#naruto got me into drawing when i was in the 6th grade!

[famewolf]

wanted to watch something light and dumb so I picked up Naruto again for the first time in a decade

[smurfy-the-artist]

Art progress then vs now

This Manga is my project since the 6th grade

Emi's former name was Bibi, it kinda represented me

Back then the Legendary Dragons were the guards of some elemental stones, they were stolen by some evil monsters and they had to get them back

I had the idea in class when we had to work on our own fairy tale

I made these drawings on a random sheet and cut them out to glue them in my "diary" I got for my birthday (Dark's sketch got lost, but his design didn't really change)

I was never the person who wrote in diaries, so I made a art/sketch book of it

The story of the Legendary Dragons changed more when I started to watch Naruto and got older

I was very interested in Japanese culture and names, a lot changes were made in the story back then

They were no elemental stones anymore, but 4 beasts and a new villain who was after them: The Golden Dragon and his group The Lost Souls

Yeah the I had this fun idea to give every character their own flavour like in those Anime themed Cafè's

You will get to know everyone soon enough

Now I am studying art and I finally have the art skills to make my very own Manga

[nanawritesstuff]

of peace and devotion (nsfw)| December 28th, MadaSakuWeekend 2019

@madasakuweek​ thank you for organising and motivating us all to write!! I know I’ve been lazy, and this weekend truly stirred the madasaku pot and had me cooking!

prompts, December 28th: yandere au, possessive, "you belong to me" Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: MadaSaku 

Rating: 18+/Explicit 

Word Count: 6947

Summary: Soulmates don’t mean much to Sakura, who’s never fallen in love. After she catches her boyfriend cheating, she wonders if she’s really meant for love. What will she do then, when it quite literally stumbles through her door? | sequel to of war and peace

Warnings/Tags: explicit sexual content, mild language, OOC behaviour, modern au, hints of very soft yandere behaviour...if you squint, cliche, Sakura deserves a soft Madara!! I'm just cold and lonely leave me to my soft things!!

a/n: that was the most cliched summary I’ve written in my life, this is what happens when you watch too many kdramas

In Sakura's world, at this very moment in time–the term soulmates holds very little meaning.

As she steps through the doors to the elevator, grocery bag in hand, her mind recalls the unpleasant events of the previous week. The week itself had started out like every other one; early shifts, her usual patients, nothing too unusual apart from a few bumps here and there that she had no trouble dealing with. And now, on this chilly Tuesday, she gets to be home on Christmas Eve. 

Alone. 

This was the one unexpected bump in her plans. Something she hadn't even thought of, so she couldn't have planned for it–to catch her boyfriend of six months in the break room with his mouth glued to the new nurse's neck. She had stood there, watching them go at it for a whole minute before Ami had spotted her and shrieked. It was only the dawning horror in her eyes as she heard Sasori stammer out his pitifully weak excuses that told Sakura the girl hadn't known about the handsome redheaded doctor's girlfriend: her, Haruno Sakura.

Something Sasori must have been only too happy to take advantage of, she's sure.

That is why Sakura had accepted her tearful apologies with a stiff smile and continued on with her day. Ino, as soon as she found out, dragged her to the cafe, attempting to coax out the tears and curses with cold doughnuts–a reaction that just wouldn't come. That particular bit was reserved for her evening shower. Sakura was sad, yes and quite disappointed with how things turned out. Their relationship, while far from perfect, had been important to her. She had been trying to meet his expectations since before they even started dating but Sasori's nitpicking never ended; his complaints about her working too much had been increasing by the day. He also thought they weren't having enough sex. 

'I guess he went fishing,' she thinks with only a slightly bitter sigh. They were never going to last, and she should have accepted it sooner. But it had been comfortable. It had been safe. And now it's over. All her life, she’s felt as if something’s been missing. As if she’s forgotten something, as if she’s been waiting for something to come back to her.

She realizes she's been standing in front of her door for more than a few minutes, and the sound of a shuffle reaches her ears, drawing her eyes towards it. Eyes the deepest shade of dark ink, brows furrowed in concern and a slender mouth curled into a gentle smile. 

"You've been standing there for about five minutes," he says in lieu of a greeting. She blinks rapidly, shaking off the melancholic energy and smiling back at her neighbour. 

"Itachi-san! I see you've got the evening off." She eyes his sleek jacket, sniffing as the subtle notes of his familiar cologne reach her. The plastic container in his hands looks out of place in the impeccable image he makes. "Off to see Izumi-san?"

"Ah. Our families are finally having dinner together," he divulges with a nervous little smile before holding the box out towards her. "And these are for you. I received the batch yesterday." 

"Gingerbread cookies?" she guesses, her eyes lighting up at once as if she's been handed the one ring to rule them all. "Thank you. Your uncle is an angel."

"Just make sure you actually eat something before opening those bottles," he says sternly, with a pointed look at the wine bottles in her grocery bag. Sakura can't help but laugh nervously and shift the bag out of view in a futile attempt at hiding the contents from view. “And please don’t call him my uncle.” 

"But he is your uncle, isn’t he? Also, don't tell Sasuke? You know he'll nag. And send Naruto." 

"Alright. Only because I know you need space. Just take care and text one of us if you need anything. I'll be crashing at my parents'." He gives her a supportive pat on the back before continuing on, and Sakura adores him for trying. Itachi has been worried about her since she told him about The Break-Up, and he's also the only one who understood her when she said she felt more relief than sorrow. 

"Will do. Good luck, I hope you have a wonderful evening," Sakura calls out after him before unlocking her door. Stepping into the darkened entrance, she fumbles for the light switch as she slips out of her shoes, wrestling with her puffy. Her apartment is completely silent, and it bothers her less than she thought it would. With a silent apology to her worrywart neighbour, she starts looking for the wine opener. 

She does break into the box of cookies first. One of the small traditions she looks forward to every Christmas since she was twelve. The first time she tried these was in 6th grade when Sasuke brought some to class. One bite and she begged her grumpy friend for some every single year. His uncle bakes them for the entire family and ever since he found out how crazy she is about them, he makes sure to send some for her too. 

Two glasses in, she's pleasantly buzzed and curled up in her soft blanket, her laptop open on her lap. The first Harry Potter movie plays on the screen, and it reminds her of Sasori and how he hates the entire series. If he had been here, he would have insisted on watching something she has very little interest in herself. It's alarming how she's finding more pros to ending things with him by the hour, but than can only be a good thing now that he's out of her personal life.

The forty text messages from him are going to stay unread. 

Just as she's contemplating getting another snack before she starts the second movie, the doorbell rings, and at first, she thinks she's imagined it. It's 12:04 on the clock, and if Ino had been planning to drop in at midnight, she would have texted first. It rings again, and Sakura starts to feel uneasy. There's a series of heavy, hurried knocks on the door. 

'Please, please don't be Sasori-'

"Oi, Itachi! It's freezing out here, open the fucking door!" 

And there's the magic word. Itachi doesn't give his address out to people he doesn't trust, and with how familiar this stranger seems to be with him–it's probably not a serial killer. A peek through the peephole shows unruly ebony strands, and with a deep breath, she opens the door just a crack. There is little point in the cautiousness as the stranger stumbles through the door, trembling violently as he nearly runs her over.

"Took you long enough! I really need to take a-" The man pauses as he finally stands up straight, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings, and the girl staring at him in concern. "Uh-you're not Itachi."

"Definitely not," she confirms dryly, crossing her arms over her chest, just tipsy enough to not feel self-conscious about her fuzzy pyjamas and an oversized sweatshirt. She has no idea who he is but Sakura has spent enough time with the Uchiha siblings and their relatives to know one of their clansmen when she sees him. "I'm his neighbour."

"Right, definitely prettier than him. Sorry. Fuck. Oh-sorry about that too," he mutters, a slight flush spreading over the high point of his cheeks. His sheepish tone contrasts greatly with his roguish look. Wild, dark hair that falls to his back. A black leather jacket that does little to hide his well-built form, and unusually deep-set eyes that stay strangely focused on her even as he squirms with discomfort. Her heart races, making her wonder if it's the alcohol or his cologne that's hitting her so hard. "I'm...just gonna go." 

"Itachi's not home," she blurts out. "So, um."

"Oh," he sighs. His shoulders slump and she can't help but sympathize. "My bad. I should've checked." 

"Yeah. Well, if you need to, you know." She points towards the hallway leading to the bathroom, and he blinks in slight confusion before he gets it. 

"Are you sure?" he waits for her nod before he sighs once more, this time with relief, and begins to tug his boots off. "Shit, thanks. I'm really sorry to intrude, I just really need to-"

"Not a problem. It's right down the hallway, first door on the left!" she cuts in with a slight laugh, closing the front door as he hurries off. Just as she thinks to text Itachi, she realises she doesn’t have a name. 

She probably shouldn’t trust a stranger this much, but she reasons that it’s Itachi she trusts, so it should be fine to flop back on the couch and resume her drinking. 

Light footsteps indicate the not-a-complete stranger’s return, and Sakura turns to study him over the back of the couch. He seems calmer now, looking around her apartment curiously before he turns to smile at her. 

“Thanks again. I probably would’ve-if you hadn’t-yeah. Thanks,” he flushes slightly at the sight of her trying and failing to hide a grin before he looks over her head at the coffee table. “Wait-are those Izuna’s cookies?” 

“Itachi’s uncle? Yeah,” she affirms with a dreamy smile, reaching for another treat. He makes a weird face at her words. 

“Yeah. His uncle.” She cocks a brow at his wince. “Right, I’m-his brother. Madara.” 

Sakura can’t quite describe the jolt she feels at his name, and tries to ignore it as she takes the hand he holds out. His palm is warm and dwarfs her own, curling around it gently. Something in her shakes and she wonders if she’s always been so nervous around good-looking men she didn’t grow up with. 

The name is a familiar one though, and she's sure it was Shisui who mentioned it. It explains how young he looks–Madara and Izuna are cousins to Itachi and Sasuke's father, born to a father who married quite late, at least according to the older generation's standards. It had the whole clan in quite a tizzy, according to Shisui. She's also sure she isn't supposed to be privy to clan gossip so she's going to keep her mouth shut.

“I’m Sakura.” 

He smiles at that, his eyes softening in the dim light of her living room. “Of course it is.” 

Her cheeks feel strangely warm and she feels like a fool, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. 'But,' the voice in her head that sounds a little like Ino's soothes her. 'Look at him. He's beautiful.'

"So, that makes you the other uncle." 

"Ugh," he groans before doing an abrupt turn and smirking wickedly. "So that makes you the girl Sasuke wrote that poem for when he was eight?"

"Why do you know about that?" It's more demand than a question, but Sakura really doesn't bring up that long-buried memory unless it's for the specific aim of tormenting Sasuke.

"Who do you think helped him write it?" he taunts, snickering at her startled expression. 

"And to think I'd been so impressed with the big words." Sakura shakes her head with an air of exaggerated disappointment. 

"Well, I'm glad to see I got most of it right," he shrugs, the tips of his ears reddening tellingly. "If it’s any consolation, I'm sure he knows them now...I think."

Her responding laugh is cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing again, and they both look at each other as if expecting the other to have expected it. Madara shrugs and she moves to the front door, standing up on the tips of her toes to look through the peephole. Really, what's with her home attracting unexpected guests at–

She whirls around in a panic. 

“Everything okay?” he asks quietly as she rushes back, looking like she’s going to throw up. 

“Um, yeah. No. I don’t know. It’s my ex.” 

“An ex you want to see...?” he trails off.

“Absolutely not,” she mutters, pressing the heels of her palm to her eyes. She can feel a headache coming on with the new arrival and honestly, it is so very like Sasori to drop in without asking, expecting her to be okay with him ruining her night. Madara watches her freak out for a few seconds before nodding resolutely. 

“Okay. Leave it to me.” Sakura makes a grab for his arm as he moves towards the door, trying to tug him in the opposite direction.

“What are you doing?” she hisses.

“Well, I owe you one. And I can’t just leave you to deal with an ex you clearly don’t want to see–especially at this time of the night,” he explains easily, trying to tug his arm from her grip. He tries to uncurl her fingers from where they’re digging into his bicep, and she nearly jumps when their hands touch once more. It's only now that she realizes how close they are, and that she's nearly hanging off his arm in an attempt to stop him from opening the door. "Hey, it's okay. I'll take care of it."

He looks back to wink at her before bending over to slide his boots on, and Sakura has to nearly tear her eyes away from the ridiculously appealing sight. He reaches the door and unlocks it deftly, and she's thankful for him looking away, because that was nearly devastating enough to make her forget about why he’s answering her door. 

Then she hears the one voice she absolutely did not want to hear again, at least until she goes back to work tomorrow.

“Saku-you’re not Sakura,” she hears Sasori say, and she can imagine his disgruntled expression with perfect ease.

“Definitely not,” Madara says in an echo of her own words, and she can’t help the subtle smile that stretches across her mouth. “Can I help you?”

“Who are you?” 

“None of your business.” 

“It is if you’re at my girlfriend’s house at this time of the night.” 

At that Sakura steps up next to Madara, crossing her arms in annoyance and trying not to blush when Madara slides his arm around her. He keeps his hand on the curve of her waist, his touch gentle and loose, but mostly reassuring. It also serves to annoy Sasori greatly, who looks like he can't quite believe what he's seeing. 

“Ex-girlfriend. What do you want?” she snaps. She's sure he didn't leave anything at her place.

“Sakura, who is this?” 

“Like he said, it’s none of your business.” She shivers a little and Madara tugs her closer, moving his hand to rub it over her arm in quick, light movements. She's a little amazed at how warm he is and quite upset that she has to stand in the cold because Sasori can't speak quickly enough.

"Um, well, I was just at a party at Hidan's." Who happens to live nearby. "And I was just...wondering if I could crash here. I thought we could talk." 

For a long moment, Sakura can't quite bring herself to say anything. Not because she's considering saying yes–but because the nerve of this man has, not for the first time, left her speechless. 

"Sasori, we-"

"I know, I know," he grumbles. He then shrugs and grins in a way she had once thought was charming, leaning in slightly. "Your place was just closer than mine-"

"And no longer accessible," Madara cuts in. "Goodnight." He tries to move them back so he can close the door, but Sasori interrupts the motion with a hand on the door. 

"I'll take the couch!" Sasori pushes back against the door. "Sakura, babe, we've-"

"Alright," Madara steps out the door instead, forcing Sasori to take a few steps back. "Why don't have a little talk?" He turns to a confused looking Sakura, gesturing for her to go inside. "I'll be right in, sweetheart. Don't worry." He doesn't wait for her to reply, closing the door before she can say anything. Sakura stands with her ear pressed to the wood for over a minute, but doesn't hear a thing. She goes back to the couch, trying to figure out if this was really okay, but Madara comes back in before she can come to an actual conclusion. 

"Well, he's a prick."

"I realize that now," she says, looking him over for any signs of damage. "Sorry, did he give you any trouble?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle. And you don't need to thank me either," he adds before she can even begin to come up with a way to express her gratitude. She also realizes that they're both alone once again, and despite how nice he seems, Madara is still a stranger. He looks a bit awkward, looking as if he doesn't know what to do with himself, or his hands which clench and unclench before he shoves them into the pockets of his jacket.

"Um, I should probably wait a few minutes before leaving...did Itachi say what time he'd be back?" 

"He said he's going to stay at his parents' tonight," Sakura tells him, wincing at his dismayed expression. "He hasn't given you a spare key?" 

"Shisui 'borrowed' it." 

"I'm so sorry." She thinks it's a little funny, but works to keep her face sympathetic; Shisui would be extremely amused by the current events.

"That's alright. I think I've intruded enough, so I should probably go."  

"Where do you live?" she asks, forehead wrinkled up at the thought of him having to make his way home in this weather. Sasori lives about ten minutes away–which is why she hadn’t been worried about him, she tells her guilty conscious. 

"...Senju apartments." 

"Fancy. Also on the other side of town," Sakura states flatly. "Did you drive here?"

"Ah."

"In a car?"

"...Bike."

"Right. Look," she begins, unable to actually believe she's doing this. "Just crash here tonight. I'll let Itachi know."

He looks taken aback at her suggestion, and shifts uncomfortably. "I wouldn't want to-"

"It's alright. I'm not comfortable with sending you off into the night," she reasons. "Plus, Itachi and Sasuke are practically family. That makes you...distant family. Sort of. Just-you're welcome to stay if you're comfortable with it."

Madara, who had begun to flush, looks extremely amused by the time she finishes. "Distant family."

"I said, sort of!" 

"Hah. Well," he rubs at the back of his head hesitantly. "I guess. You're really okay with it?"

"Really okay with it. One hundred per cent." She waits for him to take his shoes off before herding him towards the couch. "You sleepy?"

"Not really," he admits sheepishly, taking a seat, sitting a little too properly for this time of the night. 

"Great. You like Harry Potter?"

"Yeah."

"Wine?" 

"Yes," he laughs, accepting the clean glass she brings him.  

"Even better. It’s been ages since I had a sleepover. I'll bring more snacks."

The mildly awkward atmosphere dissolves quickly as they begin watching the movie, and Sakura's pleased to see her new companion loosen up and put his feet up on the coffee table. In an unexpected turn of events, she's found a new companion who's up for binge-watching the entire series, which is a little too ambitious for someone who has to work the next day. They open a new bottle as they express their mutual disappointment at the wasted potential of Tom Riddle, discuss their own Hogwarts house placements and the first time they read the books–before starting the third movie. 

Sakura groans as the light hits her face, turning it to bury her head further into her pillow. 

Her pillow, which seems unusually warm and smells like cedarwood. It's only when it shifts under her that her eyes fly open, and in her haste to spring back she tumbles off the bed. 

"Ow-" She rubs her backside in slight disgruntlement, glancing up at Madara only to see him yawning widely as he stretches like a contented cat; he smiles softly as he notices her staring. She can't quite get her brain to process what she's seeing–tan skin stretching over long, firm planes of muscle. His wild hair spills over her pillows and she's hit with a memory of nuzzling it, of knowing what it smells like. 

"Morning," he mumbles groggily, looking like he's ready to doze off again. 

'Ah, fuck.' 

"Morning," she replies in a tone a touch too shrill, jumping up when he just blinks at her. "We...uh..."

At her panicked expression, he seems to step out the doors of slumber completely, his cheeks reddening as he realizes she's struggling with their current state of undress. "Yeah. Uh, sorry?

"D-don't apologize," she says, trying to reassure him with a weak smile. "So! Breakfast?" 

"Sakura." He sits up, the sheets pooling at his waist and she looks away before she sees more than she can handle. The plain black sweatshirt that was snug on him falls to her thighs when she stands up, and she sees the way his eyes fall to the bare expanse of her legs before he forces them back to her face. "I-I'll take care of that. You okay with scrambled eggs? Tea? Coffee?"

"Um-yeah. Here I'll just..." She looks around the room, spotting his pants by the door. She can't help the way she tugs at the hem of his sweatshirt as she bends her knees, grabbing the jeans. "Here. And–coffee. What can I do to help?"

"You need to be at work by ten, right? You can go get ready, we've got time." It's 8:30 on the clock, but how does he know what time she needs to be at the hospital? Her baffled look must tip him off because he shakes his head in mock seriousness as he washes his hands. "You don't remember that conversation, huh?"

"I'm sure it'll come to me," she sighs. "Alright I'll...go shower." She misses his distracted nod in her haste to retreat to the bathroom, his eyes struggling to focus as she leaves him to his thoughts.

It all does, eventually, come back to her while she's in the shower. She’s grateful for the privacy because she’s convinced Madara would think her a lunatic if he saw her smiling so hard.

(flashback, nsfw content ahead)

"Madara?" she asks, lifting her head off his shoulder so she could look at him. They sit side by side, watching the credits scroll past as they contemplate moving. Sakura’s cuddled into his side, unable to muster the will to move away from his warmth.  

"Hm?"

"Have we met before?" The question has been on her mind since she first saw him earlier. He seems so familiar, but she’s unsure if it’s just because of his features, which do remind her of Itachi.

Her question is met with a slow blink as they both sit up a little straighter. "Could have. At birthday parties, maybe?" 

She purses her lips at the thought, trying to recall any interactions that might have taken place in the past. Madara watches her for a moment, as she chews on her bottom lip, before tapping her chin to interrupt the rough treatment of her mouth. She’s struck by the urge to flick her tongue against the pad of his thumb, and the thought has her squirming in embarrassment. He looks completely serious, while she’s over here thirsting. 

"Would you believe me if I said...I feel like I've been looking for you?" he asks hesitantly, flushing deeply when she looks amused. "Ugh, that sounds way cornier than it was intended to. I'm serious!" 

She sobers up at his firm tone, studying his features in the dim light of the lamp. She smooths his bangs away from his eyes, feeling slightly overwhelmed when he takes the hand tucking his hair behind his ear in his own, lacing his fingers with hers. 

"...I think I would," she whispers, mirroring his own tiny smile. "Then, would you believe me if I said I feel like I've been waiting for you?" She's only half-teasing. She feels at home, sitting next to him, arguing with him over fictional characters and concepts, watching him tap his feet to background music, eating cookies they're both shamelessly obsessed with. 

Her heart feels warm and full when he kisses the back of her hand.

"I think I would," he says, his smiling turning embarrassed and shy and so soft that she can't help but lean in and press her lips to it, her heart pounding madly when he melts into it, into her. He groans low when she climbs into his lap, tilting his head to deepen the meeting of their mouths. 

Desire drips into a pool at the bottom of her spine, where his hands splays and glides up to rest at the nape of her neck, tangling in messy, rosy strands. They kiss, and they kiss until her lips feel numb and her mind is muted for the first time in what feels like ages. 

The first grind of her hips against his feels electric and the helpless way he bucks his hips up is something she wants to see repeated. He clutches her to him, peppering hot kisses down the slender slope of her neck and she knows what she wants. "Be-bedroom."

He stills, tilting his head back until the tip of his nose brushes hers. His eyes are reminiscent of hot pools of obsidian, and she thinks she would be okay with drowning in them. "Are you sure?" 

"I want this." His mouth perks up even as he presses it to her jaw, winding her legs around his waist as he rises from the sofa with her holding on. Long fingers dig into the plump flesh of her rear, keeping her close and whimpering. 

"Wait. Are you sure?" 

His responding chuckle is edged with roughness, but not a straight enough answer. Once again, he manages to steal her breath before it can form words, sliding her lower against his body until she can feel him pressing into her, hard and straining. 

"Oh. Okay," she gasps, pushing back into it until he stumbles with a curse, pressing her back into her bedroom door as he kisses her deeply, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth.

"Keep that up and we'll never get to the bed," he groans, grinding into her urgently as she nibbles on the shell of his ear.

"That's fine, just-fuck." She loses her train of thought when his hands squeeze her ass warningly. 

"I'm not fucking you against a door," he says firmly, cutting her off with a quick kiss when she tries to protest. "Not the first time." 

And so he fumbles with the door handle as his teeth dig into her skin, stumbling in blindly. He tosses her on the bed, reaching for the collar of his sweatshirt and sliding it off swiftly. Her mouth waters at this unveiling of his chiselled form, torn between reaching out to run her greedy fingers over it and reaching for her own clothes. He makes the decision for her by sliding his fingers underneath the hem of her shirt, tugging it up and over her head. Warmth flushes down from her cheeks to her chest when she realizes she had forgone a bra earlier, leaving the upper half of her body exposed to his burning gaze. 

The moment his chest presses into hers, warm desire spreads down to the tips of her toes. It sinks into her bones as he kisses her temple, her cheeks, her lips. He carves a fervent path down her neck, teeth and tongue leaving hints of their efforts behind in blooming marks. The first curl of his tongue around a taut nipple has her gasping loudly, her fingers tangling in his hair as he splits his attention between her breasts. 

His journey around her body continues with kisses down the soft planes of her abdomen until he reaches her waistline. Her heart pounds madly as she lifts her hips, allowing him to tug her pyjamas down her legs, followed by her underwear. It leaves her squirming beneath his gaze until he bends over her to press his lips to hers. 

"You're so beautiful, darling," he groans, his hands gliding down her waist and back up. "Can I taste you?" He waits for her slow nod, smiling as he climbs back down, spreading her legs until he's found himself a spot between them. Sakura, who waits breathlessly for that first contact, nearly yelps when she feels his teeth sink into the tender flesh of her inner thigh instead. He soothes the spot with his tongue, and just as she settles down with the comforting motion she feels a languid lick along her slick sex that steals any capacity for thought still present in her head. 

Lifting up on her elbows proves to be disastrous for her heart: he locks eyes with her as he licks fervidly into her, his eyes crinkling and lips twisting wickedly. 

Sakura thinks she might have invited the devil into her bed. 

He doesn't let her move until she's dripping with her desire, pushed to the brink of madness and digging her heels into his shoulders. He's unfazed by her pleading, coaxing and tonguing but never letting her tip over. 

"Madara, Mad-fuck, please, please," she whimpers, one hand clenched around her sheets and the other smacking into the headboard. 

"You need to tell me what you want, babygirl," he laughs, drawing slow, torturous circles around her clit. 

"Fuck me, fuck me, please." She's practically begging but she needs this. She thinks she might actually wither away if he doesn't let her come. She feels him move, blinking her tears away so she can watch him slide his pants off and reach for his wallet. She's never felt more focused as she watches him tug the boxer-briefs down, freeing his straining erection and leaving her swallowing with one motion. 

Sitting up, she reaches for him as he tears the foil square open carefully, but he stops her with a hand curling around her wrist. He brings her hand up to this mouth, kissing the back of it and urging her back down. "Later." 

Any arguments she might have had are ripped away when she feels him at her entrance, rubbing the tip of his head against her slickness. When he pushes through her slit, tearing a moan from the depths of her throat, he kisses the corner of her mouth softly. She's convinced no one has ever felt this good, and no one ever will.

He's watching her, she realizes belatedly. She reaches up to cup his cheek, smiling faintly as he kisses her palm quickly, as he waits for her to adjust around him. 

"Is this okay?" he asks, dropping his forehead to hers, his muscles straining as he keeps himself from moving. She pulls him close, leaving open-mouthed kisses over his tense shoulders. 

"It's perfect." She pushes up, her walls squeezing tight and a startled groan escapes him before he pulls back and snaps his hips into hers–over and over again, aimed to tear her apart and make his mark in the very depths of her until she's shattering to pieces around him and trembling in his arms. He whispers softly, incoherently as he thrusts frantically, and she kisses him through his unravelling. 

She curls into a ball, after, nearly vibrating her contentment when she feels his fingers in her hair, rubbing at her scalp. Madara proves himself to be a cuddler when he moulds himself to her back, burying his face in her hair and inhaling deeply. "Okay, I have a confession." 

She turns around in his arms, raising a brow at his conflicted expression. 

"I...have seen you before." 

"Oh?" she lifts up onto an elbow, watching him struggle with his words. She's filled with curiosity because she's certain she'd never seen Madara before today. He’s not someone she would forget.  

"Yeah. It was at your graduation party a few years back. The one you all had at Fugaku’s place," he tells her, his eyes unfocused as he thinks back to the time. "We didn't actually meet, but that was... I thought you were beautiful even then."

It’s strange to hear him address the older man so casually when he’s closer in age to her than Fugaku, but then they are cousins. 

"Oh." She rests her head in her palm. "Let me guess–and you've been smitten ever since?" She shouldn't tease when he's being so serious, but she's come to really enjoy his blushing responses–a reaction she doesn't get this time. Instead, he meets her eyes steadily, if a bit solemnly. 

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Madara!" She laughs, pinching his cheek, prompting him to smile as well. 

“You don’t believe me.” He sighs, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Mhm. I'm glad you got the wrong door," she whispers, feeling him smile against her skin. 

"Me too." She sighs and presses her face to his chest, snuggling closer when he winds his arms around her. They’re quiet for a while, and just before she slips into sleep, he speaks up.

"Sakura?" 

"Hm?

"Meeting you like this...being so close to you," he shifts slightly, pressing his lips to her hair. "Right now, I almost feel like...you belong to me." His admission is said so lowly that she nearly misses it. "And I belong to you. Is that strange?"

She smiles drowsily, tilting her head back to kiss him, soft and slow. "No, I think it's lovely." 

"I think you're lovely." She can’t keep her eyes open, drifting into the dark with warmth all around her. “And...I don’t think I want to let you go.”

“...Then don’t.” 

For the first time in a long time, she's smiling as she falls asleep. 

Sakura's still smiling as she steps out of the shower. Wiping her hand over the fogged up mirror, she squints at her reflection. She looks bright, despite a terrible headache, and she feels warm–on the inside and out; her skins nearly burns when she spots the marks over her collarbone and thighs.

Waking up to soft greetings, offers of breakfast and a very pleasant ache between her thighs–it's something new, but it's nice. Madara is nice. 

'And I'm fucked. Literally and figuratively' 

But is she? She may have started him by kissing him, but he more than reciprocated. She's never felt more loved, and that includes actual relationships. Then there were the mind-melting things he said. A bit intense, but they were both more than a little dazed in the aftermath.

She’s a little worried about starting something this soon after ending things with Sasori, but– and she may be speaking too soon, but she never felt this way with Sasori. The redhead had started their relationship, dictated most of it, and she had been okay with it, accepting that she’s not the sort to take charge when it comes to this stuff. 

But with Madara? She feels the sparks of excitement. She wants. So many things. So badly. She should, however, take it slow. A little too late, but she should still try. The man might be more than a little alarmed if he finds out just how into him she already is. 

Her stomach growls loudly as she follows the smell of frying bacon to the kitchen. And there he is, the man in question, arranging food on two plates, her coffee ready on the side. His hair is pulled back into a low ponytail, his pants tight around his waist–and backside–and Sakura nearly swoons at the sight of him.

“Are you real?” she asks, completely serious. 

“Real enough to have burnt the toast a little,” he answers with a sheepish grin. She hands him his sweatshirt apologetically, but he's unfazed as he pulls it on easily. 

She wonders if this is all very normal for him, and the thought stings a little.  

“I like it burnt.” She shrugs and pauses as she reaches the counter. She turns around to see him watching her; with a quick prayer to whoever’s listening and a hand on his shoulder, she rises up on the tips of her toes to plant a quick kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.” 

His fingers curl around her wrist before she can step out of his space, his eyes searching her face before he pulls her close. She should be alarmed by how natural it feels to have his arms around her and his lips coaxing her mouth open. In the light of the morning, he kisses her softly; once more, she’s filled with a yearning that makes her ache. 

In what’s quickly turning into an irritating pattern, her phone rings. A quick glance at the screen assuages her annoyance, but she still has to take a deep breath before answering. 

“Morning, Itachi. Happy Christmas!” 

“Happy Christmas. I just saw your text. Is Madara still there?” 

“Uh, yeah, he is.” 

“Alright. I’m nearly on our floor. See you in a minute.” 

“Wait-“

But he’s hung up already, and she turns to see Madara sipping at what looks like green tea, failing to hide his disappointment.

“I heard.” 

“Yeah,” she sighs, moving towards the entrance, then doubling back and pulling Madara into a quick, hard kiss that leaves him slack-jawed. “Sorry.” 

“Please don’t be,” he murmurs hoarsely, making grabby hands at her as she skips away. Beaming, she opens the door to Itachi’s suspicious eyes and boxes of what she’s sure are his mother’s cooking. 

“Yes, this is for you,” Itachi says before she can ask, moving past her to peer into her apartment. “Ah. There you are.” 

“Morning.” 

“Good morning,” Itachi looks from his uncle to Sakura, as if expecting more. “I’m going to go ahead get it out of the way–did you guys...?” 

“Yes.” 

“N-What!” Sakura squeaks, glaring at Madara when she spots the grin he tries to hide behind his cup. 

“Right. Okay. Well, I’m gonna go get some more sleep. Sakura, have a nice day at work. Madara, let's go. Bring the plate, I’ll return it later.” Itachi doesn’t seem to be asking, and Madara, to her surprise, does as the other man says. They stare at each other for a few seconds, before Itachi raises a brow and turns to leave. A tiny smirk curls along his mouth, and she knows she can expect a call from Shisui within the hour.

The second he’s out Madara’s arms around her and his lips are on hers.

“Have dinner with me,” he asks as soon as he pulls away, his eyes wide with hope. 

“Tonight?” she says, her answer clear when she kisses him again. Madara grins down at her, pulling her in for a hug that leaves her gasping for breath as she laughs.

“I’ll pick you up.”

Bonus: 

“He made you breakfast?” Shisui asks over the phone, for the third time. 

“Yes, Shisui. Honestly, it’s not like he gave me a manicure! Why are you so surprised?” Sakura glances around to ensure there aren't any eavesdroppers as she exits the elevator in the hospital. Ino has the evening shift, so she didn't get a chance to talk to her. She's not sure what she would even say. Her entire day had been a struggle with focus, but she had managed to keep the Madara-related thoughts at bay until the end of her shift.

And then she called the one person who could give her some insight.

“Because! Madara does not make people breakfast. In the rare occasions that he does spend time with them, he exits those occasions as quickly as humanly possible.”

“So he’s...” 

“Not a dick! Not exactly. He’s just had a hard time getting emotionally involved with partners. You’re sure it was him? Not Izuna?” 

“Yes, Shisui, of course, I’m sure!” 

“Okay, okay. Hm. I think...he might like you?” 

“Yeah?” she can't help but smile as she opens the door to her car, flinging her bag inside. 

“Yeah. Weird.” 

“Why is it weird?” 

“You’re going to be Itachi and Sasuke’s aunt-“ 

“Uchiha Shisui! Don’t even put that crap in my head.” It's way too early to even go there.

“Fine, I won’t. But what will you do about the crap in his head?” 

“I’m sure there’s nothing like that! At least, I won’t know until I talk to him. Which won’t be possible until dinner tonight. I also need his number. Which is why I called you.” 

“Ah, right. You were so preoccupied with his mouth that you forgot to even ask for his number?”

Sakura makes a silent vow to punch him the next time she sees him.

 “...I’ll text it to you. Are we telling Itachi you're planning on asking his uncle out?” 

“...not yet.” She's not sure how her friend would react. Itachi has always been a supportive presence in her life, but he didn't actually say anything this morning.  

“It's not like he'll be surprised!” 

“Probably. But let me talk to Madara first!” She gets inside and closes the door, leaning back and closing her eyes tiredly. 

“Fine, fine. If he’s an ass to you, let me know. I’ll...tell Izuna.” 

“I’m hurt. You won’t even kick his ass yourself?” she teases. 

“Not when I know I won’t escape with my limbs unbroken. Your new flame is a scary dude, you know.” 

“Please. Are you forgetting I’ve met the guy? He’s one of the nicest men I’ve ever met.”

“...Madara...nicest...Is-is this what they call a Christmas Miracle?” 

[admutual]

any hayley or steve childhood headcanons hell add stan if thats ok!!

oo !!

hayley ones:

hayley was always bringing weird animals inside and trying to convince stan and francine to let her keep them. multiple instances of her running inside, covered in dirt, and holding a garter snake begging ‘please please can we keep her??’ while steve screams in terror.

that hc i mentioned of francine always standing up for the other kids ,, hayley inherited that trait. my god she was The Most protective kid during her school years, she absolutely refused to let anyone get walked over when she knew they didn’t deserve it.

hayley was a wolf girl growing up,, change my mind. and black wolves were always her fave.

hayley definitely read animorphs growing up. those books shaped her and her fave character was cassie,,, also once she got more comfortable with living with roger she bullied him for not looking as cool as an andalite or a hork-bajir.

hayley went through an emo phase during her middle and high school years. she tried really hard to get an emo fringe, she was always blasting mcr and the used and three days grace, and her first job was at a hot topic.

hayley and stan were obviously tight-knit buds back in the day. like ,, she’d set up tea parties for them in the backyard, going out to movies was almost a weekly activity for the two of them, they were always planning picnics together,, they were really close. also every time they went to familyland together, hayley was always trying to drag him along with her to the more Extreme rides. francine kept telling her she’d go since she knew stan wasn’t the biggest fan of those rides like she was, but hayley kept insisting and it’d always end with stan near traumatized. big cia man goes on scary missions daily but he can’t handle a little roller coaster.

hayley’s hair was . pretty often a Mess when she was young. it was staticky, always sticking up at some angle, she often got too excited that she never took the time to comb out her hair in the mornings. plus it’s always been a habit of hers to play with her hair whenever she gets too excited or nervous, so even if she got it all straightened out it’d still turn into a mess by the end of the day.

hayley was always covered in scrapes and bruises. there was never a day where she didn’t have a bandaid somewhere.

she was a really tall kid during elementary school. she was almost always the tallest kid in her class. around high school everyone outgrew her though and now she’s . really short compared to most people her age, but yeah when she was little . Tall Girl (2019).

hayley skateboarded in middle school, and she was really damn good at it. she got in loads of trouble for skateboarding on school property and she thought she was the coolest kid for doing it.

stan and francine tried really hard not to curse around hayley when she was little (once steve came around they gave up trying), but occasionally something would slip out and hayley would always parrot it. stan looking at a bill and muttering ‘shit’ and then in the living room hearing what is obviously a toddler screaming ‘SHIT’

hayley, like steve, was always kinda lonely during her school years. steve eventually found friends in snot, barry, toshi, and roger too once he moved in, but hayley never really learned proper social skills as she was often pushed away for being the loud rowdy ‘annoying’ kid, and they always viewed her attempts to try to get close to others as too ‘desperate’. she has found friends in her adulthood, but yeah during her childhood she mostly just stuck around her family.

hayley was That Kid who would always use those fake clip-on earrings you’d get from claires, as well as cutting up the spiral from her notebook to use as a fake lip piercing, and she’d spend all day trying to convince her classmates ‘yeah no it’s real’

hayley liked stealing her dad’s camera and using it to film fake vlogs. they have multiple reels that go from cute family videos, to hayley making lps vids and fake cooking tutorials.

hayley drew a lot growing up and francine still has dozens of her drawings magneted to the fridge. hayley’s always cringing and asking her to take them down, but tbh francine’s never going to.

hayley’s always loved being outside at night. occasionally she’d sneak steve out with her to play in the backyard and it’d always lead to them in the treehouse, and stan catching them because they kept shining their flashlight against their bedroom window.

steve ones:

steve’s definitely adhd, autistic, and dyslexic. (the latter’s literally canon, and the two former ones are hcs that to me feel so obvious that i’m always a little hesitant calling it a hc). i really like imagining his parents being really patient with him in this area, even stan learned to be more composed and gentle with him when it came to this, and the two of them helping him find ways to cope. francine especially enjoyed nights helping him read.

steve’s interest in birds has been with him for pretty much his entire life, i like to imagine it’s always been his biggest special interest. also i’ve noticed there’s random scenes where stan’s displayed a bit of an interest or at least an appreciation of birds, so i kinda like to imagine stan used to take steve to the park for birdwatching trips when he was young before steve started going with roger. sometimes francine and hayley would tag along, but mostly it was just stan taking steve out and listening to him ramble about all the birds he’s spotting,, every time steve had a bad day stan’s immediate solution was to take him to the park.

when roger first moved in, he and steve were inseparable. steve was obsessed with learning everything about him and his species and his home planet, while roger saw steve as the one safe person to be around (francine, hayley, and klaus were still anxious towards him while stan was too strict and controlling for him). for a good few months until he started bonding with the rest of the fam roger would get really mopey whenever steve would go to school or leave to hang with his other friends, and the second steve walked through that door roger would excitedly hug him and try to lead him off to go do something together.

@a-d-lesbian got me into the hc that steve’s a theater kid and like ,, i’m always thinking about steve getting a tiny little background role in a 6th grade christmas show that they were required to do as a class, and he just loses his mind. he convinces stan and francine to let him invite the grandparents, he has francine film every scene he’s in where he just . Stands There. and then after the show when they get home he makes them all rewatch them all because he’s really damn proud of himself.

steve’s fave books growing up were always xenofiction. stuff like warrior cats and guardians of ga’hoole and redwall. he loved that shit. like i’m just imagining him trying to get his friends to larp warrior cats but none of them read it so they don’t know what he wants them to do, and he keeps assigning them warrior cat sonas and calling them by warrior cat names at school,, and he keeps calling god ‘starclan’ (which makes stan. Mad). am i projecting? that’s a secret, i’ll never tell.

steve was absolutely the Anime Kid in middle school. the amount of times he got yelled at for naruto running in the hallways was far too much. and his faves were fruits basket, nichijou, and k-on.

i’m so obviously projecting with my steve hcs here but i’m not gonna stop and i’m gonna say steve’s a trans guy. i know it makes no sense in canon, but canon’s dead it’s mine now. anyways he’s known since around the time he started middle school, and stan and francine love him and support him and i don’t have much else to say without getting Too Projecting, but yeah steve’s trans.

steve was pretty socially anxious growing up. he did get better as he grew older obv, but when he was little he was A Mess in school.

steve loved making flower crowns when he was little. he learned how to in his 2nd grade art class and just obsessed over it for a good few years and he was always making them for the fam. francine, stan, and hayley didn’t mind, they thought it was cute. i can see hayley learning to make them too and the two of them exchanging crowns,, and francine probably learned how to make some too during her college years and steve would always get really excited whenever she tried making some with him. poor roger though, once he moved in, steve took him as his new model and roger was forced to suffer through sitting in the hot sun while steve covered him in flowers.

steve never stopped singing. oh my god, stan loves him but he eventually reached a point where he started hiding their disney movies because steve would always loudly sing along and he just wanted some peace and quiet to work.

i like to imagine klaus has a sibling-esque relationship with pretty much the entire fam, but especially with steve. he was always pretty protective of him despite not really being able to do anything if he got hurt, and klaus was always there to talk to whenever steve needed it.

steve’s always liked to help francine bake. originally it was just so he could claim the mixer of batter before hayley could, but he quickly got really invested and he still loves helping out.

and in general for the both of them:

steve was the type of kid who bonked his head against the table a little and would spend the rest of the night crying while francine comforted him,, while hayley was the type of kid who could fly down the stairs and leave an actual dent in the wall and she’d still jump up assuring everyone ‘i’m okay!!’

hayley and steve used to play pokemon together growing up. hayley was more casually into it while steve was more obsessed (i like to imagine it was a special interest of his growing up). nowadays hayley doesn’t play it too often, but every now and then some big news will happen like new starters getting revealed, and steve will show her and hayley still can’t help but get at least a bit excited each time.

francine tried to do cute little family halloween costumes a few years. the idea of them doing an addams family group costume is precious.

francine always took them out for christmas photos every year. just dozens of photos of the four of them in the tackiest sweaters. they don’t do it as often anymore (or at least they don’t take as many photos outside of a few while they’re setting up the tree) but they still have framed photos of them that they set on the fireplace mantle every year.

listen …….. there were definitely multiple instances when they were really little of stan coming home from work ,, and steve and hayley excitedly tackling him,,,, and stan dramatically acting like he’s being attacked and losing ,,,

despite roger being a Dick, he was super protective of the two of them back in the day. either of them come home from school with a bruise, and roger’s already planning out an elaborate revenge scheme.

as for stan ,,

i’m adopting @stancine’s hc to say he was definitely a country boy. i kinda like to imagine his uncle on his mother’s side lived on a farm, and stan was really close to him growing up and it just sorta became monthly to take weekend trips to see him.

stan loved horses. he was definitely a Horse Kid, and his fave breeds are clydesdales and friesians.

sheep too!! one of his favorite yearly activities is during the springtime when his uncle helps him out with shearing the sheep.

also stan loved camping. he loved going out on walks through the woods and he especially loved fishing, but the second the sun went down he cowered in the back of the tent next to his mom because he was terrified of the noises coming from outside.

stan was a really quiet kid growing up. he sucked at properly standing up for himself, that’s kinda the reason he’s so harsh on steve for accepting mistreatment because he knows how hard it is and he doesn’t want his son to go through the same shit he did.

mother’s day was always one of his favorite holidays. he’d be obsessed with planning the whole day around trying to make it perfect for betty. making her breakfast in bed and saving up his allowance to buy her a gift, and he’d always make elaborate art projects for her every year.

stan . tried to learn how to ride a motorcycle in high school. it was this random obsession he got for no reason where he just really wanted one, but he always panicked whenever he got the chance to try one out. never even got his permit because he was so scared.

stan had a lot of pent-up anger as a kid that he never even recognized as anger until he got older. because of that he often broke his toys on accident because something wasn’t working correctly, and sometimes he’d snap at teachers on accident. obv he still had a problem with it but at least now he knows what’s going on and can at least try to work on dealing with it.

betty used to read to stan at night when he was really young. they didn’t have many books around so it was just stan listening to her read the same four dr. seuss books over and over. he didn’t mind though.

stan’s always loved writing and a good chunk of his free time was writing little short stories. he took a creative writing class in high school and he almost immediately became the teacher’s pet.

stan was a pretty lonely socially inept kid and i like to think growing up he tried getting a lot of his ‘advice’ on how to interact with others through television. one time he tried to get a girl’s attention by doing the ‘throwing pebbles at their window’ trope, but he fucked up and got too big a stone and threw it too hard, and just shattered this poor girl’s window. and stan spent the rest of the night crying in his room before caving and turning himself in.

i can see him being really into superheroes when he was younger. just him bounding around the house with a blanket for a cape, acting out random scenes he read out of the latest issue he bought.

stan was obv a dog kid. he’d often find himself going to the adoption shelter near his house just to see the dogs there whenever he was feeling down. and his fave breeds were golden retrievers, pit bulls, and shelties.

god i have tons more for all of them but i’m gonna stop because this is already long enough as it is.

[chochote-sijali]

I'm simply blogging about the reason I got into drawing and writing (both influenced heavily by Naruto lol), and how I might get back into both again. None of what I say is of any importance (as usual lol), so no need to pay attention to this very long post.

Watching Naruto had always inspired me to write my own work. Honestly, Naruto as a whole is an amazing world of ideas but of course, many things in Naruto got confusing and downright dumb after the Pein arc (or Pain, however people wish to spell it). I still haven't watched any of the later episodes in the anime because I grew up on the manga and I wasn't gonna put myself through that torture again (plus, the fillers).

Despite all that, Naruto inspired me to draw since I was 9 or 10. I always drew beforehand but never to the extent of 5th grade fanart. It inspired me to be a cartoonist someday, or a book illustrator, as well as a writer of my own art. By 7th grade, I was writing tons of comedies based on the characters of Naruto. My friend always liked to read them, so I had a "special" notebook (an older, unfinished school notebook from 6th grade lol) that I would write them in. I never used to ship Deidara and Sasuke but I always found the shipping to be amusing, so they were the main focus of my comedy which included the action of the whole family as well as family life.

My best friend, the one reading and loving my work, always seemed to push me to be an animator or cartoonist. Everyone in class was aware of my art but the only people who supported me were my teacher, my art teacher, and my best friend. I was ostracized and at the butt of people's jokes throughout 5th to 12th grade, so I identified with Naruto's character. I had watched multiple other anime since I was a toddler of 2 or 3, but never did I feel the passion for art and writing like I did after watching Naruto.

Years and years of sketching helped me improve my character art, but I always felt inferior. As I got older, most people around me would criticize my ability to stay on top of my schoolwork. And I would rebel, focusing all my attention, all my anger, all my depression into drawing. I was going to be an artist. That's what I wanted. Mainly because that's what people supported me on. Other than my school writing and math skills, it was the only thing people supported me on that I wasn't bashed about.

But that changed when people became less supportive as I grew older. I used to draw dozens of drawings in a single day. I'd finish my work every 30 minutes just to draw another one for another 30 minutes. But my own mother called my drawings useless and said I needed to focus on my schoolwork. Why should I when I couldn't even get passing grades? I was criticized on my ability to do schoolwork but praised for my artwork, what would drive me to do better at school? But despite all my arguments with my mother and others, my interest in art started to fade; it was true: my drawings were useless and served no purpose.

I kept watching Naruto throughout high school, but I became uninterested in a lot of different types of manga I loved to read. No more tragedies. No more slice of life. No more action. No more romance. That meant fanfiction wasn't an option either. I'd given up. I told myself I wasn't even that great of a sketch artist anyway. Heck, I couldn't even bring myself to call myself an artist; people would call me that and it rubbed me the wrong way because I saw myself as doing nothing more than a hobby. I was a sketcher, that was all. I was still drawing, but I drew less and less every day. The pride in my work sinking.

So I turned to writing. It was my last resort. I had focused on my writing skills since I was in 10th grade. That was going to save me. Writing meant I could write BS analysis papers and still get high marks. And it meant that I could write as many depressing stuff as I wanted without having to reveal myself as a writer to others. People would look over my shoulder when I'd draw, but when I'm writing, they can't do that. They can't see my extremely tiny scribbles on college-ruled leaf. They couldn't read what I wrote unless they picked it up (which was hard to do, considering I kept all my work, drawings and writings, on my person almost at all times).

I wrote almost every day, and it was with a newfound passion I didn't have since 8th grade when my best friend in elementary encouraged me. To this day, I consider my best work to be a freestyle (yet rhyming) poem about Satan and his unlucky relationship with God. It dealt with the hypocrisy of the religion I belonged to; I still believed in God back then, so this was a powerful and emotional poem for me. I grew up believing I was some burden on God's shoulders, even once writing a prayer that he doesn't have to carry me anymore. So writing that poem where Satan was more pitiable, where he should be forgiven, where God should welcome him into open arms, was monumental for me. I was on my last legs and wanted to disappear, but my writing kept me going.

The older I grew, the more cynical I became of Naruto's beliefs; it became clear to me that he was too much of an idealist. Sometimes, it's just best to give up. His persistence didn't even resonate with a lot of people growing up (in America, at least). Most people would probably see Kishimoto himself as laser-guided idealist.

But regardless of how I felt the manga moved along, Naruto helped me identify with a character on TV. I tend to identify with personalities more so than anything, and he and Hinata were people I felt strongly connected to. So rather than drawing multiple pictures of them together (I couldn't because like Kishimoto and his not being able to draw female characters the way he liked, I couldn't draw male characters the way I liked), I turned to writing multiple fanfics of their relationship instead. I had trouble understanding love; I had a family, of course, but emotionally I remained an orphan. I was a hopeless girl who didn't believe in love for myself; I prefered appreciation over love. If I was appreciated, that meant people wanted me there for a reason rather than for some silly emotion like love. But at the same time, I wanted to know even for a second what it meant to love someone and be loved. That's where Naruto struck me. And I wrote the two underdogs together constantly (while putting Sakura with Sai rather than Sasuke because Sasuke's a jerk lol).

All of these fanfics over the course of 3-4 years in high school drove my desire to be a writer. I didn't aspire to be a writer only, though (I wanted to go into psychology or anthropology the most), but I always wanted to write one of the grandest pieces of writing that this world could ever know. It was that Naruto idealism that seemingly inspired me; the only difference being that I wanted to write it under an alias so no one would know who I was. I liked being unknown because it was about making people happy and inspiring others rather than glorifying myself. But...

...I didn't have the guts. I was weak. I was weird. People didn't like me, except for a very few. I never had a friend like my best friend in elementary ever again. I rekindled my friendship with my younger cousin after years of avoiding her because I thought she had a nasty spirit about her. We bonded, though, because we were both outcasts in our respective schools. But we shared little in common besides that. I had little support, if any. By college, my need for writing and drawing depleted considerably. I wrote less, I drew less. I'd go months without writing and weeks without drawing. A few more years went by and I just stopped drawing and writing altogether.

I failed.

I had given up on psychology by then. Given up on anthropology by then. Given up on the sciences, started to hate math (both of which I saw an immense, almost spiritual beauty in), and I had now given up on my creative desires. I was wrung dry.

A couple years ago, I tried so hard to get my motivation back up, but that felt impossible without someone there as support. I remember times when I was ready to kill myself and writing everything out denied me the option; it pulled me out of my suicidal thoughts. But that changed a couple years ago when I gave up on it entirely. Again, telling myself that none of my work was good enough anyway. I was as good as dead already, so what point did I have? I had no voice, so why'd I dare to speak?

I watched Naruto over and over again throughout the years, without ever applying it to my life. Never did I think, "I should be as persistent as Naruto" because I knew I wasn't him. I was Hinata. And Hinata had support, something I couldn't find in life. But rewatching the episodes back and forth made me realize how much I had given up in life. Made me remember the depression I felt as I couldn't find a purpose. I still feel as though I have no purpose.

But for some reason, for some very, very odd reason, the show continues to make me want to draw and write with every watch. And I know that, at some point, I will draw and write something I'll finally be proud of. That one piece of work that'll tell me "you really are an artist" or "you really are a writer". And I'll be that artist I wanted to be when I was in 7th grade all those years ago. The same age Naruto was when he started to work on his dreams in Kishimoto's beautiful piece of art.

If life ever gets Kishimoto down, I hope he keeps in mind, realizes, and understands the depth of inspiration he gifted much of his audience.

[nomorebluehearts]

List-O-Muses

So, I have a lot, a few I cannot remember, a few I’ve never put on Tumblr... So I shall put up a list of them all... by category! Only certain muses will get an explanation and not all have blogs, the ones I remember that do will have them!

Also some blogs might have autoplay, I will label the ones I remember. Some of these blogs have not been touched in years, I apologize

Muse I’ve Had since Before Tumblr

Lexara (OC)- Originally a special agent of some kind, I made her around about 2005, when I first started to read Manga and started drawing characters. She had short hair- Like me at the time, and she was tough and rugged... because my protected catholic ass hadn’t learned the word ass or any swear word ever.

Muses I’ve had on Tumblr

Category 1- KH and FF

Leon/Squall (Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy VIII)- This blog still exists for the nostalgia. I don’t rp on it, but this was my gateway to RP in 2011 on this sight. I made it to be on an AU KH RP community, but it never happened, but I found some of my oldest and closest friends there, so yaaaay!! URL- http://transient-awoken.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Zidane Tribal (Final Fantasy IX)

Data Sora (Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded)

Reeve/Cait Sith (Final Fantasy VII and Dirge of Cerberus)

Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII and Dirge of Cerberus)

Zack Fair (Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep, Final Fantasy Crisis Core)- Url- https://gongagan-soldier.tumblr.com/

Axel/Lea (Kingdom Hearts)- URL- http://flamesxofxeternity.tumblr.com/

Vanitas- URL- https://menfilik.tumblr.com/

Category 2- TOME Canon Characters (because I have OCs too)

Nylocke- WAAAAAAY Back in 2011, I made him a blog, no one else was around, I cried, i deleted, but back them was when I started thinking of Omega... so that’s a plus

Zetto/Kirbopher- My second attempt at a TOME blog that I loved! the icon is from Muffin, I remember seeing the older one going omg it’s perfect, then I got to know her and she is very nice from what I remember (it’s been a while) URL- http://thexcyborgximp.tumblr.com/

Alpha/Kajet- URL- http://godsheritage.tumblr.com/ idk if it is auto play, but there is the possibility of music so AUTOPLAY WARNING

Sofdti/GC- http://lifelinkoftome.tumblr.com/

Category 3- TOME OCs (I’m putting them all here, even though some might fit in other categories)

Omega- He is one of my all time favorite muses I’ve ever made, I love using him, and I even named my car after him, same orange he has on his outfit. URL-http://remorseformistakes.tumblr.com/

King- Based off of an AU with a character named Lady Tigerlilly where the Virus takes over Zetto’s life. URL- http://incurableshadows.tumblr.com/

Squire- Same AU as above, but the other half of King’s code. Same URL.

Velvet- The Prototype to the Antivirus and ‘Older Sister’ of Cake’s oc Amber. I have done a lot more with her in private RP, so she’s grown more than the blog shows. URL- http://purpuravitae.tumblr.com/

Mocha Latte- The Barista of the Netkings named Jane Doe.

Category 4- Canon Misc (the muses on Tumblr that I used that aren’t big enough to class on their own like 1-3 were)

Yang (RWBY)- URL- http://blazing-beauty.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Sombra (Overwatch)- URL- https://boop-the-planet.tumblr.com/ Possible AUTOPLAY WARNING

Ryuko Matoi (Kill La Kill)- URL- http://alliancexofxlifexfibers.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Yami Yugi/Atem (YGO from Season 0 to 5 and the movies)- URL- https://forgotten-monarch.tumblr.com/

Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 2, 4, and Revengeance)

Pikachu (Pokemon)

N (Pokemon)

Male Pokemon Trainer (Pokemon Black and White)

Endrance (.hack series)

Haseo (.hack series)

Jade Curtiss (Tales of the Abyss)

Amaterasu (Okami Series)- I think I managed to get the blog url ‘Mother of All’, but that was ages ago

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic Series)

Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

Nagito Komaeda (Danganronpa)

Rin Matsuoka (FREE!)

Link (Legend of Zelda)- I remember deciding to RP him as a mute, so I got really good at describing actions with him

Dark Link (Legend of Zelda)

Hsien-Ko (Darkstalkers)

B.B. Hood (Darkstalkers)

Sesshomaru (Inuyasha)

Category 5- OC Misc (same as above, but OCs)

Xurik (Kingdom Hearts)- Based off of a story I wrote for FANFICTION.NET (so ages ago) And never put up... I also have to heavily edit it, my vocabulary had found out about words such as ‘damn’, ‘shit’, and ‘fuck’ and I thought it was cool to use it a lot. I’ll take a pic of that notebook one day. it is a MESS. URL- http://ashenxheart.tumblr.com/

Kirara (Naruto)- A ninja with a demon that had an amazing voice, used songs to buff and debuff her allies and enemies.

Ezekiel (Final Fantasy IX)- the soul that became Zidane, he is the part of Zidane that craves the blood of Gaia’s Citizens. Can use a scythe made from blood and has Blood Wings......... I was just out of high school and very depressed XD

Riboruba (Final Fantasy VIII and Kingdom Hearts)- She is the personification of Squall’s/Leon’s Gunblade! Fun Fact: Riboruba is the Japanese pronunciation of Revolver, to which that is the style of Gunblade Squall has.

Category 6- Main Characters that are heavily AU-d

AU Abridged Yami Bakura (YGOTAS and Kingdom Hearts)- Yes... a parody character, which is it’s on AU in a way, in an AU where he is a keyblade wielder................................ tada! I made this with my good friend millennium-hearts at a con, and because of this blog we are practically family. URL- http://thiefxkeybladerxbakura.tumblr.com/ Possible AUTOPLAY WARNING

AU Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)- He is basically Sephiroth, but winning, the world is pretty much dying/almost dead, so like.... Worst Case Scenario/Apocalypse AU

AU Nylocke (TOME) I’m putting this here because this is the Nylocke that is apart of the Omega Timeline. Where Nylocke had a twin brother (Nye is Colin-based on tta Nai’s name, and Martin- because Martin Billaney), who died. He is also the world’s best hacker, even better than the main villain of the blog, which was revealed once, but never by name. URL with Omega.

Hao Asakura- This was semi-based on the manga and the anime mixing. the story the blog was based off of is actually still on Fanfiction.Net i named Angel of the Devil (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6203556/1/Angel-of-the-Devil) Feel free to read it! There are 9 chapters!

Glitchy Red (Pokemon Creepy Pasta)- He was based off of many different piecemeal creepy pastas (Lost Silver, Pokemon Black, Strangled Red, Glitchy Red, small stories about the candle instead of flash, but used in a house it would burn it down, and the rope inside would make you hang yourself). This blog got me into KORN.

Category 7- Muses on Blogs that belong there, but are not the main reason people went to said blog

Xirra (TTA)- She is a re-purposed character with a whole new look to fit into TOME, and I used her on Remorse for Mistakes

Darkeyes (TTA)- Much Like Xirra, but never got onto the blog much.

Demon Eyes Kyo (Demon Eyes Kyo)- I read this manga in the 6th grade... it is fucking bloody and gory, so don’t look it up if you are weak stomached. I used him as the Guardian Spirit of Hao on his blog instead of the Fire Spirit.

Beelzemon (Digimon)- I had him on a blog I have yet to mention, but you’ll see why I haven’t yet, that blog is in a category all of its own~

Keldeo (Pokemon) He made a brief appearance on Kirb/Zetto blog... Chris named him Vic........ because voiced by Vic......

Muses I’d love to make, but I finally have self control so I won’t make them

Infinite (Sonic Forces)- Because he is my super floof boy and I must PROTECC

Qrow Branwen (RWBY)- I must protecc the birb boi too

THE LUKA-POCALYPSE I have had a lot of Luka’s in my time RPing, and I loved the name so much, I use it as my online pseudonym now... now you will learn where I get it from!

Luka Crosszeria (Uraboku)- This was the man I fell for, he is extremely loyal and protective of the one he loves through every reincarnation they have, and will do anything, even betray his own kind for love. So in a way, I can relate. I want to do the same with my friends and family and girlfriend. This is the blog Beelzemon is on.  URL- http://crosszeriaxbetrayer-blog.tumblr.com/ AUTOPLAY WARNING

Luka Crosszeria (Final Fantasy XIV)- She is my character from my favorite and most played MMO. And while she no longer has a blog, she does have an instagram! URL- https://www.instagram.com/luka_of_eorzea/

Luka Cross (OC- No other affiliation)- She is a girl with the power to summon elementals. From fire and ice spirits, to even the goddess of the moon. Her goal is to gain the power of Elder Summoning. Aldo Omega is in this AU as the guardian of the Library of Summoners, and he is an Elder Summon.

Luka (TOME)- She is the little sister of Xirra. A different kind of virus, hers is a contact epidemic virus that spreads through touch. She has her hands covered at all times, and is very shy, but is almost second to none in hand to hand combat, being at least 30 time stronger than her just 4 foot stature would lead you to believe. she is also a lolita that wears extremely tall boots, and yet she is still very short... like just under 5 foot short. She also dates a giant dragon... and she sounds like Hinata from Naruto... she is an actual baby that is months old

[moderncharlie]

Never going to forget that one asshole in 4th grade that said, "I thought she was good at art." When the class was drawing self portraits. Took me till 6th grade to start to attempt drawing people when I got into Naruto. Like fuck him.

[yazzdonut]

GaLee has been my Naruto otp since 6th grade and you're the first person I've ever met that actually actively ships it and talks about it and draws amazing content of it and honestly that's such a blessing! I came for the wonderful Overwatch art and got an amazing surprise when I first saw you talk about GaLee and now you're one of my favourite blogs to follow!!

ahhhh you are so kind thank you so much❤️!!! these 10 years of nardos has teached me something, people who are into this ship never quit, it’s an amazing phenomenon

[darkstrangevirgilanxiboi]

High School Trends That I Remember Fondly

Okay so let me share with you all some quality high school trends from my days in high school because boy were we a bunch of sass masters These all took place from 2007 -2012 because I went to a weird fusion school that lumped every grade from 7th to 12th together ( that means we had thirteen year olds up to 18-19 year olds in the same school ) Anyway let's go 7th Grade( I was a smol 13 year old) First off there were like 30 kids in each class okay? So.... - Pencils as hair decor ???? Why???? - Swiping needles from Home Ec and sticking them in your finger JUST under the surface of the skin to freak out the teach - Referring to lunch as ' the troph special' -Girls sending guys Valentine's that just said ' U R No Good ' and ' Allen Ur Not In My League ' - Guys sending girls tiny stuffed animals for V Day with cards that said ' I'm Soft For U' and ' Be My Plush One?' - Claiming various things had ' killed our ancestors ' : ' I can't do long division , my thirty seventh great grandfather died doing that' ' No I can't answer that question sir, every male in my family so far has died answering English questions ' ' I'm not allowed to be disciplined , discipline killed my grandma' - Wearing rubber bands as bracelets or rings and the tighter you could get it the cooler you were ???? This kid almost lost a finger by third period I mean ..... -Asking our biology teacher what would happen if insects could speak every class period ' What if wasps could speak but they only spoke Mid-6th Century English ' ' What if spiders all speak Russian' ' Do you think bees know English ' - Pestering our history teacher for the history of the Leaf Village ( I'm sorry Mr. Hoagland ) - Replying ' Deleted' when your name was called ..... I accidentally started this one 8th grade ( I was 14 ) - Rap battles to settle arguments ???? - Yoyo fights. It got intense. -Every white boy in school dressed like a bad Western movie character , cowboy hats and spurs and SO.MUCH.PLAID. - ' The Dew Crew', a gang of boys who drank nothing but Mountain Dew as refreshment , was born and monopolized the school's soda supply of Mountain Dew . All of them made it to adulthood but it is suspected they no longer require sleep and eat only the disdainful glares of women for survival ( at their peak there were 15 of them ) - Intense shouting of someone else's name every time something went wrong ( usually the name Sasuke ) - Pentagrams everywhere ; drawn on any surface we could find unsupervised for a second , started by me doodling in art class and picked up by my squad . The school board thought someone was possessed by the devil it was GREAT.... I NEVER GOT CAUGHT - In Chemistry we watched Finding Nemo about 3 times a week because the teacher was really forgetful and he let us watch it when he forgot his lesson plan , so by the end of the first month that year every kid he taught would call various roundish objects ' the butt' and I was nicknamed' Dory ' by everyone I knew Also the principal was nicknamed' Bruce" -Hardcore Zombie prep planning , there was a gang and everything . The Apoca-Punks are still strong - Disney discourse in English class because our teacher was a huge nerd for Disney and loved nothing more than to watch us argue over which princess would beat Gaston in a fight faster ( Kida won by a landslide but we all agreed Mulan would murder him in five seconds flat ) Also he nicknamed all of us after Disney characters and I was Lilo ( my best friend was Stitch ) - Okay so I brought a bag of chocolate as a treat for the class one week and I was really tired and out of it so when the teacher ( our English teacher Mr . Bagley, who was also the principal) asked me to ' explain the historical properties of chocolate' I got sarcastic and went ' For many years chocolate has been used in medicinal treatments for ailments of all kinds. Perhaps it will even cure the lack of hair on Mr . B's head' ...... For a second it was dead silent and then he laughed and said "Well put , you continue to live up to your nickname, Lilo!" - Shakespeare quotes at inopportune times " Exit, pursued by a bear" " We are in the middle of a test , Austin. " " A rose , by any other name , would smell-" " DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM INDI" - The drama kids dramatically snapping during arguments - Okay so there was this weird loft zone in the second gym( because our school had two , a sucktastic old one from the fifties and a newish one from the eighties ) nobody was supposed to go up there unless they had permission and it was for filming a basketball game ??? But everyone went up there anyway and at least ten couples lost their virginity up there ( what a weird place to do it tho , we kept the wrestling mats up there) I sluffed class a few times and took a nap there And it became a Thing to draw a little baby face on the wall if you lost your V card there -Supergluing coins to stuff???? There's still a dime on someone's locker and it's been like ten years -' Ambrosia' , AKA this super delicious combo of cherry slurpee , Sprite, and orange Fanta that our English teacher made us during parties . He literally made it in these huge plastic bins and just ladeled it out to everyone 9th Grade( I was 15) - The Goth Invasion Everyone who was punk enough wore black ripped jeans and eyeliner and streaked their hair with red and black One kid never left the Goth phase , we love u Scott ( it's cool he was our school's Warren Peace anyway ) - AFTER A SCHOOL ASSEMBLY VIEWING OF SKY HIGH FOR HALLOWEEN MY CLASSMATE SCOTT WAS NICKNAMED WARREN BY THE ENTIRE SCHOOL He was really salty about it too , he said " Warren isn't goth he's Punk there's a difference you capitalist Bible thumpers' Scott got 54 Valentine's that year but just shrugged and gave his candy to me and my squad because we were , as he put it ' the only punk crew in class, plus you're all really cute ' He never kept a girlfriend very long but he was the nicest guy you've ever seen ( everyone thought he was gay but just too shy to say it ) Over the years he is consistly hotter , and more unashamedly Goth - My sister arrived in school and was immediately the most popular kid in school and was nicknamed ' Princess ' - My squad got nicknamed ' Squad 7 " due to our obsession with Naruto and other anime , and we each were nicknamed after characters from the show by my friend Indi ( who was named after Indiana Jones, no lie) Melanie was ' Kiba' ( which delighted her because she would marry him in a heartbeat ) Mackenzie was ' Neji' because according to Indi she was the most monologue-y Chandra was ' Hinata' because she was shy but fierce And I, Aubrey , was ' Gaara' because according to Indi :' Your dad is kinda sucky and you've got two siblings . You're sort of the social outcast of school and when you get annoyed enough it's like you've got this terrifying supernatural thing in your eyes , I love it ' I LOVE THAT NICKNAME 10th Grade( I'm 16) - ' Because I'm Batman ' being an answer to every question - Goonies puns - Three girls got pregnant and were called the ' Baby On Board Squad" - Due to this teen pregnancy scandal , my heavily Christian community had our school hold assemblies about how ' Sex will kill you' and how ' every time a teen has Sex Thoughts, an angel cries' ..... There were ' God Is Abstintent ' posters everywhere So naturally we revolted and the drama class put up these fliers reading ' Without Sex, You Wouldn't Be Around . ' ' Satan Loves You and Wants You To Explore Your Perfectly Normal Urges ' ' Sex Won't Kill You- But STD's Could! Use Protection! ' ' Wrap It Before He Taps It And The Angels Won't Be Crying " " Boys Like Girls.Boys Think Of Girls In Sexual Ways. Boys Best Treat Her Right First . Boys Best Be Stepping Up As Baby Daddys If They Tap Dat " And many more golden rebellious posters - Shouting " Go Go Power Rangers " when dealing with a problem and just out of nowhere any kid wearing the appropriate Power Ranger colored shirt would appear So you'd get a guy in red , a guy in blue , a guy in black , a guy in white , a guy in green , a guy in gold , a guy in silver, a girl in pink and a girl in yellow and they'd all pose dramatically and do the Power Rangers moves - Rubber band slingshot warfare using hairpins as ammo - The school dividing into Benders and Non Benders , and the school's most loved outcast was deemed Avatar( I got the honor so my squad was nicknamed accordingly ) - High School Musical was the biggest thing ever because our music teacher WROTE THE SCORES FOR THEM I MEAN....... We all knew every song by heart that year Everyone shipped Chad and Ryan 11th Grade( I was 17 ) -Percy Jackson was huge and everyone wanted a godly parent - Every girl used a dramatic break up song to end things with her man it was GLORIOUS - Taylor Swift was playing on the radio every day - My class finally realized that my friend Courtney and I had the same exact birthday and birth year , and thus introduced us to substitute teachers as ' The Fraternal Twins' Courtney and I are both gonna be 23 on March 20 at 6:40 am - Our history teacher thought my friends and I were in an assassin cult because we were always drawing kunai knives and swords and guns , so he banned kunai drawing????? And it thus became the Cool Thing to graffiti everywhere??? All because I drew one on my ASVAB???? -The sheriff pulled me out of homeroom because I'd been overheard singing P!nk's " Funhouse" and the Secretary thought I was an arsonist because of the line " I'm gonna burn this sucker down " and thus rumors spread like wildfire that I'd: ~ Murdered someone ~ Witnessed a crime ~ Started a gang war ~ Shot a cop ~ Robbed the one gas station in town ~ Insulted the sheriff's daughter by not inviting her to my birthday party so he was here to bribe me to do so ~ Stolen the sheriff's prized collection of horse paintings 12th Grade ( I was 18 ) - Posters everywhere about the world ending ( it was 2012) - Harry Potter mania - John Lennon Memes???? No really on the anniversary of his death the school was flooded with posters of him everywhere saying " In Loving Memory Of A Dreamer " and the radio only played his music and the drama class went around stating facts about his death it was surreal and I was part of it

[blurr-yy]

yellow and grey :)

Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood:

1) i have 2 twin brothers and when i was a baby they would climb in my bed and jump on my bed and my parents are surprised i never hit my head or anything

2) i have 3 brothers total and we used to draw on the walls of our treehouse with sharpie and get yelled at by my parents when they found out

3) my treehouse wasnt really a treehouse but it was a very big room and had a “storefront” window in the front and a ladder to the top of it and it was very cool and all my neighbors hated it bc it was so large and Extra

4) we never had any technology in my house except this shitey little box of a tv and me and my older brothers would sit in the basement and watch Naruto for hours on end

5) in elementary school i was like the smartest kid and the kids who got perfect scores on tests got to sit and play with cars while the rest of them went over it, so me and this kid named Richard always got perfect scores and would play with cars together and he was like my very first best friend and we called him Peanut

6) in 6th grade was when i had my first boyfriend but turns out he only wanted to date me bc i “had a fat ass” (i did not)(i was a stick child)(had this boy ever seen a fat ass in his life)

7) 7th grade was the year i realised that girls are cute as fuck and had my first crush on a girl, and it crushed my heart when i found out that she did not like me back, and then she told everyone i was gay, and a lot of kids made fun of me for a while. but thats okay because a lot of really cool people stuck up for me and i made some pretty cool friends, that i may not talk to anymore, but theyll always be my best friends.

Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things:

1) i fucking love the rain. especially big storms and thunder and lighting. love it.

2) i love sketchbooks and filling up sketchbooks its like your own little diary of things you create. and its the best when you finish filling up a sketchbook and its full of so many things youre proud of and you can look back on them once youve improved and see your art journey and how far youve come and i just think thats really cool. get a sketchbook. everyone get a sketchbook. its just so nice to have.

[space-lesbians]

Today was fairly hectic at work, I was trying to catch up things I have to write for my supervisor but mostly out of the classrooms I work in and in the office I share with 10 other people, lunch was good, I got to draw and make pro-lgbt+ stickers with kids and listen to a girl tell me how she was “the world’s biggest fan of naruto” so should have my sasuke poster when she leaves, our after-school program was hard today because one of the people who helps run it who knows the 6th grades well was out sick, and the kids didn’t want to draw, and then they wanted to paint everywhere, and didn’t want to help clean. One student, who we’ve had since the start of the year and who we’ve talked to a bit about her being bi and having trouble coming out to her mom but wanting to, was wearing a bandana around her wrist that she hadn’t before and when she took it off to clean paintbrushes I saw she had cut marks, and I talked to her about it at the end of the day after other kids had been picked up while she was waiting on her brother, and she said they were just a few days old and I asked her if she was still seeing the therapist she was a couple months ago and she said yes and I talked to her about things she could do like snapping a rubber band or holding ice instead and I’m going to check in with her tomorrow during lunch but I feel like I said the wrong things and I dont know if I need to report it to anyone I’m just going to ask her tomorrow how she is and encourage her to talk to her dad because she trusts him, I had to raise my voice today about paint and want to be done being sick and I’m so emotionally drained and want to help my student more but don’t know what more I can do because I can’t and im just glad im not in the spot others I’ve known have been in where someone disclosed a situation of abuse with their parents where they had to write a report bc of mandated reporting.