#my mind is here tonight

[mh2o29]

ayo who invited these guys????

(click for better quality pls)

here is my take on coloring a drawing provided by the amazingly talented @sharpth1ng !!!!! (go check out sharpys stuff pls pls pls you know you want to) and debaser fans know I had to do scarred stu I mean cmon

(I’m not the only one who colored this btw yall go check out @oceanicjessie ‘s post here)

ALSO we were discussing in the debaser discord between stu and billy….who is the gay and who is the loser to form Gay Loser™️….. sooo imma do a poll vote below vvvvvvv

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

so i've had a lil fic idea floating in my head for a bit. it's fun to think about!

[gncrezan]

IFs (especially IFs on tumblr!) are very fun because there's a lot of creator-fan interaction possible because of tumblr's ask function. you get to ask questions about your favorites, suggest ideas and sometimes those ideas are even taken on board. fans get much more content because the writers and creators are so accessible. and i feel like asking questions and leaving comments in this way has become so common and standard with IFs that people are forgetting that's a real person writing these stories. just because you can send the ask doesn't mean you should. DON'T BE RUDE ON ANONYMOUS!!!!! DON'T BE WEIRD ON ANONYMOUS!!!!! my jaw drops reading some of these asks so i can't imagine how it's like for the authors

[serotoninny]

speaking of macpad. heres more doodles

[theflyingfeeling]

two sweaty, horny dudes ✅

sauna ✅

no plot ✅

enjoy 💦

(or: Olli/Allu get it on at the band's sauna evening for no reason whatsover other than simply wanting each other so goddamn much)

~*~

Don't bother, Joonas, let's leave the IT club to nerd about whatever in peace.

Niko's teasing words had barely stopped echoing in the sauna when Olli's lips were already on Aleksi's shoulder, his tongue peeking out to lick a droplet of sweat above his collarbone. The boldness made Aleksi inhale sharply before nudging Olli away, although there was nothing in the world he wanted more than Olli's mouth on his skin.

"Don't," he whispered. "Not here..." Olli looked up at him from under hooded eyelids and the long lashes that framed his darkened eyes, and suddenly Aleksi could no longer remember why he was denying Olli anything at all. That was why he made no effort to stop Olli when he leaned further in to take a mouthful of Aleksi's skin just below his earlobe in his mouth; in fact, Aleksi tilted his head to give Olli more room to do so and hoped the tinted glass door of the sauna would veil their...carnal activities.

By the time they heard the showers being turned off and the door to the changing room closing, Aleksi was already half-hard from Olli's hot, wet kisses and his fingers digging into Aleksi's inner thigh. By the time the last noises of laughter and friendly banter died out in the next room, Olli was already lying down on the top bench of the sauna, back arching and low moans filling the small room as Aleksi mouthed his stomach with hungry, sloppy kisses landing all around his navel and along the happy trail to savour the salty taste as much as to worship the sweet softness of his belly. By the time Aleksi finally touched the tip of Olli's pulsing cock with his tongue, Olli was but a squirming mess under his touch, all but begging Aleksi to take him in his mouth.

The long, lingering licks Aleksi left on Olli's cock drove Olli crazy – Aleksi knew this from the way Olli's groans adopted a more needy undertone – but he had no intention to fulfil Olli's wordless pleas before he'd have the man tremble for it.

"Ale, I need to cum so bad," Olli panted, grinding his erection against Aleksi's lips that were now leaving light kisses along Olli's hardness. A lone drop of precum appeared at the tip, which Aleksi is quick to kiss away.

"Ale, please," Olli was practically whining now, "please let me cum in your mouth.

"Are you close?" Aleksi asked, although he knew the answer when he took Olli in his hand and felt it twitch in his fingers, and when he saw how Olli's abdomen contracted from the touch, and when he heard the litany of swear words leaving Olli's mouth.

"So fucking close I'm gonna cum on your face if you're not gonna take me in your mouth soon."

There was no doubt Aleksi wouldn't have loved that either, and he almost told Olli so; nevertheless, he guided Olli's cock in between his waiting lips. Hollowing his cheeks, he began sucking in rhythm with Olli's groans, making sure to let his lips graze against the sensitive tip before swallowing down again until his septum ring was nearly touching Olli's pubes. He felt Olli throbbing against his tongue, twitching in between his lips, thrusting towards the ceiling under his hands that rested on Olli's hip bones, and with every lust-filled movement Aleksi felt as if there were two, fatally horny wolves inside him: one that was determined to keep Aleksi bobbing his head up and down to help Olli reach his peak sooner rather than later, and one that was curious to see how long Aleksi could keep Olli on the edge before they'd both lose their minds.

Eventually his motive to please Olli outplayed any other, more selfish desire he might have had and he tightened his lips around Olli's cock. Olli buckled his lips uncontrollably when Aleksi added a hand to the base of his hard-on to massage it, to feel Olli's arousal under his fingertips, to revel in every twitch and throb that inspired Aleksi's own aching cock that stood neglected between his thighs. He was desperate to touch himself – he was only human, after all – but as it turned out, his hands had far more important tasks to tend to: while the other was busy gripping Olli's cock, the other had sneaked up to Olli's chest to bury his fingers in the bush of chest hair which Aleksi so loved; which Olli so loved to leave peeking from the collar of his shirt just to drive Aleksi crazy; which Aleksi couldn't wait to cover in his white semen again, like he had done just the other night on the couch of his studio.

Nearly lost in the memory of frotting himself on Olli's chest, Aleksi was almost caught off guard by Olli starting to shoot his load in his mouth. At the height of his orgasm, Olli's slurred words are a mix of fuck and Ale and don't stop, and Aleksi keeps on working his tongue and lips until every last drop of cum has been swallowed, until the only noises left in the sauna are Olli's heavy breathing and the quiet cracking of the fire.

Seeing Olli's naked body in front of him, all spent and relaxed and beautiful, Aleksi could no longer ignore his own bodily needs. He sat back against the wooden panelling behind him and finally took himself in his hand, but he only had time to give himself a few, much-awaited strokes before Olli's fingers were replacing his own and a pair of lips were crashed against his. As if desperate to taste himself off Aleksi's tongue, Olli kissed him hungrily while pumping Aleksi's erection with vigorous, experienced flicks of his wrists, which had no business making Aleksi as close to his climax as it did. Yet, he found his lips mirroring the hasty movements of Olli's, grinding his erection into Olli's fist the best he could from his tight position in between Olli and the wall, and even letting Olli help Aleksi's knee up against his own chest, pushing him further against the wall as Olli's other hand teased around his hole.

Without warning, Olli slid one of his fingers in, and with even less warning, Aleksi came hard with his bottom lip tightly in between Olli's teeth so that his cry of pleasure was muffled somewhere inside Olli's hot mouth. When Aleksi at last regained the little that was left of his senses, the fire in the sauna stove had already died out; the fire in Olli's eyes, however, drilling into his from up close as he milked the last of Aleksi's cum, only seemed to flare up.

~*~

They made out under the shower, somehow leisurely and with great urgency at the same time. Olli was wet and smooth and hot under Aleksi's palms, his every curve and bone and muscle adding fuel to the already blazing flame that was scorching Aleksi's chest and groin, even without Olli's hand stroking his cock anew.

When Aleksi came again, spilling his load on Olli's fingers and stomach, his knees trembled under him from the strength of his second orgasm that evening, nearly making him fall at Olli's feet.

He wanted to ask Olli if he would catch him if he did; if he'd crumble under the weight of it all, would Olli be there to pick him up again?

Somehow the words never left his mouth.

(Perhaps Aleksi was afraid to hear the answer.)

Instead, he got on his knees again.

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

Took stock of the work that needs to go into the apartment today. Most of it is painting, carpet is being replaced, the biggest issue is this one hallway where the wall paper is tearing off and like

The whole fucking bathroom????

I guess there’s been a leak in there so every time we flush our toilet it leaks down there but the previous tenants didn’t say a word about it to us or Q’s dad until recently???? So there’s a shit ton of water damage and the bathroom looks so bad man. Idk how they were living like that

In fun news there’s a little lamp hanging in the porch and some birds built a nest in it. There’s maybe 4-5 eggs

[goldenhypen]

guys i was so fortunate and lucky to get to see enhypen irl tonight :’) sooo grateful omg it was so good and i’m going coocoo bonkers crazier than ever rn

[entermyrealm]

when he wears Dream's clothes??? Death of the Endless, is that you?????

[are-we-really-doing-this]

ECW on SciFi #33 - CM Punk vs Elijah Burke

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

heya, i have to wake up in three hours but! here's another lil human au snippet! ft. lightly implied Laughingstock! disclaimer i am so so tired so don't come at me for typos or strangely worded sentences or missing info <3

~

Before heading home, Eddie swings by a charming little store he’s been to once or twice before. He usually goes to the chain store by his house, but he doesn’t feel like dealing with the hustle and bustle and the endless aisles. This little store is quiet, nice, and strangely has everything anyone could need. 

The lot is mostly empty at this hour, so Eddie claims a spot right at the front. As with the other times, the windows are littered with displays and stickers - half off on this, sale on that. Eddie enters Howdy’s Place with the chime of the door’s shopkeeper’s bell. He’ll get what he needs and get out, quick and easy and peacefu-

Boisterous laughter slams into Eddie like a hammer, so sudden that he jumps in place. An employee stocking cans nearby glances weirdly at him. Eddie clears his throat and hurries into the nearest aisle as the laughter tapers off. The silence barely lasts a second before loud chatter starts up. It’s too fast and muffled for Eddie to understand, but he can pick out two distinct voices - one deep, one less so but still decidedly masculine. 

Eddie tries to tune it out as he gathers what he needs. Toothpaste, some paper towels, shampoo. For the hell of it, he nabs a box of classic bran muffins from the spacious food section. He lingers for a moment, enjoying how far-away the conversation seems at the other corner of the store. Unfortunately, theft is illegal, so Eddie is forced to move towards the noise.

A strange thing about the store - it’s a combination general store, antique shop, and diner, complete with a miniature gift shop separating the two. One long checkout counter stretches from the open store area, behind the gift shop, and into the diner, where the conversation is coming from. An interesting setup, but an understandable one. It allows anyone behind the counter to move fluidly between customers and sections.

As Eddie approaches, the conversation becomes slightly clearer. 

“-said, no wonder you didn’t get her number!” the deeper voice barks, and the two dissolve into that almost-too-loud laughter again. 

As it tapers off, the other voice says, “Sounds like a real charmer! But really, you oughta be careful, Barn. One of these days someone’s gonna throw a right hook at ya.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. A transatlantic accent? He hasn’t heard that anywhere outside of real old movies and a queen he once knew. It sounds natural too, like the man was born to sound like he belongs on a 1920s radio show. It nudges something in the back of Eddie’s mind. He’s started to get really sick of that nudge.

“Oh, this guy did.”

“No kidding? I don’t see a shiner.”

“Well, yeah. I went left.”

Both of them laugh again, and Eddie feels a tiny tug at the corner of his mouth. That wasn’t funny enough to garner an actual laugh in his opinion, but it wasn’t unfunny. 

Eddie steps up to the counter and quietly puts his acquired items on it, not wanting to interrupt. He chances a glance to the side - walking space in front of the counter’s length lets him see right down into the diner.

A large man with dyed-blue hair and an interesting fashion sense is at the bar, talking to an employee leaning against the other side. The employee doesn’t really catch Eddie’s gaze, but the other man… Eddie swears he’s seen him before. He studies him from the corner of his eye, not wanting to be rude but unable to mind his business. 

“Our bouncer didn’t even get a chance at the action - the idiot knocked himself out tryin’ a second swing!” The customer says. His deep voice, wavering with humor, only adds to the sense of familiarity. Metal glints in his right ear. Eddie knows this man from somewhere.

The employee shakes his head, tutting. His busy hands polish a vintage pitcher. “I swear, you get all the crazies.”

“Makes for a good story, though.” The customer takes a sip from his tall milkshake and scoffs. “Though if it wasn’t all well-ending, amusing bull, I doubt I’d be so tolerant.”

Minutes drag by as the two keep talking. Eddie goes from patiently waiting to awkwardly trying to get the employees attention. If only there was someone else behind the counter, but the only other staff member is elsewhere, likely still stocking shelves. 

The two men are too absorbed in their little world, even though both are facing Eddie’s way. The customer has both elbows on the counter, one of them bent to prop up his chin. The employee has his hip leaned against the edge as they chat. They’re obviously very familiar with each other, and clearly deeply enjoy each other's company. 

Still - and Eddie is sorry to say, but it’s bad customer service. He’s not in a rush, but he’d still like to be on his way home. He could be fishing out the complex keys right now. He checks his phone - he’s been here for nearly fifteen minutes. Picking out the items took less than five. 

Eddie sighs, staring at the various cigarette packs displayed behind the counter. He’s never seen the appeal in smoking, but as the laughter starts up again, he almost wishes he did. He’s going to treat himself to a very long shower once he gets home. 

The store’s other employee walks behind the counter, carrying a box. Eddie lights up. Finally - she pointedly clears her throat and heads into the back. 

The constant conversation stalls for the barest moment, and he looks over. The customer grins at him for a second - lord he’s handsome - before turning that grin towards his friend.

“You’re losin’ your touch, Howds,” he teases, bringing his shake straw to his lips.

“I resent that statement. You’re just distracting.”

“Lil’ me? Distracting? C’mon, you can just tell me I’m pretty to my face. I’ll take it like a champ, I swear!”

“Ha, good try.” The employee sets the pitcher down and starts to mosey in Eddie’s direction. “Your ego is big enough for the both of us as is. One more compliment and your head’ll pop like a balloon.”

“Well, given that most balloons don’t really pop, they just kinda deflate slowly-”

“Sorry for the wait!” the employee says loudly in a glaringly obvious customer service tone. He stops in front of Eddie with a cardboard smile. At the other end of the counter, the familiar man snickers and hides his grin behind his drink. “I trust you found everything you did - and didn’t! - need.”

Eddie just stares up at him for a moment. At six-one, Eddie hasn’t felt small in a very long time. He usually stands at least a full inch above other people. This employee - Howdy, his name tag states - has several more on him.

“Uh, y-yes, I uh, I did,” Eddie stammers, glancing at his items. 

“Wonderful! And again, my sincerest apologies for the delay. My friend makes a game out of keeping me from my job.” Howdy shoots his ‘friend’ a glare with enough heat in it to make an ice cube sweat. 

“No worries.”

Howdy scans the items at an almost frightening speed. Beep, into a paper bag. Beep, in. Beep, beep - “Oh, no.”

“What?” Eddie says, dread plucking at his ribs as Howdy holds the bran muffins and shakes his head. “Is there somethin’ wrong?”

“Indeed there is! You’re making a mistake with these. They’re absolutely horrible, I tell ya - and bad for you, too!” Howdy tuts and puts the box to the side. “No, no, you don’t want those.”

“I… don’t?”

“Not if you knew better! Lucky for you, I’m here to set you straight. What you need is-” he snaps his fingers, “Barnaby, be a pal and-”

“Already on it,” ‘Barnaby’ says, appearing next to Eddie.

If Eddie weren’t already paralyzed, he’d jump right out of his skin from how Barnaby towers over him. He has to be a scant inch or so shorter than Howdy, but he still makes Eddie feel tiny. Unfortunately, Barnaby is even more handsome up close. 

“Here ya go.” Barnaby hands a plastic container to Howdy and taps it, smiling lazily down at Eddie. “I’d take his advice on this one. Those bran-named muffins may sound fancy, but they’re pretty crumby! You want muffins of quality. Real breadwinners!

Eddie can’t help a soft laugh. “Breadwinners, heh, that’s a good one.”

“Are you selling these or am I?” Howdy says, raising a bushy eyebrow. 

“Hey, I’m just doin’ what you asked! I’m bein’ a pal.”

“And I - I’m sorry," Eddie interjects, "but you’re awfully familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Eh, I’ve been around, but uh… you ever been to [INSERT GAY BAR NAME HERE]?”

Howdy clears his throat. “I’m trying to make a sale here, Barn. You can flirt on your own dime when you’re not costing me mine.”

“Didja know your nose gets redder when you’re jealous?”

Howdy rolls his eyes and shoves Barnaby in the diner’s direction. Barnaby goes with a hearty snicker. Despite the joke, Eddie thinks it has some merit as Howdy scans the final item and rings him up, considerably frostier than before.

Belatedly, Eddie realizes that he didn’t actually agree to the different muffins. Too late now. “Say, what kind of muffins are those?”

“Poppyseed-lemon.”

Eddie relaxes - that is a lot better than boring bran. “Y’know, my mother loved poppyseed-lemon muffins.”

“Did she now,” Howdy drawls.

“Like you wouldn’t believe! If baking was so much as mentioned, she’d jump right on houndin’ us to whip some up for her, or send us to go buy some. We’d never even get a taste! They’d be gone the moment they hit the air, I tell ya.” Eddie chuckles. “Took me a while to understand what all the fuss is about, but man was she right. They are good!”

“Uh-huh. Well, we have a fresh batch delivered every morning. They’re not the same type every time, mind you, but I can promise that they’re all of the highest quality.”

“Breadwinners, right?” Eddie jokes. Howdy doesn’t blink, but Barnaby snorts. He’ll take it. “I might have to come by more often, if that’s the case! Thank you kindly, sir.”

“Mhm, have a good day.” Howdy hands him the bag and strides away without a glance. The dismissal is clear as day. “Say, Barn, did you hear about the racket one of those cult crackpots stirred up at our dear friend’s tearoom?”

Eddie doesn’t catch the tail-end of the sentence as he hurries away, but he frowns. Cult? What cult? There’s a cult? He certainly didn’t hear of one before moving here, and none of his background checks had turned up anything of the sort. He hopes it was just a figure of speech. 

The door chimes again as Eddie leaves. It isn’t until he’s in his car that the embarrassment of that whole exchange catches up with him. If he had a nickel for every time he’d made a fool of himself in front of a gorgeous, strangely familiar man, he’d have three nickels. At the rate he’s going, he’ll either be rich, or he’ll have to move. 

Eddie subtly tries to peek around the store’s window displays from the safety of his car. He catches a scant glimpse of blue hair - come to think of it, it’s a similar shade to Wally’s. But where Wally’s had, to Eddie’s memory, been uniformly dyed right down to his eyebrows, Barnaby’s rich brown roots were obvious. His beard and eyebrows weren’t dyed, either. 

As Eddie relaxes back into his seat, he re-reads at the store’s name. The color drains from his face and he barely restrains himself from slamming his forehead against the steering wheel.

Oh, of course. Of course he made a fool of himself in front of the owner. Eddie can never come back here again. And it was such a nice store…

[queen0fm0nsterz]

I keep thinking abt Zoruru and Taruru's potential as a comedic duo. Yall don't understand how funny but also potentially emotionally investing I think they are. Like on one hand we got this kid fresh out of training with hopes and dreams to achieve, already at a good point in his career because hey, he got accepted into one of the most elite platoons their army has to offer! What more could a guy like him possibly ask for? And on the other we have an old man who at this point is completely disillusioned with the Keron Army, never wanted to find anything worthwhile there to begin with -- he only joined to go after his true objective. He's not moved by ambition, but rather revenge.

Their personalities are the polar opposite of each other which you'd think would cause them to clash. There's teasing, playful banter (from Taruru) and half hearted threats (from Zoruru), but in spite of that they get along surprisingly well. That's because they have one thing in common: neither wants to be put aside. They both want to make something of themselves. They want to be recognised; Zoruru, by those who wronged him, and Taruru, by... everyone. He might be not exactly sure, but he wants people to recognise his worth. In that process, they both train hard to work towards that goal. Maybe together, maybe separately, but the idea is that they both end up doing exactly that: they acknowledge the other's abilities. And later, each other. As people.

They both get exactly what they need out of this unlikely bond. Taruru finds someone who recognises him as being apart from the crowd ("not a background character", as he put it in the GRR platoon arc), and Zoruru finds what he's always looked for, even though he might have forgotten it along the way: a genuine friend. Taruru gets the older keronian to loosen up, if minimally, while Zoruru reminds the younger one to not place his trust in a single life path.

They're not just great comrades, they're genuinely good for each other.

[sushisocks]

i always have my Sean thoughts after 11pm. anyway, I think there's a woeful lack of gnc Sean in modern aus. he is already so queercoded. he gives theatre kid & youth activist to the max, and he'd 100% rock a skirt and some makeup just to make a point - but really he just enjoys not having to wear pants. you agree

[mad-hunts]

did i ever tell you all how barton's kids fully found out that he fears being left alone / abandoned? because i feel like they definitely had suspicions that that was something he really didn't want to happen before for a while, but barton never expressed it in a very overt way, if that makes any sense. that is, until he had somewhat of a delirium-based breakdown when he was REALLY sick with pancreatitis. which i estimate was around whenever matilda and louis were around fifteen years old.

because there is a chance that whenever you have a fever around the 103-106 mark that you will experience hallucinations and delirium + some people just seem to be more suspectible to it than others in general. and in the worst of the fever, barton had this super vivid dream about his kids leaving him, and he just woke up SOBBING from it. i mean, he was ugly crying because of it and begged them not to leave him. which is actually really kind of sad whenever i think about it. i honestly was thinking about writing a drabble about it because he didn't only just beg them for that — he said some things that, although it might not seem like barton would ever say them, sounded genuine.

and one of these things was apologizing to them, which... matilda + jack in particular, remember, and it's possible that it kept them up for a few nights. and i don't mean in a disturbed way or anything. i mean, in a ' wow, i can't remember the last time i saw dad be that vulnerable with us before. and if he did mean that he was sorry, then what does that mean whenever he may (or may not) eventually repeat doing what he apologized for? '

so it's honestly something that they still think about sometimes, and barton DOES remember saying them but kind of with a 'haziness' undertone to the memory, if that makes any sense. so yeah... barton's relationship with his children has a LOT of layers to it, and overall, it is very unstable. but he does ultimately seem to be attached to them in his own ' barton-like ' way, which is the best way i could put it because the man's mind is kind of like a labyrinth.

it's hard to navigate his feelings even for barton himself, but he is capable of being at least a semi-decent dad sometimes... but other times? yeah, he can be really cruel and uncaring. and i may sound like a broken record here, BUT the bad overshadows the good, and so he is not someone to look up to in regards to how a guardian should treat their children. however, i just think it's interesting how barton has just completely turned his dynamic with them on it's head before like this.

[adwox]

zerox moodboards

[hanaasbananas]

on arranged marriages

it's funny. mums been in the whatsapp rishta groups for years looking for someone i might marry. she'll send me a profile once in a while and ask what i think, if she should contact his parents or not and most of the time i say yeah, alright. nothing ever comes of it though, so when my dad calls me after work and says mum spoke to him about a rishta she's thinking of moving forward with i'm intrigued, but not particularly invested.

mum's really picky, i tell him. this probably won't go anywhere but we may as well see it through, right? dad is hesitant, but agrees when i say that i do want an arranged marriage.

but then things do move forward and the next thing i know, he is going to visit us with his parents. on the day, my uncle picks me up from work so i don't have to walk. you don't have to make a decision today, he tells me. this is just a first visit. my cousin helps me get ready and i am reminded of the similar scene in the movie vivah. nothing has to happen today, she tells me you guys are just meeting today. the thought does nothing to settle the nerves roiling in my stomach and i try to go back to my room three times instead of going downstairs until my cousin practically shoves me down them.

i enjoy meeting his mum, even though she immediately clocks my nervous clasping and unclasping of my bracelet. she hugs me as if i'm her own daughter and is so happy to see me that my heart lightens. eventually, we go to the other sitting room where the men are sitting-where he is. my nerves flare up again but he doesn't look up from his hands clasped in his lap when we walk in.

too nervous to speak, i only answer say anything when a question is directed at me and try to sneak quick glances at him across the room instead. his mum catches me more than once and smiles knowingly at me. we meet each others eyes only once for a split second and it makes my heart pound rapidly in my chest. when he speaks, i force myself to look at anyone other than him. he has a nice voice, my brain whispers and i bite my tongue, hard.

they leave, and we say they'll know our decision after a couple months. i know what my answer will be though. later, when they get back home and his mum calls my mum, i stand outside the door to eavesdrop, my heart in my throat but i can't stop my grin when i hear his mum say he's happy to go ahead with this, because there was a part of me that still worried he'd see me in person and go NOPE. she suggests that we get to know each other over the next few months and i silently beg my mum to agree. i know that where she is from, in her tradition, the bride and groom speak once or twice before the wedding if they're lucky, and that things are still done that way back home, but just as im gearing up to argue against that, she agrees. it's a miracle!

of course, chronically shy person that i am, the thought of our first conversation taking place on our mums phones is terrifying so instead i ask to get his number so we can text first. she sends his number but theres no way i'm texting first so i send them my number and thankfully he gets the hint and texts me first. i hope you don't mind me texting, i'm just shy still. i say. that's fine, he reassures me. we have time.

time, as it turns out. flies. it doesn't take long to move from texts to voice notes, to phone calls. he really does have a nice voice, i find out, and its not as awkward as i thought it would be. i didn't actually think that we'd talk that much, maybe once a week at most and yet...

i almost cried last night because we were talking about going to Pakistan together next summer and I remembered how when I was a teenager I used to daydream about going to Pakistan with my spouse and visiting all my family with him.

then over the years I sort of gave up on that idea because I'm not the type to go out and meet someone and in the desi arranged marriage market whose gonna choose me?

and now I'm 26, and we talk multiple times a day and when I catch myself thinking oh he isn't really interested, he's just talking to me because he has to to get to know me, why would anyone actually like me?? I find myself countering with well actually if that was the case why would he start calling you every day? how come you went from one call a day ending with 'i'll talk to you tomorrow' to him calling you on his way home from work and 'i'll call you after dinner' when he gets home to a THIRD call after maghrib right before bed? those are not the actions of a man who is uninterested!!

hanaas insecurities- 0, hanaas logic- 1

anyway idk where this is going except i never thought i'd be this excited and happy when it came time for me to get married but here i am and it is SO SCARY to realise that i am maybe possibly (definitely) falling for him but wow, and like? (literally the other day i was telling him a story from when i was a kid and the story had such a silly ending but it was unexpected and he laughed really hard in surprise and it made my heart almost explode i swear its so fun to make him laugh)

but like there's SO MANY logistics i'm restarting my driving lessons so i can pass before i move and i literally just got my new job in april but i'm gonna have to give my notice lmao and i've already started looking for new jobs but GAH so much stuff is happening and yet at the same time i feel so calm about it all it's wild i'm just vibing trying to enjoy my summer holidays and having the highlights of my day being when he calls lmaooo

[nina-ya]

GOOD MORNING LOVES 💕💕💕 HAPPY TUESDAY I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE AN AMAZING DAY SENDING LOVE TO YOU ALL