#nakahara chuuya angst

[xiaosonlybeloved]

Our Love is Six Feet Under- Nakahara Chuuya

featuring: Nakahara Chuuya (bsd), gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned) warnings:- angst throughout, major character death, major light novel (stormbringer) spoilers!! a/n:- my, my, this idea has actually been rotting in my brain for over a month and its my longest fic till date. i loved writing it i hope u guys like it too <33 heavily inspired by 'six feet under' by billie eilish

wc: 3k || masterlists

You feel like you’ve been through worse than hell and back when you drag your eyes open. It doesn’t take you long to assess your situation and remember what had happened to you in the first place to get you attached to a hospital bed with various machines around you.

You promptly wish you’d rather have died instead, or never woken up. Not having had to deal with the pain that stabbed your heart like a thousand serrated, unforgiving knives would be a million times better than being alive. It would have been so much better than being the only survivor. 

Technically, you should feel no personal guilt over the Flags’ deaths. Its not like you had been hired to protect them, and what you had been paid to specifically do is the only thing that matters when you’re an assassin. Especially when the Port Mafia is the one who outsourced you. The blame of their deaths could, in no way, be pinned upon you.

Having feelings is what gets someone killed in the world you live in, a dark world in the deepest shadows of the city. Having an ability is no reason to be confident of yourself, not when the country is littered with ability users everywhere. And yet having an ability as unique as yours is how you managed to save yourself from the certain death brought upon you all by the King of Assassins.

It was supposed to be another normal day, right? You were off-duty, so you were hanging out with the Flags at the usual place, who you had become ‘acquainted’ with over the past few months of working together, Mori’s orders. If you could dare to curse yourself and them by calling you guys friends, you would. One of them, possibly the one you were closest with, had left for some mission with a foreign investigator, long story. So you were chilling out with the others, playing billiards and all that stuff. 

If someone had told you that would be your last memory together, you would have atleast clicked a picture for keepsakes. Or you’d have cherished the moment more, rather than treating it so casually. After all, you never know the value of what you’ve lost until you’ve lost it. 

In the present, you shut out your emotions- they’re too much of a storm for you to be able to deal with. The grief at their deaths, the horror at the memory of the sight, the overwhelming grief- you needed a break. You slipped back into unconsciousness, a weight lying heavy on your chest that would surely never leave you until you die.

********

The funeral seems much too loud and way too quiet at the same time, or perhaps thats just your thoughts. You’re silent in the shadows, yet again, watching the processions and the choir wordlessly. You don’t speak anything. You don’t think you have the right to. 

You haven’t dared to talk to Chuuya, or even approach him. He was the only member of the Flags who was not present when Verlaine struck, and thus the only one alive. He was incredibly close to them, you know, because you yourself were close to them, to him. Barely anyone had spoken a word to him, not even the boss. His aura was such that if you even dared to approach him, you’d probably either have your lungs squashed by gravity, or his own carefully crafted facade would break down. 

If, as someone who wasn’t even part of the Port Mafia or the Flags, you had been affected so badly, how was Chuuya coping? Was he? Yet, out of habit, you can’t help but keep an eye out for him. Silently, selfishly even, perhaps you’re hoping he can find it in himself to forgive you.

The foreign investigator has shown up again, looking much too cheerful for someone entering a funeral, and goes straight to Chuuya. You can feel that he’s pissed off, but a few words from Mori, and Chuuya stands up in a forced manner, going to leave with the detective. 

You manage to meet his gaze finally, but you don’t think you’d ever be prepared for it. His eyes bored straight into yours, eyes that had once looked at you with mirth and laughter, and dare you say it, love, eyes that were always an open gateway to his emotions. They held nothing but silent accusations, hidden anger, all pointing their sharp ends towards you. Not a single friendly feeling. 

Not a word is exchanged as he walks right past you, but there’s no need to. You’ve gotten the silent message he’s sending you crystal clear- he will never forgive you for this.

You think you deserve it fully, you understand. Even now. How twisted, really, but you got it. When he lost the Flags, he lost a part of himself too, but he still remembered you. And remembering you was a constant reminder of them, of your failure to save them, of the pain that came with. 

Though it hurt you, you knew that distancing yourself from him was the best thing to do. If you pursued him again, there was no telling what he might end up doing, but it certainly wouldn’t end well. Chuuya likely knew this too, and he clearly didn’t want you to come back. So you wouldn’t. This funeral would be the last time you associated with the Port Mafia, and thus Chuuya, even if it hurt you to do so. But again, considering feelings is what gets you killed in this world, and you’d rather not die so soon, although you actually don’t mind. 

And well, what did it matter if somewhere, sometime, Chuuya secretly wished you’d ask him to return?

********

Visiting their graves has become a monthly thing to you, due to your inability to let the past stay in the past. Perhaps its your own, guilty way of attempting to make amends, perhaps its your way of keeping their memory engraved in your mind, perhaps its to ensure that they aren’t forgotten, even if you know well they will never be. Deep inside, its a way for you to mourn the dead, as well as the loss of the living. 

You bring flowers every time, stay a while, occasionally leave something for them. Sometimes, you talk to them, sometimes you apologise over and over again, sometimes you stay silent, letting your thoughts still for a while. If nothing else, you just stared at the small rose plants that were growing there, one behind each of the five graves. It always amazed you, that such a delicate flower could grow in such a barren place. It sure seemed like they’d be blooming soon, and whenever you visited, you always made sure to check on them.

Time passes, but the wounds do not heal from inside, they just scab over, concealing the pain at first glance. You’ve gotten better at hiding it, yes, but that does not make it any better. You’ve become stronger, risen in rank as an assassin, honed your skills further. You’ve become reputed for carrying out your tasks in a swiftly lethal, unclouded way that left no traces. Almost a year has already gone by since the incident, and you still havent forgiven yourself. Nor has Chuuya.

That’s why, on their death anniversary, when you feel his cold gaze on you for the first time in a whole year when you were at their graves, you don’t hesitate to get up and start to leave. It’s best for him to not see you again. You’ve cut off all contact with the Port Mafia, except for when you occasionally got hired by them, and even then you finished it quickly, wasting no time. Interacting with no one. 

So that’s why it surprises you, when he holds up a hand, walking past you to lay the flowers on their graves. “You can stay.” He speaks emotionlessly, not looking at you. He sounds older, more mature, which was to be expected, you supposed. You remain standing where you are for a few moments, not facing him as he walks over and sits behind one of the graves. “As long as you aren’t doing anything wrong, of course.” He adds. At that, you sit in front of the grave he’s leaning against, replying quietly with a “No, I was merely paying my respects.”

It was anyways evening when you came, soon, the moon starts its ascent through the sky, as silence settles between the two of you. Not a word is exchanged between the two of you as you sit on opposite sides of the same grave, in each other’s company. The only people who could truly understand each other’s pain and suffering.

You settle for silently staring at the roses. Small buds have formed, but they don’t look well- its as if the whole plant is starting to wilt, little by little. They haven’t flowered even once yet,and you wondered if those roses would bloom before the plant died. Could they? After all, the weather was changing- it was raining more often these days. Maybe they couldn’t take it. Even now, a light drizzle had started as you sat, but it took you some time to realise, because you didn’t feel the rain at all, only noticing the faint red hue around. You didn’t mention it, nor did Chuuya.

Perhaps, whatever once could have been between you and the guy opposite you was symbolised by those roses- it could have bloomed, if given the chance, but life abandoned it,  left it to wilt in the aftermath of the storm. Any possible chances for you two were like the beloved ones who had left you now- six feet under the ground, dead, marked by a grave. This was merely the hand that fate dealt you, you had no choice but to accept it

********

“I can’t see the moon tonight.”. You murmur, almost to yourself, as you remain seated against the graves. It had been years, and even till now, neither of you had stopped coming to the grave to pay your respects, you arriving first every time and waiting for him. Your own visits weren’t monthly anymore due to life, more sporadic, but you still did visit from time to time, and you know Chuuya did too. And every year, on the fateful day that the incident happened, both of you never failed to show up, at the same time. Sometimes you exchanged a few words of greeting, a line or two about life. Other times you sat in silence till the moon’s glow started to dim, leaving as noiselessly as you came. Over time, this became your and Chuuya’s last remaining shared tradition out of all those that used to exist, your last link to each other. Seems like none of you was truly able to stay away from the other after all, huh?

“Say, Chuuya, next year, can you check for me whether the moon is visible or not? I feel like there really is something different about it on this day.” You ask him. He curtly replies, “Yeah no, you can do it yourself when you come back here. There’s no big deal about it anyways.” There’s no real bite in his words though, but it still saddens you. You wave it aside though, as you stare at the rose plants, like you always do. 

Over the years, those roses have wilted, died, and new plants have grown in their place. Not a single one of them ever bloomed though. You want to ask Chuuya to check on those plants next year too, but you don’t.

Tired from your day at work- it was more hectic and dangerous than usual- you lean against Chuuya’s shoulder. He remains motionless- he doesn’t push you away, but he certainly doesn’t pull you closer either. This is another thing you developed over the years- if either of you felt like you needed a shoulder on that day, the other would offer it. And you wanted to do it one last time.

Eventually, you two get up and brush yourselves off, preparing to part ways. You can’t help but let your gaze linger on Chuuya’s for a second more than usual as you open up your umbrella- it always does rain on this day, but today it seemed a bit gentler yet stronger- as if the skies were quietly lamenting over what was to come. 

Right before he left, he quietly spoke, the whisper floating between you. “Don’t think everything’s alright between us, because it isn’t.” He always does say something like this before he leaves every time, and again, there’s no real bite or meaning behind those words, just a formality he wishes to continue. 

You let a sad smile rest on your face as you gazed at him, before responding, “Don’t worry, I know.”

“Take care, Chuuya.”

As you started walking off alone, feeling Chuuya’s eyes still on you, ensuring your safety like the gentleman he was, you wondered if you had truly tied all the remaining loose ends of your thread of life, or did you still have regrets? It was very likely- no one could say they died without any regrets at all. And besides, no one’s end was written in stone, unless they carved it themselves. Sometimes, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was ever all too much for you.

The next morning, you call your boss to let him know that you’re ready to take on the mission. It was an important one, involving both a long period of infiltration for gathering valuable intel, and then the assassination of the target at the end. It was a high-risk mission too, but you were used to those, weren’t you?

Why would this mission be any different?

*********

Another year rolled past. This year, Chuuya hadn’t been able to visit the graves at all after the first two-three months because he had been sent overseas for a long-term mission. During the months he’d been in Yokohama, he hadn’t caught a glimpse of you- of course he hadn’t, he made sure to avoid the days you came, preferring to merely see the traces of yourself you left and leaving his own. After that he only got the chance to return there on their next death anniversary, and even for that he had to fight tooth and nail. He was a man of actions, and he would never be the one to break the tradition.

But he’d never imagined that you would break it either. You too were a person who valued actions, or had you changed over the years? 

His sharp eyes scanned the graves cautiously, but there was not a single trace of you. The only life around were the rose plants, not a soul in sight.

Rage, resentment and hints of sorrow bubbled up in him, taking him by storm as he strode over and angrily sat down by one of the graves. He was silent the entire night, letting his rush of emotions subside, staring at the gates as if he was expecting you to suddenly pop out. He stared at the moon, and at the roses. Did you not notice that they were about to bloom when you last visited? Because they were in full bloom that night, for the first time in years, delicate, fragrant petals shining in the moonlight. The moon, too, looked beautiful that night, a full moon surrounded by clouds. It was raining, heavier than usual, but the moon was never hidden. A memory entered his mind- last year, you had asked him to check whether the moon was visible this year.

“Well, it’s visible, and it sure is beautiful, but you didn’t even show up. Why?” He bitterly spoke out loud.

In the soft blowing wind that accompanied the rain, a stray lone rose petal lying on the ground gently floated in air, appearing as ethereal as smoke. He rose up to leave- you clearly weren’t showing up- eyes following the petal as it blew about, landing on a grave not of the Flags, but right beside, almost as if the deceased had specifically asked it to be there. It seemed relatively new too, for he hadn’t seen it the last time he’d been here. He walked over to it, to read what was written on the gravestone.

A moment passed, then another. And another. And Chuuya doesn’t know how long he spent there, kneeling in front of it. He was slowly getting drenched, because his ability had deactivated itself at some point of the night, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the neatly written words staring back at him, taunting him.

At some point, he understood why he was alone that night. Why you weren’t there to give him company, solace that night. It was because you couldn’t, and so you’d left whatever remained of yourself there, beside him, beside them, eternally. He just hadn’t known.

He could barely breathe, he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to, because his chest felt so heavy then. Eventually, he noticed where the petal had landed- it was a small letter, slightly wet and yellowed, kept in such a way that the rain wouldn’t destroy it. Someone must have kept it there on your request, and so he took it  out, eyes taking in the faintly smudged but still intelligible words.

‘I’m sorry, Chuuya, for everything. I hope you can forgive me someday, even if I myself never could. Thank you for staying with me, for existing.

-Love, [Y/N]’

A silent tear slipped out of his eye, then another. “Idiot.” he whispered, voice cracking. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. I think I forgave you a long time ago, I guess I just never wanted to acknowledge it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being too late.”

“And don’t worry, the moon looks beautiful tonight, and so do the roses. They’ve finally bloomed. I think you would have loved to see them, wouldn’t you?”

this took me ages to write, but i hope u like it hehehe anyways votes, reblogs and comments are really very much appreciated <333

[hopelessdazai]

✿ 》Half Worth

╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; this is just a quick filler cause I'm going through my notes app it's super short ok. hi I'm gonna dissappear for a few. idk how long. enjoy.

╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; pure angst. chuuya bottles up his emotions ( then drinks the bottle in the form of alcohol ). not a lot of warnings because it's like barely any text.

memories. so many of them, and yet such an inability to stifle them.

mornings were already a vaunrable time for chuuya, there was something always so stressful about them that caused an unconditional worry. a tightness inside, an excruciatingly painful feeling. one the mafia executive couldn't ever seem to handle.

usually, the male would continue about his day. biting the feelings back, until he could pour alcohol into the gaping hole in his chest. and even yet when it doesn't heal; he tried again the next day. but this day, in particular. his hold on himself seemed to snap. The overthinking was too much, he was never good enough for anybody. no matter how much done for them, how much sacrificed for their pleasure. he'd always be the last resort. the second option.

So he let out tearless sobs ; sliding down the wall and onto the floor of his bedroom. painful wails and cries from the heart echoed his walls.

chuuya would never allow anybody to see him this vaunrable.

[oh-ranpo]

right there beside you

☾ -- pairing: chuuya nakahara x reader ☾ -- word count: 1.9k+ ☾ -- a/n: ANGST. hurt comfort fic. for the sake of this imagine, we're going to pretend that chuuya would have no access to yosano's power. i didn't want to hurt anyone, i swear. ☾ -- preview: when you end up in the hospital after an attack from a port mafia enemy, chuuya is faced with the uncertainty of your recovery.

It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. It wasn’t supposed to be you laying in this hospital bed, it was supposed to be him. Or, no, if it had to be someone, it should have been him. You were innocent in all of this. So, so innocent, it wasn’t fair. It made his blood boil in rage before it started simmering into a deep-rooted guilt that filled his stomach to the brim. This was his fault. It was his fault that you were here. If you never would have gotten mixed up with him and his job, you would have been safe. You would be at home, asleep in your own bed instead of here, hooked up to all these annoying machines. Sure, he also wouldn’t be holding your hand and he wouldn’t have the precious memories of you that he held so close to his heart, but he was willing to make that sacrifice if it meant that you’d be okay. He’d let you go forever if you would just wake up.

As selfish as Chuuya could be, when it came to you, he was different. While he used to put his job first, now, that spot was reserved for you. That was what made this entire situation so unbearable. He wasn’t where he was supposed to be when you needed him most. He was too slow. He couldn’t… they didn’t… His mind raced as he thought about all the different scenarios that might have resulted in your safety. If he would have been faster to the scene, he could have stopped them. If he would have warned you about the case he was working on sooner, he could have protected you. But instead, he had kept everything a secret from you, and they had found you before he could find them. How was he ever going to live with himself if you didn’t get better? It was late, and while he was sure that the nurses had considered trying to kick him out by now, they also knew better than to even mutter the words in his presence. He might have been an executive for an operation that worked mostly in the shadows, but his reputation was still fairly prominent around the city. No one asked questions. No one ordered him around. And if they tried to send him away, he would have sent them straight through the floor without a moment’s hesitation. He couldn’t leave because he had to be here when you woke up. He had to apologize. Both of Chuuya’s gloved hands gripped yours tightly as he rested his head against the back of them. If he was a praying man, he would have begged a higher power to heal you. He would have sold his soul to the devil himself if it meant that you would come out of this without any lasting injuries. Tears welled in his eyes as he realized how helpless he was, and how there was nothing that he could do except wait. The hallway lights had been turned down, and the last time the nurse had come in to check on you, she had turned the room’s lights down as well. A majority of the light came in from the moon outside, and as alert as he wanted to be, Chuuya’s eyelids started to droop and he could feel the exhaustion from the day start to settle into his bones. It was amazing how ten hours could feel like a lifetime when something that meant so much to him hung in the balance. He wasn’t sure how much waiting he could do before he would start to lose his mind. Maybe he already had. Slowly, he lifted his head as he took another long look at you, his heart sinking in his chest at how vulnerable you looked. The bandage on your head was reminiscent to the one Dazai used to wear when they were younger, and Chuuya might have almost been amused if the situation wasn’t so dire. There was a bruise forming on your cheek and the cut along the side of your neck made his stomach turn violently. They had really done a number on you. If they weren’t already dead, Chuuya wouldn’t have hesitated to kill them again. His grip on your hand tightened as tears welled in his eyes and your name slipped past his lips. He was calling out to you despite not knowing if you could hear him. He murmured your name again, this time a little bit louder, in hopes that you would recognize his voice and come back to him. “I just want to see those pretty eyes of yours again, doll,” he smiled sadly as a lump formed in his throat. “You know how much I need that smile to get through the day.” When you didn’t stir, Chuuya let out a heavy sigh as the first tear fell to the bed covers in front of him. Would he ever see that smile again? Would he ever hear your laugh or enjoy the way your voice wrapped around his name? Would he ever get to experience the softness of your touch and the way your fingers would gently card through his hair as you laid next to one another in his oversized bed? Despite having all the space in the world, you always opted for sleeping right next to him, cuddled into his side or having him rest his head on your chest so that you could play with his hair as he dozed off after a long day. “I sleep better with you close to me,” you’d say, and Chuuya’s heart would skip a beat. As the thought passed through his mind, Chuuya found himself standing from his spot in the chair next to the bed and gently crawled into the space on the mattress beside you. He was careful not to bump any of the tubes that were connected to you as he slid under the covers, his arm resting across your waist as his head found its place on the pillow right next to you. He felt a tiny bit better being closer to you now, even though that nagging despair was still twirling in his chest, but he closed his eyes and pretended like he was back home. The two of you were laying in his bed, just like you did every night. The steady beeping of the machines was simply white noise as he allowed himself to sleep in the comfort of your presence. You would both wake up tomorrow morning, and all of this would be just a terrible nightmare. “Chuuya?” He dreamt about you. The two of you were laying in his room, just as he had imagined before falling asleep, and you were whispering his name as your fingers brushed along his skin. The light filtering in from the window gave you an ethereal glow, and he could feel deep within his soul that there was nowhere else he wanted to be. He didn’t care about the Port Mafia, he didn’t care about anything else except for laying next to you with your touch gliding up his arm, across his collar bone, and then your fingers wrapping strands of his hair around them, all while wearing a peaceful smile on your face. “Chuuya.” Your voice was louder this time, but there was something about the sound of it that didn’t feel right. Your voice was definitely more hoarse than it had been previously. It wasn’t silky smooth like your regular voice, though the love and care was still laced in his name. Your fingers were now pressed against his cheekbone as you slowly tilted his chin upwards to meet your gaze. “Chuuya, love, open your eyes.” He was confused. His eyes were open, so why were you asking him to do so now? His brow furrowed in confusion and his body stirred restlessly. The room around you slowly started to fade and he could feel you slipping away. No, he wanted to say, desperate to cling on to your presence a bit longer. No, please don’t leave me. Only when the room completely disappeared, his eyes were opening again and he was greeted with the blinding white light of the hospital room. The beeping of the machines were still steady, and his heart was racing as he fought to get his bearings. His stomach sank when realization settled in that the moment he had just shared with you had all been a part of his imagination. “Good morning.” The sound of your voice startled him as he turned his head to look at you. He was surprised to see you staring back at him, a soft, tired smile on your lips. “I was beginning to wonder when you would wake up.” He realized then that your fingers were nestled in his hair as your arm draped across his chest. He was laying on his back but you were laying on your side facing him, almost identical to how you had been in his dream. Tears immediately filled his eyes once more as he rolled onto his side to face you, before pulling off his glove as his own hand moved to cup your cheek. The bandage on your head kept him from brushing his fingers through your hair, but he could still feel your warm skin beneath his palm, grounding him in this reality. Your hand slowly moved to the back of his head, your fingernails gently scratching against his scalp in a way that always made him putty in your hands. The movements were languid and slow as you still seemed to be partially sedated, but you were awake and that was all that mattered. “I was… oh, doll, I am so… I can’t believe I let…” Chuuya stumbled over his words as he tried to come up with the right thing to say in that moment. I was wrong. I am so sorry. I can’t believe I let them get to you. Those were only a few of the things that weighed heavy on his mind, but before he could get any of those complete sentences past his lips, you were scooting closer to him - which wasn’t the easiest considering all the tubes you were still connected to - until your forehead rested against his own. “I’m right here, darling, and I’m going to be okay. You’re safe, I’m safe, and that’s all that matters, right? That we’re together?” The little pieces of his fragmented heart started to heal with your questions, and his thumb brushed across the apple of your cheek. A tear slid down his face as he nodded against you, his lips turning up slightly bringing about the first smile to grace his lips in the last 48 hours. “As long as you’re here, nothing else matters,” he murmured in response, and the laugh that he had grown to live for filled the room. “You’re such a sap, Chuuya,” you teased, pulling back just enough so that you could meet his gaze. His blue eyes sparkled as he stared back at you, feeling relief and love and adoration fill him up all at once. “But I love you and I’ll always come back for you. I’ll never leave you alone.” That was when he kissed you, his lips melding slowly with yours. He was as careful as possible so that he wouldn’t bump or aggravate any of your injuries. He just couldn’t help himself. “And you call me the sap,” he joked right back the moment that you pulled apart. “But I’m holding you to that promise.” The smile on your lips was all the reassurance that he needed. Nothing like this was going to ever happen again. He would bet his life on it.

[yuyonyu]

“What happened to arresting me, detective?!

I thought you were gonna show me the light…!”

[lotus-pear]

in love with tragedy

[homoesia]

visiting a grave [twilight goodbye]

[twilicidity]

[osachiyo]

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 by anonymous user ꒱. . . hello ! I really like your works, could I please request an insecure!reader with chuuya? and him fucking some sense into her? don't feel pressured to do this btw and feel free to ignore :D

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 note ꒱. . . here u go, nonnie ! I really liked this idea and sorry for taking so long on this request 😭 anyway, hope you enjoy ~~

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 c/w ꒱. . . (18+) n/sfw content, mentions of insecurities, body worshipper chuuya, praise, lowercase intended, hints of dumbfication, overstimulation, fingering, mirror sex, cunnilingus, chuuya eats it from the back !! 🗣️🗣️& more + not proofread

summary. . . you've been feeling insecure about your body and started to wonder if you were really good enough for someone like chuuya? but no worries, your lover doesn't mind reminding you how much he loves your body and more importantly, you.

you sighed, staring at your reflection in the fancy full-body mirror in front of you; god, you looked horrendous. you didn't know how chuuya, one of, if not the most beautiful man you've ever met, love someone like.. you.

what you also didn't know, though, was that your beloved chuuya had been standing in the doorway the entire time, slender figure leaning against the doorframe as a dull pain throbbed in his heart while he watched, heard you pick apart your body like it was the ugliest thing you had ever seen. he watched as you ran your fingers up and down the parts you hated the most, a frown tugging at your lips as you muttered something about "not being pretty enough". he didn't understand why you'd say such things about your body− all of those beautiful parts of yours that he cherished wholeheartedly.

you whipped your head around hearing the sound of the once slightly ajar bedroom door shut, your boyfriend entering the room. "hey doll, what're you up to?" chuuya's voice was heavy, laced with something you couldn't exactly put a finger on.

"hey, chuu," you smiled, though the action didn't meet your eyes. and chuuya could tell.

his eyes narrowed, gloved hands found their way around your waist, tugging you closer to him− your back flush against his chest. when did he walk all the way across the room?

"y'know, I heard everything right?" he muttered into your neck, strong arms tightening around your figure as you gulped nervously. "chuuya I−" "you're fuckin' beautiful. so don't say hurtful shit about yourself 'cause it for sure ain't true," he cut you off, now pressing soft kisses on the back of your neck to your shoulders, gloved hands reaching up your shirt to knead and gently caress your soft skin.

a whimper caught in your throat as chuuya's hands found your breasts− pushing your bra up to grope them under your shirt. "i love all parts of your body. fuck, you're so pretty. i'll fuckin' prove it to you if i have to."

"you see that, baby? see the way this pussy sucks my fingers in?" chuuya mused, now bare fingers plunging in and out of your sopping cunt as he had you spread in front of the giant mirror. "mm-! fuck, chuu−!" you were cut off by your own moans, beads of sweat forming on your forehead, making the little strands of your baby hair stick to your skin. "shh, baby. just focus on the way i finger fuck this pretty cunt, yeah?" your lover's voice was muffled by the soft kisses he was busy pressing all over your nape and shoulders, moving your hair out of the way to make it easier.

you could see everything in the mirror, from the way chuuya's slim fingers disappeared inside of your pussy to how much of a mess you've already become− glossy lips parted as loud moans and whines escape from your throat, the way your tits bounce and jiggle with each thrust of his digits. and hell, was it embarrassing. you jolted up when the tips of his appendages rubbed against that one spongey spot inside of your gooey walls− your jaw slacking as your eyes shut. only to receive a gentle but firm slap on your face from chuuya, "nuh-uh, baby. you're gonna watch how I please this beautiful body of yours," he growled lowly in your ear, fingers speeding up their pace as you twitch and whine in response. your vision was blurry− but you could still make out the way your face contorts to one of pure bliss in your reflection.

"yeaah− cum on these fingers, sweetheart," the ginger groaned as you soaked his fingers− your slick running down his wrist and staining the bed sheets underneath, soft curses and his name spewing out of your mouth as his fingers slowed down, aiding you to ride out your orgasm.

you gasped when he abruptly pulled them out of your still sensitive cunt− only to pop them in his mouth as he moaned from the taste of your juices melting on his tongue. "fuck, doll− I gotta taste you, need'a make you cum on my tongue−" he pushed you on your hands and knees before even finishing his sentence− a large hand pressing your back to a perfect arch, face down ass up.

"such a nice fuckin' ass," he groaned, fingers digging into the soft fat and spreading them as you whimper, pitifully clawing at the bed sheets. he playfully bit one of your globes, earning a whine in return which made him chuckle. chuuya's greedy hands ran down from your ass to your thighs, only to go back up to knead at your ass, "and these soft thighs− god, I could kiss 'em for hours."

and as if to prove himself, he started littering kisses all over your inner thighs, hands still kneading your ass before giving it a firm spank, making you jump. "hah, and of course−" he smirked before making his way to your pussy, "this pretty fuckin' pussy− prettiest one I've ever seen," he growled before diving in between your legs− hungry lips wrapping around your clit as you gasp out from the feeling.

"fu−ck! chuuya−!" you babbled, pussy still sensitive from your orgasm from earlier, his nose bumping against your slit as he runs his tongue in a zigzag motion across your clit. his fingers were spreading your ass apart for him, to get easy access to your sweet pussy that he wanted to devour so bad.

shamelessly nasty slurping noises came from between your parted thighs. your slick was already dripping down chuuya's chin as you tried your best to keep your gaze on the mirror, watching yourself getting eaten out from the back. fuck, your hair was a mess− your bare figure covered in bites and bruises that your boyfriend gave you, claiming it was his way of showing you were his. your makeup had been completely ruined; mascara running down your cheek in inky streaks, lipstick smudged− you looked utterly debauched, chuuya's favorite look on you.

a gurgled moan came out of your mouth when two fingers pushed inside of your sloppy pussy, the mafia executive's tongue now writing his name on your clit. a deep groan rumbled in his chest when you tried to run away from the feeling of his tongue and fingers on you− pulling you back before harshly cracking a palm down on your left globe, before curling his fingers further into you. tears were falling freely from your eyes at this point, mouth dropped to an 'o' as you chanted his name like a prayer− "chuu− please, fuck! s'too much−!" you cried out, if it weren't for chuuya's death grip on you, you'd already have fallen face first into the matress.

"you can− fuuck− take it, sweet girl," chuuya moaned into your pussy, the vibrations of the sound making your toes curl and apparently that was the last straw for you− "fuckfuck! 'm cummin'− cummingg−!!" your eyes rolled back into your skull as you squirted all over chuuya's face, his own hips rutting into the mattress as his eyes widen− he wasn't expecting you to do that.

chuuya gave your messy cunt a few more licks before kissing your clit, then pulling away. you looked back to see his face completely drenched− him licking his lips as he gave you a lopsided grin. "holy shit, baby. that was..." he muttered, still dazed as he ran his clean hand through his sweaty orange locks. you were still panting, chest heaving as you tried came down from the euphoric high before looking away in embarrassment, fingers fiddling with the sheets− then suddenly, you got slammed back against the bed. face down, ass up, again.

you heard a metal clink− likely his belt. the sound of expensive leather hitting the floor snapped you back into reality, he must've tossed the belt somewhere. it wasn't long before your thoughts got quickly cut off, chuuya's heavy tip slapping against your clit a few times as you whined, begging him to give you a rest but no− he wasn't gonna stop until he was sure he fucked all those negative thoughts out of your mind− wasn't gonna stop 'till all thoughts but his left that pretty little head of yours. you just had to sit still and take it, like the good girl you were.

©sachiyoh— do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated ♡

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[carrotkicks]

this place feels familiar...

[sableeira]

I love how this was just a little theater performance for soukoku. Dazai’s dramatic acting once he “realized” Chuuya was there. Chuuya’s vampire noises. Dazai’s overdramatic speech about memories… the long pause before the cheerfully fake goodbye. Dazai’s annoyed look when Fyodor was talking shit about his and chuuya’s bond (he probably felt so smug on the inside). Dazai’s other speech about the power of friendship and their fate that was completely unnecessary because he knew that Chuuya wasn’t actually possessed. Chuuya fake shooting Dazai in the head, which they have extensively trained for in the past. Their commitment to the bit is everything

[dazachi]

its kinda funny how despite all the speculation and worries about fyodor, my main takeaway from chapter 114 is that soukoku is even cuter than i originally thought, and that's saying something because I already found them to be absolutely adorable instead of the angsty type

dazai being comfy around chuuya and using him as a sounding board for ideas and chuuya subtly trying to make dazai calm down because dazai worrying is making him worry too

its just really nice to see more about how they act around each other, ya know?

[yeisiko]

Based on how done I believe Chuuya was of the short dog allegations (Lame excuse to draw them holding hands)

[kyoukamybeloved]

”In other words, the suicidal maniac wants to live. Is that it?”

“I’ve come to think it’s worth trying.”

"You used Corruption, believing in me? How beautiful."

skk webweaves: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

//strange gods - Roxane Gay// the portrait of a lady - Henry James// art from @/_mwk19_ on Twitter// say yes to heaven - Lana del Rey// the grudge - Olivia Rodrigo// litany in which certain things are crossed out - Richard Siken// art from @/suya1414 on Twitter// Kyoto - Phoebe Bridgers// we’re in love - boygenius// writings prompts for the broken-hearted - Eden Robinson// anyway - Richard Siken// art from @/AB0to on Twitter// things I never give myself permission to say - Chelsea Dingman// art from @/ssmi_0215 on Twitter// the whetting of teeth - Jamaal May// no light, no light - Florence + the machine// cosmic love - Florence + the machine// letters to Felice - Franz Kafka// art from @/rokkyun1 on Twitter// the sorrow festival - Erin Slaughter// norman fucking rockwell - lana del rey// remember my name - mitski// art by @bananana2217// townie - mitski// misheard lyrics - car seat headrest// you couldn’t just leave - Trista Mateer// art from @/T__rate on Twitter// your love finds it’s way back - Sierra DeMulder// a pearl - mitski// humpty - mitski// art by @yuyonyu// abandon me - Melissa Febos// where did you go - Hishaam Siddiqi// I should hate you - Gracie Abrams// art from @/qmthtdy on Twitter// killer - Phoebe Bridgers// a poem for Haruko 10/29 - June Jordan// crush - Richard Siken// pandemonium - Lauren Oliver// art from @/1110yu_ku_si on Twitter// catalog of unabashed gratitude - Ross Gay// steamboat - Adrianne Lenker//

hey remember when I said last part would be the final one? yeah uh about that, turns out I still have some inspiration yippee. hope you liked it :)

tags:

@dinosaur-mayonnaise @philzokman @amagami-hime @nnavia @homuncvlus @vinylbiohazard @bunglegaydogs @zamxii @ghostsinacoat @slug-behaviour @vivid-vices @atsuwushi @gorotic @pendragonstar @ricelover888 @oatmilkbasic @thou-shalt-cha-cha-real-smooth @the-gayest-sky-kid @lotus-reblogs @whiteapplesandblackblood @dazaiyuri @evermorehypewoman

[deonsx]

If You Cry While Making Love With Them

Feat: Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor

Content: Smut, Nsfw

Dazai Osamu

You had returned from a very tiring day at work and your lover was in a dark mood throughout the day. Every time you looked at him, he seemed focused on his work with his eyebrows furrowed. 'Don't we ever have a quiet day?' You thought, but you didn't ask anything so as not to upset him. You hoped that he would calm down when you got home, but the same mood got even harsher at home, he wasn't talking at all and the seriousness on his face never left

You never disturbed her, but when it was midnight, she was still sitting on the couch and not coming to bed. You waited for her for a while, but then you couldn't help but went to her. She was still the same as you left her. The brunette's eyes were staring at closed tv, "Osamu??" you called out to her and slowly her eyes turned to you but she waited for a while before answering "Are you asleep yet bella?" The eyes looked blank, but he did not forget to ask you in a voice that would warm his heart. You slowly approached him and held his hands, "You are very tired today, let's sleep together, my love."

"I'm sorry, but I'll stay on my own for a while, my love." Your memories after he said this sentence are blurry, but you whispered love sentences to him and gave him a nice night because you wanted to make him happy, but the night was not as full of love as you thought.. Dazai was very rough during sex, more than ever before. he was rude "Ngh!!..osamu!! slow down...!" No matter how many times you told him, he didn't care, but now you were in pain rather than pleasure and you couldn't hold back the tears in your eyes

When you saw your lover stopping quickly, you wanted to pull yourself together, but you didn't even have the strength to move. An anxious tone of voice filled your ears. "Was it too much love...sshhh my love.." he slowly wiped the tears from your eyes and kissed all over your face and pulled you into his lap, making you lose the coldness. "I'm so sorry.. That wasn't my intention... Today was a bad day.. I lost myself." You slowly buried your head in Dazai's neck and inhaled his scent. The pain of your life slowly disappeared with his loving words "What happened today, Osamu...?" you asked as you slowly exhaled into the cold air that filled the room but he only gave tiny kisses to your hair "Don't worry my love...the only thing that matters right now is you”

Chuuya Nakahara

That day was a day when even the weather was really bad. While your boyfriend was at work, you were preparing dinner for the two of you at home. You sent a lot of messages to your boyfriend, but he didn't answer any of them, but it wasn't that unusual, after all, he was an assassin, and sometimes, no matter how worried you were about him, you were better off praying for him. You can't do anything else, finally the man of the night came and Chuuya, who normally rings the bell, must have preferred to open the door with the key, you didn't even hear him coming. When you heard him say "I'm home", you wanted to look at him, but he quickly went to your bedroom and closed the door

But you still didn't care and quickly knocked on your boyfriend's door. "My love! I prepared the dinner, I'm waiting for you." There was no sound from inside.. "Chuuya?" When there was no sound from inside, you opened the door and found your boyfriend exhausted and lost in thought in the corner of the bed. His orange hair covered his eyes. You slowly approached him and sat next to him, brushing that beautiful hair from his eyes. "Are you okay?" You reached out to her hand with one hand and caressed it. he turned towards you with a deep breath. "Leave me alone s/o..”

You didn't want to leave him alone, on the contrary, you wanted to make him happy and make him forget all his bad night, so you slowly unbuttoned his shirt and sat on his lap "My love.. relax.. you are tired enough" While you were giving him gentle kisses, he took off your clothes with his hands and quickly put your bra in a corner. "You so insatiable today..Chuuya-san," your voice trembled as you gripped his orange hair.

After undressing you completely, he slowly laid you down on the bed and got on top of you and left a lot of marks on your skin, his face was very serious, his mind looked blurry and without waiting for you to relax, he pushed his dick inside you, which made you scream because it hurt so much "Chuuya..! it hurts, wait...!" He was ignoring you as if he was under the influence of some kind of trance, his thrusts continued rapidly and non-stop and this suddenly hurt you so much your eyes quickly filled with tears

Chuuya quickly turned his eyes to you, quickly tried to grasp the seriousness of the situation with his eyes, and then stopped quickly "S/o.." he quickly stood up and then picked you up and took you to the bathroom "I...I don't know what I'm doing I was so confused" he slowly filled the tub with hot water and he placed kisses on your hair "I'm sorry my love..." you rested your head on his neck and let the hot water flow down your body "Please forgive me..I wasn't in the right mind, beautiful"

Fyodor Dostoyevski

You felt like you were in heaven as his lips slid across your skin. My eyes rolled to the back of your head. You couldn't stop the moans escaping from your mouth as he quickly ate you away. Your heart was beating so fast that it stopped "F-fyodor!...Fuck!" your hands gripped the sheets and you closed your eyes tightly, trying to bury your head in the pillow, feeling the knot in your stomach quickly close to breaking. "I-I.." you stammered, "Go on, dear.. I can't get enough of the taste yet"

While swallowing your pleasure juices quickly, he squinted his eyes and grabbed you by the waist and put you in doggy position. "Tonight is going to be a long night, my love... it would be better for you if you prepare yourself" Your first tour, your second tour, your third tour, you were still continuing to fuck, it was starting to hurt.. you felt a hard time. You felt in this situation. Normally you would tell this to your boyfriend and he would stop, but it was the first time you spent such a pleasure-filled evening with him and the compliments he told you were like melody in your ears

It felt unbearable now and it made you scream and cry from the pain. "Honey?? Are you okay? Don't be hard on yourself, my love” He kissed your eyes and wiped your tears and pulled you into his lap. You closed your eyes on his cold white skin and fainted right there. 'Was I too weak?' You thought, and when you came to your senses after 1-2 hours, you were lying on your bed in your nightgown. My eyes widened when I saw your boyfriend Fyodor on top of you "My love?? I..." his icy fingers tangled in your hair "Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me...? "

You felt empty and closed your silence, but you felt as if his purple eyes were looking into your soul "I can't let anyone, including me, hurt you or upset you. You should know this best" As you buried your head deeper into the pillow, his voice was more muffled in your ears. You held his hands and pulled him to the bed. "In your lap I want to sleep" He smiled and laid down next to you and hugged you "You are the only person in this world that I care about, my dear"

This was actually a request!!! but since I accidentally sent it after drafting it, I deleted the post and then the request disappeared. I hope the person who wrote this request sees this!!!

We are 700 people!! I will return to my activity as soon as possible, I love you!! I will do your wishes!

Enjoy!

[shitogori]

angst

[caelanglang]

you cannot save a past that you cannot remember...

but maybe you can learn and accept that it will always be a part of you… somewhere within.

close up shots :