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tarotbee · 3 years

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hi! witch of 5 yrs here just starting in deity worship! i've been contacted by Artemis recently but I've also been pulled toward goddesses from my own germanic background like Frigg/Frigga. could you please perhaps do a post about the worship/devotional acts for Frigg? thank yo!!

Offerings and ways of Worshipping Frigg(a)

Associated colours: white, ivory, shades of blue

Associated herbs and plants: cardamom, allspice, Motherwort, Weld, Chamomile, Flax, Broom, Borage, Lady's Bedstraw, yellow bedstraw, Shepherd's Purse, Thyme, Wild Rose and most marsh or swamp flowers and Birch (can be bark, sap or things such as offering bowls and statues carved from the wood)

Associated animals: geese and goats

Associated crystals: optical/clear calcite, blue calcite, moonstone, snowflake obsidian and snow quartz

Homey and baked good scented candles

Mead

Pastries

Fruit

Plum wine

Fruity wines

Riesling

Chamomile and honey tea

Milk (can be nut, animal or breast)

Goats cheese (or milk ^)

Oats

Cardamom sugar rolls

Gingerbread

Stews

Roasts

Honey

Savoury porridge

Keep your altar clean

Keep your room/house clean

Take care of and help pregnant folk

Putting her altar in a shared or family space

The hearth

Wool

Take in foster children

Help the grieving

Resolve conflicts

Donate to womens shelters

Donate time or money into helping women and mothers get on their feet and get a job or education

Baby-sit or get a nanny job

Make your bed

Keys (maybe a copy of your house key)

Learn to use a spindle

Make items of clothing and wear them in honour of her

Knitting or crocheting blankets for sick children/babies

Write devotional, prayers, songs, poems, stories etc

The empress tarot card

The Berkano/Beorc rune

Read stories to her

Cooking

A prayer for Frigg(a)

“Frigg, goddess of the hearth and home,

Goddess who foresees the fate of all things,

You who are queen of Asgard

Who looks over all her people as ruler,

I ask of you to help protect and guide my family

And those within my household

So that all within the shelter of this house

May live to the best of their abilities

Whether through wisdom, hospitality, or caring,

Bless this house and all those who dwell within,

Hail, Frigg!”

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nosewitch · 5 years

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Samantha’s Flying Suit Episodes

# 5, # 15, # 30, #67, & # 71. | # 95, #96, # 100, # 102, # 110, # 123, # 127, # 132, # 144, # 165, # 170, # 177, # 204, # 207, # 239, and # 252.

for giffing and or iconing references

#tv: bewitched #nw: edict #nw: ambry #ep: s01e05 help help don't save me #ep: s01e15 a vision of sugar plums #ep: s01e30 george the warlock #ep: s02e31 follow that witch pt. 2 #ep: s02e35 the catnapper #ep: s03e21 the trial and error of aunt clara #ep: s03e22 three wishes #ep: s03e26 aunt clara's victoria victory #ep: s03e28 no more mr. nice guy #ep: s04e03 business italian style #ep: s04e15 i get your nanny you get my goat #ep: s04e20 if they never met #ep: s04e25 to twitch or not to twitch #ep: s05e04 darrin gone! and forgotten?#ep: s05e25 samantha’s power failure #ep: s05e30 samantha and darrin in mexico city #ep: s06e07 to trick or treat or not to trick or treat #ep: s07e04 samantha’s hot bed warmer pt. 2 #ep: s07e07 samantha’s bad day in salem #ep: s08e11 the warlock in the gray flannel suit #ep: s08e24 a good turn never goes unpunished #ch: sam stephens

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ussstrangeiron · 6 years

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Peter Parker’s Family

YES, Aunt May is the most important adult in Peter Parker’s life. Duh. But May didn’t sign up to raise a spider-powered boy by herself.

Peter is gradually accumulating other family, and here are their roles:

Dad

Mom

Jewish Nanny

(the cloak)

Grandpa

who doesn’t give a fuck what dad said, we’re going fishin.’

Badass Uncles

Adorkable Uncle

Awesome Fun Uncle Who Just Got Out Of Jail

Goth Rocker Older Cousin With Issues But Who’s Still Awesome

Those Relatives Whose Existence You Always Have To Be Reminded About When Writing Thank-You Cards

That Hot Aunt Who Makes Boys Ask Themselves is Incest Really All That Bad, I mean Adam and Eve were brother and sister, weren’t they?

Teacher

Grumpy War Vet Neighbor With Weird Pets Who Doesn’t Want to Talk About the Arm

Mostly just sits on his porch eating plums and shooting squirrels alongside his pet raccoon and goats

Even Weirder Neighbor Who Just Moved In Across the Street

Who Mom either hates or is secretly having an affair with

High School Sweetheart who is so obviously going to end up dumping him for a girl

Future Wife

Future Wife’s Intimidating Big Brother

The Totally Out-There Relative With the Insane Life Story That You Never Knew Existed Until This Morning Because She “Just Wasn’t Around”

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timelesstimesgoneby · 2 years

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Episode Season 1 Disc 1 S01E01 DARRIN, TAKE THIS WITCH SAMANTHA S01E02 BE IT EVER SO MORTGAGED S01E03 IT SHOULDN'T HAPPEN TO A DOG S01E04 MOTHER MEET WHAT'S HIS NAME S01E05 HELP, HELP, DON'T SAVE ME S01E06 LITTLE PITCHERS HAVE BIG FEARS S01E07 THE WITCHES ARE OUT S01E08 WITCH OR WIFE S01E09 THE GIRL REPORTER S01E10 JUST ONE HAPPY FAMILY S01E11 IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE S01E12 AND SOMETHING MAKES THREE Disc 2 S01E13 LOVE IS BLIND S01E14 SAMANTHA MEETS THE FOLKS S01E15 A VISION OF SUGAR PLUMS S01E16 IT'S MAGIC S01E17 A IS FOR AARDVARK S01E18 THE CAT'S MEOW S01E19 A NICE LITTLE DINNER PARTY S01E20 YOUR WITCH IS SHOWING S01E21 LING LING S01E22 EYE OF THE BEHOLDER S01E23 RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT S01E24 WHICH WITCH IS WHICH? Disc 3 S01E25 PLEASURE O'RILEY S01E26 DRIVING IS THE ONLY WAY TO FLY S01E27 THERE'S NO WITCH LIKE AN OLD WITCH. S01E28 OPEN THE DOOR WITCHCRAFT S01E29 ABNER KADABRA S01E30 GEORGE THE WARLOCK S01E31 THAT WAS MY WIFE S01E32 ILLEGAL SEPARATION S01E33 A CHANGE OF FACE S01E34 REMEMBER THE MAIN S01E35 EAT AT MARIO'S S01E36 COUSIN EDGAR S02E09 SEASON TWO disc 4 S2E01 ALIAS DARRIN STEPHENS S2E02 A VERY SPECIAL DELIVERY S2E03 WE'RE IN FOR A BAD SPELL S2E04 MY GRANDSON, THE WARLOCK S2E05 THE JOKER IS A CARD S2E06 TAKE TWO ASPIRINS AND HALF A PINT OF PORPOISE MILK S2E07 TRICK OR TREAT S2E08 THE VERY INFORMAL DRESS S2E09 AND THEN I WROTE S2E10 JUNIOR EXECUTIVE S2E11 AUNT CLARA'S OLD FLAME S2E12 A STRANGE LITTLE VISITOR Disc 5 S2E13 MY BOSS. THE TEDDY BEAR S2E14 SPEAK THE TRUTH S2E15 A VISION OF SUGAR PLUMS S2E16 THE MAGIC CABIN S2E17 MAID TO ORDER S2E18 AND THEN THERE WERE THREE S2E19 MY BABY, THE TYCOON S2E20 SAMANTHA MEETS THE FOLKS S2E21 FASTEST GUN ON MADISON AVENUE S2E22 THE DANCING BEAR S2E23 DOUBLE TATE S2E24 SAMANTHA, THE DRESSMAKER S2E25 THE HORSE'S MOUTH Disc 6 S2E26 BABY'S FIRST PARAGRAPH S2E27 THE LEPRECHAUN S2E28 DOUBLE SPLIT S2E29 DISAPPEARING SAMANTHA S2E30 FOLLOW THAT WITCH (PART I) S2E31 FOLLOW THAT WITCH (PART ID) S2E32 A BUM RAPS S2E33 DIVIDED HE FALLS S2E34 MAN'S BEST FRIEND S2E35 THE CATNAPPER S2E36 WHAT EVERY YOUNG MAN SHOULD KNOW S2E37 THE GIRL WITH THE GOLDEN NOSE S2E38 PRODIGY SEASON THREE Disc 7 S03E01 NORODY'S PERFECT S03E02 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH S03E03 WITCHES & WARLOCKS ARE MY FAVORITE THINGS S03E04 ACCIDENTAL TWINS S03E05 A MOST UNUSUAL WOOD NYMPH S03E06 ENDORA MOVES IN FOR A SPELL S03E07 TWITCH OR TREAT S03E08 DANGEROUS DIAPER DAN S03E09 THE SHORT HAPPY CIRCUIT OF AUNT CLARA S03E10 I'D RATHER TWITCH THAN FIGHT S03E11 OEDIPUS HEX Disc 8 S03E12 SAM'S SPOOKY CHAIR S03E13 MY FRIEND BEN S03E14 SAMANTHA FOR THE DEFENSE S03E15 A GAZEBO NEVER FORGETS S03E16 SOAPBOX DERBY S03E17 SAM IN THE MOON S03E18 HOHO THE CLOWN S03E19 SUPER CAR S03E20 THE CORN IS AS HIGH AS A GUERNSEY'S EYE S03E21 TRIAL AND ERROR OF AUNT CLARA S03E22 THREE WISHES Disc 9 S03E23 I REMEMBER YOU - SOMETIMES S03E24 ART FOR SAM'S SAKE S03E25 CHARLIE HARPER, WINNER S03E26 AUNT CLARA'S VICTORIA VICTORY S03E27 THE CRONE OF CAWDOR S03E28 NO MORE MR. NICE GUY S03E29 IT'S WISHCRAFT S03E30 HOW TO FAIL IN BUSINESS WITH ALL KINDS OF HELP S03E31 BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND INFURIATED S03E32 NOBODY BUT A FROG KNOWS HOW TO LIVE S03E33 THERE'S GOLD IN THEM THAR PILLS SEASON FOUR Disc 10 S04E01 LONG LIVE THE OUEEN S04E02 TOYS IN BABELAND S04E03 BUSINESS, ITALIAN STYLE S04E04 DOUBLE DOUBLE. TOIL AND TROUBLE S04E05 CHEAP, CHEAP S04E06 NO ZIP IN MY ZAP S04E07 BIRDIES, BOGIES AND BAXTER S04E08 SAFE AND SANE HALLOWEEN S04E09 OUT OF SYNC, OUT OF MIND S04E10 THAT WAS NO CHICK, THAT WAS MY WIFE S04E11 ALLERGIC TO ANCIENT MACEDONIAN DODO BIRDS Disc 11 S04E12 SAMANTHA'S THANKSGIVING TO REMEMBER S04E13 SOLID GOLD MOTHER-IN-LAW S04E14 MY WHAT BIG EARS YOU HAVE S04E15 ¡GET YOUR NANNY- YOU GET MY GOAT S04E16 HUMBUG NOT TO BE SPOKEN HERE S04E17 "SAMANTHA'S DA VINCI DILEMMA S04E18 ONCE IN A VIAL S04E19 SNOB IN THE GRASS S04E20 IF THEY NEVER MET S04E21 HIPPIE HIPPIE HOORAY S04E22 A PRINCE OF A GUY Disc 12 S04E23 MC TAVISH S04E24 HOW GREEN WAS MY GRASS S04E25 TO TWITCH OR NOT TO TWITCH S04E26 PLAYMATES S04E27 TABITHA'S CRANKY SPELL S04E28 I CONFESS S04E29 A MAJORITY OF TWO S04E30 SAMANTHA'S SECRET SAUCER S04E31 THE NO-HARM CHARM S04E32 MAN OF THE YEAR S04E33 SPLITSVILLE Disc 13 SEASON FIVE S03E01 SAMANTHA'S WEDDING PRESENT S03E02 SAMANTHA GOES SOUTH FOR A SPELL S03E03 SAMANTHA ON THE KEYBOARD S03E04 DARRIN, GONE AND FORGOTTEN S03E05 ITS SO NICE TO HAVE A SPOUSE AROUND THE HOUSE S03E06 MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL S03E07 SAMANTHA'S FRENCH PASTRY S03E08 1S IT MAGIC OR IMAGINATION? S03E09 SAMANTHA FIGHTS CITY HALL S03E10 SAMANTHA LOSES HER VOICE Disc 14 S03E11 I DON'T WANT TO BE A TOAD, I WANT TO BE A BUTTERFLY S03E12 WEEP NO MORE MY WILLOW S03E13 INSTANT COURTESY S03E14 SAMANTHA'S SUPERMAID S03E15 COUSIN SERENA STRIKES AGAIN (PART I) S03E16 COUSIN SERENA STRIKES AGAIN (PART II) S03E17 ONE TOUCH OF MIDAS S03E18 SAMANTRA, THE BARD S03E19 SAMANTHA, THE SCULPTRESS S03E20 MRS, STEPHENS, WHERE ARE YOU? Disc 15 S03E21 MARRIAGE WITCHES STYLE S03E22 GOING APE S03E23 TABITHA'S WEEKEND S03E24 THE BATTLE OF BURNING DAK S03E25 SAMANTHA'S POWER FAILURE S03E26 SAMANTHA TWITCHES FOR UNICEF S03E27 DADDY DOES HIS THING S03E28 SAMANTHA'S GOOD NEWS S03E29 SAMANTHA'S SHOPPING SPREE S03E30 SAMANTHA AND DARRIN IN MEXICO CITY SEASON SIX Disc 16 S06E01 SAMANTHA AND THE BEANSTALK S06E02 SAMANTHA'S YOO HO MAID S06E03 SAMANTHA'S CAESAR SALAD S06E04 SAMANTHA'S CURIOUS CRAVINGS S06E05 AND SOMETHING MAKES FOUR S06E06 NAMING SAMANTHA'S NEW BABY S06E07 TO TRICK OR TREAT OR NOT TO TRICK OR TREAT S06E08 A BUNNY FOR TABITHA S06E09 SAMANTHA'S SECRET SPELL S06E10 DADDY COMES TO VISIT Disc 17 S06E11 DARRIN THE WARLOCK S06E12 SAMANTHA'S DOUBLE MOTHER TROUBLE S06E13 YOU'RE SO AGREEABLE S06E14 SANTA COMES TO VISIT AND STAYS AND STAYS S06E15 SAMANTHA'S BETTER HALVES S06E16 SAMANTHA'S LOST WEEKEND S06E17 THE PHRASE IS FAMILIAR S06E18 SAMANTHA'S SECRET IS DISCOVERED S06E19 TABITHA'S VERY OWN SAMANTHA S06E20 SUPER ARTHUR Disc 18 S06E21 WHAT MAKES DARRIN RUN S06E22 SERENA STOPS THE SHOW S06E23 JUST A KID AGAIN S06E24 GENERATION ZAP S06E25 OKAY, WHO'S THE WISE WITCH S06E26 A CHANCE ON LOVE S06E27 IF THE SHOE PINCHES S06E28 MONA SAMMY S06E29 TURN ON THAT OLD CHARM S06E30 MAKE LOVE, NOT HATE SEASON SEVEN Disc 19 S07E01 to GO OR NOT TO GO, THAT IS THE QUESTION S07E02 SALEM HERE WE COME S07E03 SALEM SAGA S07E04 SAMANTHA'S HOT BEDWARMER S07E05 DARRIN ON A PEDESTAL S07E06 PAUL REVERE RIDES AGAIN S07E07 SAMANTHA'S BAD DAY IN SALEM S07E08 SAMANTHA'S OLD SALEM TRIP S07E09 SAMANTHA'S PET WARLOCK S07E10 SAMANTHA'S OLD MAN S07E11 THE CORSICAN COUSINS S07E12 SAMANTHA'S MAGIC POTION S07E13 SISTERS AT HEART S07E14 THE MOTHER-IN-LAW OF THE YEAR Disc 20 S07E15 MARY THE GOOD FAIRY S07E16 THE GOOD FAIRY STRIKES AGAIN S07E17 THE RETURN OF DARRIN THE BOLO S07E18 THE HOUSE THAT UNCLE ARTHUR BUILT S07E19 SAMANTHA AND THE TROLL S07E20 THIS LITTLE PIGGIE S07E21 MIXED DOUBLES S07E22 DARRIN GOES APE S07E23 MONEY HAPPY RETURNS S07E24 OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES S07E25 SAMANTHA'S PSYCHIC PSLIP S07E26 SAMANTHA'S MAGIC MIRROR S07E27 LAUGH CLOWN, LAUGH S07E28 SAMANTHA AND THE ANTIQUE DOLL SEASON EIGHT Disc 21 S08E01 HOW NOT TO LÖS€ YOUR HEAD TO HENRY VIN (PART D) S08E02 HOW NOT TO LOSE YOUR HEAD TO HENRY VIN (PART ID) S08E03 SAMANTHA AND THE LOCH NESS MONSTER S08E04 SAMANTHA'S NOT SO LEANING TOWER OF PISA S08E05 BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BALDONI S08E06 PARIS, WITCHES STYLE S08E07 THE GHOST WHO MADE A SPECTRE OF HIMSELF S08E08 TV OR NOT TV S08E09 A PLAGUE ON MAURICE AND SAMANTHA S08E10 HANSEL AND GRETEL IN SAMANTHALAND S08E11 THE WARLOCK IN THE GRAY FLANNEL SUIT S08E12 THE EIGHT YEAR ITCH WITCH S08E13 3 MEN AND A WITCH ON A HORSE disc 22 S08E14 ADAM, WARLOCK OR WASHOUT S08E15 "SAMANTHA'S MAGIC SITTER S08E16 SAMANTHA IS EARTHBOUND S08E17 SERENA'S RICHCRAFT S08E18 SAMANTHA ON THIN ICE S08E19 SERENA'S YOUTH PILL S08E20 TABITHA'S FIRST DAY IN SCHOOL S08E21 GEORGE WASHINGTON ZAPPED HERE (PART D) S08E22 GEORGE WASHINGTON ZAPPED HERE (PART II) S08E23 SCHOOL DAYS, SCHOOL DAZE S08E24 A GOOD TURN NEVER GOES UNPUNISHED S08E25 SAMANTHA'S WITCHCRAFT BLOWS A FUSE S08E26 THE TRUTH, NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP ME SAM

#tv series episode #episode #episode guide #tv series #complete series #dvd #bewitched

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josephkitchen0 · 6 years

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Can Goats Eat Christmas Trees? and More Questions About Goat Health

Katherine Drovdahl MH CA CR CEIT DipHIr QTP answers your questions about winter bedding and goat diarrhea that won’t stop! Plus: can goats eat Christmas trees?

Q. I’ve heard that people let the bedding for their goats build up in their stalls. Is this true?

A. Yes, it is common for goat people to let bedding compost in the stalls. In dry weather, fresh straw bedding is usually added every one to two days to cover manure or wet areas. Add bedding whenever you believe your knee would get wet if you knelt in their stall. As long as there is plenty of overhead air to move out odors, this system does work well. Remove bedding once it’s too high. That could be once a month or just two to three times per year. Some people only keep a bit of bedding down and remove it daily during the warm months of the year, and let it sit during the cold months. This is one reason why our current barn has tractor accessible stalls. We put our forklift forks onto the bucket and use it to break up the old bedding, then remove them to drag it out, making a tough job much easier. Our fruit trees, garden, and fields recycle the bedding.

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Q. I want to upcycle my Christmas tree. Can goats eat Christmas trees?

A. Maybe? While it’s such a romantic notion to turn your Christmas tree into goat rumen-boosting fodder, consider some things. Do you know the tree’s history? Has it been sprayed with preservatives or flocking? Were herbicides used around it? Did it grow next to a busy roadway and collect exhaust in its cells? Was your tree exposed to lead-based paint candles in the same room? Know what to feed goats vs what they shouldn’t eat: is it a toxic tree like yew (DEADLY!) or Ponderosa pine? Can you remove every last piece of tinsel, ornaments, and hangers so goats don’t have internal punctures or blockages? If you are not sure of your tree’s background or ability to get every single thing off. it’s better to not feed it to your darling goats.

Q. I have two young nanny babies. They have running goat diarrhea. I’ve tried Pancure Liquid Wormer orally, Nuflor, and a third medicine but none of that worked. Can you help me with this problem?

A. From my training as Master of Herbology, I know that goat diarrhea is either liver sourced or intestine sourced. The bloodstream may be toxic from a plant or from ingesting a toxic substance like paint from a barn wall or moldy sunflower seeds. Or perhaps too many toxins in the air, such as in overspray from agricultural operations, which ends up in the bloodstream as the red blood cells drop off carbon dioxide and pick up the tainted oxygen. Anything in the bloodstream will be processed by the liver and/or kidneys. Kidney waste leaves the body via the urinary tract so doesn’t cause loose bowels. Liver waste gets dumped near the top of the small intestine and then travels to the anus. Liver toxins can and do produce diarrhea. If the problem is potentially in the liver, then I like to use herbs that help support the liver and enable it to focus on cleaning and healing itself. In this case, it’s not a bad idea to support the liver since the kids have had several drugs run through their bodies. If the diarrhea is sourced in the intestines from food poisoning, coccidia, goat worms or other parasites, or an enterotoxemia event, then I’m going to use herbs that help support the GI tract so that it may rise up to the challenge. Whichever area of the body is involved, it is good that you didn’t wait to take action, as diarrhea in kids can easily become life threatening. I like dandelion, plantain, and milk thistle seed for the liver. For the intestines, I favor cayenne, slippery elm, and turmeric. Whenever you work with an animal and they are not responding to what is being done, it is never a bad idea to get a veterinarian diagnosis. This will help to know what is being dealt with so you can get to cause quicker and more efficiently.

Q. Why do my myotonic does blow on me with their nostrils? If I blow back at them they seem to enjoy it.

A. You are a very perceptive goat keeper! I’m glad you also are blessed with some time to enjoy your goats! So while these animals are not horses, I’m going to lean that direction in my answer. Most mammals, including livestock, have a keen sense of smell. That sense of smell is used to identify food, the incoming weather, their location, their family, and predators or other threats to their well-being. You, my dear, are being accepted as family. By blowing back gently toward their nostrils, you are telling them in their language that you have accepted them as family. That makes for a happy goat! I do this with my goats, alpacas, and my horses. We used to have a yearling with a “type A” personality who went overboard on this. She would stuff her nose into our ears and blow and huff and puff every day! It was so incredibly comical!

Q. Should I take any plant precautions during the fall months?

A. Absolutely! Begin increasing hay feed as their pastures or favorite browse becomes depleted. That is when they are more likely to eat more of a poisonous plant for goats. Be diligent about oak leaves, which could dry your dairy stock up too soon. Also, be sure leaves don’t accumulate in their water to make a toxic tea. Prunus species fruit trees or natives such as choke cherry, apricot, cherry, plum, peach, or other pit fruits will start dropping cyanogenic leaves. They are dangerous in any stage of wilt. Completely wilted leaves are fine as long as goats don’t overindulge to the point of acidosis, which can happen any time they overeat anything. Watch for leaves blowing into pens or for leaf-covered branches breaking into fields. As the nights get crisper and Jack Frost visits, remember that frozen or frosted legumes such as alfalfa and clover will cause hard-to-battle, very dangerous frothy bloat. Never give your goats access to pastures containing legumes while there is frost — including any cold pockets or areas the sun doesn’t shine.

Originally published in the November/December 2019 issue of Goat Journal and regularly vetted for accuracy.

Katherine and her beloved husband Jerry farm gardens, LaManchas, and other livestock, pets, and poultry in the Pacific Northwest. As a Master of Herbology she also owns and operates www.firmeadowllc.com which offers hope through herb products and consultations during wellness challenges in people and their beloved creatures. Signed copies of her book, The Accessible Pet, Equine and Livestock Herbal can also be obtained on her website.

Can Goats Eat Christmas Trees? and More Questions About Goat Health was originally posted by All About Chickens

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oceansofhappiness · 7 years

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Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story)

Ever have a quirky old lady sidle up to you in the coffee aisle at the grocery store and jabber at you like you’re old friends as if she was picking up from where she left off ten minutes ago? And you’ve never seen this woman before in your life, let alone ten minutes ago?

Well that’s what happened to me the other day, only it wasn’t in the coffee aisle at the grocery store. It was a text message. Actually, three of them…

Oh, what a conundrum! Do I immediately let them know that they have the wrong person, thereby resulting in the least amount of stress for everyone? Or do I get sucked in by my inner smart ass and create some mischief?

I mean, this person, let’s call her LaWanda, obviously sent a potentially offensive letter to another person, let’s call her Agnus, who is apparently from Mississippi. And LaWanda thoughtlessly thought, “Oh, I’ll bet Agnus would get a kick out of this story about three busloads of Mississippi school children going missing only to be found six months later inside the the stomach fossil of a dinosaur. Haha! That Agnus, she loves a good dinosaur tale.”

But then LaWanda didn’t hear back from Agnus. And she began to wonder why Agnus didn’t at least call her to deliver a courtesy chuckle. She got nothing but crickets.

And then it dawned on her.

OMG, thought LaWanda, I plum forgot Agnus was from Mississippi. What if she knew one of those dino-abducted children? I’d better send her one of those text thingies that’s all the rage with my grandkids.

And so she did. Only she didn’t. And now poor Agnus is still mad. And LaWanda will never know that Agnus did not receive her lame attempt at an apology.

Oh, what to do, what to do.

And then it hit me.

Hey, I know! I’ll text back. Only I won’t tell her at first because my inner wise-cracker wants to play.

And so began our conversation with my response:

Oh, yes I did.

So she said:

Was that it? Was it over? It couldn’t be! The mystery remained and LaWanda still needed to settle things with Agnus, so:

I really, really hoped she had a good sense of humor because this could go anywhere and get really awkward.

Now you would think all she had to say was, “Sure thing!” or “What is it?”

Nope.

Was what my question? Did she think I was wondering how she came to believe I was from Mississippi? So now I’m (I mean Agnus is) a liar?

And who says “chest-of-drawers” any more?

And I can’t call her! Is she kidding? This was supposed to be a little silly back-and-forth thing and I’d tell her it was all a mistake and we would have a good laugh and go about our lives.

But now she’s in my bedroom?

Well, I guess I should ask her a question then. It’ll get us to the end of the story faster.

Right? Because this is a slow train wreck now. And I’m the engineer. And I should be ashamed of myself, because this is going to end in tears.

Or murder.

Or both.

Lord help me, she told me what she wanted for Christmas.

Ack!! Now I’ve gone and done it. She is praying for me, or Agnus, because of what happened in Mississippi. And she wants to hear all about the family? But she doesn’t know if Agnus likes Chinese food?

Can’t she hear by my voice that I am clearly not Agnus already?

Well, this has obviously gone far enough. The train wreck is about to commence if I don’t pull the emergency brake. Time for me to confess.

The problem is…this is a very delicate matter. I can’t just say, HAHA! — You’ve been punk’d! I was just playing a joke on you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Because that would be mean. And I don’t want to hurt LaWanda’s feelings. It’s bad enough I’m going to Hell, but do I also have to feel bad about it and leave poor innocent LaWanda scarred in the process? I had to be careful about how I worded my next response.

There. See? It was all just a misunderstanding. Nobody gets hurt. I awaited her reply, then my phone alerted me to her answer.

I’m not sure why she felt the need to repeat herself and I had no idea what a “b & care operator” is, so I Googled it.

Google doesn’t seem to know either.

However, Agnus has not only forgotten that her actual name is Loretta, but she has also lost her damn mind because she doesn’t even know that she is Loretta. Or, I don’t know that I’m Loretta. O something.

And this is when LaWanda decides to actually call me. On the phone.

And I don’t answer it.

And now I’m going to Hell twice.

I need to straighten LaWanda out and fast before she calls the dudes in the white coats to suddenly haul Loretta off to the crazy house.

Please let it work this time, please let it work this time…

She invented the number? The phone number? My phone number? Or did she invent the “No”, in which case she’s a lot older than I thought. Hasn’t “No” been around a while?

OK, so now I’m back down to only going to Hell once, and just for good measure…

Because LaWanda at least deserves a compliment after putting up with my sorry ass. But she had to have the last word…

Yeah thanks, LaWanda, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now.

The post Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story) appeared first on Nanny Goats in Panties.

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ssteezyy · 7 years

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Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story)

Well that’s what happened to me the other day, only it wasn’t in the coffee aisle at the grocery store. It was a text message. Actually, three of them…

But then LaWanda didn’t hear back from Agnus. And she began to wonder why Agnus didn’t at least call her to deliver a courtesy chuckle. She got nothing but crickets.

And then it dawned on her.

And so she did. Only she didn’t. And now poor Agnus is still mad. And LaWanda will never know that Agnus did not receive her lame attempt at an apology.

Oh, what to do, what to do.

And then it hit me.

Hey, I know! I’ll text back. Only I won’t tell her at first because my inner wise-cracker wants to play.

And so began our conversation with my response:

Oh, yes I did.

So she said:

Was that it? Was it over? It couldn’t be! The mystery remained and LaWanda still needed to settle things with Agnus, so:

I really, really hoped she had a good sense of humor because this could go anywhere and get really awkward.

Now you would think all she had to say was, “Sure thing!” or “What is it?”

Nope.

Was what my question? Did she think I was wondering how she came to believe I was from Mississippi? So now I’m (I mean Agnus is) a liar?

And who says “chest-of-drawers” any more?

And I can’t call her! Is she kidding? This was supposed to be a little silly back-and-forth thing and I’d tell her it was all a mistake and we would have a good laugh and go about our lives.

But now she’s in my bedroom?

Well, I guess I should ask her a question then. It’ll get us to the end of the story faster.

Right? Because this is a slow train wreck now. And I’m the engineer. And I should be ashamed of myself, because this is going to end in tears.

Or murder.

Or both.

Lord help me, she told me what she wanted for Christmas.

Can’t she hear by my voice that I am clearly not Agnus already?

Well, this has obviously gone far enough. The train wreck is about to commence if I don’t pull the emergency brake. Time for me to confess.

The problem is…this is a very delicate matter. I can’t just say, HAHA! — You’ve been punk’d! I was just playing a joke on you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

There. See? It was all just a misunderstanding. Nobody gets hurt. I awaited her reply, then my phone alerted me to her answer.

I’m not sure why she felt the need to repeat herself and I had no idea what a “b & care operator” is, so I Googled it.

Google doesn’t seem to know either.

And this is when LaWanda decides to actually call me. On the phone.

And I don’t answer it.

And now I’m going to Hell twice.

I need to straighten LaWanda out and fast before she calls the dudes in the white coats to suddenly haul Loretta off to the crazy house.

Please let it work this time, please let it work this time…

She invented the number? The phone number? My phone number? Or did she invent the “No”, in which case she’s a lot older than I thought. Hasn’t “No” been around a while?

OK, so now I’m back down to only going to Hell once, and just for good measure…

Because LaWanda at least deserves a compliment after putting up with my sorry ass. But she had to have the last word…

Yeah thanks, LaWanda, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now.

The post Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story) appeared first on Nanny Goats in Panties.

0 notes

namekianpikkoro7 · 7 years

Text

Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story)

Well that’s what happened to me the other day, only it wasn’t in the coffee aisle at the grocery store. It was a text message. Actually, three of them…

But then LaWanda didn’t hear back from Agnus. And she began to wonder why Agnus didn’t at least call her to deliver a courtesy chuckle. She got nothing but crickets.

And then it dawned on her.

And so she did. Only she didn’t. And now poor Agnus is still mad. And LaWanda will never know that Agnus did not receive her lame attempt at an apology.

Oh, what to do, what to do.

And then it hit me.

Hey, I know! I’ll text back. Only I won’t tell her at first because my inner wise-cracker wants to play.

And so began our conversation with my response:

Oh, yes I did.

So she said:

Was that it? Was it over? It couldn’t be! The mystery remained and LaWanda still needed to settle things with Agnus, so:

I really, really hoped she had a good sense of humor because this could go anywhere and get really awkward.

Now you would think all she had to say was, “Sure thing!” or “What is it?”

Nope.

Was what my question? Did she think I was wondering how she came to believe I was from Mississippi? So now I’m (I mean Agnus is) a liar?

And who says “chest-of-drawers” any more?

And I can’t call her! Is she kidding? This was supposed to be a little silly back-and-forth thing and I’d tell her it was all a mistake and we would have a good laugh and go about our lives.

But now she’s in my bedroom?

Well, I guess I should ask her a question then. It’ll get us to the end of the story faster.

Right? Because this is a slow train wreck now. And I’m the engineer. And I should be ashamed of myself, because this is going to end in tears.

Or murder.

Or both.

Lord help me, she told me what she wanted for Christmas.

Can’t she hear by my voice that I am clearly not Agnus already?

Well, this has obviously gone far enough. The train wreck is about to commence if I don’t pull the emergency brake. Time for me to confess.

The problem is…this is a very delicate matter. I can’t just say, HAHA! — You’ve been punk’d! I was just playing a joke on you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

There. See? It was all just a misunderstanding. Nobody gets hurt. I awaited her reply, then my phone alerted me to her answer.

I’m not sure why she felt the need to repeat herself and I had no idea what a “b & care operator” is, so I Googled it.

Google doesn’t seem to know either.

And this is when LaWanda decides to actually call me. On the phone.

And I don’t answer it.

And now I’m going to Hell twice.

I need to straighten LaWanda out and fast before she calls the dudes in the white coats to suddenly haul Loretta off to the crazy house.

Please let it work this time, please let it work this time…

She invented the number? The phone number? My phone number? Or did she invent the “No”, in which case she’s a lot older than I thought. Hasn’t “No” been around a while?

OK, so now I’m back down to only going to Hell once, and just for good measure…

Because LaWanda at least deserves a compliment after putting up with my sorry ass. But she had to have the last word…

Yeah thanks, LaWanda, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now.

The post Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story) appeared first on Nanny Goats in Panties.

0 notes

peteragates · 7 years

Text

Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story)

Well that’s what happened to me the other day, only it wasn’t in the coffee aisle at the grocery store. It was a text message. Actually, three of them…

But then LaWanda didn’t hear back from Agnus. And she began to wonder why Agnus didn’t at least call her to deliver a courtesy chuckle. She got nothing but crickets.

And then it dawned on her.

And so she did. Only she didn’t. And now poor Agnus is still mad. And LaWanda will never know that Agnus did not receive her lame attempt at an apology.

Oh, what to do, what to do.

And then it hit me.

Hey, I know! I’ll text back. Only I won’t tell her at first because my inner wise-cracker wants to play.

And so began our conversation with my response:

Oh, yes I did.

So she said:

Was that it? Was it over? It couldn’t be! The mystery remained and LaWanda still needed to settle things with Agnus, so:

I really, really hoped she had a good sense of humor because this could go anywhere and get really awkward.

Now you would think all she had to say was, “Sure thing!” or “What is it?”

Nope.

Was what my question? Did she think I was wondering how she came to believe I was from Mississippi? So now I’m (I mean Agnus is) a liar?

And who says “chest-of-drawers” any more?

And I can’t call her! Is she kidding? This was supposed to be a little silly back-and-forth thing and I’d tell her it was all a mistake and we would have a good laugh and go about our lives.

But now she’s in my bedroom?

Well, I guess I should ask her a question then. It’ll get us to the end of the story faster.

Right? Because this is a slow train wreck now. And I’m the engineer. And I should be ashamed of myself, because this is going to end in tears.

Or murder.

Or both.

Lord help me, she told me what she wanted for Christmas.

Can’t she hear by my voice that I am clearly not Agnus already?

Well, this has obviously gone far enough. The train wreck is about to commence if I don’t pull the emergency brake. Time for me to confess.

The problem is…this is a very delicate matter. I can’t just say, HAHA! — You’ve been punk’d! I was just playing a joke on you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

There. See? It was all just a misunderstanding. Nobody gets hurt. I awaited her reply, then my phone alerted me to her answer.

I’m not sure why she felt the need to repeat herself and I had no idea what a “b & care operator” is, so I Googled it.

Google doesn’t seem to know either.

And this is when LaWanda decides to actually call me. On the phone.

And I don’t answer it.

And now I’m going to Hell twice.

I need to straighten LaWanda out and fast before she calls the dudes in the white coats to suddenly haul Loretta off to the crazy house.

Please let it work this time, please let it work this time…

She invented the number? The phone number? My phone number? Or did she invent the “No”, in which case she’s a lot older than I thought. Hasn’t “No” been around a while?

OK, so now I’m back down to only going to Hell once, and just for good measure…

Because LaWanda at least deserves a compliment after putting up with my sorry ass. But she had to have the last word…

Yeah thanks, LaWanda, but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now.

The post Sorry, Wrong Number (A Texting Story) appeared first on Nanny Goats in Panties.

0 notes