#my partners certain friends my ex lmao i told him and he never once got it wrong again even tho he knew me for most of a decade as she

[cascadianights]

Absolutely baffling that when I talk about my partner (who is clocked as a cis male by the general public 90% of the time) the second some people realize he's trans they start using they/them?? Despite clear usage of he/him and their grasp of it before?

Then they struggle ENDLESSLY with using they/them for me bc even though I cut off 3/4 of the hair on my head and have more chest & body hair than the cis men I've dated, my hips and chest still clock me as female no matter what

[lunarliza]

Fake Boyfriend | Chapter 1: Two Truths and a Big Fat Lie

JJ x Kook!reader Series 

You’re a Kook Princess who has everything you ever wanted... until your handsome Kook Prince dumps you for a hot new fling. To save your reputation, you bribe the one person he hates the most, JJ Maybank, to pretend to be your boyfriend for the summer. All’s fair in love and war. But where do you draw that line when you’re suddenly wishing your fake boyfriend is your real one?

ahh yes, my third rendition of a fake dating/enemies to lovers story. this is just a short lil intro but i’m excited for this series! 

“He did what?” 

“Yup, broke up with me right over the phone,” you repeated to your hairstylist, Boris, who almost snipped off a chunk of your locks in utter shock. 

“What a complete asshole!” Boris groused, clipping away at your dead ends, “What did you say after? Please tell me you told him off and slashed his tires or I have failed as a mentor.” 

“Well I was so angry and shaken up I didn’t know what to say,” you pouted, “So I just said whatever and hung up.” 

It had been a couple days since your nasty break up with your ex-boyfriend who blind-sided you and ended things out of nowhere. Needless to say, you were a cluttered mess and this was your favorite form of therapy: self care, a new hair color, and mindlessly ranting to Boris-- the one person on the island who would absolutely destroy anyone who did you wrong. 

“Y/n!” he droned, “How are you gonna let him end a two year relationship and just say ‘whatever’? No, you need to get to slashing right after I fix you up or else you’ve missed your Carrie Underwood moment!” 

You sighed. “I know I should’ve gone all psycho bitch on him, but I didn’t want it to seem like I care all that much! Besides,” you mumbled the next part, “he’s got a new girl already.” 

The grown man nearly dropped his shears. “Already?! This just happened like two days ago!” 

“I know,” you cringed, “My friends came over last night to investigate her Instagram. I think she’s their family friend or something. Word on the Eight is that she’s here for the summer from California and is staying at his house.” 

Boris scoffed and tossed his finished scissors on the counter in frustration, starting up the curling iron. “So he dumped you after two years and dates someone else a day after?” he shook his head, “Unbelievable. He probably had her on the side when you guys were together too. Honey, you’re so much better off without him.” 

“Yeah, you’re right!” you agreed cooly-- as if you weren’t bawling and moping over old camera roll pictures just minutes before pulling up to the salon. 

Boris lightly blow dried your newly dyed hair while you admired it through the mirror. “I like this color a lot,�� you commended, “I was a little iffy that it wouldn’t look right, but I knew you’d work your magic.” 

Your freshly manicured hands played with the ends before Boris began curling the back strands. 

“You deserve it, sweetie. Forget about that piece of trash and move on with your life! You have all summer to find a new beau,” he chimed, “Where are you going tonight again?” 

“Just dinner with the girls. My friend Sarah’s dad got us reservations to Chalet Basque so we’ll definitely be treating ourselves.” 

You giggled when he began doing fake French impressions of the servers. Leave it to him to lighten your mood during trying times. When he finished the last curl, he basked you in a hairspray that smelled like rosewater and spun you in the seat for the final ‘voila’ moment. 

Boris never failed to make you feel like a full-on beauty queen during your weekly glam seshs. 

As he undid the little cape around you, you spotted a familiar combo of tall dark and handsome waltz through the front door from the corner of your eye.

“Shit,” you cursed, a little louder than intended, and shielded your face, “It’s him! And he brought the girl!” 

Boris’ eyes widened. “That’s her?” he yelled-whispered, eyeing the couple that just plopped down in the waiting area, “Oh you’re so much prettier.” 

You smiled and covertly peeked over at them-- the island’s new supposed ‘power couple’. You almost hurled when you heard kids on the Eight were coining them that name. 

There he sat, Max Vega, in all his preppy, muscular, Spanish-rooted glory. He was even wearing the expensive polo you got him last Christmas. Oh, he looked so cute with his jet black hair slightly slicked back with a single strand hanging on his forehead. Just the way you loved it. 

Tucked under his arm was his new trophy girl. Her beach-waved blonde hair came all the way down to her perfectly shaped hips and her tan model legs draped across his while they watched some video together on his phone. 

Your heart sank at the way he tapped her nose when he said something cute to her. The same way he used to do to you. 

Before you could turn away, his chestnut eyes met yours and he stiffened. You hurriedly tried to avert your gaze, but saw him begin walking over to you through Boris’ giant mirror nonetheless. 

“Y/n!” he greeted, coming up behind you.

“Max! Oh what a surprise!” you mimicked his fake seething enthusiasm, whipping around the chair. 

“Yeah,” he scratched the back of his neck, “I didn’t think I’d run into you here.”  

You held back a scoff. As if you hadn’t made weekly trips to the place to get your hair, nails, and eyebrows done since you were ten. You seriously wondered sometimes if you were truly in love him or if he was just pretty. 

His girl stood a little behind him, clutching onto his toned arm like a shy little bunny. “Anyways,” he snaked his hand to the small of her back, “This is Anya. She’s my dad’s partner’s daughter from Huntington Beach and is staying in our guest house for the summer.” 

The giant perky blonde straightened her back and held out her hand, that wasn’t wrapped around your ex-man, to you. “Hey girl! It’s so nice to meet one of Max’s friends!” 

You heard Boris lightly gag in the background and had to suppress your impending laughter. 

With all the willpower you could muster up, you rose from the chair and put on the most forced smile you have ever done. “I’m y/n, nice to meet you too.” 

“So uh, you look nice,” Max noted at your elaborate hairdo, “What’s the occasion?” 

“I-” 

“She’s actually going on a date tonight,” Boris butted-in as-a-matter-of-factly. You whisked your head around to the man, giving him a frantic ‘wtf’ look.

Max wrinkled his brows. “Oh... well that’s nice. Who with?” 

You racked your brain for a name. Any name. 

Briefly, you glanced out the shop window and caught a glimpse of a trio skipping by outside. One of your friends, Kiara Carrera, linked arms with two of her best guy friends as they munched on ice cream cones from next door. Your eyes fixated on a certain blonde boy in a snapback and untucked black button up.

Bingo. 

“Uh, it’s with JJ. JJ Maybank. You know him right?” you brought up slyly. 

Your ex was definitely taken aback- especially at the mention of the one guy he despised most on the island. “Oh, what? W-Wow,” he sputtered, “I didn’t know you guys talked like that.” 

“Yeah, I mean it just kind of happened. Sarah set us up,” you continued to fib, crossing your arms. You felt bad having to lie like that, but the look of pain and confusion on Max’s face almost made it worth it. 

Almost. 

Before he could pry any further, the nail technician called for Anya from the other side of the salon. 

She cheered and bid you goodbye before yanking Max along with her to get their couple’s treatment. The same one he refused to get with you no matter how many times your begged. Who knew all it took was a leggy blonde with a butt thrice the size of yours to do the trick. 

You sighed in relief once they disappeared to the pedicure station and smacked Boris’ arm. “What’d you do that for?! A date?! He had to know I was lying!”

“Ow!” he rubbed his tattooed arm, “Look, if he’s moving on, then you gotta act like you are too. Trust me, you’ll thank me later for this.” 

----------------------------------------

note: lowkey basing the girl off of cher horowitz from clueless lmao. anyways chapter two to come

chapter two

[defilerwyrm]

For the ask meme: burning bright, anything about the parts at the table with the Nein. You write their banter so well!

FIC SPOILERS BELOW!

Burning Bright on AO3

The entire dinner scene hit me like a bolt of lightning while I was working on this fic. It started with Beau’s outburst, and then Veth’s willful denial and subsequent fit, and I built the two scenes around that.

Diving into particulars….

“Uhm,” he said, intelligently, but quickly recovered and flashed his friends a smile. “It is most impressive. Certainly a step up from a tiny hut.”

A direct reference to the name of the spell. Originally it was Leomund’s tiny hut. I have no clue why in 5e Wizards decided to 86 the attribution names on so many spells like Otiluke’s resilient sphere and Tasha’s hideous laughter. Things like that always made me curious about the (what I assume were) PCs the spells were named after. I had thought maybe it was because the characters who diegetically invented them were specific to one setting, but in that case I don’t know why Bigby’s hand is still Bigby’s but Evard’s black tentacles are no longer Evard’s. I don’t like it. As an aside, Widowgast’s Nascent Nein-Sided Tower is, mechanically speaking, Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion. Anyway. Moving on!

It was delectable that Caleb wanted to impress him.

This boy hungry and not just for soup

Flustered, Essek tried to fend them off, but it was Caleb that did him in. It was always Caleb. The human took a large roll from his own plate, broke it in half, and offered one of these parts to Essek, who tried his best not to choke.

“You need to keep your strength up, ja?” Caleb implored him quietly.

The steady hand that accepted was a point of pride because it very much wanted to quake. The Kryn weren’t bread people, but...did he have any idea what this gesture would mean in Rosohna? Any inkling at all?

This is another one of those places where I delight in playing to cultural differences. What I’d had in mind for what that gesture—breaking food into two pieces and offering half to someone—WOULD mean in Rosohna was a bit nebulous, as I like to keep the reader guessing a bit and let their imagination fill in the blanks; but my rough idea was that it’s a courting gesture that signifies “I can and will provide for you, even if it means less for me.” An expression of selfless caregiving and an offer of partnership. Not wholly unlike a bird bringing food to a prospective mate.

And actually it’s a little bit funny coming from Caleb, who has fuck-all to his name but his name, when Essek is a rich bitch who answers directly to the Bright Queen.

Not that he was about to say it out loud, but he was a quick convert to this whole bread thing. To say that it won him over would be an understatement. That seemed to be a recurring theme here.

I imagine if I’d grown up never really eating bread and was introduced to it in adulthood I’d be like “Where have you BEEN all my life?!” But also: the bread is friendship, the bread is the Mighty Nein, the bread is communion in the spirit of sharing rather than politics and appearances and power plays—things he thought he was fine without until they were foisted upon him.

Somewhere in the course of the multiple conversations going on at one time, Jester got an Idea, as she was prone to doing. He became increasingly aware of her talking about kissing, of all things, and this culminated in her shouting above the din, cheeks flushed purple though he hadn’t seen her touch any wine: “I have an idea you guys! Why don’t we all go around and say how many people we’ve kissed?”

Jester is the most wonderfully convenient deus ex machina if you ever need to insert an awkward or embarrassing conversation among the Mighty Nein, because this is exactly the sort of shit she would do.

Jester leaped up and slammed her hands onto the table. “Caduceus you’ve never been kissed?! That’s so sad!”

The firbolg was unfazed. He merely shrugged and said, “It hasn’t come up and I haven’t gone looking. Not something I’ve ever thought about, really.”

Jester’s tail lashed back and forth behind her like an overstimulated cat. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

Fjord went a bit wild-eyed at this. Caduceus smiled gently and said, “No thank you.”

Three things about this part:

1) Jester’s tail doesn’t get NEARLY enough mention in fic! If I’m playing (or writing) a character with a tail you can be damn sure you’re gonna know what it’s doing! Makes me wanna play a tabaxi tbqh.

2) Cad’s “No thank you” is the sum total of his sexuality, lol. Jester was raised in a pretty highly sexualized setting, didn’t really get out much before she fled Nicodranas, and can be pretty naïve, so she doesn’t really get the whole aroace thing; but it never crosses Cad’s mind that this would be “abnormal“ or ”sad” in any way—it causes him no distress, as it shouldn’t. This is yet another “Same planet, different worlds” moment.

3) Fjord is physically restraining himself from yelling “JESTER WHAT THE FUCK” lmao

Veth kept picking at it. “So you’re um. You know. Into the fellas?”

Beau snorted. “I could’a told you that months ago.”

“Yeah you could’a!” Veth pouted with a self-conscious curl to her shoulders.

I saw a comment on Tiktok that said Veth was being borderline homophobic, but that wasn’t my intent! It’s just that she inherited a certain blind spot for male queerness from her player, and as hard as she’d been trying to encourage Caleb to hook back up with his female ex, it never occurred to her that he had a male ex, too—and given that they’ve been so close for so long, she’s feeling pretty self-conscious about the fact that she never figured out that Caleb is bisexual in all that time, as well as kind of upset that no one—Caleb especially—told her. She’s having a moment of “Why didn’t I know this? Did you think it was going to change things between us? Did I make you feel unsafe?” And also a little bit of “Okay well, now I have to get him to hook up with TWO people AT ONCE because my boy deserves threesomes 😤”

Jester went goggle-eyed at him. “You’ve only been with one person?” she exclaimed. “But you’re like a hundred years old! And very handsome. I would have thought you’d get like, all the ladies.”

Ladies. Right.

Veth might not be the only one with a certain blind spot.

Beau gave her a funny look, snorting. “I dunno, he seems like the kinda guy who turns down those offers left and right.”

..…But Beau’s got his number, for more than one reason. She’s got super gaydar, for one, and has him pegged as the type who’s very choosy about his partners (also mind you, this was before demi!Essek was canonized by WoG, so I was still rolling with my hc that Essek got around when he felt like it).

The uproar was instantaneous. Everyone—almost everyone—started talking or shouting at once. Beau’s voice rang out among the din with, “HOLY SHIT ESSEK FUCKS.” Strangely pleased with himself, he downed the rest of his wine in one gulp and spent the next few minutes fending off increasingly prying, personal questions until the Nein grew bored with his lack of answers and someone changed the subject.

There it is, the line that spawned two entire scenes!

He was not a war mage, but he was experienced and wily, and he was damned good at what he did, and as long as there was breath left in his body, the Mighty Nein would not fall here.

Joke’s on me, motherfucker literally has the War Caster feat -_-

But like in my defense, that’s just what it’s called in the book. The feat just means that you have either the training or experience to cast well during a fight, which I see as not necessarily the same thing as a war mage, which was my way of saying an arcane caster who is a soldier.

Veth stared at her blankly as if willing herself not to understand. “Caleb? With who?”

She breathed steadily. “...Essek. Caleb and Essek.”

Beside her, Jester squealed and brought her fists to her face.

Veth was less enthused. “WHAT.”

Beau’s mental commentary here is dead on. Veth still doesn’t really trust Essek at this point and has been pretty vocal about that…despite being the one to declare him part of the Mighty Nein? Eh, she’s allowed to have complicated feelings on the guy, all things considered. But I find it kind of comical and very Veth (and very Sam) for her to be all full of zest for trying to get Caleb back together with the frigging Volstrucker who is actively working for his abuser and worst enemy but balk at him hooking up with Essek.

Jester “explained” in a delighted yell: “Caleb and Essek are gonna fuuuuuuck!”

I don’t know, is this too unsubtle to call foreshadowing? The line flowed naturally in the dialogue, but it’s also letting the reader know exactly what they’re in for next, lol.

“...He’s going to break that little elf twink, you know,” Veth said, sounding distant. Seemed she was having some difficulty processing. Not too surprising, considering how adamant she was about wanting their wizard to hook back up with his old flame, the fucking Volstrucker. “We’ve all seen his dick.”

This was 100% taken from Sam’s little throwaway line “It’s above-average” but it turned out to serve two purposes other than reminding the reader that all of these people have seen Caleb naked:

1) It’s yet another thing Veth thinks she understands about him but doesn’t. Caleb’s a top like Dalmatians are purple and if you disagree then I respect your right to be incorrect ;)

2) That said, it is, in fact, foreshadowing for the sequel, in which Essek experiences a great deal of frustration. (I haven’t touched the damn thing in weeks, feels like; I’ve been too busy with work, being exhausted from work, and being in a tizzy about my upcoming surgery.)

Fjord blurted out, “I’ll join you.”

Poor Fjord has had such an uncomfortable night!

Hoo boy that was a lot. Thanks for the ask, this was really fun!! And sorry it took so long; I work Saturday nights and things got really busy for a bit there.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #454

“last thing i remember, i was running for the door  /  i had to find the passage back to the place i was before”

Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? I have no clue. Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? I don't know. Public transportation isn't a big thing here at all, and even whenever I get my license, my partner needing to get somewhere while I'm needed elsewhere could be problematic. I think it would also depend on why they don't want their license. Like if they had a traumatic wreck, I couldn't blame them. How would you react if your artwork became famous? That'd be fucking amazing. Would you get your nipples pierced? I've briefly considered it. I ultimately wouldn't, though. How many people know your birthday? Without the assistance of Facebook, a few, I guess. My immediate family, Sara, uhhhh... Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? Yes, and it worked. For the better, though. He had a bad reputation. Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Ha, yes, this one time with Girt. It was a vacuum infomercial. We were just really bored at my place and... okay, I have no justification for watching that whole thing lmao. What is your current MySpace song? I still remember it was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmaooo. What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich? Ham. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Sara or Jason, idk. How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? I don't care. Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins? No. What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? Mom and my older sister got in a fight once and Mom yelled that she was a slut. I don't know why, but... it never left me, and I GUARANTEE it never left Ashley (who is not a "slut," by the way). This was when she was a teenager, so it's been many years and I can absolutely promise you Mom regrets it, big time. I don't even have to ask. Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? Mark and meerkats, ha ha. Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike? Chewy is the way to GO. If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them? I wouldn't care. I'm pansexual, anyway. Anyone can be attractive to either gender's clothes to me. I think assigning clothes to a specific gender is dumb, anyway. Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful? I only remember how my maternal grandmother looked, and yeah, she was a pretty lady. Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? Mark, ha ha. I know way too much on a person I've never met. When was the last time you got all dolled up? Not since last October when I did a witchy Halloween shoot with friends. Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) No. Do you have a criminal record? No. Last person you took a nap with? Sara, years ago. Well, unless you count my cat. He always comes running when he hears me getting comfy in bed, ha ha. Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? Yes, and angry because I want to stop whatever it is making her cry, but I usually can't. Do you think someone likes the same person you like? I have no idea. Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? God no. Have you ever been to craigslist.com? Yes; I've adopted and rehomed pets from there. What about eBay? Mom's bought stuff from there. Have you ever used Nair? Yes, on my legs. It's just as exhausting as shaving with how thick my hair is. Are you medicated? I think I'm on too much medication, personally. I want to try weaning off my OCD prescription, because I haven't had problems in a long time, but my psychiatrist doesn't want to? Which is odd to me because when I came to him, he was stunned by how many different meds I was on. He's concerned that the symptoms will just re-emerge, but like... I've beaten OCD before, for many years. I can do it again. I trust him with my life though, because he saved it, so I just go with what he says, honestly. Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows? No. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? I've worn Jason's pajama pants before because I found men's pj pants more comfortable, and besides, sometimes I spent the night when I didn't plan to and needed something more comfortable than jeans. Could you make a statement about anything political? Texas' new "heartbeat bill" is fucking bullshit and is going to get so many women killed from DIY abortions. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe I met the person I loved more than I could ever possibly love somebody else again. Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? Fuck if I know. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Yes. Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? Yes. Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? I have. How often do you go bowling? Very, very rarely. I haven't been since I was on a date at the end of 2017, I wanna say??? Or was it '18??? Last time you were in an apartment? Not since Colleen still lived in one and I was visiting her. Have you ever seen a live seahorse? Yeah, in aquariums. Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean I wouldn't say no if you offered it to me for free, but I'm not exactly interested in one. I'd probably just give it to my dad. He'd be on Cloud 9. Winnie the Pooh or Tigger? Pooh! :^) What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today? A brownie with caramel drizzle. Mom bought a box of them to split between Ash and her family and us, so I had one. :x Thankfully though she gave more to Ash, because I don't like having treats in the house for my weight's sake, but a little something sweet occasionally keeps you sane when you're trying to lose weight. Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? Ew, no. What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot? I'd really appreciate something hand-made, like a drawing or something. What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to? He likes mostly the same stuff as me, but also more indie-ish stuff than me. Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? Jason. His eyes are brown. Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? Supernatural. It's inevitable that I'll sing, ha ha. Do you eat dessert after dinner? Very, very rarely. Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day? No. When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? I don't go out drinking, but if I was to order a drink right now, I'd go for a sangria. That sounds soooo good rn. What was the last animal that you saw? My cat. Venus is in her hide as I'm answering this, so I can't see her. What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings? I told Nicole bye when she was leaving the other day. What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for: My snake. What is your favorite messaging program? Discord, nowadays. Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week? Yikes, no. Have you ever almost drowned? No. Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook? It wasn't shocking in a bad way, just very unexpected. One of my friends has been an egg donor twice, I wanna say? What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted? I have no clue. Nothing that dangerous. Well wait, I shared the story of holding a tarantula before, and I was still kinda nervous to do so when I did. She was a total sweetie, though. Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? I actually don't. Other than he got my attention with "lip ring girl," lmao. Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? No, because they're all the same to me. If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I add a bit of sugar. What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? *shrug* Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Milky Way, 100%. Do you use Mozilla Firefox? No, I use Chrome. Who is your favorite person to hug? Sara. Have you ever had to have a mug shot? No. What was the last thing you carried to your room? Water. When was the last time you had a late night phone call? Damn dude, I couldn't possibly tell ya.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

All the little reasons (so far) why The 1 is my tied favourite off of Folklore

Continuation of 'classic Taylor’ patterns:

The 1 helps to carry on the tradition Taylor has put into her albums since RED where the beginning of the stories actually starts with song three. The first two songs are instead used to heavily allude to the story and themes about to be told but aren’t directly part of them and especially not the beginning of them. 

In RED, we get State of Grace which alludes to the intense love and positive side of “red” emotions with hints of ignoring red flags whereas Red shows the painful and negative “red” emotions and alludes to the themes of heartbreak. 

In 1989 we get Welcome To New York, alluding to trying to get past someone and new beginnings before transitioning into Blank Space indicating that the opinions of others, particularly surrounding her dating, is something that was going to cause issues.

In Reputation we got ...Ready For It, where the verses again show a somewhat satirical take of how people see the both of them in a dark, “edgy” beat that is often used for “angry” tracks mixed with a “softer” tune more used for happier music for the chorus where she talks about being alone with him and doing what she actually wants to. Then we get End Game which serves as a contrast and connecting piece to the “angry/unhealthy” and “happy/healthy” sides of the album. We get the big declaration of love and showy attitude with hints of insecurity because that’s ultimately what Taylor saw as love in the past which contrasts with the quieter moments of love in the later half of the album such as squeezing hands in a cab or building metaphorical fires in locked up houses to keep each other warm.

In Lover we get I Forgot That You Existed to indicate the theme of figuring out who and what’s truly important in life before moving onto Cruel Summer which not only shows the theme of holding onto each other when things are rough, but the importance of communication in a relationship.

And what about Folklore? The 1 and Cardigan brings us into the fantasy world of Folklore by first asking “What If?” and reminding us that life is full of choices and those choices matter in the grand scheme of things. While the rest of the album tells seemingly unquestionable stories relying on how the characters actually felt, The 1 and Cardigan both rely on nostalgia before reminding us right at the end of each song that that wasn’t how the story went and that certain choices were the reason for that... Which leads me to my next point:

One thing being different would not have made everything different today:

As I previously mentioned, one of the major themes of Folklore is that choices matter. Another interlocking theme is that things just don’t happen out of the blue. The choices we make add up and can cause a perfect storm. 

Looking at this through the lens of the love triangle, in order for James to be in the position he’s in in “Betty”, it wasn’t enough that August happened to be there. The guy Betty was dancing with had to ask her to dance, James had to feel insecure about it AND be immature enough to sulk and leave rather than telling Betty how he felt, August had to show up when she did, James had to make the continuous choice to spend the Summer with August, Inez had to tell Betty what happened and finally Betty had to be offended enough to break up with James. The situation the three of them found themselves in could have been prevented at several different points, making it impossible to say if one thing had been different, it all would have been. 

Despite the lyric, The 1 also shows that one thing being different wasn’t likely to have the desired effect of the pair ending up together through several lyrics throughout the song.

In my defence I have none for never leaving well enough alone - This gives the implication that the narrator was prone to starting arguments over topics that didn’t need to be fought over.

If you wanted me you really should have shown it - The narrator shows that the other person didn’t make it seem like a serious long term relationship was an option. Though this could have been a miscommunication, it also implied to me that the other person wasn’t ready to settle down and acted as such meaning that a long term relationship probably wasn’t on the cards.

Rose flowing with your chosen family.... In my defence I have none - So I’m going to go into this a bit later because it relates to a couple of the reasons I love this song, but in short, the narrator impliedly did not make an effort with aspects of the other person’s life, in this case loved ones, that meant a lot to them nor did the narrator have those aspects for themselves.

But it would have been fun if you would have been the one - Connecting this reason with the theme of nostalgia, I find the word ‘fun’ an interesting choice from a songwriter who tends to use intense words like ‘magical’, ‘fearless’, ‘permanent’, ‘wild’ and even ‘really something’ to describe the loves of her life. In comparison, ‘fun’ feels very casual. While not a choice of the relationship, the use of the word along with lack of hard moments shown in the song does imply to me that the narrator has based this ‘what if’ on pure nostalgia and makes me assume that there several reasons things turned out like they did.

Its links with other songs on the album:

Anyone who knows me knows that my favourite aspect of an album is feeling like I got something out of listening to those songs in that order together that I couldn’t have gotten from listening to the songs alone. Often this comes from contrasts in songs like how I mentioned End Game’s production and lyrics contrast the back end of Reputation, relatability like how 22 is in between All Too Well and I Almost Do because that time with her friends is merely distracting her from her pain or hearing how the same things can be seen differently like how WANEGBT, Stayx3 and The Last Time come one after another to show the relationship was on and off, why she stayed in said relationship and those same traits that kept her staying were now why she was at the end of her rope with said relationship. Really in general RED as an album is a brilliant example because while a lot of people don’t get it, the whiplash of positive and negative songs really does represent what it’s like to be in that kind of toxic relationship.

But I’m not here to talk about RED or Reputation, I’m here to to talk about Folklore. While many people would probably say that the love triangle songs are the best representation of what I’m talking about, I honestly think The 1 and Peace are the two songs that most benefit from the context of the other songs in the album. Specifically, The 1 benefits in the following ways in my honest opinion:

The 1 serves as the other side of the same coin to Invisible String. The 1 discusses a relationship where circumstances didn’t line up to make it work whereas Invisible String describes a relationship where the stars aligned and it all did work out. Further, The 1 asks the question ‘what if things were different and this one relationship worked out?’ and Invisible String answers with ‘well thank goodness it didn’t’.

You know the greatest films of all time were never made versus I think I’ve seen this film before: the automatic assumption and link that the love in Exile was not either of their greatest loves.

If you never bleed you’re never going to grow links so well with But now I’m bleeding and Peter losing Wendy from Cardigan.

Though it’s not connected with other Folklore lyrics, the little links of things like never leaving well enough alone being in The 1 and past songs (in this case ME!) and the Sad Beautiful Tragic vibe that the second prechorus of The 1 gives always brings a smile to my face.

And finally, my favourite parallel of this whole album:

In my defence I have [no chosen family] and its link with Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother from Peace. To me, this parallel brings together everything I have said so far. It brings the album together and once again reinforces that a theme in Folklore is how choices dictate our lives. The fact that somewhere along the lines the narrator realised that there didn’t have to be a ‘his loved ones’ and ‘her loved ones’ and made the effort and choice to incorporate themselves into their partner’s life and found that to be an important part of why they are working out in a way they didn’t with their past partners lives rent free in my mind, heart and soul everyday, not going to lie. Like I don’t know how to explain it, but that link alone just added so much to both of those songs for me personally.

Other little things:

This song is beyond relatable. Like I could not tell you one person who doesn’t have that one past thing or relationship, romantic or otherwise, they wish could have been different and fantasise/romanticise what that would have looked like.

The 1 and August are the two funnest songs to sing to from Folklore and even though both are relatively sad lyrically, always give me a good boost of serotonin when I sing them.

Relating to the two points above, singing “In my defence I have none” loudly when you don’t have family and feel like none of your wishes like me ever came true feels like free therapy lmao.

While I know Taylor didn’t write The 1 from a fully autobiographical point of view, the idea of her seeing one of her multimillionaire exes at the bus stop makes me laugh every time.

It’s a grower. While it was always in my top six, as I mentioned in the title, it’s in a three way tie with August and Exile as my favourite song from Folklore right now.

All in all I just really love this song and all the tiny little details that make it amazing and honestly think it’s a very underrated song in Taylor’s discography.

[fly-like-a-grayson]

do all of the ask questions lolol

lmao okay since I did this to you. I apologise for that lmaoooo

1. Are looks important in a relationship? 

No, but they’re a plus

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

In certain situations, yes

3. Are you a virgin

ye

4. Are you in a relationship?

No

5. Are you in love?

Yes, platonically 

6. Are you single this year?

So far, yes 

7. Can you commit to one person?

Of course!

8. Describe your crush

Yo so I did an ask like this and I’m just going to copy and paste. My crush is the best person in the world and let me explain why. I’ve had times where I’ve wanted to be friends with people and they’ve brushed me off and it made me feel like crap. From the first time I messaged her, she was kind and accepting to me, which I appreciate even to this day. She always makes me feel good if I’m feeling the slightest bit down. She’s more beautiful than I could possibly express. When I first saw her, my breath was literally taken away. I was shocked that someone could be so gorgeous! She has this wonderful personality. She is kind to everyone. When we talk, she makes me feel happy and bubbly. When she compliments me, I blush like a mad woman. I never feel awkward talking to her, anymore. I feel content and calm. I don’t think that she feels the feelings as strongly as me and I’m okay with that. All I want to do is show her just how much I love her. I can’t find a single flaw in her. She’s perfect in every way, shape, or form. I just can’t tell you how much I love her. I just, I love her.  

9. Describe your perfect mate

lmao just like how my crush is 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I think you can be in love with someone’s appearance but not them 

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on who by, but usually no

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Depends on the person but mostly yes 

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Ye

15. Do you have any piercings?

I used to, but they closed up

16. Do you have any tattoos?

No

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Eh, no

20. Do you shower every day?

No, I used to but it was drying my hair out 

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

No

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Yeah, I like just got a text sooo

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yes

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Eh, maybe 

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

My friend Mika wrote me a haiku once 

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

No

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yes

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yes

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

No

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Never kissed anyone 

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

In a friend way 

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes but not because they were in another relationship or something 

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Dunno, never kissed anyone

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Never had one 

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

045. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

046. How many times did you have sex last year?

047. How old are you?

15

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

That I hope they’re happy but not in a rude way. I genuinely mean it 

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Don’t 

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Yes

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yes, because they just weren’t the person they used to be 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes

55. Share a relationship story.

I liked this gut for 3 years and the entire time he liked me back. He asked me if I liked some other guy and I said yes because I was scared. Like a year later he said he liked me but then he moved away the next day 

56. State 8 facts about your body

I have glasses, I have three freckles that make a triangle, I have a large freckle over one of my ears, I have green eyes, I have cubby thighs, I have sprained my wrist really badly, I have wide feet

57. Things you want to say to an ex

Never had one, got nothing to say 

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Listening to me ramble, Listening to music with me, Just being a nice person, respecting mine and other opinions, being funny 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

already got a ton of those up 

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

N/A

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Eyes 

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

do my laundry lmao

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

don’t feel comfortable 

64. What is your definition of cheating?

don’t feel comfortable

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

don’t feel comfortable

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

don’t feel comfortable

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Going to an art museum then having ice cream 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Bisexual 

69. What turns you off?

rude people 

70. What turns you on?

Funny people 

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

don’t feel comfortable

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

don’t feel comfortable

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Watch my favroite movie because I asked, listen to my favroite album. things like that 

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Smile

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

TBH anytime someone compliments my writing 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I drew small pictures for the dude I liked that reminded me of him 

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

As long as they’re both over 18 and it’s consenting and formed for love not lust, then it’s not my place to say otheriwse 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

Um, idk

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

a while ago and I don’t know why I was

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told Jen I loved her last night 

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Jen, Gal Gadot, Ben Platt, Margot Robbie, Dick Grayson

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My uncle 

83. Who was your first kiss with?

no one 

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

never had one

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? 

depends on the circumstances 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #287

“keep him tied - it makes him well / he’s getting better, can’t you tell?”

What are you favorite things to watch on YouTube? I like a pretty big variety now. I’d say I’ve been mostly into pet YouTubers lately, especially reptile ones. Oh, and WoW stuff. Can you pick out any constellations in the sky without looking them up online? Besides the Little or Big Dipper (idk which is which), nope. Are you religious? If so, what influenced you to start believing God? If you’re not religious, what convinces you there is no God? I wouldn’t call myself religious, no. I do believe there’s some kind of ultimate power, but hell if I know what it is, and I don’t actually worship it. I don’t believe any “good” god would demand kissing its feet in order for you to end at peace, among a billion other reasons. I believe there is something though because the odds of life and everything is just… too perfect. Plus I believe in the paranormal, so to me, there is obviously something beyond the mortal form. Is there any animal out there that genuinely terrifies you? Is this an animal you’re worried about coming across in daily life? I am terrified of ticks and parasites in general. They’re fucking disgusting. Maggots will also make me scream. Oh, and then there��s whale sharks. In my daily life, I wouldn’t say there’s any that I actively worry about crossing paths with. When was the last time you wore make-up? Around Halloween when Summer, me, and another of her friends did a witch-themed photoshoot. It really fucking sucks that it was so dark by the time we were done that the pictures came out absolutely awful. You can’t see shit, and of course on camera, I look absolutely awful. Have you ever worn colored contacts? No, but I’m totally not opposed for a cool photoshoot. Have you seen any of the Disney re-makes (eg. Aladdin or The Lion King)? What do you think of them? I’ve seen a good number, and I really like them. I think The Jungle Book remake was the best of them. How long did it take you to pass your driving test once you started learning how to drive? Ha, I still haven’t tried. When was the last time you went out for a formal occasion or event? Do you remember what you wore? Uhhhh… I have zero clue. Well, does my last job interview count? I just wore black sweatpants and some kind of formal top. How often do you have the TV on? is it more background noise or are you actually watching things? Y’all know by now that I don’t watch TV. Do you like any songs by Elvis Presley? Well of course. “Devil In Disguise” is my favorite. Do you ever answer the phone to unknown numbers? Nope. Do you eat anything special for breakfast on Christmas Day? Nah. When you go to theme parks, what’s your favorite type of ride? I haven’t been to a theme park in beyond forever, so idk. Are you afraid of falling in love? Ohhhhh yes. Expecting something to change in the next month? No. e_e What is your biggest worry in life right now? That Mom’s cancer will come back. Well, it IS going to eventually flare somewhere else, but no one can estimate when. Could be tomorrow. Could be years. Do you give up easily? It depends. With a lot of things, honestly, yes, because I get upset with my incompetence. What are you listening to? "Going To Hell" by The Pretty Reckless just came on. Is anything bothering you right now? Always. Were you ever made fun of? Yes. Are you currently jealous? I’ve been having episodes of it. Do you find piercings attractive on the opposite sex? I find them attractive on almost all people. Who was the last person you yelled at? I don’t know. Probably Mom. What do you say a lot? “Mood,” “lmao,” “can’t relate,” “same,” “oof,” “yikes,” shit like that, haha. What is your favorite place you have traveled? Chicago. Do you like ice cream? Yeah, that’s my comfort food. Do you like bananas? Yeah, but I don’t dare to eat one if I haven’t had my heartburn medication, because otherwise I get it BADLY. Do you like Paramore? A handful of their songs, yeah. I don’t know a lot though, honestly. Do you plan on getting married? It’d be nice. Ever been given a promise ring? No. Sexual orientation? Bi. Who do you text the most? Definitely Sara. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you most in life? Why or why not? No, because he wants nothing to do with me. I don’t blame him. Have you ever given your number to a complete stranger? Um, no. Well, besides in like, job applications. What color is your keyboard? Black. Your mouse? Mostly black, but it does have this crackled pattern that can glow blue or red. Desktop or laptop? I prefer laptops for mobility’s sake. Do you like sweet tea? I hate tea. How much sugar do you put in your tea? ^ Have you ever called someone useless? Wow, no. Do you have a wood or glass dining room table? Wood. Do you tend to get attached easily? HOLY GOD OF FUCK, YES. Is Joe Jonas really hotter than Nick? I haven’t seen either in god knows how long, but I remember I thought Nick was very cute. Favorite flavor pudding? Chocolate is the only kind I’ve enjoyed. Not that I’ve tried a lot. What are three words used in your area/dialect that many other areas/dialects wouldn't be familiar with? Oh, there are most certainly some, but I can’t think of any right now. How do you feel when your partner is talking to an ex? This would depend on a lot of things. What is the most expensive gift you have ever given? Received? Given, I’m really unsure. I answer enough questions sharing that I don’t have my own source of income, so a lot of times, my mom lets me use her money, but there is obviously a ceiling to how much I can use. Received, definitely my Sager laptop Jason got me one year. Do children like you? I’m always surprised that kids seem to… I don’t know how the hell to interact with kids, but parents tend to tell me that they do like me. If you found your child's diary would you read it? What if you found the diary of one of your parents? Hell no would I read that shit. Both deserve privacy. Have you ever stalked or killed a wild animal? Fuck no. Name something you are now prepared to reveal about yourself that you weren't ready to talk about in the past? The state of my virginity. Name a talent someone has of which you are jealous: I am soooo envious of talented and actually successful photographers. What would you most likely complain about in a hotel? Probably if the bed sheets seemed dirty. Is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time? Probably. I’m monogamous though, so I really can’t say because I haven’t experienced this. Do you often feel pressured by others? Society, yes. Should couples live together before marriage? I feel that it’s the better decision, yes. You may not blend well actually sharing the same house. You learn things about your partner. How would you feel attending the wedding of an ex? It would depend on the person. Girt or Sara? I would love to. As a matter of fact, I better be invited lmao. Jason? I couldn’t in ten trillion years. Fiction or nonfiction. I strongly prefer fiction. Can you can lie with a straight face? Yes, if it’s something little. Name three things you have experienced that would shock your parents: Probably just sexual stuff. Do you believe in using the silent treatment? No. I’ve sure done it before, but I’d like to think I’ve grown out of this. Communication is where it’s at. Your most embarrassing thought: *shrug* Your most prejudiced thought: I don’t know. I don’t think I’m very prejudiced. A shameful moment for you: The situation w/ Joel. The biggest gamble of your life: Deciding to drop out of college the last time. Who knows if that was a good choice or not… It’s too early to tell. What is your greatest weakness as a friend? Idk off the top of my head, but I’m sure there’s something. Do you feel better when you have a tan? Nah, I like being pale. I did go through a period in HS of using tanning lotion on my legs though because I was self-conscious of JUST how pale they were. Do you sometimes enjoy being mean? ”I don’t think so. Maybe like... in certain contexts. Like being mean in video games can be really fun sometimes, haha. And being a little mean in a kink setting can be fun too.” <<<< This. Are you high maintenance? Definitely not. Has anybody ever told you that you’re too young to be in love? I think my dad has, just indirectly. Did you learn anything from the last BIG mistake you made? Yes. Do you have a favorite brand of shoes? Yeah, Converse. Do you like rollercoasters with big drops? I’m afraid of rollercoasters so have never been on one. Do you have any inside jokes with your parents? Not really. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for somebody? I don’t think so? Do you know who your mom’s favorite singer is? Oh, she’s totally obsessed with James Hetfield/Metallica. What year were you born in? 1996. What is your favorite card game? Magic: The Gathering, even though I was never great at it or totally understood all the rules. I just adore the artwork, and I like the detailed tactics behind it. Have you ever tried to surf? Nah. Do you want to learn? Nah. Have you ever had a song dedicated to you? What was it? Let’s not with this. What color eyes does your best friend have? Brown. Have you ever been on a blind date? Nah. Which one of your family members do you wish you could see more often? My brother and his son. I got really close to my nephew the last time they visited for a few days. What room in your house is the messiest? Right now, the extra bedroom that I want to make my dayroom. A lot of our “extra” stuff is just shoved into there. Have you ever requested a song on the radio? No. Are you proud of your parents? Yes. Have you ever (accidentally or not) set off a car alarm? I think I accidentally have before. Do you have dimples when you smile? Yes, way more prominently on my left cheek though. Do you find graveyards scary? No. They’re peaceful to me. Have you ever carved anything into a tree? I don’t think so. Do you read those celebrity gossip magazines? Ew, no. Celebs deserve privacy. Do you give or get advice more often? Well considering I’m in therapy, probably get. Did the last type of shoes you wore have laces? No. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? FUCK no. When was the last time somebody hit on you? Idr. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? Sara. What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food? Just pass me the rolls lmao. Who did you last spoon with? My cat lmao. What was the last video game you played? I don’t recall the last console game I played, so does World of Warcraft count, even tho it’s a computer game? When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Ha, my mom will sometimes. Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? Very much so. I suffer (and I DO mean “suffer”) from insane hyperhidrosis, so I sweat my ass off if I so much as twitch, if even that. I just hate feeling gross. Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? No, honestly. It’s hard for me to imagine even *getting* to retirement. Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? No. I’m physically and even more mentally not okay. Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favorite thing about it? Yeah, some things. Though I really don’t even want to think about it. I look back on me being a teen with both wistfulness as well as bitterness. I don’t know which is stronger.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #170

this one’s a few days old and am just getting to posting it. don’t feel like rereading to change some old answers tho.

Do you tell your best friend everything? What might you omit? If she asked about a subject, I'd tell her. I wouldn't just be like "hey here's a little factoid I don't like talking about." Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yes. In your current or most recent romantic relationship, do/did you feel as though one of you settled? Not at all. What did your ex (or one of your exes) consider to be a dealbreaker in you? My depression. What seemingly small change have you made to improve your life this year? More drive to be an adult. Make the decision to try as hard as mentally possible to be more open about myself and not so scared of being found as "too weird." Does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness or substance abuse? Don't get me started on the first. I only know of my dad being a recovered alcoholic. What is the biggest gap in your employment history? How did/will you explain it to future employers? 0-19ish. Wasn't in the mental state to. Is there any part of your sexual/romantic history that you have not told your current significant other about or that you will not tell future partners about? She knows a lot. There's just one thing I'm not comfortable talking about yet. There's nothing I absolutely won't tell at any point - if you're in a serious relationship, they have the right to know. Has anyone ever tried to change your mind about something very personal, such as religion or wanting children? Children, yes. Colleen especially was convinced I was going to change my mind to an annoying degree. People have pushed me being a vet a whole lot, too. Do you ever hear about old school friends? Where are you high school friends now? Well, through FB. Most have stable jobs, some are extremely intelligent students headed towards amazing careers, some are parents. Most fell off the face of the earth. What is the most fun you can remember ever having under the influence? Cards Against Humanity. Has your Facebook relationship status ever been set to 'it’s complicated’? Why? Nooooo, and I seriously wish that option didn't even exist. Drama bait, whether intentional or not. What is the most beautiful/interesting name that you’ve ever personally known someone to have? Alon. Have you ever developed feelings for someone whose sexual orientation was incompatible with yours? Yes. How many relationships have you been in that actually got sexual? One. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost? Me?????????????? At a party?????????????????????? What is your strongest sense? Maybe you don't count this because it's not a "real" sense, but I would say I have an incredibly strong "sixth sense" of just knowing when something is wrong, even with people I don't know well. I pick up bad emotions easily. But if you're just talking sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell, I suppose smell? Or taste. Could be why I'm so picky. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child? There is NO telling. I believed some wild shit. HAHAHA OH MY GOD WAIT NO I BELIEVED I HAD "ANIMAL POWERS" UNTIL THE END OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Like, I could go into a "mode" where I had capabilities like those in certain animals, like with kangaroo powers, I could jump higher. God that was so embarrassing to write jfc what the fuck was I on. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? Mom. She gives food, water, and sometimes money to homeless people she trusts as actually being without a home. There are two or three people she's actually "friends" with. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? A V O I D What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? I make situations awkward. Just social anxiety in general. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? Okay, so I don't think I believe in angels, and I'm 99% sure this was a dream by now. But once as a little kid, I have a *very* strong memory of getting out of bed and going outside because I felt I needed to see something, and two swans came to the porch, turning into my grampa and favorite cat that had died. Then I went back inside, and that's all I remember. Still to this day that shit didn't feel like a dream, but. It probably was. What do you think about more than anything else? The future. What’s your all-time favorite town or city? Why? I dunno. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? The friendship with Megan. Do you Skype? With Sara. Have you ever called anyone ‘bro’ other than your actual brother? I'll call p much anyone that. Have you ever blocked someone on MySpace before? Maybe? What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? Pan meat lovers omfg. Stick with jalapeno tho with trying to at least lean towards vegetarianism. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? Eh... I think I've forgiven him. Do you scream at scary parts in a horror flick? No. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. How do you feel about weed? I'm totally for it medicinally. Helps with too many things. Otherwise, for reasons I've said in many old surveys, I don't believe it should be smoked. We already complain enough about cigarettes and lung cancer. How many people have you kissed that you weren’t dating? None. Who was the last person that ditched you? How did you react? Mini, I guess. Was hurt as fuck for years until I recently confronted her, and we're cool now. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex? Girt is like... my only male friend besides Dad. What size are the pants you’re wearing? Large, probably? Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I went neither way. Liked some songs, didn't like some, no opinion on others. Can you spot constellations in the night sky? Only the Big or Little Dipper. I dunno the difference. What kind of shampoo did you last use? I dunno exactly. Mom just put some in a smaller, nameless bottle for while I'm at Sara's. It's probably Suave, though. If you had a hippie bus, what would it look like? Gimme all the peace signs and trippy patterns. Have you ever hitchhiked? No. Would you rather hike a mountain or explore a cave? EXPLORE A CAVE BITCH Would you rather wear a flower crown or veil? For my wedding, probably a veil. I can't see a flower crown going with a (probably) black dress lmao. Do you go barefoot often? I'm always barefoot in the house, but outside, I always have shoes. What is your favorite thing to get high off of? N/A What type of tattoo do you want? Most of the ones I want hold personal meaning. There's few I want to get for solely aesthetic purposes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Favorite constellation? *shrug* Beach wedding, forest wedding, or English countryside wedding? Forest! Does pineapple belong on pizza? NO. Do you have any big plans for November? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? Christmas. I doubt Halloween's gonna be anything I'd like it to be. What was the last song you heard? "Letter" by Mother Mother is on. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? HAHAHAHA NO. How many days a week do you work? N/A Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Sara and Mom. Where did your eye color come from? Mom's dad had blue eyes, I think. Have you ever been in a recording studio? No. What is your worst relationship quality? I'm paranoid. I'm that "do you still like me?" person after marriage, I'm sure. What was your most recent serious injury? Does sun poisoning from Hell itself count? When was the last time you baked something for someone? Never lmao. Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I mean it depends on the mood. What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? I'm going home Wednesday. Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? Second-fave. How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? Way too fucking many. But it also depends on the offense and person. Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yeah. Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Totally for. Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? I'm definitely a realist, but if I had to pick, I lean more towards pessimism. Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? No. When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not really. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I think I'm very friendly, just shy and awkward socially. When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? LEMME TELL YOU THIS SHIT. Months ago, I went for a veggie burger. THESE. IDIOTS. Put all the normal shit BUT NO PATTY IN A FUCKING BUN. WHEN THEY HAVE ACTUAL VEGGIE PATTIES. We waited forever, so Mom was already in a bad mood. She went in and the manager was livid; she gave us a free drink and fries. BUT, the burger fucking sucked, it was so overcooked. Sooo that was fun. When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Rarely if it's a song I don't know, unless I like the artist. Song title may interest me, too. Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? BITCH ME. Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? Okay so, I first watched it in school and I didn't like it at all. Then I started loving it??? I have like sooo much Jack stuff. What’s the best food to have at a sleepover? Pizza! Do you like the yellow Cheetos better or the orange ones? You mean normal or hot? Gimme them spicy boiz. Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? No. Are any of your relatives vets? Don't believe so. Who cleans the most in your house? Mom. I really need to do it more. Do you own any shirts that cost over 100$? Jfc no. What about any shoes? Do you think that’s a lot of money for clothes? No, and obviously. What’s the movie theater in your town called? Uhhh I think Cinemax? How many minutes do you consider late? Over five. What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Some cookies. Do you have any current or past teachers on your Facebook friends? No. Are there any baby pictures of you up? On FB? No. Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Maybe Alon still does, idk. Are you wearing any jewelry that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Yeah. What’s the last thing you were excited to eat? A donut sobs. Who's the most romantic person you ever went out with? I dunno... none were/are like especially romantic. Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? Some Pyramid Head gift tags, a stuffed fae dragon from WoW, and a cool lantern. Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Not in person, but in pictures. (If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. What was the last picture you printed of? The reference I made of my tattoo for the artist. What restaurant has the best fries? Bojangle's the Queen. What does your mailbox look like? Just a basic black one. Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? Probs as a kid. Does your computer make a lot of noise? Not really. Unless it's overheating. Who did you last drink or smoke up with? Mom and Sara. How many board games do you own? Idk, there's just a few in a cabinet in the living room. What does your BIGGEST mug look like? We don't have any really big ones. Newest musical discovery? I really love Powerwolf. Last thing you cleaned? Clothes. What exactly do you carry around all your stuff in? Purse. What do you carry around, typically? Phone, iPod, wallet, hand sanitizer, keys... Where is your newest scar? There's still a little scab on the bottom of my tat from heavy shading, but it's almost healed. If you mean like, "real" scar, cat scratch on my right hand. Where is your oldest scar? Ummm probably this random one on the top of my right wrist. No clue where it came from, been there for years. Last thing you disposed of? A bottle, I think? Are you good at recovering from injuries? I dunno. How many different public restrooms have you used this week? I think just one, at the reptile convention. Do you have more piercings or tattoos? Currently tied at six, but piercings the day I get home and get my tongue redone. What color and type is your vehicle? N/A Looking to upgrade or add any time soon? N/A What animal do you have the most possessions *of*, or featuring? Meerkats. What do you use to wash your dishes? Ugh, hands, gross. I refuse to have my own home that doesn't have a dishwasher. Last thing you measured? Ummm probably water when I was making ramen. Last thing you weighed? Myself. Do you talk to your parent(s) [almost] every day? Ma, yes. Last person to tell you that you smell good? Sara although I don't see how, I needed a shower. @_@ Last person you told that they smell good? Sara. How many iPhones have you had? One, I think? Last person you ran into unexpectedly? Good question. Last compliment you received on your appearance? Uhhh idk. On your character/personality? Sara's mom pointed out this morning that she liked how I watch out for Sara and reminded her to call the library (applied there) and it made me so happy alkdjowie. Her approval is important to me. Do you remain friends with anyone you met at your first job? No. Woulda liked to, but. How many chargers do you have for your current cell phone? One, though Mom's fits mine, too. Do you have a good work/life balance? N/A Have you ever ordered pizza online? Yeah. Do you own a treadmill? No, but I want one. Have you ever signed up for a gym membership? Yeah. What color was the last fish you had? I couldn't tell you. Is there a garbage can in your room? What color is it? No. Have you ever read in the bathtub? I may've as a kid? Does your animal sleep with you? Roman, pretty much always. Rarely Teddy, but hhe doesn't like getting off the bed; I put him on it if he wants, so getting down's the only thing. Have you ever had to wear a hairnet? I think I have, but I don't recall for what? How many favorites do you have on YouTube? Holy shit idk. I used to favorite almost anything I liked, though for like a year or so now I've been really picky with what I favorite because it's become a playlist I go to that I know will cheer me up or are just videos I find very important. What kind was the last chip you ate? Uhhhh Lays, p sure. What is your favorite song to play on Guitar Hero or Rockband? I physically cannot play "Hotel California" by the Eagles without moving in some sort of way or singing.  The fucking solo ahhhhhhhhhh goosebumps every time.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #82

“there’s a child out on the battlefield, a pistol in each hand.”

so, i’m guessing you’re single?   not anymore, no. would you ever date someone because of money?   fuck that shit. your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner, what do you do?   i'm going to be realistic.  first, i'd demand him and her both to fuck off.  don't move?  i'm fucking punching her teeth out. do you have a reason to smile right now?   i guess so, but i'm not. have you had sex today?   i never have. do you remember the last girl you texted?   my mom, yeah. are you stubborn?   oh you have no idea. has anyone called you perfect before?   yes, but they're wrong. where is the biggest scar on your body?   on my left shin.  i scratched the living shit out of it with my own nails because it was so itchy. have you ever been told you were amazing?   yes, and they're also wrong. would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?   HELL no. do you get irritated easily?   very, sadly. would you rather be a blonde or a brunette?   blonde, really.  easier to dye. have you ever had feelings for 2 people at the same time?   yes, i do right now. do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea?   i mean, it can be. if you found someone seemingly perfect for you, but it turned out they had a child… would you still give the relationship a chance?   not at this age.  literally the only situation in which i would do that is if it was jason. is it possible to ‘fall out of love’?   yeah. what happened last time you got drunk?   nothing, really.  i've never been smash-faced drunk.  the only time i've ever been drunk i was still pretty aware of what i was doing, which wasn't much. have you ever thrown up from drinking?   no, but i have thrown up from taking medicine like 15 minutes before drinking literally a sip of alcohol. do you find piercings attractive?   generally, yes. have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far?   i've been through enough to take down a lot of people, honestly. ever got suspended from school?   no. what would you do with a $10 bill you found on the ground?   if there's no source of identification around, i'm going to keep it. are you ticklish?   yes, mainly on my feet. have you taken someones virginity?   no. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?   nope. who was the last person you danced with?   colleen.  can't decide if i miss her or not. do you tan in the nude?   i don't tan period. have you ever had the chicken pox?   i have not. have you ever been evicted?   yes. would you grow your own garden?   no.  i'd honestly be too lazy to take good care of it. do you know anyone who snores?   lots of people. when I say ‘foxy lady’ what comes to mind?   the jimi hendrix song. would you own a siamese cat?   sure, they're very cute. do you like deviled eggs?   NO. what is your favorite horror movie?   "blair witch project 2: book of shadows" have you ever seen a lunar eclipse?   yep. what is your favorite daft punk song?   i only know "technologic" what is your favorite type of museum?   ones with dinosaur fossils/skeletons. if you had children or do would you tell them the truth about santa claus?   eventually i'd tell them, but of course i'd raise them to believe in santa. what color are your slippers?   tan.  they're meerkats. ;3; which accents can you emulate pretty well?   i've been told i speak british so well that i sound native. are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online?   real life, absolutely.  i'm not half bad online. do you think you’ll ever manage to do everything you want to?   absolutely not. are you a good driver? if you can’t drive yet, do you think you’ll be good?   no.  i don't even have my license yet.  i go into total panic mode when i drive; i grip the wheel like i'm driving through the apocalypse.  i also have tremors, and also due to certain meds, idk if i can even get my license. what is/was your favorite thing about school?   seeing jason. have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything?   @ rhett&link/gmm, markiplier, silent hill, meerkats... i need to chill lmao. have you ever been to a protest?   no. are you afraid of the dark?   no. what comes up on your recommended list on youtube?   gmm videos, markiplier videos, metal music... what’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet?   we had this huge lab mix (pretty sure he was part great dane) that was technically my older sister's dog named harley for a while.  he was huge. what is something you like to have conversations about?   my fandoms bc i'm pathetic, deep, philosophical things, music... what is something unusual that annoys you?   walking in the out door and out the in. who is taller, you or your best friend?   i don't have a best friend anymore. which time zone do you live in?   eastern standard when was the first time you ever listened to your favorite music artist?   all seven?  well. ozzy osbourne: 6th grade, going through mom's cds metallica: ^ marilyn manson: ^ otep: i heard "ghostflowers" in a video and really like it, so looked up more of their music a day to remember: recommended videos, actually. cradle of filth: umm... iii feel like my first song by them was "tonight in flames," but i don't remember where i heard it. rammstein: i heard "waidmanns heil" on that one rock band game. have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours?   i have not. what is/was your favorite stuffed animal growing up!   a moose named brownie what is your state or country’s minimum wage?   $7.25.  pathetic, i know. what is your favorite constellation and why?   don't have a favorite. if you could have any hair style you wanted, what would it look like?   don't fucking judge me, but i sincerely and honestly love the big, emo swoop.  my hair is just so thick so it's like impossible to get it to work with me. can you play any instruments?   i played the flute for yeeeaaars, but like, i don't even remember most notes. what is your favorite topic in history class?   the holocaust name one dream that ruined your day when you woke up.   my dad raped me. would you like to marry whoever you’re seeing right now?   i don't know yet, we haven't been together long at all.  i'm not making that decision yet. do you prefer candles or incense?   incense do you eat candy corn?   ew, no. have your parents ever thought you were gay? what happened?   no. are your parents more liberal or conservative?   conservative. when was the last time you saw your best friend?   a few weeks ago when she essentially told me to get my shit and go. how many jobs have you ever had? (including things like babysitting)   two. if you’ve seen both, did you prefer the disney version or the tim burton version of alice in wonderland?   burton's version is actually my all-time favorite movie. what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?   you want me to be honest?  an unsuccessful photographer, probably.  hopefully married by then, but who knows. what was your favorite 90's show?   pokemon, motherfuckers. what is your favorite fruit?   strawberries how do you feel about oral?   it's just... really gross to me. what do you wish you didn't know?   many, many things.  but mainly, that some people just do not cherish love. favorite kind of chips?   flamin' hot cheetos has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?   hm.  odd.  he's not around anymore. has anyone ever told you that you have a cute nose?   lol wut how many kids do you want?   at this point in my life, i don't even know if i want any to begin with.  if i do though, two is preferable. does anyone call you babe?   tyler does.  i don't exactly like it, but i don't think we're really close enough yet for me to be brave enough to tell him so. where does most of your family live?   well.  mom's family is in new york, dad's is in ohio and michigan, and my very immediate family (parents + immediate sisters) lives here in nc. have your parents ever smoked pot?   idk. rent a movie or go to movies?   go to the movies! do you know anyone who works at mcdonald’s?   not personally. where do your cousins live?   new york and ohio. do you like the all-american rejects?   not particularly. have you ever finished a whole video game?   plenty, yeah. which one of your friends has great music taste?   hmm.  i mean, a good number of them do. how do you feel about death?   it's a very scary, mysterious thing. do you have any cats?   not currently. do you believe in the underworld?   well, i believe in hell. what is your favorite flower?   tiger lilies have you ever been betrayed?   i have been betrayed. where do you think we go when we die?   heaven or hell.  i used to believe in purgatory, but that's a catholic thing. when was the last time you went to a funeral?   yeeeaaars ago. are you scared of cancer?   i mean... who isn't?  i don't readily worry about it, even though it looks like it may run in my family.  we've seen thyroid, breast, and kidney cancers. how many phobias do you have?   i only have three that i consider to be, by definition, "phobias," those three being whale sharks, dolls, and pregnancy. how many bisexual friends do you have?   two that i can think of off the top of my head. do your parents wear glasses?  mom does to drive and read, and dad does to read. when was the last time you threw up?   only like a week back.  i think my latuda makes me nauseous. do you have mental issues?   oh, you know, only chronic depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and potentially avoidant personality disorder.  fun times, right? are you good at chemistry?  NOOOOOO do you have online friends?  alex, shay, jax, lona, mini, sam, alyssa, sammy, others... safe to say i have more online than "real" friends. do you like your handwriting?  i do. are you nosy?  very. have you ever been called emo?  yeah.  gonna be totally honest here, i don't pay attention to what the stereotype is anymore, but i probably am one lol. do you have a big nose?   no. how long has it been since you kissed someone?  well over a year. if someone was to ask you if you were okay right now, are you?  for once, sure. the last person you held hands with go to your school?  he did, we're both no longer in school. what person of the opposite sex makes you laugh most?   link neal and mark fischbach<3 do you have any medication you have to take every day?  latuda, lamictal, propanalol, birth control for period cramps... did you reject or accept your last friend request?  reject.  we had no mutual friends.  the fuck did you find me and what do you want. do you like pretzels?  the soft ones.  hard ones are eh. if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, how long have you been together?   like a week. do you look at older pictures and laugh?   no, i'm usually the one cringing. what was the first thing you ate today?   nothing yet but i currently hear bacon popping ahhhh~ have you ever tried lemon brownies?  no, sounds disgusting. have you ever been to hawaii?   no.  i have a cousin there though, actually. do you have a sister that steals your things?   no. what is your father’s middle name?  john do you think that you’re a good person?  i guess. are you on medication for anything?  bipolarity and anxiety.  i was on an anti-depressant, but apparently you're not supposed to do that if you have bipolarity. have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?   ... i was a cheerleader when i was really little. are you irish?  yeah. do you know how to insert a tampon?   yeah are you ever afraid to be yourself?  only always. how many people have told you they were in love with you?   one or two. are you emotional?   too emotional. who is one person that you no longer hang out with? why did that association end?   colleen.  because essentially, she's a judgmental child in a 21-year-old body. who was the last person to endanger your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally?   ummm.  idk. have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend?   no. with which family member do you get along with the least? the best?   least, my grandma.  best, probably my dad. have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? if yes, explain?   i felt like my dad did for a few years, but jason absolutely did. what are some unfair stereotypes against women?   JUST SOME?!  well, above anything else, that we're less competent than men and are overall the weaker gender. how about against men?   that they're all insensitive pigs and that they must be logical at all times. who was the last person to make you feel like you mattered?   mom, i guess, for bringing me to debbie's so i wouldn't be home with nothing to do. do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes?   horizontal. can you name all 50 american states?   probably not. have you ever ridden a motorcycle?   no. have you ever needed stitches?   on my chin, yeah. have you ever been in a submarine?   no. do you think barbie is a negative role model for young girls?   in some ways, sure.  unrealistic expectations can be set. have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna?   hot tub, yeah.  i will absolutely never go in a sauna. do you believe there used to be dragons?   nope. who’s your favorite god from ancient history?   i'm not entirely sure. who was your first kiss?   jason have you ever carved a pumpkin?   a badass one, i must say. did you ever have a treehouse as a kid?   no. have you ever appeared on youtube?   ohhhh god. could you ever have an affair with a married person?   noooo. have you ever planted a tree?   yes.  an apple tree, i think. can you count your number of serious relationships on one hand?   one, so yes how about number of sexual partners?   again, one, so yeah. what’s your middle name?   marie.  my catholic middle name is catherine tho and i still use it because that's part of my upbringing, history, and making of who i am. do you have any siblings?   two immediate sisters, ashley and nicole, three half-sisters named misty, mary kathryn (katie), and tiffany (whom i've never met), and a half-brother named robert (bobby). do you care if people hate you for no reason?   i honestly kinda do. are you one of those people who gets jealous of boys/girls your current bf/gf dated?   nah.  their relationships ended for a reason, so why be jealous? your last ex runs up to you, kisses you, & tells you they want you back. you?   this is the first occasion in my life where i can honestly say i think i'd slap him, roll my eyes, and walk away. is it easy to make you cry?   painfully easy. what color is your hair naturally?   i was born dirty blonde, but it turned brown with age. are you afraid of heights?   in some situations, yes. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?   i do that VERY easily.  like, i SOB. do you find piercings attractive?   in general, sure. do you find tattoos attractive?   again, generally. do you curse in front of your parents?   with dad, i'm totally open.  mom, i generally don't say "fuck." do you like eating mashed potatoes?   no, i hate mashed potatoes. have you ever been called a bad influence?   no. have you ever been to disney world?   i have. do you ever play games on the computer?   i currently can't, because my gaming laptop currently has a fried psu or graphics card.  i used to play repeats of both the "amnesia" games (particularly the sequel), i'd occasionally progress in "outlast," and i regularly played "world of warcraft," which was very important to me for like two years.  i guess conditions have kinda forced me to quit, but i still vaguely keep up with what's going on in the game. do you and your significant other have a special song? what is it?   no. what if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted?   ... well that's a mess because that's a gay scene i couldn't even begin to concoct the last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them?   on the cheek.  honestly because i felt pressured to. is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex?   no.  i have literally nothing more to say. if your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it?   it doesn't bother me, no.  and i never felt pressured because my friends had done it, but rather by my age, i guess.  it's a very weak thought and honestly does not come often, so it's not much of a nuisance, but sometimes it is weird- not embarrassing, mind you- to admit "oh yeah i'm 21 and still a virgin despite having been in a very serious relationship." name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up.   oh god, seven?  that's a lot.  um.  well, writing it one; giving it up would be... kinda devastating, because i do it so much on a daily basis.  photography is another, and that would really fucking suck to give it up because i want to make a career out of that.  watching my favorite youtubers is a ginormous one, and tbh i'd rather die than have to lose that hobby.  um, i like gaming obvs, but i could give it up because i obviously have due to my computer issue and the fact my consoles are broken.  i don't enjoy not being able to do it, but i mean, i've survived.  i like drawing when i actually have inspiration... but i could also give it up because again, i pretty much have because i judge my work excessively, and i got tired of it.  i like exploring the outdoors/interesting areas, but i barely ever have the chance to even do this, so i mean, there's nothing to give up.  i enjoy fishing, but it's another thing i haven't done in actual years, so. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show?   i'm not sure... but both my parents really love "the big bang theory" when you were younger and misbehaved, what did your parents threaten you with?   mom would threaten to count to one, lmao.  i always assumed zero meant i'd get spanked. who has the biggest ego you know?   jason's best friend dillon. how would you react if your last ex wanted to get back together?   ugh. do you and your family go on a vacation ever year?   no. who was your most romantic moment with?   jason who does your most embarrassing moment involve?   also jason. does your dad swear?   yeah. when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?   well that's remotely creepy lol, no. do you know how to tap dance?   i know how to clog, and i mean, it's the same thing, just different shoes. are you craving any food right now? if so, what?   yeah, i want pizza. ;-; what’s your favorite flavor of skittles?   RED when was the last time you used oil pastels?   high school if pot was finally legalized where you live, what would you do?   quite honestly be mad because people are fucking stupid.  as if cigarettes weren't enough of an issue. how bad are your hangovers?   i've never had one. do you think taco bell is nasty?   well i don't like mexican, so... have you ever taken a break from facebook or other social media? why?   i haven't. who knows about your tumblr account?   only online friends. where did you and your current interest go on your first date?   to the movies + a pizza place. who was your high school sweetheart? are you still in contact?   jason, and no. were you popular or invisible in high school?   totally invisible. have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? what happened?   juan and jason had "issues."  jason at least seemed to have very little issue with him, but juan absolutely loathed jason.  despite not really showing dislike towards him, there was one occasion where circumstances had it where both jason and juan were at my house, and the fucking tension was unreal.  jason and i had been dating for around a year now, so i mean i loved him, but i wasn't impressed with him bringing up certain things between he and juan (they weren't exactly fond of each other before me due to someone they had both had relations with); jason clearly meant these things to not be aggressive or anything, but rather to just be nostalgic, but y'know... just don't.  he was perfectly aware juan didn't like him; don't bait the dude.  nothing actually went wrong, but ugh, that was stressful and the distaste they had for each other was obvious. have you ever had an experience that was not in keeping with the sexual orientation you currently identify with?   no. did you go to preschool?   yeah. do you know your blood type?   a-, i'm pretty sure. could you be a teacher?   nope.  no way in hell could i handle like 20-30 kids. quick! chinese or mexican food?   chinese, but i don't like much of either. how many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life?   only one was truly "significant," but i'm been in a relationship with three others. do you hate your ex?   no, i don't. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?   yeah. what’s your fast food restaurant of choice?   bojangle's.  ya'll outside nc don't know what you're missing, lol. what did you and your ex fight about most?   the fact he was 110% logic and had no consideration to his emotions. are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your itunes?   ... it's why i don't let anyone else use it lmao do you like to swim?   it's the one exercise i enjoy, really. have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend?   no.  really wanted jason to come with us to the beach one year when we had a dance competition, but he couldn't take off work that many days. how slowly or quickly would you say you eat?   i'm a very fast eater.  i mean i'm not messy, i just eat quickly. what outfit makes you feel the most attractive?   ... none? when you think about marriage, what thoughts come up?   not much, honestly.  kinda hard to think of much when you don't have a belief on whom you're gonna marry. other than yourself, who knows you the best?   it's still probably jason, honestly. do you know anyone who has autism/asperger’s syndrome?   i do know someone with asperger's has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you?   kinda indirectly. are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not?   no, because i'm heterosexual. do you think boys look good in skinny jeans?   sure. do you think it’s okay for boys to dress like girls and vice versa?   sure. what went wrong in your previous relationship?   he didn't believe in me. if you’re in one, is anything wrong with it now?   no. how would you react to being cheated on?   nothing in regards to being hurt surprises me anymore. is drinking and smoking a dating deal-breaker for you?   i absolutely will not date someone who smokes, and if you drink more than seldomly, i'm not putting up with you, either.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #62

“for better or for worse, i was born into a hearse.”

what do you normally eat at a barbecue?   honestly, i suffer at a barbecue.  i don't like anything that is usually cooked. do you prefer aquatic creatures or flying (water or air)?   flying, i presume. would you like to go swimming with dolphins?   i'd be kinda iffy, because i know dolphins can be quite mean, but i'd still do it. what to you is beautiful beyond all compare?   jason.  well, he's handsome, but you get it. in 5 years time, what do you NOT want to be doing (worst scenario)?   uhhh i guess be in prison for murdering ashley. have you and a friend ever gone after the same person?   thank god, no. do you lead people on?   i do not. have you ever been told that you were going to hell?   nope. do you know any actual dances or do you just move to the music?   not really.  i just know shit like the cupid shuffle and uhhh... not the electric slide... what's the other song like it? name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents.   they built their own house. do you know which side your appendix is on?   uhhhh... left, i think? if someone was willing to tell your crush you liked them would you let them?   it'd be useless.  he already knows. do you put q-tips in your ear or just round the outside?   honestly i'll put them into the ear a bit because i hate my ears feeling waxy. have you ever popped another person’s zit?   no, thank jesus. gave you ever told a friend to dump their SO? did they?   yeah, summer when she dated nick.  she did eventually. what do you think is the coolest piercing on someone else?   back dermals. who do you tease most often and what about?   the only person i've ever been comfortable teasing was jason.  i'd call him a geek a lot, but he knows i didn't mean it harmfully.  i'm attracted to geeks anyway. most disgusting bug?   disgusting, well, obviously the dung beetle. favorite thing you’ve ever painted?   i painted two meerkats grooming each other on burlap in acrylic in high school.  turned out stellar, in my honest opinion. when it’s your birthday, do you have the correct number of candles?   i probably won't this year, as 21 is quite a few. when you take surveys, what kinds of questions do you HOPE will be asked?   just unique ones.  questions you very rarely hear, or my favorite, controversial ones that really invoke thought. do you like 80s music?   80s metal, hell yeah. what kind of food is your favorite? (Ex. Mexican, Chinese, Thai, etc.)   american how would you feel if you were drafted for the military?   i'd rather die. would you have sex before marriage? why or why not?   i still don't know.  i've said before i regret not letting jason take my virginity, and i don't want regrets.  honestly, if by some miracle he comes back, i'm ditching it.  through him being gone, i have truly seen just how much i adore him, and when you love someone this much, i don't care if i'm not legally bound to him, he deserves to know me like that.  if i start a new relationship, though... i kinda doubt i'll ever have sex until i'm married, because if jason can't take my virginity, i don't want another man to until i'm married to him.  jason had to wait, so does he. lmao reading that, my logic is so fucky, idk. how do you feel about shaved pubes?   if you don't like them, shave them.  good for you. are you more liberal or conservative?   i'm definitely more conservative, but have some liberal views. why do some teenagers drink alcohol?   i'm sure everyone drinks for a different reason. do you like obama?   i don't know enough about him to judge fairly.  i disagree with some of his policies that i know about, but he honestly seems like a really chill and funny dude. would making abortion illegal really be the logical thing to do?   fucking yes it would be.  and DO NOT give me the "it'll only stop safe abortions" argument.  guess what?  murder's illegal.  still happens.  a mother should in no way be comfortable killing her spawn, and i am disgusted beyond anything more in human nature by the fact people do it without even flinching.  just.  shit.  i have so much to say about this.  i do pity a woman who decides to have an unsafe abortion, yes, but no, i will not say sorry to you that a child "inconvenienced" you.  i do not CARE what is going on in your life, you act like a fucking adult, suck that shit up, bear the child, give it up to adoption.  think it'll scar you for life?  guess the fuck what?  shit far "worse" than a CHILD happens to a good majority of people. lkasjdoaisuere i really don't feel like going on with this.  and i know i sound so feisty with this subject, but i am just so passionate about the issue. does the person you like, like you?   apparently not. what's the most sexual thing you've done?   idk, oral i guess? what's your opinion on masturbation?   this question seems to come up a lot lately in the quizzes i'm finding...  but anyway.  it's wrong.  lustful.  gross in my opinion, i don't care how clean you may be. do you wish you had an eating disorder because you want to lose weight?   okay, i want to lose weight VERY badly, but i would never wish an eating disorder upon myself. what is your favorite queen song?   "bohemian rhapsody," duh! who is the sexiest celebrity? would you cheat on your partner for this celebrity?   link neal is daddy af.  but no, i wouldn't. how often do you cuss?   just as often as i say "normal" words. how is your self-esteem?   non-existent. have you ever thought about committing suicide?   tried it. have you ever cleaned up someone else’s vomit?   i have not, and i couldn't. would you kiss the last person you texted?   that would be colleen, and no. do you think you exercise enough?   i don't exercise period.  i feel too fucking weak to ever do it efficiently and because of my medication, i sweat to the point that it is NOT worth it. you’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up. what do you say?  "hi, sweetheart." if i offered to buy you a chocolate bar, which would you choose?   hershey's, please. have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?   i have.  i hope he still has it... have you ever been told that you resemble a celebrity?   no, but i've been told i resemble a video game character.  well, i did. in your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most?   of all the people in my life, i thought jason did. last time you got goosebumps?   well i'm still watching the "life is strange" playthrough from earlier and this fucking game gives me goosebumps pretty easily. do you have a beatles shirt?   no, i don't enjoy them enough to have one. what color(s) have you dyed your hair?   i've had black, red, purple, burgundy... probably more i'm forgetting. do you think about the way things used to be often?   my life's consumed by it. have you ever dated a ginger?   nope. have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?   nope. how do you like being roused in the morning?   ... i'mma just say a "certain way" by jason like he liked to do. favorite food?   jalapeno pizza what is the best news you could hear right now?   "jason wants to give you an apology." do you listen to screamo?   no, it's one of the rare metal sub-genres i do not enjoy.  i want to be able to understand the words. does your town/area have a farmer’s market? do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store?   area, sure, maybe like an hour away.  town, no, so we don't really buy groceries there. you're on life support, and you want someone to pull the plug.  who do you want to do it?   honest to god... if jason could do one more thing for me, if that was my life... it'd be that.  he's already done so much to me that he might as well kill me, too.  it sounds dark, i know, but if that was my life, living in such torture, i'd want him to take the roll of messiah again, one more time, like he did when we were dating.  for him to save me from a fate worse than death, for him to do that one last thing for me, maybe i would die at least slightly happy.  I AM NOOOOOT saying i want that to actually happen, i don't at all, but if it were to happen, i'd want jason to be the one to muster up the will to visit me even once to do it. has anyone ever “ruined” anything for you (for example: your partner says, “oh, this song always reminds me of my ex” and you never want to listen to it again, or your friend is so obsessed with a movie that you start to resent the film)?   ohhhh boy.  OHHHHHH BOY.  can i actually like... vent here about everything jason ruined for me?  just to get this shit out, because i'm honestly still hurt that so many things i can't experience anymore?  let's start, boiz! motionless in white and black veil brides both trigger me, as they were his favorite bands, but i listen to them anyway.  i can't listen to "the mortician's daughter" and "saviour" by bvb, "city lights" by motionless in white fucks with me a bit, i cannot tolerate "when it's love" by van halen or "all or nothing" by theory of a deadman because i thought both would play big parts in my wedding with him.  i can't listen to "stairway to heaven" by led zeppelin because of that time we danced to it.  i can't watch "american horror story," "supernatural," or "sherlock" because we binge-watched them all.  i can't go to olive garden because he used to work there.  i can't go to office depot because he works there now.  i can't even think of the batman series, particularly joker and harley quinn, without thinking of jason.  i'm most certain there's more, but that's all that's coming to me right now... would you ever get a tattoo in honor of someone in your life?  it doesn't have to be their name.   ... sigh.  three questions in a row where i'm going to go on and on about jason, lmao...  well, the answer's yes.  i know people in my life are going to have problems with it, especially family, but i've seriously considered many tats i want in his honor.  i've thought about the consequences, and frankly, i do not care.  i want them.  who knows, maybe i will move on one day (i doubt it, but who knows), but i can guarantee to you that i may not like, but won't mind having memories on him ingrained into my flesh. so anyone, here's the tattoos i think i'll actually get: 1.) "... and you ain't got his smile" quote (harley quinn quote; the one i'm most likely to do); 2.) "i don't love you like i did yesterday" (mcr song) quote with two hands ripping a heart below it [this song has really helped me through this breakup], 3.) a watercolor blue jay (his nickname is "j bird"), 4.) "i love you more than i could ever scream" (bvb song) quote, and 5.) "saudade" (means a longing for one you cannot have, stuff like that).  yes.  i am seriously considering getting five tats dedicated to my ex.  move along. away from jason, yeah, i'd get tats for other people, too.  i have a shared "ohana" tattoo with my best friend.  i'll probably get something with my mother at some point, too. if you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it?   no, honestly. if you still live with your parents, is it scary for you to imagine living away from them when you move out on your own? if you live on your own, how did you cope with moving away from your family for the first time?   i am scared of moving out, yes.  depression makes me... kinda irresponsible, to be honest.  i'm not the best at taking care of myself and such, and i don't want to neglect my house.  when i lived in the apartment, it was a good taste of how it'd be like, and we all failed.  i'm very, very scared of moving out. do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you?   i'm definitely attracted to people more like me. is there something that people complain about that just makes you roll your eyes because you think is not a big deal and you would gladly trade your own issues for it?   i mean, sometimes, yeah.  at the same time though, i know exactly what it's like to have an issue that people underestimate.  it's the exact reason colleen and i are fighting.  you don't know how well or badly a certain person will handle a specific issue. have you ever received an unwanted gift from someone trying to woo you? did you accept it or reject it?   from juan, yeah.  i've accepted minor stuff, but never anything major. have you ever boycotted a product or corporation? how come?   i don't think i seriously have. if someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth?   lmao i'll honestly do all three.  just depends. have you heard of or even read the novel, “50 shades of grey”? if so, what’s your opinion about it?   everyone's heard of it, and it's fucking disgusting and demeaning and instills terrible relationship ideals into some people. has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?   jason has a big leather jacket i loved to "steal" while we were in the school cafeteria because i was always cold. has anyone you ever dated called you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice?   no, not just for that. have you met anyone famous?   i have not. what will your next piercing be?   mom really doesn't want to be the one to buy me my tongue piercing because she's so against the idea, so she's thinking of letting me get my lip re-pierced on my birthday. what do you regret doing at FAR too young?   fully and with reckless abandon giving someone my heart. do you have any weapons for personal protection?   no.  i'm not legally allowed to own a gun due to me being mentally ill/having a history of suicide attempts, and i don't know about other weapons. is there a piece of jewelry that holds any sentimental value to you?   yes, a ring jason gave me for our anniversary once.  it had a golden base with a bluish-purple gem.  it was pretty big.  he was so pissed (not at me, at the seller) when it broke, though.  i still have it in the jewelry box he gave me... what does your facebook status say right now?   ehhhh, i honestly kinda exploded last night and went off on everyone who calls me "friend," no one in particular.  i was tired of being so let down by the people who "care" about me. would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone?   no way in seven hells. have you ever had your picture in the newspaper?   i have not. what did you have for dinner last night?   i was so upset that i didn't eat. do you think you look similar to your siblings?   i look less like them than ashley and nicole look like each other, but i do look like them. what do you usually dream about?   jason's always there. do you ever use sleep as a way to cope with bad moods?   i use sleep to cope with, well, a lot.  when i'm bored, i'll sleep, when i feel like crap, i'll sleep...  i almost always take at least one nap a day, and sometimes i'll lie down a second time.  it's embarrassing to admit. what’s the most self-destructive thing you’ve ever done?   letting jason become my world. was (or is) it difficult for you to watch your siblings mature? if you’re an only child, is it difficult to watch family members in general get older?   it's not as hard with ashley, but it really is with nicole.  she's the youngest, and though we're bonded truly only through blood, i don't like seeing her get older.  it's still weird that she has a feminine body and not a child's, and she's 18 for heaven's sake.  all but like one of her boyfriends i haven't trusted.  it hurts me physically when her current bf acts like the shithead he is.  i nearly had an emotional breakdown when i found out she was having sex via the doctor.  i don't like her growing up. have you ever blamed an outside force for a problem you were having?   ... i guess blaming jason for a lot of things. do you find yourself getting more optimistic around new year’s, or does that time of year have a negative affect on you?   there's no change at all.  a new year has no effect on events that transpire, so there's literally no reason to be optimistic. who was your high school crush?   he was more than a "crush," but jason. what do you dislike about your smile?   my eyes squint when i smile. have you noticed that EVERYONE is ‘bisexual’ these days?   erm, not "everyone" is, but i noticed bisexuality becoming popular when i was in middle school.  many, many girls i knew claimed to be so, then would "turn straight" like a year later.  it was stupid. are you online 24/7?   pretty much, yes. who is your favorite online friend?   i don't really have one since mini just kinda ditched me. is it possible to be single and happy?   i'm certain it is, but after tasting what genuine love is like, i'm coming to accept i guess it's just not for me.  i don't want to rush things, though, which i'm scared of doing. is there anyone who hates you?   pretty sure rachel did in high school, don't know if she still does. does your mom know your deepest darkest secrets?   no, she does not. who did you last talk to about the person you like?   mom, i think. is there anyone you trust who you shouldn’t?   jason, i guess. do you want kids?   i guess i do.  but pondering it, there's a minor possibility i won't.  it depends on who i date.  like... before i dated jason (i know ya'll are so fucking tired of hearing about him, i truly am sorry), i didn't want kids.  a year or so into our relationship, i did, solely because i loved him so much.   i wanted a manifestation of us.  when i think of the possibility of having kids, i'm pretty sure i still only visualize it being with my ex, so that's why i still say "yeah i want kids."  who knows... if by some miracle i end up with someone else, i may not want their kids... who knows... have you ever fallen completely in love?   completely and entirely. do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?   of course i do!  love is a fucking perfect thing to celebrate! what was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute?   five years ago, i was busy worrying if jason and i would last.  guess i know now. do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’?   no.  god no.  please. do you have same sex fantasies?   no, i don't. would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath?   i mean, i'd try it, sure, but i don't think it'd be my thing. opinion on immigrants/immigration reform?   i have very mixed feelings with this.  like i understand perfectly that some people have very valid reasons to leave their countries, but we also have to consider our maximum capacity as a country and how easily we could accidentally bring in a terrorist.  because of my mixed feelings, i really can't answer this question should prostitution be legalized?   fuck no. why are you the person you are?   my upbringing, the environment i was raised in, my experiences... if you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept?   sure, i've never tried it before. what are you like when you’re drunk?   i'm sociable, i laugh a lot, and apparently i like to sing.  i like drunk me way more than sober me. do you want a church wedding?   i do not. story of the first time you made out with someone?   so jason and i were playfighting on his bed and to shut me up, he kissed me, and because of me having been talking, my mouth was open, sooo it kinda just escalated from there.  i still remember we kissed about a million times that day, probably.  so i can't be too bad a kisser lol. first time you gave/received oral sex?   i'm pretty sure he gave me oral sex first, but i don't really remember it much?  nor do i recall the first time i gave him oral?  i remember liking it but really not wanting to, and i tensed up very badly.  giving it to him, i just simply didn't enjoy (nor did i really know what to do at all in case i hurt him), even though i'm aware he was clean.  like i'm just sorry, i don't care who you are, i don't want the place you ejaculate and piss from in my mouth.  because of this, we didn't really do oral much. do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?   i still have my virginity. how many followers do you have on tumblr? what about twitter/instagram?   40 on my main tumblr blog, 25 on my survey one.  i am but a smol bean.  i don't have twitter and instagram. first time you thought you were in love? when did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person?   maybe a year or so into my relationship with jason, perhaps later?  and i was and still am in love with that man. ever seen someone just roll out of bed and still look hot?
   that's jason for you.  his hair was always so messy in the morning, but he looked like a rugged angel to me. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone?   i already have one there. if you were pregnant right now…?   financially, that'd be very, very bad.  regardless though, i'd keep the child and, depending on the paternity, keep it or adopt it out.  the only person i've ever done anything remotely sexual with is jason, so i'm guessing he'd have to be the dad, despite not seeing him for over a year???  if that was the case, i'd keep the baby and raise it as best i could and treasure it beyond belief.  if it wasn't his, this sounds... really bad, but i don't feel like i would have the desire to raise it myself.  it's obvious i don't love myself, so having a child that was a mix of me and god-knows-who would just feel... idk.  i don't feel like i'd be capable of loving it properly, so i'd give him/her to a family that would. have you ever kissed an ex after you two have broken up?   i have not. do you ever wear boots with skinny jeans?   i used to, when i was slimmer.  i rocked skinny jeans and black boots, imo. is there a den in your house?   there's not a room we refer to as "den," no. what's currently on your mind?   ha, first lemme say a shit load is on my mind.  always is.  but what's lying most heavily on my mind at the moment is how i quit school yesterday, and now i feel like i won't succeed as a photographer.  which is ridiculous, i know, considering all college would do me is give me a fancy sheet of paper.  it would perhaps slightly increase my chances of being employed by a company, but... hello, i want to be a freelance photographer???  getting a degree and digging so deep into debt just didn't seem worth it, at all.  experience is far more important than being told how to photograph, and you can find most information about photography online for free.  it's not worth it for what i want to focus on, i know, but dammit, that little nagging thought in me that says i failed... do you have a pinterest account?   lmao yeah i do.  i shamelessly have boards mostly related to photographs i want to recreate with my future family.  i also have a board related to stylistic/fashion choices and tattoos. have you ever seen the television show the munsters?   yes yes yes yes yes!!! would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday?   i mean, sure.  i might want to get a significant other something pricey, or i'd use it to get christmas presents for my child(ren). thoughts on slenderman? have you even heard of him?   i don't think he's at all scary honestly, but i guess the story of him's okay?  he's an... okay-ish introduction for someone who wants to explore horror games too, i assume. what would you call yourself the king or queen of?   obsessing over my ex. if i paid for you to take karate lessons, would you?   no, honestly. what is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen?   hmmmm... i am not entirely sure. opinion: on surveys that begin with your name, age, etc?   i either don't take the survey if it's full of basic shit or delete the questions that are always asked. do you know any people who cuss in every sentence?   jason's mother, pretty much. ever written that you were going to end your life?   i've told my ex that over facebook before, yes.  that's the only reason he came to my house after he broke up with me, probably. is life good?   is life good, despite all the hell, struggles, joys, and spans of boredom?  no.  no, it is not. did you lose friends when you started dating someone?   juan stopped talking to me, but i barely considered him a friend anyway. have you ever used the word “rawr” in an actual conversation?   ... yes. would you change yourself for the person you love?   if he's interested in me changing for the better, sure.  but by now, i almost feel like i'd change however jason wanted me to... do you have someone you can be your complete self around?   i mean i guess i can, but i don't. do you have nice eyes?   they're average, i guess. how did you celebrate your last birthday?   we went to texas steakhouse. have you ever had sex on the beach?   no, and that sounds... gross... with all the sand...? would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?   of course. can you juggle?   nope. what’s the last thing you drew a picture of?   i'm pretty sure i drew a portrait of jason last. is your bellybutton an innie or outie?   innie. have you ever been banned from a public place?   i have not. what horror fiction character scares you the most?   scream, definitely. have you ever milked a cow?   no, and i don't really want to. have you ever given blood?   once in high school, yes. do you know any identical twins?   i do.  i forget the other kid's name, it was jason and... something.  remember that story of how the only reason i accepted my jason's friend request is because i thought he was another jason?  yeah, it was that jason. have you ever made your own ice cream?   colleen and i did together, yeah. (:

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #55

whoa.  random surge in followers overnight.  uh.  hi.  i’m here to disappoint.

have you stayed up past 3 in the morning this week? yeah. chels and i were up two nights later than that because we couldn't sleep. the last person you spoke to, do you know their eye color? mom, they're brown. do you own a trench coat? i wish. they're cool. are you currently in a smoking environment? no, you're not allowed to smoke in my house. have you ever been afraid to call someone, even if you knew them well? i'm afraid to call anyone who isn't my mom. the last person who texted you, have you ever fought with them? yeah. i'm two seconds from fighting with her right now because she knows exactly how to be an ignorant bitch. are you scared of anything irrational?  is pregnancy an irrational fear? how about whale sharks? can you do a cartwheel?  nope. never have been able to. do you watch the super bowl just for the commercials? i don't watch the super bowl period. the only time i ever did was on my 16th birthday because i was at jason's house and the giants were playing, his dad's favorite team, and the whole family was over. first time i kissed jason on the cheek was when they won. how often is it that you make a post on any sort of social media, and then delete it soon after? why? i've actually never done that. have your ideas and expectations about adulthood changed as you’ve gotten older? of course. i didn't believe it would have anything to do with being a crumbling piece of shit. i thought i would be fearless, responsible, and just overall prepared. have you ever taken time off to focus on your mental health? are you the type of person that is able to take a break or are you more likely to bury yourself in responsibility? i mean i guess i have, since i've committed myself to a mental hospital more than once? and i really do a mix of both... just depends. do you have a different group of friends on a site besides this one?  i have no tumblr friends, i have one rp bd, i have a number on deviantart... if you are or were in college, when you share your major with people how do they usually react? if you are not in college, how do you explain your job situation to others and what is their reaction? it's usually an "oh, that's cool." nothing cool. when you watch competition shows, do you feel an automatic support for a competitor who’s from your state or region? i mean, mildly i guess. do you think it is possible that eventually humans will create enough technology to completely or nearly completely automate work and free up people to a new experience of social relations without “jobs” as we know them today?  one day, sure. do you enjoy taking selfies and do you enjoy looking at other people’s selfies? if i feel i look pretty, sure. and yeah, bc i feel happy that they took a picture of themselves that makes them feel gorgeous. are there any songs that you enjoy, but the lyrics are problematic/downright offensive? what about films with shady directors or plot points? how do you negotiate liking art or artists that represent offensive ideas or that have problematic politics? the song that immediately comes to mind is "bitches" by hollywood undead. i DO NOT know why i like it, but i do. as far as liking artists go, it doesn't affect whether or not i'll enjoy them. it's just expression, the way i see it. what is your opinion of protest marches? what about different tactics taken by activists such as boycotts, shutting down highways, sit-ins, and even blockades of trade ships? what do you think is the best method to actually enact change? i have no problem with protests, but i'm more iffy when it interferes daily activities, like if you do shut down a highway. i think the best way to enact change is by exposing a person to the issue, but sometimes that isn't enough, anyway. do you believe in parallel universes or infinite possibilities or do you tend to believe that what we see and know now is pretty much it? no, i don't believe in parallel universes. what if you died in your sleep tonight? maybe it'd be a good thing, honestly. have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? more than once. are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? i'm certain. name one person you wish you could fix things with? jason, period. when was the last time you completely broke down? not even an hour ago. colleen pissed me off beyond belief. have you ever turned to smoking or drinking to solve a problem? i mean, i've drunk to forget about them for a while, but not to solve them. what are you listening to right now? sleeping with sirens' cover of "iris" has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? not pretty enough to keep him around. what do you think of therapists? i've seen no less than ten, and for the most part, they want money and to shove medicine down your fucking throat. would you ever go to a sperm bank to get pregnant? no. i really don't know how i feel about artificial insemination. if a little kid walked up to you and asked, “are you goth?”, how would you respond? "maybe." does it annoy you when people say their heart is “broken”?  no, because heartbreak is a very valid, serious emotion. why aren’t you talking to the last person you kissed? because he fucking hates me and i'm pretty sure i'm one word from a restraining order, survey maker. are you mad at someone right now? pretty sure i'm eternally stuck in a mad state towards jason's girlfriend ashley. because i'm a child. has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you? hm. funny. he's not here anymore. has a laptop ever burned your legs?  so bad that my stretch marks there are burned into the flesh, yes. when at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap?  nope. do you want to be friends with your recent ex? if he's with anyone but me, as selfish as that sounds? no. i'd rather die. what did you hate most about your last relationship? i "hated" nothing about it. do you understand the true meaning of “loving someone so much it hurts”? hello, darkness, my old friend. i know it too well, and am experiencing it now. i have a terrible headache and feel sick to my stomach. has true love had a way of showing you that it can conquer anything? no, because it can't. sorry to crush your fairytale. did you ever play frogger when you were a kid? fuck yeah. i could only ever beat the first level tho lmao. do you love deep? too deep. can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? yes, easily. the only problem being is i'm well aware i'd have MASSIVE trust issues for a while. what's your favorite vegetable? broccoli, i guess. where would you like to be in 5 years? with a job. with someone i sincerely love. what was the experience that impacted you the most in your life? jason leaving me. it, literally, scarred me for life. would you be with someone who doesn’t have the same beliefs as you? depends on the beliefs that vary. ex., i will date someone of a different religion (depends on the religion though, really), but to be totally honest, i wouldn't date someone who was, like, pro-choice. it really depends on the belief, because your beliefs portray important, certain parts of you. what did your last relationship teach you? that literally anyone will hurt you. what do you think of online dating? i honestly don't know. i don't think it's for me personally, even tho i'm on one... do you like someone you’re interested in to pursue you or do you prefer to do the chasing? what do i prefer? both. but guess who's the only one doing the chasing in this scenario... do you think confessions make a relationship stronger? i mean it has a potential to ruin them, but at the same time, if you're with the right person, it'll only make yours stronger. would you relocate for love? for a new relationship? no. for a long-term partner? yeah. have you seen the person you love/like recently? how is he/she doing? no, and i don't fucking know. what color is your jewelry box?  oh no... sigh. my jewelry box is black with gold trimming. it's very intricate and beautiful. jason got it for me one christmas. can you solve a rubik’s cube? nope. have you ever watched porn?  no, and i don't plan on it. have you ever sleep walked? no. what would you want to be written on your tombstone? maybe "she joined the black parade"??? lol i saw it on pinterest once and loved it. would love to incorporate my taste of music on my tombstone. mom wants "my body lies, but still i roam" from "wherever i may roam" by metallica on hers. do you like carrots? noooo. have you ever worn lingerie?  no. what is your favorite profanity? "fuck," because there's usually so much emotion behind the word. have you ever masturbated?  no, the idea's just... really gross. i don't care how clean i am. would you rather be hated or forgotten? i know what it's like to be forgotten. i'd rather be hated. spit or swallow?  ... i'm going to just go along with this and let my mind be dirty like you want it to, and say it's not going in my mouth to begin with, sorry. what was your first rated r movie? "scary movie," i think. who was your favorite musician as a kid? do you still like them now?  i think my first true favorite band was green day, and yes, i still love them. have you ever gotten ‘bullied’ over social media? was it anonymous or not?  not via social media, but rather on a forum. it was not anonymous. if you could get a piercing anywhere, and not have to worry about it healing, where would you get one?  my favorite piercing overall is a labret lip piercing, so i guess that. i'd get my back dermals pierced if i didn't have to worry about the possibility of them ripping out. if you could only have one type of sex for the rest of your life, would you choose anal, vaginal, or oral?  anal grosses me out, oral grosses me out, so vaginal. who or what do you love unconditionally?  jason, my mom... what is something you have done that you’re proud of?  many small things, really. what’s your blood type? a what was the last thing you giffed?  i've never managed to make a proper gif when you go out to breakfast, what do you order? pancakes, eggs, bacon or sausage is there a phrase or mantra you repeat when you are frightened? in some cases, i tend to whisper, "i can do all things through christ who strengthens me." have you ever worked at the same place as your best friend? no. what’s your favorite pet name someone calls you? "love." it's so sincere and sweet. would you give mouth to mouth to your dog to save its life? duh. have you ever had a pet destroy something valuable or important? yup. ever had a feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? i knew jason was leaving me like a week before it happened. kept asking him if he was going to leave me, he kept saying no. fucking liar. what do you check out first when you check someone out? i don't really check people out. it's lustful. i mean i may see someone i think is attractive, but my eyes don't linger. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? no, honestly. i'm not a baby. i'm a woman. do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? if you're not tight on money, i guess i do. it shows you're serious. but like i just mentioned, if you're not very blessed financially, just stick with the engagement and wedding rings. can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar? no. why were you last frustrated? now. my best friend is ridiculously close-minded. how much have you changed in the last year or so? i've only gotten more and more depressed. do you have a favorite name? what is it? yeah, alessandra. what was your favorite disney movie as a kid? is it still your favorite? the lion king, and i think so. or finding nemo. when did you first start using the internet often? idk what age, but i know it was when i got into neopets. have you ever been told your aspirations are unrealistic? yes, actually. have you ever been called vain? do you agree with them? no. do you believe prayer really works? you know, i don't really know. don't get me wrong, i'm a christian, but i have prayed enough, and it hasn't done jackshit. ever dated someone you were best friends with first?  i'm not sure i would've called him my "best" friend, no. last person to take off your pants, besides you? jason. think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you laughed with them? too. many. times. what’s something you really want right now, be honest?  i want jason, honest to god. who was the last person to yell at you? colleen, i think. what motivates you to go to school? i really shouldn't answer this right now... have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? already far out of it. does your animal sleep with you? no, mom doesn't let him, because he's old and has accidents. do you own a robe? no. i found a bat one on pinterest tho that i really want. do you bathe your pets regularly? not as often as i should, to be fair. i try to give him a bath once a month. do you own any Batman movies? no, despite really liking the dark knight and the dark knight rises. i'll never be able to own them, because jason loooves batman. thus, ptsd trigger. do you believe vampires are real? no. are you someone who has to hide the things you like around friends? i... honestly do. this didn't start up until jason left, and after thinking through it, i realized i do this because by him leaving, a part of me feels like all my interests were like, de-validated or something, like it made them so they were "wrong" and "unlikable?" i mean i even do this to my best friend. she doesn't know half the shit i enjoy. do you remember when they used to actually throw candy out at parades? you mean they don't do that anymore?! when was the last time you babysat, if ever? did anything bad happen? YEARS ago for my neighbor. nothing bad happened, but she did run around naked when i was changing her diaper lmao. do you ever talk to people you met online through webcam? or is that weird? NONONOONOONO TOO SHY how many people have you kissed in your lifetime so far? who were they? romantically, i've only ever kissed jason. do you know anyone named alyssa? if so, elaborate. yes. old forum rp partner. still a decent friend. she's probably markiplier's biggest fan and even has a warfstache tattoo. i worry about her occasionally, though, from some of her facebook posts. would you ever take a pole dancing class? hmmm. i wouldn't rule it out completely, because i really appreciate dancing, but realistically, no, i don't think i would. especially at my weight. when is the last time you pulled an "all nighter" (where you stay awake the entire night to the next day)? what was the reason you did so, and was it worth it? the last time i stayed up purely all night was when "world of warcraft: legion" released, so that was uh, september i think? to be totally honest, i did it mostly out of nostalgia; when "wow: warlords of draenor" released, back when jason and i were still together, we stayed up all night for that, too. i mean, i guess it was worth it. that game was once very important to me. what is one life experience most people around you seem to have had that you haven't (marriage, kids, work-related, etc)? conversely, what is one life experience you've had that most people around you haven't? at my age, definitely sex. people are so surprised when i reveal my virginity. one life experience i've had that most haven't is just living with a mental illness. do you give pets or animals silly nicknames? what's the funniest or most embarrassing nickname you've given an animal? i'll call teddy a variety of things... "teddy-boo," "my boo," etc. name something you consider to be completely unforgivable, no matter what the circumstances. why is it so egregious to you? what should happen to someone who does it? rape. there is literally no reason to do it, that's why it pisses me off so much, and it's beyond degrading to the victim. honestly? i almost support the death penalty when it comes to rape. if you were exiled, what country would you choose as your new home? canada or germany, i guess. i'd prefer germany, but if i really wanna be in an english-speaking land, then canada. what's the last time that you were really happy? what were you doing? who were you with? what made that time so special? i would say when i was drunk a few days back, but i dunno if you'd consider that true happiness. are you self conscious about wearing a bathing suit? yeah. i'm not skinny, so. who were the last people you saw besides from family? chelsea do you only wish the best for your ex? you want the honest truth? i don't know what i wish for him if i'm not going to be with him. i guess if i really thought about it, i don't, considering i don't want him to marry or have kids with anyone but me. all other things though, i mean yes, i wish him the world. do you think that once people get married, they eventually fall “out of love?” no! have you ever been called a tease? teehee. when was the last time you laughed so hard you thought you were going to cry? new year's when chelsea showed me this video meme related to jimmy neutron. i was tipsy though and normally wouldn't have laughed that hard. have you ever been stalked? no. which band/group have the most lyrics that represent you? hmm. otep, i guess. the last person you kissed, were they a good kisser? he's italian, baby. do you throw things when you’re angry? no. do you hit things when you’re angry?  i've punched my headrest before. are you missing school yet?   literally the only thing i miss about it is jason. your ex calls wanting to hang out. what do you say?   ever seen a woman fangirl?  because that's what you'd see.  anyway, i'd try to be really calm and say, "of course!" would you get back with your last ex if they asked you?   fucking YES, if he apologized to me for all that happened and i believed he truly meant it. do you want someone dead?   ... yeah. are you the one that normally makes the first move?   with my history, i guess i kinda am. when was the last time you sang along with a song? which one was it?   i believe it was earlier today when i played "this is gospel" by p!atd what’s your favorite type of cake?   red velvet where did your first kiss take place?   jason's bed can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you?   my mom comes with me how long is your average shower?   like eight minutes do you like pineapple on pizza?   no. do you want a tattoo?   i have a pinterest board of about 100 ideas i'm highly considering, lmao. what posters do you have in your room?   in my current room, i only have one; it has a unicorn seeing a therapist that's saying "you need to believe in yourself." my old/real room, i have uhh... metallica, marilyn manson, various silent hill, illidan, and other posters. what was your elementary school’s mascot?   bulldog what was the last job you applied for?   i don't know.  i did a mass application months ago. do you use your turn signals when you’re driving?   of course. how tall is the last person you kissed?   5'9'', i think. are you wasting your time on the person you like?   i'm sure i am. have you ever watched a movie in another language?   not a full movie, no. are you afraid to answer sexual questions?   not really. what is your favorite type of cat?   ummm i love persians, sphynxes, and fuck i'm forgetting one... do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? why or why not?   no, and honest to god, fuck you if you've got a problem with it.  GUESS WHAT BOOBS ARE FOR???  FEEDING HER OFFSPRING!  sorry to sound so volatile, but holy fuck i'm passionate about this. name one of your ex’s mother’s names?   virginia.  i miss her.  a lot. have you ever been prescribed narcotics?   xanax, yes.  i'm going to talk to my doctor about putting me back on it, because it actually fucking worked.  i was taken off of it because it was a narcotic. have you ever had a concussion?   yeah.  i passed out in my shower and banged my chin against the floor, leaving a deep gash. is there an animal that you’re afraid of?   WHALE SHARKS, maggots, some spiders. what is your favorite eeveelution (evolution of the pokemon eevee)?   OHHHH GOD DON'T EVEN.  lmao honestly i'm tied between espeon and umbreon, i really love them both, but i guess if it was like choose or die, i really like espeon.  she's so majestic.  out of the original three, i like vaporeon the most. which part of your state/province do you live in[upper,lower,middle]?   eastern, like two hours from the beach. do you chew on your hair?   ew, no. do you eat more home cooked meals or more ‘quick n easy’ type of foods?   quick 'n easy, i guess.  like mom will usually buy pre-packaged hot dogs, chicken nuggets, ground beef for hamburgers, etc. do you eat even when you’re not hungry?   i wouldn't be overweight otherwise.  in my defense, it's because of my depression.  i feel so fucking empty and i confuse it with hunger. do you go insane without music?   i mean, not really.  don't get me wrong, i love music, but i don't go insane if i'm not listening to it for a while. is there an upcoming concert you want to go to?   carolina rebellion, yes.  cr is where TONS of rock and metal bands play at the same concert over the course of a few days.  korn's coming to this one, who i'm really keen on seeing. is technology outsmarting humans?   in some ways, certainly. how often do you use mouthwash?   like never, but i wish we had some. what is your favorite musical?   i don't like musicals, honestly. do you like the smell of burning leaves?   noooo. do you tend to laugh when people get hurt, even when it’s serious?   if i think it was serious, i never laugh, i honestly gasp and panic, but if you just like, trip, i admit, i'll laugh if i know you, but i'll still ask if you're okay. are you procrastinating something right now?   kinda. have you tried those new banana creme oreos?   no, sounds gross.  i usually hate banana-flavored stuff. when was the last time you went out of state?   last summer for ashley and nick's wedding.  we drove just barely into virginia.