#nobody’s wrong or bad i dont know
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reposting some old doodles i still enjoy a bit
#a doodley#guys im having realizations i dont really know what to do with#ive said this tons before but my main issue with art rn is like#i Know anatomy. and what it's Meant to look like. my issue is straying away from Correct and going with Good like how some of my stuff was#before i really started learning. loose and not restricted#but my obstacle is that nobody draws the way i want to draw. and im bad at coming up with my own stuff...i need to copy and osmose off#someone else. well. it turns out there is someone who draws the way i draw. and its cheye of the past.#dont get me wrong if i look thru the rest of the art in the (year) folder these came from; 80% of it sucks#i wish i cld have what past cheye had but with current cheye tweaks and refinement#but idk how to do that. something weird has happened to my mind i really cant envision and make art the same way anymore#idk how he did it back then....i wish i Knew bc current me cant make anything out of sketching or thumbnails or just going at it#arghhh#i try and force myself to draw stuff like this now (interactions) and it looks. so stiff. and bad proportion wise but idk how to fix it#which isnt to say the proportions (for example) in THESE drawings are perfect but they dont scream Wrong or Bad or Incorrect to me ykwim...#idk! idk what to do with this. ive never known how to go back and study my own stuff
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Just to throw this out there
#dont get me wrong i like vaultghoul but it is insane the way people are sidelining max#its just so funny people are like “nobody expects the ghoul to be the most popular” as it he isnt the most popular brand of white man#morally gray bad boy#and i like cooper!!! but i dont sideline max at his expense.#i wish more people would just reflect on hmmmm i wonder why im only caring about the white man#anyways asks are on if yall wanna send me death threats or whatever#i know im swinging a bat at a hornets nest#fallout show#fallout#the ghoul#cooper howard#lucy maclean#fallout maximus#vaultghoul#vaultknight#my posts love#stolen from tiktok
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no the "omg ur just a lesbian bc u can't get a man!!!1" thing is SO wild because it's incredibly easy to get a man meanwhile getting a woman (as a woman) is INSANELY difficult. despite what everyone says is2g ~wlw~ have higher standards (with women) than men do with women or women do with men
#god i wish i were a straight man so bad.#they dont know how EASY they have it#truly if theres male incels that cant get any there must be something seriously seriously wrong with them like#either a severe physical deformity or severe issues with hygiene or severe severe autism/mental illness or something just really really bad#i mean REALLY bad#i know i sound like a bitter incel rn thats because i am. leave me alone#and honestly i dont feel like being trans limited my dating pool by much if at all bc tbh? nobody was interested in me in the first place#and like honestly all the ftms i knew irl had more game than me as a ~cis dyke~ so like. Lol.#idk bro maybe i am just that ugly. whatever.
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i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim
#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it#its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me#but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy#hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked#its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags#and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple#its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!!#and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!!#but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is#fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates#but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right'#fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on#yapping
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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time
#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all#like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly#as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating#like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like ‘lmaoooo i did the same thing’#but if u posted that abt a dog….? The Gallows#we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart#i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc#which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still#be wrong if they werent met#its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity#same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane#ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong#like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet#which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years#but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets… in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl#bc they dont show love the same way#well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff#but its smth that rlly upsets me#its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals#like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort#and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it#idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru#like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders#and cant also have complex lives#Tsk. Whateevr
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sometimes self care is drawing your own custom card holder cover
#oh ghostroach lovers u r in luck#my hairpin is the glue holding my id card together and not snapping open 😌#one more week and my internship will end...#which means more time to draw!! until my final exams hit me a wk later#waaaa why did they arrange theory finals AFTER the internship... how r we supposed to sit down and study quietly#after walking around n using the knowledge practically#maybe... i will stream to hold myself accountable... both studying drawing and studying of my finals after my internship ends...#my bedtime schedule will probably remain cooked so might as well use it to my advantage#remains a tentative plan but yeah maybe u guys can come and watch me fumble around and chat#i would love to join a discord but i would just lurk sobs#and i really want to talk with fellow roach and ghostroach enthusiasts!! but im afraid of saying the wrong thing or it can be misunderstood#so in the end i just say nothing which is bad because nobody knows what im thinking until i say it out loud#i just want to let you guys know that i appreciate all your likes comments and tags dearly and i dont know how to respond to them#twt is a direct reply so it doesnt feel weird to just reply#but tumblr feels different to me#rambling
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tumblr needs a "hide follower count" feature because I'm just here to have a little bit of silly fun on this account and treat it like a weird scrapbook but then if I notice follower count goes down as I log out I get a little scared because "oh no did I do something wrong, was I annoying, did I say something bad" etc etc and I'm just... I'm allowed to be annoying here 😭 this is my account for being annoying about fictional characters, I am not here to be popular, I am here to be silly about my blorbos !! and also make some friends along the way if that happens to work out !! but follower count is not something I want to see because my brain is weird about numbers!!
#if i say something bad or wrong though feel free to let me know !!#i do my best to be aware and thoughtful with my words but mistakes are bound to happen#ofc u do not have to let me know lol nobody is required obviously and u can just unfollow but if u want to lmk i said smth weird please do!#if i dont hear anything and lose followers then i'll tell myself either it was a bot or I was just annoying/not to somebody's taste#and i will let it go because otherwise i'll make myself sick worrying about it if i've done smth terrible fdsjkl#o.cd my beloathed !!!!#dandy.cmd#vent //
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🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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my shirt that says "i don't have an eating disorder" has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt
#text#(this is a reference to another tweet i dont have a shirt that says that)#ed tw#weight loss tw#talk about weight in general tw#like yes i eat the same thing almost every single day & have to force myself through every bite#no i dont have an eating disorder#i just have autism and anxiety and its making my life a little bit unliveable at the moment ❤️#i know i also have arfid which yes is an eating disorder but not like. in the way people probably think of if they look at me during#a meal and judge the way im eating and decide they think i have an ed (which i know is anxiety and nobody does that but still)#but i probably wouldnt get diagnosed bc im at a ''healthy weight''#even tho i know that for My Body it's not healthy . i was eating relatively well for a brief period of my senior year of high school#& very briefly my freshman year of college#and i got to around [number] both times#and they were both short periods of time so i still dont know what like. a healthy weight would be For Me and for My body#but i know a doctor would tell me my weight rn is Normal and Good and that if i gain weight thats Bad and Wrong#even though i am definitely not eating enough and not getting enough Fuel For My Body To Work Right#its such bullshit. also i hope whoever invented the bmi kills themself#Well anyway. swagever ive been eating one singular slice of pizza for half an hour so i gotta get back to that
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people on reddit get sooooooo mad whenever you like a game without criticizing it, like sorry im easily impressed and having fun omg? hope ur having fun writing a 15 paragraph essay in the reddit comments about why im wrong for my act 3 opinions, im sure thats a lot more fun than just playing the game you paid money for
#i was like yeah idk i dont personally see anything wrong with act 3 of bg3! im still really enjoying myself and i find the story compelling!#and someone was like You're wrong. Act 3 is objectively the worst act in the entire game. Maybe finish the game before having an opinion.#like maybe try sucking my fat fucking cock before talking to me?#idec if people dislike act 3 like thats totally your right. but dont treat me like im wrong bc i like it lol like what#the whole point is that nobody is wrong........ cuz its an opinion........ crazy i know.........................#everyone on reddit wants to be a debate lord so bad#like dude i literally do not know you at all. stop lecturing me about the ethics of having decent video game opinions#holds my bad video game opinions closely to my heart
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is
#idk. just this one sanctuary that was different from the rest in that all of these spirits only link and a few others#can see are offering you help and safety. care uniquely for you. a bed for YOU. YOUR sword. kept safe for 100 years for YOU.#thrown together shops just for YOU because nobody else goes here or even knows it exists.#and then you return and the people who cared so much about you dont even speak to you anymore#they cant speak. they just stand there#idk korok forest made me feel the most like i fucked up somehow#rito village was bad but still livable. if things got any worse then they would have to abandon home until it settled#but no one was in immediate life threatening danger#gerudo was really REALLY bad and people were in danger. just all crammed inside a bunker. no going into town because your#home doesnt belong to you anymore#and then the zora were ... idk felt the least pressing even though it definitely should be bc like. they breathe water.#if the water is gross theyll die. but idk something about how it was executed felt less terrible#maybe they outwardly expressed more hope? idk. same with the gorons didnt feel like there was a pressing threat#but korok forest is fucking AWFUL. god#idk. nobody in hyrule talks about it because they dont know there are people there. nobody else can see them so nobody knows#somethings wrong. with no lead into it finding korok forest the way it is just feels soooo much worse.#idk. on my first playthru i kind thought i fucked up and shouldve gotten there sooner.#it just feels like no matter what youre too late and its your fault
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when i was a kid the main thing my parents put on the radio (besides country stations/pop) were like 90s alt/grunge stations (mostly lithium on sirius or a couple of FM stations i cant remember the names of) so now thats one of my favorite types of music but also i feel kind of insane when talking about music stuff bc i kind of just assume that like everyone my age was listening to the same stuff so i get so confused like what do you MEAN you dont know the butthole surfers?? they played them like ALL THE TIME!!
#buzzy#tbf they only played the One butthole surfers song bc the rest of their stuff is#well dare i say Experimental mostly#but nobody remembers the presidents of the united states of america#COME ON DUDE LUMP AND PEACHES WERE ON FUCKIN REPEAT HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THEM#not gonna say that this is necessarily the most Obscure Music Ever either bc. well they were hits.#but i am just constantly surprised to learn that no people my age did not in fact mostly listen to that stuff#this isnt even a 'oh i was born in the wrong generation T-T' thing i just genuinely assume that even if ppl dont listen to this stuff#they at least like. know the songs. the same way everyone my age knows britney spears and nasasha beddingfeild#like at least if u dont actively listen to them if u were my age u kno at least a couple of the songs that were played All The Time#so im genuinely surprised like. oh theyre the band who had that song lump! you know lump right? here let me play a bit for you#what do you mean you dont know this. what do you mean you didnt hear it a million times in elementary school???#to be clear i also enjoyed the music that was being released as a#i was growingg up like i listened to pop too but. i just assumed 90s alt/grunge was Also Ubiquitous#'yeah it sounds kind of bad but thats what makes it good. duh.'
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everything feels wrong and gross and i dont know what to do
#✿ weeping willows#i didnt want things to spiral out of control like they did and ive spent all night worrying and feeling sick#i didnt mean to ruin everything#i have a bad tendency of doing it and nobody is telling me how to fix things or what to do#i need to not be a coward for once in my life#but ive already apologized so much it feels wrong to do it more#it feels wrong and i dont know what to do at all#ugh
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ive decided i shall just Not sleep
#moo.txt#im really tired bht i dont. want to let myself sleep#i sont. deserve it#punishment. or whagever#sorry i really do feel bad venting on here all the time because im just forcing everyonr t#*to. well maybe not listen to me but at least look at my thoughts#instead of like just venting to one person or a server or whatever#but its not like i Have anyone to actually properly talk to#im everyones second choice At Best#and this probably sounds depressing but its not like im wrong. whenever i ppst this stuff i get self conscious but im just. saying it how-#-it is.#like yes im just burdening people but thats already what im fucking doing every minute of my life#i could say [REDACTED] and itd probably get ignored regardless so who cares at this point#ive tried so hard to push people away nobody understands. and i keep coming back like a fucking lonely puppy snd just hurting people more#i need to just be put down#i donf know what to do anymore i feel guilty when people dont talk to me i feel guilty when people DO talk to mw because either way its-#-a reaction to whatever ivs said on here typically#i dont Knkw whst i want anymore orher than [REDACTED]#maybe someday ill get angry enough and just stop censoring myself at all but at least right now i wkll#theres no winning with me because its like. i get sent a message About what ive said and i feel extreme guilt. i get sent a message thats-#-off topic and i feel extreme guilt. i dont get messaged at all and i feel extreme guilt#oh whatever im sitting here spiraling and writing a post that nobody except myself is gonna read least of all pay attention to#an extremely suicidal teenager what else is new.
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my two moods while playing jihyun's route are "jihyun i love you, i want you to be safe and happy and love yourself, i want to make sure you know you can trust people and i want you to know that some things just couldn't be avoided because they were the decisions of other people and you couldn't have done anything to help or stop it even if you wanted to, and i know you aren't perfect but i love you anyways because you're trying to get better and improve and thats a beautiful thing." and "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOOSUNG."
#auburn talks mystic messenger <3#okay so idk how long these tags are going to be but i have BEEF with this blond fella.#if you haven't played jihyun's route and dont want spoilers do not read these tags. also tw for suicide.#i get that hes grieving over rika and that she was really special to him#but under ZERO circumstances does that excuse yelling at jihyun and telling him that he was the reason rika killed herself.#that does not excuse telling mc you're jealous of her because she's with rika when you know damn well the situation is dangerous#that does not excuse CONTINUOUSLY saying that you're certain everything rika has done of her OWN VOLITION was jihyun's fault#that does NOT excuse saying that rika almost blinding jihyun was very a good reason.#he is so. fucking out of touch when everything he needs to know is right in front of him.#his denial is so frustrating and the fact that i can't call him out as mc is even more frustrating#you have no fucking right to blame jihyun for everything that happened while simultaneously glorifying rika's actions.#you are absolutely DESPICABLE and i CANNOT believe you. please get your fucking head on straight for the love of every star in the sky.#no have no right to talk about him like that. nobody has any right to talk about him like that. they were both very bad each other-#-and i CANNOT STAND the fact that you're acting like rika could never do any wrong even if she is a hurting soul#stop excusing her actions. you're so shameless and its infuriating.
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