#no one told me omar's mom is beautiful too i had to found out by myself!

[anonfromtheflight]

Hey! We don't interact, but I do enjoy your messages through the confessions blog. Sorry that thing happened to you. Will it make you feel better if I say that something similar happened to Wilnur (Omar's mom) last spring? I mean, you are in a good company, and shit happens to everyone, even the best and sweetest people and that incident doesn't mean you can't have good things in life - you can and you will.

Here's her post about it. It's in Spanish, but google translates it pretty well. Maybe it'll help you to get over this traumatic experience.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cd_mTRVMyUN/?hl=ru&img_index=1

You also have our love and support here on Tumblr, so cheer up 💜💜💜

Awww no, I had no idea she went through something like that too and reading her words was really good too! And it is good it was in Spanish since that's the language I speak! 🥰Thank you for bringing her post to my attention and for your words too 💜

I got home, to my mom's, in a rather down mood but being with my family and all the nice messages I've gotten from lovely people in the fandom have been so so good for me 💜💜

Thank you again! 💜💜

[jaeyunluvs]

birthday surprises - arón piper imagine

Author’s Note: Thanks for all the positive comments I’ve got on my last headcanon im so happy sdfjsfhds okay anyways here’s the actual first fanfic here we go people!!

SECOND NOTE: There was a problem with my laptop so it doubled a paragraph i’m so so sorry :(( edit: I fixed it

you can read my headcanon here

warnings: nothing. fluff i guess ah and maybe a tiny angst in the beginning

a short disclaimer: i dont know any of these people personally! english is my second language i may have mistakes (let me know if i do) . also i dont really know how to speak spanish so im sorry!!! 

anyways enjoy!!

“Do you think he’ll be here?” you asked your sister painfully while sitting on the table eating lunch. Your birthday was tomorrow and you were in your hometown to celebrate your birthday with your siblings and some friends from your childhood nothing much. But your boyfriend, Arón was in the shooting for Elite.

“Honey he’ll try his best but I don’t think he will. He’s a successful actor you know that.” your sister Maya said.

You tried to understand but you didn’t feel happy. You and your family adored him which is a good thing and this made you so happy because he meant a lot to you. But he was the only person you actually wanted to spend time with

“I’ll kill him and punch his face if he doesn’t show up! He’s a cool bro but tell me if you need anything.” your brother Leo told you.

“Leo calm down, stop planning on the poor boy!” your sister Maya defended him.

While they were arguing. You stared at the outside from the window, rain pouring down from the sky. Raindrops on the ground, the fresh feeling of rain, the smell of nature just made you feel better. 

After staring at the beauty of nature, Aron called. You immediately run to your room and accept the call from with your sweaty hands.

“Hola, amor”

“Hi aron, i miss you”

“Yo tambien amor, please forgive me but I won’t be able to make it to your birthday can we celebrate it later?” he says in the phone but actually suffering cause he hates it when you’re sad and not be able to spend time especially special times together.

“oh, okay sure” you said while tears pooling in your eyes trying not to make Aron notice. You tried to find an excuse to end the call “then we’ll talk later i gotta go mom’s looking for me.” 

“bye carina” you ended the call without hearing him saying bye but you didn’t want him to understand you’re crying and sad because you support his work and you didn’t want him to think you’re a baby (WHICH HE DOESNT I PROMISE). You sat on your bed cried for hours eating ice cream, hugging your dog and watching romcom movies with your sister. (A/N. typical lol)

Meanwhile in the Elite set:

After the call, Aron was actually very unhappy. Miguel and Omar tried to cheer him up. Their work was only waste of time because they know you’re the only person that could make him happy.

You met the elite cast in the first month you started dating Aron which right now it's been 6 months since you've started dating. Everyone loved you and very happy that their friend Aron is dating such a wonderful lady.

"I have an idea. Let's go all together. Aron call her Y/N's sister immediately we have a surprise to do!" Danna chirped.

"But how are we gonna go all together?" Aron asked still sad, in the verge of crying.

“Also The director said we can’t go.” said Claudia with a sad expression.

“I’ll go talk to him we can all have a day off can’t we?” Omar tried to cheer everyone up. He is one of the most cheerful person in the cast which this was the one of the reasons why you loved Omar. After the idea popping up, Itzan and Omar went to talk with the director.

10 minutes passed Aron was still stressing out and feeling unbelievably sad (a/n: this baby cares about you so much ahh sdfhsh <33). Danna and Ester being completely positive they tried to plan the surprise.

After 30 minutes Itzan and Omar came back with good news. They explained that they can have the day off but they begged the director so bad that the director was going to explode. 

“That cabron was being so rude! But he’s nice that he accepted so let’s go!” said Omar.

“Madre Mia, Aron you owe us a favor!” claimed Itzan laughing while watching Aron jumping in his seat.

The cast was extremely happy.

The car ride was so fun but weird at the same time. Maria and Jaime couldn’t come but they promised to celebrate it later. Jorge and Miguel partying in the background. Itzan and Aron chatting about rap. Omar and Alvaro sleeping. Last but not least all the girls were sitting together planning everything.

“Aron, what are the things she like? Like what’s her favorite movie?” Ester asked curiously so she can get an idea and brainstorm about the surprise.Aron answered with a low husky voice “She likes dogs, music, and her favorite movie is 10 Things I Hate About You. Mi amor loves oldies.” he smiled while thinking of what you like. He likes every single one of you. I guess this is called love. But are you also in love with him? Are you guys ready to tell that you guys love each other? Rejection. Fear. Concern. Little did he know that you felt the same.“oohh but 10 Things I-” Maria was interrupted by Aron.

“Ay dios mio! I have the perfect idea!” Aron said excitedly. He explained his dearest friends.

They called Maya and Leo to make the surprise possible. They were too happy and they told Aron that you were so sad he immediately felt like an evil and stopped talking. But the plan made him felt better.

It was going to be perfect.

Anyways after 8 hours of the car ride. Everyone was tired. They went on the ride at the night and now it was morning.

Aron was coming.

For his love

The girl he loved.

For you.

The Birthday Day

“WAKEY WAKEY Y/N IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!” Your sister Maya and brother Leo shouted. They were so excited for the surprise. 

The party was going to be in the house so Maya had to take you out of the house until night. 

(A/N: Just a side note sorry for interrupting but your parents are not gonna be in the party!)

You grumbled and mumbled a few curse words under your mouth and woke up.

“Today we’re gonna shop, go meet Y/B/F/N and go to the movies!! It’s gonna be so much fun!” Maya said excitedly.

You smiled at your sister and grateful that she wants you to be happy. You tried to forget Aron for that day and have a nice time. 

After eating breakfast you went out. Your phone was blowing with birthday messages and some dm’s from instagram about Aron’s arrival to the hometown by fans but Maya immediately caught the phone while she sent you to get something. 

The day went great, you went to see Avengers Endgame which is one of your favorite movies, you went to shopping, bought a sunglasses, ate junk food, done silly stuff. But Aron was nowhere to be found for you. There was no message or calls which made you feel so bad inside. 

On the other hand, the house was crazy, people trying to cook, plan, decorate the house... It was already a mess.

After the effort that almost 25 people given has done and it was the time that you were going to be taken back home by Maya.

“Y/N it was a great day. happy birthday te quiero mucho. Now go to house I’ll be back i’ll park the car ” she hugged you in the car, then you went out. While you were trying to open the door you heard a similar melody.

“You’re just to good to be true,”

“Can't take my eyes off of you“

“You’ll be like heaven to touch,”

“I wanna hold you so much”

“As long as love as arrived”

“And i thank god I’m alive”

“You’re just too good to be true,

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” 

You saw Aron walking to you singing. You ran into him and kiss him so passionately. You were almost crying. Also he knew your favorite movie and always wanted to be surprised like this. 

“You’re here Aron! You’re here and you’re singing like Pat did to Kat.”

“Would never miss it, mi cabron!”

Then you heard a crowd shouting and singing happy birthday for you. You see the elite cast running for you. You hug every single of them and thank for their effort to come there.

You were so grateful to have such friends, family and a boyfriend like that.

It was too good to be true.

Song Credits: Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You - Frankie Valli

[newobsessionweekly]

Used to your absence 🌿

Anonymous said: hi there I saw you were taking request, I was wondering if you could do an Aron Piper imagine where him & the reader are broken up but one day they see each other at the club & someone tries to hurt her but then he goes over & becomes her knight & shinning armor which makes them spend more time together & eventually get back together. Love your writing 💛

a/n: Thank you for your kindness! There it is, I hope you like it! Thank you for your patience and I’m sorry it took me so long. Stay home and stay safe, everyone! Enjoy 🌿❤️ word count: 1.773

warnings: I don’t think there are any of them. Sorry for the eventual grammar errors, but it’s 4am :))).

Arón Piper x reader 🌿

The worst feeling is when you are having trouble breathing, with a huge weight pressing on your chest and the tremenduous need to cry, to scream, to get it off and move on. There are those thoughts haunting you again, in the middle of the day, in the middle of a overcrowded street, with too many people passing by and none of them realising how broken you are. One single day had changed everything, but you still don’t know how that happened.

You love summer, warm days and long walks while the sun kisses your skin softely, but some summer days there in Madrid can be too hot to be supportable. Danna is here only for a few days to celebrate her birthday and for her Mala Fama Tour. It’s always a pleasure to spend some time with her, she was the one you got along with the most and the one that was there for you after you and Arón broke up. She was only one call away despite the jet lag. 

After an afternoon spent at your favourite coffee shop with Danna, she decided to celebrate her birthday at a disco in Center of Madrid that night. You weren’t sure if it’s a good idea, her and Arón are literally like a family and though she’s your best friend, you wanted to turn down the invitation. You lately felt this unbearable longing as you saw his face everywhere.

”So, you coming tonight?” she smiled at you and waited for an answear before she would get in the cab.

“Yeah, definitely.” you accepted anyway and kissed cheeks then she left for some Cosmopolitan shooting.

It’s been months since you’ve heard anything from Arón and it seemed you felt better, but knowing your anniversary is approaching, somehow messed up your mind. You found yourself admiring his Instagram profile a few nights ago and even opened the dms to ask him what was going on in his life, but you came across quickly. He had moved on and you could really use a drink right now.

--------

The night only began and you just stood at the table beside Danna’s friends, drinking and laughing with them. Arón wasn’t there, Miguel hugged you so tight, Itzan told you that he missed you, but Mina and Omar immediately kidnapped you after you hugged the others and asked for all the stuff that happened in your life lately. The conversation died sooner that they expected, you haven’t done much, your life without Arón was not that exciting. He was the one that lighted up your world with his smile, integrated sarcasm as if it was his native language and his love that once was destined to you.

Omar isn’t only the life of the party, he is also a very kind and warm person, with a big heart and armed with so much patience that you could even imagine. He always listened to you when Danna considered you were going nuts.

“But you broke up months ago.” he shakes his head.

“I know, I know. It’s harder than I thought to fall out of love, but it’s better now.” you smiled and he pat your shoulder.

You made your way to the dance floor and waved your body as the music dictates you. It’s already the third drink, but nothing too strong as you are not usually a drinker. You frizzed as your sight accidentally met Arón’s. He was there, beside your table, trying to focus on wishing properly a “happy birthday” to Danna, though seeing you made his heart feeling strange and a lump going up, stuck on his throat.

You shake your head and ignored that feeling in your stomach. You moved again to the sound of the music and let the inhibitions disappear. You wouldn’t usually wear a short dress, you wouldn’t let your body exposed and you wouldn’t let so many males stare at you. You always thought that a real man’s attention is caught due to the brain, the way of thinking and because of the way two people mentally resonate. Not only resonating in bed or being sexually attracted by someone.

As you stayed in the middle of so many people who moved lascivious on the music, you felt two strong arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer to some strange man. He danced behind your back, rubbing his body against yours until you found the strength to somehow stop him from moving.

“Let me go!” you tried to get his hands off of your body, but he only just moved one of them.

“Why, love? You look so sexy, let me enjoy this beautiful body.” his hand rested on your ass, moving up and down, creating a very unpleasant feeling.

The whole situation looked like a couple dancing and it didn’t raised any question marks, that’s what made you scared. He could lift you up any moment and take you God knows where, making it looks perfectly normal.

“Come on, let’s not complicate it. Let me go, please.” your voice is shaky as you felt his breathing against you neck. His big arms wouldn’t let you make any move and feeling him kissing your neck made you sick. You had tears running down your face and your body started trembling.

“She said to let her go, so let her go!” a thick voice heard behind you and made the strange man that had you captive in his arms turn to face the owner of the voice, but didn’t loose the grip.

You looked at Arón as he clenched his jaw. You know he shaved his head, you saw pictures but you couldn’t imagine he looks so good in real life. He is wearing his piercing and the ring you bought him for his birthday two years ago. Since then he never took it off for anything, but you thought he was wearing it because of you. Now, after months you hadn’t been together, he’s still wearing it. And now, after he saw that the man is not letting you go, he used his right hand along with the ring to make him back off.

He punched him in the jawline, careful not to hurt you too. As the man brutally let go of your waist and Arón going on top of him, you somehow managed to attenuate the fall. Arón was throwing punches towards the man, his face starting to bleed more and more.

You quickly grabbed Arón’s arm and tried to stop him, but the real help came from Miguel who had taken him away from the body laying down on the floor almost unconscious. His eyes were filled with anger, his fists painted with blood, but he softened when he caught your sight.

You rushed and hugged him tight and cried while he was holding you. You didn’t know how you are supposed to interpret his intervention or his tight embrace, but you stood there, “Thank you so much. I didn’t know what was going to happen if you weren’t there.”

“There so need to think like that, alright? I was there and I helped as I could.” he rubbed your back, slowly moving up and down.

He knows about how reserved you are with touching, especially with other people touching you. You didn’t like much that kind of interaction and he is the only one you always allowed to touch you, to feel your body entirely.

“So, uhm, I have some of your mail at the apartament.” he broke the silence. “Some letters came to that adress a few months in a row, they eventually stopped after a while, but I think you should have them.” you moved away from his touch.

“Alright.”

“So, are you free tomorrow afternoon? I mean, we could met at our-“ he stopped and swallowed the lump “-at the coffee shop to hand them to you, if you want to.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Tomorrow afternoon at the coffee shop.”

--------

He was waiting for you the next day at a table that used to be your favourite. From there you can see Madrid on its beauty and the people always walking made you detach for a moment and enjoy your own world you and Arón built together. There were also a perfect place for him because he could smoke without disturbing anyone and he always says that the light from that spot made you look literally like an angel.

“Hi!” you sat on the table facing him.

He extinguish the cigarette and smiled “Hi!”.

There was an awkward silence floating between you, filled with far too many unspoken words and regretted decisions.

“So, there are a few letters from your mom. I believe you told her your new address since after three months they stopped.” he broke the silence.

“I haven’t, actually. We had a pretty big fight so these letters are probably the payment amount.”

“Oh, shit. So this time you’ve been alone? I know that your mom is the only family you have.” he still remembers. He still knows you the best.

“Yeah, well that’s it. No big deal, really.” you half smiled.

“Do you remember why we agreed to split up?” he finally spoke his mind out. “You considered this thing we had being too much, and you being too much for me. I considered that I hadn’t enough time to show my love for you between the acting, photoshoots and all those crazy stuff going on in my life.”

“We spent some crazy, busy years together!” you laughed. 

“But were the most beautiful years. I miss the ‘always on the run’ life. I miss you.”

“Yeah, I know what you’re saying. I miss you too, a lot. I thought I managed to fall out of love with you, but I guess I just got used to your absence.”

“Please don’t try to fall out of love. Because I tried to love you less and that remembered me why I love you in the first place. So all I could do was to love you more than before if that is possible.”

“Yeah, but it’s over, as both of us wished.” you shrug, taking a sip from the coffee you ordered.

“And now, knowing how it’s like to live after you, I wish to take it back. Do you think it’s possible?” his hand shyly touched yours.

“No, we can’t change the past. But we can build a future and if you want, we can have a second chance to fix things.” you accepted his hand and crossed your fingers with his.

“This is all I want.”

[pjstafford]

On A Love Of Reading and Storytelling

Storytelling came before the reading. I think I was enchanted by words. I was a child and am an adult with a speech impediment. There are certain sounds that simply do not come easy for me. I have to, still today, think about how to pronounce a sound before I say the sound. As a very young child, before I started public education and had a speech language therapist to help me learn, most people, including those in my family, could not understand me. I could rattle on and often did but I wasn’t understood. Still I understood others well. I loved the childhood stories. Cinderella was a favorite as was Hop on Pop. I spent hours alone in my room using playing cards to play solitaire and telling stories to myself based on what cards came up.

When I started first grade I knew the alphabet and to write my name. I was placed in the lowest reading group. We read, all of us, from the same large Red book in the middle of the room. The other groups got their own smaller books. Tom is the first word I learned. Then Jane. I picked it all up as though I was a sponge. Quickly I advanced to the other groups. I read through the children’s books at home.

Then, I started sneaking into my parents room to read their books when they weren’t looking. My mom’s books were kept between the mattress and box springs on her side of the bed. The pictures were erotic. I found the content hard to understand. My father’s books on a nightstand were hard to understand but beautiful to read. The Sound and The Fury incomprehensible at first, but the Title alone fueled my soul.

At the end of second grade my test scores showed I read and comprehended at a twelfth grade level. I learned fast. I think it might have scared my parents a little.

When I was nine every adult and older teen I knew was reading The Cross and The Switchblade. One day I was found reading someone’s copy. My oldest sister suggested they buy me books that would take longer than a day to read that was age appropriate. I collected Trixie Belden and Nancy Drew, but Little Women and Jane Eyre changed my life. Jane Eyre and Jo March were different characters who represented the different sides of myself. It, also, dawned on me that people wrote these books and I began to write. As the girl no one understood, my ability to write, express, reason, persuade, explain was so important. By fifth grade I had a library card, I was allowed to check five books out of the library at a time. Monday afternoon I would go to the library and get my five books, I would return those on Friday and get five for the weekend. Repeat.

In seventh grade, we started the practice of going to different teachers for subjects and class periods and we could select electives. I chose great books. We were given a list of books we could choose from and told during the semester to write three book reports based on the types of reports listed. The types of reports were great. Imagine aliens found this book, what would they think of the human race. Very creative! I turned in all three of my book reports in the second week of class. My teacher said, “you were supposed to select the books you hadn’t read before.” I shrugged. I read all the books on the list before. “All 27?” Yep. She didn’t quite know what to do with me and I spent the rest of the class writing poetry and stories. Towards the end of the class she gave me a gift. “The Rubyait of Omar Khayyam.” She told me not to read it for the meaning but for the rhythm of the words. It was beautiful. I read it for the rhythm and eventually for the meaning. I gave up on Christianity for the last time in High School and started to read the Rubyait like a prayer at least once a week for decades. I was in my forties when I stopped. By then I had read multiple translations and even heard it read once in Persian. It’s lessons about wake, and now, and forget tomorrow or yesterday are the lessons I have failed at and recommitted myself to throughout my lifetime. I read it still, but less than once a week.

With all of this, there is so much I haven’t read of the classics. There is so much I haven’t read of the current. There is almost a danger of having read so much so fast so early in life. I no longer consider myself well read. The books I read when too young to understand I need to revisit. There is no time to keep up with the current writers. I have given up to some extent on the achievement aspect of it. So much better, is it not, to read what enriches, interests, or awakens your soul, makes you ponder or think?

I have a book I am almost done reading for the second time. Two I have recently started and one waiting to be read. I no longer read five books on a weekend. Adulting is so hard.

I write. I write fiction and poetry when I feel in the grip. So many stories outlined left unwritten.

But I write this today simple in gratitude to the writers. Music, poetry, fiction for me and only to a lesser extent television and movies have shaped me, formed me, soul and mind. In case my soul leaves my body tonight, I write this to thank the teachers and the writers. If you wrote it a hundred years ago and I read it yesterday. I honor you today. May there always be readers, writers, storytellers, and listeners, viewers.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

FINALLY!!!! Here is episode 48 of Cuba v DR!! With only two episodes left after this, we’re going to do one last giveaway! I know we’ve slacked so much, so there will be more than one winner, don’t worry! I’m so excited to also say that @esparza-army​ has graciously offered a Nevada PopDoll to include in the giveaway! More on the giveaway later today or tomorrow! Stay tuned!

FUCK IT FEELS GOOD TO BE POSTING THIS AGAIN!!

EPISODE 48

“Check all the exits,” Williams said as he walked through the crime scene. “I want the entire building gone over with a fine-toothed comb.”

They hadn’t found any forensic evidence during their first sweep of the building, but now with Omar Diaz in custody, he could feel that he was on the verge of breaking the case wide open. All he needed was one hair, one fiber, anything to connect Diaz with the murder of Reina Rodriguez, but what he was hoping for was something to connect Ramirez. He hadn’t been able to keep Diaz’s lawyer away for long without veering into abuse of power.

“Captain!” His head whipped around to the sound of someone calling his name. “You might wanna take a look at this.”

Williams followed the CSI tech into the stairwell and downstairs. “Please tell me they left blood.”

“No blood, but…” They got to the bottom of the stairwell and all the way to the back door. “There’s a partial print on the edge of the door. We can run it, see if there’s a match on record.”

“Get it over to the lab immediately, I want it to have top priority,” Williams replied.

“Got something over here!” he heard from behind him. Williams turned to look at a different tech swabbing a spot on the floor. 

“Blood?”

“No, more than likely saliva or sweat,” the second tech answered.

“Alright, send it with the partial print and let me know as soon as you have the results,” Williams said. 

“You got it, Captain.”

Williams smiled in satisfaction. “Gotcha, Ramirez.”

------------------------------------------------------

It was nearing six am when you came downstairs to get a headstart on breakfast and Nevada was still sitting on the couch, staring at the wall in front of him. You frowned and cleared the last couple of steps before going to sit beside him. “Have you been sitting like this all night?” 

He sighed heavily. “Yeah, I got a bad feeling about this. Something just...feels off.”

Your brows furrowed. “Off?” You moved to sit beside him and take his hand. “What do you mean by off? You’re making me nervous,” you said with a half smile, trying to lighten his mood but there seemed to be no change in the man’s demeanor. 

“I don’t know,” he replied, shaking his head with brows furrowed. “Just a weird feeling.”

You nodded, not liking the way that sounded. You had always seen your husband confident and ready to handle things. Seeing him like this was a little unsettling. “It’ll be alright, new day, same shit, remember?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he mumbled. “You’re up early.”

“Getting a head start on breakfast before the kids are up, what do you want to eat? You want a big cup of coffee, yeah?”

“Coffee for sure,” he said, nodding his head. “Other than that, I don’t care. Whatever you’re making for the kids is fine.”

“Sounds good, I’m gonna make them whole wheat waffles from scratch today, I was checking this new recipe and it looks so good. Plus it’s healthy!” 

You made a huge pot of espresso and poured your husband more than the recommended amount before getting started on the waffles.

“Are they gonna eat that? Kids hate healthy shit,” he replied, arching a brow.

“Well I’m hoping they’ll like it with fresh fruit but worse case scenario I’ll smother it in syrup and try being a good mom tomorrow instead.” 

“Good luck,” he replied. His cell phone rang and he immediately answered as he sat upright. “Chibby, give me good news.”

You turned your head and watched your husband’s face for a reaction. You couldn’t remember a time when you’d ever seen him this worried. It was beginning to scare you a little.

“Good,” he replied, standing up. “No, no. I’ll go see Jasper, you guys stay on Omar and this Williams fuck. Okay, bye.”

He hung up and grabbed his jacket, taking a large gulp from his coffee and bringing the mug to the sink.

“Found Natalia, that bitch is fucking dead,” he spat, tugging his leather on.

“You found her? That’s great right?” You stepped in closer with a frown. “You haven’t slept in at least 30 hours, Nevada. Can someone else go get her? You can rest a little? No one is functioning at full capacity without sleep. Not even you.” You were worried, he was burning the candles at both ends. You gripped tight to his leather and pressed in closer.

“I’ll be fine. I wanna finish this,” he replied. “I’ll sleep after we get Omar out.”

You nodded and tugged him closer. “Please be careful,” you whispered and leaned in, pressing your lips together with his. You didn’t usually smother him in affection anymore but his mood about this was scaring you. You wrapped your arms around his neck. “Stay a few more minutes,” you pleaded against his lips.

“I can’t, I gotta catch her while she’s not expecting us,” he replied. “I’ll be back soon, promise.”

You nodded slowly, pulling back, clearly sad to see him go. “Okay,” you whispered. “I love you…”

“Love you, too.” He kissed your lips and walked to the door, turning to give you a wink before he left.

--------------------------------------------------

Roxie loved a chance to have lunch with her mother. After their initial reconciliation, she had grown very close with her. Despite that, they didn’t often get a chance to be alone together, which was a shame. 

She sat across from her mother at the nearest table in the cafe, smiling and ordering them both a raspberry tea and a glass of white wine. 

“This is nice, Roxanne,” Helena said, smiling back at her daughter. “I’m glad to be able to have some time for just the two of us.”

Roxie nodded happily. “I’m glad too. I was hoping we could have some alone time.” When they brought the drinks they both ordered their meals. “I wish we could stay longer, I have to be on set in about an hour, otherwise I would love to spend the whole day together. Just one girl’s day, you know?” 

Girls day used to be about her, you and Amber. Now it would be just her and Josie. Which was fine, she was just a little...sad. She had loved spending time with Amber and you together. But she had to think about her family now, that’s what mattered.

“What’s the matter, darling?” Helena asked, noticing the expression on the younger woman’s face.

“I’m just thinking about how I had to say goodbye to a friend. I really cared for her, but she was toxic for my life. So I let her go. But I’m still sad about it, you know?”

Helena nodded softly. “Well, if she was toxic, then I doubt she was a very good friend. But I’m sorry she wasn’t who you thought she was. It’s understandable to miss the friendship.”

Roxie nodded. “It was sad, but it was definitely for the best.” The waiter brought over some biscuits, making her sigh contently. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.” 

“I am too,” Helena replied. “Is everything alright with Rafael? He seemed quiet the last few days.”

“Rafael decided to resign,” she said nervously. “He seems at peace with the idea. After all the rumors he doesn’t want his reputation to get in the way of someone else’s justice. And I think he wants to stay at home with Liam. I want to support him no matter what, I’m just so nervous he will grow to regret this decision.” 

“I see,” Helena replied. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sure he put a lot of thought into the decision. I remember how passionate you told me he is about his job.”

“He is so passionate, I’m so proud of him for always doing what he believes is right. Not many people have that same conviction.” She sipped her raspberry tea and sighed. “I’m going to chat with him later and see if he still feels it’s the best option, if he does then I guess we’ll adjust for whatever comes next.”

“Would you rather he didn’t resign?”

“I would rather he didn’t because I know he loves his job, but other than that I don’t have a preference either way. I just want him happy and lately that job hasn’t made him very happy. Not since that slag made all those allegations.”

“Well, then maybe you do without the chat,” Helena replied, bobbing her shoulders. “After all, he’s already made his decision, what’s the use in talking about it again? I’m sure if something changes for him, he’ll speak with you about it. You are his wife, after all, darling.” 

“That’s true,” Roxie said with a nod. “Yeah you’re right, this is his choice. I’ll leave it up to him.” 

As the server brought their food over, Roxie’s phone buzzed and she sighed. She’d been losing patience with work lately and put the phone on silent.

“Did you need to get that?” Helena asked, sprinkling pepper onto her salad.

“I’m sure they can manage without me for a few hours. We have some new staff at the bakery and they get nervous and call me for everything instead of the manager. They need to learn to call the manager.” 

Helena chuckled. “I’m proud of you, Roxanne. Opening a successful business and building a brand from something you’re passionate about.” 

“I’m so happy,” Roxie answered. “I worked so hard and did everything I could to make this business a reality.” 

“I know you did,” Helena replied. “And now you have a beautiful family and get to enjoy the fruits of your labor.”

“I just feel like...I don’t know. My whole life has led up to this career. I fought tooth and nail, working job after job to get it and now that things are running so smoothly...I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel as if maybe if I keep control of everything, it won’t.” 

“Oh, I know that feeling,” Helena replied with a fond smirk. “That was exactly how I felt after mine and your father’s business took off. After you were born, I thought I could keep going that way, then came Isla and after a few months, I realized that I was missing everything. I’d missed all your firsts, I’d missed most of your sister’s as well. And the worst part was that I didn’t know how to fix it. You can’t live your life that way, Roxanne. Don’t make the same mistakes that I did. Part of running a successful business is appointing people who are competent to maintain your standards so that you don’t have to sacrifice what's important to you. Trust your instincts, sweet girl, and know that you’ve hired the right people to represent your brand.”

Roxie bit her bottom lip. Her mother was right. “I...I know we are only starting to get close, I love that so much. But there is still a part of me that’s angry. I was a child and I took care of my sister like she was my own child. I always had more responsibility than a normal teenager ever would have. It made me who I am, and I’m grateful for that. But sometimes I’m still a little upset.”

“I can’t say I blame you,” Helena replied, setting down her fork to give her complete attention to her daughter. “I wasn’t a very good mother most of the time, I know that. But the one thing I am proud of is that neither of you ever wanted or needed for anything. You always had a roof over your heads, food on the table, clothes on your back. At least I got that right.”

Roxie smiled softly. “Yes, you did. Deep down, I always knew you loved us. Even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself all the time.” 

“I did,” Helena answered, nodding. “I do. And now that I have a second chance to have a real mother and daughter relationship, I promise you I will not take it for granted again.”

Roxie smiled. “I love you too. I resented you for so many years but...now that I’m in your position, I just feel like I owe you an apology. This is so hard, every day it’s a balance between the job I love and the family I love and it can be suffocating.” 

“I understand,” Helena replied. ‘You’ll see, it’ll get easier the older Liam gets. Or so I’ve heard.”

Roxie smiled at her mother before her phone buzzed again. “That’s my work. They need me at the set for filming...do you want to come along, mum?”

Helena’s eyes lit up and she nodded. “I would like that very much.”

--------------------------------------------------

With Liam strapped to his chest in a baby carrier, Rafael took the elevator up to the sixth floor at One Hogan Place. He had one hand against his son’s back and the other was holding his resignation letter. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he rocked his son as he waited for the doors to slide open.

“Should've brought your stroller, Liam. I just realized that I won’t have the hands to carry a box of my stuff out of my office,” he mumbled, kissing the infant’s head.

Stepping into the hallway, he made his way towards his office, smiling at Carmen once he reached her desk.

“Hello,” he chimed, grinning at her.

“Mr. Barba! And Liam!” She looked to the baby and giggled. “So handsome, look at you,” she cooed. “He looks just like Roxie.” 

“Thank god for that,” Rafael replied with a smirk. “I have to tell you something and I want you to know, it has nothing to do with you. It’s something I’ve been considering for a long time and now that this little guy is here, it just feels like the right thing to do.”

She shot him a nervous look. “Is everything okay, Mr. Barba?” 

“Yeah, everything is great, I just prefer that you hear this from me,” Rafael replied. “I’m resigning.”

Her eyes widened. “What? Why? Because of the article? Mr. Barba, it was a tabloid,” she said, frowning. “Everyone here knows it’s a lie.” 

“We both know that’s not true,” Rafael replied. “And even if it was, the innuendo would always be there and I don’t want it to affect any future cases. Besides, Roxie’s career is just starting to take off and someone needs to be home with Liam, that’s a job I’m more than ready to have.”

Carmen looked about to argue before sighing and nodding. “We’re going to be lost without you here,” she said with a sad smile. “No other boss is ever going to compare.” 

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” he replied  “Whoever replaces me will be lucky to have you watching their back.”

She smiled. “You better keep in touch.”

“Course I will,” he answered. “You wouldn’t wanna hold a baby while I go drop off my resignation letter and pack up my things, would you?”

“Oh, please give me that baby,” she pleaded. 

He snorted and unbuckled Liam from the carrier, carefully handing him to Carmen before he pulled off the straps and set the carrier on her desk. “Good to know you like babies.”

She bounced the baby in her arms. “Look at you, you are so much cuter than your daddy,” she teased. She looked at him, sad to see him go. “You’ve always been a bigger person than the others around here. No one would do what you’re doing now. I have...so much respect for you. I always have.” 

Rafael smirked at her. “Thanks for saying that.” He looked down at his son. “Okay, Liam, you behave. I’ll only be a few minutes.” Looking up at Carmen, he took the diaper bag from his shoulder and added, “If he gets fussy, his pacifier is in here, side pocket. I won’t be long.”

She nodded, happy to hold the baby in her arms, he was too cute. She watched her boss move out of sight and sighed to the baby. 

“Your daddy is one of the best men I know,” she said softly.

Rafael made quick work of packing his things into a box. If he were being honest, he didn’t want to be here any longer than he had to be. When he was done, he went back out to where Carmen and Liam were.

“Was he talkative?” he asked.

“He’s a sweet talker already.” She smiled down at the baby. 

Rafael chuckled, taking Liam from her and smelling his butt. “Think he needs a change. You wanna see where daddy spent most of his time before he met mommy?” he asked as he grabbed the diaper bag and walked back into his office.

The baby’s eyes opened and closed, focused mostly on Rafael as his little lips parted as Carmen followed close behind. 

“You don’t think you’ll go a little stir crazy alone with Liam all day? He’s adorable but I’m not sure you’ll leave the house too much.” 

“Oh, sure I will. Besides my sister’s kids aren’t that much older, once he gets old enough I can take him on play dates with them. In the meantime, there’s an entire city we can explore together,” he replied.

“Well he’s lucky, he’s living in the city that never sleeps. I assume he never sleeps either so it’s a perfect match, don’t you think?”

“Tell me about it about it,” Rafael mumbled as he put a new diaper on Liam. “He pretty much sticks to a schedule though, so at least there’s that.”

“So he is just like you and Roxie then,” she said with a loud laugh.

“Yep, guess it runs in the family, huh Liam?” Rafael replied, snapping his son’s onesie shut and picking him up and bringing him towards his chest. “He’s a great baby.”

“Lucky you,” she said, smiling and looking around the room. “I can’t believe you’re leaving...have you told Grace yet? She’s so attached to you, it’ll break her heart. From what I’ve heard around the office she’s been thriving lately.”

“No, she and I didn’t exactly part on the best terms the last I saw her, but I’m glad to hear that she’s doing well,” he answered. “She has a lot of talent and a lot of passion, it would’ve been a shame to see that go to waste.”

“Oh, did you guys fight?” 

“Something like that,” he mumbled. 

“Well at least she’s nicer than the other paralegals,” she mumbled. “One of them called me Cameron the other day.” 

“That must get annoying,” he answered. “I hope you don’t let them get away with it.”

“I’ll give you a guess how many times I’ve corrected him already,” she said with a roll of her eyes. 

“Well, I wouldn't worry. People like that don’t typically make many friends around here.”

“I sure hope not…” She sighed. “Some people honestly have no common courtesy.” She turned her attention to Liam who was starting to fuss a little.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to work. I’ll see you around  okay?”

“I’ll miss you, I really will. And expect me to come and visit this little one soon,” she said with a smile. 

“We’re counting on it,” Rafael replied as they walked back to her desk. Handing Liam over to her, Rafael put the baby carrier back on and set Liam inside, fastening the wraps to keep him safely in the harness. “Come by soon for dinner, we’d love to have you over.”

“I would really like that, thank you. And tell Roxie I say hello.” She gave him a smile and then a wave to Liam. “Bye cutie.”

“Say bye,” Rafael mumbled to Liam, before he patted Carmen’s shoulder. “I’m just gonna drop off my resignation letter with McCoy and then I’ll be back for that box tomorrow when my mother in law can stay with Liam.”

“Do you want me to hold Liam while you drop it off?” she offered.

“No, it’s alright, it won’t take me long,” he replied, smiling. “Thank you, though.”

Carmen nodded and got back to work as Rafael went to McCoy’s office, on the seventh floor. Dropping the letter off with the DA’s secretary, he left with his son and decided to stop by the SVU precinct.

The second Rafael entered the precinct he could see Amanda and Carisi chatting at their desks, laughing as they looked over case files. Amanda looked up when she noticed him. 

“Barba, Hey. Is this your new edition?”

“Yes! This is Liam, Liam, this is Amanda Rollins and this strange-looking man is Sonny Carisi,” Rafael said.

Carisi snorted a laugh and looked at the baby. “Oh he’s cute, counselor.”

“So is it bring your baby to work day?” Amanda asked with a quirked brow.

“I don’t work here,” Rafael replied. “If you’re asking whether I’m back at work, the answer is no, I’m still in paternity leave...and I resigned this afternoon.”

Carisi was the first one to react. “What? Barba you can’t be serious…”

“I am very serious,” Rafael answered. 

“What are you going to do? You practically live in that office.” Amanda frowned. “You love your job.” 

“I’m gonna be a father,” he replied, smirking as one hand rubbed over Liam’s back. 

Neither of them seemed to want to argue with that. 

“We’re not gonna find another ADA willing to go the extra mile like you, Barba.” Carisi looked down at the baby and smiled before nodding. “We gotta get back to work but congratulations on the baby, and we’re gonna miss you around here.”

“Especially Carisi,” Amanda said with a smirk. 

“I’m sure I’ll see you all around at some point,” Rafael answered. “Liv in her office?”

“Yeah, she’s finishing some paperwork,” Carisi said with a nod. “Been in there for hours.” 

“Well, we’re gonna go say hi,” Rafael said, looking down at Liam, who by now had fallen asleep again.

Carisi nodded and smiled looking down at the baby. “Congratulations again on the baby, counselor.” 

“The precinct won't be the same without you,” Amanda said with a smirk. “The next ADA has big shoes to fill.” 

“Thank you,” Rafael answered, nodding before he walked to Liv’s office and knocked on the door. “Knock-knock. You got a minute for a sleeping baby and a washed-up prosecutor?”

Olivia turned and smiled. “Well look who stopped in, I always have time for you and Liam,” she said with a smile. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, just wanted you to hear from me that I resigned about an hour ago,” he answered.

She quirked a brow. “Resigned? Care to elaborate? I’m not disputing it if this is what you want, I’m just curious as to why we’re losing our ADA.” 

“It’s just time for me to go, Liv. Time to do other things,” he replied.

She nodded. “They will never be able to replace someone who’s had my back like you have,” she said with a smirk. “No one else is crazy enough to take the cases you did.” 

“Well, good. Maybe you’ll win a few more then,” he replied.

She smiled at him. “So what now, moving on to a new job or…” 

“I think I’m just gonna focus on making sure this little guy is taken care of,” he answered, gesturing to Liam.

She smiled and nodded. “I wish I saw Noah more. Liam’s lucky, I’m not sure what we’re gonna do without you.” 

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“We have to be, this new case is a big one,” she smirked and looked at him. “I always thought they’d drag you out of that office when you were well into your eighties, but retirement looks good on you. One hour and you’re already glowing.” 

“He certainly helps,” Rafael replied, looking down at Liam. “It’s just not worth it. When I weighed the pros and cons...Liam is the most important thing in my life now. He doesn’t deserve for me to be stressed because of a lie that got out of hand.”

“I understand,” Liv replied, giving her friend a sympathetic smile. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? She said after a moment.

“I won’t,” Rafael mumbled back. After a pause, they carefully embraced before Rafael left the 16th precinct for the very last time.

--------------------------------------------------

“Hello, you’ve reached Roxanne. Leave me a message and I’ll ring you back just as soon as I’m able.”

BEEP

“Hey Rox, Liam and I just got home. Just wondering how your day went. We’ll see you soon,” Rafael said as he let the front door close behind him. “Love you, bye.”

He hung up, set his phone down on the counter and unbuckled Liam from his chest. Setting the baby down in his swing, he turned the apparatus on and walked into the nursery.

“Okay, Liam,” Rafael called out as he looked for a fresh onesie and a diaper before he began walking back to the living room. “Let’s get you all bathed and cleaned up for when mommy and grandma get back. Maybe we can watch Trolls or som--”

He froze in the doorway at the sight of a tall, blonde man standing with his back to him next to Liam’s swing. Turning his head towards the door, he still found it closed. He hadn’t heard it open, nor had he heard so much as footsteps. How did the intruder get inside?!

“He looks just like his mother.” 

Rafael’s heart sank at the sound of the familiar voice as the man turned around with the baby boy nestled in his arms. Charles Heeley grinned at him.

“Hello, Rafael. It’s so good to see you.”

[vidkid20ssimblrlair]

Episode 17: More Than Meets The Eye

Narrated by Matthew

From afar I watched the proceedings. With Jones's full permission, we held a small funeral in the back yard for Grace. Her body to be buried amongst the flowers where she breathed her last breath. I couldn't bring myself to get any closer than the porch. The guilt was eating me alive. I was on watch. This was my fault.

I noticed Vince standing around the dugged out grave where Grace's body laid now. He held on to Audrey as he sadly looked on. He glanced back at me. I fully expected to get the evil eye from him, but he just looked somber and serious. I looked away almost feeling ashamed of myself. If I hadn't been interrogating him and harassing him I would have seen Grace. Possibly maybe even saved her. Hell, if I had just listened to him I could have prevented all of this.

Omar stood by in a black suit borrowed by Jones as Jones himself said a prayer during the makeshift service. DJ stood by with a shovel looking grim. Madison, Lin, and Wade also stood around in black garments fitting for a funeral. Everyone was pretty much dressed up. Aaron leaned on the railing beside me seemingly to be sober for once. Not for long I figured. Tao sat on the bench behind me quiet as a mouse. Unusual for him, but expected. Nathan joined me on the porch beside me suddenly. I smiled at him as he looked over at me and he turned away ignoring me. I was shocked. He seemed angry.

In fact, everyone seemed to be cold towards me. Wade, especially after calling me out over Grace's death. He was furious and cursed under his breath when we bumped into each other in the kitchen earlier. Madison, on the other hand, hadn't forgiven me for lying to her from before. She slept on the other side of the living room away from me after that night. This only topped it off I'm sure. I was pretty sure I was on the top of everyone's shit list.

When the funeral was over and everyone began to filter into the house, DJ picked up the shovel and began filling the grave. Omar had thrown the first piles of dirt into the grave, but the young man had taken over from the looks of it. I came over and grabbed the shovel nearby.

"I'll do it," I said as he glanced up at me. "Go back in the house."

Omar who stayed behind to talk to Madison on the porch looked over at me. A picture of grief. He dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief and said nothing entering the house. Madison followed cutting her eye at me before disappearing. Vince though stayed watching from the stairs as I shoveled in dirt. He looked conflicted looking at the house and back at me. He eventually walked over and grabbed the extra shovel DJ had left. He began helping me shoveling dirt in. Our eyes meeting for a brief moment, but nothing was said between us. We continued in silence saying nothing. Nothing needed to be said.

I spent most my evening in silence. Everyone mostly stayed to themselves while some just actively avoided me. There was no doubt that a dark cloud was hanging over the house now. Part of me wished I was anywhere, but here. I decided to spend the evening sitting on the front porch steps with a bottle of wine. The cool air tonight was soothing and the sound of crickets reminded me of home. I drink from the bottle and savored the bitter flavor. I wasn't even halfway into the bottle when I suddenly smelled cigarette smoke. I looked over to see Vince standing next to me now smoking. The cigarette hung out of his mouth and balanced on his lower lip. He appeared to be still dressed up just as I, but he had a backpack on.

I furrowed my brow. "Going somewhere?"

"Thinking about it," he said taking the cig out of his mouth and blowing out a cloud of smoke in my face.

"So you're going just leave with your tail between your legs?" I asked eyeing him. "Leave Audrey when she needs you the most?"

"Fuck off!"

"I'm just asking."

"I said I'm just thinking about it. Not actually doing it. I don't know. I just don't do well with this shit. It's unbearable," he muttered. "Weren't you the one who wanted me to go?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, but I changed my mind. I'm thinking maybe I was wrong about you. I sure as hell haven't been making the best decisions lately."

"No shit!"

I laughed. "Can I have a puff?"

He frowned and handed me the cigarette. I took a nice long drag from it. It was stale, but I had missed this taste. I blew the smoke out of my nose and mouth. I watched it float in the air marveling its intricate swirls. I handed it back to him and he held onto it flicking ashes onto the ground.

"Wine?" I said offering him the bottle. He took the bottle, studied it, read the label, and took a sip.

He chuckled. "It's a miracle you found alcohol in this house with Aaron around."

"It's a miracle you found a cigarette. You got any more?"

"Nah. If I did I wouldn't be saving this," he said puffing from it. He handed it back to me. "I lucked up and found this when we first discovered the gas station some weeks ago."

I happily took it and smirked. "Well, it's pretty stale but good. I had quit before when things were normal. Got back in the habit after I found a pack in a convenient store recently. Went through the pack pretty fast. Thought I might never see another cig. As bad as it is for your health, I sure I miss it."

He shrugged. "You'll be surprised at how much you miss nowadays."

"You know I haven't had the guts to face Omar. I can't imagine what's he's going through," I lamented. "I heard Grace might have woke up in the middle of the night looking for that damn cat. She might have thought it was outside terrorizing the chickens or something. She probably didn't even see the walker."

"Most people like that with Alzheimer's wander around at strange hours anyway. She probably had no idea what she was doing."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?"

"Maybe,...but you still fucked up majorly."

"I know that. Must you be so blunt?" I chuckled trying not to cringe. I slowly deflated feeling guilt wash me over again. "So, what makes you think there's more to me?"

He shrugged again seemingly mulling over his answer. He exhaled. "It's something about you. Sometimes you seem cold. Like you've seen some shit or been through some shit. Well before the corpses took over at least. I just don't think you were some ordinary privilege white boy with a cushy job is what I'm saying."

"Now you're making assumptions Mr. Martez," I said handing him what was left of his cigarette. I then laughed and looked him right in the eye. "I can see why you would say that, but I am what I say I am. Now, I wasn't always 'privileged'. I did grow up poor in a small town. As for being 'cold', you can blame my father for that I guess.

"Damn, you got old man problems too?"

I took the bottle from him and took a nice long drink. I sighed. "I guess so. Well, he wasn't a terrible father compared to some. He took care of us and was there at least, but he was strict and old fashion. You see our older sister, Rachel had it easy. She was his little princess. She was raised as daddy's little girl. Us boys, me and Nate, we were raised to be men. Men in the images of him or what he wanted us to be at least."

I took another sip. "He put guns in our hands before we could say my ABCs. We were raised to be cold, calculating, and tough. One of our first lessons was hunting. We would hunt deer mostly. I...I didn't like it. I never did. Shooting something that couldn't shoot back or defend itself seemed unfair. Even to me as a little kid, but there was no crying with him. Boys didn't cry in his presence and he didn't raise sissys. We would get whoopings if we did."

"Damn."

"Yeah," I chuckled again. "I remember he took me and my brother out in the forest one day. Told us we had to shoot our first deer. Each of us. We were only nine then. I remember hunting down one and then taking aim at the poor creature. I thought there was something beautiful about them. Majestic you know. I aimed at it and remember my hands shook as I began to squeeze the trigger, but I couldn't do it. I lowered my gun and told him I couldn't do it. Begged him not to make me, but he threatened to beat me and my brother till we couldn't stand. Then beat us again if he felt like it. So I took the shot."

"You took it?"

"Yeah. I was supposed to shoot the poor thing in the head. I shot it in the torso and it fell but it cried and cried. It was the most horrible sound I ever heard. He slapped me in the back of the head for not getting a clean shot. Then he dragged me and my brother over to it. I watched it squirm and scream in pain. It was horrible. That's when I began crying and my brother followed. We both cried and that only enraged my father. He cursed at us. Told us to stop crying and be men. Then he handed me a knife and told me to finish what I started. He wanted me to stab it in the head."

"Did you stab it?"

"Of course I did. I had no choice. He wasn't going put it out of its misery and I feared what might happen if I didn't, so I did. Now it would take me several minutes and I begged him to do it, but I did. Then we took it home. He made us watch him skin it. Then we ate it for dinner that night. Typical and pretty common for animals we raised too."

I grimaced. “It was one of the many lessons he would force on us. Practically beat into us. I can still hear his words. His lessons.”

“Well, how about your mom? Didn’t she do anything?”

“No, but I don’t blame her. Maybe I should, but I don’t. At the end of the day, she was a good mom.”

"So let me see here. You’re basically saying you got a bit of excuse to be an asshole. So what? We all had fucked up lives one way or another.”

"True. Very true.”

“But the point I was making is I’ve been like this all my life. It’s always been easier for me to assume the worse in people. Easier to mistrust. What I did last night. You didn’t deserve that. There’s no excuse for that. I’m sorry,” I said looking him in the eye now.

“It’s fine,” he said nodding flashing me an earnest smile. “So that’s all that makes you tick?”

“Well yeah. When I got older I made a point to move out to the city and make something for myself. Now that I that think about it, I got carried away with that too I guess. That cushy job became my life.  It became more important than anyone and anything. Not to mention I was a ruthless asshole. Maybe I did become my dad."

"I doubt that. Well, I barely know you, but these people seem to respect you. To like you."

"Yeah, but I couldn't blame them if they didn’t now. After what happened to Grace. I failed her and everyone."

I felt warm tears collect at my bottom lid but I kept my composure. Vince kept quiet as he appeared to be in deep in thought now. He threw the cigarette butt on the ground and stomped the embers still looking downward away from me.

"I don't know why I told you all this. You probably hate me yourself," I said rubbing my eyes and letting out a small laugh.

"I don't hate you," he said sitting down next me now with his eyes solely on me. "I pity you, but one thing. I guess I should pity Nate too. Sounds like you both had it rough."

"Well, he did. I mostly took the brunt of it. He may not look it, but he's always been the sensitive one. He used to faint at the sight of blood. My father considered him weak and I was the one with potential. I often resented my brother for that."

"So let me see you're a fucked up white kid who ran away from Mommy and Daddy, went to the city with your bro, became a fancy executive and now you're here slumming it up with an ex-convict in the apocalypse?

I laughed. "That's a pretty good summary."

"And part of me was hoping you were a spy."

We shared a chuckle and I downed the last of the wine. We then heard the door open and Madison appeared. She stepped out onto the porch staring at the both of us. 

She wore a very confused expression on her face as she did. "Um...am I missing something? You're not trying to kill each other?" she perplexed.

"No," we both said shrugging.

"Are you two feeling ok?" she asked still bewildered. She then looked down at the empty wine bottle now sitting on the ground. "You're drunk? Really drunk?"

I scoffed. "Madison. We buried the hatchet. Is it that hard to believe?"

"In each other? You buried a hatchet in each other?"

I grabbed her playfully and she fell onto my lap. She didn't try to struggle. She sat there looking back at me with a worried expression on her face. She seemed to be in a forgiving mood as well.

"Well, I'm going to leave you two love birds alone," Vince said slightly frowning at the two of us. He got up and headed towards the house.

"Oh, no you can stay," Madison pleaded.

"Nah. I'll catch y'all later."

"Vince," I said. He stopped in his tracks. "Thanks for listening to me."

He flashed me a small smile. "Um..sure. Anytime.."

He went back inside leaving me and Madison alone. She remained on my lap. Her eyes searching my face still looking concerned.

"You been crying?" she asked touching my face.

"No. It was something in my eye. I'm fine," I said wiping them.

"Well, I came to bury the hatchet too," she purred in my ear. She got up from my lap and sat down beside me. She placed her head on my shoulder and sighed. "I don't want to be mad anymore. I don't even want to think."

"Me either."

"I just want to forget today ever happened. Forget last night ever happened. I just want things to go back to normal. I want everything to be ok again. Is that stupid?"

I looked into her eyes. Her eyes so beautiful, but so sad. Something about her seemed so small at this moment. So vulnerable. I rubbed her back ensuring her. "No. Everything will be ok. I promise."

She then lifted up looking alarmed. She seemed to be staring at the bushes as if looking for something.

"What's wrong?" I asked straining to see anything.

"It's... it's nothing. I'm just being paranoid," she said forcing a smile on her face. She leaned her head back on my shoulder. "You're right. Everything's going to be alright."

Previous Episodes- Ep16: What About Grace Part 1 & Part 2

All Episodes

Sorry for the delay. >_<

P.S. This is my first time making poses on stairs b/w. xD

[scullyy]

Two Sides Of The Same Street /Chapter Three

Title: Two Sides of the Same Street   Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three

Pairing: Clementine x Louis

Word Count: 1645

Summary: Louis and Clem have some fun in this cold weather.

A/N: This is probably the fluffiest piece I’ve written so far, enjoy :)

-

Clementine took another sip of her peppermint tea, basking in the warmth it provided. “Does it usually get this cold during winter?” The snow fell gracefully from the dark sky, blanketing the town in a white sheet.

“Unfortunately yeah. But it makes for some killer snowball fights,” Louis munched down onto his croissant. Goddamn Omar never failed to amaze him. “Marlon and I get really into it, I stand as the champion.”

“You do have other friends, right?” She questioned. Louis only ever talked about his wacky adventures with Marlon, the boy seemed almost as mad as Lou. Probably why they were so close.

Louis scoffed. “Of course, everyone loves me. Omar is my friend too, right dude?”

Omar turned from a happy customer and his gentle smile shifted to a glare, directed specifically at Louis. “Run while you still can.” He whispered to Clem.

Clementine hid her snicker behind her large mug as Louis threw one of Clem’s chips at Omid’s back. “He secretly loves me.”

“Right,” Her tone gave away her lack of belief and her annoyance at missing a chip. “Anyways, who’s turn was it?”

“I believe it was mine. What is the last song you listened to?”

Their bus ride game had somehow made it’s way to their lunch break, the third lunch break they had shared together that week. Surprisingly, Clementine found it to be fun. “Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey. I was listening to it on the ride to work this morning.”

Louis tipped his cup of lemonade to her. “Good choice, so your car got fixed then?” Another piece of croissant flew into his mouth, it was addicting!

Clementine giggled at how Louis ate his food. Why was it so cute? “Yes finally. No offence to the bus. So, What is your worst customer story?”

It was a juicy question. Louis’s ears perked up as a devilish smile grew. “I have the best one. I had only been working at the shop for a couple of months when this family of three walks in one day. As the parents are checking stuff out their kid goes batshit crazy, he’s running around, touching everything, trying to take stuff off the walls and his parents aren’t doing anything! I tell him to stop multiple times but he won’t listen, so I got both of my keen eyes on this little dude until the old manager calls me into the back so I can unbox some CDs we ordered. As I’m back there, we hear this fucking banshee-like scream, turns out this kid had climbed the top of one of our drum sets, jumped off and landed on his spine on our spare snare drum stand we have sitting nearby.”

Clementine’s jaw was hanging wide open like a fish.

“It gets worse. The mom marches up to me and starts going off at me, saying that I should have been watching her child. She starts talking to the manager about how incompetent I am meanwhile I’m standing there like an idiot. But my manager says to her how it’s not my job to watch her child and how she should have told him to be more careful. Eventually, the family stormed out. Sometimes I wish the shop was idiot-proof.”

“Oh my god,” She threw a hand over her mouth, trying to repress the laughter. “That sucks.”

Louis brushed it off. “It was, but it’s funny to think about now,” His water helped to clear the scratch at the back of his throat. “I wanna hear your story now. Any customers you wanted to beat over the head?”

“Mine isn’t as exciting. It was a few days ago, this guy comes in wanting to return this antique Royal Doulton vase but it was way past the return date. He starts screaming but then he takes the vase and tries to throw it at Lee! Luckily he dodged it and threw the guy out.”

Now it was Louis’s turn to look shocked. “Fuck...did you use your overly expensive spoons to attack him?”

“They are not expensive!” She took a piece of his croissant and threw it at his nose, time for him to lose his own food. “Dork.”

Louis dramatically placed a hand over his heart, squeezing his dark blue shirt. “Dork? That is a declaration of love if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Since when?”

He shrugged. “Y’know, it goes alongside things like ‘less than three’ and ‘Rawr XD. That’s just how life works, so you love me.” Louis wiggled his fine eyebrows.

Clementine rolled her eyes at his gesture. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“That’s all I do,” He pushed his plate to the side and dusted off his hands of crumbs. “We still have fifteen minutes left of our break, anything else you wanted to do?”

Clementine wiped her mouth clean. “Maybe we can just go for a walk in the snow?”

That’s so fucking romantic. Louis, you marry this girl right now-

“Sounds like fun!” Louis waved at one of the waiters, getting him to come to their table. “Give my compliments to Chef Omar, tell him he has a lovely smile. Thank you!” He left the man a tip before waving at Omar. Begrudgingly, he waved back. Louis somehow manages to make his day better.

Clementine picked up a palm full of snow and threw it into the air, twirling as it fell around her. “Despite how cold it gets, I do enjoy the snow.” She looked like a winter fairy with those adorable earmuffs on.

Louis smirked as he picked up a handful of snow. “Oh really?” He hummed, his batting arm pegged the snowball at the back of her head, exploding all over her hair. Louis erupted in laughter as Clementine froze, the snow was making its cold descent down her back.

She slowly turned around, shooting daggers at Louis. “You asshole.” She quickly scooped up her own snowball and planted it right in his face, snickering at how his nose scrunched. Those baseball lessons really paid off.

He wiped the excess snow from his eyes. “This means war.” Clementine ran down the pavement as Louis chased her with handfuls of snow, their laughter filling the ears of those who were forced to dodge them.

He made an attempt to throw a snowball at her back but missed when she ran around a corner. “Just hold still!” He called out to her.

“We’re enemies now! I will never surrender!” Clementine crafted an extra large snowball just for him. She turned on her heels in one swift movement and ran back at him, slamming the ball atop his head. Amongst the collision, Clem had lost her footing and tumbled down alongside Louis.

Except she didn’t land on the snow.

The warm presence beneath her was comforting, she couldn’t help but melt into it.

“Clem?” Clementine raised her head and pushed away some loose curls from her eyes. Below her own head was Louis, at very close proximity. “I love your eyes.” He stated.

The heat radiating from her cheeks could melt the snow. “What?”

It was the first moment he could truly appreciate them. There were brown specks in them, a pool of honey and Earth. “It’s just, your eyes are the colour of gold people spend lifetimes trying to find.” He whispered only for her.

Clementine found herself brushing the snow away from his freckled cheek, they looked like beautiful constellations. She gently grabbed ahold of the collar on his thick coat and closed the gap between them.

And suddenly everything made sense.

Her heart opened like a butterfly taking flight, the fact he was kissing her had her mind reeling. An explosion went off in Louis’s own heart when he saw Clementine’s flushed cheeks as she pulled away. It was official, he had died and gone to heaven.

“You’re..uh..really pretty.” He stuttered like the smooth criminal he is.

She giggled. “You’re pretty too. Sorry if I took you by surprise, I just-”

“-no it’s great! I’m glad you did that. I’ve always wanted to kiss a cute girl whilst freezing my ass off in the snow in the middle of a busy street.” He teased.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “How specific.” Clementine moved away and got back to her feet, her legs almost becoming jelly. Louis followed her and dusted the snow off his coat.

“What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic,” His eyes lingered on her hands, her light purple gloves made him smile for some reason. Cuteness perhaps? Everything about her was cute.”Is it okay if I hold your hand?”

Clementine snaked her fingers amongst his own. “I like you a lot Lou.”

“As do I Clemster,” He brought her hand up and kissed her fuzzy gloves. “And if we don’t leave now we’ll be super later for work.”

“Oh shit.”

She and Louis ran like the wind down the crowded street, swerving between the judging stares of the people beside them. Clementine let go of his hand as she made her way across the street, desperate to get out of the growing winds. “I’ll catch you later Clem!” He called out, his hand waving through the air furiously.

“Run you clever boy!”

Louis stopped dead in his tracks, his shoes skidding along the snow. His head whipped up in time to catch her suave wink. With a smile that radiated good energy, he headed back into the store, punching the air once he knew he was safe from prying eyes. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Okay, maybe he wasn’t so safe.

Marlon chucked the damp towel into the bucket. “Why do you look so...crazy?”

Louis shrugged his coat off and chucked it over the counter, sending fragments of snow flying onto the floor. “I got to know a pretty face and electric soul.”

[night-winter]

Chocolate

It's Valentine's day, the day of lovers but also the day of those who love each other not in a romantic way like friends or family.Usually you give chocolate, letters, flowers to the person you love.Clem remembers the good old times when her mom used to make chocolate for her husband or her own daughter, how her dad came home from work with a bouquet of beautiful flowers, how she shared letters with her friends and ate chocolate together...That was a good time, If she could she would go back and enjoy more of those moments, after the apocalypse started the good times were over, no more peace, no joy, what was left was only focusing on survival and hope that one day things'll get back to normal...But It never did.Even if complicated, it goes on because hope is the last to die, that's what made her go on and she finally found what she though she'd never have: a home, friends, someone to love and give chocolate to; and that's what she wanted to do, give chocolate to Louis and Violet, the two people she loved the most after Aj of course, she loved him like a son.

Back to Valentine, she wanted to make chocolate for her two lovers, but she needed help, someone that knew how to cook and hopefully how to make chocolate;Omar was the only option so she walked down the hallways to his dorm.When she arrived she found Aasim outside his door, quite nervous.

"Aasim?"

Her voice made him jump in surprise, his face was bright red, when he saw that It was Clementine he calmed down and made a sigh of relief.

"Clementine?Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry!What are you doing?"

His face became red again,turned his head left and then he walked close to her and said awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"I-I want to make chocolate for Ruby"

When she heard the name *Ruby* she made a grin.

"Finally making a move tough guy?"

She teased him poking him on the cheek earning an even redder face and a glare from Aasim.

"S-shut up"

To stop her from teasing him even more he changed the subject.

"What are you here for?"

Her cheeks flushed a little pushing the tip of her finger on the other.

"To be honest I wanted to make chocolate too, for Louis and Violet.Does Omar know how to make It?"

"Well he wouldn't be called chef Omar If he didn't know how to make chocolate!He knows exactly how to make It.Let's just hope he'll help us"

"Well that's good to hear!Come on, I'll be the one to knock since you seemed to have some trouble"

She chuckled as he rolled his eyes, his cheeks still red,Clem found entertainment on teasing him since his reactions were the best but of course she never got too far, they were friends after all.

She knocked on Omar's door, after a few seconds he opened the door and raised a brown.

"What are you doing here?Need help with something?"

"Actually yes, we need some help to make chocolate for Valentine's day!"

"I see, you guys are making moves on your lovers"

"Hehe yes"

Clem said putting a hand on the back of her head.

"Okay I'll help you with It"

"You really will?"

Said the two in unison, very happy that he would help them

"I've been making chocolate every year, I don't mind, actually I'd be happy too"

Aasim and Clem shared a smile ,then they headed for the kitchen.

"What we'll need now is...chocolate and luckily we've got a lot of It"

"Okay Let's start!"

Omar he has been cooking for years and became a pro at It, time to time he liked making something different than they usual rabbit stew, all thanks to an old book he found in the library.

"It's not hard so I doubt we'll have problems"

He said taking a couple of bowls.

"Follow my steps okay?"

The two nodded as Omar took two bowls, one filled with water and the other with pieces of chocolate.

He placed the bowl with water to heat on the fire and proceeded by placing the other bowl with chocolate on top of It.

"This way It'll melt and then we will put it in the mold"

He said, taking two heart-shaped molds.

"It isn't as hard as I thought It would be, I never even made chocolate for someone"

Clem said putting her hands on her hips.

"There's a first time to everything Clem"

"Is that what you said to yourself when decided to make chocolate for Ruby?"

Omar and Clem grinned as Aasim hid his red face with his hands

"Please don't become like Louis, one of him is enough"

"You say you can't stand him but he was the first one to know your crush on Ruby"

"He told you that?!"

"Yup, Im his girlfriend after all"

"Ugh that idiot"

"He can be an idiot but he's a good person, even If he always disturbs me while Im cooking"

________________________

After some time they were finally done, they even made some cards.

The big time was close now, since Louis and Violet were hunting Clem had to wait some time, Ruby on the other hand was just done with her chores and Aasim was on his way to give her his chocolate.

He walked towards her with the chocolate hid in his hands.

"Hey Ruby"

Ruby turned to face Aasim and greeted him friendly.

"Hey"

"Do you have a second to talk?"

"Of course, what is It?"

He had all her attention, It was now or never.He handed her his chocolate with his card.

"W-Is this chocolate?"

Ruby asked surprised, they only had chocolate when they were very tired or when sick.

"It's Valentine's day and well I wanted to share chocolate with you"

Her face turned into a soft one, she accepted the chocolate and give him a small kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you..."

She whispered to him

"Wanna eat It with me?"

She asked shyly with her cheeks a little red.

"Sure"

He answered back trying his best to stay calm, he's never been this happy.

Clem watched all the time behind a corner and gave Aasim a thumb when she kissed him.Now It was her turn, Violet and Louis were finally back.

"Hey guys"

She greeted them happily, a little nervous.

"Here she is, my beautiful girlfriend"

Lou said putting a hand around her

"Hey"

She said, glaring at Louis

"Come on don't argue now, There's something more important now"

She said with a serious look that made the other two a little worried.

"Did something happen?"

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to talk to you two about something"

She made her way to her office, Louis and Violet followed.Once they were inside she gained courage.

She handed them the chocolate.

"Take this"

"Chocolate?"

They both said

"It's Valentine's day, so I thought I could give you two some"

She smiled softly.

They accepted It happily and she made a sigh of relief.

"Thank you Clem"

Violet said hugging Clem and she accepted It

"Oh so now you're stealing her from me"

"Now you know what It feels like"

Louis putted his hand on his heart as If he was hurt while the two girls chuckled.

"I really love you two"

"And we love you back"

The three hugged tightly, even If the world was gone they still had each other and that was the best thing they could ever ask for.

[mike-faist-is-the-best]

Three Simple Words (Albert)

Summary: Reader and albert have it pretty good except reader gets drunk and reveals true feelings yikes

Warnings: okay so some allusion (did i use that word right) to sex, underage drinking and drunkenness, fluff 

Taglist: @bwaysrose @albertdasillva @sweater-under-the-spooky-weather @stargirl-murphy @heymissmisty @the-yellow-anon @frogwrath @fandomnerdsarecool @ben-cook-can-cook @broadwayficsandmore @elmers-half-a-cup @thatshiscigar @mattie-writes @pinkyshy101 @my-omar-sharif @bennie-badeend @meangirlsx @newsiesgarbage

Masterlist

“Baby, come on, you know the party won’t be as fun without you.” Albert said, holding your hand as the two of you walked into school.

“But Halloween parties are the same every year. Someone mixes vodka with fruit punch and it’s gone within the first hour. And it usually ends with someone being caught having sex.” You said.

“This year’ll be fun though, because now we’re dating and so it’s different.” While it was worded incredibly ridiculous, Albert did have a point.

“Fine, I’ll go, but I’m just gonna drink a lot.” You said, causing Albert to smile and lean in to kiss you. You closed the gap, and you suddenly realized you and Albert had become every cliche couple ever.

You had met Albert in sophomore year, during Spanish class. He sat in front of you, and you guys started talking immediately. He had this way about him, that made you instantly attracted to him. And it wasn’t until the end of junior year when Albert finally said something. By that time, you and Albert were talking pretty much every day, and you knew you were definitely in love with him. It was a kind of love where you wanted to be with him everyday, and you wanted to know even the weirdest things about him.

The day he asked you out was one of the happiest days of your life. It was after school, and Albert was driving you home, and he just let it slip.

“So, do you maybe wanna go on a date?” He asked you, causing you to choke on your water.

“With you?” You asked. Obviously you, Y/N, you idiot.

“Nevermind, forget it, it was stupid, just forget I said-”

“No! I want to date you!” You exclaimed, smiling once the feeling sunk in that you were gonna date your long time crush.

And now it was almost 6 months and you still felt the same way. Except there was this one tiny thing that made you weary. You’ve told Albert you loved him, multiple times, and he hasn’t. It wasn’t like you were trying to force him to say it, just after saying it to him a bunch of times, it felt as if he didn’t feel the same way you did.

“Hey I gotta go to class, but we’re going tonight?” He asked, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“Yeah, sure.” You said, and he kissed you quickly one more time. “I love you.”

“I’ll see you after school.” He said, starting to walk away, catching up to another one of his friends. You continued to stand there, watching him walk away, trying not to let your smile falter. He had the perfect opportunity to say it back, but he didn’t. It was fine, everything was gonna be fine.

Albert didn’t know anything about love. He grew up in a house full of boys, his mom died when he was six. His brothers and dad didn’t really show much affection towards each other. He had an idea of love, like he loves lacrosse, he loves carbonated drinks, he loves food. But the love he felt towards you was a complete different kind of love. Every time he saw you, he got butterflies in his stomach, and when he saw you smile, he swore it was the most beautiful thing he’s seen in his life. He didn’t know how to express that, because what he felt, was new, and more than love.

You were laying in Albert’s bed with him after school, just scrolling on your phone. He had an arm wrapped around you and the other was holding his phone. The party didn’t start till seven, so the both of you had some time to kill. You turned around, facing Albert and watching his face. You leaned in to kiss him. He reciprocated, pulling you on top of him.

“Are we doing this?” You asked, pulling away briefly to face Albert.

“Are you okay with it?” He asked, massaging your hips. You nodded and leaned back to kiss him.

“Y/N! You made it!” Elmer exclaimed, opening up the door and dragging you inside.

“Okay, how much have you had to drink already, Elmer?” You asked, smiling a little as Albert found another group to talk to.

“Doesn’t matter, we have booze.” He said, giving you a solo cup full of some liquid. “Also, you aren’t dressed up, it’s a Halloween party!”

“I uh, ran out of time.” You said, taking a sip of the mysterious liquid.

“Yeah, we can tell.” He retorted, pointing to a forming bruise on your neck. You laughed with him and continued to make small talk as more people started showing up.

Two hours into the party, everyone was either super drunk or asleep. Like, Race and Spot were on the couch, making out, and Finch and Buttons were curled up on the reclining chair, asleep. You were in the kitchen with Katherine, drinking more. Katherine was drinking lemonade while you downed your fourth cup.

“He won’t even say ‘I love you’!” You exclaimed, throwing the cup on the floor. “We’ve been dating a long time now, like, a million months, and he won’t even say it!”

“Y/N, it’s okay, he’ll get around to it.” Katherine replied, putting a hand on your shoulder. But you jumped off the counter, and in your drunken state, it seemed like a good idea to confront Albert.

“No, we need to talk, right here, right now.” You said, walking toward him.

“No! Y/N, maybe that’s not the best idea, you’re clearly drunk, and we’re at a party!” Katherine said, but it was too late, you were already tapping Albert on the shoulder. Katherine put a hand over her face, not wanting to see how this will end up.

“Why won’t you tell me you love me?” You snapped at Albert, his smile off his face falling once he saw you. His group went silent, practically the whole room went silent. Even Spot and Race sat up, watching the interaction.

“Y/N, what are-what are you talking about?” He said, putting a hand on your shoulder, but you brushed it off.

“I tell you I love you all the time, even earlier, when we were-”

“Okay, you are very, very intoxicated right now, and you don’t know what you’re saying. Let’s go home.” He said, taking your hand.

“No! I want to know why, why, why don’t you love me?” You said, your mood turning from angry to sad. Tears welled up in your eyes.

“Okay, we’re going home. Goodbye everyone, I’ll see you at school on Monday.” Albert said, gently leading you to his car. You were still crying, but mostly confused as to what was going on.

“Where are we going?” You hiccuped, crawling into the car.

“We’re going to my house, and you’re going to sleep for 12 hours.” Albert responded, putting your seatbelt on for you.

The drive to his house was practically silent, except you were humming a tune and tapping the window. Normally, Albert would be smiling, but he was more worried than anything. He was worried that you didn’t want to be with him anymore, he was worried about how long you’ve felt this way. He wanted to ask you, but you were so drunk he didn’t think he’d get an answer out of you.

Arriving at Albert’s house, Albert cursed that his bedroom was up the stairs because it was going to take even longer getting you into bed. There was an option of having you sleep on the couch, but he didn’t want his dad to be shocked in the morning, so he’d make that struggle for you. You put your arms around his neck and he lifted you into his arms, ready to get a semi-workout. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was one of his older brothers to be home and in the living room, the room where he had to walk through to get to his room.

“Hey Al, where you been all night?” His brother asked. “Is that Y/N?”

“Yeah, uh, if you could not tell dad that-”

“Hey! It’s Albert’s brother!” You exclaimed, giggling and awkwardly waving at him. He waved back at you momentarily, before turning to Albert again.

“How drunk are they?” His brother asked.

“Uh, I don’t know.” He replied. “But we’re going to bed.”

Albert walked upstairs slowly, and letting a breath of relief when he got to his room. He gently laid you down on the bed, and took of your shoes.

“Okay just sleep now, we’ll talk in the morning.” He said, kissing you on the forehead, and he pulled the blankets over you.

You woke up in the morning with a killer headache, but the moment you turned your head, there was a glass of water and two ibuprofen next to it. You sat up, looking for your boyfriend, but he was nowhere to be found. But right after that thought crossed your mind, he walked in.

“Good, you’re up.” He said, taking a seat next to you. “Do you remember anything about last night?”

“Uhm, I remember drinking a lot in the kitchen, I remember wondering where Davey and Jack went halfway through the night, I remember Katherine and I talking, and I remember,” You paused, gasping slightly when you realized what else happened that night. “Oh no, Albert, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”

“You do know why you said it, what’s going on?” He asked, putting a hand on your leg.

“I don’t know, it’s just, upsetting that I’ve said it a bunch, and you never respond. I don’t want to be in a relationship that’s not going anywhere.” You responded. “But I do wanna be with you, I just don’t know how serious this is.”

“You make me so incredibly happy, and I want to say it, but you make me so nervous.” He said. “Okay, that sounds bad. But, I mean that when you walk into a room, my heart explodes.”

“Albert, it’s okay, it was a lot to ask-”

“No, because I do love you, and I’m just a wimp who can’t express feelings correctly.” He said. “And I should’ve said it a lot sooner-”

You cut Albert off by connecting your lips to his, and he put a hand on your cheek, pulling you closer to him.

[ikwinsty-blog]

Queer Arab Experience

FULL WORDS QUEER POC/ARAB PROJECT.

@antonss123 - There's no better time to be QTIPOC than it is to be RIGHT NOW. I am so proud and honoured to be a part of such a beautiful, free-spirited and loving community. I found my family away from family and I couldn't be any more content. I perform in these spaces and make it very clear that I am proud to be who I am and the message spreads across to everybody to believe in themselves and love themselves. If you ever feel that you are segregated; then DO MORE. SHOW YOUR CULTURE AND DONT BE AFRAID TO EXPRESS IT ANY WAY YOU WANT. There is no RIGHT or WRONG ; so just DO. 🌈🌹🦋

@nessuhifa - As soon as I understood the role I played in my life, I started spending the rest of my  childhood and teen years, feeling cheated and angry for being 'chosen' as someone who is to live their entire life as a Gay and Black person, with a Muslim family. I very quickly as a child understood that the media I consumed, the society I lived in and the religious texts I read in the Mosque, all were telling me in different ways, that it's not ok to be who I am and in some cases told me, that it's not possible to be who I am (Which is low key mad, cos I'm literally right here...) It took years of self-doubt and self-hatred, for me to realise I could not continue living with this anger at the world and at myself and that it was slowly only killing me

So I changed, not my sexuality or race (bcos that's literally impossible...) but, I changed my outlook, I finally got to a place in my life where everything that defined me wasn't a negative factor in my life, that I could use these things to connect to the world better, that I was actually lucky that I was given these factors. I had to shut out and stop listening to all these mortals, telling other mortals how to live their own life, in order for me to find some peace in the chaos I was born in. In other words, I had to look inside myself, like my oldest friend and just trust the voice within- Yes, I'm ending this with Christina Aguilera lyrics because she truly made some points in that song.

@bilmian - Queer identity has always existed amongst the ummah, yet we allow unnecessary hatred towards a community who were created in God’s own divine vision. Being both muslim and queer has always been challenging growing up, battling with my inner demons whilst also trying to keep up with standards set for me before birth, gaining this balance of both peace and love was something I achieved in my early 20’s realising that God loves me for who I am, even if I am looked down upon by other so called muslims. I find it funny how being homosexual is haram yet people act like being homophobic isn’t, nowhere is the Qur’an does God preach about being hateful or phobic towards another minority. In fact the meaning of Islam is to love and respect one another, not to incite hatred.

When I first heard about Omar’s project I was intrigued to see how he would make this work without imitating other existing queer content out there, but from what I’ve seen Omar wants to add an aspect of futurism into his work, making a statement that this is the future, a tolerant and loving society towards everyone. When I wake up in the morning I don’t want to feel a heavy heart filled with anxiety and depression, living in constant fear of my Lord, worried that I won’t be truly loved, it’ll take some time but rather than being so hesitant towards each other this community needs to stand strong and support eachother, all of our brothers and sisters, of all colours, ethnicities, genders and sexualities, ensuring that we have a bright and positive future ahead of us.

@mossymugler - For the longest time I thought I had to be either Queer or Palestinian but never both at the same time. My mind couldn’t make the connection that Queerness alongside my Palestinian identity is a driving force in the face of liberation from Zionism. This I come to now realize, is a form of colonial control. As I look into the historical archives of the Arab and Muslim world I see how sexuality and gender fluidity were never an issue of conflict. It was completely normal and even celebrated to be queer.

The ottoman empire wrote legislation on this in 1858 recognizing queerness but it was only after British mandate law was instated in 1937, that it was criminalized and homophobic attitudes sprung thereafter. I blamed my “Muslim parents” or “Arab upbringing” for a lot of my self- hate, although that’s somewhat valid cuz it’s my experience, I realize now that they’re also victims of colonial trauma and need help unlearning colonial homophobic behavior. Being Queer and Palestinian has given me the tools to work on collective liberation for my people and I pride myself on my identity now more then ever before.

@metalfemme - As a queer + trans Muslim born in Pakistan and raised in the us post 9/11 and during the war on terror, I grew up feeling as if i had to pick and choose parts of my identity to express at certain times. I’ve always been hesitant about visibility and representation politics but learning about other queer and trans Muslims has helped me come into my own identity over the years.  

As an artist, I feel that creating art has helped me bridge the false logic of dualism, which was built up through western enlightenment discourse and weaponised against queer Muslims via orientalism, capitalism, etc. Through experiencing and partaking in different forms of art, I have learned that I can simply exist within the vastness of myself. Also drawing upon theory and philosophy by scholars like Crenshaw, Marx, and Ahmed has helped me form the language to describe my material condition in this world. What id love to see is my peers putting in work and being critical of the ways

@mstfuh - The hostility I’ve faced oftentimes comes from the moments when I was hiding. It’s when I’ve been invisible, or unseen, that pain was most burdensome. I think these periods of hiding showed me the true colors of my communities and whom to stay away from, or whom I see light within. Being open with who I am and what I believe, surprisingly, hasn’t led to the isolation I anticipated when I was younger. I haven’t left my communities, but some have left me. I’ve carved space out in those hostile places I identified throughout my hiding, because I still derive great value and wisdom from the communities I was raised. And living my truth has taught me to leave parts of my communities that will never love me how I used to admire them. I think this is what it means to live your truth and be open. Living in honesty  is not only facing the communities that’ve only known you in hiding, but it’s also choosing people and families within those communities that tend for you the ways you long for. It’s about holding firm space in a world that doesn’t want me to exist through a community that has existed alongside me for as long as I can remember.

@arabqueer - I never considered being gay a problem or a personal issue until people made me feel uncomfortable and insure about my same-sex desires. I developed attractions towards men around the age of 9, but it’s not until the age of 11 that I began to feel insecure about it. Why? Because around 11 I became more aware of people’s repulsiveness towards homosexuality. I wasn’t sure yet of the reasons, but I just knew that a lot more people than I imagined didn’t like or accept boys who are attracted to boys.

But it’s also the heteronormativity that played a huge impact on my insecurity: the lack of queer/gay representation in every aspect of society made me feel like an outsider. I was already getting teased on towards the end of primary school, but It only got worse when I left primary school and entered secondary school. For three years in a row after primary school I was bullied almost every single day for my femininity and my homosexuality. The strange thing is that I wasn’t actually out yet, but students just suspected I was gay because of my femininity. The secondary school i went was attended by many immigrant/brown students. There was another gay in the school but he was white. No one ever bullied him, at least not like me. For some reasons, being gay was worse for me bc I was brown. Almost like homosexuality/queerness is a western/white phenomenon. During those three years of bullying, I turned to my family to seek refuge from the hate I was getting at school but I realised at first that I was not gonna get any support from my relatives either. It was quickly made clear to me by my relatives that my homo desires were not compatible with my ethnic culture, with Islam, with my country of origin, and with my family’s values. This is an issue we face as Muslim/brown queers: we are told by our ethnic community that our sexuality isn’t compatible with our culture or with Islam, we are judged too “westernised” but when we turn to the western gay community we are judged too “ethnic” and we are asked to give up on our culture/religion bc it is deemed, again, incompatible with LBGTQ rights. Therefore, we feel like a misfit in both sides which leads to a struggle in identity. And so we, as brown/Muslim queers, face rejection by both our own ethnic community and the west’s white gay community. And so I isolated myself until i took the courage to come out to my mother. I had to accept my sexuality first before I could come out to my own mother. It was hard at first. She wasn’t evil towards me. She continued to give me all the love I deserved. But her hostility and dislike of my sexuality didn’t stem from hate or homophobia, it stemmed from fear. The fear that her son could be hurt or rejected for his desires. I did have to come out to my mother a second time, about 4 years after I first came out to her, in order to make sure we were on the same page. So in the end, it took my mom some time to fully accept the reality and she has definitely learned a lot from her son’s sexuality. In exchange, my mom taught me that Islam doesn’t speak of homosexuality. And so my mom brought me back to Islam when I was leaving it.

It’s now been approximately a decade since I first experienced same-sex attractions and it’s been an incredible journey. 7 years ago when I was bullied I would have never taught that I’d be where I am right now, comfortable with both my sexuality and my religion. I now stand up against any homophobe. But it required from me a lot of research about homosexuality in Islam and research about human sexuality thru cultures and time, it required me to accept myself first before I could expect anyone to accept me, it required me to challenge heteronormativity and masculinity vs femininity in my brain, it required me to grow thicker skin which I was able to get  through those years of bullying, it required me to analyse and understand homophobes and why they are homophobic, it required me to move to my country of origin Morocco for two years (a Muslim nation that criminalises homosexuality) to finish high school. It required me all these things, critical and independent thinking, and more in order to be where I am right now embracing my queerness.

For brown and Muslim queers in the west I have feeling it will get better than it already is. I feel There’s more inclusivity and more unity as I see brown and Muslim queers engaging in conversations and taking the necessary actions to gain more representation both in the broader society and within the LGBTQ community itself. I see more brown and Muslim artists that are open about their sexuality, spaces such as clubs and even mosques that bring together brown queers. However there is still some work to be done. I still see a lot of toxic and racist orientalism coming from white gays and the wester media doesn’t publicly speak much of the persecution and oppression queers face in the non western world. But overall, in te west, we are on the right path.

In the non-western world there has been very little improvement. India and Angola are the only two countries who have recently decriminalised homosexuality. In Turkey the LGBTQ pride has been canceled for over 5 years in row now. I follow a page on Instagram which documents stories of LGBTQ individuals in the non-world and the persecution they face and it’s horrible. Shocking. There is still a lot of work to do for the liberation of brown and Muslim queers in the non-western world. For the situation to get better it will take time and a lot of effort. I’ve lived and studied in Morocco for over two years. I was able to interact with homophobes there and I know how they think and why. First the problem comes from the state, which mixes politics and religion. That’s a problem because as soon as you implement religion in the nation’s laws you are directly and inevitably imposing religious beliefs on an entire population. This blocks the way for freedom as you are already forcing a population to submit to a specific religion by its laws. A society cannot be free when it is being imposed laws from a specific religion. So in order for us to move forward, the mentalities must change. To change the mentalities, religion and state must be separate and that’s a first step. Second, education. People are uneducated about topics that cover human sexuality, gender, and identity because those topics are always considered taboo in a country ruled by religious laws. People are brainwashed with heteronormativity and ideas of masculinity vs femininity in countries like Morocco. I heard a lot of dumb and ignorant comments while I was in Morocco. For instance I’ve heard too many times people say that homosexuality will bring aids. This is pure ignorance and it’s part of the problem. Students and children are not taught in schools about sexuality and gender. They are not taught to question. Why is it that girls must act a certain way and boys a certain way? Why some colours are considered “feminine” and some “masculine”? If they could ask themselves these questions and do the research people would realise those are just social constructs which can be deconstructed. So we must find a way to deconstruct the social constructs that are already implemented in Muslim/brown nations and challenge them.  

People are also not educated about their past. They don’t have much knowledge about the precolonial era. They don’t know that the west’s colonisation is the cause of all this heteronormativity and gender roles nonsense in the non-western world. People also don’t know the influence that Wahhabism has had on all this conservatism in the Islamic world as well as the misinterpretation and mistranslation of the Quran’s verses, which serves as a justification against LGBTQ people. India and Pakistan were one of the most sexually diverse societies before colonisation. The anti-gay laws in India and Pakistan were implemented by the British and people don’t know that, they don’t know their history before colonisation and the negative impacts that colonisation has had on sexuality and heteronormativity in colonial lands. The Ottoman Empire, and Islamic caliphate/empire, decriminalised homosexuality in the mid 19th century before most western nations. They even had homoerotic paintings. Just like Iran who had a century of homoerotic poetry during the Middle Ages. And I could tell you about a grey number of Muslim emperors who had male lovers instead of females and barely approached women. So I think if people also knew about concepts of sexuality and gender in precolonial era it could challenge today’s heteronormativity and ideas of masculinity vs femininity in the non western world.

@layskeet - Being a queer muslim arab is a conflict in itself, how do all those parts fall together into one being?

I hope that our intersectional identities can one day live in harmony accepted and understood by everyone.

I hope that we can destroy all the internalized hate and discrimination.

I hope that leaving our families for independence or compromising our happiness to meet our families expectations will no longer be the ultimatum.

I hope that we can all be our unapologetic complete self to everyone, anywhere, any time.

I hope that we can decolonize our minds from the colonized idealizations that have been fed to us. Idealizations and concepts that never resonated with our truth, existence, and ancestry.

@jamalozsoy - I haven’t came out to my parents yet. Simply because I don’t feel ready atm. Being gay is a heavy weight to carry in a Muslim household. But also in the society. I live in Paris and I sometimes feel pressured by white people (queer or not) to come out cuz “it’s okay 2 be gay”. This comes from the lack of acknowledgement they have of what it means to grow up gay in a Muslim family specially in the Parisian suburb where taboos are stronger

I think one should always be encouraged to come out (at some point) but it’s important not to rush anyone and to keep in mind that topics such as homosexuality and sexuality in general are very taboos in some communities. For the future I hope that my diaspora sis’ won’t suffer from this double-sided pressure. Only you get to decide when to come out

I’d like to ask for help from our Muslim sisters. They tend to be open-minded when it comes to homosexuality and having gay friends. I want them to share this acceptance with their Muslim boyfriends. Let’s all embrace each other inshallah

Also I think it’s very important that we (diaspora kids) learn more about the dark sides of our parents countries. I think some of us are too busy trying to idealise Arabic countries through arts and traditions without taking in account the difficulties of what it means to live there. And that is not fair to Arab queer individuals dealing with those issues on a daily basis. Let arab queer individuals speak for themselves.

@anwarbougroug - The oppression of the LGBTQI+ community in the Arab world is rooted in insecurity, toxic masculinity, gender roles and religion. I am so proud of my queer Arab friends that use themselves as a medium to push the boundaries on what it means to be queer and Arab. Showing that we’re a community, rather than individuals, not only makes us stronger as a whole, it also empowers non-conforming people to take the next step and be themselves fully. Representation is key in this battle for equality and human rights for the LGBTQI+ community.

@chrisnajimy - I hope more Arabs are able to incorporate queerness into their idea entities and daily lives, and stop isolating sexual or gender identity as an entity separate from what's presented publicly. In order for that to happen we need to feel safer. More progressive legislation has to be passed in the Arab states that still criminalize and punish queerness. Most of all, queer behavior and queer bodies have to be normalized within the culture - including diaspora. Because of so many intersections that come with being Arab and queer (i.e. religion, gender, class, skin tone), it's difficult to speak generally about a "queer Arab experience."

But In my predominantly westernized Lebanese-American family, queerness (of we few that are out) is virtually never discussed. The lack of acknowledgement isn't only discouraging, but harmful to the fight in creating a culture more welcoming/less fearful of queerness. Being visible can literally be dangerous even in states with more progressive legislation worldwide; but it is a fundamental goal to be allowed to comfortably live authentically as both Arab and Queer.

@actuallywill - Technology has turned societies across the globe a little more open and I'm would like to see more young people discussing queer points of view and supporting queer people openly and especially with our religious families/friends in whatever way we think appropriate. As a mixed black Muslim queer living in the west I think community is life changing but it's also really easy to fall into capitalism's trap of being vocal only for cultural capital under the white gaze, rather than meaningfully support our people.

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 2:47 pm

Welcome to “8 Questions with…….”

Two things struck me about our next guest,actress Jamie Ohlsen,one ….she looks like a complete badass that you want to share a foxhole with in a fight. Anyone that would think about messing with her should think twice,no..make that three times before making that step. Two,she has a lovely smile and really beautiful eyes. And why would any director try and hide that smile should be dragged out back and meet the cheetah up close and personal.  Yeah,Jamie has that kind of smile… But she is also fearless as well…because at a age when most performers have established a career already,Jamie decided to START hers and how it happened is one of those kind of starts you only can get in Hollywood. Now she has been cast in a series on Amazon Prime,rubbing elbows with a huge favorite of indie actors,Robert LoSardo and is looking to create her first feature film. Rumor has it that not only will be cheetahs in it but Jamie is going to show off her wonderful smile. While killing bad guys of course…. One can’t but admire Jamie for working very hard on her young career and getting the place where she is at now. I am so happy Jamie agreed to do our series and answer the 8 Questions we sent her…..enjoy!

   Please introduce yourself and tell us about your latest project.

Hello! My name is Jamie Ohlsen.

I recently completed 2 indy feature films as well as a Sci-Fi dramatic TV Series. I was brought onto the TV Series the end of Season 2.

    The first indy feature I was in is called “Crossed”. I play an assassin named Lulu Chang that works for a crime boss named Drevin, played by the talented Robert LaSardo. It’s a dramatic crime-action movie. Some other recognizable faces in the film are Omar Gooding and Thomas “Tiny” Lister Jr (Otherwise known as Deebo from FRIDAY). This film is almost out of post-production and will be released soon!

   The second indy feature I was in is called “Desire Lines”. In this film, I play a character named Viscid, a manipulative owner of a holistic adult film company. This film is also almost out of post-production and will be released soon!

  The TV series I was cast in as Sergeant Newton is called “Age of The Living Dead“. It’s currently released on Amazon Prime, as well as FX Asia. I was cast during Season 2 which just completed principal photography on 09/16/19. Viewers can watch Season 1 in full on Amazon Prime. Season 2 (Which is the Season I am in) is set to be released in 2020. This show is about Humans and Vampires being quarantined in the US by the rest of the world. The humans occupy the west and the vampires occupy the east. They are separated by a  “No man’s land.” They currently have an agreement to not try and kill each other, but things start to go wrong with that agreement. You’ll have to watch to see how wrong it goes… 

 Where were you born and raised at? Are members of your family naturally artistic?

I was born in Bellflower, CA. I lived the majority of my life in Los Angeles County, but I did live in Stockton, CA (NorCal) for a total of about 8 years. My family would move us from LA to Stockton and back every 1-2 years. I guess you could say they got bored easily! *lol* It’s funny because growing up I didn’t understand creativity how I understand it now. I used to think that you were only an Artist or Creative if you knew how to draw or played an instrument. So I never thought I was an artist or creative because I sucked at drawing and didn’t play instruments. I was more into sports. My parents and sisters also didn’t seem artistic or creative to me because they didn’t do those things either. But I only recently realized (In the past 10 years) that my family is very creative and artistic!

   Growing up, we didn’t have much money in our family. So when a neighbor would buy their kids a new basketball hoop, or go-kart, or slip-n-slide, my mom would make us one by hand! She was so creative with building things. She never wanted us to feel left out. She’s an amazing mother!

    My father used to sew and write poems. He never mentioned that to me as a kid, or even as an adult. I only found out because I went over to his place one day and found an old pillow that had a poem sewn onto it. I asked him where he bought it and he said he made it when he was young!! I was so shocked! He also shows his creativity through how he dressed and what jewelry he wears.

What led you to become an actress? Who helped you the most when you first started out?

I’ve been obsessed with film since I could remember! I have a very vivid imagination so I get lost in every film. Even if it’s not the greatest film. *lol* So much so that when I was a kid, I was banned from watching horror films with my mom, dad, and two sisters. They banned me because prior to that when I would watch it with them, I’d end up sleeping with either my parents or one of my sisters. I guess they got tired of that! haha I realized that movies allowed me to go to different times and places. That’s amazing to me. I attempted becoming an actor when I was young, but my parents just didn’t have the time or the money to help me with that.    Fast forward to January 2018. Acting had been tugging on my heart, soul, and mind for years. I just kept ignoring it. This time it tugged so hard, I had to listen.    When I first started out, my GF/partner helped me a lot. She helped me with my scenes and self-tapes. She still does! Also, my now Producing partner, Marvin Williams, helped me a lot too. He’s the first person that I had a meeting with about the BIZ part of SHOWBIZ. He was casting for a TV series and I contacted him for a role. We met to chat and during our 3 hour-long conversation, he told me, “You’re going to do well as an actor, but you’re also a Producer!” He said that he could see it by the way I spoke, carried myself, and how my mind worked. I wasn’t only an artist, I was a businesswoman. Since that day I approached this business as an actor and producer. And I must say, it’s paid off for me! Thanks, Marv!! I also owe a lot to my other producing partner, Darien Smith. He cast me as Lulu Chang in Crossed and has helped, guided, and is rooting for my success in this industry as well! Thanks, D-Buck!

 What was your first acting role and how did you feel after booking it?

I was at home on my computer. I googled, “How to become an actor.” I saw a post from Backstage. I went to their site and scrolled through the different roles. I didn’t have an account and wasn’t 100% ready to sign up and pay, but luckily I saw a post about an LGBTQ short film. I then saw a role for a DJ. I thought… ” I can play a DJ!” Luckily I saw an email that I could grab off of Backstage and email directly from my Gmail account! I realized later that rarely happens, so I guess it was meant to be! 🙂 So I emailed the casting person some photos of me and my info. I got an email back within 15 minutes! They sent me sides to do a self-tape. I had never done a self-tape (didn’t even know what it was) and didn’t know what sides meant. So I had to google all of this! *LOL* I was SO nervous. I started to question this whole acting thing… but my gut told me to just do it!! So I went to my bathroom and set up my lighting and backdrop. I must’ve done 100 takes! I was so tired of doing it over and over, so I just picked the best take and sent it! AHHHH!!!  20 minutes later I get a call saying I got the role!!!! What!?? Crazy, right? That was it, I was HOOKED!

 What is the audition process for you like? Do you do anything special on days you have an audition? How do you handle not getting a part?

Auditioning at first was nerve-racking!! It still can be, but it’s not as bad for me as when I first started. It helps to do it often as well as to train on how to do it. I’m not sure if I’ll ever not feel a bit nervous in auditions, but I do feel myself becoming more confident and less nervous these days. What I have found that helps me is to focus on my character and be that person. Don’t think about Jamie, because Jamie is not in the room, my character is. Also, focusing on imagining the auditioning room being the scene that my character is currently in. For example, a kitchen, park, jail cell, hotel, hospital room, etc. Be in the scene before you get into the room. Breathing techniques help me a lot too. Help to calm my nerves down. Lastly, not trying to book the part. But just going in there and serving the scene and story. That makes me less nervous as well.

   I audition so much, I’m used to not getting 99% of the things I go in for. I also come from a sales background, so I have thick skin when it comes to rejection. There have been a few roles that I wanted so badly and didn’t get. Those definitely hurt a bit, but I don’t allow myself to roll around in the mud, so-to-say, for too long. So within an hour of knowing I didn’t get it, I accept it.

 How did your producing career get started? Can you walk us through a “pitch” for a project you are trying to fund? How hard is it to retain creative control from the people who are funding your project?

As mentioned earlier, my now producing partner, Marvin Williams, helped me to discover the “Producer” in myself. Once he told me that, my every move became strategic towards becoming a great producer as well as an actor. I then started to do research on, “How to become a producer.” I didn’t find many “How to’s.” So I started to research successful Producers names and started to follow and read about their journeys, trials, tribulations, and successes. I then came across the partnership of Brian Grazer and Ron Howard. What a fascinating story and journey they have! I started to study what they did and started to emulate a little of it. I was also still getting coaching and tips from Marvin. I still do! I’ll say that my road to becoming a successful producer has not been a walk in the park! I’ve met some questionable people who pretended to be people they aren’t and feel I have dodged a few bullets!! So grateful for that! I now have my dream team in place. We are in pre-production for our first project as a team. We are producing a horror feature film. It will be shopped at the studio level due to Marvin William’s connections and partnerships. I will also be a lead actor in this film. I cannot wait for everyone to see this!!    The pitching of projects in regards to how me and my team do it entails putting a pitch-package together for our investors to visually see. We’ll discuss the script, the feel of the film or show, as well as what our plans are for distribution. The key is to have trust with them as well as to be excited! Investors want to know that you know what you’re doing with the project, are excited about it, will complete it, and get it sold! Our team will not make any film or tv series that we cannot sell.    It’s not hard for us to retain creative control because we set expectations upfront. If you want full creative control, your investors need to understand this from the very beginning. Transparency is key! 

 What were the three best pieces of wisdom given to you professionally and have you applied them in your career?

1- Control your destiny in this business by becoming a producer and/or creating your own content. If not, you’ll be waiting around for people to say yes to you.

I apply this daily. As mentioned earlier, I feel moving through this industry with this always on my mind, I feel has gotten me things I wouldn’t normally have gotten.

2- Expect this business to be a marathon, not a sprint, but do your best to walk fast…

I always have this on my mind as well. I understand this isn’t a sprint to the finish line, but I also don’t want to wait 30 years to accomplish what I want to accomplish.

3- There are people less qualified than you doing more than you, so don’t make excuses, go after what you want!

This one really helped me in the beginning of my career. I would sometimes doubt myself. But remembering this helps me to just focus on what I am doing and not to compare my career and other’s careers. We all have our own paths/journeys. We can all accomplish what we want if we just work hard, smart, and stay the course!

 How important is a management team to an artist? What do you expect from them?

If you would’ve asked me this before I signed with my new management agency (Shout out to DIVERGENT TALENT MANAGEMENT), I would’ve said, “ehh.” Before Divergent I was with two other managers. I had to fire both of them. I wish them the best of luck. Now that I’m with Divergent, I now understand how amazing a great management team is to my career! Darcie and Jennifer work their A*#es off!! Seriously. They send me a monthly report of everything they submitted me to for each month and I am blown away. I never had a manager do this. It makes me want to win even more just for them to win as well. Thanks, ladies!!    I don’t expect much. It’s simple. Communication, hard work, understanding of where I’d like to go in my career and help me to get there, as well as give me constructive criticism and help me to grow.

 How hard is it for you to detach yourself from an intense role?

To be honest,I’ve yet to do a crazy intense role. I feel like the horror film I am about to shoot will be my most intense role. So check back with me after that! 🙂

 You are producing your dream film….who are you casting and who is directing and why?

Leonardo DiCaprio, Sarah Paulson, and Martin Scorsese come to mind. Leo has been a favorite actor of mine all of my life. He’s gotten better and better over the years and I feel I would learn A LOT from being on set and working with him. Sarah is a phenomenal actress. She’s gone to dark places on AHS. I definitely would want to work with her and learn from her as well. And Martin Scorsese, well… do I really need to explain!? haha! 

 The cheetah and I are flying in to watch your latest film being made, but we are a day early and you are playing tour guide, what are we doing?

First, we’d go grab a bite to eat at one of my favorite vegan restaurants, Crossroads! You’ll love this place! Even non-vegans (Me) love it! Then, we’ll explore a fun WB backlot tour! If you’re in LA, you have to see this at least once, especially if you love films and movie-making! Next, I’d take you to the Psychiatry: An Industry of Death Museum. It’s a bit of a depressing subject matter, but it’s fascinating and should be widely known and talked about! Then to end the evening, we’d lighten the mood back up and I’d take you to one of my favorite Japanese restaurants in Little Tokyo! Their fish is always fresh and their service is A1! We could then walk around and see the little shops and then go to my favorite ice cream spot called, Bae! SO GOOD!!!

I like the thank Jamie for one of my favorite interviews I have done yet. I felt I learned a lot not about Jamie and her career but also what really goes on behind the scenes in indie film Hollywood. We wish Jamie the very best in her career and will keep a sharp eye for her TV shows and films.   To keep up with Jamie,you can follow her on her various SM Platforms.

You can follow Jamie’s career on her IMDb page. Follow Jamie on her Twitter page. She also has a InstaGram page.

Feel free to drop a comment below,we love reading your comments and thank you for your support!

8 Questions with………actress Jamie Ohlsen Its 2:47 pm Welcome to "8 Questions with......." Two things struck me about our next guest,actress Jamie Ohlsen,one ....she looks like a complete badass that you want to share a foxhole with in a fight.

[sandiegodjstaci]

Samantha & Omar's Bilingual Mt. Woodson Castle Wedding

Samantha & Omar's Bilingual Mt. Woodson Castle Wedding

Of all the San Diego wedding DJs out there, Samantha and Omar chose me to DJ and MC their Mt. Woodson Castle wedding on Saturday, April 28, 2018. Sam was actually at work one day stressing about finding a bilingual San Diego DJ when her co-worker Marisol, who was having her own bilingual wedding the week before, said, “Call DJ Staci.” How do ya like dem apples???

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

THE LOVE STORY

Samantha & Omar met in August 2012 when Samantha was showing off some sweet yoga moves…something like the “Snap & Bend.” Once they started dating, S&O used to go on long walks after work in the park. They said they loved each other on one of those walks. Here’s what Samantha told me: “Omar had a huge bash for Jaden’s 4th bday party & had too much to drink. He had to end the night early. Samantha stayed with him, nursing him & that’s when Omar said ‘I love you’ the first time.” Interestingly, Omar disputes this story despite having no memory of that night…hmmmm

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

On May 4th, 2017, Omar and Samantha were on a cruise to Mexico. After several gorgeous days on board the ship, Omar decided to propose–outdoors–on the day they received storm warnings. Most of the decks of the ship were closed due to the weather…but finally Omar found a satisfactory location. Poof–Samantha turned around, and Omar was down on one knee, explaining why he loved her. Samantha was so cold, she rushed back inside before saying YES….to a question Omar hadn’t even asked yet actually!!! Afterwards, Omar showed Samantha a bunch of pre-recorded congratulations messages from friends & family.

Together, the newlyweds enjoy cruises, movies, Disneyland, and playing with Jayden & their dog Potato. Their honeymoon plans include some staycation time at their new house in Oceanside.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

THE UNPLUGGED CEREMONY

Samantha & Omar got married under a beautiful, old tree at Mt. Woodson Castle as a harpist played. The only song I played was their recessional after Omar smashed the glass: Phillip Phillips’ “Home.”

THE MT. WOODSON CASTLE WEDDING RECEPTION

After Samantha, Omar, & Omar’s son Jayden were officially introduced to Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” they did their First Dance to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. They had planned on playing the Shoe Game after dinner but decided to scrap it last minute (good call since we only had an hour for dancing). After toasts from the Matron of Honor Janna, Best Man/Son of Groom Jayden, and Father of the Bride Sheldon, they cut their cake to Sara Bareilles’ “I Choose You.”

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

Omar then danced with his mom to Boyz II Men’s “A Song for Mama.” The only country song at this Mt. Woodson Castle wedding was for Samantha’s Father-Daughter Dance: Brad Paisley’s “Today.” We took a group photo on the dance floor then opened the dance floor with a Longest Married Couple Dance. I did my thing for an hour then Samantha & Omar asked for N’Sync’s “Bye Bye Bye” as they Last Dance.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

THE PLAYLIST

For the cocktail hour/dinner music at this Mt. Woodson Castle wedding, the bride and groom requested my “Feel Good” Soft Variety Playlist. For open dancing, they wanted a lot of Top 40/Pop, 90s, and Electronic Dance Music, some Oldies, 80s, and 70s, and one or two slow dances. Omar asked for 25% of the music to be Spanish–Salsa, Cumbias, and Reggaeton. As Jayden and a few of his cousins were in the house, S&O asked for only PG-13 music.

The “must play” list consisted of: Justin Timberlake – Can’t Stop the Feelin’, Don Omar – Danza Kuduro, Bruno Mars – 24k Magic (faster club remix), Walk the Moon – Shut up and Dance, CNCO – Hey DJ, Juanes, & the Spice Girls. Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” was a “play if you can.” The “do not play” list included: Big Band/Rat Pack, Rap, R&B, YMCA, Chicken Dance, Macarena, Billy Joel, and any line dances (although “Cupid Shuffle” was given a pass).

Again, I was honored to be the one and only San Diego wedding DJ Samantha and Omar trusted with their bilingual English/Spanish wedding. Thank you! See more at #CastroCastleWedding.

  (c) San Diego DJ Staci

SAN DIEGO WEDDING VENDOR LIST

Here is the amazing team of San Diego wedding vendors I had the pleasure of working with on this Mt. Woodson Castle wedding:

Venue ➔ Mt. Woodson Castle

Day-Of Coordinator/Caterer ➔ Personal Touch Dining

DJ/MC  ➔  Staci Nichols

Photography/Videography ➔ Dapper Images

Photo Booth ➔ IndyBooth

Officiant  ➔  friend Brent Roberts

Cake Bakery ➔ Flour Power

Florist ➔  House of Flowers (the groom’s family’s business)

Follow me