#never satisfied with my body

[youremyonlyhope]

Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

[crownedinmarigolds]

Drawing a small sketchy line-up of my lady OCs and man... I need to vary up my hair-styles/colors. Everyone is a brunette with medium/long hair.

[beastsovrevelation]

Lady Crowley, inspired by Aphrodite of Knidos.

She might as well have been the one who posed for Praxiteles.

[bilbao-song]

okay at last……..jeffrey photos from the other night :-) (september 7th in indianapolis)

WELL what can i say. it still feels a little surreal that this has happened bc i waited soOoOoOoOo long. so long!! like not only since getting tickets but also since 2019 <3 i know i'm the most biased person ever in this regard but if u have the opportunity to go and any degree of interest whatsoever You Just Have To. it was so good (and definitely some fun changes from the previous tour)!! the stage is soooooooooo cool looking and most importantly vocals in particular were REALLY exquisite this time :-)

anyway when i got these seats for some reason they looked way less good and i thought being able to see would be a problem?? like they seemed far back (by floor standards) and were not even freakishly expensive. when we were led to our seats i started freaking out immediately bc i just had no idea.......so THAT was exciting as well. i feel like the pictures make it look further away than it was but omg......it was amazing. anyway 10/10 event overall

[blaiddraws]

So there were some official Submas figurines sold at one point. Guess what? They have muffin tops at their belts. These two men are well fed

yes!!!! one of my favorite details tbh. you don't see that added to character designs very often despite it being. yanno. natural. but yeah.

i also drew another because i felt like it. sneasel bath time

[lemongogo]

j need to get back into life drawing post haste

[archersartcorner]

So Starstruck Odyssey grabbed me by the throat and rocketed it’s way to second place campaign for me (TUC still has first in my heart ❤️) but uhm. Can you tell who my favorite character is. It’s definitely not Skip I promise why would you think that-

[astridthevalkyrie]

levi chuckling softly when he sees you groan contently and put your hands on your stomach, practically a food baby, after feeling completely full from that delicious, yet practically a 3 course meal levi cooked all for you, and which you ate together. whenever you compliment the food he makes you, he feels almost giddy, like he could ascend. he'd also dote and check to make sure you've eaten everything on your plate. seeing you well fed, especially with food made by him, makes him so happy.

He'd be placing a few kisses on your stomach, kinda in love with how satisfied you look, all because of him. He eats with you but he tastes the food off your lips as well. And he never hesitates to ask you if you like it or if you think something can be improved (rather annoyed, you tell him no, he is in fact perfect and nothing can be improved, now can he please teach you this recipe).

Then he just likes to sit with you on the couch with his face dipped into your neck whispering nothings you won't catch him saying any other time of the day.

[drygrasses]

🔇-

[binders-and-beanies]

Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess

[wrecking]

pouring one out to all the fellow trannies who also desperately want to have a pregnancy scare

[teardropsonsmyguitar]

.

[runawaycarouselhorse]

This thread from the CPTSD subreddit about the overabdunance of cheap junk food, but little healthy food (and the weird poverty mindset leading to parents guarding food until it spoils and screaming at anyone who eats [too much] of it or acting like they were planning to eat it, but if you don't eat from it, it gets thrown out) is so illuminating.

[dragoncarrion]

who’s an OC you haven’t shared on here before :0?

ahhhh a bunch 😭 mostly because I have almost nothing on them.... But I'll pick one that is REALLY IMPORTANT yet barely developed. Sad!

So I think in other posts I've mentioned there's a titan beneath the colosseum? Yeah well those are "doomsday" titans, much, MUCH bigger than regular titans, practically country or continent sized. Got a bit inspired by iaconus from cbv as in these were buried a loooong time ago, being akin to gods. These titan's city speakers (and city speakers in general) disappeared, either because they went into hiding, jail, stasis lock or they just were killed sometimes 💀 in fear that they'd try to reawaken these titans. There's some prophecy or whatever of them waking up once again, destroying Cybertron and a whole lot of other planets in a struggle for power, but because of how much time has passed, this had pretty much been completely forgotten, spoken of as myths at MOST. There's around seven of these? And most of them are underneath MASSIVE cities since valuable minerals always surround them, as well as some odd energy that can be used to power up shit yadda yadda. They're technically dormant, but not fully powerless, as their influence can still take hold of feeble minds.

One of these rotten minds is an odd bot. Not quite an outlier, but not a regular mech at all either. Granted the ability to completely shape shift into whatever body he wishes, he goes by many names, but let's call him Armageddon. I'm still figuring out how he stumbled upon (one of. Maybe) the titans, and also WHICH one, but long story short, they promised power and glory. His mind was corrupted; after all, only city speakers can converse with titans. A destroyed world was a promise to start anew (he's just some doomer wacko and insane. think of the cultists from Dredge) with him as everyone's saviour and new chance of course, a loyal servant to the titans. Little by little, he's been looking for clues and pulling strings to awaken the titans and fulfill this prophecy, bringing in other impressionable and easily persuaded bots, always with the same promises: an end to the wretched today, and a chance for a fresh start, a clean slate tomorrow... Of course, there not doing all this thinking by themselves. Many swear they can feel something at the back of their minds, tugging at their thoughts

[blujayonthewing]

do you have any idea how satisfying it is to need ~8ft of rope and for my own wingspan-and-a-half to be just about eight feet fucking exactly

[yeonban]

HEIZOU'S BIRTHDAY GIFTS! (We're pretending I answered on time)

@destinywoven asked: It took a little detective work of his own to discover when Heizou’s birthday fell. Perhaps he would have told Cyno if he’d asked, but that would have ruined the fun. And the surprise.

By pulling more than his fair share of very difficult strings that involved weeks of negotiations, bartering and a little bit of intimidation, Cyno has managed to secure something special; a Matra-approved detective licence. Though he would have to liaise with the Matra (something Cyno would, naturally, see to personally), with this licence in hand, Heizou would be free to conduct and pursue cases in Sumeru whenever he saw fit. This, of course, included permanent access to accommodation whenever he visited the nation, all expenses covered by the General Mahamatra himself.

All that’s left is to deliver the somewhat ambitious gift.

Nervousness is not an emotion Cyno experiences frequently, but he feels the stirrings of it now as he stands stiffly at the edge of the dock overlooking the newly arrived ship from Inazuma, his gift hidden away in an envelope behind his back. For a brief moment, Cyno contemplates stuffing the envelope back into his satchel and pretending nothing had happened. What if it’s too much? Too presumptuous? Is he overstepping a line that should not be crossed? All those questions and more swirl inside his head, but are soon silenced as he spots Heizou jogging down the gangplank.

Just the sight of him is enough to quell the restless storm within him; he’ll follow through with his plan, no matter the consequences. His decision made, Cyno relaxes his shoulders, lips curling into a small smile as he takes a short step towards his partner. 

“ Aboat time you washed into shore, ” He delivers the poor pun (he’s saving his best for later) with a straight face, drawing his arm from behind his back to hold out the envelope to Heizou. “ For you. Happy birthday. ”

The journey from Inazuma to Sumeru remains surreal to someone as unused to the sight of the ocean entirely encompassing his surroundings as Heizou is even after the dozenth time partaking in it - the endless blue offering him a sense of peace (there are no constraints in the middle of nowhere, no fatal dangers, no murderous creatures, no whimsical lightning strikes to be cautious of) but there is also far too much idle time on his hands to spend within the confines of his mind, faced with naught but the low murmur of the passing waves and the widespread freedom to think of anything and everything without worry of interruption.

Typically, the silence aids in Heizou's endeavors of planning the key points of his trip or cracking ancient yet unsolved cases as a side hobby, but today the silence feels beyond lonely, suffocating rather, as though the detective has found himself underneath the waves rather than above them. It's a common occurrence for his mood to drop as soon as his birthday rolls around, particularly so when he cannot find relief in hiding behind orchestrated distractions to pass the time until his birthday is no more, and a part of him wonders whether it'd have been for the better to schedule this trip for another time, or whether it'd have been simpler on him to extend an offer to someone to join him on the trip.

A hollow laugh escapes at the idea, one hand reaching to touch the stanchion while the redhead gazes towards the horizon. Neither could've worked, for Sara has granted him time off with his special day in mind (an awfully sensible thing of her to do, and frankly Heizou isn't sure how to feel about it) and there isn't anyone he wishes to bother with a request as inane as "spend some time with me" when everyone he knows is leading busy lives that could do without his extra interference. Kazuha isn't there anyway, and Shinobu is busy with interviews... nevermind his family. When was the last time he has even seen any of them, other than his cousin? When was the last time they had even cared to spend his birthday with him, or to gift him anything that wasn't meant for his future as the dojo's owner?

A fleeting pang of his heart ensues at the rather pathetic realization (there is no one else he can deem a friend in the land he's lived all his life, nor do his blood ties care about his existence beyond their own reputation), but an abrupt & rough inhale of air followed by a longwinded exhale (a tested & tried method) breaks the detective out of the depressive slope he may have otherwise found himself sliding down on, and Heizou attempts to refocus his attention onto something better suited for his precious time than brooding. That isn't like him, after all (he never allows it to be).

Although with far more effort than usually required, the hours-long voyage ends without a hitch. Little progress has been made in any of the cases he's tried to piece together along the way, and his mental state hasn't quite recovered from what it has been like ever since the day has started, but resiliently as ever, Heizou finds himself determined to banish the lows and concentrate on the highs as the brief turbulence heralds the ship's arrival in Sumeru. The fact alone seems to brighten the detective's spirits by a smidgen, both as a promise to soon meet with his dear friend, and as a welcoming of distractions sure to come in the shape of the city's hustle and bustle.

Perhaps the sudden wave of excitement at the prospect is what brings some spring to Heizou's steps, but he grows slightly more energized than he'd been until that point, vibrantly making his way onto the docks. It certainly helps that an overly familiar head of white hair also pops into view as soon as he glances in Sumeru's direction, and Heizou cannot help the fond chuckle that escapes him at both at the sight itself and at the very much expected pun that greets him. He's heard better ones before, but Cyno's expressionless way of uttering every joke never fails to bring a smile onto his face, nor does the other's mere presence ever fail to uplift his mood.

It's such a simple thing, and yet Heizou already feels much better than he has all day. ❛ I was wondering what joke you'd be starting today off with. If only my friends from back home knew I have the privilege of hearing puns like these every time I visit Sumeru, they'd be envious for shore. ❜ A warmer smile stretches on his features after replying in kind (a habit he may well fall into in Inazuma too if left unchecked) and for a moment Heizou contemplates opening his mouth again, to either talk about his trip or to inquire about where his accommodations are this time around, or perhaps even to invite Cyno for lunch.

However, the unexpected birthday wish that leaves Cyno's mouth next knocks the air out of Heizou's lungs, his cheerful persona breaking apart for a fleeting moment while his smile subconsciously wavers and his eyes widen in response. There are many emotions swirling through him all at once (shock, confusion, disbelief), plenty of which must have made their way onto the surface as well, and even though verdants manage to glance down at the gift and understand that he isn't imagining it, the redhead remains at a loss (for words, and for what to think of any of this). ❛ ......You... ❜ -knew? ❛ I... ❜ -don't believe I've ever told you when my birthday is.

The lack of cohesion in any of his attempts to speak prompts Heizou to not speak at all, the temporary silence growing fairly awkward while he works on gluing himself back together into a more presentable self. It's with great effort that he manages to smile brightly again (although this time around it tethers on the falser side than the genuine one he'd worn before), brushing off his initial reaction to the gift as simply being shocked by the surprise rather than owning a deep distaste for his birthday & a heavy unfamiliarity to being thought of in such a manner.

How is he meant to readily accept this as reality when no one else has ever put nearly as much effort into celebrating his birthday in all the years he can remember? ❛ You sure know how to leave a man speechless, Cyno. ❜ A laugh, practiced enough to not sound as broken as he feels, and Heizou gracefully extends a hand to welcome and accept the gift. ❛ Do you mind if I open it now, or should I leave it for later? ❜ His tone is upbeat, a stark contrast to the brief accident from moments prior.

Ever so slowly, curiosity peeks its way onto the fray, driving the detective to want to know what gift the other could've spent his resources on with him in mind - though truth be told, Heizou considers himself unable to be disappointed even if nothing but a single coupon lies inside the envelope (the thought alone... the endeavor of finding out when his birthday is in spite of his never mentioning it... the act of gifting him something, anything - that is more than enough for him to forever be grateful to Cyno for).

Heizou's gaze is attentive to every detail on Cyno's face as he waits for an affirmation or a denial to his subtle request (not wishing to impose - especially not now after forcing his friend to watch the sorry sight that constituted his initial reaction to a gift even existing in the first place) and only once he receives the okay for it does he deftly open the envelope, eyes carefully reading the words written on the license he finds inside.

For a second time, Heizou's eyes widen as he forgos the act of breathing entirely, certain that he must be reading something wrong, or failing to pick up on something between the lines. More conscientiously than before, he blinks and rereads it from the top to the bottom, diligently making sure not to gloss over a single word - and yet the result is the same as it had been the first time. The "detective license" words seem to stare back at him alongside the nation the license has been issued by & for, and this is one of the few times in his life that Heizou can attest to an out of body sensation (the first one ever when the occasion that prompted it is happy rather than tragic). "Shikanoin Heizou"... a detective license meant for him, in a nation that he has done little to deserve something this grand? Not to mention how hard it is to obtain one even after proving one's worth---

Inhaling just enough air to keep his body from ceasing to function, Heizou's gaze lifts to stare into Cyno's eyes in a silent query, a plea to tell him now if he's misunderstanding something or interpreting this poorly, but no such negative answer comes, and the reality of it all suddenly hits Heizou akin to a wave hitting a capsizing ship in a stormy night. But this is no stormy night, it's the brightest day he can recall on ever having; and this is no drowning feeling as much as it is the feeling of finally breathing again after having previously been submerged. He opens his mouth to say something - a thank you to express his gratitude, a question from the myriad that are circling in his mind, an anything that might escape him in reply really, but a salty taste finds itself on his tongue, and only after glancing down at the odd drop of water on the license does Heizou realize he's crying.

A low gasp accompanies his realization and the redhead has half a mind to wipe his tears on the back of his hand and try to regain his composure before thanking & reassuring Cyno that these are happy tears rather than sad ones, but instead he glances at his friend again, and the worried expression he's met with only warms his heart further, softening and making it beat even faster than before (to think that Cyno is worrying about him now... even though he's been nothing but a rude mess in the face of a heartfelt gift the other must've been through hellish trials to obtain... it feels almost wrong of him to be as happy about it as he is).

Perhaps he should follow his usual, trusty logic, but the overflow of emotions has even Teyvat's best detective beat - and Heizou can't stop himself from almost jumping into Cyno's arms, tightly embracing him in an attempt to convey how he feels in a way that words could never manage. ❛ Thank you, Cyno... really... I love it. ❜ Is all he manages to shakily let out against Cyno's skin amid the tears (and he'll have to apologize for those too, once he'll catch his breath) but the soft giggle that follows and the grip he has on the other (which spares not even the air that could've separated their bodies) speak enough about Heizou's mood on their own that they'll hopefully ease the anxious tension his friend must feel by even a bit.

The port is generally busy enough to not warrant just anyone a glance, but this particular sight might be an exception to the unspoken rule - after all, when would anyone ever be able to say they've seen someone (a foreigner, no less) happily embracing the General Mahamatra himself, and being met with no punishment for it, ever again? For once, though, Heizou doesn't care to pay potential bystanders any mind, instead focusing every bit of his attention onto the calming scent of Cyno's hair and the coming to terms he has to do with his newfound circumstances.

❛ You really outdid yourself... ❜ A soft whisper, only for the two of them to hear, much like the rest of Heizou's words. ❛ How did you know it's my birthday today...? And how- how did you manage to issue a detective license for me? I know what I went through to get one back in Inazuma, and that's the place I was born... so I know it couldn't have been easy for you to obtain it... ❜ An acknowledgement Cyno most definitely deserves for everything he's done, and although Heizou has managed to somewhat comprehend this situation, he still cannot believe anyone would go this far for him (of their own volition too).

And for his birthday no less, the one day that has given him more anxiety over the years than even the worst of the cases he's worked on. What a deeply ironic thing, to watch the day he's disliked the most now prove to also be his happiest... His heart steadily tempers as he slightly shifts his head to rest his cheek on Cyno's shoulder, making no move to put distance between them (though allowing Cyno to easily do so if desired), and Heizou glances up at the other with a small, authentic smile, awaiting an answer while remaining partly deep in his own thoughts.

Come to think of it... this is the first honest gift he's received that has even a smidgen to do with his own interests rather than the giver's... isn't it?