#my favorite band of thieves!!!

[phantom-kiwi]

opposite of a gatekeeper where i *need* NBT to blow up so that their merch is no longer impossible to find and/or really expensive because what do you mean "the tshirt that cost 45 bucks at their concert merch booth was the cheaper option" is a true statement. why are tshirts on their store 40 bucks shipping *not* included. hello. can anyone hear me. i literally just want a tshirt that says hi i love nbt thumbs up emoji. hello.

[ghostsofbeverlydr]

listening to dcc now. please be good

[apomaro-mellow]

Hospitals still weren't Eddie most favorite place to be, even though they had technically saved his life once. He didn't give doctors the credit though. No, he reserved that praise for his husband who had literally carried him through hell, holding his guts together.

But alas, he was still only human. And thus prone to human ailments. Which was why he was currently in a hospital bed, preparing for a tonsillectomy.

"Steve, my love, my muse", Eddie took his hand and kissed it. "Should I not return from this-"

"Oh shut up. It's a routine operation." Steve could tell he was being dramatic to cover up the fact that he was actually scared. "You'll be fine. In fact, I'm going down to the cafeteria right now. You're not getting just any ice cream. I'm gonna bring you back a whole sundae."

Steve looked to the rest of the band, who had come for moral support. "Watch him please. And don't let him fall to hysterics." He left out, really hoping he wouldn't come back to an Eddie in tears.

"Sooo", Grant started. "If you don't make it, who gets your house?"

Eddie's brow furrowed. "Uh, my husband, duh?"

"Okay, who gets your husband?", Gareth asked.

Eddie saw the cavalry arrive in the form of Steve's true soulmate. "Robiiiiin", he whined. "You have to protect Steve from these vultures", he hissed the last word.

"We're just trying to hash out who has dibs on Eddie's hot husband", Jeff said.

Robin pointed to herself. "I made it clear to Eddie when he proposed that should the marriage end, either naturally or by divorce, custody of Steve would revert back to me."

"Not exactly the answer I was looking for Bucks, but as long as you keep Steve out of another man's clutches, I won't haunt you from the grave."

"Actually, I plan on setting him up with the first wealthy guy he meets", Robin said. "Thanks to your fame, I've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And also, Steve doesn't know how to be single."

The other CC boys nodded sagely.

"All the more reason one of us should get him. We can take care of him", Grant said.

"I can't believe this. This is a goddamn coup!", Eddie shouted.

Steve returned, none the wiser to their conversation. "You won't believe this. The cafeteria has chocolate syrup AND nuts? Isn't that wild? You're gonna have the best sundae of your life, babe."

He took his seat right next to Eddie's bedside and kissed his forehead.

"Angel, we're surrounded by snakes and thieves", Eddie said deliriously.

"What are you talking about?", Steve asked.

Having only Eddie in his line of sight, he couldn't see the others behind him. So he didn't see Jeff making kissy faces, Gareth making a circle with his hand and sticking a finger through it repeatedly, or Grant making a V with his fingers and flapping his tongue between them.

"Those traitorous lechers covet what is mine. And not even Robin seeks to protect your virtue!", Eddie said, desperately reaching out for Steve.

Steve kept his voice even and calm, trying to soothe his husband from whatever delusion he was having when the doctor came in. This guy looked like he played a doctor on tv. Chiseled jaw with perfectly manicured facial hair.

"Good evening", he greeted.

"Hi", Steve said, voice a little breathy.

"Oh he's perfect", Robin said, reading her friend perfectly.

"I'm Dr. Morip, I'll be performing your operation today."

"Morip?", Eddie tilted his head.

"Yes, as in 'more ripped than you'." Then he flexed and busted out of his scrubs and swept Steve off his feet, ignoring the cries of the invalid on the bed.

Eddie was tossing and turning even as Steve shook his shoulders to wake him up.

"You were having a nightmare", Steve spoke softly in the dim lamp light of the hospital room. "Was it 86 again?"

"Steve!", Eddie clung to him as best as he could. "You didn't leave me for Dr. Morip!"

"Dr. Morip? Eddie, her name is Dr. Hudson. And she's married and in her sixties."

Everything caught up with Eddie as his brain became more lucid. He'd already had the operation. That had all been a dream. The tension released instantly as he realized he wasn't about to die on the table and Steve would be scooped up by opportunistic friends.

"You're mine, you know that?"

"Really? Is that why I'm hand-feeding you ice cream?", Steve teased, holding up a spoonful to Eddie's lips.

"I love you", Eddie said, voice muffled from the food and a little watery too.

"I know, you dope. Love you too."

[bayothemayo]

If requests are available, can I please request head canons for an Akira kurusu with a s/o that's is a persona user but under the terms, of the s.e.e.s. Later on his s/o invites him over to their room then goes out for a bit then finds the evoker??

P.s I genuinely love you're writing .

Akira Kurusu x S.E.E.S! Reader Headcannons

Warning: Swearing

Note: The reader doesn't know that Akira is a Phantom Thief but has suspicions.

He doesn't know that you were a persona user, due to him thinking that the only way to summon a persona is ripping off the mask and that the Metaverse is the only place where shadows can exist. So he was essentially clueless even if you two dated for a while.

When you invited him to your house to hang out he was excited, he was excited to see what your room was like and to see your personality shine through it.

And indeed it had your personality and your likes slapped all over it. Posters of your favorite band/game/movie and some of the items you own in your favorite color.

You have to excuse yourself to get something you left downstairs, so Akira was left alone in your room.

Akira just stood there awkwardly, he didn't want to snoop around but something caught his eye.

There was a sliver case peeking out under your bed, the blanket almost covering it.

It caught his interest. He kneels down and takes the case out under your bed. He wanted to respect your privacy but curiosity got the better of him.

He carefully open the case, and he immediately saw something that shook him to the core.

A fucking gun.

A unique-looking gun at that. Another thing that caught his eye was the red armband that was sitting there, waiting to be worn again. He didn't want to touch it in case you noticed that it moved once you opened the case. But he can see the letters S.E being shown while the rest of the letters are hidden.

There was something else that caught his eye, but it was a lot more innocent compare to the gun.

It was a group picture with people, a dog, and a robot? that he doesn't recognize other than you of course. The people in the picture were wearing a school uniform. You looked younger in the picture so Akira can guess that this picture was taken years ago.

"Oh shit I can explain!" You quickly shouted when you saw Akira looking at your Evoker case. You thought that you had hidden the case better.

"...Why do you have a gun?"

"It's not a gun it's an Evoker!" You try to explain but it didn't really help with another. You quickly responded, "Look, let me explain, and hope this won't change your opinion of me." You then explain on how you had gotten this Evoker, S.E.E.S the Dark Hour, the shadows, and a little bit of your teammates. You didn't tell him about the more... sensitive parts when you were part of the S.E.E.S. It took a while for Akira to process the information because he was shocked that there were other Persona users and something similar to the Metaverse. Akira did feel bad that you had to explain this to him which is probably one of the most private parts of your life. So Akira spoke up.

"(Y/N)," Akira said softly, "thank you for telling me this. To make things fair, I want to tell you a secret." Akira then mentally prepared himself for your reaction, "I am the leader of the Phantom Thieves."

Silence fills the room. You sigh as you run your fingers through your hair, "I had my suspicions...and I had a feeling that you were more special than others." You put your hand on his cheek, "You are being careful with being a Phantom Theif right?"

"Yes, I am..." Akira put his hand over yours.

You stay silent and then you spoke, "I want to join you guys." Akira stiffens but then slowly nods. Despite him not wanting you to join, you already have experience with shadows. More than him actually. So he reluctantly let you join.

You Had Join The Phantom Thieves!

Akira let you tell the others what you had told him.

When you all got to the Metaverse and started to fight the shadows, he (and the others) got a heart attack when you put the Evoker to your head. He felt a little better when your Persona came out instead of your brain bits.

It is going to take a while for him to get used to it, maybe never.

Despite you having more experience, he is still a little protective over you.

...and maybe gets a little flustered when you are being a badass.

[rawliverandgoronspice]

THE GERUDO POST

(aka an attempt at a critique of how gerudos were handled in BotW and before)

Oh no. TOTK being right around the corner, it might finally be time for the Gerudo Post.

(aka half of the reason why I made a Zelda sideblog in the first place)

So I want to preface all of this by saying that, as you could probably tell already, I’ve always adored the gerudos. They have fascinated my small child brain when I was 7; then the obsession made its comeback when I was 14, and now, here we are, almost 28, and I’m still thinking about the gerudos. I think they might be among my favorite fictional cultures for their potential and their understated storyline. I guess growing up in a very Arabic neighborhood, coupled with being bi-culturally latinx (?? does Brazil count?? you tell me), also always made them feel like home to me –especially when I was very young and there was not a lot of cool female representation flying around that managed to involve fiercely independent PoC women, flaws and teeth included.

This whole weird-essay-thing tries to do two things. First: analyze the place gerudos have occupied in the series, their initial problematisms and their subtextual narrative arc during the Myth Era coupled with their relationship to Ganondorf. Second: tiptoe to Breath of the Wild and poke it with a stick to see what happens –and in doing that, explain why I believe a lot of their characterization was defanged in service of smoothing their past with the hylians instead of deepening the culture on its own terms, and why I’m a little apprehensive about what that might mean for TotK even though I adore seeing the best girls at it again.

Those are the uhh terms of service??

And now, we must go back to 1998.

OCARINA OF TIME ERA

There’s so many things about the gerudos that are noteworthy and rich, and they’ve made for a complex piece of Zelda lore ever since their introduction –and when I say complex, I don’t 100% mean it as praise. The very racially charged decisions made about their inclusion have been discussed at length by the fandom, especially when it comes to orientalist and Islamophobic tropes being deployed pretty thoughtlessly in Ocarina of Time (their sigil being literally a crescent moon and star originally, the parallels are pretty obviously there).

We’re talking about a band of amazon-like, big-nosed brown women from the desert ruled by a single Scary Evil Man born once every hundred years hellbent on conquering Hyrule who they apparently worship like a god, characterized primarily as thieves, decked in jewelry and orientalist-inspired harem/belly-dancing clothing, hostile to the white good guys of Hyrule (especially men), unblessed by the Goddesses and so deprived of elongated ears (this is true for OoT –we’ll come back to that), also known as a demon tribe with their deity straight-out described as evil-looking by Navi (on my way to cancel you on twitter Navi you watch out), and secretly led by evil twin witches who can turn into a single seductress and, as two mothers, raised their Scary Evil Guy king who happens to basically be the devil.

In so few words, gerudos are the future that liberals want.

It’s worth notice, also, that Ganondorf’s characterization in this game is… kind of relentlessly uncomfortable to play through, especially before the 7 year skip. The utter assumption of depraved and evil intents from every character surrounded by dialogue that does little to hide its biases in spite of having generally very little proof to back them up –even though, in the game’s context, every character is correct to call his eyes evil and the darkness of his skin a moral judgment in on itself. The scene where Zelda demands that we believe her conclusion that the sole and only brown guy in the entire kingdom is evil and will do harm, and the game straight out refuses to progress until we concede that her dreams are prophetic and that this man must be stopped at any cost even though she has no more proof than her discomfort… hits different on replay.

I’m restating all of this not to pretend I’m making a novel and thought-provoking point, but to bounce back on a tumblr post I saw a while back (that I can’t find anymore!! I’ll link it if I find it again) –and so express what it is that gripped me with the gerudos in spite of their pretty damning depiction… and actually maybe thanks to it.

There’s a surprising amount of texture to Ocarina of Time’s worldbuilding that exists folded within the things introduced and left hanging, or in its subtext –and whether on purpose or not, I believe it is why people keep coming back to this iteration of Hyrule.

What was that about the king of Hyrule unifying a war-torn country? Why did the gerudos break the bridge connecting them to the rest of the kingdom during the 7 year timeskip while still worshiping Ganondorf, and why are the carpenters trying to rebuild it against their apparent wishes? What was that about gerudos imprisoning hylian men trying to force entry into their lands? What was that about the secret death torture chambers right next to the Royal Family’s tomb and connected to the race of people who were, apparently, born to serve them?

Nothing? Oh okay… okay… okay….

The same can be said about this strange depiction of this hostile tribe, consistently described as wicked yet suddenly friendly once you prove you deserve their respect once you... defeat them, so you now have joined them? Ocarina of Time isn’t very consistent when it comes to characterizing them as their occupation (thieves) or as a proper culture, with a king and a strange system of rulership that seem to involve at least 5 people: Ganondorf, the Twinrova, Nabooru and the unnamed random woman who decides you’re now part of the gerudos because you slashed enough of them with your sword and hookshot, which, uhh ok.

They’re but a ragtag and negligible group when discussed next to gorons and zoras and hylians, but they also clearly have their own religion and at least a 400-hundred years old history (probably far longer than this) and hints of a written language of their own. I’m not sure the game itself knows what it wants them to be, beyond: intimidating and hot and cool, but also wicked and, because of Ganondorf and the way you barge in their forbidden fortress (heh) with the explicit intent to dismantle their king, in apparent need to be saved from themselves.

Speaking of rulership and the Spirit Temple, let’s have a quick tangent about Nabooru: I always found her characterization when meeting with Child Link pretty strange. I refuse to mention the promised reward, which feeds into everything orientalist mentioned above, but I always found her moral compass so extremely convoluted for someone coming from gerudo culture. Nabooru says that, despite being a cool thief herself, she resents Ganondorf for killing people as well as stealing from women and children. Stealing... from women. Nabooru. Why are you this pressed that he steals from women!!! This feels so out of place, that the only girl of that hostile culture that betrays her king and befriends you, is the one that upholds moral values that only a hylian could possibly hold.

Either way: the strange unquestioned contempt of the game for them as a culture, mixed with the occasional bouts of heart, friendliness and badassery, makes it hard not to consider their depiction as pretty biased in favor of the hylians finding them at once exotic, scary and exciting, and could hide a more complex reality you might only get one side of –especially when you know there were originally plans for Ganondorf’s character to be more gray and motivated than what the campy final version ended up being. To be blunt: even in the context of a game for children, and maybe because of that fact, it all reads like a reductionist and imperialist/colonialist reading of a more complex situation.

This might seem like A Lot coming from a game where the actual game writing can be this overall flimsy and simplistic due to the standards of the time (it’s rough, it's so rough). But I would have never dwelt on that thought about a little children’s game if not for the mainline entries that came soon after, because... ooo boy.

The sense you’re not getting the whole story was certainly not helped by the introduction of Wind Waker Ganondorf, and the chilling emptiness of Gerudo Desert in Twilight Princess.

AFTER THE TIMELINE SPLIT

(I’m skipping Majora’s Mask, not because I dislike them in the game or think they’re not worth talking about, but because it’s a parallel universe and they’re never even called gerudos and their reality seems extremely different from their sisters in Hyrule so I think it’s okay to call them tangential and not dive too deep in this particular depiction)

Here’s something I want to highlight about gerudos and how they were characterized before BotW came along: their absence. Not only their physical absence, the lack of any gerudo character that calls themselves gerudo, but their absence from the text itself.

It’s not that Wind Waker and Twilight Princess retroactively scratch them off existence: we can clearly see Nabooru’s stained glass art in WW as well as recognize them being mentioned in Ganondorf’s final boss soliloquy, and WELL there’s quite a lot to say about their imprint over the world of TP. They are there –or at least they... were there. But nobody ever talks about what happened.

In Wind Waker, there was the deluge. It’s assumed lots of people died then, and those who survived scattered across the Great Sea. Are they sealed under the waves? Have they drowned? Is Jolene, Linebeck’s ex-girlfriend in Phantom Hourglass, a distant relative of one of the rare survivors? It’s unclear, beyond the fact that Ganondorf is the only living gerudo we see in this entire branch of the Timeline split.

In Twilight Princess, the desert which bares their name is empty. The hylians never mention that it used to be the name of a tribe: they’re not even named when Ganondorf is introduced for the first time, reduced once again to a mere band of thieves. We learn his plans to steal the Triforce in OoT were foiled, and that he may have turned to war. Then he lost the war, and was executed in Arbiter’s Ground: a strange structure in the desert, a mixture between a temple, a prison and a coliseum. What looks like gerudo writing coexists with hylian symbols, which often look much fresher. This dungeon is the Shadow Temple of TP: a prison hosting the worst criminals the kingdom has ever known, now haunted and cursed. Besides the locations, the only character that vaguely look gerudo in the entire game besides Ganondorf is Telma, a character with pointed ears that never seems to identify as anything but a hylian. What happened? Who’s to say. Nobody ever says anything. Not even Ganondorf bothers to mention them the way he did in WW –and though the game’s story is quite focused on another exiled tribe seeking revenge and dominion over Hyrule as retribution, the parallel is never explicitly drawn. So who’s to say what happened there. Who’s to say.

And in A Link to the Past and the games forward? The only mention of other gerudo characters are Koume and Kotake, resurrecting their son in the Oracles games through their own sacrifice and failing to bring anything back but a monstrosity incapable of making conscious decisions. Granted, most games in that extremely weird Fallen Timeline predate OoT and therefore had yet to make gerudos up at all. Still: canonically, between the gap of OoT and ALLTP, whatever it may be, gerudos disappeared here as well.

I think there’s something subtle and a little heartbreaking about the fact that no matter what Ganondorf does, the gerudos always end up dying out. His yearning for Hyrule, its gentler wind and the Triforce blessing its lands always costs him the kingdom that he does have already.

Now, does he care? A lot of people would argue that he doesn’t, that he used them like pawns for his own ambition and saw them as servants more-so than sisters, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Nintendo’s official opinion, but… One very powerful thing about most of Ganondorf’s incarnations (focusing on the human ones) is that he never seems to reject his cultural heritage. They could have gone for him wearing more kingly hylian stuff given the whole underlying theme of envy and pride surrounding his character, but never once does he try to look more hylian, beyond the ear situation that seems to be tied to the Triforce of Power? Either way: he is gerudo. Several of his outfits reference his mothers, as well as general gerudo patterning and jewelry. His heritage is something he proudly displays, even hundred of years in the future when there is no one left to remember what it means but him. I think it’s a very potent piece of characterization, an arc that crosses over multiple game and says something pretty intense about this character’s fate and his inherent destructiveness over the things he touches –starting with the Triforce, all the way up to his very own body and mind. His mental breakdown by the end of Wind Waker, when the king of Hyrule himself forces him to give up on the thing he sacrificed everything for, takes a new kind of weight with the whole picture taken into account.

(not to excuse genocide or general egomania-fueled madness and violence, but one thing doesn’t mean the other isn’t also relevant)

Regardless of whether this is a tragedy for Ganondorf as their uhh complete failure of a king, honestly, it is undeniably a tragedy for the gerudos themselves: a once-in-a-lifetime joyful event turned into a never-ending nightmare from which there seems to be no escape, their legacy now condemned to fade to black, leaving nothing behind but a demon boar forever laying ruin upon the world.

One may say I’m taking on the bleakest explication for the gerudos’ absence when there could be others. It’s true! Perhaps the gerudos are just chilling off-screen, completely fine, not interested in whatever is happening in the kingdom nearby and their disaster child having yet another temper tantrum about not being the Goddesses’ favorite boy. It’s possible! But regardless, what little elements we do possess as players doesn’t seem to support this, even if it remains possible –and regardless of actual gerudo lives, gerudo culture is definitively a goner in every single timeline.

Even if they did survive... Hyrule still won its unification war.

(I won’t mention Skyward Sword as they are not really a thing there, except for a butterfly that seems to suggest the Gerudo Province was a thing before the gerudo people –I don’t know what to do with this honestly– and the whole Groose situation, which, I’m not sure what to make of either beyond the fact that he may have gotten cursed by opposing Demise? And then went on to start the gerudo tribe, which ended up being an all-women group for some reason? Maybe? It’s not confirmed? I feel like it’s more of a fun tidbit than a central piece of the gerudo puzzle, so I’ll leave it there like I would a cool rock I brought back from a walk and that I don’t know where to put in my house)

Then, Breath of the Wild happened and changed things.

BREATH OF THE WILD

(Additional short note, but: while I won’t mention Four Swords Adventure, since it’s a weird one that almost nobody has played and severely messes with the Timeline, we kind of see the beginnings of what is about to happen in Breath of the Wild in this game –gerudos coming back without much explanation, then distancing themselves from Ganondorf to become friends with hylians because he was too hungry for power and now they are nice and have good reputation because they are our friendsss)

I was actually so happy to learn gerudos were making a comeback in a mainline Zelda game, and this got me more excited about Breath of the Wild than basically anything else the game involved. And getting to explore the Desert once again, meeting this new batch of impossibly tall buff girls, getting more about their language and their culture, Riju and the rest of the little girls are adorable, the grandmas are so cool, the sand seals??? sign me the fuck up??? And above it all, hanging around Gerudo Town at night and feeling as warm and cozy as little me liked to imagine how freeing it would feel, to stay there and watch the desert behind the safety of their walls in OoT… This was great. I loved it.

It was a huge compensation for the criticism I’m about to make, but did leave me with… questions regarding how their culture was going to be handled moving forward.

I’ll start with something small yet deeply revelatory, then work my way from there.

So... gerudos’ ears are pointy now.

This is pretty significant. Lore-wise, it’s been said that the elongated ears of hylians are there so they can better hear the voices of the gods. It’s considered a sign of holiness in-universe. There's a bunch of really thoughtful analysis on tumblr over that whole Ganondorf ear situation, which is a mess but also very interesting, but the short answer is: I think the absence of pointy ears was a clear design choice to originally signify them as Less Good. Even when Ganondorf gets pointier ears, they never get as long as hylians’. Worth noting: not every non-gerudo character has pointy ears: gorons, zoras and ritos (among others) do not possess this trait, and there are even some humans that have regular rounded ears in the series –though they always seem to be of lesser relevance, if not downright peasants in Twilight Princess. Pointy ears always tended to implied a strict hierarchy in the series: basically, the more pointy, the more Protagonist you become.

(also their eyes becoming green instead of the traditional yellow/golden, which looks more wicked and demonic --and cooler also tbh)

The pointy ears imply two things. From within the game, this could be interpreted in two ways: either that gerudos… converted, for a lack of a better term, and are now considered holy through their worship of the Golden Goddesses and/or Hylia, or that their mingling with hylians through tens of thousands of years had them acquiring this trait out of sheer genetic override (though they have kept their mostly-women birth rates, their big nose, darker skin –for the most part– and red hair). Probably a healthy mixture of both. Design-wise, it signifies something quite simple to the player: they are on hylians’ side now. They are good guys. We can trust them, even if they still have a little spice in them. They aligned themselves with us and against Ganon in all of its manifestations (even if he’s but an angry ghastly pig being parasitic to everything it touches in this iteration). They are on the side of Good, definitively, and will fight evil by our side.

On that note, I think it’s worth bringing out another major change from their initial iteration, which is their overt friendship with Hyrule as a whole, and with the Royal Family in particular. Despite not allowing any voe inside their walls (we’ll come back to this), their relationship with hylians is pretty neat. They have booming trade roads, travel and meet with the rest of the cultures, and are fierce enemies with the Yiga clan, who are renowned for being huge Calamity Ganon supporters. The tables certainly have turned. I want to bring out, in particular, Urbosa’s friendship with the queen and her role as the cool aunt taking care of Zelda and protecting her from evil (to be noted: I am not familiar with Age of Calamity so if I’m mischaracterizing her in any way, please let me know). The gerudo sense of sisterhood has been extended to the royals they used to fight against. I would go on and say the cultures peacefully coexist, but I think that what we’re looking at here is a case of vassal behavior, just like we used to have from zoras (in the non-Fallen Timelines) and gorons. This is a huge departure from gerudos being openly rejecting of Hylian culture in their initial iteration, and something that is worth returning to later.

Okay. Now it’s time to mention the weird obsession BotW gerudos have with romance. I didn’t take notice of my issues with their writing until I realized how prevalent of a theme that was. Now, the reason given for gerudos to refuse entry to males (of every race) has much more to do with preventing young gerudos to make mistakes than anything else, and is actively being put into question by the younger generations –which would make sense. But the amount of NPCs that either lament their lack of match, talk about their husbands (because they marry now apparently) or are invested in romance, and a very limited understanding of romance at that (heterosexual, closed, etc), makes for much more of the population that I initially expected. There’s no mention of what’s going on with their males, if there are new males being born and either exiled or abandoned, or if Ganondorf being technically still alive have have cut them off male heirs. Either way: no more kings, only girlbosses chiefs.

To have the gerudos so interconnected with Hyrule, not only through trade but through extremely coded romance where they have to make themselves palatable to a future male partner and enforce fidelity, was… a choice. The extremely brief and skippable mention of gerudos sometimes going to Castle Town in search for boyfriends in OoT became half of their personality traits in this game. We went from a race that was fiercely independent and mocking of the unworthy men who tried to mingle with them, to… this. Now I’m not saying some of the sidequests aren’t cute, or that I didn’t like the wedding, or that the grandma near the abandoned statue of Hylia (so she was worshipped at some point) clocking us and talking about her love life wasn’t one of my favorite gerudo conversations. I’m saying that the vibes have definitively changed. For the better? I’m not sure.

I once stumbled upon an article that said that Breath of the Wild gerudos were a huge improvement compared to their original introduction, because they were no longer presented as evil and hostile thieves groveling at the boot of a single man, but as a full culture allied with the protagonist and actively involved in the story, while still getting their Cool Girl Badass moment (again can’t find it anymore, I’ll link it if I stumble upon it again). I see where this comes from, but I honestly can’t help but consider it a reading that assumes something pretty major (though through no fault of their own, as the games tend to hammer this down as hard as they can), and that being hylians as the unquestioned anchor of Good.

Which, in spite of what the games want me to believe, I… feel uncomfortable taking at face value.

To me, regarding how gerudos are being incorporated in that goodie narrative, this is kind of a case of surface-level feminism trumping over colonialist/imperialist concerns. It becomes more important to perform the aesthetics of being cool and friendly and independent than scratching at any deeper problem that would risk making people uncomfortable. This is kind of Green Skin Ganon all over again: oh wait, isn’t it a little icky to have the evil bad guy being brown while faced by the most aryan-looking ass heroes of all time? Okay, then let’s take the brown guy and make his skin green so we don’t have to feel bad anymore that the conflict has racial undertones!! Solved!! There’s nothing questionable about changing a PoC's features to make it more monstrous and less human, right?

To me, it’s kind of the coward option: instead of accepting the messy reality those initial choices created (and their interesting nuances if taken at face value), let’s just… rewrite the PoC culture’s history to make it feel less uncomfortable for the white heroes. In many ways, it is an extension of what hylians have always done: scrubbing the weird and messy things about the past and shoving them deep down into the spooky well and far into the desert prison and away in alternate hellish dimensions, and then make up a very simple story where they get to feel good about themselves –except this time, it’s the fabric of the games, the literal reality, bending backward to make it happen. Which, in my opinion, makes it much worse than before. Now, there’s no conversation. The fabric of reality is changing their own history so that there is nothing to discuss anymore. Ganondorf was always evil incarnate. He never had any point. It was always 100% his own fault, his own hubris, his own fated wickedness. He was always demonic (and green, very important –having a flashback to people on twitter accusing artists restoring the TotK green skin to the original brown of wanting to make Ganondorf black, and like….. how do I put it gently…..)

And, above all else: gerudo are to distance themselves from his legacy so they can stay in the club of the Good and Just and Holy.

Because here’s the messy thing: as much as I love seeing the gerudos again in Breath of the Wild and as much I love for them to have survived the Era of Myth (??? somehow ???), this… kind of changes Ganondorf’s character arc. No longer do we have the story of a king who wanted more, either for his people, for himself or both, and led his culture to its destruction in his search for absolute Power, while remaining ironically incapable of maintaining what little he already had. This starts from him kneeling to the king of Hyrule in OoT and leads to the deluge, Arbiter’s Ground, his own mothers dying for the sake of his failed resurrection. Breath of the Wild changes this: now, the gerudo were apparently fine without him? They apparently did their own thing and became suddenly and inexplicably disconnected from his actions? I know it’s kind of implied they side with hylians at the end of OoT, but it’s honestly never really explored why they would cheer for the death of their king while never seeming to resent him before except for Nabooru –there are mentions of brainwashing for those who resist him (as well as “other groups in the desert”, tho they are never mentioned again), but it’s hardly a proper plot point for the majority of the tribe, aaaand they still die by Wind Waker in the Adult Timeline, in spite of their potential alliegance…

(again, this shift towards submitting to Hyrule actually started with Four Swords Adventure, getting crisper with each iteration)

There used to be this polite blur regarding Ganondorf’s relationship to them, how much he used them and how much he acted in their name (with arguments for both sides), and I think this messy and debatable question mark was one of the most compelling aspects of his character. Gerudos rejecting their relationship at a near-cosmic, reality-bending level, removes a huge layer of complexity to both parties… all for the benefit of making hylians come out cleaner out of this whole exchange, their moral grayness barely a whisper in the distance.

I’ll kind of go on the record and say that I suspect the addition of Demise to the canon to serve a similar purpose (at least in part): if Ganondorf becomes but the manifestation of a demonic curse, and is no longer an extremely messy character brimming with agency and drive, forcing the heavens to reckon with said agency in a way he was never meant to access, born from a complex set of circumstances from which we clearly get only a limited and biased perspective, then it becomes extremely clear that he’s a Bad in a way that isn’t worth exploring further. Even if he does have some points, he is a Bad. It’s what matters most. Not to say I even hate what this angle can bring to the table or that I want him to become Good (I don’t –I’ll talk more about why I dislike most takes on him being a helpless victim to the curse), but once again, who benefits from adding another Unquestionned Baddie to the equation to rest upon? Not him, and not the gerudos, that’s for sure.

So. Why did I, me, personally, like the gerudos in the first place?

Beyond the inherent coolness factor of their culture and the fascinating mysteries of what is merely suggested, I think… I think I loved gerudos because we were obvious outsiders. Because their rejection of Hylian culture was so sharp and extreme, their value system so different, and their writing, their religion, their relationship to power and hierarchy and worth wanted nothing to do with hylians. They didn’t need hylians, beyond them having potential resources to steal. In fact, the threat of hylians influencing their culture was such that the entry to the Fortress was forbidden to everyone (I don’t think men were ever singled out, by the way, even though they are mocked relentlessly). I think there was something inherently hopeful about this semi-matriarchy resisting the outside world, and especially its notions of what girls were meant to be –it was 1998, and every other girl character in OoT, besides Impa and Sheik that?? is another can of worms entirely, is either helpless or someone to save. For them to reject this narrow vision of femininity was, in my opinion, much more radical than what we got in BotW. Less nuanced, more problematic perhaps? But also much more powerful. Gerudo Valley is home, not to a town, but a Fortress.

Hylians were worth being resisted.

In Breath of the Wild, their refusal to let men enter their town is kind of boiled down to a fading tradition over-focused on romance, a meek little game of chase. Their entire goal seems to be finding a hylian to settle down with. Say what you will about the single man and the many girls (never explored and completely open-ended in its implications, btw), but at least it wasn’t… that. At least it opened the way for different ways for people to exist and imagine culture and civilization, outside of the heterosexual couple, the christian-infused patriarchy and its trickling down implications. What I want to say is: let my girls tell hylians they ain’t shit!! That they aren’t the end all be all of reality! This is what made gerudos so compelling in the first place! Where is that bite now? Where is that self-definition?

It’s gone, because hylians need to be Good. So we tee-hee at the creep running laps around the town, we disguise ourselves to breach their trust and infiltrate their town (though there is nuance to be had there, gender be complicated etc), we watch them pine after shitty dudes and take classes to become the perfect approachable woman and make love soups with ?? strange ingredients honestly, and we witness them get very friendly with the Royal Family they used to conspire against, dying to protect the princess against the manifestation of their ancient king reduced to a raving puddle of Bad Boar.

Hyrule, unified against him.

TEARS OF THE KINGDOM

For posterity’s sake: this post was made before the game was released. I’ll probably update my thoughts on a separate thing later on.

I don’t think gerudos allying with the hylians and burying their own legends about Ganondorf as deeply underground as they can until it blows up in their face is a bad setup at all. It’s actually pretty juicy, and there’s a ton of fascinating stuff that could happen here –even some involving gerudos taking a firm stand against him while still reconnecting with their past and the choices they made once. This is my hope with the title of the game: Tears of the Kingdoms. Let’s examine them all, account for the damage, and decide how we move forward from there with the full knowledge of where we come from.

What I am afraid of (and I already made posts about that) is the scenario where gerudos rallying against Ganondorf, which I expect will forcefully try to take back his place as their king, is used for cheap feminist points that completely fail to examine, well. Everything mentioned above. Where reality bends itself out of the way of the Goddesses, and hylians’ responsibility in any of this mess, so that everything bad is 100% Ganon’s fault and so he must be cast aside and torn away from the Cool Gerudo Girls and this is 100% justified and deserved because we are Independent Women Who Take No Shit from No Men (unless they are the king of Hyrule or any random hylian they wish to marry apparently).

I’ll say this here because it’s been burning my mouth every time I see discourse about Ganondorf and the gerudo: gerudos declared him as their king. To make a really bad comparison that I dislike: he didn’t run around to assemble girls and make a cult around himself, he was born with the cult already formed around him (and it’s not a cult, it’s just a different mode of governance –hylians also revere the Royal Family like gods, don’t they?). This heavily changes the dynamics at play. Not to remove any agency from him to do a little invasion about it, but chances are the ancestors to BotW’s gerudos fully expected him to behave in this way, at least to a degree –in OoT you see very plainly that they value physical prowess, feats of thievery, witchcraft and general violence. It’s more complicated than him being a Bad and making the poor helpless women go along with the plan uwu –even taking the brainwashing into account, AND Koume and Kotake counting as gerudos too, even if they might not be not fully innocent in shaping the culture and the man himself. If manipulation and forced servitude is the explanation given, I’ll be genuinely mad –because, once more, all the nuance and messiness would be flattened for the sake of making Ganondorf Bad and the gerudo Good (= on hylians’ side).

It bears to be said: I think feminism stances that require, not to criticize (which is fair), but to fully dehumanize and bestialize men of color to make any sense are uhhh bad, and it's worth questionning who they end up serving in the end.

The flip side of this would be to make Ganondorf a poor little meow meow that was secretly controlled by the evil Demise all along, and... I’ll be real. I really don’t think it solves our problem at all. It might even make it worse.

My problem with how gerudos have been handled thus far, being mostly connected to how they behave in relation to hylians Good, is that they’ve been systematically defanged not to threaten the status quo as much as they used to. I think it’s pretty clear why I’m not a fan of Ganondorf being a mere victim of cosmic circumstances; I have a post that goes more in depth about this, but to simplify: my man has legitimate grievances. To make him a mere puppet to Evil Incarnate would, to me, be just another attempt to erase the despotism of the Goddesses, the unjust hierarchy of the world, what hylians have historically done to the races they were in conflict with (looking at the Yiga for the most recent example…)

I’m not saying his fight is clean or even legitimate, that he isn't driven by his own sense of self-importance above anything else, or that he should win (he has no plan beyond domination and victory, that's not a future). But I think there’s something really important about having someone being willing to fully consume himself and everything around him for the simple fact that someone should resist the order of the world. Even if that makes him a heartless, cruel, and egomaniac demon-pig. Even if there’s no Hyrule left to rule. Even if his own people despise him, or are long gone and forgotten.

Is it a little heart-wrenching? Uhh yes to me yes most definitively. This is why Wind Waker Ganondorf hits so hard, and remains (I think) his favorite entry in the series so far. But… I still find this fate of eternal resistance more resonant and empowered, and far less grim, than if Hyrule’s lore absorbs his hatred and rage, gives it to another entity that would be Badder (= more opposed to hylians and the goddesses), and scrubs it off anything icky and uncomfortable, rendering it completely domesticated and non-threatening to hylian domination; rubbed of his skin color, of his complexity, of his own emotions, even made... kind of sexy now, in the same way his sisters have been made before him? I am very, very afraid of him being turned from furious and an unapologetic subject in his own legend to a "redeemed" (according to whom??) and palatable object in somebody else’s, that you now end up having to… save from himself.

Again, I want to trust that Tears of the Kingdom can walk that line and preserve everything sharp and contrasting and profound and thrilling about this fascinating setup. I don’t expect a philosophy course, this is a game for children –but it doesn’t mean Nintendo didn’t do an astounding job with similar setups in the past. Again, I’ll invoke the Wind Waker conflict, but Twilight Princess did a lot of great things as well (Zant’s speech, if you can get past the weird stretches and stumping and NNHYAAAs, is pretty fantastic) –and the subtle writing of Majora’s Mask is also proof enough this series can be complex without being impermeable.

So this is where my hope lies. Not really with BotW’s writing, which, I’m sorry to say, but I found to be below what the series has done in the past (I have no problem with the setup and how the story is explored, I think it was a great idea, but wasn’t ever sold on the actual writing the way I may have been with previous titles –it felt… very tropey to me overall, with a couple of highlights). But Nintendo has shown to know how to write compelling stories for children that know where to sprinkle its darkness and how to preserve its hope, and this is this side I’m relying on for this delicate storyline moving forward.

And now? Now… I suppose we wait and see.

(thank you for reading my impossibly long essay what the actual hell, at least I got it all out of my system, see you in part 2 for when TotK comes out I suppose aaa)

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

I was so ecstatic when I realized a nothing but thieves song was covered on here back in january, they're one of my favorite bands but every time I mention them to someone they don't know who I'm talking about. I love these polls too because I'm being introduced to some banger songs I haven't heard before or have been treated to hearing songs I haven't run into in a while, keep up the great work!

Aww, that's so fun!!! :D 💖💖

I've seen several people mention in their reblogs that they've just discovered Nothing But Thieves through here and stuff like that really makes all the efforts with this blog worth it! 😍

(I didn't know who they were either so big thanks to everyone for having submitted music that was new to me too while I'm at it! :D)

[starlitangels]

That’s Mine

Another Guy/Honey ficlet for the girl who can’t seem to write a full fic for these two to save her life

—

I glanced up from my laptop upon hearing the apartment door open. “I’m home!” Guy called at the same time I heard the thumping of him literally kicking his shoes off at the door.

“Welcome back,” I said flatly, going back to my report.

I could hear him groan with the several popping noises that came with him cracking his back. “I’m gonna shower,” he announced as the front door shut.

“Careful. Kayla left a makeup bomb in the bathroom,” I warned.

“How does she even do that? Like we should not be finding powdered foundation in the bathtub of all places. A little falling off the palette or brush into the sink is one thing but like the bathtub?” He appeared in the doorway of my room and leaned against the frame on one shoulder. “I don’t get it. I’ve worn some makeup in my day but I’ve never been that messy with it.”

I grunted and shrugged.

Guy sighed dramatically. “Not in the mood to talk, honey?”

I shot him a withering glare. “Go get in the shower before I punt your ass into the bathroom and bar the door. I’m trying to work.”

He smirked lasciviously. “If you bar a door that locks from the inside and swings inward, you’d have to be in the bathroom with me.”

I raised a brow. “I’d figure it out. Go away.”

He winked with a click of his cheek and pushed off the doorframe, vanishing down the hall.

I went back to my paper.

Apparently I got really sucked into it because I didn’t even process that I heard the shower start and stop a few minutes later. Hell, I barely even processed Guy singing showtunes while he was in it.

I vaguely heard the bathroom door creak open on that ungodly loud hinge I still needed to oil (the landlords had promised to do it months ago and never had and I was getting sick of it), while Guy continued his one-man-show of Phantom of the Opera. But I ignored all of it. Guy’s singing was a constant in the apartment and I’d just learned to tune it out.

When the essay was done, I submitted it and finally stood up, wincing as my knees popped.

With a heavy sigh, I left my room.

Guy spun around in the kitchen almost instantly. In his favorite hot pink “Kiss the Cook” apron that had been a gag gift from his siblings that he’d actually loved. “There’s my favorite person!”

I grunted. Then froze. “Hang on a second here,” I said, folding my arms. “Hm. Black T-shirt way too long and wide in the arms, logo for a band you don’t listen to poking out from under the top of the apron. Coincidentally matching the one that went missing from my things after a load of laundry a few weeks ago…” As I spoke, I undid the neck loop of the apron and let the top fall away from his torso.

He chuckled nervously, ears and neck turning blotchy and red. “Heh-heh… uh…”

“Guy Erikson, that’s my shirt,” I snapped.

“Whaaat? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Obviously this is mine. See how it just fits me perfectly—ow, ow! Okay okay you don’t have to pinch I get it I get it—damn!” He pouted as I let go of his shoulder. “Can’t I just borrow it for the rest of tonight though? It’s so soft. It’s not my fault that you have the comfiest shirts on the planet!”

“Give it back. Now.”

He sighed dramatically and stripped it off, hurling it at me with all the grace and power of a newly-hatched bird. “Fiiine. You loveless, joyless buzzkill.”

“Thieving parasite,” I retorted, taking the shirt back to my room and chucking it into my hamper.

“Just for that, I’m not including you in my dinner plans.” He whipped the apron back up over his torso and started fixing the neck loop.

“I never asked you to. And I’m going out tonight anyway.”

His head snapped up to look at me. “What?! With who?”

I raised a brow. “Does it matter?”

Guy spluttered. “Oh. Well. I, uh—no, obviously. It’s just—you know what? Never mind.” He turned back to the stove and went back to preparing his pasta.

I snorted. “It’s my stupid reading group for my upper level class. There’s gonna be like five people there. It’s not a date. Don’t wait up for me, honey,” I said sarcastically before ducking back into my bedroom and slamming the door.

I picked the band shirt out of the hamper and held it up to my nose. Curious.

It definitely smelled like Guy.

A small grin tugged at the corners of my mouth. I folded the shirt and set it on my desk. “You know what? I’ll wash it later,” I muttered to myself.

—

Tag list: @pinksparkl @darlin-collins

[ghuleh-recs]

♡ Fandom Faves Tag ♡

Tag 1-3 (or as many as you want) of your favorite creators (writers, artists, outstanding members of the community etc) and link your favorite creation if you can.

Thank you for the tags @midnight-moth and @coffeeghoulie! I'm gonna challenge myself to not wax poetic and keep these extra short and sweet. That way it's not as intimidating for others to participate (hope that makes sense). Oh and I'm not putting a "keep reading."

Witness my faves (ง •̀_•́)ง

@midnight-moth (who started this tag game ♡) drew THE Phantom art of all time and I recently went absolutely feral for:

Buried in Treasure - Dew x Phantom - E, 3.6k

When his eyes roll forward again, he notices more than just the same riff playing over and over. He notices Phantom’s grip on his hand simultaneously go still and tight. He notices the rosy flush on his cheeks, and the tent in his pants that he tries to conceal with the hand holding the phone. It takes more than a few seconds for all of the dots to connect and when the thought is fully formed, Dew grabs the phone and launches it to the end of the bed.

@ramblingoak hey why is there an angel in the satanic band fandom? I created this whole blog so I could shout about:

The Cardinal's Bride - Cardinal Copia x F!Reader - E, 91k (wip)

A Romantic Adventure in the Old West: After being forced into a marriage with Mr. Saltarian by your father you are sent west to his estate in Nevada. Along the way you end up meeting one of the cowboys you have always fantasized about…

@conjuring-ghouls finds the perfect moments and turns them into the loveliest gifs. On top of that she is endlessly kind and supportive. Look at these!!!

@coffeeghoulie is writing the Aeon x Swiss hurt/comfort fic of y'all's dreams and I got to do my first "official" art collab for it yay!!

Eternal Heatstroke - Aeon x Swiss - M, 17k (wip)

For once in their life, Aeon feels lucky. Whoever's opened this portal, whoever's summoning ghouls Up Top, specifically wants a quintessence ghoul. They may not be the biggest or strongest quintessence ghoul, far from it, but they'll do anything this summoner wants if it means they get to live. Or: being Topside is a drastic change from the life Aeon's used to.

@writingjourney truly the kindest soul and an absurdly talented writer. I screenshot Ibi's tags on my posts all the time because they cheer me up so much 🥹🥹

Friday Nights (series) - Papas x GN!Reader - E, 40k

“But to die as lovers may - to die together, so that they may live together.” ― Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, Carmilla Each of these stories features a vampire papa and a gender neutral reader.

@anamelessfool writes some of the best world building and characterizations that I have ever read in fanfiction AND she's a fantastic artist.

Violence & Gentleness - Primo x OC - E, 50k (wip)

You made me forget myself...I thought I was someone else, someone good... LATE OCTOBER 1979 Primo has his work cut out for him as the bodyguard of the beautiful and fearsome Mater Emerita Jocasta. As mystery after mystery unfolds, it becomes harder to remain a honest man in this den of thieves called the Ministry.

@foxybouquet makes wonderful art and her colloquial Italian posts are an incredible resource for the fandom.

@angellayercake has angel in her username for a reason tbh. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I learned important things about myself and my love language whilst reading the brilliant:

Banchetto - Terzo x F!Reader - E, 22k (wip)

Papa Emeritus III is struggling to adapt to his life after the Ghost project but perhaps some good homemade Italian food will do the trick.

(I'm cutting myself off here because I could do this all day. I will probably be making another list in the near future because I love and admire so many of you. 😅)

No pressure at all but I would really love to see this tag game keep going! If you're reading this please consider adding some of your personal favorites to the list! This fandom could use some positivity right about now ♡

[haveyouseenthis2023film]

Summary: A charming thief and a band of unlikely adventurers embark on an epic quest to retrieve a long lost relic, but their charming adventure goes dangerously awry when they run afoul of the wrong people.

Release Date: March 31, 2023

Directors: Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley

Rating: PG-13

I went in with mid-tier expectations due to the early trailers being meh, but it ended up being one of my favorite films of 2023! There are so many genuinely laugh-out-loud moments, the cast is phenomenal, and it’s wildly entertaining from start to finish. So if you’ve been avoiding this film due to low expectations, I’d definitely recommend checking it out!

reblog for larger sample size :)

[tenfifteenyearsofracing]

I know this has been spoken about before but lestappen ARE long live (tv)

Like the moment they stood on that podium arms around each other. That moment made me go "and the cynics were outraged claiming this is absurd. Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans got to rule the world". It was them against all odds looking down at their world.

And every conversation where they're in their own lil bubble with Steve just standing there makes me go "how the kingdom lights shine just for me and you".

This one is a bit more direct. Whenever they're holding their trophies and clapping for one another - "when they gave us our trophies, and we held them up for our town. Especially in Austria because well I think we all agree no matter what Austria is the holy lestappen motherland.

And of course, every time they're together on the track "I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you". I mean I know they're racing against each other, but I don't know why every time they're racing each other I feel like they're racing together. Every move between them is a give and take. It's not max vs charles it's max and charles.

The entire point of long live is the beauty of two people who match each other in every possible way coming together in the spotlight. A world where it's just the two of them. To me, this fights Lestappen's predestined narrative so perfectly. They've always been each other's match, and when it's them, it's them (am I still making sense?).

However, in some ways, I'd say Lestappen transcends long live. One of my most/least favorite parts of the song has always been the bridge because on the one hand its so mature to realize that being on top of the world will inevitably come to an end, on the other hand, I hate the idea that "fate should step in". In the case of Lestappen though, I think the bridge is irrelevant. They've always always always come closer and closer and closer. They aren't momentary like the song suggests. They have been together their entire lives and their names will always be linked. Anyone pointing to the pictures will know it's max and charles.

[missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway]

Let Me Spell It Out For You

Jax Teller x Rockstar!Reader "Firefly" Ex Bf!Rockstar!Steve Rogers x Reader

Wordcount: 2599

Summary:

It’s Battle of the Bands Night at your local hole in the wall bar run by SAMCROW. You're currently dating their prez Jax Teller. Your lifelong best friend and first real love. Somehow your ex, Steve Rogers and his band The Howlies have shown up, vying for top spot and the cash prize. Such a shame they’ll have to go against you and your all girl group Serenity. It’s going to be a verbal bloodbath and you can’t wait to humiliate his arrogant ass.

Warnings:

Smut, Shameless Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Exes, Jax Teller Being an Asshole, Semi-Public Sex, Voyeurism, Accidental Voyeurism, Fuckboy Steve Rogers, rubbing it in your exes face, Teaching A Lesson

Notes:

Hello Heathens, I was feeling some type of way and well this is what came of it. Enjoy the fuck you Steve vibes. Songs lyrics used are in bold. All songs will be credited in the end notes :) HAPPY READING!

Divider @firefly-graphics Banner @cafekitsune

The energy in the bar was none short of chaotic. Between the loud music, the alcohol flowing and the rowdy mix of bikers and patrons it was looking to be a night to remember.

“I can not wait to get up on that stage and destroy some wannabes!” Zoey practically shouts while strapping on her electric guitar.

“Nothing beats that high,” I smile devilishly. “Well except for sex of course.”

We all laugh as we hear our band being called to the stage. “Next up, Serenity!”

It’s the first round of Battle of The Bands Night. I’m not worried about making it to the final round and grabbing the cash prize. Most bands here are so fresh they haven’t performed as a group much yet. So that leaves us at an advantage. We’ve been thick as thieves since high school when we used to skip class and jam out in my garage.

Not wanting to blow our load on the first round we chose to start with “Becky’s So Hot” to show off our sex appeal and my vocal talents. I may be singing about Becky, but in actuality it’s about the time in my life when Jax was dating Tara when he and I were broken up. 

I wanted to destroy her for having the audacity to be with him. While at the same time I wanted to know first hand what made her so special that he kept her around as more than just a lay. The feelings were so conflicting, the only way I could work through it was to put it into a song.

Fine, okay, I'll say, I went and stalked her And I don't really blame you 'cause Damn, the waist, the hips, the face, this is awkward Are you in love like we were? If I were you, I'd probably keep her Makes me wanna hit her when I see her 'Cause Becky's so hot in your vintage t-shirt Ooh, she the one I should hate But I wanna know how she taste I kinda wanna hit her when I see her Becky's so hot in your vintage t-shirt

As we reach the interlude, my eyes catch the familiar frame of one Steven Grant Rogers. My ex and lead singer of The Howlies. Standing to his left, bass strapped to his chest, is of course Bucky Barnes. Steve’s best friend and cliché fuckboy musician. 

He happens to also be Zoey’s ex. This is going to be interesting to say the least. It’s been months since we’ve seen each other. Much less been in the same room competing to see who the better band is. 

It’s us of course. The Howlies are good. But they rely heavily on their good looks to fill seats. About 80% of their fans are of the female variety. Where ours is ratioed at about 60/40.

I turn to Zoey. She gives me a subtle nod. Acknowledging she’s aware of their presence and that it’s playtime.

I scan the crowd for my favorite blonde haired biker until I lock eyes with Jax just as the final chorus begins. I sing to him for a moment before turning my attention back to enticing the crowd into wanting to see more of us.

I sing the last line and drop a kiss to Zoey’s neck, as I stare down our exes. A challenge in my eyes. Tonight just got so much more entertaining.

As predicted, The Howlies make it to the next round. This time we were afforded the chance to watch them go before us.

They leaned full on into the whole sexy bad boy thing, playing “I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE”. A song I helped Steve write. It’s a great song. Really gets the ladies hot and bothered. Never ceases to get them laid. Regardless of if they’re attached.

It’s cute that they think they somehow have the upper hand. I have more talent in my pinky finger than the lot of them combined. Plus all that feminine rage to go with it. 

With a whispered last line, the song is over. We wait for the next band to finish before we take the stage.

Where The Howlies went for a sexy hair band vibe for this round. We’ve taken the gritty and dirty approach by performing “Drain The Blood”. 

See we’re no one trick pony. We can growl and scream with the best of them. While still remaining soft and feminine at the same time.

This song always gets the crowd going. I can see elbows benign thrown and shoulders getting checked from my vantage point on stage. I just feed into the frenzy, hypnotizing the bar with our haunting harmonies over rough chords.

Another round in the bag.

As the night carries on, both of our bands make it to the final round. This is where we pull out all the stops and show them who the better band truly is.

Man is this going to feel great.

The time has come to begin the final round.

It’s just us and The Howlies up on stage ready to give one final performance each. Facing off against each other as we share a stage.

We flipped a coin and the boys won, choosing to go first. Steve saunters up to the mic as the familiar beat of “Tear You Apart” begins behind him. 

I’m not surprised they chose to perform this song. It really is their best. Get’s the girls going crazy. They may think they have it in the bag with his haunting tune. 

But they couldn't be more wrong. 

I watch from our spot at the back of the stage, as Steve swivels and sways his large body to the beat. Singing about crossing the line from friends to lovers. The obsessive need to devour and take control. 

He once told me that I was the inspiration behind the music. That he had hungered for me from the moment he met me. That he spent days just biding his time, his mind obsessing. Playing an endless loop of me smiling sweetly. My touches, innocent in nature, felt anything but to him.

I was fuel to his creative mind. The ache he could not soothe until I was unattached.

When I was free from that biker shaped attachment he made his move.

It was intense and volatile. Burning out as quickly as it was set ablaze. For Steven wanted my heart when it has always belonged to another.

He makes a point to turn his back to the audience and move his hips like a hedonistic Elvis. We lock eyes as he sings the last line.

Give me those Ocean eyes all you want, pretty boy. I will never be yours for more than the memories I left your damaged soul with.

If he thought singing that song was going to throw me off somehow because of my affiliation to it, he was more delusional than I thought.

Two can play that game. And I am far better at it.

We wait for the swooning women to settle down as The Howlies step to the side of the stage and take our places. I make a show out of lowering the mic stand while Zoey begins strumming the opening chords to “abcdefu”.  

I kept it calm and cute as I sang my own song inspired by Steven.

I swear I meant to mean the best when it ended Even tried to bite my tongue when you start shit Now you're textin' all my friends asking questions They never even liked you in the first place Dated a girl that I hate for the attention She only made it two days, what a connection It's like you'd do anything for my affection You're goin' all about it in the worst ways I was into you, but I'm over it now And I was tryin' to be nice But nothing's getting through, so let me spell it out

I rip the mic off the stand, turn towards The Howlies and flip them the bird as Zoey joins me in singing the chorus.

A-B-C-D-E,  FUCK-U And your mom and your sister and your job And your broke-ass car and that shit you call art Fuck you and your friends that I'll never see again Everybody but your dog, you can all fuck off Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

The look on their faces is priceless. Our song is catchy as fuck and by the time we make it back to the chorus the crowd is already sing along with us. All the women who were drooling over them minutes ago, have now all tapped into their feminine rage.

It’s glorious.

We brought it down to just me and Zoey's guitar as I lightheartedly told them they could all fuck off for the last time.

There was a beat of silence before the crowd erupted and ‘Serenity’ chants began. It was safe to say we won the battle. This particular victory never tasted sweeter. 

After accepting our prize and bragging rights, we made our way over to the MC is holding court in their favorite booth.

As we reach the table, Jax stands up and grabs my hand. Pulling me along behind him towards the closed off hall that leads to the extra rooms. 

As soon as we clear the doorway, he has me pinned against the wall with his lips locked with mine in a fevered dance. 

He pulls away when we are both in need of air. “You are so fucking hot when your up on stage. Even more so when you're being bad. Tell me, darlin’. You wearing anything under these leather shorts?”

“Do you see any panty lines?” I quirk a brow at him.

He literally growls at me before dropping to his knees and untying my shorts. He pulls them down, over my ass and thighs until he reaches my knees. “I only need you to pull one leg out for this.”

“And what pray tell do you have in mind?” I ask as I remove my right leg from the skin tight fabric. Leaving my shorts to gather on my left ankle.

He rises to his feet, unzips his jeans and pulls his cock out. It’s rock hard and angry. A bead of precum perched at the tip ready to drop at any moment.

“Jump.” He demands and I oblige. He grips onto my thighs. Wrapping them around his waist as he slides himself inside me. Pausing when our pelvis’s touch.  

The stretch of my walls accommodating his thickness steals my breath away. 

We make eye contact as he pulls back and slams forward. I have to bite my lip from moaning out and alerting the bar to what is going on.

Jax ruts into me with the skill and precision of a man who knows all too well what my body craves. But all I can focus on is how amazing his dick feels inside me.

Without a care in the world, he continues to fuck me. He’s so engrossed in trying to take me apart that he doesn't hear the door creak open.

But I do.

I watch over Jax’s leather clad shoulder as Steve walks in. I gasp at being caught by my former lover. 

Jax turns his head to the side to see what’s going on. He quirks a brow and then turns back to me, pressing his forehead to mine as he fucks me even harder. Almost as if he’s taunting him. 

"Go ahead and keep your eyes on him, darlin’. Watch as he remembers what you look and sound like lost in pleasure. Watch what it does to him.” He states aloud.

I lock eyes with the heavily tattooed blonde Adonis spectating our coupling. Noting the heat and hurt in his eyes. He refuses to move along though. Almost challenging me to follow through and enjoy what is happening. 

Alright then, Stevie. Challenge accepted.

I turn my gaze back to the man who owns my heart. Whispering for only us to hear, “Do your worst Jackson. I’m so close, baby. Go ahead and destroy me. Remind the whole bar who I belong to. Then we can get some good food on the way home and then get lost in each other all over again.”

I feel his chest vibrate against mine as he hums his satisfaction with my suggestion.

He pulls his hips back until just his tip remains cushioned by my slightly swollen lips. He takes a moment to turn my head toward a stoic Steve, still taking up space in the small hallway.

“Don’t you dare hold a single moan in. Let them all know. Especially him, why we’re so good together. Understand.” Jax commands.

I barely have a moment to nod my head in agreement before he snaps his hips forward and sinks back deep inside me. A moan escaping my throat at the feeling of being so full once again, so intensely.

Mind set on staking his claim for the whole bar to hear, Jax sets a ruthless pace. My eyes catch the ocean blues of Steve’s once more. 

The lust is clear, seemingly overshadowing the hurt for the time being. I don’t shy away from their harshness. I lean into it. Allowing it to fuel the flames of my impending orgasm.

He can be jealous and angry about the current situation all he wants. It won’t change a thing. Hopefully this little display will finally kill whatever thread of us being together he’s holding on to.

I put the thoughts of Steve aside. Focusing on the man between my thighs, thoroughly taking me apart. Placing every bit of love into each wicked thrust. He does that thing I love with his hips. Pivoting them a certain way that allows his tip to graze against my sweet spongy spot. 

It’s like a direct line to my climax. With each pass I can feel the coil tighten and a tingle begin at the base of my spine down to my toes. 

I’m panting and whimpering, uncaring of my surroundings. I can barely make out Jax’s encouraging words in my ear of how I'm a good girl. That I’m taking him so well.

With a well placed thrust, followed by a grind that has his belt buckle teasing my clit. I give in and succumb to the pleasure of my orgasm taking over me. I sound loud even to myself, as a guttural moan fills the air. I’m barely aware of Jax’s name being screamed out, along with the words yes and oh fuck on repeat.

I can just make out his own roar as he loses himself inside me. Filling me to the brim while he growls sweet praises in my ear as the world seems to fade away. 

I have no idea when I closed my eyes, but upon opening them, I see that we are alone again.

Jax takes that moment to grab my chin and lay the softest kiss to my lips. I can’t help but lean into the sweet gesture.

“Come on, darlin’. I’ve been told I need to feed my girl some greasy food before we settle in for the night.”

He helps me back into my shorts before pulling open the door that heads back into the bar. A ruckus of applause meets us as we navigate around the drunken bikers to the exit. Hoots, hollers and whistles follow us out into the night as we climb onto his bike and make our way home.

Notes:

Songs used in this story. I do not own any of the rights these tracks. Please go give each artist a listen. Becky's So Hot - Fletcher I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE - Maneskin Drain The Blood - The Distillers Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge abcdefu (angrier) - GAYLE If you made it to the end, THANK YOU! If you liked it please feel free to let me know (but it's not required); and if you didn't, that's okay too, I still thank you for even giving it a chance.

[sigelfire]

Here's an image I've found of an ad for American Express by Diego Luna in 2006:

(*)

No photos of Diego added, sorry!!! But here's a video with the TV ad ♥

(x)

(*) English translation

My name: DIEGO LUNA

Childhood dream: TO BE A FOOTBALL (SOCCER) PLAYER

Best memory: MY FIRST TIME ON STAGE

Music: BETA BAND

Escape: MY FRIENDS

Wildest dream: TO TRAVEL TO PATAGONIA

Greatest pride: MY DAD's WORK

Biggest challenge: MAKING MY LOVED ONES HAPPY

Alarm clock: I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT

Perfect day: A LONG MEAL WITH MY FRIENDS. ONE OF THOSE (LUNCHS) THAT BECOME DINNER

First job: WASHING MY AUNT's CAR

Whim: DULCE DE LECHE (X)

Last purchase: THE NEWSPAPER

Favorite movie: THE BYCICLE THIEVES (X)

Inspiration: PEOPLE WHO LIVE FROM DOING WHAT THEY LIKE

My life: BEING IN LOVE

My credit card: AMERICAN EXPRESS

[tma-entity-song-poll]

Battle of the Fear Bands B3R2: The Flesh

Eat You:

Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY:

"bones bones bones! let me see your bones!"

Lyrics below the line!

Eat You:

Cause you're my chocolate covered strawberry Cause you're my piping hot pastry Dreaming about the moment that I own you Love you to the bone Cause you're my vicious but delicious cheat A heart attack lip smacking sweet I don't deserve you either way I'll serve you Finally I got the nerve I go hungry every night Not this time around I'm gonna eat you, you're my desire I'm gonna sharpen all my teeth and build a fire I'm gonna eat you, cook and defeat you I'm gonna breathe you in my lungs and make you mine 'Cause you've been sticky with your tricky words And I would crumble like a humble bird But now you're so tender with an ear I can bend and Tell you how I feel I go hungry every night Not this time around I'm gonna eat you, you're my desire I'm gonna sharpen all my teeth and build a fire I'm gonna eat you, cook and defeat you I'm gonna breathe you in my lungs and make you mine You delicate young delicacy You consummate hot consommé You grossly beautiful grocery You exquisitely sweet cuisine I go hungry every night Not this time around, not this time around! I'm gonna eat you, you're my desire I'm gonna sharpen all my teeth and build a fire I'm gonna eat you, cook and defeat you I'm gonna breath you in my lungs and make you mine

Skeleton Appreciation Day in Vestal, NY:

To cut down on my silhouette My favorite foods are smoke and hearts My leftover frets forget stiletto-self vendettas While my cracking backbone lacks but backs up my false starts All nightmares start as dreams and I hear my subconscious screaming They say that beauty's just skin deep So naturally, please show me your Bones, bones, bones, let me see your bones Well, I don't wanna know if the feeling follows home Bones, bones, bones, hell, we're all alone If I come home, baby, will you show your bones? Lumps in throats and petticoats Your baby teeth would pray for you A selfish book is always open and some of the best liars only want the truth All love starts as a scheme So wake me up, I'm tired of sleeping They say that beauty's just skin deep So obviously please show me your Bones, bones, bones, let me see your bones Well, I don't wanna know if the feeling follows home Bones, bones, bones, hell, we're all alone If I come home, baby, will you show your bones? All nightmares start as dreams, all love starts as a scheme Give me all your LSD so I can feel my mind unweave again They say that beauty's just skin deep So Ana stands and rends the rancid meat from her Bones, bones, bones, I can see my bones Well I don't wanna know if the feeling follows home Bones, bones, bones, hell, we're all alone If I come home, baby, will you show your bones? My bones, your bones Tell me you can see my bones My bones, your bones Tell me you can see them

[of-mutts-and-men]

music suggestions? I’m in need of feral ass music, like, Falling in reverse, 3OH!3 or slipknot kinda stuff I just need feral stuff, tyvm luv (/p)

-🐰🐾

Uhhhhm I’m not sure we have similar music tastes lol. My favorite bands rn are Dirt Poor Robins and Peter, Paul, and Mary. For you off the top of my head maybeeee IAMX or Nothing But Thieves?

[phoenixwatchesmovies]

2023 Favorites

I'm kinda glad I was keeping track of what I watched, in retrospect, because looking back over my posts this year, I realized I forgot about a lot of stuff. XD After looking over the recaps and excluding rewatches, here's my top ten New Stuff I Watched for 2023:

10. Cabinet Of Curiosities

Bizarre nightmares unfold in eight tales of terror in a visually stunning, spine-tingling horror collection curated by Guillermo del Toro.

If GDT is your guy, give this a watch. Creature features, cursed objects, aliens, you name it. 8/8 tentacled eldritch abominations.

9. Wolf Creek

Three backpackers stranded in the Australian outback are plunged inside a hellish nightmare of insufferable torture by a sadistic psychopathic local.

Holy shit, this was intense. And as I said initially, so mean. If you're into Texas Chainsaw Massacre, try this. I'm into franchise bingo, so I'm going to look into the sequels and TV series. 3/3 heads on a stick.

8. Requiem For A Dream

The drug-induced utopias of four Coney Island people are shattered when their addictions run deep.

I get the feeling this is one of those that hurts so much more on rewatching, so there's that to look forward to. I've also rarely seen movies that do so much harmonizing between the music and the visuals, and it was so satisfying. 4/4 refrigerator jump scares.

7. Evil Dead Rise

A twisted tale of two estranged sisters whose reunion is cut short by the rise of flesh-possessing demons, thrusting them into a primal battle for survival as they face the most nightmarish version of family imaginable.

This was probably the most fun I had with a horror movie all year, TBH. Horror exploring family dynamics will always be a fave, and this brought plenty of fresh stuff to the franchise while also holding onto the core traits. 5/5 Staffenies.

6. Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

A charming thief and a band of unlikely adventurers embark on an epic quest to retrieve a lost relic, but things go dangerously awry when they run afoul of the wrong people.

This was the most fun I had watching a movie all year, period. If you know nothing about DND, it's a good fantasy movie. If you're a DND nerd, the game mechanics are baked into it. If you're a fan of found families, guess what! 6/6 stealth checks.

5. Cowboy Bebop

A ragtag crew of bounty hunters chases down the galaxy's most dangerous criminals. They'll save the world--for the right price.

I got exactly what I wanted out of this, so haters be damned. The anime is a masterpiece and a classic, but if you're not in the mood for the existentialism and other heavier themes, here ya go. 3/3 shower-bath-showers.

4. The Black Phone

After being abducted by a child killer and locked in a soundproof basement, a 13-year-old boy starts receiving calls on a disconnected phone from the killer's previous victims.

Near perfect, as far as I'm concerned. The older I get, the more kids-in-danger as a concept fucks with me, making this the most stressful movie I watched this year (though It Chapter One gave it a run for its money, and I still think they would make a great double feature). 5/5 black balloons.

3. Evil Dead (2013)

Five friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods.

It's gnarly. It's badass. I almost puked. I had THE BEST time. The story works as an effective allegory, the effects are gruesomely awesome, and the finale is metal af. Plain and simple. 70,000/70,000 gallons of fake blood.

2. The Crow

A man brutally murdered comes back to life as an undead avenger of his and his fiancée's murder.

Beautiful, sad, aesthetic for days, hella good soundtrack. *chef kiss* I still haven't seen The Batman, but they seem visually similar, so if you like that, you'll probably like this. For more in-depth thoughts, read my post. 1/1 epic rooftop guitar solos.

1. The Fall Of The House Of Usher

To secure their fortune (and future) two ruthless siblings build a family dynasty that begins to crumble when their heirs mysteriously die, one by one.

Not just a new favorite Mike Flanagan. A new favorite in general, and my number one for the year. I just screamed about this one last month, and I don't have anything more to add. I've seen Succession comparisons, and while I have no idea how accurate that is, there's my "if you like that, here's this." Holy crap. 7/7 deadly sins personified.

Happy New Year! 🥂