#nobody figures me out until i mosey on to the next town.

[adhdandcomics]

you are 2010s transmasc art reigen. to me

i wont lie to you ive been trying to parse this ask out for a minute. do you mean i look like 2010s reigen art? my art looks like reigen art? i embody the spirit of transmasc reigen?? the world may never know. i have a sinking feeling you mean all of these things, though.

[hellolittleogre]

Work in progress Wednesday

A Hive Full of Honey

The saloon was filled to bursting and Billy had managed to get a spot by the bar, flanked by Vasquez and Faraday, an excited buzz filling the air. Deadwood was a tiny community of mostly gold miners and a few lumberers, and “unwashed” was probably a too kind adjective to apply to it.

The rumor that a woman (and let alone a woman who showed her legs!) was going to entertain at the saloon had filtered through every layer of the town until every denizen had come, getting rowdier and rowdier by the minute.

Squashed into Billy’s side was the soft red hair of Emmet who lived in the shanty next to Billy’s, the both of them taking advantage of their taller and bulkier companions. Billy was unsure what Emmet was doing there seeing as if “he” had wanted to see a woman’s legs, he presumably could have stayed at home and looked at his own, and probably charged less for the pleasure too.

A handsome black man, dressed from head to toe in black clothes and with impressive sideburns stumbled onto the stage, throwing a nasty look back at the side before turning to the crowd with a plastered on smile. The cheering and yelling grew louder.

“Evening all, I’m Sam Chisholm, registered...” he trailed off, and closed his mouth, looking just a little bit strained, as if he was somehow a little uncomfortable in front of a crowd, before visibly pulling himself together and forging on.  “I uh, give you the great, lovely Miss Goodnight,”

He turned to the back wing and stretched out his arm. Nothing happened.

The crowd cheered.

Nothing continued to happen.

Chisholm frowned at something off stage, setting his hands to his hips and strode off into the wings where reluctantly a coy, silk-stockinged leg appeared. 

It was... skinny, which was probably the most flattering  thing to be said about it, as it mostly resembled a baseball bat. Billy wasn't the greatest judge of ankles, but he figured there should be slightly more to it than that. He had seen fence posts with more curvature.

The person who followed the leg was...well, first Billy thought it was the oddest looking lady he’d ever seen, and then he realised it was, in fact, a man in a dress.

“You see what I’m seeing?” he asked his perplexed company and Faraday squinted towards the stage.

“She ain’t very good looking,” he said dubiously  and Billy fought back the urge to laugh.

“That ain’t all she ain’t” he said. 

Next to him Emmet was staring with his mouth open and a poleaxed look. 

Around them the saloon had erupted in cheers and whistles. “We’re not gonna bite ya, sweetheart,” a bearded man, who looked like he had last seen a bath around Christmas,and even then it had been a fleeting acquaintance, hollered and winked. The person on the stage recoiled almost visibly and looked miserable, and then they squared their shoulders, counted in the band, and started to sing. 

Three hours earlier

In the dressing room Sam and Goodnight had reached an impasse. Goodnight had argued, and lost, against the corset and the wig but this time he is standing his ground. He was not giving in. 

“No, I ain't doing it,” he snapped at Sam crossing his arms and Sam scowled fiercely. 

“You listen to me you rotten son of a bitch, there is no way you are going out there with a beard!”

“There are bearded lady performers!”

“That only works if you're a woman in the first place. Ain't nobody going to want to come see a man with a beard” 

“I could wear a veil, we could do it like a dance of seven veils kind of thing.”

“Thats a great idea, the only problem is with those dances you usually have to take the veils off.”

“Sam, don’t make me do this” Goody said with a wail, “I’ve had it since I was nineteen. You might as well send me out there naked.”

“Goodnight its a beard! It has to go, sides we have to put make up on you and that cant go on top of it.”

“Makeup?!”

Its surprisingly not the worst singing Billy has ever heard. The tone was pleasant, even if the falsetto wavered a little every now and then. The dancing was… well, the least said the better, and quite honestly Billy is distracted by the lopsided bosom, and the way it looks like Miss Goodnight is one step from taking a left when her hair is taking a right. There is something mesmerizing about that. And the mood of the saloon is quite frankly baffling.  Horne is sitting next to Faraday and had watched perplexed before whistling and breaking out in applause.

“She’s shy, poor thing. Cant say she looks like much but we got to encourage her.” And this seems to be the general mood of the saloon. “She might not be as pretty as she could be, but that's no reason to give her the cold shoulder.”

McRae the other old timer besides Horne nodded wistfully. “Been so long I’ve seen a lady I near forgot what them look likes. And to hear that sweet angel voice again, I’m telling you fellas, there ain't nothing in the world like women.A young man such as yourself wouldn't understand but when you are my age it makes you feel better just by being around.”

Emmet was standing just a foot away from him trying to look like this had nothing at all to do with him.

When the intermission arrived the crowded room was starting to make Billy antsy so he moseyed out to the quiet back alley for a smoke and look at the sky. He had just pulled the smoke into his lungs in a great calming breath when two figures slipped out into the alley.

It was the man Sam Chisholm and Miss Goodnight, still in the performance gown.

“Sam this has been your worst idea since you thought skunks might be edible.” Billy heard a low voice grousing and he watched with interest as the two figures make their way out through the alley, they were carrying saddle bags slung over their shoulders.

“Evening,” Billy said pleasantly and they both froze stock still.

“Evening,” Chisholm said, voice suspiciously even.

“You just taking some air?” Billy asked, not even bothering to hide his amusement.

“Errrrr, just so,” Sam said and Miss Goodnight plastered a winning smile on her face. It was to Billy’s great surprise, actually quite winning. She had a gold tooth.

“It was awfully stuffy in there, cher” she said in a thick Cajun accent, and Billy would eat his own hat if that accent was genuine.

“Billy Rocks” he said, reaching his hand out to Sam who shook it, and then to Miss Goodnight, if only for the shit eating pleasure of seeing her go for a handshake and then stumble badly when instead of shaking it he brought it to his mouth and kissed it.

“Goodnight Robicheaux,” she said, snatching the hand back.

“Like the war hero,” Billy said jovially. He was enjoying this immensely.

“He’s a cousin,” Miss Goodnight said, at the same time as Chisholm said “No relation.”

“He’s not my relation, but my cousin’s, of course,” Miss Goodnight smiled, with a thin veneer of ease.

“You don’t say, that's fascinating,” Billy said, leaning a little closer and smiling flirtatiously, which made Miss Goodnight stumble a little, looking as if she didn't know whether to go forwards or back. “The two or you are not leaving? That would be such a shame.”

“Of course not, I just needed a moment to compose myself,cher,” Miss Goodnight said brightly and grabbed Sam’s arm, turning them right around. 

“Why Miss Goodnight, you are taking to this like a duck to water,” Billy heard Sam say and Miss Goodnight swatted his arm with her fan. It looked painful.

Billy and Emma gaped their way through the second act and the rowdy crowd of men who happily cheered for any glimpse of skinny ankle or flat chest and halfway through Billy had to give up and admit that there was something compelling about him. Something about the eyebrows and the full mouth and he was halfway through a truly filthy fantasy of it wrapped around his dick before he even caught on to what he was doing. He found himself wondering if the man had shaved his chest before the performance or if peeling him out of the corset and chemise he would reveal straggly hair. Billy had always known his tastes ran to men but had not previously realized the ran to men pretending to be women as well. It was quite refreshing.

[fatestemptress]

Paramount Remembrances - Chapter 7 - Part 1

Summary: Dean Winchester has reached a point in his life where he doesn’t have many firsts left to fulfill.  Except maybe falling in love.  This is the story of how he got there.

Warnings: Smut. Lots and lots of smut.  Oral (male & female receiving).  Dry humping.  Backseat sex. Teaching/Guiding.  Some Angsty Feels. 18 Plus ONLY! 

Pairings: Young Dean x OFC, Dean x OFC, Dean x Reader (We finally made it!  Woohoo!)

Word Count On this Chapter: 5,180 

A/N:  Sooooo, the Dean x  Reader part kinda got away from me and I realized that I was over 8,000 words in, rambling my way to the conclusion.  So, I decided to break it up.   Good new is, the second part is almost finished.  :)   Again, thank you so much for all the likes and re-blogs.  I’ve had a blast writing this and I’m glad there are those out there enjoying it.  I’ve strayed away from exact canon time periods as I’m not following it as closely as some awesome writers do, however, for purposes in this chapter, this portion is set sometime in Season 7.  Lisa is in Dean’s past and Sam has his soul back with no memories of his experience in Hell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dean was thirty-one when he fell in love.  And it scared him shitless.

Over the years, he’d had more sexual partners than he could count, his job never affording him the opportunity to stay in one place for any extended period of time.  He never led any of them on, always left them satisfied, always making sure they both were on the same page as far as the non-status of their relationship would be.  

Dean didn’t want to be labeled as a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type but apparently those rules of the road his father had spewed out to him so long ago held some substance.  

Too much tragedy followed him everywhere he went, and he found he’d rather leave ‘em than have any of the women in his life physically hurt in any way shape or form.

Cassie had been the closest he had come to the word ‘love’, and while he had been hurt so badly by her rejection, he realized when revisiting her years later, it had been too easy for him to walk away from her when she finally knew who he really was for him to believe it had been anything more than maybe a puppy love in its most pure form.    

Lisa was his most recent and the last mistake he would make in believing that he could have ‘normal.’ That whole relationship had quickly gone to shit and while he had cared for her and Ben deeply, love was never a word that he uttered out loud because he had never truly felt that he could love a woman the way they deserved.  Especially, when he spent his days and nights in constant fear that something could happen to her and Ben, coupled with being restless living an ‘apple pie life’.  It didn’t help that he had eventually realized that she had been a poor substitute for the aching hole the temporary loss of his brother had left behind.

So, Dean had resigned himself and made himself believe that one night stands were the way to go.  

Unless of course there was a woman that came along that could, surprisingly, kick his ass.

And when that happened, well, the world seemed to tilt on its axis a little bit.

Dean never thought of himself as a true masochist.  A dominant? Yes.  A submissive?  At times. But one day when a long leg shot out and kicked him in the stomach before bending down into a sweep that dropped him onto his back with a groan….

Well…he was reminded why.

The reason people and, yes, sometimes even he, embraced pain and put it hand in hand with pleasure.

He’d gladly take another kick to his solar plexus if it meant he could look up at her and see her for the first time over and over again.

Long straight dark hair and light brown eyes looked down at him as one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen stood above him with a gun pointing at his face.

And his gut twisted in more than just pain from that well-placed kick.

“You move, you die.  Now, who the fuck are you?” She said between clenched teeth.  

Dean lifted up his hands in surrender, “Dean.  Dean Winchester.  And you might be?”

Instead of answering, she cocked the gun, “None of your damn business.  Get up.  Slowly.”

Dean complied, his eyes unable to stop drinking in her form.  Black leather jacket over a black tank top and skin tight black jeans tucked into calf high combat boots, rolling over toned curves, her hands and eyes steady as she followed his movements with the precision of a well-practiced fighter.

She was gorgeous.

She was also still pointing the gun at his chest.

“The Winchesters have an anti-possession tattoo.  Show it to me.”

He considered trying to be funny, but the way she held her gun let him know she knew how to use it, so instead he raised an eyebrow, pulled down his t-shirt from his collar and waited as her eyes roamed over the pentagram.

It was only then that she put up the gun and slipped it back into its holster at the small of her back, “Well, Winchester, looks like your reputation precedes you.  Unfortunately, you swaggered your ass into what was supposed to be a trap for the werewolf in town.  So, if you don’t mind, if you could just mosey your way back to wherever you came from, that’d be awesome.”

Dean pursed his lips at her blatant dismissal, “Apology accepted.”  He said sarcastically.

“What the hell do I have to apologize for?  Kickin’ your ass?  Ain’t nobody told you to come here.”

He stepped forward, his eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance, “I’m here for the same reason you are, lady.  To kill a werewolf that’s eating people’s hearts.”

“Well, I got this.  So, you can go.”

And that’s how Sam found them, engaged in a screaming match over who had the biggest balls.

They had known each other for exactly fifteen minutes and already Dean hated her.

Well, he actually kind of liked her too.

When she got really angry, her eyes lightened dangerously, her voice got lower instead of higher and she poked him in the chest with her finger.

Dean wanted to break that finger so bad.  He also wanted to put it in his mouth and suck at the tip until she melted underneath him.

Needless to say, the first six months of their friendship had been frustrating at best and downright tumultuous at worst.  

Mostly because Dean couldn’t figure out if he wanted to smother her in her sleep or kiss her until she made that low moan in her throat that came out when she tasted something delicious.  

He also had a hell of a time trying to just figure her out.  The layers of who she was hidden deep underneath a gruff exterior and smart mouth leaving him dumbstruck when she gave a soft smile and kind eyes to a grieving family or when she turned into a protective mama bear and practically growled when a child was involved in any of their cases.    

It didn’t help that her and Sam got along like two peas in an annoying pod from the moment they met. It had taken Sam six seconds of puppy dog eyes to get her name that day.

Y/N.

Beautiful, breathtaking, annoying Y/N.

And now?

Whenever the three of them joined up on a case, Sam and Y/N spent hours researching the shit out of them and wallowed in long silences where neither of them needed to speak to one another but they still seemed to know what the other was looking for.  

Meanwhile, whenever Dean and Y/N were in the same room it was as if a fire was lit under their asses and instead of putting it out they spent their time trying to find as many leaves and dried kindling they could to keep it at its hottest temperature.  

Their constant arguments could be as serious as who was going to save the world tonight or as ridiculous as what was better than sex.  

Pie or Y/N’s weakness: Chocolate.

The correct answer was neither.  

But they were both so stubborn they refused to come to an agreement on the subject.

And while he would fight anyone who tried to convince him that his pie obsession was uncalled for, he still managed to pick up her favorite candy bars at various rest stops, making sure to always keep a secret stash in his duffel bag if only to torture her with them as he waved the chocolaty goodness at her from the farthest corner of whatever room they happened to be in.

And when she shrugged as if she could care less before distracting him with a well thrown book, pillow or elbow and tackled him on the ground, wrenching the chocolate triumphantly out of his hands, Dean tried not to think too hard on the way his body buzzed the minute her curves made contact with him.

Or the way he stared at her as she gave him a middle finger and bit into her prize.

She was so ridiculously annoying.

And then, there was the……moments.

Moments of something palatable that rolled its way over the two of them and made Dean feel like there was almost something tethering them together, tightening with each deep breath, each sigh of frustration and each smile that he managed to get out of her.

In fact, if Dean really wanted to be honest, there was one moment that stood out more than the rest.

The three of them had been searching for a Wendigo in a forest outside of North Dakota and they had set up camp around the perimeter of where multiple attacks happened, hoping to draw it out instead of traipsing through unknown forest and getting their asses lost.

It had been unseasonably cold that night.  Sam was up keeping watch wandering around the base of their camp jumping up and down to keep warm.  Meanwhile, Dean and Y/N were in separate sleeping bags laying by a fire that hadn’t been enough to keep Y/N from shivering in her sleep.  Dean had stayed in his sleeping bag for twenty minutes contemplating how hard she would hit him in the nuts if he decided to lie down next to her and try to help her stop shivering.  The decision was made for him when she rolled onto her side and her teeth started audibly clattering and he couldn’t take it anymore.  

Grabbing up his blanket and sleeping bag, he laid his sleeping bag next to hers and wrapped her body under the plaid wool of his blanket.  He lay on his side against her back and after hovering his arm over her this way and that he finally said fuck it and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her body flush against his.

She woke up immediately and tensed and he swore he could feel her reach for her gun that she had kept next to her.  But before he could say anything, he heard her take a deep breath through her nose as if sniffing the air, then she visibly relaxed into him, saying nothing.

It was ten minutes later, as his nose was in her hair and he was trying to not make it obvious that he was trying to figure out the scent of her shampoo, (Oranges?  Mangos?), when she finally spoke up.

“What are you doing, Winchester?”

Dean tensed against her and tried to surreptitiously move his face out of her hair, “Trying to make sure you don’t freeze to death, what else?”

She hesitated before answering him and to his surprise moved her body even closer to his, moving until her ass was right up against his now very interested cock and burrowed even deeper under the blanket he had thrown over them.  Dean let out a silent curse as he felt himself swell even more when her delectable backside rubbed against him and he tried his best to picture and name the ugliest monsters he had seen to date in an effort to get his dick to stop being an asshole.

He had finally gotten himself to relax some when he heard her clear her throat, “Thank you.”  She whispered, “This…this is a lot better.”

Dean closed his eyes against the warmth that amplified in his lower belly and took a deep breath, “Yeah, well, the Wendigo aint gonna want no frozen meat, so, gotta keep his dinner warm somehow.”

Y/N let out a harrumph but didn’t move from her position against him, “Moron.”

A half smile graced his features as he felt his body settle into something he hadn’t felt in so long, if ever.  Despite their current circumstances, despite the fact that they were on a hunt and could very well be dinner, he felt….safe. Warm.  Content.

And before he could talk himself out of the feeling, he felt his heavy eyes finally drift closed and he fell asleep.

The next morning, found him still alive.  

And hard.  

Sometime during the night, he had rolled onto his back and Y/N had rolled into his chest with her arm wrapped tightly around him and her face buried in his neck. Her leg was bent and thrown over his waist, and either Y/N was deliberately trying to get him off or she was having a very good fucking dream because her hips were undulating against him slightly causing her calf to move against his very interested, throbbing cock.

Dean blinked a few times and desperately tried to hold back a groan but he was unsuccessful.  Y/N’s head sleepily popped up and she looked up into his eyes.  He watched as unnamable emotions flickered through the light brown depths as she stared at him, her hair adorably sticking up haphazardly, and he would have bet money she was going to kiss him.  Except his asshole dick chose that moment to twitch in interest and her eyes clouded before she reared back, sat up and hit him in the chest.

“Really, Dean!  We’re being hunted by a monster and yet you still can’t control yourself?”

He hid his disappointment by bringing his arms behind his head as he grinned up at her, seemingly unrepentant, “It wasn’t me rubbing all up on you, Sweetheart.  If you’re gonna offer it, he’s gonna take it.”

Y/N gave him a disgusted look even as she blushed, “What the fuck ever, Dean.  Aint nobody offering nothin’.”

He winked at her, “Sure, Darlin’.  Keep telling yourself that.”

“UGH!”  

And with that, Y/N threw the covers back and quickly made her way to Sam where he was standing at the edge of camp giving them extreme side eye.

While Dean was sure they had killed the Wendigo, the who, what and when’s of it was a blur.  

Because the only thing he could focus on from that moment in time was that split second when her eyes were clear and the guards were down and he saw….something in their depths.  

Something that made him both exhilarated and fucking terrified.

From that trip on, the fire that burned was slowly turning into an inferno and the tension was at an all-time high.

But they still had each other’s back.  Still steadfastly protected one another in dangerous situations, taking hits when it meant they could distract would be bad guys from hitting the others; from hurting the team they had built on a precarious platform constructed from frustration, sarcasm, smirks….and that something else.

He would be damned if admitted how much he missed her when she was gone, on her own, hunting the bad guys on her terms.  

But he did.

And it made him even angrier when he felt it. That something missing, gnawing at his belly and deep inside his chest.

He wouldn’t even touch the emotion he felt when he saw her name pop up on his or Sammy’s phone or the rush of elation when he saw her truck pull up beside them on whatever no name highway they agreed to meet on.

However, it was during a particularly stressful case, where they couldn’t agree if it was a God or a Djinn causing havoc that apparently Sam had finally had enough.  

Enough of them and their unnecessary arguments.

Enough of the yearning dance they had perfected as they circled around one another.

“I’m soooo glad Dicky Dean is coming out to play today.”  Y/N growled as she threw a pillow at his head, the movement of her arm making her breasts jiggle slightly in her tight red tank top.

Not that he noticed.

Dean ducked just in time before casually sitting back in the motel chair and taking a drink of his beer as if he didn’t have a care in the world, “Why am I a dick?  ‘Cause I don’t agree with you?”

“It’s not that you don’t agree with me.  It’s the way you don’t agree with me.  All high and mighty with that cocky grin.”  

Said grin slid across his lips and he shrugged, “I’ve been told I have a big reason to be cocky.”

“Yeah, well, people lie to spare our feelings all the time, Dean.”

“Facts don’t lie, Sweetheart.”

“For the four millionth time, don’t call me Sweetheart, you ass.”

“Sorry, Baby.  I’ll try not to.”

“Dick.”

Sam stood up, “All right! Enough!  You two are driving me to drink.  As a matter of fact, that’s what I’m gonna go do.  Go to a bar and get a drink and maybe it’ll muffle the sound of this nonsense and we can go back to actually solving this case.”

“Wait, Sam,” Y/N said as she stood up next to him and grabbed a jacket, “I’m gonna go with you. I need a drink too.”

Sam threw his hands up in the air and walked to the door, “Whatever.  Let’s just go.”

Dean blew a kiss at Y/N as she gave him one more glare before sticking her tongue out him and the door closed behind them.

Childish?  Yes.

But that tongue?  He could imagine it doing any number of things to his body and the thought made him groan deep in his chest.

Pretty soon the silence of the room started to grate on his nerves and when he noticed himself pacing over the same space over and over he finally gave in, grabbed his jacket and headed to the bar down the block from the motel.

The music was loud but not too loud and it was fairly crowded for a weekday.  There was any number of available conquests waiting for the kill but his eyes automatically gravitated to the one person who made his blood boil for so many different reasons.

She had discarded her jacket somewhere and was swaying to the current song, standing in front of the digital juke box, vodka club in hand, as she perused the other music selections.   Her round ass encased in her skinny jeans had the attention of most of the bar and if she continued to shimmy it for much longer, she’d have a line of eager suitors ready to roll.  

Dean’s feet started making their way over to her before he had to physically stop himself.  

What was he doing?  Let her annoy someone else for the night.

He made his way over to where Sam was keeping an eye on Y/N from the bar, beer in hand.

“Was wondering how long it would take you to make your way over here.”  Sam said in greeting.

“I got bored.”

Sam smirked at him, “Uh huh. And I’m sure it had nothing to do with Y/N.”

Dean gave him a look of disbelief, his eyes following Sam’s stare to where Y/N was laughing with some random male stranger over who knew what, “Why would it have anything to do with that pain in the ass?”

“You guys fight like cat and dog.  And the tension keeps building and building…”

Dean raised a hand at the bartender and deliberately turned his back on Y/N’s form across the room, “There’s no sexual tension, Sammy.  She just makes me want to choke her out.  And not in the good way.”

A sly smile slid across Sam’s face as he leaned against the bar on one elbow, “Who said anything about sexual tension, Sigmund?”

“Shut up.”

Holding his hands up in surrender, Sam shrugged, “Okay.  Okay, Dean. So, then, uh, I want to ask you something.”  Sam shoved his free hand in his pocket, a sheepish expression sliding over his face, “Ummm, if you’re really not interested, then, uh, you wouldn’t mind me going for it, right?”

Dean stilled as he stared at his brother’s face in shock, “You’re not serious….are you?”

Sam shrugged, “She’s hot. And she’s smart and brave and can tell your ass off as fast as she can sew you up after getting hurt.”  Sam’s eyes flicked over to her, watching as she picked up a cue stick and started playing pool with the random guys she had been speaking to earlier, “And she has the nicest ass I’ve seen in a long time.”

“Sam!”

“Oh, please.  Don’t start.  I’ve seen you checking it out plenty of times.”

“Yeah!  Cause I have eyes!”  

The bartender finally made his way over to them, “What can I get ya?”

Thanking the bartender silently for the interruption so that he could gather his thoughts, Dean replied, “Whiskey.  Neat. Thanks.”

The bartender nodded and made his way back to the other end of the bar as Dean took a deep breath and raised his gaze to Sam’s, “Look, things like this can get complicated, Sammy. She’s independent as hell and prefers to work alone.  Making a relationship like that work would be hard.”

Sam scrunched his eyebrows in confusion, “Who said anything about a relationship?”

Dean shot Sam a confused look his own, “Huh?”

“We’re both adults, Dean. Sex doesn’t have to equate to a relationship.”

An anger that Dean wasn’t sure he understood shot through his body and he felt his jaw involuntarily clench as he turned his body toward his brothers’, “You sayin’ you just wanna bang her and act like nothing happened after?”

Sam’s eyes scrunched further, “Dean…I’m not sure what part you’re not understanding.  If there’s anyone who could comprehend something like this, it’s you.”

Dean threw his hands up in frustration, “Yeah, Sam!  With random chicks that know the deal and are okay with having a one night stand that’s not gonna amount to nothin’.”

Sam bit down on the inside of his mouth, his lips quirking slightly before he turned it into a frown, “And if I tell Y/N what the deal is and she’s okay with it, what’s the problem?”

With a growl, Dean tossed back the whiskey that had appeared in front of him and wiped the side of his mouth before pointing at Sam, “The problem is that she’s not just some random chick, Sam.  It’s Y/N! She’s our friend and she deserves more than just some random fuck and a ‘See you around sometime.’.”

“So you do care about her?”

“Of course I fucking care about her. It’s…she’s….SHE DESERVES MORE DAMMIT!”

Sam finally let that quirk at the side of his mouth slide into a full-fledged grin as he drank the last of the beer in hand, “Then why don’t you stop being a dick and tell her how you feel already.”

Dean blinked at Sam, momentarily thrown at his change in demeanor and his mouth opened and closed like a fish as he realized just how telling his words were, “Wha-?”

Slamming the empty bottle on the bar, Sam rolled his eyes, “Get out of your perpetual hole of denial and go get the girl you’ve been in love with for months already.”

Dean stubbornly ignored Sam’s last statement, “Soooo, you don’t want to bang her?”

Letting out a scoff of disbelief, Sam rubbed at his eyes in frustration, “God, please give me strength. No, Dean. I don’t want to bang her. I would never, ever get in the way of what I’ve seen between you two.”  He grabbed at Dean’s shoulder and tightened his grip forcing his brother’s eyes to his, “It’s okay to love someone, Dean.  It’s okay to love her.”

Dean stilled and stared at his brother as he bit the inside of his lip, a million thoughts racing in his mind.  The most prominent one being the nonononononononono that was echoing in his brain bouncing around like a pinball against the memories of all he had endured.  Every moment in his too short/too long life that had changed who he was before to who he was now.

He didn’t love her.  

He couldn’t love her.

He still had so much darkness in him.  Guilt. Pain. And he struggled every day to put those feelings of inadequacy into a small corner of his mind until they reared their ugly head at night when it was too quiet to drown out the memories.  

Everything in his world ended in tragedy and tears and so many had been hurt or died because of him.

He couldn’t risk it.

His eyes flicked over to where he saw Y/N raising her hands in victory before holding her hand out to the poor schlep in front of her.  She playfully curtsied in thank you as the money was slapped into her palm with a grumble. As she smiled, she turned her gaze towards the bar and met Dean’s eyes with her own and waved the money at him with a smirk and a wink, before letting the smirk drop into a frown as the intensity of his stare seemed to burn her from across the room.

He couldn’t risk her.    

Dean swallowed thickly as she gave him a concerned face.  Y/N brushed off the guy currently trying his best to earn his money back and pushed her way through the crowd to them.

He could feel Sam watching him from his perch “Moment of truth, Dean.  She’s making her way over here and since she’s seen you go pale as a ghost, she’s gonna wanna know why.”

Flicking his eyes everywhere but at her, he felt his heart start to pound even faster and panic quickly set in.  He reached into his pocket and flung some money on the bar before making his way to the door.

“Shit!  Dean!  Dean, wait!”

Ignoring Sam’s calls, he opened the door to the bar and disappeared into the night.

He wouldn’t risk her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  

“Oh my, God!  It’s a Wednesday.  Why is it so fucking crowded in here?”  Y/N muttered as she finally made her way to the bar where she saw Sam standing by himself, his mouth set in contemplation.

Grabbing his arm none too gently, Y/N pulled his attention to her, “Hey!  Where’d Dean go?”

Sam let out a soft sigh and shrugged, “Not sure.”

Ignoring the disappointment in her chest, she pulled up the empty stool next to him and sat down, “What do you mean?  He was just here and he looked like he was gonna puke.  Is he okay?”

Sam let out another sigh and motioned to the bartender, “I, uh, may have said something that he wasn’t ready to hear yet.”  He lowered his head to the bartender when he appeared, “Another beer and a vodka club, please.”

Y/N stared at Sam’s profile and took note of the hard clench of his jaw, “Sam, he looked physically ill. What could you have possibly said to make him react that way?”

The ridiculously tall hunter’s eyes flicked over to hers before looking away.  He rubbed his hand over his face and then he suddenly shrugged and threw his hands up, “You know what?  I’ll tell you because I honestly can’t take much more of this.”  

“Sam?”

He placed his hands on Y/N’s shoulders and lowered his head to look into her eyes, “My brother is head over heels, madly, insanely, in love with you,” Sam squeezed her shoulders tight, “And at this point I’m convinced, he will never tell you.”

Y/N blinked up at Sam as her mouth dropped open.  She let out small sounds of disbelief before she swallowed hard, shook her head and let out a loud laugh, brushing his hands off of her, “Get the fuck outta here!  No, he isn’t.  Sam, you’re outta your mind.”  She plucked the vodka soda out of the bewildered bartenders hand before he could place it on the bar and quickly swallowed two large gulps before turning her attention back to him, her hands trembling slightly, “Did he…did he tell you that?”

Sam gave her an indulgent, gentle smile, “He didn’t have to.  There’s no one in this world I know better than my brother.  So that means I also know he’s drowning in a denial pool and with each day that passes, he keeps going deeper and deeper and he’s gonna drive both you and I crazy until he either drowns or runs away.”  

“Soooo, he didn’t tell you this himself?”

Sam groaned and slapped himself on the forehead, “Do you two ever listen to anything other than what you want to hear?”

“This isn’t what I want to hear, Sam!  Do you know how stubborn, how controlling, how much of a pain in the ass that man is?!”  Y/N let out a growl, “H-he is constantly trying to tell me what to do.  He’s always challenging every thought I have,” She threw back the rest of her drink; “He’s always nagging me about every move I make.  Make sure to check your six, Y/N.  Make sure you don’t hesitate, Y/N.  Make sure you watch Sammy’s back, Y/N.  Why didn’t you say you were cold, Y/N? Like, what the fuck?!  When we’re in the same room it’s hard to breath as is and he just makes it so that I feel like I’m suffocating when he…when he…”

Sam let out a small laugh as he watched her struggle, “When he what?”

Y/N wiped at the side of mouth, catching a stray droplet of liquor before whispering, “When he teases me and then nudges me trying to get me to smile at him.  When he waves coffee under my nose trying to get me to wake up in the mornings.  When he steals the bacon on my plate because he already finished his and then he fucking winks at me and….and…”  Y/N closed her eyes and swallowed deep, “When he looks at me….with those eyes of his…..”  

Oh, God.

In the months that she had known him, Y/N had pushed whatever she might be feeling deep into the caverns of her heart because she knew, she fucking knew, Dean was never going to address the proverbial elephant in the room.  She would watch him, watch her out of the corner of her eye and would see…she would feel this utter sense of loss coming from him.  

At first, it confused her. But then the nights she was forced to share a room with them, she would hear him struggling in his sleep, whimpering as memories of pain assaulted his senses and she understood.

Dean Winchester couldn’t afford to feel anything.  

Because everything that mattered was eventually taken away from him.

And Y/N understood.

So, she left it alone. And she ached.  But she left it alone.

She was a proud, stubborn woman and she wasn’t going to force herself on anyone.  

No matter how much she loved him.

Fuck!

Now what?

A whimper left her mouth and she banged her head on the bar top in front of her and groaned, “Why did you have to tell me that, Sam?  I was just fine doggy paddling in my own damn pool.”  

His large hand rested on the top of her head as he affectionately ran his hands through the strands of her hair, “No you weren’t.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chapter 7 - Part 2

@akshi8278 @curly-haired-disaster @chook007 @scorpiongirl1 @pisces-cutie @winchesterbroys

[imjustthemechanic]

Natalie Jones and the Golden Ship

Part 1/? - A Meeting at the Palace Part 2/? - Curry Talk Part 3/? - Princess Sitamun Part 4/? - Not At Rest Part 5/? - Dead Men Tell no Tales Part 6/? - Sitamun Rises Again Part 7/? - The Curse of Madame Desrosiers Part 8/? - Sabotage at Guedelon Part 9/? - A Miracle Part 10/? - Desrosiers’ Elixir Part 11/? - Athens in October Part 12/? - The Man in Black Part 13/? - Mr. Neustadt

Have they found the maker of the homunculi?  They’ve certainly found a man with good taste in Greek wine.

Natasha decided she could definitely not allow Sir Stephen to approach this man alone.  She got up and joined him, and without a word, the others followed.  As they came closer, she could see that the man in black was watching them out of the corners of his eyes.  He pretended he was just looking at the carvings, but his body language changed, moving his weight from his heels onto the balls of his feet, and swaying a little with his hands in his pockets.  He was anxious and ready to react… which was curious.  Barnes on the train had shown no signs of any nerves. Did homunculi have different personalities?

“Jim!” Nat called out, as if greeting an old friend.  “Do you remember me?”  She was tense, too, not knowing what to expect.  Would he run?  Would he attack them?

He did neither.  Instead, he frowned in confusion.  “Huh?” he asked.  “No.  I did see you in a restaurant earlier today, but I don’t know you.”

He was clearly nervous, and trying far too hard to be casual.  Maybe the anxiety was part of his act.

“Well, how about me?” asked Sir Stephen.  “Surely you know me!”

The man shook his head.  “No,” he said, a bit more sure of it this time.  “No, I don’t know you, either.”

“Who are you, then?” asked Nat.

“I’m an art student,” he said, and gestured up at the sculptures.  “I’m here to see these.”

“Well, you look an awful lot like our old buddy Jim,” Nat told him, trying not to sound too sarcastic.  “Let’s go to the coffee shop by the bookstore – I’ll buy you a snack and we can figure it out.  Maybe you’re a relative or something.”

She expected the man to make an excuse and refuse, but instead he shrugged. “I can’t turn down free food.”

They went downstairs to the mezzanine, where Nat did buy the man a coffee and a pastry.  Sam and Clint pushed two tables together, and they all sat down with drinks and snacks of their own to look like an informal group of friends.  Once everybody was settled, Natasha leaned a little closer to the man in black, and asked, “why were you following us?”

The man in black paused with a chocolate-filled croissant halfway to his mouth – then he bit into it, chewed, and washed it down with coffee before he answered.  “Because somebody paid me to.  He pointed you out in the Keramikos and said if I could follow you around and see what you were up to, he’d appreciate it.”

He had to be lying – Nat knew he had to be lying, because he was clearly another homunculus, with the same face as Barnes on the train and the man who’d tried to drop a rock on Madame Desrosiers.  Yet every indication was that he was telling the truth and a little worried about it, as if he thought he was going to get into trouble.  Did he believe what he was saying to her?  Had Barnes believed he really was a reporter from New York, until the moment his other programming had kicked in?

Sharon, however, had noticed something else.  “Who is he?” she asked.

“He said his name was Neustadt,” the man in black replied.  “I just met him this morning.  I don’t know who he is beside that.”

Neustadt.  Nat remembered that what Desrosiers had muttered under her breath when she heard what happened to the mummy had sounded like German.  Was this the man who’d stolen the mummy?  “We don’t know who he is, either,” she told the man in black. “This is the first time we’ve heard of him, either.  Why did he want you to follow us?”

“He said you were talking to Perenelle at the castle, and he wanted to know why you were interested in her,” he said.

Perenelle.  That was a name Natasha hadn’t yet heard in connection with this case, and yet, it was oddly familiar.  Where had she come across it before?  “Who is Perenelle?  Do you mean Madame Desrosiers?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never met her,” said the man.  “I’m in trouble, aren’t I?”

“Maybe,” said Nat.

“Definitely,” said Sam.

Nat glared at him.  “Maybe,” she repeated.  Madame Desrosiers had said homunculi only lived for a couple of weeks – the man in black wouldn’t be alive long enough to get into any trouble.  “I think we need to talk to Mr.  Neustadt.  Can you take us to him?”

The man looked uncertain.  “He just wanted me to watch you.  I don’t know if he wants to talk to you.”

“Where was he when you met him?” Sharon tried.

“I… I’d rather not say,” the man replied.  He was sweating now – Nat could see it shining on his temples, dampening his long hair.  He was afraid of Neustadt.

“It doesn’t have to be at his home,” said Nat.  “Just some neutral location where we can talk.  We don’t need to know where he lives.  We just want to ask him some questions.”

“We’re with the British government,” Sharon added, showing her CAAP badge. The others pulled theirs out, too. “We’re investigating the theft and destruction of the sarcophagus of Princess Sitamun, and Madame Desrosiers suggested that Mr. Neustadt was involved.”

“I don’t know about any of that,” the man insisted.  He glanced in several directions, then started to stand up.  “I can call him and ask, though.  Can you give me a minute?”

Nat reached out and took his wrist – gently, but with the suggestion that she could hold on much harder if she wanted.  “A minute, yes, but no privacy.  Call him right here.”  She was sure that if she took her eyes off this man for a moment, he would disappear.

“I don’t have a cell phone,” the man in black said.

“You can use mine,” Allen offered.

“No…” said the man in black carefully.  “No, I’d rather not.”

If he used Allen’s phone, the number he dialed would be recorded in its memory.  “Then we’ll find something else,” Nat decided.

They ended up using the bank of pay telephones in the Akropoli Metro Station, the man in black talking quietly into the handset while the others stood in a semicircle, far enough back that they couldn’t eavesdrop and yet straining their ears to try to catch a few words anyway.  After a couple of minutes, the man hung up and turned to talk to them.

“He says he’ll be here in a few minutes,” he said.  “He wants us to wait for him in the station.”

It was hot and rather dim and stuffy in the underground station, with no air conditioning, but the six members of the CAAP settled down on the benches to wait.  On the wall across from them were more replicas of the Parthenon sculptures, these ones slightly worn down people touching them as they passed.  The man in black remained standing, wandering nervously up and down in front of the plaster reliefs.

“What’s your name?” Nat asked.

The man in black paused a moment.  “Um.  Jim,” he decided, and it was clearly a decision, not a recall.

“Jim who?” she tried.

“I’d rather not,” he said.  “I think I’m in enough trouble.”

“You won’t be in trouble,” Natasha promised him.  “It’s just we may need you as a witness later.”

“That sounds like trouble to me,” he said.

About thirty minutes went by, while they sat in uncomfortable semi-silence with their perspiration soaking into their clothes.  Various people passed by, on their way to the trains or up to the street, but nobody paid too much attention to them.  A man with a German flagon his shirt turned out to be a tourist, there with his family.  Nat drummed her fingers impatiently on her leg and started to wonder if they’d been had… maybe this Neustadt was on his way out of town.

The first person to approach them appeared to be another tourist – he was quite short, no more than five foot six, and looked to be in his late fifties, with thinning gray hair worn long and a jowly face with a beaked nose.  He was dressed in a pair of cut-off shorts and a red t-shirt that declared itself a souvenir of Winnipeg, of all places, and a very beat-up green hat with a balding remnant of a feather in it.

This man moseyed up to them with his hands in his pockets, and smiled pleasantly. “I hear you want to talk to me,” he said in English.  His accent was not German, but Lincolnshire… perhaps his ancestors had immigrated to England, as many Germans had, in the nineteenth century.

Natasha stood up to shake his hand.  “Yes, we do,” she said.  “I’m Dr. Natalie Jones – we’re the Committee for the Appraisal of Archaeological Peril from the UK, and we’re investigating the theft of the sarcophagus and mummy of Princess Sitamun.”

“So our friend told me,” said Neustadt.  “I’m glad you have better sense than to believe Nelle saying I did it.”

If ‘Nelle’ were Madame Desrosiers, she’d said no such thing, but it was interesting that he assumed she had.  “Even if we did, there are two sides to every story,” Nat said.  “Our job is investigating dangerous archaeology.  If that mummy had to be destroyed because it was dangerous, then we need to know about it.”

She was deliberately giving him an easy answer, to see if he would rise to the bait. The simplest thing for him to do would be to agree with her – but he did not.

“Oh, no, the mummy isn’t dangerous,” said Neustadt.  “She’s dead!  You’d do much better to worry about ‘Nelle, who is very much alive.”  He looked around.  It was getting to be late in the afternoon but there were plenty of people about, both Athenians and tourists going in different directions.  None of them were paying any obvious attention to the group standing next to the replica reliefs, but Neustadt seemed nervous regardless.  “Shall we find somewhere quieter?

“Somewhere with AC?” asked Sam.

“And coffee?” Clint agreed.

“I know where we can find both,” said Neustadt.  “Come with me.”

He took them back onto the train and up to Omonia station, which was just a short walk from the Trata seafood restaurant.  It was a ramshackle little place with yellow walls and blue and white chairs and tables, and Neustadt ordered everybody calamari and mussels, insisting that dinner would be his treat.  He even paid for a bottle of Malagousia wine.  Natasha had already felt suspicious of him, and his generosity made her more so.  He must want something in return, but what?

“Very well,” he said, once the waiter had taken their order.  “Now tell me – what did Nelle say to you, exactly?”

“That depends on who Nelle is,” said Natasha.

“Ah, so she didn’t tell you her old name, then.”  Neustadt nodded.  He was going to try to trick them into revealing something, Nat thought.  She’d have to be on her guard.  “She’s Helene Desrosiers these days,” he added, “but when you’re seven hundred years old you go through a lot of names, and she might be even older.  When she was famous, she called herself Perenelle Flamel.”

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 20

Hope

Nearly a week after coming back from Atlanta with Chris, and much to my surprise, I hadn’t seen him or heard from him at all. There were a few times when a twinge of concern crossed my heart, but Destani was always quick to take my mind off the situation before I could successfully depress myself over it. Initially I was so heated after confronting him in the parking lot after we got back, I felt myself on the verge of breaking up with him right then and there. Being in his presence, with the girl he’d cheated on me with just feet away, was entirely too much for me to bear. It was like an immediate reality check when I spotted her standing there watching us with an evident smirk on her face that just absolutely disgusted me. It was as if my relationship was a joke to her and the look on her face alone told me she had no plans to stop trying to ruin everything between Chris and I. That thought then triggered me to believe perhaps Chris would actually allow her to continue tearing us apart and with all those awful thoughts swarming in my mind, everything he’d done to sweep me off my feet during our stay in Atlanta was completely null and void and I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from him as possible.

For whatever reason, Destani, Cammie, and Angel all swore that the only solution to make me feel better and perhaps even make me get over Chris altogether was always to get me liquored up. So with much persuasion, they managed to talk me into agreeing to join them for a girls night on the town. I had to admit, but never outright to any of the girls, I was actually looking forward to a night of relaxation and fun with them to just unwind, forget about school, and most importantly… forget about my relationship. The day was only halfway done and I was just leaving my last class of the afternoon to head back to the room to meet up with Destani. I made my way across campus to the main shuttle stop and claimed a corner seat on the bench once I arrived. With my phone in hand, I tuned the world around me completely out and cranked up a game of angry birds to keep me company until the shuttle arrived.

I felt a presence to my side as I started my next round in the game and just as I pressed my thumb against the screen and prepared to pull back my little yellow bird to launch him through the air, I heard a soft and barely audible “excuse me.” I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me so I didn’t bother to respond… until I heard the voice again, and this time a bit more pronounced. Quickly pausing my game, I turned my head to the right and immediately frowned at the girl sitting there looking at me… the same girl I’d caught in Chris’s room with him a few weeks back while he was half naked and dressed in only a towel.

“Um… Sy’Diyah right?” The girl asked while I maintained my frown and simply stared at her. “I’m Tawny.”

Still not bothering to open my mouth to respond to her, my brows instinctively shot up in a questioning manner as I waited for her to explain to me why she was disrupting my game.

“I’m sorry, I just… I’ve really wanted to meet you and…”

“Did you need something or…” I blurted without thought as I quickly felt myself starting to lose patience with the way she sat there gawking at me.

Her cheeks were quickly morphing into a light shade of pink and I almost felt a tiny bit of regret for coming off so rude… almost.

“Uh, I… I don’t mean to be weird or anything, but I felt like I needed to personally apologize to you for the day you came to Chris’s room and I was there. I just… I haven’t seen you around or anything and I haven’t had a chance to.” She explained quickly.

With furrowed brows, I shook my head and sighed “Listen, you don’t have to apologize to me for that…”

“Well, I felt like I needed to. He talks very highly of you and I know he really cares about you. I didn’t want you to be upset with him that day because of me and I could tell you were.”

Why did this girl know how Chris felt about me? Why was he talking at all to her about me? And why on earth did she feel like it was okay to tell me how she thought I felt after seeing her face in his room? I really didn’t know if I should be upset because of how bold she was and because of whatever relationship her and Chris had… or if I should be flattered by her obvious genuine sincerity. It’s not often that you come across a girl who felt guilty for lounging around in a room with someone’s half naked boyfriend, so from that thought alone I found myself becoming a little less defensive by the second.

“And you seemed pretty upset with him last week outside of the dorms. I was walking by with my friend Nicole…”

And just like that my guard flew right back up, defense mode kicked into overdrive, and I felt my brows furrowing all over again at the mention of her friend… the home wrecking whore. I tuned out everything she had to say after that name slipped from her lips and nearly rejoiced when I spotted my shuttle arriving.

“I’m sorry… my shuttle is here.” I mumbled as I turned to face her. She stopped midsentence and clamped her mouth shut then stared at me for a while as if she hadn’t heard what I said. Rising from my seat on the bench, I stuffed my phone down into my purse and looked down at her with a tight-lipped smile.

“It was really nice to meet you.” She nearly whispered. She looked almost sad suddenly, but I didn’t care to stick around to find out why. Tossing a hand up to bid her adieu, I turned and trekked off toward the shuttle and never glanced back.

--

The entire ride back to my dorm, the brief conversation with the Tawny girl consumed my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder why she seemed so interested in me and my relationship with Chris and why in the world she seemed to know so much about his feelings toward me. I wasn’t the least bit interested in reaching out to him to get answers to any of my questions, but I still couldn’t help but wonder. Once I finally arrived back at the dorm, I decided not to mention what’d happened to Destani. There was already just enough drama in my life when it came to Chris and I certainly didn’t need to involve her in anymore of it.

Standing just outside the dorm room door, I stuck my key in the lock and the moment I pushed the door open, I heard a loud gasp and a squeal and it only took about a second to figure out why. There, in the middle of the room, stood Destani with her hands hooked around the back of Taylor’s neck as they apparently made out. Destani stood there with no shirt on, leaving her in only a bra and a pair of shorts and Taylor’s hands were gripping her butt firmly. At the sound of the door opening, they snatched away from each other and she swung around to face me with blushing cheeks.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt?” I asked with a smirk. It didn’t even bother me that they were clearly well on their way to engaging in something I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to step in on… we’d both caught one another in very compromising positions on more than one occasion.

“Bitch I swear we need to hurry up and get an apartment. You can’t be blocking like that!” Destani exclaimed as she stomped over to her bed to retrieve her shirt.

“How you doing Sunny D?” Taylor chuckled, referring to me by the nickname he’d come up with because of the color of my hair combined with my skin tone, as he made his way across the room toward me and embraced me in a bear hug.

“I’m good Taylor. How are you?” I asked with a giggle.

“I mean, I could be better,” His eyes drifted briefly down to the front of his pants once he released me from the hug and stepped back, “But I’m good though.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and make my way toward my bed so I could unload my books and bag “Sorry guys. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time for that later.”

“Whatever. Don’t nobody be messing up your flow when you and Chris be all in here making porn scenes and shit. But you can block my swag though? It’s cool… I got you boo.” I burst into a full fit of giggles as Destani rambled on and fussed while she pulled her unruly hair up into a messy bun.

“Ya’ll two are something else,” Taylor laughed, “But aye, Sunny… Dez told me ya’ll hitting the town tonight to turn up or whatever. I told her ya’ll should hit up Cloud if you get a chance… you know me and the boys will be there and we’ll have a section. It’s gonna be pretty live.”

“Oh really? Is there a celebration or something?” I asked with a hand on my hip.

Taylor’s head jerked back instantly as if he was shocked by my question “A celebration… girl, what?”

Skipping halfway across the room to him, Destani beamed brightly and wedged herself up against his side, leaning up onto the tips of her toes to kiss him quickly before turning to face me “It’s his birthday girl!”

“Oh,” I muttered, feeling a bit remorseful, “Happy Birthday Taylor… I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s cool Sunny. As long as ya’ll agree to come out and party with your boy tonight, I won’t even hold it against you.”

“I think we’ll just have to see about that.” I said with a laugh and a shake of my head.

………

For once Cammie and Angel agreed to come to our dorm room to prepare for the night ahead. Though I wasn’t sure where the night would even take us, they showed up with a bottle of fireball and disaronno to pregame anyway. It was as if these girls couldn’t set foot out the door without downing some alcohol or lighting a blunt. By the time we were all finally dressed and ready to go, I was feeling a nice little buzz and giggling unnecessarily and by the looks of the girls, I could tell they were feeling just as good. Though it took us a bit longer than normal, we managed to make it down to the first floor with the lack of an elevator and we moseyed safely out to Angel’s car.

The girls decided to stop for a bite to eat in preparation for the night ahead. Cammie insisted that with the amount of drinking she planned to do, she needed a nice savory meal to prevent her from getting too drunk too quick. So, we soon found ourselves at Peppino’s Pizza for a few nice greasy slices of pizza. It was a bit odd to be the only group of people in the restaurant as dressy as we were and we surely attracted plenty of stares, but it didn’t seem to faze the girls much and before long we on our way out the door and unbeknownst to me, on our way to Club Cloud.

“Damn… look at this line.” Angel muttered from the front seat as she slowly coasted along the street in the front of the club. There was a thick line that indeed wrapped around to the side of the building and I couldn’t even tell how far down the block it went.

“I don’t know how many times I gotta tell ya’ll this every damn where we go… I got this!” Destani exclaimed without even bothering to glance out at the crowd.

“How you always ‘got this’ D? Who the hell you be having the hook up with?” Cammie asked.

With a confident giggle, Destani flipped her hair back over her shoulder like the drama queen she was and smacked her lips exaggeratedly “I swore I told ya’ll Tay was having his birthday party here. So we not waiting in this ratchet ass line… baby got us down on the list.”

“Oh so you think you the shit now because you fucking the plug… whatever hoe.” Cammie said with a playful smirk.

“You damn right bitch and I don’t see you complaining when we walk straight past these lines, so guess who can kiss my ass?” We all shared a laugh as Destani and Cammie continued to go back and forth while Angel skillfully whipped the car into a valet parking spot.

“Would ya’ll shut the hell up and come on!” She yelled over the two of them. Following her lead, I slipped out of the confines of the car and smoothed my hands down over the front of my tight fitted olive-green skirt and moved to stand near the trunk of the car to wait for Cammie and Destani to emerge. Once Destani finally climbed out, she made her way back to where I stood then hooked her arm around mine and led the four of us right up to the front door of the club.

“Hi honey.” She greeted with a flirty smirk once we approached one of the bouncers. With his own obvious smirk, the jet-black man roved his eyes from the top of her head and down to her electric blue pumps then back up again before he quickly skimmed over the rest of us.

“What can I do for you gorgeous ladies?” He asked.

“My boo is having his birthday party here and we should be on his VIP list.” She explained.

“And what’s his name sweetheart?”

“Taylor Roberts.”

The bouncer scanned his eyes over a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard in his hand and after a few seconds of looking up and down the list, he spotted Taylor’s name with numerous names listed in a box below it. Once he identified who each of us were, and that we were all listed on the paper, he slapped neon yellow wristbands on each of our wrists as though we were all over the age of twenty-one and slid the rope back to allow us entry to the club.

The music thumped loudly and vibrated right through my chest and because of the shots of disaronno coursing through my system, I walked confidently with a beaming grin on my face. I even found myself bouncing and swaying my hips to the music as I trailed along behind Destani toward the first floor VIP area. The entire area was luxuriously decorated to resemble a cloud with all it’s whited out features. From the tables, the chairs, the sheer curtains draped over each section… it was all stark white and lavish. We moseyed right along through the opening of a gate that wrapped around the length of the area and within an instant the level of commotion increased as several familiar faces spotted us.

“AYYYYYEEEE, my baby!” Taylor exclaimed as soon as he locked his eyes on Destani. She took off toward him as fast as her heels would carry her and he swept her up into his arms and spun her around enthusiastically.

“Awww, I’m glad ya’ll came… and I see ya’ll stuntin’ on this entire club. Looking good ladies.” Taylor said once he’d placed Destani safely on her feet and glanced around at all of us.

“Thank you boo.” Angel said with a smile as she slid forward to greet him with a hug. Once he made his rounds and greeted each of us, I finally took a moment to look around the section for a place to sit. More than half of the basketball team was there and they took up two entire sections that were combined to make one big section. There was a slither of girls littered all over the place and I couldn’t help but do a double take when I spotted Benny off to my right with a girl nuzzled up against his side, her face only inches from his. It was clear that she was speaking to him, but he didn’t seem to pay her any mind as he sat there with his legs spread wide, his elbows planted on each of his knees, and his hands linked together while he leaned forward… staring right at me. He wore the most handsome smirk on his plush pink lips and swiped his tongue out over them swiftly before rising from his seat, completely disregarding the girl whispering in his ear.

It didn’t take him long to make his way over to me and once he did, he kind of just stood there with his hands wedged down into his pockets staring down at me.

“Um… hi.” I said just loud enough for him to hear.

“Hey beautiful.” He said through a grin.

“How are you?” I asked.

“I’m very good… now. And I can see you’re doing pretty well yourself.” He said as his eyes unmistakably sopped me all in. He seemed to really focus on containing his smile at that point and I couldn’t have been more thankful for the dim lights in the club because they masked my blushing cheeks so well.

“Come over here and sit with me.” Though his invitation was completely harmless, I couldn’t help but glance around the section one more time in search of one particular golden freckled face and when I didn’t successfully spot it, I turned and trailed along behind Benny who moved to a partially empty seat on the opposite side of the section from where the cuddling girl sat.

“So, what you been up to stranger?” He asked after I sat down… and he sat thigh to thigh beside me.

“School. I always seem to be loaded with homework.” I said, immediately noticing the hint of liquor on his breath from how close he leaned to me.

“I’m actually surprised to see you here… I woulda thought you’d be back at the dorms with your head in the books somewhere.” He chuckled. I couldn’t even be upset by his comment because we both knew he was very right, so I found myself laughing right along with him. He seemed to be well on his way to leaning forward to say something else to me, but the sudden commotion at the entrance of our section forced us to both snap our heads around in that direction. I spotted Shawn moseying into the section with his hands raised in the air as he yelled with a huge smile on his face. He seemed to liven the party up in seconds with his presence alone, along with his teammate, aka my boyfriend, who entered the section right behind him. Chris ambled along with his hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans and he wore the most handsome smirk on his face, but his entire demeanor seemed so relaxed and calm… even after he’d swept his gaze casually over the section and locked eyes with me for a split second.

He tore his eyes away from me almost immediately and trailed along behind Shawn who moved down to the end of the section furthest from where Benny and I sat. I hadn’t noticed until the boys arrived, but Tawny and another girl I didn’t recognize sat in that half of the section and that’s exactly where the two of them plopped down… with Chris easing his way into the space right beside Tawny of course. I was stunned, to say the least, by his peculiar behavior, but my attention was taken away from it all the moment I felt a hand graze my right thigh.

“Ain’t that your dude?” Benny asked, again leaning entirely too close to my face. I couldn’t bring myself to utter a single word just yet, so I simply nodded my head and turned away from Chris and his obsessed friend.  

“Why don’t I see a cup in your hand butterscotch?” Destani bellowed as she emerged from seemingly nowhere with two shot glasses in her hands. Taylor was right behind her with two more glasses in tow and I spotted Cammie and Angel on the other side of Destani with their own shot glasses filled to the brim. Taylor handed one shot off to Benny and Destani handed one of hers to me before tossing her hand up in the air and turning to face Taylor.

“To the birthday boy… Happy Birthday boo, turn the fuck up!” She yelled and I quickly followed her and everyone else’s lead as they downed their shots of what I soon discovered to be patron. I frowned and bit back a cough when the potent liquid slithered down my throat. With the combination of the dark liquor we’d had earlier in the night mixed with all the clear liquor we were drinking like water now, I knew I was in for a rough morning after this night was over.

 Chris

I sat back in the pure white chair with the brim of my hat low over my low eyes and nursed a cup of coconut ciroc and pineapple juice while I watched the lovely scene of happiness play out across from me. I hadn’t seen or heard from my fucking girlfriend in almost two weeks, but the moment I set foot in this club… there she was, taking shots to the head with her friends… and fuck boy Benny glued to her damn hip. I shoulda made my way to that half of the section as soon as me and Shawn got there. I shoulda sat my ass right next to my girl the moment I saw the two of them cuddled together like they was the ones dating. Hell, I shoulda taken the glass cup in my hand and waltzed right on over there to smack it right the fuck in this niggas face while they sat over there giggling in each other’s faces after they took a shot with Taylor and the girls. But I stayed put in my seat and the pace of my heart beat so regularly, if a doctor put a stethoscope up to my chest at this very moment they could easily proclaim me to be the calmest person in the world.

Klonopin coursed through my veins as I sat there slumped back in the chair and I couldn’t lie, I felt good as fuck. This drug was supposed to stabilize my mood and help me to manage my anxiety and any looming panic attacks and man, did it do that plus more. The first few days I’d taken the prescribed dosage of it I did indeed feel like a walking zombie and I was almost afraid to put anymore of the shit in my system because I hated feeling like that. It lowkey had a nigga paranoid and made me wanna stay in my room all day and that wasn’t me at all, but in order to maintain my sanity and not hunt Hope down while she actively avoided me, it was the only thing I had to rely on. I’d smoked on the way to the club and I was now discovering that I felt a bit more like myself, but the calmness never went away… which resulted in me letting Hope have her fun and not overcrowding her… and allowing Benny to continue sitting there, laughing it up in her ear without bolting from my seat to go beat his scrawny ass.

I didn’t know if I should be upset because Hope had yet to acknowledge my ass or not… I mean, it’s not like I’d done much of a grand job of acknowledging her either so it was a simple choice to once again remain seated as I watched the two of them rise from their seats to follow along behind Taylor, Destani, Cammie, and Angel as they made their way out to the dance floor.

“Chris, are you alright?” Tawny’s tiny voice bombarded my ear suddenly and I slowly turned my head to face her. I stared at her for a moment with the same smirk that’d been riding my lips since I walked in here then finally nodded my head to acknowledge her question.

“I’m straight.”

“You need to go talk to your girlfriend.” She said in her baby soft voice that was just loud enough for me to hear over the blare of the music. Tawny had, surprisingly, been the only person I’d actually been communicating with lately other than Dr. Yates and my coach. She’d spent quite a bit of time attempting to get me out of an emotional slump she had no idea was completely infused by this strong ass medication. She managed to get me to open up to her and I’d been talking nonstop about my troubles with Hope and how much I missed her and all this other mushy bullshit… I was honestly surprised the girl was still willing to stick around to deal with me. That really just solidified the authenticity of her desire to wanna be nothing more than a friend to me. Not to sound cocky at all, but I’d never met a girl in her right mind who simply wanted to just sit there and listen to me ramble on and on about a female that wasn’t her without wanting to fuck… it actually annoyed me just thinking about girls like that, so I truly commended Tawny for what she’d done for me lately.

“I will… but I’m not gone talk to her here, Imma let her have her fun tonight.” I said as I turned away from her to face the dance floor. They’d all formed a large group together and for now, Hope and Benny danced across from each other with about three or four feet of space between them.

“I know you’re just saying that Chris… but alright, if you say so.” She lowkey fussed, but I ignored that comment altogether and lifted my cup back up to my lips. I was quite positive I was not supposed to be ingesting any form of alcohol whatsoever with this shit in my system, but I figured if perhaps I sipped slow and kept it at a minimum of maybe one or two cups, I shouldn’t just kill over right there in the club. But I was definitely high as a kite though, which helped to keep me mellow… which I was very thankful for.

“Well do you wanna dance?” Mel, Tawny’s tag along ass friend, asked from her seat on the other side of her.

“Melody,” Tawny blurted before I even had a chance to consider the girls question,” He has a girlfriend… no, he doesn’t want to dance.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle softly to myself as I listened to her reprimand her thot ass friend. For the life of me, I could not understand how and why Tawny managed to affiliate herself with so many damn hoes. She was the complete opposite of this Melody girl as well as Nicole and I just didn’t get how she came across a friendship with either of them. I could feel Tawny’s small hand grazing against the side of my arm suddenly and I glanced over at her and nearly spit the drink right out my mouth with laughter as I spotted her rolling her eyes with a look of pure disgust and irritation on her face.

“Come on Chris… come with me to get some water from the bar please.” She demanded, politely. Shaking my head, I continued to chuckle as I stood up and quickly adjusted my jeans at my waist, wordlessly trailing along behind her without question. I kept a safe distance behind her so as to not look like a damn thirst trap as she weaved her way through the hot dancing bodies outside the VIP section. What felt like damn near twenty minutes later, we finally managed to make it to the crowded bar and I stood off to the side of her as she leaned her short frame up against the bar top, attempting to get the attention of one of the bartenders. I couldn’t even help but laugh as I watched her struggle to get anyone’s attention. With yet another shake of my head, I turned and raised two fingers in the air, instantly attracting the attention of a blonde haired, blue eyed girl who arrived in front of me in seconds with a smile. I could see Tawny rolling her eyes yet again as she took over the exchange with the girl and I laughed and turned back around to face the dance floor.

With my back leaned up against the bar, I crossed my arms over my chest and admired the people dancing around me without a care in the world. Everyone seemed so at ease and I actually felt a slight twinge of jealousy ‘cause I wished I could feel that same way all by myself, without the assistance of some prescribed medicine. I was so in tune with the good vibes I was feeling just standing there watching the scene, that I didn’t even bother to think twice when I spotted a familiar couple all over each other on the other side of the dance floor. Well no… the girl seemed to have her hands up against the front of the guy’s shoulders and it kinda looked like she was tryna push him away, but this nigga was aggressive and sloppy as hell. He had his face wedged in the crook of her neck that I could barely see because of the way her blonde… curls… fell…

Those blonde curls bounced and swayed left to right as she shook her head frivolously and when she finally managed to get his face away from her neck, she swung her head around to the left and the sight of her distressed face was all it took for me to drop my cup on the bar top and take off without second thought directly toward them. This mothafucka Benny thought he was fucking slick, but oh nigga… klonopin and weed in my system or not, this bitch was getting that ass whooped tonight. The crowds of people didn’t faze me for a second as I zoomed forward and pushed several bodies outta my way. The adrenaline that now pumped through my body made me feel like I could simply hop up and fly over the mass of people all around me and land on top of Benny’s body then stomp him down into the floor like fucking Mario stomps on those damn turtles in the video game.

I suppose Tawny had caught on to at least half of what was happening because I could hear her voice somewhere in the distance behind me… but I didn’t plan on stopping for her or anyone else for that matter. I wasn’t stopping until I saw blood… Benny’s blood, and I didn’t give a fuck who stood around to witness. I got to them fairly quickly and just as he slid a hand up her butt cheek to the dip in her lower back, which happened to be partially exposed because of how low her skirt sat in the back, I lunged forward and catapulted my left fist into the side of his head. He went flying to the floor and Hope stumbled off to the side into the arms of Destani who was the closest to her. Wordlessly I followed up by rushing forward to knock this nigga right back on his ass just before he successfully stood back up. I climbed on top of him before he could even react and quickly rained my fists down all over his face and head. He threw his fists around wildly, which was dumb as fuck to me because that left his face open and available to receive these hands.

“Chris, stop!” A feminine voice yelled out followed by several other voices, but I couldn’t tell who any of them belonged to. I couldn’t even tell right from left at this point. All I could see was Benny through a tint of red and I knew then that I’d blacked out completely. This was the side of me that Dr. Yates knew nothing of… this was the side of me that was fighting for who I loved. I lost all of my senses and I could feel myself yelling and screaming as I pounded away at this boy’s face. I felt hands clawing at my arms, attempting to stop me from killing my opponent but I was too far gone at this point… I snatched outta the foreign grasp and continued my assault. I didn’t even know if Benny was still conscious at this point, but I still didn’t care. He did the one thing I warned his ass not to do months ago and he so stupidly and boldly did it right in my face… he needed to suffer greatly for that.

“Chill dawg… chill!” There was a guy yelling behind me now and immediately thereafter, multiple pairs of hands latched onto my arms and my neck and I went flying back as I breathed in and out like a bull. I felt like my cheeks would start bleeding at any moment because I could feel the blood angrily rushing to my face so rapidly. I was up on my feet in seconds and all those pairs of hands were stuck on me like glue because I’m sure they knew if they let go, Benny would simply die at the hands of me. I peered down at his almost lifeless body as he lie there on the ground unmoving, but I wasn’t satisfied… I wanted to do more damage. As I thought back to the sight of his face wedged against the side of Hope’s neck, his lips touching her soft skin, and his hands freely touching her ass and caressing my favorite dip in her back I screamed at the top of my lungs and pulled forward, losing a few of the hands that were holding me back. The image of this nigga touching what was mine had me dead set on a path for blood, and though his face was completely unrecognizable because it was covered in the red liquid… I wanted to see more.

“LET ME FUCKING GO!” I hollered. Whoever was holding onto me only had a firm grip on my left arm at this point, so I yanked forward as hard as I could and pulled them right along with me while I stomped my Jordan down on Benny’s stomach. I could feel something crunch beneath my foot and to ensure my thoughts of broken ribs were correct… I threw that same foot forward and kicked him as if he were a soccer ball right in his right side.

“Bro, fucking stop… you gone kill him!” Some nigga yelled from behind me. In the midst of my whirlwind of anger, I failed to notice the four security guards arriving on the scene and before I knew it, I was face first on the ground while they piled on top of my ass.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME, FAT ASS NIGGA!” I yelled as they restrained the fuck outta me and though I was sure I’d have bruises all along my wrists in the morning from their tight hold on them, I wasn’t gonna think twice about it tonight… I couldn’t feel a damn thing but anger at this point.

“Get him outta here man. And you get 911 on the phone… I don’t know if this guy is breathing.” One of the security guards yelled out while three of these fat burly mothafuckas held onto me and dragged me toward the front entrance of the club.

The lights had come on, the music had been shut off long ago, and the party patrons parted in waves and stared on in awe as these niggas literally picked me up off my feet and carried me out. I finally landed on my feet on the sidewalk outside, but they refused to let up on their tight restraint on me. With clenched jaws, I watched through that same tint of red as every single person from Taylor’s VIP section came rushing out in front of me.

“What the fuck happened bro?” Taylor yelled out. I didn’t have a fucking word to say to him or any damn body, but my eyes searched frantically for only one person. And the moment I spotted her weeping quietly against Destani’s shoulder with Cammie, Angel, and… Tawny all at her side, I swore I could feel my heart plummet to my feet. Her tears… I knew I was the cause of them. And what killed me was the look on her face when she lifted her head up off of Destani’s shoulder and locked eyes with me. Before any of her friends could register what was happening, she snatched away from them and stomped over to me and even though I was still being restrained by these burly niggas, she proceeded to slap the shit outta me with every bit of force her little ass could muster.

“What the hell is wrong with you Chris? You disappear for almost two weeks then suddenly pop up and do something like this? Are you serious? You know you’re going to jail tonight and I’m not gonna do a damn thing to stop them from taking you!” Hope screeched. I couldn’t even bring myself to utter a single word to her as she stood there lighting my ass up and throwing punch and slap after punch and slap against my chest and arms while these big bitches just stood there and held me in place. It’s almost like they were allowing her to punish me before the cops arrived. It was cool though… she could be mad… I couldn’t even take that from her because she had every right to be. But I wouldn’t regret what I’d just done for a fucking second because I warned that nigga. I looked him dead in his eyes and told him not to ever fucking talk to, let alone touch my girl again and what did he do? He touched her… in my face. Was I supposed to just stand there and watch him drunkenly molest her and not do shit about it? Nah… I would simply let her be mad for as long as she wanted to, but I would never regret whooping that niggas ass and I would whoop it all over again if he ever needed a reminder.

Just as Hope had predicted, two cop cars had indeed arrived and the officers jumped right into questioning everyone who lingered out on the curb to try to get down to the bottom of what’d happened. Every single one of my friends and affiliates skirted around the questions and refused to give them a direct answer as to who started this mess, but of course as soon as they got around to the security guards they sang like little birds. These niggas didn’t waste a second explaining how I’d assaulted Benny and attempted to kill him and I swear if I wasn’t standing there at this point in handcuffs, I woulda pounced on all of them. They didn’t know the truth behind my damn actions. They had no clue that while that sat their fat asses around supposedly keeping the venue and its patrons safe, they had drunk niggas waltzing around groping girls like it was a trend. But it was all good. I did my damage, said my peace, and didn’t even bother to argue when they stuffed me into the back of one of the cop cars just as an ambulance arrived on the scene.