#no jessie i cried earlier but it was in the bathroom

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Coworker: Austyn are you okay? I thought you were crying."

Me: I am the happiest I've been in days, I am actively smiling, my phone is just in my lap which is why my head is down. I swear I'm not always sad

[sequinsmile-x]

Promises

They've been called away on a case just before Halloween, and Emily just hopes they get back home in time so she can see the costume her daughter has kept secret from her for weeks.

-x-

Hi friends,

Happy Halloween!

As promised here is your final Halloween themed fic from me this year. It is soft and sweet and will rot your teeth just like Halloween candy!!

I really hope you like this, please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: Pregnancy

Words: 2.6k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily groans as she settles down on the seat next to her husband, her head thudding dully on the headrest. They were the first to the jet and were waiting for the others to arrive so Penelope could brief them all at once, a case in Montana pulling them all from their comfortable beds too early on a cold October morning. 

“You ok, sweetheart?” Aaron asks, looking up at her from his paperwork.

“Yeah,” she huffs out, sounding anything but as she crosses her arms over her chest, “It’s just if we don’t get this case solved in the next couple of days we’ll miss Halloween,” she says, smiling sadly as she looks up at him and shrugs, “It’s the first year Violet really understands it all. It sucks.” 

The four-year-old had been talking about Halloween for weeks. Excited about her costume that she refused to tell Emily anything about, claiming it was a surprise that she’d only let Aaron and Jessica in on. For once her husband stood strong in keeping this from her, something he’d not achieved when he proposed or in the lead-up to her ‘surprise’ birthday party just a few weeks ago. Whenever she tried to get it out of him, only half serious herself because she knew how important it was to her little girl that she was surprised on the day, he’d simply smile and kiss her cheek, whispering against her skin that she’d find out soon. 

He sighs sympathetically and wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer, “I know, baby,” he says, turning his head to kiss her temple, “Hopefully we’ll make it back in time and keep our promise, but Jess said she’d take plenty of photos if we don’t.”

Jessica was as much of an aunt to Violet as she was to Jack from the very start. She was totally bowled over by the little girl just as everyone who had ever met her was, and Violet loved her Aunt Jessie, a wide smile on her face whenever she found out she’d be spending time with her. It made Emily feel better, any guilt she felt about leaving her daughter when she went to work was slightly eased by the fact she was with someone who loved her and someone she loved in return. 

Emily hums as she leans into his side, “I know, it just…” she drifts off and blows out a breath.

“It sucks,” he finishes for her, repeating her earlier words, mirroring her smile when it breaks across her face. He leans in to kiss her, stamping his lips against hers before he pulls back to look at her and places his palm on her still flat belly, “How are you feeling?” 

She was only 10 weeks along, and the joy she’d felt when the pregnancy test came back positive hadn’t faded at all. They’d struggled to get pregnant this time around, something that had happened quickly with Violet taking time Emily was worried they didn’t have, the sound of her biological clock getting louder with every month that passed. When it finally happened, two bright pink lines staring up at her, she didn’t quite believe it and she’d cried so loudly Aaron had heard her through the closed bathroom door. 

No one else knew apart from the kids who they had only just told. At first, they’d wanted to keep it just between the two of them, but the morning sickness had come on quickly. Unrelenting as just about everything upset her stomach, forcing them to tell Jack and Violet they were going to have a sibling so they were no longer worried about her mother being sick all the time. Violet didn’t understand much beyond the fact she was having a brother or sister, something she was excited about, but Emily expected a lot of her excitement came from being part of the secret just between the four of them. 

She groans, “I feel like shit,” she grumbles, “I don’t remember it being this bad with Vi.” 

He hums, “Well, you are a few years-”

He’s cut off as she covers his mouth with her hand, her eyebrow raised as she looks at him, “If you call me old in any way you’re never having sex again.” 

Aaron clears his throat, stopping himself from saying that she’d never stick to that threat, that she always wanted him as much as he wanted her because he knows it’s not a good idea. Instead, he kisses her palm and then removes her hand from his face. 

“Would you like me to go make you some peppermint tea?” He asks, hiding a small smile as he kisses her knuckles, “I put the teabags you like in my go-bag.”

She smiles and hums, “You’re lucky you’re cute.” 

He kisses her before he stands up, shuffling past her as she puts her legs out in the aisle to give him room, not sure her stomach could handle standing up.

“Don’t call me cute,” he says as he disappears behind the curtain separating the main section of the jet from the kitchenette. 

Her retort is interrupted as Derek steps onto the jet, his face screwed up in mock disgust as he replies, “Please don’t call him cute,” he says, slumping into the seat opposite Emily, “Especially before I’ve had my coffee.” 

Emily chuckles, “I’d apologise, but we both know I wouldn’t mean it.” 

He shakes his head at her, “What did I interrupt anyway?” 

She presses her lips together to stop her smile from spreading, her hand on her stomach obscured by the table between them. She was excited to tell her friends, the people she considered her family, but she also still wanted to keep it a secret for a couple more weeks. She raises her eyebrow at him, and her eyes sparkle with mischief. 

“Are you sure you want to know?” She asks suggestively, laughing when he shivers and stands up, shaking his head at her.

“I don’t know why I asked,” he grumbles as he disappears behind the curtain too, leaving Emily alone for a moment.

She laughs to herself and rubs her belly again before letting her hand fall to her lap. Her phone vibrates in her pocket and she pulls it out, smiling when she sees she has a text message from Jessica. She opens it and feels a surge of love rush through her, chased by guilt that snaps at her heels. 

The message is a picture of Jack and Violet, their arms wrapped around each other, still wearing the fall-themed pjyamas she’d sent them to bed in the night before. Jessica had captioned the picture, making it the first of what Emily knew would be countless updates over the next couple of days until they made it home. 

Missing you already, Mommy! 

She blows out a breath as she types out a response and puts her phone down, desperate for the others to arrive, for the jet to leave. The sooner they left the sooner they’d get home, and the more likely they would be home in time for Halloween. 

___

They make it. 

It feels like nothing short of a miracle, a feeling more well-placed for Christmas than Halloween, when they walk through their front door just before when they are due to go trick-or-treating. Jack runs straight at them the moment they step into the house, the large pumpkin costume he’d insisted on not impeding him at all. 

“Mom, Dad, you’re home!” He says, running and attempting to throw his arms around Aaron, but is stopped by his inflatable costume. 

“Look at you, buddy,” Aaron says, ruffling his son’s hair, “You look amazing.”

“I want to wear it all the time!” He says enthusiastically, his eyes wide with excitement and Emily chuckles, cupping his chin and wiping some chocolate from his face. 

“We’ll see if you feel the same way when it comes to going to the bathroom, sweetie,” she says, smiling when she looks down to see his feet are still bare, “Or putting your shoes on, why don’t you go give it a go so we can head out soon?” 

Jack nods, already turning and running back towards the stairs, his arms balancing on his costume as he goes. 

“Call for us if you need any help,” Aaron yells after him, shaking his head lovingly when the only response he gets is a wave of Jack’s hand. He crosses Jessica on the stairs who smiles at them when she makes it to the ground floor. 

“I am so pleased you made it back in time,” she says, walking over and pulling them both into quick hugs, “Vi is almost ready,” she says as she pulls back, “She was insistent on putting the finishing touches together herself.”

Aaron wraps his arm around his wife and squeezes her hip, “She’s been stubborn since the day she was born,” he says, tugging Emily closer, a wry smile on his face as he does so, “Not sure where she gets it from.

“You.”

“You.”

Emily and Jessica reply in unison, both of them laughing as their eyes meet and Aaron sighs, trying to suppress his smile as he shakes his head. 

“I wonder if there’s a book on what to do when your ex-wife's sister and your wife become friends.”

Emily makes a fake sympathetic nose and reaches up to pat his cheek, “I doubt it, honey, maybe you could write it?” 

“I’m ready!” Violet calls from the top of the stairs, cutting off the conversation, and Emily can just about see her shoes from where she’s standing, a plain black pair of sneakers she usually only wore to pre-school. She steps forward, excited to see her daughter after a couple of days away.

“Hi sweet girl, I missed-”

“No Mommy you have to close your eyes,” she demands, not moving, her voice surprisingly stern for a four-year-old. Emily turns to look at her husband who shrugs, a knowing smile on her face that makes her want to kiss him and hit him in equal measure. She rolls her eyes before closing them, turning her body back to face the stairs. 

“Okay, my eyes are closed.” 

There’s a moment of silence before Violet responds, “Daddy?” 

Emily feels Aaron’s hand at her waist as he steps next to her, his hand once against squeezing her hip, “Her eyes are closed, princess.” 

“Only a kid that is half you would be such a stickler for the rules,” Emily mumbles just loud enough for him and Jessica to hear her, the other woman’s laughter drowned out by Violet’s loud footsteps on the hardwood stairs. 

Emily always wondered how someone so small could make so much noise. How such tiny feet, feet she’d once only felt from the inside, kicks that had once kept her up at night, could thunder against the ground like she was five times her size. It makes her stomach flip as she thinks about going through it all again, how much she already loved the baby she hadn’t met yet. Violet’s steps come to an end when she reaches the ground floor and the house briefly falls into silence. 

“Can I open my eyes yet?” She asks, and she feels Aaron hold her slightly tighter as their daughter replies.

“Open your eyes, Mommy!” 

The moment she does she understands why this has been kept secret from her for so long. Violet’s costume is made up of a pair of her own dark jeans, a red shirt and one of Emily’s blazers, so big it’s almost drowning her, the sleeves going way past her hands even though they are rolled up. Her usually unruly hair was straightened and styled with a middle part and tucked behind her ears to keep it out of her face. She has a small amount of make-up on, including slightly uneven lipstick, the part she assumes Violet insisted on doing herself. 

To top it all off, she’s wearing a homemade FBI badge with her picture on it, pinned to the lapel of Emily’s blazer. 

“I’m you, Mommy!” Violet says proudly, her smile wide, and Emily has to blow out a breath in a failed attempt to stop herself from crying. She tells herself it’s her pregnancy hormones but she knows it’s not true, that this would have reduced her to tears no matter what. 

She crouches down and opens up her arms, wrapping them tightly around her little girl as she throws herself at her, “You look so pretty, sweetheart,” she says as she pulls back to look at her, wiping her thumb under her lip to even out the lipstick. Violet frowns at her, an expression that is all Aaron.

“Of course I do, I’m you,” she replies, her voice so serious that Emily has to press her lips together to stop herself from laughing. 

“Mom, I need help with my shoes,” Jack calls from upstairs, making all three adults in the room exchange a knowing look. 

“I’m coming, honey,” Emily replies, picking up Violet and settling her on her hip as she goes, “Come on Agent Hotchner, let’s go help your brother put on his shoes.” 

Aaron smiles as he watches his girls go up the stairs and he makes a mental note to take as many photos of them together as he can, well aware that this is a memory Emily will love to look back on with fondness, no matter how embarrassed Violet might be by the time she’s a teenager. He looks over at Jessica and his smile fades when he sees how she is looking at him, a glint to her smile that had only meant trouble for him since back when she was just his girlfriend’s annoying 12-year-old sister. 

“What?” He asks, narrowing his eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest. 

“We had some…interesting moments when it came to Vi’s costume.” 

He frowns, his hands on his hips as he tries to read her, “What do you mean interesting?” 

“Well,” she says, stepping closer, her smile only getting wider, “I had to talk her down from shoving a cushion from the couch up her shirt.” 

Aaron’s eyes go wide, and he sees the excitement and joy peeking out from beneath Jessica’s teasing, her smile only getting bigger as he realises what’s happened. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she says, nodding, “Apparently her Mommy has a baby in her belly and Vi knows that means she’s going to get fat just like her friend from school’s mom did when she had her little brother,” she shrugs nonchalantly, “She wanted her costume to be accurate.”

He shakes his head and chuckles, “She kept the Emily costume secret for weeks, but this she spills in a matter of days.” 

Jessica finally breaks and she laughs as she pulls him into a hug, “She’s excited to be a big sister,” she says as he hugs her back, squeezing him once more before she steps back, “Congratulations, Aaron. I’m happy for you. Haley would be too.” 

He smiles, the mention of his ex-wife now something that only brought up good memories, not the traumatic ones it had done for years, “Thank you.” 

Jessica smiles at him, “You kept your promise.” 

He looks up the stairs as he hears Jack’s bedroom door open and smiles as his family start to walk down the stairs, the kids in their costumes and Emily still in her work clothes, listening intently as Jack talks to her about his day. He clears his throat as he looks back at Jessica, unsurprised to see the same tears he was failing to push back shining in her eyes too.

“Yeah,” he replies, nodding as he looks at his family, “I did.” 

-x-

Tag List:

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[rickgrimesdoingrickthings]

“ they were flirting with you ” [ in alexandria about jessie 😅 ]

"Like I care." Rick shut the door closed after Jessie left.

"She just gave me a haircut. Brought some home supplies." He gestured showing the table. "You were out for quite some time. Was Daena interrogating too much?" he sighed, walking past her, taking the supplies and organizing, taking the towels and paper to the bathroom. "We're keeping this house. Carl is staying with Lori and Shane. For a change." Oh the sarcasm.

Of course Rick wouldn't say how he had cried moments earlier, before Fox had returned, when he got his hair cut, feeling the soft caresses on the back of his head, seeing a house again, shower, food...and he was so hungry. He also wouldn't admit Jessie was so...cute. Sweet. She reminded him of Lori...

....

Of course he was thinking about her. Jessie....

Rick sat, grabbing some food to eat. There was bread and butter. Damn. He cut a slice and savored it, and oh how he missed. He never thought something as simple as bread and butter would touch him so much.....his eyes were getting teary again, even though he acted differently. He tried to focus on eating. He also wouldn't say how he wanted to hug Carl...hug so tight. He had hoped his son would show up for a good night but...nothing yet. It just made him more bitter. Quietly he let a tear escape. So love deprived. Why that stupid woman had to be nice to him like that?? He touched the back of his head, it was like he could still feel her touch...

He looked down, upset at himself for still feeling all those lame things. "Fox, eat something. If they try to do us dirty and something happens, at least you won't be hungry."

[amortiff]

Sometimes

Word Count: 1,670

Luke Patterson x Fem!Oc

Warning: angst, smut, cursing, fingering, daddy kink and probably more.

Summary: Jessie and Luke have been on the rocks with their relationship but can't let each other go. 

A/N: the boys are alive, Luke and Julie have no feelings for each other. The boys are aged up to 18 as well as Julie. 

Jessie & Luke barely fought, the two in such perfect sync they were like mirrors to each other. But when they did fight it was ugly and explosive. It wouldn't even classify as fighting they're more screaming matches.

The screaming matches had gotten to the point where neither of them could even look at each other. They were currently in the boys rehersal space opposite sides of the garage ignoring each other. This had been going on for the past week.

Reggie, Alex & Julie  looked at each other still weirded out that their friends; who are usually attached at the hip, are separated not even speaking a word to each other. " Guys you sound really good" Jessie spoke for the first time since they set foot in the garage.

Luke looked up at the sound of her voice chest hurting a bit when he looked at her. Her beautiful brown curls tied into a ponytail and caramel skin which shone with the setting sun cascading into the garage. She looked at him which caused him to shoot a glare at her making her look back down at her hands. 

They took a break from rehersal and Luke had disappeared inside the house while Jessie stayed in the garage when Julie walked up to her asking her to grab something from the spare room because she was trying to write lyrics and was in the zone. 

She agreed and walked in the house making her way to the spare room and once she walked in the room bending down to the bottom drawer when she heard Luke stumble into the room, the door lock and him pounding on the door.

" Let me out!" he yelled banging on the door. " Not till you two make up!" Alex said. After those words they heard a chair being dragged and propped under the door. After that they heard their friends footsteps leaving them alone with each other.

" You've gotta be fucking kidding me" Jessie huffed turning around to finally look at him. He was staring right back at her; red in the face, fists clenched and a prominent vein popping from his forehead. " Don't look at me like that Patterson, I don't wanna be here either".

" We wouldn't be in here in the first place if you fucking apologized for flirting with that guy" Luke spoke, venom dripping from his tone. He clenched his fists tighter as she stepped forward.

She put her finger to his chest, " For the last fucking time i wasn't flirting with him i told him to back off but you believe whatever goes into that thick skull" she spoke equal aggression in her tone.

" I never thought of leaving, not even sometimes and the fact you think I’d ever do that says a lot" this time her tone softer and she laid her hand flat to his chest.

" I never thought of going anywhere not even years from now, never" He said bringing his hand to her cheek, the pad of his thumb caressing it. her arm reached up to grab it with her smaller hand covering his.

" I’m never letting go" He spoke softly, in that moment the spark in Jessie's eye returned going on her toes pressing her lips to his, the hand on his chest moved to his other cheek and his moved to wrap around the smaller girl's waist.

When their lips met it was like fireworks went off in both of their stomachs. It immediately turned steamy, Jessie's hands moving from his cheeks to his neck pulling him closer. " Jump" Luke said against her lips, she jumped up and he caught her thighs then backing them up into the door.

Her hands flew into his brunette locks, tugging on it causing him to emit a moan. Her began to pull on the oversized shift then tossing it behind them, in return her hands moved down his chest to the hem of his muscle shirt to pull it up.

Luke broke the kiss pulling it over his head throwing it into the now growing pile of the discarded clothes. He then walked them to the bed laying the smaller girl under him using his hands for support.

He looked her in the eye and smiled, " I love you" " I love you too". His lips traveled down her neck, nipping and sucking at it, she moaned out his name as her hips rolled up into his.

His hands trailed down her stomach to her heat. He pressed his palm to hit clit causing her to let out a pornographic moan.

He rubbed her swollen clit with his thumb as she whimpered from the pleasure. Then, he pushed one finger inside of her and she cried out, he moved his finger in and out, while he continued to rub her clit with his thumb. She arched her back but he pushed her back down using his arm. She squirmed under him, hoping that that would make him speed up but instead of doing that, he inserted a second finger then a third.

"You like that?" he asks, enjoying how she was already a mess. She noded her head too focused on her impending orgasm and his thumb on her clit. "use your words princess," he teases. "Yes baby, I love it" she moaned out. He licks his lips and smirks. "Good girl. You're mine and mine only. No one can touch you." He starts to become possessive over earlier events. 

"Fuck that f-feels so good" she moaned loudly. Hearing her moans made him move his fingers faster. She could feel herself clench around him as he started moving even faster than before. She cried out as she reached her climax, her release coating his hand. 

"Jesus, Jess" He groaned looking down licking all the release up before pulling his boxers off and lining up with her entrance. Before he could push in she gripped his length in her hand pumping up and down and he hissed as her thumb ran over his tip.

" Baby i need you now" He spoke pinning her hands above her head. He slowly pushed his length in. He waited for her to get accustomed, the slight pinch of pain slowly turning into pleasure as her walls clenched around his member.

His pace began slowed getting her ready for what was about to happen. " F-faster" she moaned out and with that Luke began to speed up at her request. He went at an inhuman pace, she let out a scream pulling against his hold which he allowed her hands flying to his hair then scraping down his back surely leaving marks. His head dropped into the crook of her neck leaving marks up and down her throat. 

He pulled out and before Jessie could complain he flipped her onto her stomach entering her again. " Fuckkkk Luke, right there. so good so good" She spoke as he completely ruined her. Her head dropped into the pillow below her as she screamed and moaned his name.

He gripped her hair wrapping it around his fist pulling her head up and against his chest. "Daddyy fuck" The name slipped from her mouth and he paused taking in what she just said, she'd never called him that before. This caused him to speed up even more than and allowed his other hand to reach around and rub her clit. 

The overstimulation sent her over the edge making her shake and cum hard almost collapsing in his arms. Instead of stopping Luke sped up ever more making her shake harder and before she knew it she was cumming again. He pulled out and laid on his back motioning for her to sit on him. The girl looked at him then back at her shaking legs. "c'mon baby ill help you, be a good girl for daddy".

She weakly straddled him sinking down attempting to ride him, he admired her as the sunlight peaking in through the window danced on her chest making her look ethereal. Her legs shook and she quickly collapsed into his arms again. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her waist and began to fuck her from beneath. 

She screamed out unable to form a cohearant sentence, she left hickeys on his upper chest and neck trying to muffle her screams, as she began reaching her fourth release of the night his thrusts became sloppy. "Fuck baby im close" he moaned and she nodded her head. He attempted to pull out but she hung on as a way to tell him to stay inside.

He smiled remembering she was on the pill the releasing into her which sent her over the edge for the last time. He thrust a couple more times allowing both of them to ride out their highs. He pulled out placing her on her back and walked into the connecting bathroom returing with a washcloth covered in warm water and began to clean up her lower region.

"Um Jess cant really function right now so i think that's all for tonight guys" Luke said laughing causing Jessie to go completely red. " Told you, now both of you owe me twenty" Julie exclaimed. 

"Screw you guys"Jessie spoke her voice raspy causing Luke to laugh. "Sounds like Luke did enough of that" Alex said laughing.

[fluffy-marshmallow-heart]

A Twist of Fate ch.33 -With This Ring

The Elementalists au

Beckett x MC (Oriana)

Words: 1965

Series Master List

Complete Master List

There's only going to be a couple more chapters after this :)

This AU is set after everyone graduates Penderghast, and Beckett and Oriana were never friends. Fate, however, may have a different plan for them.

Beckett and Oriana arrived at the Town Hall, where Oriana quickly slipped inside a restroom.

“Beckett…there’s no café here.” Tom strode in the hall’s doors, looking around confused.

“Yeah…why are we here? Dave chimed in. “Melissa called me on the way over to make sure this was the right place.”

Beckett grinned as he pulled on his suit coat and buttoned it. “It’s a surprise. Will your wives be here soon?”

“Already here.” The women came in and kissed their respective husbands. “Where’s Oriana? I thought she was coming.”

“I swear Beckett, if she up and left you again I’m going to find her just so I can strangle her. It’s not okay what she did, and it’s not okay that you made my husband worried sick all weekend long!”

Melissa’s voice was raised, and Beckett had to admit she was a bit terrifying when she’s mad.

“She’s just freshening up. Come on, your seats are reserved, and this won’t take long.” Beckett walked into an atrium with a few lights strung about and fake potted trees. Overall, it was a quaint area. A kind-looking man approached the group.

“Mr. Harrington?”

“Yes, that’s me, we spoke earlier.” Beckett reached out and grasped his hand, giving it a firm shake.

“Ms. Miller was such a ray of light this morning. She’s clearly excited for this. Normally we do not provide the wedding license and perform the wedding on the same day, but I’m glad we were able to make an exception. And where is the young bride?”

“Wait, wait, wait. Bride?? Wedding license?? What are you talking about?” Melissa cried.

“He’s talking about our wedding.”

Everyone looked back at the doors, where Oriana was calmly walking in with an exuberant smile. “We’re getting married today.”

Beckett’s jaw dropped as he took her in. He hadn’t known what she grabbed that morning to wear, but seeing her now took his breath away. She was wearing a white, flowing dress that flared mid-thigh, with a halter tie instead of sleeves, a plunging neckline, and low cut in the back. It was identical to the dress she’d worn on their first date, except this one was a shimmering white, while the other was yellow as the sun. Her white heels showed her shapely legs, and her smile would warm any heart that came near her. Her fiery red hair had a blue hair clasp in it, and she was completely radiant.

“Wow.” He murmured. I can’t believe she’s mine. She’s all mine. How did we get here? How did I get her to agree to this? I’m the luckiest man on the planet right now.

Oriana reached the group, planting a kiss on Beckett’s lips before turning to their friends. “I’m sorry I caused so much worry and pain for everyone. I thought I knew what was best for everyone. It ended up being the worst thing for everyone, though.”

Beckett clasped her hand in his, and the two of them together faced the four people standing in front of them. “Please forgive me.” Oriana whispered.

Dave and Melissa hung back a bit while Tom let out a whoop and grabbed the two lovers into a hug. “God, I’m so happy for you!! Of course, you’re forgiven Oriana. If Beckett forgives you then so do I.”

“It’s so good to have you back.” Jessie chimed in, joining in the hug. “To be honest, when Tom called about lunch, I had a feeling you two were eloping. I’m thrilled I was right.”

The judge cleared his throat. “I’m glad to see this is a happy time, however, we do need to get started.”

“We don’t have the room for long.” Beckett explained. “Since everything is so last minute, we’re lucky this is happening at all.”

“Yes, it’s not like you to rush into things.” Dave said quietly. “But if you think this is right…then I support you.”

“As do I.” Melissa agreed.

“Thank you.” Beckett and Oriana said together, grinning at each other when they realized they spoke at the same time.

“Ugh, you two are so freaking cute.” Melissa muttered, stepping forward and embracing Beckett, then Oriana. “I want to stay mad but just…you’re so disgustingly cute and I adore you.”

“Places, please.” The Justice announced at the podium.

Dave hugged Beckett tightly. “I’m happy for you.” He murmured. “I’m so glad she’s back and you’re doing this.”

“Not rushing?” Beckett asked.

Dave shrugged. “I’m a bit surprised you wouldn’t have a big wedding…but I get not wanting to wait to marry your beautiful bride.”

“Thank you.” Beckett told him. “Your support means everything to me, really.”

Dave, Melissa, Tom, and Jessie sat in the front, all had mile wide smiles on their faces. Beckett and Oriana stood in front of the podium, fingers intertwined. Beckett’s heart was thumping wildly; he thought it might even jump out of his chest.

The judge began the ceremony. “Marriage is a special place, the sheltered environment in which we can endlessly explore ourselves in the presence of another and in which we can offer the possibility of true reflection of another. As the writer Richard Bach has so beautifully stated, “A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we are safe and at home. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction… Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.”

Beckett felt Oriana squeeze his hand, and he looked over to catch her glistening golden eyes. She smiled at him, and his heart grew larger than he ever thought it could. He had a couple more surprises for her, he just needed to wait until the official got to those parts.

“May your love create a safe haven for you both on the journey that lies ahead of you. Deeply listen to each other-to your dreams and to your frustrations. Help each other. Let your love be an inspiration to those around you, to reach for what is good in all of us. May your love be so abundance that you have plenty to share with the rest of us as well. It is your love that has brought us together here today. May it grow deeper and sweeter with each passing year.”

Beckett drew a deep breath. This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for since the day I laid eyes on her. This is the day that proves dreams really do come true.

“Do you, Oriana, take Beckett to be your partner for life? Do you promise to take time to talk to him, listen to him, and care for him? Will you share his laughter, and his tears, as his partner, lover, and best friend? Do you take him as your lawfully wedded husband for now and ever more?”

“I do.” She said with a watery grin.

“Do you, Beckett, take Oriana to be your partner for life? Do you promise to take time to talk to her, listen to her, and care for her? Will you share her laughter, and her tears, as her partner, lover, and best friend? Do you take her as your lawfully wedded wife for now and ever more?”

“I do.” He murmured, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“Do you have rings to exchange?”

Oriana’s eyes widened in panic. Beckett smirked at her as he reached into his pocket…and took out two simple white gold bands, handing them to the judge. Her mouth fell open as she looked at him confused.

The judge took them both before giving the larger one to Oriana. “Repeat after me. Beckett, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband. I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. With this ring, I thee wed.”

Oriana repeated the phrase line by line as the officiant spoke, slipping the ring onto Beckett’s left ring finger.

“Now Beckett. Repeat after me. Oriana, I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife. I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. With this ring, I thee wed.”

Beckett repeated the lines as given, slipping the smaller silver band onto Oriana’s delicate finger.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.”

The two newlyweds joined lips instantly, their passion igniting the fire between them, as their friends cheered. They walked down the aisle, faces beaming, eyes sparkling.

“Now I get why you needed the half day” Dave joked, as he signed the marriage license as witness. “This was incredible, and such a great surprise. God, Melissa’s right, you’re fucking adorable together.”

“You guuuyssss!!! Oh my god!!!!! You’re married!!!!!” A shrill voice sounded, and Oriana noticed it came from Beckett’s phone, which Jessie was holding. Her jaw dropped as she saw the faces of Zeph and Shreya on the screen, their smiles so wide she thought their faces might crack.

“You…you….” Oriana’s hand flew to her mouth as she looked at Beckett. He smiled softly.

“Can’t get married without your best friends. I know my friends are pretty great, but…so our yours. Since they couldn’t physically be here, I dialed the number and slipped my phone to Jessie.”

“At first I had no idea what he was doing. You should have seen their faces when I appeared on the screen instead of you two.” Jessie laughed. “Lucky they were too surprised to talk right away, so I just quickly turned the phone to you guys so they could see.”

Oriana threw her arms around her husband’s neck, kissing him fiercely. “God, I love you.”

“I love you too…my dear wife.”

“How did you get the rings?” Oriana asked incredulously. “We decided to get married this morning, and you haven’t left my sight until now.”

“You went to the bathroom at one point, right after you called to book the wedding.” He told her.

“So? That was like. Three minutes.”

“It was enough time to make another call to city hall. I hired our officiant to purchase a couple rings. He slipped them to me as we shook hands when we arrived and you were changing.”

“How…do people just do whatever your ask?” Oriana exclaimed. “How is that even possible? Isn’t he a government employee?”

Beckett nodded. “A government employee I paid to take an early lunch break and go to the jeweler. I know the rings are nothing fancy, but…”

“They’re perfect.” She blurted out. “It’s even the right size!”

“I know.” He shrugged. “I gave him the sizes.”

“You knew your ring size?”

“Of course. When I bought your engagement ring, I had myself sized at the same time.”

Oriana just looked at him in awe. “You’re amazing, Beck. I’m so glad I married you.”

He pulled her close to him. “I’m so glad you said yes.”

“Oriana, what do we call you now?” Melissa asked. “Are you staying Oriana Miller, or will you be Oriana Harrington?”

“Harrington.” Oriana answered right away, not even a slight pause, never taking her eyes off of Beckett. “Definitely Harrington.”

She’s taking my name?? We never discussed this! This is the best day of my life!! It already was but…nothing will ever beat this day!!

“Mrs. Harrington, should we get out of here?” He whispered in her ear.

“Yes. Let’s go.” She whispered back.

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  ***I had help from the internet with the ceremony itself, I cannot take credit  

[murobrown]

I was tagged by @dangerous-lithium-animals , thank you a lot Jessi :) ♥ 

What was the last thing you read?  It was this swedish book called “Rit”. It was for my reading class and it was pretty nice, more like a collection of novels. Some of them were so weird and hard to understand but most of them were interesting 

Favorite movie? Submarine, Boyhood, Magnolia...first three that I thought about, there are many many more. And Once Upon A Time In Hollywood immediately become my favorite 

Favorite book? Burnt Child by Stig Dagerman

Dream Date? No idea, I never been on one. I imagine something chilled and not too fancy. Maybe just taking a walk and grabbing some food or drink. Cinema can be nice too

Do you have a crush? Yes, on every single boy I have ever seen ♥ 

What are your hobbies? Music, movies, cooking, cleaning

What is your favorite time of day? I am not sure if I have one. It depends on my mood and on actual day. Sometimes I like mornings sometimes evenings and sometimes late night. 

If you could look like anything, what would you look like? I would like to be little bit taller and very much skinnier. Change a lot of things about my face, give myself normal hair....I just want to look nothing like I look rn

Are you romantic? I don’t know, I never had an opportunity to discover those things about myself. I don’t even know what should I imagine under “romantic”....

What’s your favorite type of weather? Chilly weather but I also like sunny spring days. And I love snow too! 

What do you like talking about? Depends on the person and situation but most of the time it’s music, movies, shared memories, emotions...I love deep conversations with right person 

What are your turn ons? Confidence, kind heart, good taste in music (musicians overall, doesn’t matter if you play guitar or trombone...I’m in love), being nice to animals

Turn offs? Aggressivity, arrogance, spitting on the ground, beards 

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it? I’ve been wanting a tattoo for so long!!! I told myself that I get one once I get my bachelor’s degree. I’d like to get something small related to my cat. Somewhere on my hand, like wrist

Do you have any pets?  Yes :) A cat named Muro

Dream job?  My current job = working at cat café :)))

Dream place to live? I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind living in my hometown my whole life. Anything else sounds too unrealistic. But dream place would be somewhere in England for sure!

Dream vacation? Manchester or Liverpool, anywhere in Scandinavia, I’d love to go to Vienna once again

Do you have any piercings? Do earrings count? Otherwise none and I don’t feel the need to get anything else 

If you had kids what would you name them? I don’t ever want to have kids. But I like Oliver or Silvester for boy and Stella for girl 

What are your best traits? My taste in music 

Worsts traits? I am very ugly and fat, very quiet and shy, I think too much, I am very very LAZY, I am awkward, I can be very annoying, I am too emotional and I am scared of everything 24/7

What’s your worst fear? Being called mean or unkind, any confrontation with other people but also sharks, snakes, sea, heights, fire, darkness and DOCTORS

What do you want to eat right now? Hmmm just finished my breakfast so I am not that hungry but I’d always go for pizza

What’s your best vacation you’ve ever been on? I was on vacation only once really. It was like 8 years ago in Croatia, it was pretty nice, but one week was too much for me 

Favorite city?  My hometown Martin :) 

Favorite social media platform? I don’t really have any other social medias besides Tumblr (I don’t count Facebook)...but Reddit is fun too!

Favorite article of clothing? My blue and white Adidas Spezials 

Do you play sports? No not really, only sometimes badminton or football in the summer with friends or family. Nothing professional

Favorite meal of the day? Lunch? Sometimes dinner...sometimes breakfast. It depends what I’m cooking hah

What are you excited for? I don’t know...nothing really

Not excited for? Waking up and living this life every single day

When was the last time you cried? Last night hahaha 

Dream House? I don’t want house. I want apartment. It would have kitchen joined togehter with living room. I want a brick wall black leather sofa and big vinyl collection with stereo in my living room. Then I want black and white bathroom with huge shower. And I want balcony

What’s something you hate about the world? Myslef ♥ And other bad people

What’s something you love about the world? Animals, most of people I know, all the good music, all the nice nature, all the art that is out there

What scents do you like? Green tea, lavender, sandalwood

What kind of sleeper are you? I don’t know. Normal I guess? It depends...sometimes it takes me three hours to fall asleep sometimes three minutes. But I am not that much of a heavy sleeper 

Are you a cat or dog person? If this means introverted or extroverted then I’m introverted. But I love cats and dogs equally ♥ 

How long would you survive in the zombie apocalypse? Not a single day on my own. If I’d had someone to protect me I’d survive little bit longer but they would kill me because I’d be useless and annoying haha 

Are you trusting? Yes most of the time, but it depends on the preson. I need to know you before I can really trust you

What fictional character do you identify with? I really don’t know...

What labels do you usually get? Small/short, kind, positive and my classmate called me weird yesterday

What song would be your life anthem? Girl In A Dirty Shirt - Oasis

What issues are you dealing with right now? Trying not to kill myslef and dealing with this person who had feelings for me but I am not able to have those feelings for him back so I feel like the biggest asshole in the world

How can someone win you over? It’s not too hard, just be nice. I am not complicated at all

What’s something about you people don’t know? I don’t know if there’s anything I want to share like this haha. If people don’t know it I probably like it that way...But I was born one month earlier when I was a kid. I was really tiny and nearly died and they had to put me in the incubator for some time to keep me alive. My mum loves to remind me this hah 

I am sorry that this is SO long haha!  I am not tagging anyone, but anyone can feel free to do this :) 

[madpanda75]

Just admit I’m right with Barba family. Y/n insist on holding a squad thanksgiving while pregnant and Mila being clingy to her parents and Raf thinks it’s a terrible idea.

I combined this with another request from @sweetcannolicarisi “It’s only for grown-ups” with your Barba family?? Maybe someone wants to sit at the adult table? And they’re not old enough yet?

 I made a little change and had the Barbas celebrate Thanksgiving a little later since the Reader is preggo in this story. Also to follow the timeline, the reader doesn’t know it’s twins yet!

Thank you soooo much for the requests! I hope you both like it!!! ❤️

Thanks for all the likes, comments, and reblogs! 😘 If anyone else wants to be tagged, let me know!

If you want to read my Hostage story and other Barba Family drabbles, check out my Masterlist. I’m taking requests too, so send in ideas.

“Thanksgiving with the Barbas”

You opened the oven door the savory smell of turkey wafting through the air as you basted the bird with its juices before going back to the counter to roll out your pie crust. Martha Stewart was on your iPad, calmly showing you how to make the perfect pumpkin pie. You took a deep breath, channeling your inner domestic goddess, as you hung on her every word. “You will amaze your guests, with my fool proof pie crust recipe, which is so easy to make and essential for the holiday season.”

Looking out the window, you saw that it had started to snow and silently prayed it wouldn’t delay your guests that evening. It was Thanksgiving, well actually it was two weeks past Thanksgiving, but who cared. With the squad working on a last minute major case and you being sick with what you thought was the flu, nobody had time to actually celebrate. Much to Rafael’s dismay, you insisted on having everyone over for a Thanksgiving dinner in early December. Who said you could only be grateful during the month of November?

You had worked yourself up over having the perfect Thanksgiving, watching countless videos of Martha Stewart on YouTube, creating Pinterest boards, looking up recipes at all hours of the night. Of course when you were planning this little shindig earlier, you hadn’t factored in your pregnancy, despite the nausea and exhaustion, you were determined to put together the absolute perfect Thanksgiving dinner.

While watching Martha demonstrate how to trim the edges of the pie crust, you felt a tug on your pant leg. Looking down, you saw Mila, she had been your little shadow all morning, following you around the house. “Mami! Up!” She said, with her little arms outstretched.

You scooped up your daughter, multitasking as you continued to work on your pie, but crimping edges on your crust while holding a toddler turned out to be easier said than done. “Baby, I have to put you down. I can’t listen to Martha, make a pretty pie, and hold you at the same time.” You said, trying to peel Mila off your frame.

“No! Peez Mami! Hold me!” The little girl tightened her hold around you, hiding her face in your neck when you heard Rafael come into the apartment, you had sent him on an important errand run earlier.

“Papi’s home. Don’t you want to go see Papi?” You asked your daughter, hoping that would entice her to be put down.

Mila shook her head, “No! Want Mami!”

Rafael came into the kitchen, carrying two large grocery bags and setting them on the counter. “Hola, mi reina y princesa.”

You kissed your husband, “Hola, mi amor. Did you get everything on the list?”

Rafael began pulling items out of the bags.“Yep, extra cinnamon sticks, vanilla extract, cloves, fresh sage, bottle of wine, eggs, a sugar pumpkin, and last but not least pickles and sriracha for the baby.” He winked, bending down to kiss your belly, which was difficult to do with Mila in your arms.

“You got one pumpkin?” You said, using your free hand to sift through the now empty bags in search of the other nine you had asked your husband to get.

“Mmmhmm, I take care of mi reina.” Rafael kissed your cheek, before pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Si, pero tu reina wanted 10 sugar pumpkins.”

Rafael practically spit out his coffee, “Ten! Y/N, there was only one left at the store. I practically had to fight a woman for this pumpkin. Let’s hope she doesn’t press charges.”

You adjusted your daughter on your hip, feeling panic setting in, “But those pumpkins were going to be the “place cards” for the tables!  How are people supposed to know where to sit!?”

“Ummm…we let them pick their own seats?” Rafael said, he had told you from the beginning that hosting a Thanksgiving dinner was a bad idea.

As you looked down at your one sad pumpkin and half done pie crust, tears threatened your eyes. “Rafael! What are we going to do?! Nothing is cooked, we have no place cards, Mila is stuck to me like glue! This is a disaster!” You ranted, until you felt a wave of morning sickness wash over you. “Rafael…”

Your husband took in your green face, “Mi amor, are you ok?”

“Take the baby!” You exclaimed, handing Mila over to your husband as you pushed past him, running towards the bathroom. Your daughter screamed and cried, trying to wriggle out of her father’s grasp. “MAMI! Come back!”

Several minutes later, you emerged from the bathroom, exhausted and lightheaded. Your daughter ran up to you again. “Mami!” You picked her up, running a hand through her curls, moving to sit down in the living room. Rafael sat down next to you, handing you a ginger ale and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “You know it’s not too late to cancel. We can just go to a restaurant. You wouldn’t have to cook or stress about anything.”

Your husband almost convinced you to call the whole thing off but one factor he didn’t take into account was your stubbornness. You were determined to host Thanksgiving dinner. “No! I’ve come too far and worked too hard just to throw in the towel now! I’m going to finish this meal! ¿Me entiendes? You with me, Papi?!”

“I’m with you.” Rafael saw the crazed look in your eyes and thought it best to just agree with you. “What can I do to help?” He asked.

“Take our daughter. I can’t cook if she’s clinging on to me.” Rafael took Mila from you as she cried and tried to reach for you again. You went back into the kitchen with razor sharp focus, taking a deep breath as you looked down at Martha Stewart on your iPad. “Ok, Martha. It’s you and me. Let’s do this.”

Apart from Mila escaping from Rafael and running into the kitchen a couple times, the next few hours went by fairly smoothly. Once your daughter fell asleep for her nap, Rafael helped you finish cooking although it was hard to concentrate on preparing the food with your sexy husband. “Mmmm, you look so hot right now, showing those potatoes who’s the boss.” He purred in your ear while you peeled potatoes, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your neck.

You giggled, trying to wiggle away from him, “You dork! Déjame Papi and stir the cranberry sauce on the stove.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Rafael winked, “I love it when you boss me around in the kitchen.”

Finally, everything was finished, the table was set, the house was clean, now you just had to wait for your guests. Amanda and Jesse were the first to arrive, followed by Sonny, Olivia, and Noah. Fin was stopping by later with his grandson, Jaden. Mila woke up still being clingy, refusing to play with Jesse and Noah, never leaving your side or Rafael’s. Not even Sonny could coax her out of her shell, “Hey Mila! It’s Uncle Sonny! Want to draw a picture with me?”

“No.” She whimpered, hiding her little face in Rafael’s neck. You were surprised at your daughter’s behavior, normally she was a friendly outgoing little girl.

Amanda followed you into the kitchen, helping you grab the food to place on the table. She slyly studied your profile while you scooped the mashed potatoes into a serving dish. “So, how far along are you?” She softly said.

“About 5 weeks, wait-” you narrowed your eyes at your former partner and friend. “How did you know?”

She smiled, shaking her head. “Well, you haven’t had a glass of wine all night and besides that, you’re glowing.”

“That glow is called sweat, Amanda.”

Amanda laughed, hugging you tightly. “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks,” you replied before calling everyone to dinner.

Rafael sat Mila at the kid’s table, trying to unwrap the toddler’s arms from around his neck. “Papi! No! Mila sit with you and Mami at big table.”

Rafael shook his head, “No muñequita, it’s only for grown-ups. You stay here with Noah and Jessie.”

“Yeah Mila! Stay with us.” Noah said.

While everyone ate, your daughter kept running up to you and Rafael. Every time your husband sent her back to the kid’s table, she would run right back, just as stubborn as her parents. “Just let her sit with us, Rafi.” You said after the sixth time, wanting him to enjoy the food you had spent hours cooking. Rafael sat Mila in his lap, the little girl snuggling up against her father.

Olivia looked over at you, “It’s just a phase. Trust me, Noah went through the same thing.”

Amanda nodded her head in agreement, “Jessie did too.” You sighed, feeling a little relieved knowing your friends had experienced the same thing with their children.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. “That must be Fin and Jaden.” You opened the door, welcoming the sergeant and his grandson into your home.

As you were getting your new guests situated, Fin led his grandson over to where Rafael and Mila were sitting. “Hi Mila! This is Jaden, I brought him to your birthday party.”

Jaden smiled and waved, “Hi. Wanna sit next to me?”

Mila popped her head up from where she was hiding her face in Rafael’s shirt. She looked at the little boy for a second with curious eyes. “Ok,” she softly said with a smile, hopping off her father’s lap, Mila took the boy’s hand as he led her to the kid’s table.

Rafael sat there stunned, his daughter hadn’t gone to anyone all day. You came back to the table, noticing your husband’s now empty lap. “Where did Mila go?”

“She left me.” He said with sad puppy dog eyes. “She went to go sit next to Fin’s grandson.”

Your eyes followed Rafael’s gaze to see Mila smiling and talking with Jaden. “Awwww I think it’s cute. Her first little crush.”

Rafael looked at you in shock, “Cute? You think it’s cute that she abandons her father? Also I don’t like the idea of our daughter having crushes on older men.”

You snorted a laugh, taking Rafael’s hand, “Mi amor, Jaden is only a year older than Mila. Don’t you think you’re being a tad overdramatic.”

“No,” Rafael said with a pout, watching as Jaden whispered something in Mila’s ear, making her giggle. “Muñequita? Are you ok?” He called out to her. The toddler waved to her father before turning her attention back to her little friend.

“Relax, Papi. It’s not like she’s going to go and get married tomorrow. You squeezed your husband’s hand, kissing his cheek. “Let’s change the subject. Do you want to tell everyone the good news?”

“Yeah, let’s tell them.” Rafael wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close as you tapped on your glass to get everyone’s attention. “Now that you all are here, Rafael and I have an announcement to make.” You blushed a bit, letting out a big breath. “I’m pregnant.”

The squad was thrilled, swarming you and Rafael, hugging you both while offering their congratulations. Sonny wrapped you up in a bear hug, picking you up off the ground while Fin was already dropping hints about being the baby’s godfather. Your husband smiled, watching as Jesse, Noah, Jaden, and Mila all took turns touching your stomach, amazed that there was a baby in there.

After the excitement died down, everyone went back to the table, laughing and talking. You looked up at Rafael, smiling, “I told you this was a good idea.”

He slowly nodded his head, “Today had its challenges, but-” you cut him off, placing your finger on his lips, effectively silencing him. “Mi amor, just admit I’m right.”

“Fine, you’re right,” he smirked, kissing you softly.

“See that wasn’t so hard,” you whispered against his lips before kissing him again with a little more fervor.

Sonny spied you and Rafael from across the table and playfully threw his roll at your head, “Hey you two! Some people are trying to eat here.”

You glared at your partner, but there was no anger behind it. “Mind your own business, Sonny,” you said, throwing the roll back at him.

“Y/N! Carisi! Do I need to separate you two?” Olivia interjected.

“No, ma’am,” you and Sonny both mumbled, trying not to laugh as you stared at your plates.

She looked at you both, “Good! Now finish your dinner or no dessert!” Sonny winked at you from across the table. You smiled back at him. Looking around the table at your family, you realized all the stress and hard work from the day was worth it if it meant bringing everyone together.

@obfuscateyummy @beltzboys2015-blog @letty-o @sweetsummertime99 @sonnysdoll @amirightcounsellor @lyssa1385 @burningsorr0ws @katmstanton @mimiashton @gibbs274 @izzythefanfreak @southern-magnolia @riodallas

[ornament-of-rhyme]

Anderperry fic - Sap But True

Summary: On nights like these, if only for that short time, his life was absolutely perfect.

Notes: Smut. Todd Anderson/Neil Perry. Post-Welton. I’m serious it’s sappy as hell.

A/N: Better late than never, right? Have a sinking feeling about the quality of it, to be honest. Something just doesn’t feel right...But hopefully someone gets some enjoyment out of it! I love this fandom. You guys are fantastic!

You can also read this on AO3!

The velvet red curtains fell together, and Neil let out a deep, fulfilling sigh. With a broad smile, he flitted around to congratulate his castmates, patting them on the back or passing out hugs.

“Wanna go get a drink with us?” Jessie asked over the chatter. Kay was at her side, stony as usual. Already, the latter had shrugged off her role's heavy coat and abandoned it somewhere.

“Thanks, but I've got a date.” When Jessie rolled her eyes, his pep remained obstinate. He returned the taunt with a wrinkle of his nose.

Glancing into the wing, Neil zeroed in on said date.

Todd was there, out of the way but noticeable. He had his jacket draped over his arm, and his hair was swept to the side like he had been running his fingers through it. It was a nervous tick he had. That, and the blinking. For the first time, Neil wondered if his stress over the show had been impacting Todd as well.

“I'd go wipe that makeup off your face before Danny mistakes you for a lady,” said Kay, straight-faced.

Neil grimaced. Danny was creepy to anyone of any gender, but his particular brand of sleaze was directed at all beings wearing makeup, it seemed. There was a rumor going around that he was the one who stole that mannequin head a few weeks back.

Strolling off stage, he called back, “Talk to you later.”

“Call me!” Jessie commanded at his back.

Todd's eyes were on him the whole time, and a fond little smirk quirked his mouth. Giddy with the heady success, the joy in the air, Neil loped over to the blonde.

“My dearest Toddrick,” he greeted. Gallantly, he took up Todd's hand, bowed, and stamped a kiss on the knuckle.

“You were fantastic,” Todd told him. “I told you you could pull it off. Everyone was raving when the curtains closed.”

“I'll have to thank them,” said Neil, releasing the hand in his.

Briefly, Todd's brow furrowed as he looked down at his knuckle. “You got lipstick on me.”

Neil grinned and shrugged. “Oops.” Then he made for the dressing room, but not before smacking a kiss onto Todd's cheek, leaving a puckered purple lipstick stain behind. “I'll go clean it off.”

He heard Todd's unimpressed snort behind him.

ϟ ϟ ϟ

Some time after the play was dedicated to wrapping up with the cast and crew, and then to visiting with others, but eventually Neil was back in his own clothes and out in the crisp night air. With Todd at his side, they set for home, which was only a few blocks away.

Slick with hour old rain, the road glittered under the street lamps. Petrichor was on the breeze, instilling a strange and familiar heartache, but it was beautiful in its way. After shows, he found the smallest things would trigger the feeling, leaving him in a kind of rapture. His life, if only for that short time, was absolutely perfect.

Now, he looked over at his partner with that thrill in his heart. Todd looked back curiously.

“I can see it,” the blonde said.

Neil grinned at him, then the deep sapphire sky. “If only you could feel it with me.”

Todd bumped elbows with him, drawing his eyes back down. Only half of his face could be seen from Neil's angle, but he seemed to mirror the look the actor felt on his own face. “It rubs off on me,” Todd said to the ground. “You shine so bright, it's impossible to avoid the radiation.”

There was the poet in him, Neil thought. Weaving words, even so few, into a charming sentiment. Each time it happened, Neil found himself falling just a little more in love with him. And each time, it surprised him; he didn't know there was any further to fall.

Soon they crossed the empty street, coming upon a fenced off field. Nearly home.

It was here that Neil caved to the pressure in his chest. He backed Todd against the chain link fence until their breath mingled. Todd went willingly, even grasping the open sides of Neil's coat. The dark shadow of a fence post fell across one half of his face.

Neil curled his fingers into the cold wire, effectively caging the other in. Stray raindrops slithered down his palm and under his sleeves, chilly but ignored. It took everything in him not to close the gap between them. Especially at the challenge Todd's eyes leveled at him, humor in their depths, as though expecting him to cave to the tension.

But they didn't do that. Not here. Not out in the open, exposed to the judgments of others. It was a near thing, though. Not just in this instant, but many before. Sometimes they were so wrapped up in each other, they forgot to mind themselves until the last minute. Neil wished he could forget--or better yet: that he didn't have to worry at all. Todd was such a temptation, besotted as Neil was with him. It amazed him that the other man didn't seem to know this, even after these last few years. It wasn't until Todd's eyes crinkled at the corners that he realized he had been staring into them. "You seem lost," Todd commented. Neil easily slipped back into the moment. "You do that to me.”

A light laugh. “Sorry.”

“No, it's great. I love it.” Neil pushed off of the fence, pulling back. “Shall we?”

Despite his pulling away, the tension in the air did not dissipate. In fact, it only seemed to strengthen, as they devolved into playful shoving and, eventually, a race. They dashed down the sidewalk, each trying to overtake the other before they reached their stoop. Neil could have crowed into the night, overjoyed as he was, but settled for echoing Todd's unbridled laughter.

This was what they lived for. The two of them grew into adulthood side by side, taking on the challenges of becoming men of their own, but each able to lean against the other. All the while, they learned how to keep themselves sane; keep them young at heart, unjaded by the world's oppressive demands. They often explored the boundless art of getting safely lost in the here and now together, as lovers and friends and brothers in mind.

Of course, their neighbors didn't understand that. They shushed each other as they passed Mr. Jay's door.

Trotting up the steps, Todd bit back his laughter as best he could, and Neil aimed for something similar, but somewhere, almost distantly in the rush of their race, he could still hear himself snickering.

Ultimately he forgot to pay attention to who won. Todd unlocked the door and they poured inside.

Before the door could latch again, Neil had the other man spun around and crowded against the wall beside it. He toed the door shut.

Todd laughed at his enthusiasm, but still beat him to the kiss. Neil's hand rose to cup Todd's cheek reverently. They stood there in a timeless embrace, lips meeting lazily, then fevered, and back again. It was quickly becoming apparent where they were headed as their hips rocked together.

It took more effort than he would have liked to drag his mouth away from Todd's. He settled for easing out of it by pecking on a few softer, more chaste kisses like appeasements or apologies for the parting.

It was almost worth it when he could focus on Todd's face. There was a flush high on his cheeks, a lustful haze to his eye, and his lips came away red from the activity.

“What?” Todd asked, the only sound but for their faint panting.

Neil couldn't look away, not even down to consider the sight of their hips hitched together, and the sudden tightness of their pants. But they were not to be ignored. He leaned back into Todd, dropping a kiss on the square of his bare jaw.

“I want inside you,” Neil breathed at last.

Just as usual, Todd seemed almost embarrassed by the insinuation, but said, “I—I want you inside of me.”

Neil rolled his hips against Todd's once more and stepped away to discard his coat and shoes. Todd did the same before disappearing into the bedroom. All too eager, Neil followed.

He couldn't keep his hands to himself as Todd began to undress, holding the blonde by the hips and pressing into his back. Todd chuckled and elbowed him a few times, because apparently Neil's body right up against his wasn't conducive to taking off his shirt and undershirt.

“You still have some makeup on, you know,” Todd said.

Lost in the act of nosing at the fine hairs on the back of Todd's neck, Neil didn't process the words right away. Once they got through to him, he dropped his forehead against the spot on which he'd been lavishing attention. Then he made for the bathroom down the hall.

“I’m on it. You get ready for me,” he said.

“Someone's impatient,” teased Todd without looking back.

“Oh ho ho, don't pretend like you don't feel the same.”

This made the man laugh outright, but he didn't disagree.

ϟ ϟ ϟ

“Neil!” Todd cried from the other room. Dropping the towel, Neil hurried across the hall, only to find Todd sprawled out on the bed, bare and writhing around the fingers he was using to prepare himself. Before he could ask what was the matter, Todd's head lolled his way and he panted, “Hurry.”

Darting back into the bathroom to ensure the effectiveness of his cleaning job, he turned off the sink and returned to the bedroom, tearing at and tossing off his clothes as swift as possible. Nude, he knelt onto the bed, crawling over Todd, who had since turned to lay on his chest.

Neil asked, “Did you grab a—“

“Don't worry about it. Just—please—“

“Someone's impatient,” he echoed Todd's earlier jest.

“S'your fault.”

“Hmm. Strangely, I don't regret it.” Then, cutting himself off, Neil curled closer to his partner, guiding his cock into Todd's familiar body to sink slowly inside. He held his breath and savored every second off it.

A shiver wracked Todd, straight into the noise that shook from him as Neil filled him. Once seated they lay together, soaking in one another's heat as their breathing reached an apparent synchrony. Falling together, but not, as they were taught in that life-changing year of school, to lose individuality so much as to treasure the bond between them.

One of Todd's hands slid across the quilt to tangle his smooth fingers with Neil's. He took this as his okay to keep going.

Neil lifted himself from limning Todd's back and pulled away from his root within Todd, an agonizingly slow process, until his cock was only just inside the tight ring of muscle and he could feel his hips straining with the effort to still.

Todd squeezed his hand; the real go-ahead. Neil pushed back in, starting just as slow for the first several thrusts until they were at a fluid pace. Neil's lips found Todd's shoulder blades, kissing and teasing at the warm peach-fuzz there.

Often, Todd locked much of his pleasured sounds behind his teeth, concerned for their reputation among the neighbors. It robbed both of them from the full, carefree experience they knew was just out of reach, but Neil tended not to press Todd to relax his fears on the matter anymore. By now he knew that he wouldn't be able to convince him to let it go.

That was why, when Todd let loose a low, open-mouthed groan, Neil felt a spike of affectionate thrill. He quickened his pace in response, longing to hear more.

Eyes fluttering closed—the beautiful kind of flutter that came when Neil touched him, rather than that which anxiety provoked—Todd pressed back, meeting his movements with shallow ones of his own.

That was when, in the yellow lamplight, Neil glimpsed the dark purple smudge across the other's cheekbone. For a stunning instant, he thought it was a bruise. But then his impish kiss backstage returned to mind.

Against the blonde's ear, Neil murmured, “There's some lipstick on your cheek.”

Todd scoffed and reached up to scrub at his cheek, but Neil beat him there to instead mouth at the smudge. He settled for blindly brushing his fingers over Neil's jaw. “I couldn't see if I got it all off.”

“Next time I have my own dressing room,” Neil said with a languid roll of his hips, “I'll have you against the vanity. Then you'll see everything.”

He got a moan in response. Quiet, but infused with equal satisfaction in the fantasy.

After that, Todd switched positions to lie on his back. He grasped at Neil by the waist and actually continued to voice the sounds of his ecstasy. Coveting the noises, Neil gave all he could. Anything to please his partner.

Finally, with a shutter, Todd cried out. Neil lovingly stroked the blonde's cock as he came, allowing the come to drip over his knuckles. In a few more thrusts, he was burying his face in Todd's neck as he hastily pulled out and followed over the edge.

When he could see through the blissful daze, he hurried to clean the mess, insisting the blonde stay put so he could hurry back and lie with him without the chore nettling. Todd held up the blankets for him when he arrived, making it a smoother transition for Neil to wrap around him as soon as he slipped under the blankets.

“The perfect night,” he sighed.

Todd nodded. “Yeah, you did fantastic in the play. Steven did make it, by the way,” he said. “As soon as it was over he had to leave for a meeting or something. But he said you were great!”

“You think if Meeks wrote a good review, it would convince father to come to one of my shows?”

“As long as Charlie doesn't write another one. I don't think anything could be worse than that.” Todd turned to face him, seeming thoughtful. “Someday we have to find out what was in that letter.”

“It's probably cinders by now.”

Todd hummed, frowning.

“But tonight isn't just perfect because the show went well,” Neil said, drawing the other out of his thoughts. “Getting to come home with you sure made it better. You know how many of my castmates and crew members complain about having empty relationships with their lovers, or no lovers at all? And here I am, blessed with Todd Anderson.”

Todd started laughing so hard he choked.

When the laughing-coughing fit petered out, Todd said to Neil's puckish grin, “You could be a tree, you're so sappy.”

“Then I am a foxglove tree in autumn, raining my heart leaves down upon thee.” Neil eagerly watched the bewildered expression fall over Todd's face.

“That was kind of repulsive.”

“I'll leave the poetry to you, then.” Neil noticed he was near enough to nuzzle at Todd's beautifully sculpted cheek.

“How about...” Todd stared though the ceiling as he puzzled. “God must be real, as only He could write a poem so divine as you.”

Blush came over Neil, filling him with such infatuation that he couldn't help pressing his face into the side of Todd's head and giggling like the ridiculous kid he was when they met.

“I love you, Todd Anderson,” he said.

“I'm all yours, Neil Perry.”

[rustbeltjessie]

“Have you heard?”      That’s what my straight family members kept asking me when the news broke about the Pulse shooting.

“Have you heard?”      Of course I’d heard.      It was the first thing I’d seen when I’d logged onto Facebook that morning.

“Have you heard?”      I’d felt it, woken in the night in a cold sweat with a fist-sized knot in my stomach, right around the time all those people were massacred.      Woke almost screaming: “We have to get out!”      I didn’t know who we were or where we had to get out of, but I felt it.      Some astral connection to the rift that violence created in the world.      I couldn’t fall back to sleep. “Have you heard?”      For days beforehand, my head had already been filled with other traumas.      The Stanford case--a reminder that survivors are never believed, and that if your rapist is a wealthy white boy, he will get away with nothing more than a slap on the wrist.      Amber Heard--a reminder that if you’re bisexual that will be used against you, and that everyone will come to the defense of your abuser because he was in some movies they liked.      Christina Grimmie--a reminder that you could be there, meeting your fans after singing your songs, and someone could just decide to take your life.      And then the Pulse shooting--a reminder that you could be in a place that is supposed to be safe for you, a place where you can celebrate both your queerness and your culture, and someone could be so full of hate that they decide to take your life and the lives of your friends and lovers and family members.

“Have you heard?”      Of course I’d heard. Of course I knew. It was just one more reminder that people like me--women, femmes, queer and genderqueer folks, mentally ill people--are not safe in this world. One more reminder that people like some people I love very much--people of color, trans women, trans women of color, LGBTQ people of color, more outwardly gender non-conforming people, physically disabled people--are even less safe than I am.

“Have you heard?”      Yes. I’d heard. And I didn’t want to talk about it with them--my straight family members, my straight cis dude partner. No matter how well-meaning they might be, there’s no way they could have understood what I was feeling, the mix of terror, rage, and grief roiling in my guts.

***

At Milwaukee Pridefest, no one asked me if I’d heard. We didn’t even talk about it. We didn’t have to, because it was everywhere. There were messages in multi-colored chalk written just inside the gates: We love you Orlando. We are Orlando. I’ll never forget. Say their names. Words that couldn’t express the depth of what we were feeling, but we wrote them anyway, adorned them with hearts and rainbows, because we had to do something. There was a shrine set up, too--more words of grief and prayer written on scraps of paper, kept from blowing out across the lake by roses (both real and silk) in all colors of the rainbow and novena candles in white and red and gold, some in plain glass, others printed with images of Jesus and La Virgen de Guadalupe and various saints. It was everywhere. It was written on our faces, that flick of fear and sadness in our eyes that couldn’t be masked by glitter or smiles.

(Fear and trauma create such powerful cognitive dissonance. Before we could go through the gates, we had to have our bags and boxes x-rayed and our bodies wanded, just like you do when going through security at an airport. I thought of the Pulse shooting and the man who had tried to get explosives and guns into the L.A. Pride parade, and I thought: I’m glad security is so tight here. I feel safer. Immediately afterward I thought: Wait. No. Fuck. Tighter security and policing only makes the most marginalized among us less safe. I don’t want to see cops waving rainbow flags. I want to build a world without cops.)

Yes, the fear and sadness were there, but so were beauty and fierceness. There were short butches with their arms wrapped around their tall femme girlfriends; there were older gay men who may have lived through the AIDS crisis, who brought with them long histories of loss and strength. There were people with curvy hips and flat chests and shaved heads, people with beards and skirts and lipstick. There was a black drag queen in a sequined gown, followed by an entourage of giggling black girls with gold glitter on their faces and fairy wings on their backs. The bathrooms all had signs that said things like: This bathroom is for all genders or This bathroom has been liberated from the gender binary. And there were us poets and performers and workers at the Wominz Spot stage--black and brown and white, fat and skinny and in-between, butch and femme and genderqueer, playing accordions and drums or dancing burlesque or speaking our truths, serving drinks or working the soundboard. All of us so beautiful and strong I could hardly stand it. I love us, I thought. I love us so much.

I wanted to cry a few times during the Spoken Word Showcase. I got a lump in my throat when Destinny Fletcher read her poem “The Children’s Garden,” a poem about the beauty of Milwaukee and the freedom of childhood and how that gets ripped away by violence against black boys, by death and loss. I nearly cried during my final poem, the one I wrote after/for Diane di Prima, almost a decade ago. My voice cracked as I said: “...women are still raped, beaten, killed,” and again as I said: “...work toward the day when love and sex won’t have to be a political act.” I held it together, because I knew that if I opened the floodgates I wouldn’t be able to close them back up. I looked at the lake shimmering in the distance, sipped my whiskey and lemonade, let the breeze caress my arms.      I held back my tears, but other parts of my body had other ideas about release. As I stood on the small stage, I felt a clench below my abdomen, then something warm and sticky on my thighs. Afterward, I ducked into one of the all-gender bathrooms, and sure enough, my period had started. There I was in an all-gender bathroom at Pridefest, trying to clean the menstrual blood off the boy-cut undies which I had on under my ripped fishnets, which were on under my black sundress. I smiled at the bizarre poetry of that, the weirdly perfect representation of my gender/queerness that the universe decided to throw my way.

Blondie was the headlining act that night, and that, too, was synchronous--a decade ago, someone called me The Debbie Harry of Poetry. I thought of staying to see them, but I had no one to hang out with--the friend I was supposed to meet up with had bailed a couple hours earlier. I thought about staying anyway, singing along to songs I’ve loved since I was a child, spending a few more hours surrounded by my beautiful strong queer kin--but I was exhausted, and I wanted to get home so I could start writing down the thoughts I was having, and so I could drink without having to drive anywhere afterward.      I let the tears out on my way home, cried while driving south on Highway 32 with the windows down, listening to Debbie Harry sing: I’m not the kinda girl who gives up just like that.

-Jessie Lynn McMains, from Reckless Chants #23: What Cannot Be Said (available for purchase here)

[birdieboob]

Talk about quiz

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

The one movie which I can watch a million times and not get sick of is Shawshank Redemption. It used to be my most hated movie until I actually sat down to watch it because it plays pretty much every day. I love Andy!


2:Talk about your first kiss.

My first kiss was with Steven in second grade! I dont remember exactly where it happened but he was my first boyfriend.


3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

Oh boy thats tough. The most intense feelings was with this one ex. We dated for a short amount of time but our whole relationship was intense. There was such a sweetness to it but also a comfortable feeling. I felt secure. But alas that ended.


4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

I regret not being able to save for texas! Its just so fucking hard!


5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

The best birthday I had was also one of my worst. It was my 16th birthday and we were all supposed to go out to play pool along with my boyfriend. But my younger brother threw this HUGE fit about mt boyfriend coming so he had to go home so it was just my dad, me and my older brother who went. It was nice to spend time with my dad like that. Then when I got home they sat me down and gave me this little box. I opened it and it was a sweet 16 necklace! I have it still in my jewelry box.


6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

See above.


7:Talk about your biggest insecurity.

My belly. Ugh. I have a beer gut.


8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

My daughter! She is the most amazing little girl I have ever known. She knows how to make me laugh but also knows how to warm my heart. She is the silliest girl and has her mama’s sass. Im so glad I created her and I get to watch her grow up. 😭


9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

I love my eyes. Ive been told my eyes are my best feature! My mom calls them Jeepers Creepers eyes lol


10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

Ive had a few lol but the biggest one? Ima tell you top 2. One boyfriend was asking me what I did last night (he was possesive) and I told him I hung out with a friend who was a girl. He asked what we did and I said we just hung out in a friends clubhouse in his backyard. He then got very angry accusing me of cheating and went to punch my face but I moved my head fast enough and he hit the lockers. I ran away crying to my resource room and he came in after me with his hand tripled in size. My teacher must of clued in because she made him leave and comforted me. Another one was I had been disagreeing with a boyfriend for a few days and we fought for a fucking week straight. He dumped me on thanksgiving. I cried for 5 minutes and was like “oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️”


11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. No idea tbh.


12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. Sooooooo maannnyyyy


13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

Lol oh shit here we go. Im gonna get hate for this! I was dating my first serious boyfriend for a year and half and I decided “you know what its almost valentines day Im gonna have sex with him”. So we walked around in the winter then I told him. We tried to find a spot (because my parents had no idea I was doing anything sexual so we couldnt do it in the house) so we found a gas station. He asked for the key while I waited by the door. We got in, turned on the hot water to warm up the bathroom and we had sex lol. Honestly... i couldnt feel shit. Like for my first time I thought “is this sex? Am I not doing it right? Is there something wrong with me?” Fuuuckkk Ill be waiting for the comments on this.


14:Talk about a vacation.

I went to Ottawa when I was 16, cody watched my rabbit, we had to bring my sisters rabbit cause she just had 6 babies, got super sunburt, ordered a hot dog and they forgot to ask for the money lol.


15:Talk about the time you were most content in life.

Right now! Life is perfect!


16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

No one invites me to parties lol.


17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

Idk lol


18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

I joined gymnastics which meant I had to be at the school for 7:30am to practice. I didnt have a leo like most girls but going through the lost and found I found a purple one. I wore it the next day and everyone was questioning it so I never wore it again.


19:Talk about something that happened in middle school.

I got bullied like hell. I got dog treats thrown at me every day.. my bully and her friends would mimic my lisp and everyone called me dumbo. So I cried to my parents. On a hearing appointment my ENT randomly brought up pinning my ears back because he noticed how out they were. My parents were hesitent but I convinced them I needed it.


20:Talk about something that happened in high school.

Grade 9. I heard about this guy who all the girls “fawned” over which is what I heard from the guys. One day he comes over to me and says hello. My heart skipped a beat and said hello back. From then we became close friends alongside a girl named jessie. One day we were all at jessies house and both me and him were upstairs. He was on the computer and I was on the bed. Suddenly he turned around and grabbed a pillow and began smothering me with it. I managed to get him off me and I went to go be with my friend so I laid on the couch. He came down after a few minutes and got on the couch with me. I whispered “please no” and he covered us with a blanket. He began molesting me while I cried and kept pleading him not to. His body held me down while my friend sat there and watched. Once he got off I just ran out the door and he followed me to the bus stop. Once I got to the stop I kept crying but he grabbed me and pushed me up against the glass. His hand was on my neck and he kissed me aggressively. Tears were streaming down my face when this guy comes to wait for the bus and he noticed so he said something. The guy who did that to me left. The next day and until he graduated he would shove me in the halls and punch me. He said I wanted him and Im making it all up. He made high school hell.


21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

Omg. Lol. I was in the mental ward and this one guy was crushing on me so hard. We were in the tv room and he was writing me notes waiting for me to reply so I started answering him. This is how the convo went.

Him- are you single?

Me- yeah why?

Him- wanna date?

Me- i dont know you

Him- but I wanna eat nesquick out of your pussy.


22:Talk about your worst fear.

My worst fear is someone hurting my family. :(


23:Talk about a time someone turned you down.

Uhhh cant think of anyone.


24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

My parents and people close to me tell me Im a good mom. It just feels ao goos to hear.


25:Talk about an ex-best friend.

Oh idk which one to talk about. The one who watched me get molested? The one who stalks and harrasses me still to this day? The one who disappeared randomly or the one who kept choosing her other friends over me. Bleh.


26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

I woman up and take care of my child. Its like Im not even sick. I dont moan about it.


27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

I looooveeeee @zombiepearl666 lips!

28:Talk about your fetishes.

I just like rough sex. Nothing too fancy lol


29:Talk about what turns you on.

See above.


30:Talk about what turns you off.

Missionary... where you lay ontop of me and thrust. Cant breathe. Gah.


31:Talk about what you think death is like.

I believe you get to watch over your loved ones. Like sit in the same room they are in and just admire them.


32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

I dont remember places lol


33:Talk about what you do when you are sad.

I used to cut. But now I just lay in bed and vent to megan.


34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

My gallbladder attacks. Fuuuccckkkkk those were so bad they had to knock me out till the attack was over.


35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. I wish I would stop not saving.


36:Talk about your guilty pleasures.

I like to eat out when I know its bad for me. Does that count?


37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

Im still unsure if I ever felt love with any boy.


38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

Fast car reminds me of my mom. Any nightwish song reminds me of my dad. The last night by skillet reminds me of cody and a million reasons by gaga reminds me of gator.


39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

I wish I knew who would hurt me.


40:Talk about the end of something in your life.

16. The end of all normalcy in my life. It was when I got schizophrenia.