#neo-anarchist

[shadowron]

The Troll Neo-Anarchist, a Better Troll Contact for Shadowrun

Art by @skullchicken

Neo-anarchism is the means by which we humans can throw off our chains and live rich, fulfilling lives. Only through neo-anarchism can humanity transcend its current, degenerated state and rise up from the mire. -- Neo-Anarchist’s Guide to North America, 2052

Quotes

"We believe in Law and Freedom without Force. Of course, if Force is how you like it…” cracks knuckles

“You look like you can’t even spell Pareto Optimality, let alone achieve it through non-coercive means.”

[anotherpapercut]

I'm no longer responding to people just straight up lying in the tags of my library post but oh my god I want to strangle some people holy shit

[aronarchy]

.

Reading holocaust literature is not easy work and I don’t blame people for turning away from it. Nearly every page of memoir brings with it a new layer of hellish imagery, trauma, and misanthropic insight. I felt called to these stories for a number of personal reasons, and was motivated to keep reading when I started to glimpse the ways that they might be interesting to other anarchists. My experience of these stories became even richer when I started to realize that one of the most widespread and crushing fears for those who entered the camps was of not having their stories heard, of being forgotten by history. Primo Levi observed that the most commonly reported nightmare in the Lagers was not one of death or torture, but the alienation of clogged mouths and muted words. “Why,” he asked, “is the pain of every day translated so constantly into our dreams in the ever-repeated scene of the unlistened-to story?” With this in mind, reading diaries and memoirs becomes less of a dry historical excavation, and more of an interaction with those who staked their last shreds of energy on the hopes that they would not be forgotten. Because the Nazis worked so vigilantly to erase the Ballastexistenzen from history, to forget them would be “akin to killing them a second time.”

In remembering these voices, we also have the opportunity to carry on past struggles and to turn the stories of those who came before us into fodder against our oppressors. As we all know, history is written by the victors, and so the narratives of Progress and Great Men offered to us by society generally serve only to reinforce power. Benjamin warned that “even the dead will not be safe from the enemy if he wins” and that “this enemy has not ceased to be victorious.” The fact that the Nazi holocaust has been consistently wielded to justify the murder and oppression of the Palestinian people epitomizes how the dead can be reanimated to perpetuate cycles of domination. Similarly, looking at all the ways that historical revisionism has been used (occasionally by anarchists) to minimize the holocaust and perpetuate anti-semitism in the form of conspiracy theories reminds us that we simply don’t have the option of letting history rest in its grave. By engaging ourselves in this project called “history,” we can find ways to turn past struggles against current forms of domination and to “ensure that the memory of the dead continues to haunt the living.” I see this happening all around me with People’s History posters and Silvia Federici reading groups, with land acknowledgments and Haymarket handbills. History does not need to be neutral, but rather can fly in the face of domination and help to sharpen and expand our conflicts against the powerful. As our Chilean friends have declared: “Insurrectionary memory is our weapon!” It is my hope that this text can contribute to this ever-expanding arsenal.

It is worth noting here that not all history speaks loudly enough for us to easily hear it. How many stories of concentration camp resistance have been lost? Because of the sheer brutality of the Nazi regime and the conditions of isolation in which much of this history unfolded, it is safe to assume that most acts of resistance were captured only in the fleeting wisps of gun smoke that silenced fast-beating, recalcitrant hearts. In so many ways, our willingness to attend to the silences of history may determine our ability to understand this world and how we got to where we are.

[goatmoy]

Hey, have you listened to Neo Scum podcast? It's a Shadowrun actual play and I recently saw you reblogged a post about actual play podcasts saying that the space is mostly full of D&D podcasts. Since you like Shadowrun you might get something out of Neo Scum, it's a group of friends who are improv folks playing Shadowrun and while it definitely has some of that "edited for better listening quality" you also get quite a lot of table talk between the group.

I think they've concluded the show and moved on to other projects, so you'll also know that there's eventually an ending point. :D

I definitely think I have heard of this one. Glad to see that there is a recommendation for it. In return, one podcast actual play I've been listening to is Shadowrun: Origins. It's a podcast on the Shadowcasters network. I found that through the history and lore podcast Neo-Anarchist Podcast, hosted by Opti. Glad to see people taking about Shadowrun :3

[chaussetteblanche]

hobie taking care of drunk!you

pairing : hobie brown x gn!reader summary : the ways hobie takes care of you when you've had too much to drink warnings : none word count : about 1k

You had been shocked when Hobie had agreed to come to the party. You’d been begging him for days to come with you, not only because you wanted him to accompany you, but also because there were a few people you were convinced he would get along with. Other anarchists and punks. His kind of people. It was one of your friends’ birthday, and a perfect excuse to drink just a bit too much on a Friday evening.

“Aight, I’ll come along, but the second they get some of that shitty modern music playin’, I’m outta there, you get me?” he’d warned the day before. You had just beamed, lifting yourself up on the tips of your toes to give him a sweet kiss. He had hummed, heading back to the couch to resume his Bakunin book.

He was now staring at you across the room, you were in the kitchen with a dozen other people, throwing back drink after drink. He had known it was over when you’d started mixing alcohols. He’d have to stay the whole night, even if it was just to look after you. But it wasn’t as bad as he had expected, a few friends of yours had interesting political views and made for rich conversation. He internally winced when he saw your behaviour alter, thinking of how shitty you’d be feeling the following day.

“Hobie!” you cried loudly, wobbling over to him. He had a hand out as soon as you were within reach, hovering over the small of your back in case you were to stumble. "You alright there?" he asked. You nodded happily and pressed a wet kiss to his cheek, smiling widely. “How are you liking the party with these two?” You motioned to your two friends, who chuckled at the state you were in. “I told ya you’d like ‘em,” “I do, they’re very nice, aren’t they?” he chuckled as you swayed lightly besides him. “How ‘bout you come with me for a sec, luv?” You looked down, shuffling your feet which seemed unusually far from you. “Not here, Hobes, we can’t…” Hobie let out a bark of laughter at the way your mind worked. “Nah, luv, I’m not tryna have sex right now, but let’s ‘ave a drink, though, yeah?” “Oh,” you nodded, a twinkling laugh escaping your throat, “sure,”

You wobbled enthusiastically to the kitchen, Hobie catching up with you within a few quick steps. “Lemme get ya somethin’ to drink, alright, luv?” Whenever you were out together, he would always make you drink some water without ruining your fun. You didn't always notice. “Sure, baby,” you smiled, all wet lips and pretty white teeth. Hobie let his eyes roam your face before tearing himself away and getting a shot glass. He filled it up with water and handed it to you. “Here ya go, dovey,” You stared sceptically down at the clear liquid in front of you, frowning. “It’s tequila,” he added, hoping to make you take the shot, like the dozen you’d taken before. You met his eye, brows low. “Like fuck it is.” He held his breath, sucking his tongue. Curse you for being so attractive when you acted defiant. “I’m not that drunk, you know, I can still differentiate water from tequila,” you spoke, chin lifted high. Hobie scanned your face, holding back a smirk. Glassy eyes, slurred speech, no balance whatsoever. He knew you well. Of course you were very, very far from sober and of course you wouldn't admit it. “Just drink it, alright?” he pressed, pinching the bridge of his nose to cover his smirk. “Fine, I’m drinking it, but it’s only because you’re so pretty, okay? So, it’s kind of a ‘fuck you’, just so you know.” He chuckled and nodded despite not understanding what you meant.

You run off after that and he returns to his conversation about neo-anarchism. But he loses sight of you for a few minutes and excuses himself, wanting to check up on you. He finds you outside, trying to convince your even drunker friend to come inside rather than sleeping in the grass. You’re lightly shaking her shoulder, whispering to her. “C’mon, babes, come inside. You can sleep on the couch, just not here, okay? I promise it's so much more comfortable.” Hobie’s heart warms at the sight of you caring for your friend despite the state you’re in. “Look, if you don’t get up, Imma give you a real slap and see how you like that,” you finally threaten, fed up. Hobie laughs when your friend gets up, grumbling, and heads inside.

“There y’are, lovely,” he speaks warmly, “’was looking f’you,” You tear your eyes away from your friend’s retreating form and look up at him. He looks even more beautiful under the moonlight, his silver piercing reflecting slightly. “Were you?” “Hmm,” he hums, lifting your chin and pressing a kiss to your lips. “Was worried ‘bout you,” “I’m fine,” you assure, grinning widely. “Really?” he cocks an eyebrow. You’re about to answer and say that, yes, really, you’re fine, but your stomach lurches and next thing you know you’re hunched over, the contents of your stomach spilling out into your friend’s bushes.

Hobie lets out a curse and quickly gathers your hair and pulls it back at the nape of your neck, getting it all out of your face. He rubs your back soothingly, whispering sweet things into your ear. “It’s okay, let it out, let it all out, baby, you’ll feel better afterwards.” When you’re done, he hands you a Kleenex and wipes your teary eyes, pouting slightly. “I’m so sorry, that was so fuckin’ disgusting,” you moan. He would probably be disgusted with you for weeks and would never want to ever look at you again. Your eyes started to well with tears. “Luv, y’know I don’t care ‘bout none of that,” he grins, kissing your cheek. “How ‘bout we get ya home, yeah?” “Yeah,” you look down, “that’s probably a good idea,”

When you’re back at his apartment, you shower together, and he helps you into bed. You’re out like a light, and he presses a kiss to your forehead, placing an Ibuprofen and a glass of water on your nightstand for the next morning. He smiles softly when you turn around to face him when he slides between the covers, your gentle breath fanning his face. You were a dumbass sometimes, but you were still his dumbass.

[kwanisms]

➔ san menu | back to character select | back to main menu

🔞 many of these works contain sexual content (18+ mdni) 🔞 ♤ — angst :: ♡ — fluff :: ♧ — smut ✍ — ongoing :: ⊝ — hiatus :: ⊗ — discontinued :: ✓ — completed

— oneshots

»» Kinkuary: mirror sex + knife play ♧

➥ 1.9k; San has many interests and kinks in the bedroom but Y/N thinks the newest one just might be her favorite way to submit to her boyfriend.

»» Library of Illusion: Lord of the Castle on the Hill ♧

➥ 7.2k; Stumbling into the history section, Y/N soon learns she has somehow infiltrated the palace of a very wealthy feudal lord but instead of having her imprisoned or executed, the lord asks her to dine with him. The very handsome lord.

»» 02:22 :: Carnival of Lies ♧

➥ 10.9k; In the city of Neo Seoul in the year 2073, a group of bikers turned anarchists outlaws have decided to go through with a life changing heist. The plans have been laid, the timeline set, all that's left is to say goodbye but San never expected it to be this hard.

»» Under the Cherry Tree ♡

➥ 2.1k; Y/N has something important to tell her best friend San and asks him to meet her at their favorite cherry tree on campus.

— timestamps

»» [00:41] ♧ San comes home to find Y/N in one of his hoodies and can't help how it makes him feel.

ⓘ DISCLAIMER :: MONSTER/ALIEN FUCKER ENTHUSIAST ⓘ ©️ kwanisms 2024 | all works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works. All graphics made by me. Content and support banners made by me using cafekitsune's template.

[transrevolutions]

the revolution ain't happening until y'all learn that isolating yourself from other leftists and only taking into consideration people who agree with you on every tiny little point of theory and viciously mocking those who deviate even slightly isn't a good way to build community solidarity.

cause guess what, the fascists, the right wingers, the conservatives? they don't care whether you're an anarchist, an ML, a neo-jacobin, a trotskyist, a socdem, a mutualist, or whatever. to them, we're all just filthy commies. different far right groups seem to have no problem allying with each other in order to stamp out people's rights. and if we're going to have any chance of stopping them, we need to stand together, not dissolve into infighting.

get off the discourse blog. touch grass. get involved in your community and talk to actual progressives and radicals. it'll help, I promise.

[queersatanic]

Hello !!! 💖 I'm a young satanist trying to figure out how to properly worship and live the lifestyle, but with all the Nazism and such that satanism is infected with, I'm a bit lost as to where to turn for good information that's not gonna accidentally get me on board with ideas that have nasty shit hidden in the shadows of them. Are there any good books/organizations I can look into or just some general tips? <3

We have a certain perspective on this, so bear that in mind.

What is attractive about Satanism as a concept is not really the "might is right" ideology of Anton LaVey and its worship of social stratification, and it's not The Satanic Temple's pyramid-shaped classical liberalism / Gen X trolling.

Rather, it's taking the idea that even if the story of Christian mythology were true, Satan is still the hero for looking at an omnipotent tyrant and that tyrant's proposed immutable hierarchy for the universe but choosing to rebel and grant people agency over their own lives.

And it's the idea that if the Christians say we are demonic or of the devil's party for being queer or seeking the common good of all people, well, then we're with the devil and down to party.

For that reason, anarchism is more central to Satanism than wearing black or lighting candles, even though the aesthetics are what distinguish it from other strains.

From that, Errico Malatesta is a good place to start because he wrote for a long time and focused on pamphlet-style works that could make sense to a typical person, rather than academics.

Malatesta is easy to read, and still relevant in lots of ways because he lived through so much and lived his ideals (famously, for example, refusing to talk to the cops after he was shot by a fellow anarchist over an ideological dispute).

"The ABCs of Anarchism" by Alexander Berkman is also a good introductory work for establishing fundamental values and why.

You also can listen to that one as an audio book over at Audible Anarchist.

Note that both of those are straight white men, and the "mainstream" of anarchism has often had a problem of failing to recognize or live by principles of opposing all hierarchies, including white supremacy and cishetero-patriarchy. The fact that anarchist Becky Edelsohn "dated" Berkman when she was 16 and he 36 (and that this was supported by Berkman's previous partner Emma Goldman) is one example of this. Mikhail Bakunin gave us one of the best quotes of all time regarding anarcho-satanism ("But here steps in Satan, the eternal rebel, the first freethinker and the emancipator of worlds"); Bakunin was also a racist.

Other people can give better advice and examples, but Indigenous Anarchism, Black Anarchism, Anarkata, Queer Anarchism, and Anarcha-Feminism are all areas that a person needs to put work into in order to undo the kyriarchy — the whole structure of interconnected systems of oppression we're indoctrinated into and subjected to.

"But what does that have to do with Satanism?" Mainly it's to help you spot when something you come across is engaging in the sort of hierarchical, fascistic, or even neo-Nazi ideas that LaVeyan Satanism and its offshoots have always had connected with them. They're not always obvious, and having good principles established is the best immunization and antidote to being exposed to new ideas with euphemisms and shibboleths you can't be expected to be prepared for.

You also can come up with your own rituals and ideas. For example, the Satanic Flame Ritual we have is not due to access to some secret knowledge but it helps externalize and objectivize an internal, subjective, emotional process. Things like candles and flames or altars are best seen in that light.

Anyway, hopefully that helps. It's not that you should never read something like The Satanic Bible or other esoteric works to get ideas. It is that Satanism is the exact opposite of place to look for good ideology or consistency, so you want to start somewhere else for that (we say anarchism) and then look to Satanism and other Satanists for aesthetics and inspiration for rituals that you can modify and integrate into your life in ways that best serve you.

[crimethinc]

We, Too, Remember Aleksei Sutuga: The Life of a Russian Anarchist and Anti-Fascist

http://crimethinc.com/Socrates

Aleksei Sutuga grew up deep in Siberia, in Irkutsk—the city to which Mikhail Bakunin was once exiled, not to mention many other Russian rebels. Known to his friends as Socrates, Aleksei became involved in the Russian anarchist and anti-fascist movements. His life is the subject of a recently published book.

The interviewees recount how anarchism reemerged in Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Sharing their memories of Socrates, they explore the relationship between hardcore punk, straight edge, veganism, anarchism, anti-fascism, and a variety of other forms of activism. They describe how Socrates and his comrades became locked in a brutal conflict—first with neo-Nazis, then with the Russian authorities.

At the invitation of our Russian comrades, we have contributed an introduction to this book, exploring why his story is important for people outside Russia.

***

Socrates: It’s simple, everything is very simple. The most important thing is that people don’t aim to gain power. If they want power, then by definition they are not one of us.

Voice from the audience: What should we aim for then?

Socrates: What should we aim for? For life. For a free life, for self-realization, for knowledge, for the stars for goodness’ sake. But definitely not for power.

[simplepotatofarmer]

some real talk from your local anarchist and activist:

one, as long as you've changed and worked/are working to be a better person, no one cares about your past! actual activists will work with former neo-nazis and kkk members because we want people to change. if they want to be better, we want to give them a place to go! so many people get stuck in the alt-right because they don't think they have anywhere else to go! but our goal as leftists is to reduce the numbers of the alt-right and so we welcome people that want to change because it's the only way to make the world better. constantly berating people with their past, making them self flagellate all the time, does nothing - nothing - to make the world better. this doesn't mean that people who have been harmed have to forgive them or feel comfortable but y'all white activists have no room to act like that!

two, fucking online discourse isn't activism. neither is retweeting threads on twitter or posts on tumblr. heck, this post isn't activism! you can do activism online but i promise you it isn't harassing fans of a creator or content you've deemed problematic or slur discourse or policing what memes people post. like sure, we should try to be aware of making others uncomfortable but holy crap these things really do not matter! you are not a good person solely because you consume things that are 'morally right'. consuming media is fucking NOTHING. it means NOTHING. yes, it can matter when it funds actual bigots like JKR but i promise watching steven universe or the dsmp or whatever literally doesn't matter.

please, drop this moral purity stuff and attacking other people over their pasts or what character they like because y'all are just doing the work of the alt-right for them! you're getting into slur discourse and kink discourse and attacking other queer people like, yeah! that's what they want! they want words like 'groomer' to mean nothing so it's easier to throw at anyone they want. they want 'queer is a slur' shit because putting people into strict labels makes it easier to say 'these are the good ones and these are the bad ones' later on.

people are good. people can change.

your kindness matters more than your righteousness ever will.

[satanfemme]

so much "punk gatekeeping discourse" would be solved if only weird posers online started educating themselves on anarchism

"even if someone doesn't interact with the punk subculture literally at all, they could still be called punk if they have punk ideals" is a complete nonsense statement when 1. there is no such thing as universal """punk ideals"""

and 2. if I had to guess, those "punk ideals" you're talking about is just anarchism. only you don't know anything about anarchism other than the most rudimentary aesthetic-level shit that you're picking up on through your neo-liberal lenses, so instead of (correctly) identifying those ideals as political anarchism, you're instead (incorrectly) assuming those ideals are just some kind of cutest costumey "punk" belief system, and (because you refuse to engage with subcultures beyond social media tags) you're now pretending that your warped assumption-based concept of punk must be the whole subculture, and it upsets you to be told that you might be wrong.

if you refuse to engage with punk music (or "punk fashion" or the punk community or even individual punks themselves) but you like the idea of dismantling structures of authority, dismantling abusive institutions, abolishing borders and states, and uplifting your community, then you are not a punk but you might be a wannabe anarchist. which is fine. you're allowed to be an anarchist. literally instead of trying to force yourself into a music scene you hate (making both yourself and others miserable in the process), do something useful by educating yourself on anarchism and see if that quenches your desire for "punk ideals"

[punkeropercyjackson]

It's a whole thing the Pjo fandom just,dosen't want to Percy to actually be neurodivergent representation.There's the obvious worst part they won't even let him be autistic despite objectively being the most autistic-coded character in the whole franchise but there's also just as glaringly they have never let him defy neurodivergent stereotypes

He's smarter than Annabeth by virtue of being more emotionally mature and making better plans way quicker and unlike her this was in no way an inherentence so he could qualify as a legit ex-child genius but he's constantly getting called stupid for not fitting society's idea of what intellengence is due to sucking at school as a result of his symptoms and he's said he hates it many many MANY times in his narration and only dosen't speak out against it as per irl trauma like his he's been forced into believing he deserves it and given strong ass Impostor Syndrome and the fandom falls for it hook line and sinker cause Annabeth forcing herself into the role of Percy's girlfriend without his consent and even a moment of verbal rejection to her FACE that she spit back at him('I am never going to make things easy for you' is a fucking awful thing to say to an autistic person and that's why you'll never convince me book!Annabeth is autistic like Leahbeth,being a nerdy jerk with ego problems is NOT more autistic than EVERYTHING Percy's got going on right down to his character concept)and proceeding to treat him the same as ever but with corny kissing and promises of a future nuclear family cisheterosexual marriage living in a place that directly goes against Percy's lifelong wish for ANNABETH'S is proof his self-hatred is accurate as if she knows or likes him as a person on any level and vice versa seeing how he talks about her and never returns her romantic effort

There's no 'smart himbos' or 'not dumb but a dumbass',if y'all are such Annabeth stans then expend your vocabulary so you can be even bigger nerds that don't have to be nice to make friends cause that's what privilege is for and you get to speak over 'slow' autistics thanks to that too irl.Percy's also meant to defy 'neurodivergent people are total losers','neurodivergent people think and act like little kids no matter how old they are' and 'neurodivergent people only act rebellious for attention and to look good' by being the coolest character and this was backed up in dialogues and actions by Percy himself without even trying almost ever,he's a Team Parent to younger minorities but especially Nico and Hazel as a way of breaking the cycle of abuse and out of a mix of found eldest sibling and pseudo-parental love for them and to heal his inner child and he's pessimistic and highkey mean and ruthless but is an anarchist with awareness to what corruption is and how to fight it and DOES it unlike Luke's pedo propagandist poser ass and 'rebel' is NOT Percy,Percy is a PUNK,i.e,a minority who was radicalized by their experiences growing up in a system that hates them for being one and takes direct action and does activism and always stays noncomforming instead of selling out

So y'all deny his off the charts swag like it's gonna effect you negatively to appreciate him for it,mock his special interests(blue,the sea and pg media)because they're not trains or neo-liberalism filled fantasy books or whatever the fuck and don't let him have the canon ones you'd obsses over in an allistic character(alt music and childcare)and straight up call him mentally a little kid as mockery with Annabeth as his mommy gf and Jason as whatever the male equivalent is i ain't googling that shit and you can just drop that r slur you're holding back because that would somehow be LESS ableist and you won't even let him hate authority figures despite your 'the only authority he respects is his mom XD' corn as if any of you actually care about Sally,you ship her with fucking POSEIDON over Paul,because yeah,Luke WAS authority as the Titans Army leader and The Gods are literally the highest authority you can get in general,not just within Pjo,Percy dosen't need to look for older men to 'satisfy him'(this is a CHILDREN'S BOOKS SERIES,go APOLOGIZE TO YOUR YOUNGER SIBLINGS)because he has 1.a backbone,2.rizz and 3.a life,the him being upset Nico for not being 'his type' and hassling him over it is literally sexual harrassment by an adult towards a minor and Hazel's more of a part of him AND her own character than any minor white character that TRANSCENDS THEIR SOURCE MATERIAL

Just say it:You want Percy to be a gag instead of rep and you're so set on it rather than having standards in mentally abled people you're ready to start harrassing other people on different ends of the spectrum for saying Percy is afrolatino-an ACTUAL afrolatino,not y'all's lightskin slightly big nose no lips with vague cultural roots you didn't research copout,or saying he's transfem-coded based off actual real life transfemininity,or even just that they hate Percabeth since book!Annabeth is a white pick me bully.'MY friends' insults and hitting eachother is our way of showing affection!!!Have you never had a friend before?!'I have a lot of years long friends and keep making more and one of them's now my trans girlfriend that's adhd and agrees Percabeth is super bad because Annabeth is too mean to Percy and that Percy's a tgirl and her and the rest of them shower me in praise and defend me when people treat me badly and the latter goes for my own little brother like i always did and still do him and i treat my friends the same way they do me and my girlfriend gets extra.Rip to your self-hating selfves but i'm different and so's Percy

[antifainternational]

What can you tell me about the fascist groups in Ukraine?

So when talking about fascist groups in Ukraine, we have to talk about pre-2022 and now. Pre-2022 there were dozens of fascist groups operating in Ukraine, much like Russia, other European countries, and places like the United States. Groups with names like "Centuria," "Tradition and Order," "Wotanjugend," and "National Militia" patrolled the streets, intimidating and attacking immigrants, LGBTQ+ people and leftists/anti-fascists, just as they do in Russia, Hungary, the U.S., and many other countries besides. Our violent hate crimes research project documented attacks by fascist groups in Ukraine in 2020 and 2021, including the kidnapping and torture of a trans woman in April 2020; a coordinated attack on the Pride march in Odessa that same year; and three more attacks on LGBTQ+ people in Kyiv and Odessa in 2021. Of course, the most notorious of these groups is the neo-nazi Azov Battalion. We might not have this exactly right but we believe Azov rose to prominence along with Right Sector during Euromaidan in 2013 and 2014. Because the rebellion against the former dictator Yanukovich was successful and left a temporary power vacuum, Right Sector and Azov took advantage of it to the extent that they could. For Azov, this meant integration into Ukraine's military. That said, the gains made by the far right into the institutions of power in Ukraine were limited and for most, somewhat short-lived. This is reflected by the terrible showing of far-right/fascist groups in elections; by the 2020 raid on a Wotanjugend weapons/explosive cache by the Ukrainian secret service; and of course the election of Ukraine's first-ever Jewish president in 2019. Also, if we've given you the impression that Ukraine was and continues to be a haven for fascist thugs, we strongly recommend watching these interviews with Ukrainian anarchists from April. Now, a lot of people (including Putin) have attempted to use Azov's integration into the Ukrainian military as evidence that Ukraine is run by nazis, but when you consider that Azov at its peak would have accounted for just 1% of the Ukrainian military it becomes clear that the problem is no greater than most militaries, particularly in eastern Europe. Russia, in particular, is in no position to point fingers.

This brings us to the current situation in Ukraine, which is this: there is a powerful fascist group that is committing the lion's share of violence and is actually in control of large parts of the country. That fascist group is the Russian military. The Russian invasion of Ukraine is fascist in nature. It's not unreasonable to make comparisons to Hitler's policy of lebensraum here; Russian is committing acts of genocide against the Ukrainian people; and the OHCHR has, as of last month, documented over 11,000 Ukrainian civilian casualties. Meanwhile in Russia, it is illegal to say anything critical about the war or even to call it a war. All of which is to say this: if you're concerned about fascists in Ukraine, Anon, then most of your concern should be about the most violent fascists there - the Russian military. There are lots of anti-fascist, anarchist, and leftist groups - many of whom fought against fascists in Ukraine before the war - who are now armed and fighting against the Russian invasion. Those are the people who deserve your support and those are the people we've been supporting through things like our t-shirt fundraiser & Yellow Peril Tactical's patches/stickers fundraiser. Check out Rev Dia, Hoods Hoods Klan, Kharkiv Hardcore, Good Night Imperial Pride - all of which are good examples of leftist groups fighting the fascists right now.

[kwanisms]

02:22 — c.san :: Carnival of Lies

»» ateez masterlist ««

➥ anarchist!San × fem!Reader summary: in the city of Neo Seoul in the year 2073, a group of bikers turned anarchists outlaws have decided to go through with a life changing heist. The plans have been laid, the timeline set, all that's left is to say goodbye but San never expected it to be this hard. wc: 10.9k genres/themes/au: angst, smut; fantasy, science fiction, cyberpunk, dystopian, western, & biker gang themes, anarchist!Ateez, outlaw!Ateez; non idol au, dystopian au, cyberpunk au warnings: ANGST AHEAD (you have been warned lol), adult dialogue, female reader, the characters break the laws of their society, sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut! permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @wonderfulshinee @candidupped @dejavernon @violagoth @tigermoonbiss @katsukis1wife @luvsooby @thesolarplanetarysystem @salty-for-suga @devilsmatches @dmnspiit @simeonswhore @yangracha @seonghwalover @atinypurr @aikyubi

ateez taglist: @2hodefender @cixrosie @pyeonghongrie-main @flowerboykun @sanjoongie @anyamaris @stardragongalaxy @kpop-stories-21 @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @mlysalt @cinnamoon-belle @briannabk22 @is4b3ll3s @hyukssunflower @vampiirose @0325tiny @ateezstanforever @justiny @jeongwangjessmina @lacie220900 @aaaaajonghooooo @dementedaly

special tags: @thelargefrye

join my taglists! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED.

a/n: part of the Operation Outlaw : Before the Boom collab with several of my friends and fellow @cultofdionysusnet writers. We conceived this idea when the first teasers were dropped for the Outlaw comeback and we've been talking and working almost around the clock about it, tossing ideas around until we weaved together an intricate story set in the near future. Thank you so much for reading and please check out the other writers' pieces which can be found on the collab masterlist here! As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. Adult content divider made by @cafekitsune and banner made by me. I do not allow reposts, translations, or continuations of my works. All my works ©️ kwanisms

smut warnings: possessive!San, sub!Reader, grinding/dry humping, use of pet names (baby, baby girl), sex photos/video, nipple play, fingering, dirty talk, finger sucking, oral (f receiving feat pussy drunk San), unprotected sex (use condoms), creampie, San is in love and highkey possessive but the reader loves it. I think I got all the warnings but if I missed any, please let me know!

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Glancing at the clock, San saw it was almost 100 and looked back down at his food. From the front seat, he could hear the faint sound of racing music as Wooyoung and Cardinal sat in the front seats, playing some sort of rhythm racing game on their phones.

“You two really like that game, don’t you?” San asked, making Wooyoung glance up. Cardinal let out a triumphant cheer as her character passed Wooyoung’s and crossed the finish line first.

Wooyoung let out a groan, throwing his head back against the headrest.

“That doesn’t count, he distracted me!” he whined. Cardinal smirked at Wooyoung before responding as if she were speaking to a baby.

“Awww it’s okay Woo,” she cooed. “Maybe next time.”

Cardinal put her phone away and glanced back. “Hand me one of those boxes,” she said, pointing to the food Yeosang had delivered only moments ago. San, who was already digging into his own food, set his utensils down and grabbed an unopened box, handing it to Cardinal who thanked him and took the fork he offered as well.

Wooyoung watched as the pair dug into their food. “What is that?” he asked, eyeing the food in Cardinal’s box. She held up the box for Wooyoung to sniff and he backed away. “What is that?” he asked again, albeit a little more disgusted.

Cardinal rolled her eyes and continued to eat. “You’re so dramatic.”

Wooyoung climbed into the back to sit beside San, grabbing another container and opening it, giving it a sniff as well. “Blech,” he said, closing it. “Of all the places Yeo could have gotten a job at, he had to pick the worst place in the district,” he scoffed.

San’s brow furrowed. “Don’t knock it until you try it,” he replied, picking up a plastic fork and digging into the noodles. Wooyoung pretended to gag, making San roll his eyes. “See,” Cardinal said, drawing both their attention. “What did I say? He’s dramatic.”

San nodded as Wooyoung shrugged and moved back up next to Cardinal reaching out to tickle her side. The sound of her giggles filled the van until she tried, and failed, to sternly tell Wooyoung off.

While San and Cardinal ate, Wooyoung pulled his phone out again and started up a new game of whatever new noisy musical rhythm game he’d downloaded.

“Have you heard from Joong?” San asked as he picked up his cup, taking a sip and turning his head to look at the back of Wooyoung’s head.

The younger man paused his game, still staring at his phone, no doubt reading something on the screen. Next to him, San could see Cardinal holding her phone, smirking at Wooyoung while Wooyoung typed something back.

San waited for his friends to answer but when they didn’t after a couple minutes, he spoke up again.

“Yo, Wooyoung!” he said, a little louder this time. Wooyoung nearly spun around in his seat. “What?” he asked, looking mildly shocked, like he’d been caught doing something. Cardinal tried to keep from laughing as she went back to eating her food.

“Did you hear me?” San asked, suspicious of his friend’s shifty behavior.

Wooyoung shook his head. “No, what did you say?”

San sighed, resisting the urge to chew his best friend out for not listening to him. “I asked if you’ve heard from Joong,” he answered, waiting for Wooyoung to answer him. “Oh,” Wooyoung said, shifting in his seat. Cardinal spoke up for him.

“Yeah. He said to hang tight for a bit. He’s checked in with everyone else and we’re all good to go,” she answered. “He contacted me earlier.”

San nodded as Wooyoung glanced back down at his phone, thumbs tapping away as he typed something quickly, throwing a glance at Cardinal who immediately checked her phone. If San wasn’t suspicious before, he definitely was now.

“Hey, uh,” Wooyoung said suddenly. “I’m not trying to sound like a dick here, but could you like… leave?”

San stared at his friend with a deadpan expression before turning to look at Cardinal who avoided his gaze. ‘Seriously?’

“Leave?” San asked, voice void of any emotion. “You want me to leave?”

Wooyoung nodded, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“Uh yeah. I hate kicking you out of the van, like this, you know that but—” San sighed heavily, closing his takeout container and setting it aside. “Sure. Fine,” he replied flatly. Had he been looking at them, he would have seen the apologetic looks on both Wooyoung and Cardinal’s faces.

“Just… please don’t squishy my food or ruin my pallet,” San grumbled, Wooyoung grimacing as San grabbed his jacket. “Sorry,” he replied as San opened the back of the van and hopped out.

He shut the door, stopping briefly to pull on his red leather jacket.

“Nah,” he said as he moved around to the driver’s door. “It’s cool.”

Both Cardinal and Wooyoung gave him apologetic smiles.

“Get it, or whatever,” San added as he raised his fist for Wooyoung to give him a bump, Cardinal blushing furiously. “I’ll be back before 500,” he added before setting off, leaving Wooyoung and Cardinal in the van.

San wasn’t one to let Wooyoung talk him into or out of things easily but he had his suspicions about Wooyoung and Cardinal’s relationship since day one and this just confirmed what he already assumed.

San walked around the corner, taking back alleys and streets, not wanting to run into anyone he didn’t want to see. His walk took him just past the customs shop where he saw Yunho working on a bike. San walked over, Yunho looking up as he approached.

“Hey,” Yunho said as he set the wrench in his hand down and picked up a dirty shop rag.

“What’s up?”

San looked around before looking up at Yunho.

“Where’s Jongho?” he asked. Yunho rolled his eyes. “Probably somewhere with Raven where there aren’t cameras,” he answered with a smirk and San immediately understood his meaning, a smile forming on his face.

“Why are you here?” Yunho asked suddenly.

“Woo and Cardinal kicked me out of the van,” San answered, shrugging as he tucked his hands into his jacket pocket. “So I’m taking a walk,” he added.

Yunho nodded, watching San carefully.

“I’d take a ride but someone has my bike,” he added. Yunho laughed sheepishly. “Hey, Joong wanted me to make some last minute adjustments,” he said, holding his hands up before he gestured for San to follow him. The two walked to the other side of the garage where Yunho pressed a button, lowering the garage door.

Once shut, he opened another door and allowed San to enter before following him.

“You want to take her out?” Yunho asked as he locked the door and flipped a switch, fluorescents flooding the room with bright white light.

The room had no windows and was an extension of the garage where Yunho worked on the motorbikes. The ones the city outlawed three years ago. San nodded. “Actually, yeah,” he said as he walked past the seven other bikes until he came to his.

It was an older Kawasaki model originally manufactured from 2006 to 2038. A Ninja 650 that San had a hand in completely customizing with Yunho’s help. San looked over the custom paint job, extra parts he had installed with an exceptional fondness.

The paint had been touched up and new decals applied with only the expertise and care that Yunho showed. “It should be ready for tomorrow,” Yunho explained as he moved to unchain the bike from the others.

“You can take her for a spin but make sure to bring her back before 400,” he said as San moved to mount the bike, running his hands over the handlebars.

“You listening to me?” Yunho asked as he placed the lock back on the chain. San nodded. “Back by 400,” he replied. “Got it.”

“Anything else?” He turned his head to find Yunho smiling at him, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “Have fun,” he replied before tossing the keys over and pushing a button on the wall to open the small garage door. San put the key in the ignition and started the bike which came to life with a roar and settled into a loud purr.

He turned to look at his friend. “She sounds fucking amazing,” he called over the idling engine. Yunho waved him off and without another word, San put the bike in gear, turned off the brake, and let off the clutch.

He carefully rode the bike out of the shop into a slim alleyway and turned to head away from the city center. As soon as he was clear, Yunho shut the garage and San took off, driving down the alley as carefully as he could.

He knew if he rode on the main streets, he would be spotted by authorities and he didn’t want to deal with that so he stuck to the back streets and alleys as he moved further and further from the center.

As he continued, the buildings grew shorter in stature, the electronic billboards replaced with old painted ones as he drove further into the edge of town.

He didn’t know where he was going to go initially but as he headed further and further away, growing more and more bold, his mind was made up for him.

The diner.

Neo Seoul was built on top of the former city, new skyscrapers reaching high into the clouds, all state of the art made of glass and metal. The older brick buildings were slowly replaced until only the old buildings stood in the outskirts.

San never much liked the city, finding it congested, full of fake people, and the adverts didn’t help. He hated how commercial everything was. He hated everything about the city. Not just on the surface level but deep down, it was corrupt, almost like a rotted core, working its way out, killing the organism from the inside out.

As San reached the outskirts, he slowed his bike, pulling up to the diner and parking the bike out back behind the building where he knew it wouldn’t be spotted. San removed the key and got up, making his way around the front of the building and entering through the front door.

The diner was a cliche and niche place, styled after a diner from 1950’s America and serving the same fare that one would find at such an establishment. San looked around as he entered, greeting one of the servers who rolled past him on roller skates. Another part of the charm and atmosphere of the diner.

San took a seat in the booth at the back of the room, ignoring the looks from some of the other patrons as he sat down.

A different server rolled up to greet him as San grabbed a menu from a small metal holder at the end of the table against the window. “What can I get you?” she asked, forcing San to look up. She was younger, possibly college age.

“A cherry coke please,” San answered as he looked back down to gloss over the menu. “And maybe a cheeseburger,” he added. The server jotted his order down on her table. “Fries okay?” she asked to which San nodded.

“Coming right up,” she said as she rolled away, leaving him alone for a moment before she returned with his drink. As she turned to roll away, San quietly stopped her. “Is Cherry here?” he asked softly.

The server’s eyes widened for a moment before narrowing.

“Uh, who’s asking?” she asked, looking at him suspiciously.

“Could you tell her Cola is here,” San asked, ignoring the confused look on the poor girl’s face. “She’ll know what it means.”

The server nodded slowly before skating away and behind the counter. She glanced back once before disappearing into the kitchen.

San had only been to this place a couple times before. It’d been a long time since he last visited. The interior was exactly the same.

The same red top tables with silver legs and matching booths line the front wall of the restaurant. A tall bar separated the kitchen from the restaurant with red bar stools that swivel on the spot. A swinging metal door with a round window separated the bar from the kitchen.

Caddies with condiments including sugar and creamer sat at the end of the tables, accompanying the metal menu holders under large picture windows with white blinds.

San was staring out the window, having spent the last couple minutes staring at the bubbles in his plastic cup clinging to the sides when he heard someone approach.

“Your cheeseburger with fries,” a familiar voice said, prompting San to look up and smile as he found himself face to face with quite possibly his favorite person.

You smiled as you set his plate down in front of him. “When Sango said Cola was asking for me, I was a little shocked,” you said as San looked up at you. “Haven’t seen you around here in a while.” The smile on San’s face fell.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said softly. You smiled at him with that same bright smile you always gave him. The radiant one you reserved only for puppies and him.

“It’s okay,” you replied. “I’m sure you’ve been quite busy.” San nodded slowly. You had a way of always leaving him speechless.

Ever since meeting you on the playground in primary school, San was shy and soft-spoken around you. Not that he was particularly loquacious to begin with. He’d always been more of an introvert but it got worse moving to the city with his family.

He was the new kid and even though he had his older sister, she was more preoccupied with her friends and her own life than with making sure San was okay. He kept to himself most of that first week. Until he literally bumped into you on the playground.

He’d been playing by himself in the jungle gym when some of the older boys kicked him out of their fort. San decided to use the slide to escape and that was how he accidentally mowed you down into the wood chips.

The other kids were quick to check on you but you were much tougher than San expected, even with the nasty scrape on your knee. He apologized profusely, expecting you to yell at him or cry for the teacher but you surprised him yet again by crouching down to make sure he wasn’t hurt.

You introduced yourself shortly after and an unlikely friendship was started.

Where San was shy and quiet, you were loud and friendly with everyone.

The entire class liked you. Including San.

Your friendship continued into junior high where San discovered he had feelings for you. It started when one of your fellow classmates came up and asked you to go to the movies.

A jealousy San had never experienced before erupted from his stomach and settled in his chest and you blushed and politely turned the guy down, saying your father wasn’t allowing you to date until high school.

San then made it his mission to keep the other boys away from you, partly for your father’s sake but also for his own.

He didn’t want to share you with anyone else.

He was possessive in that regard.

In high school, you started paying more attention to your appearance, wearing makeup and spending more time with your girl friends but you always made time for San. His feelings only got stronger and stronger.

San never mentioned his feelings for you, too afraid to ruin your friendship.

It wasn’t until your last year together that San finally confessed, assuming you would go off to college while San got a job and he would probably never see you again.

He was shocked, to say the least, when you reciprocated his feelings and kissed him, murmuring something about him taking long enough. Since then, it had been a slow but steady pace until San joined the underground resistance, something he kept secret from both his family and from you.

As far as you knew, he worked at a mechanic shop.

He would try to see you as often as he could between actually working and devoting time to the small rebel biker gang he joined.

Whatever free time he had, he tried to devote to you but it was difficult when he lived deep inside the city center while you lived on the outskirts of town. As he became more involved in the resistance, he saw you less and less.

So, rare moments like this he always treasured.

“You got time?” San asked, looking up at you while you checked your watch.

“Let me finish getting my food out and I’ll come back for my break,” you replied with a smile. San watched as you skated away before starting to dig into his food.

It was only a few moments later when you returned and sat down in the booth with him, sipping on your water while you talked. You told him all about what had happened since the last time you saw one another, occasionally stealing his fries.

San listened with rapt attention as you spoke animatedly, telling him stories about your life at home, where you were living, your neighbors, anything you could think of.

You had just finished telling him a story about one of your coworkers when you cleared your throat.

“Ben proposed to me.”

San, who had been taking a sip of his drink sputtered and coughed.

You leaned forward, looking concerned but he waved his hand while he coughed a few times before clearing his throat. “I forgot you were dating him,” he murmured, sounding a little dejected. You noticed immediately.

“Yeah. It was so sudden. I didn’t expect it,” you said with a nervous chuckle, bringing your hand up to brush some of your hair back. San followed your hand but surprisingly didn’t see a ring.

“I don’t see a ring,” he commented, picking up the last of his burger and taking a bite. He didn’t miss the way you avoided his gaze, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth briefly. “I actually said no,” you finally whispered.

San looked up from his plate, finding you already looking at him.

“Why?” He asked softly, holding your gaze. You shrugged your shoulders. “It didn’t feel right,” you replied just as quietly. “But you love him?” San asked.

You shook your head. “Not like that. Not enough to marry the guy.”

San picked up his cola and took a drink before speaking.

“He seemed like a great guy,” he noted, noticing the way you shrugged.

“He is,” you replied. “But I don’t want to marry him,” you added.

“It felt wrong.”

San tilted his head as you stole another fry from his plate.

“Felt wrong how?” he asked, watching you shift in your seat, avoiding his gaze.

“He’s not…” you said softly, trailing off. “He’s not what?” San’s voice was barely above a whisper now. You looked up through your lashes at him.

“He’s not you.”

San’s heart hammered against his chest as you held his gaze. There were so many things he wanted to say but he didn’t know where to start.

Before he could respond, a voice called out.

“Y/N, your break is over!”

You sat up quickly, glancing over to who San could only assume was your boss. “Sorry, Sherry!” You called and got up quickly.

San reached forward, grabbing your hand gently.

You looked down at his hand and then back up to meet his gaze.

“Can I see you after your shift?” He asked, holding your gaze with his intense stare. You hesitated before nodding. “I’m off in an hour,” you replied. “I’ll meet you here.”

Without another word, San let go of your hand and you hurried around the counter, offering another apology to your boss.

The other server came by to take San’s empty plate.

“Anything I can get for you?” She asked with a smile.

“Coffee,” San answered. “And a slice of pie. Whichever you recommend.”

The server nodded before skating away and fulfilling his order. She came back shortly with a white ceramic mug and a carafe of coffee, pouring him a cup and then skating away.

San grabbed some sugar and creamer, adding it to his coffee until the color was unrecognizable as coffee. Shortly after, the server rolled by, dropping off his pie. It was a slice of apple with a small swirl of whipped cream on top.

San ate in silence, checking his watch and scrolling through his phone as the minutes ticked by. He was finishing his third or fourth cup of coffee when you appeared in your jacket and without skates, calling goodnight to your coworkers.

San had already paid his tab before you clocked out and stood up as you approached him. “Shall we?” You asked, smiling at him. San returned the smile and let you lead the way out of the diner before leading you around the building to where his bike stood, paint shimmering under the dim lamp light.

San picked up his own helmet and handed it to you. “I only have one,” he explained as you took it from him. “It should fit.”

You put the helmet on as San swung one leg over the bike, sitting and taking the handles and keeping it steady so you could climb onto the back. Only once you were situated, did San turn the key and the bike roared to life.

He felt you wrap your arms around his waist, holding tight as he put the bike into gear. The bike lurched forward, making you shriek as San cackled before actually releasing the clutch and pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road.

The ride was full of only the sound of the engine and the wind whipping.

San noticed a dark, desolate park as he turned into yet another empty street and slowed his bike, pulling into the small parking lot, rolling into one of the spaces before cutting the engine and parking the bike.

You removed the helmet and shook your head as San waited for you to get off.

Carefully you climbed off, making sure to push down the skirt of your diner uniform. San took the helmet from you and hung it on one of the handlebars before turning to you.

“Aren’t you afraid of someone stealing it?” You asked, nodding at the helmet. San shook his head. “Not really,” he replied, taking your hand and leading you through the park. The two of you walked on the paved path, hand in hand as San asked more about your life lately.

He wanted to address what you had said at the diner but decided he would wait to bring it up. He didn’t want to pry too much but he also wanted to know what you had meant and if you had actually meant it.

“I actually had a reason for coming to see you,” San said suddenly, causing you to look at him. “Oh?” Your voice sounded equal parts curious and confused as the two of you continued to walk.

“I have this… job,” he said softly.

San always made sure not to tell you too many details about his work. About the work he did for the resistance. He didn’t want you to be a target or to be too privy to any sensitive information, mainly for your protection and that of his crew.

But this job was different. It was big. There was a chance he might not see you again for a long, long time and he wanted you to be aware of that.

“Yeah,” he answered. “It’s a big one,” he continued. “Bigger than any I’ve ever done.” You nodded as he spoke, enjoying the warmth of your hand in his. “And this job might…” you glanced up as he trailed off.

You pulled him to a stop. “Might what?” You asked softly. San hesitated before finally looking at you. “It might force me to leave town or go into hiding for a while.” Your eyes widened. “Which means I may not see you again for a really long time,” he continued. You listened silently as he spoke.

“Which is why,” San said. “I want to make the most of tonight.”

“I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I have to go away.”

You let go of his hand, moving to pull him into a hug, eye shutting tight as his arms wrapped around yours. “I care so much about you, Y/N,” he said softly. “I want you to stay safe which is why I keep this life separate but I’m also selfish and I want to be with you.”

You nodded, understanding where he was going. “If I could just be with you without this complication, I would in a heartbeat,” he continued. You looked up, smiling as you fought back tears. “Then just be with me tonight,” you answered. San cupped your cheek, gazing into your eyes lovingly.

Pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead, he took your hand again and resumed walking around the park, following the path.

As you walked around a curve in the path, San noticed a dancing light and looked up. About twenty to thirty feet from where you both stood was a rather large house, the backyard behind a black wrought iron fence. In the backyard, was a large swimming pool where the light was coming from.

San glanced down at you, waiting for you to see it too. When you did, you glanced up at him. “No,” you said, shaking your head. “No San!” You hissed as he dragged you along, heading for the fence. “This is illegal!”

San snorted as you reached the property line. “And so is owning a motorbike,” he added. “Since when have I ever cared for the rules?”

You shook your head, unable to hide the smile on your face. “It’s only illegal in the city,” you reminded him. “Still illegal,” San answered. He looked around for a moment before scooting past you to a stone pillar at the end of the fence.

“San!” You hissed again as he carefully found his footing and started to climb. “San, we’re going to get caught!”

He looked down at you, bringing a finger up to his lips. “Not if you stay quiet,” he whispered before continuing to climb. He scaled the pillar with ease, carefully hopping down into the backyard before moving to the gate and unlocking it, opening it slowly and only enough to let you in.

The owners of the house clearly had money and took very good care of their lawn, if the pristinely cut grass, stone tile patio with an outdoor dining set and grill and well maintained pool and covered hot tub were anything to go by.

San walked over to the pool, kneeling down to stick his hand in it.

“San, what are you doing?!” You whisper yelled at him as he started to kick off his shoes, pulling his socks off and tucking them inside his shoes for safe keeping.

He shrugged off his jacket and started to undo his pants before turning to look at you.

“You gonna just stand there?” He asked as he undid his belt and pants, pushing them down, making you giggle as he kicked his jeans off and jumped into the pool in his underwear with a splash. “San!” You hissed as he surfaced.

He pushed his hair back before looking up at you. “Come on,” he said. “Live a little, Y/N.” You huffed out a sigh, glancing around before taking off your own jacket and kicking off your shoes and socks.

San turned to swim away as you shimmied out of your dress and quickly discarded it before stepping off the side of the pool into the warm water.

When you surfaced you started swimming towards San who grinned mischievously at you. “You’re insane,” you murmured as you met him near the side of the pool.

You felt one of his arms snake around your waist, pulling your shivering body against his warm one. “You followed me,” he whispered, eyes dipping to look at your lips before pulling you closer, his own lips meeting yours.

It had been more years than you could remember since San had last kissed you and it still made your heart skip a beat and butterflies erupt in your stomach.

His lips moved softly against yours until you felt his tongue against your bottom lip, begging for permission. Your lips parted, sighing as his tongue slipped past them and moved languidly against your own tongue.

Your arms went around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, making him groan against your mouth. “Did you mean it earlier?” He whispered, breaking the kiss to look at you through heavy hooded eyes. “When you said you couldn’t marry Ben because he’s not me?”

You nodded, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. “Yes,” you answered.

“It’s always been you San. I’ve never wanted anyone but you.”

San let out a groan, pulling you back in for another kiss.

Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as he pinned you against the side of the pool, both hands holding you up. You gasped against his lips as you felt his cloth covered hard length rut against your lace covered core. His lips kissed across your cheek before brushing against your ear.

“I want you so bad,” he murmured, his breath hot and heavy against your wet skin.

He grinded against you again, groaning in your ear.

A sudden bright light filled the area and you both quickly looked to see one of the flood lights had come on. “Shit,” San cursed, pushing you towards the ladder.

“Go, go!”

You climbed the slippery ladder as quickly as you could, hurrying over to your clothes as San followed, snatching his own stuff and leading you to the gate as the back door of the house slid open and a deep booming voice threatened to call the police as you both darted out the gate and through the park in just your underwear. San ducked behind the jungle gym, pulling you under with him.

The two of you waited for a moment, listening but could only hear the sound of your own heavy breathing. You placed your hand over your chest feeling the pounding of your heart. San, who had his eyes on you, suddenly burst into quiet laughter. You turned to look at him.

“What is so funny?” You demanded incredulously. “We almost got caught!”

“We did get caught,” San answered. “But wasn’t that a rush?”

You glared at him as he started to pull on his clothes. You quickly started to dress as well, pulling on your dress and trying to ignore the feeling of San’s eyes on you. You were pulling on your shoes when San finally poked his head out of your hiding spot and looked around.

“I think we’re okay,” he whispered, leaning back in to look at you as you tied your apron back on. “Come on,” he said, nodding his head and stepping out from under the jungle gym. You followed hesitantly, looking around before finally stepping out and standing up straight.

“Can we agree to never do that again?” You whispered, brushing your skirt off.

San turned to face you, one of his hands moving to your waist as he backed you up against the jungle gym, his face inches from yours. He rested his other hand against the hard plastic structure.

“Don’t tell me that wasn’t exciting,” he said softly, moving the hand on your waist up to take your chin gently. “Getting caught skinny dipping in a strangers pool isn’t exciting, San,” you whispered as his thumb moved, brushing over your bottom lip.

“It’s reckless.”

You let out a tiny gasp as San pushed himself into you, his erection pressing against your thigh. “I didn’t mean the pool part,” he whispered, leaning in and brushing his lips against yours. “San,” you murmured, your hands grabbing his jacket.

“Yes?” He hummed, nuzzling his nose against yours.

You hesitated, uncertain if you should continue.

It had always been like this, a game of push and pull when it came to you and San. You’d push for more and he’d always pull away. He’d push you to try new things and you’d pull away. Quite frankly, you were getting sick of it.

It was time to change things.

Your hands tightened on his jacket, pulling him even closer.

“I—”

Your words failed you as San stared at you, lights from the city behind you shining over his face, reflecting in his eyes like stars. “Yes?” he asked, a smile threatening to spread across his face. Instead of answering him, you decided action was the best course to take and reached up, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss.

San responded immediately, one arm moving to wrap around your waist, holding you steady while the other moved into your hair, lips parting and deepening the kiss. You moaned, the sound muffled by his mouth as he greedily swallowed the sound. You only broke apart needing air but as soon as you gasped down a couple breaths, San’s lips were back on yours, his hand moving down to your hip.

His hand moved around, grabbing your ass before moving down to lift your thigh to his waist. “Wait,” you mumbled, breaking the kiss. San gave you a perplexed look, certain he’d done something wrong.

But when you replied “not here,” he took your hand, leading you over to his bike. You put the helmet back on and climbed on before he started the engine and backed up a couple feet.

Once in gear, he pulled out of the space and turned the bike around, heading onto the street and followed your instruction to your apartment. The ride only took a few minutes and soon he was pulling into the alley between your building and the butcher shop next door.

San turned the engine off and put the kickstand down before getting off and helping you up. You removed the helmet and decided to bring it with you up to your apartment rather than leave it with the bike.

You had just reached your floor when San stopped you. “Wait,” you heard him say softly. “What about…” his voice trailed off, eyes still looking at your face.

“Ben stayed at the old apartment,” you answered, knowing what he was getting at without even saying anything. “This is my apartment. I live here alone.”

San nodded, allowing you to continue down the hall. You unlocked your door, allowing San into the apartment before shutting the door behind you and locking it again. You pulled your jacket off, hanging it up as you set your keys on the kitchen island while San took a quick look around.

It was a small studio apartment, the bedroom separated by a cube shelf you probably put together yourself.

The front living room and dining room area was small with only a loveseat, coffee table, and media console. The kitchen was also small with a tiny kitchen island where your sink was. The bedroom area was where your queen size bed and desk were.

You had removed your shoes and socks and were untying your apron when San turned back around to look at you. Looking up, you were met with his heated gaze. “What?” You asked as you untied your apron and set it on the counter.

San crossed the apartment, pulling you against him, lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss. From there, it was a mess of stumbling, tugging his clothes off until you both tumbled onto your bed, San trapping you beneath him.

Along the way from the kitchen to your bed, he’d lost his jacket and shirt, leaving him in his jeans and a white tank. Your skirt had fallen up as your legs wrapped around his waist, exposing your black lace panties.

You let out a moan as San leaned in, kissing up your neck as he rolled his hips against yours, grinding his erection into your soaked panties.

“Fuck,” you heard him hiss.

“I should have done this a long time ago,” San groaned, lips moving across your cheek. “San,” you gasped as his hips rolled against yours, pressing his hard cock against your core. “Say that again,” San whispered in your ear, grinding into you again.

“Say my name like that again, baby.”

You moaned, his name slipping out as he rutted against you again. His movements sped up, grinding against you repeatedly. “S-Sannie,” you whimpered, one hand moving to his shoulder as the other gripped the hair at the nape of his neck tightly. San groaned into your neck as his head fell.

“Oh god, that’s even better,” he grunted.

Whines and mewls left your lips as San continued to grind against you, grunting into your neck until you finally spoke up, your voice a little more hoarse than you intended.

“S-San,” you tried to catch his attention. When he didn’t seem to hear you, you tried again.

“San,” you said a little clearer. “Wait, wait, stop,” you continued, tapping his shoulder.

San lifted his head, stopping instantly and fixing you with a perplexed stare.

“W-what? What’s wrong?” He asked, eyes searching your face.

You reached up, cupping his cheek. “I don’t want things to go too far—”

San bowed his head with a groan. “I’m so sorry,” he started apologizing.

You shook your head as he started to push himself up. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions,” he continued but you sat up quickly, grabbing his arm. “No, San,” you answered. “It’s not that.”

He stared at your hand on his arm before his eyes traveled up to meet your gaze.

“You didn’t let me finish,” you added.

San relaxed in your grip as he waited for you to speak.

“I was going to say that I don’t want things to go too far before we’ve properly had a chance to explore things,” you said as you watched him, waiting for his reaction. “Explore things?” He repeated your words back to you, which you confirmed with a nod.

“What does that mean?”

Your cheeks burned but you spoke with as much confidence as you could muster.

“Explore… each other.”

San’s eyes widened as your words sank in. “Explore each other?” He parroted, his lips pulling into a smile as you nodded.

“Sorry for interrupting you!” He said excitedly as he quickly threw himself onto you, pinning you against the mattress.

You let out a giggle as he peppered kisses all over your cheeks before taking your lips in a soft kiss that quickly turned heated. “God,” he murmured, lips moving across your cheek.

“I love you so much.”

Your eyes shot open and you were met with his intense stare. His face was full of nothing but adoration as he looked down at you. Your cheeks burned under his gaze and you quickly pushed him over, rolling so you were on top of him, straddling his hips.

He looked surprised as you leaned over, pressing your lips to his. “I love you too,” you answered, squealing when he pulled you tightly against him.

“This needs to come off,” he pouted, tugging at your skirt.

“Then take it off me,” you challenged. San raised an eyebrow and was quick to sit up, wasting no time as he pushed the cheap material up and watched in awe as you finished the job, pulling the dress off with ease and tossing it to the floor.

His eyes left your face, trailing down to take in your lace bra, his hands moved carefully against your skin, up your sides to cup your breasts over the material. You ran your fingers through his hair, keeping your eyes trained on his face as he continued to explore.

He reached behind your back, glancing up once as he mumbled a simple “may I?”

You nodded, breathing heavily as he undid the clasp on your bra and just as swiftly, pulled the straps down your shoulders and discarded the item with your dress. Your cheeks burned as he saw you for the first time.

You’d dreamt about this moment more than once but now that it was happening, you were feeling many emotions all at once. Love, lust, anxiety, fear, self consciousness. Would he like what he saw? What if he didn’t?

Your concerns were quashed when San spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Have I ever told you how fucking beautiful you are?”

Your cheeks burned more as you pulled your bottom teeth between your teeth, shaking your head. San carefully took the back of your neck in one hand while cupping one of your tits with the other, the palm of his hand warm against your sensitive nipple.

“You are,” he confirmed. “So fucking beautiful,” he added as he pulled you into a kiss, lips moving against yours as he parted them, his tongue slipping into your mouth. The hand on your chest squeezed, kneading your breast gently.

San pulled back, looking up at you with glossy eyes. “Lay back for me, baby,” he murmured, voice laced with desire. You carefully leaned back until you were lying on your back, San moving to kneel between your thighs.

He took your hands, moving to pin them over your head against the mattress. His lips met your collar, peppering light kisses over your skin, up the side of your neck.

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy taking my time with you,” he whispered in your ear.

He let go of your wrists as he sat up. “Keep your hands there,” he ordered, his own hands moving to undo his pants and belt. You watched as San unzipped his jeans and pushed them down, kicking them off and tossing them off the bed.

Next to go was his tank, joining his jeans in a pile on the floor, leaving him in his underwear and the necklace he always wore. The same one you gifted him many years ago.

He leaned over, kissing your stomach before moving to slide his thumbs under your panties and as slow as possible, pulled them down, sliding them down your thighs before finally discarding them on the floor as well.

You looked up at him as his eyes raked over your body, taking in all the things he’d never seen before. He rested his hands on your knees and pushed your thighs apart, ignoring the blush that crept across your face as you watched him eye up your glistening sex.

You’d only ever been intimate with one man but it wasn’t the one you wanted and now that you had the man you truly wanted to be with here in your apartment, you were going to make the most of it.

“Like what you see?” You whispered, drawing San’s attention. He met your gaze with a smirk. “More than you know,” he admitted, leaning over to kiss you. “I just want to memorize every detail,” he mumbled against your lips.

“Take a picture,” you whispered. San pulled back to give you a shocked look. “You’re serious?” He asked, which you nodded in response to. “Yes,” you answered. “Take a picture of me. Then you can look at it whenever you want to. Remember every detail until we see each other again.”

San groaned before moving to grab his phone from his pants. He quickly unlocked the screen, opened the camera app and snapped several pictures. He set his phone aside and dove back in, pressing kisses to your chest.

“San,” you breathed, your fingers combing through his hair as his lips brushed against the soft skin of your breast. “Hmm?” He hummed in response, looking up to meet your eyes in a soft gaze.

“I want you,” you whispered. He let out a small huff, his hot breath fanning across your skin. “I want you too, baby,” he replied. “I’m just taking my time with you.”

Without giving you a chance to answer, you felt his wet tongue run over your nipple before taking it in his mouth, making you moan loudly. He was gentle but still firm, tongue swirling around the sensitive nub before suckling softly.

Another moan slipped out as you felt his fingers skimming down your stomach and between your thighs. He pressed them against your wetness, groaning against your chest as he pushed one into your waiting hole.

“So fucking wet for me already?”

You whimpered as he carefully curled his finger against your walls before adding a second, pumping them slowly as his tongue continued to swirl around and run over your nipple, fixating his attention.

“S-San,” you whined, thighs trying to clench around his waist but unable to do so. Your walls fluttered around his fingers as he fucked and stretched you open. With the addition of a third finger, your arousal was starting to seep out of your hole, spilling onto your sheets.

“Such a greedy girl,” he murmured, his voice barely louder than the wet squelching of your cunt trying to suck his fingers back in. “Can I record this?” He asked softly. You nodded instantly. “Record whatever you want,” you gasped as he curled his fingers.

San sat back, continuing to pump his fingers in and out of you as he reached over to grab his phone. He opened the camera app and pressed the record, aiming the lens between your thighs as his fingers pistoned in and out of you.

Your slick shined in the flash as he lowered the phone to get a closer shot.

“That’s it baby,” he rasped, looking up from the screen of his phone to your fucked out expression. He moved his phone to get a shot of your face before moving it back to your pussy.

“You gonna cum for me, baby?” He cooed, fingers curling inside against your sweet spot. “Y-yes,” you moaned. “M’gonna cum, Sannie.”

Your thighs trembled as your high approached but just before you toppled over the edge, San stopped, pulling his fingers from your cunt. You whined in protest as he chuckled. Making sure to record, he brought his soaked fingers to your lips.

“Open,” he ordered. You did as he asked, lips parting enough for him to shove all three fingers into your mouth. “Clean them,” he added, keeping the camera on your face as you licked and sucked his fingers clean.

“Good girl,” he cooed, pausing the recording. “Here,” he said, handing the phone to you. “I want you to record me now.”

Your cheeks burned as he kissed your lips and then scooted back to settle between your thighs.

Doing as he asked, you pushed the record button, keeping the camera pointed at him. Once he knew you were recording, San smiled mischievously at the camera as he pushed your thighs apart and leaned in, biting the inside of your thigh and making you squeal.

He let out a breathy chuckle, kissing the same spot.

“San,” you breathed out as you felt him kiss his way up the inside of your thigh, skipping over your sex as he kissed up your stomach and chest, stopping to look up at you from between the valley of your breasts.

“Say it again,” he murmured. “Say my name again. Let me hear who’s making you feel this good, baby.” You moaned in response, hand moving to card your fingers through his hair. “You are,” you whispered.

You felt him huff against your skin. “Louder baby,” he retorted. “I can’t hear you.”

“You are!” You all but shouted. San chuckled against your skin, nuzzling into your sternum. “You’re damn right,” he answered.

His lips kissed down your stomach as he settled between your thighs, shoulders brushing against your skin. “Don’t be shy,” he said softly but just loud enough for you to hear him. “Let everyone know how good I make you feel.”

Your fingers in his hair tightened as you felt his tongue run along your slit, his hands shifting to spread your folds before he dove in, immediately teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue before cautiously sucking on it, making your back arch off the mattress as you fought to keep the camera focused on him.

“So sensitive,” he mused, attacking the bundle of nerves with his tongue with short but quick licks, each time making your thighs shake until you pushed his head down, forcing his tongue back against your clit.

He didn’t seem to mind, alternating between sucking and licking, making your cheeks burn as the sound of his sinful actions filled the room. It was wet and lewd but only the two of you were around to hear it.

You felt his hands move, sliding under your backside between your ass and the sheets as he held you in place, his tongue lapping at your swollen nub. Your hand in his hair moved up your stomach to grab one of your tits, massaging slowly.

“S-San,” you gasped as his tongue moved down, prodding at your entrance. You felt his nose bump against your clit as he toyed with your hole, groaning against you at the taste of your essence. “You taste so fucking good,” he grunted before pulling your clit back between his lips, a lewd slurping sound eminating from him.

“S-San,” you whined, cheeks still burning as heat spread from your stomach and to the other parts of your body. “F-feels so good,” you moaned, your fingers in his hair combing through his dark tresses.

You let out a whimper as you felt two of his fingers circle your wet entrance before pushing teasingly into you shallowly. He flattened his tongue, moving his head as his fingers teased your entrance.

“Please S-Sannie,” you moaned, back arching off your bed, begging him for more.

Without word or warning, San’s fingers breached your walls yet again, sliding in with ease as his tongue continued its assault on your clit. He kept his fingers still for a moment before starting to slowly pump them in and out of your sopping cunt.

Your thighs tried to clench around him but he used his free hand to push one of your thighs away from his head, keeping it pinned to the bed as he ate you out, fingers continuing to gain momentum until they were almost pistoning in and out of you.

A tightness in your lower stomach started, feeling as if an elastic band was being pulled back, tension mounting and ready to snap at any second. “I’m gonna cum,” you moaned. San ceased all movement at once and you whined as he pulled his fingers from your pussy. “San!”

You pushed yourself up to look at him, resting on your elbow as you tried to continue filming. He pulled his head back with a cheeky grin. His chin and lips were coated in your arousal, eyes glazed over and pupils blown wide with lust.

“I was so close,” you whined as he wiped his chin before moving to hover over you, taking you in a searing kiss, tongue pushing past your lips and dancing against yours.

You groaned, tasting yourself of his lips and tongue before he pulled away, bringing his fingers up to your mouth. “Open,” he whispered, watching as your lips parted, taking his fingers in your mouth. “Suck,” he continued, groaning as you cleaned your juices off his fingers.

As quickly as it started, he pulled his fingers from your mouth and pulled you into a passionate kiss, pinning you under him as he fiddled with his underwear.

His lips kissed down your neck to your chest, taking one of your nipples into his mouth again, tongue swirling around the sensitive nub while one of his hands kneaded and massaged your other tit.

You moaned, fingers combing through his hair and his tongue flicked against your pert nipple.

He pulled back, blowing on your wet skin and sending a chill up your spine. His lips were back against your cheek as he made his way to your ear. “I’m gonna fuck you so good you forget there was ever anyone else,” he whispered, grinding his hard cock against your wet cunt.

“Please,” you begged, meeting the grind of his hips. “Please San.”

Letting out a growl, San took the phone from you and set it aside, not even bothering to turn the recording off before he reached between your bodies, taking himself in his hand to give his cock a couple strokes, spreading your wetness along his length before pressing the head of his cock against your entrance.

You reached up, cupping his cheek as he looked up to meet your gaze. “Do it,” you whispered. “I trust you.”

San groaned, pushing into your velvety warm walls. “Ssshiiit,” he hissed, breath fanning over the skin of your neck. “K-keep going,” you gasped, one hand moving to his shoulder, squeezing as he did just that, his cock sliding further into your pussy.

“You feel so fuckin’ good, baby,” San whined, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Your walls clenched around him, drawing another whine from his lips, muffled by your neck. “You too,” you breathed, trying to adjust to the intrusion, your thighs squeezing around his slim waist.

“Please Sannie,” you urged, squeezing his waist with your thighs, one of your heels pushing into the back of his thigh. “Please fuck me.”

San groaned, his throbbing cock twitching in your cunt. “You can’t just say things like that, baby girl,” he mumbled. “And not expect me to go fuckin’ feral on you.”

You opened your mouth to respond but moaned instead when San pulled back quickly before thrusting into you one, twice, three times, setting a steady rhythm. Your hand in his hair moved to the back of his neck as you moved your hand from his shoulder to his bicep, squeezing gently.

“Fuck,” you hissed as he hit you with a hard thrust, testing just how much you could take. “Feels good?” He asked, lifting his head to smirk down at you. “Mhm,” you hummed, thighs tightening around his waist. “So f-fucking good.”

“Say it again. Tell me how good it feels, ” San groaned, hips stuttering as your walls convulsed around his cock again. “F-feels so fucking good, San,” you repeated. “Yeah?” San asked, his voice breathless as he watched your face contorted in pleasure.

“Feels fucking good? You like the way I fuck you?” He asked, his hips pounding harder against yours, the sound of skin slapping filling the room. “You like how I fill you up?” His voice dropped in pitch, a groan threatening to escape as he tried to hold back.

You nodded, whimpering as you felt the head of his length hit the spot that had your toes curling. “You like how my cock feels in your tight little pussy?”

You gasped as San rolled his hips, making you feel every ridge, bump, and vein. “You like that, baby?” He asked breathlessly, brows furrowing in concentration as your walls gripped him tighter, like a warm hug, enticing him to bury himself inside you and never leave again.

“Yes, Sannie,” you whined, your fingers moving back into his hair, trying to find something to hold onto and keep yourself grounded in the moment. You’d always wanted San to take you for his own. You’d been in love with the man since you were teenagers. Even when he didn’t follow the same path as you.

You never stopped loving him. Even when he pushed you away, saying it was for your safety. He didn’t want you to get hurt but when he came back, wanting to spend more time and see you more, you fell even harder.

The corner of your eyes burned with unshed tears as you felt your orgasm approaching. “San,” you gasped. “M'so close.”

San nodded, keeping his eyes fixed on your face. “I know, baby,” he answered, his voice just as breathy as yours. “Me too.”

The roll of his hips switch to a more erratic thrusting, each drag of his cock against your walls pulling moan after moan from you. “Fuck,” he cursed. “Look at me,” he growled. Your eyes opened, blinking away the hot tears that threatened to spill.

You felt San’s hand cup your cheek as he held your gaze. “Tell me you love me,” he blurted out. “Tell me.” Your heart leapt into your throat, pounding just as much as before. “I-“ you hesitated. Of course you loved him, you told him earlier but now it felt so much more intimate.

Your eyes darted between his before it finally slipped out.

“I love you, San.”

He sighed heavily, pulling you into a messy kiss that was mostly tongue before pulling back, ignoring the trail of spit that connected your lips. “Tell me,” he whispered, still thrusting quickly into you, cock ramming your cunt with renewed vigor. “Tell me you’re mine,” he continued.

You moaned, your hand moving to grab his wrist as your orgasm loomed over your head. “I’m yours,” you whimpered. “Only yours.”

San growled, burying his face in your neck as he chased his high, yours already crashing over you like ocean waves. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” San moaned against your skin. “M'gonna cum.”

“Cum inside me,” you gasped, keeping your thighs tight around his waist so he couldn’t pull away. “Fill me up and make me yours completely, San.” San growled into your neck, thrusting a few more times before he came with a groan, hips continuing to fuck you as he relased inside you, filling your cunt with his hot load.

His hips slowed to a stop until he collapsed on top of you. “Holy shit,” he gasped as you combed your fingers through his sweaty hair. San turned his head to look at you, finding you already looking at him with a dazed smile.

“What?” he asked, lifting his head to look at you properly.

“I love you so much,” you murmured, moving your hand to pull his face towards yours, pressing your lips against his forehead. “Yah,” he whined, cheeks turning peach as he tried to hide his face in your neck. “I’m supposed to kiss your forehead,” he mumbled. “Not the other way around.”

You giggled as he pushed himself up to look down at your smiling face.

His eyes darted to the side, noticing the phone with the camera still open, recording the ceiling. “Whoops,” he said, grabbing the device and pressing the stop button. You’d also completely forgotten about the phone until he brought it up.

“Did it record everything?” You asked as he set the device on the nightstand. He nodded, looking back down at you. “Yeah,” he answered softly before he took your lips in a slow, passionate kiss, lips moving softly against each other. “I love you,” he whispered against your lips. “So much.”

You kissed him back, smiling as he leaned into your kiss. You let out a series of giggles as his hands wandered, tickling your sides before shrieking as he rolled onto his back, pulling you on top of him. San groaned as he looked up at you.

“Fuck, I should have made you ride me,” he murmured, hands moving up your sides and around to cup your chest. You leaned over to kiss him again. “We still have a couple hours,” you muttered, lips brushing against his. You felt one of his hands move up to your neck, cupping the side of it.

“Give me a bit to recover first,” he murmured, pressing multiple kisses to your lips.

“Then we can go again. We can go all night if you want to,” he added, looking up into your eyes. You placed your hand over his. “All night?” you asked, sounding hopeful and prompting San to nod in response.

“I’m yours until 400,” he added, noticing how your smile fell a fraction, the same sadness from before reaching your eyes. “And then you’ll be gone,” you whispered. San took your face in his hands. “Not forever,” he whispered, thumb stroking your cheek as tears welled up in your eyes.

“No,” he murmured, kissing you softly. “Please don’t cry, Y/N.”

You tried to hold back your tears, sobs threatening to escape your throat.

“I’ll come back for you,” he added. “I promise.”

You nodded your head as he kissed you again. “You told me you love me,” you whispered. San hummed in response, pulling you against his chest, fingers combing through your hair. “I do,” he replied.

“You promise?”

San nodded, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I promise, baby.”

“And you promise you’ll come back for me?”

San could only curse the universe for the way things worked out. If he had his way, he’d call off the whole resistance and quit it all to be with you but he was too far in. Too deep. He couldn’t do that to his crew who had become like family to him.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he nodded once more.

“I promise,” he answered, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Because you love me?” Your voice was so soft as you slowly started to drift off.

San smiled at you as you eyes fluttered shut, fingers combing through your hair gently. He’d never loved anyone as much as he loved you. It was a bittersweet love. One that was doomed to end with heartbreak.

“Because I love you.”

It was almost a crime to leave your apartment but San knew he had no choice. Even though you looked so peaceful sleeping. Almost like an angel.

He knew he had business to attend to. He had to have the bike back to Outlaw Customs by 400 and it was just after 300. The ride back wasn’t as long but San made sure to savor every moment of it.

That was until his bike started making a weird sound.

He had just pulled into the alley when the sound started so he was able to roll the bike to the garage door and press the buzzer.

After a few moments, no doubt Yunho checking the cameras, the garage door started to open with a mechanical whirring. Yunho greeted his friend before a frown covered his features.

“Why does she sound like that?” Yunho asked as San parked the bike and cut the engine. “That’s a great question,” San answered. “It just started making it as soon as I pulled into the alley.”

Yunho pushed the garage door closing button and walked over, kneeling by the bike to inspect it. “I might need to readjust a few things,” he murmured before standing back up. “She’ll be fine for the job,” he added as San narrowed his eyes at the giant mechanic. “She better be,” San muttered.

Yunho waved his concern away. “Have I ever given you reason to doubt me?” The giant asked to which San shook his head. “Not yet,” he answered, making Yunho swear and playfully swipe at his friend.

“So, did you get everything done?” Yunho asked, not missing the sad smile that crossed San’s features. “Yeah,” the shorter man said. “Yeah I did.”

Yunho paused for a moment before placing a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder. “If you want to talk about it—” San quickly cut him off.

“I’ll be fine,” he said quickly, pulling from Yunho’s reach. “I’ll see you later.”

Yunho nodded as San walked out the door into the main shop, nodding towards the shop owner, Nightowl, as he exited, Yunho not far behind.

“What was that all about?” Nightowl asked, looking over at Yunho who shrugged.

“I have no idea.”

The walk back was shorter than San remembered and soon the old van came into view. Wooyoung was still sitting in the driver’s seat while Cardinal sat in the passenger seat just like when San left.

Wooyoung was playing the same rhythm game on his phone while Cardinal looked through city maps. They both looked just as they had when San left but he picked up on subtle differences. Wooyoung’s hair was a little more wild and Cardinal was missing one of their shirts, left in just a tank top and pants.

San didn’t need to be a genius to know what happened in the back of the van and he begrudgingly opened the back door of the van and climbed in.

The stench of sex hung in the air and San pushed the blankets away from him as he settled down in his usual spot. “Where did you go?” Cardinal asked, peering over the seat to look at San as he removed his leather jacket and hung it on a hook next to him.

“Just out,” he answered quietly as he grabbed his tablet and started fiddling with it, ignoring the looks both Wooyoung and Cardinal threw his way. He missed the way they both exchanged worried looks with one another.

“You alright, San?” Wooyoung asked, glancing back at his friend. San said nothing but nodded.

He continued to tap on the screen while Wooyoung and Cardinal exchanged glances once more.

Part of San wishes he hadn’t come back. That he’d stayed with you in your apartment and forgotten the whole thing. Everything he’d worked for and helped set in motion. He would forget it all if it meant he could have a chance at being happy with you. But it wasn’t possible.

Not in this life.

[cock-holliday]

There is both a wonderful sense of comfort and an enormous amount of frustration in reading theory and historical accounts and going, “oh you dealt with that too?” Bi folks from the 80s talking about being othered by their community. Trans folks in the 90s talking about being othered. S. Bear Bergman wrote “I Know What Butch Is” to clear up (or not) the question of okay what exactly makes someone butch and what is a butch allowed to be in 2006. An argument we still must have apparently in 2024. Leslie Feinberg walked the streets of Boston that I used to, tearing down nazi fliers in the 70s, mentioning locations I tore down fliers in 40+ years later.

In My Granny Made Me An Anarchist, a book written 20+ years ago, Stuart Christie detailed antifash work in trying to disrupt neo-nazi recruitment in the 50s and 60s identical to work I labored over in the 20teens. Members of the Jewish Labour Bund in various countries talked about their isolation for their anti-zionism nearly 100 years ago. Kate Bornstein wrote books almost as old as I am about gender that feel like they were taken from my personal diary.

Alexander Berkman was introduced to liberatory politics through communist theory and then had to reckon with what aspects of the theory were salvageable and what was necessary to be wary of—something I’d explore in my path to anarchism too. Berkman, regardless of his stance on the USSR, was lumped in with “communist spies” and committed to fighting American anti-communism. Watching dissenting Americans be labeled “Russian ops” in the 2020s chills my spine.

Time is a flat circle. I am all the people who came before me, and can find comfort in the shared struggle, and also be immensely pissed to watch history repeat over and over. Still, better to thrash against consensus like my predecessors, because their resistance saved me—maybe my actions can be a hopeful light for those after me.

[werethropy]

INTRODUCTION

NAME;

Louie, Lewis/Lew, Werewolf/Were, Jackson/Jackie/Jack, Dog, or anything else, really.

GENDER;

It's pretty fucked up, but I call myself Genderfluid for simplicity's sake.

PRONOUNS;

They're fluid, but since I'm definitely not going to remember to update this, then literally anything but She/Her.

I'm mixed (Cherokee—none of that "0.1%" shit—and African American), but often regard myself as simply black since that's what I "pass" as + the culture I mostly involve myself in.

I'm a werewolf, among many other things!

I don't regard myself as a Therian or Alterhuman; I much prefer 'Nonhuman'/'Transspecies,' or 'Fictionkin' outside of animalistic identities, but I will interact with those communities since we typically go hand-in-hand.

Leftist, Socialist-Anarchist beliefs, feminist, pro-choice (naturally).

I have been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD, OCD, and other mental health conditions.

I am very much into history, old western stuff, 2000s-2014 web, photography, reading, LPS, Pokemon, the Queer community, Chihuahuas, writing, art, fursuitting, MLP, animals, various music genres (e.g. Country, Folkpunk, Indie), and many other things!

I'm a firm believer in 'do what you want forever and ever' as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

DO NOT INTERACT

Terfs/Radfems

Racists, obviously.

Anti-Kink

Anti-BLM

Pro/Neu-Contact AND/OR Anti-Recovery "3 Big Bad" Paraphiles

Queerphobes

Anti-Xeno/Neos

Radqueers/'Proshippers'

Anti-Furs

Anti-Lesboy*

Anti-He/Him lesbians

And everyone else who can't be a tolerable, educated person.

(* - Excluding cisgender men who ID as ""lesbian""—I mostly mean lesboy in the 'prefer being called a boy' nonbinary way, as well as a mirage of other definitions of lesboy.)