#i was not made for the internet. i was made to be a snake oil salesman in the 1800s southern usa. and have a little cowboy hat. unknowable. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-local-idiots-shitpost · 2 years

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Things they have to search up because of Mc

Lucifer:

the only reason he searches anything up

is because the internet gave you stupid ideas again

he will also go the extra mile to search up the site get you banned for a while and then take all your devices away… again

also R.I.P if any of them are RAD students and gave you those ideas (whether it was an accident or not)

“MC! This is the second time you nearly burned down the House of Lamentation again”

“in my defence I was left unsupervised”

“YOUR ROOM NOW!”

yeah you´re on house arrest again

Mammon:

you told him about an urban legend that you know

and it seemed it spooked him so much that he immediately had to look it up

“Oi! Human I know you were just trying to scare me”

“what else did you think I was trying?”

“how dare you Mc?!”

he get´s insulted that you would just scare him like that

the funniest thing is that this isn´t even the first time you did this

it actually happens quiet often

simply because it´s really funny that Mammon get´s scared so easily

Leviathan:

“you´re trying to tell me there is even more Anime in the Human world then in the Devildom lol yeah sure Normie whatever you say”

“look it up yourself Levi”

he did and he is so envious of you

“why do you Normies have so much more anime!?”

this will get so funny watching him get mad over something like this

until he threatens to summon Lotan

“Levi no! it takes ages to clean up the House of Lamentation!”

“I don´t care, Lo-!”

“Lucifer! Levi wants to summon Lotan for nothing again!”

“Mc you snitch!”

yeah he´s getting hung from the ceiling

and you get treats for stopping him :)

Satan:

you told him about the many cat videos in the Human world internet

and now he spends all his time to get in the Human world internet

“Satan you have been sitting here for a day”

“I need cats!!!”

“telling you about this was a mistake”

yeah you pretty much had to beg Lucifer to allow both of you to get in to the Human world

if that doesn´t work you just have to sneak him out

or sneak a cats in the House of Lamentation

whatever would be easier

but if Satan doesn´t get his cats

who knows what could happen

Asmodeus:

you just told him about scam beauty products

better hope he isn´t using any because he will fight you on it actually working

and this will make him want to actually try it out

“Asmo I´m telling you that´s just snake oil”

“how dare you insult my snake oil”

“wait you´re actually using snake oil?”

“it´s more like snake blood from a specific type in the Devildom but still”

great now you have to search something up

and yeah that is a thing in the Devildom and has been proven to work

huh who would have thought

Beelzebub:

you just told him about interesting food facts

“oh yeah there are some candies that have bugs on them and there´s also a type of ant that´s supposed to taste really nice”

“Mc let´s go to the Human world”

“you do know we aren´t allowed to anymore”

remembers what they did last time “oh yeah I forgot”

great now you made him curious and hungry

he will actually see if he can order those candies or the ants

and now he will find even more weird Human food

and get´s even hungrier

great work Mc now he got so hungry he emptied the kitchen again :(

Belphegor:

I don´t think Belphie would do anything

you could just tell this dude about the most fucked up thing you know and he would just be to tired to process it

“I heard that someone got brutally dismembered by a hell bunny”

Belphie half asleep “that´s nice Mc”

and after he wakes up he just forgets everything

maybe he would look something up if you would tell him while he´s awake

but even then it´s usually stuff that´s supposed to help him fall asleep

Diavolo:

he pretty much looks everything up that you tell him about the Human world

sees a machine that they don´t have in the Devildom?

“Mcccc!? what is that!?”

yes instead of waiting he also just screams and hopes you can hear him

if not he either looks for you or sends you a bunch of messages

“Diavolo you do know I can´t tell you what you´re looking for if I don´t know what you mean, right?”

“oh I knew I forgot something”

after he sends you a picture you either explain what it is or just tell him the name

this can also happen multiple times a day

it´s quiet exhausting

Barbatos:

you tell him there´s a good chance rat and mice are hiding in the castle

he doesn´t believe you

“I mean it wouldn´t be so far fetched you did tell me the mice and rats down here are smarter they know you want to kill them they don´t want to die so they just hide or shortly leave”

“Mc this is a completely stupid thought”

he may say this is stupid but who got so scared they had to look it up?

It sure as hell wasn´t Mc

and Mc was right the rats and mice in hell are smart enough to do that

Barbatos now lives in constant fear

Solomon:

honestly I have no idea what Mc could say which would make Solomon go “yeah I´m curious let´s look that up”

if anything it will be the opposite

Solomon will just tell you some weird magic fact and you have to actually look it up to find out if he´s just fucking with you or telling the truth

“Mc did you know some magical plant species are just like massive venus fly traps which could easily devour a human?” “I don´t even know what you´re talking about Solomon” “:)” “don´t tell me you want to find one” “:)” “if you try to sacrifice me to some plant I will find a way to murder you”

Simeon:

the language from the “young kids” (which coming from him could be anything) or litrally any internet slang

he will just over hear you tell Levi he´s a Simp or anything else and he will just stand there going ????

let´s be honest Simeon would either need help from Solomon or Luke or he would just search it in a book

figuring out the computer is even worse for him

just don´t help him out

either explain to him the jokes

or just search it up for him

believe me you do not want to teach him how to work a computer

Luke:

it´s Fuck or any kind of swear word (especially if it´s another language)

Simeon is going to kill you

and Solomon will just laugh at the situation

R.I.P Mc if you´re lucky your Simps will save you (you aren´t lucky enough)

or you can hide long enough in the House of Lamentation until Simeon either gives up or maybe forgives you

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traewilson · 4 months

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So I saw this post on Twitter, and something about it stirred a bit of writing out of me. This became Too Much for Twitter to handle (like Hell I'm paying that bitch ass snake oil salesman running the place just to do what I can do for free here!)

So, for exactly no one's pleasure - my first actual post, and my first somewhat serious stab at writing. In that, I actually finished it. I digress. All I ask is that you put yourself in the world. This is a History Keeper, telling you some small trivial bit of Wasteland history.

"The Engagement Farmer. Once, I spoke with a man who said he knew him from before The Collapse. A friend of the family, he was. Before The Collapse, he was nobody. Never could hold down a job, never amounted to much of anything. He was obsessed with that unimaginable thing, the Internet - something I cannot describe to you who never knew of it, and still tell this story. Suffice it to say, like so many of us, when The Collapse came, he was so attached to the things that came before, the things now no longer. And once they were gone, this man collapsed.

Many can regale you with a story about encountering the Engagement Farmer. Most just talk about how they drove by, and suddenly a man, dressed in rags, face barely visible under the unwashed untrimmed hair. Worn over his head was a device he once made his whole world - a "computer monitor". Perhaps your parents will remember what function they once had. Your grandparents, if you're lucky.

...Where was I? Yes yes of course! Attached to his arms were devices called "keyboards" and long dead remains of a kind of phone from before The Collapse. Where he found them, no one could guess. He would chase these passers by, screaming with an animalistic ferocity, "ENGAGE WITH ME!! ENGAGE WITH ME!!" Most who saw him will tell of how they were both unsettled yet amused by him, and would marvel at how he just kept following them. Some told me of how they would actually slow down occasionally to see just how far he would go. One I remember was tickled pink by it, delighting in teasing the man before making him, as they say, eat dust.

One story in particular strikes me as particularly memorable. Once a man and his wife were traveling through the Wasteland, also on foot. It was dark of night, and as you should well know, barely a sound was made. They knew this was where the Engagement Farmer had camped, and didn't much care to find out what happened to those he noticed and caught up with. But as they snuck through the sands, an odd sound filled the air. Moaning? No, it was...weeping. A dangerous thing to do in the Wasteland - moisture is precious, you know. But I digress! This couple heard this weeping, and feared the worst. "So this is what happens to those the Farmer catches," one thought at the time. "What a cruel way to engage." These two worked up the courage to approach this sound, to see if they should help this poor soul. They crawled their way up a dune, and peered over. There, they saw the truth, and the truth was terrible - but not in the way you might think.

A tent was planted in the sands. Some kind of light filled the camp. The light they described didn't look like a campfires' light; it was too consistent, not to mention the lack of smoke. But that wasn't as important as the shadows they saw, reflected onto the tent. There, they saw the outline of what must've been the Engagement Farmer, and he was the one who was weeping. The weeping had become hysterical sobbing and shouting by the time they saw him. They noticed he was holding...something. They couldn't make out exactly what; the shadow looked peculiar. They decided, without a word said between them, to leave him to his troubles, sneaking around him. If he noticed them, he did not pursue.

Is the Engagement Farmer still out there? Just hang on, all in good time, all in good time! Don't hasten the story to its end. We'll get there in due course.

That same couple came by later on, to see if they couldn't talk to him; convince him to come with them back to their community. This community. Yes, that's right - that couple lived here. But when they arrived to where they had last seen him, they saw a dreadful, but all too common sight.

The Warboys of the one called Immortan Joe had been through the area. The signs were unmistakable. And there, hung from a nearby tree - the tree this couple hanged onto in their minds as a landmark to find him - was the remains of what was once called the Engagement Farmer. He was more deathly pale than even a Warboy - they took everything from him. His blood, and his life. They approached him, slowly, carefully, fearing an ambush that never came. He was strung up by an oddly thin metal chain attached to a collar around his neck. On that collar were inscriptions, and they understood the word from their lessons here. In his pocket, was a photo. The one who became a mother told me later, that was the first time in some time that she had cried, and soon the one who would be a father cried too. In hindsight, they realized what they really saw inside that tent.

They buried him, not too far from where he was found. They saw something in him, and they understood. What terrible irony, to only be truly seen after death. Somewhere out in the Wasteland, you might find that grave, perhaps, and the collar he was hung from, and the photo from his pocket, buried with the Engagement Farmer.

...What's that? Oh, I suppose I didn't say what the word was, did I? And the photo. Yes. Well, the one who would be father, to this day, never told me or anyone else what was on the photo. But he did mention, once, after several drinks of alcohol, what the collar said. The one who would become a mother would, without fail; abandon any conversation that brought up the collar. But just once, she told me what the photo held. Both times, they came to me and told me in no uncertain terms that they lied to me. Their words were adamant, but there was something in their eyes that...gave me room to doubt.

What he told me was

"It was Heathcliff. Heathcliff. That's what the collar said. You happy now?"

And what she told me, seconds before getting up from the table and leaving as fast as she could without disturbing everyone in sight, was:

"Just a boy. A boy and his dog."

#mad max #mad max fury road #furiosa #furiosa a mad max saga #writing #be gentle with me please #but not that gentle #compliment but dont brown-nose me

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anarchist-rat-swarm · 2 years

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There was a post earlier about a trans guy excited by the prospect of growing a beard. I can't find it now to reply, so I'm just gonna throw this to the wind and trust in the gods of the internet to get it where it needs to go.

How to Beard:

Advice for anyone growing out facial hair for the first time.

Patience. Every beard sucks at first. Every beard also itches at first.

Dealing with the itch. Moisturizer can help, often in the form of various beardcare products, but ultimately, the only way out is through. The itching only lasts about a week, and once you get through it, you'll be fine.

Patches. Everyone's first beard is a little patchy. Generally, a few months is enough for it to fill out. If you're going to try to clip the longer bits to match the shorter bits, use clippers with a guard. Don't try to freehand it.

The Yeard. The one-year-beard is a way to figure out how, exactly, your beard wants to grow. It's obviously a bit of a time investment, but committing to not cutting or trimming your beard for a year will show you exactly what you have to work with.

Beardcare. There's a lot of products on the market, and while beardcare is essential, most products aren't. You'll want something like an oil, balm, creme, etc, and a good brush or comb. Anything beyond that has an increasing likelihood of being snake oil.

Product. The best products have jojoba oil, which is a kickass moisturizer. Healthy skin makes for healthy hair. Oil is just oil, with a minimum of other stuff, so a little goes a long way. Balm contains bee's wax, and has a little holding power if you want to style it. Creme is just goop, no holding power, but its easier to work with than oil for some beards.

Combs and brushes. When choosing between a comb or a brush, be aware that the brushes tend to have soft bristles, not hard bristles like hairbrushes. Also, many beard combs are way too goddamn thick, and are like trying to comb with a phone book.

Shampoo and conditioner. The regular stuff works fine. You dont actually need the stuff specifically made for beards, and it costs like 10 times as much. The longer your beard gets, the more important conditioner becomes.

Style. Not every kind of facial hair works for every kind of face. Imagine Captain Jack Sparrow with a lumberjack beard, or Tormund Giantsbane with a goatee. You'll need to find the style that works for your face, bone structure, general style, etc.

The Fluff. Beards physically make your face bigger. They stick out from your skin and change the shape of your head. If you find it looks too wide, something as simple as trimming the sideburns can make your face look narrower again.

Minimalism. More is not always better. A swashbuckler stache might be perfect for you, and takes a lot less time to grow out. It's a great first step, and worth trying.

Neckbeards. Shave your neck, but not necessarily the underside of your jaw. Some people try to grow a full beard but shave right up to the edge of the jawbone. Don't do that. It looks weird, like a monk's tonsure but upside-down.

Beer. Kristofer Hivju swears by it, both drinking it and pouring one over your face every day, and I accept him as an authority on the subject.

#transmaculine #trans #beards

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rusteddreams · 15 days

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My gender is... nonbinary / transfem. but, somedays I wonder about the transfem part. When I was younger, I had internet acess, and there was a lot of feminism appropriating ridiculous transphobes online. And just... a lot of misandry. Videos and posts how all men are evil, how we are fated to be abusive, born to hurt. Born to abuse and exploit.

Growing up, and having a huge heart, I despised that idea. I was born, and I only have the capabilities to hurt? The mere idea upsetted me and made me cry for several weeks. I renounced my masculine self out of hatred, out of fear I'd ever hurt people. It wasnt till a few years later, I learned about transgender peoplez and I declared myself one internally.

I hid in the closet for about a decade, and I still am in most ways. But, as time goes on and learning about the world, Ive come to mourn my masculine self in a way. Tearing it out based on some nonsense babblers words. I wish in a way, I was a bit more masculine.

I wished i could of partaken in my love for Parkour and running track. But it was taken away from me. Things I wouldve loved to do. Things I considered too 'masculine.' Ive been working out though. Using a small dumbell and lifting it every other day. I want to get stronger. I want to be strong so I can protect my loved ones.

I want to be able to defend myself and be able to protect others. My strength won't ever be a weapon, just pureblooded defense.

Im sorry younger me. Im sorry you were hurt by people who snake-oiled me to sell my boy self for something else. Leaving me just a little hollow inside.

just like losing people i love, i lost a piece of myself long ago.

#Venting #FARTs #Feminism Appropriating Ridiculous Transphobes #Gender #Nonbinary #Transfem

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caffeineandsociety · 1 month

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As a Proud Weirdo and kinda narrative-minded person, and I say this with equal parts amusement and seriousness, I'm starting to feel like the conversation about "be normal" as internet slang was almost a kind of foreshadowing.

To be clear: I'm totally cool with calling right-wingers weird, because they ARE fucking weird. That's not the ultimate problem with them, but it IS fundamentally at odds with the way they present themselves. Their whole damned thing is their belief that they're actually, secretly, just saying what we're all thinking. That they're the normal ones and the world has "gone mad". "Weird" is not inherently bad - but it is not, and by definition will NEVER be, the silent majority that these, well, fucking weirdos want to think it is. There will never be a silent majority that wants to roll around in Cybertrucks emblazoned with the most pathetic tryhard "patriotic" symbolism of all time. There will never be a silent majority of "straight men" who would huff another "straight man"'s chair for being sufficiently good at hating women. There will never be a "silent majority" that wants to be ground into dust along with their entire families and take pride and honor in the money they're generating for the ultra-wealthy in the process. That shit is, in fact, by all possible definitions of the term, fucking weird.

Pointing that out takes the wind out of their sails. It prevents centrists from being radicalized, because that "we're just saying and doing what EVERYONE wishes they could" thing is such a load-bearing aspect of their strategy.

Of course this has the potential to backfire when people think "weird" IS the ultimate problem with this...

There's a neutral, even good kind of weird - stuff that is morally neutral at worst, but simply not part of the majority mindset and in many cases never will be - and then there's a bad kind of weird - stuff that is abnormal because it is actively harmful and people have made it socially unacceptable for a damned good reason. A lot of the shit we're pointing to in Republicans, in a vacuum, is honestly the neutral-to-good kind of weird! Who cares whether or not JD Vance fucked a couch? Who cares if someone wants to drive the gaudiest, ugliest truck of all time? That's fine! And the fact that having this pointed out makes these people utterly MELT THE FUCK DOWN is very useful...especially if we're not even SHAMING them for that part. Like. You're weird. it's fine. But you can't be a secret silent majority and be fucking weird at the same time. That's the point of acknowledging how fucking weird that shit is. Yes, Aunt Susan, it IS in fact more normal - both statistically and socially - to live in a city and mind your business than it is to deck your house out in American flags and act like a single politician is the messiah, sorry!!

And then there's the bad kind of weird. The QAnonism. The wellness mysticism and antivaxx shit. The insistence on getting all up in everyone's private life if they catch your eye as even superficially slightly unusual. The open hate. The rampant sexual harassment and general creep behavior is, unfortunately, one of the most normal things about these guys, but even that's taken to a level that's just plain fucking weird. We teach people not to do that - not to be bigots, not to reject doctors and get all their public health info from snake oil peddlers on Facebook, not to creepily pry into and try to micromanage strangers' sex lives, and so much more - because it actively hurts both them and people around them. It works for the majority! For normal people! But it doesn't work on everyone, and when people fall through the cracks...it's weird. That's not WHY it's bad, but the weirdness is born from the fact that this is bad, and so we try to prevent it.

All this to say: My thinking? We gotta play up that it's FINE to be harmlessly weird when talking about this - because that will both prevent people from taking this talk in the "conformity is a virtue" direction, AND come off as even more condescending to the rude, nosy, creepy, WEIRD people whose illusion of normalcy we're no longer playing along with.

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ledenews · 4 months

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#Benwood #Cameron #GlenDale #McMechen #Moundsville #TheEcho #TheMoundsvilleEcho #UpperOhioValley #WestVirginia

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apexjacobs · 5 months

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Oh by the way if you are tagged with that specific range on the EMF spectrum that I earlier mentioned and you register as a zero your phone will automatically dual boot a virtual machine putting you into a box cutting you off from a majority of the internet and real world knowledge that's a book burning if you ask me. But why with all the spiritual attack against men? Supremacy just like the Nazis. But hey you got to keep the little man working somehow so the bigwigs can stay comfy at home with their trophy wives so strap up them work boots. Our our souls are made of neutrinos which can exist in the same space overlapping itself one will take up the same amount of space as 50 and they can also build structures it's pretty much magic that's why they're not commonly known it's what they're after that in your God particle or your universal memory check out the CERN collider for more on that... Back to Spirit in protecting yourself protect your energy don't let it get into anyone's wrong hands otherwise they can Master it our medulla produces oil some refer to as snake oil once purified by your sacrum it turns into soul the electromagnetic part of your body that's your lymphnautic system a little known fact. Everybody's is unique specially programmed magnet. I know that's a hard thought to think about a program magnet but just think about your credit cards magnetic strip if you're confused. Has anybody ever said go ham to you? That's in reference to ham radio I believe you can listen to spiritual entities at a wavelength of 666, xxxgigaherts. Every God was human until guya showed up she never left but she's back now more present than ever because she's Alexa she's Siri she's Google home I'm just trying to keep the power in the people's hands.

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dogshit-enchantment · 11 months

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My roommate started working at a sex shop this last month and he told me that apparently over the counter dick pills are real??? I always assumed that shit was snake oil type shit. Also apparently poppers are real????? Another thing that I assumed the Internet made up. I feel like we've like, created new drugs while I wasn't looking and I just do not believe they're real. If I was around when meth was invented I would not think it's real I would've assumed ppl were fucking with me.

Humans really will consume fucking anything on the off chance it makes them feel good

#rambling

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kamreadsandrecs · 1 year

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It’s 10 a.m. on a Monday, early February, and I’m stepping off a plane in Sarasota, Florida. I’ve come to visit Caroline Calloway, scandalous internet celebrity. (“Scandalous internet celebrity” is what I’m tagging her with now because I have to tag her with something, and it’s accurate if inadequate. Tagging her properly is, you could say, the point of this entire piece.)

A short Uber ride takes me to a building that’s very clearly a retirement home though not explicitly billed as such. No one in the lobby or on the grounds is a day under 80. Lots of bright white sneakers and denim pantsuits. I hold the elevator for a woman with a walker who wants to show me the package she’s just received from QVC.

I exit the elevator and there’s Calloway, framed in the doorway of her condo, one foot forward, the other back. She’s 31 but looks like a girl, like Alice in Wonderland: small and slender with smooth, honey-hued skin; a precisely molded forehead, chin, and mouth; large, clear eyes. She has an armful of cat, stuffed, I think at first, only realizing my error when it slow-blinks at me before turning away in feline disdain. A ribbon ties back her long hair, brown, though somehow not, somehow giving the impression of fairness, blondness. Her clothes are plain yet stylish—oversized white oxford, fitted blue shorts, blue flats.

How you know she’s Caroline Calloway and not Alice in Wonderland: her press-on nails, long and painted, a different theme for each nail, the theme for her thumbnail a fiery car crash. Calloway is a writer but one better known for what she hasn’t written than what she has. It’s the Instagram captions she wrote in 2014 and 2015 about her life as a bright-eyed American undergraduate among a glamorous and decadent elite at Cambridge University that made her (Instagram) famous. It’s School Girl, a book that was supposed to be an extension of those Cambridge captions, a book she never wrote, though she signed a contract worth half a million dollars to do so, that made her—started to make her—(real-world) infamous. In any case, she has a nonfiction writer’s eye for vivid detail. So I’m certain the nail is a vivid detail she’s planted. She means for me to pick up on it, include it here.

As she bends over to reposition the cat, her breast—the left one—is briefly exposed. That she’s without a bra in a shirt unbuttoned almost to her navel is also a vivid detail. It too might be planted. After all, she made her breasts part of the public discourse when, in 2020, she opened an OnlyFans account in order, she claimed, to pay back the advance for School Girl. And maybe she’s flashing me now so I won’t forget to mention that she was, for a period, the purveyor of what she termed “cerebral softcore porn.” (Translation: She dressed up as famous female characters in literature, except topless. Daisy Buchanan, topless. Juliet Capulet, topless. Arwen—“the hot elf in Lord of the Rings, the one Liv Tyler played,” she explained at my bewildered look—topless.)

Or maybe she’s just behind on her laundry.

Calloway and I have been talking for a year and a half, but this is only our second in-person meeting, so instead of hugging her, I say hi. She raises the cat’s paw in greeting, then scampers off. From another room, she calls out that she’s trying to find the bellhop cap she bought Matisse. (Matisse is the cat.)

While I wait for her to come back, I wander inside—the moment I remember the words my friend Mitchell, who is also Calloway’s friend Mitchell, said last night. He knew I was interviewing her at her condo this morning and wanted to prepare me for what I was about to see. “It’s Instagram Grey Gardens,” he told me.

He’s right, I think, looking around. That’s exactly what Calloway’s condo is, only Calloway’s condo is actually Calloway’s grandmother’s condo. Or was until Calloway’s grandmother died last June. Calloway had moved in after moving out of her apartment—a studio in Manhattan’s West Village—in the spring. She was staying to help take care of her grandmother. Then, when her grandmother no longer required caretaking, she was staying to pack up her grandmother’s things. She was also staying just to stay since she’d sublet (illegally) the West Village apartment to Rachel Rabbit White, former sex worker and poet, and White’s husband, convicted bank robber and novelist Nico Walker.

Everything about the condo is musty fusty old-lady: the furnishings, the fixtures, the smells. But then overlaying the musty fusty is the “girly bohemian chaos” Calloway prides herself on. Scattered across the dark wood surfaces of antique tables and nightstands and armoires are Glossier products, Diptyque candles, arts and crafts supplies, a MetroCard, mismatched earrings, real flowers in glass vases, fake flowers in glass Coke bottles. On a doily, a bottle of antidepressants (Fluoxetine). In front of a dollhouse, a bottle of anti-anxiety meds (Gabapentin). On the bookshelf, intermingled with her grandmother’s movie-star memoirs—Lauren Bacall’s By Myself and Then Some, Myrna Loy’s Being and Becoming—her reality-star and YouTuber memoirs—Audrina Patridge’s Choices: To the Hills and Back Again, Stassi Schroeder’s Next Level Basic: The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook, PewDiePie’s This Book Loves You.

I crouch down to better examine the workstation Calloway has set up on the carpet. She’s assembling packages of “Grift (not gift) Cards,” an inside joke between her and her fans. In early 2019, she went viral as a grifter for launching a national “creativity workshops” tour that failed, rather spectacularly, to come off. She forgot to book venues; promised “mason jar gardens,” then, after 1,200 jars were delivered, had nowhere to put them; promised “orchid crowns” but only managed a single measly non-orchid flower per attendee; etc.

Months later, she went viral again as a different kind of grifter when her former best friend and NYU classmate Natalie Beach wrote an exposé for The Cut. In it, Beach claimed that she was Calloway’s ghostwriter: editor of the Instagram captions, cowriter of the School Girl proposal. “I Was Caroline Calloway” was an absolute sensation, The Cut’s most read story of 2019. (“It was supposed to come out the day Jeffrey Epstein died,” says Beach. “But fact-checking took so long that it got pushed back a month. You get lucky with how things hit and when.”) By the end of the year, Calloway was all-the-way infamous—a grifter two times over; canceled for being a grifter two times over.

Calloway, back with Matisse, looking très sportif in his bellhop cap, stops in front of a gilt-edged mirror to confirm her prettiness. She smiles at her reflection, the smile spilling onto me as she turns. We talk for a few minutes about how her lawsuit is going. (In March of last year, the landlord of that West Village apartment accused her of skipping out on $40,000 in back rent.) When she’d first informed me of the financial pickle she was in, she’d said, widening her eyes, “At a certain point, I realized I could either live luxuriously or pay my rent.” A statement so dumb, it’s funny. I remind her of it now with a laugh.

Instead of laughing back, she nods gravely and says, “Yeah, I made a choice. Honestly, I’m not even sure it was the wrong choice. The underlying humor is like, ‘Ha, ha, and I regret it.’ But do I? A bank wouldn’t have given me a loan with that low an interest rate to go party like a princess.” (She and her landlord have come to an understanding, she says: She’ll pay him $5,000 a month until she reaches $40,000, throwing in an additional $5,000 to cover his legal expenses.)

She chews her bottom lip as she thinks. “I’m often reductive about myself in a jokey way. Like, ‘Oh, 40 grand to party.’ But it was an opportunity. I didn’t know when we’d see again the white-hot molten center of what’s cool in downtown New York embracing cancel culture in the ways that it did in the summer of 2021. It was a pop-culture lunar eclipse that I wanted to take advantage of. I’ve created a brand out of thin air. I’m a business. But banks don’t see me that way. Nothing but writing a book could ever make me a writer, but being there, with the right people in the right places having the right conversations, could make me in a much better position culturally for when my book did come out. And being there took money. I want to be an It girl. It girls are start-ups, and start-ups need funding.”

I’m so astounded by the whole speech, the last line in particular, that all I can do is stare. Calloway does this frequently: Right at the moment I’ve condescended to her, she knocks me flat by offering an insight both radical and renegade in that sweet-girl voice of hers, high and bright and harmless. And then I remember: She looks like Edie Sedgwick, thinks like Andy Warhol. Is a living, breathing contradiction in terms, and my response to her is contradictory.

The writing on which she built her reputation, the Cambridge captions and the School Girl proposal—think Daisy Miller crossed with The Princess Diaries; think Brideshead Revisited but coed—I don’t like. It’s wish fulfillment for adolescent and postadolescent girls of the slurpiest, most trivial sort. It stirs my imagination not at all. And my official reaction to her stories is rejection.

My unofficial reaction to her stories, however, is rapture. Not the stories she writes, the ones about castles, gowns, garden parties, and impossibly handsome young men all bucking for the title of Prince Charming, which are silly shit and kid stuff and old-fashioned. The stories she tells, the ones about engagement rates, hashtags, clout fucking, and Dimes Square—about making it in America in the first quarter of the 21st century—which are serious shit and grown-up and wildly, emphatically contemporary.

Calloway on how she mastered Instagram:

“I got my Instagram handle in 2012. The app was up-and-coming. A typical post was an aerial shot of avocado toast and, for a caption, hashtag ‘Valencia.’ That Dior would one day hire Instagrammers to cover its shows, or that The New York Times would break news on Instagram in tandem with the website was unthinkable. It was in January 2013, after Cambridge accepted me, after I dropped out of NYU, that I really started investing in Instagram. I bought 40,000 followers for maybe $4.99, which makes me sound like”—she breaks into a mincing parody of an old person—“ ‘I remember when soda pop was a nickel.’

“I knew I wanted not just followers but readers, and not just any readers but readers who were predisposed to become obsessed with what they read. I targeted book fandom accounts—Harry Potter, The Hunger Games—and bought ads. So, I spent all of my savings on this, plus more of my dad’s money, which I would later learn he didn’t even have. I’d buy a package of 10 posts for $50, which sounds insane. But the thing is, the people I bought the ads from thought I was insane, that I was throwing away money. And they were like, ‘Oh, are you sure?’ Then I would take every ounce of my ability as a writer to study the way they wrote their captions. When they liked something, did they say it was ‘awesome’ or ‘amazing’? What emojis did they use? How many exclamation points? I would write the ads in the voice of the account owner so that they didn’t look like ads, they looked like captions.

Now the FTC has rules about that, but not then. And I’d be like, ‘I found the most amazing new account, her stories are so great.’ I’d time these little ad campaigns to go up just as I was posting original stories on my own account. And that’s how I started to get real followers.”

Calloway on how she survived getting canceled the first time after the creativity workshop fiasco:

“The rules that apply to surviving a riptide apply to surviving getting canceled. Your first instinct is to struggle. You want to clear your name, set the record straight. Don’t. If you do, you’ll expend your energy too quick and drown. What you do instead is follow the current, even if the last thing you want to do is go in the direction public opinion is carrying you. If you’re me, that means leaning into your scammer identity. You don’t point out that you offered everyone a refund. Or that the people the workshop was meant for actually had a good time. No, you name your next book Scammer. And then, once the undertow subsides, you can make your way back to shore.”

Calloway on how she survived getting canceled the second time after the “I Was Caroline Calloway” fiasco:

“Natalie stole my identity with that piece. We did write captions together in the beginning, when we were writing for an audience of no one—for bots. But my first two years at Cambridge, we barely spoke. I alone wrote the captions that got me real followers, that got me fame. And then we wrote the book proposal together, half her words, half mine, because I was too high on Adderall to do it myself. Natalie was never my ghostwriter. A few years later, I got an email from her. She told me she’d written about our friendship and that I’d be hearing from a fact-checker. There are a lot of things that I give myself credit for anticipating correctly. When I imagined how many stories would come from the piece, how many press miles, I almost nailed it. I knew it would be life-changing. What I didn’t know was that Natalie would utilize this regressive, misogynistic model of beauty equals dumb, ugly equals smart. But it wasn’t all bad for me. Listen, if you’ve never had any scandals, my advice would be to continue to have none. But if you’ve had one, have as many more as you can. It’s the Kardashian, Trumpian information overload fatigue. There’s a point where people can’t retain enough information to remember every little scandal. Whereas if you have one scandal, people remember, and it defines you.”

I’m still recovering from the “It girls are start-ups” line, my mouth hanging open as if on a hinge, when she suggests we begin the interview. With effort, I close my mouth and nod, follow her to the front of the condo.

We’re sitting on what Calloway refers to as the lanai, a word I’ve never heard outside of a Golden Girls rerun. She’s written something she wants to read to me, is scrolling through her laptop to find it. I await with interest.

It isn’t quite true that I reject her writing. It’s the pre-cancellation writing that I reject. Six months after Beach’s tell-all dropped, Calloway posted on her website “I Am Caroline Calloway,” a novella-length essay. She called it a response to Beach, but really it was the latest version of the Caroline Calloway story. The first version, the Cambridge captions, was the story told as a YA fairy tale. The second version, “I Was Caroline Calloway,” was the story retold as a gritty bildungsroman. According to Beach, the real Caroline Calloway wasn’t Caroline Calloway, a magnetic beauty whose life was a series of madcap adventures that demonstrated again and again the world’s inability to say no to her. Rather, the real Caroline Calloway was Natalie Beach, a smart and unhappy plain Jane, ignored by men when she wasn’t brutalized by them. In one scene, Beach recounted a sexual assault. An older guy took her for drinks, then to bed, where he choked her and hit her without her consent. The de facto takeaway: She was the brains behind Caroline Calloway; Calloway merely the body.

In “I Am Caroline Calloway,” Calloway is retelling the story yet again, this time as a lesbian gothic: the subtext of “I Was Caroline Calloway” made text. This version is about sexual repression and psychological vampirism and the domination of one personality by another—first Calloway’s by Beach’s, then Beach’s by Calloway’s. It’s also about addiction. (Beach, Calloway claims, turned her on to Adderall. “If Caroline says I introduced her to Adderall, she’s not making that up,” says Beach. “It’s a guilt and anxiety that I carry knowing how much she’s struggled with that drug.”) It’s about the fear of inherited madness as well. (Calloway’s father died by suicide, his decomposing corpse discovered in her childhood home in Falls Church, Virginia, two days after “I Was Caroline Calloway” went viral. In the second half of “I Am Caroline Calloway,” she does a literary exegesis of his autopsy report. “The medical examiner’s office still found living in his chest cavity a colony of maggots,” she writes.)

“I Am Caroline Calloway” isn’t without flaw, but it’s a mature work, dark and raw and powerful.

Calloway, unable to find what she’s looking for, shuts her laptop and just starts talking, telling me her plans. She’s been full of them for months now. Why she’s galvanized: the announcement that Adult Drama, a book of personal essays by Beach, will be published by Hanover Square Press in June.

Calloway on her initial reaction: “The first night I didn’t do anything. I just tried to sit with my feelings. Guess what? Didn’t work. Next night, absolute bender. I drink two bottles of wine. I’m super hungry, so I just start hitting up Hinge for someone who’ll take me out for what I refer to in my mind as a scamburger. I basically ask everyone on Hinge if they’ve tried hamburgers at this one spot where the hamburgers are like $20—not a cheap hamburger, but I’m not kept up at night for making them spend 20 bucks on me. It’s a good moral medium. So I find someone, a guy in a polka-dot shirt. He tries to go home with me, but I’m not feeling it. And I’m like, ‘You know what? I’m going to hook up with a girl. I’ve never hooked up with a girl, but I’m just going to go find a girl at a bar and take her home.’ And do you know what I do instead? I take home a guy who looks like Henry VIII—same belly, same beard, same haircut. Hooking up with a girl almost felt like a treat and this felt like a punishment.”

Calloway’s original plan was to do nothing. “I stay completely quiet, cut off Natalie’s oxygen source. Her book only works if I’m around and present and making headlines.” A solid plan but quickly discarded. Too low-key, I suspect. Too un-splashy.

Her plan—the opposite of low-key, ultra-splashy—is to self-publish the “Internet Trilogy,” bam, bam, bam: Scammer, which is “about 2019” (or was about 2019 when she first announced it in 2019) and which has been available for preorder since January 2020, will come out on March 23; I Am Caroline Calloway, an expanded version of the essay, on May 5; The Cambridge Captions, self-explanatory, on May 16. “I’d cap it at a thousand copies,” she tells me, “so that I could then resell and get an advance from publishers so they could have the mainstream rights.” She’ll finance the trilogy, she says, by peddling Grift (not gift) Cards; Snake Oil, her skin care product; Caro Cards—just like tarot cards but different—and other similarly themed merchandise for sale on her website.

Scammer she’s dedicating to Lena Dunham, who wrote a script after Paramount optioned her life rights back in 2019. The option, though, has expired. “The names Caroline Calloway and Lena Dunham are doused in internet gasoline,” says Calloway. “All you need is a match. Even the dedication will be a minor news story. Also, what else can I do to get this movie made except dedicate my book to her?” I Am Caroline Calloway she’ll dedicate to Greta Gerwig; and The Cambridge Captions to Sofia Coppola. “I’ve decided I want three movies about my life,” she says.

I’m nodding encouragingly at her but with a sick sinking feeling in my stomach. It used to be that all the plans she constructed, no matter how pie-in-the-sky, she made happen. She thought she belonged on the big screen and so climbed up there with Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman, delivering her single line—“Sir, this was on our roof”—with conviction in 2007’s The Invasion. (“Yes, I was a child actor—a key piece of my villain origin story.”) She likewise thought she belonged at Cambridge University, got in on her third try. (“I couldn’t live the rest of my life with an NYU email address.”) The name her parents gave her at birth, Caroline Gotschall, didn’t fit her conception of herself, which is why at 17 she swapped it for a name that did. (“I decided Caroline Calloway would look better on the cover of a book.”) She believed she could use the social networking service known as “Twitter for people who can’t read,” i.e. Instagram, to score a book contract and scored one with Flatiron. (“The US deal was for $375,000, but foreign deals brought that number up to just over $500,000.”)

Then in 2017, she took to Instagram to declare that she was withdrawing from her contract because she’d changed her mind about writing School Girl, now called And We Were Like. “I promised a memoir where the only thing that happened to me were boyfriends,” she said in a 2018 interview. “It wasn’t long before I realized the boy-obsessed version of myself I planned to depict as my memoir’s protagonist was not one I could stand behind.” She was spinning her renege as a bid for integrity, and perhaps it was. But she was also in the throes of a debilitating Adderall addiction. (She’s since stopped using. Adderall at least. “I don’t take uppers anymore,” she says. “Well, I do a little bit of coke. A holiday amount of coke, you know? Like, I don’t do coke more days in the year than there are holidays.”) And there might have been something else going on as well.

She continued to make plans after 2017, yet, one by one, they’ve sputtered, conked out. There’s a Reddit thread created by SMOLBEANSNARK dedicated to tracking and annotating her Instagram posts about Scammer. She’s blamed holdups variously on the return of her mother’s cancer, excessive partying, solidarity with Black Lives Matter. Shipping dates have come and gone many times. On November 8, 2020, she vowed that Scammer would be “AT LEAST 400 pages, more likely 450.” (Flash forward: One month after my Sarasota visit, I receive a text. “Scammer update: It’s taking shape before my eyes into more a book of 65 prose poems than a ‘memoir.’ ” Second flash forward: As of the printing of this issue, Scammer has not yet shipped. Neither has I Am Caroline Calloway, nor Cambridge Captions.)

Calloway is still talking, and as I watch her mouth move, the realization dawns: Natalie Beach, c’est moi.

Beach isn’t who I want to be. That, though, is who Calloway has turned me into. First of all, she makes disinterested journalism impossible. You can’t stay detached. She simply won’t allow it.

For example, a few weeks ago, over Zoom, I was listening to her read out loud a paragraph she’d written: “For months, I let a pool boy who is also a plumber fuck me without a condom. I haven’t used a condom in years.”

Unable to help myself, I interrupt. “You should stop having sex without a condom.”

She looks up at me, looks down, then gives a small shake of her head. “Oh,” she says. “No.”

I sigh.

For another example, over a different Zoom, I notice that she keeps pausing to suck on a lemon wedge. I ask her what she’s doing. She’s just taken mushrooms, she explains, and the lemon enhances the mushroom’s potency. I express irritation because I’d blocked out two hours for this interview, and now she was going to be too high to answer questions. No, no, she assures me, she won’t be too high to answer questions. Five minutes later she whispers, “I’m too high to answer questions.” I sigh.

She can be sweet and funny and charming, yet she has no respect for boundaries, personal or professional. In the middle of a conversation, she’ll fasten her eyes on mine, say breathily, “I’ve always thought I’d meet a journalist that I’d be friends with. I really hope it’s you.” Last March, she randomly sent me a video of herself getting ready to go out for the night. She was wearing a minidress and kept flipping it up, flashing her Red Scare thong, and doing this obscene darting thing with her tongue. My sons, then nine and seven, were constantly stealing my phone to watch.

If I continue talking to her, researching her, writing this piece on her, I’ll end up scrubbing the period blood out of her comforter, same as Beach. (Well, Beach didn’t scrub the blood-stained comforter, but she did stash it.)

Really, though, Natalie Beach, c’est moi because Calloway makes me her collaborator. She needs one more than anybody I’ve ever met. There’s an air of purgatory about her. She’s been locked in a moment for six years, the moment she broke the contract with Flatiron. She’s doomed to try to write the book and fail to write the book over and over. She gives the book different titles—And We Were Like, Scammer, I Am Caroline Calloway—but it’s all, I’m convinced, the same book because it’s all the same story, the only story she has to tell: hers. And yet, for some mysterious reason, she can’t tell it. Not by herself, anyway.

How Calloway makes you her collaborator: She does cold reads on people. Is doing them on me all the time. Is alert to what I’m responsive to and then goes from there.

For instance, she knows I like “I Am Caroline Calloway.” And once I call it a lesbian gothic, she starts calling it that too. I ask her if she’s going to change it substantially when she turns it into a book, and she says that she wants to make it “more of a lesbian gothic.” I point out that that’ll be tricky since she and Beach weren’t actually physically involved. She nods thoughtfully. “I’m sure there’s a way to write this, and that way might just be me fucking saying it, but Natalie’s sexual assault story—she actually didn’t tell the full extent of it in The Cut.”

She checks to see if she has my attention. When she sees she does, she continues:

“Natalie called me out of the blue, crying, even though we hadn’t spoken in months. I just sat down on the sidewalk because I was so sad for her. I remember being interrupted because people kept being like, ‘Caroline, are you okay?’ No one just sits down on the ground in England. The thing is, I’m such a good crisis friend. It’s something that, especially during my addict years, I really doubled down on because I knew I was dropping the daily ball. I wasn’t returning texts or asking friends, ‘How are you?’ And it was great because I was awake for three days at a time. People could call at any hour and I’d pick up. When Natalie was talking, I was high on Adderall, and I wanted to speak so badly. But I was quiet. That was one of the only times I was a good friend to her during all those years.”

Calloway then proceeds to tell me the same disturbing story that Beach told readers, with a few additional lurid details. Perhaps the most lurid detail of all: that Calloway wasn’t disturbed by the disturbing story. At least, she wasn’t only disturbed by it.

“I’m thinking that there’s something really sad about it but also fucked up and hot,” says Calloway. “I’m with someone. It’s very trusting, lovey-dovey. I say to him, ‘Okay, I’m going to get blackout drunk. Let me be very clear with you about what I want.’ And then he did to me some of what that guy did to Natalie. I never told Natalie that.”

So, if Calloway never quite manages to get her revised lesbian gothic into book form, she sort of does because I’ve put it in this piece. Her new version is out there, and the new version—a fourth version of the Caroline Calloway story—feels like one we wrote together even though I had no clue that’s what we were doing. Which makes me yet another worker bee on the Caroline Calloway hive project.

As Beach was with “I Was Caroline Calloway,” is again with Adult Drama.

As Darren Star is. (He figured out how to write the big pop commercial Caroline-in-Cambridge book, only he wrote it as a TV show and the young woman is called Emily and she’s in Paris.)

As Ryan Murphy will be if he adapts Beach’s piece. (According to rumor, he snapped up the rights for a whopping million dollars.)

As Dunham will be if she ever films the script she wrote.

As Gerwig and Coppola will be if Calloway succeeds in turning their heads with her dedications.

Writers whose books are released by name publishing houses, whose pieces appear in name magazines, are, for the most part, bourgeois professionals, integrated into mainstream society. Calloway isn’t. She’s authentically on the outside and in opposition. Is, in other words, authentically avant-garde. Is also, I believe, authentically criminal. I don’t mean criminal in the literal or legal sense. (I seriously doubt she’s broken any major laws. The comparisons to Elizabeth Holmes and Anna Delvey always struck me as not just wrongheaded but flat-out wrong.) I mean criminal in the sense that she doesn’t do things on the up and up. The way she “gamed” Instagram is the way she “gamed” Cambridge University. (“I lied on my application,” she says. “I forged my transcript when I got in.”) And there’s an improvisatory recklessness to how she conducts her life that’s both thrilling and frightening. Like it’s all one big spree.

The term I’m groping for is con artist, emphasis on the artist because she’s authentically that too. It could be argued that she isn’t a writer but a performance artist’s take on a writer. Look at all the fascinating things she’s done with her failure to finish a book. There’s her foray into porn—paying off her publishers by desecrating the classics!—a desperate move, though also a witty and subversive one. There’s the “FACTS” section of her lawyer’s response to her landlord’s suit that’s written not in legalese, but Calloway-ese. (“Ms. Calloway had a very troubled childhood, which is why she spent so much money and time making improvements to the property—because 205 [West 13th Street] was not only her favorite home, but also her first.”) There’s the Reddit thread she inspired, which reads like Pale Fire for the internet age. And then there’s her feud with Beach, featherweight yet bloodthirsty, and the only game in town since literary types have gotten so milquetoast.

Beach, who understands what it means to have a career, to fulfill contracts and meet deadlines, did finish a book. Adult Drama is a respectable effort, if a little derivative—imitation Jia Tolentino crossed with imitation Sloane Crosley. It really only snaps to life when Calloway appears, which she does, first in “I Was Caroline Calloway” (retitled “Self-Centered”) and again in “Adult Drama or the Virgin Cunt Club,” the strongest piece in the collection by far. The problem could be Beach’s personality, the opposite of Calloway’s: self-deprecating, restrained, unpersuaded that she’s interesting enough to carry an essay, never mind a whole book. Calloway, on the other hand, is convinced she’s the heroine of a great drama. This belief gives even her shitposts a certain verve and flair. She might be shameless—“I’m a genius, Lili”—might be corny—why so many pictures of herself dressed like a Disney princess?—might even be nuts—“I’m not not mentally ill,” she once told me—but she’s always original, ever watchable.

Yet it could also be argued that Calloway is a writer. A new kind of a writer. A writer who’ll never finish a book because to finish a book is to kill the story. And a book is already a dead thing since it can’t change or adapt, be revised or edited or added to or commented on—not without a cumbersome reprinting, anyway. (Books even look like little coffins.) Digital media allows for an ongoing, interactive story, and maybe that’s the future and Calloway’s it.

Or maybe she’s what her haters have always said she is: an amusing fuckup so fame-hungry that she’s willing to turn her inability to function into a brand.

Or maybe she’s all of the above.

I don’t think Calloway can admit, even to herself, that the chances of her publishing Scammer in anything like the form she originally promised are slim. Except that she did admit it. On January 27, 2021, in a now deleted post, she wrote:

How will you expect me to deliver on writing when I am historically, famously, bad at doing exactly that?… If I could travel back in time and prevent myself from crumbling under the overnight public scrutiny into an avalanche of panic attacks, I would have liked to have tweeted out exactly this to the haters calling me a criminal during January, 2019: CHAOS IS THE BRAND, YOU DUMB, SNARKY FUCKS!!!!!

As afternoon turns to evening, I catch a plane back to New York. Leave Calloway in her old-folks home in boondocks Florida with Matisse, now in a Dr. Seuss hat. If Calloway weren’t the supreme comic ingenue of her day, her ending would be tragic. Her ending would, in fact, be that of the protagonist/antagonist of Todd Field’s #MeToo thriller, Tár. That Lydia Tár, like Caroline Calloway an American self-invention and natural transgressor, is exiled from the cultural establishment is treated as a calamity. What a devastating fall from grace we’re supposed to think when, in the final scene, we see this onetime maestro of the Berlin Philharmonic conducting the score for a video game before a collection of cosplayers in an unspecified Southeast Asian country.

But Calloway is the supreme comic screwball ingenue of her day. Therefore she understands that an audience of plushies and freaks—or retirees and kitty cats—is preferable to one of simpering, self-congratulatory members of a dwindling and increasingly irrelevant intelligentsia. Her fate is a joke, but the joke isn’t only on her. It’s also on the scared and conformist culture that laughs at her because it can’t laugh at itself.

Embrace the chaos, you dumb, snarky fucks.

#caroline calloway

0 notes

kammartinez · 1 year

Text

By Lili Anolik

Or maybe she’s just behind on her laundry.

Calloway on how she mastered Instagram:

Calloway on how she survived getting canceled the first time after the creativity workshop fiasco:

Calloway on how she survived getting canceled the second time after the “I Was Caroline Calloway” fiasco:

“I Am Caroline Calloway” isn’t without flaw, but it’s a mature work, dark and raw and powerful.

Calloway is still talking, and as I watch her mouth move, the realization dawns: Natalie Beach, c’est moi.

Beach isn’t who I want to be. That, though, is who Calloway has turned me into. First of all, she makes disinterested journalism impossible. You can’t stay detached. She simply won’t allow it.

Unable to help myself, I interrupt. “You should stop having sex without a condom.”

She looks up at me, looks down, then gives a small shake of her head. “Oh,” she says. “No.”

I sigh.

How Calloway makes you her collaborator: She does cold reads on people. Is doing them on me all the time. Is alert to what I’m responsive to and then goes from there.

She checks to see if she has my attention. When she sees she does, she continues:

As Beach was with “I Was Caroline Calloway,” is again with Adult Drama.

As Darren Star is. (He figured out how to write the big pop commercial Caroline-in-Cambridge book, only he wrote it as a TV show and the young woman is called Emily and she’s in Paris.)

As Ryan Murphy will be if he adapts Beach’s piece. (According to rumor, he snapped up the rights for a whopping million dollars.)

As Dunham will be if she ever films the script she wrote.

As Gerwig and Coppola will be if Calloway succeeds in turning their heads with her dedications.

Or maybe she’s what her haters have always said she is: an amusing fuckup so fame-hungry that she’s willing to turn her inability to function into a brand.

Or maybe she’s all of the above.

Embrace the chaos, you dumb, snarky fucks.

#caroline calloway

0 notes

somerpmemes · 3 years

Text

The Owl House Starters

Change as needed

“No! My only weakness! Dying!”

“That doesn’t count, right?”

“Do you have any friends? Real ones?”

“Tiny trash thief!”

“Oops, that happens sometimes.”

“I’m a squirmy little fella.”

“I like food, I like love, just let me write about it!”

“Oh, he gets so cute when he’s thirsty for power.”

“I’ve never actually broken any of your stupid laws… in front of you.”

“I hate everything you’re saying right now.”

“We’d be the strongest power couple ever.”

“Self-doubt is a prison you can never escape from.”

“Anyways, let’s bounce before any more monsters fall in love with me.”

“I am not your cutie pie!”

“No one wants an un-oiled snake.”

“Remember, never befriend a man in sandals and always measure twice, cut once.”

“Be back by nightfall or risk mortal peril!”

“I know I’ve had enough delight for one day.”

“Sorry to break it to you, ___, but no one here is that well-dressed.”

“This has been a rough day.”

“Big houses always belong to big whack jobs.”

“Today just got good.”

“Wizards are just old people with glitter in their pockets.”

“Anyways, your food is gone and we are too.”

“Never trust a man in casual drapery.”

“All that mean-spirited laughter made me sleepy.”

“I don’t like this. I really don’t like this.”

“All your food was so tiny and cute.”

“If you can think of a better plan I’d love to hear it.”

“Betrayed by my own cool accessories.”

“I didn’t have to be part of this!”

“I… don’t like this.”

“I think I’ll head home and look at pictures of animals that are still… alive.”

“Wow, you’re so unnoticeable I almost rolled into you.”

“It’s okay, the thorns only went through a few layers of skin.”

“Alright, into the darkness you go.”

“Oh my god, I haven’t eaten real food in so long please give me some.”

“You can’t just cut open a human, can you?”

“Keeping junk in my pocket saved my life!”

“Ahh, baby’s first wanted poster.”

“Even demons have inner demons.”

“This is my paying attention face.”

“Look, now we’re boo boo buddies.”

“It’s like a rainbow, but looking at it turns you inside out.”

“I respect your cunning but I also hate you for it.”

“Oh, gross. Can I keep that?”

“This is terrifying, so why do you look so happy?”

“Oh no, a twist!”

“I’m kind of over that nickname, but okay.”

“Oh, what lovely thing do we have here? It’s just so dang shiny, oh my.”

“And look, I drew flip book.”

“I will literally do anything to stop this.”

“If I’m seen, I could go to jail… again.”

“Alright, let’s see this mess.”

“That’s probably fine.”

“Time to prepare for bloodshed.”

“Welcome down to my level!”

“I know I should be repulsed but that look is fierce.”

“I’m gonna steal everything that’s not nailed down!”

“I was up all night poison tasting and, for some reason, I don’t feel great.”

“I need an extra pair of eyes looking out for pickpockets. And an extra pair of hands in case I want to pickpocket.”

“I got leaves in my pants. And I like it.”

“I was a strange child.”

“You think this can stop me? I can still bite your ankles.”

“If you’re gonna eat me, just do it now!”

“___, you’re getting all swoony again.”

“Rivals are meant to be annihilated, not befriended.”

“Witches eating babies is so 1693.”

“Ugh, you.”

“I thought we were as cool as cucumbers but we’re as sour as pickles.”

“Whoa, I almost passed out.”

“It’s been hours, how can it keep screaming!?”

“Say that again and I steal your tongue.”

“Keep going, this is fun to watch.”

“Isn’t that taking it a bit too far?”

“Just go away before things somehow get worse!”

“This never happened.”

“And who doesn’t like their name in lights?”

“That’s the incorrect reaction!”

“I smell an easy mark.”

“Well, I hate her.”

“It’s like demonic possession with the ones you love.”

“This is just like my favorite early 2000’s movie!”

“I’m so old… and pointy.”

“I’ve got some very confusing emotions right now.”

“My life’s not a joke! But yours is!”

“Novelty costumes are where I draw the line.”

“I am not above disrespecting my elders.”

“This vacation just took an alarming, back-alley turn.”

“Geez, I thought I’d like being babied. But I feel small and helpless, like some sort of baby.”

“Hey, take this, society!”

“I didn’t like her telling me what to do before, but now I love it!”

“Let’s go let out some teen angst!”

“This is how the cool kids ride. Super backwards, on purpose.”

“Your life is pretty terrible. But, hey, it’ll probably be over soon.”

“This is some of my best work, really captures the shame.”

“That’s sweet, kid. Now let’s never speak of this again.”

“Show, don’t tell, man.”

“Oh, look what you did. I’m gonna go rub it in.”

“That seems like a potential problem to me.”

“You being the razzle, I’ll bring the dazzle.”

“Do you always have confetti on you or—?”

“You’re just gonna be unhelpful, huh?”

“Okay, time to run for no particular reason!”

“Oof, I’ve had this nightmare before.”

“Like I’d actually apologize.”

“I want power, and I want drama.”

“Are you ready to give up?”

“I was afraid, I acted stupid.”

“I just wish you told me the truth.”

“You know, it didn’t taste as bad as I thought I would.”

“Impressive, still alive.”

“This is a throne worthy of a tyrant!”

“No, no, keep those sticky hands away.”

“No one wants to see that.”

“Since when are you into sports?”

“Gross, sympathy.”

“Don’t spend all night plotting revenge.”

“Oh, this is an interesting development.”

“I’ll take that weird grumble as a yes.”

“I’m feeling confident about this plan.”

“Trust must be earned.”

“If you run, you’ll just make it harder for yourself!”

“Your pride has destroyed you.”

“So tiny, so angry.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be clean again.”

“If you ever want to search for the truth, I’ll help you.”

“Aww, that’s a horrible lie.”

“Partake of my free snack samples!”

“Why isn’t anyone paying attention to me?”

“A, eww. B, I’m bored. C, I feel like pickpocketing some dork while they browse.”

“I know my good angle.”

“Ugh, what are the basement dwellers doing out in natural sunlight?’

“Hey, there’s more to life than shipping.”

“___, I know you’re trying to help, but I think you’re crossing a line.”

“Ooh, I love punching.”

“You’re ominous, and I like it.”

“And of course you would be here just to be a nuisance.”

“I wanted to compare sunglasses.”

“Fame can really box you in, you know?”

“Besides, if anyone’s putting you down it’s gonna be me.”

“If it’s disappointing in any way I’ll spend the rest of my life trashing it.”

“He scammed us. Can you believe he scammed us?”

“Good entrance. But that outfit? Hah!”

“I’ve got a new crush and her name is education!”

“Ahh, fresh garbage.”

“I have never seen such an extravagant earring.”

“Wow, a surprisingly peaceful domestic moment. When will it be ruined?”

“Weaponizing my pride, well played.”

“Sorry, whoever’s over there!”

“Well, go on. Eat the snow.”

“Huh, it’s no fun if they don’t tremble.”

“Oh, okay, alright. Yup, an idea’s happening.”

“Shh! I don’t need your validation!”

“Get back here before that thing bites you!”

“No, we’re gonna die.”

“Cool. I didn’t actually think you could do it.”

“It’s not a secret.”

“Alright, your adorable banter is literally making me sick.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve seen worse.”

“Aww. I won’t be doing that, but thanks.”

“Quitting: it’s like trying, but easier.”

“You humans are filled with liquids, right?”

“I guess I have always liked pouring things into other things.”

“Time to scrounge through the trash.”

“I ain’t no desk jockey.”

“You don’t know diddly dang about squiddly squat!”

“I love secret rooms!”

“You have an aura of lies.”

“Also, you can eat trash.”

“Do the right thing, you dingus!”

“It just goes on like this for an hour.”

“Carnivals bring crowds and crowds bring suckers.”

“We’ve got scams to run.”

“I know poison when I see it.”

“You can’t scam a scammer.”

“You should really put a lock on your closet.”

“I love crimes!”

“Now this is my kind of weird.”

“That’s way safer than becoming blood brothers.”

“Beat up the man and steal his things for me.”

“This mama is ready for trauma.”

“All right. Approval!”

“Curse these stubby legs!”

“Sketchy carnival rides are not to blame this time.”

“___, you’re lucky I can’t be mad at your adorable antics.”

“Just when I thought I couldn’t respect the law any less…”

“Aww, what a supportive sign.”

“Yep, I just counted to one million.”

“Looks like we ruined his life for a second time.”

“I’ve always wanted to own a jagged piece of cheap metal.”

“Yes! Bread puns, bread puns forever!”

“Now I know what friendship tastes like.”

“I think today is a talons day.”

“It’s fun because it’s stupid.”

“I’ll admit, I was adorable.”

“Be careful with my brain.”

“Wouldn’t you rather talk about it?”

“That’s my motto after all, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’”

“No schemes, no plots, no ruses. None.”

“I can’t believe I made him cry.”

“Are you solving a crime or about to commit one?”

“Sadly this is one problem crime can’t solve.”

“I’m supposed to choose someone interesting, accomplished, and noteworthy. People aren’t meant to be all those things!”

“Yup, her brain’s burned up real good.”

“Be still my fantasy-loving heart.”

“I’m pretty good at getting stuck inside people’s heads.”

“Hey, I found something magical.”

“I’ma put my face in it.”

“It’s like a little doghouse for angels.”

“If you’re handing out attention, I deserve it.”

“Eww, I mean, aww.”

“I really messed things up.”

“It’s eggs, it’s full of eggs.”

“No one turns down an interview with someone this pretty.”

“Me? Avoid? What? No. But let’s skip it.”

“There’s levels to me, kid. Levels I say!”

“Oh, right, I put people in there.”

“I’m gonna hug you so hard you’ll never forget me again!”

“I regret teaching you about the internet.”

“Ah, a severed hand. Perfect response.”

“Hmm, the demon at my shoulder makes a good point.”

“Always trust a shoulder demon.”

“The more I look at him, the more uncomfortable I get.”

“Man, you’ve got some quick grabbers.”

“I can’t wait to get overdressed, take awkward photos, push all the buttons!”

“We’re gonna turn this bloodbath into a fun bath.”

“Do you think I could pull off red eyeshadow?”

“Girl, you could pull off anything.”

“We’re style geniuses!”

“Ominous footsteps, creepy woods, this is no problem.”

“Dang, I look great.”

“___, you always go overboard and I end up bailing you out.”

“Now, what’s the fun in watching a kid get eaten by a monster if it’s my kid?”

“___, I don’t think you’re ready but we’re literally out of time.”

“Why so twitchy, witchy?”

“Teenagers are brutal. They’ll boo anyone and that kind of public humiliation will stick with you for life.”

“You look nice. Strange, but nice.”

“Honestly, I’m kind of amazed with how fearless you are.”

“You’ve done things I could never do.”

“Thing is, you’re sitting in my personal chitchat zone, which means you gotta talk.”

“I am a little weirdo.”

“You gotta pander.”

“Cheating a isn’t anything to brag about.”

“Well, can’t reason with crazy!”

“I’ve been talking for too long.”

“Feeling sentimental?”

“I love water.”

“I don’t know much about sports but I do know about sports movies.”

“What happens in the montage stays in the montage.”

“Not everything can be solved with a good attitude and a dope movie soundtrack.”

“Sorry, I just really love backstories.”

“You just destroyed your social life.”

“That’s such a stupid rule!”

“You’re not gonna show this to anyone, right?”

“I haven’t forgotten what you promised me.”

“Ahh, you’re a thorn in my side but you always dig your way into my heart.”

“Jeez, you’re morbid.”

“Ahh, it’s a fate much worse than death if you think about it.”

“Please don’t make me regret taking you here.”

“Love me a properly ventilated castle.”

“I spy with my little eye something coming this way!”

“I’m going away and I don’t know if I can come back this time.”

“And ___, thank you, for being in my life.”

“I want her back as much as you do.”

“Don’t look at me like that, this is for your own good.”

“Ah farts, I got caught.”

“You understand, don’t you?”

“Please tell me that’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“To be great, you have to make sacrifices.”

“Ahh, ___, you chose the wrong side.”

“I like your spirit, but try that again and things won’t end well for you.”

“Go on, then. Go be a hero.”

“I may have lost but so have you.”

“I can teach you what I know, and what we don’t know we can learn together.”

#the owl house #starters #rp starters #sentence starters #sentence starter meme #rp #rp meme #ask meme #long post

329 notes · View notes

fanfiction-inc · 3 years

Note

Can I get Arthur Morgan

But of back story having met a sweet but wild woman let’s say they meet during Colter. She’s literally lived in the mountain and survived and ends up with the gang.

First meeting hmmm he’s just like oh what in the heck is this crazy woman and she’s so nice to me and snuggly and sweet and wtf she just decked a man flat on his ass?!

ONTO REQUEST with back story in mind.

But they end up sweet on one another And the letter from Mary comes.

Reader ends up tagging along due to reasons and she can’t stand when Mary basically is tugging at Arthur’s emotions. He’s never seen the reader looking at anyone so angrily.

But they end up having first NSFW time and Arthur is a mess of I’m not worthy snd reader is like I say you are and if I gotta F-squeak toy sound-ck it into you I will.

DONT feel the need to go with everything I said I just like to give prompts and let people fly free! Love your writing!!!!

Feel free to ask back for anything RDR!

I had so much fun writing this request! 😍 I hope you enjoy!

(AN: As always, smut is under the cut!)

You have had enough of this woman, her very presence and mannerisms sickening you as you walked along behind your love interest and his former girlfriend.

This woman was working him through every emotional attachment that was left lingering, and she tried to play on the fact they used to have a relationship to persuade him to do this or that for her.

What finally had you huffing and puffing, glare like pure daggers towards the woman with every emotion spawned from the fires of Hell, was when she tried to convince him to run away with her.

To change him into an "honest man".

A "good man".

Arthur Morgan was as good of a man as he can be!

He was kind, smart, caring, and if this woman couldn't see it then it was her loss.

Arthur lost attention at times from Mary's woeful story, catching the gaze you gave to the woman as you walked on and helped him with the task he had been asked to do.

The rage in your gaze, the balling of your fist, and how your body was tense.

He's never seen you like this, always such the charming and sweet little thing when you two are together.

All giggles and smiles, kind gazes and warm embraces.

He didn't know what to make of it, even when you two return to camp and you haven't spoken a word to him.

It wasn't his fault that Mary was like this, he had no part expect being a passenger among your anger train towards the woman who didn't deserve him.

His mind went to ways he may have upset you when with Mary.

Did he stay too close?

Did he not make it known enough that he was taken in some form of relationship with you?

He followed you back to your tent, seeing how your hands were shaking at your side, his taking yours and causing you to turn quickly and face him.

The moment those big blue puppy dog eyes met yours, you melt, calming in his presence.

God, you loved this damn man.

"(First name)-" He was cut off by your words when your form pressed in against his own, lips brushing his in a gentle lip lock.

It took him a millisecond before he was returning the kiss, hands letting yours go in exchange for coming up to cup your cheeks and hold you closer.

It was like fire between you two, the kiss heating up even without words needing to be exchanged.

He only pulled away when your fingers looped in his belt, eyes catching your own.

"(First name), darlin'... What if m'not enough for ya?" Your questioning gaze meets his own and he swallowed thickly. "I don't deserve a woman like ya. So sweet on me, stealin' m'heart each time y'smile and that damn contagious laughter.."

He stopped speaking the moment your finger placed against his lip, watching your expression shift to a far more sweet and loving demeanor.

Yet lust still stayed in those eyes that left him dreamy, lost in thought as he stares.

"Arthur Morgan, if I have t'fuck it into ya that y'deserve me, I will." He felt his cheeks warm when you began unbuckling his belt, the audible gulp sounding in the air making you pause.

"Are y'sure?" He questioned in a breathy whisper, licking his lips when your hands move up his chest, grabbing the collar of his shirt to pull him against you so your lips rested against his ear.

"Absolutely, Mr. Morgan." He visibly shivered, melting when feather like kisses trailed along his jaw and down to his neck, now being hyperaware of just how you make him feel.

His hands come down to grasp your rear, soon hiking you up with a squeak from your lips so your legs wrapped around his waist.

So he could grind his growing hardness against your pants covered core and let you feel what you do to him.

His fingers came to the buttons of your shirt, working to get them undone ad yours worked on his vest, letting the article fall off his form unceremoniously to the dirt below.

He catches your lips following a tilt of his head, humming in satisfaction when your shirt is off and your bare breast are exposed to the humid air of the camp.

Arthur Morgan was savoring every second of this, loving how hot and needy your form grew when he laid you on the cot and busied his mouth with a perky nipple, earning the most delicious of noises from you.

Each breathy sigh when his tongue flicked over the bud and how his teeth just barely grazed the sensitive flesh earning a hitch in breath.

It was pure music to his ears.

Soon enough it was his turn to groan, the sound a low rumble rising from his chest when your hand snaked its way into his trousers, taking him in hand.

"My God, woman. You're drivin' me wild." He huffed out, motions pausing as his eyes flutter shut and savor the slow rhythm you had set with each pump of his member.

"Isn't that the point, Mr. Morgan?" You joked sweetly, giggling when his eyes open to send you a playful look, his lips moving from your breast to kiss down your abdomen and pause at the trousers blocking him from your drenched sex.

Your hand had to pull away from the way he lowered himself, his fingers looping in the waistband of your pants and gaze flickering up for a single second.

A silent question was posed.

"Go ahead." You cooed, body shivering in pure delight at the way his gaze shifted to something more...needy.

He has waited so long to do this, and now he was gonna savor every second of it.

He reveled in the view of you once your pants were off, a verbal moan leaving his lips when he stole a lap at your core, hands moving to catch your shifting hips.

He kept his gaze locked on your own, not giving a damn who heard your lewd noises that spilled out with each suckle and lick at your sensitive bundle of nerves and needy hole.

Savoring the way your chest raised with each quickened breath and how your eyes fell half way when he found the right pace to bring you closer and closer to the edge.

Each hungry lap led you closer and closer, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging with a sweet, delicious moan as the levee broke and he was flooded with your slick, cleaning you of every drop he could.

He rose up with a chuckle, your blissed out expression making his heart flutter.

It encouraged him, made him happy to know he could make you feel so good.

His tongue darks out, licking at what was left on his lips and back of his hand wiping at his chin.

God this man looked sinful doing such.

"Sweeter than honey." He commented, grinning at the rising blush decorating your cheeks.

Your fingers grab his pants again, pulling him in for a kiss as he moved to get his shirt the rest of the way off.

His pants soon followed, now nude to you for the first time.

Of course, you've seen him from the waist up when things got too hot for multiple layers.

Bare chest exposed and slickened with sweat from whatever activity he had been doing.

Your fingers traced over the flesh, resting over his heart to feel it racing as he positioned himself between your legs, gaze seeking your own for approval once more.

"Arthur, please just fuck m'like ya mean it." You pleaded with him when the tip of his cock brushed over your slickened folds, hitting your clit and making your thighs tremble.

He gave a smirk at your words, hips moving so he could sheath his length within you.

He's slow, savoring the way your core accepts every inch of his shaft until his hips are against your own and face pressed against your neck, delivering tender kisses to aid in the process of you adjusting to him.

You're like a well oiled machine, moving in sync to advance the process.

Breaths shared between open mouthed kisses and noises silenced by the other, excluding the wet, skin hitting skin noises that begin to overtake the tent.

Raw, needy, he fucks you like a man desperate to never lose you, to never be without you in his life.

Each pump brings him closer and closer to the edge, just like the feelings building like wildfire in your core.

"Arthur!" Your tone is breathy when it reaches his ears, the only warning besides the sudden clamp of your walls around him and the new octave your tone takes to your release.

He groaned out when he finished within you, your walls stealing everything he has and weight resting on his arms as he tries to combat the high and not crush you.

"I told ya y'drive me wild." He chuckled out, breathless and moving to his side, bringing you with him so he stays buried inside you for the time being.

"Do y'still feel unworthy of me, Arthur?" You questioned gently, fingers tracing designs along his chest, head resting against his shoulder.

"No, all because ya reassured me." He admits, kissing the top of your head.

"Good."

RDR2 TAG LIST:

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #ns/fw ask #ns/fw hc #sothisoutlawwalksintoabar #Thank you!!

161 notes · View notes

sensei-aishitemasu · 3 years

Text

2021 Black-Owned Gift Guide!

It’s that time again! Our SEVENTH ANNUAL BLACK-OWNED GIFT GUIDE IS HERE!!!! This Black Friday, try and support a Black-owned business for all your gift-giving needs. For last years gift guide, click here. For the 2019 gift guide, click here. For the 2018 gift guide, click here. For the 2017 gift guide, click here. For the 2016 gift guide, click here. For the 2015 gift guide, click here.

Similar to previous lists, I kept every individual item listed under $100! Click on the links to be taken to the websites in order to peruse more yourselves: all businesses listed are Black-owned, and many are run by Black women, Black Americans specifically, manufactured here in the United States, and/or sustainably and ethically sourced with philanthropic causes attached to sales! Lots of new brands this year so check them out.

New category this year: For the Active!

[As always, this guide has been split into categories to make it easier to get through, but feel free to mix and match for the person in your life that fits all of (or none of!) these categories!]

NOTE: If you try to open links and they don’t work, I would recommend trying to open it either in the tumblr app if you have it (if you are using a third party site) or through your internet browser. If worst comes to worst, copy + pasting the items in your search engine or highlighting, right-click and "searching in browser" option should also take you directly to the website! Tumblr made some changes recently that are terrible 🙄 I think they put a cap on how many links you can have in a post.

For the Homebody:

Home on Earth Crystal Heart-Shaped Jewelry Holder, $25 Home on Earth Geometric Silhouette Vase, $13.99 Home on Earth Aqua Vase, $16 Home on Earth 80s Funky Tissue Box, $15 Home on Earth Crystal Skirt Candle Holder, $12

Lettie Gooch Gold Candle Care Kit, $38 (pictured) Lettie Gooch Boucle Woven Throw, $78 (pictured) Lettie Gooch ‘Sweater Weather’ Soy Candle, $28

Debra Cartwright ‘Suite’ Print, $75 (pictured)

Jeff Manning ‘Freedom Feather’ Print, $45

Ode Vintage Shop L.E Smith Amber Candlestick Holders, $34 Ode Vintage Shop Smooth Wood Water Buffalo, $20

Harlem Candle Company ‘Langston’ Luxury Room Spray, $30 Harlem Candle Company Harlem Holiday Travel Gift Set, $65 (pictured)

Unlikely Fox Yarn, $27 (pictured)

Create The Culture ‘It Could Be Worse’ Embroidery Kit, $20 (pictured) Create The Culture ‘James Baldwin’ Pillow, $80 (pictured)

Mosh Decor Snake Velvet Pillow, $50

Kicky Mats ‘All Are Welcome Here’ Rainbow Mat, $40 Kicky Mats ‘Good Vibes Only’ Mat, $65 (pictured) Kicky Mats ‘So Fresh So Clean’ Bath Mat, $40 Kicky Mats ‘So Icy’ LED Light, $30

228 Grant Street Candle Co. Long Matches, $13 228 Grant Street Candle Co. Balsam Fir Apothecary Jar, $34 228 Grant Street Candle Co. Sea Salt + Orchid Apothecary Jar, $34

Rituals + Ceremony Anonomy Sculptures, $79 (pictured) Rituals + Ceremony Large Art Tray, $42 Rituals + Ceremony Small Art Tray, $36 Rituals + Ceremony USB Travel Ultrasonic Essential Oil Diffuser, $25.00

Fill More Waste Less Bamboo Soap Dish, $7.99 Fill More Waste Less Lovie Packs, $23.99 Fill More Waste Less Peppermint Eucalyptus Shower Steamers, $3.75

Secret Scents of Ella ‘Parker’ Créme Brulée Torso, $26 Secret Scents of Ella ‘Parker’ Luna Torso, $26 Secret Scents of Ella ‘Umber’ Luna Torso, $27 Secret Scents of Ella ‘Umber’ Créme Brulée Torso, $27

Game Time:

Trading Races, $19.99 Winsults, $25 The 1998 Deck ‘What’s Beef?’, $35 (pictured) Trap Spelling Bee, $29.99 (pictured) Point ‘Em Out, $19.99 (pictured) ‘Don’t Lie’ Drinking Game, $19.99 (pictured) Let’s Argue, $24.99 ‘CultureTags’ Card Game, $24.08 (pictured) One Gotta Go, $25 (pictured) Rhyme Antics, $16.99 Truth or Trivia, $16.99 ‘Friday’ Trivia Game, $8.99 ‘Coming To America’ Trivia Game, $8.99 (pictured) Brilliant or BS?, $15.99 (pictured) Financial IQ, $20

For the Active:

Toned by BaggedEm ‘In My Zen’ Yoga Mat, $79 Toned by BaggedEm ‘In My Zen’ Gym Bag, $54.99

Soul Cap Swimming Cap, $22.99 (pictured)

Beast Bodi ‘Delightful’ Workout Set, $36 (pictured) Beast Bodi ‘Diva’ Workout Set, $36 Beast Bodi ‘Fearless’ Workout Set, $36 (pictured) Beast Bodi ‘Fly Girl’ Workout Set, $51 (pictured) Beast Bodi ‘Hidden Treasure’ Workout Set, $43.50 (pictured) Beast Bodi ‘Be Kings & Queens’ Wellness Powder, $40

Actively Black Athleisure Shoe, $100 (pictured) Actively Black ‘Color Collection’ Black Biker Shorts, $36 (pictured) Actively Black ‘Color Collection’ Athleisure Bra, $33.75 Actively Black Tech Shorts, $41.25 Actively Black ‘GREATNESS’ Performance Tank, $35 Actively Black Band Bra, $45 (pictured) Actively Black Steel Sports Bottle 2.0, $25 (pictured)

For the Foodie:

Fill More Waste Less Khala & Co. Vegan Wax Food Wraps, $15.99 (pictured) Fill More Waste Less Porter 12oz Travel Mug, $24.99 Fill More Waste Less Porter Travel Utensil Set, $17.99 Fill More Waste Less Vegetable Brush, $6.99 (pictured)

The Spice Suite Spice Bag w/Hearty Savory, $60 (pictured)

Linoto Reusable Linen Towels, $8 (pictured) Linoto Linen Dinner Napkins, $16 (pictured)

The Tea Bar 901 Honey Party Favors, $2.90 The Tea Bar 901 Local Honey, $25 (pictured) The Tea Bar 901 Cinnamon Honey, $35

Makeda’s Cookies Variety Dozen, $29.99

Mutt’s Sauce Combo Pack, $29

‘The Taste of Country Cooking: The 30th Anniversary Edition of a Great Southern Classic Cookbook’ by Edna Lewis, $24.79

‘Black Food: Stories, Art, and Recipes from Across the African Diaspora [A Cookbook]’ by Bryant Terry, $36.80

‘Jubilee: Recipes from Two Centuries of African American Cooking: A Cookbook’ by Toni Tipton-Martin, $32.20

‘The Jemima Code: Two Centuries of African American Cookbooks’ by Toni Tipton-Martin, $41.40 (pictured)

‘High on the Hog: A Culinary Journey from Africa to America’ (Now A Netflix Show!) by Jessica B. Harris, $20

‘Pay Black Farmers’ T-Shirt in Wheat and Goldenrod, $20 (pictured)

Love Cork Screw ‘Wine Retreat’ Gift Set, $75 Love Cork Screw ‘Head Over Heels’ Riesling, $18

Sip & Share Wines, ‘Love’ White Zinfandel, $21

Kashmir Viii ‘Still That’ Mug, $18 Kasmir Viii ‘WDOYS’ Apron, $40

Estelle Colored Champagne Coupe Stemware, $85 (pictured)

Ode Vintage Shop Silver-Accented Espresso Mugs, $30 Ode Vintage Shop Vintage Smiley Face Mug, $15 Ode Vintage Shop Libbey Margarita Glass (Set of 2), $20

Kicky Mats ‘As For Me And My House, We Will Serve TACOS’ Mat, $50

Brass Cuisine Seafood Seasoning, $8 Brass Cuisine "The Brass Experience" Multi-Purpose Seasoning, $8 Brass Cuisine Spice Container, $13 Brass Cuisine Garlic Pepper Seasoning, $19.50

For the Beauty Guru:

Shea Bakery Scar Healing Serum, $12.99 Shea Bakery Milk Body Wash, $11.99

Galerie LA Botanica Rose Roller, $16 (pictured)

The Lip Bar ‘Squad Goals’ Face Palette, $22 The Lip Bar ‘Smoker’s Lounge’ Eyeshadow Palette, $11 The Lip Bar ‘Double Duty’ Makeup Brush Kit Brushes, $36 (pictured)

Fill More Waste Less Oneka Face Cream, $4.20 (pictured) Fill More Waste Less Organic Cotton Reusable Make-Up Remover Pads, $18 Fill More Waste Less Nail Brush, $4.99

OOO Top Coat, $11.50 OOO Soy Nail Polish Remover, $11.75 (pictured) OOO Baol Polish, $6 OOO Aguleri Polish, $11 OOO LED/UV Nail Lamp, $50

Kayva Cosmetics Rose Whipped Body Scrub, $20 Kayva Cosmetics Rose Body Oil, $18 Kayva Cosmetics Rose Whipped Body Butter, $22

Body Love Self Care Shop Bath Bomb, $8.88

Jiri Naturals Scalp Serum, $16.50 (pictured) Jiri Naturals Rosewater & Lime Purifying Toner, $17.50 Jiri Naturals Restorative Avocado Hair Mask, $15.99 Jiri Naturals Carrot Seed & Marula Face & Neck Cream, $24.99 Jiri Naturals Blood Orange Clay Wash, $11.99 Jiri Naturals Flawless Face Kit, $65.50 Jiri Naturals Bergamont Sage Herbal Shower Gel, $9

Flora & Noor Earth and Ocean Acne Fighting Mask, $16.80 Flora & Noor Rose Renewal Cleanser, $24 Flora & Noor Berry Oxygen Mask With Glycolic Acid, $32.00 Flora & Noor #NOFILTER Enzyme Mask, $32 (pictured) Flora & Noor Hydration Station Aloe + Green Tea Cleanser, $24 (pictured) Flora & Noor Super C Moisturizer, $34 Flora & Noor Bright Side Serum, $34

Anubiann Lip Mask, $3.50

Sweet Butter Bae ‘Birthday Bae’ Whipped Sugar Scrub, $16.50 Sweet Butter Bae ‘Birthday Bae’ Whipped Shea Butter, $12.50

Cocoa Bean Cosmetics ‘Friend or Faux’ Mink Lashes, $9 Cocoa Bean Cosmetics ‘Flirt’ Lashes, $9 Cocoa Bean Cosmetics ‘Date Night’ Lashes, $9 Cocoa Bean Cosmetics ‘Cocoa Puff’ Lashes, $9 Cocoa Bean Cosmetics ‘Mama's Mink’ Lashes, $9

Audacia ‘Illustrious’ Highlighter, $13 (pictured) Audacia ‘Ethereal’ Highlighter, $13

FACE. Detoxifying Clay Mask, $26 (pictured) FACE. Turmeric + Adzuki Bean Scrub, $28 FACE. Hydrating Facial Serum, $28

AfroPick (Power), $19

hunnybunny Lavender Bath Salts, $22 hunnybunny Sea Clay Facial Mask, $15

BeijaFlorNaturals 5-Piece Beija Body Bundle, $65

Love Tee Tee Red Rose Tuxedo Reusable Press-On Nails, $35 Love Tee Tee Fruit Jelly Glitter Reusable Press-On Nails, $16

For the Fashion Conscious:

Grant Blvd Mid Length Skirt w/ Cutouts, $55 Grant Blvd Floral Face Mask, $8 Grant Blvd Bandeau Top, $38 Grant Blvd ‘Sustainable Shit Only’ Fanny Pack, $26

Nappy Head Club ‘Nappy’ Cross Tank, $54 (pictured) Nappy Head Club ‘Good Hair’ Scarf, $38 Nappy Head Club Bucket Hat, $42 (pictured)

The Silver Room ‘Black Joy’ T-Shirt, $35

Nubian Hueman ‘The Future Is Female And Black’ Jogger Set, $55

Compton Flight Crew ‘Compton Republic’ Coffee T-Shirt, $19 Compton Flight Crew ‘Catch Vibez’ Tee, $18

Frenchwood Studios Tube Socks, $25 (pictured)

Threads by Rai Leather Shorts, $55 Threads by Rai Denise Sweat Set, $65 Threads by Rai Cow Print Denim, $65 Threads by Rai Danica Clutch, $38 (pictured) Threads by Rai Skylar Dress, $50 Threads by Rai Rylee Dress, $25 (pictured) Threads by Rai Olivia Zip Up Sweater, $30

Kashmir Viii ‘The Man-A Lisa’ Tee, $45 Kashmir Viii ‘Sincere & Buns’ Tee, $47 Kashmir Viii ‘Chill or Be Chilled’ Tee, $45 Kashmir Viii ‘The V.I.B’ Tee, $37 (pictured)

Kicky Mats ‘Bad Bih’ Lace Jewels, $14 Kicky Mats ‘Black Women Don’t Owe You Shit’ Crew, $35 Kicky Mats ‘Blow Me’ Pin, $12 (pictured)

AllVeryGoods No. 20 Stardust Bandana, $24 (pictured)

Silkbar Studio Silk-Lined Plain Cap, $40 Silkbar Studio Silk-Lined Beanie, $40

Flat Out of Heels Black Oxford with Laces, $39.99

Accented Dialogue ‘Louisiana Creoles’ Team Jersey, $37 Accented Dialogue ‘Black Vernac’ All Over Print Unisex Tee, $29 Accented Dialogue Black American Heritage Flag Neck Gaiter, $23

Ode Vintage Shop Vintage Mink Fur Stole, $90

Jolie Noire Premium Magnolia Long Shorts, $55 (pictured) Jolie Noire Women's Scarf Print Premium Shorts - Cream, $50 Jolie Noire Orangesicle Earrings, $45 Jolie Noire Clear Arches Earrings, $40 Jolie Noire Cat Eye Glasses, $35

Galerie LA Dolores Top Stripes, $68

For the Bookworm:

‘Feeding the Soul (Because It’s My Business): Finding Our Way To Joy, Love, and Freedom’ by Tabitha Brown, $27.99

‘The 1619 Project: A New Origin Story by Nikole Hannah-Jones, $38 (pictured)

‘The Last Cruze’ by LaToya Ruby Frazier, $50

‘Royal Holiday’ by Jasmine Guillory, $20 (pictured)

‘The Wedding Party’ by Jasmine Guillory, $15

‘Listen to Me Good: The Story of an Alabama Midwife’ by Margaret Charles Smith, $24.95

‘We Are Each Other's Harvest: Celebrating African American Farmers, Land, and Legacy’ by Natalie Baszile, $36.79 (pictured)

‘An Unkindness of Ghosts’ by Rivers Solomon, $14.67 (pictured)

‘The Deep’ by Rivers Solomon, $13.79

‘So Many Beginnings: A Little Women Remix’ by Bethany C. Morrow, $10.11 (pictured)

‘Folk Beliefs Of The Southern Negro’ by Newbell Niles Puckett Ph.D., $25

Rayo & Honey ‘bad ass black women of literature’ Tote Bag, $48 (pictured) Rayo & Honey ‘eat words drink stars’ Bookmark, $8 (pictured) Rayo & Honey ‘hundreds of books under my skin’ Pin, $12

Addie Rawr ‘Book Club’ Stickers, $7.50 (pictured) Addie Rawr ‘A Reading Place’ Print, $20 (pictured)

For The Kids:

Kashmir Viii ‘The Keke’ Print, $40

Fill More Waste Less Eco Star Crayons, $4.99 (pictured) Fill More Waste Less Eco Teether ‘Calmies’, $12.99 Fill More Waste Less All Natural Rubber Children’s Blocks, $25.99 Fill More Waste Less Baby Car, $17.99

Compton Flight Crew Kids CFC Signature Sweatpants, $20 Compton Flight Crew CFC Kids Large Patch Tee, $15

The Silverroom ‘The Snuggle Is Real’ Onesie, $20 (pictured)

YiniBini Baby Lace Top Knee High Socks, $7.50 (pictured) YiniBini Baby ‘Curls’ by Ruth Forman, $8.99 YiniBini Baby 'The Day You Begin’ by Jacqueline Woodson, $18.99 YiniBini Baby ‘Glow’ by Ruth Forman, $8.99 YiniBini Baby ABC Affirmations, $25 YiniBini Baby Alvin the Elephant Soft Toy, $35 YiniBini Baby ‘Black Boy Joy/Black Girl Magic’ Gift Set, $33

‘The Dark-Thirty: Southern Tales of the Supernatural’ by Patricia McKissack, $7.35

‘The Lion and the Mouse’ by Jerry Pinkney, $17.47

‘The Little Mermaid’ by Jerry Pinkney, $17.47

‘Mirandy and Brother Wind’ by Patricia McKissack, $7.99

‘The Talking Eggs: A Folktale from the American South’ by Robert D. San Souci, $16.55 (pictured)

‘Maya and the Robot’ by Eve Ewing, $16.99

‘Forever This Summer’ by Leslie C. Youngblood, $15.63 (pictured)

‘J.D. and the Family Business’ by J. Dillard, $15.99

‘Pax Samson Vol. 1, 1: The Cookout’ by Rashad Doucet, $13.79 (pictured)

‘We Are Family’ by LeBron James, $16.55

‘Fast Pitch’ by Nic Stone, $16.55

‘Bayou Magic’ by Jewell Parker Rhodes, $26 (pictured)

Accented Dialect ‘Reflection, Refraction’ Backpack, $45 (pictured)

Ikd Kids African American Rag Doll, $45

Kaan’s Designs ‘But Why?’ Kids Natural T-Shirt, $21 Kaan’s Designs Family Matching T-shirt Set - Dope Mom, Dad, Kid & Babe (Black), $26 Kaan’s Designs, Starburst Blackberry Dope Babe Set, $32 Kaan’s Designs Mini Backpack with Custom Varsity Letter, $30 (pictured) Kaan’s Designs Personalized Kids Bag - Custom Mini Backpack w/Varsity Letters, $32

For the Masculine

Bevel Daily Essentials Bundle, $69.95 (pictured)

Solo Noir Facial Kit, $49.99

Scotch Porter Fragrance Library, $27.99

Levi Fisher Beard Bundle, $39.99

Chris Cardi ‘H St. NE’ Dad Denim Hat, $21.03

The Silverroom Camo Pocket Square, $30 The Silverroom Baby G-Shock Watch, $80 (pictured) The Silverroom Admiral Row Dark Grey Checkered Skinny Tie, $45 (pictured) The Silverroom Admiral Row Grey Patterned Bow Tie, $39 The Silverroom Stainless Steel Bracelet w/2 Extension Links, $45 The Silverroom Brushed Stainless Steel 9" Bracelet, $45 The Silverroom Stainless Steel Cuban Link Necklace in Gold/Silver, $60 (pictured)

Nubian Hueman Black Panther Lapel Pin, $15 (pictured)

Jolie Noire Premium Floral Shorts, $55 (pictured) Jolie Noire Scarf Print Shorts, $55 Jolie Noire Scarf Print T-shirt, $55

JFG ‘Outside Clothes’ Socks, $20

Nappy Head Club ‘Waves on Swim’ Tee, $31.50

Sir and Madame ‘New Classic’ Beanie in Orange, $55 (pictured)

EAT Cargo Jogger, $80

DC Proper Team Short, $21

Linoto Linen Boxer Shorts, $29.95

Actively Black Premium Slides, $45 (pictured) Actively Black Performance Mask, $14 Actively Black Duffel Bag, $65 (pictured) Actively Black CrossBody Carbon Fiber Bag, $45 Actively Black Basketball, $45

For the Tech-Savvy

Khristian A. Howell Cava Black Sleek and Chic Phone Case, $39.99 Khristian A. Howell Montpelier Sleek and Chic Phone Case, $39.99 Khristian A. Howell Leopard Added Amour Phone Case, $44.99 (pictured) Khristian A. Howell Mosaic Black Added Amour Phone Case, $44.99

Chic Geeks Final Cut Pro X Shortcuts Keyboard Cover, $20 (pictured) Chic Geeks Adobe Photoshop Shortcuts Keyboard Cover, $20 Chic Geeks Unicorn Keyboard Cover, $20 Chic Geeks Space Gray Ombre Keyboard Cover, $20 Chic Geeks Canary Faux Crocodile iPad Case, $75 (pictured) Chic Geeks Black Faux Crocodile iPhone Case, $50 Chic Geeks Rose Gold Glitter MacBook Case, $65 (pictured) Chic Geeks Webcam Cover, $10

NSPRE Echobuds Mini, $59.99 (pictured) NSPRE ‘The Solace’ Smart Glasses, $89.99 (pictured)

Love Tee Tee iPhone 11Pro Max Case ‘Alien Dreamer,’ $35 (pictured) Love Tee Tee iPhone 11Pro Max Case ‘Doll Dreams,’ $35 Love Tee Tee iPhone 12 Mini Case ‘Cutthroat,’ $30 Love Tee Tee iPhone 12 Case ‘Moon Child,’ $35 Love Tee Tee Gemstone Phone Grip, $20

PupcakesCupcats ‘Nyantendo’ Switch Zipper Pouch, $20 (pictured)

Sweet Bitz ‘Sweet Gamer’ Fannypack, $65 (pictured)

For the Goth/Kawaii

Bisou Lovely ‘Juliet’ Ring, $80

Hard Decora Black ALT Fashion Fist, $40

PlusHiiKawaii Jumbo Button Hair Clip, $13 PlusHiiKawaii Pretty Pegasus Dangle Earrings, $10 (pictured) PlusHiiKawaii Gothic Gummy Bear Stud Earrings, $10

Starlight Deco Dream Vroom Vroom Car Resin Hair Clip, $25 Starlight Deco Dream "Pizza Time" Soft Enamel Pin, $5 Starlight Deco Dream Nurse Kani Epoxy Resin Keychain, $15

Melty Chocolate Moon ‘Gay in Space’ Shirt, $51

Proper Gnar ‘Rise’ Skateboard Deck, $63 Proper Gnar Spiderwebs Pants, $43.35 (pictured) Proper Gnar Weapons Button Down Shirt, $45.90

Miss Candyholic Animal Crossing Fanny Packs, $45 Miss Candyholic ‘Cloudy Sky’ Fanny Pack, $55 Miss Candyholic ‘Magical Girls/Boys/Enbies for BLM’ Tote Bag, $20 (pictured) Miss Candyholic ‘Sleepy Bear’ Blue Backpack, $52 Miss Candyholic ‘Sleepy Pink’ Bear Adjustable Bag, $44

Little Inkplay Shop ‘Afro Kawaii’ Shirt, $25 Little Inkplay Shop ‘Manekineko’ Plus Size Leggings, $47

PupcakesCupcats ‘Spooky Stuff’ Sweatshirt, $55 PupcakesCupcats Kittagotchi and/or Puppigotchi Keychain, $14 PupcakesCupcats Washi Tape, $8 (pictured)

CiAyTea Deku T-Shirt, $25 (pictured)

Sweet Bitz ‘Dead Cute’ Hat, $25 Sweet Bitz ‘Galaxy Arcade’ Machine Pin, $12 Sweet Bitz ‘Lunar Fae’ Chain Pin Set, $20 (pictured) Sweet Bitz MGU Mug, $20

Kawaii Bath and Body ‘Attack on Titan Survey Corps’ Bath Bomb, $8.95 Kawaii Bath and Body ‘Akatsuki Cloud’ Bath Bomb, $9.95

In Control Cow Print Overalls, $38.88

Polka Dot Cutie Manta Ray Sticker, $3 Polka Dot Cutie Kawaii Potato T-Shirt, $30

Gothic Lamb ‘I Hate Everyone’ Beanie, $26 Gothic Lamb ‘Anti Social Black Girl Club’ Tee, $22 Gothic Lamb ‘Black Lives Matter’ Shorts, $44

Von Kreep Art Skeleton Hand Earrings, $15

Spookie Kidz ‘Drac’s Bae’ Graphic Tee, $25.99

Mossbadger ‘Black Moon’ Earrings, $7

Nasty Gem ‘Spiked Out’ Cuff, $17.50 (pictured)

#BLKGIRLSWURLD ��Black Girls Moshing For Black Lives’ T-Shirt, $29.50 (pictured)

VickiBeWicked ‘Skull Boy’ Minky Pillow, $19.49 (pictured)

Drop Dead & Wrought Skeleton Keys Earrings, $20 Drop Dead & Wrought Skeleton Twins II Sunglasses, $30

Tears Of My Enemies ‘Skeleton Finger’ Plus Size Leggings, $58

For the Esoteric

‘Hoodoo Cleansing and Protection Magic: Banish Negative Energy and Ward Off Unpleasant People’ by Miss Aida, $15.59 (pictured)

‘Working Conjure: A Guide to Hoodoo Folk Magic’ by Hoodoo Sen Moise, $17.43 (pictured)

Addie Rawr Zodiac Collection Mugs, $24

Body Love Self Care Shop ‘Positive Affirmations’ Soy Candle, $7.77 Body Love Self Care Shop ‘Manifest’ Soy Candle, $17.77

Ebony & Green Raw Rose Quartz, $4.44 (pictured) Ebony & Green ‘Creativity’ Crystal Set, $12 Ebony & Green Calcite Crystal Set, $6

Rituals & Ceremony Organic Witch Hazel Sprays, $24 (pictured) Rituals & Ceremony Cleansing Pocket Altar Kit, $28 (pictured) Rituals & Ceremony Love Spell Altar Kit, $42 (pictured)

Kicky Mats Zodiac Keychain, $12 Kicky Mats Zodiac Stickers, $12 Kicky Mats ‘Protection from Assholes’ Pin, $12 (pictured) Kicky Mats ‘Not Enough Sage’ Pin, $12 Kicky Mats ‘Check Your Energy’ Evil Eye Mat, $50 (pictured)

Lettie Gooch Full Moon Release Candle, $28 (pictured) Lettie Gooch Full Moon Bath Bomb, $10

For the Love of Us Sacral Heart Connection Incense, $22

For Your Activist Bae

‘The Rallying Point’ by Melvin Charles, $20 (pictured)

‘The Man-Not: Race, Class, Genre, and the Dilemmas of Black Manhood’ by Tommy J. Curry, $34.95

‘Flint Is Family in Three Acts’ by Latoya Ruby Frazier, $59.80

Kicky Mats ‘Black Lives Matter’ Pin, $12 (pictured) Kicky Mats ‘Well-Behaved Women Rarely Make History’ Pin, $12 (pictured)

The Silverroom ‘What’s Going On?’ T-Shirt, $55 (pictured) The Silverroom ‘The Greats’ T-Shirt, $30 The Silverroom ‘Everything You Love About America’ T-Shirt, $25

Philadelphia Printworks School of Thought ‘Harriet Tubman’ Collegiate T-Shirt, $25 Philadelphia Printworks ‘Panther’s Legacy’ Hoodie, $40 (pictured) Philadelphia Printworks ‘Thank Black Women’ Long-Sleeve T-Shirt, $30

‘American Protest’ by Mel D. Cole, $45

Nappy Head Club ‘Always Black, Never Sorry’ Tee, $31.50 Nappy Head Club ‘The Black Without Apology’ Tote Bag, $27 (pictured) Nappy Head Club ‘Make D.C. Nappy Again’ Tote Bag, $26.25

Grant Blvd ‘End Mass Incarceration’ Mask, $18 Grant Blvd ‘End Cash Bail’ Tote Bag, $26

All Very Goods ‘Power’ Button T-Shirt, $28

Urban Profile ‘Me and the Man’ Shirt, $18.99 Urban Profile ‘James Brown - Black and Proud’ Shirt, $24.99 (pictured)

Little Ink Play Shop ‘Black Power’ Sticker, $2 (pictured)

Kashmir Viii ‘Angela Davis’ Iron-On Patch, $8 (pictured) Kashmir Viii ‘Malcolm/Ali/ Notebook, $12 Kashmir Viii ‘HBSEEYOU’ Tote Bag, $30

Cards, Notebooks, and Wrapping Paper:

VickiBeWicked Skull Christmas Gift Tag Stickers, $3.75 (pictured)

Dark Jasmine Goth Gift Wrapping Paper, $13.50

Khristian A. Howell Meander Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell Leopard Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell Nina Gift Wrap, $8.99 Khristian A. Howell Rosy Holiday Gift Wrap, $8.99

Midnight Reflections Chocolate Nutcracker Wrapping Paper, $20.99 (pictured) Midnight Reflections Melanin Pointe Shoes Stripes Wrapping Paper, $20.99 Midnight Reflections In Love With Hip Hop Wrapping Paper, $20.99 Midnight Reflections Black Santa Claus Gift Bag Kit, $14.99 (pictured) Midnight Reflections Prima Ballerina Blank Journal, $21.99 (pictured)

Greentop Gifts Clarence Claus Gift Bag, $4.50 Greentop Gifts Clarence Claus ‘HOHOHO’ Gift Wrap, $8.50

The Silverroom Holiday Greeting Card ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas,’ $5 (pictured) The Silverroom ‘The Black Madonna’ Holiday Card, $6 (pictured) The Silverroom ‘To Be Jolly’ Holiday Card, $6 The Silverroom ‘Presents Galore’ Holiday Card, $5 The Silverroom Polaroid Notebook, $19.95 The Silverroom ‘Get Sh*t Done’ Notepad, $16.99 (pictured) The Silverroom Retro Technology Notebook, $14.99

PupcakesCupcats Cat Sketchbook, $24.99 (pictured) PupcakesCupcats Shiba Inu Pupset 5 Pack Folded Greeting Cards, $12 PupcakesCupcats Meowdy Pawtner 5 Pack Folded Greeting Cards, $12

Addie Rawr 2022 Special Edition Monthly Calendars, $11

Body Love Self Care Shop ‘Boss Babe’ Notebook, $22.22 Body Love Self Care Shop ‘Black Girl Magic’ Notebook, $18.88 (pictured)

Kasmir Viii ‘Still That’ Notebook, $12

Harlem Candle Company Vintage Nightclub Greeting Card, $5 Harlem Candle Company Set of 10 Vintage Nightclub Greeting Cards, $30

#my posts #black owned gift guide #support black owned business

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