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irregodless · 1 year

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so lets talk about that book

ive not read the entire thing yet for reasons ill get into in a minute (FOOTNOTE: this will be explained later)

TLDR: remember if you comment negatively on my review without reading all of it i will report you and also youre wasting your life by saying anything negative ever

the character we are introduced to is venus who seems to vacillate between being pious and believing she is Literal Evil Made Manifest. whenever she is around the prose becomes insufferable to read at best and unreadable at worst using turns of phrases no one has ever even thought to use or stating things that at first seem figurative but turn out to be very literal and the inverse of that

and i do mean WHEN SHES AROUND. the beginning of the second chapter begins with actually competent prose which follows until venus shows up again. her presence also brings with it an annoying amount of footnotes and often for things that dont need them (diablo is latin for devil) while not having them for actually uncommon words or phrases OR are used to describe plot elements in the most egregious example of telling instead of showing possible sometimes even half explaining it and then saying itll be explained later in the book. sometimes the footnotes are given for words that are explained in the rest of the sentence.

because of this izzy and i, while we were reading, labeled her as Narrative Poison, a cognito hazard who fundamentally affects the story on a meta level. now this concept is interesting. if i could trust the author. but the author has ruined her ethos for me even outside of personal interactions

if venus is intended to he bad, this brings new problems with it. the first is that even the competent prose is lousy with evidence it was not proofread well or read out loud for comprehension at all. even if venus is supposed to mark bad narration it should still be enjoyable to experience and not a pain

the next issue is that the book opens with her rambling prose which gives equal attention and detail to everything no matter how inconsequential while treating anorexia and disease as a moral failing, and confusing muscular atrophy with muscular dystrophy. a books opening should serve as a hook and while the opening doesnt have to be perfect you have damaged your trust with your readers. they read that and that is the impression they get. they are unlikely to give you the benefit of the doubt UNLESS they too believe in elegance over readability. and even then they will be blindsided over the head by the sudden and abrupt change in narration styles that do not flow

pb flower includes a lot of cultural references but most of them fall flat instead seeming like they bolster the story. ace just lists some norse mythos words that dont ultimately mean anything together. theres a lot of islamic terminology and references to indic mythology id delight in learning about if at any time they felt a. like they served any purpose other than hey look what words i know and b. didnt usually just amount to shortened wikipedia explanations. few of the cultural references land and some only prove the authors lack of familiarity with them like a certain navajo spirit starting with s that People. Are. Not. Supposed. To. Say.

related to nothing but ace randomly speaks welsh often before repeating himself in english and the way flower presents it makes it seem more like welsh is just a heavy accent than a language not unlike this bitch speaking japanese. thats not like a callout its just the only way it makes sense.

so now lets talk about ethos outside the book. in her blazed post flower is asked if the book is written by ai. she says ai was made by humans so there is absolutely no distinction. after i pointed this exchange out she deleted the comments and began claiming that she, her, she wrote the book. i think she said it took 3 months? which um... it shows.

she has not denied that it was written by ai but she HAS explained that to her there is no difference. i can no longer trust anything she says especially if she DID use an ai and she believes that that constitutes having written it. but when i asked my followers how they felt about a physical book priced at 25 dollars OSTENSIBLY having been written by ai. she, at least apparently she, sends me an anon saying she will report me for "defaming her copyrighted work" and i cannot speak poorly about it if i havent read it. she also makes a post asking if when you review something poorly if it was because it was actually bad or because you didnt gel with it. flower has thus proven a lack of ability to handle criticism maturely or professionally as she didnt even make an attempt to in turn say "hey this isnt ai dont keep spreading lies about my work it was a miscommunication" which even if she did send that to me now.... i couldnt believe her. and yet if she sees this review shes probably gonna try to report me again having proved she cant handle criticism especially since the post seems to imply that the only reason you would leave negative feedback is because youre a sorry little hater.

i would love to believe that venus is actually meant to be narrative poison maybe even that flower used ai to write her and if she did that would actually be quite clever! i MUST admit! but the thing is: i cannot trust her as an author. and so am i willing to give her 200 pages worth of my life trusting in someone who has proven i cannot trust her to prove her concept? to trust that she would even attempt listening to my criticism without just writing me off as a hater? well, to quote her post "lifes too short, move on."

anyhoo itd be disingenuous if i didnt at least share some highlights from my read. perhaps ill add on more thoughts for now but without going into details like "obedient ebony" heres a good place to stop for now

that last one is the most resonant with me :)

#ace umbra #pb flower #book review #fucking bitchtopia!#i just realized that last tag looks bad out of context thats a quote i found funny #i am not calling pb flower a fucking bitchtopia thats rude

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wormstar · 3 years

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i was going thru ur blog and u have good posts about ableist aus and i was wondering - what if in the aus the requirements for warriors were different? Like instead of having to fight jay only hunts? Would the muddling of roles still be ableist? In a Tree-like situation?If its not presented in a "work super hard to get what you want" and more in a "yeah they can decide what he wants to do". This is mostly for jay (and cinder) specifically because they had desires to be warriors yet were forced to be medicine cats because of ableism (ig this can apply to briar but i just truly cant remember oots that well and i havent read her death). I am asking because i am still trying to unlearn the ableist mindset that i grew up with. Feel free to ignore this ask and thnx!

hey yeah thank you for asking! took the opportunity to write up more general thoughts on rewrites as a whole and i went over why exactly theyre ableist hopefully that provides a better perspective

i think the major thing to keep in mind is that the structure of the clans is very abled centric and overly ignorant of inner community work (for example dens are only solidified or altered when either the area takes damage/the clans grows wrt population) theres a fixation on marking territory and starting fights and whatever with other clans which is whats expected of most warriors to partake in. to fix those implications in any fanwork youve really gotta knead into them and understand the nature of their ableism....its not just a problem with cats being barred from being warriors its the whole occupation and the standard its held to, so to speak (+ that fits into general clan society being flawed but eh thats another thing and also its easy to branch out into thought about)

going to stress other disabled people might have other solutions to how disabled cats are received this is just how i like to think of things

first i think its kind of interesting to examine discrepancies between disabled cats in canon as somewhat of an indicator of clan attitudes and leaders and whatnot. like i think you could get something interesting by regarding lets say deadfoot in windclan and cinderpelt in thunderclan who both have bad legs yet had different experiences with them in clan life. if you wanna go a step further comparing generations like lilywhisker and deadfoot or cinderpelt and jayfeather (+ the consideration of how congenital disabilities are regarded) can also make things interesting and just give you an idea of what to do. having the clan systems stray from a clear-cut common attitude both gives you more freedom for different approaches + adds to worldbuilding anyway. imo boiling down clan society to perfect utopia just gets boring but you can have imperfections in the system that depict the disabled experience just fine. just be careful with them and the way they come across yeah?

(real quick as an in between. god just dont refer to cats/their injuries as crippled. it still happens somehow)

im a little ambivalent on the idea of creating a ‘special role’ for disabled cats to be thrown into. cause then thats a repeat of canon medicine den really. its like ‘oh youre disabled youre instantly discarded into the x role pit’ i think just adding substantial in-universe changes to the warrior rank itself (vagueness is fun actually) or expanding on ‘warrior types’ rectifies the othering angle. ‘othering’ as a whole is just as bad as the ‘exception’ archetype people run for most warrior aus i want to state that clearly. effectively if youre gonna introduce roles that dont depend on fighting or hunting or both make sure theres abled cats who have them too. like say you want a camp-based role where a cats job is to fix dens or one where they help in the nursery, its far easier for a cat who cant run to manage those but also have some cats who are physically capable of doing other ‘tasks’ do the same thing for personal reasons

the tree comparison is interesting honestly cause i guess you could just give a cat a particular thing to do as a nonfixed position. and roles accordingly being made for a cat to fill until they cant and the positions done away with afterward. but youve gotta do it carefully so you dont fall into othering as ive said. id avoid something like that personally i just dont like the quality of ‘well theyre not a warrior (the most noble/useful concept in cat society) theyre actually some other thing’

in general giving disabled cats agency and choice is the best thing you can do. whether this means them deciding on tasks they can do themselves or picking a certain kind of warrior to be or asking for an assistant to help them out when they do stuff. the way you wanna pull it off again depends on my first question of “how does the relevant part of your warrior cat world treat disabled cats already”

very important point, the majority of the ableism also comes in the form of character narratives and not just the structure of the world itself. like think for a bit why the writers decided jayfeather shouldve been forced to be a medic or why briarlight got killed off early etc etc. characters ‘wanting’ to be like the abled ideal and still being bitter about not fulfilling that years down the line are just part of the ableist storylines. if youre abled id literally say just do away with those sadstuck ‘i wanted to be a warrior!’ moments. if you really want to id say pull a cinderpelt or a shadowsight where a cats time in the medicine den started their fascination with medicine and they switched to that path due to personal intrigue. id say a more interesting and realistic angle to it is having a disabled cat who found fulfilment in doing something else besides being a warrior becoming bitter about their entire clan ‘mourning’ how theyll never fight again or giving them the pretence of being a warrior being the best thing you can do.... it depends on the character really

this is just a very basic disability thing but stray from the whole ‘useless/dead weight’ way of regarding disabled characters. like dont place their worth on how well they service a clan or not theyre still deserving of shelter and whatnot. you dont need to justify a cats existence or usefulness by going ‘well they may be blind but their sense of smell is excellent so we keep them around’ or whatever its just no good

last thing i can think of is like. dont disregard how a cats disability affects them. like its fine that briarlight cant fight (or even hunt major types of prey) she doesnt need some convoluted method that lets her do that. there are like a dozen other warriors hunting and fighting and theres present value and enjoyment in the stuff she does around camp. she doesnt have to be brightheart 2 its ok

#hopefully this makes sense im tired of reading it over and over again #rambling

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flowerslightning · 4 years

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(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 remake #final fantasy gif #ff7r #mygif #ff7r spoilers #cloud ff7 #cloud strife gif #sephiroth gif #final fantasy sephiroth #character analysis #psychology #psychiatric disorders #cloud strife #aerith gainsborough

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wxsuthorn · 4 years

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ranking every single asian drama/series/movie that i have ever watched

(this isn’t 100% accurate cuz I’ve decided to include shows that are still airing and they may move up or down on the list once they’ve finished airing. Shows with multiple seasons/spin-offs will be counted as one unless I decided that they’re too different to be in one rank. And lastly, I don’t dislike the shows that are low on the list—unless I explicitly say so—I’ve just watched a shitload of dramas, so don’t attack me if ur fave is at 26 or smth lmao)

I did my best to keep the explanations short and avoid spoilers

1. The Gifted

Are you surprised? Do I even need to explain?

2. HIStory 3: Trapped

Again, should be pretty self-explanatory. The plot? The acting? The tropes? Utter perfection.

3. 3 Will Be Free

Haha. 3wbf... is 3rd place. It’s just amazing and so criminally underrated.

4. Until We Meet Again

I LOVE THIS SHOW SM I WATCHED IT 7 TIMES KLJFSLKJDFS I JUST LOVE IT PLUS FLUKE’S ACTING AND DEANPHARM ARE JUST SO HEALTHY AND WHOLESOME AND CARING I LOVE THEM.

5. He’s Coming To Me

a GODLY show !!! SO UNDERRATED. Ugh that rooftop scene TT.

6. The Untamed

I know it’s shocking that this isn’t higher up IM SORRY OKAY but this show was so good i cried so much lksjlfjdsfdjlkf GOD TIER.

7. Theory of Love

G O D L Y. It has the best scenes that just punch you in the gut and make you cry while you think about them at night.

8. Great Men Academy

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW. anyways i would die for tangmo.

9. Cherry Magic

MY FAVOURITE ON AIR SHOW. It’s so fucking good and it’s sooooo relatable and cute and fun and just GOOD. Ugh it’s a whole blessing. Literally the concept is also just amazing, plus the representation is actually accurate?? LIKE ITS SO RELATABLE JLSJFKJKJKD AND REAL. AND THE CHARACTERS ARE SO KLJLKFJDLKJLSKJD.

10. I Told Sunset About You

THE SETS ARE SO PRETTY. THE VISUALS. ASTOUNDING. THE ACTING KSLJFKJLDF. It exceeded my expectations holy crap and the chinese culture incorporated into it feels so nice and genuine. literally i watched some of it today before my chinese class lmao. OMG AND THE OST.

11. Mr. Heart

ugh this show stole my heart (pun intended).

12. Dark Blue Kiss

SO. GODDAMN. UNDERRATED. THE WAY IT ACCURATELY REPS LGBTQ+ YOUTH’S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS AND COMING OUT AND EXPECTATIONS G O D L Y

13. Oxygen

SOFT. HEALTHY. CUTE. H E I G H T D I F F E R E N C E.

14. 2gether

would’ve been higher if it werent for the last two episodes of the show, but still2gether redeemed it quite a bit.

15. HIStory 2: Crossing The Line

QIU ZIXUAN LKDSJFLDJLJFDKJSLJ CUTE AS FUCK.

16. Where Your Eyes Linger

tHAT OST. AND THE LAST SCENE. I MEAN SHIT SLJFSDKJFLSDJFK.

17. HIStory 2: Right or Wrong

it’s so soft and at first i was so hesitant to watch it with the age gap but it was surprisingly like really healthy? and like the mom with the fruit knife?

18. Love By Chance

IM SORRY I PUT THIS SO LOW its just that klano and tumtar were not my cup of tea and i watched it mostly for aepete only for them to be apart at the end of season 1. I like season 2 but this time i only have tincan...

19. Gameboys

okay i was going to put this way higher because ITS SO FUCKING GOOD LITERALLY but then again i felt more impressed/attached to the ones above... BUT LITERALLY PEARL AND CAIREEL ARE JUST SDLSJDFSKDFL THE BEST.

20. Sotus

If i could put multiple shows in one rank i would but ive decided not too cuz then there would only be 6 ranks with 10 shows in each one... that’s why sotus is so low TT SORRY I LOVE IT BUT I LOVE OTHER SHOWS A LITTLE MORE.

21. 2Moons2

it was enjoyable. I didn’t like the main couple much tho.

22. Red Wine In The Dark Night

omg this movie i really liked it especially the ending it was really symbolic and i really like slight-horror type things. also FLUKE !!!! a KING of acting.

23. Transit Girls

SOFT WLW.

24. My Engineer

don’t get me wrong i love this show BUT it’s yet another engineering concept and i just don’t see it going above the other dramas...

25. Why R U

the plot was messy but the chemistry between the actors saved the entire show.

26. TharnType

I KNOW ITS LOW DONT KILL ME the plot was good but i don’t like how lhong was painted as a misunderstood little boi like HE IS A CRIMINAL DONT GIVE HIM A REDEMPTION ARC AND DONT TRY TO MAKE ME PITY HIM. also the non-con was uncomfy as hell.

27. A Round Trip To Love

THE CINEMATOGRAPHY AND SYMBOLISM ON GOD ISLJFDLJD. i don’t see this movie as like... an example of a healthy relationship... but the story itself is really interesting and the way the characters change yet stay the same is cool.

28. The Shipper

i enjoyed watching it but i dont think i could rewatch it. it was good nonetheless, i don’t regret watching it at all.

29. Together With Me

it’s good. but the side plots/side couples were not it. yihwa is a queen tho.

30. Ingredients

SOOOOO CUTE LSKJFDKJJF. but the plot is kinda nonexistent but IT DOESNT MATTER CUZ ITS CUTE AND FLUFFY AND UWU AND JEFF.

31. The Effect

this show gave me depression but damn the theme was so real.

32. Guardian

everything was going great until the jin ling dude got a girlfriend and the end happened.

33. History 3: Make Our Days Count

i was spoiled for the ending and it ruined my watching experience TT

34. YYY

i love it

35. Addicted

It was my first bl drama and i really liked it but again the non-con/kidnapping thing makes me uncomfy. also IT WAS DISCONTINUED IM SO SAD SLKDJFLSKJDFKSJD IT ENDED ON A CLIFFHANGER THEN WAS CANCELLED TT

36. Make It Right

fuse took too long to break up with his gf honestly oasflsajdfaldj bUT FRAME AND BOOK.

37. My Gear And Your Gown

CUTE but its another engineering x medical student trope and it’s still airing so i dont have too much of an opinion on it.

38. Pearl Next Door

its still airing (only 2 eps are out as of the time im writing this) and istg if pearlex isnt endgame im suing.

39. Friend Zone

first season was good but season two is gripping me by the throat.

40. Because Of You 2020

CUTE

41. The Lover

i only watched the bl cuts but they were cute

42. Lovesick

season one was great but season 2 was too long i skipped so much of it lmao.

43. Puppy Honey

ngl i only watched it for offgun lmao. season one was good and i watched the hets too but season 2 was when i only watched the offgun scenes lmao

44. En Of Love

tossara was my fave cuz they cute and healthy.

45. As If You Whisper

it was so short but so nice TT.

46. I’m Tee, Me Too

still airing... kinda pointless?

47. 2 Moons

the acting... oof

48. My Dream

it started out so promising but THE FUCKING ENDING WAS LKSDJFLKS

49. Kiss + Kiss Me Again

I only watched the petekao scenes lmao.

50. History 1: Away From Me

cutee

51. History 1: Obsession

interesting?

52. HIStory 1: My Hero

fine

53. My Day

i dropped it... tell me if i should get back into it cuz i kinda just wasn’t feeling it.

54. Lily Fever

cute wlw but it made no sense?

55. Hotel Stars

sorta dry lmao

56. The Best Twins

i dropped it but thor was epic

57. Reminders

PERTH’S ACTING KSJLFDJL but like what was the point? idk it was kinda frustrating.

58. 2Wish

i honestly don’t even remember what happened lmao

59. The Moment; I Need You

i just couldn’t when the guy faked an od. other than that it was eh. second season was better than the first (idk if it counts as a season tho cuz its so short)

60. Waterboyy (series)

DISGUSTING I HATE IT SO MUCH ITS TERRIBLE FUCK THIS SHOW I DESPISE IT

#this was so hard to do #so many good shows #the gifted graduation #2gether #bl drama #theory of love #love my chance #thai drama #tharntype #uwma #he’s coming to me #pearl next door #oxygen #the gifted #tgg #the last and first rank were the easiest to decide #fuck waterboyy honestly #all my homies hate waterboyy

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thefeckisthis · 4 years

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being single and open relationship

hellooo lovely people. hope you are all well, sane and well fed. lately i did not write quite often, been reading a lot and gaming. life is not particularly interesting so there is not much going on.

even tho these are different times people still talk, chat and i’ve seen many guys making statuses how girls are not posting selfies now all the beauty salons are closed, making fun of them. well there are not many of you fuck boys around anymore either eh, hard to make some effort when you can’t ‘’score’’ and disappear? or you’re stuck with your girlfriends so its harder?

leave the girls alone, live your own life and mind your own business. even tho the number of fuck boys has drastically dropped, there are still people who make some effort and talk to other people. i’m not saying this only happened to me in the past few months, people keep asking me this all the time.

so why am i single?

im not super young anymore, im in that age where most of my generation is already married and are having their first or even second kid. not me tho, thank you but i’ll pass.

guys usually ask ‘’how can girl like you be single?’’... may i ask you, what kind of girl is that? i know they usually refer to the thing that im beautiful or good looking (in their words not mine) and i keep wondering what does someones looks have to do with someone being single or in relationship? does that mean everyone who is in relationships is beautiful or if youre beautiful you have to be in a relationship? someone please enlighten me. thank you.

on the other hand, some people think i still love some certain people and haven’t moved on emotionally and things like that and that is so not true. i dont have any ‘leftover’ feelings for anyone and i dont like anyone romantically at the moment (and on daily basis i dont like people in general, thats another story tho haha). someone being single for long time doesnt mean they cant get over someone from their past. i kind of pride myself on getting over people quicker than most people, that doesnt mean i cant develop feelings. i can, im just way more careful with that. also, that doesnt mean i never truly liked them (havent loved anyone in a very long time hahaha) its just i dont tend to dwell on it for long. that person is not in my life anymore, why would i spend more time thinking about them when it wont affect my present?

i close that chapter in my life and just move on. not meaning for it to sound as a sob story or trying to make people feel pity for me, every time i have had started to develop some feelings for someone it backfired. made me develop trust issues and i openly admit it. and every time it backfires at me it makes it slightly worse and worse and leaves scars and honestly makes me regret ever developing any feelings. it all developed in like a defense mechanism making me want to do it again less and less.

as ive said, this is not a sob story and im not looking for people to feel sad about me. that is definitely not the only reason why im single but it is a part of it.

i chose to be single. i love being single. i have grown to love myself so much that i dont require to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled or to feel ‘’whole’’. if you find someone you fall in love with that person should not be your second half because you are one whole on your own, that other person should be a beautiful addition to your life, not someone to fill in the gaps. and if you break up you should still be able to feel complete and happy. dont think i am in celibate or i dont meet people when im single. the amount of people thinking if youre single youre not having sex is ridiculous. like seriously people, it 2020, you dont have to get into relationship just to have sex. to think that in this era of fuckboys, internet dating and all that crap... cmon like

explanation is not my strong side so im sorry if i dont fully explain something. relationships and feelings for me are... good and bad. i like them and i dont like them. to me the concept of traditional relationship is like a cage. i dont have freedom (at least not the way i want) that i want, and all the ‘’obligations’’ (cant remember the term that would better explain it). sure, when you like/love someone you usually talk all the time, tell them what you do, where you go, but as an introvert sometimes i just want to shut the whole world out and be left alone for more than a day if that is how i feel. by nature im curious and love to explore, whether it is myself or the world around me and the traditional relationship ‘’wouldn’t allow’ that, its looked down on. why do you want to try something new if you already, lets put it this way, have someone by your side?

but like yes, surely that person can fulfill me both physically and emotionally, what if someone can add to it in a different way, why would i deny myself of that pleasure?

open relationship is something would be something that would be more of my liking. do i believe it is possible to love one person fully and still want to try something with other person? definitely yes. it would start probably as exclusive until the mutual trust and understanding is achieved then we can add to it. and yes, its adding to what we already have, not replacing, not changing, not cheating - adding. that absolutely doesnt mean that the main partner is not enough, its just expanding the current experience. i was in a serious relationship where i loved the person so much and i did mention the possibility of open relationship and it wasnt accepted well and no judgement, it is not for everyone, we all dont seek for same things.

humans are creatures with needs and i believe that satisfaction can come from different people in different ways and that doesnt diminish the value of primary partner. rather than always feeling caged and limited,‘’scared’’ and suppressing your needs, you get the freedom to explore, to broaden your horizons. open relationship is not same as cheating as long as both partners are aware of the nature of the relationship and mutually agree on that, at the end of the day you always end up with them.

dont get me wrong, im not out there actively looking for relationship, im just living in the moment. those kind of things happen on their own and should not be forced, and now days anything that is not according to some standard norms is looked down on. as well, i am perfectly happy on my own, i chose to be single and im loving it. im the main person for myself, i love myself and i am thriving. absolutely enjoying my life.

there are of course more reasons than these mentioned, if youre curious please do leave a question, dont be afraid! :D (my priorities in life are usually not focused on finding a partner)

if youre not happy on your own and with yourself, how are you happy in relationship? so dont go asking people why are they single and think they are sad because of it and feel sorry for them, people do not have same needs and wants in life like you do. at the end of the day, the person who you should be most mindful of is you, your thoughts and your life. make sure you are happy with yourself because that is the person you have to live with 24/7. and once you are happy with the person you are, then you wont have the need to ‘worry’ about the others,

#love #relationship #open relationship #happy #single #single life

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innaandtheunicorn · 4 years

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why am i single?

hellooo lovely people. hope you are all well, sane and well fed. lately i did not write quite often, been reading a lot and gaming. life is not particularly interesting so there is not much going on.

so why am i single?

im not super young anymore, im in that age where most of my generation is already married and are having their first or even second kid. not me tho, thank you but i’ll pass.

as ive said, this is not a sob story and im not looking for people to feel sad about me. that is definitely not the only reason why im single but it is a part of it.

but like yes, surely that person can fulfill me both physically and emotionally, what if someone can add to it in a different way, why would i deny myself of that pleasure?

i dont feel sad or lonely or of any less value than your average person just because im single, not at all. this also made me selfish in a way, i want all the experiences for myself and my enjoyment and i dont want to limit them to make someone else happy or secure. if youre not happy on your own and with yourself, how are you happy in relationship? so dont go asking people why are they single and think they are sad because of it and feel sorry for them, people do not have same needs and wants in life like you do. at the end of the day, the person who you should be most mindful of is you, your thoughts and your life. make sure you are happy with yourself because that is the person you have to live with 24/7. and once you are happy with the person you are, then you wont have the need to ‘worry’ about the others,

#love #open relationship #relationship #happy #love yourself #freedom #happiness

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gildedink · 6 years

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The warm, early summer air felt great in Yun’s lungs. There was a light breeze, playing with the grass and her hair as she came slowly out of her meditative state. The days were getting longer and soon it would be Tenshi’s birthday. She opened her eyes and saw the sparkling sea. With the sloped nature of Umi No Hoseki, most places had a wonderful vantage point of the sea. With a stretch she stood, enjoying the feeling of relaxed muscles. Things were going well and the little vacation of hopping from city to city in Mikaizu had been surprisingly enjoyable.

With a flush she remembered last night and the sweet things that had been done. She knew under her clothes were love marks and she smiled softly to herself. It had been a bit awkward at first; there really wasn’t anyone to ask or a guide of some sort when dealing with three people. Plus, there were the lines between herself and Gali. Still, it had been wonderful and she felt light and full of gratitude. She hoped Tenshi and Sasami felt as happy as she did when they were together. The sound of someone walking up the hill made her turn, tense. Supposedly there was safety in this little valley, protected by shark-guarded seas and a huge, sheer mountain, but experience told her never to relax. The person crested over the hill.

“Oh… good morning Azusa-san.” She greeted, using the honorifics employed by the region.

“Good morning Qi-san.” Azusa replied. He was soaked, water dripping messily from his hair. He pushed it out of his face as best as he could. “Meditating?”

“Yes. It’s been a while unfortunately. Being able to meditate properly.”

The teen smiled. “There’s a group of waterfalls the local priests use to meditate. I’m sure cool water would be preferable during the summer.”

“That’s a wonderful suggestion. I’ll look into it. Thank you.” Azusa nodded but continued to stare at the woman. She shifted uncomfortably. “Yes?”

“Sorry.”

“… it’s how I look, isn’t it?”

He bowed. “Again, I’m sorry. That was rude.”

“It’s fine… never been out of the village then?”

“Not often, no. I’ve seen a few traders that have the blood of the Far North but… none of them have ever looked like you. May I… look closer?”

Yun hesitated for a moment. She hated being stared at. She hated being so othered. But Azusa was asking out of genuine curiosity, not cruelty. She nodded and the boy came closer, still slick with water. His eyes slowly took her in, like observing an interesting puzzle of piece of art. The expression was very reminiscent of Sasami. There were siblings after all. He took in the pale, messy curls, the milky skin, her short frame. Finally, his eyes landed on hers. Looking right into the eyes of a Jurai, Yun could see how Tenshi had been so captivated. The irises were as silver as moonlight, as mirrors, as frost, as the winter sea. To the woman’s shock, she saw a deep, heavy sorry that didn’t match Azusa’s youth.

“You have his eyes. Like tanzanite.”

The priestess blinked. “Pardon? He?”

Azusa stepped back and bowed. “Thank you, Qi-san.”

“What did you mean?”

“Mean?”

“’His eyes’. Who’s eyes?”

“Who’s he?”

“You said he.”

“I did?”

“Of course you did.”

“You were the one to bring up a ‘he’. Are you talking about Keo-san?” Azusa tilted his head. “You two are involved, correct? I smell his scent on you… and another's.”

Yun flushed. She was getting confused. “Didn’t you say, when you looked at my eyes, they were like ‘his eyes’?”

“No.” The disagreement was emphasized with a headshake. Droplets flew from the wet tips of his hair. The two stared at each other, one glaring and the other wide-eyed innocence. “I will take my leave.” He bowed again and left down the hill. Yun stared after him; she’d heard him correctly… hadn’t she? Who’s eyes had the teen seen in hers?

----------------------------------------

Laughter rung through the air as the sun shone. Alexander dragged Matvey by the arm, pushing through the throng of people surrounding those dancing in the middle. A band was struck up, playing a tune fast and lively. “Come on, come on!”

“You won’t die if you don’t join the dance.” Matvey complained. “I hate the dances.”

“Bullshit. Come on, let’s show off. Maybe we’ll get lucky this year.” They reached the inner edge of the crowd leading to the large circle where men and women danced. Some danced in pairs, others in clusters. Spring fever was in the air and the people of Rutsia were eager to shake off the harsh cold for however long they could. Alexander rocked back and forth on his feet, trying to find a good opening. “Come on, come on….”

“Just go without me. I don’t want to dance.”

“But you used to love it before!”

Matvey scowled. “Shit changes.”

The shorter teen sighed but let the matter drop. He cared far more about joining the dance and letting off steam. After a bit he saw his chance and jumped in, falling in step with the other men. The sun was brilliant, nature’s spotlight. He jumped and kicked and spun and danced. At some point he haphazardly threw her jacket off, leaving him in his shirt and vest. A pretty girl with vines and snowbuds in her hazel-colored hair was his partner, her red and blue skirts swirling as the spun. Alexander laughed, loving the thrill of the dance, the warmth of the air, the scent of new life. It was these moments that made him happiest, that made life worth living. He remembered his mother’s skirts as they swirled in spring, how his father would lift her up, spin her around. How he would then, too be picked up and spun.

In the dance he was with them again. In the spring he was home, if only for a few moments as ephemeral as the warmth the season brought.

--------------------------------------------------

With a lazy sigh, Matvey sunk into the bed. He was tired. The constant chatter of know-nothings, arguments and hissing matches wore on him. Here, he could have some peace. The servant added more logs to the fireplace, bowed and left. He didn’t bother to take off his boots, letting his feet simply dangle off the bed’s edge. He wanted to just let his body sink for a moment, feel the heaviness of it.

He still had to give an answer. Would he contract or not. Would he damn himself or not. He wanted to break the man that had broken him but something made him hesitate. A nagging. Memories of a perogies offered. Of warm smiles and a gaze that not only saw him but loved him. Was power worth crushing the little bit of sweetness he’d gained in life, leaving nothing but diamond dust? He thought of the beatings, the yelling, the cursing. The cold. The loneliness. The fact that Alexander had been offered a better life and had never looked back. The choice should be easy.

Still, hope kept burning in his chest. Hope that things would mend. Hope that the loneliness would end. Hope. Hope. Hope. That horrible, disgusting thing that drove him and other abandoned souls to keep being abused in a world that didn’t give a damn. He wanted to rip it to pieces. He wanted hope to stop existing. …he wanted his best friend back. His only friend. He wanted those eyes to stop looking at others and look at him again. He wanted his sanity back. He knew too much, he knew too little. He was a missy conflict, a being who craved power, fame, adoration from all yet from the one that truly mattered it never came.

Matvey wondered if he was always destined to be damned. Damned by a contract with the forbidden or damned by the chains of hope. The true question was which shackles could be stand.

- Shards of Emotion, Snow

#series: legend of the red comet #series: legend of the moving mountain #character: yun qi #character: alexander makaar #character: matvey alexeev

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wiltking · 6 years

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(review) warchild series by karin lowachee - Space Scifi

warchild ★★★★★

content warnings: csa, r*pe, PTSD

this is scifi. deep scifi. none of that soft baby scifi. this is aliens and space pirates and intergalactic war. and you get thrown right into the thick of it. my notes for this book consist almost entirely of two words; ‘immersion’, and ‘fuck’. the latter because thats what was going through my head from start to finish. just a thick steady chorus of oh fuck, oh shit, and holy smokes!, etc. and ‘immersion’ because the aliens in this universe have their own made-up language and lowachee was not afraid to make us learn the vocabulary. theres also a lot of made up english terms, because it takes place in the future it makes sense for the language to change and develop. and i just really appreciate the extra efforts writers will go through for solid worldbuilding. and i love languages, so its cool as fuck. and the main character is also cool as fuck, even though hes just a kid.

a kid who has seen and been through far too much, so dont expect any gay stuff. theres subtext and one-sided gay flirting from side characters, but Jos is a child with a lot of issues. the real meaty gay stuff doesnt come in until book 3, and even then its not the focus of the story. so if you want romance, you wont find it here. but if you want cool scifi that deals with the ugly realities of war, with minor gay seasoning, just enough to give your senses a tingle if you pay attention past the politics and violence going on, then this series might be for you!

my only complaint about the book is the weird abundance of... blond characters. which isnt something that ruins the story by any means but it is a weird enough detail to give me pause and make me wonder why. karin, if youre out there, what was the thought process behind this design choice? please get back to me.

burndive ★★☆☆☆

content warnings: heterosexuality, drug use

we move way from the guts of war and get a closer look at civilian life and politics. each book in this series follows a new character and unfortunately Ryan is a brat, and the least interesting character in the universe. the plot crawls at a snail pace and all Ryan does is drag his feet after it. my interest entirely relied on anyone and everyone that wasnt Ryan because theres so many interesting characters in this world! a real shame that Ryan has the personality of an angsty toothpick. and i didnt even hate the guy, there just wasnt much to like. plot-wise there was none of the excitement that i loved about warchild, until the very end. and at that point i was mostly excited to be nearly done with Ryan at last and for good.

amazingly, the amount of blond characters only continues to increase and has become somewhat comical at this point.

cagebird ★★★★☆

content warnings: self harm (cutting), csa, r*pe, pedophilia

we're back to the war, this time following the beautiful and ruthless pirate Yuri Kirov. hes a criminal, a russian, and about as fucked up as they come. i gotta say, ive never read about a russian man who got romantically involved with men. and needless to say, it was a near holy experience. to see him speak the russian words i grew up with, and then later see him curled in the arms of another man was beyond beautiful, and very important to me, and i dont think i'll see it again for a long time. if ever.

the csa in this book is.. expected, but not any easier to stomach. i wont bother getting into why its reprehensible and poor taste to write these scenes in detail, so just heed the warnings. at least the kids actually get to kill their abusers in this series, but i dont feel like giving out brownie points either way.

everything else about Yuri's story was golden. its painful and extremely troubled but he’s enjoyable to read about and damn i love him so much. and i love the kind endings karin allows her characters to have.

[full list of recs]

#long post #warchild #wilt's book reviews #lgbt literature #i wanna draw fanart for this series so bad 9__9

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bootyprince999 · 6 years

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a conflict between a person's physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.Okay uh, sorry this has been rattling around in my brain for too long, and i already kNOW when some certain people read this they’ll probably spam me with reasons why i’m wrong but i can’t help but notice a trend in the people policing trans people and as a trans man i think i have to right to voice my opinion about it yes? no? Well it doesnt matter im doing it anyway.

(fair warning, if my wording is off or if sentences et confusing; the word im using is not the right definition, i apologize im just cranking this out and have a hard time with words getting mixed up anyways, gomen)

Alright so uh

I’m sure people who aren’t truscum have probably heard of truscum right? Trans-exclusionary feminists (usually) saying what trans people (predominantly trans MEN , this is important) must do/feel/think in order to really be trans. If they dont they get called transtrenders and cis women ‘crying out to feel important’

well alright theres lots to dissect here but just uh, its overwhelming at first glance. I mean, cis people telling trans people what to do in order to ‘really’ be trans is about at the same line of white people trying to tell really any poc how to be their race or something. Its asinine and just confusing?? I thought we were past this??

But most of these ‘truscum’ people are only really targeting trans-men. To say they’re targeting the trans community is a bit off because from what i’ve seen of them, (correct me if im wrong it’d make this even more interesting if they were harassing trans women too with their similar rhetoric) they’re creating terms for and attacking feminine presenting trans-men, calling them ‘tucutes’ (which im still fuzzy on the definition for mostly cause its just stupid) and also then again calling them just cis women trying to be cool or something. But i feel i should note not all truscum are just cis-women, some of them are trans-men as well which is surprising to me but also, with my experience as a trans-man im also kinda not surprised. I’ll get into that later.

So to start just, these ‘truscum’ people seem to have their main targets being trans-men but also nonbinary people as well, claiming that nb people are not trans and claiming that effeminate trans-men are not real men because men are not effeminate and to even be trans you have to have ‘dysphoria’ (which is technically right but, the definition truscum give is not really correct? pls stick with me on this ill explain) and how HRT makes you hyper masculine and so femm trans-men and nonbinary people should not try to or have any acess to it at all and it should be reserved for REAL trans men who wanna be very manly because HRT can and will only make u super masculine and theres absolutley no way you can use hormone therapy or reconstructive gender therapy to be androgynous as some nb people seek. (even though AMAB NB people haves used hormones to do this, and AFAB NB people have used hormones and surgery to do this as well. But you know, theyre really only attacking trans-men when they do this anyways so they probably dont know or care to know about that.)

Well lets sorta back track a second here on like, the basic definition of trans you get when u first tell kinda any doctor/counselor/therapist that you feel like youre a different gender. “Some trans people undergo hormone replacement or sexual reassignment surgery to help themselves align their bodies to their real gender, but some trans people don’t because they dont want to change their bodies and thats okay!” So yeah, even the oldschool mid ‘2010′ era definition doctors and people used made room for people who were okay with their bodies but still felt trans! Still felt like the classic “man trapped in a womans body” thing of whatever (even though thats a gross metaphor but you get my point)

So when did people suddenly decide that the definition was different? that trans people now should be uncomfortable and change their bodies otherwise their not trans? I don’t know when it started or why though i suspect with the few trans-men who are truscum it could have maybe started with things like this;

-the reddit term of transtrender coming up to invalidate trans people (again predominantly trans men) for their identity.

-the few trans people who do undergo transition and either through maybe doctors not giving them enough information and giving them a higher dose, their body not reacting to it well, or somehow getting acess to transitioning fast enough that they really were actually in a transitional period of their lives where perhaps they were feeling they were trans but were maybe going through something during that point in their lives, or perhaps the changes the HRT gave them were unsatisfying and they wanted something different. (This is usually pretty rare though considering most trans people have to undergo usually at least 4 years of waiting for any hormone treatment, which involves going through lots of doctors and therapists and having to really talk about how trans you are for years, and any sign of even being slightly loose in your definition of gender “i feel liek guys can like cute girl things too” can often get you pushed back for treatment. IDK where these people are getting fast acess to hormone treatment cause ive never found any)

- Trans-men who perhaps have internalized a lot of the toxic masculinity that can sometimes get pushed onto you trying to prove you’re enough of a man for people. Before the definition of truscum even exsisted i’ve had to deal with people like this face to face and it made me get a lot more aggresive standoffish and downright rude with people because i was just trying to act like what i thought men should act like. And given this was in my early teen years, what early teen males are fed of what men act like, i was a fucking nightmare yeah. I’ve seen some transmen who sorta internalize this stuff and get the woman-hating too, I had a time sort of in middleschool era where i was really gross about girls and their bodies and just, I can totally see transguys maybe buying into an idea of hating on feminine guys the same way cis guys hate on femm cis guys.

-the above could also include cis women so just, in general people with internalized misogyny because again, this is all so targeted at calling DFAB people not good enough and not trans enough

So yeah, theres obviously been some people unhappy with people and sort of misunderstanding things about being trans. But to be fair, a lot of the definitions of things relatng to being trans, esp the ‘dys-’ words have been left pretty confusing. So lets try to go over them and maybe now i can clear up why these ‘truscum’ people are both somewhat correct in saying you need to have dysphoria to be trans, but also not really because they sort of have their terms wrong...

dysphoria:”a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.” -Google

dysmorphia/body dysmorphia: “the obsessive idea that some aspect of one's own body part or appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix their dysmorphic part on their person.” -Wikipedia

Gender dysphoria: “a conflict between a person's physical or assigned gender and the gender with which he/she/they identify. People with gender dysphoria may be very uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned, sometimes described as being uncomfortable with their body (particularly developments during puberty) or being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.” -Psychiatry.org

So, according to the main definition of Gender Dysphoria, it can encompass both the feelings of dissatisfaction and almost detachment to life of Dysphoria and the detachment and detest of Body Dysmorphia. Also to have Dysmorphia you sort of have Dysphoria inherently with the way your quality of life and enjoyment of your own goes down with the fact you cant change something thats such a part of your being. Dysphoria and Dysmorphia playing in art with one another is especially common with trans people. So I think that these ‘truscum’ people are sort of confusing the definition of Gender Dysphoria. Theyre implying and pushing that it’s all about the “being uncomfortable with their body” when its both that and the “being uncomfortable with the expected roles of their assigned gender.”

So by definition, to be trans you do have to have Dysphoria, or particularly Gender Dysphoria yes. BUT, Gender Dysphoria does NOT mean hating and wanting to change your body for lots of trans people! Not liking being reffered to as a certain gender, or partaking in the behaviors expected of it, clothes, activities, jobs, items, milestones, if you feel detached from it and like its really not you that by definition means you have Gender Dysphoria and so you are trans. And yes NB are trans, tons of them relate to the definition of Gender Dysphoria both the Dysphoria and Dysmorphia parts of them.

I also feel like adding that to say that trans men or trans women need to be aligning completely with the gender they identify with (as both truscum and some doctors still do), there are plenty of cis-gender people who feel that gender is a bit fluid and that cis-men and cis-women can have traits of the other and behave sort of in the middle. So for trans people to not be able to do the same, when trans men are and often feel in the same ways that these cis men do, and vice vera for trans women, its kind of transphobic man. You’re putting up unreasonable and downright unnesesary ideals for trans people to uphold to prove themselves that cis-people don’t even have to. If cis-people can have a looser idea on gender expression and can have diff gender expression (expressing/dressing in a different gender while still feeling like the gender you identify/are born with) then trans people should to.

Like me, i’m a trans men who has feminine gender expression! Truscum would probably call me a trender or a ‘tucute’ for that. But, I have hORRIBLE Body Dysmorphia because of my Gender Dysphoria. Have since i was like 11, And i want to undergo both top and bottom surgery to alleviate it all. So, hows that for “fem trans guys are just tucutes, you have to have dysphoria to be trans” I have it and im still fem bitch.

But yeah, i just keep seeing so much of this, even from people i used to consider friends and just, i wanted to put my 2 cents in on it. If you have Gender related Dysphoria or Dysmorphia, you’re gonna know about it best. And if you dont want to have to have the scary part of de-transitioning because medical transition wasn’t right for you because you identifying as one thing was wrong and you actually identify as something different, I reccomend maybe sitting on those feelings before doing anything for like 5-7 years. Sounds like a long time, but i mean from when you first start getting the feelings of Gender Dysphoria and Dysmorphia. It’s still honestly so rare for people to detransition though and feel like a whole diff gender, ppl usually detransition when they feel like their hormones are going further than they want (and then later fix their dose with their doctor) of to avoid public shaming and are still trans so yeah.

Hopefully no ones too upset with this (unless theyre a terf or truscum) but yeah, thats my word on it.

#trans #t/w #transphobia #dysphoria #truscum

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oakmd · 7 years

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Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at.

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half.

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there. Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people:

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy.

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that.

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person.

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them.

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser.

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay?

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend!

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone!

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble @thunderstonereject @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

#congratulations hall of famers! ▸ [ PROMO. ]#this is too mcuh work im sorry if i missed anyone dnfkgh #also sorry if i started sounding repetetive but i dont say anything i dont mean #this was overwhelming but it was worth it!!!!#follower count for ts #wat a nice early bday gift :o #and around the same time as the anniversary pkmn game release

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deadmanzp · 4 years

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aftg asks; questions by triquetrine

these are so interesting so i did all of them.. i want to come back after a year and see if id still answer the same!

op is the post before this or also tagged “misc”

neil josten: favorite/most iconic line?

first one that comes to mind I’m not sure is a favorite or iconic line? but it’s a line i think about a lot and it always hurts to read. it’s when they're at the cabin in TKM.

“He didn’t care how much it hurt so long as he could pull Andrew closer, and he let Andrew take him apart until he couldn’t think anymore.”

that comes at the very end of Chapter 14 and gosh just the paragraph that line comes from and the paragraph before…. the fact neil thinks andrew doesnt care about him the way he cares/feels about andrew is like….. CMON MAN but also i just love the pining angst of it. i like this line especially because the line right before it mentions neil working his “bandaged fingers into Andrew’s hair”. so the “he didnt care how much it hurt” to me always carried a double meaning of 1. the physical pain he felt bc of his injuries but also 2. the pain of unfamiliarity abt his feelings towards andrew and thinking it was unreciprocal AND THAT HED HAVE TO “WARN” ANDREW like the implication.. of neil thinking abt their “relationship” possibly ending bc andrew doesnt feel the same and maybe wouldnt want to be entangled in whatever neil was feeling …… IM LIKE neil knows andrew so well and him being so sure abt this but hes like …. WRONG …. e

nathaniel wesninski: one thing you would change about the books? (plot, characters, etc)

there is very little id change about the books if at all. mainly bc while i know there are upsetting things that happen/the charas do, i think all of those things make the series really interesting to analyze and talk about. i will say a moment i hated was when neil touches andrews scars when andrew makes it clear he doesn't want neil to pry about them. i know neil offers his scars in turn when he's trying to convince andrew to let neil look over kevin but that was controlled. he let andrew touch them and find out about them of his own volition. neil touches something directly related to the trauma andrew had just experienced again when he had 0 permission to do so. while i always get mad at neil for this when i read it i still dont think id change it or get rid of it. im not really sure how id change it anyways and i think andrews relationship with his scars (and himself in general) is probably what allows him to brush it off(?)/never bring this up (plus maybe neil offering his scars was enough for andrew) but i havent thought too hard about this. but ya i remember i got rlly angry w neil the first time i read this scene and i still get mad abt it when i reread.

andrew minyard: if you could be friends with one of the characters, who would you pick?

i mean realistically i wouldnt be friends w jocks ILL BE REAL LOL and i think as much as i love the monsters, theres no way id be friends w them haha uhm but prob dan would be most realistic! maybe even katelyn tbh..

kevin day: if you played exy, what would your position be?

oh i think dealer! in sports i liked being able to do both defense and offense bc it made me feel i had more control over the field, like i could always do something if there were any holes

dan wilds: favorite moment/scene?

definitely the hotel reunion scene. theres so much to it; it drives me nuts!!!!! but honestly there are probably a lot of really good moments im forgetting. to me the whole series is really enjoyable and every scene has something i could say about it haha

matt boyd: song you would love to see in a live-action adaptation?

Oggghh this is so hard… esp since it takes place in 2007???? Idk.. iconic artists then i suppose ghfgkjhf BUT i think general vibes i think itd be so cool if paramore (time relevant), ptv (also time relevant), and mitski were on the soundtrack……. Ya……..

nicky hemmick: which made you more emotional, neil at evermore or neil in baltimore?

neil in baltimore for sure… neil at evermore i can't remember what i felt the first time i read it (maybe pain LOL bc he was doing it for andrew and i felt like riko wouldnt keep his promise) but in my latest reread i was unimpressed by it (mostly bc i think riko is boring and unimpressive). i think i mightve said evermore in the past though….. maybe... neil in baltimore is like … GOD neils emotions are so strong during all of that its really juicy haha. i think like him being angry bc he was on the cusp of having everything he couldve ever dreamed of; the desperation of wanting to fight back and get away; even just the fear of being in the same room as his father for the first time in so long... all really juicy

aaron minyard: a character you will defend to your death?

defend…. im not sure is the word i would use and i dont think i really believe in defending any of these charas “to death” bc of how flawed and complex they are; id like to acknowledge when they did wrong. i think id “defend” any of the characters if i saw anyone misinterpreting or misunderstanding them.. theyre all really interesting even if they didnt get too much spotlight. except maybe riko. hes incredibly boring to me. and also nathan ig and any of his crew just bc there is Nothing abt them rlly...

katelyn: which minor character do you wish you could see more of?

uhhhmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm….. idk maybe… jeremy…. gjfjgkdngmdghs just bc him and kevin r so funny.. i was thinking maybe jean too but…… idk a diff kind of kevin relationship lol (yikes) (pain) but really im satisfied w jeans screen time. i think ichirou is interesting but again i think he didn't rlly need more. maybe erik actually. im interested to know what nicky is like with him :0

allison reynolds: favorite headcanon about the foxes?

actually something i recently thought abt was neil and photography. iirc? andrew gives neil a camera in the ec and i also imagine kevin eventually gets another camera too (i loved that detail when we saw his room at the nest) so i thought abt neil and kevin sharing/trading pics they take of (mainly) scenery. i imagine neil takes pics of anything he wants to remember/keep while kevin is more prone to taking pics of subjects related to some nerd history stuff (lol) so thats why they trade scenery pics mainly. but i like this small connection bc i want more to their relationship than their exy obsession and i imagine they have room for more now that riko is gone and i just like this other commonality btwn them. i think maybe they mail the developed pics to each other maybe w small descripts/notes but thats it. and i also imagine it kind of just is something that started happening.. neil and andrew r on a roadtrip and some building reminds neil of kevin so he snaps a pic and eventually sends it to kevin w some note. kevin replies 1. either a text being like that is nothing. > neil: shrugs brushes it off but figures he is welcome to send more when kevin sends his own picture back or 2. kevin simply replies back similarly w his own photo. i dont know.. maybe this goes beyond what their actual relationship would be like but i do like the idea of them just bein like… dude friends u know so i want them to have more than just exy and a traumatizing experience between them.

as for common headcanons within the fanbase…. i do like the allison + neil haircuts thing.. although im not sure if i imagine it the same as most haha i feel neil would know how to cut his own hair from his life on the run (though theyre not Good or bad just like ok u know like passable generic w/e) i think hed definitely be tense the first couple times but he has experience w allison being close from needing to be covered up w make up after winter break so i think she would be allowed.

renee walker: favorite non-canonical ship? (renison, jerejean, etc)

uhmm to be honest none really… im way too attached to canon to be able to dismiss any established relationships. i think kevemy (??? is that the name) is rlly amusing but i dont want them together necessarily haha i used to rlly like renison mainly bc im a lesbian and i want “main” chara wlw relationships lol but i recently read something abt how bi allison doesnt rlly sit well w some bc she outs andrew and neil during the hotel scene.. i also agree this is kinda :/ if she was bi Mainly bc i feel a lot of ppl (or at least this is what i gather from renison stuff ive seen) portray allison already being established bi? if this makes sense. i think if renison/allison realizing shes bi is a later development id feel better abt it but usually renison is already established so ya her outing them does bother me…. BUT aside from this, thinking about them as characters and what their partners (would) look like… im not sure if theyd rlly choose each other.. but i still enjoy seeing them together in art and in fic bc in the end…. im a sucker for women lol….

seth gordon: most underrated dynamic? (matt & neil, wymack & andrew, etc)

my first thought was wymack and andrew bc i rlllllyy like their dynamic especially after reading their ec stuff. i loved their first meeting (andrews terrible sandwich??!?fhdhfjd) and when andrew breaks into wymacks apartment BUT i think ppl mention them enough its not underrated. i Actually think renee and andrews dynamic/friendship is rlly underrated/overlooked!!! especially after reading the son nefes ec i love their dynamic a lot…

some son nefes moments of them i liked: tw // rape

renee convincing andrew to go with her to see matt after his trip to edens

how many knives do u carry / one more than u IS SO FUNNY and just andrews persistence abt fighting renee is also rlly funny to me

tw // rape : the moment when andrew asks renee if she killed her rapist/abuser that whole convo was good…

their convo in the rain w their tea

i cant remember when this happens or rlly exaclty what was said but renee offers andrew something (some help??) and he says i dont need (w/e it was) and she says something along the lines of i know but it wouldnt do any harm or SOMETHING like that.. i like this bc she acknowledges their abilities while showing shed still like to offer some help. im p sure she does this another time too (w neil???? or someone i cant remember maybe it was andrew again) and i remember liking it too. she has a way w words and talking (also seen in her convincing andrew to see matt)

BUT regardless of ec stuff i think their relationship/dynamic seen in the books is rlly good too. theres def enough to be intrigued by them and i always have been? so i'm reeeaallly happy son nefes exists i loved reading it..

david wymack: which ncaa team would you play for?

oh to be honest i dont rlly remember many of them but of the Three (ravens, foxes, trojans) prob trojans. i remember i even got them in a uquiz once…

abby winfield: which character was the most realistically written?

first that came to mind was aaron actually.. i remember before when i didnt rlly like him or care abt him it was actually bc he was too “boring” to me. i always thought he had the most realistic reactions to things which is what made him boring to me amidst the ridiculousness of, well, everything in aftg lol… i still think he is really realistically written but now i dont think hes boring haha

besty dobson: how many times have you read the series?

fully i think…. only 3 times… i wish this were a higher count but i actually feel guilty everytime i try to reread it.

riko moriyama: coolest exy moment? (kevin’s last-minute point against the ravens, andrew shutting down the goal, etc)

uhhmm uhmm i def think kevin during the final game against the ravens…. hes so cool haha but i KNOW there were a lot of game moments that i thought were really cool so i cant rlly say…. oh also i love neil being defense in that game too rlly juicy wish i could pull up obscure moments bc i know i rlly enjoyed reading the games but terrible memory...

jeremy knox: which do you like reading more, domestic!foxes or chaotic!foxes?

uh i guess chaotic? not rlly sure exactly what that could entail but i do like… their chaos.. when they have fights and squabbles and stuff… this includes the high tension moments. ALTHOUGH i do like the tiny lines in the books when we see the monsters just doing like random basic everyday life stuff like playing video games or whatever. i like…. imagining them... fhdjfjshfjs… as for fic def chaos. i feel domestic is usually too softened…..

jean moreau: favorite friendship?

oh i think this goes back to andrew and renee. but other than them… i do like neil and matts friendship.. though probably not the same as its typically portrayed

#my own #misc

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drpepperphd · 7 years

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AYASES TOP 10 ALBUMS OF 2017

OH MAN WHAT A GOOD YEAR FOR MUSIC ! ! ! ! ! AND GAMES ! ! ! ! ! ! yknow what ! ! ! this was just a good year ! ! ! fuck what u all say ! ! ! anyways heres the list and under the cut ill talk about the album and have some Honourable Mentions ! LETS GO ! !

10: A Crow Looked At Me by Mount Eerie

9: Concrete Desert by The Bug vs. Earth

8: Time Away by Casey Lalonde

7: Savage Sinusoid by Igorrr

6: Outer Edges Remixes by Noisia

5: Someone Elses Story by CXDR

4: It Happens Too Briefly To Know by Jr. Adelberg

3: Romaplasm by Baths

2: World Eater by Blanck Mass

1: II by Phuture Doom

wow ! ! okay so lets talk about feelings bitch

A Crow Looked At Me; so like fuck thats a sad album huh ? its straight up just grieving But With Guitar. im a massive fan of mount eerie and like literally everything phil elverum ever does, so its unsurprising this made the cut in the end, but this is one of those albums where once its over youre just left there, probably crying, just like “well shit now what to do i do with my life”

Concrete Desert; years back the bug and earth did a 2 song split that to this day i still absolutely adore, so as soon as i heard they were making a full length album together, i kinda flipped my shit ! ! and it lived up to all my expectations, and then some ! the album perfectly captures both the gritty and noisy and cold and empty sounds that both the bug and earth make separately, and just mashes it into this beautiful and dark album

Time Away; so idk if anyone knows but i am a HUGE casey lalonde fan, their music has meant a lot to me and helped me through a lot, so its only fitting they drop an album this year and its beautiful as hell ! ! from start to finish, time away took me through a bunch of feelings, all relevant to this year, doing what casey lalonde does best and making an incredibly enjoyable and comfy album yet again

Savage Sinusoid; i mean shit igorrr sure as hell exists huh ! ! suddenly savage sinusoid is released and its god damn chaotic as hell, and really focuses more on the... lets say Guttural side of igorrrs music. i mean all good albums should start with a dude screaming his lungs out honestly

Outer Edges Remixes; so the first time i listened to the outer edges remixes i was in public, but that did not stop me from boppin my head and all that shit cause literally every song on this album goes the fuck OFF ! ! ! like i honestly cant say anything else its just incredible remixes of older noisia songs with their incredible style of their album Outer Edges

Someone Elses Story; oh my goodness here onwards things are probably gonna get lengthy and emotional ! ! so i absolutely Love every piece of music avery releases, her music has comforted and helped me for years, and i still remember the first time i heard her music with the album Lost No Longer, which to this day continues to be my Comfort Album. now this album carries that weight twofold, as this album is about the past 3 years for avery, which coincidentally is for how long her music has been helping me. now ngl, i definitely cried listening to this album, every song just hit a different part of me, and you can feel each emotion that shes experience over the past 3 years in just 9 songs. a beautiful way to wrap up her alias as cxdr, and come out publicly under the name avery, and i cant wait to see where her music goes next.

It Happens Too Briefly To Know; i honestly did not expect to come to love this album as much as i do now ! on the surface its good indie rock, not anything new but not too familiar either, playing with the genre with interesting changes in the pace of songs. changing the pace during songs more often than not. it felt simple enough, but slowly over time i just kept coming back to this album, listening to it over and over again, and ive really come to appreciate every minute detail of this album, not to mention the feeling of youth it seems to so expertly capture

Romaplasm; oh my god, oh my GOD. alright so i really love baths, and this is undeniably his best release yet, it nearly placed second on this list, but i think world eater just BARELY tops it, for entirely different reasons though. hearing such openly gay songs from a big artist is... incredibly refreshing to say the least, even if they can be incredibly depressing, with lyrics such as “queer in a way thats failed me”. this album goes on such an incredible journey through everything baths does so well, starting to bright and happy and reaching an incredibly depressing song only 2 songs later, which jumps right into an incredibly uplifting and headstrong track, basically continuing in weird patterns like this but somehow flowing really well, until it does what i loved about his album obsidian. what i loved about obsidian is how it progressively got darker and grittier, to the point where the final track had some distortion in it. this takes it to an entirely different level, by going in an entirely different way. this is done in the last 3 tracks, so from wilt to coitus the album grows softer, almost like its dying (not a hard conclusion to reach with such track names) to a point in coitus where it even fizzles out for lack of a better word. and as coitus ends, in comes broadback, an oddly happy sounding song, especially in contrast to the last few tracks. the lyrics on the other hand, definitely not so happy, but vaguely hopeful. then baths does something that he hasnt done in his music before. he screams. and he just screams “dont want you to die” over and over until the end of the song. words cannot explain what this album does to me, but good god it sure as shit does it

World Eater; with each release blanck mass has done, hes gotten progressively more Intense. his first album was just an ambient album, his second release was grittier, it actually had beats, and now theres world eater. when rhesus negative kicked in on my first time listening to world eater, i fucking lost it. its such an angry and intense and fast song, and it goes the fuck off. the album goes in and out of angry songs and softer songs, in such an entrancing way that even the worst track on the album is still amazing and something id just listen to on its own. id like to mention literally every track on the album and talk about it but that would just take up way too much time, but i do want to just say the rat and silent treatment are fucking incredible songs that are like nothing ive ever heard and everything about this album just fucking RULES

II; ever since this album dropped in march, it has been my album of the year, nothing swaying that opinion any other way. i god damn love phuture doom, and the whole arg and everything about the lead up to this album was god damn amazing, and when it was all finally uncovered and we all listened to it for the first time, it blew our fucking minds. II takes what everyone loved about phuture dooms first album and ramps it up to 10, making the darkest and angriest and grittiest black acid cult shit imaginable. one song after the other, each proceeding to just impress and enthrall me more and more, and then you get the 4 minute ambient (and frankly kinda scary) ending, and honestly i needed to lay down after hearing II for the first time. the story and mystery of phuture doom deepens further, and quite frankly i worship my new overlord Entity0, whatever the fuck that even is

honourable mentions time ! ! ! !

Death Peak by Clark; wow ! new clark album ! fuck its cool as hell ! god damn ive listened to this album too much ! !

Humanz by Gorillaz; yeah so what if you dont think its their best album ! its still a damn good album !

Utopia by Bjork; UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ALBUM

Human Goings by Neil Bones; FUCK ME EVEN NEIL BONES RELEASED A NEW ALBUM ITS ALL HAPPENING THIS YEAR AAAAAAAA

Rainbow Mirror by Prurient; hey what the fuck new prurient ? Oh Hey Its Three Hours Long. combines his work under vatican shadow and prurient really well ! ! ! !

The Journey Man by Goldie; what the fuck goldie released a new album and its actually GOOD ? ? ? oh it goes for 2 hours huh. Fuckin Okay Mate

Evolution Of The Universe by Medium; my god what a fucking intense and angry dnb album good shit

WELL I GUESS THATS ALL FOLKS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! yeehaw and have a Happy New Cheers

#ayatext #WOW this took so long to make its been really hard having to choose a top 10 and ORDER THEM TOO....#i had to have honourable mentions just cause so much good music has come out this year

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yeoldontknow · 7 years

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do you have any tips for writing? Your writing is the best i've ever read, and I'm not exaggerating. I really want to be better, but i don't know how to improve. Is writing something you can improve in or is it just something you're born with?

hello anon~~

heres the thing: some people are born with a natural proclivity towards a certain skill. like you can be born with a good singing voice if it runs in your family or something - but that does not necessarily mean you are born being celine dion. you still have to work to hone your craft, practice, engage in ongoing trial and error. every talent or craft is something that needs to be continuously worked on - like a muscle! if you dont do the thing for a while, itll revert back to a previous state you might not be happy with. so, while you CAN be born skilled at something, no one is born perfect. AND YES. there are many things you can do to help yourself improve

- read. honestly, most of the authors/writers i admire are also avid readers. when you read a book or a fic or something, your vocabulary naturally expands. certain authors use certain words to describe things, others have various stylistic choices that determine how their story is paced. someone like hemingway might use very brief, short sentence with words that have high impact; while someone like isaac marion might use many sentences to get the same feeling across. its important you read BOTH authors because this will help you develop a style in your own writing, will help your own vocabulary grow - hemingway might say ‘the red seat looked like a feast’; isaac marion might say ‘the seat looked as though it were bleeding, and it made R terribly, terribly hungry.’ same sentiment - different way of explaining something (*note: those are not actual quotes, im just using an example idk)

reading also helps your imagination expand!!

- consume various forms of media/art. what i mean by consume is just engage with different types of arts. listen to music - music ALWAYS helps me get inspired, either in the sound or in the lyrics. and its to a point where i cannot write if the music/soundtrack isnt right. watch tv or films - i can assure you that hero is only as gritty as it is because i was watching sense8 while writing it. show is dark and foreboding constantly, and it definitely helped me structure my mindset to be in that world.

for both reading and tv and music - i dont mean copy the work. dont ever do that. that is plagiarism. but these things all help a person get inspired or feel creative or help them visualize a certain thing for their story.

- destroy the blank word doc. its easy to fear a blank document. EVERYONE fears the empty word doc. something about all that white is terribly imposing and threatening and you immediately start to doubt yourself. its like looking into a void. so how do we combat that? put down a sentence or three. WHO CARES IF THEY ARE GROSS? the void certainly doesnt, the void is just like ‘wtf these words are so itchy’ and youre like ‘fuckin...deal with it.’ put down sentences for your story and get rid of that blank page. these are not final sentences, you are going to edit them. do you know how many times chapter 13 of hero has been edited? literally, over 5 at this point. i cant seem to get it right AND THATS OK!! because i will! and you will too! just throw some shit onto a page and then go back and change it. (more on this later)

- start in the middle. while its also easy to be intimidated by a blank word doc, its also easy to be intimidated by not knowing where to start. if you have a great idea of the middle of your chapter - WRITE THAT PART FIRST!! if you get inspired by a dialogue or by a vision you have, you will kill it almost instantly by going ‘ok but i have to get them there first’ and then trying to wrap your mind around it. immediately, the mood dies and it feels like pulling teeth to get some words down because thats not what your muse wants you to be thinking about. so, write that cool scene first. i PROMISE once its out, more will come. the ending of chapter 7 for hero was written before chapter 6 AND before even the start of 7. WRITE WHAT INSPIRES YOU AND I PROMISE MORE WILL COME!!

- edit, edit, edit. so. you started in the middle, drafted your Cool Scene and burned the white doc down. AMAZING GO YOU!! but youre not done. you have to edit that. the first thing your mind brings forth will not (not saying it cant but when youre trying to burn down a doc it likely isnt) be the final thing you release to the public. once you have your cool scene down, go back and edit. fill it in. make it better and pretty. change some words, fix your typos. when you think its great, move onto something else and THEN GO BACK. AND FIX IT AGAIN. i edit at least 3 times before i post something. no one ever puts a perfect thing down that they like first time round, and the only time thats ever happened to me was when i wrote pusher in a fit of GLORIOUS INSPIRATION THAT LIKELY WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

- have a friend read your work/be a hype man. rome was not build in a day and certainly was not built by one man alone. if you have a friend in the fandom or community, or even just a friend you trust enough to share work with, SHARE IT WITH THEM. my housemate likes kpop, but does not care nearly enough about it as i do, and also has no inclination to write fanfic whatsoever. BUT. hes super supportive of me and LOVES reading whatever i write - especially hero. sharing your work with a friend to get their opinion is the most vulnerable you will ever be but its EXCITING. i shared hero with him and all at once he was giving me tips on weapons and how the ear responds to gunfire and like his random interest in military strategy has helped guide hero so much. so while you might be shy, your friend might be dumb excited and become an incredible plot bunny.

and lastly the biggest tip i can give you is:

do not compare yourself to other writers. EVERY SINGLE PERSON has a different life experience or reason of interest that drives them to writing. for me and a few others, its therapy. for others, its simply a way to pass the time. for all of us: it is fun. keep this fun. comparing yourself to someone else almost instantly ruins any enjoyment you can get out of it. if i walked into this fandom expecting to be The Best, i certainly would not ever be that (gross, who does that anyway) and i certainly wouldnt be having fun. comparison pressures you unnecessarily and also taints your enjoyment of the fandom. write, enjoy what you write, DO NOT WRITE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PLEASING OTHER PEOPLE, and accept the fact that sometimes its going to be hard. BUT IT WILL ALWAYS. BE. FUN. so pls dont compare yourself. im an old fart who has been writing for a long time. walking in here and going ‘omfg im not that i cant be that jesus’ is not good! no, my hun. you will not be me. YOU WILL BE YOU. AND THATS EVEN BETTER!!!!

i hope this helped you dove

#the cutest anons #writing advice #Anonymous

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metalicats · 7 years

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i think. i just realized. one of the most painful parts of being TCK is that i (and others) cant identify with any definable form of ‘home’ or being ‘from somewhere’

what defines ‘home’?: usually, family, good friends, the place you grew up and know completely and are with as the people (or place) changes and grows. Okay sure thats great, but now your friends have moved and changed and moved again and youve lost track of them. your family has moved and changed and drifted as well. your place has changed and adapted to new culture shifts and you werent there to experience it and when you return, what you knew is gone.

what counts as being ‘from somewhere’?: harder to concretely define, but i would put it as: spending the majority of your developing and maturation years in a place. it helps form your world views, experiences, expectations, and cultural knowledge. okay nice, now move 4 times during those formative years, each time to somewhere DRASTICALLY different with contrasting ideas of ‘good’ and ‘right’ and who you should exist to be as.

i dont have a home. i have a place i LIVE but that doesn’t mean much, i can live anywhere. ive got 2? *real* friends, and only one has been in my life for a long time (and it isnt even that long). i hate that ‘where are you from’ because i dont fucking know my dude, i dont know a damned thing anymore.

i know where i WANT to say i’m from, and i lived there during some pretty significant years (14-20ish?) but i havent been back in years, and im sure its changed a lot!

im also scared of people rejecting that, and refusing to allow me to be ‘from there’ which is fair! its not my birth country! i barely remember the language (its been years remember?)! so then. where am i from?

ive lived in my passport country 5 years total of my entire life. and it wasnt that enjoyable, interesting, or worthwhile to me. the ONLY thing i really appreciate is that i can speak the main language (because fucking monolingual parents and moving way too often to learn a country’s language).

damnit.

#personal #tck problems #WHY DOES THIS NEVER GET EASIER #and i dont think ill ever really adjust #im BAD at rooting myself #i cant STAY somewhere #so im further denying myself a chance of a home #augh #questions are fine im just keeping it under a cut to not subject people to my whining

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askdurianrider · 8 years

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A lot of people from last year are not going to your bike festival because they don't want to get on the wrong side of Bonny. So lame

I remember at a youtube party last year in stressed kidney sydney tess begg asking me heaps of youtube questions and stuff and we talked for maybe an hour and then I said ‘do you want to be in my vlog’ and she was semi terrified and shook her head ‘no no!’. I laughed and said ‘no problems mate but Im curious to why?’. She explained some stuff about bonny and I laughed even harder. 😂

I don’t take it personally and I understand cliques and their deeper meaning and how people who don’t approve of themselves seek approval from others who don’t even approve of themselves either. It is like like attracts like and water seeks its own level.

Im not throwing shade here either, Im just saying if you want a 32 spoke wheel then don’t buy a 28...

I mean a lot of people ask me why ‘I waste my time’ with people like that but Im not looking for friendships so I dont feel Im wasting time. Im just looking primarily to build communities and the vegan economy. Sure it always more fun if people are less stressed and trying not to walk like they are in a real life selfie but humans will be humans and seeking approval from others of the same mindset and focus runs deep in our DNA.

I remember I used to get my mum to drive me to school (because I was too lazy to ride my bike that she bought me) but I would get her to park around the corner because I didnt want my mates to see me getting a ‘hug and kiss from mummy’. Why? Because I sought approval from my mates who also got their mum to park around the corner too! xD

Bonny and tim still come to me for health advice but they do it privately and in a round about way but I know what they are after. Im not a noob with stuff like this. ;)

Ive been giving diet and lifestyle tips on line since 2003. In person since 1996. You get to experience a lot of different personality types and Im getting better and better at predicting peoples longterm outcomes as I rack up more laps around the sun.

Last night I was in the garden looking at spiders. Something Ive been doing on summer nights for the last 31 years. There was this melon rind that the fruit flies were enjoying. They started swarm around my light and a few got caught in the daddy long legs webs around. Much to the spiders enjoyment. I noticed this really small daddy long legs was trying its hardest to catch one of the fruit flies for dinner but literally after about 40 attempts and me sitting there for an hour holding the light he couldnt get even one. Ive NEVER seen that happen before. I figured it might have been dehydrated or something because it looked like the web wasnt sticking to the flies. I sprayed some water around and went to bed and will come back tonight to see what happens. Nobody can answer that question for me. I have to find out myself. Nobody can answer my social media questions for me because nobody has the same goals and curiosity for certain things and outcomes that I do.

Spiders are similar humans in some ways. Every specie (demographic) has a predictable personality and behavior type. Spiders don’t change their personality but humans can for better or worse. Learning about what triggers humans and spiders into action would have to be my biggest interests. Most of what Ive learned about health, fitness and weight loss has originated from spiders and then carried over to other animals and eventually humans.

A lot of people don’t ‘get it’ but think of it this way when you can read the body language of an animal the size of a watermelon seed, predict its next behavior or its current mood then you have a good foundation to build on.

The worst way to live is in fear of spiders and seeking approval of cliquey people who are so cliquey because they also don’t approve of themselves. That will set one up for constant stress and subconscious fear. That is draining and you are just surviving. Id rather be training and thriving. Give me trained vs drained any day of the week. Give me a messy aka organic yard full of life vs a sterile room of judgement and fat shamers.

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s-nnyd · 7 years

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all of the ask me meme :) please stop talking about naruto

i think that was this one?

rose: what makes you feel beautiful?

man, hmm, when my hair falls just right and it looks like the hairstyle that could be used in like a romcom drama oh or when the sun starts to set because everythign just starts to feel like the right color and it makes it just about everything right

lace: how would you describe your best friend(s)?

complete idiots i love hanging out with

wish: what are your favourite memories?

oh fuck dude my favorite memories? okay so back in middle school when there was the open house and i signed up for one of the shifts i just stayed in ms. dean’s room and like it was raining and pouring and i was just kinda fooling around with some friends before our shifts started and like we ordered pizza and my goodness it was cold and wet as fuck but it was such a genuinely nice memory of just the feeling during that time also when were painting murals for art ds like shit man that was like the time of my life and i genuinely get all these heartfelt feelings each time i think about it (oh oh oh oh and like mrs q said that like shes trying to make things work with walker about doing a mural inside the class and im like holy fuck please like im legit gonna cry if that happens) and although its super embarrassing just like all the times ive ever really had talks and hung out with mrs q like they were genuinely nice memories and esp friday too like she told me stories about the previous schools she went to and the types of students she had and i love hearing stuff like that and yesterday was truly enjoyable

heaven: describe your ideal date

hhhhhhhh okay okay okay okay so its raining out but we still were supposed to meet up and im standing outside with a cup of hot choco with extra whip cream just the way she likes it cause i wanted to get it for her and when she comes to meet me she also has a cup of hot choco with extra cocoa for me and its just the kinda heart and chest swelling kinda moment cause we both were thinking about each other and then we head over to watch the movies first something stupid yet enjoyable and after going to have some lunch at like a really good tofu house and then after going to an art museum and then ill say somethign cheesy like man im surprised you dont live here ‘why?’ cause youre a work of art or you know whats the most beautiful piece of art out of this whole exhibit ‘ooo was it the ______ or the _____ one or maybe its the ______?” nah its you and thats the main commentary im making through out the whole exhibition and like after that we head over to my place and the rains still coming down my head on her lap and her fingers through my hair as watch a movie both of us has seen far too many times already that it this point its just for the sake of background noise and like we swap spots where shes on my lap now adn eventually she falls asleep i carry her to the bed and let her nap for a bit and she wakes up after a while and comes into the kitchen and im cooking fried rice at like 3 in the morning and its just lazy hugs and bad singing but all in all its just relaxing soothing loving and everything i really want

angel: what is your dream aesthetic?

oh man like okay have you seen that godzilla jacket that was floating around on tumblr for a while like like that specific aesthetic where its super cool stitching and japanese words that i can actually read for once OH OH OH or like just absolute artist like just paint splatters and charcoal and pastel that wont wash out and jean jackets with patches and just yeeeeeee

wings: list five things you love about yourself

hmmm i think my determination to always be improving, my loyalty, my ability to think from multiple angles of a situation, my creativity and the multitude of ideas that come as a result of it , and mmm prolly the fact that when i love someone or got a crush like more than anything id love to give them the absolute most like id give them the world if i could if it would make them happy and like they dont gotta accept my feelings or anything but jsut please dont reject my gifts like i just want you to be happy and i wanna see you smile and laugh and like even if this aint gonna turn anything im glad i got to love you and have this experience

marble: what do you look for in a partner?

oh man okay so like ive noticed that every single person ive ever had a crush on like i dont necessarily got a type in the sense of like looks or anything like that cause they all look super different and there is no one “type” but like its a lot closer to a “type” as in a type of person like someone whos generally super open minded and caring and gentle someone who even though they dont believe so theyre changing and helping so so so so many people around them someone who has the best laugh that id do anything to hear and the prettiest eyes and the most amazing smile that id truly do anythign to see someone whos usually loved by many but even in close relations theyre extremely close heart to heart and very attentive someone whos got a great head on their shoulders and the mindset to keep moving forward and improve someone who rlly pushes the idea communication, trust, and honesty and like man theyre people with the most beautiful minds and hearts and like it ends up being a case where theyve got the most beautiful face too

velvet: describe your dream home

oh fuck dude i couldnt even talk about this for my project for japanese i cant do it here

pearl: what is your favourite: scent, flavour, sound, texture?

shit dude ive really gotta say that my favorite scent is prolly the art and the ceramics room like really its super calming my fave flavor would maybe be honey? (i just had a honey stick rn so) my favorite sound is the sound of my crush’s voice and laugh, fave texture has def gotta be my paint like fuck i love sticking my hand in that shit

sunlight: list five things you find to be beautiful

link, zelda, my crush, the specific color of cerulean blue, okay and oddly enough that scar thats on my leg from when i fell off my skateboard

cherry: what words of advice would you give to a stranger?

if you think someone’s got a cool shirt, pretty eyes, a nice laugh, the cutest button nose, a soothing voice, or is just in general attractive to you, just tell them like the smile on their face is worth a whole lot and i promise you that it could make their day

blush: describe your ideal future

oh fuck okay so its one where i got a like four big dogs (cause these are my faves), a samoyed a husky a german shepard and a pit bull, and im living in a nice decent place with my loved one i have a job either at one of the major animation studios or im working with a huge game company (preferably Nintendo so i can work on some loz games) and ive also got a seperate place thats a block or two away from my home and its my own personal studio a place that is just a whole floor dedicated to working on my art whether it be two dimensional traditional or digital and i also got a throwing wheel and a place to put my ceramics and ive made some movies and games that ive dedicated to mrs q and mrs y because theyve brought me so far in my art career and also played such a big role in my life in general and id love to make them proud and like honestly that soudns like the absolute shit to me

sea: what music, art and/or literature brings you peace?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man just seein loz fanart is the best but also like fuck dude like mmmmm when i see an art style i really love that has literally the best fuckign composition and color usage like fuck thats my shit like theres some specific ones that i dont know how to describe

wine: talk about something you are looking forward to

working on that mural if mrs q can make it through cause that is legit what i really wanna do like i fucking love working on murals oh oh oh also when we can finally order the new j shirts cause i finished the design and i really wanna see everyone wearing them im really proud of this year’s design aalsososoooooooo like im really excited to work on the next project for ceramics like were makign slab boxes and we can basically tell a story and do whatever the fuck we want with it and man im just so excited for that (wow i legit realized that like everything ive listed that is part of my dream or makes me excited or happy is like art related like wow)

honey: what do you do to relax?

i watch shitposts oh that or i talk to my cousin lynnette cause really shes super understanding and its really easy to talk to her

silk: describe your most recent dream

man i forgot the bulk of it but i think like it was one where i didnt finish my charcoal portrait or my coil pot in time and then i woke up in a cold sweat

matte: what is something you are proud of?

hmmmm at current im proud of the presents i gave to mrs y and mrs q cause it made the both of them really happy and like i really wanted to show them how thankful i am to them and like they genuinely liked the posters and the flowers

gloss: list ten songs you love right now

lmao shit uh

feelings - hayley kiyoko

maple - hayley kiyoko

redbone - childish gambino

forrest gump - frank ocean

shes so mean - matchbox twenty

perfect - ed sheeran

and legit just like all of the soundtracks for all the loz games

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

oh oh oh oh oh when i give a present to my crush or i do something nice for them and they just give me the biggest smile or the best laugh ive ever heard and theres just the crinkle at the corners of their eyes from smilign so hard and because theyre trying so hard to keep eye contact with me while but theyre laughing really hard and they can only keep one eye open and like just the genuineness of joy and all

opal: talk about your interests and passions

hhhhhhhh dude dude like mannnnnn like hhhhhh okay imma talk about loz for a sec and like i know i brought it up before but i love like so much okay like oot was my first time playing time playing any loz game and my lord it was the shit like the storyline the characters the graphics the sound track the quests and side characters liek everything really made it feel like so much mroe and like i feel so much for it like heres link growing up and hes like what around ten or so and hes got some friends and he finally gets his fairy and then his tree dad goes and dies right after telling him lmao sorry but you kinda gotta save the kingdom k bye and like this kid this kid literally knows jack shit about anything but he goes on and does it anyways he goes and helps zelda he goes and helps the people who are in trouble along the way and plays some rad ass tunes on his tiny lil ocarina of time while doing it and like even when he gets put into the future like he sitll has the mindset of a ten year old hes still as innocent and earnest and pure hearted as when he first started and like holy fuck dont get me started on sheik like shit sheik is so damn cool and like knowing that it was zelda all that time like fuck yeah zelda can kick ass fuck yeah zelda got muscles for days fuck yeah she can punt you across the kingdom and like at the end when she thanks him and sends him back and time so he can enjoy the lost time like shit dude i know zelda meant well and all but like hes experienced so much with and for her hes done so much give the kid a break and then even then navi in the end like leaves and then eveything continues in majoras mask and again hes in his ten year old body but now wiht the experiences and knowledge and basically memories from being seventeen like hes got so much mroe than what his body and mind should handle at this point and he wanders into the forest again all in search for an old friend to look for navi and like when he gets sent to termina after trying to chase after skull kid and like havign those nightmares witht he scrubs like hes gone through so much and i only want more for him and like he doesnt have to save termina he doesnt he doesnt need to do anything he can let termina get smooshed to smitherins by the moon for all the work hes already done for hyrule but he does it anyway and he rewinds time again and again and again and again so he can fix all of these problems for all of these people he does all of this to bring some sort of proper ending for these people who have the last three days of their lives the last three days before their deaths repeat over and over and over and over and over again and he saves them each and every time he rewinds time and he goes through all this shit i mean this ten year old mother fucker is doing olympic bakc flips and twirls and shit after oot like shit boi and then like oh myy gooddddd like damn botw like fuck dude that game means a whole lot to me like its lacking a lil bit in the presence of an evil and i mena i know its ganon and all but like shit i could ignore that motherfucker for all eternity if he wasnt being such a total asshat to zelda and like i mainly beat that motherfucker up just for zelda like for once in a game ive never wanted more to save her like they went so much into detail abotu her and like dude those memories thos cutscenes? like that shit made everythign and i truly love her she works so hard and shes held up to this image of being extremely spiritiually adept because of all her ancestors ebcause of all the other zeldas but she jsut cant she jsut cant do the same thing and so she tries in other ways she tries to udnerstand and get a grasp on sheikah and ancient tech so she can at least be prepared to stand against the calamity when it does come and like the champions all worry about her like the girl nearly got herself killed in the process of trying to awaken her so called spiritual powers and like dude finding out that in the beginning zelda legit hated links ass like they put so much mroe into her like she she hated seeing that he was a prodigy that he didnt have a single trouble in the world and then finally link speaks up and he tells her he talks to her about why he keeps quiet and like the two finally bond and like the two dorks love each other so much that it really does go beyond friendship and romance like they legit would die for each other that one time that zelda was this fucking close to getting her ass handed to her on a silver platter and link was beat the fuck up like he went to save her and then the time when link was basically on his death bed and a guardian was about to pulverize him zelda stood between him and the guardian this bitch wasnt even thinking about having her spiritual powers she was legit ready to die for him if it meant he could run away and get to safety and i mean luckily she her spiritual powers did come out but she legit realized it when she was so genuinely scared but chose to stand up cause she cared for him so much and like these two kids fight so much and have gone through a lot both on their own times and also together but like i love them so much no matter what timeline theyre in

kiss: what do you want from life right now?

my lord i want life to point me in the right direction tbqh or at least give me a mentor for some help like please ive been guiding and doing everything myself this whole time give me a break like after reading all the stories for lang and lit like it makes me feel so lost in what im doing like after catcher in the rye and playing the role of holden caulfield and denying that i fit any part of the role and then realizing how similar i was to him and then reading death of a salesman and relating to biff and reading raisin in the sun and relating to beneatha like shit i really felt lost like ive been talking about it with my therapist lately and like yeah i think i really need some direction or reassurance or a mentor or at least something in my life thats consistent cause right now im a complete mess

#thanks jae #like i really enjoyed this #sickinthesoul

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