#no regrets tho ^_^ hurrah!

[astrxealis]

got myself in a new fandom-related wholeass hole (i am Doomed)

[oblivionlotus]

//update on the clown makeup trial: very successful, if I do say myself! I've come up with my clown's personality / identity & love her (for it is a she - not what I planned but I'm not adverse to drag). So I created my own clown face (I don't wanna rip off any registered faces) based on that identity but taken inspo from a few things, including Rocky Horror & Jessica Rabbit. Have had to change my costume in order to reflect her but that's okay. Obviously a couple things to practice & improve upon but very doable in my time limit. Now seriously considering a career in clown performance art. Joking! ........unless......?

[space-kittie]

Good news: The meds work...very much.

Bad news: I decided to completely ignore my psychiatrists advice and took them in the afternoon. It is 7 am and I am still very awake.

[jeongyunhoed]

One giant questions tag thing

I finally got around to it! I got tagged by @closer-stars and @lilyunhowrites ! I’m going to combine all the questions! 

1. What is one thing you can’t live without?

That’s a toughie, but food. 

2. Your go-to song?

Gonna cheat a little bit because there’s not just one song... 

What a Life - EXO SC Aurora - ATEEZ Pool - Woodz Y - Fanxy Child Daredevil - Zico

3. What’s your guilty pleasure?

Soap operas. It came from reading all the soap opera spoilers. 

4. If you could have a super power, what would it be?

Probably.... Teleportation. 

5. What’s one thing people always get wrong about you?

That I’m a morning person (I really am not)

6. Is there anything you’re looking forward to currently?

Getting my packages from the places I ordered stuff from, but most especially, my Lightiny and Ateez album! Hurrah!

7. Words you’d like to live by?

I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do - Lucas from the movie Empire Records. For some reason that just stuck to me. 

8. Do you plan to have any tattoos or piercings?

Probably piercings more than tattoos. Just another piercing on the ears. Getting a tiny tattoo of a paper airplane or lightning bolt is intriguing tho. 

9. Weirdest food you ate?

Balut...I think. I can barely remember the last time I ate something weird. Weird combinations probably, but hardly any other weird stuff. 

10. Is there a concept you want your faves to do?

For Ateez? Probably something vampiric. Hmmmm.... Anything in dark colors because it really hits different when they go dark. *cough* Yunho *cough* 

11. do you bite or lick ice cream?

Bite

12. which fantasy universe would you like to live in?

Doctor Who. Time travel yo! 

13. what’s a song you think more people should check out?

Date by Vanilla Acoustic. Perfect rom-com fluff kind of song that makes me daydream about Yunho LOL JK but really, there’s a lot of hidden gems in K-Indie.

14. describe your ideal type!

Jeong Yunho. Seriously. Jeong Yunho. He’s three of my biases from other groups combined, and that’s saying something. 

15. what’s the meaning behind your url?

Jeong Yunho. 

16. have you ever broken a bone?

I have only sprained an ankle but I’ve never broken anything. My body fat has kept my bones safe and cushioned. haha 

17. is there any song that is supposed to be happy but always makes you cry?

I...don’t think so. 

18. what’s your middle name?

Faith 

19. do you have a favorite word?

...I’m gonna say no. LOL 

20. what’s that one cringey memory that keeps you up at night?

Too many to mention...yep, there’s too many to mention that I wonder why I’m such a dumbass. I make a fool out of myself half the time IRL. 

Anyway, if you see this, then I am tagging you! Here are my questions: 

1. Favorite cookie? 2. If you could time travel, would you go back to the past or into the future? 3. Do you prefer ballpoint pens or gel/sign pens? 4. Favorite accessory? 5. When you give someone a gift, do you go for practicality? Or sentimental?  6. What movie have you always wanted to watch but never got around to?  7. Is there a fictional character that you can relate to the most?  8. Favorite amusement park ride? 9. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 10. Favorite pattern?

[hellreads]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kim Taehyung | V & Reader Characters: Kim Taehyung | V, Reader Additional Tags: Smut, Fluff, Light Angst Series: Part 2 of Effervescence

Summary:

Just like the fizz of a cola on a hot summer’s day, your encounter with Taehyung is short but sparkly sweet.

OR

Getting married in three months, you and your girls attend Ultra Miami to cap your single life, a final hurrah of some sort. What you didn’t expect is meeting a beguiling boy with a boxy smile who gives you a festival you’ll forever reminisce.

“Ephemeral love are like flowers in valleys, but everlasting love are like mountains.” ~ Arthy V. 

reading this second part of effervescence made me feel so many things but mostly sadness, despite MC and Taehyung spending a few days together it felt like a lifetime, it was like a meeting of two souls lost in this realm eventually finding each other because they were once intertwined in another life though not in this one, not anymore, because this is proof that we can’t always have the people we want in our lives, even if the feeling is mutual, even if you spend days even years together if it isn’t meant to be, it will never happen.

[SPOILERS AHEAD vv minimal, hopefully]

immersing into this one put me on a rollercoaster ride, the type of ride you wish would never end no matter how it makes you dizzy and intoxicated with every spin it puts you through, starting off with her girlfriends (to have my favorite celebrities as my BFFs here was a treat, each personality reminded me of certain roles they portrayed in dramas which was cute) bidding her goodbye to tend to their duties as they leave her to enjoy the festival on her own before she closes the chapter of her life as a single woman, because in three months she’ll be marrying “the love of her life”.

as soon as Taehyung entered the picture Aphrodite by RINI immediately played on loop in my head (the playlist/music recommendation is lovely tho *chef’s kiss* especially Lover’s Fire by Franco it’s so divine and will give you all the feels) he was a man on a mission, whipped as soon as he saw her having fun with her friends he came up to her with all the courage he mustered, it was now or never, it was an opportunity for them to get to know each other and maybe earn her affection and in return he’ll worship her, a goddess that came to him when he least expects it. I enjoyed every moment they spent together and made me forget she was getting married soon, everything felt like magic making me overlook her current situation, in my eyes and my heart they were meant to meet each other and learn a thing or two about each other and about life.

not wanting to spoil much of the beautiful moments the pair shared let me just share my thoughts about the stuff you can pick up here, first of all, let yourself get lost in the moment, do not overthink things, I know this is hard for people like me in particular because I overthink things making me lose every single second where I could’ve been enjoying stuff I might regret later but it’s better than thinking for the rest of my life of the what-ifs? secondly, age is just a number, it doesn’t matter when you’re in love, let go and let love in, the Noona romance theme here is something I enjoyed, though I think I am very much like her who'd rather fall for or date an Oppa rather than a boy years younger than me because even a year younger scares me, I have this mentality that I should date men at least a year older than me (I think the biggest age gap was seven years tho) because I always associated maturity with age and I had to learn the hard way, also,  I wanna be babied so I date older men but have this need to be on top and take control, anyway age and maturity isn’t really a thing that’s my point, do not let people judge you for the age difference, you’re the one in love and committing not them, their opinions shouldn’t matter. thirdly, life can be very unfair, no, life is truly unfair letting you meet people you never thought you’d change your life drastically in so many ways, even if it means sinning for a bit... in this case do I condemn her for letting go a bit? no, even if it was technically cheating, what if Taehyung was the one for her at least in one of her lives and this was a reunion of sorts before finally moving on??? and lastly “There are some secrets that we think we're keeping, but those secrets are actually keeping us. - Frank Warren” ~ “But some secrets are too delicious not to share. - Suzanne Collins” I think these sayings about secrets explain themselves well and if you read the whole story you’ll understand them much better.

and ofc my favorite bits will be shared, I cannot stop my effervescent heart for Kim Taehyung, sigh what are the odds that she would meet a young and handsome man months before her big day, a young man full of life and energy that will change her life for a few days, I adored the way they got along so easily as if they’ve known each other for a long time, he felt like home, it’s impossible not to be whisked away, because despite MC’s honesty about her relationship and upcoming marriage it wasn’t enough for the kid to back down, he clearly wants her and that made my heart jump way too many times but also hurt because this is just temporary, he’s just temporary, he will only remain a memory of Miami, every scene felt like it was pulled from some cheesy/romantic/heartbreaking drama where the male and female lead will never be together because time said so, because circumstance said so, because fate said so, the attraction, the dancing, the drinking, the piggyback rides, the tickling, the elevator ride, the push and pull with reckless abandon giving in only if for one night, the way Taehyung made her feel affected me so much it’s more than lust, the way he wants to take her, steal her, persuade her into choosing him, I was glad it was more than one night but was it really something to be glad about when you know the end will eventually take away this borrowed precious moment? nevertheless, they made every moment count, it was just them nobody else (the smut is proof that they just let go, 0 fucks given, as much as I wanna detail everything I want you to read it without any ideas on the things he’s done to her, all I can say is he’s a very generous lover, a pleaser who pays attention to every detail *wink*wink*).

then comes the part where they had to go back to reality, back to his idol life, back to the arms of her lover, I cried during their last night where he gave up sleep just to commit to memory every single thing about her, making sure he’ll never forget (tho I wondered if he had the same images on his phone as well?) his last favor, his uncontrollable tears, his genuine question it hit me like a tonne of bricks it was a sad conversation filled with so much emotion if I could change things for them I would, but that was their goodbye, the souvenir she left reminded me so much of her girl Sunny, I also noticed the maturity of both characters and how they handle love and relationships, Taehyung is obviously youthful, full of life, would risk it all, likes people easily but I think him falling in love was genuine, does it feel rushed? maybe? but I do know he did love her even if he only met her, after all, a lot of young people fall hard and fast, MC is obviously wise beyond her years, more cautious, guarded, though it was never clear if she only said those words out of pity or not I do believe she loved or at least cared for him, he’s the boy that gave color to her life, a color she never thought would make life beautiful, a bright color she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life, she may not be wise for engaging in an ephemeral affair with the boy but she did know it was just a passing love affair and that she’ll choose Joongki over and over, the other half that makes her whole.

ahhh thank you for this wonderful piece Fringe, I know some of my thoughts/interpretations may be wild or too much but everything you write just puts me in a trance where so many thoughts surround me and I have to get all of this out, thank you for writing again, for sharing with us your works, ily! | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[drlahlahroo]

Attack on Titan's Levi and Petra.

(Also uploaded at deviantart by my username safirefate)

I ship 'em. It's probably never going to be canon (there are hints tho *winkwink*), but I ship 'em. Seriously, it's such a tragically beautiful pairing, I absolutely love it.

The flowers are Asphodels btw. In flower language, it means "my regrets follow you to the grave". I had used these same flowers in a fanfic from a different fandom as well, but I believe it fits this pairing too. If you are familiar of Levi's character, the concept of choices and regrets is very important to him. He prefers to live life without regrets, however he was definitely hit hard with the lost of his original squad, and in the anime they had put particular attention to Petra and his reaction towards her death, therefore hinting that SOMETHING must be going on between them...again, not canon, but we diehard Rivetra fans can only assume and dream, right? If he did regret something once in a while, not being there to save her and his team would be one of them. 

PS. Yeah yeah, asphodels dont exactly look like that, but I wanted them red to mirror her spilled blood. It was originally roses, but that's overrated. K? K.

Side note: Due to life in general after becoming a veterinarian (hurrah), I haven't exactly been as 'creative' as before. It's been 2 years actually since I last drew something, or at least completed it. This is the result after my creativity hiatus. I'm glad it didn't turn out so bad...I had thought lack of practice might make me rusty but I guess I did well, maybe a tad bit better than what I initially thought (although with the coloring part, I had to reacquaint myself with Photoshop again). I apologize if there are bits of coloring/editing mistakes...time was not exactly on my side while I was working on this. But I like how it turned out in the end, and I hope you did too.

I'm hoping to find more time to get back into art, maybe hop back into writing fanfictions as well. I'll see to it.

Please do not repost without permission or credit. Pretty please.

[quaintrelle-on-the-loose]

23 December 2017.

Today’s the last day of my “Gutsy Week” and I had so much fun! What a great way to end this week with these wonderful people. ❤

I was back to one of my happiest places. We were back to our happy place. Growing up, we’ve already made a lot of memories at this beach. Growing up too, we haven’t treated each other as just cousins but we’ve always been each other’s friend as well. I won’t ever get tired of saying and thanking God for blessing me with these wonderful and loving family — my #1 support system since the beginning.

This was also one of the reasons why I started doing my December Diaries two years ago. I wanted to feel “obliged” (since I could really be lazy most of the time lol) to document moments like this. This is also one of the reasons why December has always been and will always be a fave of mine. Since it is a season for a lot of things including family. I ain’t saying tho that it is only during this month that we should value and appreciate our families. I still believe that we should give appreciation to our loved ones, our families on top of the list of course, every single day. What I’m trying to say is that December’s a season for family since I could get to see and bond with my cousins since it’s vacation. So many smiles and laughter to share, so many new memories to build.

It has been years and younger generations are being added up in the family but the same old traditions and the bond in the fam remain. This is one of the things that I feel so thankful of a lot. I would also admit that I was starting to see these people as pressuring forces that give me a hard time during those times that I let the frustrations rule over me. But back tracking a bit (this week), I was able of reminding myself of how much I love these people and how blessed I am for having them. They are my support system ever since and they will still be in the coming days and years. I know that no matter what happens, they will always be there to support and care for me.

P.S. Regarding Christmas Day, change of plans. We are staying here at home to celebrate with the extended fam on my mum’s side. Hurrah! My heart is so happy!!!!

P.P.S. Was starting over a new WordPress blog (and regretting a bit that I deleted the one I had before! Jeez) so yeah. Hahaha!

[nemossubmarine]

DA RP Write-Up #14.3

This time in Orzammar, the gang splits up, Scoob.

We start with where we left off, after lunch, splitting the party. We are hoping to get Elspet to go with Boshara, but that requires some doing.

Boshara asks to go to bathroom with Elspet, and there Elspet turns into a bird and hides in Boshara’s sleeve.

Outside Humbert is talking with Bert and finds out about this old friend of Randy’s, Anselmi, who came with Randy to Orzammar and has now been made deshyr of House Mandulfr.

Neither Humbert nor Cahair have heard of Anselmi, so Humbert asks for Boshara to maybe go meet him.

When she is saying goodbye, Cahair slips the bird from Boshara’s sleeve and then asks whether she would like her dear pet bird Mustikka with her?

Boshara takes bird!Elspet and off they go, back to the Diamond Quarter.

Humbert and Cahair head off with Carras, who is taking some papers from Saelac to a merchant named master Gorin and while she’s at it, might ask us some questions about the carta attack upon us.

Cahair and Humbert answer very dutifully, though leaving some details out, so as not to raise suspicion on anyone being a mage.

The knowledge of the face tattoos on the carta members seems to worry Carras.

She tells us that it’s ok for us to have weapons out in Orzammar and that we should stay out of trouble.

Humbert asks how Carras would keep us up to date on the investigation, and Carras says that’s up to Saelac, which makes it kinda sound we won’t be getting any information.

We get to Master Gorin’s Stone Emporium. Carras leaves the papers with the old man keeping the shop and leaves. Humbert and Cahair stay behind to chat.

Master Gorin, or Kivi-Jaakko, is a rather pleasant old man. We chat a bit about the prospect of us getting some jewels from him for our jewelcrafting business.

There’s also Stones of Farspeech on sale, but we can’t afford them atm.

Cahair buys some stone-lollipops. Made of stone.

The talk turns to the nightly patrols general Sealac has been organizing, apparently Kivi-Jaakko is part of one, and the papers he just received were his orders for the night.

Cahair and Humbert decide to join up. It might be fun and/or useful.

Boshara makes her way back to house Mandulfr with Elspet perched on her shoulder.

They go to her room first, where Boshara tells Elspet that she’ll get her into Randy’s room so she can check on him and possibly, if a chance arises, she might even be able to heal him.

They find Marjaleena in Randy’s room, but she was just leaving and lets Boshara in, no problem.

Elspet perches on top of Randy and checks on him. It appears that he is in the exact same condition as before.

Boshara asks the house doctor, Doctor House Ferol, if she could have a moment alone with Randy “since they’re clearly not doing much”.

The doc obliges, but is rather offended by Boshara’s wording.

Elspet turns herself into a human and heals Randy. While she does so, she feels a strange sting of pain in her head.

Randy wakes up! Hurrah!

Boshara catches him up on what has happened, and then asks whether Marjaleena can be trusted.

Randy says yes, and Boshara berates him on his quick choice of marriage candidate. Randy tries to explain that that’s how things are done in Orzammar and that Marjaleena has really nothing to gain from Randy’s death, but Boshara isn’t buying it, so Randy reveals that not only is he gay, but so is Marjaleena. That’s a good enough basis for trust. Boshara doesn’t agree.

The original plan was for Randy to pretend to be asleep and wake up later, but unfortunately his caretakers come in. Elspet has just enough time to transform into a bird.

House asks to talk with Boshara. They noticed that clearly Randy has been healed by magical means.

Boshara tries to deny it, but in the end concedes that she does have magical healing abilities.

To her surprise, the doctor asks if she could be so kind as to check on Harrowmont. 

Boshara agrees. 

After their meeting with the stone-seller, Cahair and Humbert head to check up on the miners. They find a small miner pub and join up on a table.

They get to talking with a woman named Barra Hatan, a lyrium miner.

It seems that there isn’t much lyrium mining happening at the moment. About two months ago one of the largest lyrium veins was struck by darkspawn. Another large one followed two weeks later.

The situation appears so bad that even the Legion of the Dead aren’t able to handle it.

Which is why the Deep Roads are basically guaranteed off. General Saelac is more interested in making the situation safe in Orzammar first and then dealing with the other stuff.

Some Grey Wardens have been called upon, but they’ve not yet came by.

Barra herself has been taking time off, but there’s some folks who still do some smaller mining operations.

Our heroes try to ask if there’s any chance they could get some lyrium samples, but that is under King’s, so now Saelac’s control.

One of the miners leave, and Humbert says he’s going to go talk to him a bit, leaving Cahair to chat with Barra about tomorrow’s Provings.

Humbert catches up to the man, Gerryn Vorran, and asks whether he could get some lyrium for him.

Gerryn says he can’t do that, because lyrium is not what he’s going to go mine.

Humbert pushes Gerryn on what on Earth is he mining then, and he admits to mining what sounds like a tunnel, near Orzammar. He begs for Humbert to leave him be, he’s only trying to provide for his family. He is clearly terrified, and as there’s nothing to gain from him, Humbert obliges.

Humbert returns and is pointed to another dwarf’s direction, by the name of Kelavia, who does agree to get him some lyrium.

Cahair and Humbert leave the miners’ pub. 

It’s clear to them that the reason the Legion of the Dead is not effectively dealing with the darkspawn is the fact that at least some of the members are escaping to the surface to do carta stuff.

This tunnel project sounds highly suspicious as well. Cahair suggests he might be able to sneak in to check it out if they only could get their hands on some maps.

Humbert agrees, though he hopes Cahair wouldn’t do the same risky running-off-alone thing he did in Tevinter.

Cahair asks does Humbert mean that one time he jumped from the ship or the whole jungle stint?

Humbert says both. Cahair says he only regrets the jumping from the ship bc there was a bit where Richard was unsure if he was alive or dead and he wouldn’t want to do that to him.

Humbert thinks it does good for relationships. Cahair vehemently disagrees, asking if this is a Humbert-thing or a human-thing.

Humbert asks if Cahair doesn’t think that’s a bit racist. Cahair asks on what stereotype on humans Humbert thinks he’s basing his statement on.

There’s some talk on how much Cahair and Alf talk shit about humans among themselves, tho Cahair claims it’s not that often and it’s only eyerolling.

All in all, it’s one of the most amicable conversations these two have had in a long while.

Boshara and Elspet go spend some time in the Shaperate, while they wait for their access to Lord Harrowmont’s estate.

In there, they meet Candulfr, or Candy, Randy’s cousin and a shaper, who’ll be helping them with their questions.

Boshara first learns of the Legion of the Dead and their purpose, as well as the carta members sentenced to it.

Two of the carta members we killed were Legion of the Dead. Piorell Turow was the warrior Humbert dragged around and Zerlinda Harrow was the rogue Cahair got the dagger off of. 

Zerlinda was one of the four carta lieutenants who gave themselves up after the leader’s Hedda Carol’s capture and sentencing.

She then learns of King Aeducan and Saelac’s regency. Aeducan appears to be very well liked, and Saelac was appointed legally in front of the senate.

She tries to look for any info on Anselmi’s origins, but those are sparse. She does learn he came with another surface dwarf by the name of Berengrad.

She tries to locate Ortag Punchfist, but no one of such name has existed. She then looks into Mandulfr’s school mates as Ortag claimed to be one.

Only one of them became a surfacer, Lenus Orro, a miner, but he has no relatives in Orzammar, so it seems like that particular vein of investigation is running dry.

Then she asks about herself. There’s a mention of her appointment, but no mention of the fact that she is human. Still pretty cool though.

Cahair and Humbert are on a mission to find some maps for Cahair. 

Cahair says it’s probably better if they just nicked some, so as not to raise questions. He’s relatively confident he can do it, even though he’s no Alf.

Humbert tries his best not to make a comment about sneaky elves.

They go to the pub’s cloakroom and while Humbert distracts the attendant by claiming on not remembering where he put his cloakroom ticket and then asking the attendant to teach him numbers in dwarfish, Cahair sneaks past and gets some maps from a backbag.

After this educational Shaperate visit, Boshara is let into Harrowmont’s estate. The presiding doctor by the name of Cox .lets her into Harrowmont’s room.

Harrowmont is looking really badly off. He is conscious but delirious and it’s clear that the sickness he has gotten from the attack was in fact none other than Blight.

Cox explains that they had called for some Wardens from Orlais, but there seems to be some kind of delay with this.

After Cox leaves her to do her magic, Boshara tells Elspet to transform back so she can start working on him, but when Elspet transforms she starts weeping.

Boshara asks what’s up and Elspet says she has realized what the poison in the arrow was. She too has the taint.

Elspet remembers some elven magic she saw the Keeper of the clan of elves she traveled with using, and tries it on Harrowmont. It seems to stabilize him, but it only slows the process down.

She doesn’t do it to herself yet, as Boshara suggests it would be better done in place where they’re sure not to get interrupted.

Boshara starts to wonder if she could be of help. She has some incline that blood magic might be of use. She had discussed such possibilities with Konstantine, though never relating to taint but rather heart diseases and never in practice. She thinks if she could switch the tainted blood with fresh one, it just might work.

She decides to asks whether Dr. Cox would approve of this.

Dr. Cox is very appreciative of her work, and says they’ll talk to Lady Harrowmont to hear her opinion.

But they agree regardless that Boshara will return to the Harrowmont estate in the middle of the night if an attempt is to be had.

Our heroes all meet up for some dinner, and Elspet asks Boshara to tell about Elspet’s predicament.

Cahair is mightily upset.

Humbert seems more worried that there are people out there who now know Boshara is a mage.

Cahair asks if this could maybe wait, since there’s some more important stuff on the table right now, namely the fact that Elspet has the taint.

Boshara also mentions her blood magic idea. Cahair is all on board, going so far to offer his own blood, though Boshara was maybe looking more for Humbert on that front.

Humbert is not the most happy camper, but if Boshara can arrange our other heroes to Harrowmont estate he would like to attend.

There’s also the fact that Jasinto, Jasinta, Dominique, Reta and one of the Tevinter mages went to look for Wardens back in Bloomingtide and had agreed to meet our heroes at Orzammar. So if things get really bad, there’s at least those contacts.

There’s some talk about other things we’ve find out and what to do next.

Boshara suggests that Humbert goes to tell templars about the fact that there’s another way into Orzammar/Deep Roads, which should clear some of the Darkspawn.

Cahair wonders about the other Legion of the Dead members, since so far we operate as if all of them went with carta. Boshara thinks it’s quite possible, as it’s surely better than dying fighting darkspawn.

In the end we decide to stick with the established plans: Humbert going to street patrol, Cahair sneaking to Deep Roads to look for tunnels and Alf sneaking into Dust Town. But first. A blood ritual.

That’s all folks! Let’s see if on top of the cure for tranquility, we might be able to find a cure for the Blight as well. It would sure come in handy, since things are looking mighty scary.

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... This Is Us (S01E16) Memphis Airdate: February 21, 2017 @nbctv Ratings: 9.354 Million :: 2.48 18-49 Demo Share Score: 9.5/10 **********SPOILERS BELOW********** AGGGH! I want to just scream, but I can't because of the tears. If one episode of 'This Is Us' has made me 'ugly cry' the hardest, so far its 'Memphis'. I might need a minute to emotionally adjust and calm down to get through this review because I promise you I'll be crying while I'm writing. The show has given me another chance to parallel some feelings and experiences (and lack of ones) with Randall and William, and I won't let it pass me by. Both men have been given such a rare opportunity, Randall was given a rare chance to connect with his biological father and was able to explore that relationship in depth and even take one last ride with the man. William was given a rare chance of redemption... Something that doesn't often present itself in our lives, not like the way it did in William's. I'd like to think it was because William has good soul and underneath all the pain, regret, addiction, and lost dreams... There was a beautiful man who loved and felt very, very deeply. Sometimes, those of us who feel those emotions in such a volcanic & visceral way, end up masking that intensity or running from it because they seem to be inexpressible. From the very start of 'This Is Us', I felt an immediate connection to Randall. The Randall-centric episodes gave me a chance to explore a possibility, or maybe live a fairy tale, and also truly put some emotions into words about my feelings towards my own abandonment by my father and explore feelings I didn't know were in there. If you've been following along with me on our Website, TVShowTime, Twitter, or Tumblr (and now our Facebook page), The Trip' S01E09 was where I really just RELEASED and not only connected with Randall feeling like an outsider in his own adopted family, trying to find his place, but also dealing with the absence of my father and the grief of losing a loved one who was my connection to that part of me. I made some statements in that piece that my mother read and was upset by, I want to make it clear that tho my mother and I do have a strained relationship at times, I love her deeply and know that sacrifices she made having me at such a young age, early in her high school years. She could've made the problem go away, she could've not given me the chance for life, but she did and by doing so risked her own future and made her own ride through life even more turbulent. And even tho we live our lives very differently, I will be forever grateful for the life she gave me. Watching her struggle through high school, then leaving me behind while she went to college, coming back for me and going from poor apartment life, struggling through our step fathers addiction and subsequent & extremely inspiring recovery, to them both rising from ashes as both being independent & successful business owners has been almost intimidating for me as their son. Yeah they've made incredible mistakes, parenting mistakes, along the way, but we are human and their fighting spirit in life is inspirational and I hope to one day even come close to achieving what they have in their lives. Like Rebecca, who did not appear in this episode my mother was extremely apprehensive (that's probably not a strong enough word) about me meeting my biological grandparents... But I think the worry truly lied in the possibility of somewhere down the line meeting my biological father. Since I've already covered the subject, I'll leave it at this, but I needed to set some things straight as I continue the parallel. Many people reached out to me after writing that piece on 'The Trip' and a few other extremely naked and raw pieces, letting me know that they had gone through something similar. Somehow it's comforting to know that throughout this universe that my brothers and sisters who reached out to me from France, Brazil, The UK, Spain, Iran, and several other countries are connected to me through a similar struggle. A struggle we also are connected with through Randall, who actor Sterling K Brown has really made come to life. He's incredible and without his vulnerable and incredibly powerful performance as well as Ron Cephas Jones who also gave us an award worthy, captivating presentation as William, this just wouldn't have popped and have given us such a deeply affecting experience. This last hurrah with William, this trip to Memphis, a trip that Beth wasn't exactly on board with (as we saw in she and Randall's heated, but equally adorable back in forth in Doctor/therapeutic consultation) was the perfect leg to end this arc on. Knowing that there wasn't much time left to live, they set out on their cathartic road trip journey, something I myself am in need of as of late... Giving William the chance to go back home to face his demons, make amends, and live like nothing was wrong one last time... And giving Randall the chance to meet extended family, to trace his roots he'd only been able to dream about since he was a boy. For most of us this will never happen, I'm in my 30's and still waiting on that phone call or email from my father, but it hasn't come, and I don't know if it ever will, so watching it happen is like vicariously living through Randall. It's surreal. As they start the trip Randall says they won't be using GPS and pulls out a bunch of maps to which William promptly throws out the window... Yup, "Just drive, son... We'll get there." Truer words have never been spoken. They really captured that freeing road trip experience, an empty road as they forged ahead, surrounded by trees on either side, bright grassy medians, and windows down, wind blowing through their souls... There's something so cleansing, so purifying about a road trip. And as they followed the winding highways and byways to Memphis, we saw William's own timeline paralleled as his walk in life was explained... The show had started with his birth and then we saw that his father was killed leaving him with a single mother... The trip started with his mother seeing him off to explore his music and art to see if he could spread his wings the way that she knew he had it in him. Let's be clear, success isn't defined by the house you have, the things you sell... It's defined by the people you touch and whether or not you leave this plane of existence with a smile on your face. Randall and William traded stories about their lives, Randall talked about Jack Pearson, the myth, not necessarily the man, and how he used to calm him down through his debilitating panic attacks. At this point in the episode I had probably welled up with tears at least twice... Ok maybe three times, or possibly four. William wanted to know more about Jack and I just love hearing the three 'children' talking about Jack. When one of close loved ones passes we start to forget the bad and remember all the amazing things they did, the little things that brought us joy, relief, or just smiles. This is how we immortalize our lost ones, we all are terribly faulted, and if you can't look back and smile at a fault then it's probably not worth remembering. It's a human condition thing, I don't know if it's right, but it's what we do. I miss the long talks with my Aunt, who was more of my sister than anything, she'd talk to me on the phone for hours as I moved across country looking for a place I could call home. She always fantasized and pushed for me to come live with her, but we both knew I belonged somewhere far away. I remember when I was very little she would play on the piano and sing... My favorite was when she would sing Bette Middler songs... But she could do everything from 'Guns N Roses' to Power Ballads. She introduced me to music and we would sit in her room for hours and she'd write down and memorize every lyric to every song... Poison, Whitesnake, REM, Tesla, Joan Jett, Tone-Loc, nothing was off limits What I wouldn't give for some of those pieces of paper. I'd probably collage them out into a piece of artwork, but they are long gone. You never think about those things then because you don't think that one day they'll unexpectedly leave you. I pretty much knew that when William suggested that they drive a half a day out of the way to pay respects to Jack, that he knew this was his last trip. His speech to Jack's official resting place, where he says 'I would've liked to have met his son's father' had me in knots. To all of you out there like Randall, like me, who missed out on their real life blood father, I hope you get your redemption story. I hope that you are able to meet your cousins and your brothers and sisters. I hope that you don't just get to meet them once and swap an email or meaningless Facebook posts every once in a blue moon. I hope that what we are seeing in 'Memphis' is a possibility and not just a fairy tale, manipulating our emotions on NBC. We all deserve closure and to all the lost fathers, lost mothers, I don't care what you've done... You all deserve redemption. But you can't just sit back and hide in fear of get stuck in your feelings, frozen in their icy hold. You have to reach out. You have to make a call. You have to tell your sons and your daughters that deserve to hear you say that you're sorry, or you did what you thought was best... Whatever it may be. You might not get your Memphis, but even if you receive a emotionally charged reaction.... Anger, Sadness. Relief, Fear (and whatever else is controlling us from the inside like in the existential Disney/Pixar masterpiece 'Inside Out'), you owe it to your children and you owe it to yourself to just say something, anything at all.

[jngukie]

get to know me tag~

rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

i got tagged by @rnjmnster ! honestly let’s see if i will get through all this

THE LAST: 1. Drink: iced water 2. Phone call: my mom 3. Text message: my sister & cousin 4. Song you listened to: skyway by GOT7 5. Time you cried: yesterday lmao

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: i haven’t even dated once how am i supposed to do it twice smh 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: still haven’t had my first so,,,, 8. Been cheated on: yeah, by my sister I SHOULD’VE WON THE FREAKING GAME YOU TRAITOR 9. Lost someone special: yes. two in a year. 10. Been depressed: yes. off and on again. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no. i don’t drink hehe

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: pastel pink, white, gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes hello fellow mutuals how you feel 16. Fallen out of love: nah 17. Laughed until you cried: everyday errday  18. Found out someone was talking about you: probs but oh well 19. Met someone who changed you: yes 20. Found out who your friends are: yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: pls refer to #7 thx

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: fudge do i know probs almost all i’ve met a lot of people in my almost 20 years 23. Do you have any pets: my sister (jk i love her) 24. Do you want to change your name: no 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: tbh i don’t even remember but i think ate all you can eat sushi 26. What time did you wake up: today woke up at 7 but went back to sleep at 11 lmao 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: exposing @sydist 28. Name something you can’t wait for: the rest of my life with jeon jungkook 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 3 hours ago when she made me turn off the lights even tho she was rIGHT THERE (laziness runs in the fam) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my self-confidence. you deserve better, wren. 31. What are you listening right now: my sister’s laughter as she watches adele carpool karaoke  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah he was a wee lad (literally) 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my inability to write this jikook fic aND IT’S DUE JUNE 25 CRIES A LAKE  34. Most visited Website: ao3 fam yeahhhhhh B-)

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: yes 36. Mark/s: do scars count cuz i got em 37. Childhood dream: a lot of things 38. Hair color: black 39. Long or short hair: long af my sis tells me to cut it and i’m like nO 40. Do you have a crush on someone: jeon jungkook ngl 41. What do you like about yourself: pls refer to this bc this is hard 42. Piercings: none 43. Bloodtype: a like pretty much every asian out there fam 44. Nickname: wren, wrennie 45. Relationship status: married to jeon jungkook fight me @ssconce 46. Zodiac: sagittarius centaur 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: produce 101 or weely idol or knowing brother 49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: yep, oral 52. Hair dyed in different color: no my mom would kill me (says the almost 20yo) 53. Sport: lmao 55. Vacation: i’ve been to hong kong, singapore, macau, indonesia (+ bali), thailand, england, and 11/50 states of the usa (tho idk if indo & eng counts seeing as i lived there, but i did spend my breaks exploring the country) 56. Pair of trainers: i used to have 5 but i threw out 3 so now i have 2 (hurrah for math, kids)

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: i’m not eating anything rn 58. Drinking: nothing rn but i want water 59. I’m about to: sleep 61. Waiting for: jungkook to profess his undying love for me (and also for inspo to hit so i can finish this jikook fic argh) 62. Want: jungkook 63. Get married: i’m already married to jeon jungkook (FIGHT ME @ssconce ) 64. Career: hopefully sth that makes me happy

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: both 66. Lips or eyes: both 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: i prefer older/same age but younger is fine too (2 years max tho) 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: ok this needs to stop i can’t cHOOSE 71. Sensitive or loud: a balance would be nice 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: again a balance would be nice but maybe troublemaker to balance me out

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: again pls refer to #7 thx 75. Drank hard liquor: pls refer to #11 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: lmao story time i once had a sleepover with my friends for my 10th birthday and i woke them up at 5am bc i couldn’t find my glasses and they were so pissed bc it was actually right next to me i’m really blind lmao 77. Turned someone down: accidentally in 5th grade but i mean,, his confession was like a freaking riddle in like latin or sth 10-year-old wren is oblivious af 78. Sex on the first date: pls,,, refer,,, to you know what just look up 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably did when i turned that kid down 80. Had your heart broken: yeah my crush of 7 years started dating someone the week before i moved continents 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yeah 83. Fallen for a friend: one-sided af it lasted 7 years never fall for your best friend guys

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: hopefully i will a lot more 85. Miracles: yes 86. Love at first sight: no that’s attraction 87. Santa Claus: tbh even as a kid i never did  88. Kiss in the first date: no 89. Angels: yes

OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: @gwiseoks & the duck penguin 91. Eyecolor: a really dark brown 92. Favorite movie: idk fam probably sth animated

idk who to really tag? so i tag @gwiseoks , @floofyeol , @dis-suga-pointed , @jjeonguk , @kiimdaily , @jeonseok , @artistaes (if you wanna do it y’all), and anyone else who wants to do it :3