#my first haso post

[hoshi-no-koinu]

What I think would be the most 'impressive' thing about humans

So I've read a lot of funny and intriguing ones out there, absolute gold, BUT I noticed that most of them compare things like our food tolerance, endurance, etc, so I wanted to bring in this take I've had cooking up for the past few days.

Has anyone ever considered aliens' reaction to how different we all are? Like look around at most species even on earth, they are mostly the same and vary only slightly in size, shape, colours, etc, in fact, its more strange to find one that is immediately distinguishable from the rest of its closest animal relatives (e.g for most people orange cats look like orange cats).

Think about it, usually only trained professionals can tell apart two same-species animals, even the animals themselves identify themselves through, like smell or smth

But for humans? no.

It's much weirder to find someone who looks so much like you or someone you know? Over 8.062 billion people and yet how likely is it to find someone who is your exact height? has your exact face? same exact posture? even exactly the same likes as you?

Like really let that sink in............ 8.062 billion people and yet it's confirmed that NO-ONE is almost exactly like you? Even people that just LOOK like you, your doppleganger, is roughly only 7 per person?

Wierd.

[marlynnofmany]

Stranger in Need

Inspired by this post from @banrionceallach, which wonders about healthcare and the human vs alien approaches to certain things in the spacefuture. Here's one answer to one facet of that question.

~~~

The space station was a noisy one, or maybe it was just the food court. Hard to have eating areas for a dozen species without a certain level of background sound. I was ready to move on, though. I waved to a few crewmates who were still hanging around the tables, then picked a route toward the entertainment stores. While the large concourses might have been faster, and the floating walkways cooler (they went through holes in the wall!), the small hallway with nature murals looked peaceful.

I admired the paintings of otherworldly hills, all orange and purple, with a glittery starscape on the ceiling. The hubbub faded behind me while the hallway curved ahead. Unfortunately, that sound was replaced by a new one: someone coughing violently.

I edged to the side so I could peek around the corner while keeping my distance in case there was contagion about. That was a lot of throat clearing between the coughs.

When the sitting area came into view, with its potted alien plants and multiple benches, I stopped worrying about my own safety. A fellow human was leaning against one of the benches, coughing with everything he had. His clothes were nice, like he was on his way to a job interview, and they were covered in sweat, like he’d been running to get there on time. A bag of belongings had spilled at his feet. The broken shards of plastic with a metal bit at the center had once been an inhaler.

There were also two tall aliens standing nearby, the long-necked type that I hardly ever saw, with short beaky faces and skin textured like a turkey neck. They were facing each other and ignoring the human who was struggling to breathe.

I ignored them right back and hurried over to the guy. “Hey, do you need help?”

He grimaced, but nodded. An attempt at explaining turned into more coughs. He pointed at the inhaler and pantomimed a heavy footstep.

I thought back to the size of certain people at the food court. They could easily have stepped hard enough to crack the casing and not noticed. “I don’t suppose you have a spare in here?” I asked, gesturing toward the bag.

When he shook his head, it was my turn to grimace. I wondered if he was fresh from Earth, where human-specific medicine was available at every corner medcenter. The inhaler could be hard to replace out here. At least we weren’t out on the edge of nowhere; the medcenters here should be familiar with human biology.

I told him, “We need to get you to a medcenter.” Then I paused. “Do you know where it is?”

He did not. Dang. I looked over at the two turkey-neck aliens who were having a staring contest or something. “Hey, do you guys know the way to the medical center?”

The closest one turned his head to face me without moving the rest of his body. “Do you mind? We’re in the middle of something here.”

“This person could die!” I snapped.

With a shrug in his voice, he said, “It’s your child, not ours.”

“He’s not my child!” I exclaimed. “He might even be older than me.”

“Then why do you care?”

I stared at the pair of them for a long second: their vaguely irritated expressions and the way they hadn’t moved an inch to help. I made an exasperated noise and gave them up as a lost cause. The guy was still coughing, trying to force air in and out of airways that were swelling shut.

“Lemme see if I can find a map on the public feed,” I said, pulling out my phone. “Oh hey, don’t bother; I’ll get it.” He’d bent to scoop up the fallen belongings, and almost passed out headfirst. With the phone in one hand, I ushered him onto a bench then nudged the pile together with a foot while I searched madly on my phone. “Argh, why don’t they have it up front? This is terribly designed. Are you gonna be able to walk?”

He nodded, but he was starting to list to the side with a glazed expression. I considered trying to carry him, and didn’t like my odds. Had there been other humans nearby in the food court? Somebody likely to help?

I shoved my phone back into my pocket and turned to sprint down the hall. I’d only made it a few steps before a welcome sight rounded the corner: not humans, but two of my biggest crewmates.

“What’s happening?” Blip asked, a vision of muscles and flowing silks that blended with her natural frills.

Beside her, Blop turned a fish-faced frown on the ailing human. “That doesn’t sound good.” His silks were even frillier than his sister’s, and the pair of them filled the hallway. Just what I needed.

“He can’t breathe,” I told them. “The tool for his medicine broke. Do you know where the medcenter is?”

“I’ll carry him,” they both said, Blip slightly faster.

“I’ve got the bag,” Blop added, diving to gather it up with a dismissive flap of his frills at the two turkey-necks. “Of course they’re no help.”

“Why would we?” asked the farther one, sounding honestly curious.

Blip announced, “Lift and be lifted,” then did exactly that. The adult human looked small in her arms.

Blop bounced to his feet with the bag zipped shut. “I’ll clear the way!”

The pair dashed off down the hallway with me running after. The turkey-necks didn’t move, though one of them muttered something about herd creatures.

As I ran, I thought, I’ve never seen more than one of those long-necked guys at a time before. Guess they’re a solitary species. They’re missing out.

We burst out of the hallway into a crowd that parted like a spaceship fleet in the path of a wild asteroid. Blop yelled for directions, and people of many species pointed the way.

I followed along, glad not to be the weird one for once.

~~~

These are the ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book.

Shared early on Patreon! There’s even a free tier to get them on the same day as the rest of the world.

The sequel novel is in progress (and will include characters from these stories. I hadn’t thought all of them up when I wrote the first book, but they’re too much fun to leave out of the second).

[flashiefloo]

HASO thoughts on spicy food

so I've seen a good few posts here about aliens freaking out about humans eating things that're toxic to them but are just spicy to us, and I figured I'd add in my thoughts. This isn't to say anybody is wrong, these are aliens we're talking about and they're not my stories.

However, on Earth the capsaicin that makes things spicy only affects mammals, something about one of the receptors we have that other types of animals don't. Which is why anybody who has issues with squirrels getting into their bird feeders often have hot pepper spray on things or get things for their birds already mixed with hot pepper stuff. Cuz birds can't taste any of the capsaicin while the squirrels can and are often kept away cuz of it (not always but often).

So I'd half expect aliens descended from not mammals (avians, lizards, etc) to have no reaction to any spicy planets etc. And for mammal descended aliens to think humans aren't mammals at first (since many of us seem unaffected by spicy foods). Only to, at least half, freak out when we tell them that we are in fact mammals but that spicy food doesn't bother many of us and that many humans actively go looking for the spiciest food we can find.

[loonarmuunar]

I can’t even lie I do find a lot of HASO/Humans Are Weird things here frustrating because they tend to sort of… exaggerate things as general human traits. I dunno man there’s definitely PLENTY of people who get friendly with any wildlife they see, it happens all the time with people approaching moose, bison, seals and sea lions, even stray dogs and cats, but I think people forget that’s how a lot of people die or get grievously injured. We can be durable but we’re not THAT durable. And there’s still plenty of people who don’t do this.

And yk, these people still do exist ofc, whatever, but it especially bugs me when it’s like

Alien: GET AWAY FROM THAT, that is a Ywernvig, they’re incredibly dangerous and are hostile when approached and—

Human: *pets the alien critter, which is now docile and domestic after a few minutes* oh would ya look at that

Alien: …

This kind of idea, that any creature, no matter how dangerous, can be made tame with enough love, is… irritating to me, I guess. I mean correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m. pretty sure it takes a long time for most animals to be domesticated. Sometimes when you interact with an untamed animal, they WILL behave tamely!! A lot of animals DO like being pet by people!! But I usually see this with zoo animals, ones who particularly have a lot of experience with humans handling them. They are still very dangerous though. Especially wild animals, with little to no human interaction…

I think my problem with it isn’t that it’s happening, but that when it does happen it’s portrayed as like… comically quirky and dumb, like it’s a silly fun crazy thing to do. It’s fun the first time around, but seeing it a dozen times over makes me a little tired. Not every person attempts to befriend every thing they see. I know that’s apart of the fun of HASO, but people who do that end up getting gored by a moose, or get off real lucky.

And I mean if you like it that’s awesome sure I love that for you peace and love on planet Earth forever and ever!!! But this is my post, and it Bothers me

I think I would really instead love seeing trained professionals getting involved. There are humans who go running headfirst towards any alien animals they see, and about 1/3 of them get away unscathed. But the wildlife biologists, they set up tents, tug on a backpack, and get watching. They observe and observe and observe. They start tagging wildlife. At some point they’re sending out strange robot recreations of these animals, and seeing how they interact with the robots.

Zoos and rehabilitation centers are built, eventually. They find animals that have been pushed out of their territory by the dominating aliens expanding into their territory (destroying the environment isn’t just a human trait apparently). They find sick animals, disabled animals, so on.

Zoos aren’t an exclusively human concept, but there’s a new sense of excitement of a human-made zoo on a different alien’s planet. Most alien zoos focus on limiting contact as much as possible, in an attempt to recreate their environment they’ve destroyed. Humans have a more unique, hands on approach, and maybe that’s the appeal.

For aliens, it’s about preserving the environment as much as possible, no interference. For humans, it’s about preserving the animals, and sometimes that comes with consequences.

Abandoned babies are handfed, and are now reliant on people. They would have died in the wild, and now they can never survive in the wild.

Animals that would have normally died out live full and happy lives, and their survival is entirely unnatural.

The contact is there, but these animals, the human handlers must remind, are still dangerous, before showing off a nasty scar, or a hand missing some fingers.

[adaginy]

Pinned post

Mostly a writing master post. Should all be tagged #addie writes but if you're looking for something specific: The Big Guide to Humans, ongoing, except I've been working on other things lately so it's been a while since there was one of these. Introduction (Basic physical description and set-up for the series) On "Most Humans" (Followup to intro, explaining all humans are different) Home Planet Language Lifespan and Development Mating — Reproduction, Sexuality, Genitalia, and Sexual Contact Religion Sex and Gender Aliens/HASO: Xaarc learns where human babies come from Humans and migraines Humans are weird about first aid AI falling in love with quiet shipmate, parts 1, 2, 3, 4 Human accidentally adopts abandoned alien, Kiddo, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 My uncle works at Nintendo with humans A disaster, a human, and two species that don't pack bond at all Other stuff: An ode to meeting normal people in real life Getting one's name back from faeries Wishes as weeds Asteroids and Politics, Part one and Part two the Seasonal Affective Disorder post (non-fiction life advice) Guide to interacting with media re: your protest My rambles/comments are #addie talks. Stories about my brother are #my brother has always been like this.

[cyanidesymphoniesxylophones]

I saw your post about needing prompts for haso, so I'll offer you one of my favorite prompts :

Aliens find out that most humans thought aliens would be some all powerfull overlords ready and abel to destroy us all and that we thought that if we would ever go to war with them, they'd be the scary ones.

The aliens have a small mental breakdown because WTF you are the ones with rules for WAR and you thought we were the ones to be feared ?!?!?!?!

And their human crewmate is like ,,idk man, we didn't know anything about yall in the past so assumed the worst ig ? TBH watching disaster movies is pretty entertaining and what's worse than getting your planet invaded''

Meanwhile the aliens are like ,,You watch your planet be destroyed for fun''

You wrote my post for me, but I'll honor and humor this.

The Humans did not know what to make of the neurek's offerings, as such large more highly evolved species was offering a peace treaty to the fledgling civilization, as do other nearby civilizations. Treaties between rivalling and warring species were immediately made because of their appearance in the cosmic seas, which just baffled the tiny hairless apes.

"Why are the more advanced civilizations giving us stuff?" The first encounters were confused.

"Because. You. Humans. Are. Terrifying." The neurek ambassador slowly articulates with its two tongues like lips.

"Terrifying? We don't have laser bombs, or five hands, or two tongues we use like lips."

"But you. Have rules. For war. And watch. As your planets. Burn. And burn. And burn."

"O h."

"Not one. Other species. Would want to fight. Against a race. That will. Settle for. Nuclear equilibrium. And match a war. Head. For another warhead."

"Y'know what, we were scared of y'all."

"And we are understandably. Scared. Of humans."

[x-hyzenthlay-x]

Haso post and ? Plot twist? Some predator/yaut’ja (is that how you spell it?) thoughts

I was thinking- since yautjas are bigger than humans and in the first movie-ish he like mimicked human laughter do you think they would have deep voices on average? And the females are apparently bIGGER? LIKE BUGS? LIKE HOW FEMALE SPIDERS ARE BIGGER- ?! ANYWAY would the women have like SUPER deep voices? And here is my thought that I posted for in the first place…

Do you think that when they hear humans talking that to them it sounds like we’re just on helium 24/7 like with how we perceive high voices lol

Like what would happen if a human on an alien plant/ship crew breathed in a helium balloon and like some of the shipmates are horrified because “OMG THIS CREATURE IS BREATHING STRAIGHT HELIUM AND NOT DYING?” And the yautja/predator is just like “whAT THE FUCK? HELLO? WHY IS YOUR VOICE HIGHER?

WOULD HE BE ABLE TO HESR IT? OR WOULD OUR VOICES THEN BE THE EQUIVALENT OF A DOG WHISTLE-? I’m so sorry this is probably the dumbest I’ve made of all of my humans are space orcs post but I love the predator movies and I just- I just needed to spew my nonsense for a moment

But like- it’s so funny to think about a human just breathing in a helium balloon to get all the reactions out of the alien crew mates. And then they claim it’s for science lmao

Is it just me or are they kinda hot- LIKE KEEP THE MASK ON BUT UR KINDA RIPPED BUD 😩👀 I feel weird lol I was terrified of these guys when I was like ten

EDIT: this is probably how you sound to them. Person recording is the yautja

[nerdybluephoenix]

I saw other writers do something similiar. Here's an index for those of you following me for short stories. I'm giving simple descriptions since titles alone wouldn't help most of these

They're not in any particular order.

Updated: October 18th, 2023. Not all my comics are on this yet.

//free icons//

Stabby, ufo, and haso planet

//Text//

Aliens are Not a Deer - uncanny valley story

Horrible Earth Creature - Aliens travel a long distance with a friend

You, Humanity - your species, your rules

Planet Crossing - 1904 Olympics was just so fun the first time. Prompt answer

Plastic Lizards - Humans share a traditional holiday

Why Aliens Hate Smiles - fake analysis on the human smile

Mushrooms - quite literally the title. An alien learns about mushrooms in general

Space Lottery - humans travel through space then reflect on their collective guilt as a whole

Funky Post About Water Bears - Alien rescuers investigate a crash site for the survivors

I Read Plane as Planet - Humans eat something they shouldn't

Service Dogs - Alien meets a service dog. Prompt answer

And They'll React... - Aliens and Autism. Prompt answer

True Center of the Universe - Egotistical alien feels no existential crisis. I'm not op

Humans and Spiders - Sometimes aliens look similar to Earth creatures. What bad luck

Gen Z - Aliens learn of how generations think they're superior to other generations.

Surveys - Human emotions aren't permanent

Cold - Alien meets one of Those Guys who never feel cold. Prompt answer

Red - Color looks different to different species. Sometimes the difference is more extreme

Dietary Lack of Restrictions - humans can eat nearly anything

Rain - Human inconveniences that they are used to is considered hazardous to others.

//Comics//

Notes on a Weird Travel Companion (remastered) - Originally titled "A Few Ways Humans are Weird"

The Human Smile (remastered) - Fake analysis to inform aliens

The Human Smile (original) - like above, but worse

Getting along - my ocs argue

Scary Movies - younger humans watch a movie. Prompt answer

Old Joke - my ocs play a prank

In My Nature - my ocs face a dilemma they both fail

Language - while I experiment with my comic style, my ocs argue

Addressing the Humans - fan comic for a cute post. I'm not op

Meaning of Everything - my alien oc read a human book about space

I'm not Touching You - fan comic for a cute post. Also my first comic of my ocs

A Few Ways Humans are Weird - incomplete comic I gave up on. Remastered version at top

Retired Roomba - two panel fan comic of the beloved mascot

Crewmate Dynamics - doodles of how my crew feels towards one another

Sibling Rivalry - two panels showing a brother and sister getting older + extra art of my oc

Sleepy Evek - My oc falls asleep at the wheel after parking the ship, and other oc finds them there

Drunk Constance - my oc drinks, then probably should go to bed

Art Collection - Experimental art of my ocs being themselves

[accuratejaney]

HASO: Galaxy Wanderers

https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/mhktnq/oc_the_galaxy_wanderers_1/

My first actual piece of writing, discounting essays and such! I will be posting more of these on the subreddit, but more lore-y bits on here.

Summary (Teaser?):

A research team from another galaxy discovers something off with the nearby galaxy, Myrmidon. They start studying it, when a giant spaceship, entitled CS Andromeda, appears.

[farelian]

Humans Are Weird: Decorations

Yo! You guessed it, it’s ya boy Farelian. A newcomer to Tumblr and HASO Coms. Here we go, continuing from the last part of the story, which is my first ever post on Tumblr. Warning, terrible English and bad storytelling up ahead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yesterday was a whole bunch of mixed messages, but in the end, it resolved to something beautiful and calming to the ears. After playing some calming, relaxing music with the flute, in which Yaku is very impressed and interested in human music, Michael voiced his complaint. His complaint was, he was not able to contact his family and friends back on Earth, and on Mars. He then goes on about the human need of socializing, explaining why and how humans need each other to survive. But Yaku agrees and told the Head of Migration to add comms service for Michael, and a day later he was able to call and chat with his friends and family back on Earth. It was a huge sigh of relief, he was beginning to think he won’t be able to talk to them anymore, but that’s just irrational overthinking. After talking to some relatives, which he asked to send some things like food and objects, he finally takes a good look around his residence. The week he spent on this world, was to explore the city, and he was too eager to go on an adventure to worry about home decor. But now he can, his room is quite bland but human in design and characteristics. His walls don’t have anything on them, just white smooth metal and dim blue lights attached. His kitchen is clean as well, just some kitchen utensils and cookery. His bedroom was by far, the worse. No decor whatsoever, the ceiling, walls, and the floor is all white, the bed is white, the wardrobe is white, everything is white. Well except for the ambiance blue light on the floor, but that doesn’t matter. What he needs, is decorations. Every time he enters that god-forsaken bedroom, he feels like a patient in a mental asylum, it’s just not right for the human mind. So he grabs his wallet, filled with Zarqon physical currency, his phone, Voidpods, and a small bag slung onto his back.

As he was getting prepared, the doorbell rings, just in time. He opens the door, and Yuki is standing on the other side, looking up at Michael smiling. “Ready Michael?” She asked, seeing his outfit and ready stance.

“Yep, let's go” Yuki took several tentacles steps back, letting Michael go out to the hallway, he closes the door and with Yuki, made it to down to the lobby, then out to the open streets.

Taking in a lungful of industrial air, looking around the quaint, quiet, not-so-crowded streets with enthusiasm. “Can we go to the commercial district again Yuki? I want to buy some stuff” He said to Yaku, looking down at her with a smile. “Of course we can Michael, what are you going to buy?” She asked curiously, looking straight forward while walking to not accidentally bump to another Zarqon.

“I was thinking of plants, and some paintings to live up my room, fill it in with some colors you know?” “...What are these... paintings?” She asked, rather confused about the term.

“Of course you don’t know. Well, basically paintings are pieces of art, where watery paint of colors is drawn onto a canvas making beautiful images.” They then turned the corner past the busy street, into a more narrow, quieter street with fewer people with smaller, independent businesses trying to make a living.

After going through some shops, seeing that paintings and art is not a concept they are familiar with in this world, he just gets a few pots of plants for his home. And a few blocky, circuit pictures. Kind of like those futuristic paintings you see in sci-fi movies. They got back to Michael’s residence, Michael began setting up the plants up and around his residence. Then plant the pictures to the wall, it’s quite interesting and fascinating to watch. What is he doing with these plants? Why is he holding them up to the wall and hanging them there? Yaku has so many questions she needed answers too.

After Michael was done, he took several steps back in the living room. Looking around the newly decorated residence. He feels fulfilled, and his home is much more lovely and alive. “It is complete...”

Yaku walked around the room, looking at the plants and pictures on the wall, trying to find out why they were placed like that or their purpose. “So why did you buy these objects?” Yaku asked, looking up at one of the pictures. It looks like a series of wires, coiled together.

“As decorations, I don’t want my room to look bland and empty, I want to fill it with some stuff that I see beautiful and pleasing to the eyes. Before you ask, decoration or decorating is when a human, place things such as plants, action figures, or painting as I already explained earlier on desks, shelves, or walls. And they serve no other purpose other than looking nice and great”

“No enhancement of the human brain? No physical or psychological effects?” She asked again, looking down at one of the plants, trying to see through Michael’s eyes of seeing the plant as beautiful.

“Some psychological effects, some decoration objects, like maybe a family picture, can make someone happy if they look at it. Some can be saddened because it’s related to something that happened in the past, but generally, we put things up that only makes us happy, or just looks good”

“Hmm... very interesting indeed Michael, I shall report this phenomenon to the Head of Migration, see you soon”

[iblameashley]

Humans are weird / Humans are Space Orc’s

So I’ve been reading a lot of the Humans-Are-Space-Orcs posts and one I didn’t see on there, but I thought was funny was about Humans interacting with infants. Specifically, the way we talk to entertain them.

This is my first post about HASO / HAW so please excuse the terrible alien names, I’m making this up as I go.

Xul’tar was new to the ship and had taken the assignment because it had ‘Hu-mons’, a new species to the galactic community and he had been fascinated by them. The vessel they were on, the Culbur was a science vessel, mostly studying stellar phenomena on the outer reaches of what the Hu-mons called “arms” of the galaxy.

“Xul!” yelled Hu-mon Jojo (She said it was her “Nickname” and short for “Joanna”). She was a young Hu-mon, slender, squishy, like most humans. “Come see Allen, I think he would like you!” She was referring to her new-born youngling.

“Has he learned to speak already?” Xul asked, his antennae wiggling with curiosity.

She bared her teeth and made a “Ha-ha” sound, humans called it laughing. “No,” She continued. “But I think he would like your antennae, they glow and wiggle, he’d think it was funny.”

Xul’s fur ruffled, his curiosity over the youngling was matched by his annoyance with Hu-mons need for entertainment.

They entered her living quarters - her mate was on duty and not present - and beside the sleeping pad was a large basket filled with bundled cloth. It wiggled around and strange noises came from it. As Xul got closer he could make out the small arm appendages with tiny fingers grasping upward. He leaned over and gazed at the child with his large primary eyes. It was so tiny, and she had only given birth to one this mating cycle, she must have been proud it survived. His antennae gently poked and prodded the babies hands and face, glowing with excitement. The youngling did seem pleased with this, and made a series of high-pitched ‘laughs’ with every touch.

“You’re so silly!” Jojo said to Allen. Her voice was higher pitched than normal, and this seemed to induce more laughter from the baby Allen.

“Is ‘silly’ a praise to the child?” Xul asked. His primary eyes slanted to the side in confusion. “Is he being verbally rewarded for accomplishing something?”

“No, no, no!” Jojo said, turning to look at Xul. “Its... something we say to our children when... they’re happy and playful.” She shrugged her shoulders, indicating she wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it to Xul.

The youngling started to make more high-pitched noises, but was not the laughing sound it had made earlier. Xul stepped back, fearful. Was the child ill? “Should I call medical?” Xul asked. “Has the youngling hurt itself? Has it become sick? Did I hurt your youngling?!” He was panicking.

“Oh he’s fine, he’s probably just upset we stopped paying attention to him!” Jojo replied. She knelt down over the basket and began to speak in the high voice she had used earlier. “Are you cranky?! Huh? Mommy not paying attention to you?” She was shaking her head and smiling, but the youngling Allen was still wailing away. “Don’t cry or mommy’s gonna have to eat you!”

Xul reeled back in horror! Eat the child?! For not ceasing its wailing? He ran from the room and to the nearest comm. “Hu-mon Steve! Hu-mon Steve! Reply!” He yelled into the comm.

“What is it?!” Hu-mon Steve replied, his voice filled with worry.

“It is an emergency! You must return to your quarters at once!” Xul continued to yell. The horror in his voice intensifying with every word.

“Has something happened to Jojo? To Allen?” Hu-mon Steve cried through the speaker.

In the background Cul could hear Jojo talking. “nom, nom, nom! So tasty! Yes you are!” She said, the youngling still wailing in the background.

“Youngling Allen is in trouble! Your life mate Jojo had threatened to eat the child for not ceasing its cries for entertainment!”

With that, Hu-mon Steve burst into laughter over the comm. It was loud and hearty, and it took several moments for him to regain his senses! Why was he not concerned for his new-born?

“Should I call security?” Xul asked. This seemed to only encourage more laughter from the Hu-mon.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes, the baby will be fine.” Steve said “Just let me tell T’krinn I’ll be leaving.”

Xul was too horrified to enter the crew quarters until he saw Hu-mon Steve approaching, a large toothy smile on his face.

“Come with me.” Hu-mon steve said, waving Xul into the quarters.

Xul entered the room slowly, peering around the door frame with his primary eyes first, then his secondary, before slowly shuffling in. He had expected to see the horror of remains, but was shocked to see Jojo holding the sleeping youngling in her arms.

“Aww, daddy’s home and you’re asleep!” She cooed to the child. She bounced him lightly in her arms, and gave Hu-mon Steve the life mate greeting of a ‘kiss’ before he turned his attention to the child in her arms. “Did T’krinn let you leave early?” She asked.

“Yes.” Hu-mon steve nodded. “I had been informed someone was being naughty and needed to be eaten!” He joked, taking one of the infants and and gently nibbling on it.

Xul walked back out of the room, eye’s wide and dizzy. ‘Hu-mons joke about eating their own children.’ He thought as he walked down the corridor. Maybe this assignment would be too much for him.

Humans are weird.

[x-hyzenthlay-x]

I don’t like that y’all are getting me closer to a hundred followers, I know I said I’d make a HASO comic once I get 50 or a 100 but I didn’t think y’all woULD ACTUALLY FREKIN-

Ugh ok I gotta design some Humans Are Space Orcs characters now lmao.

I guess once I have the first few pages done I’ll upload it to WEBTOON and have some of it here as well? I didn’t think I’d get any traction with this silly idea but I guess this is a thing now OOP.

I do wanna name it something other than humans are space orcs though. I’m not sure what to call it but the story will follow a gender neutral human (like those blank slate characters people draw a lot) and their dorky adventures through space and even earth :3 most of the pages will be single stories so none of its really correlated. Kinda like “litter box comics” or “pixie and Brutus” but I may have a small plot in mind that doesn’t really take up a major part. Like the human has a mission to document what all they see so it makes sense for them to be out in space in the first place.

If you guys have any cool ideas for comic names let me know or even ideas for comic strips. I have my ask box open as well so anything I type up and post will likely also be converted into the comic later down the road as well!

[cyanidesymphoniesxylophones]

I posted 171 times in 2022

That's 125 more posts than 2021!

49 posts created (29%)

122 posts reblogged (71%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lovelesslittleloser (the bestie)

@kaptainrazoork

@kurara-black-blog

@weatherman667

I tagged 112 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#humans are space orcs - 43 posts

#monsterfucking - 28 posts

#humans are space oddities - 25 posts

#humans are space fae - 24 posts

#humans are deathworlders - 21 posts

#humans are space australians - 20 posts

#humans are weird - 18 posts

#its not a casks post without the monsterfucking tag - 16 posts

#poison is great - 15 posts

#plants - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#so the way i said functional organs is because you would expect several folds of the body later and you would not have a working stomach

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I saw your post about needing prompts for haso, so I'll offer you one of my favorite prompts :

Aliens find out that most humans thought aliens would be some all powerfull overlords ready and abel to destroy us all and that we thought that if we would ever go to war with them, they'd be the scary ones.

The aliens have a small mental breakdown because WTF you are the ones with rules for WAR and you thought we were the ones to be feared ?!?!?!?!

And their human crewmate is like ,,idk man, we didn't know anything about yall in the past so assumed the worst ig ? TBH watching disaster movies is pretty entertaining and what's worse than getting your planet invaded''

Meanwhile the aliens are like ,,You watch your planet be destroyed for fun''

You wrote my post for me, but I'll honor and humor this.

The Humans did not know what to make of the neurek's offerings, as such large more highly evolved species was offering a peace treaty to the fledgling civilization, as do other nearby civilizations. Treaties between rivalling and warring species were immediately made because of their appearance in the cosmic seas, which just baffled the tiny hairless apes.

"Why are the more advanced civilizations giving us stuff?" The first encounters were confused.

"Because. You. Humans. Are. Terrifying." The neurek ambassador slowly articulates with its two tongues like lips.

"Terrifying? We don't have laser bombs, or five hands, or two tongues we use like lips."

"But you. Have rules. For war. And watch. As your planets. Burn. And burn. And burn."

"O h."

"Not one. Other species. Would want to fight. Against a race. That will. Settle for. Nuclear equilibrium. And match a war. Head. For another warhead."

"Y'know what, we were scared of y'all."

"And we are understandably. Scared. Of humans."

426 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

#4

Humans are Space Orcs, but humans are the more dndish orcs of space, where they plunder and ravage the entire solar system... Oh wait we already do that.

The reason why most civilized extraterrestrials avoid humans is because of their tendency to hoard resources and keep it to themselves. Be it water, food or precious metals. Humans will hoard something if they feel it to be rare. Some crews fuck with a human's hoarding instinct by telling them an extremely common item (A hoaraxxian screw or an aarak speardriver) is rare, and watch as the human does its best to collect the rare things it finds throughout the voyage. Shiny things and dull things alike find their way to a human's pile of junk.

523 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

#3

Aliens learning about human "fighting rituals" (Aka threats rolling up their sleeves and or removing any jewelry?)

The warrior race of Nur'gahls find Terran fighting rituals strange. The Nur'gahli custom of adorning yourself in shining ornaments to blind your opponent's sensitive eyes were key in winning duels, yet in this strange arena, where dozens if not hundreds of other races compete, there is one that they cannot fathom: Terrans.

The Terrans were strange, in that they needed not bright shining ornaments not giant bonebreaking weapons. No, they took off their jewelries, doodads and rolled up their sleeves, wore soft gloves. They were not wearing anything other than basic gear for the Nur'gahl, yet somehow, they've seen tens of their race losing to a human with nothing but glasses on their face and a short nonlethal sword in hand.

And it's not like Terrans don't have killing intent. They match the strongest of Nur'gahli, with a certain captain going head to head on a warrior's duel with one of the pirate chieftains of a criminal warband, with nothing but a metal pole and a knuckle band.

It was said that the captain, before flying into the duel with arms bare, sleeves rolled up, witnessed his crew members being manhandled. The then hostage captain broke free and demanded a duel with the chieftain of the pirates, where he made a show of removing his badge studded coat and hat, as well as rolling up his sleeves. The chieftain laughed his last that fateful day, as the captain singlehandedly beat the life out of him. Nur'gahli witnesses as well as several crew tedtimonies all shared one single detail: that the human captain held nothing but rage in his eyes until the pirate chieftain ceased to exist from his ship.

Nowadays, with intergalactic travel being standardized, Nur'gahlis tend to avoid Terran populated areas, especially beach resort planets.

657 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#2

Some humans are space orcs + medicine facts to carpe all them diems

So, most drugs metabolize really well with our (human) nuclear reactor stomachs. A very deadly toxin to some canid species are just sweet treats to us. Capsaicin and menthol are both highly irritant to slimy species, but are just snacks and flavoring to us. Even sodium chloride, which breaks down in an aaraco's chemical splitting digestive system and causing them to unsubscribe from life due to internal explosions from the sodium and chlorine hitting their waterbased fluids, are just a powder we use to flavor and add nutrition to our food, even using salt to preserve medicinal herbs and foodstuffs.

Humans are highly advanced, and they're diverse, even as one species. Not one species in this universe has developed such a variety in features and biological differences, yet still remaining the same species. It's like they all separately evolved due to what they've experienced in their short century of a lifespan.

The human lifespan is extending more and more, the more we eat different foods unlike our own "local" ones from beyond the stars. And as I bite into my last few perika seeds on my deathbed, I'm happy to have experienced so much flavor in my life.

- Chef Howard Chau, Interstellar Gourmand, Earth, 2202-2403

690 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Space orcs content, reptilian species freaking out over humans with missing teeth.

Most reptiles have teeth that grow back forever, but human teeth grow only twice or a few more times (or if you're one of the people who kept that reptile gene, congrats.)

So when one of the reptilian crew sees a human crewmate laughing openly and seeing they have a gap between their teeth, they panic and start worrying about the human.

Then the next day, said human crewmate suddenly has teeth ! This confuses reptile crewmate who asks how they grew a tooth in a day while being human.

"Oh these are dentures."

Plus points when the human has one of those silver mercury fillings older people have.

763 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

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