#my mom has given up on politics which isn't really helpful either

[elytrafemme]

i really do wish at least one of my family members had a normal perspective on politics. not in the sense that any of them have bad takes persay but just that literally none of them approach the broad concept of Politics in an effective manner

[justanotherblogger]

Random Rambles And Theories About Alastor Go!

Ok, so right now I am on a high with all the recent Alastor lore we've been blessed with in Hazbin Hotel, and this little murderer has been occupying my mind 24/7. I really need to get all my theories and rambles out that I don't see a lot of people talking about.

(BTW, before my ramble, I have seen many places say he was mixed race as a human, but if I am wrong, please let me know, because this delves deep into that with his human life.)

(Also be warned for a bit of gore/violence and that this thing is kind of long)

Now let's begin!

I'll start with the most talked about theory with Alastor: his connections with Lilith and why he reacted the way he did with Lucifer

The show has given us what many people think are hints to this with both of them gone for 7 years, the slight eye twitch in the pilot when he looked at liliths portrait, Alastor showing up right after Charlie finished voicmailing her mom also in the pilot, how he knew about Charlie's Daddy Issues before she seemed to have told anyone, the leash comment from Husker, and how Alastor reacted to Lucifer.

Now, all of these could be chalked up to Alastor having some sort of nice relations to Lilith, but some of these are a bit too far stretched to just be because he has interacted nicely with Lilith in my eyes.

I have seen many people talk about how Alastor must have gotten a bad impression of Lucifer because either him and Lilith are besties and talk crap about him after the split, or he listened to her complaints about him and got an impression off of that to dislike him this much right off the bat in episode 5.

But I don't think that's it. We see how badly Alastor reacted to the leash comment by Husker, which definitely isn't a good sign that he would even trust the words of whoever is holding that 'leash' against him. He seemed pushed over the edge, vulnerable enough to lash out, which is unlike himself. Whatever deal he made for his soul, was most likely under threat, a life or death choice.

This is why I think he despises (most likely) Lilith or whoever has that 'leash' on him. He lashes out, sensitive about the subject. After gaining so much power over the overlords, he suddenly gets toppled over again by someone of (most likely) higher status, being forced into an unwilling contract, now just another pawn that this demon(?) can use for their own desires, and he doesn't want to be that, he needs to make his own decisions. But he doesn't have any say in the matter.

So I think why he was mocking and teasing Lucifer so much was because of his connection with Lilith. Everyone knew how deeply in love they were (before they split) and how they are both the most powerful demons in hell. I think Alastor took a chance to use his pent up anger on Lucifer, trying to get him to hurt as much as he can because of what Lilith did, all the while Lucifer cant do anything too serious leat he upset Charlie. We know he is extremely petty, after all. (we can also see him (most likely) letting off some steam when devouring the loan sharks, with him getting unnecessarily big and just letting loose on a couple of low-tier goons)

I saw another person talk about how Alastor has no power over Lucifer/Lilith, no political power, and he can't beat them in games of wits either. But the one thing that he does have the upper hand on, is their daughter, and I completely agree with that.

Alastor has been there since the beginning, has helped Charlie out and talked with her more than her own Parents had in the last couple of years probably. He's seen how attached the parents are to Charlie, and decided to use that info in full force. Just look at the Lucifer/Alastor duet.

Now that we have my theories of the life and death contract with Lilith, let's go deep into what I think is Alastors character right now:

Alastor, a mixed child in the early 1900's most likely had it really rough. With being treated as less than from both sides for being to dark/light to the violence that he most likely had to endure during his childhood.

This could have been where his anger/obsessive resentment started to simmer up in sporadic bursts over the years and years of belittlement, abuse, and racism.

Like I said before, he was probably treated as less than human for his mixed skin, and Alastor most likely started to hate it. His skin, the people, everything seemed so wrong. Why should the people who beat him and his mother see them so vulnerable and weak. He decided he didn't like that anymore.

So the radio show started. I got this idea from when he said his face was only made for radio. Over the radio, no one ever knew what you looked like. Just your voice would be broadcasted, and no one would ever see who was really behind the microphone unless they stepped out. This seemed like a barrier to Alastor. Letting himself go with no worries about letting people see him vulnerable behind his broadcast. (Maybe that's why he hates TV and modern tech so much; people can see everything about you)

And when his radio show became a hit and people wanted pictures and news? What would protect him then? Simple: his unwavering smile. Reactions are what people want when they crush others. They want to see them wallow and beg cry from what they have done. But Alastor won't let anyone do that to him ever again.

He stands his guard, not letting any comments get to him, keeping charming smile and unwavering voice all throughout his career as a radio host. Keep the smile up, dont have your voice crack, never show weakness. If you stop, those that wait will sink their teeth in and never let go of you. That's what I think a part of his mentality is and is maybe a part of why his smile is stitched on in his demonic form.

Now onto why I think he's a serial killer/cannibal. Remember when I said he had lots of unchecked anger and obsessive resentment? All this now simmering even more while being pushed down by his persona?

This is when he'll break loose.

He usually goes for the ones with the least amount of defense: drunkards/ bar frequenters. I though of this when Mimzy said he used to always come to the bar she was performing at and how he could drink like a sailor.

He might've drank with people to let their guard down in addition to his non-threatening charm, and he probably built a tolerance to be at least a bit sober when the others are full out drunk so he can easily transport and kill them.

He probably enjoys killing/eating his victims because a) it shows how he has power now. How he isn't a helpless victim anymore and he's finally in control of his life or b) where he likes seeing privileged people beaten and bruised for once, the gratification of seeing someone taste their own medicine by his own hand, like revenge, even if that person hadn't been necessarily bad towards him.

His death ro me is the same that everyone else thinks, where he's burying some victims body and gets mistaken for a deer, then shot straight between the eyes. What I do think a bit differently is that he was chased by hunting dogs first, which alerted the hunter for him to get shot, which then led to his fear of dogs.

Then he was finally free to do anything. Hell had no limits, he didn't have to hide his carnage anymore. But now that smile he wore was engraved into his face, almost making it impossible to frown. But that didn't matter. Not right now. Alastor has so many emotions bubbling up that he just wanted blood to be on his hands.

And then he slaughtered the overlords and took their souls within weeks ( maybe months, idk how quick he killed them, but ima go with weeks), broadcasting it over the radio to show everyone what he's been up to.

Alastor had kept this routine for a couple of decades, occasionally getting a guest star on his broadcast by those who he seems fit.

But maybe he had become too cocky with this power high, as he had been attacked by holy weaponry right before the extermination he dealth with most of them, but a shot did make it into his shoulder, causing him to collapse in pain, unable to move. (a bit simple, but I imagine him getting badly hurt by angels/angelic weaponry to lethal levels and Lilith decides to save him)

He fought hard when the angels arrived, of course, but he could only go so far in being this injured. So when he was about to get stabbed in the chest by a holy spear, he was already tired and almost accepted his fate, before being pulled somewhere by Lilith herself.

This is where Lilith offers a beat and broken Alastor a one time deal: become her servant or she'll throw him back to the exterminators herself. And in a situation like this, there's usually only one option you can really take.

And so he was a ghost, leaving everything he had behind. His power, his respect, his freedom...

Now Alastor had become a pawn again. A tool useful for the right situations, and just a toy to be played with by Lilith. This is exactly what he didn't want from his human life. The humility, the disregard, treating him as some sort of street animal, no matter what he did.

And now she orders him to guard her daughters hotel, giving him back a piece of his power to protect the hotel.

Alastor had hated Charlie for how she misused her amazing power for something like redemption.

Alastor hated Lucifer, for having all that power, being the strongest demon in hell, yet taking it for granted while mocking him about his choices.

And Alastor hated Lilith, for trapping him again, and renewing his endless cycle of suffering.

So those are my thoughts about Alastor. I think you can tell he's my favorite. I just love his powers and lore.

[irresistiibles]

was that bright vachirawit? oh no no, that was just emery anden, a canon character from the green bone saga. they are twenty years old, use he/him, and are not aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here

two months but he thinks it's been for around 13 years.

what is your character’s job

he's a student on the premed track.

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom

either at the end of book 1 or early book 2 right after chapter three i can settle when he becomes aware and age him up a year if i have to.

has any magic affected your character

the memories got yoinked real good

more info:

goes by anden or andy!

okay, basically, the green bone saga is about warring clans (plagiarizing ollies intro just for this line). the no peak clan is run by the kaul family, who took anden in when he was very young after his mother died in like a real gruesome way that i am not going to type out because i'll make myself ill. luckily the kaul took him in and he was raised basically as their family, feeling really close and grateful to the family.

what's important to know is she died because jade, which in the series can give certain people enhanced abilities, can also have negative affects when used in excess. it's really a person to person sort of thing

but it greatly traumatized anden, who is sensitive to jade for a number of factors

he was great with it, but in his first time using it outside of school went on to kill three people, and to his real horror, almost enjoyed doing so. he had some fun with it, and immediately realized how great jade was before pulling himself back

he wound up humiliating himself and his family at his graduation day by refuses jade and has been struggling since but like my guy truly just doesn't trust himself with it and is a really good kid! he would do anything for his family beyond lose himself to jade, and given what he witnessed with his mom he would hope his family wouldn't want him to lose himself to jade! and he knows that he will if he uses it regularly, so he's kinda been stuck

now what does anden believe his life was? he thinks he was born in thailand, but after an accident killed his family when he was very young he wound up living with a distant family friend in america and spent most of his life with them

and though he never fully felt like he perfectly fit in it was a good life

he's in college now and has been living on his own for the first time ever which has been a semi difficult adjustment but he's making it through

he has a hard time doing things in moderation. he smokes and drinks a little but won't do anything harder than that and he can definitely have a temper but he works hard to reign it in. if he gets to the point of starting a fight though it's going to be a real serious fight.

not the sort of person you'd assume can throw a punch but you'd be incorrect

but he's a nice kid! he's a hard worker who's polite and means well. he's kinda of awkward and has a natural tendency to keep to himself even if he wants friends. will be stubborn and even aggressive if it's something that he cares about or he's pushed a little too long.

he's also very afraid of himself and wants to be helpful in a way that probably isn't entirely helpful and should probably see a therapist or just scream really loud just one time that also might help him

potential plots:

a roommate or apartment neighbors. it's definitely in one of the cheaper areas of the city, but not completely run down.

fellow students, study buddies in particular. he is a very hard worker but isn't naturally gifted in his classes by any means

a gym buddy/casual sparring partner. for your quiet polite premed student anden is kinda stacked and though he doesn't remember being in any legitimate fights he does think he grew up doing martial arts and has an interest in that.

just general friends please

past casual dates for other masc muses.

he volunteers at a hospital over the weekends so anyone he could know from that. maybe a doctor that's sort of a mentor for him or fellow volunteers or anyone who works in the hospital

a bad influence. anden definitely has some rage and bad traits he works pretty hard not to lean into, so you know what he needs someone to just kinda bring out the worst in him

the family he grew up with. he wasn't officially adopted but these would still be people he sees as either siblings or parental figures.

someone to just get him to go out more rather than just hole up and study. make sure he like goes out to a bar and lives out his twenties a bit please

someone for him to but heads with. maybe the person isn't even aware they're annoying andy since it takes him a while to be vocal about that sort of thing but he should get to snap a little.

[cocosstories]

Chris Evans One Shot

Prompt:

maybe you could write something cute/fluff mainly where the reader has been dating (either seb stan, cevans or tom holland :) ) and they get into a small fight and at the end they get engaged? (Like a fight where they are at the readers sisters wedding and the reader gets kinda mad why they haven’t been asked to get married yet after 5 years or so??) im sorry this is a long ask haha but hopefully not confusing 🥰 (its also my first ask im sorry 🤍) anything like this would be appreciative 🥰🤍

The wedding went off without a hitch, your older sister looked beautiful as she walked down the aisle to marry her love of just over a year.

You look down from your spot at the altar to your own love, Chris and give a small smile.

The two of you have been together for over five years now and many, were surprised that you have yet to tie the knot.

Anytime the subject of marriage came up, which seemed to ba a lot in the last forty eight hours given the theme of the weekend, you politely smiled.

"Were in no hurry. Just enjoying being together."

It was a generic answer but one that would satisfy and nosy relative that would ask.

The truth was, you would give anything to marry Chris. You were completely sure of what you wanted and with him dragging his feet, you were beginning to worry he didn't have the same certainty.

As your sister and her husband were pronounced man and wife, your mind comes back to focus and you celebrate with the rest of the guests.

There was a two hour break between the ceremony and the reception, giving time for guests to take a break from the festivities.

With your sister and new brother-in-law safely settled in the limo, you find Chris and head off to the hotel to change into your party dress.

"Can you help me with the zipper please?"

Chris is laying on the bed, watching T.V. when you come up to him. He sits up and pulls himself to the edge of the bed as you turn your back to him, placing yourself between his legs that are hanging over the side.

"I don't know why she insisted on all of us changing. I mean sure, the second ones will be easier to dance in but it just seems like a lot of money for only a few hours."

Your small rant catches his attention as he unzips the dress then turns you to face him.

"Why do I get the feeling this is more than about changing your dress?"

You sigh, not really wanting to start an argument.

"Its just the dress, Chris"

He takes your arm as you try to walk away.

"Y/N, talk to me. What is bothering you?"

He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear and you contemplate what to say to him.

"I'm just ready for this weekend to be over. If i have to endure one more relative asking when we are getting married, im going to scream."

Chris sighs.

"I knew that's what it was. We don't owe them anything Y/N. Our relationship is our business, not theirs. When we decide to get married, is our choice. Don't let them bother you. The weekend is almost over."

Irritation builds with his answer.

"And when are we going to make that decision?"

You pull away from him, heading back to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

"Why is this a big deal all of a sudden?"

Chris follows after you, stopping in the doorway of the bathroom and leaning against the frame of the open door.

"This isn't all of a sudden, Chris. We have been together for five years. Is it so odd that marriage is in my mind? Apparently it's just not on yours."

You pull on the new dress and struggle to reach the zipper, not really wanting to ask for help in the moment.

"Is that what you think? That i don't want to marry you?"

Your confession shocks him more than it probably should have. You had never let on just how much it bothered you before.

You had talked about marriage a few times throughout your relationship but he had always gotten the impression, you were happy with the way things were.

"What am i supposed to think? I've heard you say you want to settle down and start a family in so many interviews but i guess you just don't want that with me."

There is now hurt in your voice as the realization of your accusation hits both of you.

He walks over to you and brings you into his arms, you resisting a bit at first, not wanting to be more vulnerable than you are.

"I want to marry you. I want to raise a family with you. I love you. You are it for me. I hate that you would ever question that."

Hurt in his voice matches yours as he speaks.

"Then why haven't you asked me?"

Your voice was quiet and shaky with the question.

"Because I am a stupid man."

It was a simple answer that held a lot of truth. He pulls back from you, getting down on one knee and taking your hand.

"Y/N, it may have taken me some time and i may not have a ring but I would be even more stupid to use that as an excuse to wait any longer. I love you. You are my best friend, the love of my life. Would you do me the great honor if becoming my wife?"

It wasn't exactly the romantic proposal you had always imagined but it was perfect nonetheless.

You pull him up from the ground and kiss him deeply.

"Yes Chris, I will marry you!"

Tears stream down your face and you kiss him again.

Your phone rings a few minutes later, bringing you both back into reality.

'Y/N, where are you? Everyone will be here soon.'

You read the text from your mom with a sigh.

"Back to the craziness. Zip me up?"

You turn your back to him and he zips your dress up slowly, his fingertips lingering at the base of your neck.

"If we have to. Just promise me something, our wedding won't be like this. Just a ceremony and a party. No full weekend of events and costume changes."

You laugh, mentally agreeing with what Chris had just said. You loved your sister but her wedding did go a bit over the top for your taste.

"Deal."

With that, you head off to the reception, ready to dance the night away celebrating your sisters happy day while quietly planning your own.

Feedback is always welcomed and greatly appreciated

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[jaeminscoffee]

Drapetomania.

Drapetomania- An overwhelming urge to run away.

Pairing- Lee Taeyong x reader.

Genre- Angst, business!au

Word count- 2.73k

Warning- Mention of intake of alcohol, smoking and plans of running away.

Summary- A friend as good as ready to run away with you but you stop him dead in track, wanting solitude away from the cruelty of your world.

Ever felt like wanting to turn a blind eye towards all your responsibilities and just run away? 

The night was cold, gusty winds blowing through the open curtain of the ball room. Sounds of wine and whiskey glasses clattering filled the air. Sniffs of all sorts of cuisines from around the world had everyone's mouth watering. The entrance to the room leading up to the podium had a crimson carpet taut. All dressed fancy, women in gowns, men in tux. 

You yourself adorned a glitter black red flowing gown. Elegantly falling off your shoulder. The dress starting black, fading into red paired with a black bow heels, which was hidden by your gown pleats.

This was your life as the next head of your enterprise. Well, your father's company to be precise. It wasn't bad living in a world full of business talks, money exchange and complacency. 

Your company has earned its name as one of the top three of your country, alongside the Lee and Kim enterprises. The competition between all three companies was cut throat. All united and tranquil though, amidst all sorts of competition and the want to win, you were all acquaintances. 

All your parents dated a long time back, starting from their ancestors, passing through generations now passing onto you.

Business ran in all of your blood. 

As soon as you'd received your masters degree, your parents had immediately given you the post of the assistant manager at their company, not giving you a chance to state what your interests lie in. 

It wasn't half as bad as you'd thought it would be. You made a couple of friends going through the same as you, Lee Taeyong from the Lee Enterprise. Kim Doyoung and his younger brother Kim Jungwoo, from the Kim Corporations. Lastly, Jung Jaehyun from Jung Entertainments, CEO in training, a current partner and your fiancé. 

Yes, the Jung's and your family decided to merge ownership to create a much stronger stake.

This world, as lavish it sounds, snatches all types of freedom from you. Having money doesn't sound that bad, right? Having power sounds great, doesn't it? 

Well, it really isn't, you didn't get to enjoy the adult life you'd hoped for growing up. Not many stay beside you until you spend dollars on them either. The power either scared them or had their jealousy drive them away from you. 

Responsibilities came in one by one as a chain, giving you little to no time to breathe, adding onto that your wedding in a few months. You tried talking your way out of the arranged relationship, but it was futile. It was set once then it's set. No more turning points from there. 

The lad you're getting tied to wasn't bad, neither had he been rude to you, nor does he have that cockiness almost every other business man has. The arrogance was absent too. But rather, he was a gentleman, an absolute eye candy, a hard working young man. You were friends, as previously mentioned. You'd spoken the next day after the arrangement as you'd ran straight to the closest of your friends, Lee Taeyong, to bawl your eyes out of distaste. 

Jaehyun didn't want the marriage either, both of you were still so young, just starting your lives. 

Taeyong had to go through the same, but unlike your parents, they actually listened to him. 

That leads you to today, standing by the casement of your hotel room after exchanging a few formal greetings by the party hall, having Taeyong sit by the bed as your parents made their ments about the future of the company, possibly even announcing your marriage plan. 

"You know this hotel has a huge smoking prohibited board outside right?" Taeyong asked, clearing the air, coughing, watching you take swig after swig of your half burnt cigarette. You laugh at your friends' talks and silent complaints. This was the real you, you back talked, you screamed, you spent money on buying graphic t-shirts rather fancy clothes, you smoked, clubbed on the weekends. The real you was totally in contrast to you in front of the others. You were expected to be perfect, mannerisms on point not to disobey even.

"Yeah? And?" you said, puffing out the tobacco filled air right onto Taeyong's face, chuckling as he dramatically starts choking, exaggerating it a bit too much than required.

"I'm not going to help you when you get arrested," He said, shrugging his shoulders, standing up from the edge of the bed and standing beside you, taking the stick out of your hands, throwing it out of the window. You at him, looking up because of the height difference, "health comes first, princess" he said in feigned politeness, earning a smack on the shoulder as a reply from your end, "Oh fuck you, Lee" you reply with a petty tone having the toxic been taken from between your fingers. 

"So you dragged me all the way up to cuss at me or you have something to tell me?" he asked, breaking the silence taking over the air. You lean forward by the sill, looking outside the window as you let out a sigh, taking a whiff of the blustery night before turning towards Taeyong who already had his focus on you.

"It's about the marriage, and starting today, I-uh..I'll be taking over the company. I don't think I'm ready for it, Tae" you say, looking down at where your dress met the carpeted floor of your hotel room. 

You've had this talk with him multiple times, and he always had the same answer. What could the poor boy say anyways? 

"Y/n listen-" he was cut off by a soft knock on the door, the both of you whip your heads towards the door when the knocking occured again, "The door's unlocked!" you voice out. 

The door knob rattled the slightest, opening the wooden block by a little. "Y/n" a deep voice spoke, the door opening wider to display Jaehyun on the other end, a red velvet tux matching your clothing adorned his structure. "Jaehyun! Hey man!" Taeyong exclaimed, making his way towards the boy who stood with a wide smile after seeing his friend. "Hey Tae! Glad to see you didn't flee away from the party like you did last time" the boys laughed, embracing each other, you letting out a chuckle yourself. 

"Someone here, wouldn't let me run away until i take her along with me, I'm not stating names" Taeyong said jokingly, Jaehyun laughing at it, you poking your tongue out at the boys. 

"Can't have the spotlight taken away from the main, now can we?" Jaehyun said, the boys fist bumping at their adjoined 'tease Y/n until she's fuming' agenda. 

"Back to why I'm here, Your father's expecting you downstairs" Jaehyun looked over at you, your figure leaning against the now closed casement. "But i don't want to go down there" you reply grumpily, making your way towards the bed about to flop down, only to be stopped by Taeyong with his hands around your waist. "You're going to ruin your dress up, doll. Your mom won't let you breathe, then" he said pulling you up as you stand up right. 

"Right, almost forgot, thanks" you say, smoothing out the crease. Taeyong then pushed you towards your other friend, him catching you by your forearm. "Happy acting perfect! Oh also, all the best for the same" Taeyong said, waving as Jaehyun started pulling you out the room, ignoring your protests and whines. 

"Jae, i don't want to! They'll ask me to give speeches and you know how much i hate that!" you complain, trying to put all your weight onto the ground to make it hard for him to pull you, but he kept going with ease. "You don't really have to, we've finished that part of the day, thank the lords"

Jaehyun said, drawing a cross as you laugh at his antics. 

"Then why does father need me?" You see him pause the walk down the hallway towards the marble staircase, too fancy for your liking but already grown accustomed to it. 

"Because, they wanted to discuss something about the marriage" he said, resuming his steps. 

"What about it? There's still 7 months for it" you said, earning a sigh from the lad. This time, he stopped again, turning around to face you, gripping your shoulders in a soft, comforting grip. 

He looked at you hesitantly. Sensing something wrong, you grip his palms that rest on your shoulder, looking at him with a soft expression. "Jae.. Is something wrong?" you ask. 

"Y/n..about the marriage" he started, clearing his throat slowly then looking you straight in the eyes. "They.. My parents and yours.. They decided to.. Uh" he stopped, contemplating whether to let it out or not. 

"They decided to what? Jae just spit it out" you started to grow impatient.

"They decided to prepone our wedding"

-x-

You run down the hallway, towards the huge double doors leading to the party hall, frantically searching for your father, Jaehyun hot on your trail.

"Y/n wait up-"

"Father." you call out, finding him seated beside your mother, sipping on his whiskey. 

"Ah! If it isn't my pride! Y/n, your mom and Mrs.Jung-" he started, you cut him off. 

"Father, could i have a word with you in private?" you say, voice void of any form of emotion. 

"Of course, darling. Excuse me" he looked at the guests seated in the round table, smiling at them as you led him away from the crowd, to the hallway you'd previously run down.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He said, smile so wide it had to be fake. "You prepone the wedding?" your voice slightly quivered, crossing your fingers hoping it wasn't true. 

"Ah yes! I see Jaehyun already told you. I was thinking-" he started off again, with that honey coated voice of his. "why did you do that?" you step back, stumbling a bit. "Because the quicker the marriage, the faster the merge and more the profit, baby. It's all a full circle" he smoothened your hair out, you smack his hands away. "I'm not ready for a marriage yet, father! Two weeks? That's too early!" you scream at him, disbelief evident in your voice. "Oh of course you're ready! You're the daughter of a businessman, you're born ready!" he said, with pride, his shoulders pulled back. 

"I-i'm really not, dad. It's too soon, i don't want it. I'm going to call off the wedding-" you shakily say, turning around to make your way back to where Jaehyun stood, to be pulled back with much force. 

"Listen Y/n, It isn't about what you want or what you don't. You're ready when i say so, you get married when i say so. If you, ever, dare ruin our partnership with the Jungs, you see what you'll have to face." he said with a glare, giving you one last look before pausing to correct his bowtie, making his way back to the ballroom. 

Taeyong who had just so happened to make his way down the stairs, had unintentionally eavesdropped the entire conversation. He'd wanted nothing more than just to pull you in close, but after scanning the room, he saw your fiance standing there, by the corner, looking at Y/n then at him.

Taeyong nodded his head forward, wanting Jaehyun to come in and soothe you with comfort talks, but the latter shook his head. 

Your soon to be husband would probably be the last person you'd want to see, and so he faded back into the crowd. 

Taeyong hesitated first, having two successors seen together at a party isn't a news that should reach anyone, unless you're engaged, but seeing you let out a feeble sob, pulled his last string, and he made his way quick down the stairs, the hallway, pulling you into a tight embrace as soon as he reached you. 

"T-Taeyo-" you start between your feeble sobs, controlling yourself to not have a full on breakdown and create a scene at the party. "Shh doll, don't say anything, i heard it all" his voice calming, rubbing your back his palms in a comforting manner. "It's too e-early, Tae, i haven't even s-started living my life to th-the fullest yet and here-" you pause to inhale deeply, "-here i am, getting pulled in work after work, cutting my dreams out c-completely" you sob harder into his chest. 

"It's alright.. " he said, slowly starting to make his way out the crowded area, back up the stairs to where your rooms were located, unlocking your door upon reaching. 

"Is it? Of course it isn't Tae!" you let out louder now having the freedom to breathe normally, speak out all your pent up frustration. 

"It's just the stakes he cares about.. Not me, never has it been me and never will it be me." you spoke up before he could. 

"It was always about business. Never about me personally, and that hurts for thinking." you stop, burying your head into your palm, crying your heart out. 

Taeyong stood there, in front of you with a saddened glaze hooding his dark hazel eyes. The words you let out came from a very heartbroken, left to feel the pain alone girl. 

This is the harsh world of business and entertainment. 

He made his way closer to you, kneeling down in front of you, placing his hands over your legs to get you to look at him. No vail. 

"Y/n..doll, you see, we were forced into this world prior to adulthood, no consent whatsoever, we're just robot's basically, programmed to be perfect in all aspects." he started slow. "But there's nothing we can do about it"

With that the room went silent. The only sounds being from the loud acoustic downstairs and your sobs. 

You get up from your bed all of a sudden, sadness now turning to desperation and want for freedom. You make your way into the closet, taking out your already packed luggage, stuffing in whatever was left outside. 

"I'm really not ready-" "Y/n? What are you doing?" he said, voice panicked watching his friend throw random fabrics in. "And I'm tired of this-" "Y/n stop-" "-all of this" "Y/n-" 

"I should've done this long back-"

Taeyong grew even more panicked every second passing by, it only worsened when he saw you take the luggage and make your way towards the door. He took a hold of your hand in a tight grip as you felt the air turn black around you. It was hard to breathe with all the thoughts running through your head.

"Our world." you start, not trying to break out of his grip, slowly placing your hand over his.

"Our world Taeyong.. It's too cruel, harsh and dark even." you continue, stopping midway to look around you and then back at him, "none of us are safe in this world, none of us are happy, truly." you say removing his hands gently from the grip he had on yours.

Turning around once again, Taeyong was quicker. He caught your hands the second time, in a softer grip. 

"I know." 

"I know that our world is cruel. We don't experience the same as the others but Y/n..if you'd maybe, just maybe, -"

"Maybe if you'd let me, i could be your safe space in this harsh world" 

Taeyong stated, looking at you with nothing but sincerity. 

You contemplate for a while, option tempting. You could run away and not be alone. But that would only ruin his image. You blink your tears away, shaking your head. 

"No Tae.. You don't deserve to waste your life following me. You deserve so much better than that" you said, breaking free from his grip once again, smiling at him with a heavy heart before making your way out the door.

Taeyong felt his own eyes glaze over, watching his friend walk out the door, maybe now towards the exit and out towards freedom. 

When Taeyong looked at you, he saw a reflection of himself. A helpless, broken young adult wanting nothing more than love and solitude. 

But now that you're gone, Taeyong was left alone, with no one to confide in. 

And worse, he was left without a reflection. 

[panharmonium]

I'm sure a request for Merlin is on its way in (although if it isn't I'd love to know for both!) so, Star Wars for the gen fandom meme?

I did in fact get a couple of Merlin requests, so I’m gonna do Star Wars for this one!  Specifically, I’m doing the prequel era, because otherwise there’s just too many options for me to choose from. XD

My favorite parent-child relationship: In terms of actual, biological parents and children, Shmi Skywalker is the BEST mom.  She has such a patient, steady, wise presence, and she does such a good job of constantly guiding Anakin to be kind and just and compassionate in ways that a young child can understand (“you say the biggest problem in this world is that nobody helps each other” / “you have brought hope to those who have none” / “hearts have infinite room, my son”).

My favorite sibling relationship: Stretching definitions here, maybe, but - THE CLONES.  The best thing TCW ever did was create so many vibrant and individual characters out of the clone troopers, to the point where I’m crying about Rex being alive in RotJ.  The way they all interact with each other is fascinating, particularly when we see how they aren’t carbon copies of each other and don’t even all have the same politics - ie, the deserter clone from that one arc where Rex gets injured.  

My favorite family relationship (other): I’m putting Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan under this one, because Jedi apprenticeships can’t really be equated to just teacher-student or parent-child relationships.  The master-padawan bond is its own unique entity - it bears some resemblances to both of the above relationships, but it really can’t be summed up by either of those two categories.    

My favorite friendship between two people: Even though we don’t get to see enough of it onscreen - Padme and Obi-Wan.  I just love them together.  Like...the longest fic I ever wrote for Star Wars was a 20k Obi-Wan+Padme thing, and then I never even posted it, because it wasn’t quite up to my standards and I just never went back to fix it up to a point where I’m fully proud of it.  But I love their friendship - I’ve written before about how I think Obi-Wan and Padme understand each other on a level that Anakin just doesn’t quite get, and I fully believe that the two of them spent way more time together than the movies would have us believe.

My favorite friendship between a group: The Jedi.  My “order appreciation” tag is here if people need more <333333333

My favorite mentorship: Obi-Wan and Anakin.  I am especially soft for their immediate post-TPM days, which is the one area of time where the canon material is just - nonexistent, bizarrely.  Given the fact that canon Star Wars material hasn’t appealed to me for a really long time, though, I should probably be grateful that they apparently won’t touch this and do things to it that I don’t appreciate. X)   

My favorite rivalry: Hmm...I have always imagined that Obi-Wan and Quinlan Vos have a fun little competitive streak going that mostly shows up in the dojo.  Most of this is probably influenced by the Ruth Baulding stories I read featuring these two, which I loved dearly.  

My favorite hatred/antipathy: I love how much Palpatine hates Obi-Wan.  He can’t STAND him XD XD XD  Every time Obi-Wan shows up, Palpatine knows his plans are gonna go to shit, plus Obi-Wan is the only obstacle standing in the way of Palpatine getting to Anakin, PLUS Obi-Wan is one of the few people who’s never trusted Palpatine and never been fooled by his act.  Ever since padawan!Obi-Wan came soaring in out of nowhere to DECIMATE Darth Maul on Naboo, Palpatine has wanted to murder him, and I love the thin veneer of politeness Palpatine has to put on in order to pretend to respect him in front of other people.

My favorite potential relationship between characters who never talk in canon: This isn’t between characters who never talk in canon, but ones who rarely interact - I am fully convinced that Obi-Wan and Panaka get along fantastically.  Everybody else who’s on that mission in TPM is so committed to chaos and doing stupid shit, but I think Obi-Wan and Panaka are really on the exact same page of having both of their feet firmly nailed to the ground.  Like - I think they look at each other and are like “You.  You speak my language.”  I just think there is a lot of mutual respect there.

[torispencerkeene-blog]

BE A HERO. WEAR A MASK (Take Two)

In the past few weeks I have been trying (mostly without success) to spread the message that HEROES WEAR MASKS. I find so much of this disturbing, but recently I came across a post from someone who was giving their reasons for not wearing masks. I don’t want to call that person out, or make them feel bad, so I decided to do a little bit of research. I came up with eight main reasons that people don’t wear masks, and I want to show you what they are and give you a hint as to how those things could be countered if you have to explain this to anyone. 

I would also like to remind you that we are all in this together. Please don’t get into a fight about this. Healthy debate is great, but don’t let anyone pull you into a fight. It could be more dangerous than them not wearing that mask. 

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1. It's harder to breathe when I wear a mask. 

If you find it more difficult to breathe while wearing a mask, then you should absolutely be the FIRST one wearing a mask. Take that feeling, of having a hard time getting air... now quadruple it. You might be getting close to the first stages of what asthma feels like. 

When I can't breathe it absolutely terrifies me. I have asthma, and wearing a mask sometimes does make it a little harder to breathe. But I wear the mask because the idea of having a tube down my throat just so I can get air is ten-million times more terrifying. I don't want to die from Covid-19. I really, really don't. 

2. It makes me uncomfortable. 

There are other masks out there. If you can't find one that is comfortable, you can make one. It's fun and interesting to make your own designs and just do what you want with the material. There are masks that are made from spandex that are much more comfortable and slip right up under your glasses so they don't get all foggy. If I can do it, so can you. 

3. It isn't my responsibility to keep other people safe. 

Maybe not, but it isn't only strangers you would be protecting. When you wear a face mask, social distance, and take proper precautions (like washing your hands with hot water and soap for a full 20 seconds), then you are protecting yourself, your children, your parents, your friends, your neighbors, your grocery store clerk. Most of them are people you see all the time. You like them. You want them in your life. Wear a mask for them. Be a hero. Being a hero isn't about only meeting your responsibilities, it is going above and beyond for other people. 

4. It makes me afraid (Or, it’s fearmongering).

If you weren't afraid, I would be worried about you. Seriously, we're all afraid. Every single one of us has some fear. Maybe it isn't Covid-19. Maybe it's a fear of a car accident, or fear of losing someone, or a fear of the dark. All of us have fear. But rising above that fear and doing what is best for other people is a sign of bravery. Like Clara from Doctor Who, perhaps whisper, "Let me be brave." 

When you are afraid of the dark, you bring a flashlight. When you are afraid of a stranger, you carry pepper spray. When you are afraid of a disease... you wear a mask. 

5. It doesn't work. 

Actually, that is where you are wrong. No, I’m not about to get up on a political soap-box and preach at you about who is right or wrong in politics. I don’t like Republicans, but I also don’t really care for Democrats. I guess, maybe, I could be called an Independent, but even they don’t really fit my criteria. So me saying this isn’t about politics. Please hear me when I say that. I don’t care who you vote for... wear a mask when you do it. 

If masks didn't work, why would doctors and nurses have been wearing them for so many years? It doesn't make them look important. It's because they don't want to carry any diseases home to their families. It makes perfect sense. If you were working with asbestos, you would wear protective gear for that too. Doctors know viruses and diseases can spread, so they protect themselves. 

The medical workers and scientists working through the Covid-19 pandemic have been pretty clear about masks in recent weeks. The more we learn, the more we know we need these masks if we want our country to completely re-open, and to STAY open. I did a bunch of research on this, mostly because I got into a debate with someone about it, and found literally dozens of articles and PDFs about the effectiveness of masks during the pandemic, and all (except a few older pieces by someone I wouldn't want treating me for a splinter) said the same thing. Masks help slow the spread. 

In fact, one news report I watched said that in a hair salon, two customers had Covid-19 but didn’t know it. The stylist and other customers didn't get it because those customers were wearing masks! Keeping a mask on protects everyone you come into contact with. It isn’t a perfect solution (there are none) but refusing to wear a mask only keeps the spread of the disease going on and keeps us shut down longer. 

6. It violates my rights. 

Which ones? 

Laid out in the Declaration of Independence it says that 'all men have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' I will grant you that. And you have the right to express your opinions (I can show you how) but that does NOT mean that you have the right to put other people in danger to exercise those rights! I have the right to LIVE. I want to live. I don't have grandchildren yet. I would like to actually live long enough to meet them. I want to live long enough for my son to get married. I want to live to pursue some of my dreams, to find that happiness for myself. Wearing a mask protects my rights!

Are you talking about your first amendment rights? That is the right to religion, free speech, having a free press, the right to assemble, and the right to petition the government. 

 - If you want to practice your religion, services are being held online by so many churches I couldn’t begin to name them all. (If you are a shut-in like I was, you already know this) There are dozens of churches that post their services on their websites. It’s how I watched when I couldn’t get to church. 

- If you want the right of free speech, make your own mask into a statement!

- If you want the press, it’s everywhere! 

- If you want to assemble, no one is stopping you (unless the area where you live has increasing numbers of Covid-19, in which case they are trying to save your life).

- If you want the right to petition the government, you can... just do it safely. There are more ways than one to petition. Start an online petition. Do a drive-by petition where every family makes statements on their car. If you want to, you can even make your mask a petition. There are more ways to do it than gathering together without simple protection for yourself and the ones you love. 

7. It's a political statement. 

 Actually, it isn't. It's a statement that you think you know more than every doctor and nurse, every scientist in all the countries around the world. Masks have NOTHING to do with politics. But they can... Let me tell you how. 

Get blank black or white reusable face masks and either fabric markers or puff paints. Then you can write whatever you want to say on your mask! Then it can BECOME a political statement! 

8. President Trump doesn't wear one, why should I? 

First, let me reiterate what your mother probably asked you at least once during your formative years (if your mom is anything like mine). “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” 

All I am saying is use common sense. It's not up for debate. We know wearing masks slows the spread. Don't do something dangerous just to have solidarity with the president. If you want to impress him, find a red reusable face mask and write ‘Make America Great Again’ all over it with white puff paint. 

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So, what reasons do you have for not wearing a mask? Is it something I didn't cover on the list? Is there something you want to know and no one has given you an answer? Do you wear a mask and want to know how to convince others to wear one? Do you wear one, but don’t even know why? 

Ask me. If I don’t know the answer, I will try to find it for you. I am up for healthy debate (but no actual fighting) about the pros and cons of wearing masks. If you have real evidence to support not wearing one, I’d love to see it. Anything that can help me answer questions and teach people. 

Also, if you want access to my research, type in the pros and cons to wearing a face mask to fight Covid-19 in your search bar. Yeah, you might pull up a couple articles from people who are against it, but if you look for MEDICAL research, you will get the same answer every time. Masks slow the spread. There are tons of videos on YouTube about it as well. 

Look, we're all pretty smart people. No one is asking you to change your political beliefs. We only want the chance to live. We don't want to die. We don't want our kids, our parents, our brothers and sisters, or our friends and neighbors to die. We have seen that countries that practice social distancing, mask wearing, and proper precautions are already on the other side of the curve. If we want America to be fully open (and stay that way) we need to do our part. 

BE A HERO. WEAR A MASK!