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spencersawkward · 3 years

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*concussions and confessions//spencer reid*

summary: a near-death experience encourages Spencer to admit his feelings for his best friend, even at the risk of ruining their relationship.

pairing: Fem!Reader/Spencer

content warnings: oh boy there’s a lot. i’ll start with the nonsexual ones-- choking (again, not sexual), blunt force, violence, some angst. ok time for the fun ones-- unprotected penetrative sex, masturbation, sex dream, oral (male receiving), slight dirty talk, creampie. lmk if there are more that i missed!

word count: 5.4k

A/N: hi omg so i actually combined two requests for this bc i loved the concepts and i didn't wanna do one and not the other. i hope i do both of these justice hehe thanks for sending them! also sorry if the unsub scene sucks-- i don’t usually write that way, so i tried my best.

request(s): omg if you need ideas for baby spence can you do a one shot where he's the girls best friend (she's not in the bau) and they are in love but neither of them admit it and he is really hurt in a case or almost dies or something traumatic and only when he gets back they confess their love... and then have sex 😏 ive been thinking about this concept alot 😌

can’t stop thinking about baby spencer (like s2-s4) & his girl best friend losing their virginity to each other... can you write a one shot on this please?

masterlist

"when are you coming back?" you ask over the line. you're lying on your bed, legs in the air while you talk to your best friend. it's been a long day for you, but a longer day for him. it's always a longer day for him.

"you know that I don't know the answer to that question." Spencer's voice is soft as he attempts to keep quiet. he's two hours ahead and, despite the fact that you're both night owls, the person he's rooming with tonight isn't.

"I know, but there's this Korean film festival that starts tomorrow and I was hoping you would be here to translate for me." you examine your nails while you talk. Spencer lets out a disappointed sigh.

it's only been a few days since he left, but it's been a week since you last saw him and it feels like a long time. whenever he's not at work, you two are joined at the hip. ever since you first met a few years back at a poetry convention in DC, it feels like he's the only person who understands you. which is weird, because you couldn't be more different as individuals.

"you should bring one of your other friends."

"bold of you to assume I have other friends." you joke. Spencer chuckles to himself and your heart flutters. you love his laugh more than anything in the world.

"I thought that was just me." he says.

"oh, it is just you," you reply flatly. "I was trying to make you feel better."

you can practically feel Spencer smiling through the phone. although you tease him pretty frequently, he's sometimes able to get in his own shots. it's what makes your friendship interesting.

"hey," you add before he can say anything more. "how's the case going?"

Spence starts to detail the whole thing, and you listen intently, the timbre and smoothness of his voice comforting you as you slip beneath the covers of your bed. you like the way he enunciates his words, his strange manner of speaking, because it lulls you to sleep.

you know he's talking about horrible things, but something about the sound comforts you deeply. when he's not around, you're wishing you had it bottled up.

he lays out their profile as it stands, and you fall silent. it's getting pretty late and you have to be up early for work tomorrow, so it would be a good idea to get some real rest. plus, Spencer needs to sleep, too-- even though he probably won't.

you remember times when he'd call you at three in the morning, his mind whirring as he played chess against himself and asked if you wanted to hang out so he could teach you how. you hate chess, but of course you said yes; you'd been head over heels with him since your first conversation.

eventually, you feel yourself start to drift off. you don't even really know what he's saying; all of it blends together until you're laying there, one cheek pressed to the pillow and the receiver against the other.

"Y/N?" he says your name abruptly and your eyes, which have been slowly drawing shut this whole time, fly open.

"yeah?"

"go to bed."

"what? no, I'll wait until you're done." you shift.

"I could hear your breathing change."

"then why didn't you just hang up?" you giggle. he goes silent for a moment and you wonder if he cut out, but then he responds.

"I wanted to say goodnight."

it's like a cage of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach. you wrinkle your nose as you get nervous. god, you miss him. things would be so much better if he was back. not like he'd be in your bed even if he was, though.

"then say goodnight." you prod. he lets out an awkward little sound.

"now I can't because you made it weird."

"how did I make it weird?"

"I don't know, you just did." he's so clumsy, your face heats up. you want to keep talking like this until morning.

"goodnight, Spence," the words sound reluctant, but you try to cover it up by teasing him further. "see, was that so bad?"

"oh my god, Y/N--" he tries to sound exasperated.

"no goodnight back?" you raise an eyebrow even though he can't see you right now.

a lengthy silence again. "goodnight."

"that's what I thought." before he can protest, you end the call, settle into the covers. moonlight beams on the walls of your apartment, and you start to think about your best friend. about all the nights spent curled up on his couch with two bowls of popcorn, his ramblings about how much he loves his job and him asking about yours.

he's a great listener. every time you talk, he nods along like he's hanging off every word. it's nice to feel heard that way, to have someone care. and he's fun to hang out with, too. you've met his team before and they all talk about how hard it is to get him to go out, but they don't see the same side of him that you do.

Spencer is nerdy and cute and kind and sensitive. he makes you feel special. he's everything that you've ever wanted in a person. but it's not like it would matter, anyway. he hasn't really shown interest in any girls-- much less you. even if he did, you're scared of ruining the friendship.

the fallout of not having him around at all... it would destroy you. and something, even if it's torturous, is better than nothing.

which is why, as you sit there and remember being around him, your fingertips creep below the comforter. a familiar routine, they move over your stomach, until they reach the waistband of your panties. for a moment, you hesitate. it's wrong. he's your best friend. but he doesn't need to know that this is how you handle the ache he puts between your legs.

as your index finger slides down your slit, you feel the wetness already forming. Spencer's hands, his mouth. the thought of his lips pressed to yours while he fucks you, holding your body like it's delicate.

you don't know exactly how it would feel because you've never had sex, but you want to find out with him. he's never done it, either. you don't care; all you need is to have him inside of you, to see how he looks when he's on the edge.

your mind wanders to the image of him parting your legs and rolling his eyes into the back of his head. the sensation of him filling you up. falling apart.

you slide a finger inside, gasping at the way your walls tighten and your imagination runs wild. that tongue, lapping and making you squirm, your fingers twisted in his soft hair. he's so sweet; his attentiveness would make your legs shake. you want to look into his eyes while he does it.

you add a second finger, curl them and brush over the most sensitive part. the pressure of his hips grinding into yours. your body curves up at the way you start to finger yourself, the other hand stimulating your clit. it's almost overwhelming, the way his name tumbles from your lips over and over.

you've never wanted someone so badly in your life; he belongs in your bloodstream. the sounds he would make in your ear before finally cumming and collapsing on top of you, spent. you want to tire him out and then do it all over again.

you're greedy on the edge, indulging in every single image of him you can conjure up, every dirty thing you'd say. finally, you feel yourself fall, the orgasm intense as you bite back groans of pleasure and work through the high. it's amazing.

you sit there, panting, feeling your heart beat in your chest. some things can't leave your head, they're so sinful. and the worst part is that you don't regret it in the slightest.

...

Spencer can feel his pulse practically leaping against his throat as he makes his way through the empty warehouse. he should have waited for backup; he knows he should have, but it's too late now to go back and change things.

he clutches his gun, pointing it in front of him while his eyes flicker wildly across the space. he's moving between enormous aisles stuffed with crates, not knowing who else is around. they said the unsub brought his newest victim here-- Spencer came first because was closest to the site-- but he hears nothing aside from the uneven rhythm of his own breath.

every step is careful. he's thinking about how close the rest of the team must be. based on their distance from the station, they should arrive within six minutes-- but that doesn't account for the time it takes to put on their bulletproof vests, to get to their cars.

truthfully, he doesn't know if he's going to have to do this on his own. and that scares him the most.

there's no point in worrying. he swallows the lump in his throat and presses his back to one of the crates. there's a scraping noise a ways off that causes him to freeze. because of the echoes of the warehouse, the origin is indiscernible. he doesn't breathe, eyes darting between each of the openings into the aisle.

after a minute of pure silence, he peels himself away and turns to head back out.

and that's when the sound of wood cracking against bone startles him; he hears it before he feels it, but it's obvious when he crumples to the floor. like knife points pressing into his brain at all angles, the shooting agony in his skull.

he starts to clutch at his head, only to be yanked off the ground by a meaty hand and thrown against the side of a crate.

"fucking feds." the guy is enormous. gargantuan. he keeps his arm across Reid's throat, pressing down enough to restrict his airway. but Spencer can't even concentrate on the guy's face further than its rough outlines. his vision is going in and out, fuzzy at the edges from the blow to his head.

he definitely has a concussion.

"I..." he trails off. the huge FBI logo on his vest is a dead giveaway.

"all alone?" the unsub has breath like rotten fish, spits each word into his face. "I won't even need my gun."

Spencer's head lolls to the side and he catches sight of his own weapon lying helplessly a few feet away. there's no way he could get to it in time, even if he got out of this guy's chokehold.

he tries to think of a way to talk himself out of this; after all, their profile said he'd be more susceptible to negotiation, but that's kind of hard to do with someone's forearm slammed against your trachea. he presses harder and Spencer sees stars. his glasses hang almost off the bridge of his nose, centimeters from falling to the floor.

he starts to realize that he's going to die, defenseless and alone, in a warehouse. at the hands of a man who kills women because his Viagra doesn't work. but this doesn't incite the kind of panic Spencer always predicted he'd feel. the lack of oxygen in his brain causes him to go delirious.

he misses home. his mom and his old house, even though things were hard. he misses Y/N, his team members. he wishes his team was here; he should have waited for them. he should have told Y/N how he feels. now she's never going to know.

Reid is so out of it, he doesn't even notice the pressure being relieved from his throat until he collapses on the ground. the unsub falls, too, his cheek smashed by the force of the abandoned wooden plank.

it's hard to tell what's happening until Reid lifts his head to see Morgan standing above him, preparing to handcuff the criminal.

"kid," Spencer never thought he'd be so glad to hear his voice. "what happened?"

...

you practically crash into Spencer's apartment the next evening, flinging your body through the front door with your spare key.

"Spence?" you call out from the entryway. everything still looks the same, but when his colleague, Penelope, called you today to tell you that Reid had gotten a concussion after a run-in with an unsub, you rushed here as soon as you could.

"in here." he calls from his bedroom. you don't hesitate, your feet carrying you there. you've been anxious all day; he didn't call last night or even text like usual. you were on the verge of panicking when Penelope called.

of course, you knew that was the risk with Spencer. he knew the risk, too. his life would always be in the balance when it came to the cases, but he'd gone through so many at this point, you weren't thinking about it. if you did, you wouldn't be able to focus on anything else.

when you walk in, the first thing you see is Spencer laying in bed in his silk pjs. there's a stack of unread books on his bedside table. his glasses sit on top. he's just laying there with his eyes closed.

"oh my god." you mutter, dropping your bag on the floor and walking over. he opens his eyes with a slight smile. there's a purple bruise forming across his throat, light but definitely there.

"hi."

"what the fuck happened?" you ask the question you've been wondering the whole way here.

"he hit me with a plank." Spencer explains, the phrase coming out like he's still confused about it. "I'm fine, just a mild concussion and a bruise because he choked me."

you take a second to assess if he actually means that he's okay, or if he's trying not to worry you. he stares at your expression for a second.

"Y/N, I'm really fine."

"you don't look fine." you gesture to the fact that he's laying in bed.

"my body is sore, but nothing's wrong with me. I just can't look at screens or read." this last part makes him much more melancholy, it seems. you reach down and ruffle his hair playfully.

"sounds like a nightmare."

"it is." he cracks up.

"I'm glad you're okay." you sigh. your heart rate has slowed to a reasonable pace now that you know he's fine. Spencer gives a ghost of a smile, and when he pats the empty spot on the bed beside him, you kick off your shoes and climb over his body to sit down. "so... did you guys get him?"

"the unsub?" he turns his head to look at you. something is in his eyes that you can't read. "yeah, he's in custody. we saved the girl he abducted, too."

"well, aren't you a hero?" you grin, pinching his arm.

"ow!" he flinches. "don't hurt the patient."

"oh, so now you're injured?" you giggle softly. his smile fades a bit, gaze trailing from your face to your legs. it isn't lustful or anything, more like he's taking in your existence. it still makes your heart flutter.

"I wasn't really a hero, anyway," he sighs. "I got knocked down before I even found her."

"oof." you wince.

"yeah, it's sort of embarrassing. I went in by myself and--"

"you went by yourself?" you clarify, turning to face him. of course he did.

"yeah." he avoids your gaze.

"Spencer, I work in a stationery shop and I know you're supposed to wait for backup." you deadpan. he snorts, staring straight ahead at the wall. his hair is flat in the back from where he's been resting it against the headboard.

"he would have hurt her if I had waited." he explains. your heart softens a bit at this. you know Spencer has a problem with saving people; sometimes he doesn't think things through. but you know that it's only because he cares.

you smile gently, appreciating what a beautiful person he is. you don't understand how other people don't see him how you do. your hand reaches for his suddenly, and you find yourself snuggling into his shoulder.

Spencer doesn't usually like touch, but he welcomes this, dropping his own head to rest on top of yours while you both stare at the wall. his silence feels heavy, more than it usually does, and you wonder what he's thinking.

"I'm really glad you're okay, Spencer." your tone is low, like it's a secret.

"you already said that."

"shut up."

"you care about me." he sing-songs with a smile, and you know he means it in a friendly way, but you don't care. it brings warmth to your cheeks.

"whatever. you care about me, too."

he lets out a slight chuckle. "when I started to black out, I thought of you."

your heart leaps, even though the reason is pretty dark. "oh, yeah?"

"mhmm." he hums.

"nobody's ever told me that they thought of me in their last moments of life before." you tease. there are so many things you'd like to say, but know you can't. he smells like himself and coffee beans, his skin warm beneath the silk of his pajamas.

"I'd hope not."

"anything in particular?" you wonder aloud.

"what?" you feel him tense beneath you, and that's how you know there's something he's not telling you.

"were you thinking about anything in particular?"

"someone's full of themselves." he jokes. you smack his arm.

"humor me." more than anything, you want to hear his thoughts. you know you're reaching, but you don't care.

"just..." he pauses, the next words coming out almost too quietly to hear. "things I never got to say to you."

"like?" now you're intrigued.

"no way." he laughs and you groan, turning and realizing that you've both sunk deeper onto the bed and are now practically lying down.

"c'mon," you prod. you've flipped onto your side while you watch him, his eyes directed at the ceiling. "what if you'd actually died?"

Spencer gives you a look, and you wish you could snap a picture of his face. the gentle features, the warmth in his eyes. he stares at you differently than before, and it makes your stomach flip again. "I, um."

you start to trace your index absently down his forearm, where his sleeve has incidentally gotten rolled up. his skin is soft. you know that this isn't a friendly thing to do, but something inside you craves his touch right now. you almost lost him; you can't imagine how horrible that would be.

"I wanted to say that I--" he gulps, muscles in his shoulder tight beneath your cheek. "well, I care about you, and I... I really love you."

it's not the first time he's said it, obviously in a platonic sense. what affects you is that he's acting like it's a big deal.

"I love you too, Spence." you smile softly. his chest rises and falls faster, his face tensed.

"no, I mean--" he turns onto his side, using the action to distract from his own nervousness. he holds your gaze and you forget how to breathe as he speaks. every syllable is serious, but you note his fingers fidgeting at his side. "I'm in love with you."

it's like all the air in the room has been sucked out. you swallow, unsure of how to react at first. you don't believe what you're hearing, simply because it doesn't make sense. you've been friends for a while, now, but Spencer has never made a move to ask you out or acted like he wanted anything more.

your heart swells.

"you're in love with me?" the words even feel surreal on your tongue. he takes it as rejection.

"I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry." Spencer rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, his expression turning to a cringe. he's about to sit up to hide the red in his cheeks, but you pull him back down by the shoulder.

"not so fast, crazy boy." the corners of your mouth are turning up into a grin. you can't help it; every nerve in your body is alive. Spencer loves you. he feels the same way.

when he sinks back down onto the mattress and sighs, preparing to say something that rescinds the statement to erase any awkwardness, you grab his face and turn it to yours. you don't kiss him, only force him to look.

"I'm in love with you, too."

his eyebrows fly up in surprise. "r-really?"

"yes." you nod.

he takes a second to process this. you see about five different expressions pass over his face, each one reminding you of how earnest he is. and it's absolutely adorable.

"well, that's good, isn't it?" he clarifies. you pretend to think on it.

"I'd say so, yeah."

he smiles. a genuine, rare one that makes your veins feel as if they're full of glitter. you're on Cloud 9.

"can I kiss you?" you ask him quietly. he seems surprised at this, too, like he never thought you'd want that, but then nods eagerly.

you close the gap between you on the bed, holding his jaw in one hand while the other rests on his forearm. your lips meet softly at first. he's cautious, scared of pushing you away. he hasn't kissed many people before. but he's good at it, letting you take the lead.

there's no way to adequately describe kissing Spencer. every bone in your body turns to mush, immediately craving more contact. you slide your tongue across his full bottom lip, and he lets you in. his affection is the most loved you've ever felt. because sure, you haven't had sex, but you've kissed people before.

never like this.

one of his hands goes up to wrap around your forearm tenderly before he shifts to lie on his side. you wrap around each other, turning the kiss into a full-body embrace as you breathe in. you want more. your leg swings over his torso so you can pull yourself closer, and he groans into your mouth when your pelvis presses against his.

the kiss gets more heated, his hands carefully but hungrily traveling down the curve of your waist. you flip so that you're straddling him without breaking any contact.

you don't really think about the way your hips begin to rock against his, your pussy involuntarily working for friction. there are so many happy chemicals in your brain right now, you giggle against his mouth when his body bucks up into yours. he groans.

"Y/N..." he breathes softly. his hands move from your waist to your thighs, afraid to dig his fingertips in.

"what?" you sigh, licking over his bottom lip again. he moans at the way you keep grinding on his erection.

"I wanna--" his eyelashes flutter when he gasps. "I wanna touch you."

"do it." your palm is resting tenderly against his cheek. he responds by finally holding you down, sliding his body up a bit to grind against your center. you whine. "touch whatever you want, Spencer."

his cock twitches in his pants and you push the hem of his shirt up while he uses one hand to massage your tits. the voracious, curious nature of his attention makes you sigh, touching his stomach. he feels perfect beneath you.

soon you're grabbing at each other without any regard for grace. he's so horny, he's pawing at whatever he can while you do the same to him. the kissing gives way to straight panting while you look at each other.

"can I suck your dick?" you whisper. Spencer's eyes widen. you've never seen him nod so fast.

you press your mouth to his one more time before inching down his body, sucking on his clavicle, then his stomach. careful to avoid the purple marks on his neck. he watches you intently, memorizing the details of this moment for later. when you reach the waistband of his pants, you peek up. he strains against the material.

your mouth drops open and you draw your tongue over the clothed bulge, maintaining eye contact. Spencer throws his head back. his voice is high. "oh my god, oh my god."

you smirk, licking it again. he clenches his jaw. "I'm gonna c-cum if you don't--" he tries for words, but he's mewling and moving against your mouth. you pull at his pants, hooking your fingers in his boxers and bringing them down, too.

Spencer bucks into the air when his cock hits his stomach. it's big, precum leaking helplessly out of the tip while he whines. you want him now.

"wow." you smile. he stares at you, tensing his stomach as you wrap your hand around his length. he's trying to keep quiet, but as soon as you spit on it and start to pump him, his head falls back into the pillow.

you draw your tongue up the underside, paying special attention to the veins, reveling in his reactions. he looks like he's ascending to heaven when you start to suck on the first couple inches.

"o-oh, fuck..." he keeps moving his hips off the bed for more, so you sink down further onto him, hollowing your cheeks and moaning. "Y/N..."

you groan in response, feeling yourself get wetter with every sound he makes. you can't believe this is happening, the way he threads his fingers loosely through your hair in an attempt to touch more of you.

he tries to keep his eyes open while you suck, but they squint with pleasure. he's a mess for you, shuddering gently when you take nearly all of him into your mouth.

before he can cum, you pull your mouth off of him with a satisfying pop. Spencer moans.

"was that okay?" you ask carefully. this is the extent of your sexual experience, and you want to do more with him, but you aren't sure how he feels. your best friend stares back at you like you've turned his world upside down.

"y-yeah," he replies. his face is flushed. "definitely okay."

he's throbbing, occasionally twitching against his stomach as he waits for more stimulation. you eye him carefully.

"what do you feel comfortable doing?" your voice is smooth. "we can stop now, if you'd like."

"I--" he chokes on the word. "I don't wanna stop."

"do you want to have sex?" you ask. Spencer bites his lip, whines.

"mhmm."

"I wanna do that, too," you breathe out, straightening up and pulling your shirt over your head, unclasping your bra, before getting to work on your shorts. you know you're practically dripping. he's been more vocal, but you feel like you're going to implode from the desire. "but I need to tell you something."

"what?" he tugs your arm, coaxing you back to him and touching you greedily. you giggle as you kick your shorts and panties off somewhere in the room. both of you move like awkward teenagers.

"I'm a virgin." you say.

Spencer frowns. "really?"

"yeah," you lick your lips. "so you need to be careful."

"o-of course." he blushes, getting nervous again. "you know I'm a virgin too, right?"

"I know." you smile. he returns it sweetly, and the commotion of your bodies slows for a moment. you're so happy, you could cry.

"what?" he breaks the comfortable silence.

"I'm excited," you shrug. he's got his hands on your waist, rubbing his fingertips over your skin. then you remember something. "wait, are you allowed to have sex with your... injury?"

"it's fine." he reaches up and kisses your throat with an urgency.

"did the doctor say that?" your eyes roll while he sucks on your neck. he groans and pulls down on your waist so that your stomach presses against his cock. he ruts.

"second opinion from me." he pants. you tap his cheek playfully, move up his body until your core brushes him. he whimpers when you reach between your bodies and grip his length in your hands.

"you ready?" your voice is low. Spencer squeezes your thighs, eyes moving between your tits and your face.

"yes." he sighs. you position it, slicking him in your pussy while he wraps an arm around your waist and moans for more. your chests are pressed together, looking into each other's eyes while you slide him into you.

you have to go slow, the intrusion causing your jaw to drop. you don't breathe. he's got his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Spencer." you whimper, dropping your head onto his chest when he's fully inside of you. his fingers rub patiently over your back.

"are you okay?" his voice is laced with a moan, trying to resist thrusting.

"yeah, just a second." you wiggle a little bit to test the boundaries. it hurts, but it also feels good. your clit is begging for more pressure, so you start to roll your hips. Reid moans loudly.

"Y/N..." he whimpers. "don't stop."

"you want more?" the need in his voice makes you hornier, and you increase the pace, despite the slight pain. you're so wet, he slides in and out without much effort.

"so-- much more." he's gasping, hands on your thighs as he watches your naked body writhe on top of him. he's never been more aroused in his life, spurred on by your scent and form and the tightness that keeps clenching around his cock.

he understands why people love sex so much, now. he wants it every day, wants to fuck you in every position and pleasure you. the sounds you release in his ear, whines and praises, he would do anything for more. walk to the ends of the earth to feel you cum on his cock.

his hand finds your ass, squeezes it.

"this feel good, Spence? fucking your best friend?" you talk dirty and he twitches. you're always so sweet, the words coming out of your mouth for him are going to send the genius into a tailspin.

"mhmm," he holds you down so that he can thrust up. speaking at all is a struggle with the way he's feeling. "perfect."

you start to say something else, but he hits a certain angle and you let out a quiet yelp, hips jumping at the pleasure. "I'm gonna cum."

Spencer gets a rush of relief because it's taking everything in him right now not to absolutely lose it inside your pussy. he's hanging on by a thread. "me, too."

you use your position on top to stimulate yourself. both of you chase your orgasms roughly, the rhythm you created degenerating into clawing excitement.

"cum inside me, Spencer." you beg him. it sounds like you would do anything to feel it, that sensation that you've never experience but have always imagined. and Spencer, his own head foggy with ecstasy, nods and opens his mouth to let out a loud groan.

"Y/N, fuck fuck fuck-- I'm--" he shoots his load inside of you, rutting wildly and letting his head drop onto the pillow while he pants. you can feel it. strange, lovely jolts of his seed spreading. your hands, which have been resting on his shoulders, tighten and you reach your climax. you flutter around him, both of you still moving to ease the intensity of the high.

it's remarkable. you're crying out, having the most mind-blowing orgasm of your life. you never thought your first time would be like this. but you're glad it is, muscles tightening and releasing with the mixture of emotions.

you collapse fully, him still inside.

neither of you speaks. his heartbeat thuds against your ear, and you hold onto him like letting go would be the end of the world. you can't believe you could have lost him. you don't want to think about it.

"sorry I came so fast." Spencer apologizes breathlessly. you can feel his cum dripping down your entrance when he slides out.

"I don't care." you mumble. both of you stay there for a while, his heartbeat changing to a pace that reminds you of genuine excitement. like a hummingbird.

"we can try again, sometime." he offers. you lift your head to rest your chin on his chest. his skin is flushed, pupils dilated, hair messy. such a pretty boy.

"we should try multiple times."

he gives you a cheerful smile, and everything starts to fall into place. you took each other's virginity. "Y/N?"

he likes to say your name, and you love to hear it. "yes?"

"are we dating?" the bluntness of the question makes you giggle. you don't hesitate.

"yeah."

“good.”

taglist (lmk if you wanna be added/removed!): @reidsconverse @voidsfilm @xoxomgg

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #baby spence #mgg #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fic #spencer reid blurb #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #matthew gray gubler

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kpopfanfictrash · 4 years

Text

Raise the Barre (Epilogue)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Creative Contributor: @baebae-goodnight for the last Raise the Barre moodboard TT she nailed it

Pairing: Jimin / Reader

Rating: 18+ (Smut)

Genre: Enemies to Lovers / Dance Academy!AU

Warnings: sexual content. Dry humping, fingering, hand job, oral (female), breast play, multiple orgasms, Jimin gets turned on by making someone else come, dirty talk. Jimin’s pants are tight.

Word Count: 13,409

Summary: You and Park Jimin have been rivals for as long as you’ve known one another; ever since he tripped you in the front row of your first dance convention. When you graduate from high school and enter Russet Ballet Academy, you tell yourself you’re leaving all past quarrels behind. The main problem with this though, is that your past seems determined not to leave you alone.

Worse still, the obstacles you face while out in the real world might prove more challenging than anything your enemy has to offer.

“And… more pointe shoes,” you said, opening the box in your lap. “Wow. Thanks, mom and dad.”

Your dad laughed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You’re welcome, kiddo,” he said, nodding from the couch. “I know Russet gives you some already, but you can never have too many.”

“Out of curiosity.” You glanced at the tree. “Are there any boxes from you which aren’t related to dance?”

“Not related to dance…” Your mom pretended to think. “I don’t understand.”

“Mom!”

She laughed. “I’m kidding! Yes, there are other presents. You just happened to pick all the pointe shoe boxes first.”

Shaking your head, you placed the box aside. You smiled though, warmth in your chest at being home for the holidays. Classes at Russet had ended a week prior and it had been nice for a few days to simply relax. Already though, you found yourself itching to return to the city. It was strange to wake every morning and not head to ballet. It was even stranger to take classes at your old studio, trying to stay in shape before second semester began.

Playing with the string of your sweatpants, you couldn’t help glancing at your phone on the couch. It had been several days since you’d last seen Jimin in person. Oddly enough, the separation had been harder than you’d thought it would be.

Immediately after ending things with Finn, you and Jimin had tried to keep your distance. The pain of your separation had been too fresh to even consider dating someone else but, as time had gone on, you and Jimin had started becoming friends again.

It was hard not to be, with Jimin continuing as your dance partner and classmate. At the end of the semester, you’d had the opportunity to switch partners, but you and Jimin had chosen the status quo. It just made sense this way; you couldn’t think of anyone else you’d trust as much as him.

At first, things between you were strictly professional. You saw him only within the confines of the dance studio but eventually, his presence bled into your normal life. At first, the outings were small. Jimin went to a pregame you also attended. He saw you once at the coffee shop and, instead of running away, he stopped to chat. One time, he walked you back to your dorm.

When the month became December, you found your outlook improving. Most of November had been spent wallowing in your dorm, but the holiday season brought with it endless activities. The very first weekend of the month, a bunch of your Russet friends decided to go ice skating and you’d ended up tagging along.

The biggest problem had been you’d never ice skated before. Noelle had been patient, skating backwards in front of you and dragging you around the rink. Jimin had done the same thing for Hoseok, who was in a similar predicament to yours, and at some point, they swapped partners and left you skating with Jimin.

When he’d taken over for Noelle, your stomach had swooped. Hands touching, he’d led you gently around the edge and the world had seemed to still. It had been the first time you’d felt anything stir outside of your break-up. Whatever hurt and distance had sprung between you, it seemed something had survived between you and Jimin.

Nose red, Jimin had smiled as he skated backwards. “It’s easy,” he’d told you. “You just swivel, Y/N. In and out, in and out. Got it?”

“Um, no!” you’d yelped, nearly crashing to the ice when Jimin let go of your hands.

He’d laughed, catching you easily and skating like that for a while. Eventually, Jimin had helped you off the rink and gotten hot chocolate, which you insisted on buying. Payback, you said, for the impromptu skating lessons.

That day had been a turning point for you both. Throughout the month prior, you’d texted sporadically but after, you seemed to talk every day.

Jimin even offered to drive you home from Russet, given the fact that your hometowns were so close together. After much hemming and hawing, you’d eventually taken him up on the offer. The savings it gave your bleeding bank account were well-worth the potential discomfort.

This had led to both the best and worst twenty-four hours of your life.

Best, because Jimin was an excellent road trip companion. He let you choose the music, laughed at all your dumb jokes, and agreed to play the road trip games you suggested. You’d already made a firm rule not to compare Jimin to any past boyfriends but couldn’t help but note this as an improvement over anyone prior.

The sole reason the twenty-four hours were also painful was because you stopped at a hotel halfway through. It was either this or drive until 3:00 AM, so you chose the smarter option and rested for the night. You and Jimin bought separate bedrooms, but they’d ended up next to one another, so you’d been forced to spend a sleepless night imagining Jimin separated from you only by a thin sheet of plywood.

You had told yourself this was silly. At Russet, Jimin hadn’t been much further away, but something about the closeness in the hotel made you nervous. It was infinitely easier to forget about boundaries when you were separated by only a car console for hours at a time. Infinitely easier to forget the rules when you were outside of Russet, cocooned by his car and the snow.

You couldn’t help but think about the one kiss you’d shared.

That had only been a taste, barely a teaser, but the memory kept you awake for more nights than it probably should have. You couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to kiss Jimin again, under different circumstances.

Groaning, you’d covered your face with a pillow that night and tried your best to sleep. It hadn’t really worked, and you’d shown up at the car the next morning with dark shadows beneath your eyes.

Forcing yourself back to the present, you glanced away from your phone and focused on the tree – only to see its screen light up in your peripheral. Grabbing your phone, you realized Jimin had texted. Stifling a smile, you scrolled through the conversation until you found his last message.

Jimin: MERRY CHRISTMAS! [10:23 AM]

Jimin:

Y/N: oh my god everything’s so... coordinated lol how long did that tree take to set up? [10:24 AM]

Y/N: and merry Christmas 😊 [10:24 AM]

Jimin: not long at all. I just googled ‘christmas trees’ and that was the first one I found [10:24 AM]

Y/N: ha ha hilarious [10:25 AM]

Y/N: so, what are the Park family plans for the day? [10:25 AM]

Jimin: the usual. Opening presents, going to my grandparents later for dinner. What about you? [10:25 AM]

Y/N: same, minus the grandparents. We usually have a pretty low-key day [10:26 AM]

Jimin: sounds nice [10:26 AM]

Jimin: what’s your favorite present so far [10:27 AM]

Y/N:

Jimin: LOL [10:30 AM]

Jimin: how many of them did you get? I’ve gotten two new dance bags and seven pairs of black leggings. It’s like our parents have forgotten we do anything else [10:31 AM]

Y/N: no new dance belts? 😈 [10:32 AM]

Jimin: Y/N, I’m shocked [10:35 AM]

Jimin: mind out of the gutter. Stop thinking about my junk [10:35 AM]

Y/N: as your dance partner, I have a vested interest in your junk. What if it breaks free in the middle of practice? [10:38 AM]

Jimin: the more delicate ladies would faint, I imagine [10:41 AM]

Jimin: and probably Paulo [10:41 AM]

Y/N: lmao [10:43 AM]

Y/N: but seriously, I hope you get presents other than dance gear [10:43 AM]

Jimin: back at you haha [10:47 AM]

Y/N: I can’t help but notice you didn’t get me, your dance partner, a Christmas gift though [10:50 AM]

Jimin: was the drive home not enough? [10:50 AM]

Y/N: oh, shoot. You’re right! You did get me a Christmas gift [10:51 AM]

Y/N: I’m the one who’s been remiss [10:51 AM]

Jimin: don’t forget about my housewarming gift, too [10:52 AM]

You smiled, sitting back on the sofa. Jimin was lucky enough to be moving off campus second semester. He, Hoseok and Alex Wong were moving into an apartment not far from Paulo’s. You and Noelle had decided to stay in Grace Hall, but you’d talked about moving someplace else next year.

Jimin was heading back early to move into his new place, so you’d need a different ride on your return trip to Russet. Still, you were looking forward to Jimin’s apartment hosting parties in the new year.

Y/N: don’t get greedy on me now, Park [10:54 AM]

“Who’re you texting?”

Jerking your head up from the screen, you nearly dropped your phone. From the couch opposite, your mom gave you a knowing look.

“No one,” you said hastily, setting your phone aside.

“Oh, really?” She glanced with your dad. “No one wouldn’t happen to have dark hair, his own car and excellent table manners, would he?”

Immediately, you felt your face heat.

When Jimin drove you home before Christmas, your parents had insisted on feeding him before he continued to Harleigh Heights. This had led to the weirdest double date of your life – which was, in fact, not a date – including you, Jimin and your parents for dinner. Luckily, your parents had been great and Jimin hadn’t cared, but you’d been endlessly mortified for your first date with Jimin to have included your parents.

Not that you’d called it a date. When Jimin had left that night, you’d brushed it aside and he’d simply gone along with it. After Jimin had left, you’d gone to your room and wondered what the hell you were doing. It was clear you still liked Jimin and wanted to be more than just friends. Still, something continued to hold you back.

You weren’t sure when it was considered appropriate to move on. The line seemed fuzzy, so you hadn’t dared cross it and Jimin hadn’t asked. You got the feeling you needed to be the one to make the first move – which made sense. You’d been the one who asked for more time. You’d told Jimin you’d say when you were ready.

Any next steps would have to come from you.

It had been weird to go home and not see Finn. His house was only fifteen minutes away from yours – you’d driven past it on your way to the grocery store last week. Still, seeing his home hadn’t caused the pain you’d expected. It was strange not to see him, but more like you’d forgotten something you needed to do, as opposed to missing his actual presence.

If you were being honest, Finn had crossed your mind less and less lately. Possibly because you’d been falling out of love with him long before you’d broken up in November.

Still, it would be unfair to jump into something before you were ready. You’d already hurt Jimin once this past fall and were determined not to do so again. No matter how good things had been lately between you, you didn’t want to make the mistake of dating Jimin too soon.

Despite this, things had become flirtier between you as of late. Exhibit A: casual text conversations about Park Jimin’s junk.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said lightly.

Your dad laughed as he stood from the couch. “Alright, then,” he said, grabbing another gift. “How about you open this one next?”

Accepting the thin package he handed over, you frowned. The box wasn’t large and, shaking it slowly, you heard no sliding inside.

“I swear,” you said as you began to undo the bow. “If you wrapped your passport photo again, dad...”

Laughing, he settled back on the couch by your mom. “It’s not that, I promise.”

Grumbling, you opened the box and immediately froze. Staring at the paper inside, you slowly looked up. “Is this… is this what I think it is?”

“It’s a plane flight,” your mom said with a smile. “I know we’re supposed to drive you back on the third, but we thought you might want to celebrate New Year’s with your friends.”

“But…” Speechless, you returned to the box. “We always hang out together on New Year’s Eve.”

“I know,” said your dad. “But maybe it’s time to start some new traditions, kiddo.”

With that, he stood and took his mug to the kitchen. Sensing he wasn’t needed for this conversation any longer, he began washing dishes and to prepare breakfast. Once he was gone, your mom moved to your couch and settled beside you.

“I… this is too much,” you said, immediately backpedaling.

“It’s not.”

“Well…” Hesitant, you considered the possibilities. “I guess Ari will be in the city for New Year’s Eve. Maybe Noelle, too. She mentioned she might go back early.”

Gently, your mom smiled. “That’s great if you want to hang out with them, but… didn’t Jimin mention going back before New Year’s?”

Startled, you glanced up. You were surprised she’d remembered. Jimin had mentioned it briefly at dinner last week – he’d said he was moving off campus, which was why he’d needed to return home to pack.

“I – he might have,” you said cautiously.

“I see.” She paused. “I just… I don’t want you feeling like you need to hold yourself back, honey.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Your mom glanced meaningfully at your phone. “I’m glad you’re taking time to yourself,” she said slowly. “It’s important to know who you are and what you want. But also – don’t feel like you need to follow someone else’s timeline when it comes to moving on.”

“I know, but…” You trailed off. “We only broke up in November.”

She shrugged. “Only you know when you’re ready, honey. I just don’t want you to keep punishing yourself for something that’s over. You’re allowed to be happy, even if you’ve messed up in the past.”

Swallowing, you glanced again at the gift. The plane ticket was for the day before New Year’s Eve. Plucking it from the box, you sat back on the couch.

“But…” you said lowly. “Mom, it’s only been two months.”

“And are you still in love with Finn?”

“No.”

“And did you learn anything from what happened this fall?”

“I… Yes. A lot.”

“Good.” Reaching out, she squeezed your hand. “Learn the lessons you need to learn, and then move on. Self-flagellation isn’t productive, Y/N.”

You nodded, still uncertain about what she was saying. Her words made sense, but everything she was saying uncovered a dormant fear. You were scared. Scared of hurting someone else, scared of being hurt by someone else in return. Your last relationship had ended so badly, it was hard to convince yourself it might be worth it to try again.

Finally, you turned to face her on the couch. “Does it ever get any easier?” you asked. “This fear of being hurt… does it ever go away?”

Something sad passed over her face. “Yes and no,” she said, pulling back her hand. “You’ll never be as innocent as you were in your first love. There’s something special about loving someone and never having been hurt before. Once you’ve gone through that kind of pain, you aren’t the same after. But… it does get easier. And better. You’ll know more about how to support this time, instead of tearing down. How to make a love stronger, instead of hanging on.”

Something about this speech gave you comfort, and you slowly nodded. Again, what she said made sense but if there was one thing you’d learned from the fall, it was no matter how great the advice was, it was impossible to take if you weren’t ready to hear it.

You continued wondering if the risk would be worth it. No matter how much you felt for Jimin, you couldn’t help but remember how you’d felt breaking up with Finn. You hadn’t been in love with him at that point and it had still been so painful. It was terrifying to imagine loving someone again and having things end the same way.

Your mom was right, though. You couldn’t keep punishing yourself for something you couldn’t change. There were several ways you could move on from here. The main question to ask yourself was whether you wanted Jimin in the picture.

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks, mom.”

“Anytime.” Smiling, she stood and dusted off her pants. “I’m going to see if your dad needs help making breakfast. Don’t be too long, now!”

You nodded, watching her go, and then glanced at the ticket. Your mom’s words continued to run through your mind and after a moment, you picked up your phone.

Jimin had texted back.

Jimin: I would never! [10:57 AM]

Y/N: hey, so [11:01 AM]

Y/N: I did get one non-dance gift this year. A plane flight the day before New Year’s Eve [11:02 AM]

Jimin: oh, wow! That was really nice of your parents [11:03 AM]

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes. When you opened them, you found yourself newly determined.

Y/N: when do you get back again? [11:03 AM]

His ellipses started, then stopped, then started again.

Jimin: December 28th [11:04 AM]

Y/N: what are your New Year’s Eve plans? [11:04 AM]

For a moment, he didn’t respond, and you felt your heart catch. Maybe you’d misread things. Maybe Jimin had moved on and didn’t care about you anymore. Maybe he didn’t want you to tell him you were ready.

Jimin: I’m free 😊 [11:05 AM]

Jimin: want to be my New Year’s Eve date? [11:05 AM]

Smiling ear to ear, you responded.

Y/N: yes. Please [11:06 AM]

On the actual day of New Year’s Eve, you found yourself stressed beyond belief. Standing in front of the mirror of your dorm room, you adjusted your dress and worried over the hemline. Jimin had arranged to meet you around 7:00 PM and it was dangerously close to 6:55.

“Is the dress too short?” you asked, turning a little to face Noelle. “It is New Year’s Eve in the city. Should I wear pants, or something? Will I be cold?”

Noelle considered, then shrugged. “Just drink more. Problem solved!”

Snorting, you turned back to the mirror. Nervously, you smoothed down the front of your dress. You’d bought it at an after-Christmas sale and had fallen instantly in love. It had seemed perfect at the time, but now you were having second thoughts about the thin straps and tight bodice.

“Alright, so Y/N.” Noelle changed the subject. “Here’s the plan. Are you listening?”

Hiding a smile, you adjusted an earring. “Listening.”

“Good. Okay, so Ari and I will be at a party uptown. If the date goes badly, just say the word and we’ll call you a cab. You can be ringing in the new year with us within the hour.”

“Perfect,” you said. “It’s good to have a back-up.”

“It is.” Noelle paused. “Not that I think you’ll need this, of course.”

“Well, you never know.”

“Please.” She snorted. “What’s Jimin going to do? Be too charming? Too respectful of boundaries? Wear pants that show off his ass a little too much?”

“Noelle!”

She laughed, coming to a stop alongside you. Noelle wore a sparkly dress which made her skin glow, although this may have been the glitter dusted over her shoulders. Looking at herself in the mirror, she fluffed her hair.

“Seriously,” she said, meeting your gaze. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I know, I know.” Shaking out your arms, you forced yourself to exhale. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. It’s been a long time since I went on a first date.”

Noelle considered. “That’s true. Allow me to give you some dating tips, then.”

Laughing, you turned around and sat on the futon. “By all means.”

“Alright – number one.” Noelle removed lipstick from her purse. “Don’t order anything with garlic. I know, that sucks because garlic is everything, but no one wants to make out while they have garlic breath. Rule number two!”

“Whoa, whoa,” you said. “Who said anything about making out?”

Noelle gave you a pointed look. “Just in case it should happen…”

Shaking your head, you sunk back on the futon, but you knew she was right. Tonight was New Year’s Eve, after all. Ideally, you’d like to do more than kiss Jimin, but this seemed like too much of a jinx to say out loud.

Mentally, you agreed to the ‘no garlic’ rule.

“What else?” you prompted.

“Let’s see.” Noelle began to reapply her lipstick. “Relax.”

“What?”

Glancing at you in the mirror, she raised both brows. “I can see your shoulders tensing from here, babe. Just relax, okay? Tonight will be fine. You’re just hanging out with Jimin. You’ve done that before.”

“I know,” you groaned, lowering your face to your hands. “For some reason though, I’m very aware of the ‘date’ aspect of tonight. I don’t know why.”

When you looked up, Noelle gave you a sympathetic look, but before she could say more there came a knock at the door. Half-standing, you moved to open it, but Noelle shooed you back.

“Rule number three,” she said as she crossed the room. “Never answer the door for your own date.”

“What?” you laughed, although you sat back down on the futon.

Grabbing the handle, Noelle pulled open the door. Blocking you from view, she leaned her shoulder against the frame.

“Password?”

“What?” came Jimin’s voice, sounding confused.

“That’s correct!” Noelle stepped aside.

As you stood, you saw Jimin for the first time. He wore a pea coat over his outfit, his dark hair pushed back from his face in a devastating manner. When he saw you, Jimin froze, and you saw his eyes widen.

Silently, you congratulated yourself on having picked the right outfit. His gaze slowly trailed your body, lingering in places which made your cheeks heat. When he returned to your face, he slowly exhaled.

“Hey,” he said. “You… you look beautiful.”

Smiling back, you found yourself at a loss for words. “So do you.”

Jimin grinned and you stood there, smiling at each other like idiots until Noelle cleared her throat.

“Well,” she said, side-stepping Jimin to grab her coat. “I’m going to head over to Ari’s. You kids be safe, okay?”

“We will,” you laughed.

Noelle left in a flurry of kisses and glitter, waving goodbye as she stepped out the door. Jimin turned to face you once she was gone, offering a smile.

“Are you ready to go?” he asked. “I brought you these.”

From behind his back, he pulled out pink peonies, which made you gasp. They were your favorites, a little limp from the cold, but still beautiful. Taking them gently from him, you turned them over in your hands.

“They’re wonderful,” you said happily. “Thank you.”

Jimin smiled. “I’m glad you like them.”

Glancing around, you found a clean glass near the sink and filled this with water. Arranging the peonies on your desk, you took a step back and cocked your head. You’d always thought the idea of flowers on dates was kind of cheesy, but now that you’d experienced it in person, it seemed unimaginably sweet.

“There,” you said, turning back. “All set.”

Jimin smiled at this, then glanced at your bare arms. “You’re going to be cold without a coat,” he said. “That’d be a bad way to start off the new year.”

“Oh – duh,” you said, hurrying towards your wardrobe.

Pulling a coat out, you slipped this over your dress and buttoned the front. As you left the room, you turned off the lights and shut the door behind you. Jimin walked with you down the hall, continually glancing your way from the corner of his eyes.

You felt oddly shy, despite this being Jimin beside you. Jimin, who you’d known since you were teenagers. Jimin, who’d been both the utter bane of your existence, along with the single person you trusted most in the world. He’d tossed you up in the air and caught you no question and somehow, this felt like the most daring thing you’d ever done.

It was strange to walk beside him, out on a date whose future held a large question mark. Excitement and uncertainty warred in your stomach, which only seemed to exacerbate the situation. You felt as though you stood on the edge of a precipice, staring into a ravine with no discernable bottom.

As you left the building, snowflakes swirled in the sky up above and you looked up in surprise.

“Oh,” you exhaled, breath frosting before you. “I didn’t realize it was snowing!”

“Yeah.” Jimin grinned, tilting back his head. “Snow is my favorite weather, actually.”

“The wet and the cold does it that much for you, huh, Park?”

“That, and the romance of it all.”

Your smile softened a little as you fell into step alongside him. The snow continued to drift as you walked, melting as soon as it touched the pavement.

“So, where are we going?” you wondered, glancing at him. “You said you’d tell me once you picked me up and I’ve got news for you, Jimin. I’m here. I’ve been picked up.”

“Right, sure.” He shoved both hands in his pockets. “I made a reservation at this restaurant around the corner. The food’s really good so I hope you’ll like it.”

“I’m sure I will.”

“Huh.” Jimin paused. “That was easy.”

You shrugged. “I’m just excited for tonight. That’s all.”

His gaze softened a little when he glanced at you. “Me, too.”

Smiling, you continued to walk alongside him. New Year’s Eve in the city was a grand affair. The sidewalks were still lit with holiday lights, people hurrying past in brightly colored coats. Privately, you were glad Jimin had made a reservation at a restaurant instead of trying to brave a club or a bar. You’d heard horror stories from people who paid extravagantly to get into a club, only to spend the entire night waiting in line at the bar.

Turning the corner, you saw the restaurant Jimin had chosen and brightened. It was one you’d walked past several times and always wanted to try but had never found time.

Jimin held open the door as you entered. The inside still had their holiday decorations up, garland strung across every surface with tiny, white fairy lights hung up above. Everyone who was dining wore formal attire, laughing and chatting in the glow of the fireplace. The food smelled amazing and immediately, your mouth watered.

Joining the line at the hostess stand, you waited for the couple before you to leave and then Jimin stepped up.

“Park,” he told her. “Party of two.”

The hostess smiled, nodding as she flipped through her notebook. “One moment, please.” The longer she looked though, the more her face fell. After a moment, she glanced up. “Park, you said?”

“Yes.” Jimin nodded. “P-a-r-k.”

The woman nodded, flipping through her notebook again as though the name might magically appear.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, glancing up again. “There seems to be some kind of mistake. I don’t have you listed as a reservation.”

Jimin’s expression faltered. “Can you look again?” he asked, leaning forward.

The hostess nodded, running her finger down the numbered rows. “I can’t find you anywhere. Do you remember who you spoke with on the phone?”

“Rebecca.”

“Oh.” Her face immediately fell. “Rebecca left the restaurant last week. It seems a few reservations slipped through in the transition. Is there… well, before I do that – let me see what I can do,” she blurted out, turning around to rush into the restaurant.

Jimin watched her disappear and you saw his expression tighten.

Silence fell between you as you adjusted your coat. Jimin looked stressed and you weren’t sure what you should do about it. Frantically, you tried to remember times he’d been stressed during class, but before you could do or say anything, the hostess returned.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, looking harried. “The restaurant is completely booked up. I was trying to see if we could squeeze you in, but there’s just no room. I’m so sorry. Normally, only one person does the reservations, but we’ve been so busy lately...”

“It’s fine,” you said, jumping in. The poor woman looked like she was about to burst into tears. “Please, don’t worry about it. We’ll figure something out.”

Jimin glanced at you, surprised, and then nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, returning to the hostess. “Thank you so much for your help – I appreciate you trying. We actually have a back-up reservation somewhere else, so don’t worry. We’ll come back another time!”

“Oh, really?” Her entire face brightened. “That’s so good to hear. New Year’s Eve, and all. Thank you for being understanding!”

“Yes, busy night,” Jimin said with a smile. “Take care of yourself!”

The woman nodded, seeming grateful when you stepped out of line. Jimin followed your footsteps, heading towards the door and then came to a stop. Slowly, he exhaled.

“So,” you said, turning to face him. “Where are these back-up reservations?”

Jimin winced and met your gaze. “I have none,” he admitted. “She just looked so sad. I wanted to put her out of her misery.”

“Wait.” Piecing this together, you paused. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” he said miserably. “I only made reservations here and that was super lucky, considering most places in the city have been booked for weeks. I don’t have any back-up plans.”

For a moment, you could only stare. “So, you said all that just so that poor hostess wouldn’t worry about a mistake her restaurant made?”

“I – well, yeah.”

You stared another moment, then started to laugh. It started out small but grew until eventually, you were wiping tears of mirth from your eyes.

Jimin watched you laugh, seeming thoroughly confused. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just…” Shaking your head, you paused to catch your breath. “You’re unreal. Most people would be super stressed about New Year’s Eve plans falling through, but here you are lying to make a hostess’ night better.”

He blinked, still uncertain. “I’m… sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize!” you insisted as you straightened. “It’s… wonderful,” you said to him shyly. “I like that about you.”

Slowly, his expression changed. “I really don’t have other plans, though,” he admitted. “I wasn’t lying about that. And I am stressed about my reservation falling through. I wanted this night to be perfect.”

The sweetness of this made your heart start to melt and newly determined, you nodded.

“We can fix this,” you said. “We’ll just go somewhere else.”

“Like where?”

“Like...” You paused. “We could hang out at my dorm. Or at your apartment! One of our kitchens has to be free, right? We could make dinner and hang out, watch the ball drop.”

“We could go to my place,” said Jimin slowly. “Hoseok and Alex are at a New Year’s Eve party uptown. We’d have the kitchen to ourselves.”

“Perfect,” you said. “Let’s go there.”

“I should warn you, though – I can only really cook one thing.”

“Spaghetti-o’s?”

“Okay, two things.”

You laughed. “So, what’s the first thing?”

“A pasta dish they taught us in Senior Foods class. But it’s nothing fancy.”

“Perfect.” You shrugged. “That will go nicely with my contribution of store-bought bread and olive oil.”

Jimin started to grin. “Alright, then, it’s settled. Let’s go to my place.”

You smiled when he opened the door, following him onto the sidewalk. Jimin’s new apartment was a few blocks away, but time passed quickly with him beside you. Oddly enough, the mishap at the restaurant seemed to have cleared some of the lingering awkwardness.

Noelle had been right, you realized – you had nothing to worry about while you were with Jimin.

He talked while you walked, detailing the ongoing fight at his apartment about some posters Hoseok wanted to hang. This segued into the general ridiculousness of New Year’s Eve – a topic you wholeheartedly agreed with.

“It’s stressful,” Jimin complained as you walked. “Everyone’s always asking about your resolution, you need to find someone to kiss at midnight, and there’s that super awkward moment with the countdown and your date…”

You laughed, grabbing a basket as you entered the grocery store. Jimin had suggested you stop by, since he didn’t have much food at his place.

“Doesn’t the countdown make it easier?” you joked. “It really dumbs the whole process down. Fool-proof.”

“Well, sure,” Jimin said. “But then you end up staring awkwardly at someone for ten seconds while you slowly lean forward and wonder when you should blink.”

Laughing, you reached on tiptoe for a loaf of bread. “Alright, you got me there,” you admitted. “I’ve never had a proper New Year’s Eve, anyways. I’ve always been dating someone and then, it’s just kind of assumed you’ll kiss. None of the magic you see in the movies.”

Jimin nodded. “Most of that’s just movie magic, though. You aren’t missing much – trust me.”

“I don’t know,” you said as you turned the next corner. “The anticipation sounds kind of nice. Wondering if someone will kiss you back, if they’re thinking about you the same way you are…”

Jimin made a humming noise, low in his throat.

Coming to a stop, he reached overhead to grab some pasta. Putting this in your basket, Jimin casually brushed your arm as you met his faze. Fighting back a shiver, you tried to remember what you’d been saying.

Giving a smile, Jimin continued forward and kept shopping. You stared after him a moment before your gaze dropped to his ass. Inhaling quickly, you remembered Noelle’s comment about Jimin’s tight pants. She hadn’t been wrong about that. Hurrying along, you quickly caught up.

Grabbing another jar, Jimin placed this in the basket. When he caught your eye again, he grinned, his hair falling forward. The sight made your heart flip-flop in your chest.

As you entered the check-out line, Jimin came to a stop alongside you. His gaze traveled the store, eyes widening when he glanced over your shoulder.

“What’s that?” Jimin gasped.

Startled, you turned. “What’s – hey!” you blurted when he took your basket.

Grinning widely, Jimin placed the food before the cashier. “Too slow.”

“Jimin, come on,” you said, slightly flustered. “I can pay. I –”

“You can pay next time, if you want.”

This shut you up and you stared at him a moment before you stepped forward.

“There’s… going to be a next time?” you said.

Jimin glanced in your direction. “If you want there to be.”

“I do,” you said softly, and he smiled.

Taking another step forward, he pulled out his wallet to pay and you let him – this time, anyways. Outside, it seemed to have grown colder since your arrival and you shivered as you exited the shop. Noticing this, Jimin immediately undid his scarf from around his neck.

“Here,” he said, handing it over. “I don’t need this.”

“But then you’ll be cold,” you pointed out, accepting it anyways.

“I’ll jog in place to keep warm.”

“… With me walking beside you?”

“Yep.”

You laughed, even more so when Jimin began to demonstrate. He jogged for a few steps, then slowed to a walk.

“Changed my mind,” he said with a wince. “I’d rather be cold.”

You laughed, cheeks starting to hurt from both this and the wind. Jimin’s apartment wasn’t far, although it did turn out to be a third-floor walk-up. This left you slightly winded when you arrived at his place, to which Jimin shrugged and said the rent had been cheap.

Opening his front door, he led the way into – boxes. Tons of them, although most of the furniture had been set up around them. Jimin fumbled for a light, flicking this on and setting down the groceries.

“Most of the boxes are Alex’s,” he sighed, looking around. “Hoseok and I have a secret deal we’re going to unpack him ourselves if he doesn’t do it by Monday.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a detriment to Alex.”

“I never said what we planned on doing with his things once we unpacked.”

You laughed, undoing your coat to set aside. Glancing around, you saw Jimin was right. Most of the boxes were scrawled in the same handwriting. Beyond them, you saw the living room had been mostly set up with a couch and TV.

To your right lay the kitchen, in which Jimin was already unloading the groceries. Beyond him was a hallway, through which you assumed were their bedrooms and bathrooms. Wandering back to Jimin, you realized he was staring.

“What?” you said, coming to a stop. “Did I spill something on my dress in the store?”

“No,” Jimin murmured, shaking his head. “I just… I know I said this before, but you really do look incredible.”

“Oh.”

Looking at him, you felt your face growing hot. Jimin smiled and ducked his head, resumed pulling things out of the bag. Stepping from your shoes to place in the hall, you returned to the kitchen and pulled out a stool.

Sitting down, you propped your chin in your hand. “Aren’t you going to take off your coat?”

Glancing down, Jimin blinked. “Oh,” he laughed, undoing the buttons. “I forgot I was wearing it.”

You smiled, but this quickly disappeared when you saw what he was wearing. Jimin had worn a dark blazer and trousers, paired with a paisley shirt and black boots. He looked ridiculously good and again, Noelle’s comment about his ass came to mind.

She’d been correct – his pants were well-shaped and well-formed.

After removing both coat and shoes, Jimin returned to the kitchen and pushed a hand through his hair. You watched him get to work, leaning forward a bit when he began to dice vegetables. Immediately, your brows raised. It seemed Jimin had undersold his skills in the kitchen.

When you said as much, he laughed.

“Maybe a little,” Jimin said. As he pushed veggies from the cutting board, the pan began to sizzle. “It’s all part of my master plan. Set expectations low, then over-deliver.”

“It’s working,” you said with a laugh. “You seem pretty damn impressive to me.”

Jimin’s cheeks reddened. “You’re just saying that.”

“Why would I lie?”

“I seem to remember some shocking texts about my junk and dancer’s belts. You could just be after my body, Y/N.”

“I – that’s not!”

He looked up and grinned. “Kidding.”

Flustered, you blurted, “That wasn’t nice!”

Jimin laughed. “I’m sorry.”

You huffed, waiting a minute before you continued. “You do look really good right now, though,” you said softly.

He looked up, eyes wide. As much as Jimin said he enjoyed being liked, it seemed to throw him for a loop whenever you said you liked him. It made you pause, mulling over this for a minute.

“You seem surprised,” you said quietly. “Whenever I say things like that, you always look surprised.”

“Well…” Jimin hesitated. “I just think… there’s been a lot of times where I never thought this would happen. It feels kind of unreal have you here. In my kitchen. On a date.”

“Times after November?”

Jimin paused.

Your brow furrowed. “Before then?”

Opening the pasta, Jimin added this to the pot. He stared into the steam, slowly exhaling before he looked up.

“Let’s just say I’ve wanted this for a while,” he admitted.

“What? But you hated me before Russet.”

“I…” Jimin trailed off. “Kind of. It’s complicated.”

When he failed to elaborate and returned to his cooking, your eyebrows shot up.

“Uh, no,” you laughed. “You can’t just say that and not explain what you mean. What are you talking about?”

Jimin winced as he set down his spoon. “Okay,” he said, gripping the counter. “I guess what I’m saying is I never really hated you. Not truly.”

“You didn’t.”

“No.” He spoke flatly.

“But…” Confused, you searched his face. “You’ve hated me ever since we met, Jimin. That first weekend at NUVO dance competition. We were both called out to demonstrate and you tripped me!”

“Well, maybe that’s not exactly what happened.”

“What are you talking about?”

Jimin released a low breath. “Okay, so here’s the thing. That weekend happened a little differently from my perspective.”

“How so?”

“We were both called out to demonstrate,” he said, repeating your words. “But I hadn’t seen you before then. When we both reached center and I turned and saw you – I froze. I couldn’t remember how to act. Every thought I’d ever had just… flew out of my head.”

You stared at him, speechless.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Jimin continued softly. “I’d never felt like that before. When you started to dance, it only got worse. I’d never seen someone dance like you did. That’s why I entered the combination late. That’s why I was in the wrong spot at the wrong time and that’s why I accidentally tripped you. I was… well, I was distracted.”

“By me,” you whispered. “You were distracted by… me?”

“Yeah.”

“So,” you said, breath catching. “This entire time, you haven’t really hated me?”

“Ah, I don’t know about that.” Jimin rubbed the back of his neck. “You could be really infuriating,” he said with a laugh. “There were times when you genuinely pissed me off. I meant it when I said I wanted to win against you. But also… I don’t know. I never really forgot the first time I saw you.”

“Oh,” you whispered, unsure what you were feeling.

It made your head spin to hear this different version of events. Jimin hadn’t hated you – at least, not in the same way you had. He hadn’t been the one to make the first move after all. You had when you’d decided not to listen to his apology.

“Oh my god,” you groaned, burying your face in your hands.

“Hey – what’s wrong?”

Dropping his spoon to the counter, Jimin came around and stood beside you. Keeping your head down, you refused to look up until Jimin touched your arm.

“I just,” you exhaled, turning to face him. “It was my fault. This entire time, I thought you hated me and that’s why I hated you. But instead, I just decided to hate you – and for what?”

Jimin’s upper lip twitched. “I wasn’t entirely blameless, you know. I was such a little shit at that age. I wouldn’t have believed me, either.”

“You tried to apologize, though!”

“Hey.” Gently, he gripped your elbows. “If it makes you feel any better, I did trip people just to get to the front. I was an ass. It’s why that Jungkook guy hates me. I started dancing later in life, so I was really hung up on proving myself.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t true,” you told him. “You didn’t trip me on purpose, and if I’d only been less stubborn –”

“Whoa, hey.” Jimin smiled. “You weren’t the only stubborn one. Maybe it started off as a misunderstanding, but I didn’t really fight it. You were my competition as much as I was yours.”

“I guess,” you said quietly. “I just… I feel like I wasted so much time hating you. Maybe we could’ve even been friends.”

His gaze sparked. “Just friends?” he asked with a quirk of his brow.

“Jimin,” you groaned, but started to smile.

“Listen.” Expression softening, Jimin moved closer. “Even if I had decided to explain all this in high school, would you have believed me?”

“Probably not.”

“Exactly. I was a dick back then.” He nodded. “Remember that one time I lied and told you the awards ceremony had been pushed back an hour?”

Sitting up straighter, you glared. “Oh, I remember. I showed up after they’d already taken the photo for Top Junior solos.”

Jimin grinned. “Or the time I put an out of order sign on the women's restroom after your solo at BRAVO, so you had to run all the way across the auditorium?”

“That was you!” you blurted out, wide-eyed. “No one would believe me when I said it was! Every girl was so pissed off at you that weekend.”

“Which is exactly why I could never admit it was me!”

In disbelief, you shook your head. “You did all of that just to get back at me?”

Jimin’s smile disappeared. “Hey, you weren’t innocent either,” he argued. “Remember the time you spilled an entire water bottle next to my bag so that when I sat down, my ass got all wet?”

Devious, you smiled. “Honestly, there was kind of an ulterior motive there. As much as I hated you, your ass looks great in damp sweats.”

Jimin’s jaw dropped a little.

Managing to shut this, he took a casual step forward. “Is that what you thought?” he murmured, barely able to conceal the thickness in his voice.

“I… may have noticed a few things about you.”

When he placed a hand next to you on the counter, your breath hitched in response. Jimin repeated this with his other hand, bringing his body a step closer to yours.

Hesitant, his gaze roamed your face. “What else did you notice?”

“I…” you exhaled and glanced at his lips.

The air between you could have been cut with a knife, heated for a different reason than the stove beside you. Which – eyes widening, you glanced over.

“Shit!” you blurted. “Jimin, the pasta!”

Startled, he looked in the same direction as you and realized the water was boiling. Rushing away, Jimin entered the kitchen and turned down the burner. Now that you were separated by a solid counter, you felt somewhat dazed when you glanced up and saw him.

Meeting your gaze, Jimin came to a stop. “Anyways,” he said softly. “Now, you know. I didn’t trip you on purpose. I never really hated you. And I’m incredibly glad you’re here tonight.”

Watching him speak, something warm bloomed in your chest.

“Me, too,” you whispered.

Smiling, Jimin returned to the pasta and you settled back on the stool. Delicious scents soon filled the kitchen and you realized how truly hungry you were. You hadn’t eaten much at lunch in preparation and by now, you were famished.

It wasn’t long before Jimin placed pasta onto plates, adding the bread you’d cut up on the side. He brought these to his table, disappearing briefly to return with two candles.

“Oo,” you said as you took a seat. “Fancy.”

Jimin lit the one closest to you with a flourish. “We aim to please, here at Park Jimin’s Fine Eating and Dining.”

“Is that the name of your restaurant?”

“It is.”

“And you’re set on that decision?”

“I decided on a whim, but I have no regrets,” Jimin said, taking a seat across from you. “Now, eat before you piss off the chef and he takes back your food.”

Laughing, you dug into the pasta before you. It was delicious and, after the very first bite, you sighed in appreciation. Apparently, Jimin had truly set the bar low. Conversation began to flow, any lingering tension disappeared after talk of your past.

It was the oddest thing. You’d heard stories from friends about other first dates. They worried about how to behave, what to wear, or what to say to their date – but none of these worries seemed to exist for you in the moment. You’d been so concerned before the night began, but now that you were here, all these worries seemed to fly out the window.

You’d thought you’d spend the entire night comparing. Comparing Jimin to your last relationship, comparing Jimin as a date to Jimin as a friend, but instead, it felt like natural progression. It wasn’t a matter of comparing Jimin to anyone else, but rather simply enjoying where the night led.

After dinner, you insisted on helping clean because Jimin had cooked and bought the food. Donning rubber gloves over your dress, you stood at the sink and began to wash dishes. Jimin laughed as he joined, pulling on gloves to dry the dishes beside you. Once this was done, he suggested watching a movie before the ball dropped.

Collapsing onto the sofa, you adjusted your dress and scanned the room. The posters Jimin had bemoaned were now hung over the TV – you wondered if Hoseok had managed to somehow sneak them past his roommates. Small touches here and there made you think of Jimin.

A game he’d mentioned was out on the coffee table and a blanket which smelled like him was draped over a chair. Pulling this towards you, you wrapped it around yourself as Jimin left the kitchen.

Holding two glasses of wine, he paused when he saw you.

“What?” you said, glancing down.

“Nothing.” Jimin cleared his throat. “Are you cold?”

“A little,” you admitted, tugged his blanket closer.

“Shoot.” Jimin frowned. “The heat’s been weird since we moved in. I’m not sure how to fix – oh!” Setting the glasses down, he rushed towards the hall. “Do you want a sweatshirt?” he called.

“Yes, please!”

Jimin reappeared moments later, a navy sweatshirt in hand. Handing this over, he settled beside you on the sofa. He’d ditched his blazer and now, Jimin was dressed in only the paisley shirt and slacks.

Pulling his sweatshirt overhead, you somehow managed to get stuck right away. It was hard not to, with your hair and the dress, trying not to flash him while you kept your legs crossed.

After a moment of watching your undignified struggling, Jimin cleared his throat.

“Need help?”

“Yes, please,” you said weakly.

Jimin laughed, helping you free and once the hoodie was settled, you sighed and leaned back. Glancing sideways at Jimin, you found him already looking at you.

“What do you want to watch?” you asked.

Jimin blinked, then glanced at the TV. “Hm,” he mused, grabbing the remote. “We could watch the ball drop and enjoy the fact that we’re sitting inside, not standing in the freezing cold without any bathrooms.”

“I know!” you said with a shudder. “Out of all the stupid traditions, that’s one I’ll never understand.”

“How do so many people have it on their bucket list?”

“Right? That, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Zero out of ten. It’s cold, there’s wind and again, there’s the question of bathrooms.”

Jimin laughed as he scrolled through the channels. “Alright, so no to the ball drop. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“What movie?”

“Why’re you making me pick?” you whined, sinking deeper into his cushions. “That’s such a large amount of pressure.”

“Exactly, which is why I don’t want to do it.”

You laughed and after some back and forth, decided to watch About Time. This was a movie about obstacles and falling in love, which seemed more than fitting because of the new year. At first, you and Jimin were watching diligently but eventually, he asked a question and conversation slowly drifted from the movie.

At some point, Jimin lowered the volume to focus solely on you. You curled deeper into the couch beside him, your thighs somehow touching and shoulders inches apart. Jimin’s head leaned against the cushion and he continued to smile in a way which made your heart flip.

“Here’s a question,” you murmured, no longer pretending to watch the movie.

His eyes gleamed in the darkness. “What?”

“Why’d you tell Sabrina you only wanted to be friends?”

Briefly, his eyes widened. “How did… you know about that?”

“She told me.”

“Hm.” Jimin gave you a dubious look but moved past it. Sabrina had begun hanging out with your friends as of late. “But alright, I’ll answer. If I do though, you need to answer one of my questions. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“So, I was single when I came to Russet.” Jimin paused. “It was the first time in a long time, and I may have hooked up with a couple of people.”

“Hm,” you said tightly.

His eyes danced with amusement. “Jealous?”

“Answer the question.”

He laughed. “Anyways, I only hooked up with Sabrina the one time. Afterwards…” Jimin sighed. “I felt kind of weird about her asking me to switch partners. Then I overheard what she said about Ari at weigh-ins and just didn’t feel like anything more... Plus, there was the other reason.”

“And what was the other reason?”

“I was starting to like you,” he said, a bit softer. “The day you said you wanted to be friends was a giant weight from my chest. And the more relaxed you were around me, the more… I don’t know. The more I liked you, I guess. My mom has always called me her hopeless romantic,” Jimin said with a smile. “I don’t know about that, but I can be single-minded when I like someone. That was part of the reason I told Sabrina we shouldn’t hook up anymore.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

His smile turned lopsided. “Does that answer your question?”

“Yeah. I guess it does.”

“My turn, then.” Smile disappearing, his gaze darkened. “Why did you really call me that night at the club?”

“Oh. That. Well, I –”

“And don’t say it was because I had a car,” Jimin interrupted. “There were a lot of people you could’ve called to help. You didn’t, though. You called me. Why?”

You hesitated before you realized there was only one answer. “I wanted to see you,” you said honestly. “I was scared, I was alone and… you were the person I wanted to see.”

Jimin’s gaze had become nearly black, the air between you thick with something unsaid. You were suddenly conscious of all each part of your body pressed to his. When Jimin shifted on the couch, you moved somehow closer.

He hesitated, then glanced at your mouth. “I don’t…” Jimin licked his lips, sounding hoarse. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for.”

“You won’t,” you told him.

Something uncertain passed over his face. “Maybe we should take things slow.”

“Or,” you said slowly. “I could tell you things I like about you, instead.”

“And what would be the point of that?”

Your gaze shifted to his. “You’ve told me a lot tonight about how much you like me,” you said softly. “About how long you’ve liked me. I think it’s time I returned the favor.”

Something in his gaze cracked and he nodded. The TV in the background was quiet, only the noise from the street and the whoosh of the heater breaking the silence.

“First,” you said, glancing down at his lap. “You have really nice hands.”

Jimin’s lips twitched. “My hands? I’ve always thought they were small.”

“Wrong. They’re the perfect size. Never have they dropped me.”

“Mm, that’s a good point.”

“And your smile,” you said.

“What about it?”

“I like your smile,” you told him. “It makes me smile.”

His eyes crinkled in demonstration. “Oh, yeah?”

“And your ears.”

Jimin laughed. “My ears?”

Reaching out, you delicately traced over an edge. “I’ve spent a long time looking at your profile, Park. I know what I’m talking about here.”

As your fingers moved lower, feather-light down his jaw, Jimin’s smile disappeared.

“I like your jaw, too,” you told him.

In the darkness, his gaze glinted, and you felt his jaw tense.

“And your lips,” you added, gaze lowering. “I like those a lot.”

“Y/N…” Jimin’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Yeah?”

He slowly exhaled. “I just don’t want you to regret this.”

“Jimin.”

He opened his eyes.

Your expression was serious. “I told you I wouldn’t jump into something before I was ready,” you said, lifting your other hand. “But I’m not in love with Finn anymore. It doesn’t hurt when I think about what happened last semester. I like you, Jimin. I want you. I don’t want to keep pushing you away. I get if you’re unsure about this, though. If you’re unsure about me.”

Jimin’s gaze roamed your face. “Unsure?”

“I know I hurt you before. I shouldn’t have kissed you and ran away. But I promise this isn’t like that. I’m not running away. I’m the furthest thing from running and I –”

Cutting you off, Jimin pressed his lips to yours.

You shuddered a little, leaning into his kiss before he pulled back. Jimin exhaled, barely a breath before he kissed you again.

Noses brushing, lips lingering, the kiss slowly deepened. Your hands curled into his hair, pulling him forward to bask in his warmth. It was dizzying, how different this felt than last time. Last time you’d been heartbroken, desperately yearning each time your lips had touched.

Now, Jimin felt like air, like sunshine as you drowned in his presence. Hand grasping your waist, Jimin moved you closer so your chest nestled to his. Lifting his fingers, his touch skimmed your jaw, your hairline before he circled the nape of your neck.

Drawing away, he bit down on your lip. With a low sort of moan, Jimin sought your lips again. When his mouth opened yours, his tongue swept forward and you nearly combusted.

This was only to tease, though. Only to taste before he pulled away, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. Thumb skimming your jawline, Jimin tilted your head back to brush a kiss to your throat. Moving higher, he worshiped a slow path up the column of your neck. At your ear, he nipped gently before he returned.

Now, his kisses began to deepen. Mouths opening, your tongues brushed only briefly before he chose to withdraw. You were glad you were kissing on the couch, because suddenly your own legs felt weak underneath you.

Hand re-gripping his waist, Jimin pulled you against him. Eager, your hands found his neck and the blanket dropped to the floor. It wasn’t enough, though – you needed more, wanted to feel him fully beneath you. Rising on your knees, you swung a leg over his lap and settled on top.

Jimin hissed, his head hitting the back of his couch. Your dress had ridden up in the process, exposing your thighs – his thumbs skimmed the surface before he looked up.

“Shit,” Jimin croaked.

Smiling, you bent to kiss him again. Jimin arched upwards, each part of your body electric where you touched. He shifted his hips, granting friction and heat which made you short-circuit. Pressing yourself closer, your thighs sild backwards until they nestled around his waist.

Jimin’s hand found your spine, pulling you closer as his hips pushed upwards. You groaned when you felt him shift underneath you. The kisses grew steadily hotter, this ache in your core increasing with every touch.

“Can I…” Pulling away, Jimin glanced lower. “Can I take off the sweatshirt?”

“Yeah,” you said, a bit dazed.

Jimin didn’t waste time, helping you pull this swiftly overhead. It was tossed on the ground and when your dress was revealed, he inhaled.

Slipping his hands up your bodice, Jimin met your gaze. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” he confessed, his voice hoarse.

“Do what?”

Your breath hitched when his hands skimmed your breasts, lingering in all your softest places.

“Touch you,” Jimin said. “It was torture to see you, to look at you and not be able to do this. Not how I wanted, anyways. I’d tell myself not to think about it, but…”

“Jimin.”

He paused and looked up. “Yes?”

“Touch me. Please.”

Without hesitation, Jimin slid his hands lower. Cupping your ass, he pulled you against him and allowed his other hand to drift up your spine. You shivered, closing your eyes as your head tilted back.

His hands slid up your front, over your breasts and under the straps of your dress. Jimin’s thumbs drifted lower, brushing your nipples through the fabric of your bodice. Opening your eyes, you looked down at him and saw his gaze darken.

Reaching higher, Jimin cupped the back of your neck and returned your lips to his.

He kissed you slowly, purposefully as you melted forward. Shifting against him, the kiss began to intensify. Mouths opening, your tongue swept forward in bold strokes against his. Suppressing a whimper, you ground your hips on his lap.

“Is,” you murmured, breaking free. “Is your bedroom unpacked?”

Jimin went still. “I – mostly, yeah.”

“Can I see it?”

“Fuck, yes,” he groaned, releasing your thighs as he stood from the couch.

You laughed, sliding down his front as your feet hit the ground. Tugging your dress down, you followed Jimin when he grabbed your hand. He pulled you down the hall, coming to a stop at the last room on the row. Pushing open the door, he flicked on the light and came to a stop.

Stepping forward, you glanced around Jimin’s room. You recognized some of the items from the two times you’d visited Jimin in the dorms. Photos of his family were carefully hung on the wall and he had the same pillows laid over his queen-sized bed.

Turning around, you took a step backwards and sat on his bed. “It’s nice,” you said, patting the comforter. “I like it here.”

Jimin watched you, his gaze half-lidded from the hall. “I like you here.”

Cheeks heating, you watched him enter and gently shut the door. Leaning back on your elbows, you arched a brow.

“Where’d we leave off?”

Jimin exhaled as he crossed the room. “I think you were on my lap,” he said hoarsely, kneeling beside you.

You nodded, moving to straddle him as he leaned to the wall. Catching your waist with both hands, Jimin pulled you against him, kissing you roughly even before you sat down. Suddenly ravenous, his hands slid to your ass as he rolled you against him. Inhaling sharply, you sucked his lower lip between teeth as he groaned.

Reaching up, Jimin tugged on your hair as you inhaled, throat exposed for him to kiss slowly down your front. When he returned to your lips, you ground your hips impatiently over the bulge in his pants.

Shifting his weight, Jimin’s spine hit the wall. He stared at you, slightly dazed with his kiss-reddened lips. Without looking away, Jimin lifted his fingers and began undoing his shirt. You stilled, watching each inch of skin be revealed. When he reached the last button, you gave in and helped push this aside. Smiling, Jimin sat up as his shirt fell to the floor.

You weren’t sure where to look first. Hands faltering, you slid them up his abs, over his shoulders and down his biceps. He was so perfect, it almost hurt to look at. Jimin’s breath quickened as you touched him and slowly, he lowered you down to the bed.

“Enough,” he said roughly, returning your lips to his.

As you kissed it turned lazy, nothing but grinding and touching. Jimin’s hair was messy beneath the pull of your fingers. He didn’t seem to mind, his own hands digging into the curve of your thigh. Playing with the hem of your dress, he deftly slid upwards.

“Jimin,” you said, breaking free. “Unzip me.”

His gaze darkened. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jimin nodded, following suit when you sat up beside him. Turning around, you exposed your back and Jimin began to lower the zipper. He moved slowly, taking his time as his fingers brushed skin. Holding the dress up with your hands, you waited until it was fully unzipped before releasing it to the floor.

Turning around, you found Jimin’s jaw slack.

“You…” He roughly inhaled while he scanned your body. “Lace, Y/N? Really?”

“Do you like it?” you asked.

You may have gone overboard preparing for tonight. Although you hadn’t been sure what would happen, you also hadn’t wanted to be caught off your guard. Tonight, your constant need to plan had come in handy. Beneath your dress you’d worn a crimson lace bra and panties – a matching set which Jimin seemed to like, based on his expression.

“You’re going to kill me,” he muttered, lowering his lips to your neck.

Kissing slowly down your chest, he came to a stop where the two halves joined together. Skimming the length of your torso, his hands trembled a little when he brushed the lace.

Jimin looked up. “I’m sorry I keep touching you,” he murmured. “I just – you’re driving me crazy. You’ve been driving me crazy.”

“You said that before,” you whispered.

“I meant it.”

Kissing again up your body, he lingered in places your skin was exposed. Inhaling, your eyes fluttered shut as you grasped his shoulders.

Jimin’s hand slid between your thighs. “Part them,” he murmured, and you obeyed.

Heart racing, you opened your eyes and watched Jimin drag a finger slowly up the center of your panties. Even you could feel how damp the fabric was, how wet and ready you were for him.

Lifting his finger to his lips, Jimin sucked. “You’re soaking,” he breathed, sounding eager. “So good to me.”

Lowering his head, his tongue flicked your breast. Teasing the nipple through fabric, he urged and he sucked until it was fully erect. Moving onto the next one, Jimin grazed with his teeth until it pressed wantonly into the lace cup of your bra. Moaning his name, you arched against him.

Finding your wrists, Jimin pinned you backwards as he continued. Thighs caging your waist, he kept you hostage with his exquisite torture. The lace of your bra was now drenched, Jimin sucking debauchedly through fabric.

“Jimin,” you groaned, twisting on the sheets. “Please.”

His hips rolled lazily against your center. “Not yet,” he insisted before pulling back. “Not until you make a mess of my sheets. Want to ruin these panties.”

Sliding a hand between your thighs, he lightly circled your entrance. Feeling how wet you were, Jimin softly groaned. Sitting back on his heels, he finally relented and pulled your panties down. Tossing these to the floor, he returned to your thighs and spread your legs.

Lightly, Jimin dragged the pads of his thumbs up and down your panty line. “God, you’re so perfect,” he murmured. “Got my sheets fucking soaked.”

Separating two of his fingers, he slowly dragged his digits up and down your folds. You inhaled, feeling needy while you watched him touch you. Each brush of his fingers had you dripping – teasing over your entrance, he refused to give you exactly what you wanted. Feather-light, Jimin circled your swollen clit with his finger.

Hands gripping the sheets, you could only stare while Jimin brought you closer and closer to the edge. He was barely touching you, but it was the most turned on you’d ever been in your life. Jimin’s thumb swiped over your clit, rubbing you gently as you keened in frustration, arching against him.

He continued like this until you were gasping, begging for more and then – only then – did he slide a finger inside you. Legs trembling, you arched on his mattress and stared at him, glassy-eyed. When Jimin began to move in and out, you lost all control.

Lowering his head, he closed his lips over your clit.

“Oh my god,” you whimpered as you broke apart.

Barely did he suck before you were coming undone, pulsing around his fingers. Shuddering with pleasure, you collapsed on the bed as you rode out your high. Gently, Jimin pulled out his finger and returned to your lips.

Reaching behind you, he undid the clasp of your bra and tossed this on the floor. Once you were fully naked, he pulled you against him. You felt limp, thoroughly sated, but familiar excitement began to stir at his front pressed to yours. Tilting your head, he gently kissed you while your fingers wound in his hair.

Jimin moved slow, letting you take the lead. Your core continued to throb with oversensitivity, although this seemed to lessen the longer you kissed him. Before long, your nipples were hardening as you rubbed against him. Fingers digging into your thigh, Jimin pulled this over his hip to watch you lazily grind.

Realizing he still wore pants, you lowered a hand, determined to fix this. Jimin helped, dragging the zipper down to throw both these and his boxers down on the floor.

He bent to kiss you again, but you placed a hand on his chest. “Wait,” you murmured. “I want to see you.”

Jimin exhaled, leaning back so you could take in his body. If you’d thought his chest was unreal, it was nothing compared to his trim hips, sculpted thighs and cock nestled between.

“Oh,” you said, dragging a hand down his front.

Jimin shuddered a little. He was already hard, his cock thick and pretty with a reddened tip. It made your mouth water to look at, wanting to lick up the shaft. Reaching between you, you closed your fist around him and slowly jerked him off.

You watched in fascination as Jimin responded. His jaw tightened, abs tense while you teased over his frenulum. His cock responded instinctively, hardening further the longer you touched him.

After a few minutes of this, Jimin shook his head. “No more,” he said huskily, taking your hand in his. “I’ll come if you keep doing that.”

“Oh?” you murmured, gaze darting lower.

He chuckled, a rough sound in his throat. “I like watching you come,” Jimin confessed, his cock hard between you. “It turns me on. I’m… still trying to recover from your last orgasm.”

“Oh,” you said, in a completely different way.

Jimin exhaled, hair falling forward. “I hope that doesn’t weird you out.”

“Does it… weird me out that you like giving orgasms?”

“Well, when you put it like that.”

“How else would I put it?”

His grin became devious. “You could ask for another.”

Breathless, you nodded and Jimin’s gaze darkened.

He descended your body, not wasting any time as he positioned himself between your legs. Licking slow up your center, you gasped and instinctively drew your legs higher. Jimin didn’t bother easing you into it. No, now he ate you out like he wanted to.

Kissing your folds, he returned to your clit and sucked this into his mouth. Rolling the sensitive bud with his tongue, he teased and released before you knew what was happening. He continued to do this, spreading you underneath him and bringing you close to coming, only to pull back and leave you maddeningly empty.

Spreading your folds, he began licking sweetly over your clit. This was followed by loose, lazy sucking and more tender flicks. You stared dazedly at him between your legs, the sight more erotic than anything you could’ve imagined.

Grinding his cock into the sheets, Jimin thrust his hips while he pleasured you. You could tell he enjoyed this; each grunt from his lips was more affirmation. Moving lower, he circled your cunt with his tongue just to lap up your juices. You gasped at the sensation, having never felt it before. Flicking your clit with his thumb, Jimin fucked your cunt with his tongue before he slowly withdrew.

Spreading you wide, he returned to your clit and you clasped a hand over your lips before a moan could escape. Each curl of his tongue left you gasping, writhing beneath the pleasurable onslaught of his mouth. Pulling away, Jimin pressed a gentle kiss to your thigh before he rose up your body.

At your mouth, he kissed your fingers. “You don’t have to be quiet,” he told you. “I want to hear the noises you make, Y/N. It makes me feel good.”

Removing your hand, you slowly nodded.

Jimin just grinned, dropping between your legs to begin eating you out again. This time, you didn’t hold back. Jimin seemed to appreciate this as you slipped further from control. He was so good with his mouth, making you see stars as your legs started to shudder. When he slid his finger inside you and fingered you again, your hands fisted in the sheets.

“Ji-jimin,” you gasped, writhing beneath him. “Jimin, I – oh.”

He began to move faster, adding a second finger as your insides clenched around him. Everything tightened, hovering at a breaking point while Jimin continued, relentless. His mouth on your clit, his fingers inside you – everything broke apart when you came, gasping his name.

Jimin didn’t move, kissing your sex as you slowly came down. He lapped at your sex, licking up your arousal before withdrawing his fingers. Once your breathing had steadied, Jimin returned to the sheets beside you.

“Good?” he breathed, draping an arm over your waist.

“Oh my god, yes,” you exhaled, burying your face in his chest.

He laughed, pulling you closer. Jimin started to pull away, which made you look up and frown.

“What are you doing?” you said.

He paused. “I’m looking for a tissue.”

“Why?”

“I… I’m kind of at a loss here.”

“No, I mean why now,” you said, baffled. “I can come again, Jimin. I want to come with you inside me.”

Jimin stared at you a moment.

“Unless…” Uncertain, you hesitated. “You don’t want to…?”

“Fuck,” Jimin muttered, sounding hoarse. “No – I want to. I really want to. Are you sure, though?” he said, reaching to open the side drawer of his bed.

You grinned when he pulled out a condom, ripping this open.

“I’m sure,” you murmured, moving closer.

Jimin rolled the condom onto himself, pausing before he went any further. Shifting his weight so he hovered over you, Jimin searched your gaze. Reaching lower, you casually stroked his cock and guided him to your center.

He didn’t enter yet, content to take his time. Instead, Jimin bent and kissed you, dragging a hand down your side. His fingers paused at your breast, tweaking your nipple until it stood fully erect. Moving to your waist, he curved under your ass and lifted your hips to his.

Arching upwards, you felt his cock brush your center. The touch made you pant, wanting him inside you and wanting it now. Rolling over his length, you marveled at the feel of him between your legs. Having him so close and not having him inside you was maddening.

“Jimin,” you whimpered.

“Yeah?” he murmured, continuing to thrust between your thighs.

“Please,” you begged him.

“Alright, baby,” he said and rolled you onto your back.

It was the first time he’d used the endearment, sending a wave of warmth through you as your legs parted. Reaching lower, Jimin positioned himself at your entrance. It took him a moment to work his way in; you were so wet, he needed a second try. With only his tip inside, you immediately clenched and buried your head in his shoulder.

Lightly, Jimin brushed a kiss to your hair. “Relax, baby,” he murmured, making you glance up. “I’ll make you feel good. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded. “Okay.”

Laying slowly back down, you tried to relax while he worked his way deeper. With slow, shallow thrusts, Jimin finally bottomed out and you stared at him in amazement. His cock was thicker than you were used to and stuffed to the brim like this, you felt so full. Glancing down, you saw his hips nestled snugly to yours.

When you looked up, Jimin met your gaze. “I’m sorry,” he exhaled, hanging his head. “I just – I need a minute.”

“What’s wrong?” you blurted, immediately worried.

A smile passed over his lips. “Nothing’s wrong.” He looked up. “You’re just… fuck. I feel like a damn virgin. You’re so tight and wet, I’m losing my mind.”

Hearing him say this sent a shiver through you. Shifting your hips, you reveled in the sensation of him moving inside you.

Jimin groaned. “No,” he protested. “You can’t do that right now.”

“Do what?”

“Try and make me move,” he murmured. “I know you can’t see yourself, so you can’t see how hot you look. Tits out, pussy spread and dripping all over my cock.”

“Oh,” you breathed.

“Sounding like that.”

“Jimin. If you don’t –”

He suddenly thrust deeper, grinding his pelvis against your core and making you groan. Speechless, you stared as he slowly pulled out. Jimin teased you with his tip, moving a few inches back in before he thrust again.

“Oh,” you groaned, jolted upwards on the bed.

His gaze dropped to your chest. “Fuck,” Jimin said quietly, dropping down to an elbow.

He moved again in earnest, thrusting slowly in and pulling back out. It made your breath catch, needing more but loving the torture. It was torture to feel every inch of him and have Jimin continue to hold back. You knew he could go faster, deeper, but wanted to stay in control.

Dropping his head, Jimin slowly kissed your neck. His cock continued to move, fucking you slowly as your legs opened wider.

“Jimin,” you whimpered.

Your hips chased after his, hoping to coerce him deeper.

He smirked. “Yes, baby?”

“Please,” you said, arching against him. “I want more.”

“You want it harder?”

As he said this, Jimin increased his strength. Keeping the tempo the same, each thrust of his cock had your lips parting with pleasure.

“Yes,” you whimpered, barely hanging on.

“And faster? You want that, too?”

You nodded, slack-jawed as Jimin sped up the pace. His cock began to pound into you, hand fisting in sheets as he gave it to you hard. Arching underneath him, your hands dragged down his back as Jimin fully let go. With each thrust of his hips, his pelvis brushed your clit and yet, it still wasn’t enough.

“More?” he teased, continuing to fuck you.

“More,” you whimpered, sliding your hands up your breasts. Tweaking the nipples, you watched his gaze harden. “I want more, Jimin.”

He immediately moved, as though he’d been waiting for this. Grasping your ankles in one hand, he lifted them high overhead and pulled his cock out. You gasped when he did so, your hands falling to the side while you were put on display. The position pushed your pussy lips together, giving an incredible view of your dripping cunt.

Jimin plunged his cock back inside, nearly making you scream. It felt so deep this way – so deep and hard and deliciously wanton. Jimin fucked you from above, hips slamming into you and making your breasts bounce.

Jimin groaned, his hips never faltering. “Touch them,” he said, lowering your ankles to one shoulder. “Touch your tits for me, baby.”

You obeyed, hands sliding over your breasts to tease your nipples. This sent a shock of pleasure straight to your core and Jimin hammered your g-spot, making you see stars. Jaw slack, you could only lie there and take it while he made you come.

It was too much, the wave of pleasure threatening to overwhelm, but then Jimin leaned forward and you finally snapped. You felt him release into the condom as you fell apart, rope after rope of hot cum inside you.

Eventually, Jimin softened and fell onto his elbow. As he opened his eyes, he sought your gaze and you smiled. His cheeks were flushed, his hair dark and sweaty and you couldn’t help the deep surge of affection within you.

“I don’t know about you,” he murmured. “But that was pretty fucking incredible.”

“Same here,” you whispered. “I’d like to do it again sometime.”

“Three orgasms weren’t enough?”

“Were they enough for you?”

“No.” Jimin laughed. “I could watch you come all night. But we should probably get you cleaned up and all that.”

“Probably,” you agreed, although you made no effort to move.

Eventually Jimin sighed and gently pulled out. Tossing his condom in the trash, he showed you to the bathroom and let you do what you needed to do. When you returned, Jimin was on top of his bed. He’d put back on his boxers and held out his sweatshirt.

“I thought you might want this,” he said, uncertain.

Smiling, you took it and lowered it over your head. Climbing beside him on the bed, you rested your head on his shoulder and cuddled beside him. Listening to his breathing, you concentrated until yours started to match.

Outside, cheers erupted from the street. Scrambling upwards, you fought to look out Jimin’s side window. As you hurried to see what the commotion was about, Jimin groaned when you flashed him your bare ass, but followed suit.

Glancing outside, you realized it must have turned midnight. Fireworks went off over the skyline, people cheered below, and someone had lit a sparkler on the street. Voices drifted higher, wishing each other a happy new year as slowly, you turned around to face Jimin.

He smiled at you, his happiness clear when he pulled you to him. A dizzying rush of what-if’s and excitement went through you and somehow, you knew this would be only the beginning.

“Happy new year,” he murmured.

“Happy new year,” you whispered, tilting your face up to his.

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for reading this series 😊 It’s been a whirlwind, so thank you for sticking with our main characters throughout the journey! I hope you enjoyed and are having a wonderful holiday season :) happy (almost) new year!

RAISE THE BARRE MASTERLIST

#btsbookclub #bangtanarmynet #bts smut #jimin smut #bts fanfic #jimin fanfic #bts series #bts writing #jimin series #jimin writing #bts dance au #jimin dance au

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l-artemisia-del-secolo · 3 years

Text

That time of the month

Yelena Belova X reader, one shot, angst+fluff, mentions of Red Room methods of control, dealing with their consequences, overall a heavy topic

You had that feeling every month. Yelena was hiding something from you. Something very personal. Something after all this time you didn't deserve to hear. For a few days she was quiet, distant, cold. Your clingy girlfriend was turning into someone else. You didn't know that version of Yelena. That one wasn't yours. And she didn't allow you to change that.

Sometimes she was on the missions during those days. You hated yourself for thinking that was a relief. A relief from a woman you wanted to spend your life with.

You remembered vividly when this happened for the first time. Your first month together. Every time you touched her that day she flinched. Your Yelena didn't want you. And that was hurtful.

Other than these few days you had perfect relationship. You both wanted to have a home, a family, white fence. A cliche fucking fence. You wanted a life together. You two, your dogs, maybe a parrot. Who knew.

Maybe it was all your fault. You were not supportive enough, not open enough. Not dying for Yelena enough.

You met on a rainy day in a coffee shop with her colleagues, damn dark avengers, daring her to approach you. Any other person would get a cold smile and idontcarewhoyouarenoidontwanttohaveagoodtime. But you've noticed her before she even looked at you. With her weirdly low voice and a confusing laugh. And apparently with both a knife and a multitool sticking out of her vest.

On your first date Yelena brought you to a race track. 'cause you mentioned you've never ridden a bike. Sure, she had a BMW, modified by some genius. You were driving a Peugeot.

On a second date she brough you to the shooting range. Before that you shot from a slingshot once or twice in your childhood.

On a third date there was an attack on the facility. She had to go. After the attack she went to your apartment and stayed there. It's been 4 months.

You were so different, but managed to be a perfect match.

She even introduced you to her family. Weird and, well, Russian. Allowed you to walk her dog and even wear her vest.

She loved you. But your Yelena loved you. Not that distant one.

You had a guess. of course you did. But that was a vague answer. The one you didn't want to say out loud.

For 4 months not once did you notice Yelena having "that time of month". Not a single word or sign. She could have had them on her missions, while she was away. While she was saving a world. You tried to ask once, but she quickly brushed it off

Your Yelena would tell you if there was something. You were sure.

Until one day you felt a familiar pain. You could swear someone was squeezing everything inside. Luckily Yelena was near. Burning your neck with her breath. one of calmer nights or mornings rather. without nightmares or muffled screams.

You groaned. Your periods have always been so painful. First day almost unbearable.

"are you all right?" Of course Yelena woke up.

"no, I'm..." Another spasm.

And than Yelena got it. Your painkiller. It was on her side of the bed, 'cause of the recent injury.

She gave it to you. "Don't drink them, until I get you some water."

You could hear her walking barefoot to the kitchen, trying not to wake up Fanny.

Two minutes and she was with you. Stroking your hair, kissing your palms. She would always do that. Her ritual.

You took the tablet.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up." You could feel your body heating up.

"it's ok, babe. I know how it's for you. Do you want anything else?"

"No, it's fine. I guess I need to go to the gynecologist. Maybe she would recommend me something. Pain is getting worse every time"

"Sure. I'll go with you."

"maybe I should go to a different doctor. Which one do you go to?"

Yelena froze. She stopped caressing you. A familiar feeling. Those days. Cold days.

"Babe..." You kissed her cheek to get attention.

"Yeah. I was just... You know, I'll ask Kate if she could..."

"Sure. But I was asking you, babe. Where did you go the last time you did a check up? Or you have one at your facility?"

"Нет (no), нет (no), у нас нет (we don't have one)."

Something was very wrong. With you Yelena was using Russian very rarely. When she was mad or... lost. Like that one time she didn't understand your interaction with a friend and got jealous. Or when Fanny had a surgery after an accident with a bulldog.

"i... Well ... Просто (just) I don't do check ups"

"what?" You were not hearing it right. Yelena is in her top form. She has to be. Her organism has to be in perfect condition.

"мне не нужно (no need)."

"how is that possible?"

You didn't want to push her. Be nosy.

"hey, babygirl." You cautiously took her hand and stroked it. "Remember. It's your safe place."

"Yeah." She smiled weakly. "And you're my safe person."

You had this conversation before. Many times. Piece by piece she was telling you about her past. Blood on her ledgers. That's her term. At first you were terrified. But day by day, story by story you taught herself to understand her and never to judge.

"Do you want to call Fanny to lay with us?"

"No, I'll be fine."

You expected her to get up and add the distance between you two. But she did the opposite. She hugged you and started talking.

"I've told you about the Red Room. You know what I've been through. Physical, psychological torture. Humiliation and manipulation. We were mindless robots. And you know what a robot doesn't need?."

She let out a bitter laugh. "I never specifically told you what they did to us. What would be the point? Напугать тебя или надавить на жалость? (To scare you or to make you feel sorry?). Нас бы это убило (this would kill is). Well, attachments and feelings. You see where I'm going with this?"

Yelena looked you in the eyes. Hers filled with tears and sadness. She was afraid. She never told this story to anyone outside the Red Room. She lived with this. Not a burden. But rather a fact. Reality. Truth. Days of the months when she felt nothing.

You slowly nodded. Your Yelena was lost. And she was lost even when she was with you. And you didn't see that.

"They call it a церемония (ceremony). Hysterectomy. No emotions, no desires, no problems." Yelena sobbed. "I'm sorry, I didn't tell you before. You have a right to know."

You did have a right to know. Sure. But that wasn't the thing that mattered now. Somehow you already thought of that. Somewhere deep inside, barely a though but a sensation. But now, hearing it from her broke your heart, tore your nerves apart and took away your peace.

"It's.. it's not about me." You tried really hard to sound confident. "Babygirl, I... I won't say that I understand what you've been through or what you feel. But I swear I'll be there for you. It's our family, our pack, our fence. Remember, we're each others life."

How cheap it all sounded. You knew that. Yelena knew that. You took her face in your hands, touched her forehead with yours and whispered. "You're my Yelena. We're gonna go through this together. You're not alone."

"you sure you want me like this?"

"there's no like this. Just my Yelena"

#black widow 2021 #black widow fic #marvel self insert #yelena belova #yelena belova fanfiction #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #might be slitly ooc

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inriospocket · 3 years

Note

Hi Daisy! If you’re up to it, could I please request on how rio would react to the woman he likes & is talking to/dating (not exclusively yet) going on a date with someone? Like imagine they’re hanging out with Marcus. Time gets away and she’s like “Listen it’s been so fun but I have to go prepare for my hot date” 😂😂😂 and like she was very open & honest in the beginning about dating multiple people before committing to the right one so he can’t really be mad. Lol thank you mama💕

I'm always up to it! Again sorry for taking so long but here ju go. :) ❀

word count ♡ 1,027

summary ♡ Reader is casually dating Rio. They're hanging out with each other along with Marcus and reader loses track of time remembering she has another date and Rio tries to not get super jealous since they're not exclusive yet.

situation ♡ fluffy

It was a nice era in your life where you were super comfortable in your career and in yourself that you finally had the time to start dating again. For now, it was casual, just getting to know other guys and seeing what you did and didn’t like in a man.

You had a couple on your list but Rio was your favorite. You weren’t exclusive yet but you enjoyed your short time together. So far, he’s been the only one to take you on a second date and this time he brought his little sidekick along, Marcus.

“We choosing sides now?” Rio laughed at Marcus who clung to you.

Marcus grinned and you adored his little missing front tooth. “She’s winning, Dad!” He giggled.

You shrugged, brushing off the fact that you were winning almost every arcade game you guys played.

“Nah, nah, “Rio shook his head. “Ain’t no way you beating me in laser tag.” He said proudly. You raised your eyebrows as a challenge.

“Oh, is this a bet?” You smirked. Rio glanced at your lips quickly, making a mental memo of how beautiful your smile was.

He was about to say something else until you realized how dark it was outside indicating it was late.

You looked at your watch. “I didn’t realize how late it was,” you said thinking of how much fun you had that you just lost track.

“Listen, it’s been super fun with you guys but I gotta get ready for my hot date tonight.” You said truthfully with a laugh.

Rio tried his best to hide his envy but you could see it until it quickly disappeared. You were upfront in the beginning and told him you were just casually dating so he couldn’t really take it to heart but Rio was persistent so you’d quickly learn he wasn’t letting go of what he wants that easy.

“But about that bet.” He gave you a sly smile. You crossed your arms. “Uh huh.” You said, waiting.

“Look, one last game. I’m sure the dude wouldn’t mind waiting a little longer for someone as beautiful as you,” He started and you felt your cheeks become warm.

“Dad, gross.” Marcus made a face which made you laugh.

Rio kissed his teeth towards him. “Take notes, pup. Anyway, you win laser tag, you go on that date. I win, you cancel and stay with me.” He smirked.

One of the reasons you liked him so much was how spontaneous he was. You loved the games. “It’s a bet.” You agreed, shaking on it.

Rio mentally laughed knowing he already had a leg up in this game. No one could aim better than him.

Once you three were in the darkened room, you helped Marcus with his vest first and Rio loved the sight of it. He only let few of his potential girlfriends around Marcus but something about you, he trusted. You were definitely passing the test.

You were glad that there weren’t any other people but you three. It gave you more room to both hide and to find them.

You hid in a corner out of sight but monitoring the light coming closer letting you know one of them was nearby. You felt like you were standing fast enough to shoot but as soon as you did, Rio already shot you.

“No way!” You huffed. You heard the mischief in his laugh until he disappeared quickly from view.

You always beat your friends in laser tag and you just couldn’t understand how he was so good. It’s like he knew where you’d be, where you’d go and he even got Marcus to do his dirty work. You mentally gave up at this point.

You looked around, not able to see any neon lights except for your own. You looked down briefly at your gun to see how much time was left. As soon as time was almost up, you heard the final shot at your vest and Rio press against the back of you.

He grasped your waist from behind and said lowly close to your ear, “Always watch your back.”

You held your breath, not knowing whether to be turned on or scared. It didn’t even matter because in a matter of seconds, he had you whipped.

You watched him proudly look up at the leaderboard after the game was over. “You need to borrow my phone to cancel?” He reminded you humorously.

You shook your head hiding your smile. You didn’t really want to go on that date anyway.

You carried your end of the bet, cancelling and staying longer with them until Marcus had a sugar crash and fell asleep in Rio’s arms. That was the queue that it was time to go unfortunately. You walked back to his car with him and watched him buckle him in. You were a sucker for men with children.

Rio left the car running as Marcus continued sleeping and you leaned against his car.

You watched him walk towards you, your eyes never breaking contact. You held your breath again as he towered over you. He was so intoxicating; the way he carried himself. You felt your hands lie flat against his chest, your eyes scanning the dark eagle tattoo that complimented his neck.

He lifted your chin to look at his eyes again. He glanced at your lips then your eyes again as if he was asking for permission and you nodded.

He brushed his lips over your lightly to tease you before finally pressing his lips against yours. He kissed you slowly as if he wanted to savor you but also with a sense of urgency. A kiss you knew would lock you in forever.

You pulled away first, looking away to not get lost in those dark eyes again.

“I should go.” You said, already missing the smell of his cologne.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asked, noticing something different. You sighed, knowing you were already going to tell him. You couldn’t help but to be honest and something about him made you want to spill everything.

“...I’m going to fall in love with you.” You told him.

#rio x reader #rio good girls #manny montana #good girls rio #gg fic #fluff fanfiction

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fwkei · 3 years

Text

Time.

Kazutora x fem!reader (angst/fluff)

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, (slight) mention of starvation.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR VALHALLA ARC

Note! Explanation of story at end just incase you’re confused also i apologize for mistakes, i did not read this over. 🙆🏻‍♀️

WC: 3.4k

--------------------------------------

You sat at the edge of your seat. Watching the clock above your teacher's head ever so closely.

“When you want to find the common di-”

Suddenly the bell rang, interrupting your teacher from his final words.

“Oh my bad, guess I lost track of time, anyways please remember to study for your quiz on Monday! I know it's a weekend, but save some time for academics!” said your teacher as your classmates packed up their stuff to leave.

Today was Friday, meaning it was the day you get to visit Kazutora at juvie for the first time after Keisuke's death, and your attempt. It was 3:30, and visiting hours started at 4 to 5 every Friday for inmates. Running to the metro takes about 5-7 minutes, and walking from the station to the actual juvie takes about 20 minutes, while the ride lasts up to 10, meaning you should arrive there at around 4:10. And there's no time to waste.

You ran out of class, ignoring your fellow classmates goodbyes. You held your book bag tight as you ran fast to the Tokyo station. Seeing you arrived just on time you jumped in just before the 3:30 o'clock train leaves to a different side of the district where Kazutora is being held. You held onto the rail beside you to keep yourself steady as the train started to move .

You felt scared but happy to see Kazutora. He most probably didn't know you would be coming, he probably thought you would at most write letters to him, like before, but again...Kazutora believes that you hate him now. You didn't know what you were going to say to him. Draken told you that he already visited him while you were in psychiatric hold for a bit, and he told you that Kazutora was planning on killing himself. Draken did not specify if he told Kazutora about your own attempt but you didn't worry too much because you were healing, and you now had hope.

Your heart was racing, as the train came to a stop. As the doors opened you ran, and fast. Dodging people to not hurt them and almost stepping on things you shouldn’t be stepping on. You checked the time to see it was 4:01, and you still had about 10 minutes worth of walking/running to cover.

You were breathing heavily when the Juvenile building came into view. You checked the time again to see it was 4:11. You jogged to the doors of the building despite the fact that your thighs were burning from the amount of cardio you had just done.

It's all worth it.

You thought to yourself opening the doors.

Kazutora sat on the bed of his bland and colorless cell. He signed as he looked up at the ceiling light before turning his position to look at the side of the wall. He held his pillow tight. He knew it was visiting day, and his heart was anxious despite the fact that others had already been called to see their visitors, and there was still no call for him. He didn't even expect any visitors.

Kazutora didn't know if he wanted to see you or not. He’s spent so much time alone in his cell thinking. He wondered if you had figured out the other reason for him stabbing his best friend, you could read people, but he knew you had a hard time reading him. He felt his heart ache. He was scared of the karma that would hit him because of it. Maybe not even Karma, but just some sort of punishment, for causing pain to the soul that cared for him so much, and for not being there for that soul when she needed it the most. Which... ultimately lead to your attempt, which Draken told him about during his visit. He shut his eyes as he remembered Draken's words.

“I don’t wanna hear you say there is no point anymore. Because there is, and it’s kinda frustrating and irritating how you can’t see it even though it’s right there. She’s in psychiatric hold right now because she was close to ending her own life. After Baji died, and you were taken away, Y/n couldn't take it anymore, and no one could see it because she just...she just kept it in, like you do. She was going to die on Baji’s birthday if I wasn’t there to make her throw up the pills she took. Her and I may not be blood related siblings, but I know she’s been through a lot and has always gotten over it just fine, you know that...but this time...I got really fucking scared.”

Kazutora felt his heart drop to fucking hell at Draken’s words. He felt his breathing stop as his mouth parted.

“I know you love her, I'm not sure in what way but I could care less about that. I know, Kazutora. All those times you came crying to the brothel, crying into her arms, begging for some type of help and she helped you, lended you her body for you to cry on, I’d hear all of it. I know you’re hurting, but if you go, I don't think she will be able to live with herself. She’ll blame herself for not being there for you like she’s always been. Do you understand?”

He felt his body throb from literal physical pain. Kazutora was feeling and getting the punishment he deserved right then and there.

“You owe it to her, whether you like it or not, to stay alive because she's doing the same for you. And once you’re out of here, you should finally grow up. Let her cry into your arms for once. She’s your best friend, right? Because she deserves for those efforts to be reciprocated. And you deserve to see what she’s gone through because of everything that happened. Take care, Kazutora.”

Kazutora was lost in his own mind, to the point where he couldn't even register that one of the guards was calling his name from the cell door.

“Hm? I’m sorry I wasn't...uh, paying attention. What did you say?” he asked sitting up nervously

“You got a visitor, kid. C’mon get up.” said the man unlocking his cell

“A- visitor?” he said quietly getting up from his bed with shocked eyes

It was already 4:15. Kazutora grew anxious at who his visitor could be. He was sure it wasn't you, your school is too far for you to make it here in time. There would only be a couple minutes to spare if you did try. Could it be Draken wanting to give him a word of advice? Or maybe Chifuyu.. Maybe Mikey? God, who could it be. It made him feel even more congested and trapped than before.

As Kazutora walked, he looked down at his feet avoiding people's gazes. He saw the backs of his fellow juvenile delinquents from the side of his eye. His heartbeat became stronger, and he felt it thumbing in his ears. God, he didn't know what to expect. He was just so...frustrated.

“Here, you have until 5.” said the guard, taking off his hand cuffs. His back was facing you. You grew anxious bringing your hands to rest on your things and skirt, waiting for him to turn around and look at you. You watched as he rubbed his wrists and sat down at the stool still not looking at you. You rubbed your hands together under the table separating you both, as the guard walked away to patrol. Your eyes followed the guard, not even noticing that Kazutora had turned to look at your face.

Kazutora felt his face get hot at the sight of you. You had a school shirt on, with a dark blue tie and a sweater vest, Your hair tied into a low and messy bun with some of you natural and dyed hairs falling out framing your face. He felt his whole body go warm as you turned your head and gave him a nervous smile as a small blush formed. He didn't know why he was scared to see you, because every time Kazutora had the chance to see you, he instantly felt better, no matter what.

You two, and the other inmates and visitors, were all separated by a piece of plastic with a vent to capture sound better. On the side there was a subsection with an opening to the other side where you could pass things through. Such as notes, toys, hygiene stuff, and extra. You brought your hands to the table holding them.

“Hey...sorry I’m late.” you said as you saw Kazutora snap out of his gaze

“Oh no I-, please don’t be..” he said waving his hands frantically, clearly nervous

“I had to run about 2 miles to get here..” you laughed trying to not tense up

Kazutora felt… stupid, why would you do that? Just to see him? It just made him even more confused...confused about how he felt towards you.

“Just to see me? But..why?” he asked without thinking and just speaking, giving a regretful and embarrassed face after asking his question.

“Hm? Oh well it's simple really…” you said bringing your hands to rest in between your thighs on your seat

“I know that I've told you that I don't like saying these words to people because it sounds like some sort of goodbye but it’s time I grow up from my past, and stop keeping things in..so…it’s because I love you... I thought that was fairly obvious but I don't wanna mess up like I did last time. I want you to know that I do love you and care for you.” you said giving him a closed eyed smile, this made Kazutora realize that you deeply regretted not telling Keisuke that you loved him more often when you two still had time. He felt his heart ache. He felt so guilty and gross.

“So, I’m gonna try and start saying that more often..” you said laughing to break the silence

Kazutora was still speechless at what you had just said. He couldn’t seem to process it, and he wanted to say it back but for some reason he just couldn’t. He was afraid that something else might slip out. He truly didn't think he was worthy of your love and care. It became quiet. Again.

“I made you a bento box with your favorite things, I made sure to put some extra meat. Cause you always used to ask for that when I would make bentos for study days with you and Keisuke. And don’t worry! It’s allowed and you can have the kitchen hold it for you till you’re ready to eat it for today's dinner, the guards said so. And the container is microwave safe! So you can warm up the entree section. There’s rice and BBQ meat, little octopus shaped sausages and sauce with it! Oh and a salad with sesame dressing on the side, and desert which is just mochi. Every Friday I'll come by, and give you the new bento and you'll just give me back the old one, so that I can wash it and so we don't have to waste stuff.” you said smiling

Your hand dung into your bag, and you pulled out a wooden bento box sliding it halfway through the subsection, but Kazutora hung his head low. You smiled, trying your best to make things right, as silence grew loud again.

“I can also bring some mangas for you, I know you like shounen and also horror.. So I can buy some and give them to you so that you aren't bored! This week's shonen jump is good… It’s about a boy who is trying to save his mom, and ends up traveling across lands, with close friends, to get this special potion that will heal her, but I’ll make sure to look for some good horror manga too...I know you like stuff about folk tales, that sound okay?”

Silence.

After a few minutes you spoke again.

“I decided to let my hair grow out cause I kinda miss having longer hair…There's this really pretty girl in my class who has long blonde hair.. Like Emma’s but longer and more wavy.. What about you? Anything you wanna do to your hair when you get out? I’ll take you to get it done-”

Silence.

The time now at 4:40. Kazutora bit his lip out of frustration, refusing to look up at you.

“Oh! What about I bring over a sudoku book, so you can work on your academics as well! I can teach you how to play, it’s fun once you get the hang of it. Or I can bring just a simple literature book, it’s really up to you, I think both are great.”

Silence.

“Maybe markers so you can draw on yourself when you’re bored? I remember you doing that while I would tutor you and Keisuke. I can get big and small ones, and ones with different colors too. Also a sketch book, since you’re really good at drawing.”

You were met with silence again. You felt your heart ache. Your eyes looked up at the clock and saw it was 4:47. You both were running out of time. About half an hour went by of your speaking, you giving a couple minutes in between waiting for him to speak back, but nothing. You clenched your hands into fists, biting your bottom lip as you looked down at your hands, resting on your thighs.

You felt a strong feeling in your throat, the feeling you get when you’re about to sob. You were so frustrated, and you were trying to keep a level head. It was hard and you just wanted to fucking cry.

“I- '' you said before closing your mouth realizing you were about to let out a whine. You didn't wanna cry, you wanted to say something but you were afraid that if you did, it would just come out as a sob.

“I know it’s hard on you-” you said holding back your sobs while still looking down at your hands, letting your hairs cover your face

“If you don’t want me here, I promise- that I’m fine with that...but~” you said in between pauses keeping your sobs in, but your last word came out shaky making Kazutora shoot his head to see you about to cry.

He felt his heart ache once again.

“But please….jus-just say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I'm here.” you cried quietly while tensing up your shoulders

Kazutora frowned. This was his punishment. Seeing you cry, and not being able to hold and comfort you like he desperately wanted to. He opened his mouth, but closed it soon after when nothing came out. Not even a squeak, or whine, or breath.

“I-”

You heard him say. You looked up with tears in your eyes seeing his face of desperation.

Kazutora wanted to speak so badly, there were so many thoughts in his head he just could not push one out of his mouth, and he was afraid he might say something he would regret. He wanted to respond to everything you asked him, add commentary, tell you that you looked pretty today, say thank you for the food you made him. Tell you to not waste your tears on someone like him. Say sorry for making you feel uncomfortable because of his silence. God he just-

“I love you-” he choked up and said in a louder tone causing your eyes to widen and mouth to part from shock at his sudden outburst.

He was avoiding your eyes as he spoke.

“I- thank you, thank you so much for the food! Really! And I would really love whatever and everything you bring me.” he said, quieting down towards the end.

“I...can’t put my thoughts into words… and I don’t wanna say something I’d regret. All this time I’ve just been lost in my own mind. I just want you to know that..that I really am in- that I really appreciate you. I want you..to be here, and I’m so...sorry for making you cry.” he said in between pauses of frustration and embarrassment

You felt your body get warm, your heart beat was strong and you could feel it in your finger tips and temples. You opened your mouth to say something before Kazutora spoke again.

“I..wanted to.. Wanted to help you...in just some way...after seeing you cry for the first time...with Baji in your arms….I shouldn't have stabbed Baji...I took the person you loved more than anything...away from you.. Because I was j- because I was so stupid, and still am. Even when you’ve done...so fucking much for me...I- and I took him from you...I just don’t get it… how can you have any empathy towards me anymore.. It doesn't make sense. I took so much from you… I killed Shinchiro, and I killed Baji. You loved them both...Mikey loved them both, why do..why do you even have any feeling towards me?” he said looking into your eyes with tears

Your eyes softened at him. You took a small breath before saying-

“I thought I already told you why, Kazutora. I love you.”

Kazutora felt a tear run down his cheek. He knew how much thought came behind those simple words.

“I don’t need a reason to love you. Just like I don't need a reason to be hungry. It’s just there, and will continue to be there, you know what I mean? Same thing with everyone I love.” you said

His breath hitched. The time now at 4:52.

“The only difference is I was in love with Keisuke. I still am in love with him. Even though he’s not here anymore. I know you might think I love him and Shinchiro and Mikey because they saved my life and helped me. But I was only so little. I had no concept of it. So was Keisuke. So was Mikey. Keisuke had no reason to come up to little me while I was starving on the ground practically dying. He just did it. He was too young to understand love. You think he understood his feelings for me the second he saw me? Or even with Mikey or Shinchiro. Of course not. They were just focussed on saving my life at the time. We discovered the love that was involved later. Even if it was too late to say anything about it. It took Kei and I about...hmmm..5-7 years maybe...to understand what we felt toward each other specifically. It is different with everyone. The love is just there, it’ll just be understood when the time is right. Like when your hunger just hits you. So when you ask me why I love you, or care for you, or forgive you. I just can’t give you a simple answer, even if I wanted to….because there's so much. Too much.”

Kazutora understood your words. He really did. It made so much sense to him and he just wanted to scream.

Why? Well..

“The time will come where you believe that you're worthy of someone else's love and even your own, and even worth loving someone else yourself. So don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Even if it takes all the time in the world, okay?” you said smiling at him leaving him with shocked eyes

“Alright times up! 5 o'clock!” yelled a guard

“Well, I'll see you next Friday, okay? I’ll bring over some manga, oh! And don't forget the bento!” you said getting up from your seat as Kazutora did the same keeping his hands on the table as the guard came to cuff them

“Y/n I-I’m…”

No. He can’t say it. He can never ever say it. Why? And say what?

Because he will never be him. He can never be like him for you, and he was perfect for you. He was the one there for you. He had the time to love you. He was the one. He could never even compete. Not after what he did. Not after the jealousy and envy grew and brewed inside him towards him. He is filthy. Not worthy of your love. Right?

But someday, he desperately and genuinely wants to allow himself to be loved, and to love. Kazutora will forever be longing for that moment. And when he can love, and allow himself to be loved, he wants it to be with you.

But till that time comes..

“I’ll...really be looking forward to it.” he said biting back his words and smiling softly

“Likewise.” you said smiling as you both parted your ways, at least for the time being.

------------------------------------------

Explanation/note: when i wrote this, i made y/n be a ‘foster’ siblings with Draken and childhood friends with Mikey and Keisuke. << Reason being is because i gave her a backstory where she was neglected and ran away, hence her having a more naturing personality. Y/n and Keisuke were a couple till he died but Kazutora always loved Y/n so it’s a love triangle in a way? I don’t know, but Kazutora grew envious of Keisuke in this ff which ended up being a motive to stabbing him during the fight, to which he later regrets and gets punishment for. Y/n in the story doesn’t know that so that’s why Kazutora can’t accept her love for real because he doesn't know if Y/n will really forgive him after that, and Kazutora won’t be able to learn/accept love till he admits what he did. Holding in that secret, and being in love with Y/n makes him feel frustrated and act out. And obviously time is the theme of this whole story. Kazutora at the end decided to avoid his feelings because the way things are going right now fro the time being for him are fine because he doesn't believe he deserves anything more. But that can only last for so long, so he’s gambling with his relationship with you. He thinks of it as his punishment for now, not being able to tell you how he really feels, and not being able to comfort you.

ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry if it’s confusing.

#tokyo revengers #tokyorev x reader #kazutora #kazutora x reader #angst #keisuke baji #baji #mikey tokyo revengers #draken #tokyo manji gang #baji x reader

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gladerscake · 3 years

Text

Since Always

(Gally x Reader)

So, this was originally intended as a oneshot, but then I got in the zone, and it started getting way too long right before my eyes, so I’ve decided to split it into two parts. Anyways, here’s part one, hope you enjoy!

If you had to make a list of the most crushingly awkward situations you’ve ever been put in, this one would easily make it into the top three.

You had to stop yourself from wincing as you watched Ben fidget and shuffle between his two feet while he awaited your reaction to the question he’d been wanting to ask you for a few weeks now.

Sadly for him, he wasn’t going to get the reaction he was hoping for.

“So... What do you think, Y/N? Come on, say something? Please?” He released a light but palpably nervous laugh as you stared at him, completely taken aback and lost on how to respond.

You knew what you wanted to say, but you had no idea how to go about it. How do you tell someone you don’t want to go out with them, without hurting their feelings? There had to be a way, right? Well, if there was one, you couldn’t think of it at the moment.

“Ben, I... Wow, you really caught me off guard there, uhm... I don’t know what to say...” You attempted a lighthearted chuckle, yet the tension underlying it was clearly detectable, your faulty smile adding to it.

Ben’s face fell at the uneasiness that radiated off of you in waves, and he immediately knew your answer. He winced, as if someone had just kicked him in the shins, quickly taking a step back and putting his hands up.

“Ohhh my god. Oh no. I’m sorry! Y-You don’t have to say it! I can see it on your.. your face, oh my god, I’m such an idiot-“

“No! Ben, don’t say that! You’re not an idiot! It’s okay!” You hurried to reassure him, swiftly interrupting his ramblings of rejection. This was exactly what you didn’t want. You liked Ben, he was a good guy, you just didn’t like him the way he wanted you to. You hated making him feel so embarrassed, but what choice did you have? You couldn’t say yes to going out with him out of pity.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t know why I thought this would be a good idea-“

“Hey! Don’t worry about it! Alright? I’m the one who should be sorry, I just.. can’t, I don’t... “ You took a deep breath, giving him a look as sincere as you could. “Point is, you have nothing to apologize for, I promise!”

Ben grimaced, still, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked over you, clearly having something on his mind, but not saying it out loud.

“What?” You questioned under his inquisitive stare.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

You went rigid, your muscles freezing at the half-question, half-statement.

As reluctant as you were to admit it, there was, in fact, someone else. Has been, for as long as you could remember. You’ve been in the glade for almost a year, and ever since you were helped out of the Box, one particular boy has been on your mind a lot more frequently than anyone else.

Taller than most, with a thick muscular build, short sandy-brown hair that almost looked blonde in the sun, piercing bluish-green eyes, and an array of freckles peppering his chiseled face.

Gally.

The Keeper of the Builders was in no way someone you would have expected to fall for, but some things just can’t be helped. It was never a carefully weighed-out choice - your heart had made that decision for you, and you just had to go along for the ride.

You and Gally had a pretty warm relationship. You got on surprisingly easy, with your shared sense of responsibility and mutual interest in making the glade a better place for people. You sometimes worked with him and the other builders, and not once could you say that you didn’t have a good time. You and Gally even had quite a few inside jokes that would often raise many confused eyebrows, but it was all good fun. You definitely enjoyed being around him, and given the way you truly felt about him... The way his closeness would make your heart skip, his intense gaze would make you weak in the knees, his deep voice would send a shiver down your spine... You wished it would somehow, some time, turn into something more than friendship.

You gave Ben an apologetic smile, silently shrugging your shoulders as your eyes averted to the ground.

You didn’t need to say it out loud for him to understand.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck in apprehension while swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat “Is there any way things won’t be horribly weird from now on?”

“Of course! We’re still friends! Really, it’s all good. We can pretend this never happened, okay?”

“Y-Yeah, cool, that sounds... perfect.” Ben mumbled the last part, giving you a sad smile as he adjusted his Runner’s vest, beginning to turn away. “Well, I’ll just... see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah! Definitely! See you out there...” You half-heartedly waved at his already retreating form, exhaling heavily as soon as you looked away. You couldn’t believe what had just happened, but you really hoped you could forget about it and that Ben could find a way to move past it sooner rather than later. The thought of him being unable to talk to you after this did not sit well with you.

You didn’t get a chance to be alone with your thoughts for too long, though, as it was at that moment that Newt has returned from the Deadheads, carrying two buckets of fertilizer.

“You don’t look too cheery. Everything alright, love?”

He cocked a brow upwards, percepting your slightly jumpy state as he put the buckets down on the grass.

“I’m fine, Newt, thanks...” You attempted a smile, but being one of your good friends, Newt saw right through it, immediately not buying it.

“Come on, now. What happened? I’ve only been gone for ten minutes...” He prodded, gently, but firmly. You had no reason not to trust Newt, so you decided to tell him.

“Ben just tried to ask me out.”

Newt whistled at that, following it with a sardonic scoff “Let me guess - the poor shank’s already off, crying in the Map Room?”

Despite not wanting to, you couldn’t help chuckling at Newt’s response as you lightly swatted his arm in playful chastising.

“Not funny! You know I hate it when someone’s upset, especially because of me.”

The dirty-blonde boy merely shook his head, leaning against his shovel in a laid-back manner “Well, what the hell were you supposed to do about it? You don’t like him like that. He’ll get over it.” He patted your shoulder, the friendly gesture doing a quick job of making you relax “Don’t beat yourself up.”

You were thankful for Newt’s words, nodding your agreement as you fiddled with the gardening fork in your hands.

“Ben is a really good guy. You would think I’d at least give him a chance, but I just... can’t. I can’t even picture it.”

“Oh, really now? I wonder why that is.” Newt huffed, a weirdly knowing glint in his eyes. “Any chance that a certain builder you won’t stop ogling might have something to do with it?”

That insinuation, as well as the casual tone he used to lace it, like it was the most natural thing in the world, instantly brought a burgeoning blush to your cheeks. Yet, you found yourself unable to deny it. There was no point - clearly Newt already knew exactly who occupied your thoughts, who would stand unmatched in a competition for your affections, if there ever was one.

“That obvious?”

“Painfully so.” He stated, simply, whilst snickering under his breath.

Your eyes widened as a panicked thought flash through them “Well, do you think it’s obvious to anyone else? To him??”

Newt laughed at the rapid change in your expression but nonetheless shook his head “Probably not, I just happen to know you a little better than most. And I definitely wouldn’t worry about Gally. Trust me, he’s as clueless as a slopper in the kitchen.”

You breathed out a sigh of relief, the rising nervousness in you simmering down. You tried to get back to work when Newt’s next words reached your ears.

“Remind me again, why do you refuse to talk to him about it? What are you so afraid of? It’s just Gally.”

Just Gally... Right. Newt may have been one of the people who understood you better than others, but he really had no clue what you were dealing with here.

“I just can’t, okay?” Your frustrated sigh and the dejected frown on your face were clear indicators of how you felt about the idea. “We’re so good as friends - he most likely sees me as just that, and if I tell him, it might ruin everything! I can’t take that risk.”

Newt listened, mirroring your frown. In his mind, there was no way Gally would reject you. He’d seen the way the tough builder looked at you when you couldn’t catch him doing it, and it was not the way someone would look at a “friend”. He didn’t believe you had anything to worry about in that department, but he was at a loss of what it would take to convince you.

“Your optimism is truly an inspiration to us all, Y/N.” He joked, nonchalantly, causing you to let out a hushed chuckle.

“Shut up... Pass me one of those buckets, will you?”

Thank you for reading! Part two coming soon.

#the maze runner #tmr gally #gally imagine #gally x reader #gladers #tmr #gally #gally x you #gally x y/n #tmr imagine #gally fanfic #gally x fem!reader #tmr fanfic #gally tmr #will poulter

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twopoppies · 3 years

Text

My Policeman Screening - Part 1

Let me start by saying these are comments from a friend who attended tonight’s screening. I haven’t seen the film. I’m just going to give you their commentary as they gave it to me. This is their initial message to me when the came out of the theater:

The movie just finished. IT’S FUCKING GORGEOUS I’m like shaking, it was so beautiful. I’m SO PROUD!! That’s what a performance with a competent director and supportive costars looks like, holy shit!!!

And DAVID FUCKING DAWSON!! EMMA!! And they kept Julia 😭😭😭

Just know I heard people being asked by staff what they thought and EVERYONE around me said EXCELLENT.

This is LONG. So long I have to split it into at least two posts. I’ll put everything under the cut for those who don’t want to see spoilers. And when I say spoilers, I mean it. This is pretty much scene by scene.

Harry gets the first billing on his own. So it opens on a beautiful shot of the water then it his name and then the title of the movie. 🥺🥺🥺 A true leading man!! I was already so proud to see that. Then everyone else gets billing during the opening shots of Patrick arriving.

Okay, from what I can remember in order: It opens with the older Tom and Marion at their home just as Patrick is being brought in from his assisted living facility. Older Tom immediately takes their dog out for a walk while Marion adjusts everything for Patrick in his new room.

She places a picture of her and Tom from their wedding day on a dresser facing the bed so Patrick sees it when he first lies down. Cue the first scream from these girls in the audience who would not stop their constant talking and giggling because we saw a picture of Harry and Emma posed. 🙄🙄🙄

So it does begin with the older versions of the three. The difference from the book is that Marion is not writing a letter. A box of Patrick’s old things gets delivered and his diary is included. So she actually finds the diary and that’s what initiates a lot of the flashback sequences.

Tom is off walking the dog, Marion is trying to make Patrick comfortable. And then the first flashback is the scene on the beach with where Harry was wearing the blue shorts and vest.

Marion is sitting with Sylvie when Tom comes over. Sylvie’s part is drastically cut from the novel, so you don’t see her getting pregnant or married. She doesn’t tell Marion (or hint rather) that he’s gay like she does in the novel. You only see her in that opening scene to introduce the younger selves and then she teases Marion and tells Tom she doesn’t know how to swim.

Then Sylvie runs off with her boyfriend but we never see her again, she’s just referenced one other time.

They changed this bit from the novel too. Tom tells Marion he’ll teach her but he takes her to a public swimming pool full of families. So it’s a very cute and light scene with up tempo 50s music included. There’s a brief slow mo shot of Tom swimming and Marion being infatuated of course, to imply she’s already falling for him. The parents from the novel are cut too, no scenes with them. When Marion and Tom meet on the beach, he tells her there he just got back from the service and he’s already a Policeman. And she’s already a teacher.

Like the novel, they get to know each other by the swimming lessons and Tom says she must love books if she’s a teacher. He asks her if she knows about Art, she says a bit and there’s a sweet scene where she takes him to a library and they just sit in silence while he’s earnestly reading about an artist he found out about.

He asks her if he’d like to go to a museum since he knows someone that she can talk to about art. Enter younger Patrick.

And omg…when I tell you David Dawson was perfect. EVERYONE was perfect, especially the younger trio. But when I tell you the younger three has the BEST chemistry. And David instantly captivated me. What a presence!

So this is where Tom introduces Marion and Patrick for the first time.

Patrick asks if they would like to attend a play and Marion says sure. But as they’re walking out, Marion says something about attending (I didn’t catch it) but Tom says they can decline Patrick’s offer if she really doesn’t want to go. Marion says no, they should go since she doesn’t want to hurt Patrick’s feelings.

So this is when they go on their first outing as a group. And omg, they’re all so lovely together. If I didn’t know what was coming, I could’ve just watched them be silly as sing together while in a bar. David and Emma both have BEAUTIFUL voices!!

There’s a montage of the three in a bar, then driving together into the countryside for a picnic. Harry sings along with them but (and maybe this was a deliberate decision by the filmmakers) but you hear David and Emma’s voices over his. This montage of their outings is when you start to see the dynamic play out. In the theater, they sit MARION, PATRICK, TOM In the bar, Tom and Patrick grab each other to sign before Marion joins them. In the car going into the country, she’s sitting in the back while Patrick is driving and Tom is sitting up from with him 😭😭😭

Between the younger flashbacks, it did go back to the present. Older Tom stays away from older Patrick completely. Older Marion gives older Patrick his bath/meals/pills and reads his diary (unbeknownst to him).

As in the novel, older Patrick’s his mobility and speech are severely impaired. Rupert Everett gave a wonderful but heartbreaking performance.

The first entry Marion reads is the night Tom went to Patrick’s apartment to have his portrait drawn. So this differed from the novel too!

Those photos we got of Harry in costume with a bag and smoking a cigarette sitting on the beach happen right before he goes to Patrick’s apartment for the drawing session. His uniform is in the bag and, like the novel, he tells Patrick he brought it in case he wants him to wear it for the portrait. Patrick says yes, tells him to change they start.

They talk briefly, Patrick asks why he wanted to be a policeman. Tom says to help people, to which Patrick replies that’s how he differs from other cops. Tom questions him and Patrick says he keeps his distance because not all are like that. Then Tom gets defensive, he sits up straighter and gets this very almost robotic look (or more militarized) and says something like “the police only seek out criminal offences and take appropriate actions when they’re committed”

Patrick offers him a drink right away to change the subject. And then it cuts to them relaxed, Patrick is wearing Tom’s jacket and hat pretending to be a cop and making Tom laugh.

Tom says Patrick will probably think he’s a drunkard for having 3 scotches but Patrick says cops deserve to have fun after they clock out.So they both relax on the couch. And start talking. And this is where my mind glitched Because Gina 🥺🥺🥺

Okay…I swear to god this happened and I KNOW it happened because Patrick has a line about it and this fan I talked to after (that I’m 100% sure was a larrie because she mentioned it too)…The fan mentioned it.

You know that clip of the boys that everyone credits with turning them into a larrie? When Louis pushes his arm back because Harry just uses two fingers or so to stroke his arm

Okay, so in the SCENE Tom and Patrick are sitting on the same couch but a little bit always from each other cause they’re manspreading but Tom has his arm outstretched towards Patrick. So Patrick is kind of talking and then Tom just delicately, WITH THOSE SAME TWO FINGERS I’VE WATCHED OVER AND OVER AGAIN just slightly strokes Patrick’s neck. And my mind immediately went blank because I’VE SEEN HARRY DO THAT BEFORE.

but when I tell you my heart rate sped up because it was so gentle like some of the touches between Louis and Harry used to be.

Wtf wtf wtf. IDK, IMM ACTUALLY ONLY PROCESSING IT NOW AS I’M TELLING IT TO YOU.

So of course Patrick pauses. And Tom pauses. Then Patrick just goes for it. So they don’t have multiple sittings for the drawing, they put the blowjob scene here!

Tom initially says he’s “not like that” and Patrick dismisses it and goes for the kiss. And it’s so sweet and tentative before he gets down on his knees in front. You get a shot from behind the couch/Tom’s head then you just get Harry’s beautiful acting as he falls apart.

SUCK MY DICK OLIVIA WILDE. We need more QUEER pleasure represented on our screens. But I digress. 🤣

Then it cuts to Tom getting dressed quickly after and saying they can’t do this, it’s wrong. Then Patrick says, rightfully so, “YOU TOUCHED ME FIRST!” But Tom can’t argue with that so he flees. and it cuts back to older Marion finishing up the diary entry.

Her behavior never changes towards Patrick, she even shares a cigarette with him even though he’s not supposed to have any and she keeps trying to get Tom to see him.

So from the first blow job scene, Tom returns to the apartment drunk, asking Patrick if he’d keep drawing him. Of course Patrick is totally thrown off given how they parted before. But he sees Tom is drunk and doesn’t want his neighbors to find them again (during the first visit, a neighbor does come out but Tom is introduced as a cousin)

Tom is of course struggling with everything. He yells a bit. And oh Harry was so great. I told [another friend], I actually was able to get lost and (despite the rude crowd) JUST see Tom. I was so heartbroken for him.

But of course Patrick understands and they actually have sex. And oh wow…once again, OLIVIA WILDE SUCK MY DICK.

It wasn’t raunchy but it was EXPLICIT. You see them together a few times. In the bed and on the couch with Patrick riding him, OH MY GOD!! It was beautiful shot!! It was actual GAY sex and not some bullshit scene with Harry’s head under a skirt.

You do see Harry completely nude from behind. I would say a step further than Brokeback Mountain, no full frontal. David is gorgeous, his bf is also lucky. 😂

DWD is fucking child’s play in comparison. The gays stay winning.

I told [my friend] gay sex should always be shot this way. It was obviously well choreographed. The riding scene had beautiful vertical lines of their bodies shot from a small distanceIt wasn’t obscene, it was supposed to show them falling apart together and it was lovely.

They end up in bed together with Tom’s head on Patrick’s chest and that’s where Patrick says he had a previous partner that was killed for being gay. So they decide to obviously keep their relationship a secret.

It was so natural and Harry looked so amazing. I was so strangely proud, again just to see him be able to do that and recognize it as art and have it be a part of such an important story.

I know people are gonna ask you, so just to get it out there: Tom tops in every scene. When they’re in bed, Patrick does switch positions with him but just to kiss along his neck. And honestly, for a second I thought we were getting a rimming scene because Harry kind of arched his back 😳 But then it cut away. That DID make my eyebrows go up a bit but then no. Good form though, Styles. And congrats Louis, you lucky mfer.

OH! Before Tom goes back, there is a scene where Patrick visits the gay bar mentioned in the novel. He thinks he ruined his moment with Tom, so he goes to find someone else. They go to an alleyway and he’s about to blow the guy when two cops come. Patrick escapes but his guy is arrested.

Part 2

Part 3

#my policeman screening #my policeman #my policeman spoilers #spoilers #mine #my policeman screening report part 1

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fanfics4all · 3 years

Text

New Arrival

Request: Yes / No Request - Female reader is Toni's cousin who arrives in Riverdale and ends up being rescued and befriended by Sweet Pea. after a few months Sweet Pea and Fangs develop a crush on her [no one knows her father is a business associate of Hiram Lodge, you don't need to have this part in. veronica is my fave female character] @whoviancumberbunny

Requests are closed <3 Have a nice day/night

Sweet Pea x Fangs Fogarty x Fem!Reader

Word count: 2169

Warnings: A Ghoulie being an asshole and I think that’s it!

Y/N: Your Name

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

Y/L/N: Your Last Name

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK!

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you!

Masterlist

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

My Father was a bad guy. He’s associated with one of the worst people I’ve ever met, Hiram Lodge. He was the absolute worst person, especially with how he was trying to buy up the area where my cousin lives! My Father didn’t seem to give any fucks about the ‘reject’ side of the family. I was done with his shit. I packed my stuff up and decided I was gonna move to Riverdale. I had called my cousin Toni before I made the decision and she agreed to let me stay there, after she talked our Nana of course. I was so excited to see her, it’s been forever! I made sure I grabbed some money from my Father and left for Riverdale. When I got there I knew no one from the Northside of town went there, so I started my walk from the bus stop. Lucky for me I didn’t bring everything I had, so it was easy to carry my shit. Once I crossed over to the Southside, I could instantly see the difference. It was like the town didn’t give a shit about this side. Toni really wasn’t lying. I was pretty sure I was close to the trailer park, but honestly wasn’t sure. I looked down at my phone to call Toni, but I ended up walking into someone.

“Hey, watch it bitch!” The guy growled and I looked up to see a guy in a black studded vest and dark eyeliner on.

“Sorry dude, no need to be an asshole.” I said and went to keep walking, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

“You’re new around here, clearly, so let me tell you how this works. I’m with the best gang in town, The Ghoulies, and you can’t talk that way to me. So, you’re gonna make it up to me.” He said with a smirk and looked me up and down. I rolled my eyes and got out of his grip.

“Yeah right, idiot.” I said and continued walking. I thought that would just be the end of it, but he grabbed me and slammed me against a wall. I hit my head, but it was probably just gonna leave a killer headache.

“Now you’re really gonna have to make it up to me.” He growled and pulled out a knife. My eyes widened and I gulped.

“Be a good girl and you won’t get hurt.” He smirked. I felt my blood run cold and I knew what was about to happen.

“Hey! Get the fuck off her!” Someone shouted and the guy looked back to see a tall guy with a snake tattoo on his neck. He must be with the Serpents, like Toni!

“This isn’t your business Snake.” He growled.

“I said-” Tall guy said, pulling out his own knife.

“Get the fuck off her.” He growled, stepping closer to him. The guy holding me had fear flash in his eyes, but recovered quickly.

“Whatever, bitch aint even worth it.” He said and shoved himself off me. He ran off and the tall guy walked up to me, putting his knife away.

“You alright?” He asked and I nodded, picking some of my stuff off the ground.

“Thanks, I just got into town and clearly don’t know much.” I said and he chuckled.

“Clearly. What are you doing here anyway? Who the hell wants to come to Riverdale?” He asked and I gave a small smile.

“I’m moving in with my cousin.” I answered and his eyes widened slightly.

“Is your cousin Toni Topaz?” He asked and my smile grew.

“Yeah, do you know her?” I asked and he smiled.

“She’s one of my best friends.” He chuckled.

“Thank God, I was just about to call her because I might be a little lost.” I laughed.

“Where are you trying to go?” He asked.

“Sunnyside Trailer Park.” I answered and he laughed.

“Yeah, you’re a little lost. How about I give you a ride.” He offered and I smiled.

“Really? That’d be great!” I said and he walked over to his bike.

“Hop on.” He said. I got on the back, while keeping my stuff on my arms, and wrapped my arms around his waist.

“I’m Sweet Pea by the way.” He said and I smiled.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” I answered and he smiled back.

“Hold on tight.” He said and we sped off. I’ve never been on a motorcycle before, but I was loving it! We made it to Toni’s trailer pretty quickly and Sweet Pea helped me carry my stuff to the door. I knocked and Toni answered with a huge smile.

“Y/N/N!” She said and pulled me in for a hug.

“Sweet Pea? What are you doing here?” She asked, confused.

“Y/N here got herself into trouble with a Ghoulie, I was riding by and saved her.” He answered and Toni’s eyes widened.

“What? Are you okay?” He asked and I smiled.

“I’m fine T, Sweet Pea saved me before that idiot could do anything.” I said and she sighed in relief.

“Well, thanks Pea.” She said and Sweet Pea smiled back.

“Of course Toni.” He said.

“Alright, well I’ll see you later tonight.” She said and Sweet Pea nodded.

“Why don’t you come along?” He asked.

“Where?” I asked.

“The Wyrm. It’s the bar I work at and also the Serpents hang out.” She answered and I shrugged.

“Yeah sure, sounds like fun.” I smiled.

“Awesome, well I’ll see you guys later, I gotta go meet up with Fangs.” Sweet Pea said and left.

“Fangs?” I asked and Toni chuckled.

“I’ll introduce you later.” She said, pulling me inside.

“Why does everyone have such weird names around here?” I asked and she laughed.

“They’re nicknames, I’m sure you’ll get your own soon enough.” She said.

The two of us spend the day unpacking and catching up. I realized that I didn’t know my cousin as well as I thought I did. I mean, how the hell did I not know she was bisexual!? She said that she was more into girls than guys though. Talking with her made me realize I made the right decision to come here. When it hit seven she told me we were going to the bar. I was excited to see where she worked, it sounded like a really cool place. When we got there everyone looked our way, most people greeted Toni and looked at me weirdly.

“Yo Toni! Over here!” A short guy shouted and Toni pulled me along with her.

“Hey guys, this is my cousin Y/N, Y/N this is Fangs, Jughead, and well you met Sweet Pea already.” She introduced me.

“Toni! Let’s go!” An older man called her and she looked at me.

“Sorry, gotta work. Jones, mind keeping an eye on these two for me?” She asked.

“What? Why us?” The short guy, Fangs, asked.

“Because, I don’t trust you two around my cousin.” She said and Sweet Pea rolled his eyes.

“I literally saved her from a Ghoulie earlier.” He said and Toni just shrugged. “Don’t care, you two are the biggest flirts in the world and I wouldn’t be surprised if you got her drunk.” She said and walked off.

“She’s always been protective.” I laughed.

“I think Toni left something out when she was telling us about you.” Fangs said and I furrowed my brow.

“What?” I asked.

“She didn’t mention how cute you are.” He said and I couldn’t help but blush.

“This is exactly why Toni asked me to watch you too.” Jughead said, rolling his eyes.

“Yo Hogeye! Two beers!” Sweet Pea called and the man that called my cousin nodded. He brought Sweet Pea two beers and he offered one to me. I smiled and took it from him.

“That’s the other reason.” Jughead sighed.

“She’ll be fine Jones.” Sweet Pea said and I smiled.

“Yeah, it’s just one beer.” I said.

Getting to know Toni’s friends was awesome! Jughead shared the same sense of humor I did, he was smart, passionate, and just seemed like he’d be an awesome friend. Fangs was really cool, he was a flirt, but not as much as Sweet Pea was, and he seemed genuinely caring and sweet. Sweet Pea clearly had a sense of loyalty, but had a short temper. I knew that I would get along with everyone easily and I would really like living here.

*Six Months Later*

I’ve been here for half a year now and I haven’t heard anything from my Father, surprisingly. I had joined the Serpents, which everyone was very supportive of. Toni felt more like a sister to me than a cousin now and it was amazing. Jughead and I were good friends, but Sweet Pea and Fangs had become my best friends. I found myself crushing on both of them for different reasons and I felt a little guilty about it…

I was currently at the bar working, but Toni had off tonight. She was helping Nana with something at home. I was watching Sweets and Fangs playing pool and smiled at the boys. They were betting like always and I smirked, Sweet Pea was bound to win, like always. I have never once seen Fangs beat him. The two of them walked up to the bar and Sweet Pea looked very smug, while Fangs looked sad.

“Let me guess, Fangs is buying again?” I asked.

“You know it Angel.” Sweets said with a smirk.

“Maybe you’ll buy for me too when I get off in an hour?” I asked, batting my eyelashes slightly.

“Of course Cutie, anything for you.” Fangs said and I felt my heart flutter at each of their nicknames for me.

“Perfect, well here you go, two beers.” I said, placing the bottles on the bar.

When I finally got off work I went to go find my two friends. I thought they would just be at the bar, but they weren’t. I was confused and decided to look near the pool table, sure enough they were there playing another game.

“I thought you guys already played your game for tonight? What are you doing an all or nothing thing?” I asked and the two turned to face me.

“Uh, yeah…” Fangs said and I looked at the two confused.

“What are you guys betting this time?” I asked and they looked at each other.

“If you wanna try and come up with a lie, you might wanna be a little more discreet about it.” I said with a small smirk. Sweet Pea sighed and looked back at me.

“Fine, we were playing to see who got to ask you out…” He said and my eyes widened.

“W-What?” I asked with a blush.

“Hypothetically, who would you say yes to?” Fangs asked with a hopeful smile.

“Dude, you can’t just ask her that!” Sweets said.

“Why not? It’s not like we can just finish the game and do the bet now.” He said and the two looked back at me.

“So?” Fang asked.

“U-Uh, honestly?” I asked and they nodded.

“Both of you.” I answered and their eyes widened.

“What?” They asked at the same time.

“Honestly, I have a crush on both of you. I’ve been feeling a little guilty about it because you’re both amazing and if I dated one I would still like the other and that just not fair.” I answered and they looked at each other then smiled.

“What if you didn’t have to date just one?” Fangs asked.

“Huh?” I asked.

“What if you dated both of us?” Sweets asked and my eyes widened.

“What, like a poly relationship?” I asked and they nodded.

“And you both would be alright with that?” I asked.

“Hey, if I have to share you with someone I’d rather it be my best friend.” Sweets answered.

“Yeah, besides we’ve hooked up with each other before so there’s clearly some feelings there.” Fangs laughed and my eyes widened.

“Really?” I asked and they nodded. A smile slowly made its way onto my face and I looked at the two boys I was attracted to.

“I think this is a great idea.” I said and Sweets instantly pulled me to him.

“You have no idea how happy you just made me with those words Angel.” He said and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back.

“Hey! She’s my girl now too!” Fangs whined and pulled me away from Pea and crashed his lips onto mine. I smiled and laughed slightly.

“Hey!” Sweets growled and I pulled away from Fangs.

“Alright, rule number one, no fighting over each other.” I said and they looked at each other.

“Fine, but he can’t hog you!” They said at the same time and I laughed.

“You two were made for each other.” I said and hugged both of them. This town just keeps getting better for me!

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs-blog1 @schisbro87 @lover-of-books-and-teas @nerdygaloresposts @teenwolfbitches2 @genius2050 @drw0301bieber @lady-of-lies @ravenmoore14 @ravenempress101 @cillianchamp @rowanthomasknapp @rachelxwayne @emo-godess-loves-you @hiya-imthatgirl @mindsetjupiter @averysinclaire @mittelerde1999 @sweetest-peas @rousewriter @camiconfessions @thecaptainsgingersnap @cenyddtheunicorn @jacksxsouthsideserpents @lover2448 @hatter-madigan3 @mamacobie13 @staygoldsquatchling02 @wanderlust-and-poetry @hiighdeex3 @ayeitsjaz @skeletalwolfcat @scarrasco1325 @reblogserpent @darkestbeforethedawn16 @fandom-princess-forevermore @will-noble-owns-my-ass @t-a-i-l-o-r-m-a-d-e

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writingsbychlo · 3 years

Text

smoke and fire (16)

word count; 9744

summary; thomas does his best to explain and make amends for the interruption of the night before, but things always seem to get in the way.

notes; again, this part ended up getting too long so it was split up, the finale of this became the next part.

warnings; reference to drug use, reference to injury.

Slamming your car door shut, you took a deep breath. Brenda had collected you the night before and driven you back to the station to get your own car, a gesture you were thankful for because you weren’t so sure getting a cab would have been the best thing for you this morning. You were almost late, only a few minutes off the beginning of your shift, and you could still see the night team clearing out, sleepily waving polite greetings to you as they got into their vehicles to head home.

Grabbing your bag from the backseat, you slammed that door shut too, locking the car up and tucking your keys into the front pocket of your day bag, you didn’t even bother putting it onto your shoulder, covering your mouth with a yawn as you wandered towards the buildings main entrance. Your bag bumped against your leg as you went, feet dragging on the tarmac as you tried to shake away your exhaustion, a smile pulling at your lips as you remembered your night with Brenda.

As promised, she’d brought a bottle of wine and enough take-out food for the entire Squad, before following you back to your place upon picking up your car. You drank, and ate, and she listened to you complain about everything that had happened before doing her best to give you advice. She told you about how things were progressing between her and Minho, and that she was thinking of asking him out on a real date, and she watched Adam Sandler movies with you until the early hours.

You’d caught a few hours of sleep after she’d sobered up from half a bottle of wine and driven herself home, and you’d pumped yourself full of enough coffee this morning that you were almost jittering, but you still felt tired. However, you did feel a lot better.

Until you rounded the corner to the main door, and Thomas perked up from where he was slumped against the doorway, standing up straight as his back left the wall beside the door, eyes fixed on you as you approached, and your footsteps stumbled for a moment. He met you halfway, pausing before you and he stayed a foot or so away, hands twitching by his sides as debated whether or not to reach out, and you grasped your bag a little tighter, holding it with both hands now.

“I don’t know what to say, or where to start.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Thomas.” You let out a soft sigh, his shoulders slumping, and you shrugged. “I mean, there’s really nothing to say. There wasn’t anything hidden and there were no secrets, you didn’t sneak around behind my back, it’s just something that happened.”

“I know, but I wanted to explain to you that-”

“You bitch, how do you look better than me when you drank more than I did?” Brenda all but yelled the words, and you winced, chuckling a little as she came up to your side, hopping with her steps, and you admired how much energy she had.

“Pretty sure it was you who drank more than I did last night.” You retorted, and she shrugged, linking her arm through your own. The bell overhead chimed, muted from being inside, of the building as the door sat pegged open, and your eyes flickered to the building. “I haven’t even gotten changed yet, does this make me officially late?”

“I’ll distract Vince so you can sneak into the lockers?” Brenda teased, and you rolled your eyes at her, smiling nonetheless.

“I have to go.” You held your bag up, shaking it a little at Thomas, and he nodded his head, face smoothing out as his frown lessened a little.

“I know, I know. Can we talk, though? Please, at some point?” You rolled your lower lip between your teeth, before nodding, and trying to offer him the best smile you could, despite the pain swirling through you right now.

“Of course, later, alright? I have stuff to do first. I still need to fill out all the forms for medicine and equipment used yesterday. I didn’t do it after the call.”

“After that, though?”

“After that.” You confirmed, and he stepped out of your way, lingering for a while as Brenda tugged you along the corridor, her arm looped through your own as she pulled you away into the corridor. Once you were approaching the locker room with no Vince in sight to chastise you for not being changed yet, she glanced back over her shoulder, letting you copy, to catch sight of the doors to the common room swinging as Thomas walked into there instead of following. “What are we looking for?”

“Thomas.” She huffed, holding open the door for you as her arm left yours and you thanked her, jumping a little as it slammed closed, behind you both. She took a seat on the bench before you as you opened your locker, dropping your bag down and pulling it open to expose your uniform, before tugging your hoodie up and over your head. “So, you’re really just forgiving him? Just like that?”

“What are you talking about? He didn’t technically do anything wrong.” Her brows raised at you, eyes narrowing a little as she tried to analyse you, while you tugged your smart new shirt up your arms, buttoning it up over your vest. “Don’t look at me like that, Bren, you know it’s true. He loved her, and you know that as well. Of course, he told her things he didn’t tell me, they have way more of a history, a deeper connection than we do, and there was a lot of unfinished business because it was a messy end.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t love her, anymore. You told him all of your secrets!” She argued, and you nodded, undoing the belt of your jeans and popping the button, shimmying them down your legs before folding them alongside your hoodie. “If you love someone, you should be honest with them, and not let them be caught off-guard with a whole shitstorm of things they don’t know!”

“Exactly. If you love them.” You mumbled, covering your bare legs with your smart work trousers, and pushing your feet back into work-appropriate sneakers that you’d abandoned, listening to her huff as she caved, nothing else to say. “Really, I’m not mad, you shouldn’t be either, nobody should be mad at anyone.”

“Well, I need to be mad at someone, because I’m anxious about asking Minho if he wants to go to dinner with me, and I’m better at being angry than nervous. Anxiety doesn’t suit me.” She huffed, and you grinned, putting your bag away in the locker and swapping out what you needed, before sitting down beside her on the bench to tie your laces. “What if he says no?”

“Then he’s stupid.”

“Well, duh, I’m hot as hell and great in bed.” She scoffed, and you grinned, flicking her in the forehead for sassing you. “I know, but I mean, what happens to us if he says no? Do we keep on hooking up like I didn’t ask, will things get awkward?”

“Well, y’know, you have to ask. Otherwise, you’re always going to wonder what could have happened, and you’re so hung up on the bad that you’re not seeing how awesome things could be.”

“It seems ironic to hear you saying that, what with how you used to be.”

“I’m trying to give you genuine advice, smartass.” She let out a sound of protest at the insult, before letting the last of her nervous defences down for you. “Look, just ask him. If he says no, then you know where he stands and you can move on. Either way, you stop hooking up as ‘just coworkers’. You might become something more, you might not, but you gotta’ take the chance. The same way I took a chance all those months ago by staying here and not running away like I always do, and it worked out for the best.”

“The best? Even though things are rocky with you and Thomas?”

“Whatever is going on between me and Thomas is just a fleck on the surface of it all.” She stared at you, waiting for you to go on, a vulnerable look in her eyes. “The ‘best’ I referred to is finding a family and a home with you all, and finding best friends like you and Newt, and a place to stay for however long I can. I don’t want to move anywhere, and it’s been a long time since I’ve been happy where I was, but I am here, thanks to you all. Even if things never go any further between me and Thomas, we’ll still be friends.”

“Okay, I guess you’re right. Which I rarely admit, so make the most of it.” She gave in, a smile taking over, and you held a hand out of her. She high-fived you, taking the offering, and you beamed, standing up and swinging your leg over the bench, before offering your hands out to her and pulling her to her own feet. “C’mon, I’ve got stock to take in the ambo, and you have a date to ponder.”

She sighed, dramatically, but wandered away with you. When you parted ways at the main door entrance, Newt was already sitting in the back of the ambulance, with the doors open, the clipboards out in front of him and both of your bags on the stretcher, the cupboards all open before him. The pen was held between his lips, and his phone was in hand one thumb moving rapidly over the screen as he typed away quickly, various diluted expression flickering over his face as he spoke.

You knocked on the door, your friend clearly not having sensed your arrival because he jumped rather violently when he heard your arrival, glancing at you for a second and letting his shoulders slump, before finishing his message and hitting ‘send’. He chucked his phone to the side to let it land on the beside your bags, and came forwards, sitting on the edge of the ambo’ and letting his legs swing. The pen dropped from his mouth, caught in his fingers and wiped on his shirt, your brows raising as you waited.

“I’m arguing with Derek.”

“Why?” You poked, his frown only deepening, and he shrugged a little, a flicker of anger passing over his features. “Seriously, what happened?”

“He cancelled our date, again. That night he was going to stay over, he didn’t but he said an emergency situation came in at the hospital and I figured that made sense. But then we rearranged for a week later, and he cancelled that too, and now he cancelled our rearrangement of the rearrangement which was supposed to be tonight, so I’m kinda’ mad.” Newt sighed, rolling his eyes slightly at his own reaction, and you plucked the pen and the clipboard from his hands, putting them down on the van floor and stepping a little closer. “I hate relationships.”

“Me too. You want a hug?”

“Mhm.” He stood, holding his arms out wide, and you wrapped yours around his waist as his went around your shoulders, squeezing you in tight to his body, and his chin hooking over your head. “So, why do you hate relationships? I thought you had a hot date last night?”

“Yeah, well, sometimes things get in the way. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But, you know I’m here if you do want to, right?” Newt pulled back enough to look at you, and you nodded your head, unable to help the smile you let out at his honesty.

“Yeah, I know.” You nudged his shoulder, and he stepped back, picking the clipboard back up, and clambering up into the van, holding a hand out to tug you up to follow. “So, I’ll count, you do the math, and we get it done in half the time?”

“Deal.” He beamed, and you set to work, turning your focus to the first cabinet, and the sets of bottles. You knew that there was no chance you’d actually used this much medicine, half of these bottles still had the seal on because they were so rarely used, but it was your job to check not only the quantities used but also their expiration dates and what needed replacing.

After pulling on a clean pair of gloves, you opened each jar, tipping the contents out into your hand if it was opened and counting each pill carefully back into the packet, so then it could be checked against the medication logs issued out, Newt adding everything up and writing down each name of medicine or treatment as you went.

You checked every cabinet methodically, rearranging the bottles inside of their holsters and putting them back, moving across the cabinets above the beds. The pair of you moved ins silence, as you always did when doing this job, putting your main focus on the medicines you were calculating, but his company was simply soothing enough.

There was something about being with Newt that was calming, doing this job was calming. It hadn't always been so, for a few months when you’d first moved to this house it had been tense and made your skin crawl, the silence for well over an hour as you counted bottles save for calling out numbers and giving dates on bottles used to make you feel uncomfortable. Now, you loved it. The quiet time with Newt made you feel relaxed, like you could let your walls down, and the mundane task of counting the medications gave you time to think. It was a safe space you could always use to clear your thoughts, a weekly task that helped you to keep your mind in order.

There was a lot on your mind today, everything from fear and confusion to an odd sense of serenity. You already knew that no matter what happened, this was your home, and if things never progressed between you and Thomas, if the furthest the two of you ever got into exploring what could be was the kiss that barely counted on his couch, you weren’t going anywhere. These were your friends, this was your family, and it was an incredible feeling like a rush of warmth simply to know that you were strong enough this time to make it through the pain, and that you didn’t have to run anymore.

Moving across to the drawers behind yourself, Newt was purposefully avoiding the buzzing on his phone as he moved to the bed, the humming of ‘Mr Sandman’ under his breath getting a little more aggressive each time another text came in, and you snickered as you listened to him.

“You know, you’re going to have to talk to him at some point.”

“Yeah, but not right now. I’m mad right now.” He scoffed, turning the device off entirely, and you gave him a pointed look, which he was more than eager to avoid. His pen went back to scratching at the paper, scribbling down notes with a little more force than necessary, and you turned back to finishing the final drawers. The supplies in there were definitely running low, everything from the needles to fluid bags was on the short side, and you needed more water bottles to go in the fridge, because you’d used up the last of them.

When the job was finally complete, you were simply left with grabbing your bag, and taking it with you as you went to the stockroom, ready to count what was in them and grab what you needed. Flicking on the light, it was cold inside, the concrete walls having no radiators attached to them, and you shivered at the icy feeling that had gotten caught inside.

Placing your bag down on the table in the middle of the room as the musty yellow light overhead warmed up and got brighter, Newt grabbed the large plastic basket from the table and added that to the middle, the clipboard and plastic bag following. You sourced another pen from the pot, used to Newt’s routine by now, and he handed you two cheers of charted paperwork, keeping two himself, as the two of you split the supplies that needed gathering.

Turning to the shelves, you glanced down at the first item on the list, staring at the writing on the paper for a second, before giving in. “Newt, can I ask you a question about Thomas?”

“Sure! Especially if it’s something embarrassing. Did you know he cried when Tony Stark died? Sobbed like a toddler who got their toys taken away.”

“Okay, first of all, we all cried.” You mumbled, grabbing the first few bottles from the shelf that you needed, and stacking them into the box. “But, no, this is something serious.”

“Okay, well, shoot.” His voice was a little strained as he reached up to one of the higher shelves, pulling a box forwards to get at the contents inside, and you left a little tick next to each box as you gathered the correct amount, or left a number next to the ones where the full amount wasn’t available, so you’d know what to order more of.

“Do you think Thomas is still in love with Teresa?”

“Oh, fucking hell, it is a serious question.” He had turned to face you, you caught his eye as you twisted to another bottle of ‘carbamazepine’ into the crate of supplies. “It’s also a loaded answer.”

“Stop looking at me while you tell me, it’s making me nervous. Pack as you talk.” He chuckled at the request, turning back to his work, and taking a few hesitant moments, before letting out a slow breath.

“I don’t think he does, no. This house was having a lot of substitute paramedics filling in with me before you, and Thomas was angry and upset for a while, and he made it real difficult for anyone to take this job because for a few months he was sure she was coming back, and then he lost hope at all. Around about month eight, you showed up.”

You felt slightly nauseous, like you’d somehow started prying into his business where you weren’t welcome, but Newt was sharing it with you, and there was arguably nobody who knew Thomas better, and what he’d be okay with you knowing.

“He was still hurting when you showed up, as you know, but then he wasn’t hurting anymore. You changed that for him, and he was happy again, he didn’t blame himself so much and he wasn’t so mad. I don’t think he loves her anymore.”

You swallowed thickly, not too sure what to say, and so you switched onto the next page of your set, staring down at the numbers, and trying to clear your thoughts. It was a lot to take in; on the one hand, it filled you with warmth and made you feel a little more secure, but on the other hand, it only made you doubt things further, because you wondered why he’d never told you any of it himself.

“Why do you ask?”

“Teresa showed up last night.” Newt hissed under his breath, the shaking of pills inside plastic sounding, and he continued to pack his collection. He finished before you did, putting down his clipboard and pen before opening up his bag, and moving on to restocking it with sprays and cotton pads. “She said they had unfinished business, and she knew a whole bunch of stuff that made me feel like I barely knew him. I didn’t even know about his mom, Newt. She knows him, I don’t.”

“She also left him.” He sighed, clearing his throat and forcing you to look at him as you finished your sheets, taking your bag and standing opposite him. “What you and Tommy have is nothing like what they had. She already knew everything about him, he’s taking it slow with you, he’s nervous. Maybe that's why he didn’t say anything. He really likes you, okay? You should talk to him about this.”

“I know, I know.” You huffed, shaking your head slightly, and giving in to the silence again as you packed your bag up carefully. You filled it up again, a fresh canister of antiseptic, new cotton pads, fresh packers of paper stitches and needles threads, and some new painkillers. When you were done, you grabbed both bags, Newt grabbing the basket, and the pair of you headed back toward the ambo’.

When you arrived, there was someone leaning against it, and Newt froze in his tracks, face growing a little icy as he stared at the man there. He looked sullen, white lab coat and scrubs swapped out for skinny jeans and a hoodie, his hands tucked into the pockets, and you felt like you were suffocating in the tension.

“What are you doing here? I am working.” Your partner hissed, stepping a little closer, and Derek lifted a set of flowers that he’d placed on the bottom of the ambulance, an offering as he gave Newt a soft smile. “You can’t have those here, and not in the ambulance. Some people have hay-fever, you know.”

“C’mon, are you really still gonna’ be mad at me?”

“Yes, I am, because you keep fucking cancelling on me,” Newt muttered, stepping past his boyfriend and into the truck with his box, huffing when he stumbled a little on his leg, and Derek placed a supportive hand on his back. You offered your friend a shrug when the dark-haired man sent you a pitiful look, begging for help, but you had no idea what you could do. “You know, if we’re breaking up, just say it.”

“Do you think that if I wanted us to break up, that I would have come all the way down here with flowers to apologise after you stopped answering my texts? Huh?” Derek pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head as he was evidently exasperated with the situation, and you placed down your bags, under the stretcher, tucking them away securely, and Newt was angrily putting away bottles and packets. “I cancelled our first time, and that was a mistake, okay? The second time I just freaked out, because it had so much pressure on it then, and you know my relationship history.”

There was a story there, and you shuffled from foot to foot, feeling like you should go, but Newt shot you a desperate glare the second you took a few steps back, and you were frozen in your place to awkwardly endure the conversation you were listening to.

“Then, I felt bad for cancelling the second time because I was nervous. We rearranged again but I wanted to make it up to you, and do something more special, and you didn’t even give me a chance to explain!”

“There’s nothing to explain, you just keep cancelling! You’re the one who suggested taking this step!” Newt’s voice raised a little, nearing a shout, and you poured your lips together. “You said ‘maybe we should call it off for tonight, and wait a few more weeks, and do something else’. If you aren’t ready, or you don’t want to, just say it! But don’t keep rearranging if you don’t plan to go through with it!”

“I was trying to ask if you wanted to go away with me for the weekend!”

“You were-” Newt cut himself off from his shouting, his cheeks going red, and he stopped where he was putting away equipment to stare at his boyfriend. “You were?”

“Yes, you hot-head! I was trying to ask if you wanted to go away for the weekend, when there would be no interruptions, we could book it off. Then you got mad at me and stopped answering, so I had to drag myself out of bed, on my day off, to come down here and fix it.” Derek huffed, and you covered your mouth to muffle your chuckle, but it didn’t work, because both men turned to look at you.

“I’m gonna’ go get more water bottles. You keep unpacking.” Newt nodded, face still flushed, and you spun on your heel, smirking to yourself as you walked away. Entering the common room, a few of the firefighters turned to look at you, raised brows as you made your way through the kitchen to the large cupboards continuing water bottles.

“What’s with all the yelling?”

“Newt got a visitor, and some flowers.” You teased, gasps and teasing going up around the room, and Fry raced to the window with Brenda to peer out of it. Thomas was sitting at the kitchen island, an abandoned bowl that had the remnants of cereal sitting beside him, and he watched you go as you pulled out several packets of water bottles to refill the fridge with.

“Are you almost finished with the ambulance?” There was hope in his voice, his eyes wide as he looked at you, glitter swimming in his irises, and you nodded, closing the cupboard door with your foot. “We can, uh- we can talk soon, then?”

“Yeah, we can.” You lifted one packet of the bottles, feeling a little guilty at the cold shoulder you were giving him when you’d sworn to yourself you wouldn't because he wasn’t to blame, and that you wouldn't take your pain out on him, because that would only put the two of you back to where you were when you’d first joined this team. “Do you wanna’ help me carry the water? If you’re not busy?”

He perked up a little at that, a small smile forming and he stood up, reaching out for two packets straight away. “I’d love to.”

Following after you as you took one of the final two, he followed after you quietly, turning to look at you with raised brows as he backed through the swinging doors and caught sight of Derek and Newt. The two seemed to have calmed down considerably, Newt was no longer yelling, and instead, he had a beam on his face, sitting on the edge of the van where Derek was leaning and staring up at him with what could only be described as heart-eyes, and you huffed a little.

As you approached, Newt’s attention moved to you, his cheeks going red as you placed down your packet of water bottles, placing your hands on your hips, and Derek turned to give you a wider smile now that he wasn’t as stressed.

“You know, when you gave me his number, you promised me peaceful.”

“Uh, I absolutely did not. I could never promise peaceful from Newt. I promised calm and simple. I have delivered, because as far as I’m aware, Newt has yet to force you on a rollercoaster or make you go skydiving.” Newt gagged falsely, before tearing open the plastic of one packet loudly, and opening the fridge to begin stacking them inside.

“I hate rollercoasters.”

“I know.” You teased, and he flashed you a toothy grin, while continuing to put water bottles into the door of the mini-fridge. “There’s another packet of bottles, I’ll go grab it.” You jerked a thumb over your shoulder, Thomas sticking his hands into his pockets, turning to look at you as Derek began to say his goodbyes, the two talking quietly among themselves and consolidating plans with as much privacy as they could get. “Then, yeah, we talk.”

He nodded, motioning his head over towards one of the fire trucks, promising he’d wait there for you, and you only nodded. It took you only a few moments to grab the last collections of water, Derek walking away and offering you a wave as he left, a little more of a pep in his step and a smile on his face than it had been when the pair of you had first seen him, and Newt was grinning madly to himself in the back of the van as you approached.

“So, not as dire as suspected, then?”

You placed the bundle down, leaning over it a little and balancing your forearms on it, crossed over as you looked at him, and your partner sighed happily. “Okay, so, maybe I was overthinking it, and maybe I reacted too soon, but there was compelling evidence, you gotta’ give me that.”

“I never said I didn’t!” You teased, and Newt lifted a whole packet, unopened, and began to stack them into the fridge, the scuffling of shoes a few metres away reminding both of you of Thomas’ presence, and Newt gleaned at his best friend over your shoulder, a split second diversion, before his gaze was back to meeting your own. His look said it all, and you slumped a little more, pouting slightly. “I know, I know. I’m gonna’ face up to it, but sometimes ignorance is bliss.”

“He looks like a kicked puppy. I hate seeing him like that.” Newt frowned, and your shoulders slumped a little further. “I hate seeing you like this, too. It’s killing me.” He reached a hand out, placing it over your cheek, and swiping his thumb over your cheekbone gently, matching your pout. “I’m here if you need me. I’ll support you. I’ll finish up with the bottles and put the stock order through. Go sort your shit out.”

“Thanks, Newt.” You took a deep breath, your gut twisting anxiously, before standing up, and turning around to face Thomas, who was waiting patiently, and pretending not to be trying to eavesdrop.

Making your way over, Thomas offered you a small smile, lips pursed together, but it looked more pained than genuine, and you felt bad that he was so worried, because you didn’t want him to have to be scared to talk to you. No matter what, you’d still be his friend, and his family, and a member of his team.

He shook himself down slightly, and you lifted a hand, placing it on his arm gently, just below his elbow, giving it a light squeeze and he seemed to lose some of his tension at the simple action, his gaze dropping down to it. He paused for a second longer, but he looked back to you, and you could see the cogs working in his mind. “Relax, alright? You look like you’re about to have a meltdown. You wanted to talk, just say what's on your mind.”

“There’s so fucking much on my mind, though, and I can’t think straight.” He huffed, words running out so quickly they all ran together, and his brows furrowed slightly. “Look, first, I just wanted to apologise, okay? Before we get to anything else, I feel like shit for letting you walk away, and having to get Brenda to come and get you. I was just, I don’t know, in shock, I guess? I wasn’t thinking, just like I can’t think now, there’s so many fucking thoughts, my head hurts.”

You frowned, and his eyes flickered over your features, waiting for a reaction. You weren’t sure what to say, but his gaze was too intense, though he seemed to pick up on your forgiveness because while your touch dropped away from his arm, you didn’t step away, and you allowed him to take a hesitant step closer, lifting a hand towards your cheek. Before it could land, you were looking away, your brows furrowing, and he pushed away stray hairs from your forehead. “Uh, Aaron?”

“It’s Thomas, actually.” Your sights snapped back to the man before you, an unamused look on your face despite the twitches of your lips, a direct contrast to the smile he was wearing as he attempted to lighten the situation, and you smacked the back of your hand against his shoulder.

“No, dumbass, Aaron.” You pointed behind him, to the main bay doors, and he swung around, turning to face the driveway, and the young boy you had helped so many months ago was walking up the front pathway of the firehouse, hands tucked in his hoodie pockets. His body sagged a little, hands falling to his sides and curling into light fists, jaw tensing a little, like he’d only just actually registered what you’d said. “Can I-”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’ll just, y’know, wait here.”

You smiled, as best you could with the heavy air settled between you both, before turning to Aaron. He glanced around the garage, seemingly nervous, hiding it behind a scowl before he finally saw you and an endearingly happy look took over the teens face. Your footsteps were quick, almost a skip as you made your way over to meet him at the entrance, and his hands untucked from his pockets, one pushing his hood down from his head to his neck, and you took him in for a second.

There were scars, faded and scarcely noticeable unless the cuts he’d once had were burned into your mind, and you hadn't noticed any kind of limp as he was walking up here, showing that his physical therapy had been paying off, almost a year of it making his recovery possible. There was more colour to his skin, he didn’t look as pale and washed out as the first times you’d met him, and his hair had grown longer, shaggy and sitting long enough for him to run his fingers through, covering the tips of his ears. His smile reached a little wider.

“Aaron, what are you doing here? I mean, I’m thrilled to see you, you look like you’re doing so much better, but this is a surprise.”

“Yeah, I can see that, it looks like I interrupted something important. Are you in trouble?” He gasped, holding a hand over his heart, and you turned to look back at Thomas, who was leaning against the firetruck and kicking his heel back against the tyre.

“I am, but not the kind you think.” You mumbled, staring at him for a second longer, before bringing your attention back to the kid before you. “So, what’s up?”

“I, uh, you’re part of my rehab. Well, my therapy, really.” He scratched at the back of his neck, an embarrassed laugh leaving him, and you placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing comfortingly. “I went to rehab, and I’ve been clean since the hospital, and my physical therapy worked, obviously. But, my sponsor suggested I started actual therapy, and for months I hated the idea, but I hit super low a couple weeks ago and I wanted to relapse but I didn’t want to let my sister down, and I didn’t want to let you down, and then I realised how long it had been since I’d seen you..”

“Oh, but I’m so happy for you! The fact that so much time passed by without you realising is a good thing. It means you’re doing well, and I couldn't be prouder of you.”

“Really?” He sighed, daring to look up from the concrete he was staring at, warm cheeks signalling his nerves.

“Really.”

He nodded, smiling again now, and letting his anxiety slip away, relaxing before your very eyes. “Good, because, I also wanted to ask you for some advice.” You raised a brow, curiosity filling you. “My therapist thinks I should set goals, y’know? I transferred schools and moved to a new neighbourhood and I got a kinda’ fresh start, and it’s nice, and my therapist says I should pick something to work towards. My grades in school are kinda’ crap and I’m working hard to pull them around but it’s a lot to catch up and with my history, I’m probably not going to college, so it leaves me with limited options.”

“Kid, don’t think like that.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Because, there’s a lot you can still do that doesn’t require you to have good grades. Maybe I won’t become a super cool paramedic, but,” He cut himself off, shy once again as he rocked on the balls of his feet, and you couldn't contain your smile. “Y’know, maybe a firehouse candidate doesn’t need all A’s?”

“You want to be a fireman?”

“I mean, is that too much?” He was worried now, and you hadn't intended for it to come across that way, shaking your head rapidly.

“No, of course, it isn’t! I’m just surprised. I’m also really, really happy for you. I think that sounds awesome.” He beamed, an expression that read like you’d made his whole day, and you filled with warmth at the idea. “I’m not sure on how it all works, I’m pretty sure you have to do a couple of training courses, and a season at the academy in your free time for your physical training, but I don’t know what that entails. However, one of our other firemen, Jeff, only finished his candidacy a couple of years ago, so he’s pretty fresh with it all. How about I talk to him, and get him to give you a call with some more information, yeah?”

“You’d do that for me?”

“‘Course I would, kiddo.” You reached out, messing up the mop of hair he had, and his face formed a scowl for just a second, smoothing it back down as you giggled, before turning away. “Let me grab you a pen and paper, hold on.”

He nodded, and you stepped away to the ambulance, opening up the passenger side door and reaching into the dash compartment, searching around for the pad and pen you knew was in there, among other pieces of junk, before finding both pieces. The young man took them from you when you returned, leaning against one of the side tables as he scribbled down the information he had; his name, his phone number, his email address, before handing it back over to you, his lips pursed to contain his expression as he kept up strong appearances.

“You’ll hear from him soon.”

“Thank you so much.” You tore the paper from the pad, tucking the pen through the rings and folding the used sheet neatly in half.

“It’s just some information on some courses. It’s nothing.”

“No, no.” He shrugged, biting his lips for a second, before focusing on what he wanted to say. “I meant, thank you for saving my life.”

There was more in his tone, more than just the physical act of changing his life, and as he stared at you honestly without a hint of anything but gratitude, you tried to blink back tears that were forming, and ignore the stinging in the back of your throat. “Well, that was my pleasure. Thanks for making me so proud with what you’ve chosen to do with it.”

“That was my pleasure.” He mocked, chuckling when you rolled your eyes at him, before he took a step back. “My foster mom is waiting for me in the car, I gotta’ go.”

“Go make me proud, come see me again soon, okay?”

“I will, I promise.” He hesitated for a second, before stepping forwards, and letting you wrap your arms around him as he squeezed you back just as tightly, sagging into you with what you guessed was a much-needed hug for him, running your hand up and down his back soothingly.

“You’re such a good kid, Aaron, you’re gonna’ be great.”

“I hope so.” His voice cracked slightly, and he avoided your eyes as he pulled back, rubbing at his nose and turning to make his way back toward the street.

He turned, waving at you for a second, before he was gone, getting into the car that was parked up and almost completely hidden by the bushes lining the pathway, but you saw enough to watch the excited look on his face as he spoke to his mom.

They chatted for a few minutes, before the car was pulling away, and you watched as he waved again upon seeing you still standing there, the car cruising past, and your cheeks were almost aching from your smile. Turning around, you detoured to the ambulance to put the pad and pen back, before Thomas was making his way over slowly, and you turned to him.

“Good chat?”

“He wants to be a fireman, Tommy.” His face softened a little at your joy, and you couldn't help it, feeling particularly attached to this patient, as he’d been so important to you, and you knew you’d never forget him. “He’s in therapy, and he didn’t relapse, and he wants to do something with his life. He said he wanted to make me and his family proud, and he wants to do something important and give back. God, he deserves it, he’s working so hard.”

“That’s amazing, sweetheart,” Thomas spoke gently, and you nodded, joy shooting through you.

“Yeah, it is. I told him I’d get Jeff to give him a ring or send him an email with some more information since he was a candidate pretty recently, but maybe you could too?”

“Of course, yeah.” You put the piece of paper securely into your pocket, patting it to confirm, before turning back to Thomas.

“Anyway, you were saying something before. You can continue now.” Thomas tensed up again almost immediately, and your mood was already beginning to lower again, but you tried not to let it sink any lower, no matter what Thomas had to say.

“I was just trying to tell you I was sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I mean, you loved her. Of course, she was going to know more about you, and it was messy, so there was unfinished business on her end and clearly some on your end, too. Which wasn't exactly a shock because you were still pretty upset over it when we met, I just didn’t know it still cut you up now.” You shrugged, confusion flicking over Thomas’ features, before dismay and disappointment were taking their place.

“That’s the thing, though, I didn’t know there was still unfinished business until she showed up. She was right there, and she was speaking about things like it was still a fresh wound and not something that happened almost two years ago, and it threw me.”

“Thomas..” You paused, nervous sickness sweeping over you again and you tried to steady it. “I think a little part of you must have known. I mean, I get it. It was sudden, and you were invested, and there was no build-up. But, you still had pictures of her up in your living room, and you still had her number, and ever after all this time, you were still willing to ‘catch up’ with her when she stepped back into your life. Somewhere, deep down, you knew, you just didn’t want to think about it.”

“I know how it looks, okay? I do, I really do, and I know I fucked up what we have going on, but there was more to it.” He paused, stuttering a little, before going silent, his words falling away, and he cursed himself under his breath as he tried to decide what to say. “She knows my mom, and I should have told you about my mom, I was going to, I planned to. But, it’s hard to just come out and say.”

“You think I’m mad, because you didn't tell me about your mom?”

“Well, I mean, I’m taking it from your tone that’s not what you’re mad about, but I don’t know if you’re mad at all, and whether that’s a good sign, or a really bad one, but-” Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you jumped violently, having forgotten that it was even there because you never normally carried it on shift, usually leaving it in your locker, but today was an exception. It continued buzzing, clearly not a text but a call, and Thomas’ face flushed with anger. “You’ve gotta’ be fucking kidding me.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot I even had it, let me put it on silent, okay?” You pulled it out, brow furrowing for a second as you looked at the number on screen, trying to place why you knew it, before the last few digits clicked in your mind. “Oh, it's the hospital! It must be about Gally!”

You looked up to Thomas, whose face smoothed over from anger at another interruption, but he nodded his head, seeming at least a little relieved. “Answer it, everyone needs to know.”

You clicked ‘accept’, bringing the device to your ear, and taking a few steps away to answer it. As you listened to the nurse on the end of the line talk, you could only focus on a few key pieces of information, humming and mumbling a few words of acknowledgement as you chewed on the nail of your thumb, pacing in the entrance of the garage.

Thomas watched you, waiting for a few minutes, trying to put together how you were feeling clearly as he stared at you, puzzled you didn’t doubt, and you eventually gave up on the spot. Nodding your head to the man, you motioned toward the common room, and he made his way to your side, the two of you walking there in silence as you entered the room, and Thomas made sure to round up anyone who wasn’t in the room, including Vince, everyone gathering in silence and the television being turned off as they all waited.

When you finally got done, all eyes were on you as you thanked the nurse who had called you, clicking your phone off and putting it away. Letting out a deep breath, your hands rubbed together, and a smile pulled on your cheeks.

“Gally is okay.” Cheering went up around the room, a giggle on your lips that only increased when Fry scooped you up, swinging you around in circles once your feet left the floor, and you slipped in his grip slightly, insisting he put you down so you could finish what you had to say; “They got the bleeding under control yesterday evening, he’s all stitched up, and last night he woke up from his meds and was able to do a few tests, before the painkillers knocked him out again. He’s had all his shots, and they finished up their examinations.”

“Why does it feel like there’s a ‘but’ to come, though?”

“Because there is.” Vince’s eyes narrowed a little bit, analytically as he studied you again, and you sighed, the joy in the room dropping away as everybody turned from their celebratory chatter to focus silently on you again. “There was a lot of nerve damage in his shoulder, and he still has some movement, but he struggles to make a tight fist. He doesn’t have enough strength to lift anything up, not even something light. Admittedly, it’s only been twelve hours and they’re optimistic about it, they have great physical therapy programs and Gally is a healthy guy, but they said they can’t promise anything solid yet, but he may not be able to return if he can’t pass the physical requirements with that arm anymore.”

“He’s okay, though?”

“He has some use of the arm, right?”

“They say anything else about his recovery?”

“How long until they discharge him?”

The questions came flying in, overwhelming you a little, and you sighed, swallowing down the lump in your throat as hesitation swept in. “He’s okay; and yes, he has some use of his arm, which is a really good sign right now. They said some people don’t show signs of movement after that kind of trauma for days after surgery, so he’s doin’ good. They didn’t say a lot, but that’s because they have to talk to him about his recovery options first, doctor-patient confidentiality, y’know?”

They nodded, taking it all in, and Clint spoke up, from where he’d been leaning against the wall in silence. “How long until we can see him?”

“We can go see him from tomorrow, as long as it’s during visiting hours, of course. As for discharging him, I’m not too sure, they didn’t say. If I had to make a guess, though, I’d say they’ll keep him for observations for another week or so, and then send him home on extended leave for work.”

That seemed to soothe everyone, plans to visit Gally and who would go and when immediately taking up, and Vince excused himself from the room, remaining professional despite his relief as he gave the reasoning of going to arrange a temporary Truck lieutenant replacement, but you suspected he just wanted to relax in his relief alone, where he didn’t seem any less strong or fit to lead by doing it in front of his crew.

You were floating on a little bit of a high, having seen Aaron and now having good news for Gally, what had started as a bad day was very rapidly becoming an epic one, despite the lingering sadness still hanging over it.

Scooter woofed, loudly, expressing his own excitement as he sensed everyone else's, and he sat up in his bed, the new cushion with his name stitched across the front that had arrived a few days ago, chosen specially by Minho himself as everyone chipped in for it, and you crouched down, tapping at the floor for him, and the puppy came bounding over.

Scratching behind his ears, his tail wagged excitedly, thumbing against the tiles floor when he sat down for you, before he was rolling over, exposing his belly to you for scratch, and you chuckled at his enthusiasm.

Golden fur as growing back on his body, no longer showing the patches that had been shaved, and he was almost at the end of his medication course, the pills that you had to crush and hide in his food to get him to at, and you certainly wouldn’t miss that struggle every day as you disguised the medicine he needed. His stitches had dissolved and burns were healed, a half-used tube of dog-friendly skin cream having worked wonders, and the bottoms of his paws that had been swollen and sore were all fixed up, allowing him to run and bound every time you took him for a walk without any pain.

“Hey, you know I taught him a new trick?” Minho came over, crouching beside the puppy and scratching at his tummy two, taking over as you pulled your hand back, and Scoot squirmed and yipped happily on the floor with his excitement. Something in Minho’s tone suggested he wasn’t talking about tricks like ‘sit down’ or ‘roll over’, and you chuckled. “Do you wanna’ see?”

“Yeah-”

“No!” Thomas interrupted, and you turned to him, brow raising, standing up a little before him, and his face crumpled a little. “I mean, in a few minutes. Just give us, like, fifteen minutes, please! No interruptions or anything, I just needed fifteen minutes to talk to you.” His tone was pleading, and you nodded, holding up your phone.

“Let’s go put this away in my locker, and then I'm all yours, alright?”

He nodded, following after you as everyone mingled around, returning to their business as they waited for the day to go by, and you unhooked your locker, placing it on the shelf inside as soon as you could. There was evidently a lot Thomas wanted to say, he looked like he was running through it in his mind, various expressions taking over one another in quick succession as his thoughts worked, and he followed you silently as you guided him out of the locker room, and into the hall. He took a breath, before you could speak, and then your name was being called by Brenda from the garage, and Thomas growled under his breath.

“Why are you the most popular person on the surface of the fucking planet today?”

His hand found your wrist, securely but not so tight as to hurt you, and he tugged you along behind him, ignoring the second shout of your name from Brenda as she entered the hallway at the opposite end of the corridor, noticing you. You glanced back, protesting a little as Thomas pulled you with him and guided you through the halls, before opening the door to his office. He looked stressed, closing the door, and turning to face you as your back pressed to it, eyes wide at the look on his face.

“I just need five damn minutes to tell you how I feel and what the hell is going on and I can’t get even thirty damn seconds today.” He wasn’t talking to you, more like yelling at the universe, but he was jittery and on edge over it all.

“Tommy..” His attention moved to you at the sound of the nickname, his features softening slightly.

“You’ve got me now. Just talk, okay?”

“Okay. Okay.” He was whispering it to himself, calming down, and his eyes closed. Two deep breaths, and then he was looking back to you, sadness swimming in pretty brown irises. “The first time I called Teresa was a long time ago, okay? You’d been here for, like, two months. We were arguing all the time and I was pretty sure you despised me but you reminded me of her and it made me miss her more. I called her, and told her I missed her. And, yeah, I told my mom that too. But, that was before any of this started.”

He waved a finger between you both, pausing for a second, and you stepped a little closer to him, placing a hand on his cheek, which he happily leaned into. “Thomas, I understand.”

“No, you don’t.” His hand closed over yours, holding your hand there for a second longer, before pulling it away. “I called her again, the night after the first time we spent a day together. After Chuck’s funeral. It had been so long since I had actually seen her, and we were drunk by the end of the night, and when I got home and I was alone again, I was sad and confused. “I wanted to tell her it was over, I wanted to finish whatever was unfinished between us, but she didn’t answer. Admittedly, it was like three in the morning by then, so I’m not really surprised she didn’t. But, by the morning, I wasn’t brave enough to face it again. It fucking hurts, still. All of it, it hurts to dig back up, but not as much as it did.”

“You’re brave, Thomas. You were brave telling me everything you have, and I know there’s something different and deeper that you had with her, and that’s okay. You can never just forget her, she was a part of your history.” He frowned, sensing it was going somewhere else. “I just need to know if I’m going to be a part of your future or not.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“Oh, Tommy.” He sighed, lips pursing when his chin wobbled, and you lifted your hand again, hovering near his cheek, and he nodded, letting you cup his jaw softly. “I’m not going anywhere, but you gotta’ decide, okay? I don’t want to be strung along, and I’m not mad at you. I’m not going anywhere, this is my home. So, no matter what happens, I’ll still be here and I’ll still be your friend.”

“I don’t want us to be just friends, though.”

You nodded, dropping your hand from his face, and he looked a little more broken as you did, but he let you step back. “I know, Thomas, but I can’t be a second choice, okay? I can’t be with you, if you’re still in love with her. Just make your choice, and let me know, okay?”

“But I don’t. Love her, I mean. Not anymore, you changed things. I know she’s back, and I sorted things out, and I know it all seems like I didn’t but I..” His words trailed off, not knowing what else to say, studying your face carefully as he tried to find what you were feeling, but if there was one thing you were good at, it was looking your feelings up tight.

Silence fell between you both, only the sounds of heavy and deep breaths to break the tension, before the chiming overhead muted by the closed office door called you both away to a call.

He paused, just for a second, before glancing at the door, signalling the pair of you to go. Once you opened the door, you could hear the rushing of the team, multiple footsteps and the sounds of engines starting as they all ran to their stations, boarding the vans, and as you reached the doorway to the corridor, a second before entering the busy garage, you turned to him, watching as he came to a halt from where he’d followed behind.

“If you want to try and make things work with her, that’s okay. If you want to make things work with me, then you already know I want that, too. I just need you to clear things up, that's all, and if you want us, then we’ll start over, okay? We’ll forget last night ever happened, okay?” He nodded, a vulnerable look on his face as he stared at you, hope flickering over his face. “You promised you’d never hurt me, Tommy, so just don’t hurt me.”

He only nodded, the two of you backing out into the main bay, and Newt was waiting next to the ambulance, the Truck can already pulling out, and Thomas was kicking off his shoes to pull on his work boots as you climbed into the passenger seat, following the first red van, as the second one followed the two of you.

Newt didn’t say anything, which you were grateful for, because your emotions were in overdrive, the idea of him picking an option that wasn’t you cutting deeper than you cared to admit, but he silently offered you companionship on the ride. He didn’t comment on your cracking voice or occasional sniffles as you tried to read off the information that had come through on the screen of the ambulance as he drove, to prepare you both for what was coming.

#thomas #thomas x reader #thomas/reader #thomas the maze runner #dylan o'brien #dylan obrien x reader #dylan obrien/reader #dylan obrien thomas #dylan obrien the maze runner #firefighter!tommy #ff!tommy #smoke and fire #SAF

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serene-victory-77 · 3 years

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Why The Crows Being Teenagers Is Actually Perfectly Realistic

There’s a TL;DR are the end because wow I like to rant.

I lightly discuss the general situations they’re all in to explore how they are frighteningly mature and competent, but it’s not particularly depressing or descriptive, it’s definitely lighter than the books

I thought about this post with a joke first: “People who think that Six of Crows is unrealistic because they’re so young clearly have not spent much time with traumatized honors students.”

It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stands.

But I decided that, hm, actually, I could make a point about this. I totally agree with the aging up of the characters in the Shadow and Bone show, but when people straight up say that the books are wrong or unrealistic for having a young crew, I get annoyed, and here’s why (other than me reading the books for the first time when I was 13 and thinking ‘Huh okay, I see it’ and now being lowkey offended when people say they ignore it for being unrealistic):

On Inej

- At first I thought Inej’s wisdom and general demeanor was one of the most unrealistic things in the book

- When I thought about it longer, I was like “Actually, she’s 16, right? I’ve sent some of the most lyrical philosophy trying to help my friends while in high school. My friends have done the same. It’s valid.”

- Frankly, teenagers love hard-hitting philosophical truths. They love repeating what they’ve read or heard in movies and in books and from family stories. They love sharing little bits of wisdom they have come up with

- Inej’s ability to hear and understand philosophy and wisdom that she was surrounded by for 14 straight years and then sit on it and elaborate it for her friends to understand, or even just to piss them off in Kaz’s case?

- Teenagers have that. They do it. So, Inej’s Wisdom passes, to me. It’s valid.

As for her being calm

- You know how everyone jokes that Kaz seems calm on the outside but when you get to his POV he’s like “What the fuck” at the Van Eck house or just straight up “Huh, is this revenge for making tree jokes” at the Djel River thingy in the Ice Court?

- Inej is like that, too. And she gets angry, and she gets confused, or exhausted.

- AKA every quiet kid ever. Like, are you kidding? Have you ever been in a situation in which it’s literally chaos all around you, people are screaming and things are being destroyed (think middle school classroom with bitchy long term substitute and even worse students), and you’re just, calm? You pick up your things, you do what you need to do?

- That’s Inej. Like, what else is she gonna do? She’s smart enough to know that panicking won’t help anyone, and so she just rides it out. Internally she might be like “Why is this happening” but frankly, her being quiet and controlled in most situations is probably a coping mechanism and I respect that

- Pretty sure this is also based on the fact that the Suli have no land for their own and constantly have to keep moving. It might align with generational trauma, I’m sure someone could explain it better than me, but being able to keep your cool while constantly having to change and adapt to new situations, in, say, a country with hellfire politics and no land to call your own? Seems like a hereditary trait that could be useful in Ketterdam, although it’s sad.

On Inej’s abilities

- Simone Biles started training when she was 6 and went to the World Artistic Gymnastics Championships when she was 16, where she qualified in all the events.

- There are videos of people walking over tightropes as young as three years old. We know Inej didn’t start that young, but not only was she naturally talented at it, but she spent a lot of time practicing. I think it’s valid. Plus, some of her family members do some pretty crazy things in her flashbacks, because that’s the whole point of what they do.

- Youngest person to beat American Ninja Warrior was 16 year old Vance Walker

- Inej has a variety of of tools that help her wall climb, and while it’s true that she started young and got good really fast, she already had a history of physical work that would help her, and from what we can gleam from the book, a surprising amount of free time in which she was actively encouraged to learn everything she could.

So that’s Inej! I think her skills are perfectly possible for someone with her history and situation. It’s true that she’s naturally skilled, but that’s not actually all that unusual. And her demeanor and wisdom do fit in with what a lot of teenagers are like and the circumstances she was brought up in

Onto Kaz!

- One thing I hear about is that Kaz is too smart for not having gone to school and also too young to know all that he does

- Do you all KNOW how many self-taught people there have been in this world? The word for people who are self-taught is autodidacts, and honestly a huge amount of famous people apply. Like many, many other people in history (there’s a whole list of them in Wikipedia), he had an vested interest in a field and he learned all he could. Sure, those fields were magic tricks and math, but still.

- Suddenly I have a lot of thoughts

- Okay, think, hyperfixations. That’s essentially what Kaz’s thing with magic tricks was, right? Have any of you ever spent time with an eight year old that clearly really, really loves dinosaurs? Those kids can spout names and facts and identify them by their skeletons and frankly know more than I ever will. Kaz’s was magic tricks. All kids are special.

- Kaz continued working on magic tricks and practicing them for years, so, I think that gets a pass.

- As for the math! Look, a Fact Of Life is that some kids are just Like That, whether it be possibly from neurodivergence or other factors:

- Flo and Kay Lyman are twins with Autism who basically have the calendar of EVER memorized. Kaz memorizing card decks is sensible, and these ladies don’t need to look up anything to figure it out, so Kaz doing sums inside his head seems plausible. His “photographic memory’ isn’t impossible, although the term itself might be incorrect.

- Katherine Johnson who worked at NASA (yes, the lady from Hidden Figures), was so good at math that she was in high school by age 10 and went to college at age 15. It’s true that she had some teaching, but 1. There’s no evidence Kaz had absolutely no schooling, even if it was just at home with books and 2. Kaz was 9 when he came to Ketterdam, and after Jordie died, when he wasn’t surviving, he was learning.

- Human calculator is a term that is applied to children a lot and there’s definitely plenty of videos showing how smart these kids are and them doing mental math easily, which he does in the books

- He had a LOT of pressure on him to figure out all he could, and if he wanted to move forward, he was going to have to learn a lot. He spent hours practicing magic tricks, for all we know he spent hours practicing math too. We know Jordie was a bit of a bookworm too, so Kaz from a young age probably already had a reason to learn. Personally, a lot of my love for books was inspired by my older sibling when I was younger

- Young people are adaptable. Kaz is incredibly adaptable. The term prodigy exists because of people like him through history.

- As for him being rational, there’s no other way to survive. Some of the greatest soldiers in history have been very, very young, and very, very smart. It’s true tacticians are generally considered to be older, but that doesn’t mean there haven’t been very young ones.

- A lot of the generals I found were like, 19 years old, but Kaz is 1. not a general and 2. in a place where young people take up the mantle really, really quickly, and frankly it’s been like that for a long time. I still think this passes. This isn’t relevant but William the Conqueror was apparently called “The Bastard”?

- Frankly, underground communities of thieves probably don’t go around publishing their escapades so to me it makes sense that I can’t just look up “famous young thieves” and get anything that makes sense, but I did try

- Y’all I tried to do research on youngest escape artists since I think Kaz qualifies and I found myself in what I think is a magicians forum? It’s from 2002-ish and I feel like I’ve just found a relic. I can’t definitely prove they’re all saying the truth, but some of the people there talk about 10-11 year olds at magic camps, so, it’s not impossible for this to be a skill Kaz learned really young, particularly when he made a habit of following around magicians

- I think he passes the realism check overall

For the other Crows:

- Nina being so proficiently multilingual makes sense to me, because she’s been in the Little Palace almost her entire life with all the best teachers they could afford at her disposal. Some people just click with languages. One such would be Timothy Doner, who spoke 23 languages at 16.

- Nina is a child soldier. She of course can handle the battlefield, although I imagine there’s a degree of trauma that she has to deal with (although it’s true that most of her work was always meant to angle her towards being a spy).

- Jesper was taught to shoot from a young age by Aditi, who was likely incredibly proficient. Plus, there’s mentions of him and his father being on some sort of frontier at one point in the books, so, it’s likely that Jesper got his fair share of ‘being a child soldier” since he would’ve been 15 or younger. Plus, with being a Fabrikator, he gets a leg up

- Jesper’s smart y’all, he just also likes to have fun

- I am a little terrified by the fact that I looked up ‘youngest sharpshooter’ and found out about a 9 year old girl (Addysson “Addy” Soltau) who can indeed shoot guns, but uh, it does prove my point

- Matthias... I haven’t heard anyone really argue about Matthias. He’s the oldest at 18 and again, he’s essentially a religious child soldier. Of course he would be built af and know how to handle himself in a fight, and in a flashback about meeting Trassel, we’re told that he was actually distanced from the other boys and was the biggest and strongest/smartest of the group. Perhaps not compared to Kaz, but still

- We know how Wylan ended up how he is, so I don’t think i have to defend how he’s both a musical prodigy, good at math, and good at chemistry. Plenty of kids who can’t do one thing will immediately gravitate to a different field (think AP math students who can’t write essays, or those kids who could analyse a book and it’s metaphors in class but didn’t understand geometry).

- Granted he took it far but it’s kinda implied that his father ignored him eventually and what else was Wylan going to do

- I don’t really know how he did chemistry while not being able to read the symbols and stuff, but that’s likely because I’ve never had to learn the way he did and also I really suck at Chemistry, but I refuse to believe that it invalidates his capabilities

Final Thoughts:

- They’re Traumatized Honors Students

- People might say that “it’s unrealistic that all the smart ones somehow ended up together” but again they’re traumatized honors students and those gravitate to each other

- Of course the smart ones ended up together, they’re the ones in those crazy situations precisely because they are prodigies. Nina wouldn’t have met Matthias if she wasn’t skilled and a spy, Kaz wouldn’t have known Inej if she hadn’t been skilled at silence (I can’t explain that one but uh ninjas did/do exist and it IS still a fantasy world). Kaz would have never been a leader of the Dregs in a position to find Jesper if he hadn’t been so determined to rise to the top, and Jesper wouldn’t have been in Ketterdam if his father hadn’t thought that Jesper was smart enough to get that chance.

- You know how those fringe revolutionary artists for new eras end up knowing all knowing each other and even hanging out? That’s them.

- I have decided there is a strong basis for Autistic Kaz, someone who is more studied than me should feel free to explore this.

- I read this book a few years ago, A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah. It’s about this guy’s experiences as a boy soldier and it’s a painful read so I’m not sure I recommend it as a casual read, but he talked about these young kids being able to actually make competent military strategies and handle warfare. It’s an extreme example of what I’m trying to explain when it comes to them being able to handle the brutality of their situation, but it’s true, essentially

- They are definitely serious, but if you think they’re not teenagers I just, disagree so much. They have moments of lighthearted banter, they make light of their situation, they try to support each other Nina covers it so well in her farewell at the end of Crooked Kingdom: The little rescues of laughing at each others jokes or eating together and just supporting each other, is not only a very human thing, but a very teenager thing.

- Scary experiences that shape us happen all the time, and although for most it’s not the things that the Crows experience, picking each other up is a big part of why they do read as teenagers to me. I’ve seen kids be able to seriously converse about things like being questioned by the police, or being left to their own devices for days at a time, or the general impending doom they all feel, and it’s dark, but they’re also going to joke about silly puns 20 minutes later.

- Teenagers aren’t exempt from terrifying maturity and competence

- Finally: Despite all I said, it’s a fantasy story and doesn’t have to be realistic

In the end, everyone can believe what they want to believe, but this is my case for my opinion.

TL;DR The Crows are all prodigies and a lot of their achievements and capabilities are based in reality and there are real people who actually achieved things like what they’ve done. Messed up prodigies gravitate to messed up prodigies, hence how they all end up together. When it comes to their mental state, most of them have been brought up their entire lives in situations that required for them to problem solve and keep their cool even when things are going to hell.

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doyumacy · 4 years

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FALLOUT |LH| ONE

*gif not mine

TWO

SUMMARY: You, at such young age made your way in business becoming a successful one. With that a lot of jealousy and rivalry came. Your mother finally convinces you to hire a team of security just in case someone tried to hurt you. And that’s when Donghyuck becomes your personal bodyguard, following you everywhere you go. You don’t mind at all since you find him very entertaining and nice. What you don’t know is that he’s the one that has been hired to keep you close and kill you.

PAIRING: reader x bodyguard!donghyuck

WARNINGS: mentions of jaemin and taeyong. swearing, blood (i’ll let you know when there are parts with blood mentions), smut, violence, angst

WORD COUNT: 2,8K

7 am. Wake up, take a shower, have breakfast and rush to the office. That was your daily routine and you were used to it. But no that morning. You were getting ready to go to your interview with the TIME Magazine. They were working on an article that would be called “Women Under 30 Are Leading the Pack in Entrepreneurship and Innovation.”

4 years ago, you’d wake up around 9, get ready to go to class and have lunch with your friends, but how does time change, right? Now you were a CEO of your own company with no time for your friends or even yourself. It’s not like you hated it, you liked being a CEO and being recognised by your hard work. It made you proud and wanted to show people that if you really want something and if you work hard for it, you’ll get it.

At the main entrance, you were greeted by the staff and one of them guided you to the room where they interviewed you and took some pictures of you.

That wasn’t your first interview, but you couldn’t feel nervous because you wanted to say the right words to encourage other people.

...

“Lia, I will be back in ten minutes. Can you sort this papers out on my desk?“

“Okay, Boss.”

It was a beautiful sunny day and the office was busy as usual. You were reading the contract at the table trying to get some order into them when the door opened. Nobody just walked into your office without knocking, so of course it had to be…

“Hi mom...” you greeted her.

“Hi sweetheart,” she smirked at you. “How are you?”

“I’m great,” you nodded and placed the papers on the table, “what brings you here, mom?”

“I can’t visit my beautiful daughter?” She put her right hand on her chest.

You giggled. “Of course you can, but I’d love you to call me first.”

You stood and walked towards her, hugging her. “You want some coffee? Water?”

“I’m fine, darling. I just had brunch with a friend,” she smiled and sat in one of the chairs in front of your desk. “Speaking of which, she told me something that got me really upset at you.”

“Why?” You frowned and sat in front of her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re getting death threats, (Y/N)?” She looked at you.

You sighed. “Because they don’t matter. You know I don’t pay attention to that. It’s pointless.”

“We’re not talking about hate comments, (Y/N). Someone is threatening you with killing you.”

“Mom, you don’t have to w-“

“Of course I can, and I will. That’s why I contacted an old friend who used to be the Prime Minister’s bodyguard. He’s gonna meet you tomorrow,” she informed you.

“Tomorrow I can’t, I have a meeting.”

“Then you better make some space or you’ll be seeing me here everyday,” your mom smiled. “This is serious. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You’re my baby.”

“I can take care of myself, mom. Please, I don’t want a full team of bodyguards,” you sighed.

“You will only have 2 and you won’t even notice they’re there,” she said and placed a hand on yours. “Please.”

You stared at her for a couple of seconds and then sighed, nodding. “Okay, fine. But it’s temporary.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Later that day, after going home you went to the supermarket to get some groceries and went home. You loved cooking, but you weren’t exactly the tidiest when it came to prepare your delicious meals.

After you ate, you checked your email and realised that your mom’s friend had sent you a file with the two people that would be working with you. Somehow you expected an army of people and that annoyed you, but you thought you could with two people. You didn’t even bother to check the profiles since you knew what their work would be.

You closed your laptop and went to your bedroom. Sometimes you thought your life was boring because you barely talked to someone else. Your last relationship didn’t end well and you were still a little bit hesitant to know someone else. Or scared.

And friends? You didn’t have many, but Lena, Taeyong and Jaemin were always there for you. And so were you.

You knew Lena since you were a toddler, your mother was good friends with her parents and you two got along very well. You met Taeyong in high school when you were trying to find the science room and since he was a senior, he helped you. Everyone used to think Taeyong and you dated, but in fact, you never loved Taeyong that way. You saw him as your older brother and he as his younger sister. And last but not least, you met Jaemin through Taeyong.

At first both of you didn’t get along well since he was all an extrovert and didn’t quite understand you were a little introverted, but he with time understood and stopped forcing you. Then you became the crackheads of the group, always laughing and going out and sometimes getting drunk.

You loved college days.

And love? You met Jaehyun during your first year of college, he was in your economics class and you couldn’t help yourself falling for him. He was charming, funny and so handsome.

Jaehyun was your first everything: your first love, your first boyfriend, your first kiss and the first guy that broke your heart.

You two dated for almost 2 years, but ended when he told you he didn’t love you anymore and didn’t want to hurt you and left.

Months after that, you took the opportunity to go as an exchange student to Japan where you met Yuta. You were never a thing, but both of you had feelings for each other but never went official since you would stay there only for 6 months.

You came back to Korea and graduated, and had no time for love since you were too busy starting your business. But Yuta would come on business trips to Korea sometimes and meet you.

But the last time you saw him was a year ago.

The next morning, a tall man showed up to your office holding a black folder. Everything about him was intimidating and you knew he was your mom’s friend.

“Good morning, Miss (Y/L/N). I’m Kim Hyunwoo,” he extended his hand.

“Hi,” you greeted and you shook hands with him. “Yeah, I’ve heard about you. Please sit.”

“Thanks,” he said and sat in one of the black chairs in front of your desk. “I sent you an email yesterday, did you read it?”

“I saw it, but didn’t read it. Sorry,” you apologised.

“It’s okay, that's why I brought this,” he placed the black folder on the desk and tossed it to you. “These are the files of the people that will be working with you.”

“Why is it important to check them out? I mean, they’ll be around me 24/7.”

“Because I want you to know their abilities and their tasks.”

You sighed and grabbed the folder opening it. You saw the first man around his 30’s, no emotions showed in his face. Kang Sungho. According to his file he was specialised in driving and trained in evasive driving techniques, such as executing short-radius turns to change the direction of the vehicle, high-speed cornering, and so on.

You passed the next page and saw a picture of a man with tanned golden skin, brown hair and dark eyes. He looked intimidating. He was trained in pretty much everything, from every type of knife to every type of gun.

Impressive.

Suddenly, the door from your office opened and the air left your lungs momentarily when his eyes met yours, dark and calculating. You expected him to offer you a polite smile as most people do, but his face remained in a stern mask. You somehow prayed he wouldn’t be your bodyguard because the less thing you needed was a distraction.

“Miss (Y/L/N),” the voice of your Hyunwoo forced you to switch your gaze to him and you shoot him a questioning look. “This is Lee Donghyuck” the boy nodded slightly in your direction at the mention of his name, “he’s your new personal bodyguard.”

You couldn't help but let your eyebrows raise comically. The world somehow hated you.

“You would not even know I’m here, Miss,” Donghyuck said.

You nodded.

Donghyuck awoke to the steady patter of rain upon his window, droplets yet to scatter the nascent rays of the rising sun. He realised he had awoken up ten minutes before his set alarm, which made him grumble.

He got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, took a cold shower and after that, Donghyuck put on a black pants and before putting the white shirt, he put on a bulletproof vest making him look thicker and then continued with a white interior t-shirt, a white shirt, put on his tie adjusting it and lastly, he slipped on the black jacket.

Donghyuck gave himself a quick look in the mirror and sighed. He placed his hands on the countertop and asked how did he end in that position?

Yes, he was an assassin.

No, he didn't kill women.

But the money he was offered to do so was such a big amount that was almost repulsive. And he needed the money.

Donghyuck had never pretended to be someone else before, he just showed up and took down his task and then left. Now he was stuck with some random woman and follow her until she was in love with him and kill her in the worst way.

What was with people these days? He didn't want to know.

Jeno was already awake and had made breakfast, “you gotta eat well today in case you die protecting your boss,“ he joked and sat down in front of him.

Donghyuck and Jeno had known each other for many years and were roommates. There was kindness in his smile, a good man. He knew what ‘Haechan’ did for a living, but decided to ignore it since he rather thought his friend was also a good man.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “I cant believe I'm doing this.”

“You can't still say no, you know?” Jeno looked at him.

“I know, but I need the money,” Donghyuck said and had a sip of coffee, “I will retire after this.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don't wanna do this anymore,” Donghyuck shrugged.

“Well, then get the job done and get those millions,” Jeno said and then shook his head, “that sounded awful. Ignore it.”

Donghyuck laughed. “Are you sure you don't wanna work with me?”

“One hundred percent.”

…

A perfectly collected black-haired woman, dressed in a skirt under her white knee and a pale pink blouse appeared in the room. "Good morning, you must be Lee Donghyuck, right?" She asked kindly.

"Yes," Donghyuck replied, "Hello, you are....?"

"I'm Yun Somin, Kim Hyunwoo personal assistant," she smiled nicely. “You’re the new bodyguard we hired a few days ago.”

"Nice to meet you,” Donghyuck expressed.

“Please, come with me so I can give you your equipment,“ Somin said.

Donghyuck followed her to a room that was an office painted beige and champagne, and it had only one wall-sized window, which faced the buildings. On the dark brown desk sat a desktop computer, a notebook lying open, and a stack of papers sitting under a turtle-shaped paperweight and there was a swivel chair in the middle of the office. A bookshelf, bursting with books was behind the dark brown desk.

Somin opened a desk drawer and pulled out a black box that contained a small stainless steel knife, a Beretta Px4 Storm and finally a earphone for a walkie-talkie.

Donghyuck put the earphone on his ear and the walkie-talkie on the waist band. He put the gun away by placing it on the waist band as well and the knife inside the inner jacket pocket.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N)’s codename is Sunflower. Whenever you’re public, that’s the name you’ll use,“ Somin informed.

Donghyuck nodded, “Sunflower. Got it.“

Somin opened the door for him and let him in. You were if anything was better looking than Donghyuck expected. Your face told of a leaned body beneath your wintry garb and your expression was serious but not unkind.

You were hot.

Fuck. Donghyuck thought. He was so screwed.

“You would not even know I’m here, Miss,” Donghyuck said.

You nodded and cleared your throat. “Well, let's keep going. We have a long day coming,“You said, walking to the door.

Donghyuck walked behind you and raised his arm above his mouth and spoke into the mic, “Sunflower's going out.“

…

You were the smile, or at least that was what Donghyuck thought of you. Everything about you was a soft and understated joy as you greeted each person at every event. You really cared about the people and their interest and could see in your eyes your uprightness. People loved you and Donghyuck didn't quite understand why someone wanted you dead. Your kindness couldnt be the reason, could it?

“So, Donghyuck, what do you think?”

He turned back to Sungho. “She's different from every shark out there. Yeah, I’ll bet they’re lining up to off her.”

“Well, someone’s been sending some pretty disturbing emails. The NIS can’t pin the guy down.”

“They’ll find them.“ Donghyuck addressed.

The eventful day was over. You all spent the day going to different meetings with several people. You were exhausted but you were happy to see your friend Taeyong, after not seeing him for almost two months.

The black car stopped at a red light and you took the opportunity to take out your phone and reply to some text messages. You realised Donghyuck was looking at you and Donghyuck quickly looked straight ahead. “So, Donghyuck? You have been doing this for so long?”

“Not really, ma’am,“ he responded.

You considered him. He didn’t look like his concept of a bodyguard, big and beefy. He wasn't that tall. Slimy built, with a very attractive face, enigmatic yet intelligent dark eyes and dark hair. “And what did you do before?”

“I… used to train some people at a boxing gym,“ Donghycuk lied.

“Cool,” you smiled. “Maybe you could show me some movements.”

You quickly regretted saying that because of how red your cheeks got. Donghyuck smirked without looking at you.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, Donghyuck got out of the car and opened the door for you and you entered the restaurant with him following you.

"Sunflower's in," He spoke into the mic.

A young woman, with loose hair dressed all in black, took you to the restaurant's private lounge, where Taeyong was already waiting for you.

You hugged your friend and smiled, "The Bahamas suited you."

"Thank you, Woman-Under-30-Leading-the-Pack-in-Entrepreneurship-and-Innovation" Taeyong beamed and looked at Donghyuck, who stood with his back to you right at the glass door, "who is he?"

You looked at Donghyuck and spoke as you sat down, "It's my personal bodyguard."

“Why do you have a personal bodyguard? Did something happen? ” He asked worriedly.

"Don't worry, everything’s fine," you calmed him down and grabbed the menu, opening it.

He sat in front of you and still looked worried, “how do you want me to be calm? Something is going on and you don't want to tell me. "

You smirked a little and shook your head, "really, Taeyong, everything is under control. There’s nothing to be concerned about.“

Taeyong sighed and nodded, "Okay, I will believe in your words."

You smiled satisfied and began to read the menu. Taeyong did the same. Jaemin stood in front of the door of the restaurant's private lounge but Donghyuck prevented him from entering.

"Identify," Donghyuck demanded, looking at him.

"Na Jaemin, owner and chef of this restaurant," he replied, frowning, "who are you?"

Before Donghyuck responded, you opened the door and looked at Jaemin, “I'm sorry, he's my new bodyguard. Lee Donghyuck, all right, he will have dinner with us too. "

Donghyuck nodded, “understood. Enjoy your meal, guys. "

“Thank you,“ Taeyong responded as Donghyuck closed the door.

“I can't believe the two most influential people of Korea are here in my restaurant,“ Jaemin joked as he sat.

You chuckled, “let’s see if it’s as good as people say.“

…

Softly splashing water droplets hit the car windows as Sungho drove onwards. You watched the raindrops race down to the windows. You had been with Taeyong and Jaemin for almost three hours, and now you were on your way to your house.

"Sorry for staying there for a long time, you haven't even eaten," you apologised.

“It’s fine, ma’am. It's our job,“ Donghyuck replied.

“You can call me (Y/N). We’re almost the same age,“ You said

“Even so, you’re my boss. It’s not right,“ he responded.

You chuckled and looked at him in the rearview mirror, "Well, then as your boss, I order it to you."

Donghyuck smiled and you noticed it, “I'll try it.“

#haechan x reader #haechan imagines #haechan smut #donghyuck x reader #donghyuck imagine #nct x reader #nct imagine #nct smut #donghyuck smut

294 notes · View notes

hercleverboy · 4 years

Text

reassurance

spencer reid x reader

summary ↠ after a heated argument on a case, the reader gets fatally injured in the field. spencer battles with the fact that he never got to apologise.

category ↠ angst

warnings/includes ↠ major character death, depression, refusing to eat.

word count ↠ 4.2k

“Maybe I’ll see you in another life, if this one wasn’t enough.” — Florence + the Machine

Spencer and Y/N rarely fought.

Of course they bickered from time to time about silly things that wouldn’t matter ten minutes later, but they rarely had a full-on argument. Screaming matches where they tried to wound one another with bitter words they didn’t really mean. They’d only ever fought like that once or twice, but ultimately they’d end with heartfelt apologies and kisses as they forgave one another and grew from their mistakes.

This particular argument however, was easily the worst they’d ever had.

It was the first big fight they’d had since they’d gotten married four months prior.

You know what they say about marriage; the first year is the hardest.

“I just don’t understand why we have to talk about this right now.” Spencer scowled as he walked into the empty room, his wife following hot on his heels.

Themselves and the team were had been sent to North Carolina on a triple homicide case in Charlotte. They’d been there for two days, and the newlyweds had carried an awkward tension with them ever since the case started. The couple had gotten into the start of an argument before they’d had to leave for the jet, which left what they new would be a bad fight brewing between them. Neither of them wanted to start the inevitable fight they knew they were going to have to have at some point. Y/N wanted to remain professional, to keep her emotions in check until her and Spencer got home and could fight talk everything out. She was succeeding, until she saw how snappy and cold Spencer was acting with her during the case, cutting her off mid-sentence and dropping sassy, unnecessary comments whenever she spoke. That only fuelled Y/N’s fire further. So when she managed to catch him alone she decided they had to have it out, even if it was in the middle of the case.

She closed the door to the room behind her as she watched Spencer busy himself with the three case files of the murder victims before him. She turned to him, her arms crossing in front of her. “Because I wanted to wait to have this fight until after the case finished, but you started up with the snappy attitude for no reason!”

“I’m busy, Y/N. Not right now.” He uttered, brushing her off. Again.

“Yes, right now. Every time I bring up the topic you shut me down and I’m tired of it! We have to talk about this, Spence. I’ve let you brush me off too many times now.” Her voice had lowered, she wasn’t shouting anymore but she was still stern.

Spencer scoffed. “You’re being ridiculous. I don’t brush you off.”

“You do! That’s exactly what you did before we left for the jet the other morning. Anytime I bring up starting a family you don’t want to hear about it. It’s a conversation we need to have.” She groaned. It was true, anytime since they’d gotten married that Y/N mentioned the idea of starting a family, Spencer blew her off. He’d completely shut down the conversation, refusing to speak about it with her. Y/N was growing frustrated. She didn’t want them to start immediately trying for a baby or anything, she just wanted to discuss her future with her husband, and he acted like she’d asked him to commit murder with her.

“Nope, we don’t need to have that conversation right now.” He murmured, his back still turned to her as his fingers scanned over the pages of writing in front of him.

“Do you not want kids with me, is that it?” She winced, the thought hurting her.

“Not if you’re gonna act like this.” He responded and it made her breath hitch. She knew he was pissed but surely he didn’t mean that?

“Spencer- I-I love you, I want to have kids with you. We don’t have to start trying yet, not for a long while but I just need to know that it’s in the cards for us.” She swallowed, walking closer to him, hoping he’d turn to face her.

“Maybe if you didn’t jump down my throat about all the time I’d be more willing to talk!” He spat, finally turning to face her.

“Are you seriously trying to pin this all on me? I just need some comfort. You do eventually want a family, right?” Her voice got even quieter, her tone pleading and her eyes glassy.

“God Y/N why are you in such a rush? We only just got married!” He yelled, exasperated as he threw his arms out in exaggeration. “I just need some time to think, okay?”

“How much time? A month? Two?” She challenged.

“That’s not a lot of time, Y/N.” He ran his hands through his hair frustratedly.

“I can’t wait around for years only for you to decide you don’t want kids, Spence. That’s not fair on me, I’d have to start over-”

Spencer frowned, interrupting her. “Wait- start over? You mean with someone else?” For the first time in the argument his harsh exterior softened, worry seeping into his honey coloured iris’.

Y/N was silent, her gaze lowering to the floor as tears began to tremble down her cheeks.

Spencer scoffed and shook his head. “This is stupid.” He muttered under his breath, as though Y/N couldn’t hear it clear as day.

She let out a small sob when she opened her mouth to speak. “All I’m asking for is some reassurance. I’m your wife, Spencer! Why can’t you just give me that?”

“I don’t want kids, okay?! is that what you want to hear? Can we drop this now?” He exclaimed, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth but at this time his anger outweighed his regret.

Y/N recoiled, her eyes casting down to look at the floor as her sight blurred, hot tears rolling down her pink cheeks.

Just then three knocks sounded on the door, a sheepish looking JJ opened it, poking her head in. “Uh- sorry to interrupt. Garcia found us a possible address, Hotch wants you two to go and check it out.”

Y/N sniffed and wiped the tears away from under her eyes. She grabbed her FBI jacket that hung on the back of one of the chairs before turning toward JJ. “No. I’d rather go with Morgan.” She muttered before walking out the door without a second glance at her husband.

“Y/N wait-” He tried calling out but she was already gone. He sighed, running his hands over his face.

“What was that about?” JJ asked quietly, her brows furrowed in confusion.

“Nothing.” He tried to lie but JJ gave him a look, one that said don’t bullshit me. “We had a fight, it was a pretty bad one. I said some things I didn’t mean.”

JJ placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay. When her and Morgan get back you can tell her you’re sorry. You’ll work it out, you love one another too much not to.”

Spencer nodded, glancing down to the thin gold band that sat on his ring finger. His mind drifted back to their wedding day, the happiest day of his life. He remembered how she’d taken his breath away when he saw her coming down the aisle, wearing a dress so beautiful and so her that it brought tears to his eyes.

She was ethereal.

and she was his.

It brought a small smile to his lips. JJ was right. As soon as she got back they’d finish up this case and then he’d spend all the time he had to making it up to her. He thanked JJ before they headed to join the others in the other room. The team, minus Y/N and Morgan, were gathered around overlooking their profile and all the details of the case, looking for anything they might of missed.

Hotch’s phone rang out and he answered, all of the team looking his way, hoping whoever was on the other end of the line would give them the information they needed to crack the case wide open. Spencer wasn’t concerned until he saw the shift in Hotch’s face, from his usual stern look to one of worry and concern.

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked as soon as Hotch hung up the phone.

“That was Morgan calling from the hospital. He and Y/L/N found the unsub at the address. He had a gun, with which he shot Y/L/N twice with before he fled.”

JJ let out a gasp. “She’s okay though, right? I mean she would’ve been wearing her vest.”

Hotch spared a glance at Spencer who looked at him with eyes so wide it hurt him. He slowly shook his head. “One bullet hit the vest, the other hit her side. She’s in emergency surgery now.”

Spencer was up from his seat within seconds, rushing out of the building towards the SUV’s, the rest of the team following quickly.

Spencer rushed through the white hospital hallways with a heavy weight in his heart that he’d never felt before. He dashed around the corner, his eyes landing on Morgan in the waiting room, who sat with his head in his hands.

“Morgan? Where is she? She okay, right?” He begged his best friend to tell him something, anything good.

Morgan just shook his head. “I’m sorry kid, I don’t know anything. She’s still in surgery.”

Spencer felt sick.

They waited for hours without news, him worriedly pacing the waiting room. He was going through every possible outcome in his head, thinking of the worst case scenarios, making himself physically sick with worry.

Any time a member of the team attempted to talk to him, he snapped at them, telling them to leave him alone. He knew they were just trying to help, but he could apologise for that later. The only think that mattered at that moment was his wife. Eventually he’d worn himself out, his mind and body overwhelmed with all the emotions and visions of worst case scenarios. It took JJ grabbing his wrist and taking him to another private room for him to finally accept her help. He broke down as soon as she wrapped her arms around him, trying desperately to soothe the sobs coming from his mouth.

He pulled back, sucking in deep breaths as he attempted to calm himself down. “When we were fighting earlier I told her I didn’t want kids with her, but it’s not true- God JJ, having s family with her is all I think about.” He wept. “I’m just so scared that I’ll pass down some of my undesirable genes, I don’t want my kids to have to suffer.”

JJ just gave him a sad look, unsure what to say.

“What if I never get the chance to tell her I lied? I love her so much JJ- I-I can’t lose her. I want to have a family so badly with her, she means everything to me.” He crumpled into one of the chairs in the room as JJ watched helplessly.

After regaining his breath and wiping his eyes, the two rejoined the group in the waiting room. The team sent him sympathetic glances but Spencer didn’t acknowledge them.

It was around 4am that an exhausted looking doctor walked into the waiting room. Immediately Spencer was on his feet, pleading in his head that the doctor will tell him that she was fine, that his wife was awake and alive and was waiting to see him. She was strong, a fighter. She was going to be fine.

and then everything came crashing down.

“I’m so sorry, Mr Reid.”

His knees buckled beneath him as he collapsed to the floor, heartbreaking sobs leaving his mouth as the doctor left the room, closing the door behind him.

Spencer could hear the other teams whimpers but he blocked them out.

He couldn’t feel anything but the sharp stabbing pain in his chest that made his whole body throb with a pain so unimaginable he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy.

He barely registered how Derek’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him to his feet as his friend cried into his shoulder.

“I didn’t tell her I loved her before she left.” He bawled, and the sight broke the teams hearts.

“She knew, Reid. She knew.” Derek tried to soothe him but it was a fruitless attempt, as his heart-wrenching cries only intensified.

Two weeks later and the pain was still as fresh as it had been that day. Spencer’s body ached all over, his heart felt heavy in his chest.

He’d slept on the couch for weeks, refusing to sleep in their bed without her.

It felt wrong.

After shutting everyone out for two weeks and barely eating, showering or sleeping, he finally allowed JJ into his apartment. They didn’t speak, but he would sit on his sofa, staring blankly at the wall while JJ tried to get him to eat and encouraged him to shower. He wouldn’t respond, no matter how much his stomach rumbled with hunger, he wouldn’t eat. JJ tried her best, and she knew he was grateful, but he was so deep in his heartache and depression that he couldn’t do anything. She would tidy up sometimes and did laundry for him, encouraging him to change out of the same clothes he’d worn for weeks.

He heard JJ humming to herself quietly as she walked through the living room toward the kitchen, laundry basket in her hands. He normally wouldn’t have paid notice, but an item of clothing on top of the pile caught his eye. It was a bright mustard yellow cardigan.

Specifically, it was Y/N’s mustard yellow cardigan.

Spencer recalled how she loved the bright colour, having many items in her wardrobe of similar colour. She insisted it was for her ‘autumn style’, whatever that meant. Whenever she told him that he’d simply smile at her, his eyes so full of love and happiness. She would always grin back at him in response.

What he’d give to see that smile again.

“Wait.” He called out, his voice thick and raspy after weeks of not using it. “You can’t wash that.”

JJ looked over in surprise. He hadn’t spoken to her at all any of the other times she’d been over to help him.

Spencer got up and walked over, taking the cardigan from the top of JJ’s pile. He brought the item up to his face, inhaling deeply, a sob getting caught in his throat at the realisation that it still smelled like her, the scent of her perfume clinging to the fabric.

JJ’s eyes widened with the realisation that the cardigan belonged to Y/N. She’d just picked it up from where it had been on the floor in the bedroom, figuring it belonged to Spencer. She was about to apologise profusely for touching it when he spoke again.

“I miss her so much, JJ.” He cried, his voice cracking as she placed the basket down on the floor.

“Can I hug you?” She asked, unsure if he wanted to be touched at that moment.

He nodded, and was filled with a sort of relief when JJ’s arms wrapped around him. It was the first human contact he’d had in weeks. He welcomed the warmth. (He’d felt so cold lately.)

Later that night he’d sobbed himself into an uneasy sleep, clutching the cardigan to his chest, inhaling the scent of her perfume as if he could convince himself that she was still there.

When he woke the next day he saw the sunlight peeking in through the curtains that he hadn’t opened in weeks. He blinked, and noticed how his fists still clutched handfuls of the yellow cardigan. His memory flashed, and he recalled how she looked in the mornings- like a goddess. He could almost hear her melodic laugh, as though she were right next to him. He closed his eyes, hoping he’d wake up and it’d be real, that she’d be next to him and everything would be okay. This horrific nightmare would be just that- a bad dream, after which she’d soothe him with hushed reassurances and soft kisses to his forehead.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping and praying that when he opened them she’d be there in his arms, where she was meant to be.

He opened his eyes slowly, only to be met with what he feared, an empty space beside him.

Spencer really thought he couldn’t cry anymore, that he was all out of tears, but as he felt the familiar feeling rise in his chest, his breaths picked as a small sob broke from his lips.

He didn’t leave the sofa that day.

He was sat with his back against one of his walls, his knees pulled up to his chest. His phone buzzed from the table across the room. The team called and texted him regularly, but he never responded. Though no one called him more than Derek Morgan, worried sick for his closest friend.

Spencer waited for the buzzing to stop, the familiar tone ringing out that signalled he’s been left a voicemail. Something inside him possessed him to stand up, grabbing his phone and tapping the buttons to hear the voicemail.

“Hey Reid. Its Morgan, I-uh.” His voice cracked. Morgan was never a particularly emotional man, but he still remembered that day Y/N died clearly, and was consumed by guilt. He blamed himself, Spencer could hear it in his voice.

Morgan swore under his breath as he placed his hands against her side, desperately trying to slow the blood pouring from the wound.

“Morgan.” She grunted. “The unsub- you have to go after him.” She clenched her teeth together at the searing pain in her side, a burning feeling like nothing she’d ever felt before.

“No, Y/N. I won’t leave you here. Not only are you Spencer’s wife but you are my friend and I’m gonna stay with you, okay?” He promised, meeting her tear filled eyes as she nodded. “The ambulance is gonna be here any second, just gotta hold on for me yeah?”

Y/N nodded and fought desperately to keep herself awake but could feel herself slipping away with every second that passed. She shook her head from side to side, hopelessly trying to force herself to stay awake, fighting to keep her eyes open.

“Y/N? Y/N! Come on, baby. You gotta stay awake. What about Spencer, hm? Talk to me about him.” Morgan was just trying to get her talking in hopes that she’d stay awake long enough for the ambulance to arrive.

“He said he doesn’t want kids with me.” She mumbled, giving a weak smile. “We- We argued about it earlier, but I’m not mad at him. Morgan, he has to know I forgive him-” She coughed, blood spilling from her lips as she winced. She looked up at Morgan. “Y-You have to tell him. Tell him that i-it’s okay. Tell him I love him, that I-” She let out another cry in agony as he pushed harder down on her wound.

“Listen, listen. You hear the sirens? They’re close. You just gotta stay awake for a little while longer. Then you can tell pretty boy all of this yourself, okay?” Derek looked around as he heard the sound getting closer, relief breaking out across his face when the ambulance rounded the corner, coming into view. He looked down to Y/N to reassure her, but noticed how her body had gone limp beneath him. “Y/N?” His eyes were wide as he moved a hand to shake her shoulder, getting no response. “Y/N please-”

“I just need you to know, if you’re listening, how sorry I am. Y/N she- she told me, before the ambulance came-” Derek paused and Spencer’s breath hitched. “She wanted me to tell you she loved you. That she forgave you.” Derek cleared his throat, evidently trying to keep up his ‘tough guy’ act for the sake of his friend. “I just- needed you to know that. Call me when you’re ready.” The loud beep sounded out after the message finished and Spencer just stood, frozen.

His wife’s last words were that she loved him, that she forgave him.

It didn’t make him feel any better.

JJ was washing up plates in his kitchen after pretty much forcing him to eat some soup. He only had about four spoonful’s, which was disappointing but it was progress, and she figured it was better than nothing.

It had been a month since Y/N died, and nothing was getting better for Spencer. Everyday felt worse and worse, the pain never got lighter like people said it would, it never got any easier to deal with.

He sat on the sofa with a book perched on his lap, though he made no attempt to read it. He’d loved to read before, but now he couldn’t look at any of his books without thinking of how he used to read them to Y/N when she couldn’t sleep. He found that everywhere he looked in the home, he was reminded of her.

After drying the plate and putting it away, JJ turned to look at her friend who sat staring at the wall blankly.

She spoke although she knew she likely wouldn’t receive a response, she didn’t mind. He needed human interaction of some sort. “I’ve been talking to the others and- we think maybe it would be useful for you to speak to someone. Anyone, Spence. You can’t keep living like this. It’s killing you.” She murmured, her voice pleading. He shifted his gaze to look at her, but said nothing. “If you don’t want to talk to someone, how about you try writing letters? It’s something they had me do when Roslyn died. I used to burn them afterwards too, I found it therapeutic. It helped, even if just a little bit.” She tried, hoping he’d at least consider the idea.

After JJ left Spencer thought about what she’d said. At first he’d thought it was a stupid idea, pathetic, really. Writing letters weren’t going to bring his wife back.

but then again, nothing would.

He found himself sat at his desk, pen and paper in front of him. It took him hours to figure out what he wanted to say. At first he couldn’t even decide how to address the letter, was just her name good enough? He wrote and rewrote the letter a hundred times, trying to get everything right. Eventually he realised that there was no way to get it ‘right’, he just had to write how he felt.

‘Y/N,

JJ reckons that this will help aid my grief, and I can see how much my state is scaring her, so I figured I’d give this a shot.

Its been two months since you left.

Since you left the world, since you left me.

I know it wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you, not for anything. I blame myself more than anyone else. If I’d just told you the truth rather than trying to be difficult, maybe you’d still be here. Maybe if I had just given you the reassurance you were looking for, It would’ve been me who’d come with you to the address.

I would’ve protected you.

Because that was my job, you know. To protect you. And I failed.

I miss you.

I miss how we’d stay up watching crappy reality TV shows on nights where neither of us could sleep after a case. I miss the nights you’d let me read to you, your head on my lap as you slowly drifted to sleep. I miss making breakfast with you early on a Sunday morning, on the rare occasion we got the weekend to ourselves without any interruptions from work. I miss dancing with you in our living room to whatever music you played. I never cared what song it was, only that it was you that I was dancing with.

You were my favourite song.

I hope you know how sorry I am.

I’m sorry that I’ll never get to tell you how I lied to you that day in the police station. That I’ve never regretted any words more than I do those ones. I wish I could tell you how badly I want a family with you. How nothing would make me happier than seeing little versions of ourselves that we created, that we could raise together.

I don’t think the stabbing pain I feel in my chest when I think of you will ever cease. I’ll carry the guilt of my words for the rest of my life.

Penelope says it will get better someday. But I can’t imagine a day where I wake up without you and don’t feel empty.

I love you. So much.

Forever yours,

Spencer. ‘

He clicked his lighter three times before the flame appeared. Taking a deep breath, he hovered it to the edge of the letter, watching it catch alight and begin to burn. As he watched the flames flicker in front of him, he wondered if he’d ever know peace.

If he’d ever be able to breathe again without her by his side.

He’d have to learn to live without her.

An impossible task.

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