#nevidimochka

[sammyblep]

i'd love to hear your thoughts on sam too!

thank youuuuu also sorry in advance this is gonna get so long--

(edit: also sorry about the formatting tumblr said fuck this post in particular)

How I feel about this character

sam is one of my most favorite characters of all time. the first time i watched spn i was an unapologetic dean girl (gnt) but now i am FULL sam girl (gnt.) This is a character who is told that the world is a dark and dangerous place and that no matter how hard he tries he’s going to become one of the monsters that inhabits it and makes it worse. he’s raised on the leash held by his father and in the shadow of his brother (a shadow that protected him) and he just wants to be able to love them both but they won’t let him. he wants to be able to love and nothing will let him!!! He wants to be able to experience the world in a way that isn’t blood and gunsmoke and pain and he just wants so desperately that he’s willing to rip himself away from what little he’s known to do it.

and the thing is, the world proves him right! he IS a monster. he lets the devil free, the people he loves die endlessly, he chooses a demon over his brother, he allows himself to become demonic for the sake of revenge, because that endless love he has was twisted against the world he wanted to love and used to wound it. and the fact is - it WAS his decision. it’s a decision he has to live with forever and deal with the consquences of. the world proves him right - zachariah’s voicemail, dean telling him to pick a hemisphere, the angels using dean to warn him off his demon blood path, the murder of an innocent woman to kill lilith (cindy I think) - those are all monstrous things.

and sam, after all that - when he realizes what his love has been used for, the hurt and irreversible damage its caused, he takes it back for himself. he realizes he was wrong, and he - the boy who wanted nothing more than to love the world and be loved by it in return - offers up his love to that same dark horrible world that he ruined further. and he does it with no expectations, just determination to make it right. that love overpowers the devil and destiny and the writing of god himself. the same way cas’s love for dean overwrote chuck’s writings in 4x22, sam’s endless love and belief that the world is worth fighting for averts the apocalypse.

this is a man who ruined the world, and willingly; and this is a man who saw what he did and ruined himself, wilingly, endlessly, because he believed in fixing his mistakes. because he believed there was still love and good in the world that tried to kill him over and over. because sam winchester wants nothing but to be free to love anything and everything, and to have even a sliver of that love returned to him.

basically: i love him. i love him so much. sam winchester THE character of all time for me. (him and ned chicane and merle highchurch but that’s another thing-)

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Eileen the love of my life Eileen Leahy!!! She’s badass and understanding and CHOSE to love Sam, and that’s truly what he needed and wanted more than anything else. She’s just - KAJDFNSKAJF i love eileen so so SO much and I think she and her wife Sam Leahy are head over heels in love. They love learning from each other and teaching each other and defending each other with the full knowledge that they can cover their own ass totally fine but that’s not the point the point is that they want to show their love and in their lifestyle this is a good way to do so. I think Sam is absolutely utterly disgustingly in love with Eileen and they want to constantly make that clear to the world and I think Eileen is completely wholly sickeningly in love with Sam and wants to make that clear to Sam. I think they’re neat and I think they’re perfect and I think they’re in love and I love them

Rowena - I haven’t seen a single episode with Rowena but i adore her energy and I think Sam being a sucker for the 600-yr-old queen of hell Rowena MacLeod is INCREDIBLE. Sam sees an incredibly powerful woman with knowledge and experiences beyond his understanding and says ‘is anyone gonna fall in love with her’ and doesn’t wait for an answer.

Gabriel! From the first time I saw Tall Tales I crackshipped him and sam, fun fact. I think there’s a LOT of complexity and nuance to any potential relationship of theirs (which is further complicated by any potential s-13 sabriel bait you wanna incorporate into your own personal good version (i haven’t seen it yet but love and light to y’all)) but I ALSO think too many people lose Gabriel’s characterization in order to make him palatable to Sam. And like no that’s not the point the POINT is they’re enemies-with-instant-tension to lovers! This is the ‘hedonist meets repressed man and they are instantly attracted but also hate each other and have to navigate that’ dynamic that I so rarely see done properly. However the MOST important part of Sabriel for me (as with any ship) is that it’s fun and DOES have a lot of cute potential. (Hedonistic-hugger Gabriel with touchstarved Sam my BELOVED)

Also Sabrieleena is fantastic I am a poly truther for a lot of things

Sarah Blake my first gay crush Sarah Blake... she deserved better and also she and Sam would have been a fantastic wlw relationship

I’m sure there’s more but I’ve forgotten them because it’s been ages since I saw past s5 and I frankly don’t remember much after the beginning of s6!

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I think he and Cas should have been best friends more. Also I *DO* wish we’d gotten a better Sam&Crowley dynamic but alas j*rpad couldn’t step up to the plate :/// fuckin coward

My unpopular opinion about this character

I’m both a Tall!Sam truther and a Tiny!Sam truther... I don’t think either of these concepts are unpopular but idk anyone else who loves them both like i do. Then again I also don’t know many people in spndom sfkjnjkfjaks

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

WE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN TO SEE SAM HAVING A HORRIBLE BREAKDOWN AT SOME POINT. I HAVE OPINIONS ON WHEN AND WHERE BUT THIS MAN MADE OF LOVE FEELS EMOTIONAL PAIN SO HARD AND WHEN THE LOVE HE’S FILLED WITH IS TURNED AGAINST HIM I SIMPLY THINK HE WOULD HAVE LOST IT.

this is technically not him butttt I wish Max Miller had lived so he and Sam could have been best friends (I have s1e14 Nightmare derangement syndrome)

ok i know this said ONE thing but also like you said and like i said in the tags of your response for sam. HE SHOULD HAVE KEPT HIS POWERS.

(send me a character and I’ll break their asses down)

[synesindri]

call me gabriel loki

[novakiart]

@nevidimochka 💋 mwah

[jumptheshark]

i was tagged by @saint-raphael and @nevidimochka thanks guys!! 💖💕💗

rules: write the latest line from your wip and tag as many people as there are words

my writing is literally so embarrassing but okay

“Do you know how annoying it would’ve been if we had to go running around purgatory looking for you?” His scolding loses its effect when it’s mumbled into Ghoul’s shoulder, but Adam doesn’t care.

the context is that ghoul was attacked by hunters and was too stubborn to call michael for help until he was badly injured lol

[fandom-space-princess]

tagged by the lovely @sinaesthete 🥰

fair warning, I am terrible at picking just one favorite of anything. why limit yourself, you know?

Fave food: fesenjan - preferably with lamb, and fresh pomegranates. kroketten (Dutch, not German) - any kind, but savory ones are the best. mofongo con camarones. pho.

Fave color: red. any shade really, but I'm especially fond of the brick through wine section of the spectrum.

Favorite singer/band: how the heck does anyone answer this question? um. St. Vincent or Dessa for things with words. Andrew Bird or Darren Korb for things without words. I do have a favorite song though: Dream a Little Dream of Me (the Ella & Louis version). what can I say, I am Soft and it makes me smile.

Dream place to live: for the purposes of staying in the US, I'm living in it. the bit of Washington between Seattle and the Canadian border: mountains in one direction, islands in the other. paradise. if i were to leave the country, though? I dunno. so much world to see.

Dream goal in life: write something that gives someone besides me joy. even if all I ever write is fanfiction that somebody reads once and then remembers fondly from time to time, that's enough. I want - intend - to write something more lasting than that. but the basic idea is the same.

Fave crystal: lapis lazuli

Dream collab: I spend so much time thinking about what it would be like to smash my favorite authors together and make them write a book. what would you get if you combined NK Jemisin and China Mieville? Ray Bradbury and Ursula Le Guin? Samuel Delany and Robert Heinlein? probably something weird. probably something great.

Dream date: I normally don't so much 'date' as 'add people to my adventuring party like we're in an RPG' 😆 still. if I had to choose an activity, I like being outside? it's always nice when someone is willing to hang out on a mountain with me and commune with the trees.

Current aesthetic: cryptid under the stairs, but with the essential disposition of a golden retriever. weird as heck, dubious taste, but very friendly.

tagging (draws names from hat) @beesreadbooks @largecheekbones @artzea @nevidimochka and anybody who wants to, you're tagged in my heart - no pressure as always ☺️

[michael-simps-for-adam]

Midam Navigation

Fanfic Ideas

Midam Cage Fic + College AU ~ Source: nevidimochka

Prompt for Midam Raiding Area 51 ~ Source: adammilligan

Headcanons

🦚 Michael ~ Source: Midam Discord ♧

Theories

Adam sung for Michael in the cage + Midam canonically had sex in the cage ~ Source: michael-simps-for-adam ♧

Ghoul Adam vs. Adam Analysis ~ Source: adammilligan

Shitposts

Joining Midam after season 15 ~ Source: michael-simps-for-adam ♧

Fanworks

Jake in Quarantine + Darkside Midam ~ Source: Jake Abel

Canon Content | Jake Abel Cameos

"You're hell of a guy." Adam blip scene ~ Source: Jake Abel

Adam gently chastising Michael + kicked puppy look ~ Source: Jake Abel

[nevidimochka]

url change: tzarkastic --> nevidimochka

[novakiart]

dean 👀

@nevidimochka look ik what you came here for but we've gotta work up to the dating sim

How I feel about this character

my boy got to play the role of mommy for 18+ years and hides the resulting shrapnel of daddy issues and older sister syndrome behind bravado and leather and guns and the façade of a self-diagnosed grunt because that helps him swallow the trauma and sleep at night. and i just think his arc should have been getting past that, your honour

All the people I ship romantically with this character

i don’t use the tag #dean's-life-is-a-dating-sim-and-he's-the-main-character lightly, babes. destiel is a hot commodity, sure, but where’s the dean/benny? the drowley, if you will? the dean/death? should i go on? dean/cassie, dean/cain, dean/aaron, dean/that-lady-who-tore-off-his-shirt-and-manhandled-him-down-onto-the-bed-and-he-was-So-Into-It (but only for that one scene), dean/henriksen, dean/pamela, dean/abaddon if ur freaky. like. should i go on?????????? 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

dean/tessa. granted it’s not an entirely balanced relationship because dean seems to think she’s his therapist and also he’s fucking her boss but they have a really interesting dynamic and she brings out a very genuine side of him. and a reaper probably could use a friend, too. they don’t come across many repeat faces given the whole life & death thing.

also dean/charlie for obvious reasons. lgbt geeks with mom trauma??? come onnnnnnn

My unpopular opinion about this character

dabb era dean dni 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

i think we’re all in agreement here that this dude should have gotten out of hunting as much as possible, gotten therapy, and settled down somewhere with any iteration of the love of his life

[novakiart]

this is mostly @nevidimochka ’s fault for showing me that godawful garfield shirt today........anyway they probably have a solid collection between the two of them

[synesindri]

i was tagged by @ophanir — thank you!!

Rules: Write the latest line(s) from your WIP and tag as many people as there are words in the (last) line. Make a new post, don’t reblog.

Cas still shows up once in a while, but only when Dean is alone. Which is to say, not often. He never says much, gives terse reports about what’s happening far away, but none of it is very interesting; Dean could put most of what Cas talks about together on his own. It’s good to see him when he does visit; nice to know Cas hasn’t abandoned him, if nothing else — but it is nothing else, and superficial security has never been worth much to Dean. 

Sometimes he asks questions before Cas bails (always too soon and too suddenly, like he’s afraid of getting caught, though Dean’s not sure by who). Things like, Michael hasn’t sent anyone around to bother him lately, does Cas know anything about that? No, Cas responds: he’s been keeping his distance from anyone closely affiliated with Michael, so he is unaware of the archangel’s current plans. 

Okay, well, the activity they’ve been coming across is mostly demon-related rather than anything more exotic; does Cas know where Lucifer is? Lucifer has been quiet, is all Cas will say. 

What’s wrong with Sam? Dean wants to ask, but he never does. Cas would know better than to answer that. 

bit more than just a line here but you know...oh well

ok, ok. ignore this if you don’t have any wips or just don’t feel like doing it: @uv-duv @woahthisguy @brothersposting @nevidimochka @malglories @chelsfic@sookar @notquiteinsane 

[sammyblep]

FOR THE ASK GAME: sam obviously :’)

First impression ok so it's been AGES since i first watched spn so I'll give you my first impression from my current rewatch which is Oh My God The Universe Hates This Man

Impression now OH MY GOD THE UNIVERSE HATES THIS MAN. SOMEONE GIVE HIM A HUG HE NEEDS A GODDAMN HUG-

Favorite moment Literally any bitchy!Sam moment. Bitchy possessed Sam in Asylum. Bitchy soulless!Sam. Bitchy to Lucifer or a Horseman or God or his brother. I just love it so much

Idea for a story Soooo many actually hang on lemme go look up my list - here we go - I have baby magda au, which I've already talked about some; it focuses on Sam rediscovering his psychic powers and healing from his trauma while also learning how to be a parent for a toddler who's seen horrors no one should know exist. I have nonverbal au, which is Sam slowly going nonverbal post-Cage, culminating with him being fully nonverbal when Gadreel takes over (meaning, since Gadreel is always talking out of Sam anyways, Dean and Cas and co. don't know Sam's been nonverbal for ages until Crowley helps him kick Gadreel out.) Casifer kiss, which jess lc inspired. Honey!Cas developed a reputation for kissing friends and people he liked full on the mouth. Casifer takes advantage of that and kisses Sam a lot. No one knows at first that it's Lucifer doing this and not Cas. I've got the Avatar/bending AU, which I've rambled about in discord a lot, but it's basically Lucifer stole the Avatar powers and used them to manipulate Sam, who then years later uses them to protect Jack. Possessed-again Sam, which is a worse version of Casifer kiss. In this one, Casifer comes up to Sam and asks, "can I?" as if he's going in for a kiss. And Sam goes "yeah, sure" and the next thing he knows Lucifer is possessing him. JESSIFER MY BEST FRIEND JESSIFER - where from the very beginning, all the way back in s1, Lucifer was using Jess's image to reach out to and manipulate Sam, and when he was freed from the Cage, he stole Jess's body and soul from Heaven, promising she could tell Sam she loves him if he can use her as his vessel. Largely inspired by @nevidimochka's art! And lastly (for now at least) there's ghost!Sam, which is that Gadreel comes to possess Sam's body post-trials, but Sam's soul's hold on the body is too tenuous and he just... slips away. But no reaper will come and take him; they don't bother taking any Winchester anywhere anymore, actually, because they just come back anyways. So Sam is forced to haunt Dean and Cas and his own possessed body that he's tied to, unable to leave.

Unpopular opinion This man would not know how to be a good father at first!! He does not have the parenting instinct/experience the way Dean has!! I think he'd learn to be a fantastic parent but it would be an extreme learning curve for him (which is why I love baby Magda au so much because it's that exactly!!)

Favorite relationship God I'm a sucker for so many friendships and relationships... Sam and Jo as besties is a fave, and I'm a sucker for Sabriel and Saileen and my fave ot4 Sabrieleena, and Sam and Cas being genderweird best friends is SUCH a mood... probably if I had to choose only one I'd choose Sam and Magda, mother and daughter

Favorite headcanon oh god i have to pick ONE? O N E???? uh. uhhhhhhh. I'm a transfemme Sammy truther, but that's common... hm. I mean we don't have his canon major at Stanford, just that he was pre-law, but I love the idea of religious history/philosophy double major Sam and that's my personal take on it!

(send me a character and I'll tell you some stuff)

[synesindri]

Tagged by @fuckindiva — thank you doll 💖

Last song: “deeper well,” cover by the wailin’ jennys...my beloved...oof

Last film: i haven’t watched a movie in months; i don’t remember :/

Currently reading: the book of genesis ngl

Currently watching: all of CJ the X’s videos on youtube (and the falcon and the winter soldier specifically because of the pageantry of villainy — i have many thoughts about zemo vs walker in how they handle self-awareness and the performative aspects of their characterization...i could write an essay probably but i shan’t)

Currently craving: the return of my self-confidence from a week ago...where has it gone 

tagging @woahthisguy @oleander4 @nevidimochka @malglories @thelovelygods @uv-duv if you would like to, and anybody else who wants to give a little check in (@ me and say i tagged you if you do; i’m always curious what y’all are up to)

[novakiart]

@nevidimochka i wait with bated breath

[synesindri]

I was tagged by the lovely @oleander4 — thank you!! 💖

Five things tag game

Five things you’d find in my bag:

headphones

wallet

nail tools 

uhhhh laptop?

some pen that i don’t like because my nice ones are at home again haaa oops (this is so boring lmao i don’t carry much stuff around with me...)

Five things you find in my room: 

moss ball in a small tank of water

extremely way-too-high-quality mattress given to me by my ex who got a better one (it is so good i love it)

jar of teeth (mostly mine)

plush elephant from my infancy

a concerning number of rosaries

Five of my favourite things:

dreary weather

the feeling of knowing that i’m experiencing something i’m unlikely ever to experience again

hyperfocus (flow state...transcendence...ecstasy...temporary sense of purpose...you know the one lol)

laughing really hard while being up/out too late with someone and you’re like juuust on the fun side of mania

getting to stay in bed and not do anything all day if i want

Five of my habits:

i typically repaint my nails once a week

i bite my lower lip too much

i rock back and forth in my seat when i’m chillin like it’s my idle animation

i use the word “buddy” like. constantly

i adjust my facial and scalp muscles meticulously to make my eyebrows look right

Five things about my personality traits I like:

curious (i just want to Know 👀🔍, y’know? lol)

adaptable

good sense of my own needs and limits

generally not judgmental

creative

Five things I want for this year:

ohh i’m not good at this question, i cannot answer 

tagging @malglories @tsar-devitsa @fuckindiva @uv-duv @woahthisguy @weirdbitterdays @nevidimochka if you’d like, and anybody else who wants to do this!