#nationalyouthroundup

[man-0n-the-m00n]

Summer and How My Life Changed

For me, summer hasn't been that great. I’ve always loved this warm, bright, and hopeful season, except for some reason, this year wasn't quite the same.

My summer started out with being a tutor in summer school, I hung out with friends and I helped kids who were younger than me prepare for the next grueling school year, even though it was mostly messing around, we did learn (a little bit).

After summer school ended I was bored for a while. I was really looking forward to this trip my friend and I were going to be partaking in, called NYR. 

NYR is a campsite on a mountain in Colorado, US. Its a christian camp that takes place during the summer, thousands of kids and adults come from all over the nation to experience this amazing week long camp. Churches from multiples states gather a group of highschoolers who would like to witness the miracles that happen on that mountain. My group was pretty big, about 50 kids. 

My friend wasn't very excited about going, she was kind of only going because I was (which worked in her favor in the end)

The bus ride to NYR was 15-16 hours, i loved it. I loved seeing all of the cities and i loved watching the land change as we traveled through each state. I loved the lights and I listened to music the entire way there.

I don't know if I've spoken about this before but I have a history of self harm. I knew going on his 9 day trip, I would inevitably get an urge. So the day I was leaving, a couple hours before departure time, I cut. 

I regretted doing it immediately after i had made the choice. I bandaged it up and i left. That bus ride really was amazing but the slices on my thigh rubbing against my jean shorts, not so amazing.

I didn't really expect anyone to mention or speak of self harm at NYR so I wasn't too worried about it. I was wrong. They spoke a little bit about depression, anxiety, or cutting, each day. It wasn't just a brief recognition of it either. The sermons were deep. It started affecting me.

I had an awesome time in Colorado but I really didn't know if i could handle the thoughts that kept bombarding my mind and the feelings I was struggling to keep hidden.

I started becoming closer to a lot of acquaintances and distant friends. I was reconnecting with lost friendships. I started becoming closer to this sophomore I knew, who had been there for me in the past when I had been struggling with self harm, I was there for him as well. He didn't really know I was still struggling it, he had managed to overcome it. He talked to me one night, around midnight, we were sitting on a bench and looking at the trees and stars. I never knew such wise words could come out a 15 year olds mouth. I’d always known he was different, but that night, it really seemed like he knew the secret to everything.

I became closer to a senior, he had been my friend for a while but we were never really close. During the trip we ever got super close, but he helped make me happier and he helped me escape from reality for a little while. He was one of the things that made the trip amazing.

I also met a junior, I had known him but not very well. I barely remembered his name and had to ask someone else. He and I became really close. He was constantly by my side and he made me laugh, which is really important to me. I watched him grow closer to God throughout the course of that trip and it sort of inspired me too, in a way. He told me some intense things on that mountain, things that would connect us and later help us stay in touch and build a relationship. He made my week insanely better, he pulled me out of the dark hole that was my mind and he helped me learn to just live, even if he was struggling with doing that himself. He was one of the the two people who made NYR so amazing. 

The other is my best friend. She's been there for me for years and I couldn't have asked for someone better to come with me to that mountain. I watched her grow and change as a person. She was happy, and just seeing her happy made my experience 4380x better. 

What I'm getting at, is that when you have the opportunity, go somewhere. Meet someone. Do every fucking thing you possibly can, life is so short and there are so many things out there that will give you hope, even when you have none. They give you a reason to live. Now I'm not just promoting christianity, i don't think that the only way to live you life is through God. Thats your choice, but the fellowship and the sense of belonging I felt up in Colorado is something I will NEVER fucking forget. 

If and when you get the chance, go. Go anywhere. Go somewhere. 

(if you're not convinced to go to NYR yet, here are some things that might change ya mind)

i understand that no one will see this and those who do might not be able to go due to financial struggles, but im still putting this out there.

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-white water rafting

-concert every morning and night

-fucking beautiful oh my god

-sports and shit, there are like tournaments idk its cool

-fuckin bomb food

-no judgement, fr

-you get to explore

-cool merch

-get away from your family

-meet new people

-become closer to friends and maybe god

-they don't make you do anything alone so less anxiety than expected

-you can go days without showering and no one notices

-canteen (food food food)

-golf carts

-fishing (if you're into that)

-THE LITERAL DEEPEST MESSAGES YOU WILL EVER HEAR THE STORIES ARE LIFE CHANGING AND PEOPLE CRY AND HUG LIKE EVERY NIGHT

-youre inspired and you leave feeling like you have a purpose

-you also get tan so thats cool

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-Fellie (I didn't read over this or correct any errors, idc if my writing suck you get the point.)

No ones going to see this, but for the sake of my internalized reputation, I am an avid atheist and really didn’t even believe in god at this time either. I’m just stupid.