#my toxic trait is being unable to make up my mind on how i prefer to color gifs

[merlinemryspendragon]

Bridgerton - S3E02 “How Bright the Moon” // S3E03 “Forces of Nature”

[remsmoonlight]

— title : brownies n’ breaks

— word count : 2.2 k words

— pairing : daryl dixon x reader

— summary : cooking is your love language and it’s time that you are able to finally make something for Daryl, protected from the high walls that alexandria boasts of are you finally able to bring that vision to life

— warnings : absolutely nothing, except sickly sweet fluff

oooo another daryl request if you’re willing!!! maybe once they get to alexandria reader makes daryl some homemade brownies or some shit because she knows he’s never had much homemade food if any just some domestic cute shit??🥺🥺♥️

          ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　requested     　/    requests are open   *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Sweetness flows throughout the air of your new home, sliding into every corner it can find to fill and warm. The smell of domesticy is something you thought perished long ago when the world died, but here you stand.. with a fresh batch of brownies in the oven baking as if life rebooted and got set back to factory settings. You move from the oven, small steps to the door to be able to survey the kitchen area once more, blinking as if to erase it from your vision, to be greeted with the punishing sun and the dirt filled roads lined with ghosts.

A cozy yellow glow is snug in the pit of your stomach as you think about who the sweet bake belongs to, Daryl has been nothing less than golden. From Atlanta, all the way to Alexandria.. he has always been one to step up without even thinking. You’d shared many secluded moments together, talking about your pasts and while he has never explicitly said anything, you have created a picture in your head about what he has gone through. The love not shared healthily to someone who will always put his family first. Even prior to the downfall of society, you loved to cook for everyone you knew.

You settle yourself with a book on the window ledge close to the kitchen, awaiting the arrival of Daryl, a giddiness that could be likened to a snowfall of glitter falling gracefully within you.

“ you know, when we finally find a new home. I will make you the best brownies you’ve ever had! “

“ if y’don’t burn ‘em first. “ he replied, the corner of his eyes crinkle so delicately as he chuckles lowly.

“ don’t be so fucking mean! here I am trying to do something nice.. it won’t kill you! “ you argue humorously, your fist balling up to punch his arm with little force.

Laughter and carelessness had been a rarity after surviving Terminus, your focus on trying to find safety.. no matter how much of a dream it may be. The journey to coming to terms with the fading faces and memories of the prison has been a painful one, comfort was not something that could easily be found, yet you found it in the least conventionally affectionate person you knew.

“ if anythin’s gonna kill me, it ain’t gonna be your cooking. “

“ actually, I cook very well. it will be a good day when I finally get to show you. “

An airy smile brightens your features, the burdenless weight unable to keep your lips stuck together. Many memories you have with him are of the fond kind, of course, the course of your bond with him runs deep but never has it been a calm sea. There have been moments where you wonder if it’s one sided, if you are inventing a picture that you wish to bleed through to reality, then you are proven wrong and he does things that you know in your heart are true. It has taken losing friends, a home, finding new hope to strengthen that bond and while you would prefer to take the easy road, you know that nothing will ever split the two of you into shards of glass that will never be able to be repaired. You’re both strong people, but stronger together.

A figure clad in black and covered in grime makes their way up the flawless road to where you rest, your vision could be awful but you can make out his being anywhere. The book you hold is laid to rest, your feet already carrying yourself to the door to meet him. Days had past since you last saw him and you can now feel the chords of longing pulling as you had missed him.

Your hand encloses the door handle, swinging it open to finally land your gaze on his form, feeling as if it had been years you’d not done so, as opposed to a few days.

“ took you long enough. “

“ yeah, yeah. quit your complainin’.  “

You move aside, Daryl taking the cue from you and entering the house that bares no soul at that present moment. Everyone is out with their own agenda or job, leaving you to potter about to your own devices.

Some peace and privacy for even a few hours is something you are thankful for, two things that had been incredibly rare from your journey from Atlanta. Though, the noise that comes with your family reminds you of the moments you couldn’t wait to be rid from as you grew up are ones that you no longer fail to appreciate.

“ did you find anybody out there? “

Daryl shakes his head, you see the trouble that he wears often become even more apparent as it overwhelms his features intensely. Knowing Daryl as well as you do, you know that while he won’t admit it out loud, every time he goes out there with Aaron to find people and finds no one wounds his spirit more and more. While his desire to save everyone is admirable, it’s often a concern to you that it might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back and he’s often met with your comforting energy of it being simply an unsustainable trait.

“ you know you won’t always find people, right? “ you ask him softly, tucking your legs underneath you as you seat yourself on the sofa.

Daryl refuses to sit, it’s a thought that regularly finds itself bouncing around your mind as to why he can’t relax even behind the walls of Alexandria.

“ yea’, still sucks though. “ he wipes his thumb across his nose, an unconscious habit on his part, discussing his thoughts and feelings has never been easy, raised in a home full of toxicity stunted him emotionally, something he still wrestles with when the occasion arises.

“ there’s going to be a day where you’ve gone and saved everyone! there won’t be anyone left for you to bring back! cut yourself some slack. “

Daryl doesn’t respond, knowing there is truth in your words but he has seen so much death already, the world gripped by dark and dim choke hold, a little dusting of life is something that has been lacking since it died. Avoidance of feelings is something Daryl flees to when the conversation gets tough, he can deal with  words full of anger and rage, but topics so delicate still feel so alien to him.

“ wha’ y’been up to? “ the male questions you, seemingly interested in what you have been up to, watching you from the otherside of the room.

As if a switch had been flipped, your eyes ignite with excitement and joy as you have finally been able to fulfil your unofficial promise to him.

“ remember when we were talking about my cooking? when you insulted it? “ the sides of your lips gently lift with a soft innocence, you feel the elation slowly warming the entirety of your body at the simpleness of it all.

“ y’ain’t gone and poisoned sumn’ have ‘ya? “ asks Daryl, turning to face you from across the floor where he stood. His tone holds a ‘ blink and you will miss it ‘ humour threaded into his words.

“ I should have! “ laughing at him, you fit your fingers between his and lead him into the kitchen with you.

Touch is still something that sends an uncomfortable shiver to travel the distance down his spine, but with everything you have been through and all the time you have spent together, touch is something he’d never turn from when thinking of you. Your relationship has been a strange, never formal one, but it is perfect for the two of you. Unspoken words full of warmth and fondness are a solidity in each one’s souls, and while you both never shared the extent of what the two of you have with the group, they have their suspicions and theories. But if they know one thing, it’s Daryl’s affection for you runs deep.

“ brownies! “

He peaks into the oven that you have opened, the rich smell of cocoa and heat baking the treats hit him like a brick, a pit forms deep in his stomach. This is different from past meals beforehand. You had gone out of your way for him, of all people. Never could he mentally grip why you have been so kind and benevolent with him but it’s something he treasures deeply. In the beginning he was more abrasive with you more than anyone else, but it used to be his go to defense mechanism with everyone in your family. Softness never being something destined for him was beaten into him for a young age, learning only how to loathe and to only say words in anger. It wasn’t until you came along and took your time with him did he let you in, something you have been grateful ever since.. especially since you have been able to discover the colourful soul that resides within him.

“ y’didn’t have to. “ he replies, his mouth watering at the mere smell of the brownies that are close to being fully baked.

“ Daryl… “ a softness in your response that is only reserved for him is heavy, your eyebrows furrowing in dejection. You know enough of his history to be confident in your placed hurt for him being unable to experience kindness in a positive manner. Your hand trails up his clothed arm and rests on his shoulder lightly, allowing for him to decide whether or not to accept the physical affection. He doesn’t shrug it off, if anything he leans more into your touch. “ you know I’m doing this because I want to, you deserve something nice! “

“ thanks. “

“ and they’re nearly done, so you best take a seat. “

Daryl follows your order with little encouragement, a smirk that he conceals from your view and sits at the lengthy dinner table. He’s having trouble connecting the dots of the dead walking and civilisation ended and the pure normalcy of him sitting at a dinner table about to eat home cooked brownies. Even back when the world was bustling with life and people working their nine to fives were home cooked meals a rarity.

“ so this is what y’spent your day on? “ he asks as he watches you with a spark of fondness in his eyes as you work in the kitchen.

“ cooking is therapeutic. “

“ y’ a weird person. “ Daryl quips, staring at you right in your eyes. His expression gives nothing away, though his eyes speak a thousand words and paint a thousand colours that you understand fully.

It’s lucky you know him so well to understand when he’s being serious and when not.

“ but you like it! “

The squares of the baked treats are uneven and jagged, your features contorting into a confused frown at how they could so well until the end. You blame the knife for the imperfection and flaws of the appearance of what lays before you, however your heart knows it’s your inability to present your dishes artistically.

“ now I apologise they don’t look good but they do taste good! “

“ y’never have to say sorry for anythin’ “ he thoughtless says, his mind to preoccupied with the food laid before him.

A picture painted by his mind long ago had you as the perfect person, it’s comforting to know the flaws you have are nothing short of charming in your own little way. With the lack of elegance associated with him, his fingers dig into the irregular shape of the brownie and shoves half of it  into his mouth.

You watch him with your breath holding itself, never have you been a person who has wanted to impress but when it comes to Daryl? You find yourself wanting to do that and more.

“ well? “

He nods with his mouth full, unable to formulate his words. His jokes about your cooking being bad have been nothing more than that, jokes. But even as he’s consuming the small squares he’s surprised at how good they taste, better than he could even imagine.

“ ain’t half bad. “

“ in Daryl speak that means they’re pretty damn great, huh? “ you question him rhetorically, amusement dancing on each word you speak as you gaze steadily on his form.

“ well y’didn’t burn the house down. “

Your mouth opens and eyes widen considerably as your expression twists from being filled to the brim of affection to one of shock, aghast at his jovial words. The laughter tumbles carelessly from your lips as you reach across to swat his arm playfully.

“ you are so rude! “

He joins in with your laughter, a sight so infrequent that you wish you could burn the image into your mind with no chance of being erased by time. It’s moments like these, where you truly feel like the only two people in the world, stolen moments you hold close to your heart. You hope that you will reach a space where you both will be able to freely express your feelings, while the mutual affection is known between the both of you, sometimes you want to use words. So he knows, because it’s something he deserves. To know how much he is loved, without cowering away from the subject.

“ nah I’m just kiddin’. thanks, I mean it. “

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 129

Despite the last couple weeks of work being profoundly exhausting (think 60 hours, easily), I am proud that I’ve been able to keep writing and stay ahead! I literally could not have done that without @baelpenrose, @charlylimph-blog, @the-raven-fae, and @anotherusrname. Y’all are my real-world rocks when everything gets crazy.

***Shameless Plug: @the-raven-fae has the first episode of the podcast up now! you can find it here!! ***

The other thing that has been keeping me going is each and every one of you who has found this story and binged it from start to finish as a speed-run. I can’t even name all of you at this point, but I want you all to know that I see it, and it makes me smile so hard my face hurts.

Now, who is ready for some Charly shenanigans?

A few days later, I had just enough time to sweep dinner off the table in my quarters before Charly unceremoniously dropped a long something in the midst of us with a dull thud.  Immediately, a rusty red cloud rose up and set us all into a fit of tears and coughing.

Out in the hallway, I was eventually able to convince my lungs to at least try to breathe long enough to wheeze out, “Geezus, Charly, what the hell was that?”

“Soooo….” Uh oh. “ItmayneedsomecalibrationthecloudwasntsupposedtobethatbigandIdidntmeanforittogooffbut - “

I shook my head and typed a quick message on my datapad. “Please breathe because right now I don’t think the rest of us can and I would love to know why.”

She stopped rushing out what I think were words long enough to read the message and try again. “Chili powder arrows. I think I need to recalibrate them, though, because it shouldn’t have gone off at less than one hundred and twenty kilometers per hour, and there’s no way I set it down that hard.”

“Why?” I rasped, still swallowing as hard as I could and mentally begging Noah to bring us some water or a medical transport.

“Defensive measures,” she insisted. “Scent navigation is really common in the Galactic community, and so is sensitivity to capsaicin, so…”

“Makes sense,” Conor managed to get out as he tried to gasp for air. “Even Noah.”

“Bit much.” I pinched my fingers as closely as I could without touching - which was more difficult than expected considering that I was shaking.

Maverick was the first to get up off the floor of the corridor, just as the medical transport arrived.  He and Charly helped us on before distributing bottles of water to rinse our mouths and eyes. “It was… a good idea…” he panted once we were all seated. “Just… bit overkill…”

“The range of the cloud is only supposed to be five feet,” she insisted fretfully. “And I swear the pressure sensor is supposed to be calibrated to only go off if it’s fired from a bow or swung really, really hard.”

“Who...want...swing?”  I was honestly starting to get dizzy fighting my airways to breathe.

Once we arrived at a medbay, Charly helped a couple of Miys’ bodies get us out of the transport and lying down in berths. In a glitch-like transition, suddenly I could breathe easily and she was joined by Arthur and Coffey in sitting with us.

“Wait… when did… I’m so confused,” I admitted, my voice only slightly strained.

“Lethe field, apparently,” Arthur shrugged. “You didn’t want to be awake for that.”

Conor sat up and rubbed his sternum. “I remember chili pepper arrows - Charly, love, that was brilliant except the, you know, going off bit - and getting off the transport.”

“Respiratory lavage,” Charly winced. “You know, war crime if done incorrectly?”

I shuddered and nodded. “Yep. Didn’t want to be awake for that, thanks.  Glad I can’t remember, don’t ever want to, would rather remember the pepper bomb you set off. At point blank range?”

She snuggled further down in Coffey’s lap as he gently rubbed her scalp with his fingertips.  Arthur spoke in her defense, instead. “She’s sending the schematics to Zach and Derek to find out what went wrong.  Tactically, they were a brilliant idea - she’s right about the large amount of species who would react even worse than you did if hit with one.”

“I only inhale spices figuratively.  I would prefer not to do it literally - like, ever again.”

Maverick sat up and gave Charly a curious look. “You said they can be swung… Unless I saw something wrong, the arrow was only two feet long.  Who would want to swing something like that?”

Coffey and Arthur both held up gas masks and wiggled them. “Between my arm reach and the length of one of those, I could do it, no problem.”

“We aren’t all so fortunate,” Arthur intoned drily. “Plus, that doesn’t mean someone closer isn’t getting hit.”

Conor raised his hand politely before pointing out a potential flaw. “What if they have gas masks?”

“Noah has a topical reaction,” I answered, my mind racing. “And I assume we have other measures in the works?”

“Multiple types of sonic weaponry are being tested,” Coffey intoned with a nod. “Sub- and ultrasonics, infrasound, and just loud music.”

Still in full Devil’s Advocate mode, Conor persisted. “And if they are covered, head to toe, and none of that works?”

A deafening silence filled the medbay. The prospect of being forcibly boarded had only been a known issue for a week, and apparently this prospect hadn’t been covered yet in the defensive planning.

Finally, it was Maverick who spoke up. Had anyone else been talking, we couldn’t have heard him, but in the quiet his whisper echoed like a gunshot. “The interior hull is organic, not magnetic.”

“Mav, we know that. It doesn’t help us.” Conor’s voice was confused.

Arthur, however, looked like he had just seen a travesty occur in front him, unable to stop it. “You’re talking about blowing the airlocks.”

I scrambled to sit up, clawing at the blanket that covered my legs. “What!? Maverick, he’s wrong, right? You aren’t talking about that, right?”

“It makes logical sense,” Charly added, still laying her head against Coffey’s chest. “If someone boards the Ark by force, and they have enough gear that no amount of defense we mount even bothers them, they would be wearing enough gear to survive being blown into space.”

“And they can’t magnetize to the hull,” Maverick confirmed. “Maybe the outside, but not inside.”

“What about Noah?” I demanded. “They are a non-combatant.”

“Noah evolved in vacuum,” Charly pointed out.

“You’re talking a war strategy!” I nearly shouted. “What about Arthur? Coffey? Or Ivan? Are you seriously going to tell me they won’t be the first people charging to defend the Ark?” I pointed at the previously brandished gas masks with a damning glare.

“We are talking about a last-ditch defense to save as many people on this ship as possible,” she whispered.  “I don’t make the decisions, I just make the tools they are going to use. You know, you know I don’t want us to use any of this. And I plan to booby-trap everything within an inch of all our lives to keep us from having to use as much of it as possible.  Hence, arrows. As many kinds as I can make up.”

I started taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. At my heart of hearts, I knew she was sincere - Charly was almost as much of a pacifist as I was, at the end of the day. Even Arthur wasn’t necessarily a warmonger, just… uninhibited in what he defined as ‘the best defense is a good offense’.

Frustrated, I swung my legs over the side of the berth. “I need to go home. I want dinner, and a nap.  Probably a drink.”

Charly reached out and pushed my legs back on to the bed. “You’re under observation for another hour. Dry-drowning risk.”

I groaned and gave her a pleading look. “I’m hungry, and this isn’t my bed.  It’s honestly half the reason I’m in such a bad mood. You and Arthur probably make absolute perfect sense to less-sleepy, fed Sophia, but right now, not so much.”

“Your limey assistant is bringing a change of clothes, your sister, and some food,” Arthur smirked. “So you get to stay right there,  not die, and get some sleep.”

“But Mac…”

“Is at Derek and Sam’s, but very nice try,” he confessed.

“I wanna go home,” I grumbled sullenly.

Maverick nodded, and gulped down some water Charly handed him. “Did someone turn on the scrubbers in there yet?”

Conor and I turned wide eyes to him. The thought apparently never occurred to either of us. “Charly love,” Conor started hesitantly. “How much bigger was the cloud than you thought?”

“I’m not sure,” she confessed, sheepish. “It was pretty big.”

Rubbing my face briskly, I suppressed the urge to sob. “My blankets… the furniture… our clothes…”

“Else is working on it.”

I glanced at Coffey, confused. “Else is? They eat iron.”

Noah’s voice broke in from the ceiling. “Correction. When still a bacterium, Else fed on iron. However, as they have evolved, their needs have expanded to include a more diverse diet.”

“Are you telling me that there are faceless baby chickens flooding our quarters, eating the chili powder?”

“They do show a preference for foods more toxic to the general Galaxy.  We estimate that this is due to their origin within human beings, who share the same marked trait.”

“At least someone is appreciating my hard work,” Charly grumbled.

I strained to suppress a smile. “I’ll make you whatever you want for dinner, for a week, to make up for being ungrateful?”

“Maybe just tell Alistair it was an accident?  He gets upset when you almost die.”

“Both?”

“Both. Both is good.”

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[ryanmeft]

My Top Performances of 2019, Part 2

Here is the second half of the list of my favorite film performances of 2019. I tried to be as objective as possible, but it’s also a result of personal preferences. As before, the order is unimportant. Part 1 is here:  https://ryanmeft.tumblr.com/post/190668845597/my-top-performances-of-2019-part-1?fbclid=IwAR3_d80vj0FbIVXqWaTV1heUlIDJJmL-JB_ZksaadO_oNRztnhBMICxzTd8

Zhao Tao in Ash is Purest White

She’s got everything you could want in a rusting former industrial town: a good boyfriend who has influence in the area’s small underworld, which gives her power, love and money all at once. In a blink it is all gone, and she finds herself adrift in the world, dealing with the resentments of people with no patience for what she has gone through. Tao is the key component of this crime drama, which is more drama than crime. She does not take the world in blazing force as a crime figure in a Scorsese film might do, but quietly and slowly accepts that the days of her power are past---and unlike the men around her, tries to adapt to, rather than battle, the inevitable.

Ana De Armas in Knives Out

Knives Out is in the grand, disappearing tradition of the character actor, albeit with the parts mostly played by superstars. Yet among a roster that includes Captain America as an irresponsible playboy and Michael Shannon as a professorial-looking semi-Nazi, De Armas’s humble heroine Marta stands out. Maybe it’s because Marta is humble but not naive or entirely innocent, and De Armas manages to capture both her cunning and her honesty without turning her into a doe-eyed victim. She’s the kind of character you want to become a Nancy Drew-esque mystery hero for adults, so you can revisit her later adventures.

Joaquin Phoenix in Joker

Some hated the movie, some loved it, but one thing it seems everyone could agree on is Phoenix’s performance. He’s credited as Arthur Fleck, not as Joker, and his handling of the character couldn’t be more different than any previous portrayal. Arthur is sad and lonely, not at all an enigma---his private life is laid out for us in great detail---and Phoenix portrays him as just sort of being blown through the world, bereft of any real agency. You can debate all day whether the character deserves to be portrayed in a sympathetic way, but you can’t say Phoenix doesn’t pull it off, making us root for this maladjusted, societally-forgotten misfit almost up ‘till the end. 

Sienna Miller in American Woman

In a just world, Miller, hardly a household name, would have her face up on the stage Sunday night for playing this role, a drunken, hard-partying too-young mother and grandmother whose life begins to change when her daughter disappears. I say begins to, because this is not one of those magical stories of miraculous redemption. Debra does not become a good parent to her grandchild right away, and never becomes a great one. Instead, the film follows her throughout years of her life, during which, naturally, she must go on living as she mourns. Miller embodies each stage of this perfectly, never once allowing drama tropes to disturb her unflinching portrayal of an ordinary life.

Jeff Goldblum in The Mountain

What does the word “monster” conjure for you? Whatever traits it brings to mind, they are all present in Dr. Wallace Fiennes. He’s an egotistical, self-interested, callous man who performs lobotomies on mental patients in the 1950’s American heartland, the kind of person for whom his gruesome practice is not an outmoded method to be improved on by advancement, but an art form in itself, and his patients merely the canvas. This isn’t handled like a horror movie: Goldblum is not a mad scientist cackling away in a lab, but an urbane, cultured, engaging professional---which makes him all the more frightening.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw in Fast Color

Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel were, to a large extent, a marketing department’s ideal female superheroes: always flawless, gorgeous even when kicking ass, unable to make any very serious mistakes. Ruth is very much not that. She’s living wherever she can, dealing with the effects of past addictions, running from the government, scared of her own powers. She’s not just unlike any other woman in tights (without the tights), she’s unlike any mainstream superhero ever has, can or will be. Mbatha-Raw is one of our most underrated actresses, and she portrays Ruth in a way that allows us to both sympathize with her plight and support her as she grows stronger. The movie’s not getting a sequel, because the Hollywood franchise machine isn’t ready for imperfect superheroes yet, but it is getting a series, so at least we’re getting more of Ruth in some medium.

Renee Zellweger in Judy

I won’t pretend I knew much about Judy Garland going in, and frankly I’m not sure I understand her after seeing the movie---it was, in most respects, a fairly typical music biopic. Where it broke the mode is in Zellweger’s performance. I think it’s fair to say the once-household name has been largely forgotten by Hollywood in recent years; she never had the perfect starlet looks or the ideal girl-next-door adorableness that is the main standard on which women are judged. But she had the acting chops, and here she finally gets to prove it. Her Garland is twisted and gnarled inside and out by years of sexist treatment and the resulting substance abuse, but still a loving mother to her children and a great singer---and justifiably angry at the industry that used her up and spit her out.

Paul Walter Hauser in Richard Jewell There was never a single chance of seeing the camera pan to Hauser during Sunday’s roll call of acting nominees---both he and the person he plays are about the polar opposite of Hollywood’s image of itself. And it must be said that while Jewell should not be forgotten, Eastwood’s movie, with its ginned-up anti-press narrative, maybe should be. But none of that is on Hauser, whose performance firmly proves that fat guys can be more than bumbling comedic relief or ineffective sidekicks in the movies. It matters that someone who looks like Jewell is portraying him, and that he does it so well that we can almost overlook the film’s other faults.

  Honor Swinton Byrne in The Souvenir

This one was little-seen, and though it generated awards buzz initially, it’s already been largely forgotten. That’s too bad. Byrne’s Julie is a woman torn between her own ambitions and her love for a man who is---abusive? How to judge him? It’s a toxic relationship fueled by addiction on his part, but the movie is more about how you cope with a partner who is committed but not capable of commitment. Perhaps the most resonant aspect of Julie’s character is the way she holds out hope even when everyone tells her not to, even when she herself knows deep down that it is hopeless. You may find this weak, but I’ve never known a human being who wasn’t in some measure susceptible to it.

Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins in The Two Popes Everyone has strong feelings about the Catholic Church---it’s not a thing you go half-measures on. And every Catholic has strong feelings about the last two Popes---again, they aren’t the kind of personalities that inspire milquetoast reactions. What Pryce and Hopkins do in portraying Francis and Benedict, respectfully, is remind us that no matter how much they claim to be the chosen of God, these are after all two men---two men with flaws and opinions, whose own lives have shaped them every bit as much as the Bible or the church. When they are on screen together, you can imagine them in an odd couple buddy comedy, two aging road trippers tending to the flock. Lots of performances didn’t make my arbitrary 20-point cutoff. To be dead honest with you, it’s entirely possible that if you ask me in a year, I’ll have re-considered who is on the main list and who is in the honorable mentions; the idea that what I say now, when all these movies are fresh in my mind and affected by immediate emotional reaction, has to be my inviolate opinion for all time is silly. That said, here are some excellent and noteworthy performances that didn’t quite make the cut.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Kelvin Harrison, Jr. in Waves

Zack Gottsagen in The Peanut Butter Falcon

Isabela Moner in Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Alessandro Nivola in The Art of Self-Defense

Cate Blanchett in Where’d You Go, Bernadette?

More or less everyone in Little Women (I couldn’t decide, and thought more of the acting than the overall film)

Jodie Turner-Smith in Queen and Slim

Cynthia Erivo in Harriet

Kaitlyn Dever in Booksmart

Edward Norton in Motherless Brooklyn

[an-annyeoing-writer]

EXO Yandere Headcanons

Please keep in mind these are yandere headcanons, and therefore they: - don’t portray EXO members as they truly are; - may include potentially triggering themes, such as abusive relationships, drug use and violence; - are still only headcanons, based off my own interpretation of how the members’ personality could work in this AU, but not being the only/wrong perception in comparison to what other writers/readers may prefer.

Xiumin

Minseok is a very patient and understanding person, who is also very well aware of his own weaknesses. As a matter of fact, he knows what he feels and that it’s not socially acceptable. But he doesn’t feel a particular need to fight this part of him, instead, he opts to hide it for the time being because he knows how dangerous it may be. He goes as a completely innocent person and for a long time, even you don’t know what’s up his sleeve.

Only when he feels safe and ensured that you’re too engaged emotionally to leave him, does he allow himself to loosen up. He slowly eases you into feeling more and more dependant on him, his purpose is to make you his pet, and for him, it’s like an enjoyable game to win over your self preservation and social instincts. He takes his time pushing you into complete obedience.

Whatever your reaction to his suggestions is, he doesn’t deem to hurt you, he may only change his strategy because he believes he can achieve what he wants with proper approach more than getting physical or threatening you. He still respects you as a person and knows what he’s doing is not normal, so he understands why you’d want to reject him. 

Outside, he never shows it though. To the world, he’s the same good man as always, and with you - he’s soft as well, not wanting to get on your bad side and knowing that your trust is crucial here. If he ever feels like he’s overdoing it, he’ll want to fix it so that what he achieves doesn’t ruin your mental state and if you’re to ever break up, you’ll be able to carry on your life (while still making you, for the time being, unable to imagine life without him). He feels responsible for you, especially since he knows how toxic his doings are.

Suho

He’s a natural leader; he always stays in control and you were aware of this trait before you two even started dating. Maybe it was exactly what attracted you? His personality makes it easy to depend on him, so since the very beginning of your relationship you naturally become the inferior part. 

His way of controlling you is subtle, there’s no red flags, no danger that you could sense earlier. He’s protective like any boyfriend would be, and that - you can accept. It’s more about the way he always keeps his eye on you and hints whom you should and shouldn’t meet, not restraining you but choosing how your life should go. Since his superiority is natural, you’re actually more willing to listen to him, because he gives off the aura of “I know what’s the best for you”.

He’s very thoughtful and keeps his doubts to himself, working his way to wrapping you around his finger without you (or anyone else) realizing it. He slowly makes you depend on him more and more, until it’s you who clings onto him, never the other way around; he makes you believe it’s you who needs him to even breathe.

He doesn’t need to use violence or threats. The toxicity he provides is subtle enough to go unnoticed, and as long as you don’t want to leave him, no one will notice how broken had your mentality become, with you being unable to make decisions of your own, or panicking if you don’t see him for a little too long. But he also trusts you, and knows that you wouldn’t leave him, hence why he doesn’t mind providing you some freedom. Well, unless you don’t want it anymore, of course.

Lay

Yixing sees you as an angel since the very beginning, perceiving you as the best that could ever happen to him or to the world itself. You’re perfect and all he could ever dream of. It looks innocent and pure at first, and so does your relationship. But Lay sees the world as a potential source of corruption, and he’s ensured only he can protect you from it. Although at first he sees you as a blessing, praying so that you’d never leave him, the trust you put in him is a proof that only he can keep you safe.

He naturally wants you to cut down contact with the outside world, including going out (he can take care of you, so you don’t need to leave), or people (friends? Family? Nah-ah, they’ll only want to corrupt you). If you don’t do anything against it, he’ll slowly deprive you of everything that’s not him. But if you try to struggle - he’ll think that it’s the world’s fault for putting lies in your head, and he has to help you, since he believes he does only what’s the best for you. In the end, you cannot escape him.

He never gets violent or mad at you, because no mistake you make is actually your fault; instead, he wants you to understand and accept him. But if necessary, he’ll restrain you physically so that you don’t go around hurting yourself. He doesn’t want to cause you pain or leave bruises on you, so he’s more likely to lock you somewhere than to tie you down. He may be up to drug use if he can’t get you follow him out of your own free will, but he’ll always be endlessly careful with these.

The only way for him to lose confidence in his doings is to see you change under his care, to see your personality and mental health wither under his influence, and even though he’d rather you don’t try to fight him, when he sees you give up it’ll cause him to think that he may, too, be corrupting you; any signs that what he’s doing to you causes you harm will be hurtful to him as well.

Baekhyun

The cheerful, innocent person Baekhyun usually is, is definitely somewhat real. It’s the side you see every day, the one friends and fans see as genuine. But there’s also another part of him - the one that shows at times during performances, and in some other occasions, but which he works well to keep in charge and show only if desired, so it looks like a made-up stage persona, even if it’s not.

When you two meet, he knows that he doesn’t want to scare you out with his other self, and he works on keeping himself in check. But the more you two engage emotionally, the harder it becomes to control himself. He finds himself urging to show his other side to you, and the very moment emotions overcome his common sense, is when he'll start to change, sometimes still being your sweet boyfriend, but sometimes becoming someone you don’t recognize; a possessive person who treats you like a playtoy. 

You’ll probably consider it just an act at first, maybe even find it attractive (especially since he'll only behave like this in bedroom at first) - and it may take quite long, because his personality will develop with time; Baekhyun will allow himself more and more, until you realize it’s no act, and he may suddenly lock you up for days, until he decides you’ve had enough or until his soft side takes over again.

Baekhyun’s evil side can get violent, threaten you and physically restrain your freedom. He doesn’t care for rules or punishments, because all he does is for his enjoyment, and he just does to you what he feels like doing. But that violent side can easily change into the soft, clingy one, and at those moments, when he’s more of “himself”, Baekhyun will plead for you not to leave him, to reassure him because at this point, he’s just as scared as you are.

Chen

Jongdae has a heart of a giver, that much you conclude fairly quickly. He’s always ready to sacrifice himself for other people, so of course everyone appreciates him in their lives. It makes it impossible to hate him, and it’s what probably made you fall for him as much as you did. However, as the person he feels strongly about but also comfortable around, you become his way to maintain the balance - with how much he gives, he takes it all back from you. 

He’s ready to grant almost every wish of yours, but such honor has its price. You should be grateful for his presence in your life and always deem to please him, to do what’s the best for your relationship and never try to disobey his own wishes; if he asks you to cut down contact with your family, you’re supposed to do that - otherwise, it shows how ungrateful you are. He’ll complain and whine a lot, acting like he’s the one hurt there, until you do what he expects you to. After all, how dare you hurt such angel?

His word is a command, and he guides you into believing that you simply owe him obedience and submission. If necessary, he’ll make people hate you, either by spreading gosspis or making up scenes that look like you’re hurting him or being unfair, and since he’s an angel, everyone will believe him; in the end, you won’t have anyone else in the world but him.

He’s never violent, but he always let you know that you do something he doesn’t like, even by as much as scolding you and pointing out your mistakes in front of other people. His punishments are cruel and deem to scare you more than cause you pain; he may leave you alone somewhere you can’t get out of, or expose you to something you’re really afraid of. But he’ll always make sure you’re safe afterwards, because after all, he’s such a good boyfriend, isn’t he?

Chanyeol

Chanyeol is a sweetheart for most of the time, and that much everyone knows. Even to you, he tries to be as good as possible. The darker parts of his mind are something he’s not fully aware nor in control of. He doesn’t mean any harm to you or your friends, sometimes it just... happens.

His main trigger is jealousy. He’d probably be a perfect boyfriend if not for that. He doesn’t get jealous too easily because he trusts you - but when he really feels like his position is threatened, he may instantly turn violent towards whoever is trying to take you away. His anger is something he cannot control, and he won’t stop until his thirst for blood is satiated or until someone resetrains him physically. It’s impossible to calm him down, he’ll end up arrested more than once. 

If it’s you who gave him a reason to worry - he may snap at you, even get physical. He'll yell a lot and maybe lock you up somewhere; his wrath is primal, he won’t make up any sorts of punishments, he’ll just act on his anger until he calms down. He may cause you pain by grabbing you too roughly, but he has to be really mad to punch or slap you; if it ever happens, he’s very likely to realize that he’s gone too far and actually needs to calm down before he does something he may regret.

Just like Baekhyun, he also has those soft moods, especially hours after a burst out, and he regrets every single bad thing he’d said or done to you. The fact he doesn’t control himself terrifies him and causes him to be awfully insecure with himself, and he believes that you’re the only one who can help him in any way. Whether you actually can or not - he’ll do anything to keep you by his side.

D.O

I think Kyungsoo is the type to hide his emotions when he’s not sure of them just yet. He takes his time and doesn’t “jump” into anything sudden. The relationship of the two of you develops constantly, which means he demands more and more of you, to the point of everything in your lives becoming common. I see him as a type to give into a relationship everything he has and expect no less in return; even though it takes time, he eventually engages himself fully. The thing is, you have no choice but to do the same.

He may get annoyed if you refuse, or if you need more time to adjust than he thinks you should. He perceives himself as a very patient and understanding person, so when he actually finds something wrong in your behavior, there're no excuses - you have to change.

He makes sure you know how good he is to you, so the only way to make him soften is to appreciate his efforts and actually engage as much as he does. He has his perfect vision of your relationship, and he’ll push you into it until you finally achieve it. But then, he always sees a room for improvement; his demands never stop, and the only way to please him is to do exactly what he says the very moment he does.

He only gets violent if it’s necessary. If anything bad happens, it’s most likely on you (but he doesn’t like to punish you - he’d rather you acknowledge your wrongs); if needed, he’ll also let the surrounding people know not to mess with you, but it won’t happen often. He won’t cut you off the world, he wants you to live your life; to attend the school he chooses and then work where he wishes for you to (the best is wherever he is as well). Your circle of friends will also depend on his liking. 

Kai

Jongin lives with his own vision of a relationship. He imagines the two of you as a perfect couple, meant for each other, but what he sees, is not necessarily you. It means that he wants you to nothing but change to suit his fantasies. He gets mad at you easily, and doesn’t hesitate before scolding you wherever you are at the moment, as if you were more of a pet than his beloved.

He wants the world to see you two as he imagines, but it’s not really likely to happen due to his unpredictable behavior. He’s calm and composed most of the time, but he snaps if you do something he doesn’t approve of, becoming violent, humilating and degrading you, even in front of other people, because he believes he has the right to do so.

His purpose is to train you and nothing you do may make him change his mind. His punishments may be unpredictable and painful, but they’re always meant for you to learn your lesson. More than to love you, he wants to selfishly own you. Just like Baekhyun, he has this darker side in him, but he doesn’t see anything wrong in it. He may take out his anger on you, treating you as an object to use more than a person with feelings.

Once you accept your place, he may become more lenient with you. Having to tend to you is troublesome to him as well, so he’s more comfortable when you actually do as he pleases. Since he may sometimes not be willing to care for you and leave you somewhere for weeks even, it may seem like he’s getting bored of you. But it’s not the case. He doesn’t have to see you to feel comfortable with the thought that you’re there waiting for him, no matter if out of your free will or locked up.

Sehun

As the youngest in the group, Sehun is often supposed to give way to others. It doesn’t mean he does that though, he doesn’t care much about rules, but it’s still some sort of obligation that weighs on his mind. To make it even in a way, he sees you as someone even lower than himself. 

Kind of like Kai, he wants to own you, but he works his way there, not claiming you effortlessly but actually being a good man, and then boyfriend to you, until he finally “wins” your heart. Which doesn’t mean he’ll get bored with you - you’re his prize and you’re supposed to stay by his side. He doesn’t treat you badly for no reason either, he usually keeps his vile thoughts to himself until he decides you need to be reminded of your place - only then will he tell you all about how he owns you and your life’s purpose should be to stay by his side and serve him, acting as though you’ve been pretty naive to ever think of yourself differently than that.

He’s actually pretty protective of you, not wanting anyone to touch and harm what’s his, but also helping you get through all your hardships and making sure you stay healthy, since he still loves you and wants you to be well. Unlike what it may seem, he treasures your presence, believing you deserve to be important, just not as important as him. Simply stating, he puts himself before you, but he still puts you above the rest of the world, even though what he tells you may hint otherwise.

He doesn’t get upset (especially with you) easily and doesn’t want to mess with you too badly, but he still likes to show his dominance so he’ll usually only do it in the bedroom, treating you like a slave, ordering you around and making you please him, but not necessarily causing you actual harm. Other than that, he expects obedience, but he doesn’t get violent; his superior gaze and words alone are enough to make you realize it’s in your best interest to submit.

Please, reblog if you enjoyed! Find more on my masterlist! Drabble requests are open!

[litsavantbookclub]

Verity Book Review

Hello fellow readers!

I just finished Colleen Hoover’s Verity! Before starting it I heard such great things about it and I thought I should probably just take the plunge. It didn’t disappoint. If you are not interested in spoilers, please stop reading.

The book’s protagonist is called Lowen Ashleigh. She’s a small-time thriller writer. She doesn’t want fame and or to make it big like many writers aim to. She prefers a quiet life and avoids being the center of attention. This is the reason she doesn’t do book tours or communicate on social media. She’s a loner and an introvert. She recently lost her mother and needs to get back on her feet. This leads Lowen to accept an in-person interview. This prospective job offer is something she needs, so she goes.

The book begins at this point. Lowen is on her way to the building when she witnesses an awful accident. This leads her to be comforted by unknowingly the person who she’s supposed to be meeting. This chance meeting had an endearing effect on both Lowen and Verity’s husband, Jeremy. Lowen gets the job offer and she agrees to go to the Crawford house to collect notes and create outlines for the next three books. Lowen’s agent, Cory, advises her to get in and out because of the tragedies the Crawford’s have recently gone through. Lowen is offended by Cory’s insinuations.

One of the greatest things about this book is when Lowen discovers Verity’s autobiography. Just like that she’s drawn to this strange world inhabited by the Crawfords. Lowen becomes enchanted and is seemingly unable to break away from the text. At first, Lowen dismisses it as nothing more than insight into the writer she’s trying to emulate: “I need to see how Verity’s mind works to understand her as a writer” (60). It’s a reasonable point, one that becomes moot the moment Lowen keeps diving deeper. She does this regardless of all the private moments she becomes privy to. 

Lowen not only tries to understand and get into Verity’s head but begins to get closer and more infatuated by her husband: “...it’s not the worst thing. Being forced to step into Verity’s shoes and visualize Jeremy for the next twenty-four months as I write” (99). Earlier in the book Jeremy claims that he wasn’t interested in reading Verity’s books because he didn’t want to get in her head. This is exactly what Lowen starts to do. She is literally reading about this woman’s deep and confessional moments and it is changing her. And just like what Lowen says: “things lurking around inside the mind can be just as dangerous as tangible threats” (150). In this book, the real threats are the ones inside the character’s minds specifically Lowen, Verity, and Jeremy. At this time, Lowen has descended into icy depths the slippery slope has plunged her in and she doesn’t even realize it.

Lowen tries many times to “stop” but she always ends up back with the manuscript in her hands. She keeps reading, becoming more and more disturbed and more involved in Jeremy’s relationship with his invalid wife, Verity. Hoover creates two different versions of Verity in this book, there’s the Verity that Lowen first meets when she arrives under the guise of Laura Chase: “Verity’s eyes are vacant, uninterested in her surroundings. She’s unaware of the nurse. Unaware of me” (51).  This Verity is vulnerable, childlike, and innocent. In this form, Verity is a far cry from the Verity contained in her So Be It manuscript. Lowen is visibly staggered by how far Verity has fallen from the successful and published author known to the world: “I try to cover the chills that have appeared on my arms” (52). Lowen is uncomfortable by Verity’s helplessness and mentions that she wouldn’t want to be in her position. She pities her, Jeremy, and Crew.

The other Verity is the exact opposite of the former. She is vivacious, proud, and emotional. The readers learn early on that even though she is over the moon for her partner, Jeremy, she has her limitations. Those limitations are what keep the action going in this story within the story. Verity is wildly jealous, irrational, and neurotic. All of these traits tied to the other facets of her personality mentioned earlier, create an explosive person with maladaptive tendencies. Eventually, these tendencies become impulsions that Verity cannot and does not want to keep in check. One of the biggest sections in So Be It is the moment Verity narrates her first pregnancy. In just this area alone Verity reveals her controversial thoughts on Jeremy’s love for their unborn babies: “being forced to love the one thing Jeremy loved more than me...I was suddenly not okay with being the third most important thing in Jeremy’s life” (107). This Verity openly speaks about her she feels and stands by it. In this instance, she is not okay with being a mother. The news that she’s having twins is received negatively. Up until here, Verity is happy with it being just her and Jeremy. The fact that they conceived on the day of their engagement puts a damper on Verity’s plans. 

Verity’s relationship with Jeremy according to her story is toxic, a charade, and codependent. She’s obsessed with Jeremy and is not honest about her real hangups about motherhood. When the twins are born, this obsession only grows. Verity feels threatened by her children and Jeremy’s unconditional love for them. She attempts to cause miscarriages all because she wants to drop the dead weight she views her daughters as. The violence doesn’t stop there either. It gets worse. Lowen denounces and starts to hate Verity for her resentment and murderous actions. Ultimately, Lowen’s ability to read and finish this book is what compels her to keep getting closer to Jeremy. Her coveting of Jeremy and eventual attainment make her a mirror image of Verity. This doubling is apparent from the beginning until Lowen’s transformation is complete at the end.

Hoover’s decision to include the unpublished manuscript of Verity’s So Be It, is great. She was able to give a voice to a character that doesn’t utter a word until the end of the book. Hoover also employs good use of pacing throughout the book. She doesn’t use jump scares but suspense and doubt as tools to drive Lowen’s anxiety and paranoia. Hoover’s decision to leave such a big question as a cliffhanger is awesome and I tend to respect ambiguous endings. We as readers will never completely know which was the real Verity. But that is beside the point because Jeremy has found another woman to take her place and Lowen is fine with how things turned out.

Rating: 4 stars

Keywords: Shocking, ambiguous, addictive

P.S. This book gave me V.C. Andrews vibes specifically of Flowers in the Attic variety. Creepy house, check. Unhinged woman fallen from grace, check. Secrets and family drama, yup. 

What did you think of Verity?

[flightysquip]

1, 8-10, 15, 23, 53, 55, 56, 69, 90 -- Fatherhead :3c

1.  What is their favourite food?

so unlike his children, i think fh actually does enjoy most foods.  i think he enjoys trying new, exotic cuisines, and i think he has a fairly sophisticated palette (which means i’m SUPER unqualified to answer this).  i don’t think he actually has a favorite food necessarily--he certainly has preferred dishes.  if he were to actually answer, he’d probably say veal because of the implications (the aesthetic of lobster is also nice, the whole boiling an animal alive thing, except lobster really is Glorified Peasant Trash and he actually doesn’t eat it unless he’s a guest and that’s what’s being served).  if he were to actually think on it, the absolute best food he’s ever had was when he was 17 and on family business in Louisiana and was served 3 am jambalaya.  he hasn’t eaten it since though because he knows nothing will live up to the memory of how good it was.

8.  What are their good and bad traits?

good: none

bad: all

okay the real answer:

good: resourceful, highly intelligent, analytical, well educated, articulate, (outside of his treatment of his family) fair and just, good sense of seeing the big picture and not getting too caught on the details

bad: sadistic, cruel, selfish, rigid, unable to forgive

9.  Do they have any artistic talent?

cannot even draw a stick figure.  certainly has no capacity for framing when he takes pictures.  theoretically he appreciates and enjoys art, but deep down he actually doesn’t really understand what makes a work “good” or “important” aside from parroting researched talking points.

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

his lab.  possibly his study.  not his bedroom, certainly.  beds are too informal and offer no back support.

15. What was the last thing they cried about?

crying generally isn’t his go-to for when he’s sad.  the last time he actually produced tears (aside from a pure physical response from, like, toxic fumes or something) out of grief was...damn.  i’m not sure.  he certainly experiences sadness and disappointment and grief, but he just doesn’t typically cry when that happens.  possibly when his mother died.

23. How do they usually wear their hair?

depending on age or personal aesthetic for the day, in my mind it’s either

impeccably trimmed and slicked back.  doesn’t look dyed because there’s streaks of silver and grey, but it’s actually heavily chemically enhanced and processed to make sure it’s the right level of grey mixed in with black

or

tied into a very neat, low ponytail (color is the same--he was a Premature Greying dude)

(usually the former)

53.  What is something that they want but can’t have?

an equal

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared?

true emotional vulnerability probably

56.  Do they own their own baby pictures?

yes and no.  he has access to them, official portraits and videos to document his youth (though his father was negligent in his role of keep records), but they’re technically not “his”, they’re family archival property.

69. Are they allergic to anything?

aspirin

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

What do you call a rich elf?Welfy.

[moonstruck-ffxiv-blog]

LFRP - Celestin Bellerose on Mateus

the basics ––––

NAME:  Célestin Auguste Evaux Bellerose NICKNAME: Cel, Titi (he hates it), The Wilted Rose of Ishgard AGE:  46 summers old RACE:  Elezen, Duskwight GENDER:  M SEXUALITY:  Homosexual, asexual, aromatic. MARITAL STATUS:  Married SERVER:  Mateus TL;DR: The last of his bloodline, Celestin comes from a minor Ishgardian noble house. Detests politics, self-exiled from the Holy See. Loves knowledge. Hates people. Secretive and very dislikable. He is an airship engineer, serving on the Sky Fury, a pirate vessel. He is currently looking into a way to make a perpetual energy machine. Asocial, misanthropic, he is more a villain than a hero.

(Warning: long post)

physical––––

HAIR: Greasy blonde. EYES: Ruby red. SKIN: Ashy white. NAMEDAY: 15th Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon HEIGHT: 6’3’’ (193 cm) WEIGHT:  190 ponzes (Sickly frame) TATTOOS/SCARS: The scars he has around his testicles when he self-castrated himself, at the age of 19. He also has a long blemish around his stomach. It looks like a self-inflicted scalpel wound. DISTINGUISHING MARKS: He is a repulsive man. His traits seem they have melted on his face, they are sad and baggy. His skin is pallid: he has the complexion of a one-week-old cadaver that has been rotting in the Lominsa sun.  His hair is already starting to thin and that, in uneven patches. They are always greasy, limp, breaking, dull. His limbs are too long and too thin, his fingers are elongated and skeletal, his nails are yellowing. Really. A goobbue arse is more pleasant to look at than his face. COMMON ACCESSORIES: He's short-sighted so he never wanders far away without his glasses. He’s blind as a bat.

personal ––––

PROFESSION:  Engineer, alchemist, makeshift surgeon. HOBBIES:  Reading, genealogy, origami, currency collecting. LANGUAGES:  Eorzean common, Voidspeech (cannot speak but comprehend), old roegadyn, Mhachi, Allagan, some fundamental of Doman.   RESIDENCE: Mist BIRTHPLACE: Ishgard, Coerthas PATRON DEITY:  Atheist. Still, his Ishgardian upbringing could make Halone her patron deity. FEARS:  Failure, growing old especially getting senile, going blind, dying, getting irrational, falling in love. PERSONALITY: Celestin’s personality is as pleasant as rubbing sandpaper on one’s genitals. While he is polite, his tone is cold, bored and apathetic. He doesn’t care for Spokenkind interaction neither he seeks it. Every conversation serves a purpose. If he doesn’t, it is a chore and wishes to be done with it as soon as possible. OTHER: He has a permanent injury in his left leg that make him limp. He has to walk with a cane and he cannot run.

relationships ––––

SPOUSE:  Guolbryda/Guol Bryda, the captain of the pirate airship he’s serving on. While it is a sexless and loveless marriage, they did marry each other out of necessity, none of them plan to get a divorce. They are content with this union, has to present advantages. It is easier to pass the customs as a married couple. There is also the Eternal Ring, imbued with that Teleportation magic, that saved each other more than once.   CHILDREN:  None PARENTS:  Evaux Bellerose (deceased), his father. He died some years ago and with him, the noble name of Bellerose, as both of his sons are unavailable to take the mantle after he returned to the Life Stream. Celestin, in his diligence and seriousness, was his favorite child. Oh, how the Gods tormented him by making him his second born. Mariette Bellerose (71), née Sainte-Claire, his mother. The youngest of her sisters, she was from a minor noble family, with a status slightly better than her husband’s. After much cajoleries, she was married to Evaux Jr.; that was Evaux Senior last attempt to tried to salvage the Bellerose’s name. After the death of Aurèle, she sank into melancholy and depression.

SIBLINGS: Aurèle Bellerose (deceased), his older brother. Flamboyant, handsome and bold, he was everything Celestin never could be. Their fraternal love had a lot of friction, due to their parent’s pressure to “be what is asked you to be”. A harsh rivalry only kept growing with the years, fed with their conflicting personality.

Unable to bear with the politics of Ishgard and what his parents requested of him, Aurele committed suicide when Celestin was 18 summers old. He hanged himself to a spear of a Halonic statue, situated near the family’s favorite church -even in death, he kept his flair for the dramatic. The morning of that Iceday, while the community gathered to pray and praised Halone, the already cold body of Aurele was there to welcome them, slowly turning on its rope. All of his patriotic burden, the one that he needed to bring the family to great heights again, fell on his younger brother. Soon, Celestin understood what it meant to be Aurele and why he killed himself. The death of his sibling had a profound effect on him, realizing how fragile existence was. He keeps a portrait of his brother in his office, bringing the picture face down every time someone enters. GRANDPARENTS : (Father’s side) Evaux Bellerose Sr., Andrette Bellerose née Druirard. (Mother’s side) Auguste Sainte-Claire, Eldanne Sainte-Claire née Dupieu. OTHER RELATIVES:  Ashinne Berger née Ruinier, was Bellerose (43) his ex-wife. While Celestin was still in Ishgard, after the death of Aurele, one of the first things Evaux did was to find a woman to perpetuate the Bellerose’s name. The quite young Ashinne Ruinier (she was only 15 at that time), didn’t want to marry this ugly man, yet was forced to by her own family. She never bore him a child, as Celestin never slept in her bed once. After his disappearance and consequent declaration of his death by the Holy See, she remarried.

Fabienne Bellerose (29) His niece, only child of Aurele. She was only one summer old when her father died and she doesn’t remember him at all. She heard rumors her uncle could still be alive and that piqued her interest. Her only connection with the Bellerose part of herself was her mad grandmother and her brooding grandfather. At her age, she still hasn’t found a man. Nowadays, however, no one wants her. Not only she is “too old” by Ishgardian standard but she is also too weird.

PETS: B'zatr, an Ahriman. It’s more like of a minion than a pet: B'zatr takes care of all the heavy lifting, grunt work and whatever Celestin doesn’t want to do. It is also a garbage disposal, making everything compromising disappear in a jiffy. It serves him, as a slave to its master, no love or true loyalty behind its actions. One day, however, one day that Ahriman will be the master. It's only buying its time.

skills––––

IN-CHARACTER CLASS: Black Mage. READ: Yes WRITE: Yes COUNT: Yes

additional information ––––

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess FAVORITE COLORS: Dalamud red, royal blue, deepwood green, grey FAVORITE SMELLS: Ink, musty book, rust, motor’s grease FAVORITE TEXTURES: Metal, velvet FAVORITE FOODS: Ishgardian muffins, royal eggs, marrons glacés FAVORITE DRINKS: Black tea, red wine, hot cocoa

possible hooks ––––

“The dollmaster” Celestin does a lot of experimentation on corpses, Ashkin, Beastmen and Voidsents alike. Your OC could be the result of such scientific endeavor. The exact point of they are, is up in the air: Homonculus, golem, reanimated body, Voidsent chimera… however, now Frankenstein has a monster to call him his own. How is their relationship? Will the creature rebelled against its master?

“The teacher:” He could either be an engineering teacher, an alchemist teacher or a black mage teacher… if your character is nosy enough to find he owns a soul stone.  

“A fellow scientist”: Your character could be one of Celestin’s correspondent; he writes a lot of letters to different arcanists, biologists, surgeons,... he is interested in all types of science.

“The Void and forbidden knowledge.” Being a lore-seeker above all else, any ancient magic or musty old books will light that oh-very-rare glow of interest in his eyes.

“Oh, this is quite fascinating”: If your character has anything to do with the Void or Allagan, Celestin will want to know more about him/her.. and probably will want to perform a vivisection.

“I heard about an airship? What’s the name? The… Sky Fury?” While he is not the captain, he is still an officer aboard the airship. Trusted by Guol, he can carry on interviews and recruit new members.

ooc stuff––––

What I am looking for ✔Pre-established relationships ✔Dark, philosophical, mature plotlines. ✔Horror ✔Meeting other villains, doing character studies ✔Enigmas ✔RPing about/into the Mhach raids, Azys Lla, Alexander and Coils of Bahamut raid ✔Nerd talks. ✔IC mind games ✔Voidsent, Voidtainted, Nightkins, Black mages ✔ Having student(s) ICly

What I am not looking for ✘Godmode, metagaming I don’t have the interest to have the freedom of my character rob from me, neither I want to deal with OOC knowledge seeping ICly. ✘ Shipping & ERP Celestin is aromatic and asexual, I would appreciate if you could respect that about the character. ✘ No permanent maiming/death we didn’t first spoke and agree about it. I’m not completely closed to the option but let’s talk first. ✘OOC drama & toxicity Naturally. ✘ Grimdark for the sake of being grimdark Being dark must mean something, it must bring something on the table. I don’t want to murder thousands of children and wear their corpse as clothing, only to congratulate myself because “ Wow I’m so edgy and deep.” ✘ Fluff and slice-of-life This character is profoundly misadapted for that kind of plotlines.

Ask me about ✣ Kidnapping & long-terms imprisonments It’s a maybe. Celestin is far from being a defenseless being and taking him down, if cornered, will be a difficult task. ✣Long-term RP I don’t have much time for it, I prefer one-shot, short-termed or medium-termed. For me to want a long-term, I need a really good story and a good friend. Throw ideas at me!

☛If you are uncomfortable with body horror, gore and inhuman experimentations, Celestin is not a good match for you. ☛ The character is pretty inflexible, it’s his way or nothing. If it’s something you cannot deal with, I do have friendlier characters. (Ezrien and Ephraim are both good examples.) ☛ He is ICly a black mage, if you don’t like that, I do have more lore-abiding characters. (Narcisse, Medekhgui, Frydhaerz, Rhetizwyn.)

Disponibilities ➧EST ➧Weekday: Evenings (7h30 PM ~ 11 PM) ➧Saturday: Day & evening

I can RP... ➧In-game (favorite way to do it). ➧Discord I'm not going to display my Discord tag publicly so you will have to send me a DM to get a hold of it.

Send me a DM if interested! Thanks for reading all of this!

[chriscanwell]

This article talks about the dangers of narcissistic women. How to spot narcissistic women and the best way to deal with them to avoid getting hurt.

Signs Your Dating a Narcissist

You often feel manipulated

You never feel good enough

You feel exploited and used

They lie without remorse

They are arrogant and demeaning

Their life and history is chaotic and messy

They attack you and attempt to bully you

They ghost you and disappear from your life

When we think of sociopaths and psychopaths, we generally think of men. The Golden State Killer, The Night Stalker, Jack The Ripper—all men. But what about women?

Anti-Social, narcissistic and Machiavellian behavior that is found in women generally flies under the radar. 

Narcissistic women aren’t using outright aggression and violence to terrorize their victims. Instead, they use manipulation and covert bullying to terrorize the people in their life.

The female narcissist is the true personification of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

She appears in the form of a sweet, innocent girl, a kind-hearted mother, a vivacious, energetic, joyful women, a kind, old grandmother––yet her motivations are often sinister and dark.

Deep beneath that sweet exterior lies something much more sinister: there lies a desire to destroy, hurt, and manipulate.

So why do female narcissists behave this way? What do they want? And what feeds this darkness within their soul?

Narcissistic women want, in no order of preference: power, dominance, control, wealth, status, resources; and, most disturbing of all, a desire to inflict pain on others, which leads to a sense of fulfillment and deep satisfaction on the part of the narcissist. 

It should be noted that both men and women find themselves victims of the female narcissist, although usually in different ways.

Female victims are used to serve, feed and support the narcissistic woman’s ego, to serve her bidding like a servant serves its master. 

While male victims are used to provide the narcissistic woman with attention, status and resources until the man is milked dry and is of no further use.

The Creation of the Narcissist

Much like a psychopath, the early warning signs for a female narcissist are evident in childhood.

Similar to psychopathy, narcissism is genetic in nature and is an inherited trait.

Narcissim is, after all, a mental disorder, which is believed to affect approximately 1% of the general population. (That’s approximately 3.27 million narcissists in the US alone.)

Narcissistic personality disorder is classified by the DSM-5 as one of the Cluster B Personality Disorders. These Cluster B personality disorders include Borderline Personality, Histrionic Personality and Antisocial Personality. 

An interesting study carried out by researchers at the University of Germany found that people with narcissistic personality disorder have problems with the right anterior insular cortex in the brain. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for empathy.

The little girl who gangs up on other children in the playground has the potential to develop into a fully formed malignant narcissist.

That “catty girl” in high school who victimizes other girls and verbally attacks boys is a strong contender for adult narcissism.

The “office bitch” who disrupts the workplace, attacking lower ranked colleagues while "kissing managements’ ass" is most likely a functioning narcissist.

In the workplace, the narcissist will often see other co-workers as potentially abusive and threatening. As a result, the female narcissist is frequently triggered because her self-esteem is so fragile.

Traits of Narcissistic Women

Narcissist women are first and foremost—shameless (although they can feel great shame).

Narcissists distort reality

They are hyper-sensitive

They can do no wrong

They see themselves as perfect

They are arrogant and entitled

They have no problem exploiting others

They lack empathy and concern for others

Narcissists don't respect boundaries and personal space

Narcissists are not constrained by society, nor do they care what other people want. They don't feel guilty about this and they don't feel shame.

The narcissist doesn’t want to confront feelings of shame because shame is an attack on their ego and valuable sense of self.

Instead, narcissists edge towards feelings of guilt for their actions. In this way, it is not her actions that are bad or evil, as her intentions were good (she was simply defending herself).

Tied to this, narcissists distort reality, believing themselves to be perfect. It is everyone else who is wrong and evil. 

By far the most obvious narcissistic traits are arrogance and entitlement. The narcissist woman believes that she deserves the best treatment, favoritism, and that she should be “worshipped” by others.

If you worship a narcissist, you might be pathetic, but you are certainly useful in so much that you help to uphold her fragile ego and self-esteem.

These narcissistic traits lead to two dangerous byproducts: exploitation and bad boundaries. 

The narcissistic woman has no hesitation when it comes to exploiting other people for her benefit.

She doesn’t care what other people want or need. As a result, the narcissist struggles to hold together friendships and her romantic life is a chaotic mess.

Narcissists do not respect boundaries either. You are there to serve her needs. 

If a narcissistic woman continually infringes upon your personal space and crosses your personal boundaries, they are most likely a narcissist who sees you as an extension of herself, someone who is there to serve her needs and raise her up.

This all leads to a thoroughly unpleasant experience when it comes to interacting with narcissists.

This is also why it’s so important to be able to spot a narcissistic woman, so you can protect yourself and your family from being drawn into her toxic web of destruction.

How to Spot A Female Narcissist

When you know what to look for, it’s easy to spot narcissistic women. The best advice I can give you (on top of the information listed below) is to listen to your gut. 

If something feels wrong, it probably is wrong and you need to pay close attention to your instincts. Ignore these early warning signs at your own peril.

She Bad Mouths People

The first thing you might notice about a female narcissist is her propensity to bad mouth people. 

She is often callous, vicious and lacking in empathy when it comes to dealing with other people. She has a mean tongue and thinks nothing of bad mouthing co-workers and friends.

I once worked with a classic female narcissist who would refer to other colleagues as “idiots,” “morons,” “freaks,” and “retards.” I heard all this on my first day at work and it was an instant red-flag. 

If you come across a woman who constantly bad mouths other people, it’s not a question of WILL she bad mouth you? It's a question of WHEN will she bad mouth you? There are no exceptions to this rule.

She Is Attractive (or tries hard to be)

Narcissistic women are often attractive and make a great first impression. They dress to impress and go out of their way to look good. 

Because the narcissist is so focused on herself, she pays particular attention to her style and appearance. She will often wear flashy or expensive clothes (even when it feels inappropriate or out of place to do so).

A narcissist can be physically unattractive, yet see herself as the most attractive person in the world. 

Furthermore, the narcissistic woman will frequently use cosmetic enhancements to improve her appearance. 

She will think nothing of getting breast implants, liposuction, nose jobs, and facelifts it these surgeries mean that she can gain more followers and have more influence, thus increasing her status.

She Brings Chaos Into Your Life

Your life was running smoothly until you met the narcissist. Narcissistic women feed off drama by creating pain and suffering in their victims.

It doesn’t matter what you think or feel. It doesn’t matter if you get hurt because your emotions and feelings aren’t important.

All that’s important is the narcissist's needs.

The world revolves around the narcissist and her selfish emotions. Anything that raises her up, makes her feel better, advances her position in life is all that counts. 

As a result, when you interact with narcissistic women you will notice that you have to deal with a LOT of unnecessary drama and problems.

Expect hysterical tantrums, manipulation, verbal abuse, especailly if you are unable to meet the narcissist's needs. And God help you if you’re dating a narcissistic woman. Life will get messy fast.

She's Ignorant and Obnoxious 

Just because a woman is a narcissist doesn’t mean she is intelligent or smart.

In fact, in my interactions with narcissistic women, I have come to view them as particularly blinkered and obnoxious to the point of stupidity.

The narcissist's self-focus and obsession with themselves blinds them to the realities of life and the needs of other people.

They are often so self-obsessed that they only talk about themselves, their needs, their emotions, their desires. It’s all about them as they see themselves as the most interesting and important person on earth. 

They are rarely, if ever, interested in other people unless they can get something from another person.

Often, when you meet a narcissistic women one thought will run through your mind: God, I can’t stand this person. They’re so vain, obnoxious, and overbearing.

She's An Attention Whore

Narcissistic women have huge egos. They are, what you might call, ego monsters. They crave recognition, power, and status.

You might sense that someone who posts lots of pictures on social media is narcissistic, but the true narcissist will take this to the extreme, posting excessive amounts of pictures on social media (featuring themselves and their “glamours” lifestyle).

Indeed, a study carried out by Researchers at Swansea University found that excessive use of social media, in particular, selfies and images, are associated with high levels of narcissism. 

With that said, the extreme narcissist, at her core, has an extreme fear of death and imperfection.

To overcome this fear of death, the narcissist creates a distortion field to protect herself from the imperfections of the world and keep her sense of self intact.

Any attempt to criticize the narcissist or to say something that shatters her sense of self will be met with extreme resistance and anger.

She Sucks Your Emotions and Takes Your Money

After interacting with a narcissist, you will often feel emotionally drained. Narcissists are emotional vampires in the truest sense of the word.

They care nothing for your feelings. They have no empathy or sympathy and will think nothing of causing you stress and turmoil. 

A classic example of this is when you tell a narcissist that you’re busy or unavailable and they continue to blow up your phone with messages and phone calls.

Why? Because they don’t care if you’re busy or unavailable, it’s all about what they want—you’re emotions and feelings are of no importance.

If you deal with a narcissist prepare to be left feeling emotionally drained and exhausted. Trying to please a narcissist is an exercise in futility.

You can throw as much attention, money and support at a narcissist and it will never be enough—a narcissist is essentially a human black hole. 

If you’re dating a narcissistic woman, you will notice that she tries to go after your resources. She will spend your money and take things from you without thinking twice.

A classic example of this is a woman who asks a man to buy her things, or encourages the man to spend money on her, all the while offering nothing in return.

Sometimes the narcissist will trade resources for sex, but not always. 

Often the narcissist will offer the “promise of sex” or a “romantic relationship” with no intention of ever allowing a strong emotional or physical connection to take place.

You will be left feeling used and abused. You will feel manipulated. And you will feel a strong imbalance in a relationship with a narcissist.

The narcissist will think nothing of sucking you dry and will get all cut up when you refuse to buy her things or give in to her manipulative demands.

One narcissistic woman, who was dating a friend of mine, used to strip down naked and strut around the bedroom saying, “You can look but you can’t touch… next time you can touch.”

She would tease this man to the point of cruelty. 

One time she even knelt over on the bed and spread her ass cheeks inviting the man to come to her her and take her from behind.

Right before the man had a chance to come close, the narcissistic woman would pull away, reprimanding the man for being sex obsessed.

This was classic narcissistic female behavior. Draw the man in, get him on the hook, promise more, then control and manipulate him to her advantage. 

What did she get out of the arrangement? Luxury weekends, gifts, and attention from a high-status man.

What did the man get? Nothing. Nothing but cruelty and frustration. 

If you’re dating a narcissist, they will (implicitly or explicitly) offer the promise of more as they take as much (support, attention, validation and money) from you as they possibly can.

You’re a Hero, then You're Zero

What makes the female narcissist so disturbing is her ability to draw people into her web so easily.

When you first meet a narcissist, they will often make you feel like the most important person in the world. This is especially true if you are useful to them.

If you’re in a higher position at work, have high status, wealth, or social value—the narcissist will notice, and, much like the psychopath, they will use you for their own gain.

The treatment you receive from a narcissist will often be night and day, deepening upon who you are as a person.

If you have high social status and wealth, a narcissist will treat you well in order to piggyback off your success. 

If you have low social status and an average income your interactions with narcissistic women will be frosty and unpleasant.

You are of no real use to a narcissist, unless you’re working for them or working to advance their position. 

If a woman enters your life and flatters you and gives you extra attention, be careful, you might be dealing with a narcissist. 

A relationship with narcissist follows this path: you’re Charmed, then You’re Harmed.

If she makes you feel like a hero and she tries to rush the seduction, this is also a huge red flag.

Be wary of people who want to get too close to you too soon, they usually have ulterior motives.

Similarly, if you meet a woman and she is dismissive or rude towards you for no apparent reason, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with a narcissist.

She's Had Many Relationships

Sit down with a narcissistic woman and you will hear stories of all the terrible men in her life. She will have had many boyfriend and has possibly been divorced numerous times.

The destruction of her relationships is never her fault. The man was "an asshole,” “abusive,” “mean,” “self-centered,” “manipulative,” “aggressive.”

(Note: the terms she uses to describe her past relationships are often a projection of her own behavior.)

One thing is for sure, narcissistic women have many concurrent and past relationships. Their social life and love life is a mess. If you expect to be treated any differently, you’re in for a big surprise.

If you're dating a narcissistic woman, there's a good chance she'll disappear from your life and ghost you without warning. This usually happens when she meets another man who has more status and wealth. If there's one thing a narcissist is good at it's monkey-branching.

People Love Her or Hate Her

One of the best ways to diagnose a psychopath is to interview their friends and family and hear what they have to say about the person.

In the case of psychopaths, responses will usually vary in the extreme—from "this person is amazing" to "this person is the most horrible person I have ever met."

Narcissists are the same. Talk to the people in a narcissists life and opinions of the person will vary from one extreme to another. People will either love the narcissist or they will hate her. 

Most relationships with a narcissistic woman progress from extreme like to extreme dislike in a relatively short space of time. 

She's Skilled at Psychological Torture

The sweet, little girl who starts out life as a difficult child in the playground, before graduating to bullying in high school is simply refining and improving her narcissistic traits as she prepares to enter adulthood.

By the time the narcissistic woman enters the workplace, she is often skilled at psychological manipulation. 

She can smell weakness and vulnerability in men (and women) like a shark smells blood. The narcissistic woman knows how to target people and exploit weakness.

When dating a narcissist, expect her to make you jealous, pitting men against you and using other men as proxy weapons for her own advantage. 

She will go out of her way to punish you and make you feel jealous. If you notice this behavior, then she is most likely a narcissist who uses men for her own personal gain.

Furthermore, she will threaten you (in an extreme way) and cause unnecessary drama as she continues to bring turmoil into your life. 

You will struggle to engage with the narcissist in a rational way. She will twist your words and accuse you of doing things you haven’t done. 

In other words, she is always right, and you are always wrong.

Expect extreme over-reaction when dealing with a narcissist. Her reactions and behavior will always seem extreme and over-the-top with high levels of jealousy, anger, rage, and exploitation characterizing your relationship.

She’s Manipulative

Throughout history, narcissistic women have used their psychological prowess to manipulate men and get them to do their bidding. 

A narcissistic woman can psychologically manipulate a man in any number of ways. Most of the time, these women will use their emotions as a form of psychological attack. 

And it’s certainly not uncommon for a woman to "fake" her emotions in a strategic bid to unsettle a man. 

Guilt trips, threats, bouts of anger, crying, and temper tantrums are all forms of psychological manipulation that women use to break a man down. 

A woman might try to make you feel guilty for not behaving a certain way. She might pretend to be angry or sad because you've stepped out of line. 

She might throw a tantrum and act unreasonable. She might become withdrawn and distant. She might even attempt to make you feel ashamed for something you did in the past. 

Of course, when a woman does this, she gets a free pass because she’s just being emotional. She's a woman, she's allowed to act unreasonable. 

In response, men often tell a woman what they think she wants to hear, only to see the situation deteriorate and get worse.

The key to combatting psychological manipulation is to avoid falling into the trap of defending yourself with logic and reason, and see the narcissist's behavior for what it is: pure manipulation.

Narcissistic Women Test to the Extreme

If you feel taken aback by a woman's behavior or a sudden change in her mood, recognize it for what it is—a test. 

You must never allow yourself to be drawn into a woman’s emotions. Instead, you must use a woman’s emotional withdrawal or volatility as an opportunity to project strength. 

A woman might call you a liar, a cheater, a loser. She might even go so far as to tell you that she doesn’t trust you anymore or that she doesn’t love you. But whatever happens, you must never succumb to her emotions—emotions that will burn themselves out in time. 

If you show a woman that nothing she does can unsettle you, she’ll come back to you time and time again with heightened levels of attraction. 

The woman will also learn a valuable lesson in the process: she will realize that she has no emotional control over you whatsoever. Whatever she does or says cannot hurt you. 

With narcissistic women, this testing is even more extreme (and often borderline abusive). The narcissistic women will throw abuse and insults at you with no concern for your feelings.

Because the narcissist sees the world in a binary way (e.g., black/white, good/bad, smart/dumb, young/old), the narcissistic will often hurl insults that are binary in nature:

“You’re so stupid!”

“You’re so ugly!”

“You’re a bitch, not a man!”

“You’re a poor, cheap bastard!”

“You’re an old jobless waste of life!”

“Your mother should have aborted you!”

There is no point trying to defend yourself by getting into a blazing argument, and you certainly must never apologize to a narcissist as apologies are an extreme form of weakness in the narcissist's eyes. 

Just as you should never argue with a drunk, it's a waste of time to argue with a narcissist.

Instead, you must walk away and display a complete lack of indifference to the narcissist's behavior and accusations.

Beware the Malignant Narcissist

The malignant narcissist is the most dangerous and extreme form of narcissism.

When a woman is high on the scale of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), she is easily triggered and not just a  danger to herself but a danger to others as well.

Malignant narcissism is characterized by a set of antisocial features. These antisocial features include paranoia, aggression, rage, jealousy, need for power, and grandiosity.

On top of this, the malignant narcissist will feel a lack of empathy for others along with a lack of concern and awareness regarding her own actions. 

The reason why malignant narcissists are so dangerous is because they are extremely vindictive and spiteful.

Malignant narcissists have the potential to destroy families and communities (and in some cases, countries e.g., Josef Stalin who terrorized the Russian people with his paranoia and narcissism).

You will often feel as though you are walking on eggshells around these types of narcissists, and they will lash out in anger and seek vengeance against you for the smallest infraction.

Simply disagreeing with their opinion or saying something that they feel is offensive is enough to set them off.

Malignant narcissists are hyper-sensitive and paranoid. They are also power hungry and delusional.

This type of narcissist will even tell lies about themselves and believe their own lies just because they said it, it must be true. 

Many narcissists will use any means possible to attack you if they feel as though you have diminished them in any way, and this is especially true of malignant narcissists.

If you say something even slightly critical to the malignant narcissist she will respond with extreme aggression, anger, and hostility in retaliation. 

If this means leveraging the legal system to her advantage against you, she will do this.

If you trigger a malignant female narcissist, expect a storm of rage to hit you via social media, messages, phone calls, or indirectly through the legal system (as they make false allegations against you).

You can read two disturbing account of vindictive female narcissists below:

One tells the story of a vengeful female narcissist who tries to imprison another woman for a perceived slight against her son.

The other tells the story of two narcissistic women who sought out male victims to exploit for no other reason than acquiring power and control over men.

If you’re lucky, the malignant narcissist will attack you head on with verbal abuse and direct anger.

If you’re unlucky, and happen to meet a more scheming, manipulative narcissist, they will use the legal system against you and attempt to terrorize you via social media and the courts.

The police have a term for dangerous people like this. They are called 50/50s because their actions hover between legal and illegal––that gray, murky area that makes it difficult to press charges.

Terrorizing a man over social media by threatening to tell his colleagues and his family that he is a rapist is illegal—it’s slander.

Only, it’s not illegal if it’s said in such a way as to be ambiguous enough to leave some doubt as to the true nature of the allegation.

If a woman makes a fake account on social media and slowly but surely destroys your life, it’s going to be hard to prove “who did it” and it’s going to be hard to repair the damage, even if you do get a chance to clear your name.

Narcissistic women are often experts at finding this gray area, staying on the border between legal and illegal as they terrorize their target.

What they do is illegal/borderline illegal, but it’s going to be hard to prove it. In the meantime, the narcissist inflicts tremendous amounts of damage and grief upon her victims.

But why? Why do they do this and why do they go to such extremes?

The reason why the malignant narcissist attacks so fiercely is to repair the damage to her fragile ego.

When she destroys your life and brings you down, the narcissist regains a sense of justice and restores her sense of power––power that she believes you stole from her.

Men Who Are Vulnerable to Narcissists

Some men are more vulnerable to narcissistic women than others. The type of men who are most vulnerable to Narcissistic women are as follows:

Lonely men who are desperate for love and affection

Men who need ego validation and appreciation

Men who are missing support and respect in their life

Men who are sexually frustrated and want romance

High status men with lots of money and power

Men who crave drama, risk and entertainment

If you are one of these types of men, you must be extra vigilant around women who suddenly take a keen interest in your life and attempt to ingratiate themselves with you.

How to Deal With Narcissistic Women

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic women, you must remember that any attempt to challenge them will be perceived by the narcissist as a threat.

The narcissist will react with extreme anger, jealousy, and volatility. If you decide to have an ongoing argument or series of conflicts with a narcissist, you will find the whole process extremely tiring and exhausting.

Instead, it is much better to walk away and enforce strict boundaries between yourself and the narcissist. 

Narcissism is simply a mental disorder, and it is certainly possible, if you know what you’re doing, to have a good relationship with a narcissist (like a lion tamer has a relationship with a lion).

Similar to a sweet dessert, the narcissist is best taken in small doses. They are not the type of people you can relax with and have fun. 

The narcissist is a taker, and, as a result, they will leave you feeling exhausted after spending time in their company. 

I have had some "functional" relationships with people who were obvious narcissists, but I have also had some terrible relationships with narcissists. 

Having said that, the narcissist can be quite entertaining. They often live large lives (although a lot this "largeness" is fake).

However, if you want to be regaled with stories of horror, drama, and crazy relationships the narcissist is a good person to speak to.

Just remember to take the narcissist's words with a grain of salt and never allow them to get too close to you.

However, if you want/need to have a functional, working relationship with a narcissist, you must enforce strict boundaries. You must also set strict limits on the amount of time you spend with them.

If you give your time too freely to a narcisssit, they will suck your emotions dry and leave you feeling spent. They will also lose respect for you. 

It is only when you enforce strict boundaries that the narcissist will maintain a modicum of respect for you.

If you find yourself in conflict with a narcissist, walk away. You don’t need to engage them and feed their destructive emotions.

Walk away and cut them off if possible.

You must remember to maintain a separation between yourself and the narcissist at all times. Never allow them to get too emotionally close to you, or allow them to see you as an extension of themself.

Narcissistic Self-Destruction

As life progresses and the narcissist is unable to acquire the type of wealth, status, and perfection their heart desires, the cracks in their fragile self-esteem start to appear.

All narcissists are ultimately on a collision course with reality—it is only a matter of time before they make impact and self-destruct.

As the world slowly chips away at the narcissist’s version of reality, narcissistic denial, delusion and paranoia tends to escalate as a form of compensation. 

This all leads to one very sad conclusion: a life of broken dreams, fractured relationships, and unrealized potential.

In its most extreme form, the narcissist will commit suicide as her disappointment and frustration reaches psychotoic proportions.

While the female narcissist leaves a trail of destruction in her path, at the end of the day, she always ends up alone.

It is very difficult for the narcissist to maintain a loving relationship. They might get married, but their marriage will be purely self-serving and loveless.

The narcissist cannot maintain friendships as their friends are few and far between.

At the end of the day, the narcissist is her own worst enemy, sabotaging any chance at happiness as she continues to live a life devoid of human connection.

[personalcoachingcenter]

Will AI Reduce Gender Bias in Hiring?

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/will-ai-reduce-gender-bias-in-hiring/

Will AI Reduce Gender Bias in Hiring?

Executive Summary

Would women be better off if AI and algorithms were in charge of hiring? There are clearly reasons to be hopeful. One of the big advantages of AI is that, aside from being better at spotting things (i.e., millions of data points), it is also superior at ignoring things. AI can be trained to ignore people’s gender and focus only on the relevant signals of talent or potential. For example, algorithms can be trained to pick up relevant signals of EQ, competence, or communication skills, while being truly blind to gender. This would definitely favor women. If AI is trained to identify the actual drivers of performance – defined broadly as an individual’s contribution to the organization — then we can expect a much fairer, more accurate, and replicable assessment of people’s potential than what humans can do. This, again, should be good for women.

Vlaaka Kocvarová/EyeEm/Getty Images

AI is disrupting every area of life, including how organizations find talent. Companies are generally aware of the ROI that comes from finding the right person for the right job. McKinsey estimated that, for highly complex roles, stars can be expected to produce 800% more than average performers. And a recent Harvard Business School study showed that there are even bigger benefits to avoiding toxic workers.

Despite this crucial role of talent, organizations are still unable to attract the right talent, relying more on intuitive rather than data-driven talent identification practices — especially at the top, where the stake are actually highest. Indeed, too many leaders are hired on the basis of their technical expertise, political influence, or interview performance. As I illustrate in my latest book, Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?: (And How to Fix It), most companies focus on the wrong traits, hiring on confidence rather than competence, charisma rather than humility, and narcissistic tendencies rather than integrity, which explains the surplus of incompetent and male leaders. The result is a pathological disconnect between the qualities that seduce us in a leader, and those that are needed to be an effective leader.

An interesting question that arises is to what degree new technologies within the brave new world of AI-based hiring tools could help us reduce error, noise, and bias in our talent identification processes. For example, would women be better off if AI and algorithms were in charge of hiring? Previous research has highlighted a clear inconsistency around gender and leadership. On the one hand, women are often evaluated more negatively by others – even when there are few granular behavioral differences between women and men. On the other hand, large scale meta-analyses suggest that women have a slight advantage when it comes to the soft skills that predispose individuals to be more effective leaders, and that they generally adopt more effective leadership styles than men do. For instance, if leaders were selected on the basis of their emotional intelligence, self-awareness, humility, integrity, and coachability, the majority of leaders would be female rather than male.

And yet there have been salient news stories recently indicating that AI may actually contribute to even more bias and adverse impact against women–and that when algorithms are trained to emulate human recruiters, they may not just reproduce human biases, but also exacerbate them, engaging in a much more efficient form of discrimination.

To be sure, we are much more easily shocked and scandalized by hiring mistakes done by AI, than by human errors or biases. It’s a bit like with self-driving cars: it takes one autonomous car crash to convince us that the technology is flawed, but we are OK with having 1.2 million fatal accidents and 50 million driving injuries per year, courtesy of humans. So, let us start with the important realization that most hiring practices are (a) intuitive and (b) ineffective. For every company that appoints most of its leaders based on objective and meritocratic criteria, there are many more where such appointments are a true rarity — something that may be happening by accident, occasionally, and independently of their intentions. It is also clear that AI cannot be biased in the way humans are: that would require AI to have emotions, feelings, or opinions. AI does not need to engage in unconscious biases to penalize women or other underprivileged groups in order to get a self-esteem boost. Of course, if AI is trained with biased data — for instance, if we teach it to predict which candidates will be rated positively by human interviewers — it will not just emulate, but also exacerbate, human bias: augmenting it and making it far more efficient. But this can be addressed by teaching AI to predict relevant and objective outcomes, rather than mimic human intuition.

In addition, there are reasons to expect AI-talent tools to be more accurate and predictive than humans (not just because humans are generally bad at this):

Our favorite method for screening and vetting candidates — including leaders — is the interview, and large-scale scientific studies have shown that interviews are most predictive when they are highly structured. Whereas in-person/analogue interviews are hard to standardize, video interviews allow us to put people through exactly the same experience, capture millions of data points on their behaviors (e.g., what they say, how they say it, language use, body language, and micro-expressions), and remove prejudiced human observers from the process. It is safe to assume that automating all unstructured and humanly-rated interviews would reduce bias and nepotism while increasing meritocracy and predictive accuracy. This should be good for women (and bad for men).

Of course there are some incredibly smart human interviewers who may generally outperform the algorithms (though watch out for the next Netflix documentary on how AI beats the best human interviewers, much like they beat the greatest chess or AlphaGo players).  The main problem, however, is that most people are not as intuitive as they think. And for every brilliant interviewer, there are hundreds or thousands who think they are brilliant, but in reality, are not. We all think highly of our own intuition, especially when we are not intuitive. As one of the founders of the behavioral economics movement — and Nobel laureate — Daniel Kahneman noted: “We’re generally overconfident in our opinions and our impressions and judgments.” Regardless of AI’s ability to detect talent, we can expect it to be much more aware of its ability than humans are of their own ability. This will also allow AI to improve (more than humans can be expected to do). Consider that the average human interviewer will never even admit to making a hiring mistake, for they will indulge in confirmation bias to see the candidates they personally hired in a positive vein once they are tasked with rating their performance. Humans have skin in the game: accepting mistakes makes them look stupid — AI does not care about looking stupid.

One of the big advantages of AI is that, aside from being better at spotting things (i.e., millions of data points), it is also superior at ignoring things. Imagine an ethical, well-meaning, and open-minded human who has every intention of being fair in their hiring practices and is therefore determined to avoid gender bias in his — let’s assume he is male — hiring process. Regardless of how hard he tries, it will be very hard for him to ignore candidates’ gender. Imagine him sitting in front of a female candidate, repeating to himself: “I must not think about the fact that this person is a woman,” or “I must not let this person’s gender interfere with my evaluation.” In fact, the more he tries to suppress this thought, the more prominent it will be in his mind. This will also lead to distraction or over-compensation. In contrast, AI can be trained to ignore people’s gender and focus only on the relevant signals of talent or potential. For example, algorithms can be trained to pick up relevant signals of EQ, competence, or communication skills, while being truly blind to gender. This would definitely favor women.

The critical factor for this to work is that organizations identify real performance data to train the algorithms. If AI is taught to predict or anticipate human preferences — like whether a candidate will be liked by their (human) boss once they are hired — we can expect bias to remain… and be augmented. However, if AI is trained to identify the actual drivers of performance — defined broadly as an individual’s contribution to the organization — then we can expect a much fairer, more accurate, and replicable assessment of people’s potential than what humans can do. This, again, should be good for women.

In sum, for those who are interested in not just helping women to be more represented in the leadership ranks, but also improving the quality of our leaders, there are clearly reasons to be hopeful about AI. However, many of the emerging innovations in this brave new world of technologically-enhanced and data-driven talent identification are still a “work in progress,” and we need to ensure that they are not only accurate, but that they are also ethical and legal alternatives to existing methods. Above all, it is time to admit that most of the practices that are in place are far from effective, and that they have contributed to much of the unfairness and nepotism that governs the average workplace. So, here’s to finding the necessary self-awareness to begin to improve.

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Definitive Ranking of Book 4 Episodes, #3/13

3. 4x10 Operation Beifong

Toph’s mothering skills wow everyone. Zhu Li is the world’s worst saboteur. All the tropes get busted. The spirits give no shits about anything.

Okay. If you’ve been following these definitive rankings, you know that I have one main issue with Book 4: while Kuvira worked very well as a foil for Korra, and a way to externalize Korra’s *internal* struggle, Kuvira in her own right is a little less successful, since everything is framed as being about the Beifongs for her, and that thread gets effectively drop-kicked.

For that reason, I objectively know that “Operation Beifong” is an issue with the whole of Book 4 considered. It’s essentially the culmination of the Kuvira/Suyin tension (which I’d argue is far more important and central than her relationship to Baatar), and the rationale for why she didn’t get her ass kicked by Toph at the end of the episode was more or less, “the script said not to.” I mean “leave it to the kids.” 

See, it had to be reserved in its climax because Kuvira’s downfall had to be saved for Korra. Which is fine; protagonists should be considered first and foremost when writing antagonists. But it also meant that the high-high-high emotional and personal stakes of this episode for the characters were always set to fizzle. In fact, the only tension that paid-off here was Lin working through her fractured relationship with her mother, and even that just ended on the note of Toph saying “maybe if you don’t hate me it’s fine.” Sadly for our unsung hero, that’s the happiest resolution she’s ever going to get.

Oh wait, Bopal forgave each other too. And you can make the argument that this was the climax of Bolin’s maturation arc: we saw him rise to the occasion in 4x07 and take charge in a way he hadn’t before, but his decision to save Zhu Li at great self-risk fully demonstrated his moral fiber. I personally think that he already exhibited these traits, he’s just a bit easily led (giving people apples = helping them...just don’t look to the right or left or ask the deeper questions), but fine.

I guess my real frustration is for Suyin and Kuvira’s characters here, who you could easily view as the primary “actors” of this episode’s A-plot, especially given the number of scenes throughout the season we were given to set up this tension. Suyin gets practically no resolution of any sort from this episode, or frankly this season. She escapes imprisonment, sure, but what it boils down to is that she fights Kuvira and quasi-loses, then flees, only for her moments in the finale to be focused on forgiving Baatar and destroying the spirit gun. Sure, she played her part in taking down Mega Maid and was the one who led Kuvira off with that super-memorable-and-not-at-all-just-a-never-replaced-placeholder line, but I fundamentally don’t understand why so much emphasis was placed on her and her point-of-view in this conflict. And it’s one thing if it’s Suyin telling Korra a backstory to set-up the final conversation, sure. It’s just....consider how many scenes we have to explain away that have *nothing* to do with Korra’s arc, including the entirety of this episode.

I guess it kind of reminds me of the Winterhell plotline in GoT Season 5, where it’s an uphill battle to argue that Sansa was the protagonist because Ramsay had 5 or 6 scenes dedicated to his fraught relationship to his dad. In this case, it’s not that Korra ever stopped feeling like the protagonist. It’s just that if we’re going to have so many non-Korra (and frankly non-Krew) characters cannibalizing our screen-time, can we at least give them a complete story?

I know I’ve talked about how it’s a problem before given Kuvira’s arc, but yeah, it’s a problem for Suyin too. It’s honestly a problem for the entire Beifong clan, since other than Suyin and Baatar’s weird “we’ll get through it” scene, the strife that had consumed their family wasn’t really given any kind of space tp land. They’ll get through it. Nifty.

In my brain, I know that this is a shortcoming of Book 4. It’s one of the primary reasons I feel this season needed a draft #2 (I suspect Bryke would have preferred a longer time-line and a heads up about resources as well). And yet... I love this episode. I LOVE this episode.

No you don’t understand: every minute, every aspect of this episode, I love.

Well, I feel rather tepid about the B-plot actually, so let’s knock that off first. It’s just the planning for an inevitable Kuvira invasion in Republic City. Varrick introduces Asami’s hummingbird suit and I have to assume does all the talking because of the voice actors involved (you *use* John Michael Higgins when you have him, and I’m wondering if Gabriel was limited to a set number of episodes). I liked the instantly photoshoppable blueprints that were held up, but remember thinking how ridiculous this biomimicry was given how completely energy inefficient hummingbirds are. I try to at least make sense of it as a suitable countermeasure to Kuvira’s spirit cannon in my newest fic, though.

(x)

Wu suggests evacuating the entire city in case Kuvira attacks. I guess in fairness they didn’t know the two-week timeline of the planned invasion, so it’d seem feasible to be able to craft that strategy, but you’d think fortifying the borders (with the help of Izumi’s troops, like she promised) would have taken priority. Personally I’d be doing everything I could to keep the fight out of my country’s population center. But it was a simplistic idea to show that Wu was actually concerning himself with the safety of others, and that Mako is an easy-to-impress boyfriend.

Finally, Korra decides she’s going to enlist the help of the spirits to defend the city, and they tell her to fuck right off because even though Kuvira is using vines to her own ends, helping the other side would be just as bad, or something. In other words, the spirits continue to be butts, and the entire thing went a little like this:

At the time this aired, I actually thought this was going to set-up a moment like the trees arriving at Helm’s Deep, but no. The spirits really didn’t want to be involved. Sucks to be human.

Like, all of this was fine. I can nitpick military decisions and engineering details, but it was fine.

It just was heavily overshadowed by the most wonderful, complicated familial dynamics.

The shining star was Lin and Toph, as it should have been. For Lin to be in a place where she’s risking her job (again) to save Suyin and is going to these extreme lengths given where they had started a few years before is nothing but touching, especially given how Suyin is more or less living the idyllic life (her rich-ass mom bought her a city to run, she’s got a loving husband and a bunch of kids, etc.) and Lin is still, ya know...

But her relationship with Toph...just murder me.

Every dang conversation they have with each other is more painful than the last. It’s made so clear how much Lin truly loves and respects Toph, and is just desperate for her approval in some ways, but there’s been so much hurt in how Toph brushed off her feelings over the years and is unwilling to actually state her own (you know you’re an INTP when...), that Lin can’t help but be closed off and sardonic. Then you’ve got Bolin picking at the baby daddy wound, Toph just randomly volunteering the information, and...

Toph: Lin, I can feel your enraged breathing from here. Just say what you have to say and let's get it over with.

Lin: Just get it over with? Yeah, let's not linger on the fact that I grew up without a dad. No need to get all touchy-feely about it. Just one of those things, right?

I have to imagine this was Toph’s general approach to parenting, and gods, Mindy Sterling SELLS the hell out of how deeply Lin feels things but how unable she truly is to express herself. As a brief side-note, I do have to imagine that Lin the detective *did* figure out who her dad was, since she doesn’t react to that information itself, but more to why the fuck Toph is willing to talk to Bolin of all people when it was kept from her previously.

Toph: Hey, I forgave you for all your garbage a long time ago and Su and I worked things out. You're the only one who wants to hold on to this family drama nonsense for the rest of your life.

Lin: Forgave me for what?! And not knowing my dad is nonsense to you? It was pretty important to me. And until now, you would never even discuss it.

Seriously, forgive her for what? Toph, again, just wants to avoid and evade the whole “feelings” piece of this. But keeping in mind that it’s been like TWO DECADES since they’ve talked, for Lin to be able to spit this all out and call her mom out on her dismissiveness is huge. HUGE.

Lin: You know, after Su and I patched things up, I thought, "maybe I should try to reach out to mom." But now that we're together again, I remember why we stopped talking. You make me furious and you don't even know why. And when I tell you, you don't care. Once we save Su, you and I are finished.

Toph: If that's your decision and it makes you happy, then fine.

Treat yourself and listen to the voice acting, because the way Philece Sampler does this little inhale and the break in her voice when she says Toph’s line is tragic, simply tragic.

Toph. Just tell your daughter you fucking love her and you care. You obviously care; you’ve been creeping on her in the swamp for years. And Lin just putting it all these raw emotions out there.

I know I’m gushing, but this is so fractured and so beautiful and if they could just flippin’ COMMUNICATE we can *see* how they care about each other underneath. It’s not a witchy-Repunzelesque mother situation or anything about escaping toxicity, but more a mother and daughter with a Shakespearean flaw that prevents them from having a happy relationship, at great personal cost.

And yeah, somehow Lin finds it in herself to apologize for snapping, and Toph just ends on the whole “if you don’t fully hate me, I’ll take it” note. In one episode we watched 20 years of hurt acted out, and it never felt forced or even a little dumbed down for the Y7 audience as like, Asami saying that she “should” try to forgive the dude that wanted to murder her sort of did (frankly that Hiroshi dialogue was all a little wonky if I really want to nitpick).

The second most important relationship in this episode was, of course, Suyin vs. Kuvira. What’s interesting is that the decision to engage with Kuvira instead of sneak away wasn’t made until after Bolin and Opal decided to go after Zhu Li, so it was a little passive on Suyin’s part, but once that fight started, nothing else mattered. Not a single word was uttered and yet you could *feel* how charged and fraught it was. Which yeah, maybe it’s reading a little too much into subtext, but there is something THERE, damnit.

However, the way Suyin’s entire family operated was just delightful. I love that Huan and Baatar Sr. were never expected to fight, and never shamed for it, and Suyin’s shrug to Lin when Baatar Sr. clung to the side of their cage in terror was just perfect. Yeah, they don’t conform to traditional gender roles, and it goes with no more comment than that shrug. Then Wing's “We can’t let Opal be the coolest!” was hilarious, and just felt...real. The Beifongs feel real, and I think that’s one of the things I appreciate the most about them. Dysfunctional, led by a hypocrite, fractured at the moment, but real. Though full disclosure: I’ve been known to call them “aspirational” in the past, if that’s any indication on why such dynamics appeal to me.

It’s worth noting that Baatar Jr. cleared the lowest possible bar possible in not wanting to murder his sister with his cannon. But fuck Zhu Li; she doesn’t even get a re-education camp. I don’t get Baatar Jr. apology (and I *especially* don’t get Kuvira apology), though given where he ends up (regretting his actions) we could have stood to see just a bit more of his reaction to the ensuing fight between his ENTIRE FAMILY INCLUDING HIS GRANDMA and his fiancé.

I should say the Zhu Li saboteur thread didn’t work super well, mostly because you’d think such a cold, heartless war machine could have thought up a better way to actually make the thing malfunction. Or just not have kept the missing pin on her body. Maybe she want to the Galen Erso School of Engineering Sabotage. But the reveal that she was purposely messing things up (and Bolin’s happy face) was lovely. Her devotion to Varrick is certainly not free of problems, but knowing she wasn’t on-board with fascism and actually jumped at the opportunity to undermine the campaign in a big way? I’ll take it, happily.

I’ll also ignore the possible implication that she only did it to save Varrick from more of Kuvira’s wrath, knowing how he’d operate on his own. Anti-fascist Zhu Li is the only Zhu Li. That’s the 2017 hero we need.

That finally leaves us with the Bopal plotline. I cannot believe the amount of hate that Opal got as this season was airing, but I have to think that on rewatches, especially in this cultural context, her point-of-view seemed a lot more reasonable, as well as her frustrations with Bolin. Yeah, her anger towards Kuvira at the very, very start of the season could be framed as a bit OTT and likely the result of loyalty to her mother (who wasn’t exactly the model of reason then), but after that... like, no! We *know* she’s seen prison camps, we *know* she’s learned about dissenters being dragged off, and when her entire family was captured (and to her own admission quite possibly being tortured or already having been murdered), her boyfriend came back and said he was responsible for it (oh Bolin and your logorrhea), but just wanted to pick up exactly where they were right away. And this was after he outright ignored her in Zaofu when she clearly lay out what was happening. Who the hell wouldn’t be pissed?

Frankly, Bolin should have been suggesting how they could save her family, so when she suggested that he should come with her to fix things, it’s...reasonable, even if high-risk. It would demonstrate that at the end of the day, he does have her back. I really have a hard time finding a fault in that.

I do think her line “he’s been in the polar bear doghouse long enough” was overly reductive. We can tell that the moment he was willing to get himself killed to save Zhu Li is the moment that Opal forgave him. Because it showed that his heart is always in the right place. He just sometimes needs a little coaching, and doesn’t do nuance well. If the people *he’s* seeing are happy, it’s difficult for him to think the campaign is doing something bad.

So really, I have zero problems with it. They were two young adults growing apart in a long-distance relationship, and the fact that this mission placed them decidedly on the same side and Bolin took initiative with it...yeah, it works. Their long-term is uh, well, let’s just hope they don’t find themselves in morally ambiguous situations too much.

Also I don’t want to sound like Opal is the font of wisdom and truth either. She can be bad-tempered, impatient, she can let her emotions guide her (though it never pushes into the hysterical woman trope), she can be biting and bitter and cutting when she wants; she’s a fully realized and fully fallible character. I just don’t happen to think she mistreated Bolin in any way during Book 4’s run.

The Bopal take-away, too, is important: women can assert their frustrations and that doesn’t mean their relationships will blow up. Too often we see narratives where women must stuff it, where their emotional needs are always always on a back-burner to the men that they’re with. It’s frustrating and I’ve had enough of it (I’m in a mood thanks to Supergirl lately), so this is dang refreshing. Bust ALL the tropes, Opal.

Frankly, bust ALL the tropes, Beifongs. That’s truly what makes this episode amazing. The central fight is between two women, one of whom is middle-aged and has children, while her husband and elder son (that isn’t Baatar Jr.) are guarded by her mother. There is a mother/daughter “reconciliation” that still ends with them both shoving their feelings down as far as they can go, though they at least achieved a less hostile relationship. There was the Bopal resolution, there was Zhu Li, not Varrick, taking on the role of the saboteur, and there wasn’t instantly a neat redemption for Jr. because he had one moment of human decency.

Yes, this episode was a little contrived in its existence, and it gave us a bit of a false resolution. But it was packed, exciting, and utterly transgressive, while also delivering a wallop of feels.

#13: 4x08 “Remembrances”

#12: 4x11 “Kuvira’s Gambit”

#11: 4x09 “Beyond the Wilds”

#10: 4x07 “Reunion”

#9: 4x06 The “Battle of Zaofu”

#8. 4x12 “Day of Colossus”

#7 4x01 “After All These Years”

#6 4x03 “The Coronation”

#5 4x04 “The Calling”

#4 4x05 “Enemy at the Gates”

Book 2 ranking/essays found here

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Will AI Reduce Gender Bias in Hiring?

New Post has been published on http://personalcoachingcenter.com/will-ai-reduce-gender-bias-in-hiring/

Will AI Reduce Gender Bias in Hiring?

Executive Summary

Would women be better off if AI and algorithms were in charge of hiring? There are clearly reasons to be hopeful. One of the big advantages of AI is that, aside from being better at spotting things (i.e., millions of data points), it is also superior at ignoring things. AI can be trained to ignore people’s gender and focus only on the relevant signals of talent or potential. For example, algorithms can be trained to pick up relevant signals of EQ, competence, or communication skills, while being truly blind to gender. This would definitely favor women. If AI is trained to identify the actual drivers of performance – defined broadly as an individual’s contribution to the organization — then we can expect a much fairer, more accurate, and replicable assessment of people’s potential than what humans can do. This, again, should be good for women.

Vlaaka Kocvarová/EyeEm/Getty Images

AI is disrupting every area of life, including how organizations find talent. Companies are generally aware of the ROI that comes from finding the right person for the right job. McKinsey estimated that, for highly complex roles, stars can be expected to produce 800% more than average performers. And a recent Harvard Business School study showed that there are even bigger benefits to avoiding toxic workers.

Despite this crucial role of talent, organizations are still unable to attract the right talent, relying more on intuitive rather than data-driven talent identification practices — especially at the top, where the stake are actually highest. Indeed, too many leaders are hired on the basis of their technical expertise, political influence, or interview performance. As I illustrate in my latest book, Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?: (And How to Fix It), most companies focus on the wrong traits, hiring on confidence rather than competence, charisma rather than humility, and narcissistic tendencies rather than integrity, which explains the surplus of incompetent and male leaders. The result is a pathological disconnect between the qualities that seduce us in a leader, and those that are needed to be an effective leader.

An interesting question that arises is to what degree new technologies within the brave new world of AI-based hiring tools could help us reduce error, noise, and bias in our talent identification processes. For example, would women be better off if AI and algorithms were in charge of hiring? Previous research has highlighted a clear inconsistency around gender and leadership. On the one hand, women are often evaluated more negatively by others – even when there are few granular behavioral differences between women and men. On the other hand, large scale meta-analyses suggest that women have a slight advantage when it comes to the soft skills that predispose individuals to be more effective leaders, and that they generally adopt more effective leadership styles than men do. For instance, if leaders were selected on the basis of their emotional intelligence, self-awareness, humility, integrity, and coachability, the majority of leaders would be female rather than male.

And yet there have been salient news stories recently indicating that AI may actually contribute to even more bias and adverse impact against women–and that when algorithms are trained to emulate human recruiters, they may not just reproduce human biases, but also exacerbate them, engaging in a much more efficient form of discrimination.

To be sure, we are much more easily shocked and scandalized by hiring mistakes done by AI, than by human errors or biases. It’s a bit like with self-driving cars: it takes one autonomous car crash to convince us that the technology is flawed, but we are OK with having 1.2 million fatal accidents and 50 million driving injuries per year, courtesy of humans. So, let us start with the important realization that most hiring practices are (a) intuitive and (b) ineffective. For every company that appoints most of its leaders based on objective and meritocratic criteria, there are many more where such appointments are a true rarity — something that may be happening by accident, occasionally, and independently of their intentions. It is also clear that AI cannot be biased in the way humans are: that would require AI to have emotions, feelings, or opinions. AI does not need to engage in unconscious biases to penalize women or other underprivileged groups in order to get a self-esteem boost. Of course, if AI is trained with biased data — for instance, if we teach it to predict which candidates will be rated positively by human interviewers — it will not just emulate, but also exacerbate, human bias: augmenting it and making it far more efficient. But this can be addressed by teaching AI to predict relevant and objective outcomes, rather than mimic human intuition.

In addition, there are reasons to expect AI-talent tools to be more accurate and predictive than humans (not just because humans are generally bad at this):

Our favorite method for screening and vetting candidates — including leaders — is the interview, and large-scale scientific studies have shown that interviews are most predictive when they are highly structured. Whereas in-person/analogue interviews are hard to standardize, video interviews allow us to put people through exactly the same experience, capture millions of data points on their behaviors (e.g., what they say, how they say it, language use, body language, and micro-expressions), and remove prejudiced human observers from the process. It is safe to assume that automating all unstructured and humanly-rated interviews would reduce bias and nepotism while increasing meritocracy and predictive accuracy. This should be good for women (and bad for men).

Of course there are some incredibly smart human interviewers who may generally outperform the algorithms (though watch out for the next Netflix documentary on how AI beats the best human interviewers, much like they beat the greatest chess or AlphaGo players).  The main problem, however, is that most people are not as intuitive as they think. And for every brilliant interviewer, there are hundreds or thousands who think they are brilliant, but in reality, are not. We all think highly of our own intuition, especially when we are not intuitive. As one of the founders of the behavioral economics movement — and Nobel laureate — Daniel Kahneman noted: “We’re generally overconfident in our opinions and our impressions and judgments.” Regardless of AI’s ability to detect talent, we can expect it to be much more aware of its ability than humans are of their own ability. This will also allow AI to improve (more than humans can be expected to do). Consider that the average human interviewer will never even admit to making a hiring mistake, for they will indulge in confirmation bias to see the candidates they personally hired in a positive vein once they are tasked with rating their performance. Humans have skin in the game: accepting mistakes makes them look stupid — AI does not care about looking stupid.

One of the big advantages of AI is that, aside from being better at spotting things (i.e., millions of data points), it is also superior at ignoring things. Imagine an ethical, well-meaning, and open-minded human who has every intention of being fair in their hiring practices and is therefore determined to avoid gender bias in his — let’s assume he is male — hiring process. Regardless of how hard he tries, it will be very hard for him to ignore candidates’ gender. Imagine him sitting in front of a female candidate, repeating to himself: “I must not think about the fact that this person is a woman,” or “I must not let this person’s gender interfere with my evaluation.” In fact, the more he tries to suppress this thought, the more prominent it will be in his mind. This will also lead to distraction or over-compensation. In contrast, AI can be trained to ignore people’s gender and focus only on the relevant signals of talent or potential. For example, algorithms can be trained to pick up relevant signals of EQ, competence, or communication skills, while being truly blind to gender. This would definitely favor women.

The critical factor for this to work is that organizations identify real performance data to train the algorithms. If AI is taught to predict or anticipate human preferences — like whether a candidate will be liked by their (human) boss once they are hired — we can expect bias to remain… and be augmented. However, if AI is trained to identify the actual drivers of performance — defined broadly as an individual’s contribution to the organization — then we can expect a much fairer, more accurate, and replicable assessment of people’s potential than what humans can do. This, again, should be good for women.

In sum, for those who are interested in not just helping women to be more represented in the leadership ranks, but also improving the quality of our leaders, there are clearly reasons to be hopeful about AI. However, many of the emerging innovations in this brave new world of technologically-enhanced and data-driven talent identification are still a “work in progress,” and we need to ensure that they are not only accurate, but that they are also ethical and legal alternatives to existing methods. Above all, it is time to admit that most of the practices that are in place are far from effective, and that they have contributed to much of the unfairness and nepotism that governs the average workplace. So, here’s to finding the necessary self-awareness to begin to improve.

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