#my little boop-di-doops

[sketchncanto]

B A B I E S 💕🥲✨

You ever love characters so much that you wanna bite em? No?

Yeah me neither

[im-gonna-liveforever]

ITS HECKIN TWISTED APPRECIATION WEEK SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (part 1/2)

“YEAH THAT’S RIGHT I’M GONNA YELL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK LIKE I DID LAST WEEK BC TWISTED IS A GOOD HECKING MUSICAL WITH A GOOD HECKING SOUNDTRACK

(Now with favorite lines! bc why not, right?) (favorite lines either there bc I like the lyrics in that part or I really like how it sounds within the song)

I’m not a professional music person (I’ve been in band for several years and I’m pretty good, but I don’t know anything about music theory or anything abt singing) but AH WELL, I LIKE RANTING ABT MY SPECIAL INTERESTS AND THE INTERNET IS A GOOD PLACE TO FEEL LIKE I’M TALKING TO SOMEONE, SO HERE WE GO

(also there’s definitely going to be Twisted spoilers under the cut (for act one, at least), so watch out if you haven't seen it)

(also also I split this into two parts bc it’s getting late and as you can see by how this progresses, I got sleep deprived quickly plus it got way too long. This is part one with all the first act songs, part two will have the second act songs and should be up by tomorrow.)

OK THE OPENING NUMBER RIGHT?? THE INSTRUMENTALS?? THE HARMONIES??? THE GENERAL SAJKFDASJKFHDSJK???!?!? Like, it literally sounds like a Disney song but they cuss! It’s amazing!! (And all the citizens?? Comedy gold, every one of them, I swear) (AND THE FUCKINGJDSJKJDSKL SOPRANO PART???!? I’M C R Y I N G I FORGOT WHAT HER NAME WAS BUT SHES SUCH A GOOD SINGER THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICE)

Favorite lines: 

“May the Rats ejaculate upon you!” “Thank you, thank you very much!”

“Why is everyone in the kingdom white?” “Uhh... Jafar?” 

“But ugliness permits a man to use his wits, ‘cause pretty people never have to try”

“UGLY OLD JAFAR!!”

pretty much  the whole song past the line “Why am I the only one who sees things as they are?”

Specifically “I want to be a cat!” “Wha-” “FUCK YOU!”

But more specially “Whistle while you swallow a spoonful of sugar and your dreams will come true upon a star!!!!” bc OH MY GOD IT’S BEAUTIFUL

Everyone listing how they want Jafar to die

ALSO SPECIALLY THE LAST 30 SECONDS BC AHJSAHJKADS (everything at and past the lines “and if we dream a little harder/ our patience and our honor...” etc.)

OK I STEAL EVERYTHING TIME! ULTIMATE CHAOS SONG, AND I LOVE. BE THE EVIL GREMLIN YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Also: the jazziness?? the opening instrumentals??? it’s so good. To the people playing the instrumentals for this musical: ,,,thank you,,,.,. (Also I learned recently that most of Jeff’s songs are in my range so guess who’s gonna try and learn this song?)

Favorite lines:

“Fetch, ya fucks!”

Did I mention the instrumentals?? bc hfhhhjdklsajk They seem simple but they’re also going ham and I love it

“Monkey thought we should just kill you, but I said ‘No, monkey, that’s crazy’ but now I’m thinking, yeah, no more fucking raisins...’“

“Thanks but no, thanks, ‘The Man’“

Honestly every line in this is golden, but I can’t put them all in and that sucks

“You’re only in trouble if you get caught!” “Aladdin?” “I’m in trouble!”

“Just one question, why, man?” “’Cause you stole my daughter’s hymen!” “That’s completely fair, but, in my defense, dude, your daughter’s hot!”

EVERYTHING AND MOOREE!!! SHE WANTS IT ALL AND I’M CRYING BC SHE SOUNDS BEAUTIFUL WHILE DOING SO. (I just realized that there’s 14 songs on this soundtrack and I’m sorry in advance for how long this post A) already is and B) is going to get) This song is so dramatic and that somehow fits the mood of her character and I love it so much and just ahdshjkds. Also it’s just?? So pretty????

Favorite lines:

“But it’s just like, whatever”

“I just want to be free so badly! You slaves could never understand. :(”

“You’re probably thinking, she’s got everything. Well, it’s true, ‘cause I do, but so the fuck what?”

“I WANT THE MOON! I WANT TO LIVE ON THE MOON! And eat it in a pie! And keep it as a pet! and wear it like a gemstone in my hair!”

“As I laugh in their faces of moonbeam pie!!”

“It’s enough to make me with I were lowly and poor... But like... with money!”

THA GOLDEN FUCJKLCIODIGN RULE. LIKE HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. AND THE DANCING THEY DO WITH IT IN THE SHOW ITSELF??? IT’S THE BEST. THE FIUCUING BEST. I’M CRYING. THE DANCING IS SO  GOOD. AND SO IS THIS SONG. Also, it’s the #1 Starkid song I’d be comfortable showing to my mom, which is a definite plus! (I could also show this to my church pastor and he’d?? definitely like it, so that’s also a definite plus) And everyone’s so nice to Jafar, espically compared to the opening number and it just makes me so sad and let me give Jafar a hug, goddammit. ALSO also please let me meet the saxophone player and shake his hand, I don’t play saxophone but what he’s doing here is amazing. WAIT ALSO ALSO ALSO MAY I MEET THAT FLUTE PLAYER BC I’M JUST NOW HEARING THE FLUTE (AND HOW DID I NOT NOTICE IT BEFORE, I PLAY THAT INSTRUMENT???) AND I’M FUCJKIGDFONG HOLY SHIT JSUT FUCKINGJDSJKL ;BOUNCE AROUND ON THOSE NOTES WHY DON’T YOU I’M SAJDSKCDSJS

Favorite lines:

“Why it’s as easy as a 1,2,3,4!”

“Always treat others like sisters and brothers!” 

all of the lines just sound so good, I can’t choose 

The way Dylan Saunders says “Man” that that first time, like holy shit

The whole conversation between Omar and the thief

[completely monotone] “My hunger blinded me and forced me to act like an animal.”

AND THEN OMAR AND THE THIEF SING THE PART AND IT SOUNDS SO GOOD

The “boop boop bop doop zeep do-wow!” in the background during that part

“Good luck Jafar! And! Re! Mem! Ber!”

And then the whole ensemble sings it and it sounds so good

oh good god we’re not even 5 songs in yet i’m so sorry 

GOLDEN RULE: EVIL REPRISE, OR, AS I CALL IT, “GOLDEN RULE WENT EMO BUT I STILL LOVE AND SUPPORT THEM”. Those dissonant sounds at the beginning? beautiful. All the random evil laughter? amazing. Whatever the heck the saxophonist is doing at the end? breathtaking, give me more. Joe Walker’s voice?? just fucking dhdsfjkfdlashjdsfklhfdsjkl

Favorite lines:

“Lets him rule the land WITH an iron fist!”

“The prize for winning? MORE GOLD, HAHA! And the game begins again!”

[sarcastically] “’Follow the golden rule’? Boy don’t be such a fool!”

“Follow the gold! Follow the gold! Follow the gold!” “AND RUUULE!!”

DID I MENTION THAT FUCKING SAXOPHONE PLAYER BC DUDE FUCKING AHSDJKDFS

the final “And Rule!”

Don’t be fooled bc this one is so short, it’s nearing midnight for me and also this song is really short. In reality, I fucking love this song and it’s one of my absolute favorite starkid villain songs and also one of my absolute favorites from this musical.

A THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS IS SOME FUCKINGNDSKLJ; GOOD SHIT I’M. Also, I don’t listen to it enough, so I’m giving y’all a running commentary as I listen to it for the first time outside of watching the whole musical 1) I love accidentals and key changes, and i’m,,, crying just the first verse is so good already, why haven’t I listened to this song enough 2) I’M CRYING I WANT TO KNOW THEIR STORY TOO THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS I’M CRYINGHJFDSJKSD 3) they keep using the word “’twist” and i’m ahsdhjkds bro 4) DYLAN YOUR VOICE. YOUR VOICE, IT’S TOO GOOD. IT MUST BE STOPPED, YOU’RE TOO GOOD, DYLAN 5) “LINGER OVER EVERY PART” OH MAN IT SOUDNS SO GOOD. SO GOOD. AHHHHHHDSHJDSFKLHJK 6) OK I’M LIKE ACTUALLY CRYINGN NOW THEY’RE IN LOVE. THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. OH  GOD OH FUCK 7) AND THEY SOUND SO GOOD, TOO, WHY HAVEN’T I LISTENED TO THIS SONG ENOUGH AHDHJKLDAS

OK I haven’t listened to this song enough to have favorite lines just yet, also I want to at least get to the end of the first act before I go to bed and it’s already midnight rn, so we’re going ahead and moving on (so sorry!)

IF I BE-FUCKIN-LIEVED. OH GOD. THIS ONE. THIS ONE IS SO GOOD. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THE FLUTE, THE WORDS, THE SINGING LIKE GODDAMN. This one is also kinda within my range so I’m also trying to learn to sing it bc it’s just that good (cons of being a contralto: you get no female songs in musicals, pros of being a contralto: you get all the cool higher tenor songs) The raw emotion in his voice??? I’m crying??? The strength and soul and beauty and just ashjdskl;jdsfkl; it’s so, so beautifully and wonderfully amazing

Favorite lines:

“Science says you’re dead and gone forever! Reason says I’m talking to the air! But something in my heart, some secret, hidden part, illogically insists that you are there! Somewhere!!”

“Perhaps it’s not too late, to change the course of fate?”

“‘Cause after all, I must be pretty great... if you believed in me...”

Again this song is really short and there’s not a lot of lines to choose from and also I love them all and dfhjskdskjl this is just such a good song

I’m still crying

ORPHANED AT 33!!! [insert Peggle 2 gif] CHAOS... T W O!!!! HE’S MR ORPHAN, AKA CHAOS MAN (NOW WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER!) (I’m also trying to learn this one bc let me splurge in trying to teach myself Twisted songs, ok?) He’s being tragic and over-dramatic and it’s a beautiful song! and I also love how in the studio version, he doesn’t mention that they died earlier that year, so it almost comes as a shock when he says “when I was orphaned at... thirty-three” and it just makes the song that much funnier, trust me

Favorite lines:

I know I said this abt most of the other songs up to this point, but can I say all the lines? because all the lines

“[My parents are] dead... that makes me an orphan :’(”

“‘Cause my story’s just too saaad!”

“They call me a jerk off! a burn-out! A punk! But I can’t let that stuff in my head!”

“All things considered, I think I turned out pretty good! I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and started s t e a l i n g  a l l  I  c o u l d!”

”I’ll make it through somehow, despite being so sadly and crushingly all alone...”

“I’ll BREAK THE CHAIN!! YOU’LL SEE!!! I’M GONNA L I V E  F O R E V E R!!!!1!111!”

The last “thirty-three” bc Jeff oh my god what is that voice

HAPPY ENDING TIME, HECK YEAH!!!!! THIS SONG,,,, SO, SO GOOD, I’M A FUCKING SUCKER FOR SONGS WITH MORE THAN ONE PART THAT ALL END TOGETHER IN A HARMONY. THAT IS PEAK MUSICIANSHIP AND JUSTHSDHJFKSAD Also someone pointed this out to me, but the way to goes from Aladdin’s weirdly horny lines straight to the princess going “oh Aladdin, you poor, innocent soul :(” is just the funniest thing to me. And how it calls back to thier own solos, I’m???!? OH AND INSTRUMENTALS AGAIN. THE BAND FUCKING KILLED IT WITH THIS MUSICAL, IT’S SO, SO GOOD JUST AHDSJKLAKKFAnd the energy in it?? The excitement for the next act??? I’m pumped!! Are you pumped?? WELL GET READY BC YOU WILL BE

Favorite lines:

Yet a-fucking-gain I love every goshdarn line in this song, it’s just too good

“They’ll throw a parade in my honor, with peacocks and monkeys galore!”

“The people will cheer!” [cool guitar bit]

[Jafar’s relatively calm part ends] [electric guitar starts back up and Aladdin jumps on stage] “I CaN’T wAiT tO bE A RicH DUdE!!!11!1!″

“Stealing is so much easier when you’ve already got tons of gold!”

“I’ve got my eye! On what money can’t buy! ‘cause that princess is OH! Hella tight! I’ll be the one who plunders her cave of wonders! I’ll get my happy ending tonight!”

“My innocent Aladdin!”

Yes i’m fully aware I put pretty much Aladdin’s full part in there, stop judging me, it’s a good part

“It puts a damper on our love if you don’t have a head” 

“So with with your permission, I’d like to bring back your bride!”

just. Jafar’s whole fantasy where he’s happy with his wife. I’m crying again, please just let him be happy

THE ENDING PART WHERE THEY ALL START UP AND BRING UP THIER OWN HOPES FOR THAT NIGHT AND THEY SING THE FINAL”TONIGHT!!!” ALL TOGETHER AND THEN THERE’S THAT COOL LITTLE 2 SECOND INSTRUMENTAL BIT AT THE VERY END IT’S JUST,.,, SO GOOD I’M DSJHDASHJKSDJK

Ok yeah that’s the end of the first act of songs! I should have the next part up by tomorrow, so get ready for more capslock and keysmashes and me generally being excited abt music bc MUSIC HECK YEAH DFFHADSJKHDAS

[duckybeth99]

Goodnight (Pirate!AU)

have some Merhib backstory bc I like writing it lmao. plan on writing Neva’s too and them together and some more of Beth’s childhood. boop a doop

---

“You tell no one about this.”

“But… b-but E—m-my Lord, I care about him just as much as you, an-and I deserve to—ah!!”

Ezekiel held the maid’s wrist tightly, threatening to twist it. Merhib watched, hiding behind the doorway. The maid winced but held back more cries.

“You tell anyone,” Ezekiel hissed, “you’re out of a job. Not only that, but you’ll be on the streets, and I’ll be sure no one hires you to work for them in this land again. Am I clear?” The maid didn’t respond.

Merhib heard a slap and her cry out again.

“Am I clear?”

“Yes.”

“You tell no one. Especially him.”

“But—y.. yes.”

The maid was dismissed and Merhib rushed to the end of the staircase and acted like he just came down the stairs. The maid shuffled out of the room and smiled at seeing the seven-year-old. Her cheek and wrist were red, but it was barely noticeable by the dim candlelight of the hallway.

“Are you ready for bed, Merhib?” she asked. Merhib nodded quietly. “Say goodnight to your father, first.” The boy looked down at his feet quietly and afraid. He shuffled to the doorway.

“Goodnight, Father,” he spoke quietly. Ezekiel didn’t turn around.

“Come along, then. Follow me.” The maid held Merhib’s hand as the two went up the stairs to the boy’s bedroom.

Once he was tucked in and told a story, the maid blew out the candle and left the bedroom. Sure that she was gone, Merhib pulled out a journal from his bedside table and a quill and began to scribble a few words down.

5th of December. Father was alone with Lea again. They argued about something and he hurt her. I think I know what it’s about now. It’s pieces and speculation… but I think the feeling I had of Lea being my mother might be true.

———

Ezekiel straightened his son’s tie and coat, shaking his head. “For being the son of a Lord, you never seem to be able to dress or act like one.” The fifteen year old didn’t say anything. “Straighten up. You have a party to attend. Couldn’t you act the least bit excited?”

Merhib said nothing.

“Are you still hung up about the maid? Merhib, I know you two were close, but it’s about time to let it ago.”

“It was only a few months ago she died,” the teenager mumbled. “Three today.”

“Plenty of time to mourn, son,” Ezekiel smiled too calmly. “I’ve already done all of mine. Now, come. Act at least a little bit happy for your birthday.” In a whisper as he lead Merhib towards the ballroom, he leaned towards him and added, “And keep an eye out for the women here. It’s high time you start looking into suitors. We’re two years behind.”

“Yes, Father,” Merhib sighed. Ezekiel gave his son one last sideways glance, prompting the son to offer an obviously forced smile, before Lord Collins opened up the ballroom doors for the two to enter.

The ballroom was nearly littered with gold and beauty, clashing with thunderous music, with people dancing all around in the same fashion. Feeling Ezekiel’s eyes on him, Merhib mustered another fake, thin smile.

Descending the staircase, Ezekiel bowed and gave polite smiles to his attendants, going off to speak with Lord Mabuz Sephtis and even Lord and Lady Aster. Noticing him no longer watching him, Merhib let out a sigh of relief and began to aimlessly wander the room, far away from the dancing in the center. He listened to the operatic singer, the musicians playing and everyone dancing in a celebration for him.

And he hated it.

“Lord Merhib.”

The young man turned to see Virginica Aster curtsying for him. Merhib gave a polite bow.

“Bonjour, Mademoiselle,” the young man said. Virginica stood, her pale blonde hair high on a bun in her hair in a beautiful pale blue gown.

“Won’t you have any fun at your own ball?” she raised a brow. Merhib folded his hands behind his back with a shrug.

“Parties are not my sort of thing,” he sighed. Virginica smiled.

“Have at least one dance?” she spoke soothingly, “Perhaps with me? We’ve practically grown up together.” Merhib glanced at his father, who glared over his shoulder at him while talking to the Asters. Merhib held out his hand to Virginica and held back a sigh of defeat as he led her to the center of the ballroom.

Virginica continuously smiled politely, dancing gracefully, her gown sweeping the floor, but she was just the same as anyone else to Merhib. He moved his hands in the same robotic way, he glided his feet the same as always, his face and eyes were vacant, his head empty and at risk of floating away into his own world. Before he knew it, they bowed together politely and went their separate ways.

As he began to walk away, the operatic singer was replaced by another singer, a beautiful young one he had never met before. She began to sing and Merhib stood to the side, listening and watching her as the rest of the people danced and danced.

Her hair was a dark auburn, braided and resting on her shoulder, a more simple but still beautiful dress on her. Merhib was enchanted by her.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Lord Mabuz,” Merhib gave a quick, startled now. Mabuz looked towards the singer.

“She’s from a Spanish land. A famous singer where she’s from, the land of De Sol,” Mabuz explained.

“De Sol,” Merhib murmured. Mabuz nodded and watched Virginica dancing around with the other attendants. “What’s her name?”

“Nevada Paloma Arazel,” Mabuz said. “She’s only fifteen. Gorgeous voice, though.”

“Indeed,” Merhib quietly commented.

That wasn’t all that was beautiful to him.

———-

“I’ve never been out on my own!” Merhib exclaimed. “I want to go out. See Paris, see more than just the village out my window.”

“There’s a reason I keep you in here,” Ezekiel looked out one of the windows, “The world is awful. Outside of this manor, is a word you are better than. In here, you are educated, you are safe, you have what all those people out there beg for. Your mother was from the outside world and look at what happened from that.”

Merhib’s fingers twitched in his lap. The eighteen-year-old shook his head.

“Not everything out there is so bad.”

“They’re vermin, that’s what those people out there are. Rats. Worthless, meant to be crushed beneath you. Or better yet, out of your life. As a future lord, you deserve more,” Ezekiel said. He snapped his fingers and a timid maid, who looked at Merhib’s father with the same fear that he recalled Lea doing, with the same hurt wrists and cheeks, appeared and poured him a glass of wine.

“I don’t care what I deserve,” Merhib stood up, “I want to see what’s out there. I want to see ‘vermin’, I want to have friends, I want—”

“You can’t always get what you want, son,” Ezekiel quietly drank, “That’s a fact. Even as a Lord. Just stay here, Merhib. These people aren’t worth your time. What have they done for you? You’ve done everything for them. Own a land, care for it…”

“That’s what you did,” Merhib interrupted. Ezekiel straightened in his chair. Merhib turned towards the window, staring out at it.

“You are an ungrateful, disloyal, disobedient son. You always have been.”

“I’ve done everything you always asked for!” Merhib snapped. Ezekiel seemed startled by Merhib’s tone. His eyes narrowed.

“Maid. Leave.” His eyes didn’t leave Merhib’s. The maid seemed hesitant. “Now.” She quietly and quickly left, shutting the door behind her.

Merhib felt the coldness of his hand, then the heat, the sting, and he was on the ground before he even registered what Ezekiel had done.

“Do as I say, for once in your life, Merhib,” he said. “You are to stay here and be a Lord. If you dare to ever raise your voice at me again, you will regret it. Do you understand, Merhib?”

He was silent. He was shaking and didn’t even notice.

“Am I clear?”

“Do you get some sort of satisfaction,” Merhib weakly asked.

“I show my authority when it is forgotten,” Ezekiel said. “That’s something you should learn. You’re lucky to be here. You’re lucky to have all that you do. If you dare disrespect me keeping you, after how you ruined my world, after being the black mark in the Collins family history—”

“Why?” Merhib rubbed his cheek, “Because I’m your bastard? Because Lea was my mother?”

“Did she tell you?!” Ezekiel snapped. Of all the times Merhib heard his father yell, this was the loudest. Merhib shook his head, losing the last of his nerve.

“I… figured it out,” he murmured. “And I figured out you’re doing the same to that girl as you did to her.” Ezekiel turned his back to Merhib and slowly moved to his desk. He was too quiet. Too calm.

With a crash, he threw everything off his desk. Merhib flinched at watching everything fall. He slowly stood up, supporting himself on a chair.

“You are going nowhere,” Ezekiel said, his voice calm and low, “and that’s final. Am I clear?” Merhib was silent. “Am I—”

“Yes,” Merhib whispered. He quietly slipped out of the room, still shaking, but forcing his legs to walk away from his father’s office.

He paused right in front of his bedroom door, silent for a moment. He slammed his fist against the wall, letting out a slow sigh. Drawing his hand back, he opened his bedroom doors. To the other side of the room were the doors to his balcony with a view of the entire village. Merhib drew the curtains back and unlocked the window.

He stepped out, watching all the people in the village, who he learned about by only watching them out windows, watching their worlds move and change. The baker, the farmers, weavers and wives, their world he didn’t know. The world he could never know. The world his father always claimed to be helping but rarely was.

Merhib wanted to help them, and any person like them.

He knew he could.

He just needed to find a way out.

———

The rain fell lightly as Merhib exited his ship, Ghost following and carrying baby Johnny with him, a boy that he had adopted and was to become a servant in the household. Both men were dressed in black with dark cloaks over their heads as the rain trickled. Ghost kept Johnny under his cloak to protect him from the rain.

The twenty-year-old Lord made his way up to the hill where his father’s funeral began, with him at the front with Ghost, Johnny, and the priest, the rest of the village Merhib grew up in behind them in mourning.

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the maid was carrying a baby of her own.

He wasn’t surprised.

Merhib was silent the entire ceremony, not a tear or any sign of emotion on his face. He watched the casket be lowered on the hilltop, staring at the gravestone.

A caring lord A loving father Lord Ezekiel Zachary Collins

Merhib felt his hand clench at the second line and felt a tinge of rage shoot through him. The priest approached, placing a hand on the young man’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry for—”

Merhib tugged his arm away. The action of anger made him feel calmer. As the villagers began to walk down the hill back to their homes, Merhib watched his former maid slowly walk away.

“Stay here,” he told Ghost, who gave a quiet nod. Merhib went to the woman and gently touched her arm.

“My Lord,” she quietly, albeit startled, responded to his touch and gave the best bow she could manage, carefully holding onto the baby.

“No need for that,” he said. “I’m sorry for what he did to you. I was born similarly.” The maid seemed afraid again but cradled her child close to her, sadly, solemnly.

“He said he loved me.”

“He said that to my mother and me.”

The woman looked sad and tired. Depressed. Merhib gently held the baby’s hand with his finger.

“What are they?” he quietly asked.

“A little girl,” she whispered. Merhib nodded.

“What will you be doing now that he’s passed?” he asked. The woman shrugged.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. Merhib went quiet and stared at the baby girl, sleeping quietly.

“Take the manor,” Merhib said, “It will be yours now. It belongs to me now and that’s my order to you. You can live there, raise her like a lady. If anyone dares to question it, it is my order.”

“Thank you,” she began, “but I can’t. I have a husband and he thinks she is his, and…”

“It’s okay,” he spoke softly, “Then I’ll take care of this land from afar. And if you need anything, that’s what I’ll be here for. Send me a letter, I’ll send funds. Refer to it as repayment for your service.”

“Thank you,” the woman nodded. She held the baby’s wrist and gently moved it to be a wave goodbye to Merhib. He quietly turned away and went back to Ghost, holding Johnny beneath the cloak.

“Are you alright?” Ghost asked. Merhib looked back at the woman walking away.

“Maybe someday I will be,” he said. “Come on. We should head back to the ship.”

The three border again, and once they were set sail, Merhib went into his quarters and sat at his desk, opening up his journal. He had taken it to jot down his thoughts on the short, few days trip.

Dipping his quill in ink, he pushed aside the ribbon bookmark and wrote in his smooth cursive,

5th of December Father’s funeral. Funny the day we placed it on. I cannot say that I am sad he died.

In fact, I am glad. Perhaps that’s terrible to say. But perhaps he said and did plenty of terrible things anyway. Maybe we’re all fated for the awful, to hurt people. Maybe that’s the legacy of a Collins.

If it is, I want nothing to do with it. And I hope that the sister I shall never know wants the same.

Goodbye, Father. Mother will be safe from you in Heaven.

Goodnight, Father.

[weirdlandtv]

How to get more YouTube views

That’s the perennial question for every YouTuber, isn’t it. How do you find your audience--who is out there, and how do you get their attention? It always strikes me that YouTubers who frequent internet forums with these questions seem totally unaware that they themselves are somebody’s audience, too. They’ve come to think of themselves as “creators”, as separate entities floating in space, woefully out of touch with the people on Earth. What does your audience want to watch? That isn’t the right question to ask. What do you want to watch?

If you’re desperate for viewers, try this: use thumbnails with half-naked girls. Use suggestive, sensationalist clickbait titles: “The day I almost DIED”, “The REAL REASON nobody buys APPLE anymore”, “Russia HACKED me!”, and so forth. Leave your links everywhere, spam people. Clutter your thumbnails with red circles and exclamation points. Congratulations, you’ve attracted 2,000 viewers now and lost all your dignity.

Walt Disney used to say, “Quality always wins”. It’s not entirely true, but as a strategic philosophy, I like it better than the one described above.

I’ve recently set up a second channel, a separate channel, called Humanivideo.

Every day I upload a few classic copyright-free cartoons, usually Popeye or Betty Boop, cartoons that I loved as a kid and that I still rate highly. I could have named the channel Retro Classics Spectacular or Vintage Cartoons Galore Paradiso, but me being me I had to give it a weird, unappealing name of course. The channel art is supposed to be ugly, but, again me being me, I took great care into making it look ugly. Originally Humanivideo was intended to be just a budget channel, a promo tool, a “gateway” of sorts to my real channel, Tales from Weirdland, but again, me being me, I’ve taken on the role of amateur curator and try to present these cartoons well, with nice thumbnails, the best video quality, some handy information in the description box, and more.

And another thing is, by uploading old cartoons to that side channel I can keep up a regular uploading schedule, and thus please YouTube’s algorithms, which are inherently animator-unfriendly as they reward creators who upload often and publish longer videos. (Animation is months of work for minutes of screen time.) In a way, it’s like I’m sending out Popeye and Betty Boop as vedettes every day, as travelling salespersons. “Go and tell people about Tales from Weirdland!” You just have to be a little creative in the marketing department.

The 1939 Popeye cartoon Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp (1939) is one I remember very well. Of the three Popeye Color Specials by the Fleischer Studios, that is the one that made the biggest impression on me as a kid. It was actually one of the first things I looked for when I discovered YouTube. There's a wonderful balance between the funny and the creepy, and the music is great and suggestive throughout. I love the vibrant colors, even though they faded somewhat. The backdrops are all little pieces of art, and atmospheric, the sight gags are nifty. “The laaaamp....” “I’m a feesh!” I’m positive that the cartoon helped to shape my artistic character.

Another animated short that I have really fond memories of, is Betty Boop’s Birthday Party (1933). It’s just a wonderful piece of work, with all these rubber hose characters bouncing and swinging, and singing. My grandfather was one of the first people to own a VCR, and this was one of the first cartoons he taped--for me. I watched it endlessly, and even now, many years later, the birthday song occasionally gets stuck in my head. "This is Betty's birthday party daaaaash...." 1933--Marilyn Monroe was 5 years old. The Golden Gate Bridge was being built. And Hitler, well... Look at the birthday cake though: Betty Boop is 14 years old.

I’m always fascinated by the voices in these cartoons. They’re the voices of ghosts. They’re coming to us through old wires, resonate through hollow tubes, their tinkling merriment long gone. You’re listening to the dead, but they themselves don’t know that they are dead.

Betty Boop cartoons were pretty raunchy actually, for their time. Before the Hays Code in 1934 (officially the “Motion Picture Production Code”), which imposed moral restrictions upon motion pictures, it was basically: be as suggestive as you want; you can tease, be naughty, show glimpses of underwear, wink, nudge. This Code lasted until 1968, after which Hollywood degenerated into the Gomorrah that it is now. The Betty Boop cartoons never recovered from the restrictions: in the later cartoons, she’s demure and boring, and most of the stories center around her dog and his wacky shenanigans.

The reason the Code affected Betty Boop cartoons, by the way, is because they were theatrical cartoons: they weren’t shown on television--there was no television--they were shown in theatres, before a main feature or as part of a Saturday matinee. “Many people don’t realize that”, as my brother used to say whenever he had finished some trivia-filled monologue to an uninterested audience.

Above: obvious sexual harassment in the 1932 Betty Boop cartoon, Boop-Oop-a-Doop. “Do you like your job? Hehehe...” In another cartoon, Koko the Clown and Bimbo also join in on the leg rubbing, shamelessly.

So anyway, that’s my Humanivideo channel. It’s my own little Library of Congress. Like Tales from Weirdland, Humanivideo features videos that I’d want to watch myself. That has always been my main interest in doing all this, this YouTube stuff. Perhaps you’ve noticed, non-existing reader, but I never ask viewers to like, subscribe, share, and so forth, i.e. encourage viewers to “take action”, as it’s called in YouTube guides. Broadly speaking, my philosophy is that if I have to remind people to do all those things, something’s not working right.

The only thing I take into account when uploading new videos is: what are the best times to upload? The answer, apparently, is Thursday/Friday in the afternoon, as this gives Google/YouTube the opportunity to process your stuff in time for its busiest hours in the evening. So upload between 12-3 PM when you’re in LA, and between 9-11 PM when you’re in Europe. Saturday is OK too, or Sunday if Saturday isn’t possible. But I’d avoid Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, unless you’re a big YouTube star, in which case it doesn’t matter obviously.

Right.

Currently I’m working on a pretty elaborate, ambitious Star Wars-themed video. Should be good. Anyway, until next time.

[cyro-starfire]

You know what? Funk yuo! *Friday night funk-ifies your Cyro and Kyrix*

The return of the bitch and babey

Made some dialogue for them if i decide to make any future mod for them TW for violence since Ky gets really descriptive about how they want to get revenge on bf when they get pissed so pls read at ur own risk (the song names are unofficial but i might keep some of the songs names!) Also for clarification these mods would take place in the FND (Friday night dashin) Au and it's past the events of Sonic defeating LD so Cy would know Boyfriend by this point

Cyro dialogue!

~1st song~

Cyro: H-Hello?

BF: beep (Heya!)

Cyro: Oh ch-chaos, y-y-you scared m-me b-boyfriend! P-Please at l-least tell m-me your th-there b-before i have a h-heart attack...

BF: beep boop bap ski di (Oh, sorry about that...)

Cyro: It's o-okay, what a-are you and G-Girlfriend doing h-here anyway?

BF: skee di do dep, ba bee bep, ski ba bep boop beep! (Oh! I was actually hoping i could rap battle with you!)

Cyro: wh-wh-whaaaaaaaa???????? y-y-y-you????? R-R-Rap battle????? M-Me? i... I don't kn-know Boyfriend, i-i-i'm not that g-good at r-rapping....

BF: skee dee do dep! (I can teach ya!)

Cyro: h-h-huh? R-Really?

BF: beep! (Yeah!)

Cyro: oh uhm...w-well uh...i g-guess so...o-okay! Let's get s-started!

("Teachin ya" begins)

~2nd Song~

Cyro: (giggles) That w-was actually kinda fun!

BF: beep bep! (Told ya!)

Cyro: d-d-do you think m-maybe...we could r-rap again?

BF: BEEP BAP! (HELL YEAH!)

Cyro: A-Alright!

("Cherry cat" begins)

~3rd song~

Cyro: (more giggling) i-i didn't kn-know singing with y-you could b-be this fun Boyfriend!

BF: Beep boop bep, bee bap! (Awe, you flatter me too much!)

Cyro: d-do you m-maybe have e-e-enough energy a-and time for one more s-song?

BF: beep bap, skee do! (Sure! Let's do it!)

("Blossom" begins)

Kyrix dialogue

~1st song~

Cyro: that w-was so much f-fun! Th-thanks for teaching m-me how to rap boyfriend!

BF: bee boop! (No prob!)

Cyro: although i-i think we sh-should be getting h-home now! It's g-getting late!

BF: beep (agreed)

???: And where the fuck do you shit fucks think yer goin?

Cyro: h-huh? Who???

BF: ?!

(Kyrix comes out of the shadows)

Kyrix: i thought i smelled a pussy and a little weak ugly blue haired midget~!

Cyro: K-KYRIX?!

BF: BEEP?! (WHO?)

Cyro: it's a-a long story...

Kyrix: (Chuckles) and your not gonna live long enough to tell him that story bitch~!

BF: BEEP! (WAIT!)

Kyrix: hm? the fuck you want?

BF: Beep boo ske di bep, boop bap, beep skeep! (What if instead of killing us, you rap battle first!)

Kyrix: hm? Go on....

BF: skee de do doo, bi bap beep boop, skee di dap doop! (If we win you let us go! If you win, you get to kill us! Sound fair?)

Kyrix: hmm...normally I'd relish at an opportunity to be unfair...but...a rap battle doesn't sound too much of a bother...alright, deal, this'll be fun anyway~!

("Interdimensional threat" begins)

~2nd song~

Kyrix: (huff) wow...for a little shit you can fuckin rap...

BF: Beep boop! (Thank you!)

Kyrix: but I ain't fuckin here to lose to a petty fuckin midget, I ain't playing around with this one ya little shit fuck! Hope you have armor for your little heart bitch, I'm gonna diss you so fucking hard YOUR HEART WILL FUCKING EXPLODE! (LAUGHS)

BF: beep bep! (Bring it!)

("Claws" begins)

~3rd song~

Kyrix: URRGHH!!!! NO NO NO NO NOOO!!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!! STUPID UGLY FUCKING MIDGET!!!! THIS SHOULDN'T BE FUCKING HAPPENING!!!

BF: Beep~? (Sore loser much~?)

Kyrix: SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT UP! I'LL FUCKING SHOVE MY CLAWS SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT AND TEAR OUT THAT PATHETIC VOICE BOX IF YOURS! THEN I'LL FEED IT TO A PACK OF WILD FUCKIN DOGS! YOU DON'T FUCKING DESERVE THAT ANNOYING VOICE!!!

BF: beep boop...(jeez calm down...)

Kyrix: I'LL MAKE YOUR ASS REGRET ASKING ME TO RAP BATTLE WITH YOU! THIS TIME I'LL MAKE SURE THAT YOUR THE SORE LOSER BITCH!!!

("Bottled rage" begins)

~final dialogue~

Kyrix: AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! NOOO! FUCK YOU FUCK YIU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUUUUCK YOOOU!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT! FUCK THIS, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS STUPID DEAL ANYMORE, I'M FUCKING KILLING YOU BASTARDS RIGHT HERE RIGHT N- (Phone rings) wh-

BF: ???

GF: ???

Cyro: wh-whos?

Kyrix: It's my babe, Scourge...

Kyrix: ...

BF: ...

Kyrix: you know what? Fuck this, i don't have to waste my time killin ya little shits, me and Scourge will dispose of ya when we have enough power, you just got saved by the fucking bell bitches, I'm out. (Kyrix walks away while flipping the bird at the three)

Cyro: erhm...w-well...that was... eventful...

Bf: beep boop? (Should we...?)

Cyro: y-y-yeah let's g-get out of here...