#not 2 b dramatic but everything hurts and crying alone sucks

[crabfin]

When i say ‘i wanna feel loved’ i dnt rlly mean i wanna be in a relationship or that i even want like. Validation and affection from my friends. (evn tho that is nice)

what i rlly want is to be held by someone while i sob uncontrollably and be told that i look pretty even tho we both know thats a damn lie. nobody looks cute crying but u better tell me im the most beutiful person uve ever seen even after ive gotten my tears n snot all over ur jacket

[lizacstuff]

Your thoughts on the epi?

This episode was everything! I don't remember when I've enjoyed crying so much. The funny thing is, though, that I've found myself crying more while rewatching those scenes, than I cried during the first time I watched the episode. This episode will definitely rank among my favorites. Let's talk about the B and C characters and then get to Edser and, of course, Kiraz at the end. I spent the first 30 minutes resisting the urge to punch my screen anytime Ayfer was on it. Damn, I wanted to slap her silly. Could she have been any more annoying? Eda's a grown woman, if she is finally doing the right thing and telling the father of her child he's a dad, then be supportive instead of a screeching pain in the ass. When she actually said "I told you so" to an upset Eda... seriously? That is awful. What a bitter, joyless, petty individual. I was cheering for Melo every time she told Ayfer she was negative. Good! At least we know the other characters recognize how awful she is.

(I get long winded, so this continues under the cut)

Also what was with her going overboard to protect Burak's feelings over his delusional aspirations? Why shouldn't he understand that Serkan and Eda shared a great love and Melo is rooting for them to rekindle it? What does hiding that from him do? It's still true. Ayfer treats this dude as a member of the family, so he might as well know. I get his feelings might get hurt, but dude needs a reality check and to move on, and no matter how hard Ayfer hopes, Serkan in their lives or no, Eda is never going to want Burak. She's made that clear. If Ayfer likes him so much maybe she should marry him, that way at least Melo would be saved from his milquetoast presence.

Speaking of that, they were clearly trying to establish some sort of connection or vibe between him and Melo. So far, I'm not into it. If he's still so into Eda that Ayfer doesn't want him to have to hear about Eda/Serkan possibly reuniting, then he doesn't deserve Melo. Melo deserves someone who wants her, not someone who pines after someone out of his league and then settles for her bff once he realizes he never had a shot with the great beauty. We'll see how it develops, but he has the personality of damp carpet so I don't have high hopes.

Aydan was a little screechy this episode, but I cut her some slack since she just found out these traitors stole 5 years of her granddaughter's life from her. My friend @echoapothecary made a good point to me that Aydan deserves no sympathy for this since she didn't tell Eda Serkan was alive back in amnesia times, and I don't disagree with that. That move by Aydan pretty much tainted her character forever, and it's near impossible to come back from, but viewing this story in a capsule I do feel sorry for her. She wasn't a good mother to Serkan, but she does love him, and I think she craves family. The main point being, Serkan wasn't the only one who lost something significant by not knowing about Kiraz until now, Aydan did too. Perhaps we can say that losing the first five years of her granddaughter's life is her punishment for keeping the secret about Serkan, it's about as steep a penalty as one could pay. Talk about karmic retribution.

Also, since Serkan is apparently not going to impose any emotional tolls on any of the traitors for the secret that was kept from him, I'm glad Aydan did at least make her displeasure known and made some of the liars uncomfortable. Piril, at least, felt it, even if she won't suffer any real consequences. I kind of wanted Serkan to kick her out of the company. I really don't like that character and I think every time she's on screen she just sucks the life out of the show. Engin when he's in scenes with Serkan or Eda or Melo or Aydan or Erdem = Interesting. Engin when he's with Piril = Zzzzzzz.

Pina and Kerem were cute, but to be honest I really don't care. It's inoffensive and I get that we need B, C and D storylines to fill out two hours each week, so I'm good with it, but let's be real I'm only watching for the main event.

Speaking of... now to EDSER! I actually like that Serkan walked out and drove away after hearing the truth. I can only imagine what kind of shock and betrayal he must have felt at that moment, escaping must have seemed like his best option. What I liked even more is that Eda followed him. What a relief after the last episode where she was looking for any and every excuse not to tell him and then made the nonsensical decision to flee in order to avoid it. Too many times in the past between these two pride has gotten in the way. There was a time that Eda might have thrown up her hands at him leaving and pretended like it didn't hurt, that it didn't matter. I'm so glad those days seem to be over. One of the hallmarks of season 2 has been the improved communication (sans secret) between these two and this episode took that concept to a new level.

How heartbreaking to watch Eda plead with Serkan through the door, and how double-y heartbreaking to watch Serkan sitting on the floor, head bent, clearly in emotional agony. You could feel it coming off of him. Kudos to both Hande and Kerem who KILLED IT this episode. Seriously, their best work to date. Their chemistry is always on point, but the way they flawlessly work off of one another in every scene they share, whether it's deeply dramatic or something light and romantic is truly something special to behold. That's one reason why I don't get the folks who are so hung up in hating the season 2 plotline, that they can't appreciate any of this. Because this is the point. Giving these two artists deep and challenging scenes together and opportunities to make more magic. Watching them this season is honestly a privilege and I plan on enjoying every minute of it.

Despite Serkan's emotional turmoil, it was so like him to put the blanket over her and then sit across from her sleeping form as he indulged in some more brooding. However, I really appreciate that by the morning he was ready to talk to her. That conversation was hard, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who was jarred by him saying that he would have told her to get an abortion. In light of his later confessions, I think there's a few ways to take that. I think it was in part a nod to what an emotional mess he was at the time, and in part he said it to alleviate some of her guilt. Because even a betrayed and hurt Serkan cares so much about her, and he knows what he put who through at the time. Especially because at that moment he still had no plans to tell her the truth about why he broke up with her, he was still playing the part of the man who just didn't want children. So stubborn! Thank goodness that over the course of the next 12 hours he'll change his mind about that...

On another note, how happy did it make you to see Sirius? It made me pretty happy. He lives!!!!

From the moment Eda went to his hotel room the night before to confess all the way until they met again at the hotel, Eda really did everything right in how she approached him. However, once back in Sile, she makes her first critical error. It reminded me of the Eda in episode 29 who started pushing so hard at amnesia!Serkan and coming at him with such extreme emotion that he shut down. And that's what happened during that conversation on the beach. Eda needed to give him a little bit of time to come to terms with things, instead of forcing a conversation the first moment they saw one another. Good grief, what was she doing demanding answers from him hours after he found out? She knows this man! She knows that he plans every aspect of his life. So to spring on him that you hid a child from him for 5 years and he's a dad, is a LOT. I like that in a later scene he knows he reacted badly, and actually also says to her "What did you expect?" While his reaction wasn't great, it was also pretty predictable and she should have known to give him some time.

Speaking of the conversation on the beach, what a powerhouse scene for Hande. One note on it, that was the scene they had just shot when Hande and Kerem did their last IGlive on premiere day. The one where Kerem kept talking about how he was in a mood because of an intense scene they had just done. After watching I couldn't help but note that he, as Serkan, mostly just stood there stoically as Hande did all the emoting as Eda let loose on all the pent up emotion she'd been carrying both for years and with Serkan's fresh rejection. It speaks to both their personal and professional dynamic that he was so affected by her being in that state since he didn't do the heavy lifting in that specific scene. The way they are attuned to each other is probably a big reason they are so flawlessly in sync on screen.

I liked how they weaved the Kiraz/Baba scene in at the right time. That was one instance where Aydan, Seyfi and Engin's meddling was for the good, engineering a situation where Serkan was alone with his daughter. Also excellent comedy from Can, ratting out his dad about throwing ice cream on him. Good stuff. I like Engin-as-a-father scenes, I like Engin-as-a-friend scenes, I could just do without Engin-as-a-husband scenes. Anyway, Serkan needed time to adjust, but he also needed to be exposed to Kiraz so that he could view their prior unlikely bond through the new prism of fatherhood. It's telling how easily he slid into Dad territory with teaching her how to tie her shoes. He had been doing that all along, but at that moment he knew about the relationship and still did what was natural. He is ready to be her father, he just needs to realize he's worthy of it.

You can't blame Eda for not realizing it, but it was lovely to see how quickly Serkan turned the corner. He was already adjusting his thinking not even 24 hours after he found out about Kiraz and that was really what inserting himself

into her dealings with the Italians was about. Staying in contact until he could beat back all his neurosis. As for the business stuff, she apparently needed him as an investor, but I also love the way he was there to first build up her confidence and then praise her after a successful presentation. I've said it before but Serkan as her professional mentor is one of my favorite dynamics between them. It did make me wonder, is she still 45% owner of the Holding? It seems like it, she sure didn't hesitate to present herself as his partner. If she is, though, it seems impossible that they could have had zero contact for all those years, unless she just placed her stake in a trust and gave him full voting control of it. Details I'm sure they won't explore in-depth, but I did wonder.

Don't you just love an unwitting guest character (Italian guy) who comes in and forces our two protagonists to spend extra time together? I do. Thank you Italian guy and Italian guy's wife! I love how quick Serkan was to accept, you see, he had already turned a corner and was looking for excuses to get close to her. It was his first step in his journey to opening up to her. Also, who noticed that Eda wore a slinky blue dress the night after Kiraz mentioned that it's Serkan's favorite color? Just checking. She is not as immune to his charms as she'd like us to believe...

OF COURSE Serkan was at Eda's graduation. I think pretty much the whole fandom had guessed that from their conversation in episode 40, but it still hit me emotionally to have it confirmed. What I really liked about it was that Serkan didn't tip his hand by accident. He quoted her graduation speech specifically because he wanted her to know he was there. And not only that he willingly admits that he thought of her every single day since they parted. This is a huge step for him. It has been driving him crazy that Eda thinks he forgot her and is totally unaffected by her. However, even just a few hours earlier he was still in a place where he had no intention to tell her anything, it's actually impressive how quickly he came around. Now I don't blame Eda at all for declaring it's not enough, he put her through emotional hell when they broke up. I mean on one hand you'd think she'd be able to see that he was already opening his heart and there was more to the story, however, her reaction was good because it spurred him on to go and tell her the whole story.

And what a heartbreaking story it was. As I said several times over the last few weeks, I was hoping that part of Serkan's motivation was that the doctor had told him he would be unable to have kids, what I wasn't expecting though was the double whammy of not being able to have kids AND there being a 70% chance of the cancer coming back. No wonder Serkan was eFFed up! Who wouldn't be, but then you add in his additional insecurities about not being worthy of love and his hypochondria and that is a bad mental cocktail. You know what's ironic, Ayfer hates him but in reality he did exactly what Ayfer would have wanted him to do. Push Eda away for her own good so she could have everything she wants in life without him dragging her down. What makes Ayfer the worst (and a hypocrite) is that this is exactly what she would have wanted him to do, but she also blames him for Eda's heartbreak in the aftermath.

The scene was so cathartic to watch as a viewer. We've been waiting for weeks for Serkan's point of view as he's hidden behind his usual confident and calm veneer, and when we finally got it, we really got it. He did not hold back. Serkan is such a complex character, which is a bit surprising for a silly show that you wouldn't really expect build a character with so many layers. On the surface he has everything and seems to be full of ego, but his arrogance is only surrounding his abilities, intellect, and skills as a businessman and architect. Personally, he has little self-worth and thinks he's not worthy of anyone's love, especially not Eda's. However, while that has been a truth of the character for a long time, this speech was the first time he admitted how deeply rooted his fears are. It was stunning, though, to have a character who is so rooted in being in control and who is worried about his outward image, open up in such a raw way and expose all his fears and insecurities to a woman he's been apart from for five years. It was breathtaking and Kerem was fantastic in the scene.

Initially, with the subtitles, I misinterpreted (though I knew it couldn't be quite right) his parting words. The subtitles I saw made it seem like Serkan was saying "Don't say you forgot me" as in Serkan didn't want Eda to say she forgot him. But it made so much more sense when I saw it translated as "But don't say I forgot you." which was a throw back to their dinner conversation in episode 40 when Eda says, "You forgot me." Once I realized Serkan was saying that he couldn't handle her thinking, or say, that he'd forgotten her, the scene hit doubly hard!

I saw some criticism of that scene that said Eda was just standing there with no emotion, but I didn't get that at all. She had tears running down her face and I thought she was fighting for his soul pretty dang hard. First by using both emotion-- telling him that everything had changed because now he had a daughter and that he'd locked his heart and soul in a cage. Then by using logic-- when she told him the cancer is gone and that's it's over and when she challenged him over why everything has to be perfect. Think from her perspective how disorienting it would be to find out that everything you thought was true, was not, and that if the love of your life wasn't such a stubborn, selfless, self-sabotaging martyr that you could have built a family together instead of been separated for 5 years. It's a lot.

On the first watch this doorway scene is where I started to get emotional, but I didn't really lose it and fully cry until Serkan's scene the next day with Engin. For whatever reason that scene hit me hard. Hats off to Anil for his work there, the way his voice broke at times during that conversation really got to me. This type of true friendship scene was something that was sorely missing during the era of the other writers, and it was wonderful to see it back, just when Serkan needed it most. Serkan needed someone to shake him a bit about his fears of dying. I think the writers did a good job here, because while Serkan's neurosis and self-sabotage is maddening, with his history it's believable that he was stuck in a headspace where he really thought he couldn't be a father to Kiraz, or a partner to Eda, because he might up and die on them. I loved how Engin pointed out that Eda and Kiraz would not be the only ones affected if he died and how ridiculous it was for him to lock himself away.

I'm glad we got the scene with the doctor to really get a full glimpse of Serkan's view of his illness and it's also a relief to not only Serkan, but to us viewers that since five years have passed cancer-free he now has the risk of a typical healthy person. Serkan isn't the only one who has hang ups about his health, I think after amnesia and cancer viewers do too!

Finding out that Eda had made videos specifically for Serkan over the years, talking to him directly, hit hard. I wasn't really expecting that. I thought maybe she just had general photos and videos, like any doting parent would have, but the fact that she was always wanting him, documenting Kiraz's life and preparing for a day when he would hopefully take his place as Kiraz's father... wow. On the cynical side it makes it that much harder to believe that she never made more of an effort to tell him once Kiraz was born, but I won't focus on that. Not when the scene was as perfect as it was. Kerem again was stellar, he made me cry buckets. I think since amnesia many of us wanted an emotional response from him, thank goodness this story finally delivered it. The emotions running through him at that moment were overwhelming and Kerem did a fantastic job of portraying all of them, the heartbreak over everything he missed, the joy at seeing moments

from his daughter's life, the regret of not being there and being the partner Eda needed, the pride in the job Eda did in raising their daughter alone, and finally the bittersweet relief that Eda never forgot him.

It was a lot, but it was a good segue to the next scene when Eda calls him frantic because Kiraz went missing. What was clear from those videos was that while Eda, when we first meet her in Sile, appeared on the surface to have everything handled as a single mom, she always really wanted to have Serkan there as her partner. While Kiraz was pining for her dad, Eda was pining for Serkan as well. And we see this displayed in full force when Serkan arrives. Several people try to comfort Eda, including Burak, but she's not having it. However, as soon as Serkan gets there you can almost see the relief hit her in a wave. She's not in this alone anymore. Kiraz's father is there to help. Even if nothing is settled at that moment, she knows she can rely on Serkan and that he will know what to do. Which is supported by the fact that he clearly took charge the moment he found out, calling the authorities, having them begin searches etc.

But while highlighting his competence, conversely can we talk about how incompetently everyone else was at searching for Kiraz? They all acted worried, but did any of them make any real effort to find her? LMAO, they all seemed much more concerned with their own personal dramas. Especially egregious were Engin and Piril. Hello! Your son is clearly trying to tell you where the missing person is! Stop ignoring him. Thank goodness Serkan is very good at finding people.

Of course he found her and our hearts collectively shattered as we watched her trying to send a message to her Baba in space when in reality he was kneeling right there beside her, helping her tie the note to the balloon. If anything else was left to convince Serkan that he is wanted and needed, by both Eda and Kiraz, this situation was it. Even though some careless crew member spoiled the astronaut suit in an unnecessary IG story from the set, (that would have been a really good surprise) it was still satisfying to see this fairy tale play out. Never over "Baba?" and "Happy Birthday, my daughter" and now I can't wait to see Kiraz's reaction that her new friend Serkan Bolat is actually her dad and it should be pretty great to watch the three of them form a family together.

Overall this was the most emotional episodes of the series, and also one of the best.

[extratragic]

kissing you (missing you 2)

pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

warning: hints at sex. i think i said ‘fuck’ a few times

word count: 1555

summary: it’s the end of summer and time to see if the begging paid off

read part 1 here

   The begging started about a week after your family got to Outer Banks. 

At first, you would ask your parents during breakfast. You’d drop subtle hints and when they didn’t catch on, you just flat out asked before anyone had the time to take a bite of their food. 

Once they got sick of you after three weeks, you got your friends to ask. They were already planning the ways they would ask, but they weren’t going to act on anything until you gave them the green light. 

When JJ would come to pick you up, he would bluntly tell them that it would be best for everyone if you stayed here. 

“Trust me, I act much better when she’s around. More mature, less bull sh-crap. All the good stuff. And she’s like our safe haven, you know? She’s not as crazy as the rest of us.”

You wouldn’t admit that the way he was talking about you was making you totally fall more in love with him. 

Kie was a little bit more subtle. She’d throw hints here and there about an empty guest room and a dramatic sigh when your parents would talk about leaving at the end of summer. 

Her subtle hints were far better than your ‘I like the weather here’ bull. 

Pope would try to be a sweetheart about it and take a logical route (teenage logical) and tell your parents’ weird facts that just might help convince them. They probably didn’t help, but it was really sweet that he was trying so hard. He got pretty flustered in front of your dad, so that was pretty adorable. 

John B would try to guilt-trip them, telling them that he could have another friend to keep him company when he felt lonely.

You just about lost it when he started fake crying. Neither of your parents bought it, so John B was definitely the failed back up plan. 

When summer was almost over and your parents were talking to their bosses about coming back, you had given up hope. They’d been working from their computers the whole summer, and when you heard your dad’s boss say that he was excited to see your dad again, it kind of hurt. 

Sure, you made friends there, but the people at your school really sucked and you never formed a friendship past the ‘school friends’ part. You wouldn’t miss a damn thing from New York. Everyone knew that you just fit in Outer Banks. It wasn’t always crowded, so you could actually breathe without feeling like you’d have an anxiety attack, and you just looked peaceful here. 

Outer Banks was your home. The Pogue’s were your home. 

-

The day was finally here. 

You said goodbye to your friends that morning and now you were walking into the Airbnb that you’d been staying in for the last time. You walked into your room, frowning at the packed suitcases (and the extra duffel bag full of your friends’ clothes).

JJ gave you three of his hoodies and you almost cried. He didn’t have a lot of hoodies, mostly just random t-shirts and muscle tees, so when he offered you your three favorites, you kissed that boy like you were dying. 

It took no time for the two of you to fall back into routine with each other. When you were with the group you’d limit the kissing to a few pecks and the PDA never went further than holding hands. But when you guys were alone, your time was spent making out, going way further than making out, snuggling after, deep pillow talks, anything that you two thought of. JJ couldn’t get enough of you and you could never get tired of looking at him or listening to him. 

He talked about how it’s been bad with his dad, but he was with John B more often so he wasn’t getting hit much, and you tried to cheer him up with stories about the dumb things you did when he wasn’t around. You weren’t one to talk about deep things. You’d always listen, but JJ made you talk to him. Well, he didn’t make you, but he made you feel comfortable enough to share everything with him.

Kie gave you one of her Sherpa’s, Pope gave you two of his hats (one that had ‘Heyward’s’ on it), and John B gave you an unnecessary amount of bandanas. 

Kiara was always your best friend. The two of you were inseparable, even during her Kook year. She was there for you through everything. Something happened at school that the boys wouldn’t understand? She was your personal therapist. Sarah Cameron made Kie feel isolated and lonely at school? You stood up for her in any situation. The two of you had each other's backs no matter what. 

Pope was always sort of a safety blanket. He was a nervous wreck, but he always made you feel safe even in the craziest situations with the group. When Kooks came around your group and he noticed how your breathing quickened and your eyes just barely clouded over, Pope was right there to calm you down. If you needed to study and everyone else kept distracting you, Pope would kick them out and help you ace your test. Pope was the definition of a good friend. 

John B was the chaotic one in your eyes. Sure, JJ was chaotic, but he was your sweetheart. It seemed like all of his crazy stories happened when you weren’t around. John B never hesitated to do something crazy, like stand on the edge of the roof of a house. He kept you on your toes and really brought out your fun, carefree side. He was also a safe haven in your eyes. If you needed an escape, his house was open with no questions asked. John B was solid and also all over the place.

“Come on, princess. Your new home is waiting,” your dad said.

“Yeah- what? New home?” You asked.

“The Carrera’s are waiting,” he grinned.

It took you a few seconds to fully process, but then it finally set in.

“I’m staying?!” You yelled.

“With a Jeep,” he sighed, holding out a pair of keys. 

Your eyes widened even more and you screamed, running over to him and hugging him tightly. He just laughed and hugged you back, explaining to your mom that you now knew when she walked up the stairs. She smiled and joined in on the hug. 

At some point, you started crying.

“Oh, baby. Why are you crying?” Your mom asked, laughing lightly. 

“I’m so happy. You guys are the best parents ever,” you said, laughing while still crying. 

The three of you looked like a huge mess. Both of your parents had tears in their eyes but all of you were still smiling and laughing. 

“We’re dropping you off at the Carrera’s before we leave. And we’ll be back here in a few weeks with the rest of your clothes and anything else you want us to bring. We might have realized how much we miss this place, too,” your dad told you.

You nodded and hugged them again. Nothing at all could ruin this moment. 

-

After getting everything into the guest room at Kie’s house, you had almost an hour-long talk with Kie’s parents and your parents. It was mostly about you behaving yourself and starting to work at The Wreck. Thankfully, Mr. C agreed when you begged to have the same shifts as Kiara. He knew how well the two of you worked together.

Not to brag, but you always had been his favorite of her friends.

After the long talk and a long, tearful goodbye, your parents left. You were right behind them, but you were on your way to John B’s house instead of the ferry. The group planned to spend the day on the boat, and if they were actually on time, they would be leaving in five minutes. 

You ran down the dock behind John B’s house after parking and turning off the Jeep, almost falling into the HMS before he could drive off.

“What the fuck?” Kie asked.

You held your pointer finger up and took a few deep breaths before standing up straight.

“First of all, how fucking dare you try to leave without me. Second of all, say hello to your newest permanent resident of OBX,” you told them.

They all started cheering and JJ picked you up, spinning around.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, tangling your fingers in his pretty blonde hair. 

“Oh, God. It’s back,” John B groaned. 

“Is it too late to send her back?” Pope asked. 

You flipped the two of them off while still kissing JJ. Kie just laughed. When the kiss ended, JJ was grinning and looking at you like a lovesick puppy. 

“I’m so in love with you,” he said. 

The statement shocked you. You knew that he loved you, everyone knew, but he’d never admitted it out loud before. 

“I’m so in love with you,” you laughed giddily. 

“Fucking finally,” Kie groaned.

The five of you sat down in your spots and John B pulled away from the dock, driving down the stream to wherever the group chose to stop. 

You were finally home. 

[full-of-roman-angst-trash]

Blind and Naive

(You are here) (Part 2) (Part 3)

TW: Unsympathetic Virgil, Abusive Virgil, Unsympathetic Patton, Unsympathetic Logan? (Not really), Abused Roman, Toxic Prinxiety, Abusive Relationship, Verbal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Fighting, Dismissal of Feelings, Cursing, Manipulation, Belittling, Gaslighting, Guilt-tripping, Body Shaming, Self-Harm, Self-Doubt, Anorexia, Self-Deprecation, Negative Body Image, Roman lashes out at Janus, and A LOT of Roman angst

If I missed any, please tell me and I will add it.

Word count: 3970

____

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

The question rings in my ears and I feel my brain desperately trying to think of an answer.

I know I don’t like Virgil, at least not in a romantic sense. But at the same time, I know that if we start dating, most of the fandom will be ecstatic. We are one of the most popular ships in the fandom after all.

Come on Roman, give the fans what they want. How do you expect to be the favorite if you can’t satisfy them or please them because of a selfish reason? And either way, what can go wrong? Maybe you might even fall for Virgil eventually.

I take a deep breath and nod, putting on an excited smile, “Yes!”

____

It had all started okay. We had announced our relationship to the fandom and most of them were happy! Of course, there were the few that didn’t like our relationship and those who were indifferent but that was fine. I even started to grow feelings for Virgil!

Everything was fine…

But then… Something… 

Changed...

____

“Roman! You promised we were going to have a movie night today!”

I look down, the guilt in my chest growing more and more with every second that passes.

“I know... But I really need to finish this script… I’m so sorry Virgil… I promise I will make it up to you...!” My voice is hushed and weak

Suddenly, he starts to cry and I feel my heart sink.

“YOU PROMISED ROMAN! YOU CARE MORE ABOUT A DUMB SCRIPT THAN ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND!?” His voice is shaky and filled with hurt.

“No, no, no! T-that’s not it! I promise! I-I j-just-”

He cuts me off with a sharp slap that makes my cheek sting and ache. 

“IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HANG OUT WITH ME AND TREAT ME RIGHT THEN MAYBE WE SHOULD BREAK UP!” He starts crying harder before looking away from me.

I feel tears begin to prick my eyes and my body begin to shake.

“I-I’m s-sorry! P-please d-don’t leave me!”

Please...! I don’t want the fandom to hate me even more...! I don’t want dad to get mad at me...! I don’t want to be alone again...! I d-don’t want to lose you...!

Despite my best efforts, I feel the tears in my eyes begin to spill and roll down my face. 

“We can have movie night! I-I can just do my work another day!” I cringe when I hear the heavy desperation in my voice.

I hear Virgil sigh before he turns to face me. He suddenly isn’t crying anymore and instead he just has an annoyed expression on his face.

“Fine,” His voice is so cold it forces a shiver to run down my spine, “I won’t break up with you. Now shut up and stop crying. You look so fucking pathetic.”

Pathetic...

I go to reply but before I can, I hear Virgil mumble, “So much for being a prince...”

A true prince isn’t a whiny crybaby! Stop being such a little bitch! You were in the wrong, so why are YOU crying!? He had every right to be mad at you!

I quickly wipe my tears away and force myself to calm down, “Sorry...”

He gives me a tight smile, “It’s fine. Now, put the movie on, and let’s cuddle on the couch.”

I smile a little and nod. He sits down on the couch as I put the movie on. Once the movie is on, I sit next to him on the couch and rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around me and pulls me close, and I can’t help but smile more. 

See, if you’re good, he’ll be nice to you! All you have to do is follow his rules and stay on his good side. How hard can that be...?

____

Virgil looks up at me, a disgusted expression on his face. 

“Are you seriously going to eat all that?” His voice comes out harsh and judgmental.

Disgusting pig...

I look down at my plate and hold back a wince. Now that I was actually paying attention to it, the amount of food on my plate made my stomach turn. 

Are you blind!? Why did you get so much food!? Aren’t you already fat enough!? If you want to be perfect stop being such a pig! How can anyone ever love someone as fat and disgusting as you!? STOP EATING! Fill up on water or something! Count your calories more! YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!

I swallow the lump in my throat and look back up at Virgil, “N-no... I accidentally got too much food... Of course, I wasn’t planning on eating all this...”

Virgil’s expression quickly changes from disgust to anger. He slams his hands on the table as he stands up, the sudden loud noise and movements make me flinch.

“BULLSHIT! DON’T LIE TO ME! WHAT TYPE OF BOYFRIEND ARE YOU!? FIRST YOU’RE GREEDY AND THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO LIE ABOUT IT!?”

Greedy...

I cover my face with my hands to try and hide the fear in my face, “N-no! I-I swear...! I-I didn’t mean to g-get so much f-food!”

A scoff escapes his lips, “Fine... If you’re not going to tell me the truth then have it your way.”

He stands up and starts walking back to his room.

I reach out to him, “W-wait...” My voice is weak and shaky.

Useless...

He stops but doesn’t bother to glance at me or anything, “You’re sleeping in the basement today. And don’t you dare show yourself until you’ve lost some weight.”

And with that, he leaves.

My shaky knees give out, I fall to the floor, gripping my hair tightly and biting my lip as I try to stop myself from crying.

Don’t you dare cry! Stop being so sensitive! If you weren’t such a fuck up, he wouldn’t have gotten mad at you! Stop being so stupid and do something right for once! You let him down! You should have known better! Go to the basement and start planning your meals...

I slowly stand up and grab my plate, the site of it almost making me puke. I quickly throw away the food in the trash and put the plate in the sink. Then I make my way to the basement.

____

“Roman, stop being so dramatic.”

I flinch a little and keep my eyes glued to the floor. I couldn’t help but fidget with my hands desperately and ineffectively trying to stop my tears.

Dramatic... 

“I-I’m sorry...- I-I just...- Y-you said...-” I trip over my words, the ever-growing lump in my throat not helping to make the situation easier.

He scoffs, “Stop lying, I didn’t even say anything about you.”

I bite my tongue, “B-but you d-did... Y-You said-”

The second I realize what I said I cut myself off. 

Nononononono!!! Y-you idiot! He’s going to get mad at you!

Before I can apologize he walks up to me and pinches my arm, making me grimace.

“ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR!? I DIDN’T CALL YOU ANNOYING! IF ANYONE IS A LIAR, IT’S YOU!”

Liar...

I feel myself start to hyperventilate as I wrap my arms around my stomach tightly, “Y-you’re right... I-I’m sorry... Y-you would n-never say that...”

“Whatever,” Virgil steps away from me, “Have you eaten?”

I hug my stomach tighter at the mention of eating and shake my head, unable to force myself to speak.

He walks back over to me and puts a hand on my chin. He lifts my head and has me look at him, a smile on his face.

“Good, I’m glad you’re following the rules. As a reward, we can go cuddle in my room.”

A bright smile creeps into my face. I nod excitedly and we sink down to his room. At first, it was going great, but then, Virgil’s room began to affect me. I was getting more and more anxious but I ignored it.

Don’t ruin this nice moment! You’re always begging for attention, and you finally got it. DON’T MESS IT UP! You’re lucky he even agreed to cuddle after you accused him of lying. 

I stay quiet and just cuddle closer to Virgil, when he holds me closer I almost completely forget about my growing anxiety. 

____

At first, our arguments and insults stayed out of the videos. But soon, they began to leak through

“So do I, but I’m not like THAT.” 

Sorry... I just really like Disney...

“And as usual, you were completely unnecessary.”

Unnecessary....

“Prince, I got to say you do impress me, by being a clueless moron all the time.”

Clueless moron...

“Even Prince knew that.”

I get it... I’m the dumbest...

“Don’t encourage him.”

I’m just trying to do my job... I just want to be listened to...

“If it’s not original, haven’t we all lost?”

I’m trying! It’s harder than you think!

“You tried, you failed.”

Failed... I’m a failure...

“Princey, you are done, give it up!”

NO! I can’t give up! I can’t let him down!

“Princey, you could never let me down,” Thomas said in a sincere voice but I couldn’t help and be skeptical.

“No?” Said Virgil in a surprised and doubtful voice.

He doesn’t believe in me....

“They’re also determined and chivalrous.” Explained Thomas.

“And this is the one Roman thinks he’s in?” Asked Virgil in a fake whisper.

I guess he doesn’t think I’m determined or chivalrous... Am I that delusional to think I am...?

“I’m not evil!” I desperately called out.

“Says who?” Virgil quickly shot back.

E-evil... I can’t be evil... I’m supposed to be good...

“I so liked the original idea that I misinterpreted.”

Is my idea not good enough...?

“I tried to course-correct, but you wouldn’t let me.”

I just wanted a bit of control for once...

“Whatever, you know you screwed it up.”

Like I always do...

“All I’m saying is that you both suck at what you do and I’m tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butt”

I suck at my job... But at least I have Virgil to fix my mistakes...

“Wow, you are, unbelievably extra any chance you get.”

Extra... Always too extra...

“You know Roman, it’s too bad your brain isn’t as big as that chin.”

I’m not dumb... I-I’m not...

“It’s a puppet bit, just ignore them.”

Ignore me like always, right...?

“Too bad your “big admission�� is dwarfed by your gargantuan failures.”

All I ever do is fail...

“Okay, you can stop.”

I’m just being myself....

“Shut up!”

Sorry...

“Princey, Princey, Princey, so naive.”

Naive...?

“Are you seriously siding with Deceit?”

I’m just trying to give him a chance...

“What are you- the jury decides if he’s guilty!”

So he only cares to correct me...?

____

I can’t take it anymore...! I-it hurt so much...!

I stand in front of my mirror, a feeling of hurt and loneliness corrupting my heart. My eyes are bloodshot red and tears flowed down my face at an alarming rate. My whole body was shaking and my breathes were shaky. 

Ugly! Stupid! Your shoulders aren’t broad enough! Your thighs are too wide! Your stomach is too big! Your neck is too fat! Your arms too heavy! You aren’t perfect enough! You’re still eating too much! Why are you still not good enough?! 

I curl my hands into a fist, my shaking becoming increasingly worse with every passing second. Suddenly, I’m no longer able to look at my own reflection.

Before I knew it, a loud crash filled my ears and I felt my knuckles sting. I looked at the mirror. It was now cracked and bloody. I look down at my knuckles, they were full of blood. 

But to my surprise, the pain felt... 

Good...

It hurts... My knuckles sting and ache... but... I like it... It feels nice... 

____

Eventually, I just gave up.

“Roman! You messed everything up again!”

“Sorry.”

I stopped fighting.

“Stop being dramatic. We all know that you’re just trying to get attention.”

“You’re right. Sorry,” I plastered a smile on my face.

I followed everything he said.

“Can’t you just come up with something good for once!? Stop wasting our time with your useless shitty ideas!”

I nod, “I’ll try harder, I promise.”

I just agreed.

“You’re still not skinny enough. Are you even trying!?”

“I am trying, I’m sorry, I’ll do more.”

I stayed silent and out of the way. I continued to skip meals. I kept self harming. Every day, things got worse and worse. But, at least, I still have Virgil.

____

They told me that if anything is bothering me to reach out. I slowly walk to the couch where Logan and Patton were sitting. I stand a few feet in front of them but neither of them acknowledged me.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat, finally getting their attention.

“Salutations Roman,” Logan said, looking up from his book, “Is there something that you require us for?”

I awkwardly avoid eye contact and mumble, “I, Um... Need to get some things off my chest...”

Logan raises a brow and fully sets his looks down, “Okay?”

While Logan seems to be somewhat interested, Patton just rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but hurry up, I was watching a movie,” Patton’s voice is harsh, making me flinch.

I see Logan give Patton a disappointed and displeased face, but Patton just ignores him.

I take another deep breath.

Just say it... It’s okay... T-they’ll believe me... R-right...?

After a few more seconds of debating with myself, I quietly mutter out, “V-Virgil, h-has b-been v-verbally a-abusing m-me...”

There’s a beat of silence. No longer than a couple of seconds. But, it feels like forever.

“Really Roman?” Patton’s voice cuts through the silence like a sharp knife, his tone annoyed and disappointed.

I put my head down and squeezes my eyes shut, “Y-yes...”

Patton’s sighs heavily and responds in a flat, unamused tone, “Roman, I’m disappointed in you. First, you’re mean to Virgil and now you’re lying about him abusing you!? Aren’t you supposed to be a prince? What type of prince lies about their significant other? Especially after he was was nice enough to forgive you for being so rude and gave you a chance.”

Pain and betrayal hit me like a truck going full speed. 

“I-I’m not l-lying!” I start shaking. I turn to Logan expectantly but to my surprise, he just looks away with a distraught expression on his face.

“Go to your room, Roman,” I don’t turn my attention back to Patton, instead I just start walking away.

As I leave, I hear Patton mumble to himself, “And to think that I labeled him the good one.”

I run to my room, making sure to slam the door as I go in.

They don’t care! They said they cared! They said we were friends! That we had each other’s backs! Was it all a lie!? Am I really that stupid and naive!? Why don’t they love me...? What did I do!?

I flop down on my bed, but I don’t cry, I felt like crying and I wanted to, but I couldn’t. So, I just lay there on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling numb and broken.

____

I’m done! Enough is enough! I can’t do this anymore! They don’t care about me! None of them do! They all hate me! EVEN Thomas hates me now! I was supposed to be his hero! I was supposed to be the good one! 

I grip my sash tightly before ripping it off and tearing it to rags.

I don’t deserve it! Just like I don’t deserve any love and attention! I’m not good enough! I never will be! It isn’t fair!

I take off my prince costume, now only wearing the black shirt I usually wear underneath it. I take the shirt of my costume and quickly rip it up as well.

They chose a liar over me!? Why!? I’ve been trying so hard to prove myself to them! I kill myself to try and come up with creative ideas! I forced myself to change to meet their standards! I tore myself apart to please them!

I fall to the floor in defeat. A feeling of numbness suddenly washing over all my guilt, pain, sadness, and anger. Yet, even when I feel nothing but empty and numb, the tears won’t stop.

I followed Thomas’ request and tried to get rid of Virgil, only to get antagonized and proved wrong. So I tried my hardest to be nice to Virgil yet he is allowed to abuse and insults me all he wants! Then when I try to stand up for myself I get attacked by Thomas, Patton, and the fandom! I tried to be nice to De-Janus to show them I changed, and I’m wrong! So, I try being mean to him like they told me to be, and I’m wrong again! Nothing I ever do is right! Suddenly, Patton can be wrong just like everything we’ve known our whole life!

My wrist hurt, and I feel the blood of my multiple wounds running down my arm. My lungs begin to sting and burn, my throat clamps up keeping any air from reaching my lungs, my chest aches, and I start feeling lightheaded.

I want somebody... Anybody... I just need someone...

But who...? I’m all alone... I have nobody...

...Remus...

____

I stand outside of Remus’ room.

This is a bad idea... What if he laughs at me...!? But... He’s the only person I have left... 

I slowly knock on the door, cursing myself when I see how shaky my hand is.

After what seems like forever, the door opens and Remus looks at me with a shocked and concerned face.

“Roman?! What happened!? You look like shit! Are you okay!?” He slowly takes a step towards me and pulls me into a hug.

The second he hugs me, I fall apart again. 

Chocked sobs shake my body and I cling to Remus, hiding my face in his shoulder. I hear Remus sigh softly and he gently ushers me inside. He leads me to his bed and sits both of us down.

“Shhh, it’s okay Ro. You’re okay, just breathe.” 

I flinch slightly at how gentle and soft Remus’ voice is before nodding slightly. I start taking shaky deep breaths.

I don’t know how much time passes, but I eventually calm down. I slowly pull away from Remus and look down.

“I-I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to just come and burden you after all these years of ignoring you...” Despite how hard I try, my voice stays weak and tiny.

Remus, gently puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize, you aren’t burdening me.”

I bite my lip, “A-are you sure...? I-I s-started crying... and b-bothering you with my i-issues...”

Remus hugs me again and softly says, “Roman. You aren’t a burden and you’re not bothering me. Just because you started crying doesn’t mean you have to apologize. It’s okay to cry.”

W-what...? But Virgil always said that I shouldn’t cry...? He says I’m just being annoying and self-centered... W-was he lying..?

I hesitantly nod, hugging Remus back, “Okay...”

Suddenly, I feel someone on the bed shift a bit and my heart sinks. 

S-someone else is here?!

I pull away from the hug and look behind me, not sure what to expect. The face staring back at me immediately makes all my anger come rushing back to me.

“What are you doing here, Snake?” My voice comes out harsher than I expected it to but I can’t be bothered to care.

I see Janus flinch slightly and Remus sighs.

“Ro, that was mean... Apologize to Jan.”

A-apologize... 

My heart drops and it suddenly becomes impossible to breathe. I feel Remus go to pull me into another hug but I push him away and quickly stand up.

“APOLOGIZE!? WHY DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE!?” At this point I’m crying and shaking again, but this time, they’re tears of anger, “AFTER EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE TO ME, I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD!”

“Roman, I-” Janus starts but I quickly cut him off.

“YOU PRETENDED TO BE PATTON AND HAD ME PRANCE AROUND ON A STAGE, EXPLOITING MY TRUST AND SOMETHING I LOVE! THEN YOU MADE ME THE STUPID JUDGE IN YOUR DUMB TRIAL AND PRETENDED TO BE MY FRIEND! AND WHEN I DIDN’T AGREE WITH YOU, YOU PUNISHED ME BY HAVING MY BROTHER HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS MORNING STAR! YOU FILLED MY HEAD WITH FAKE COMPLIMENTS, POKING AT MY INSECURITIES AND MY DESPERATION FOR SOME SORT OF PRAISE AND LOVE!” My voice quivers and shakes. 

At this point, I see tears form in the corner of Janus’ eyes, but I continue, mostly because I just NEED to rant.

“YOU USED ME JUST TO GET LISTENED TO! AND I GET IT! IT SUCKS TO BE IGNORED! BUT THAT DOESN’T JUSTIFY YOUR SHITTY ACTIONS! LOGAN GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM MANIPULATING OTHERS! I GET IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE ME EXPLOITING OTHERS WEAKNESS! REMUS GETS IGNORED AND YOU DON’T SEE HIM USING OTHERS! THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO BE LISTENED!” My voice breaks off, unable to continue screaming.

I laugh, the laugh heavily laced with bitterness and sadness, then I crumple to the floor. 

“I-I have a r-right t-to...- T-to...-” I cut myself off and just cry into my hands, going from angry frustrated tears to sorrowful tears.

I hear both of them slowly stand up, Remus takes a knee next to me while Janus sits in front of me. I feel Remus starts to slowly and gently rub my back.

“Roman,” Janus’ voice is soothing and gentle, making me look up at him.

His face is full of guilt and the tears that pricked his eyes a few seconds ago were now slipping down.

“I’m SO sorry,” He continues, “I know what I did is wrong and that it seriously hurt you. I know that a sorry won’t fix the mess I’ve caused. And I know that nothing I do will change the past. But, I really am sorry. You don’t have to forgive me yet, you can forgive me when you are ready. For now, just breathe, everything will be okay.” 

I don’t have the strength to argue, not anymore. All I do is give him a small nod in response and start slowly breathing.

Remus starts slowly breathing with me while Janus whispers reassurance, and it surprising helps, a lot. I continue breathing, and slowly start calming down.

It will be okay...?

____

“How are you feeling Ro?” Remus asks in a gentle calming voice.

I smile a little and quietly mumble, “I feel slightly better. Thank you.”

He nods, smiling softly, “Of course Ro.”

“So,” I turn my attention to Janus, “Do you think you’re ready to tell us what happened?” He keeps his voice super gentle and soothing.

His tone helps keep me calm and I slowly nod, “Yeah...”

They both look at me, and I can’t help but feel a warmth in my heart.

They’re willing to listen to me... They’re actually going to listen... 

I take a deep breath, ready to just get everything off my chest.

____

To be continued.

I finally finished! This took so long, but I really liked it. Also, kinda sucks that this had to come out on Roman’s birthday, but I really didn’t want to post it any later. So, yeah, part 2 will be out soon. Later! 

Tell me if you want to be tagged or removed.

@anti-virgil  @romanvirgil  @yeet-ceit  @nachosforfree  @unsympathetic-virgil @sanders-sides-soap-box   @virgil-negativity  @a-gay-angel @potatsanderssides @sapphire-knight  @a-small-snidget @easterpop-reblogs @nostarsinthedark @itriedandimtired @cemmy @unus-janus

[lady-charinette]

Advice on how to write a death scene? Like say an akuma or hawkmoth or mayura or anyone kills off a certain hero?

I have writer's block since November last year, so this advice will probably suck big time but..

Create the right atmosphere

People tend to write about the one dying mostly, but I also found it's pretty impactful when you describe the reactions around them when it happens. If its Chat dying by Hawkmoth, show LB's reaction ("the sound of his lady's anguished cries stung worse than the hole in his chest") for example. Or if the rest of the heroes are there, do some of them go into a vengeful rage? (Imagine: Carapace rushing towards Hawkmoth to repeatedly slam his shield against him in rage, Rena moving to help LB stop Chat's bleeding, Queen B crying loudly on her knees...etc.)

Also: was it raining? Was it a long strained battle (the final fight with Hawkmoth? Up against Mayura and Hawkmoth?)

Actions/Plot

What had happened before the death? Again, was it in the middle of a fight/the big battle? Was Chat taking a blow for Ladybug? Saving a civilian? Fighting a swarm of akumas alone while LB is down, getting overwhelmed? Was he injured beforehand? How did he get injured? ("Damn, now I know why Plagg always felt so guilty about the dino's, my ribs are killing me." Getting stabbed by Hawkmoth's cain: "Just my luck, it wasn't a walking stick like I thought the old man used.")

Was it a slow death? (His breath was ragged, every breath felt like a fight for air and every spasm of his body made everything burn like he was on fire. Not even one of Ryuuko's misplaced lightning strikes had hurt as much as this.)

Or was it shocking, quick? (Chat Noir stared into the wide eyed gaze of Hawkmoth, those all too familiar steel eyes staring back at him in stunned silence. The sharp blade of the cane was embedded into his stomach, burst of warmth and liquid made him feel cold and hot at the same time. He was bleeding. Was he? He felt dizzy, lost, he sought the embrace of his mother. Of his lady. But before he could feel her touch one last time, his body hit the ground.)

Emotional toll

Who killed whom? Hawkmoth killing Chat Noir. Ugh. Do they know each-other's identities? Shock factors to consider: Gabriel knows who Chat Noir is, Adrien doesn't know who Hawkmoth is.(1) Both know. (2) They find out after Chat de-transforms from the impact of his wounds (3) Adrien doesn't know until the very end, when Hawkmoth collapses next to him and cries:"My dear son..." (4)

Flashbacks to his past life, thinking of Emilie, of them as a family, not knowing what's worse, his heart ripping in two or his stomach.

Chat trying to comfort Ladybug even while dying etc. Reminding her how her hands weren't used for taking life, but giving it. (yes that was a reference to Fullmetal Alchemist, watch it if you want tear jerking deaths T_T)

Was it LB that was killed?

How would Chat react? Would he break down? Would his mind shut down, go narrow minded and go on a feral killing spree? Would the other heroes try to hold him back in his grief? Would Chat stop himself right before committing the unthinkable and tell himself it wouldnt be what his lady wanted him to do?

The akuma

Okay, this one seems overkill, but it can also impact the death scene. Was the akuma a person Hawkmoth akumatized with the intent to kill both LB and CN? ("Playing nice hasn't worked so far for my plans, let me show you what happens when you anger me.")

The akuma can be brutal, someone well versed in the arts of torture/killing, the death can be pretty elaborate, or a quick merciful blow with LB/CN stubbornly fighting ("Not giving up without a fight, huh? I respect that, but you're just kids. It's time to go to sleep.")

The akuma can even be someone of their own.

Alya, Nino, Chloe, the other heroes. Maybe even Nathalie herself? What if they managed to akumatize LB? Chat Noir willingly sacrifices himself? ("If it means dying by my lady's gentle hand, death doesn't seem so bad.")

The Aftermath

What happens after? The reactions from everyone? Some would grieve (cry, scream), others might retaliate (defeat Hawkmoth, get him arrested, kill Hawkmoth/ akuma, handle the press...etc.) others may be in shock (just standing in the middle of what was once a battlefield, with the blood of her beloved on her hands)

Is it just silence? The scene is written from Chat Noir's view and everything just goes eerily silent when he takes his last breath and closes his eyes.

Also: on the scenario of killing the akuma: let's say, LB died and its CN killing the akuma after they dealt the finishing blow to his lady. The akumatization is lifted, and beneath the scary exterior was (insert innocent person: child, friend, a friendly neighbor who had a bad day...etc) Added trauma to Chat, thinking he is even worse than his father for killing an innocent person even if they killed Ladybug (while under Hawkmoth's influence, it was wrong).

I've kept talking about Chat dying, but what if its Ladybug?

Describe the impact of Ladybug dying. No miraculous cure to fix all the damage done to the city. To heal injuries.

No more Ladybug, beloved hero of Paris, to save the day. No more Ladybug alongside Chat Noir.

No more Marinette. Responsible class president, beloved daughter, sweet classmate who helped everyone and anyone, the funny clumsy girl, their every day Ladybug...

Writing emotions/mood:

Depending on the mood set for the scene, watch for the language (more dramatic: The tears stinging her eyes did little to wash away the blood on her cheek, but no amount of tears would be able to wash away the blood on her hands. More straightforward: He stuttered his last breath, hand falling limply to his side and Ladybug's chest quivered in despair before a wretched cry left the depths of her throat.)

Ah, sorry for the long paragraphs!! I didn't think it would be this long, ahem:

TL:TD: Include other people's reactions, not just the one being killed. Add more senses (more sense than just touch is impacted upon death, maybe describe the way someone loses their sense of hearing first before sight?) Detailed descriptions (a bit gory? Describe the sharp blade digging into the skin, blood leaving their mouth, rupture organs spilling out...etc.) Describe emotional and physical impact.

[always-anxious612]

Overworked and Overwhelmed CH 3

Description: Roman wakes up and can’t help but let his thoughts take over. Luckily, Virgil is there to help.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality, platonic LAMP

Warnings: self deprecation, panic attack mention, food mention, headache mention, medicine mention (nothing stronger than Advil)  (let me know if I missed anything or if you need me to tag anything!)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 4, Final Chapter

Roman’s POV

Everything was so warm. Warm and dark. Nothing hurt anymore, and the voice had stopped. The voice screaming in my head that I was failing, that my work was worthless, that I wasn’t good enough be called a prince much less creativity. My own voice. In fact, it was so peaceful that when I felt consciousness try to edge its way in, I desperately tried to push it away. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop it, and I slowly became aware that the warmth I felt wasn’t all in my head.

 I was laying on something soft and plush and both my right side and feet felt oddly warmer than the rest of me. Before I could enjoy the coziness too much, however, the pounding headache that had plagued me for the past two days returned full force. With a soft groan, I managed to pry my eyes open and look around. Now I could see that I was in my own bed and that the mysterious warmth at my side and feet were Virgil, Patton, and Logan all fast asleep. Logan and Patton were both in awkward positions at the end of my bed, though they still found a way to cling to each other in their sleep. I wish they would just confess to each other already. It was obvious they liked one another. What surprised me was Virgil cuddled up to my side. He was clinging to my arm as he slept, face pressed into my shoulder and earbuds (most likely once actually in his ears) tangled in the blankets beside him. He looked so calm. So different than usual. He deserved to be this peaceful all the time. Honestly he deserved so much. I wished—I wished that I could be the one to give that to him, but all I ever did was worry and stress him even more. He probably still hates me deep down. A soft sigh from Virgil brought me back to the present as he shifted in his sleep. Wait, how did I get to bed anyway? The last thing I remembered was stumbling downstairs to grab a drink. The others had been called to help Thomas with something and I took the opportunity to finally sneak out of my room to find some Advil and get a glass of water for my ever-growing headache. But after I actually left my room, things got a little blurry. My head had been pounding more than ever and simply moving had made the world spin. I’m fairly sure I made it to the kitchen at least. Suddenly I sucked in a breath as pain shot through my temple. I really needed some Advil, since I don’t remember actually getting any.

“Ro?” a groggy voice spoke up next to me. I could only hum softly in response.

“Oh gosh, Roman. You’re awake. A-Are you ok?” Virgil gasped quickly sitting up. I winced at how loud his voice sounded next to my ear, but immediately felt guilty seeing his face twist with even more worry.

“H-Headache.” I managed to croak out. Virgil’s face softened in understanding, and he slowly eased out of the bed.

“I’ll get you some medicine.” He offered, voice considerably more quiet. I nodded my thanks as he carefully got out of bed, trying not to wake the other two. Ignoring the dizziness I felt, I lifted my head to get a closer look at Patton and Logan. Despite the small smile that rested on his face in his sleep, Patton’s eyes were red and puffy, and Logan held him so protectively against his chest that it was clear something had happened that I couldn’t remember. Plus, Virgil had looked much more distressed than usual and the way he reacted when he saw that I was awake was definitely concerning. That also brought up the question of why they were all in my room. They had to have a good reason for camping out here. With another soft groan, I let my head fall back onto my pillow, wincing as pain coursed through it.

“Hey, Ro. I brought some food too. Logan said that it’d help, so please try to eat it, k?” Virgil said, still making sure to be quiet as he walked back in. he came over with a glass of water, the medicine he promised, and an armful of various snacks, mostly energy bars, fruit, and chips.

“Um, I couldn’t find any other food that you’d like and I didn’t know what you’d feel up to eating, so, um…here you go.” He explained, dumping the food onto the bed. My stomach turned at the thought of eating something, but the look on Virgil’s face was enough to make me at least pick up the energy bar.

“Thanks.” I whispered, offering a tired smile. Virgil just nodded and helped me sit up against the headboard, handing me the medicine. Silence fell as I took the medicine and tried to get through the energy bar.

“So…Do you, um, wanna talk about what happened in the kitchen?” Virgil asked quietly after he saw I had finished the bar.

“What happened in the kitchen?” I questioned, head pounding with hazy memories. Virgil gave me an incredulous look.

“What do you mean ‘What happened in the kitchen?’ You—You don’t remember?”

“Well—I remember going to get a drink but—”

“But you ran into me instead.”

“I did?... Oh. Oh no. I did.” My voice dropped to a whisper as I realized what had happened. Everything was still fuzzy, but I broke down in front of him. In front of Virgil. He knows now. He knows that I’m a pathetic excuse of a prince. I ruined everything. Now they’ll all realize how worthless I really am. They’ll see the truth. They’ll see that I’m not good enough to be Thomas’s creativity. What if—What if they all hated me already?

“—oman? Hey, calm down, Princey.” Virgil’s voice cut through the thoughts and I turned towards the sound.

“None of those things are true, Roman. We love you, Ro. It’s gonna be ok.” He comforted. However, my breath only caught in my throat as I learned that I had spoken my thoughts.

“Hey, breath, Ro. You’re gonna be ok.”

At his words, I sucked in a shaky breath, vaguely realizing that I was crying…pathetic. Virgil continued to whisper comforting words and coach my breathing until I got control of my breathing and dissolved into sobs instead.

“’M sorry, Virge.” I choked out, trying to hide my face in my hands.

“Roman, don’t apologize. You’re allowed to feel bad.”

“B-But it’s so stupid. I’m so st—”

“No.” Virgil cut in sharply. “Don’t finish that thought. You’re not worthless. You’re not stupid. You’re loud, and dramatic, and passionate, and amazing. You come up with brilliant ideas every week…every day actually, and without you, Thomas wouldn’t be Thomas, and we wouldn’t be complete.”

All I could manage to do is sob harder at his words. That couldn’t all be true, could it? Virgil hated me, didn’t he? But the sincerity in his voice made something spark in my chest that I thought was long burned out. Hope. Saying nothing else, Virgil gently wrapped his arms around me, and I collapsed into his chest.

“Listen, Ro. I, more than anyone, know that these thoughts that you have about yourself aren’t going to go away overnight. But I’ll do everything I can to help quiet them down. Pat and Lo too. You don’t have to face everything alone. You’ll always be our Prince; but even Princes have bad days. Don’t be ashamed to come to us, m’k?” Virgil assured once my sobs had died down. I shakily nodded as I burrowed further into Virgil’s chest. His jacket was so comfortable; and my head was still throbbing, the crying not helping at all. As Virgil chuckled, I could feel it vibrate in his chest, making a fuzzy feeling grow in my stomach. Maybe things could be ok again.

“I love you, Virge.” I mumbled out as I drifted in and out of sleep. Beneath me, Virgil tensed then relaxed soon after.

“I love you too.” Was the last things I heard before the world faded out and darkness took hold once again. This time, my heart feeling much lighter.

tag list @catolicabuena

[thepringlesofblood]

thoughts on stranger things three  (spoilers. so many.)

this is just me yellin into the void as usual, but I like recording my opinions on things even if no one will read them 

good:

- every single scene w/ the robin, steve, erica, dustin gang, especially!!! the coming out scene. scoops?? iconic. steve and dustin’s secret handshake? transcendent. the drugged out back to the future scene? perfect. 

- eleven and max say fuck the patriarchy. love el’s new look 

- more competent women is always a win

- funhouse fight!!! carnival fight!!!FIREWORKS??!??!

- the destruction of the mall (sadly the only anticapitalist symbolism I could find)

- the scene after jonathan and nancy get fired where they’re angry about their separate marginalized identities making this loss worse. I really liked how it went into the ways it will impact both of them, and I especially liked when nancy got home and talked to her mom. 

- joyce going buckwild and getting shit done. 

- the portrayal of hypervigilance as a symptom of PTSD. All of these characters have seen some shit, and all of them pick up on the littlest things the second they present themselves because subconsciously, they’re always on edge, always aware of bad it could break. 

- most of will’s character arc. not all, but most of it. the queer experience of watching all your friends get dates and feeling like you’re missing out on something? trying to regain their interest because you feel lost and left behind? worrying that you’re not “growing up” because you don’t recognize romantic interest in yourself? not realizing you’re falling for your best friend until they get a romantic partner and suddenly you hate the partner even though they haven’t done anything wrong? a poignant, beautiful, very painful portrayal of queer teenhood. I really, really wish there was a moment that the audience realized will was in love with mike though. Like, it’s been building for a very long time. Also, a more thorough confirmation of will’s queerness would’ve been nice. I think they meant mike saying “you don’t understand bc you don’t like girls” to be that confirmation, but I want to hear it from will. Robin’s moment is so so so good though. 

- domestic fuckery 

- getting someone on the inside to help them/alexei as a character. not the symbolism or larger ramifications of his character arc, but how his knowledge and personality interacted. 

- mr clarke!!!!

- el going into someone’s memories again

- how prepared everyone is to fight because they’ve seen this shit before and robin and erica are just like ‘this might as well happen’ 

- keeping with the stranger things pattern of having a bunch of different groups of people all in different genres and then together they all meet up and go ?????

- I know every says billy didn’t get enough of a redemption arc but tbh I did not see his character development as redeeming in any way and I liked that. It didn’t excuse his abusive actions, it just explained them. There was no “oh he was secretly good all along”, no dramatic total character reversal on his death bed, just him deciding that he had enough of being controlled. Max didn’t get full closure with him, he didn’t say some big speech about being wrong or realizing the ramifications of his actions bc he hadn’t reached that point yet. he just said “I’m sorry” and died. that could mean “i’m sorry for how I’ve treated you”, “I’m sorry for how many people I’ve killed”, “I’m sorry for not being able to stop the monster”, anything. we don’t know what it means. we don’t get an explanation. It speaks to how survivors of abuse often don’t get to know why, don’t get closure, don’t get all the answers. 

- steve finally won a fight before getting the shit kicked out of him

- the whole no one knowing anything about each other bc no cell phones and/or wasnt there when It Happened. 

- Erica getting the DND set was poetic cinema 

- when joyce sees will on the firetruck and they run towards each other because finally, for once, will is completely unscathed, will isn’t the one who got hurt/possessed. I was already crying but this is the part where i had to get tissues bc I was sobbing. 

Bad:

- the red scare bullshit and glorification of capitalism. this show started out as “the US govt is doing shady shit” and now the big climatic “everything’s alright” is the army getting there?? what the fuck. There’s being accurate to the time period and then there’s sending a message. they could’ve subverted that trope in so many ways, but they just went for straight up “capitalism is great! fuck russia!” and I hated that. also, talk about one-note villainry. there weren’t even any dramatic monologues to make up for it, it just kinda sucked. 

- Hopper’s character in the beginning of the season. the scene where he gets wasted after getting stood up? shitty. not talking to el about his vaguely sexist overprotective actions? shitty. blowing up at joyce for no reason? shitty. he pulls it together in the end but it was OOC for a bit there. Plus I would kill for more “hopper and el work through their trauma together”, rather than “friend group splinters bc hopper did a yell” 

- I don’t know what to think about hopper’s death. It just hurts, and not in a satisfying, last harry potter book way. 

- why the fuck are the byers and el moving?????? did they ever give a reason???? WHY?????? WILL AND EL’S ENTIRE SUPPORT NETWORK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH AND CAN HELP THEM, IS IN HAWKINS!!!!!

- the ads. omg the ads. lucas idc about your fucking coke. there’s so much goddamn product placement. christ on a goddamn bicycle. 

- previous seasons have had body horror, but it was all black goo so it was removed from reality and conveyed a psychological, otherworldly horror. and I liked that. WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH FUCJING MEAT IN THIS ONE??? THE MIND FLAYER LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF BBQ SAUCE AND I HATED IT!!! STOP!!!THE MEATS!!!!!

- can el not be injured......for oNCE?????

- also can people stop standing around staring at shit so much? theyve seen it before. it’s not like it’s a huge shock. people stand around for like 5 minutes before Doing Things and it annoys me. with the New Kids like erica and robin it makes sense but like....whenever theres a monster mike just sits there like :o cOME ON DUDE YOU’VE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES GET A KNIFE OR SOMETHIN!!!

- WHAT. WAS. THE GREEN STUFF?????????????????? IS IT FUCKING PLUTONIUM OR SOMETHING???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! IF YOU NEED A MACGUFFIN BE LESS OBVIOUS ABOUT IT!!!

- idk about you but murray yelling at them about sex kinda rubbed me the wrong way. 

- speaking of, you caNNOT convince me that murray, 4 locks on the front door lives in a bunker murray, would take a goddamn enemy of the state to a carnival and leave him alone for any period of time. seriously????????

- look.....it was adorable.....i’ll give you that.....but.....the song dustin and suzy sang slapped me with secondhand embarrassment and genre disconnect so hard I found it impossible to enjoy. also...planck’s constant??? you could/......idk........call mr clarke????????? you’ve interrupted the man’s life for less!!!! I was also half expecting it to be joyce who remembered it from all the studying she did on the magnets. I did enjoy the whole “i met a girl at camp” story being unbelievable until it was but like I was expecting the thing she wanted him to say to be like a famous star wars love quote or something not an entire song jesus christ 

- if hopper turns out to be alive I will face god and walk backwards into hell. I suffered through supernatural, I will not be caught in a cycle of fake deaths again. 

- i get the whole “we’re growing up now” thing but aren’t they like 13? theyre still so young??? also like i dont rly care for the vague soap-opera-y vibes the core squad gave off. 

- the only people who got flayed were either a. already pretty shitty or b. completely unknown. like. it just made it less scary????

- hopper just fucking standing by the machine looking at joyce instead of running the 5 seconds up the steps into the room. seriously? was that supposed to be slow motion or was that real time??? 

- the whole thing with cerebro not working at the beginning sucked ass. 

- hey does mrs wheeler have eyes??? like??? there were exactly two (2) scenes she had with mike and nancy and both were Big Conversations like they live there right/????tbh i forgot she was their mom until those scenes bc of the whole billy thing, which i decidedly do not have an opinion on but like....do they eat breakfast there??? 

[joyffree]

RELEASE BLITZ Title: The Billionaire’s Claim: Obsession Series: The Billionaire’s Claim #1 Author: Nadia Lee Genre: Contemporary Romance Release Date: April 26, 2018

BLURB

DOMINIC

Elizabeth Pryce-Reed.

An angel. A virgin. My first love.

I fell for her hard and fast ten years ago...and paid the price on a night of shattering betrayal.

So I built a billion-dollar empire out of vengeance...

And now I'm coming for her.

ELIZABETH

Dominic King.

A maverick. A self-made billionaire. My soul mate.

Ten years ago, he shredded my heart, even as he vowed he'd take what matters most to me.

I know he's coming, and I welcome it. I need closure for what happened that night.

But the more time I spend with him, the more I wonder...

Can I ever move on...?

Note: This is the first book in The Billionaire's Claim duet.

GOODREADS LINK: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38733446-the-billionaire-s-claim

PURCHASE LINKS

US: https://amzn.to/2qUMLE9 UK: https://amzn.to/2HXZka8 CA: https://amzn.to/2Ka50yg AU: https://amzn.to/2HXZpdW B&N: http://bit.ly/2JiKslV Kobo: http://bit.ly/2vBeC24 iBooks: https://apple.co/2Hmy8At Google Play: http://bit.ly/2JlkXjQ

EXCERPTS

#1

"Do you really go by Elizabeth with everyone?" I ask, enjoying the smooth taste of the vodka. "No nickname?"

"Yeah. Everyone calls me that, except this one cousin who calls me Eliza. I think he felt rebellious when he was younger, you know? And it stuck. With him, anyway."

She's probably wrong about her cousin. Elizabeth is too formal a name for this woman. She's too vivacious, too open and too sexy. She needs a shorter, snappier name.

"But..." She knocks back the second shot of vodka. "You can call me Liza. Nobody calls me that, and I think it suits me better than Elizabeth or Eliza, don't you?"

I nod, ridiculously pleased I'm going to get my own name for her.

"So what's your name?" she asks.

"Dominic."

"Nice. I like it." She smiles and runs a fingertip along my lips as she leans forward. "Can I call you something else, though?"

I feel the touch like an electric shock. My heart thuds. "Like what?"

"Mine."

#2

I lose the track of my friends' conversation as the fine hair at my nape bristles -- not unpleasantly -- and my gaze lands on the sole bartender on the other side of the counter.

Everything fades away except him.

I've met handsome men, hot men, aristocratic men, charming men on both sides of the Atlantic. My family alone has four brothers and four cousins who make women stupid with their looks. Having grown up around such male beauty, I've always considered myself immune -- able to appreciate it without turning into some kind of infatuated drooler.

But the bartender...

Everything about him is absurd.

The absurd perfection of his bone structure. The absurd blue of his eyes. The absurd firmness of his lips. The absurd muscularity of his big, strong body.

When our gazes collide, I feel like every cell in my body is waking up after a lifetime of slumber. My heart beats a little bit faster, a little bit harder. Blood flows a little quicker, a little hotter.

Is this sexual attraction?

I shake my head inwardly. I've felt attraction to guys before. But nothing like this. This man shines like a brilliant gemstone, like the heavens opened up and a halo appeared around him.

Then I remember what Grandpa used to say.

"When I first met your grandmother, I knew she was the one."

"How?" I asked. An exceptional artist, Grandpa has a propensity for exaggeration and dramatic flair.

"Because she made me forget where I was. Every time I laid eyes on her, nothing else mattered. Colors were brighter, food tasted better, and the air felt cleaner. All because I met her."

I laughed. "That's just infatuation, Grandpa."

He shook his head. "No, no, my little angel. It's called love. My soul recognized hers."

I tried not to laugh at such a ridiculous story. On the other hand, Grandpa's first marriage lasted until the death of his wife in a sailing accident. And by all accounts, they adored each other.

Suddenly Vanessa taps my elbow. "Earth to Elizabeth. Come on." She tilts her shiny red head toward the bar. "We're sitting at the counter."

Apparently the decision has been made. "Okay." I park my butt across from the bartender, Grandpa's words about soul mates circling in my head.

Because if this bartender's mine, he's popped up at the most inconvenient time and the most inconvenient location.

#3

I cut and toast the bagels, Liza's first. After spreading a generous amount of cream cheese, Liza takes a big bite, then moans around the food.

The satisfied sound causes my dick to swell as though we didn't roll around in bed for hours last night.

Five orgasms -- a new record.

Right now, my half-hard cock says we should go for six.

She swallows. "I haven't had a good bagel since I came home."

"How come?" I want her fed before seducing her again.

"Mom's not a fan of carbs." Exasperation crosses her face. "She thinks they'll make me blow up."

"Pssh." Liza is model slim with curves in all the right places. Her mother's gotta be crazy to think she needs to watch her diet. "Eat what you like."

Liza polishes off the last bite. "Seriously? You aren't going to scream and run the other way if I blow up like..." She spreads her arms, elbows straight.

"More of you to kiss and lick."

Her eyes sparkle. "That's nice. And such a smooth line."

"It's not a line."

And it's actually not. I mean it. I've had beautiful girls, awkward girls, confident girls, bratty girls, sweet girls, but none of them measure up to Liza. She has the power to make all other women fade away, and it has nothing to do with her weight or appearance. It's something as fundamental and innate as the air we share.

If I were the woo-woo type, I would say it's her soul.

Liza looks away for a moment, biting into her lip. There's a fleeting sadness in her that comes and goes, and I don't like it. I raise a hand, trace the curve of her cheekbone with my thumb and then, very carefully, cradle her face. She places a hand over mine, her eyes fluttering closed. She looks so vulnerable, so lovely.

Before I can pull her in for a kiss, she takes a deep breath and gives me a smile brilliant enough to make the gears my head stutter. "I'll hold you to that."

#4

Elizabeth reaches over and runs her fingers along my thigh. Her scent -- vanilla and lavender -- tickles my nose. An electric charge sizzles at the base of my spine, and heated blood pumps hard through my veins. "You going to start the car or what?" She smiles, her cheeks flushed.

Logic and good intentions grow fuzzy. I don't hook up with women I meet at the bar. I want to set a good example for my baby sister so she knows to look for a guy who'll take her seriously and treat her well. And I'm usually just too busy with life -- college courses, taking care of my sister and working two jobs.

But with Elizabeth, none of that matters. The only thing is her being with me...and the undercurrent of instinctive knowledge that if I end this now, she's going to slip away, never to be seen again.

My mouth dry, I speed toward my place, half an hour from the bar. I don't run any red lights, but it's pretty close a couple of times.

She laughs softly. "Love it that you're impatient."

"Do you?"

"You want me."

"What man wouldn't?"

She grows wistful. "Not everyone wants me."

"You've been with the wrong men."

She opens her mouth, then instead of saying anything, drags her teeth along her lower lip.

#5

"Don't cry." Dominic's thumb brushes away tears I didn't realize I'd shed, and I look at him. My heart is breaking again. I miss this touch... The tenderness, the caring.

I close my eyes, overwhelmed by old grief and the need for any scrap of affection. Nobody knows me the way Dominic does. Nobody ever had my love like he did.

He used to be the center of my universe. The whole celestial vault -- it was all him. I should've kidnapped him, just dragged him away by his hair, using whatever means necessary. Then I'd still have the sun, the moon and the stars.

Except I know it was the right thing for him to stay. Running away with me wouldn't have given him what he needed to fulfill his dream, give him the life he imagined.

Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. My heart beats, the throb so hard and painful I can feel it all the way to my fingertips. My eyelids lower. That way I don't have to see the hate and disgust in his eyes...but can still bask in the heat from his body, smell the malt, spices and soap on him.

Then I feel it -- his lips on mine. My mind is so sluggish I don't even know who started the kiss, but I don't care.

The touch is tentative at first, more of a stolen breath...barely there. I hold myself as still as possible, afraid he's going to pull away.

His lips continue to move over mine, feather soft and sweet -- like he's afraid to spook me. The heat from his mouth slowly warms my lips, and I tremble as the rest of my body starts to thaw, my senses spinning.

"Breathe, Elizabeth," he whispers against a corner of my mouth, still using only his lips to tease me.

Only then do I realize I've been holding my breath. I inhale shakily, and he runs his tongue along my lower lip.

A tide of longing spreads through me. My fingers fist around his shirt, pulling him closer. I part my lips, stroke his tongue with mine. He boldly slides his tongue in, and a hot bolt of lust crackles through me, chasing away the chill and ugly memories. I suck on his tongue, desperately wanting to cling to the hot need and sense of safety.

This is probably just temporary, and might just be sex, but I want it. My starving body wants it.

#6

Dominic lavishes the same tender care to my other breast, as though he wants to make all my hurt go away. A cold sliver of guilt pierces the haze of pleasure.

You don't deserve this.

And I don't. I don't deserve to have him worship my body like he used to. I don't deserve any of this comfort, this warmth, this tenderness. I'm being selfish, using him to salve my old wound.

His lips leave a hot trail, tickling my navel and kissing my belly. Slowly he pulls my bikini bottom down my legs...and off. I feel his heated breath over my inner thighs, his lips traveling from my knee to my slick core.

And I know what he's about to do. He always loved to drive me crazy with his mouth between my legs. And suddenly, I don't want that -- I can't have that.

"Make it hurt," I say, my voice breaking.

He pauses, raising his head. "What?"

"Make me hurt. Please."

His thumb brushing over the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, he looks into my eyes. His pupils are so dark and intense, I feel like I'm being stripped layer by layer, revealing how little I have now. Because I have nothing -- no heart, no soul.

What I have is a mask that I've perfected over the years. I know I look like a woman with a big heart and gentle soul when I put it on, even though it doesn't fool Dominic. He can see what's underneath.

AUTHOR BIO

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Nadia Lee writes sexy, emotional contemporary romance. Born with a love for excellent food, travel and adventure, she has lived in four different countries, kissed stingrays, been bitten by a shark, ridden an elephant and petted tigers.

Currently, she shares a condo overlooking a small river and sakura trees in Japan with her husband and son. When she’s not writing, she can be found reading books by her favorite authors or planning another trip.

Stay in touch with her via her website, http://www.nadialee.net, or her blog http://www.nadialee.net/blog

AUTHOR LINKS

Website: http://www.nadialee.net Newsletter: http://www.nadialee.net/vip Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/nadialeewrites Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/nadialee Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/nadialee Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/nadialee Bookbub: http://www.bookbub.com/authors/nadia-lee Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/nadialee