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winterscaptain · 5 years ago

Text

in harmony.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

a/n: i’ve cast the choirs (because i think i’m hilarious) and have a playlist to listen to as you read, if you want the ~full experience~. i’ve done my best to time it out with the music so it flows properly, depending on how fast you read. the beginning moves a little faster than the music, so i would recommend starting the playlist at the beginning of the fic. this one has been living in my head rent free for way too long and i’m so stoked to share it with you.

straight no chaser as the nsa mc6 a cappella as the atf pentatonix as the fbi

words: 4035 warnings: mild swearing, internal monologuing, and pining!hotch ft. supportive!jj, tw: a capella themes setlist here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7GQkhBUhUfdJI4m0vZbqbJ?si=46TMCTj9SkCRoHlnAxHfkg

masterlist | requests closed!

The Official Unofficial Los Angeles Inter-Agency Choral Competition was in its final stages of preparation, and you were at the center of it. CIA did the judging, as usual, and each agency had a team, a setlist, and a competitive streak a mile long.

Because the bragging rights awarded by the CIA were so coveted, the agents involved in the choral groups got a half day off of work, waived by the Assistant Directors themselves.

Thus, the NSA, ATF, and FBI choral teams were goofing around in the federal building auditorium with the abandon of a bunch of high schoolers. Sound check was always criminally fun, and most of it was spent giving each other a hard time and arranging music on the fly.

The engineers were still working and would still need a few minutes to themselves before you all got onstage and ran your sets.

“Hey, Bureau.”

You turned, finding Ben behind you in his black button-up and tie. “Hey, dumbass.”

Ben was the arranger for the NSA team and your closest friend in Los Angeles. You got along famously, and you joked that the friendship between you was the only reason there was interagency cooperation in your jurisdiction at all.

He was looking particularly sharp this afternoon, as the NSA team prided themselves on their polished performance aesthetic.

“Ready for tonight?” He asked.

You laughed. “God, am I ever. I’ve been working CT down in the bunker for weeks.”

“Oh, dude that’s brutal. When was the last time you saw daylight?”

You blew air through your lips. “Ah, fuck, I dunno, like a week?”

Ben laughed and slung an arm around your shoulders. “This is a helluva way to get back into civilization with the rest of us.”

You scoffed. “It’s bold to imply anyone at the NSA is a part of any society.”

“C’mon. Trash talking doesn’t start until we’ve rehearsed at least once.” He jostled you, and you let out another peal of laughter.

“Try me, hot shot.”

Meanwhile, upstairs, the BAU was finishing up their goodbyes and case reports for the Los Angeles field office. There was a spree killer wreaking havoc in the Mid-City neighborhood, and the BAU was of enormous help in apprehending the suspect.

You’d been in the aforementioned CT bunker for at least a week and had no idea your (greatly missed) former unit was on your side of the country, let alone in the same building.

“Oh!” Agent Fitzgerald said, suddenly. The BAU looked up all at once, and it was almost comical. “I completely forgot. There’s an event tonight that’s always really fun. If you all aren’t in any rush to get back to Quantico, we’d love for you to stay. If you’re eager to get back, they’re in the auditorium right now for a dress rehearsal and it shouldn’t take more than a half hour.”

JJ’s head tilted. “What’s going on?”

“The Official Unofficial Los Angeles Inter-Agency Choral Competition.” Fitzgerald grinned. “It’s really fun, surprisingly good, and never not hilarious.”

Emily laughed. “You’re kidding.”

“Not even a little.”

+++

Ben and his team were in the middle of their set, and you were bopping along with some of the ATF guys in the corner.

You couldn’t deny the talent on the NSA team. They were clean-cut, crisp, and well-arranged (thanks to Ben), but you couldn’t help but think they were a little too polished.

Ben had the lock on comedic mashups, and had a great on-stage persona - one of the very few NSA agents with a sense of humor. He sang directly to you, much of the time, in rehearsal because he knew it made you laugh. His sense of humor was infused through all the arrangements, and the lyrics alone were enough to have you on the floor.

Their movie medley opener was your favorite, full of silly references and even a sing-along section. You knew all the words simply because you’d sat with Ben as he spent three days arranging and adjusting it a couple of months ago. Obviously, you offered absolutely no help because all you wanted was to watch him crash and burn.

Maybe some sabotage could come in handy next time…

They rounded out their set with a clean-cut cover of Smash Mouth’s All Star. Ben was always in it for the laugh, and you loved it. Both teams in the house were laughing as the NSA made increasingly bigger spectacles of themselves.

It was easier to forget how much you missed your family in Virginia when you were with the other teams - rehearsing and bonding and spending time together. There was no unit in Los Angeles like the BAU insofar as the bond between team members, but this event always mimicked it better than anything else.

Without Ben, you’d barely have anyone at all. He happened to be assigned to you as a liaison between agencies on one of your first cases, and you got on like a house on fire. His friends became your friends, and you found your footing in your new home. They showed you the best beaches (Manhattan and Malibu), the best sushi (Enya), and perhaps most importantly - the best route and attack strategy for navigating the hell that was LAX.

You avoided calling your old unit as much as possible, as you were sure it would keep you from fully settling down. If half of your head was in Virginia, you’d always hate Los Angeles. That said, Aaron was still the first number on your speed dial, and your thumb spent a fair amount of time hovering over it before inevitably shoving it back in your pocket. You’d done it just today, walking from your office to the auditorium.

You left the ATF to their ridiculous devices, and joined your team in the house.

“Doin’ alright? I heard it was a rough week for y’all down in CT.” Michael, a Texas native and an insane talent, could have been an excellent profiler if he wasn’t so great at ferreting out tax fraud. You both spoke in hushed tones, as to not disrupt the rehearsal.

You nodded, patting him on the arm. “I’m alright.”

“Missin’ home?”

You nodded again. “Just a bit. It’s weird coming out into the world after being in the bunker - it’s almost like I don't remember where I am, and I almost expect to be somewhere else.”

He didn’t say anything, but leaned against you. It was a small gesture, but a meaningful one.

When NSA was finished, with their levels set and lights programmed, it was ATF’s turn to get up on stage and flutter around until they were adjusted.

Michael said something ridiculous, and it made you laugh out loud. You slapped a hand over your mouth, hearing it resonate through the house as one of the floor mics picked it up.

At the back of the auditorium, only minutes prior, Agent Fitzgerald had slipped in with the BAU. They all stood along the back wall, and you only would have seen them if you knew where to look. The auditorium was massive, and the only lights up were the lights onstage - distinguishable features were nearly impossible to determine from the distance.

Aaron’s breath caught for a moment. A microphone picked up someone’s laugh near the stage, and it sounded startlingly like yours.

Must be mistaken. There’s no way.

As ATF started up, Ben grabbed you by the hand and pulled you to your feet. He turned you under his arm and led - dancing you around on the floor at the front of the stage. You laughed your way into his arms, and fell into a relaxed Lindy Hop. You took turns leading, throwing him under your arm just as many times as you ducked under his.

Aaron’s thoughts wandered, the laugh he heard triggering something in him. He missed you greatly, but that was no secret. You two had started seeing each other, unbeknownst to the team, a little more than three months before your transfer.

The team were too polite to tell you, but they knew something was going on from the get-go. Hotch was happier, and you were more effusive in all situations. You balanced each other well, and could bounce ideas and fight and communicate like nobody else in the unit. It was an asset more than anything, but when the transfer assignment came through, there was no negotiating.

For all involved, you decided it was best to end things - or at least pause them - while you were stationed at the LA field office. It would be too hard, and you’d hate to hate him by the time you got back to Virginia for one reason or another. So, you were alone at the LA field office, while he stayed right were he was.

Wait. The LA field office.

He was jarred from his thoughts by JJ, who smiled and asked, “What’s their deal?” Her eyes were trained on the dancing couple on the house floor, out in front of the apron of the stage.

“Oh those two are the only reason the FBI and NSA play nicely in the sandbox together. They’re two peas in a pod. They work counter-terrorism for their respective agencies, and have a knack for solving inter-departmental disputes.”

“Are they together?” JJ’s question was light, but Hotch knew there were ulterior motives. Maybe she’d heard your laugh too, and refused to doubt.

She was good at that - not doubting. Hotch, on the other hand, sucked at the whole faith thing. He found his skepticism was only getting worse with age, and he (in that very moment) decided to have a little more hope.

“Oh, no, not at all. Ben doesn’t swing that way, and my understanding is that Agent L/N left someone back on the east coast and hasn’t been seeing anyone out here.” It was clear Agent Fitzgerald, a new import to the LA field office herself, had no idea you worked with the BAU prior to your transfer.

Maybe you hadn’t talked about them at all.

That thought sent a little unpleasant spike through Hotch’s chest.

Hope. Hope.

Maybe Fitzgerald just missed something, or didn’t know you too well.

Hotch could feel Emily’s eyes on him, but continued watching the ATF runthrough. It was your laugh he heard. Ben threw you around with ease, and you both cut clean, sharp lines silhouetted against the stage lights.

Then, of course, it was Emily’s turn to ask questions. “So how did this...tradition start?”

Fitzgerald shrugged. “It’s my understanding that it’s been happening for years, brought on by some ridiculous bet between ATF and FBI. Never ones to be outdone, the NSA inserted themselves, the CIA wanted a piece of action, and the rest is history.”

“Only in California,” said Dave with a laugh.

As the songs changed, Aaron watched you tap out of the dance, sitting down heavily in one of the house seats and taking a few huge sips of water. Ben grabbed his water bottle from the floor and came to the row behind you, wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder.

Though he was just told Ben would not ever be into you in that way, Hotch couldn’t help the prickle of jealousy that snuck up his belly. JJ, beside him, stepped close to him and hooked her hand around his forearm, her thumb brushing circles against his suit jacket.

“I’m alright,” he whispered.

She squeezed once. “I know.” It sounded like she knew more than that, but Hotch let it go. While sometimes irritating, it was nice to have people around him that knew him so well.

JJ continued to cling to his sleeve as the ATF transitioned to the FBI.

It nearly startled him out of his skin to hear your voice echo through the house on a hand-held microphone. You stood on the edge of the stage, squinting at the booth at the back of the house. “Can we run full tech? We have AV that needs to be sequenced correctly.”

A click, then a disembodied voice. “We’re ready for full AV.”

You shot a two fingered salute. “Thanks, team. Let’s bring up the seal for now and go from there.”

The FBI seal and motto floated into focus on the fabric behind them, and Aaron felt himself almost lean forward in anticipation. He chanced a look down the line, and the rest of his team was smiling, waiting, watching. Just like he was.

JJ bumped his shoulder.

The stage was rather dark, but he could see all five of you lined up almost against the fabric. The song started quickly, with strong base and an uptempo beat.

Your team ran to the front of the stage one by one, following the phrases of the music - fun and high energy.

“I didn’t know…” Emily whispered to Derek, at a loss. He shrugged, still totally floored. You’d never joined them in their horrible karaoke spectacles, claiming the sanctity of your dignity, but Hotch realized now it was just to spare their feelings.

You were incredible. Your eyes shone in the light, your smile flashing behind your microphone. It was obvious you were having a helluva time, and were close to your teammates. You played off each other easily, keeping pace without conducting, feeling the music and harmony in every cell of your body. Hotch saw your work ethic even in this - collaborative, but still taking charge.

It was clear your team looked to you for tone and energy, and you delivered. With a start, Aaron realized he’d never heard this song before. He leaned forward and asked, “Are some of these originals?”

Fitzgerald nodded. “The FBI team has a few strong writers on it this year, so they were able to pull together a medley, an original, and the closer in about three weeks.”

Hotch raised his eyebrows. “Wow. That’s impressive.”

She laughed lightly. “You’re tellin’ me. I was in here one day when they were workshopping after hours and was blown away.”

When you were finished with your first piece, you looked back to check the cyc - satisfied to find Home, arranged by Y/N L/N in gold, in the FBI font.

“I’m gonna practice my little spiel here or I won’t get it tonight. I’ll count you off at the end, go on three, yeah?”

Click. “Copy. Go for it,” came the disembodied voice once more.

“When we were deciding which medley we wanted to use, we figured out there was nothing in our library that really spoke to us at that moment where we were. So, we wrote a new one. This one is called Home, and includes a bunch of songs that not only include the word ‘home,’ but ones that mean something to us or someone we love.

“Home, to us, is where our families are. We all chose a series of pictures that represent home for us, the people we love. I hope you enjoy listening to this medley as much as we enjoyed writing it.” You flashed a winning smile before raising your hand, waiting a moment, and then dropping it, immediately starting to sing.

The rest of your team fell in right away, stepping up to the mics and sinking into the arrangement. A figure jogged up the steps toward Hotch, and he latently realized it could only be Ben, his agile stride giving him away.

He settled right beside Hotch, leaning against the wall. Needless to say, Aaron was confused. That is, until -

“You’re Hotchner, aren’t you?”

Aaron kept his gaze trained on the stage. “Who’s asking?”

“Ben Collins, NSA. I would be a really shitty friend if I couldn’t recognize someone I’d seen in a framed photo on Y/N’s desk like 20 times.”

With that, he gave Hotch a mock-salute and trotted back down the stairs.

JJ furrowed her brow. “What was that about?”

“I have no idea,” Hotch admitted. “He knew me, though, from photos.”

He felt, rather than saw, JJ’s smile as she bumped him with her shoulder. “Focus - You’re missing it.”

He huffed a laugh, and tuned back in.

Home was an undeniably fun medley, and the photos were heartwarming and strategically chosen to hide all faces except the agents’ on stage. Aaron smiled when he heard a line from one of his favorite songs.

Our house Is a very very very fine house...

Just a brush, but it felt like your touch, your smile, reaching him. You took the next section with renewed energy, never falling into stillness as you drove the music forward.

JJ clutched at Hotch’s sleeve, and he lifted his gaze from you to the cyc. On it, there were photos of Dave’s backyard, mixed in with what he only assumed were the pictures from your teammates’ homes and families. They were piling on top of each other, as if someone was throwing them into a pile, one by one.

A photo of JJ, Emily, and Penelope flashed by, their backs to the camera.

There was one of you, Jack’s face hidden in your neck as you smiled fondly at the person just to the left of the camera. Aaron recognized that image, but from a different angle. You’d been smiling at him, just next to Emily.

Emily’s eyes strayed to Hotch. There was a look on his face she’d never seen before. She almost looked away, feeling like she was intruding on an intimate moment. Instead, she lightly smacked Derek’s shoulder, and he looked over too.

“The separation has been hard on them both,” he said, his voice low. “Look.” He tipped his chin toward you.

Your posture didn’t look any different to anyone who knew better, but Emily could see the slight sag in your shoulders, hear the small catch in your breath. The music affected you more than you’d care to admit.

A photo came into view on the screen - one where you stared out the jet window with your chin in your hand, Hotch’s face pressed into your torso as he slept with his head in your lap. Your fingers were tangled in his thick dark hair, twirling absent-minded curls into the locks behind his ear. JJ smiled. She’d taken that one. It was soon covered with another, then another, then another.

Agent Fitzgerald bid the team a quiet farewell and slipped out to take a phone call. Hotch barely noticed. She’d been on her phone most of the time, and had missed the photos. She was blissfully unaware of your connection to the team, and for that Hotch was grateful. It almost felt wrong to disrupt the little world you’d built here.

They were almost done, preparing for the closer.

Maybe he was biased, but Hotch felt your team was the strongest.

NSA had the polish and that classic choral look and looked like they were having just the right amount of fun, but there was still that competitive edge that took some of the luster out of the performance.

ATF were the most traditional of the group, all of their music recognizable, tightly arranged, and reminiscent of barbershop quartets. While entertaining, it was clear you and Ben stole the show with your dancing, the music taking a ready backseat to your antics.

Your team had fun. There was no bite in it. You weren’t there to win, but rather just there for the sheer fun of it. Your music was yours, it meant something, and was more creatively arranged than the rest of them by a long shot.

Aaron felt a rush of pride as he watched you shine. While he couldn’t articulate it, he could sense the same thing Derek noticed. There was something pulling at you - the same thing pulling at his shoulders and the corners of his mouth whenever he had fun without you.

“Alright,” you said, just a little out of breath. You took the mic off the stand. “We have one last number, and we all sing it together.” You held the mic out to your left, and Ben took it from you.

“This is our favorite, because it’s a really good excuse to think of the people we love.”

Some agent (whose name always escaped you) from the ATF took the mic next. “Thanks for coming out tonight to watch our ridiculous annual competition, for bragging rights and honorary ownership of the City of Los Angeles.”

Ben took the mic from him and passed it back to you.

“I hope we all have someone in our life that we love so much it's difficult to articulate. I know I do.”

JJ inhaled sharply as Hotch let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. You missed him. He could feel it. He wasn’t alone.

You replaced the mic, and stepped back. With the FBI in the center, ATF to the right, and NSA to the left, you began.

There’s a calm surrender To the rush of day When the heat of a rolling wave Can be turned away

It was a beautiful picture, all of you standing together as one united front. The sound was incredible - filling the space with sound that spun right into the chests of everyone listening. You stepped up with Ben and an ATF agent, standing close to the mic.

Ben reached for your hand, knowing this one was hard for you. You’d probably never get a chance to have Hotch in the same room, feeling what you felt, singing this song. It was silly - a Disney song. But it always cracked you wide open. It was only ever for him.

You took Ben’s hand and gripped it tight. It wasn’t performance, so you could really do whatever you wanted as long as sound and projections were able to do their work.

The breakdown of the song was your favorite, and you threw your hands in the air, releasing Ben - the final lighting cue of the show. It was designed to bridge the gap between the players and the audience, bringing everyone together.

The house lights came on about halfway, and the BAU was visible from the stage, as they’d all crept forward during the set. Hotch could only imagine what that lighting effect would do when the house was full of agents and their families later tonight. A true communion, with the music and the people.

Your eyes scanned the house, rehearsing your engagement pathway through the audience. A small cluster of people caught your attention, and Ben squeezed your hand. You looked over at him, still singing, and he gave a tiny toss of his head back to the group.

Looking more carefully now, you saw your team. More specifically, you saw Aaron.

He was watching you with a fond smile, and you knew he saw you clock his presence. JJ was on his arm, likely anchoring in him place and comforting him in only the way she could.

Against your will, a broad smile pulled at your face, a shot of adrenaline pushing you into the finale. Your eyes were locked on his, the music only a footnote to two simple words running on loop in your head.

He’s here he’s here he’s here he’s here.

The world for once In perfect harmony With all its living things.

You hit the final chord and let it hang in the air for a moment. It felt like forever - the BAU burst into applause, Derek and Emily whistling and shouting - while you and Hotch just stared at each other across the house.

The connection was only broken when Ben yanked you back to rehearse bows, which took all of thirty seconds. You squinted at your friend when you stood straight again. He had a smug little smile on his face.

“You knew,” you accused with absolutely no heat.

Ben shrugged. “I investigated.” He shot you a wink as he said, “It’s what I do.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved past him, nearly leaping down the steps into the house. You ran up the aisle, and Hotch was there to catch you, holding you close.

“You’re here.”

He kissed the side of your head. “Of course I’m here. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

+++

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dino-nugget7 · 5 years ago

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A Manifesto Against The School System

As of writing this I am a second year Public High School Teacher. I won’t be able to live with myself if I spend another year at it. Literally, I feel like a bit of a monster for deciding to finish out this school year rather than quitting right now. But we do what we must to survive, my students won’t be less oppressed because I left, and if nothing else, it gives me an opportunity to strategize about what I can do to aid in revolutionizing school because authentic alternatives to public school exist but none I have found have been intersectional enough to replace public education without excluding the kids who would most benefit from escaping the main school system here in America.

Some of the reasons I did not understand how oppressive school actually is, are that my interests and hobbies happened to align very neatly with the “core” classes, and that even though I grew up very poor and moved around a lot as a kid, we eventually settled and I went to a well funded high school that had just about any elective and/or after school club that I might be interested in trying and then some. During that time, I came to see school as a place where I could explore my passions and escape my home situation. So I figured I would love to pay it forward and go be a teacher.

I recognized at least, the privileged position I came from and decided I wanted to go learn how to teach in settings as different from my high school as possible. Which is why I went and got special permission for most of my classroom placements throughout the teaching program to be at alternative schools. In Colorado at least, alternative schools are small public schools which primarily serve students identified as “at risk”, which is shorthand for “Statistically more likely to drop out than the general population for one reason or another.”

I did not know when I asked to be placed in one, but learned within days of being there that most people that even know alternative schools exist, think of them as the places where “the bad kids” go. I realized very quickly that they are actually places filled with kids who have experienced a lot of trauma in and out of school and don’t respond to that trauma the way adults want them to respond. I came to adore kids at alternative schools because they remind me of my younger siblings.

Like my oldest brother, many of them find school mind numbingly easy and boring and have much more pressing matters to devote their mental energy to.

Like my middle brother, many of them have spent so much time around teachers who do not understand neurodivergence that have been convinced of the lie that they are weird, dumb and/or lazy and because of that, trying to participate in school is like hitting their head on a brick wall.

Like all of my brothers and my sisters, they have a ton of skills that they are brilliant at, but that are not prioritized by the school system, so they never pursue them, such as construction, music, makeup and programming.

Many, if not most of them come from living situations full of abuse and neglect and/or poverty so they don’t have the mental or emotional space to worry about much beyond survival, and not only haven’t learned how to make and achieve long term goals, but have never had the luxury of a stable enough environment for that kind of planning to be worthwhile.

All that being said, something that you only realize if you actually work in a few public alternative schools, as I have done through college and my current job, is that the name is actually an oxymoron.

What started me down the path of considering and researching all the ways school is an oppressive system, was a conversation I had with a student in my first year teaching. He was learning about chemical reactions and safety and asked me the infamous question, “Why do I have to learn about this?” to which I said “Because everything is chemicals and understanding how they can interact with one another and ways they can harm you can keep you safe when you do things like clean or cook.” To which he replied, “Well no offense but I have no idea how this shit relates to cooking and please don’t tell me because its not like I’m actually going to remember it when I am cooking, and I already know how to clean safely because of work. But you’re still going to make me learn this boring shit anyways so seriously, why do we have to learn about this?”

I paused to consider what he was asking. I had interpreted, as the system trained me to, that the question he was asking was, “what value does this knowledge hold?” But what he actually meant was “Why are you making me waste my time learning about this thing that I never asked to learn about?” So I replied, as a sort of test of my new understanding, “It’s part of the physical science curriculum the Education Department thinks is important for high schoolers to learn.” He was taken aback, “Wait, you don’t decide what stuff we learn about? What’s even the point of teachers then? Why don’t they just give us a list of all their stupid stuff they think we should know so we can get on with our lives?” He had a point and I have spent a lot of time reflecting on and growing from that conversation.

Sure, there are some key differences that make alternative schools slightly more tolerable than your standard 800-4,000 kid high school. Class sizes are smaller so students get more individualized help. We get funding to help students access things such as food, clothes, hygiene products, and healthcare and know students well enough that we actually know which kids are lacking these resources. We have slightly more leeway than traditional schools to create innovative lessons. We don’t give out homework.

But public alternative schools are still oppressive in most of the ways that the big schools are. I’m sure none of this will be a surprise to most readers, but I want you to really consider how restricted kids in public school are, how restricted you probably were in school as you read through this.

School starts early in the morning and students have to constantly shift mental gears throughout the day due to a tight schedule of constantly rotating classes and a very short lunch break. Throughout the day, bells tell students when they can’t or must move around or eat. Students have to ask when they need to go to the bathroom or get water and teachers cannot go at all outside of their plan period because students are not trusted to be in the classroom without an adult even for a few minutes. They have no control over who they share space with and very little control over their ability to leave that space if it conflicts with their needs. There is a strict dress code which disproportionately targets marginalized students. Students are expected to be sociable but not given nearly enough opportunities to actually socialize. The school keeps records of everything the student has ever gotten in trouble for, every class the student has taken, every grade they have received, their “class rank,” and every intervention program the student is part of. And like every public school, alternative schools must follow state curriculum standards and by extension, grading, data collection, and required testing. On the surface it might not seem like it, but that last point is actually the most insidious one and its the one that has followed students into remote learning during the pandemic.

According to the people who decide how schools work, there are four factors of student choice: These factors are Time, Place, Pace, and Path. For example, if I am running a unit on plate tectonics, rather than giving students a worksheet and telling them to work on it as we go through a slideshow and turn it in at the end of class, I could put them in groups, give them an online choice board of three different but roughly equivalent projects relating to plate tectonics to choose from, each with different rubrics for completion and tell them they can turn it in at any time in the next two weeks. And then instead of devoting class time to direct instruction, I would give them a variety of resources to peruse and teach them how to research more and let them choose what aspects of plate tectonics to focus on and how to present their information. Now, this is certainly a few steps in the right direction away from making kids sit in rows and listen to the teacher drone on about plate tectonics while they take notes. But it misses the most important factors of choice in my eyes, the things that I would be fired for if I actually gave them the choice about: How students spend their time and what they are allowed to prioritze.

None of this is to say that expecting kids to learn is inherently fucked up or that teaching inherently makes one an oppressive person. On the contrary, authentic teaching and learning are vital to our ability to solve our problems and grow as people. If all students were given the opportunities to spend their childhoods learning things that they were actually interested in, to explore the full breadth of knowledge that humans have compiled at their leisure without timelines or milestones except the ones they set for themselves, to socialize with people of all ages, to authentically participate in society both as learners and as educators, as leaders and as team members, the world wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be a lot less soul crushing.

Now, I mentioned at the beginning of this piece that authentic alternatives do exist. To get you started on researching what’s out there, I recommend starting with Sudbury schools and the unschooling movement.

But unless these models somehow miraculously become a large and accepted enough presence to get government funding, or money ceases its hold on us all, the public school system will be the only one that most students, especially impoverished students, transient students, english language learners, and disabled students (especially those with profound disabilities) will have access to. Which is a damn shame and a problem I am committed to trying to figure out how to contribute to solving because those are the students whose lives would be most radically transformed for the better if they got the opportunities that these models provide.

#school #anti school #oppression #manifesto #youth liberation #I am aware that this severely pushes how long people are willing to read for on Tumblr #but I needed to get it out there into the void

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victoriousscarf · 4 years ago

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Can I ask about the path you took toward working in public history? I'm in grad school at the moment. (I also have a complicated family situation and the world is kind of a mess so I'm not necessarily expecting an answer that gives some kind of set path I can follow, I'm just curious.)

Ok... So ...

Like I think it's always hard to be in the public history field and be like yeah! You're totally gonna get something! Because of my like cohort when I started grad school I think... 3...no 4 of us have stable employment in the field. One I know of is field adjacent. One left to become an artist, one has never held a job in the field at all, and a lot have either struggled with work or been underemployed. So it's rough and I think the pandemic has made library/museum/archives jobs way harder.

But.

I went to school specifically in a program for archives and records management. That program no longer exists, and most archives jobs want an MLIS anyway. (I've gotten some shady looks from hiring managers not in the field because they're like... It's not an MLIS and I'm like no? Because it was way more specialized?? Like I am super qualified okay I promise). This was... Not a great idea. The more specialized you are, the harder to switch tracks it is. I've been considering going back for a museum degree just for more flexibility because that's honestly the only way to survive in this field. Right now I'm seeing more museum jobs than archives, but my curator friend was insisting it was the other way when she was applying so it's also just luck of the draw.

So I have super specialized education. Pros and cons.

I then took an internship as an interpretive ranger at a national park site. And that was the best thing I ever did for myself. There are several programs that do internships with the NPS, but a lot of them are age specific. The one I did was for 26 and below, so it wouldn't be useful for older folks going back to school but! There's also federal jobs that are either for people still in school (I think it was called pathways back then?) Or some jobs are only open for recent grads. It was paid and they provided housing. A lot of internships don't do that and it's awful and there's been a slow but steady reckoning in the field that unpaid internships are bad and exclusionary to people who don't have any support sytem backing them.

Working for the NPS opened up a lot of doors for me. The federal government is very difficult to break into. It doesn't really matter what the job posting says, if you don't have experience, you probably aren't getting through the questionnaire. (And yes. There are questionnaires. So. Many. Questionnaires). But if you luck into an internship, you learn about the system and you get experience and no matter where you go after that, it's good to have in your pocket in case you need it again.

After that I also lucked out with a partnership program through my old grad program. It is definitely worth checking to see what sort of connections the program might have. Because I got something like 9 months of work that was paid for by my grad program to work in an entirely different state to finish a project for them. Look around, connections really matter in the public history field. If you have the chance to go to a conference, yeet yourself toward it. It's hard to like meet people, but the nice thing is most folks in the field are fucking nerds who are probably socially awkward too. Archives potlucks are hailrious because 89% of the folks have got social anxiety. They all wanna bring a book and sit and read quietly. But the more people you meet, the more connections you make, the better (also Archivists looooove twitter. Ugh. And there's a lot of really good archives/library/museum groups on facebook. I'd recommend them).

The more weird shit you can put on your resume, the better. Saying which parks I worked at (sometimes very famous ones) made me stand out. I also ran a day long academic conference in grad school and was president of a student chapter of a professional organization. It almost killed me, but it stood out in people's minds. One of my co workers did field work in Eygpt, and our supervisor mentions seeing that on her resume all the time. Like that was part of what drew him to it. Again, money is an issue for most people and this is hard to pull off, but weird shit helps you stand out. Emphasis anything cool you've ever done in your whole life. I also did national history day in high school. That meant I was our education specialists favorite person when it came time to help high schoolers on their project. Even if it's too late for you to do that in high school, see if you have a regional competition nearby. Or state even. Volunteer. That's also something that stands out (plus helping wee history nerds can be a treat... When you're not being reminded why high school was so terrible lol).

I also moved to 6 states in... 5 years. And I don't mean neighboring states either I mean I started on the west coast and flung myself all the way to the western side of the Mississippi River. And then North. And then South. And then West again. This is not possible for a lot of people because a) money and b) family. Even with all that moving I was unemployed for 6 or so months in the middle of it. It is hard to be looking for work so constantly and then packing up your life and yeeting yourself to another state /again./

I also have a chronic condition with regularly scheduled flare ups. Moving away from my family for work has sucked, being in pain and having to explain to a new boss I'll have to take some time off every year to like, lay on the floor in pain, sucks. So like. It can be done even WITH stuff like that too.

But I have been incredibly lucky. Because I got a few breaks when I needed one. Because I was in a position to go for what I could take. I also missed certain chances I should have been able to take. That's never a good feeling but it doesn't mean one missed chance or fuck up is the end of the road.

So yeah, as you said, every circumstance is different, every road is different, but I do think hearing a) it can be done and b) different approaches to how it can be done, can really help. Like even if you can't do the same stuff, maybe there's something in there that can help out. Some spark of an idea of something to try.

(I'm also making this public in case it helps anyone else ... I hope that's okay).

(this got long lol. But I was trying to think of like any advice that could help. There's a lot of pathways to get into the field, but volunteering, weird shit on that resume, being willing to go the extra bit, those are probably the most basic take aways anyone could try).

#vs does an ask #vs does a text post #public history

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theancientgeekoroman · 7 years ago

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hi! i'm a high-schooler who wants to pursue a career in classics and ancient history and you're a massive inspiration to me, I was wondering if you have any advice for an aspiring classicist

Hey! I’m glad to be an inspiration :3

So, the first thing I would suggest is to read, read, read. I know it’s expensive to get a lot of books, but remember that public libraries (and check your high school library, too!) might have many of the books you might want to read before you head into a Classics program.

If you would prefer to have these things online so you can access a lot of different things, here are my favorite websites to refer to:

http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/

https://www.gutenberg.org/

http://www.sacred-texts.com/search.htm

The next thing to remember is that if you’re an undergraduate student, you’re not going to know everything in every class. Be open to exploring - take courses that have a focus on the ancient world, but don’t be afraid to stray into other courses (I took enough Medieval courses (history, literature, art history) that I was one course away from a minor). One of the things that I would recommend is searching for schools that have a program you think you’ll enjoy and e-mail the professors! I e-mailed the director of the Classical Studies department at Villanova University back and forth for a long time before I applied to the graduate program and she was quite supportive and explained things well to me. This was a big reason I decided that I decided that Villanova was right for me. The professors and how they interact with potential students will tell you a lot about the faculty as well as the program. Look through the potential courses at the universities you’re interested in, and whether they have all the courses, you would be interested in, including courses for other aspects of the field.

Classics courses can be under Anthropology or Archaeology, Art History, English/Literature, Greek/Latin, Library Sciences, Law, Museum Studies, Theatre, etc. If you’re interested in exploring any of these areas of Classics, I would suggest exploring these courses if the university offers them as well. This would also help you hone in on what area of the field you might be most interested in pursuing - a lot of people who go into Classics either end up teaching or working in a museum, from my experience. However, those aren’t your only choices, and we’ll get back to that more towards the end :3

If you’re not sure if you’d like archaeology, if you can afford an archaeological field school, I would say try to participate in one when you’re an undergraduate student, or if you can’t, see if your local state parks have any need for archaeological volunteers. That’s something that I’ve been investigating in Las Vegas (where I live); this isn’t Classics specifically, but much of the work will be similar so you can gauge whether you like digging enough to do it for a living. This past summer I did my first archaeological field school (three years after I completed my B.A. in History/Classics), so if you wait a little longer, that’s okay, too. But, I loved it, and I definitely want to dig again, so I think that it’s important to find a way to pursue those opportunities when you can (I was lucky to get a full-time job a year before I went and was able to save up - I didn’t take any vacation time in the year and a half from when I was hired until after the field school). There are field school scholarships that you can apply to, like the Jane C. Waldbaum Archaeological Field School Scholarship (https://www.archaeological.org/grants/708), that are for students pursuing their first field school, amongst other funding, so make sure you look everywhere and ask your university if they have a database for field school funding. A lot of your anthropology and archaeology professors will be helpful in asking about this. Your university might also have archaeology opportunities on campus as well; my alma mater, the University of Delaware, had an Archaeology Laboratory that I volunteered in for extra credit and continued to do so once my course was over because I enjoyed it so much. See what’s around and how you can help out!

In the same vein, if you’re interested in museum work, look to see if you can volunteer over the summer, or once you’re a university student, see if you can enroll in an internship for credit. Sometimes your university galleries and museums might have a program, so look into that, too! I did a Curatorial Apprenticeship Program at the University of Delaware and was able to conduct an Independent Study for credit through the museum program (now the University of Delaware has a Museum Studies minor). I’ve always known that my end goal was to be a curator, but there’s plenty of other aspects of museums you can explore: education, administration, museum libraries, and a lot of other departments, depending on the size of the institution. If you’re in the U.S., you can check my museum post to see if your state has ancient art (https://theancientgeekoroman.tumblr.com/post/179105816745/master-list-of-museums-with-greek-roman), and if you’re in another country, don’t worry, I’m working on master lists for other countries, too.

Many courses may be taught in translation (especially if you’re taking it as an English Literature or Foreign Language in Translation course), so see if you can find the best or most highly recommended translations by professors. See what the book lists are for the courses at the universities you’re looking at and try to find your favorite translation. I just bought the Emily Wilson translation of The Odyssey, which I have a feeling will be my favorite translation. This is The Iliad translation I have (http://www.librarything.com/work/3426497/book/161094444), The Aeneid (http://www.librarything.com/work/11862/book/161072440), Metamorphoses (http://www.librarything.com/work/3439/book/161072432), and The Love Songs of Sappho (http://www.librarything.com/work/237534/book/161093187). All of these were assigned textbooks for my Biblical and Classical Literature and Mythology courses at the University of Delaware between 2007-2015 (those links take you to my LibraryThing, which will tell you most of the books that I own or I have on my wishlist, if you want to check them out; I haven’t finished organizing their categories yet, though, so it’s a WIP).

If you haven’t been exposed to Ancient Greek or Latin at the high school level and university will be the first time you encounter these languages (as was true for me), you don’t necessarily have to know anything by the first day of class. However, if you would like a head start, here are some lessons on Ancient Greek in YouTube format (http://www.openculture.com/2016/08/learn-ancient-greek-in-64-free-lessons-from-brandeis-harvard.html) and in text format (https://lrc.la.utexas.edu/eieol/grkol). Latin, unsurprisingly, has a lot more resources for free online learning (I even bought a Udemy course to review my Latin): The University of Texas at Austin: https://lrc.la.utexas.edu/eieol/latol, http://learn101.org/latin.php, and this list is good to consult: https://www.omniglot.com/language/articles/latinapps.htm. I haven’t used all of these myself, so explore and see which ones would be best for you and works best for how you learn.

If you decide to continue with Classics into the graduate level, keep in mind that you’ll need German AND French or Italian. I took both French and Italian as an undergraduate and I can read French pretty well because I took it for four years in high school and studied abroad in Caen for five weeks as an undergraduate. Italian I can kind of read alright, but I know no German, which I need to work on. So, if you have a language requirement and your Latin or Greek does not count, keep those languages in mind. (Sometimes you have to take a certain amount of Latin or Ancient Greek for it to count, and your program may not require as many ancient language courses for your major as the language requirement for the university, etc. I only needed to take Ancient Greek or Latin, but I decided I wanted to do both.)

Classics is an extremely interdisciplinary field, so you have a lot of options, both as an undergraduate and a graduate student. You don’t necessarily need to go straight into graduate school, either. You can teach at the high school level, you can go into archaeology fieldwork or museum work, or do a variety of other things. It’s up to you. I took a year off, got a different Master of Arts degree before I applied to my M.A. in Classical Studies. It’s different for everyone. I’ll be 30 when I get my M.A. in Classical Studies, so take your time and explore things that call to you. Don’t rush things and have fun!

Of course, I’m sure you want to know “What can I do with a Classics degree?” Luckily, many places have already made lists like this! Here they are:

https://www.angelo.edu/services/career/majors/classics.php

https://www.canterbury.ac.nz/careers/subjects/classics/

https://classicalstudies.org/education/careers-for-classicists/an-undergraduate-degree-in-the-classics

https://www.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/careersandemployability/subjectfactsheets/subjectfacsheets/2016ese030_Classics_st1.pdf

http://loveofhistory.com/what-jobs-can-you-get-with-an-ancient-history-and-classics-degree/

https://www.prospects.ac.uk/careers-advice/what-can-i-do-with-my-degree/classics

And I made a post with different places that post Classics positions as well, for when you’re ready to look for those (I check them regularly to see the requirements people want for these positions to either match up or if I need further training or credentials): https://theancientgeekoroman.tumblr.com/post/178955792555/since-im-still-in-my-ma-program-for-classical

TLDR & recap:

Read, read, read

Research your potential schools

Volunteer

Explore aspects of the field

Have fun!

Additionally, I found this list of people that have Classics degrees :3

https://rogueclassicism.com/folks-you-didnt-know-maybe-had-classics-degrees/

I hope you found this helpful and I apologize for the length, but feel free to drop me a line whenever you like if you need more advice or would like me to expand on any of my experiences!

All the best,

The Ancient Geeko-Roman

P.S. Folklore Fiancé wanted to make sure I didn’t overwhelm you and wanted to encourage you to make sure you take your time and take breaks when studying. Don’t overwhelm yourself with your research; take your time to explore different areas and don’t tackle too many things at once. *takes off parent hat*

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happyhealthyanna · 5 years ago

Text

Five Words

TW: lots of weight talk (no numbers)

Over the weekend, I made a doctor’s appointment in a panic over chest pain. I had the appointment yesterday and was very open about the fact that I was pretty sure this was due to anxiety, but I needed reassurance that my heart is okay. My doctor reassured me that the chances of having heart disease at 27 are slim to none as it progresses over time, but she offered to do an EKG to give me peace of mind. It came back normal.

Let’s rewind 20 years.

Exact ages are muddled after so many years, but I believe I was 8 years old when I put on a significant amount of weight in a short amount of time. My parents took me to our family’s physician. I don’t remember if it was at this point or a couple years later, but regardless, at some point during my childhood I was told by this physician that I was at risk for heart disease and diabetes due to my weight.

To reiterate: I was a child.

I recall not being allowed to have the snacks that my classmates had. Chips and candy and ice cream, while already in limited quantities, were no longer permitted. Meanwhile, my brother was on the football team and had to eat a lot to keep his weight up. I remember coming home from school one day and seeing him eating Pringles. I asked if I could have some - he & my mom exchanged a look, then she responded that those were for him and I should go get a healthy snack like carrots.

It hit me at that point that there must be something bad and wrong and gross about me, that I had to have these gross healthy foods because I was bad and wrong and gross. Again, I was a child, so I didn’t have the critical thinking skills to understand that my parents were more afraid than I was about my weight. How were they to know that I would get my period two years later, meaning that the weight gain was most likely due to puberty? They were afraid that they did something wrong, so they chose the method that most physicians seem to recommend: cut calories, increase exercise.

Again, timelines may be muddled, but this is what I remember: I think I was ten or eleven first year I had to do “Speed Camp” - a summer program that my future high school offered to athletes to keep them conditioned for sports - under the guise that it would help me train for the summer sports I was already enrolled in. I was twelve when my dad started taking me to the gym before middle school to see a personal trainer. The summer before high school, I was enrolled in a Children’s Hospital program called Shapedown - I had to do a few screenings to make sure I was overweight enough to qualify. Which, to my fourteen year-old brain, meant that I was bad and wrong and gross enough.

I lost a lot of weight via the Shapedown program and for the first time in years, I felt like I was doing things right. I entered high school thin, braces off, and with freshly dyed red hair. I got attention from boys and people liked me and my parents seemed nicer to me.

But during all of this time, from the moment I realized I was no longer allowed to eat what I wanted, I developed B.E.D. It didn’t matter how many times my parents screamed at me for eating the last of the ice cream, or finishing my Halloween candy in two days. I internalized the shame and ate more. I gained all of the weight back, plus some.

In New York while attending acting school, I did a crash diet that the rest of my family was participating in and once again lost a lot of weight. This was encouraged and praised. Again, over the years, I gained all of the weight back with interest.

I moved back to Colorado in 2013 to seek treatment for B.E.D. My weight has been steadily increasing ever since and I am currently at my heaviest. All of this despite a moderately active lifestyle.

Which brings me back to yesterday’s appointment. After our discussion of my normal EKG results, my doctor said goodbye and she made the comment, “Don’t worry about your weight.”

I felt the world shift beneath my feet. I thanked her and as soon as I stepped outside, I burst into tears.

At no point in this 20 year history has any medical professional told me not to worry about my weight. Sure, my dietitian and E.D therapist harped on the fact that my weight was far less important than getting my mental health in check. But that’s part of their job and the context in which I was being treated by them. Here I was, with a general practitioner doctor, whose job it is to monitor my health, and she is telling me not to worry about being the heaviest I’ve ever been. It’s difficult to imagine a reality in which this can be true, but here I am.

I’ve been thinking a lot over the past 18 hours since that appointment, and what mainly comes to mind is that it’s very likely that the way that my weight was discussed and treated early on is a huge contributing factor for most of the other issues I have had. Of course I’m going to develop anxiety when I’m told as an elementary schooler that my weight is going to give me heart disease; when I am not allowed to eat what I want; when I am encouraged to go to the gym while my classmates are watching Sailor Moon; when every single day since that fateful day in the family physician’s office, my body and what I’m eating and how much I’m exercising has been at the forefront of my mind. There has been no peace with my body since that day.

I don’t hold ill will towards that family physician - she was treating what she saw as a serious illness in the way that she was told to treat it. There were far less conversations happening at that time about how the approach they used can be more damaging than helpful. I wish I had been treated differently, but I wasn’t, so it’s not a good use of my energy to wallow.

I’ve been treated for anxiety since 2016 and still struggle every day. It’s natural to want a blanket answer for my problems. I think this is as close as I’m going to get.

Here’s how I am seeing it now: as a child, I became anxious about my weight and health. I dealt with the anxiety by eating, which made me develop B.E.D and increased my weight. When I sought B.E.D treatment, that coping mechanism went away, so I was left with the anxiety and thought that I was, at my core, bad and wrong and gross. The anxiety skyrocketed and my body continued to hold onto weight to protect me. The amount of anxiety that I felt caused the digestive issues I’ve had since I stoped binging, which increased the anxiety even more, causing this vicious cycle that I’m still trying to climb out of.

But if I don’t have to worry about my weight, what does that look like? Who am I without this struggle?

I’d like to find out.

#personal #gonna have a hell of a therapy session today wooooo boy

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francesderwent · 6 years ago

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I feel like you've probably answered this somewhere or, alternatively, are tired of the question but: how did you decide to study theology? I'm so glad you did and are because it feels like you were made to but how does one decide that? What's your phd in theology backstory?

I don’t think I’ve ever actually talked about it here! And I’m happy to!

Short answer? It wasnever something I planned, it was something that came at the end of a long seriesof “let’s just take one step forward and see what happens” kind of choices.

Long answer?

When I started applying for colleges at sixteen, I hadnever, in my life, had a single reasonable goal of what I wanted to be when Igrew up – the working plans went from princess to singer to actress, alwayswith the tacit understanding in the background that these were things that werenever going to actually happen, because princes were scarce, and I wasn’tcommitted enough to either of the other ideas to do the suffering-artist thingand chase them down. And so, I appliedto college as a theology major, because I figured religion was the one thing Iwas good at. I knew Church teaching backwardsand forwards, I’d read the whole Bible for school that one time, and when itcame to writing retreat talks or speaking the controversial truth in discussion,I could run circles around all thekids in the parish youth group. Ifigured I was going to be some kind of prodigy; I could accurately distinguishbetween the Immaculate Conception and the Virgin Birth, after all.

Needless to say, I was an unbearable person with very fewfriends.

My college applications came back, and the financial aid wasbest at the school I least wanted to attend. Feeling like a martyr, I decided to attend there. My first semester I was required to take anintro to philosophy class before I could start taking theology. I felt this was probably a waste of my time;I was ready to get my lower level theologies out of the way so I could go on tothe advanced stuff. But I signed up forthe philosophy which best fit my schedule and prepared to blow everyone away. (Did I mention I was unbearable?) That semester, the newbie philosophyprofessor whose class I’d signed up for was having all his freshmen readPlato’s Republic, cover to cover. And just like that, my life waschanged. For the first time I wasn’tmemorizing factoids about the truth, straight off the page of the Catechism orthe Summa. I found myself in the placewhere Truth opens up before you and you realize it’s always going to be biggerthan you, you’re always going to be inside of it, there’s always going to bedeeper to go. I read all my homework twoor three times. I spent ages on all mywriting assignments, fine-tuning my arguments, trying to find new angles. I raised my hand enough in class thatoccasionally the professor would have to say “Somebody other than Cate.” And,miracle of miracles, I was good at philosophy– not because I’d read more or because I had more orthodox parents than anyoneelse, but just immediately, mysteriously, like all of a sudden I’d discoveredwhat my mind was made for. I added asecond major within five months of being at school, and then was delighted todiscover that the theology department was alsofull of people who were thinking deeply about things. I loved all my classes, but I still likedphilosophy best.

When I was approaching graduation, I sat down with one of theprofessors and asked what he thought I should do next. I knew I didn’t want to work in a parishoffice, and I I didn’t feel ready to teach high schoolers; I thought I mightwant to go to grad school, but I didn’t even know where to begin. And he explained to me that most of thephilosophy programs in the country were focused on analytic philosophy orlogic, and very different from the philosophy I’d done at school. And the type of theology I’d been doing forthe last four years was apparently a veryniche school of theology – there was one grad program that had continuity withwhat I’d learned, but only one. “It’s avery metaphysics-heavy program,” he told me, placidly, as if he hadn’t justpulled off a really impressive con, “the best philosophical thinker alive is teachingthere. It’s the only place where youwouldn’t really have to choose.” And soI applied to grad schools: some theology, some philosophy, with the theologywith-a-metaphysical-focus that my professor had suggested as my first choice. Offers and rejections trickled back. I got a really generous offer from a safetyschool far down on my list, and I began to wonder if I was going to end up withmy last choice again. I needn’t haveworried; if I hadn’t been at my last choice for undergrad, I might never havefound out about my top choice for grad school. God had put me exactly where I needed to be four years earlier, and everythingfell into place for the next step. Imoved, I took out loans so I could pay rent, but it all worked out. I wasn’t even alone – two of my classmatesfrom the theology program were starting the Masters with me.

Looking back on it, I kind of squandered those twoyears. I had a lot, a lot of personal drama in that time, andI was in a long-distance relationship, newly rekindled with an old boyfriend(bad idea), and so I was back and forth between different states every otherweekend. And there was so much continuity with my prioreducation that I could kind of get away with it. Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot – Ilearned to love Scripture and Christology, and moved away from my flatter, Inow realized, Kantian ethics to something more genuinely Christian. But I was leading a very compartmentalizedexistence; I kept theology and philosophy in one box, and then in every otherbox lived my life however I wanted. Ireceived the sacraments at almost the bare minimum. I was learning, but I wasn’t letting anythingI learned penetrate my heart for fear of what it would require of me.

But compartmentalizing is hard and unnatural, and eventuallyI had to face up to some things. Myboyfriend had just returned from a month-long musical tour of Ireland, and heand his fiddle player wanted to go back for three-to-six months of the nextyear, and he wanted me to come with them. This proposal was not accompanied by a corresponding proposal for thecommitment level of our relationship. When I brought this up, there was a big fight, and I finally realizedafter a year and a half of studying theology with a focus in marriage andfamily that he didn’t really believe in marriage. He would probably have married me eventually,in ten years or so, but it wouldn’t have meant anything to him, and thevalidity would have been questionable at best. I broke up with him a week after Thanksgiving.

I found myself facing a blank future – I’d spent the lasttwo years becoming very entrenched in my boyfriend’s world, assuming that I wasabout to become a permanent fixture there. And in the process I’d put strain on a lot of my college friendships, Iwas more distant from my family than I’d ever been, and I hadn’t made any friends in grad school. I barely even spoke to my roommates – theydidn’t find out about the breakup for weeks. I was isolated and lonely, with no goals and nothing to look forward to. And then, all the theology that I’d beenholding at arm’s length suddenly became intensely personal to me; I saw clearlyall that I’d been running from and all that I’d messed up. I cried a lot during class that semester.

Applications for the PhD program at my school were due thesecond week of January, or thereabouts. And with nothing else on my radar, I decided I would apply. The interview process was infamously intensive,and I figured if I made it through that then I could weigh my options from theother side. I begged for letters ofrecommendation, scrounged together a CV, and wrote my essays. About a month later, I had two straight daysof interviews, with everyone from the admissions director up through the DeanEmeritus. The program adviser for theMasters asked me why I wanted a PhD; I told him it would make it easier to gettenure track positions. “We’re allreally used to responding to interview questions in a utilitarian way,” he toldme, “how one thing will get us to somewhere else. But why do you want that thing?” I thought aboutit. “It’s important to me to be able tocontinue engaging with the truth on this level,” I said. “I want to end up in aplace where my peers care about these questions and can dialogue with me.” As soon as I said it out loud, I started toreally want it for the first time. That professor sent me on my way to the DeanEmeritus. We had a charming conversationabout homeschooling, and then he got down to business, told me I’d doneexcellent work there already, and asked me why I wanted a PhD. “I know I’m going to be thinking about thesequestions for the rest of my life,” I said. “And I want to do that in acommunity.” He nodded, and said, “That’swhat my reason was when I started a PhD, too.” Now more than a bit dazed, I headed over to my last interview with theprogram adviser for the PhD. He lookedover my application, told me, “There’s no possible reason you couldn’t dothis,” and then gave me twenty-five minutes of advice on how to go aboutit. My friends who’d applied with me haddescribed getting grilled – but I only felt encouraged. These people had confidence in me. I cried on the metro platform going homebecause I was so overwhelmed. I’dknocked, and the door had been opened wide. In a way, the PhD program was given to me, as a surprise, and then Ilearned to want it. By the time I got myofficial acceptance

So, for me the reasons for doing the PhD have always beencomplicated – it’s something I want for its own sake, just because I care aboutthe truth and am lucky enough to get to spend time with it, and also somethingI want for extrinsic reasons. Those havechanged over the years, somewhat – I would still like to be a professor, but Ialso wouldn’t mind going home to work for my bishop, and if I get married andhave kids that would be more than enough for me: I’ll write the occasional articleand maybe finish a book or two, and teach religion at the homeschool co-op, butmost importantly I’ll live the truth that I’ve received. That’s the beautiful thing about theology(and philosophy) – you can’t help butuse your degree. And behind and aroundboth of those reasons is the only real one: this is where I was led. There was never another choice that wouldn’thave felt like Jonah fleeing Ninevah. I’mstruggling, all the time, but I get indications every now and then that this isstill where I’m meant to be. I have noidea where the path I’m on is going to take me, but I can see how it got mehere, and I trust that God will continue to lead me.

#asks #me? including too much personal information in a tumblr post?#it's more likely than you think

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dororoscutesmile · 6 years ago

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Summer anime preliminary reviews

Short, sweet, and to the point. I watched the first episode every new series so that you (hopefully) don’t have to! I try to make my brief reviews as unbiased as possible. My top recommendations from a variety of genres first, then the rest under the readmore in the order I personally liked them. There are a LOT of good anime this season, and I definitely recommend more than the first five.

Kanata no astra

Sci-fi/action. In a future full of space travel, a group of high schoolers are suddenly and mysteriously transported over 5,000 light years away from their home planet; they now must survive and work together aboard an abandoned ship trying to get home. The first episode is long and cinematic, which suits it perfectly. This one seems to have everything; action, mystery, comedy, wonderful character dynamics, sad backstories -- and all done very well. It’s going to be one of the best of the season.

Araburu kisetsu no otome-domo yo

High school/drama/comedy. This one is all about sex -- but it’s not ecchi or fan servicey. Girls in a literature club who are ignorant about sex make it their goal to learn about it as they make their way toward adulthood. If you don’t mind high schoolers speaking frankly about sex and their desires for it, but NOT in a way that seems objectifying or unnecessarily “sexualizing,” then this is an engaging coming-of-age story. It’s certainly different, and I believe it handles the topic tactfully and realistically.

Machikado Mazoku

Comedy/magic. A high school girl wakes up from a dream that reveals she is a demon who must defeat a magical girl and restore her family’s honor. This one’s really funny! It’s a fun twist on the “magical girl” genre. The main character is ditzy in a cute way, and she and the aloof magical girl play off each other really well. I was expecting to be bored based on the synopsis, but I ended up liking this a lot. Whatever you think of the magical girl genre, this series looks great.

Toaru Kagaku no Accelerator

Supernatural/action. In a city full of espers, the previously strongest one is recovering in the hospital after being shot in the head and is now being hunted down by a group of thieves using a special weapon. The main character is the cool, aloof, angry type. Intelligent, cocky, overpowered, an appealing design, and a soft spot for a small child. This character, rather than the plot, is what really drives this anime, at least so far. If he’s your type of character, then this is your type of anime.

Given

Music/BL. A high schooler who has lost passion for his hobbies meets another boy with a guitar with broken strings. He repairs the strings, and the boy starts following him around asking him to teach him guitar. Not much really happens in the first episode, but there are hints of a romance between the boys, which is obviously expected from BL. The animation with the instruments is good, and the characters have potential. For fans of BL or even just the music genre, this one seems pretty solid.

Dr. Stone

Sci-fi/adventure. This takes place in a future where all humans have turned to stone. The protagonists are one that is plain but charming, and another who is an enjoyable smart-ass; together, they start trying to revive all the people who were turned to stone. The characters’ dynamic together isn’t particularly interesting, but each character is enjoyable in their own right. There’s science, primitive technology, and some mystery in this. It’s definitely worth a watch.

Okaa-san Online/Tsuujou Kougeki ga…

Fantasy/comedy. A strange government program sends a boy and his mother into an online game. Having a mother and son dynamic here along with their generational gap in video game knowledge certainly makes for an interesting premise. The mom has a great personality and is surprising in a number of ways, and you can expect family bonding in this as the son is reluctant to have any kind of adventure with his mother. It’s cute!

Bem

Supernatural/horror. Three good youkai fight against evil youkai, trying to save humans as well as become humans themselves. At the same time, there’s a female police officer who gets involved and is fighting against corruption in the city. Warning for some gore. The tone of this show is jazzy and gritty, taking place largely on dark city streets. The characters have yet to be fully fleshed out, but the gritty tone is unique this season.

UchiMusume/Uchi no musume/Uchi no ko...

Fantasy/found family. Also known as “If it’s for my daughter, I’d even defeat a demon lord.” A young man meets an orphaned demon girl and adopts her as his daughter. This is incredibly, incredibly sweet. The first episode is very good at setting up the father-daughter relationship and making you care a lot about the little girl. If you want a cute and pure found-family story, this is the one.

Nakanohito Genome

Gaming/comedy. A group of various gamers are suddenly placed in a real life game where they must play well enough to gather 100 million viewers during what turns out to be a livestream. Think “The Hunger Games” but with gamers. The characters are fun, and it’s an interesting premise worth giving a shot. Give it two episodes before making up your mind, I think.

Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga

Historical/action. Based on the real historical figure Oda Nobunaga, starting from his teens and up through adulthood as a warlord. This was surprisingly engaging. The characters and the history are both interesting, and it does a good job of humanizing the historical figures. If you like historical anime, this one’s for you.

Yami shibai - Japanese ghost stories

Technically a returning series, not a new one, but it’s more of an anthology kind of series that doesn’t require previous viewing. Very short episodes, and exactly what it says on the tin. The animation is suitably creepy, and it’s great for a little scare.

Arifureta shokugyou de sekai saikyou

Harem/fantasy. A high school class was transported to a fantasy world where all but the main character gained powerful magical powers, whereas the main character only got a single common skill, and he is ostracized for it. Betrayed and dropped into a dungeon alone, he must fight his way out with newfound powers. The protagonist is engaging, and the action is alright, but the first episode doesn’t reveal much about the plot honestly. It could be worth giving a shot.

Enen no shouboutai

Sci-fi/action. In a not-too-distant future, humans have begun to spontaneously combust. Some have gained the ability to do this at will and retain their human form. A young man who can light his feet on fire at will joins a special task force of, essentially, firefighters who deal with the deadly combustions. This one’s got mystery, an engaging and well-designed misunderstood protagonist, and great action sequences.

Isekai cheat magician

Fantasy/adventure. Two high schoolers are transported into a magical world much like in an RPG. They join an adventurer’s guild where they learn they have unbelievably strong magical powers. The first episode merely sets up the premise, but the main characters’ friendship dynamic is nice, and it has good potential for an “another world” genre show, especially if you tend to like overpowered protagonists.

Vinland Saga

Action/historical. A viking boy, based on a historical Icelandic explorer, hones his skills to avenge his father. Solid animation, high quality in most aspects honestly, but a very slow start to the story. The first three episodes were released all at once, and it seems like they might together be a sort of prologue to the real story. If you don’t mind a slower pace and you enjoy vikings and/or historical shows, this does have a solid plot and solid character building.

Katsute Kami Datta Kemono-tachi e

Action/fantasy. The premise of this is somewhat similar to Fairy Gone. One side of a civil war turned to using magic in order to create monstrous super soldiers. They start to develop symptoms that make them too dangerous, and now in a time of peace, one of them makes it his duty to hunt the rest. If you like the action genre, this seems pretty solid. The first episode was just a setup for the premise, but the main character is interesting, and the action scenes are pretty good.

Dumbbell nan kilo moteru

Girls lifting weights! There’s what some may call fatshaming in this right from the start, so if that puts you off, you may want to avoid. Very fanservice-y. But If you’re into the “muscle girl” look, this probably won’t scratch that itch. The female body types actually seem pretty average for anime (even the “chubby” girl) despite the heavy focus on strength training. The main character has a cute personality, and the show is fun with some actual strength training tips.

Cop Craft

Sci-fi/buddy cop. In a city near a rift between Earth and other worlds, a male human police officer and a female alien team up to fight crime. There’s not much to say about this one, it’s exactly what you’d expect from the buddy cop genre with aliens mixed in. It’s good for what it is, and the character dynamic of the two protagonists being opposites is good, so if you like the buddy cop genre, you’ll like this.

Maou-sama, retry!

Fantasy/adventure. A man is transported into a video game that he manages, a world in which is powerful due to his administrative controls over the game and is seen as a “Demon Lord.” He befriends and protects a young disabled girl who joins him on his journey, and their dynamic is interesting. This is a pretty generic anime, but if the “normal guy is transported into a fantasy world” trope appeals to you, you’ll like it.

Sounan desu ka

Adventure/comedy. After a plane crash, a group of high school girls must survive on an isolated island. There’s plenty of “fan service” (things like upskirt shots) which may make some uncomfortable. If that doesn’t put you off, this is otherwise a cute show with an interesting survival aspect to it, where you might actually learn real survival tips.

HenSuki/Kawaikereba hentai demo suki ni natte kuremasu ka

Harem/comedy/light ecchi. The genre alone should tell you nearly as much as you need to know if this one’s for you. A high school boy who wants a girlfriend finds a love letter left for him, along with a pair of panties. He then tries to figure out which of the girls in his life left the letter. There’s not too much to say about it. A cast of mildly perverted girls, and exactly everything else you’d expect.

Joshikousei no mudazukai

Comedy/high school. A group of girls with very different personalities try to navigate their new high school lives, with the main character being obsessed with finding a boyfriend despite being at an all girls school. This is silly and cute, very light in substance, but a nice break from more serious anime.

Tejina-senpai

Comedy/ecchi. A high school boy looking to join a club stumbles upon a girl practicing magic tricks in a “magic club”; however, she makes mistakes during every trick, and he has to help her out when her tricks don’t come out as planned. Keep in mind that this is in the ecchi genre and therefore aimed at tantalizing straight male viewers. If that’s your thing, you’ll find this to be a very cute and funny show.

Granbelm

Fantasy/action. This is a sort of magical girl mecha anime, from what I can tell. A high school girl is temporarily transported into an “illusionary” world full of magic where she learns she’s a descendent of a mage. There’s a heavy focus on both lore building and action scenes. If you wanna see magical girls fight in big mecha suits, this is the place to do it.

Hakata mentai Pirikarako-chan

Slice of life/comedy. Very short episodes about a little girl named Pirikarako. It seems to be mainly for children, having talking fruits in it and being animated in an overly cute style. It’s hard to explain, but it’s very silly and cute.

Re:Stage! Dream Days

Idol/slice of life. A middle school transfer student stumbles upon her school’s “lyrical club,” the members of which want to become idols, only the new girl turns out to have been an idol in the past. The girls are cute, and the singing/dancing parts are fun.

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veterinary-studies · 7 years ago

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I'm still a high schooler but I want to learn everything both to get ahead and also figure out if the veterinary field is something I would truly love. So if you have any tips or perhaps book recommendations that would be amazing.

Hello!

First of all kudos to you for getting a head start! I think this is a great time to check out the profession and see if this is what you want.

My biggest tip would be to get out there and get experience! Ask to shadow different vets, try and get a job at a clinic, see if anyone in your area needs a volunteer! You need to start at the bottom and its great to try and get that experience early. This may be something as trivial as walking dogs or sweeping floors for a clinic, but getting your foot in the door is a good place to start. It also allows you to see if this is what you really want. Vet med is hard, its taxing on your emotions and requires a great deal of work and sometimes even sacrifice. Go out there and see what its about, talk to vets about their experience, get your hands dirty. There is no better way to see if this is your passion. If you want some tips on how I found places to volunteer, let me know!

I would also recommend looking into the vet school you want to attend and see what their requirements are. If there is an undergrad required to apply, then look for a program that you like and fills the requirements. They also might have requirements for a letter of recommendation, or a certain number of vet experience hours, so beginning to network early and make connections is great. There might also be different events you can attend at the vet school. I know my school has a program called discover vet school which has a lecture and lab series anyone from the public can attend. There might also be free events or open houses, and I know some schools even hold vet camps. Also see if the school you want to attend for undergrad for has a pre-vet club. These clubs often allow outside members where you can attend their events and stay in the loop with what the vet school requires/ any interesting events or opportunities.

In terms of books- I wouldn’t worry about learning anything you will be taught in vet school. You’re years away and will be taught all that stuff in more complexity than you can imagine. Sure if you find a vet book that piques your interest go for it, but don’t try and study it. When I was in high school I really just read things that kept me engaged and excited about the profession and motivated me to keep going. There are a number of books out there telling stories about the vet industry, James Herriot (?I think) being one of them (though I have never read those books). My favourite book was Equine ER by Leslie Guttman- it really intrigued me to peruse equine medicine and was really interesting to read.

I would also recommended watching TV shows - Take this advice with a grain of salt. TV is dramatic and sometimes unrealistic, but it really kept me going and gave me the motivation to go out and volunteer and go out and study hard. A lot of the road to vet med is hard work and doing the dirty jobs but I found watching these vet shows really inspired me to keep it up. Some of my favourites were The Bionic Vet/ Super Vet (Dr. Neil Fitzpatrick), Bondi Vet (this might be called something else now) and my absolute fave, Dr. Oakley Yukon Vet. I would stay away from Dr. Poll ( I am sure you have heard about this).

Lastly I would recommended Tumblr! I’m sure this seems obvious but there are bunch of vets and vetlings on here that post really cool cases and information, and there might even be one on here that attends the school you want to go to!

Hopes this helps!

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pcvkaplowitz-blog · 7 years ago

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Week 3: Getting Familiar

Who Do You Know Here?

I’ve been in Nicaragua for 25 days and finally feel like I’m getting into a rhythm. I even downloaded a book in Spanish on my kindle (El Pergamino de la Seducción by Nicaraguan author Gioconda Belli). Not that I’ve gotten very far into it, reading in another language is hard! I was inspired by my Spanish teacher Erika who recommended at this point in my language development the best thing I can do to improve is practice reading and writing. Erika is the first Spanish teacher I’ve ever actually enjoyed having class with, so I’m a little bummed teachers get rotated between groups every three weeks.

My cohort of trainees in Niquinohomo get along well. We all are very different people, but still have fun together and as I learn more about them individually I feel more grounded. It will take time to feel really close to them, but we’re getting there. I also look forward to developing relationships with people from other training sites, especially trainees in the health sector who we see less frequently.

I’ve been grateful to see how responsive the staff in Peace Corps respond to feedback from trainees. After an especially arduous training session last week the Master Trainer acknowledged the complaints he received in an appropriate manner during this week’s training and encouraged us to continue to provide feedback.

Some of my favorite conversations have been with current volunteers. Volunteers are frequently invited to lead training seminars and chatting with them is a great way to learn more about the expectations and lifestyle I can anticipate after swearing in. Yesterday we had diversity training at the gorgeous Laguna de Apoyo. The session was solid, pretty basic for anyone who is familiar with diversity work. We covered the Gender Unicorn,” an updated version of the Genderbread Man, and made identity identity charts. Although I look forward to having deeper conversations it would have been hard to do so in a group of almost 50 people, and while being supervised by our bosses.

At the training I met Adrian, a second year Volunteer. Adrian and I have a mutual friend that we bonded over and got to talking only to realize he had also lived with Manuela in Niquinohomo! He came back to the house with me to say hello to the family and we were able to have a really nice conversation over a plate of Manuela’s famous pollo frito. By the time he left to catch a bus to Managua I felt better about my feelings about training, expectations for service, and reasons for being here.

Reading this I’m sure you’ve gotten the impression all my interactions are with members of Peace Corps, which isn’t the case. Most of my Nicaraguan circle is composed of Manuela’s (extensive) extended family. Beyond the people living in my house I’ve reached out to cousins, nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles. Figuring out how any individual is related to Manuela is complicated but connecting with them is not. I enjoy conversations with everyone who has the patience to listen to my misconjugations and confused articles.

Álvaro may be the only family member who likes getting his picture taken while Evelyn loves trying to get me to play go-fish with her. Pablito on the other hand is asking me for guitar lessons, while I’m trying to get my own lessons from Yunior. Besides family members Pedro and Pablo basically live at the house and are always friendly and willing to chat while they aren’t help Manuela with her endless assortment of errands.

Outside my family I’ve gotten to know a handful of people. There’s Jorge Tellas who made my guitar, a few familiar faces at the gym who I talk to but have trouble recalling the names of, and Daniel’s host family who I went out for hamburgers with on his birthday.

Although I’ve put a lot of energy into learning about my PC my counterparts and building a support system from amongst them, I’ve also try to integrate into the community. As I move forward in training I will certainly have to continue to build relationships with both P.C. members and host country nationals. It’s a lot less natural to make friends in Spanish and certainly a good skill to practice as much as possible.

But What Do You Know About Entrepreneurship?

After receiving my offer from PC to work as an “Entrepreneurship Educator” I remember my roommate asking: “What do you know about entrepreneurship?” My answer is not a lot. Actually, basically nothing. I have a few friends from school with startups I’ve been around to help formulate but I’ve never played a significant role in any of those endeavors. So when I was told I’d be in a position of educate others on something I have no experience in I was shook. But it’s not like I lied about my experience in the interview so I figured if they offered me this position there may be a reason for it.

What I’ve found over the past few weeks is that my background is not as much of a disadvantage as I predicted. There are two main reasons for this change of heart. First, the program focuses on human development, second, the realities of operating a business in Nicaragua are nothing like running a business in the United States.

The Peace Corps approach is about creating sustainable improvements in sites by building capacity through the utilization of local skills and success. This means: Developing a business plan for somebody is pointless unless they understand why it is important and are both motivated and able to implement it. Teaching an excellent class to high schoolers is nice but will not have nearly the same effect if the teacher you work with is unable to continue to give excellent classes in your absence.

Basically, it doesn’t matter how successful your own business is in the states. It is marginally important how much of a difference you make in your site for the time you are there. It is almost entirely about if the people you work with aren’t able to continue your success. It’s about the teacher and the small business owner, moreover, it’s about their ability to pass on their skills to others.

Among Nicaraguans the baseline for business knowledge is generally lower than I expected. In many small businesses here basic U.S. practices are often overlooked or underutilized. Peace Corps has given us the example of financial records. Many Nicaraguan business do not maintain financial records and many businesses that do still don’t know how to use a budget to modify their business practices. Although I do not come from a business background I still bring knowledge I did not realize I had and there is still plenty of training (not to mention my entire service) left to continue to learn.

On the educational end, many of the teachers in charge of AEP classes have never taught the class before and have a background in entirely different subjects. Helping these teachers understand a new curriculum is much more reasonable than trying to coach a teacher already experienced in their field. My goal is to make superstar teachers, but first I will have to make sure the teachers understand the most basic elements. My role is to make sure teachers actually teach the students rather than go through the motions.

In order to be successful, I will need to build relationships. I need to identify successful business owners, gain their confidence, and learn why they are able to be successful. Furthermore, I need the successful business owners to take on roles as community leaders and educate their neighbors. I need to identify successful teachers and build networks so that teachers can share their practices.

So the question remains, what do I know about entrepreneurship? I know enough. I know enough to identify the business and pedagogies that work given the cultural and economic constraints in Nicaragua. I must develop my business knowledge, but I also must develop my interpersonal skills. My success over the next two years will be determined by my ability to partner with Nicaraguans and empower them to change their own community.

Fortunately, Nicaraguans generally seem to be a helpful bunch. The people I have met embody the phrase “lift as you rise,” and generally do not view helping their neighbor as a threat to their own well-being. In this respect I wish for Americans to learn from Nicaraguans as well.

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