#nancy 100% gets involved so she doesn’t have to think about her next move with Robin

[corrodedcoughin]

hiiii! long time, no headcanon, but i'm back with a doozy!

imagine this: robin and steve signing up for a ballroom dancing class (why? doesn't really matter, it could be because robin's cousin is getting married and her parents force her to take classes or it's just them picking up a new hobby, who knows), only to have their jaws dropped to the floor and then some when they see the instructors with their matching curly hair, bright eyes and tight black clothes.

eddie and nancy show the dance they'll be practicing the next couple of weeks and let's just say that steve and robin having trouble keeping the focus on the dance routine because holy shit nancy looks so graceful and holy shit eddie just picks her up and spins her around with such ease, and on their way home steve and robin are both having a full-on crisis because holy shit how are they going to survive the nextclasses if one night alone was torture enough??

things only get worse when robin trips over her feet a couple of times a couple of classes later (this is why she doesn't wear heels), spurring nancy on to help her with the steps (this obviously does not work on bit) and eddie swoops right in to waltz off with steve, who had been left alone to fend for himself. steve is freaking out because eddies's hands (!!!) on his waist (!!!) and he's complimenting steve's form and how good he's doing before he spins steve around, leaving steve dizzy in a way that's not just from dancing.

eddie keeps coming back to him after that, giving him pointers and compliments were needed, paying him much more attention than the other students. steve is left wondering if he's not keeping up with the rest of the class (his teacher wouldn't be paying that much attention to him otherwise right??) so after class, he asks eddie about private lessons, to which (obviously) agrees and let's just say, that private lesson doesn't involve as much dancing as steve had thought

idk that's as far as my brain got but there's just something about eddie in dirty dancing-like dance instructor clothes, his hair in a messy ponytail, and being all suave on the dance floor. 'kay byeeee

Hello!!! Okay so I've trying to come up with a way to answer this that isn't just a keyboard smash because i am INVESTED! GIVE ME DIRTY DANCING RONANCE AND STEDDIE!!!! Steve and Robin 10000% watched dirty dancing and were SQUEELING at the lover boy scene, I JUST KNOW IT!!! Steve wants to be Baby and Robin wants to be Johnny and they both have huge crushes on Penny. I desperately love everythign you said!!!!!

Nancy and Eddie spotted Robin and Steve from the moment they walked through the door and Nancy is nothing if not a Determined Woman so as soon as she see's an opening to swoop in on Robin she takes it. Nancy lets out a sigh and tries to hide as smile as she sees Robin struggle with the steps. Eddie is standing right next to her and mumurs a ‘go get your girl Wheeler'

and Nancy laughs 'I know your game Eddie, you just want her partner freed up. Good thing I'm all about charity and helping the hopeless.'

Eddie doesn't reply, just sticks out his hand and Nancy grips it, they shake hands with a shared 'good luck.'

After the first encounter where Eddie complimented Steve's rhthym and literally anything else he could think of he decides to up his game the next week. Eddie slides up to Steve after Nancy plucks Robin away again. 'so I was thinking, last week I was the lead. And that isn't the way you'll be dancing with your friend, right? So lets switch it up this time around' and with a smile that somehow doesn't betray the bone shattering nerves Eddie is experiencing. He guides Steve's hands, one to sit on Eddie's hip and the other to hold his hand. Steve doesn't move, just stands and stares at his hand on Eddie's waist, wanting to squeeze the warmth radiating under his hand, wanting to drag his fingers over the skin, slowly, and lower, so much lower. But he snaps himself out of it with the hint of a blush on his face and locks eyes with Eddie

'So, ready to tell me what to do?'

Steve feels Eddie's grip on his shoulder tighten for a fraction of a second and absolutely resolutely does NOT think about it when he's on his own later that night (he does).

The next week there's an odd number of people that turns up, normally Eddie would just dance with this person himself but he can't face the thought of not touching Steve. So he brings the single woman and Steve together and says they are going to dance together. Steve panics, worries he'll step on this lady's feet or trip her up but Eddie has a trick up his sleeve.

'Oh don't you worry sweetheart, I'll be guiding you all the way'.

Steve doesn't know what this means, but imagines it will involve Eddie circling around him and his dance partner, telling Steve exactly what to do and when. Infact it is so much worse. Eddie tells Steve and his partner to find their first position together and then, then, Eddie comes up close behind Steve, both hands on his hips as he presses on Steve's waist, talking close to his ear

'I'll keep nice and close Steve, show you exactly what I'm looking for. Exactly how I want you to move'.

In that moment, Steve swear he dies. He stares hard over the shoulder of his partner and prays to god he doesn't let out every sound that is begging to come out of his mouth. He gives as good as he gets though, swaying in close to his partner when he needs and pressing back into Eddie when he can. The pair of them are a complete mess. What Steve doesn't know is his dance partner was a ruse, somebody Nancy invited after she realised she'd have to do something if she didn't want to spend another evening listening to Eddie lament about Steve's smile or his eyes or his eyebrows

('Really Eddie? His eyebrows?'

'You dont understand wheeler, this man is perfection. i'd pet his toe hair if he wanted me to.')

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Could you possibly do an analysis of the Byers Family as a whole?

I’m honestly surprised it took this long for this to be requested. The Byers family is really at the heart of the entire story. I’m going to try and limit this analysis to the on-screen portrayal of the family. If you want more of a deep-dive that includes predictions and suppositions that draw on the writers’ background material and references, I would point you to @kaypeace21. There’s some real next level stuff going on with her work, but I’m going to try and stick to what I know best. I will not be including El in this, though she may come up in passing, as we have yet to see any significant portrayal of her as a member of the family. The Byers are a family of unexpected strength and love. There’s a lot there that would suggest a family in shambles, but outward appearances can be misleading. I intend here to go through the family one-by-one and then go into some conceptualizations of the family dynamic based on my understanding of psychological theory and human development. My memory on some of the details of the show may be off, so feel free to correct any errors I may stumble into. Lonnie I’ll start with Lonnie, though it’s difficult to really refer to him as a part of the family. Still, for at least a portion of this family’s development, he was there and active in the others’ lives to some extent.There is much we simply don’t know about the family dynamic when he was still an active member of it. What we do know, however, is that he was involved in Jonathan’s life until he was at least 10, due to the story of Lonnie taking him hunting on his birthday, but that he was out of the house prior to the start of Stranger Things. Jonathan would have turned 10 around 1977, so the Lonnie would have left his family for up to 5 years prior to the first season.  Lonnie’s actions, as portrayed in the first season, depict him as a selfish and callous man with very rigid ideas of masculinity. He would routinely try to force his sons to conform to these ideals. We can see this through the aforementioned hunting trip, which brought Jonathan to tears, and through his overall treatment of Will. The fact that a man would call his own prepubescent son a “queer” or “fag” is harsh even by 80s standards. He would also attempt to get Will to enjoy baseball, though even then it’s implied that he often fails to deliver on his promises to spend time with his youngest.  Lonnie showed up in the first season upon learning of Will’s apparent death. He would seem to be a concerned father at first, but Joyce would later learn that Lonnie was prepared to file a wrongful death case against the owner of the quarry that Will was believed to have drowned in. Money has seemingly always been a concern for the family, but Lonnie is the only one who even considers financial compensation. All of this says a lot about where his priorities lie and what his values are.  Joyce Joyce Byers is, by all on-screen depictions, a loving mother and open-minded, friendly woman. It is curious as to what she would have seen in Lonnie (we will not assume Murray’s theories to be accurate), but conservative, small-town culture at the time certainly would have led many a woman to see a macho guy as ideal. Joyce has been portrayed in making many sacrifices for her loved ones, and she has a fiery temper that has come out whenever someone would seemingly try to get in the way of her taking care of said loved ones. By the time we are introduced to Joyce, her priorities seem to be her children. She works as a clerk at a local general store, presumably not making much money. It is assumed that after Lonnie left she had no significant romantic relationships until Bob Newby in 1984. While Joyce seems to love both of her sons a great deal, it is suggested in season 1 that she felt closer to Will. Despite this, there was no apparent favoritism. Joyce did however, albeit unintentionally, trigger some issues with Jonathan during the events of Will’s disappearance in 1983. Despite the lack of financial resources (we do not know if Lonnie pays any financial support), Joyce tries her best to support her children. She even managed to get an Atari 2600 for Will, which, even after the video game crash of the early 80s, would have cost her the equivalent of over $100 of today’s money. At first, Joyce welcomes Lonnie back into her life when he showed up after learning of Will’s “death.” She seemed exhausted and initially leaned on him for support. This changed when Joyce learned of his planned lawsuit against the owners of the quarry. She proceeded to lash out at him angrily, accusing him of never caring about his sons, perhaps giving us a look into what ultimately led to their separation (were they ever actually said to be divorced?). When Lonnie couldn’t even come up with what college Jonathan wanted to go to, Joyce viciously spat out that he has wanted to go to NYU since he was a child. To Joyce, not knowing something like that about your own child is reprehensible. When she brings up to Chief Hopper that Lonnie would refer to Will with gay slurs, the discomfort it brings to her is clearly visible. It’s purely speculation, but not out of the question based on what we know about her, that Joyce isn’t so much disturbed by the idea, but rather that she ostensibly allowed Lonnie to say such things. As the series moves on, Joyce is shown seeking out stability and security for herself and her family. Her relationship with Bob was an attempt to rebuild a sense of normality. Bob took a genuine interest in the boys and clearly loved her a great deal. His traumatic loss affects her greatly. She develops an understandable sense of paranoia about Hawkins and the agency behind the lab which ultimately leads to her deciding to uproot her family and leave town to parts yet known. While her decision to do so is certainly understandable and well-intentioned, it could have unintended adverse consequences that I intend to explore further below. Jonathan When we meet him, Jonathan Byers is an intelligent young man and a talented photographer. On the other hand, he is also well aware of the family’s struggles, perhaps more so than Will, and is somewhat parentified. Jonathan is not social, and is shown to be something of an outcast at school. We do not know how far back this goes, but it is possibly a result of Jonathan needing to go to work to help support the family. Jonathan is more like his mother than his father, as seen in his unconditional support for Will and his generally sensitive and protective nature. While in many cases a parentified child is a cause for concern, in Jonathan’s case it may well have given him a sense of purpose that allowed him to weather the rough family life he’s experienced.  Indeed, Jonathan initially seems to derive little satisfaction in life outside of photograph and his family. He apparently had already resigned himself to a life of sacrifice, at least until he can try to make a life for himself through photography. While he would go on to develop a relationship with Nancy Wheeler, he never lost his fraternal/borderline paternal bond with his little brother. He literally fought monsters to save and protect Will on multiple occasions. It is quite possible that Jonathan fosters a continuing sense of guilt, as the only reason he was not home the night Will vanished was because he took an extra work shift.  With Joyce, Jonathan seems to almost see himself as a co-parent rather than a son. While he clearly loves his mother, he is not above calling her out and butting heads with her as seen in the first season. When Jonathan sees what he thinks is Joyce losing her mind, his reaction is an angry outburst. While there is not enough evidence, this could be a result of abandonment issues as a result of his father leaving.Despite his maturity, Jonathan is still just a teenager at this point, and one who is already blaming himself for his brother vanishing. He needs his mother but sees her as abandoning him. Joyce is going around and publicly making herself seem crazy. While the viewers know that Joyce is right, Jonathan reacts like any of us may. He comes around once he realizes the truth, but it is clear that he is holding in a lot of his own pain and he may hold some resentment towards Joyce, even if he is unaware of it himself. Jonathan was older than Will when Lonnie left, so he would presumably have been more aware of what was going on. He also would have been old enough to potentially blame Joyce for failing to protect him and Will. This last part is all speculation, however. Jonathan’s relationship with Will is perhaps the strongest in the family. Jonathan helped Will build Castle Byers in response to Lonnie’s departure. He stayed until it was finished despite a rainstorm and (a presumably very young) Will’s lack of skill at actually helping. He would go on to support Will in all of his endeavors, blatantly encouraging him to dare to be different. He clearly doesn’t want to see Will succumb to the pressure of conformity. He makes it very clear that he supports Will completely and unconditionally. There is a suggestion here that Jonathan fears that Will may have a lingering desire to please their father at the expense of his own preferences. Will Will is smart, sensitive, artistic, and caring in a way that was discouraged in adolescent boys in a town like his. Will is heading towards the latter years of middle school as the series starts. Lonnie is already gone, but his influence is still there. Joyce dotes on him as much as possible, but time and resources are scarce. Jonathan takes on a hybrid father figure/big brother role to help keep Will happy. Oddly enough, given the circumstances of the plot, Will actually seems to come out the best. I will go further into detail below, but compared to his mom and older brother, Will actually has the most going for him. I’ve already covered Will’s role in the family above, but there is a bit more to explore from his perspective. Will is the much-loved son and brother to Joyce and Jonathan, and the bane of his father. Joyce wanted Will to be happy, and made every attempt to bond with him. Will did indeed seem to have a good relationship with his mother, as shown in his excitement to see Poltergeist with her and his risking his life to warn his mother of the Demogorgon. We also see many scenes of him bonding with Jonathan over music, but their relationship goes deeper. Jonathan is someone who Will confides in his relationship with his father. Will also worries about Jonathan’s hand injury despite the fact that he himself is in a hospital bed, having just woken up after being in the Upside Down for a week. Despite how good his relationships are with his mother and brother, Will is shown craving his father’s love. We do not know if Lonnie ever directly called Will a “queer” or “fag” or if he only referred to him as such to others, but Will does seem aware of his dad’s lack of support. Even though Will does not like baseball, he makes a pretense of it in an attempt to gain his father’s love, and he takes it hard when his dad does not deliver. It’s quite possible that Will harbors guilt as to what happened to his family, blaming himself for his dad leaving. Much like with Jonathan, this is speculative, but it wouldn’t be an unusual reaction for a young child whose parents split.  Development and Outlook

I will try to be short and sweet here. When one looks at the family as a whole, the many moving parts of the family and their environment quite frankly make sense. The family is portrayed in a reasonably realistic fashion. Lonnie’s displeasure with his family life, along with what is quite possibly dissatisfaction with his life in general, result in him leaving. These same factors left their mark on his wife and children. The Byers receive little support from the community, and are indeed seen as outcasts, resulting in reactions that range from indifference to scorn. This would lead to the Byers relying even more on each other and seeming even more like outcasts. The cycle is harsh. Even as you go outward towards more indirect influences, the Byers do not conform to conservative 80s norms, which sets them at odds with society as a whole. They are basically an island in a stormy sea. This is where Will’s bright spot comes in. Will has what the others in his family lack, at least before the events of the series: friends. Will is not an outcast in the same sense of the others. While he is still scorned by the larger school population, his relationship with the Party serve as a protective factor. In other words, he’s better able to deal with the bad aspects of his life because he has his friends to fall back on. Joyce and Jonathan, on the other hand, only have each other. Mike in particular is a source of strength for Will, which is what makes the rockiness of their relationship in season 3 so hard for him. Joyce and Jonathan would both form relationships outside of the family that make them better able to cope. Jonathan and Nancy have a mostly healthy relationship, and Joyce almost looks like a teenager in how carefree she is with Bob (before the plot hits high gear anyway). Joyce and Hopper aren’t quite as healthy, but there are signs that it could head that way before Hopper is presumably killed.  This is where Joyce makes a decision that she may come to regret. While her own attempts to develop a better ecoysystem seem cursed, Jonathan finally seems to have someone outside the family (indeed from a well-off family) that not only doesn’t scorn him, but loves him. Will has a group of friends that, despite some trials, is actually growing. Joyce, however, decides to separate them from these relationships in a well-meant attempt to save them from the town, the lab, and the Upside Down. It is hard to blame her for this, but the decision is nonetheless curious. She seems to be coming around to the idea of staying due to a burgeoning relationship with Hopper, which runs contrary to her tendency to put her kids first. One could excuse her for being clouded by grief, and we don’t see how she broke the news to Jonathan and Will (and El) or the aftermath. They all seem to have made peace with the idea, but the goodbyes are emotional, and Joyce herself looks upset and perhaps guilty, but this puts the family back to relying solely on each other, at least in the short term. Will they become stronger and be able to regain normalcy away from Hawkins? Will they end up resenting Joyce for it? How will El fit into this family? Can Will cope without his friends? Can Jonathan and Nancy’s relationship survive at a distance? How is Joyce going to be able to support a now-larger family? How will Lonnie fit into this? That all remains to be seen, but would be realistic elements to include in the next season.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

What to Binge Watch While in Quarantine

Do you feel yourself running out of things to watch on DVR or you don’t know which streaming platform to explore for your next watch? Or do you just find yourself with more time on your hands and don’t know what to do? If you answered yes to any of these questions I hope this thread helps you out. A lot of these picks are some of my top choices no matter what the case (which means I might have spoken about them before-possibly A LOT. Or they may be upcoming March picks, which just shows how great they really are). So without further a do here are some things you should consider bingeing as you maintain your social distancing and seek a form of escape...

Need a laugh?

Check out DERRY GIRLS

This half hour comedy (which honestly should be longer because the episodes go by too fast and there are not enough of them in the seasons) follows Erin Quinn as she navigates high school during the 1990s in Northern Ireland. She attends an all girl Catholic school along with her cousin Orla, and friends Michelle, Clare and James. (That’s right James also attends the all girls school. He’s a Brit and it would be too dangerous for him to attend the boys school during this time of civil unrest.) As the girls experience trivial problems like how to get to a concert or how to avoid people eating pot brownies at a funeral, the historic problems play out in the background. During the pandemic we’re experiencing we can take away living in the moment like these girls from Derry and not overly stressing on big world problems.   

Streaming on Netflix

Wanting more of a ROM COM kind of escapism?

Then look no further than the Netflix original Set it Up. 

Two assistants, Harper and Charlie, work in the same building and are experiencing a very “Devil wears Prada” relationship with each of their bosses. They meet one night at work after hours and believe they have the worse boss. A plan gets set in motion to set up their terrible bosses with each other. Then when they’re happy, the two assistants can have their lives back. You already see where this is probably going and who this love story is actually following: Harper and Charlie. I’ve been raving about this movie since 2018 when it first came out and it is still just as great as the first time I watched it. It honestly still gives hope for a great romantic comedy. 

Streaming on Netflix.  

Up for a good mystery? 

Give Cw’s Nancy Drew a try.

One of the Cw’s latest new shows this season, Nancy Drew, re-invents the classic stories we all know and love with a more darker and supernatural spin. If you like Riverdale and the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina then this might be right up your alley. However, as someone who doesn’t watch Riverdale and didn’t fall in love with Sabrina, I am still a big fan of this new adaptation of Nancy Drew. I feel like I’ve experienced a roller coaster of reviews with this one, from really liking it to not so much (because there was too much of the supernatural involved and I just wanted a good mystery) to now really liking it again. I think I just needed some time to understand the vibe of it all and now that I really know the characters I’m liking it a lot. I’m also excited it has been renewed for a second season. 

You can catch up with all 16 episodes now on the CW app or online cwtv.com. New episodes return in April. 

Want more of a magical kind of mystery?

Then you gotta watch Locke and Key.

Thanks to Netflix’s new trending list I decided to check out Locke and Key and I am so happy I did. It was fantastic and I can’t wait for season two. Based on the graphic novel by the same name, the series follows the Locke siblings who have just witnessed their father’s murder before traveling cross-country with their mother to his ancestral home, Key house. The house is filled with these magical keys that all have different properties from getting into your mind and looking at your deepest thoughts and desires, a key that opens any door and can take you anywhere, or one that opens a music box that lets you control people. The kids get drawn to the keys and unlock a deeper mystery of the keys and how their dad was involved in it all. Plus, there’s a sinister presence that is after the keys and will stop at nothing to get what they want. Definitely worth checking out!

Streaming on Netflix. 

Need some music in your life?

You must watch Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

This show gets better and better each episode. After a freak accident, Zoey gets the ability to hear people’s innermost feelings through song and dance. She’s the only who can hear it, which means she needs to help the person get through the problem in their life. Each episode has a good amount of musical numbers from popular songs to classics and even musicals. Great cast. There is not one character I don’t like. If you are a fan of Glee I would highly suggest checking it out. It’s the show that often gets compared to it, but you don’t have to be a fan of Glee to enjoy it. I wasn’t a die-heart fan and I’m loving Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. It’s a feel good watch that is just what we need at a difficult time like this. 

Watch it on NBC on demand. 

Did you love High School Musical?   

Then why haven’t you watched High School Musical the Musical the Series?

This show has been promoted since Disney Plus was released back in November. There was a lot of hype over it, which made me unsure if it would be worth it, but I gotta say that I really enjoyed it overall. A cross between Glee and the Office, HSMTMTS follows students who attend the school the Disney Original Movie Series was filmed. When the new drama teacher comes to “East High” she is shocked that the drama department has never put on the musical for themselves. There’s a love triangle(s), a large cast of talented singers, drama and mystery. Great new songs that will get stuck in your head and the promise for a second season with a brand new musical to perform. (I’m just bummed it’s Beauty and the Beast and not HSM 2). The episodes are only about 25 minutes and you’ll find yourself finished with the 10 episode season in a matter of hours.

Now streaming on Disney+.  

Feeling a telenovela musical?

Then Violetta is for you!

Drama, laughs, love, and music (with more catchy songs you won’t be able to get out of your head), this Disney original from Buenos Aires has it all. You will get sucked into the episodes just like I did and be shocked how far into the series you are in such a short amount of time. I watched all 80 episodes (that are about 40 minutes a piece) in a matter of 2 months. (And now I’m upset that Disney Plus hasn’t released season 2!!) The show follows Violetta Castillo who has just returned home after traveling the globe with her father for years. She wants to be like a regular kid and attend school rather than having a tutor, but her father forbids it. He’s over protective because her mother was a famous singer who then tragically died. He ties it back to the music and forbids Violetta from performing as well. Throughout the first season, she is exposed to a music school where she makes new friends, enemies, and becomes a part of a love triangle (naturally). In the process she rises to be one of the most talented performers, but constantly is worried her dad will find out the truth and make them move again. 

Streaming now on Disney+. 

Needing a Sci-Fi fix?

Tune into the Cw’s Pandora.

The show aired on the Cw this summer and needs more love and recognition. I was surprised over how much I enjoyed it. When each episode aired I wanted to watch it right away, which then made me upset because I had to wait a week, but you won’t have that problem! The show takes place in the future in the year 2199. Our main character Jax witnesses her family getting tragically killed and is forced back to Earth to live with her uncle who runs a training academy. Jax enrolls in the school and makes several friends a long the way (there are so many ships on this show that I often had trouble deciding who I liked with who). While at the academy she starts to piece together that her family’s death might not have been an accident and that more lies behind it as well as her own past. There were times when I was confused by how much time had passed from the last episode because characters would be very close or references would get made and I’d be like: Did I miss something? But despite all of that I really enjoyed it and am happy there will be a season 2. It feels very Cw in the best way possible, so if you already watch a lot of shows on the network then you should give this one a try. 

Watch the entire first season on the CW app or online @ cwtv.com

Wanting an ironic watch in this difficult time?

Then add Daybreak to your queue.

This Netflix original had been on my list for a while and once the Corona virus was getting more and more serious I felt I needed something to take my mind off of it and also to have a good laugh. Daybreak is doing just that. (I am currently still watching the series so I don’t have a full review just yet.) This show takes place during the aftermath of a nuclear attack. In this apocalypse adults have turned into “zombie-like figures” who are muttering the last thought they had (often a very funny one). The kids are now in charge and each clique in high school has a territory. We follow social-outcast/new kid at school. Josh who is on the search for the love of his life, Sam, that he lost during the night of the explosion. Along the way he finds allies and they form their own tribe. This show is constantly breaking the fourth wall, having characters directly talk and look at us. I thought I would hate it, but I actually really like that feature and am kind of upset now that Josh has not narrated an episode in a while. 

Now streaming on Netflix.    

Still looking for more laughs?

Add Kelsey’s 100 Baby Challenge to your Watch Later

Throughout last year, Buzzfeed multiplayer’s Kelsey Immpicciche took up the 100 baby challenge in the Sims 4. What she thought would be a fun challenge and a couple videos blew up into a full series spanning 50 episodes, multiple spin-off series and even a line of clothing (which I am happy to say I own a sweatshirt). Who would have thought watching someone play the Sims and try to have 100 babies with all different parents would be so much fun? Kelsey has made me want to play the Sims and have my very own 100 baby challenge. This challenge is hilarious and fun. I loved all of Kelsey’s commentary as she plays as well as reading the comment section where everyone tries to give her tips. It’s so exciting to see how so many people got involved in this challenge. I hope she continues for season 2 soon! 

You can watch all of season 1 on YouTube.

Need a change in location?

Venture back in time and to Prince Edward Island with Anne with an E.

L.M. Montgomery’s beloved series is adapted with a fresh new take on her classic characters and setting. Across Anne with an E’s three seasons we watch Anne Shirley come to Green Gables and form a family with Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert. We watch her shake up school and form life long friends. Something that I love about this series is that it is able to incorporate so many of the issues our society is facing today. While not always 100% accurate to the original novels, the show takes liberties with the source material and expands upon it to create something audiences can see as an echo of our conflicts. While this has been a problem for some, I think, once you realize this, you can enjoy the series even more. I know of so many people who have turned to the book after watching and falling in love with this series. Now, during this time, it is the perfect form of escapism. With each season spanning about 10 episodes you will be done and wanting more just like I am. I’m still upset the series has not been renewed. 

Streaming now on Netflix. 

Early Releases:

LITTLE WOMEN is now available on digital copy.

FROZEN 2 has been released early to Disney Plus.

Rumor is that EMMA will be released on digital copy as early as March 20th.

With so much to watch I hope that you can endure this quarantine happily. If there’s a show you’d like to add to the list make sure to attach it below in a comment or by sharing this post!

[mcribel]

( ella purnell + 18 + muse 05 ) isn’t that maribel sawyer over there? i heard SHE joined faction one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip to do something kind. hopefully they fit in there – they’re TENDERHEARTED, but also BIDDABLE. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine. ( james, she/they, 20, EST )

hello it’s me again !! i have really bad uuuhhhh self control so i brought in this sweetie !!

TW: PAST EATING DISORDER (MENTIONS ONLY), MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.

a e s t h e t i c s

handwritten letters and ink-stained hands, vintage magnifying glasses and worn oxfords, knee-high socks and scraped knees, ribbons in hair and turtlenecks underneath dresses, dried flowers and locked up diaries, suede skirts and oversized cardigans, hot tea and cold coffee, flinching at loud noises, loud voices, record scratches and stumbles, stuttering words and beet-red faces, bitten nails and awkward stances, blankets laid out in the sun and the smell of newspapers.

general info !!

full name: maribel ottoline sawyer

nickname(s): mari, bell, lottie b/c middle name, etc. etc. just sawyer sometimes idk

b.o.d. - june 1st, 18 yrs old

label(s): the marionette, the demure, the obsequious, the allegiant, etc.

height: like 5′3″

hometown: duluth, minnesota

sexuality: ??? ??? ?????

stats TBD but her pinterest is HERE !

biography !!

born the middle child to a man in the air force and a woman whose passions laid among writing diet cookbooks and recording cooking DVDs, maribel was never anything extraordinary.

after all, her elder sister had a voice made for broadway, and her younger brother was writing sonnets before he’d hit middle school. and maribel was just maribel, another girl with middle child syndrome

her household was typical, conservative all-american, strict no matter where they moved. curfew before 9pm and family dinner every sunday, mandatory; better not miss out on those vegetables or you’ll be sitting there for hours. grounded for grades below their expected. the usual.

there wasn’t anything particularly interesting in her life for the longest time. she was just another shy girl who moved to school to school, quiet and seated in the very back of class, as if that’d allow her the coverage to remain unseen.

she couldn’t color in the lines, or follow the lines, or draw a straight line, the kind of gal who opened her mouth at the wrong time, whose voice got washed away by another’s interrupting. she got picked on at most schools, due to her size and her stumbling words, and she’d let it happen for the most part. always the wannabe, trying to be who she wasn’t.

it hadn’t helped that her mother was some sort of ... health food guru, a woman obsessed with image and the epitome of health - her practices were often forced upon maribel, especially, beginning in a long, difficult relationship with food.

by the time she was a freshmen in high school, her parents had divorced and, for a brief moment, mari thought she could finally settle down somewhere and become a normal teenager. this was until, of course, her mother enrolled her in a boarding school in nevada.

with her sister graduated and her brother still in middle school, mari was left alone in a strange school; the only constant being the cliques that surrounded herself and the money they waved around, as if it were nothing.

the only time she was ever really approached was because of her knack with forgery, a talent picked up after hours of mimicking others’ handwriting, an attempt to change every single part of her into someone likable.

often stayed in the computer labs during lunch and free periods, firstly because she’d never been allowed to have a computer at home (rots yr brain!) and secondly because she’d gotten into programming, and it was something she could actually ... see herself doing, potentially.

was alone in this until her sophomore year, when the next new kid found their way into the computer lab; the loser zone, the land of outcasts. this individual, despite their quirks and oddities, became maribel’s first genuine friend. they were a little too into conspiracies and mysteries, but that was alright.

soon enough, it started to rub off onto maribel, as well, who’d always been observant but not the kind of gal to put it to use. they became a tiny pair of investigators, p.i.’s without the certification, investigating petty school drama that was usually written on the inside of a bathroom stall.

essentially a less impressive nancy drew / scooby doo gang / veronica mars duo.

surprisingly ! beginning junior year, maribel got involved with the weed and underaged drinking and whatnot b/c her like, very best friend was doing it and she wanted to be...impressive, i guess?

so then they became stoner detectives. about halfway thru their junior year is when things got uuhh ... complicated.

one night they were just, y’know, getting high and other typical teenager things. and then someone started talking about aliens, and then area 51, and then they both became increasingly aware that they were living in nevada and Not Too Far from the airbase.

long story short, they attempted to break into area 51. they got caught, got charged with trespassing and had to be bailed out of county jail, maribel’s dad almost lost his job, and her best friend disappeared without a trace almost immediately afterwards. spooky shit !

this is when her mother packed up and moved them to west ham, kansas ! it was for a ~fresh start~ but really was just a way to keep her eye on maribel.

i mean, god, for the rest of her junior year maribel was miserable. she was a student at west ham high but like ... god, she hardly spoke to anyone. drug tested every week, essentially on some sort of form of house arrest.

wasn’t really allowed to get a job during this either ! so she made money by anonymously creating and selling fake I.D.’s b/c like ... yolo, y’know? why not?

her mental health deteriorated during this and by the summer before her senior year she was getting help for an eating disorder. she was essentially gone the entire summer, but like ... doubt anybody noticed tbh !

by the time senior year rolled around, maribel was in a better place and was like ... determined not to fall into a bad headspace again. her anxiety’s still pretty strong but ! she’s trying !

uuh started working for the school newspaper as a help column under a fake name b/c ! this was her way of branching out and getting to know students w/o actually doing it lmao.

took a few of her classes online so she could leave school earlier, just b/c it was a major source of anxiety for her and like ... she couldn’t eat alone in the bathroom again. her mom was a little less ... restrictive, so maribel got a job.

or well ... she got a lot of jobs. maribel, being maribel, can hardly keep a job b/c she usually ends up fucking up real badly in an almost comical manner and getting fired.

on the otherhand, she had earned herself a partial scholarship and was debating over majoring in computer science or investigative journalism (her parents were very disapproving of her doing computer science, however, so she was likely to be forced into journalism) ... until the trip.

she went as a simple act of kindness, y’know, to give back to the community that she hardly knew.

and now here we are !! joining faction one b/c she knows of everybody there and they’re all her age and like ... she can’t be on her own or she’d actually die lmao so !

personality !!

god ... she’s awkward. like just, straight up awkward. she’s real bad at talking to others.

always tripping and stumbling over her words, and occasionally her own two feet. she’s constantly jittery and just like ... fidgety b/c she’s usually nervous. touch her hand. it’s shaking. why? she doesn’t know !

however maribel is like ... very very very nice. tries really hard to be kind to everybody and tries really hard 2 be a good pal to whoever makes their way into her life.

sorta kinda like ... adjusts her personality 2 match whoever she’s talking to b/c she wants to be likable. oh, you smoke marlboros? me too ! proceeds to cough a lung after inhaling one (1) cigarette. that sort of shit.

used to smoke a lot of weed but ! didn’t really do it that much in recent months. might increase now that her mom isn’t around but you never know. uuhh the rare times that she does drink it’s like ... a complete flip in her personality. becomes ms. extrovert, a flirt of flirts. but that’s very rare.

very hesitant with befriending people even tho she ! desperately wants friends ! she’s just a little untrusting ... a little worrisome ... believes she’s cursed to be a friendless loser for the rest of her life. so she’s definitely like .. a try hard too.

i mean like i don’t think ‘no’ is in her vocabulary ! she’ll do anything if u ask and like .. sound like u really want it. really just is seeking approval whenever possible.

squeaks like a mouse :/

rambles ! when she’s nervous ! and apologizes a lot.

she’s just like ... insecure and doesn’t expect anybody 2 remember her from anything jskdfg

easily bends to other’s will, easily manipulative / easy 2 step on / etc. etc.

she does smile and like ... laughs a lot tho ! b/c she tries rly hard to come off as like happy and optimistic and like ... not having deep-rooted issues with herself. 

she’s a good kid, just a lil plain jane. can’t talk for shit but has given good written advice b4. is good w/ math n numbers but not much anything else.

she is really observant !! doesn’t rly use it to her advantage tho :/ she just makes mental notes ... writes shit in her diary b/c she 100% keeps n writes in her diary daily. 

sort of lies abt herself too ! like it’s nothing serious but like ... she doesn’t rly want others to know how lame she is sdifkg

can be ... ditzy , lacking common sense, a little naive ... just wants everything to be okay :(

loves vintage stuff ! owns p much only vintage stuff ! also listens 2 like ... records exclusively like the dork she is. like soft indie pop and other shit.

has probably cried 2 mitski but like ... who hasn’t :/

literally only turned 18 like ... a few days ago ... she’s baby ...

wanted connections !!

god okay ... so like obv i would like some friends for her ... varying degrees of closeness.

idk somebody she has crushed on before / is crushing on currently .. but like, from afar, like she’d never talk to them but she can look !! and dream !! and write their names together in her diary

somebody use her b/c she’s so naive n like ... usable. idk what for but ! anything ! get her to steal shit ! get her to wreck shit or to lie for you or whatever !

like ... fake friends ... ppl who’ll throw her away once her purpose is done

alternately !! something pure n wholesome.

ALTERNATELY srsly though. wreck her shit. convince her you care for her n then betray her !!

conspiracy pals ... for the rare times she gets high ...

someone she flirted with once while drunk at like a party and now she’s embarrassed and avoids them :/

an ex-tutor b/c ... don’t think school’s in session anymore ...

ppl who genuinely want the best for her and like ... care for her as a living person.

someone who just cant stand ! that she’s so weak minded and malleable ! and rather than use her they just ... clash with her. cause arguments even tho maribel doesn’t rly... do that.

like someone just yell at her sdikfg

someone has to get her out of a sticky situation and they’re like ... Annoyed. might not wanna admit it but ! and she just feels bad

ppl who she’s definitely given a fake I.D. to

ppl who literally forgot she existed dkfmghg

someone for her to follow around like a lil puppy and sidekick !! b/c she doesn’t have a single independent thought !! someone she’s just rly trying to impress

someone found her diary and oh no ! it’s embarrassing !

c o r r u p t  h e r. idk how ! seduce her ! make her look at the world differently ! ruin her ! DESTROY HER !

literally ... anything ...pleathe ... i’ll give u a penny. 

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

The King of Hawkins Goes Soft

Summary: The reader helps chaperone the winter formal, which leads to a very eventful night involving the King of Hawkins. 

Word Count: 2648

Song Pairing: Talking in your Sleep- the romantics https://youtu.be/PtxiZItyYh8

authors note: kinda spoilers for season two? This also doesn’t 100% follow the plot! I had SO much fun writing this!! Let me know what you think!! (single mom Steve is the best Steve)

You smiled to yourself watching the event unfold. Steve was giving some version of a pep talk to Dustin before the winter formal, and you laughed as you saw the deal sealed with a handshake.

Dustin walked by you with a huge grin, “Hey (y/n)!”. He saluted you, and you saluted back matching his grin. You winked, “Good luck tonight soldier”.

By now Steve had parked his car, and was resting against the hood. You walked over to him, “What are you doing here? Hate to break it to ya but you’re a little too old-”.

Steve crossed his arms over his chest, laughing while shaking his head. He smiled, “I gotta keep an eye on the little shits”.

You raised an eyebrow, there always seemed to be more to Steve than he let on. You stood next to him, “Don’t tell me the king of Hawkins has gone soft on me”.

He rolled his eyes, but a smile soon formed upon his lips. Steve ran a hand through his hair, “That’s rich coming from you (y/n), you’re like an AV god to them”.

It was true, you’d grown a soft spot for the little gang after the numerous hours you’d spent with them in the AV club. Laughing you said, “Don’t tell me you’re jealous of some middle schoolers Steve”.

You couldn’t explain it, but for some reason you felt brave tonight. You just had a feeling that it was now or never for everything. You’d been close with Steve, and harboured a huge crush for him, but you’d never done something about it before.

Steve smirked, he liked this new side of you that you were showing. He nodded his head, “Jealous of the little dipshits? They are pretty fucking badass huh”.

You heard you name being called remembering you were on duty, “Shit”. Steve laughed softly hearing you swear, normally you’d keep it together. You smiled, “I’m uh monitoring the dance”.

Steve held out his arm, “Need a date? They are pretty fond of me…”. Your heart raced, but you tried to push your doubts away. Holding onto this new confidence you linked your arm with his, “Softie”.

Once again Steve found himself smiling as he walked into the dance with you. His smile faded when he saw Nancy, but he tried to brush it off. He was distracted when the gang ran over to you guys.

Lucas smiled, “You didn’t tell us you were helping out (y/n)!”. You shrugged your shoulders, “And miss my favorite kids killing it? Ya right”.

Steve’s thoughts became happy again as he watched you joke around with all of the kids. They really looked up to you, and seemed so comfortable with you.

He was pulled from his thoughts, “I thought the hair looked familiar”. Dustin winked to Steve, holding a finger over his lips hinting at their little secret. Steve laughed, “Killer right?”.

You laughed too, “Sure thing, I’ll be right back guys”. You left the group and went to go get something to drink. The second you walked away Dustin let it all out.

He raised his eyebrows, “So (y/n) huh?”. Steve was taken back, and tried to deny his feelings. Lucas held up a finger, “Don’t even dude, it’s pretty obvious”. Steve ran a hand through his hair, trying to deflect things.

Mike laughed, “You’ve got it back Harrington”. Steve looked over his shoulder and saw you coming back. He moved his hands so the kids knew to lower their voices, “If any of you dickheads say one thing you’re all dead, got it?”.

They all looked to each other, smirks plastered across their faces. You laughed when you saw everyone’s expressions, “What did I miss?”. They all tried their best not to giggle.

Dustin patted Steve’s shoulder, “Nothing really, right Steve?”. Steve blinked, and then licked his lips. He put his hands in his pockets, “Yeah nothing”.

You raised an eyebrow, “You guys are getting weirder by the minute, go pretend to be normal boring kids for at least one second”.

They all nodded their heads smirking, muttering yes and okay and of course. Laughing you turned to Steve, “I swear, why do I get this feeling that I never know what’s really going on around here”.

Steve was unsure of what to say, almost feeling guilty about everything you’d been left out of. Things got worse when Nancy walked over to you both, “Hey (y/n) I was-”. When she noticed Steve her train of thought stopped.

You tried to fill in the gap, “Were you looking for the attendance sheet? I gave it to Mr. Clarke”. She faked a smile and nodded her head, “Yeah, exactly”. She walked back over to the photo booth where Jonathan was.

Turning to Steve you said, “Look if you want to talk about whatever that just was with someone, I’m here”. You could clearly tell that something was up, you’d heard rumors about a possible breakup but something deeper was going on.

Steve nodded his head, becoming more sure by the second, “You know what? That’s exactly what I want”. You raised an eyebrow, not expecting him to actually agree.

Once again he extended his hand, “Let’s ditch, besides the little shits will be fine and who cares about everyone else?”. You giggled, and nodded your head. Together you walked back out to his car.

You both got into the car, and Steve automatically turned on the radio. He tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel, “You know me and Nanc aren’t as perfect as we seem”.

When you close your eyes and go to sleep, And it’s down to the sound of a heartbeat

I can hear the things that you’re dreaming about, When you open up your heart and the truth comes out

He shook his head, “Far fucking from it actually”. You felt bad, it was clear how hurt he was. Lowering your head to look at him you said, “What happened?”.

Steve laughed dryly, “Bullshit…that’s what happened b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t”. Biting your lip you tried to think of what to say next. He shook his head, “You know the halloween party the other day?”.

You tell me that you want me, You tell me that you need me

You tell me that you love me

You nodded your head, “Yeah I mean I didn’t go but….yeah”. You cursed yourself for sounding so lame. Steve continued, “Well Nancy got super wasted and-”. He stopped for a moment.

He looked out the window, “She said she doesn’t love me anymore”. Your heart sank seeing how beaten up this was all making him. Steve shook his head again, “And her loverboy Jonathan took her home”.

And I know that I’m right, Cuz I hear it in the night

I hear the secrets that you keep, When you’re talking in your sleep

Before you knew what you were doing, you rested a hand on his knee. Steve’s eyes darted towards yours, and you took your hand away.

While trying to hide your blush you said, “Well maybe she’s going through something and-”. You didn’t want to just bash Nancy, because at the end of the day despite your own feelings for Steve, you knew he cared for her.

Steve cut you off, “we all are…what gives her an excuse?”. Nodding your head you continued, “Okay Steve I’m going to be honest with you”. He nodded his head, knowing he desperately needed to hear whatever you’d say.

You sighed, “I know I sound like a damn fortune cookie, but everyone is put into our lives for a reason. Maybe Nancy was supposed to help you grow, help you see things in yourself that you couldn’t before-”.

When I hold you in my arms at night,

Don’t you know you’re sleeping in a spotlight

Smiling you continued, “I mean you’ve changed Steve…I know you like to pretend you don’t care but seeing the way you act with Dustin…I mean…you’re such a good role model for him”.

Steve needed this, god he needed this. He was pretending to be fine with everything, but he was so unsure. Steve might have seemed okay on the outside but on the inside there was a little voice telling him he wasn’t good enough.

So Steve was silent, he let you keep talking because your voice was so happy, your eyes so bright, you believed in him…you cared. Steve marveled in the fact that for once, someone was showing concern for him.

“Just because Nancy doesn’t love you anymore doesn’t mean everything good about you is suddenly gone Steve” it was like you knew exactly what he needed to hear.

And all your dreams that you keep inside

You’re telling me the secrets that you just can’t hide

You rested a hand on his knee again, “I know there’s a lot you don’t tell me, and hey that’s fine. But I want you to know that you don’t have to act all brave around me okay? A lot of people put pressure on you Steve, but I want you to feel safe with me”.

Steve felt it, the electricity. As he watched all of the emotion you put into your words, he felt it too. The entire time it felt like the both of you were just building up, and now Steve wanted to let it all explode.

So he crashed his lips against yours, and god damn it the electricity only got stronger. To his surprise your hand moved up his leg, but then the kiss was over as quickly as it had started.

You pulled back, “Steve..I don’t want to be a rebound for you”. As he looked into your eyes he saw how nervous you looked, as if it one second this was all going to come crashing down on you.

His voice was soft, “You’re right about me (y/n). I pretend everything is fine, I pretend that I don’t care….but I do.”. It was your turn to remain silent and hear what you so desperately needed to.

Steve continued, “I’m not going to lie to you, Nanc hurt me-”. Your heart sank a little, afraid that he was going to give you the “just friends” speech. He now smiled, “But like you said, I gotta move on…she’s not right for me anymore…but you are”.

He moved closer to you, “Can’t you feel it (y/n)?”. His face was inches from yours, and you could see the glimmer in his eyes. Biting your lip you said, “I do Steve”.

You weren’t lying, from the moment you’d sat down in the car with him you’d felt it. It was like every nerve in your body tingled with anticipation. From the moment you’d first saw him tonight, you felt it.

Steve’s eyes were practically begging you to just let go and roll with it. Your face was inches from his, and you decided once again now or never.

So you were as daring as you could be, and jumped into the driver’s seat, straddling Steve. Instantly he smirked, “Damn (y/n)”. Looking down at him you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t even stay remotely annoyed with him.

You found yourself smiling before kissing him deeply. His hands slowly slid up your legs before gripping your hips. Breathlessly you said his name, your voice much needier than you’d planned.

Steve started to kiss your neck, leaving marks all over your skin. He moved his lips to graze your ear as he whispered, “You are so damn beautiful baby”. You swallowed hard, melting into his touch.

Softly he whispered again, “I can’t even control myself..I want you so badly”. A whole new side of him was showing, a side that was going to be the death of you. Licking your lips you moved his head to look at you.

You were cupping his face, “Then take what you want”. Steve swallowed hard, not expecting something like that to come out of your mouth. It was like the more he got to know you, the more he realized how badly he needed you.

Steve had always been drawn to you, but he’d never thought he could feel this way. He knew that you were making yourself just as vulnerable as he was, and that made him feel safe.

No matter how much he’d loved Nancy, he’d always felt like he was waiting to make some mistake that she just couldn’t forgive. That with one wrong move, no matter what it was, suddenly she wouldn’t want him.

But within ten minutes of truly getting to know you, every insecurity he’d ever had melted away. And contrary to popular belief, Steve Harrington had a lot.

Steve smiled and as he opened his mouth to speak, but there was rapid knocking on the car window. He groaned throwing his head back, “Come on!”. While still sitting on his lap, you rolled the window down.

There stood a very worked up Dustin, who was closing his eyes, “Do you guys have clothes on? Can I look–if you don’t-”. You found yourself shaking your head laughing, but Steve wasn’t as amused.

Steve moved to roll up the window, “Look dickhead, now is not the time I-”. Dustin put his hands on the glass, stopping Steve from rolling it up further. Suddenly the rest of the gang ran up to the car.

You watched Steve’s eyes widen as you sat there confused. Mike spoke up, “Look it’s Will, he and dart-”. Steve’s whole demeanour changed, and you felt the need to take action. You got up off of him, getting out of the car.

Taking a step forward you asked, “What can we do?”. Steve not so gracefully got out of the car, and now stood next to you. The kids looked to each other, and then back at you.

You spoke up again, “Guys if Will is in danger then I want to help!”. To your surprise they formed a small huddle and started whispered to themselves. You sat there with your arms crossed, “Guys come on!”.

The huddle broke as Lucas said, “We don’t have time”. You’d had no idea what they were talking about, but you mentally prepared yourself to be ready for whatever.

Dustin pointed at Steve, “Grab you bat and follow us to the back lot”. You raised an eyebrow, and Steve put his hands up. His voice was stern, “Yeah no way guys, it’s not safe for (y/n)”.

Will repeated, “We don’t have time for this Steve!”. You were becoming more curious by the second. Steve pointed at Will, “I said no, not gonna happen”.

Dustin shook his head, “Son of a bitch, just get the bat!”. As the boys went back and forth for another minute you took it upon yourself to look for the bat.

You smirked to yourself as you pulled the baseball bat from the back seat, shaking your head at the fact it was covered in nails. As you returned to the group you saw they were still fighting, “Listen dipshits, is this really necessary”.

You played around with the bat, getting a good feel for it. Clearing your throat you got their attention, “this bat?”. The boys had smirks plastered across their faces as Steve looked at you with shock.

Dustin smirked, “Yeah that bat, let’s go come on!”. You started to walk away with them, until Steve pulled you back. He pressed you against the car, “I’ll be damned if I let anything bad happen to you, don’t leave my side okay?”.

Playfully you whispered, “Softie” before kissing him one last time. As you joined the group Steve stood there smiling to himself for a minute. While watching you walk away he thought, “Those dipshits are right..fuck I have it bad..”.

[scoobydoominuscoobydoo]

 Part Six

“You know like...two people, together. That nobody ever thought would be together...”

“I’ll let you students know right now that this job I’ve appointed you is your top priority, grades and attendance will be ignored until you find Miss McCall.” 

Velma visibly flinched, as if their attendance record could get any worse this year.

The gang all sent each other worried looks, the fact that the principal thought calling them in here to let them know that their grades and attendance didn’t matter would make them find Natalie McCall faster was concerning.

Never had so many people put so much faith in them and so far they were letting them all down.

To the point that the freaking principal, the god of their dimension, had to intervene and tell them that either they get their shit together and find his granddaughter or be forced to repeat the year due to the amount of classes they missed. Or worse.

People had sudden expectations of them now. And it was nerve wracking.

Before people would just label them the Nancy Drew wannabes that always sat outside during lunch and had a weird van that seemed like the prime piece of real estate to hand out pot.

Which explained why so many people approached Shag with the hope of buying “A couple ounces.” 

Which only led to Shaggy being confused and that person never associating with the gang ever again.

Daph would usually just say, “I’ll explain it to you when you’re older dear.”

But now the student body president, and local queen of Coolsville, had been kidnapped a week ago and still no ransom was announced.

Suddenly people expected the Nancy Drews and their pot van to jump right in and search for the top rung of the social ladder. But for a while the gang hadn’t planned on getting involved, seeing as there was no man in a mask involved. So it didn’t really fall under their criteria of mysteries.

But when Natalie’s boyfriend approached them offering money to find her, it became clear the people thought they were going to find the lost girl.

After a couple more days of pestering and one altercation where one of the girls from the cheer squad shoved Shaggy against the lockers and demanded they find Nat unless they wanted to be thrown into the school swimming pool that would be “conveniently” filled with a mixture of Vaseline and Nair. 

Of course Daphne nearly strangled her to the ground, she had zero tolerance for anyone who threatened her gang (Shaggy especially) but Shag pulled her away and promised they’d try what they could to find her.

Unfortunately, the gang had no idea where to start and Daph’s constant suggestion that they just rip the cheer squad a new one and let the police handle it wasn’t helping.They had started by talking with the parents who didn’t even try to hide their disappointment at the sight of a bunch of seniors being their only hope to find their baby girl.

They then, skeptically, relayed anything they could remember regarding the kidnapping and their daughter.

The only useful things they got out of that conversation was the fact the Natalie was “the perfect little angel.” And that she was snatched the day of her 16th birthday party.

A party Daph and Fred had been invited to but both turned down since Scooby had a vet appointment that day and they didn’t want a stressed out Shag left alone with Velms who would definitely try to be sympathetic and comforting. But she would absolutely 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt fail horribly and certainly make it worse. Bless her heart.

A few leads would pop up here and there but for the most part they all led to zilch.

The students were getting anxious about Nat’s safety and annoyed with the gang who had yet to find anything on her. The cheerleaders had filled Shag’s locker with unopened tubes of Nair that all came tumbling down on him when he opened it. 

This only further convinced Daph that they needed to attack the squad and forget about finding Nat.

“Daph, like they just miss their friend. Wouldn’t you do the same thing if I was snatched by some freak?”  

“Shaggy, the last time you got kidnapped you were missing for 24 hours and even during that small amount of time I wasn’t able to function or think. I-If you were missing for the same amount of time as Nat than I........”

She never finished that sentence. 

They had left the principal’s office with grim looks on their faces.

The gang could see the gears in Velma’s head set at maximum speed as she tried to figure out their next damn move.

Fred grabbed the back of her shoulders and steered her through the crowd of people as she continued to think. Daph sent glares to any of the cheerleaders that walked by them and took a protective stance next to Shaggy. 

“Oh man my sweet knight in shining armor! Like, what would I do without you?”

She was pulled out of bodyguard mode by his clear teasing and sighed, she knew Shag wanted her to give them a break. But that would mean having to apologize to them, and Daphne was not a fan of saying sorry to people she disliked.

They all stopped at Velma’s locker, the wheels still turning it seemed, and Fred leaned against the door of the locker next to hers.

Shaggy and Daphne looked at each other and then back at Velms.

Whenever her brain was turned onto 100% she would usually be spaced out for a few minutes to a few hours. They were all hoping it would be the latter.

And they were lucky this time because after another five or so minutes with eyes glazed over, she popped back into reality with a start. Making Shaggy jump back and bump into one of the students. Both of them crashed to the ground.

Velma looked down and rolled her eyes, “Maybe we should call you Danger Prone Shaggy so that you and Daph can be all matchy matchy.” 

Daphne giggled nervously as she grabbed onto his arm and helped Shaggy stand up again, sending anxious glaces to a confused Fred, who didn’t get the point of Velma’s joke. 

Shaggy didn’t seem to hear what Velms said since he was too busy apologizing to whoever he crashed into and knocked down.

As he turned his attention back to the group, Daph let go of his arm and pretended to be busy brushing imaginary dirt off of her dress.

Fred just shrugged and turned back to Velma.

“You got anything Velms?”

She stared at all of them for a second before smirking, “Of course I do, why else would you guys keep me?” She turned around and started to enter the combination for her locker as she began to explain her idea.

“This is obviously so much bigger than just Natalie. I mean while it may be tempting to kidnap a 15 - no - 16 year old girl now.” She pulled open her locker, “I believe that this has something to do with her parents, her father more specifically.”

“Wait so you think Nat’s dad, like went out and pissed somebody off and like a decent human being the somebody that got pissed went and kidnapped the apple of his eye and now has him so nervous that he’s practically pulling his hair out without touching it?” Velma sent Shaggy a glare and turned back to searching her locker.

“I checked out a book on the McCall family seeing as they’re one of the oldest families in Coolsville and this town is bored as fuck.” She shoved a pile of, “light reading” books aside and got on her tip toes to try and reach up and grab whatever was behind them.

“And for the generation before ours, or Nat’s parents. The family had split off into two, one with Nat’s dad and - thank you Freddie - one with Nat’s uncle or her dad’s brother.” She held out the book that Fred had grabbed from the locker and handed to her.

She flipped through the pages quickly, most likely trying to spot one page in particular.

“Basically a lot of bickering and, ‘Why did daddy give you the nice house and I just got his $300,000 car??!!’ went down and the brothers stopped talking to each other.” Daph snorted.

“Been there done that, family feuds are so not as fun as you’d think.” Everyone rolled their eyes and sent Daphne a look that said, “Not now.”

“Aaaanywaaay, because Nat’s dad had made smarter business choices and isn’t a fucking moron his brother got pissed at him and decided the reason he was rich was because he inherited ‘more’ than him from their dad.”

Fred cleared his throat and nodded.

Daph sighed, “So....you think that this brother hated Nat’s dad so much that he kidnapped his niece....o-out of revenge for being poorer than his brother??”

Velma shrugged, “That would explain why there’s been no ransom demand, and the brothers have both been known to threaten each other in public. Plus he’s able to play the concerned uncle card so the police haven’t focused on him.”

Freddie groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Velms you do realize that is grasping at not even straws here, we’re grasping at coffee stirrers?” 

Velma shook head.

“Look this uncle recently rented out the newer yacht brought to the marina and he’s done nothing with it. He hasn’t even taken it out on the the water! I’ll bet you anything that he’s keeping Natalie there!”

Shaggy chuckled nervously, “Like, I hope you’re not willing to bet us all probably getting expelled if this doesn’t work out.”

He could see Daphne glance down at his hands out of the corner of his eye. They weren’t shaking, but he wasn’t really sure why she thought they would be shaking at all.

After Velma’s revelation they discussed the plan with the police.

While the idea got a lot of eyebrow raises, these meddling kids had never been wrong before.

So they dropped Shaggy and Daphne back at the high school so that if Nat was safe and intact they could call them and they would let the school know she was fine.

Fred and Velma were gonna be forced to stay in the squad car and that was the best they could get.

As Shag and Daph waited for the call from Velma it became clear how riled up the students were getting. The cheerleaders sneered and others sent them warning glares. They had no idea why them not being able to find Nat would automatically be their fault. Solving mysteries grounded in reality was never their thing and Nat was no exception.

Shaggy sighed, that was just the logic of high school, he was so glad he only had less than one year left of this hell.

And then he gulped, if this didn’t work out then who knows what the principal would do to them. He could force them to repeat a year or worse, expel them.

If that happened it wouldn’t be any good for Fred and Velma who both applied to Yale and Stanford. He glanced over at Daphne who was twiddling her thumbs and just looking pretty in general. She wanted to go to NYU in a desperate attempt to escape her family’s stupid traditions and live as far away from them as she could within reason. 

He felt his heartbeat start to pick up.

The future always seemed to make him nervous. 

But the chance that this would ruin his friend’s futures, Daphne’s future, it just made his skin run cold.

He wondered how their parents would react.

He gulped, he had a pretty good idea of how his parents would respond.

He took a deep breath and bit into his lower lip, he needed to calm down. If he panicked now then he would just go absolutely insane if Nat wasn’t okay.

It had been around an hour since they had been dropped off and there was still no call from Velms and no news of the condition of of the victim.

Daphne looked over at Shag and saw that he seemed to be in his beginning stages of panic, she wasn’t totally sure where the panic was coming from but the current stakes people had put on them were even making her nervous. 

She walked over to him slowly an began to make a grab for his hand, “Shags...you alri-”

Her moment was cut off by the sound of the Dairy Queen theme. 

Shaggy’s ringtone.

They jumped and seemed frozen for a second, both just looking at each other.

Exhaling, he grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and answered.

“Velma?......... It what?......With his girlfriend......She’s just....gone???” Daphne was holding her breath as she heard the bits and pieces and felt her heart sink as Shaggy’s face fell and his breathing picked up.

She wasn’t there.

They had no idea where she was.

Or if she was still alive.

His hand fell back down to his side, Velma still talking to him on the other end, probably not aware that he wasn’t listening.

Daph watched as his eyes began to dart around, “Shaggy a-are you alright?? You need to breathe!” She grabbed onto his hand which he quickly tightened around hers.

“Hey! Nancy’s! How’s Nat is she doing okay??” Daph groaned as she looked around trying to spot a place to escape.She could hear him begin to wheeze, totally at a loss for breath, as more people began to approach them and demand Nat’s condition. Making it even harder for Daph to plot an escape route.

After a second she groaned and made sure her grip on Shag’s hand was tight.

With her other arm she began to elbow people out of the way, trying to find somewhere where everything would be quiet.

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted the van parked next to the front courtyard. She looked back at Shaggy, who was definitely not okay, and tightened her grip on his hand and choosing to ignore all the people that were calling out to them.

She tuned them out as she opened the front doors and made sure her and Shaggy didn’t come tumbling down the front steps.

Looking back again her heart ached to see him like his.

Sure she had seen it happen before but usually Scooby helped him out a lot. 

And this was definitely nothing like her mother’s panic attacks that just required a shot of tequila and the Cheetah Girls 2 sound track.

Luckily the van had been left unlocked and she opened the back doors, climbing in and pulling Shag in with her.

Letting go of his hand, she crawled over and shut the back doors.

Now that she had nothing to tune out, Shag’s shallow, panicked breath was the only thing she could hear. She turned back and looked at his pale face, “Shag wha-what do you need me to do?” She crawled back over to him and grabbed both of his hands but he pulled them away. He cradled his head in his hands, still failing to breathe properly.

Daphne felt like crying and screaming and having her own panic attack but she would be leaving Shaggy alone. And that wasn’t an option.

“Sh-Shags look at me wh-what’s wrong?!”

She placed both of her hands on either side of his face and forced him to look at her face. His brown eyes were tearing up and were darting all over the place, almost refusing to stay focused on one thing.

As he tried to speak to her he seemed to be speaking fast in his head but it came out in a jumbled mess that he could barely squeeze out through panicked wheezes.

“W-We...sh-she’s- we’re never- gonna find her......Sh-She could - She could be dead!! A-and we’re gonna be......m-......my parents are-......they’re gonna kill me.” Daphne shook her head, her eyes were probably tearing up just like his.

He kept going on and on to the point that it looked painful for him to try and talk to her, to barely string these sentences together.

She couldn’t stand to see this, to see Shaggy, her Shaggy, losing himself and she couldn’t think of anything to do. She watched his eyes that seemed to examine every detail of her face.

Those eyes always made her happy.

She loved those eyes dearly, and couldn’t stand to see them so terrified.

What would she do to protect those eyes?

Maybe a better question is what wouldn’t she do for those eyes to stay safe.

Nothing.

There is nothing she wouldn’t do to protect those eyes, and the perfection they belong to.

Everything suddenly felt warm, not just the space around them but they themselves felt warm. A nice, comforting warmth, like the kind you get from a hug. But the kind of hug you want.

It had taken Daph a few seconds to process where this warmth was coming from.

And then she remembered that a few seconds ago she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Shaggy’s, which I guess is typically classified as a kiss. 

They stayed in that position for a while, Daph’s hands resting on his cheeks as they both relaxed. At that moment, neither of them wanted to move at all because then that would mean they’d either pretend this never happened or talk about it.

Eventually that warmth had to fade, so Daph pulled away gently.

Not nearly brave enough to open her eyes and look into that face.

She noted that his breathing seemed to be evening out which was good. She slid her hands down his cheeks and let them rest on her knees.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she opened her eyes and was quickly welcomed by the shocked face of her good old friend Shaggy. His eyes were wide as he looked at her, clearly trying to process the events that had just conspired.

“Wh-....What?” Daph flinched and bit her lip.

Shag was quiet again for a few seconds before saying, “W-Why the hell....Why did you kiss me??” Daph’s heartbeat picked up and she felt her cheeks go red. ‘Because I’m so freaking in love with you to the point that it physically affects me and I hate it but I think I’d go crazy without it.’

That was the first answer that popped up in her head and it was a little too over eager and on top of that it included the stunning revelation that she was in love with him.

Something even she herself was not aware of.

“I-...I just...I don’t know!! Isn’t that just what you do in the movies?? I-I just....you know figured since kissing is more powerful than modern medicine.” She blurted that all out a lot louder than she needed to but it’s the thought that counts.

Shag shook his head, “You tried to end my panic attack by like using something only Disney would think of?” Daphne rolled her eyes, her cheeks still feeling hot as ever.

“Well it worked didn’t it? Look at you! You’re all cool and okay. I mean....are you doing better?” She rested her hand on his shoulder, her voice quickly becoming concerned. He let out a sigh and leaned his head back so that is was rest on the back of the front seats.

“S-Sorry, it was just a little too much all at once.” She shook her head.

“Don’t apologize unless you did something wrong.” He chuckled and looked back forward toward her, good lord those eyes are back, “Shags, we’re gonna be fine, you know that right? It’s always gonna be okay no matter what happens. And even though we may have been wrong about Nat this one time that-....that doesn’t mean we won’t find her at all.” 

She held onto his hand gingerly and stroked it with her thumb.

“She’s gonna be okay Shag’s, we’re always gonna be okay.”

He stared down at their intertwined fingers and nodded slowly.  

Daphne smiled, “Now we could either stay in here and wait for Velma and Freddie, or we wait for them back in the school.”

“Like, staying here’s good.” 

Nodding, she relaxed her position, not letting go of his hands.

For the next few minuted they just sat in that familiar, comfortable silence waiting for their friends to return with the next plan.

The main thing on Daphne’s mind during that time was, out of all the kisses she’d experienced in her life, which was a lot; this one was definitely her favorite.

[duncanjyc]

Above picture: - https://pixels.com/profiles/michael-bish

Finding past connections - Volume 12

I recently passed reconnecting with 100 people (I am not sure who it was, most likely Michael from my grade 5-7 period). Upon reflection, I am more focused than ever on not completing this task (reconnecting with ~450 people) too quickly. Although I have thoroughly enjoyed this process and reconnecting with so many great people, it is now becoming not so much a chore but a large-time sponge. As a result, my frequency of blog posts will probably slow down to once a week or so as I will have a lot less to report.

==========================

Michael, #100 connection, was a very good friend starting in Grade 5. I think it was because he was “out there”, which for grade 5, was pretty early. Then again, it was swinging London around 1970. He was the first kid I knew to smoke (all sorts of things), date and generally have a party lifestyle. (more on that later).

A highlight for me was playing 5-aside indoor soccer against the other grades that first year. The competition was in groups of years (5-8) and (9-12). To even it out a bit, the older grades were at a 2 goal/year disadvantage when playing younger teams. As we were the youngest grade (there were 4 teams per year), we started off 2, 4 or 6 goals ahead when playing the older grades. Our team strategy was pretty simple: don’t give up goals. Our team consisted of Michael as our lone attacker; three of us on defense and, as I recall, the star of our team in goal (Eric?). I believe at the time we averaged about 4’ 6” and 80lbs – except Eric who towered above the rest of us ants. When we played the older grades we were at a significant size disadvantage, but we were good defenders. We won our first two games (something like 2-1 and 6-4) without scoring before we faced a grade 7 team.

In this semi-final game, they scored with a few seconds left to tie the game at 4-4. We expected some sort of 10 minute overtime with us being up 1 goal, but we were told it was a sudden victory game. I would love to say we scored, (Michael did come close) but we lost, oh well.

When I reconnected with Michael, he is now an artist in California and, amazingly enough, married to someone from our grade. He was married to someone else before reconnecting a few years ago with Nancy and all is now good. You can find a link to his art at the top.

How did I find Michael? The school posted an article about people who met their spouses at the school and Michael and Nancy were featured. From there, Facebook was my friend.

===================================

Searching for Moira – Part 5…?

So, I was done to one possible person to find Moira: Fred.

I easily found his Facebook page and took the gamble to “friend” him as well as send him a message. I later found out that messages are only delivered when you friend someone. As a result, the message sat in his mailbox unseen and unopened.

But most interestingly, I saw from his profile that he had cycled across Canada – twice, at my age! That got me thinking, maybe I should try this? Time to get some information. As I said earlier, I joined Toronto Bicycling Network and their Facebook page: what better place to ask questions. I wrote a post about what was involved in cycling across Canada as an older guy.

That day I got several responses including one from the TBN’s president who wrote a very comprehensive response. Near the end of it he wrote, “you should really talk to Fred, whom I have copied here.”

And then Fred responded with an even better post that answered most of my questions (while raising others). I took the opportunity to ask the subsequent questions and we corresponded a few times over the next few days. And then, he accepted my friend request and answered my first message – do you know where Moira is?

As an aside, I am now adding more and more cycling hours to my weekly exercising with the goal of getting to about 500/km/week (~310 miles) – minus the hours I spend rowing. 50-50 that I cycle across Canada next year.

Back to Moira. Fred response: “Yes, her address is <xxxxx>.” It was Thursday night (three weeks ago – 3+ months after I started looking). Can it be true that I found her?

I try several ways of corroborating if the address was correct but none work. What do I do? Send a letter? What if she has moved? Show up at her door – kind of stalking?

I wake up the next day and knew what to do. I spend a couple of hours composing a letter that explained why I wanted to trace her and a short form of the efforts that I undertook to get to this point.

I drove to the address and knocked on the door. A very short Asian woman answers the door – not Moira. Crap; is this the literal dead end? After a short explanation of my search for an old colleague, I ask, “I am looking for Moira <xx> and I believe she used to live here 10 years ago. Any idea where she might have moved to?”

“I have lived here for a long time. Moira doesn’t live here,” she says with a slight smile on her face. “She lives next door,” pointing to #2.

I control my eagerness to run over to the next door… Knock, knock.

Moira answers the door, looking more or less how I remember her only some years older (same here). We had a slightly awkward conversation for 30 minutes over the door stoop and we exchanged life stories.

And that is how I found Moira. I have reconnected her with the Alumni group from my first job. I doubt that she will show up at the next event in November as she didn't seem too eager to do so. Oh well, I tried (and then some).

I should add, I subsequently contacted a few people that helped me in this search and told them that the search was successful. I owe a box of chocolates to the researchers at the Toronto Reference Library who inspired several of the steps I have covered. You can reach them too at https://www.torontopubliclibrary.ca/contact/

Now, how do I find Tommy, Andrew, Martin, and all the other people I have been tracing? I hope it isn’t this hard.

========================

Present count of people I have connected with: 112

[easyobsession]

DWTS24: WEEK 1 (Lo Recaps)

WHAT IS UP YOU DANCE-LOVING BASTARDS? I WAS IN A CAR DURING THE PREMIERE TRAVELING HOME 13 HOURS FROM THE GODDAMN HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH AND ALAS, HERE I SIT TO TYPE THIS VERY POST. YOU ASKED FOR WEEKLY RECAPS, I WAS FLATTERED AND THEREFORE FELT OBLIGATED, AND NOW I’M GOING TO GET THIS DONE SO I CAN DRINK A DR. PEPPER AND TAKE MY PILLS LIKE THE 80 YEAR OLD I REALLY AM INSIDE. JESUS CHRIST, IT’S SEASON 24.

THIS RECAP STARTS RIGHT NOW.

 NORMANI AND VAL. QUICKSTEP. 7677=27/40.

Instantly, she’s the first one out of the gate so you know she’s gonna be lowballed. What shocked me was just how low they went- that was a theme of the entire night for me, actually. I thought for sure we’d see some 8s and maybe one or two 7s at most. I liked it, myself. Fun, fast paced, and it seemed to match her personality and turn a stuffy quickstep into something cool and funky to bring her fanbase into the show. I thought her form was pretty damn good and considering that Val doesn’t water shit down, Normani held her own.

NANCY AND ARTEM. VIENESSE WALTZ. 7777=28/40.

This was pretty much what I expected. It was nice, it was fairly clean and pretty and an awesome starting point. Artem riding in shirtless on a Zamboni and making them both super uncomfortable was a highlight of the night for me. On a completely different note, a lot of people are comparing Nancy her to fellow Olympic skaters and DWTS champions Meryl Davis and Kristi Yamaguchi. This is the portion of the review where I share why I find this to be complete and utter bullshit: Number one, Meryl is/was an ice dancer and competed her entire life with not only a male partner, but the same male partner. Big difference. Next! Number 2. Kristi yes, did compete as a singles skater as well and yes, is only a mere 2 years younger than Nancy. HOWEVER. THE KEY FACTOR HERE IS THAT KRISTI COMPETED ON SEASON 6 OF THIS STUPID SHOW. IN 2008. NINE DAMN YEARS AGO. If my math is correct (which is probably isn’t) she won when she was around 34 years old. Nancy is 45. AGE IS A FACTOR. IT ISN’T AGEISM, IT’S FACT. GIVE THE WOMAN A BREAK. I thought she looked nervous as hell, but really lovely. I think now that she’s got the jitters out, she’ll only go up.

CHRIS AND WITNEY. CHA CHA. 5444=17/40.

He… oh my lord. Don’t get me wrong, he seems nice enough. But aside from the obvious, things got so awkward after it was over and it was just uncomfortable. I think he was trying too hard to be funny and he was so nervous on top of it all and it just all didn’t add up. And god love him, he knew. He knew and them saying it just made it so much worse. The poor guy. I’m leaving it at that. He gave it his best effort and I can never give anyone less than a solid and sincere applause for that. Good for him for doing it.

BONNER AND SHARNA. CHA CHA. 6556=22/40.

Here’s where I walk boldly in front of the firing squad and take my stance without shame. You all know how much I hate a showmance when it’s not my own idea, and DWTS overdoes them like the blackened fish thing on the menu I saw on vacation. He’s insane for what he does, but it makes him happy and I can support that. But I’m already annoyed with this gimmick. If they have the chemistry, we’ll notice, but don’t try to force it just as an attempt to make us forget the obvious eye-fucking last season despite James having a girlfriend. I’m just sayin’. Overall it was alright. It felt a little too Magic Mike for me. He’s stiff and he was off count almost the entire time, which I basically already assumed he would be. He’ll never be great but he looks like Jackson Rathbone and I like how Sharna calls him “Bonnah,” so if they quit with the forced gimmick and just let shit happen naturally I’d probably be the captain of this goddamn ship.  Next.

CHARO AND KEO. SALSA. 6555=21/40.

THIS. WAS. SO GODDAMN FUCKING MUCH BETTER THAN I EVER COULD HAVE DREAMED. She remembered a good portion of the steps, she SOMEWHAT KEPT UP WITH HIM, she’s 66 goddamn years old- GOOD FOR HER. I cannot wait to see the shit Keo has to go through and the wide-eyed gazes he’ll have along the way. For what it was, I honestly can’t complain. Good on you.

NICK AND PETA. CHA CHA. 6666=24/40.

I got so pissed when I watched this, I swear to god, because I really wanted him to suck so bad that I could just rag on him until I was blue in the face but it was ACTUALLY NOT FUCKING BAD AT ALL. HE ACTUALLY HAS A LITTLE BIT OF RHYTHM. Peta is a national treasure, obviously, but this asshole, like… fuck, man. Honestly though, enough of the You’re In Love thing though, because literally NOBODY BELIEVES IT. INCLUDING YOU OR VANESSA. We all get it, we’ll put on our shocked emoji when you suddenly break-up after your contract allotted engagement period is over. You want attention. Just go into porn or something like you’ve still got some dignity and quit being annoying.

Ahh… it’s so good to be back. :D

HEATHER AND MAKS. VIENESSE WALTZ. 7777=28/40.

*singing* Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullshit. I hate everyone. Go home. I already am home. Thank god, walking almost 30 miles in 4 days damn near killed me. Whatever. You could tell she was surprised and that she was upset not with the scores, but with herself for not getting better scores, which I hate. I’m hoping this is more of a strategy by TPTB for a Progressing Each Week storyline as opposed to Simone’s copycat The Best Since Night One story that mirrors Laurie’s. (No disrespect to Simone- but I’ll get to that later) Anyway, I thought it was amazing. Flawless? No. She was nervous just like everyone else, but she was far more comfortable up there than a lot of the rest and she and Maks looks fucking incredible together. Also she’s a knockout in yellow. I adore her. What else is new? Moving on.

DAVID AND LINDSAY. 7777=28/40.

I’m going to quickly say that it’s horse shit that Heather got the same score as him. BUT STICK WITH ME FOR A MINUTE. Heather was underscored like I under exaggerate when I say I’m kind of a nervous person sometimes, but this guy totally earned those 7s with a heart clap on the back. I was blown away in the best sense of the word. I had no clue who the hell this man is because the only thing I know about baseball is Mike Lawson and Ginny Baker (#Bawson WADDUP FAM) so I went in 100% blank and I really truly did enjoy this performance. I like his partnership with Lindsay, I love his attitude, and to top it all off he actually appears to be somewhat capable. I’m for it and look forward to more. YES.

ERIKA AND GLEB. SALSA. 6666=24/40.

Again, I thought she was lowballed. Since they are in no way alike, obviously I will now compare her to Amber Rose from last season, who I also thought would be pretty comfortable in front of the camera and shaking her booty like a boss if nothing else. Except Erika actually DID IT. She went out there and didn’t hold back and IT MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE PERFORMANCE. Did she know every single step? Nope. Was her form flawless? Nope. Could you tell she was nervous? Yup. Did she make plenty of mistakes? Absolutely. But she sold it and that makes all the difference. I like her. I like her hair. I like her sass. “Who doesn’t wake up every day wanting to win in life? You gotta put these people on notice. I’M HERE. HI.” Apparently I love the raunchy because I love it. Bring it fucking on, girlfriend. Werk.

RASHAD AND EMMA. CHA CHA 8788=31/40.

Good? Yes. A surprise? Kind of, considering he’s another athelete and therefore blank slate for me. Worthy of second place? Debatable. Worthy of beating out some of his competition like he did on the leaderboard? No. I’m sorry but no. He seems like a lot of fun and like a pretty nice guy, so I’m definitely a million times more willing to try than I was with Antonio or Von or Calvin because Rashad is far more inviting and approachable and easier to connect with. I’m optimistic. And congrats to Emma for finally getting a hunk to dance with! Enjoy the eye candy, girl! Apparently your and Sasha’s wedding gift is neither of you getting a shitty partner this season. I approve.

MR. T  AND KYM. CHA CHA. 5555=20/40.

….It was so sweet to see Robert in the audience. They’re very cute. And Mr. T… played the part well. And he… had a great costume. And he really tried. But worth a better score than Chris? Eeeeeeehhh. Not lower, of course, but 3 points higher? Really? Let’s all call a spade a spade, quit with the catchphrase, and move on with our lives, yeah?

SIMONE AND SASHA. TANGO. 8888=24/40.

…sigh. Okay. Let me explain this. I love her. Of course I love her. How could you not? She’s adorable. She’s a little awkward, kinda shy, super sweet, giggly, giant grin, complete doll that has skills for days. Her partnership with Sasha is incredible and she lights up the room. ….but other than her being 19 instead of 16…. It’s not even that I’m against her story, which I realize she can’t control regardless, but that’s not it anyway. It’s just that it was LAST DAMN SEASON. You have to put a break between them or it’s just unfair to everyone involved. And I’m going to be mad all season on her and Sasha’s behalf because of it, and I’m gonna be pissed as hell when all of her fans throw a royal fit in three months when she loses. Because I told you so. Someone get me a goddamn job at ABC, I’ll have this thing running like a well oiled machine within a few weeks. With Derek and Brooke gone, aside from Carrie Ann and the singers, the worst of the worst have already been tossed out on their ass. I’LL MAKE THIS PLACE WORTH MILLIONS, MILLIONS I TELL YA.

Okay, that’s it. I’m not even proofing this shit. I’m tired.

HMU on social media. @lauthom93 because I’m cool. The end.

Love, hugs, and my middle finger because it’s my life and my future employers hopefully never discover this blog,

Dueces.

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

View this image ›

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

View this image ›

4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

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9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

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16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

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22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

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27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

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33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

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40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

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Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

[keepingtrackofchanges]

1:45 p.m.

President Donald Trump is signing two executive orders in keeping with campaign promises to boost border security and crack down on immigrants living in the U.S. illegally.

The president signed the two orders Wednesday during a ceremony at the Department of Homeland Security after honoring the department's newly confirmed secretary, retired Gen. John Kelly.

The executive orders jumpstart construction of a U.S.-Mexico border wall, one of his signature campaign promises, and strip funding for so-called sanctuary cities, which don't arrest or detain immigrants living in the U.S. illegally.

___

1:40 p.m.

White House press secretary Sean Spicer is saying that President Donald Trump plans to open an investigation into voter fraud "to understand where the problem exists, how deep it goes."

Trump tweets on Wednesday calling for the investigation revisited unsubstantiated claims he's made repeatedly about a rigged voting system.

Spicer did not provide many details as to what the probe would look like, calling it at one point "a task force."

He suggested that the probe would focus on dead people who remained on the voter rolls and people registered in two or more states. In particular, he singled out "bigger states" where the Trump campaign "didn't compete" in the election.

There is no evidence of widespread voter fraud occurring in November's election.

___

1:30 p.m.

The House intelligence committee says it will focus on leaks of classified information to the media as part of its investigation into Russia's interference in the 2016 election.

In a tweet earlier this month, then President-elect Trump asked the intelligence committees to investigate "top secret intelligence" shared with a news organization.

The House panel is already investigating the intelligence agencies' finding that Russia interfered in the election to benefit President Donald Trump. The Senate intelligence committee is also conducting an investigation.

__

1:25 p.m.

The White House is distancing itself from a draft executive order that would lead to a major review of America's methods for interrogating terror suspects and the possible reopening of CIA-run "black site" prisons outside the United States.

Spokesman Sean Spicer said the draft "is not a White House document." He says he has "no idea where it came from."

The AP obtained the draft order from a U.S. official, who said it had been distributed by the White House for consultations before Trump signs it. The official wasn't authorized to speak publicly on the matter and demanded anonymity.

The order would also reverse America's commitment to closing the U.S. detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and instruct the Pentagon to send newly captured "enemy combatants" to the site.

__

1:15 p.m.

An electrical contractor who worked on the Trump International Hotel in Washington has sued a company owned by President Donald Trump for more than $2 million, alleging it was not fully paid.

AES Electrical of Laurel, Maryland, filed suit in District of Columbia Superior Court, the latest in a string of lawsuits involving Trump's renovation of the historic Old Post Office building a few blocks from the White House.

AES alleges it bore increased expenses because of change orders and other demands from Trump's staff. AES claims it was told to accelerate the pace of work so that the then-Republican presidential candidate could hold a televised media event to celebrate the "soft opening" of the $200 million project prior to the November election.

The complaint was first reported by Politico.

___

1:10 p.m.

The Senate Intelligence Committee's top Democrat has informed two key members of President Donald Trump's national security team that he will not stand for any attempt to get around the U.S. law banning torture.

Sen. Mark Warner of Virginia says in a statement that he spoke Wednesday morning to Defense Secretary James Mattis and CIA Director Mike Pompeo. Warner says he told them "any attempt by this administration to restart torture is absolutely unacceptable, and I will strongly oppose it."

Warner is responding to reports that Trump is considering a major review of America's methods for interrogating terror suspects and the possible reopening of "black site" prisons outside the United States.

Warner says he'll hold Mattis and Pompeo "to their sworn testimony to follow the law banning the use of enhanced interrogation techniques."

___

12:30 p.m.

More than 100 workers rights groups say President Donald Trump's choice for labor secretary raises enough questions to warrant a "rigorous" and extended confirmation hearing.

The groups wrote in a letter to the Senate committee conducting the Feb. 2 hearing that senators should be able to ask multiple rounds of questions of fast food executive Andrew Puzder about everything from his business record to his personal history. The groups say that's because Puzder has no record of public service and because he's publicly opposed employer mandates.

He should be subjected to "rigorous examination" that includes the testimony of former workers of Puzder's companies, Carl's Jr. and Hardee's.

Chairman Lamar Alexander allowed only one round of questions for Trump's controversial picks for education and health secretary last week.

___

12:10 p.m.

The Trump Organization is tapping a former George H.W. Bush campaign lawyer and a top executive at the company as ethics monitors for the business.

The company says that Bobby Burchfield of the law firm King & Spalding will become the independent ethics adviser to review transactions for conflicts-of-interest problems. Burchfield was general counsel to Bush's re-election campaign in 1992.

The company says executive vice president George Sorial will take on the role of chief compliance counsel.

A White House spokeswoman did not respond to a question about whether Trump has plans to hire a White House ethics counselor, as at least the previous two presidents have done. That attorney would be beholden to the American public, unlike the Trump Organization attorneys, who report only to the privately held company.

___

11:40 a.m.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she feels "very sad" and "sorry" for President Donald Trump for falsely claiming he'd have won the presidential popular vote but for votes cast against him by millions of people in the U.S. illegally.

The California Democrat told reporters Wednesday that the new president is "so insecure." She said suggesting massive voting irregularities undermines the election system's integrity and is "really strange," and she says she'd prayed for him.

She contrasted Trump's assertion with the intelligence community's conclusion that the Russians intervened in the election to help Trump win. She said Trump "resists" investigating that.

Trump tweeted Wednesday that he's ordering an investigation into voter fraud.

Trump lost the popular vote to Democrat Hillary Clinton by almost 3 million votes.

___

10:20 a.m.

Former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley has been sworn in to be President Donald Trump's ambassador to the United Nations.

Vice President Mike Pence swore in Haley on Wednesday. The Senate voted 96-4 Tuesday night in favor of her nomination despite her lack of significant foreign policy experience.

During her confirmation hearing, the South Carolina-born daughter of Indian immigrants said she supports Trump's call to move the U.S. Embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

She also took a harder line against Russia than Trump, saying she doesn't think Moscow can be trusted right now.

Haley resigned as South Carolina's governor moments after the Senate vote. She was succeeded by Lt. Gov. Henry McMaster.

___

10:16 a.m.

Republican Sen. John McCain is pushing back on any efforts by President Donald Trump to use an executive order to allow enhanced interrogation.

In a statement on Wednesday, the chairman of the Armed Services Committee said the president can sign whatever executive orders he likes, "but the law is the law. We are not bringing back torture in the United States of America."

McCain pointed out that the Senate voted overwhelmingly in June 2015 for prohibiting torture and endorsing only those techniques spelled out in the Army Field Manual. Waterboarding and other forms of enhanced interrogation are not included in the field manual.

The Arizona senator also said that Defense Secretary James Mattis and CIA Director Mike Pompeo assured him that they would support the Army Field Manual.

McCain said he was "confident these leaders will be true to their word."

__

10:15 a.m.

A draft executive order shows President Donald Trump asking for a review of America's methods for interrogation terror suspects and whether the U.S. should reopen CIA-run "black site" prisons outside the United States.

The order also would also continue America's use of the detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The Associated Press obtained a copy of the draft from a U.S. official.

The document instructs senior national security officers to "recommend to the president whether to reinitiate a program of interrogation of high-value alien terrorists to be operated outside the United States and whether such program should include the use of detention facilities operated by the Central Intelligence Agency."

The document says U.S. laws should be obeyed at all times and explicitly rejects "torture."

__

7:30 a.m.

President Donald Trump says he will reveal his Supreme Court pick next Thursday. The court has had only eight justices since the death last year of Justice Antonin Scalia.

Trump tweeted early Wednesday, "I will be making my Supreme Court pick on Thursday of next week. Thank you."

A person familiar with the process said the president has narrowed his choice to three federal appellate judges. They all were on the list of 21 potential high court picks Trump announced during his presidential campaign.

The leading contenders — who all have met with Trump — are William Pryor, Neil Gorsuch and Thomas Hardiman, the person said, speaking anonymously because he was not authorized to speak publicly about internal decisions.

__

7:25 a.m.

President Donald Trump says he will order an investigation into voter fraud.

The president tweeted early Wednesday that the measures will affect those registered to vote in more than one state, "those who are illegal and even, those registered to vote who are dead (and many for a long time)."

Trump says that "depending on results, we will strengthen up voting procedures."

Trump repeatedly made disputable claims of a rigged voting system before the election, but now in the White House, he continues to raise concern over fraud.

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

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4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

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9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

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16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

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22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

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27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

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33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

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40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

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Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

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4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

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9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

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16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

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22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

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27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

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33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

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40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

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[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

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4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

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9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

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16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

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22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

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27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

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33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

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40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

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View this embed ›

If you want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

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49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

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49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

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4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

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9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

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16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

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22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

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27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

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33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

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Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

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40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

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Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

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Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard