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#my mom is better at talking around things
nana-au · 1 day
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Best Friends Forever!
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Suguru Geto ♡
MDNI
₊˚ପ⊹ Summary: You’re Suguru’s bff and roommate. You know him like the back of your hand – and he knows you the same, if not better! Some people may think you two are too close, but they just don’t understand. When you have a date planned and need help picking out your outfit, Suguru’s your guy! ...What’s this? He doesn’t want you to leave?
₊˚ପ⊹ Warnings: minor mention of blood, mention of pet death, possessiveness, jealousy, nipple play, thigh riding, fingering, making you beg, overstimulation, unprotected sex
₊˚ପ⊹ an: kicking and screaming and crying and throwing up and scratching my face I NEED HIM.
₊˚ପ⊹ wc: 2.8k
𓂃⊹ ִֶָ
BFF! Sugu who’s been by your side since before you can even remember! You grew up neighbors and when you both went off to college you got an apartment off campus together. It was only natural to be with Suguru. He was the only constant in your life – your anchor. 
BFF! Sugu who is so protective of you. How could he not? You two experienced life’s firsts together. You were there when Suguru took a nasty spill off his bike. His tears were hot down his face as you stayed by his side. You used the water bottle you kept on your own bike to flush the blood off his knee, giving it a quick peck. “My mom always says a kiss makes everything better. Do you feel better Sugu?” He nods his head, wiping the snot off of his face with his t-shirt. He was there when you lost your first pet and even though you were preteens and everyone made you feel dumb being sad over a goldfish - Geto made it a point to hold a funeral in his backyard. He dug a small grave for it - picking out the perfect rock for you to write its name on to place on top of its resting place. 
BFF! Sugu who makes sure you’re safe. He would never allow you to pump your own gas. He’s seen the type of guys who prowl around the gas station close to your home. He’ll make sure you get to sit pretty in the passenger seat while he fills up your car. Don’t worry about the price – he’ll take care of it. He always takes care of you. 
BFF! Sugu who knows everything about you. He knows all your favorites. Favorite color, favorite season, favorite food, favorite tv show… there was nothing that you liked that he was not aware of. He knows about things you wouldn’t be caught dead telling anyone else – trusting only your best friend. 
BFF! Sugu who is so so sooooo protective of you. Any guy he thought wasn’t the absolute best for you was quickly kicked to the curb. He’ll admit – sometimes the criteria was a little strict. The guy from your art class? His haircut was stupid. Shithead from your after school club? Believe him – he was a tool. Worst of all was the douche on your school’s baseball team. Suguru had quite the time getting you to see his point of view, but he didn’t dare say I told you so as you cried in his arms retelling the embarrassment of catching him cheating. 
BFF! Sugu who learns to relax in college. You were a woman now – you no longer needed his constant guidance. He would genuinely smile as you talked about all the friends you were making in your major. How funny your coworkers at the concession stand job you worked every football game were. The fact you had a date with a friend of a friend – your girl friend had vouched for him. He was a good guy. Geto was glad you had people looking out for you. He couldn’t wait to meet him. 
BFF! Sugu who helps you pick out the cute little outfits for your dates. You were so beautiful, that guy was truly lucky. But even his luck couldn’t match Suguru’s as you put on a little show for him – trying on every tantalizing option. 
BFF! Sugu who loved watching you dress up so much he bought you more. You didn’t even need a date to have a fashion show! He just loved seeing that color on you. Oh! – And don’t even get him started on the skimpy little dresses with the ruffles. They were made for you. He couldn’t decide whether your plump butt or your squishy boobs looked better hugged by the fabric. He had to use his large hand to hide the bite he gave to his bottom lip when your cute little panties peaked through the bottom of a particularly short one. “Maybe that one is good for around the house,” he proposed. 
BFF! Sugu who had to swallow his need when you begged him to rate your lingerie. “I didn’t realize you two were at that point in your relationship,” he would try to laugh off his distaste. 
“I’ve told him no to sex for so long, I’ve been thinking maybe it's time…” you trailed off. You played with the hem of your dress as you stood in front of Suguru on the couch. He was sunk comfortably into the loveseat, legs spread wide and one of his muscled arms stretching across the back of the couch. The other on the arm rest. “Ok princess. Let’s see the options,” he spoke.
BFF! Sugu who couldn’t make it through the first set. The white lace left little to the imagination, a black bow adorned above your cute mound. “You trying to make me sweat?” A dark chuckle broke through his lips. “Sorry?” you asked him, not hearing him correctly. How silly you were to think that just because he was a friend that made him any less of a man. A hot blooded man at that – with eyes that glued to your nipples visible through the thin fabric. “The dresses were one thing, princess, but this? Don’t play dumb,” his dark eyes were now impossibly black. You were staring into the voids that indiscreetly roamed your body. It was entirely silly of you to now try and hide yourself from his hungry gaze. 
BFF! Sugu who doesn’t let you leave. You were no match against his strong grip as he pulled you onto his lap. “You’re leavin’ me no choice,” he assured you, pushing you down hard against his thigh. You tried to push away but his hands on your waist locked you in. “No choice,” he reminded you. You swallowed thickly, realizing you were completely helpless as he began guiding your hips up and down his thigh. The rough material of your panties rubbing deliciously against your clit. “Sugu s-stop,” you begged him, all breathy and hot against his ear. “You want me to stop?” Of course! He was your best friend. You didn’t want him making you feel better than you ever thought possible by just rubbing your pussy against his leg. “But you look so cute like this,” he pouted at you, “Humping my thigh like a puppy. I’ll let go – but you better stop moving your hips,” he tutted at you. You didn’t have it in you to keep your eyes open to watch yourself continuously rut against him even after he removed his hands. It wasn’t your fault his muscled thigh felt more pleasurable than any toy you could ever buy. 
Geto had plenty of girls at your school talking about their experiences with him. You spent your entire teen years hearing about his ‘magical tongue’ and ‘horse dick’. For the majority of your life you had little interest in getting to experience that part of your best friend – that was until the bastard from the baseball team. The absolute snore fest he put on for your first time was jarring. Maybe you were so used to hearing how life-changing Suguru’s hips were that you had high expectations... 
No – you were not purposefully trying to get Geto to want you. He genuinely gave good advice when it came to what looked good on you. Ok so maybe you were pushing your luck with the lingerie – but Suguru was always so level-headed. It was scary how quickly he caved.
It was even more frightening listening to his taunts hot in your ear, “Why aren’t you stopping?” You couldn’t stop now – but you would. Just a little longer. You’d find the strength to stop soon. “Tell me you want me, or I’m stopping this,” he threatened and your form shook. “Please don’t,” you begged him. “Don’t what?” he lifted your chin, making you look at him “Don’t s-stop t-this,” you squeaked out.  
BFF! Sugu whose rumors were true. His tongue was magical. His hands flew down to your hips, helping you roll deliciously against the fabric of his sweats while his wet muscle was hot against your nipples. He used his teeth to pull down the fabric so he could taste your bare bud against his tongue. He suckled and licked your sensitive nipple causing your arousal to seep past the lace of your panties. You began to soak his sweatpants but he wasn’t gonna have you stopping anytime soon. He pulled your hips into tight circles against him, overwhelming your nub. His teeth nibbled at your nipple and you jerked up at the sudden shock. His grip was bruising and you wanted – no needed more. “Sugu.. more.. need more” you sounded so pathetic. 
BFF! Sugu who was left with little choice! His princess wanted more and more she was going to get. His head kissed your entrance, barely pushing in past the tip. You mewled, nails digging into his shoulders as he teased himself into you. “You think you can take me?” he asked you and you nodded fervently. He was thick and long – even his tip felt like he was tearing you in two. You wanted to be absolutely broken. “M-more Sugu,” you begged, trying to move your hips to sink down further. He kept you still – only allowing you to move if it was him dragging you down against him. Your slick was dripping down the rest of his cock, you were completely overwhelmed by the little attention he was giving you. One of his hands moved from your hips down to your clit, rubbing slow circles – barely ghosting above it. You were clenching on his fat tip and whining embarrassingly loud. He wanted to have you crying for his cock. He clicked his tongue at you, “I’m not convinced enough you want my cock.” He looked so unaffected as you shook, “I do! I need it, Sugu,” tears fell down your cheeks as you desperately tried to convince him.   
BFF! Sugu whose hips slapped against yours at a brutal pace. He had you pinned into the loveseat, head down and ass up. A creamy ring formed at the base of his unrelenting cock. Drool was seeping from your mouth and onto the couch, the only thing you could think about was the way he was pounding into that gummy spot that made you dizzy. “No one could make you feel this way,” he promised you, “this pussy was made for me.” His pace was bruising, his balls slapping against your clit. He pulled your hips up farther, making you arch your back. Everything was so noisy – the sound of you meeting his hips, the squelch of his cock pulling in and out, and his grunts each time he felt his tip kiss your cervix. Geto looooved watching you take him so well. Each time his cock disappeared inside of you, only to reappear as he roughly dragged out of you. He didn’t know if you were purposefully squeezing him each time his hips pulled back. Were you trying to keep him buried deep? “Your date won't mind if I leave my cum in you, right?” he teased you – knowing full well you wouldn’t be going anywhere after he was done with you. “Dripping out of your pussy at dinner,” you couldn’t fathom him being able to laugh right now. “What would you even tell him?” he was imagining the scene playing out in his mind, “My roommate thought I was looking a little empty. Needed to stuff me full,” His smile lazy thinking about how he was claiming you tonight. He was fucking your tight little hole deliciously, making sure you could never be satisfied by anything other than his cock. You pushed your hips into his, making sure he reached as deep as possible. “You want to cum, princess?” he picked up his pace – which you didn’t even think was possible – your tits bouncing at each thrust of his hips. You nodded, pleading for him to make you cum. “God – cum on my cock. Want t’feel you squeezin me,” the rough pad of his finger met your clit, helping your pleasure meet its peak. “I’m cumming, Sugu,” you cried out to your best friend. 
BFF! Sugu who wasn’t done with you once you came. You tried to claw at his hands on your hips, begging him to slow down. The tension in your tummy snapped, cumming undone loudly around him. He paid no mind to your pleas, “You can take more. You’re a good girl, I know you can.” He didn’t ever want to leave your snug pussy. He would fuck you all day if that’s what it took for him to feel satisfied. “Give me another, baby. Cum on my cock one more time. I know you can,” he was so filthy. You never had a guy dirty talk to you the way Geto was. He was demanding and unrelenting. It was alarming how much you enjoyed the filth leaving his lips. “How could you tell me to stop when she’s gripping me so tight – pussy doesn’t want to let go of me.” he threw his head back, “”S your fault I’m pounding you like this. I couldn't let you get away with showing me that little number.” The lingerie he was referring to was on the floor below you two, ripped into pieces from when he tore it off your body. He completely pulled out of you – leaving your pussy uncomfortably empty before flipping you over and folding you in half. He placed the back of your knees on his shoulder, wasting no time pushing himself back into you. The new angle took your breath away. His heavy frame held you down as his cock was unrelenting. When you looked down you could see his length slide in and out of you, your cute little pussy lips swallowing him whole. Your arousal coated his cock – all thick and creamy. You felt like you could pass out from the sight – not thinking it was possible to be so wet. His thumb reached down to your clit, rubbing harsh circles on it. “C’mon baby. I’m addicted to the way you squeeze my cock. Let me feel you cum again. Need it, princess,” he begged. He was slowly losing all control. You were so perfect underneath him, taking him like the good girl he always knew you were. You were wrecking him. Your sounds were so cute – choking back sobs as he fucked you to another peak. You were begging for him to cum inside you. You wanted to feel him coat your walls in his sticky juice. “Gonna pump you full,” he promised you. “Gonna feel so good stuffed full with my cum.”
BFF! Sugu who can’t stand watching his semen leak out of you. You were completely fucked out – chest heaving as you laid on the couch. Geto was still holding your legs up, trying fruitlessly to push his juices back inside of you. 
BFF! Sugu who needs to make sure you keep all of it. He didn’t even wait for you to regain your energy before his thick fingers are deep inside of you. “Can’t let a single drop go to waste,” he tells you. He curls his thick digits, pushing against the squishy spot that makes you see stars. “No more,” you breathlessly say. “Just one more. Need to make sure it all keeps,” you are completely overstimulated. The feelings of his fingers are heightened by your two orgasms – which only makes you come undone even faster. His fingers are lightening fast and your pussy sounds like it's made of water. It’s so loud and wet and you just can’t help yourself from cumming again. You’re thrashing against his unrelenting fingers, crying loud enough that your neighbors definitely hear. “That’s it. S’good for me,” he’s emotional watching you come undone so many times by his doing. You were his. His, his, his. 
BFF! Sugu who doesn’t even have to tell you to cancel your date. You couldn’t pick your head up after he was done with you. You were staying home with him – where you belonged. 
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cherrysnip · 3 days
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i hate you (affectionately) — jeon wonwoo
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pairing: wonwoo x reader
content: fluff, college au, tutor!won, junhui is your twin brother
wc: 770
"Hey Y/n? Are you okay? Why do you look so glum?" Your older brother Junhui pinched your cheeks waking you up from your reverie. You just sighed and removed his hand from your face.
"Maybe I really did something bad on my past life to deserve this punishment," you shook your head in dismay. "Why do you even have to suck all the genius blood in our mother's womb and then left nothing for me? What a twin brother you are."
Junhui let out a hearty laugh. He's obviously enjoying this. "So you're being like this because Wonwoo is tutoring you?"
"Do you really have to ask?" you hissed at him. "You could've at least convinced Mom that you'll just be the one to tutor me. You're one of the top students, for God's sake!"
"Yes, but I'd rather not do that because one,” he held up his hand before you and folded a finger. “You're unbearable and you always have a lot of things to complain when I'm teaching you. Two, I have better things to do and three, I'm helping my bestfriend earn his voluntary work hours."
"Just say you love your bestfriend than your own sister."
"I don't. I still love you more. But this might prove beneficial to you in the long run, just give it a shot."
"And how would it benefit me? I would have to spend an hour a day with your prick of a bestfriend! Do you know how torturous that is for me?"
"Well, I think not as torturous as me having to put up with all your unreasonable whining," said a familar voice which was obviously not Junhui's. You turned around only to find the person you have been badmouthing right now. He's still wearing his university uniform with his spectacles on.
Okay. It's hard not to notice that he looks so handsome with it but of course, you're not gonna admit that out loud.
"Bro, you're finally here!" Your brother greeted him and they did this fistbump thingy they always do when they meet each other. "Just please pretend you didn't hear what she said. She didn't have her daily fill of coffee so she's a little dramatic right now."
"She's always dramatic," Wonwoo shrugged. "I'm used to it by now."
You automatically groaned in annoyance, "Don't talk that way about me like I'm not here!"
They both stared at you for a second until Junhui tapped Wonwoo's shoulder. "I'm gonna leave her to you now. I know you can handle her."
Wonwoo nodded, "I guess I have to try my best."
Before you could hear any more of their snide remarks, you already turned around and marched your way to the study room where you will be doing the tutoring session.
It didn't take long until Wonwoo finally followed you. He put down his things first on the table before looking at you.
"Y/n," he calmly called and you swear you could feel his stare digging to the deepest part of your soul. "Won't you give me a hug?"
Your lips broke into a wide smile as you rushed over to him and encircled your arms around his neck. "I missed you."
"I missed you too, babe. Haven't seen you in school the whole day and when I finally came here, I had to hear you call me prick," a hint of sulking was etched on Wonwoo's voice.
"You know I didn't mean that," you said and cupped his face using both of your hands. "I just had to put up a show to my brother. I had to hide my excitement or else he'll know."
"Truth is, he already knows Y/n..."
"What?"
"Jun already knows were together," Wonwoo chuckled upon seeing your shock-stricken face. "He actually set up this whole thing. You know he could tutor you himself but he convinced your Mom that I should do it."
"I bet that's why he was laughing at me earlier. I might've looked so stupid. He's really a menace! He should've just told me the truth," you buried your face in his chest while he tightened his hold on your waist. "And you even agreed with him on calling me dramatic!"
"Because it's true?" he teased which earned him a slap on the back from you. "Nonetheless, it's still one of the many things I love about you, Y/n. It's part of your charm."
You giggled upon hearing what he said, "Should we just go on a date?"
"No," he replied. "We should get some tutoring done today or your brother would wring my neck."
--♡--
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holylulusworld · 1 day
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Designed by pain (7)
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Summary: Broken hearts are hard to put back together. 8 years ago, Dean lost something he didn’t even know he had in the first place. Will he get a second chance?
Pairing: former AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader
Warnings: angst, language, past break-up, arguments, daddy Dean
A/N: This was an alternative idea for the first chapter of my Bucky story: Monster-in-law masterlist. I decided to use it for a story with Dean.
Designed by pain masterlist
Designed by pain (6)
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“Dean, a word,“ you square your jaw watching your son show Dean all the cars on his shelves. Dean doesn’t hear you, engrossed in listening to his son’s explanations. “DEAN!”
“Mommy, we are busy here. We are talking about manly cars,” your son huffs and turns his attention toward the stranger he let inside your house.
“Bud, you shouldn’t talk like that to your mom,” Dean sternly says. “We can talk about your cars later.”
“Promised?” Your son sniffles when Dean turns around to walk out of his room.
“Promised, bud,” Dean looks over his shoulder and nods. “We will talk about your cars as long as you want to.”
“COOL!” Your son clasps his hands together and grins. “You’re so cool, Mr. Dean!”
Dean chuckles, and you get even madder. How dare he come here and play the cool guy. Of course, your son is all over Dean. He has no clue that the very same man left you and his son when things got complicated.
“There you are,” Sam joins you and Dean. He still holds the toad in his hands, helplessly lifting the poor thing. “What do we do with that toad now?”
“TOADIE!” Your son shoves you out of his way to snatch the toad out of Sam’s hands, but Sam lifts the toad so Michael can't reach it. “I’ll show you my room now.”
“Great,” you glare at Sam. “Why didn’t you put it in the garden, Samuel Winchester? Now I’ll never get rid of that thing!” You jerk your head toward Dean. “And there is the toad.”
Sam snorts. “I can bring the toad in the garden. My brother is another story,” he sighs deeply. “Again. I’m sorry, Y/N.”
“HEY! Sasquatch,” your son grunts and tugs at Sam’s jacket, “give me back my toad. Toadie is my friend, and you can’t have him.” Michael purses his lips and holds out his hand. “Give him back!”
“Michael, stop that,” you tut. “We don’t yell at guests. Sam will bring the toad back into the garden. Toadie wants to go home. Our home isn’t their home.”
Your son pouts. His lips wobble, and he sniffles silently. “I wanna keep Toadie!” He grasps Dean’s hand, tugging lightly. “Mr. Dean, please tell Mommy that a man must have a toad. All the cool guys have toads.”
Dean looks at your son holding his hand. A smile crosses his face, and he holds his hand a little tighter. “Sammy will bring the toad to the garden. If Toadie wants to stay, he’ll wait for you in the garden. But maybe he’s got a family and wants to go home.”
“You think so?” Michael sniffs. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and sniffles. “But…I’ll miss him. He’s my friend.”
“He’ll always be your friend, bud,” Dean crouches down in front of your son. “Sometimes we must let people go, even if we love them very much. And sometimes, people we love leave us.”
“O-kay,” your son nods and gives Dean a cracked smile. “Maybe he comes back to me. OH!” He gasps loudly. “What if he brings his family too?”
“No way,” you shudder at the thought of the toad coming back with the whole family. “Toadie will go back home and be a good toad.”
“How about I show you pictures of my Baby? I got them on my phone,” before you can take his son away from him, Dean wants to make sure to get to know the little boy better. 
“He’s got thousands of pictures of his car,” Sam snickers behind his brother’s back. “You’ll get tired looking at all of them.”
“YES!” Michael grins. “I love cars, mister. I bet Mr. Dean has the coolest pictures of the coolest car in the world.”
You purse your lips and clench your fists. Dean already snaked his way into your son’s heart, and you don’t know how to undo the damage he did within not half an hour.
While Michael guides his father out of his room, you stare at the toad in Sam’s hands. You’re unsure what to do now that Dean came here to get to know his son.
“I should bring the toad out, and … uh… maybe I can distract Michael so you can talk to Dean. I know you’re mad at my brother, but please at least talk things out. If you need a clean cut, do it. I’ll bring him back home and make sure he’ll leave you alone.”
“He broke my heart,” you don’t look at Sam. “Not only because he didn’t contact me or stopped me from leaving. He flirted with that woman, and let your mother walk all over me. We were so in love with each other and suddenly everything was different.”
You sniff and wipe your eyes. “I only thought about the life growing inside of me. The baby he didn’t know about. The whole day I tried to find the perfect moment to tell him. It never came, though…”
“I know this doesn’t mean anything to you,” Sam softly says, “but Dean never was happier than with you. After you left, he wasn’t the same. He had some affairs, but I think he was never in love with any of the women he dated. Dean only ever loved you.”
“Sure,” you snort. “He loved me so much that he left me…”
You storm out of the room, determined to get Dean out of your house. Even if it means making a scene in front of your son.
“You!” You stop in your tracks when you see Dean and your son on the couch. Your son is looking at pictures on Dean’s phone, grinning from ear to ear.
“MOMMY! There are pictures with you in Mr. Dean’s car,” Michael runs toward you, Dean’s phone in his hands. “You look so cool.” 
He grins and shows you the image on Dean’s phone. You’re sitting on the hood of his car, winking at Dean. It’s one of the last pictures Dean took of you.
“Uh…that was a long time ago, baby boy. Mr. Dean and his brother want to go now. It’s almost dinner time, and you still need to bathe and brush your teeth after dinner.”
“Mr. Dean must stay!” Michael purses his lips. “I want him to stay in our guest room and we can eat pizza and pie.”
“Michael, I—” you swallow thickly when your son starts to sniffle. It breaks your heart watching him bond with the man breaking your heart. 
“Pizza and pie. Pizza and pie,” your son chants. “Please, mommy. He’s cool and nice. Mr. Dean wants to show me more pictures of his car, and you!”
“What…no…he can’t…” Your voice cracks. “What about his brother? We can’t send his brother Sam away.”
“Hmm…” Your son nods thoughtfully. “Mr. Dean can sleep in your room, and his brother at the guest room.” Michael grins. “Right? You got a big bed all for yourself.”
“I can sleep on the couch,” Sam hastily says. “Or maybe…uh…there is a hotel nearby. I can get me and Dean a room. We can leave after dinner.”
“I can stay for dinner,” Dean finally says. “But you can’t ask your mom to share her bed with me, okay.”
“But…” Michael sniffles. “You will come back tomorrow for breakfast. Right? We can make pancakes and … oh! You must try mommy’s pancakes. You’ll marry her if you taste them!”
Your son’s words hit you right in the chest. Daggers sent to your fragile heart. If only… you think while your son plans a wedding and to keep Dean around.
“I’ll call a hotel and,” Sam gives you an apologetic smile and pats your shoulder, “I promise to get him out of your house. At least for tonight…”
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slythepuffle · 2 days
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Another one shot for @dismissivedestroyer’s Dexter Lives AU. Angst was requested and so angst ye shall receive. Plus it’s something that’s already been brewing in my mind. Set during Hollow Sorrows.
TW: Violence against people, Thoughts of Violence, Implied Character Death (If I’m missing anything please let me know)
He didn’t mean to.
That was the one constant thought running through Dexter’s mind as he sat in the front office, looking down at his feet. The principal was talking to his mom, he could hear them through the door, but his racing thoughts drowned out their words. They made him feel like he was underwater, drowning under them while muffling everything else.
He didn’t mean it – Yes he did – He didn’t want to do it – Yes, he did – It was an accident! – NO IT WASN’T– 
The door opened. He flinched, violently, before slowly turning his head. His mother stood there, her expression just… tired, as she looked back at him. Angry, no, furious, no, disappointed, maybe a little. But mostly… just tired.
He stood up quickly, mouth open to say something. “Mom–”
“Let’s go home, Dexter,” she said quietly, and his mouth snapped shut. He nodded quietly, shrinking under her gaze, and grabbed his backpack off the floor. They walked through the front office, Dexter trailing behind his mother, listening to the whispers around the office as they left.
“Did you hear what he did?”
“What an awful boy…”
“His mother should be ashamed of him.”
His shoulders jerked up to his red ears, grinding his teeth together, and digging his nails into his backpack straps. But he didn’t do anything, no matter how much he itched to do something. He was already in enough trouble as it was anyway. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else either.
The whispers lingered, long after they had left the office, now just sitting in the front seat of his mom’s car.
Dexter couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t bear to see her disappointment, her anger, her shame. He heard her sigh, and then – “So, what happened?”
He blinked, turning to look at her. She wasn’t looking at him, staring straight out the window, hands on the steering wheel. “W–What do you mean? D–Didn’t the principal tell you?”
“Yes, he did tell me,” she confirmed, turning to look at him. Again, she didn’t look mad – she should have been – just tired and expectant. “But, I want to hear it from you too. So, Dex, what happened?”
He looked at her, uncertain. What could he tell her? What should he tell her? A lie? Something to make him sound better to her, like what he did wasn’t wrong? His stomach churned at the thought – He couldn’t lie to his mother.
“I–I did hit the kid,” he mumbled, sinking into the seat. “B–But I didn’t mean to hurt him! I swear I didn’t. I was just… upset. He put spiders in my locker.”
That had been the main reason. The kid was a bully, but had gotten away with things before because he was the teacher’s son. Dexter was his main target for a long time already, and this incident just pushed him over the edge.
But there was another reason. One that scared him.
After he first hit the kid, he felt a sudden, almost euphoric rush. It was… pleasing, to see him hurting and crying after what he did. But then, Dexter kept hitting him. He hit him and hit him and hit him, until the kid’s face was bloodied and bruised.
And some sick part of himself had liked it.
Dexter had liked watching him bleed and had especially enjoyed being the one who caused it. But he also hated it. It felt wrong, to see the other kid in tears, covered in his own blood. But he continued to hit him, up until a teacher pulled him away.
It was worse when he was sitting alone in the office, after the initial rush had faded away, leaving him guilty and scared of himself.
What would have happened if the teacher didn’t stop him? How far would he have gone? Would he have hit him even after the kid no longer moved? Until he was covered in the other’s blood, fists bruised by how many times he threw a punch?
Those thoughts made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to hurt other people, he really didn’t. He just… did. And he had enjoyed it, in the moment, which made him feel even worse.
Dexter felt himself tear up at the memories and thoughts, turning away from his mother in shame. What would she think of him, if she knew what was going on in his head? Would she still consider him to be her little boy?
Would she hate him?
Michelle looked at her son. He was so grown, almost thirteen now. But, to her, he was still her little boy, the one who she hugged whenever he was cold. She knew that he would never hurt anyone without purpose or a reason, regardless of what other people said. He was always striving to be a good kid, never realizing that he already was one.
Her gaze softened, and she leaned forward, pulling her son into a hug. Dexter flinched, surprised. “M–Mom?”
“What you did was wrong, Dex,” she said firmly, pulling away. She held him by the shoulders, looking him in the eyes. He shrunk under her eyes, but listened as she continued. “Hurting people is wrong, you and I both know that.”
He shrank away, looking away. She smiled, soft and sad, adding, “But, I also know that you didn’t mean to hurt that boy. Despite what everyone else may say, I know that you, Dexter, are a good kid. You make mistakes, like everyone else does, and you learn from them.”
Dexter blinked at her, eyes wide behind his glasses. He hadn’t expected that. He had expected anger, disappointment, frustration. Not… not this. “What if… what if no one else sees it that way? ”
“Even if no one else sees the good in you, I always will. I’ll always love you, for all the flaws that you may have and the mistakes that you make. And I’ll always be there for you, Dex.”
He could feel his eyes watering but he didn’t want to cry. “Promise?”
Michelle smiled at him, soft and loving. “I promise.”
He couldn’t hold them back – Tears welled up in his eyes as his mother pulled him in close, as he buried his face in her shoulder and sobbed. They hugged each other tightly, just sitting there in the school parking lot, crying until his eyes were red and puffy. When they pulled away, he could see her eyes were shiny, even if she was smiling brightly.
“Alright, enough of the waterworks. We’ve cried enough for today. Wanna go get ice cream?”
He rubbed his eyes, shooting her a watery grin. “Heck yeah!”
~~~~
Dexter let out an angry hiss as he pressed a hand to the newly bandaged wound on his side. Shoulda gone to Patty, she was better at this than he was. “Fucking cultists… ”
He had been hanging out with his honorary nephews earlier, walking them around town along with Father Gregor when he had suddenly been called away. Apparently, there was an infestation somewhere away, just on the outskirts of town. Far from his usual route, but nothing too straining. He knew the kids would be safe with the priest, so he left them with promises to hang out later once he was done.
Except, he wasn’t able to do that.
The call was a trap. When he arrived, the house was empty and when he turned around, he was immediately stabbed in the side. Luckily, he reacted quickly, twisting the knife out of his side and returning the favor on the red-robed psycho that jumped him. He kicked the bastard for good measure, then ran like hell out of there back into his truck.
The guy had tried to follow him, more of them emerging from somewhere in the house, but ended up eating the cloud of dust he left behind. Now here he was, sitting in his mom’s bathroom, bandaging up his wounds. He was glad she was out of the house – She would have freaked out when she saw him.
It was weird though. Her appointments usually didn’t take this long…
Suddenly, there was a loud sharp knock, coming from the living room. He peered out of the bathroom door, eyes narrowed behind his glasses. It couldn’t have been his nephews – The last time they were over, Skid had an allergic reaction to all the cat fur. It couldn’t have been his mother either – It’s her house, she would have the keys.
Dexter decided to go check it out, getting up off of the stool. Cats hissed at him where he walked, but he ignored them. It wasn’t worth it to bother them. Then, he opened the door just a crack, peering out of it to see who was outside.
“Father Gregor?” he asked, a bit surprised, before opening up the door more. The priest looked like he had been through hell, with his leg clearly bitten and bloodied. “Father, what happened to you?”
The priest’s expression was grim. “It’s been a long night, Mr. Erotoph. And many terrible things have occurred tonight.”
Dexter was immediately concerned. “Did something happen to the kids?”
Father Gregor frowned, but shook his head. “No, the children are fine. This is… another matter, I’m afraid.”
The priest reached into his pocket, pulling out something with a golden chain. He looked on, confused, as the man offered it to him. Dexter took it, feeling something round in his hands, and looked down at it. His heart dropped.
It was his mother’s locket, the one that held a picture of him. He ran his thumb around the edge, popping open it just to confirm. Once he did, he looked up at the priest. “Wh-Where did you get this?”
Father Gregor inhaled, standing up straight. “I am sorry that I have to be the one to inform you, Mr. Erotoph. But your mother… was in an accident, at the hospital. One of the staff had been possessed by a demon and she hadn’t known.”
The Father was speaking still, but Dexter couldn’t hear him. He was staring back down at the locket, static filtering out the words, growing louder and louder–
“I–I need a moment,” he interrupted, voice cracking. He knew it was rude, but he just– just– “Please.”
Father Gregor seemed to understand, nodding his head. “My doors are always open for you, Dexter.”
The man limped away, and Dexter shut the door, leaning against it. Now alone, his thoughts rushed forward, flooding his mind. Drowning out everything else–
She’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s never coming back you’ll never see her again she’s never going to come home she’s never going to be able to hold you again she’s dead–
“Even if no one else sees the good in you, I always will. I’ll always love you, for all the flaws that you may have and the mistakes that you make. And I’ll always be there for you, Dex.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Dexter let out a strangled sob, clutched the locket hard to his chest, and dropped down to his knees.
She was gone.
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raaorqtpbpdy · 3 days
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In Memory of Mom
Danny meets a strange, Spanish-speaking ghost wandering around Casper High. His Spanish isn't great, but he's pretty sure she's looking for her daughter.
For the Prompt: Danny encounters a strange spanish-only speaking ghost looking for Paulina Sanchez. Being a first year Spanish student, he only recognizes the words "mi hija" and hesitantly leads her to Paulina. It's Día de los Muertos, but because Paulina has been trying to fit in at school, and her papa remarried and doesn't want to make his new wife uncomfortable, they've fallen out of the habit of setting up the ofrenda and marigolds, leaving their mom/wife unable to find her way home. Paulina can't see or hear her, but Phantom can [From @dreamwraith]
Disclaimer: I am white, and I do not speak Spanish. It is with deepest regret that I must admit to using Google translate for the Spanish dialogue in this fic. If you notice any errors in the Spanish, or regarding Día de Muertos (which there might very well be, though I did do my research), please feel free to correct me. I can only do my best, and always appreciate the opportunity to do better.
Read also on AO3
[Warnings for past character death, and mentions of culture death]
Danny typically liked to have more than one day to recover after fighting Fright Knight every Halloween. Not to mention the numerous other ghosts who always had to come out on that stupid holiday to cause as much trouble as possible during the period of time when the barrier between the human world and the Ghost Zone was at it's thinnest.
Of course, Danny never got more than one day, but he would have liked to.
Luckily the ghost that showed during lunch period on November second didn't seem to be causing any trouble. In fact, it didn't seem like she was powerful enough to cause trouble, even if she wanted to. No one besides Danny even seemed to notice her, which at least meant she wouldn't be able to cause any serious damage, even if she tried.
She was speaking Spanish as she walked through the halls of Casper High, and turning her head this way and that as if she was looking for something, or someone.
"¿La has visto? ¿Mi hija? ¿Dónde está mi hija? ¿La has visto?" she called out.
Now, Danny was only a first year Spanish student, and furthermore... he missed a lot of classes, so he wasn't sure exactly what she was saying, but he did recognize the words 'mi hija', 'my daughter'. The last time he'd been to Spanish class, Señora Gutierrez had been teaching family terms. Madre, padre, hermana, hermano, hija, hijo, tío, abuela, that kind of thing.
Subtly, he followed her until she walked into a hallway where there weren't any people, and then, with no one to look at him like he was crazy for talking to the air, he spoke to her.
"Excuse me, are you looking for your daughter?" Danny asked.
"¡sí mi hija!" the woman replied excitedly. "¿La conoces? ¿La has visto?"
Danny knew 'sí', that was 'yes', the most basic of basic Spanish. 'sí' and... and... okay, so Danny couldn't remember what 'no' was in Spanish, but he remembered 'sí'. Ancients, he was really gonna have to start showing up to that class more if he wanted to get the foreign language credits he needed to graduate.
"Uh... tu hija," Danny said, completely confident that he was already screwing up the grammar, "¿que es la nombre?"
"No es muy fluido en español, ¿verdad?" The ghost laughed. "Su nombre es Paulina."
"Paulina?" Danny didn't understand any of the rest of what she said, so he focused on the last bit. "Paulina Sanchez?"
"¡Sí!" she confirmed, enthusiastically. "Mi hija. Paulina Sánchez. ¿Tu la conoce?"
Danny nodded, although he'd kinda fallen off the sentence after 'sí'. "Why are you looking for her?"
"Es el Dia de Muertos," she said. "Quiero verla, pero no encuentro la ofrenda."
Danny had no idea to respond to that. The only word he recognized from all of that was 'la', but he couldn't glean a whole sentence from a single 'the', so he just looked at her with an expression that was half a forced, awkward smile and half a grimace.
"Ummmm..."
Was it safe to lead an unknown ghost to an unsuspecting human? Objectively no. Most especially not when the unsuspecting human was the girl Danny had a massive crush on. But... on the other hand, this particular ghost seemed pretty harmless, and she said she was Paulina's mother. So... maybe it was okay?
"How about I'll take you to her," Danny suggested.
The ghost that claimed to be Paulina's mother nodded excitedly and said something else in Spanish that Danny had no hope of translating. 
Danny led her to the outdoor table where the A-listers always sat, but Paulina wasn't there. After a little bit of prowling the quad, he found her, at an out of the way table no one ever sat at because the the school custodian always ignored it and it was disgusting. 
Paulina had laid her jacket over the bench to sit on, and unfolded a few paper napkins over the surface of the table. She had a handful of sugar cubes, and was poking one with a toothpick for some reason. She hadn't noticed him yet.
As much as he would have liked to go over to her as Danny Fenton and be the hero who let her talk to her mom again, he figured it would probably be suspicious if people knew he could see ghosts others couldn't. A but reluctantly, he looked around to make sure no one could see and transformed into Danny Phantom. The ghost, Paulina's mom, applauded him, like he'd just done a magic trick. To her, it might have seemed that way.
"Thanks," he said, a little sarcastically, and floated over to talk to Paulina.
"Excuse me, Paulina Sanchez?" Danny asked, as if he wasn't sure whether he knew her name or not. "There's a ghost here who wants to speak to you."
Paulina looked up and looked around, then turned back to Danny and raised a perfect eyebrow. She put down the sugar cube she was poking at, and Danny noticed that on her other side, there were two other sugar cubes sculpted into the shape of a skull.
"You mean you?" she asked. "Look, normally, I'd be thrilled, but today isn't really—"
"Oh, no, not me," Danny said. "She has long hair, wearing a nice knee-length dress.... It's kinda hard to describe ghosts in a way that makes them recognizable to people who knew them in life, 'cause colors tend to be different between life-and-death but uh... you and her have the same nose, actually. She says your her daughter? I don't speak Spanish, but I managed to figure out that much."
When he stopped talking, Pauling gave him a flat look.
"Are you messing with me?"
"No," Danny insisted. "She's not a very powerful ghost, so she can't stay in the visible range, but she's here. She wants to talk to you."
"Mamá?" Paulina asked hesitantly. "¿Estás aquí?"
"Sí, hija mía, estoy aquí," Mrs. Sanchez replied. "Estoy muy feliz de verte de nuevo."
Paulina didn't respond for a long moment, apparently waiting. Then, finally, she said, "I don't hear anything."
"I was worried you might say that," Danny said. "I'm gonna have to speak Spanish if you guys want to talk to each other, aren't I?" he sighed deeply. "Alright fine. Apologies in advance because I am gonna absolutely butcher the pronunciations."
"Hija," Mrs. Sanchez said, "volví a verte, pero no había camino para mí. ¿Por qué?"
Danny repeated the words to the best of his ability.
Paulina took a moment to parse them out, with a puzzled expression before finally saying, "Papá se volvió a casar. Su nueva esposa es gringa, así que no le hicimos un ofrenda en casa para que no se sintiera incómoda."
Danny didn't know what any of that meant, obviously, and was grateful he only had to repeat after Paulina's mom, because Paulina herself spoke Spanish very quickly and there was absolutely no way he wouldn't trip over his tongue mimicking her. 
"Pero estoy aquí, debe haber una ofrenda."
Danny mimicked her again.
Paulina looked a little embarrassed. "Sí... yo... hice uno en mi casillero para ti. No quería que no pudieras cruzar."
Her mother gasped. Danny really wished he knew what was going on.
"¿Me mostrarás?"
Paulina's expression lit up when Danny repeated that, and she stood, gathering up her jacket and her sugar cubes.
"Vamos," she said. "I mean, follow me."
She led the way through the empty halls and Danny and her mom followed.
"What were you guys talking about?" Danny asked, then immediately realized what he was asking and quickly backtracked. "I mean, never mind, it's probably personal. I was just curious. You don't have to answer that."
"No, it's okay," Paulina said. "See, my mom passed when I was seven, and every year, me and my dad set up an ofrenda for Day of the Dead with her picture so she could visit us. We moved here from Mexico when I was ten, but we kept up the tradition. 
"Last winter, though, Dad married my step-mom, and she's white, and doesn't know anything about Mexican traditions or holidays. Dad doesn't want to make her uncomfortable, so ever since they got married, we stopped celebrating most of what we used to back in Mexico, so we didn't put up an ofrenda this year, and Mom was asking why she couldn't find it, so I explained."
"Oh... that's... kinda sad," Danny said. "You just had to give up all your culture because your dad remarried?"
Paulina shrugged. "We had to give up a lot of it already, when we moved to America anyway," she said, as if that made it less sad and not more. "At least Sandra's nice, she's just... a little out of her depth sometimes."
"So... where are you taking us?"
Finally, she stopped in front of her locker and turned the dial with her combination.
"I didn't want mom to not be able to visit me, so... I sort of made my own ofrenda in my locker," Paulina explained sheepishly.
The door swung open to reveal the inside. There was a small magnetic shelf stuck on the back of the locker. On it, there was a small electric candle, some kind of orange flower, a pair of black lace gloves, and a heart-shaped locket. The locket was open and propped up so the picture inside was visible. It was the ghost Danny was trying to help.
Paulina reached in an put a few of the sculpted sugar cubes on the shelf next to the locket. The tiny sugar skulls were perfectly to scale with the tiny picture, but absolutely dwarfed by the flower.
The ghost put her hands to her heart and looked absolutely touched by the tiny display.
"Those were her favorite gloves," Paulina explained. "She always wore them when Dad took her dancing."
"What's the flower?" Danny asked.
"It's a marigold," she replied. "Cempasúchil, in Spanish. They're a traditional decoration for the ofrenda. You're also supposed to leave a trail of their petals from the grave to the ofrenda, but... Mom's grave is in Mexico, and the ofrenda is in my locker so...." 
"Ay, esto es hermoso," the ghost said. "Gracias. Amo mucho esto. Te quiero mi hija."
Danny had been to distracted to properly listen, so he wasn't sure how to repeat her words.
"Uh... she says she likes it."
The ghost gave him a look and a light slap that passed right through him.
"A lot, she likes it a lot."
"¡Y te amo!" she added insistently.
"Y te amo, she says," Danny repeated.
"Thank you, Phantom," Paulina said. She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "This means a lot to me."
Danny knew his cheeks were turning bright green, and he cleared his throat awkwardly to make sure his voice wouldn't crack.
"Uh, yeah, no problem," he said. "Don't mention it."
It was then that the bell rang signalling the end of lunch, and Paulina grabbed a couple of books from her locker and headed to class. Her mom followed, even though Paulina couldn't see her.
Danny had to get to class, too. He had Spanish class after lunch, and Ancients knew he didn't need to be missing any more of those.
In class, Señora Gutierrez talked about Dia de los Muertos, and for once, Danny actually sort of knew what she was talking about, thanks to Paulina. Maybe he should ask her to tutor him.
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silvyysthings · 1 day
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It’s a well deserved bashign time for 🦎 people can finally see her for what she really is
But the worth thing is that as a pure narcissist she wouldn’t even care or realize she will just be super happy that everyone is talking about her and her impression that the show seen to be focused around her.
Poor kids. My only hope is that as they grow up they would request to live with their marvelous father. They deserve much better as a mom
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Agree
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cinna-bunnie · 7 months
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not me and my manager trauma bonding over mommy issues 💀💕 i love her aksksk oof i had to go smoke and Think after this one
i love when our one on ones are basically like lol i don't have much 2 talk about this wk and we get like 40m to hang n talk after getting work stuff out the way. she is such a sweetie and so fun (❁´◡`❁)
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makkie-is-screaming · 3 months
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I should fucking kill myself
#I have this anger and dislike towards my little brother that’s totally unwarranted like he’s 10 it’s just my issues#n whenever I feel his hatred towards him I want to gut myself like#it’s not his fault that my moms a better mom for him n that he’s not scared of her#It’s not his fault that my dads sober and present for him#it’s not his fault that my older brother is a good brother to him n has never hurt him#it’s not his fault he’s not scared of telling someone he’s hurt or of getting food#it’s not his fault he parrots all of my parents insane conservative views#but I still hold so much anger and resentment#When I look at him I see him getting all the things I never got and being free of the traumas I went through#and I know it’s good and I’m happy he’s grown up in a safer environment but I’m so angry that I didn’t have those parents#and I know he’s also missing so many things I got#But it fucking hurts seeing how loved and safe he is and wishing I had been that innocent at that age#like when he’s fighting with my mom it’s over school work n video games n then he thinks he can talk shit ???#when I was fighting with my mom it was bc she came home from work in a rage#when I was mad at my dad it was because he got drunk n came home n yelled at my mom until she was crying in a corner then left#When I was screaming at my older brother it’s because I was tired of him hurting me not because he called me a name#I’m a horrible sister to him and I hate it because when he was a baby I was so fiercely protective of him and so happy to be his sister#I watched his shows with him and kept him entertained when my parents got bad n I promised myself I’d take care of him the way I never was#but I failed n now I can barely stand being around him#like I’m such a good sister to my sister but that’s it#n it makes me feel worse about my relationship w my brother bc I know I can be better but I’m just a horrible jealous bitch who should die#screaming
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torchickentacos · 7 months
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anxiety 🤝 the mosquito in my room: won't go away and let me live my life in peace
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orcelito · 4 months
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The good news: I will have Chinese food tomorrow
The bad news: I have to see my mom as part of it :[
#speculation nation#negative/#i guess. i Am complaining.#i did agree to this. better to rip the bandaid off ahead of the family christmas.#but i havent talked to her since like... jeeze. i really think it's been over 2 years by this point now.#ignored all her calls and texts and Letters even#like what am i supposed to say? heyyy ma nice to see you (i guess). why havent i called? well uhhhhh#even in her letter she sent me it was essentially a nearly illegible journal she kept during a depressing as fuck time#something that really shouldve stayed as a journal. but no she wrapped it up stuck a sticker on it and drew some nail polish on the envelope#i am her child and yet she was using me as a therapist. venting things and In The Letter saying she didnt know why she said them#like. mom. you know you dont have to send me everything you write right? you know you can start over right?#but no she just writes with no filter. no consideration for me.#because she's a sad sad woman who sees her children as the only things worth living for#and i do say things. she doesn't fucking care about me as a person.#she just misses the experience of being these little impressionable people's Everything.#no one puts up with her bullshit these days and how sad is that?#so. well. that's the kind of reason why i havent talked to her. bc she's a fucking drain just to be around.#but shes my mother yada yada and something in me still feels maybe even slightly socially obligated to see her#really though i just want to see her Side of the family. i miss them. i haven't seen them in too long.#and in order to see them i have to see her. and i decided itd be best to see her ahead of time#so that family xmas is. at least slightly less awkward. hopefully.#what am i supposed to do if she tries to hug me or something? i dont want to hug her.#either she'll be all weepy that i havent been talking to her or she'll try to act like nothing's changed at all.#or maybe both. who knows. either way itll be entirely about her. as it always is.#i just need to make sure i dont end up alone with her#so long as my sister or grandma are there too she wont be As insufferable. hopefully.
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theclosetedskeleton · 8 months
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Im going to be so serious here I think november-december 2022 was literally one of the lowest periods of my life
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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da-proti-toku-grem · 19 days
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feeling like a total asshole today 👍
#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night#i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know#so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD#but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying#and i felt absolutely nothing#idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel#like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just?????#that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car)#and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow#and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago#i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back#not right now#not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week#but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go#and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now#and all i can think about is that i'm anxious#i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know#i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it#bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has#but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality#why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain#like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings#i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it#i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it#i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly#so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language)#is easier than talking in spanish#and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind#but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/#i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit
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bonestrouslingbones · 21 days
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btw big shoutout to that woodworking class i took in my final semester of high school for allowing me to 1. not constantly sound like i'm talking entirely out of my ass and 2. hide some very niche secrets because of the like 2 full months of paperwork & osha training before i got to actually build anything
#dont click see all on the tags i accidentally went insane over woodworking Its Not Worth it#god that class was such a mess. it took so long bc we couldn't all go to the shop unless everybody passed the safety test#and. well i'm pretty sure only i and like 3 other kids actually wanted to be there . im still a bit angry about it yeah#i wanted to build a table for my mom for mother's day and didn't finish it til JUNE and then it fell APAAARRTTTTTTTT!!!!! but its FINE#I WAS GRADUATING LIKE A WEEK AFTER BUILDING THAT TABLE BUT ITS ///FINEEEEEE////#THE actual knowledge that i still retained from it is really funny tho tbh#the only thing you can call a guard on a bandsaw is the lil 2" radius circle printed around where the blade goes through the table#if you put your fingers inside of that circle they will be Swiftly Removed#i am more comfortable with that fucking thing than a hand drill#however drill presses are fine. kinda fun actually#walnut smells really good when it's being ripped but the dust gets fucking everywhere somehow even more than white oak#that was my last class of the day that semester and i would constantly go home with my black clothes having turned brown#and i'll say. most fulfilling class i've ever taken to be completely honest#ik i am not attending a trade school but WHYYYYYY DOESNT MY UNIVERSITY OFFER WOODWORKING AAAAGGG#WHAT IF I DROP OUT TO BECOME ONE OF THOSE YOUTUBER GUYS THAT MAKES TABLES THAT ALL LOOK THE SAME HUH. WAHT THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHAT IF I WANT TO MAKE 32 TABLETOPS OUT OF MINIMALLY TRIMMED SLABS AND EPOXY THAT ALL SOMEHOW LOOK BORING. WHAT IF I MAKE BANK ON THAT#ITS! BETTER!! THAN ALL THESE ESSAYS!!!!!!!!!#ahegm sorry folks. what i meant to say is that whenever ebony looks like he's creaming himself over furniture that's me talking through him#all that being said if i ever have to look at autocad ever again i will start huffing the polyurethane
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theskywaslookingback · 9 months
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My dad: *texts my mom the day after Father’s Day to see if I was mad at him because I didn’t call him*
Also my dad: *sends me a text on Easter and then radio silence for months* *does not call to ask if I have plans for my birthday* *does not text to check in on me* *does not invite me over to his house for anything ever* *allows my stepmom to use his money to prioritize her kids over me* *literally doesn’t ever act like he wants anything to do with me actually* *cancels or changes plans at the last minute because he decides he wants to drink instead* *offers to help my mom pay my car payments and then never does* *gets us gym memberships and then cancels them without warning because he didn’t have the money and just doesn’t tell me* *cannot hold a thirty second conversation without mentioning ‘the Chinese threat’ or ‘Covid was invented by democrats to replace Trump in office’*
My dad: Why doesn’t my child call me? I am the specialist most important person in the whole wide world. What could she have to be mad about?
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rickktish · 3 months
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The hypocritical dichotomy of “I have the right to separate myself from those who have hurt me, I hold no obligation to them or to the connections we once had” and “I will hold the people who have hurt me personally accountable for the pain they have caused me and prioritize myself above their feelings” is the kind of thing that makes me want to tear my hair out and start biting people
#this is about ‘going no contact’ with family members in case you couldn’t tell#i understand that the terrible things tend to float to the surface of the internet#and garner the most attention therefore getting the most upvotes and likes and highest priority on the youtube algorithm#but every time i read or hear a story about someone cutting their parents out of their life#i literally don’t know how to respond#like on the one hand yes its importnat to keep yourself safe#and if you are in an unsafe situation you should 100% remove yourself#but don’t act like you’re not also causing damage#if you’re upset with your parent/s for causing you damage by prioritizing their feelings/needs/wants/etc over yours#then doing the same thing to them isn’t actually fixing anything#and while it does carry with it a kind of poetic justice#you are in a lot of ways continuing an unhealthy behavior pattern that’s only taken on a new face#idk man#i just#do you ever lie awake at night considering your inherent hypocrisy?#do you ever wonder what kind of impact this is going to have on not only your personal future but that of those around you?#my mom still talks to her horrendous siblings and while I genuinely wouldn’t blame her for stopping because htey’re actively harmful#I also can get behind the personal honor and maintaining your own values in keeping up connections because you value the person#even when they continue to hurt you in order to feel better about themselves#actively saying ‘you are more important to me than the hurt that you continue to cause me’ takes a lot of guts#and i know if my siblibngs and i became their targets then things would change#but the fact that she’s willing to continue to take it from them as they continue to target her?#infintely admirable imo
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