t care about that. He loves walks and belly rubs, all people, most dogs, one cat, and zero racoons and opossums. 

Rich Mills, copy editor

At the Ducey Farm in Dundee, we have the blackshirt gals who guard the back yard (Mary Stewart and Victoria Holt), and the chickens who help me garden (Brooklyn and Penny). They produce eggs and inspire pillows for the cutest and most fashionable dogs in the world (Phoebe, Gigi and cousin Tyson), who love to bark at the feral cats (Bunny and Butterscotch) who live outside and have matching tails!

Marjie Ducey, reporter

Gator likes eating snackies, expertly posing for pictures, getting floof everywhere and borking (not barking) at neighbor dogs.

Cory Gilinsky, features (and Sarah Jarecki, civilian)

Gracie the border collie and Beau the red heeler like long walks and frequent car rides, especially to drive-thrus that give treats. 

Deb Shanahan, metro desk editor, and Kent Sievers, photographer

Isabel doesn’t enjoy her humans (especially the little ones) a lot, but sometimes likes a good chin scratch. Mostly she enjoys being left alone to sit on top of the piano and watch the birds outside.

Kevin Coffey, music critic

Izzy is 6 months old. She likes to chase her tail (and often catches it), climb up couches (and people), and bother Zake. Zake is 15 years old and unsure of Izzy. After all, Izzy has the high ground.

Zach Tegler, copy desk

Jameson may be named after whiskey, but this five-year-old gal is all sweetness. At first skittish after being rescued from a farm in Oklahoma, now her favorite hobby is stealing hearts — and covers.​

Laurel Foster, online

We say Juni found us after my wife was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. This little Havaton brings our family joy, love and snuggles every day.​

Jeff Robb, news reporter/data geek

Laika is, hands down, the happiest dog at the dog park. She is named after the heroic Russian cosmonaut dog, one of the first animals in space. Ciara loves to pray. When she joins our family in prayer, she sounds like Scooby Doo. She is fiercely loyal and protective.

Susan Szalewski, copy editor and news reporter

Lolo was adopted seven years ago in Louisiana. She’s a mutt, and we think she’s part nutria, otherwise known as a swamp rat.

Hunter Paniagua, digital sports coordinator

Minerva is a very hard worker. Two-year-old “Minnie” likes to spend her time cleaning, inspecting boxes and bird watching. (And looking adorable.)

Brandon Olson, digital content hub editor

Molly, a rat-terrier Chihuahua from NHS, loved everyone she met. She was an excellent high jumper and cuddler and gave us joy for 17 years. She died in April.

Betsie Freeman, features reporter

Nellie is a 10-year-old tabby cat who is more like 5 years old at heart. She enjoys sleeping in fresh, warm laundry, eating, chasing lasers and listening to stories with best friend, 4-year-old Sam.​

Ashlee Coffey, Momaha.com editor

This is Oliver. He has three legs and a bullet permanently lodged in him. (We didn’t put it there). He pretends like he’s surly and tough but deep down he’s very snuggly.

Roseann Moring, political reporter

Eighteen-year-old cat

Loves tuna, SBH and

A fireside nap

Sarah Baker Hansen, features, and Matthew Hansen, columnist

I’m Sasha. I was a stray in Oklahoma (where my ear was somehow torn) before a shelter rescued me & treated my heartworm. I just tested negative for heartworm, yay! I really like to play dead & get belly rubs!

Alia Conley, news reporter

Slugger, owned by the original Pet Parade Petitor in Chief and saved by Big Red Rescue in Omaha, chases his tail faster to his right than to his left. He ate a hole in the blinds to watch his owner come and go.

Steven Elonich, online editor

Toby is a 4-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback mix with a big personality. Given the protective tendencies of his breed, he’s very serious about watching over his property — and his owners. Until he isn’t.

Dave Elsesser, features editor, and RyAnne Elsesser

Toothpick loves biting bare legs, gazing longingly at birds outside and dipping his paw into bags of Spicy Nacho Doritos so he can lick off the Doritos dust (which his owners know is gross and bad but are powerless to stop). ​

Erin Duffy, news reporter

Boston Terriers, Willow, 8, and Dexter, 6, have a closet full of costumes, sweaters, scarves and even some pajamas. They only sit this nicely for photos because there are LOTS of treats involved – but really – they are crazy little puppies!

Tammy Yttri, copy desk chief

Nine years ago, we found Zed roaming the earth (it was a ruff life). He’s a good boy. He likes his toy lobster, pepperonis (which we call pupperonis) and keeping up with his fans at Zedwin.org. 

Graham Archer, digital editor

Hi, my name is Zeus, I an eight-year-old American Eskimo looking to get back in the game. They say I am fixed, but I think my only problem is you aren’t in my life. I love long walks and treats. I want someone to chase squirrels with.  Won’t you paw right?

Chris Machian, photographer

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How 7 Entrepreneurs Went From Massive Debt To Incredible Success

The first Rocking the Daisies festival left its founders more than R400 000 in debt. Craig Bright and Brian Little decided to keep going anyway. It took four years to settle that debt, but they knew they were breaking into an industry notorious for low margins and even losses.

When Brian and Craig first decided to host a music festival, they knew they’d have a few challenges. They had no money, no venue and no acts. And while a few isolated events existed, there was no music festival culture in South Africa.

The solution? Craig sold his house, Brian sold his car and they both borrowed cash from their parents. “We were so inexperienced we ended up spending money on all the wrong things,” says Brian.

“We put a full 2kms of fencing up,” recalls Craig. “We were very, very ambitious about how many people would attend, and we didn’t want anyone sneaking in. That fence cost us R20 000 and a lot of time and hard work because we put it up ourselves. And then 700 people arrived,” he laughs.

Through contacts they secured new local acts the Parlotones and Goldfish, printed fliers and hoped for the best. All in all, the event cost R1,1 million to put on. They made R350 000 in cash.

But they didn’t give up. Instead, they found a way to bring brands on board as sponsors and to create experiences for their festivals goers. As their events grew, so too did the experiential marketing offerings they could give their clients. It just took patience, hard work and some smart pivots.

Lesson learnt

“What are we good at? Where are our skills? What aligns? And what’s good versus sexy? It’s easy to get seduced by the sexy, but is it right for the business? Does it align with our strategy? A key learning for us has been when to say no. It’s often tempting to take on a project to prevent another promoter from doing it or to please a sponsor, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for the business.”

Kevin Vermaak: Cape Epic

Kevin Vermaak has managed to turn an 8-day mountain bike stage race into a renowned international brand. But it wasn’t easy. Although the Absa Cape Epic is now a successful race with a strong title sponsor and R63 million in annual turnover, getting it there wasn’t easy.

“When I first came up with the idea of the Cape Epic, I was 30 and it was a way to spend a really cool year and create something special while I figured out what I wanted to do next. That lasted for about three months, and then I started looking at the event like a real business — the potential to do something great and leave a legacy,” recalls Kevin.

Kevin pushed hard to get the Cape Epic off the ground, and from the outside it looked like an incredible success. In the first year it had sold out in three days. By the second year that was down to under five hours, and by the third year they had to implement a lottery system to handle the amount of entries received. Riders loved the race. In a short space of time it had become incredibly popular, both locally and internationally.

“The problem was that the numbers weren’t working. I was hiding the truth from everyone: The riders, my staff, my suppliers. No one knew how bad things were. The riders paid their entry fees upfront, nine months before the race. They’d never trust me with their money if they knew I was using it to pay for the previous year’s race. I understood that their perception might be that the race might not take place, even though I would never, ever have let that happen,” says Kevin.

“Getting Absa on board was a major win, but it didn’t immediately solve all of my money problems. Our third year ended up being our biggest loss. A title sponsor meant glitzy press events, PR agencies, and sponsorship agencies, all of which come with a price tag. In fact, five events in a row made a loss. By 2008, our turnover was R22 million, but our accumulated losses amounted to R8,5 million. We even extended our bridging loan from the IDC to R5 million to ensure we had sufficient cash flow to stage the event.

“The fact that we were oversubscribed and there was so much hype around securing an entry to the Absa Cape Epic was a massive pull for sponsors, which had always been my focus. To monetise this event I needed sponsors, not more riders. This is where a mentor is so crucial and adds such huge value. Neville Crosse, the youngest CEO of a JSE listed company in the 1980s and the chairman of Omnia Holdings in 2008, forced me to evaluate my own preconceived ideas around entry fees. The following two years we increased the price, year-on-year. In 2010 we made a profit. By 2012, we were in the black. We’d paid off our debt and were now finally a sustainable, profitable business.”

Lesson learnt

“Growth was never going to be about more riders, which is the model for most amateur events around the world. More riders mean more costs. We needed a way to leverage what we had without incurring more costs. The Tour de France only has 198 riders. You don’t need to be a huge event by participation numbers to be successful. You need to monetise what you have.”

John Nicolakakis: Romans Pizza

The first Roman’s Pizza franchise John Nicolakakis ever sold was to a complete fraud. He was 23 years old, and it was his first deal since joining his father in the family business.

“I was so excited when he handed over the cheque for his joining fee. I didn’t realise it was the last cash we’d see from him. He couldn’t even cover his set-up costs. We had to step up and help him get the business up and running. We basically loaned him the money to buy a franchise from us. And we had to do it. The brand was more important than my mistake.”

John’s father hadn’t liked the prospective franchisee, but he’d gone through with the deal anyway, against his father’s wishes. It was a lesson the young businessmen took to heart. “From that moment on I became far more discerning, and a lot less eager. The agreement that my father and I had when I joined the business was that we would embark on an aggressive expansion plan,” says John.

As so much of the brand’s success rests with its franchisees, the company has also fine-tuned its franchisee selection process since John’s early (and over-eager) mistakes.

“Our first step is to verify financial records and vet all financial criteria,” says John. “We learnt the hard way that you can’t just take someone’s word at face value. We conduct personal interviews and do psychometric testing as well.” As a rule, Roman’s Pizza franchisees should be owner-operators, and before any documents are signed or money exchanges hands, each prospective franchisee spends one full week in a store, from open to close.

According to John, many prospective franchisees drop out of the process at this point. “This business is a lifestyle choice. You either love it, or it’s not for you. But it’s important to know which before we embark on a relationship together. Protecting the brand is far more important than selling another franchise. We want our franchisees to love what they do and what Roman’s Pizza stands for.”

Lesson learnt

“I wanted to grow a brand that would be a household name. But I realised that there’s a right way to grow, and a wrong way. Every decision I made from then on had to take the sustainability of the brand into consideration.”

Rodney Norman: Chrome Supplements and Accessories

When Rodney Norman was 21, his first business ended up R1 million in debt. With so much owing to suppliers, he couldn’t continue trading.

It took him two years to pay off the debt, but as soon as it was settled, he quit his job – as an employee of his own business – to build R100 million-rand business Chrome Supplements and Accessories.

Rodney’s a born trader. If he’s not making deals, growing a customer base and finding solutions to all the daily challenges that running a business brings, he’s not truly living. Chrome SA is the result of taking life’s knocks on the chin, and then manning up, facing the music, and growing stronger through adversity. A lesson he began to learn at the tender age of 15, when he was kicked out of school in Grade 10. His parents were not impressed. Determined to teach their son to face the consequences of his actions, they told him to find a job, pay rent, or move out. It was the greatest gift they could have given him.

“I got a job at the local gym as a weight packer. But my studies through Intec College cost R650 a month, my rent was R650, and I only earned R1 050. I needed to find a way to supplement my income.” Rodney was athletic; he worked out and was interested in supplements. Soon people at the gym started asking his advice on supplements, and he saw an opportunity. He offered to organise products for them, adding a small mark-up for himself.

“The gym had a strict no-supplements policy, so I’d deliver the products before and after my shifts. I once cycled from Edenvale to Isando to make a delivery that was worth R50. I was that serious about building up my client base.” It worked. That customer is still a Chrome client today.

Lesson learnt

“At 21 I had this enormous debt. Where the hell do you get R1 million? It was a defining moment for me. I could call it quits or get stuck in and make it happen. I managed to pay it back in two years. That’s all it took. I just had to start. I remember my dad telling me he would never see R1 million in his lifetime. It was this huge sum. So how could I do it? The answer? Slowly. I was young, but that was also to my benefit. My life wasn’t over. I knew it would be a rough few years, but I also knew that if I didn’t man up and make this right, I would never build the business I now knew I was capable of building.”

Peter Mountford: Super Group Holdings

When Peter Mountford was asked to return to Super Group as CEO in 2009, it was to help the holding company regroup and find its way back to profitability. The business had lost its way. Super Group itself had annualised pre-tax losses of approximately R1,5 billion. Its borrowings had escalated to R4,3 billion and there was virtually no shareholder equity left in the business as a result of aggregated losses.

Something had to be done if the group was to survive. Sharks were circling the waters, looking for opportunities for a hostile takeover. Attrition and even death were imminent. The whole situation was a lesson that even large, profitable businesses can lose their way. It was time to make some changes.

“In a sense, the group had lost direction from 2006 to 2009. Our core businesses are supply chain, fleet lease and dealership businesses,” explains Peter. “We had lost sight of that and expanded into a series of industrial products businesses, which were importing and assembling a range of Chinese trucks, material handling equipment and so on. These businesses had underperformed and were losing R1 billion per annum.”

Peter spent three years focused on regenerating Super Group’s three core business pillars, highlighting the importance of cash generation. “We managed to turn the group around to modest profitability — R150 million pre-tax profit by 2010,” he explains. By 2012 the core group businesses were starting to perform well, and had paid back all its borrowings, were in a net cash position, and had managed to re-establish ownership of the underlying net assets of the business.

“We did not repeat Super Group’s mistake of the past, which was to enter into completely new territories. Instead, we focused on opportunities that played into our core strengths. Experience has taught us that you can end up over-investing in a business that doesn’t perform.”

Lesson learnt

“To be successful, I believe you need to retain a small business mindset. You need to be quick, decisive and entrepreneurial in your decision-making processes. We’ve resisted bogging the organisation down with administrative processes and documents, such as daily sales forecasts, daily order covers and daily cash flow forecasts. We run a small executive team at group level and keep our decision-making process highly efficient. Bureaucratic matrix structures tend to be removed from the coal face; when that happens, the wrong decisions are made, which ultimately hurts the business.”

Pepe Marais and Gareth Leck: Joe Public

Pepe Marais and Gareth Leck’s paths first crossed when Gareth saved Pepe’s life. A few years later they were introduced by a friend who thought they’d make excellent business partners. Today they’re South Africa’s largest independent agency, with a turnover of R700 million, and gross profits in excess of R200 million.

In 2006, eight years after launching their business, and five years after selling it, Pepe and Gareth’s biggest client fired them. The account brought in 40% of their revenue, and the company needed to retrench 50% of its employees as a result.

It was the single worst day of Pepe and Gareth’s careers. They no longer owned Joe Public, but it was theirs in name and brand, and it was they who had to retrench staff.

However, losing their biggest client also allowed Gareth and Pepe to not only buy back their business, but find their purpose and change the course of the company as well.

“We wanted to zig while others zagged,” says Pepe. “When we got the chance to buy back our business because of the huge losses we had suffered, we changed our focus. We’d been part of a big corporate that only looked at the bottom line. From 2009, we stopped doing that. We put product first.”

“One of our clients once told us that all they wanted to do was serve the best possible product to customers, with the best service, at the right price to give value,” says Gareth. “It really resonated with us, reaffirming everything we believe as well. We all tend to complicate business, when what we should be doing is serving our clients — and the best way to do that, is to do great work.”

Lessons learnt

“The problem is that you can’t put bottom line at the top. Revenue is a lag factor. If you become too focused on it, you lose sight of the rest of the business. You can’t measure the health of a business on the bottom line. The year we made our first million, we weren’t focused on the bottom line. We were focused on delivering the best product and service possible, and the natural result was a big, fat bottom line.”

Max Lichaba: Lichaba Creations, Kwa Lichaba and Lichaba Custom Rides

Max Lichaba finished school with a Grade 10 and no prospects, except for a burning desire to do more with his life than become a miner like all the other men in his community. He started a jewellery business, lost everything, and painstakingly built it up from scratch again.

“Starting over is one of the hardest things in life. I had nothing, and worse, I’d failed the people I had wanted to protect. They were all jobless, my old ladies and my new staff. The younger staff who hadn’t been with me at the beginning were particularly angry and wanted their salaries. I was devastated,” recalls Max.

How had it happened? He’d taken his eye off his jewellery business, Lichaba Creations, which was booming and practically ran itself, to concentrate on the school he’d started to teach the next generation of jewellery designers. “We’d moved into new, bigger premises to handle our increased international orders. The first payments came through 12 months later than expected.”

Lichaba Creations was effectively carrying the school, and the result was that Max couldn’t pay rent for the jewellery business.

“After two months our landlord told us he was locking our doors. I needed to get back on my feet, and I no longer had a business, or the school. I started by reaching out to my old school — could I teach there?

“For six months, that’s what I did. I taught and saved every cent I could. I sold most of my furniture and slept on a mattress on the floor. When I had enough cash in the bank, I started visiting all the pawn shops in Welkom. I knew my equipment was specialised, and I had a feeling that the people who had bought it wouldn’t be able to use it. I was right — I started to find my machines at different pawn shops. Piece by piece, I bought them back.

“It took eight months, but I was able to get back up and running — at a very small scale. I worked from my flat, exporting to India and the UK. I was totally focused. I vowed I would never lose sight of my core business again, even if I pursued other ventures.”

Today, Max runs Lichaba Creations alongside restaurant and carwash business Kwa Lichaba and Lichaba Custom Rides, a car customisation and sound business.

Lesson learnt

“Start small, but start — that’s the key. I could have gone out and tried to figure out how to raise R100 000 for fancy machines. I didn’t do that. Instead, I focused on trading — bringing in cash to feed and support us. The equipment took us to the next level, and I was able to look for our next opportunity.”

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