#not for hate or anything if anyone knows how fixations works then yk

[ohitslen]

OH WAIT I HAVENT SAID IT YET BUT I HAVE READ THE FICS YOU GUYS HAVE RECOMMENDED TO ME SO UH THANKS THEY ARE SUPER AWESOME‼️‼️ I LOVED THEM THANKS MUA MUA MUA

[froms8nsashes]

Crime Down 10

Read it and weep suckers!

I'm joking. I'm currently watching Gotham and have a fixation on Batman, his family, and his rogues, and all media pertaining it. I highly disliked the most current Batman movie but that's irrelevant. So my friend said, hopefully jokingly, that if I were in Gotham crime would be down 10% so I decided why not write about it yk.

Reader giving my favorite rogues (from gotham) the care and affection they so desperately needed to lead them away from the life of crime, or hopefully lead them away. I don't truly believe that love and affection will ever change a criminal but this is strictly fanfiction and yeah.

Edward Nygma

You were new to the GCPD.

They needed a medical examiner because the previous was suspended. You would have figured they would pick anyone other than a forensics student, but you were surprised.

There wasn't anything of yours to bring into the office so you figured you would get acquainted with everything. Some officers stopped by but due to the awkwardness of a barely passable conversation they'd written you off as weird and strange. Normally, newbies in the joint were all talk and left very little to the imagination but you didn't exactly like talking to them. Didn't look them in the eye, and whenever someone would stop by you started tapping your fingers either on your arm or the counter, missing your ring finger.

"What do you answer even though it never asks questions?" Ed didn't knock or say hello, he just started with a riddle. A nice, neat looking man. He was holding files. A big smile on his face.

"Huh?" You stopped tapping your fingers. Your brain switched back on from dissociation as you tried to fish for the words that were sadly muffled in your ears.

"Do you give up?"

"I didn't hear you."

"Oh." His eyes seemed to light up, the smile got brighter. "What do you answer even though it never asks questions?" He asked again.

You muttered it again to yourself.

"Is it a phone?"

"You sound unsure."

"Okay, then it is a phone."

"Final answer?"

"Yeah, a phone."

"Correct!"

That's how the conversations have started since. All because you enjoyed answering his riddles he's become a friend. You noticed that on top of the gcpd officer's treating you like a nuisance they also treated Ed like a nuisance. It wasn't really a problem until you realized that no one really stopped by the medical examiner's office other than Ed, and at first you just figured most people were busy.

You didn't hate spending time with Ed. He was kind, and mostly as passionate as you were about the things that interested him. He especially had a passion for dead things and riddles, two of your favorite things, although dead things topped the cake.

Nor did you expect to find yourself falling for him.

It actually hit you like a brick. Something that was least expected.

Once you figured it out your gaze filled with love and admiration once you'd finally realized for yourself that you really did like him very much.

So you decided to give him a riddle of his own.

"It's mine, but you can only keep it. What is it?"

He was working in the lab when you entered, it was a habit to refrain from knocking. So, when others knocked on his door he knew to put on that mask of his when talking with others that aren't you. His face lit up once he realized it was a riddle.

"Oh, this one is too easy. It's... It's..." That cute smile dropped from his face, he started to scratch as he wracked his brain.

"I'll let you think over it a bit."

"Well, it can't be a physical object because one cannot own it if it's manufactured in a factory..."

"Do you want a hint?"

"No, no, I can figure this out."

"I know you can, Ed."

Then there was a knock at the door causing both of you to look up. It was Kristin Kringle, holding some files. You knew the way Ed looked at her, but couldn't help wishing that it was different.

His posture had already changed, that mask slipped back on unnoticeably, but those puppy dog eyes were hard to hide.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"

"No- "

"Yes! I was just asking Ed, here a riddle. You haven't quite answered yet."

"Right, right. Your riddle." Ed clicked his tongue.

"That's okay, I just came to drop these off for detective Alvarez." She chuckled awkwardly, adjusted her glasses, and then left rather quickly.

"I give up... I'm not quite sure as to what it is. I'm sorry."

"My heart."

"Uhm... Excuse me?"

"That's what the answer is."

"You uh... Are- What does this mean?"

"Ed, I like you. I figured I would tell you in a way that you would enjoy, mostly because you almost always are telling me riddles every day. I'm sorry. Should I have been straight forward?"

"I don't..."

"I'm not sure what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

"This isn't rejection, but, erm... Can we discuss this after work?"

"Of course!"

Oswald "Ozzie" Chesterfield Cobblepot

He worked in that night club across the street. Always out in the Gotham rain with an umbrella. The bigger guys would hurt him, kick him while he was down. He had this little waddle to him.

He was bloodied and bruised in the alleyway beside the bakery. You loved how quite and quaint the bakery was. The last thing you wanted to see was someone bleeding out in the rain, blood mixing with the water and running down the sidewalk.

Now, it was bad enough already that he was out here, but getting your apron bloody and dirty because you wanted to pick him up and move him inside was another story entirely. Another bad thing.

When he opened his eyes and saw a ceiling that wasn't at all like the sky of Gotham he got a little panicked and started to freak out.

When you carried in a tea tray with breakfast he stopped struggling with the blanket and fell off the bed.

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on. I'm not the best at dressing wounds so I don't think you should get up!" You set the tray down and quickly helped him back into bed.

"Who... Who are you? Why'd you do this? What did you do?"

"Relax, I found you on the sleep and helped you."

"You... You helped me?"

"Yeah,"

"Oh, my friend! How I hoped someone as kind as you could find me!" He tried to leap from the bed but he was immediately holding his side and wincing.

"Hey, hey. You shouldn't just get up yet! I have to... to stitch the wound closed."

"Oh-" His smile sank.

Then Oswald wouldn't leave your side.

He was stuck to you like glue from then on. Like, he would not let you go somewhere on your own. All because you helped him when he was hurt. It was odd, but you didn't mind.

Thanks to Fish Mooney's place, not many customers came by the bakery leaving you alone to make new pastry ideas and such. So it was nice to have some company.

Of course, you taught him how to decorate pastries since you were afraid that if he tried to make them with the machine he would almost kill himself. He started off easy with simple cookie and cupcake designs.

He was always in your line of sight while you worked on your little project. It was a bird themed line of pastries, currently you were working on penguins, all kind of penguins though. There were so many types and you wanted to make each on unique. Emperor penguins were on cupcakes, Gentoo penguins were on cookies, Chinstrap were on truffles, and Adelie on brownies.

You noticed he was blankly staring at the penguins on your work bench when you looked up from the cookie you were desperately trying to get right. You'd printed out a picture and stuck it to the wall next to you. At first you thought he was just being creepy and staring at you but, no, he was staring at the penguin made out of icing.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Don't like penguins?" He tensed up at that. Looking back down at the cupcakes he was decorating, the frosting was a nice purple color in a large swirl.

"I can do them in another room if-"

"No, no! It's okay!" You were starting to get used to his little outbursts but it still shocked you how loud his voice could be. "You- You can keep working! I don't care!" He was shaking.

Then he avoided you after that. It was a small place so it wasn't like he had anywhere to go, especially because he didn't want to go back to Fish.

So you approached him later that night, he was sitting on the couch holding his umbrella. When the floor board creaked he had gotten up and brandished it like a weapon.

"It's just me!" You held your hands up like he was pointing a gun at you.

"Oh, you." He sounded so deflated, unenthusiastic. His demeanor changed so quickly.

"You think I'm a penguin just like the rest of them. Don't you?" You didn't say anything so he took the opportunity to speak. His voice was level and he wasn't shouting, at least no yet.

"Huh? You think I'm your flappy, flippered, defenseless friend?!"

He raised his voice but didn't move. You didn't either.

"No... I just think you're Ozzie..." You hesitated.

"You're the only one who does, well, except for my mother." It was apparent he seemed to calm down, setting his umbrella to lean against the couch.

"Do you want some tea? Maybe we could talk-"

"I really like you. So it hurt when I thought you were like the others."

"Oh, you're talking about Fish and those guys that beat you up."

"I don't want you to leave. You're so nice, and so kind unlike all the other rotten souls in Gotham. Please, I'll do anything for you to stay!"

"I'm not going anywhere, just in the kitchen to put the kettle on." He'd hugged you around your middle as he pleaded with you. You didn't think he actually was crying until now.

"I don't want to go back. I don't want to see her again. Let me stay! I can be useful!"

"Ozzie, I like you too, which is why I'm not kicking you out. I'd rather you stay here then see you get kicked and punched out there." You didn't try to move because he had a grip like a snake on your mid-section. You stood there and petted his hair softly as he sobbed into your clothes.

It wasn't a lie, you actually did really like him and didn't want to see him go back to getting hurt. You knew nothing about the crime of Gotham, mainly because your dad dealt with it all to keep you innocent and naive. He was gone now, so this was the situation you're in.

"Can- Can you make some tea?" He was sniffling and pulling away awkwardly.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll make some tea and then we can talk."

"Talk about what?"

"What's going to be happening from here on out."

[hcuyk]

hii hii im way to new at interacting with blogs i follow to take off anon but anyways…

i really want to branch out and start writing again, it was something i used to do frequently but like got made fun of yk how it goes.

do you have any tips for writing ? i really enjoyed reading the kidult story which made me want to ask you for advice on writing anything helps ! 😵‍💫

hi anon! this is such an old ask that i've responded to in my drafts??? but never posted because it was too long, so now i decided i'll rewrite my response and post it this time!

i hate to hear that you've been made fun of wtf 😭 i will FOREVER throw fists at those people

although i doubt you may see this after Years, i think others may benefit from this!

ADVICE ON WRITING:

something i always recommend is rewrite, not revise! your final draft should look nothing like your first draft (in my opinion). when i write out my first draft, it's a mess—from writing only dialogue that comes to mind to reusing the same verbs over and over again—and that's perfect! then when you rewrite, that mess becomes more clear:

you notice more plot holes

the more you rewrite, the more the scene expands and you have a better idea of what's happening, from reactions to what's happening in the background

as much as its time consuming, i did it with every scene in kidult! in fact, for those who don't know me or my blog as well may not know this, but hyunjae's/myungho's mom was never meant to be the villain until i rewrote and thought more about every scene!

or for my headline fans, if you read the first chapter, it's kind of implied that haknyeon was supposed to be the second-love interest, but that changed drastically the more i wrote (cause how tf did i end up with qhak 😭)

for me and my writing, the story truly writes itself :]

another big tip is do NOT be afraid of scraping scenes! as much as it hurts, it can really put you in writer's block. maybe the scene you wanted to happen is not meant to be in your fic ^^ set the scene aside as an alternative and come up with another idea

my examples of this is with kidult's happy ending. my last scene that i have written made me stop, and i've dropped it ever since because i've been so busy and it became less of a priority. half a year later i realized i need to drop it and write something else, and that revived my motivation!

those are the big two that help me out a lot. my writing has definitely improved but not as much as it could have within the past two years because i've been focused on nearly everything else, so if you can, try and write daily! even if it's only 100 words. sometimes those ideas will resurface and you'll be thankful you already had an idea accumulating ^^

thank you for stopping by and asking this question! it means the world to know that there are people who admire(?) my writing, even if i myself can't see anything special :( if there's any other tips people want to give me, i would also greatly appreciate it! just like everyone else, i am always looking forward to improving as well

i think i also always had a fixation on numbers back then, from instagram views and followers to likes on tweets and then likes on tumblr posts, but right now i'm breaking that down because i know i will always have people supporting me, even if it's a close friend or family member, so never be shy with posting your works! if anyone also wants to recommend stories, whether it be someone else's or your own, absolutely send them my way!

i'm sorry this is so long, but i hope this helps anyone who needs it :] <3

[stupid-o-clock]

i i ive been feeling s annoying lately

there isnt even a specific reason- literally nothing hapepned everyday has been the same yet i feel like im annoying everyone :/ this episode seems to come around every few months lol and i always fixate on a game during it- usually fortnite bc i can play it for hours aloe in BR or creative modes without getting bored and having to ask someone to play with me

i guess it works out bc i can grind out some evels fast by myself but i just feel so lonely while i do it and and i dont wanna ask anyone to play bc what if they think im annoying! i know they dont but the fear of being annoying is so fucking huge everytime i feel like this its so aghsjska

im playing deathrun rn and there isnt much to foxus on except landing the right jump nd im js listening to podcasts or music while i do it so my brain isnt occupied enough and i start thinking ab shit like what if my gf hates me and thats y they took a bit too long to reply today when in reality bun was prob just watching a video or something lmfao

i always like- message people less too during this too- usually im the one startong convos yk so i do it less bc i dont want to bug anyone but what if they think i dont like them bc im msging them less? idek how to let them know like hey im not ignorin u or anything i js feel like shit so i dont wanna talk to anyone well i do but i dont wanna start the convo bc im scared im annoying you haha

[thickenmyblood]

I’ll confess my sins. When I skipped the first chapters of Capri I got stuck on Laurent’s description as spoiled and similar to overripe fruit. So i was like ah. Royal Dudley Dursley with a blonde curly wig. Sounds about right. I finally saw some fan art and was like??? Who is this anemic Victorian vampire legolas persona?? Honestly tho in an alternate universe where Auguste doesn’t die and Laurent still dislikes sports but enjoys Veres sweet meats and his metabolism is only the slightest bit slower Laurent is absolutely getting chubby. And Damen. Smh he manages to be shadiest bitch while also being appreciating. Would he insult an overweight courtier who never touched a sword? Absolutely. Would he respect a meaty sumo ringer able to throw Damen around like a rag doll? Absolutely. He seems to appreciate multiple types of bodies just fine (muscled gladiators, frail slaves, sturdy vaskian women) so I feel like he’d also appreciate curvier partners as long as they. Well know how to use their body yk. Oh and what about chubby jokaste? We don’t know enough about akielon beauty standards at all. Sure slaves are probably mostly slender and frail to add to the submissive aesthetic (tho I do remember damens fixation on his female slaves big boobs, dude is far from subtle as always). But if it’s Ancient Greek inspired beauty standards jokaste most definitely rocks some tummy rolls. Either that or she’s got super toned abs from the Pilates classes she visits with the other trophy concubines. and akielon man are properly ripped but is it king-Leonidas-washboard-abs ripped?? Or more chunky functional muscle mass ripped? Perhaps akielon noble women are even trained like Spartan women and egeria was the one with the washboard abs. Also there absolutely was a time in Vere where the chubbier the pet = the wealthier it’s owner. Im so so sorry for rambling but your post got me t h i n k i n g

This is not only hilarious but also one of the best takes I’ve ever read. There is so much to unpack here that I truly don’t know where to start.

You mentioned Dudley, whose weight and fat (derogatory) tendencies are accentuated throughout the entire Harry Potter saga. I think—and this is my personal belief, it is not something anyone else has to agree with—that part of what makes Laurent interesting and redeemable to many readers has to do with the fact that he’s beautiful*. I don’t think many people would be willing to admit that, but Laurent’s pretty privilege as a fictional character is similar to Draco Malfoy’s (in fanon) or other morally grey villains/characters’. Ugly characters are harder to forgive, for some reason.

This got me thinking that had Pacat written Laurent as canonically fat, there would be a lot of stuff going on in Damen’s head that I don’t think we’d be able to excuse as easily as we excuse other (quite horrible) thoughts of his. But also, like I mentioned above, I think Laurent would have a harder time proving to some readers that he’s not Dudley, that he’s not just a stereotype of selfishness and greed and other things fatness is associated with (like childishness or an inability to take accountability for one’s actions). This would happen not because he’s fat, but rather because we see the world through Damen’s eyes. And Damen is. . . Quite opinionated.

You mentioned Damen would be judgmental of someone’s weight based on their ability to fight. So, like you pointed out, he’d make fun of a useless in battle courtier but not of a Sumo wrestler. I think in Book 1 Damen would make fun of anything and everyone, but I do understand where you’re coming from with that statement. It makes me wonder what Damen would think of people with a mobility/physical disability. Or even with learning difficulties. Or just about anyone that, according to him, doesn’t contribute to society. If you can’t be a warrior or a bed slave, and if you’re not in a condition to be a peasant and plow fields, and if you don’t have royal blood in your veins. . . I have a hard time picturing Damen being sympathetic.

Chubby Jokaste. . . I think I’ve always thought of her as a muscled woman, given the fact that Laurent can pose as her in Book 3. There’s been a lot of discourse lately on whether Laurent is muscled or a twigly twink, which I will not get into because I. . . do not know enough about gender and/or gender expression to add anything to any argument. I am also not a gay man, so I don’t know what could be considered offensive. I am also very stupid. I also do not know what the word 'twink' means anymore.

Your ask has made me think a lot about many things I’m usually not interested in. I think it would be interesting to see a chubby Laurent who still knows how to fight, who trains, who does things other than eat and hate. Canon Laurent is slender, and yet he never manages to beat Damen in combat, so I don’t think his ability to fight would suffer much from gaining some pounds. It would be interesting to see chubby Jokaste too, even though I don’t particularly enjoy the parallels between her and Laurent in canon. It would also be interesting to see. . . different types of bodies. You mentioned the Vaskian ladies, which I like a lot, but I don’t think I’ve read or come across any fics that focus on them. I think Vannes’ pet is also described as muscular and big, but I’m afraid I don’t remember the quote and I don’t own the books, so I can’t be sure.

What I liked the most was the ending of your ask, where you went on to add little worldbuilding details. Like I said yesterday, I wish canon was more detailed so we could maybe have something to hold onto when we make certain claims. It’s hard to say which parts of Damen’s thought process are entirely his (as a prince with a lot of privilege) and which ones have to do with his culture. Pacat has pointed out some to us, like the fact that Akielons don’t enjoy certain “spectacles” of the body, like pet rings or public sex, but they do enjoy staring at bodies when they’re wrestling or performing physical activities unrelated to sex. Other things remain little mysteries, in my opinion. Do all bed slaves have the same body type? Do women wrestle? How does marriage work in Akielos? What is everyone else’s opinion on fat people? I’m sure not everyone is like Damen, who we speculate cares about having a healthy body so he can fight and. . . stuff.

I am not saying Damen is the only character who, in the historic period where Captive Prince is set, would have fatphobic thoughts. If Damen was fat, Laurent would be the first one to use that against him, especially in Book 1. I just think Damen fits the fatphobic mold better because he’s described as this hypermasculine character, very into war (I think the blurb of the book calls him a warrior prince?) and manly things. Which is not to say war is inherently manly. Which is not to say Laurent isn’t manly. Which is not to say. . . whatever.

Captive Prince is a fantasy trilogy, set in. . . the past. Concepts such as fatphobia or toxic masculinity are not exactly applicable, but I think it’s fun to explore Damen’s character through his flaws. Laurent has a lot of flaws, but Damen’s are sometimes confused with virtues. In my opinion, they’re at their best when they’re being disgustingly horrible to each other.

I’m sorry for writing you a 90 paragraph response.

* He's almost universally beautiful in the Captive Prince world. Damen finds him pretty, and Torveld, and Jord (we've read that 'cute' quote where he describes Laurent at 15 to Aimeric). Not saying fat = ugly. I'm saying it seems like the 'hegemonic' body type for pretty is Laurent's, otherwise. . . why would everyone he comes in contact with comment on his pretty looks?

[thejugheadparadox]

ok i talked abt rossetti + elizabeth siddal’s self portrait as part of my art history final 2 years ago and i am dying to know about christina. please

CHRISTINA ROSSETTI!!! i honestly barely knew anything about the portrait before seeing that post i would love to know more. i am so fascinated by christina georgina rossetti born 1830 died 1894, so she’s like ridiculously quintessentially victorian, she basically never knew another monarch. when she was a child she was angry and had a lot of tantrums, her and her brother the painter one dante gabriel were know as the two storms whilst their others siblings maria and william were known as the two calms (suuch classic irritating twee victorian fake middle class art family shit but i find it faintly endearing). she dropped out of school at the age of 14 due to a religious breakdown, and never went back. during and after that she was really fixated on christianity especially anglo-catholicism and its very specific doctrines. she was REALLY into it in a way the rest of her family werent (except her sister who became a nun i guess). she’d been writing poetry since she was very young, cus she’s from this eccentric art dynasty they played writing games as kids and shit - her maternal uncle was john william polidori who wrote the first published vampire story and was lord byrons doctor if that rings any bells? that relation specifically is sooo interesting to me bc its about legacy and who you are remembered as and whether youre noticed and also maybe youre gay? yk. i love it. 

ANYWAYS. she was so into religion that it stopped her getting married twice. she was engaged to the prb painter james collinson for a bit but broke it off bc he reverted to roman catholicism and she couldnt be doing w that shit. she later got engaged to charles cayley and also broke that off for religious reasons! Or At Least Thats What They Say. she also turned down a possible proposal (ppl dont know if he proposed and the whole affair is a guess) from john brett, which she wrote a fun mean poem about called no thank you john. anyway she never married and she pursued lots of Things but none of them really went anywhere, she wanted to be a nurse w florence nightingale in the crimean war but got rejected, she worked with “fallen women” in her 30s and 40s. shes not one of those tragic figures who never knew fame while they were alive tho, she was pretty successful and released multiple collections. she was publicly antifeminist and declined to sign petitions in support of womens suffrage but wrote this one unpublished poem called from the antique that explicitly expresses her dissatisfaction with her limited life as a woman. 

she got ill lots, as is classic for old timey lady poets, like emily dickinson style. she got depressed lots and after her dad died her family didnt have much money. she wrote a lot about inadequacy, as a woman and as a person and most often as a servant of god (every fucking poem ends up about jesus i swear to god it gets annoying). her brother was more successful and her sister was more devout and she never seemed to get the things she wanted and she never really had any friends, especially female ones. almost every time she was published, it was by her brother, william michael, who also published her works en masse after she died, and we have explicit sources showing both her brothers would tell her not to publish poetry they deemed out of character or unwomanly. i dont mean to entirely demonise them as the Bad Guys of the story but i find it very.... interesting that when u look at her poetry that is available but not officially published there are both feminist poems and a couple of pieces that coiuld be interpreted as love poems towards women. there are (admittedly pretty unfounded as far as i can tell) theories that even more of them existed and were destroyed, but i should say we DO know that there are missing poems and destroyed scraps that pique ones interest i will say!

ive read her collected family letters and what stood out to me is HOW ridiculously fucking boring they are. i think theyre hiding something.. i am fascinated by all of it. she interests me. i have some kind of parasocial relationship with her and i feel like her work is SO easy to translate to modern day and what ppl our age are writing about like she wrote what is essentially lonely notes app poetry about religious guilt and sexual repression and hating herself like. god i sound like those ppl who say dantes inferno is fanfic but i think about it a lot and i think about her a lot and i would recommend a lot of her poetry... if anyone wants specific recs do ask. to me its a story about hiding and repression and wanting to be good. jesus christ okay u did not ask for this but youre getting it. you made me start thinking about her again this is on you. 

[bthump]

What is your favorite, most dark/twisted griffguts scenario/hc/au or whatever?

dark and twisted eh? lol this is a question and a half. advance warning for a mention of consent issues.

This is a fic idea I’ve considered writing but gave up on pretty quickly bc I didn’t think I could do it justice lol. And also I never finish anything and this is a novel’s worth of material.

AU where the behelit is an ordinary apostle behelit, and also Guts’ instead of Griffith’s. It opens at pretty much the exact same time, after the rescue, when Guts sees Griffith attempt suicide and it hits him that it’s all his fault. He destroyed Griffith and there’s no way to fix this, no one to kill to make it better, he threw away the only thing he’s ever wanted.

So the Raiders followed him down to the lake, Casca and the rest of the Hawks stayed behind, and the behelit opens. Guts ends up sacrificing the Raiders for ~the power to fix his mistake~ and becomes a monster with magic healing abilities. Because I figure that if you’re not sacrificing the person you actually love most, then you need to compensate with quantity lol, and after all the Raiders were the example, alongside Griffith, of “the place [Guts] belonged,” which should count for something.

So the result of this is you got Beast of Darkness Guts who is basically fixated on Griffith. You got a Griffith who spent a year of torture thinking about Guts and realizing he’s desperately in love with him and is thus fixated on Guts. He’s also fully healed and has a super powerful monster under his command so he’s obligated to go back to pursuing his dream in some form or another.

The situation is Griffith as an unstoppable warlord leading an army that grows and grows as dissatisfied peasants join him and others see the way the wind is blowing and join him to back the right horse, and strikes fear into the hearts of nobility until he eventually takes Midland by force (which is doable bc it’s weakened by a century long war and also an insane king). He’s embracing his “cruelty” and doing whatever it takes to attain his dream which means stuff like executing nobles and whatever to send a message and strike first with fear and intimidation. He’s more distanced from the Hawks than he was pre-torture. His image is scary and ruthless and powerful.

On the flipside he’s super traumatized and emotionally vulnerable, like lbr he’s got complex ptsd and he’s devastatingly emotionally reliant on an apostle boyfriend which in no way helps, not to mention the issues he already had pre-torture like guit and self-loathing. And the whole point is that contrast. Like Griffith ordering fortresses to be burnt and razed to the ground vs Griffith being unable to sit too close to a campfire because sometimes the radiating heat gives him panic attacks. Griffith fighting effectively at the head of an army vs Griffith losing his grasp on the present in the dark and forgetting he’s not in a torture chamber. Part of why Griffith is more removed from the Hawks now is to keep these vulnerabilities hidden.

And wrt Guts and ~dark and twisted~ griffguts content, Griffith commanding a literal monster in battle vs Griffith, eg, never once saying “no” to him in bed bc he’s low key afraid Guts wouldn’t stop, both due to his own trauma and Guts being monstery, and he’d rather just never let that situation come up. Like, loving and needing Guts but being afraid of him after the apostle transformation, and denying that fear to himself. And it could vary. Sometimes being with Guts would be perfect, everything he wants, emotional and physical fulfillment, and sometimes it would pretty much be a form of self-harm. Sometimes he would crave sex and sometimes it would trigger him. Sometimes everything at once. That kind of thing.

And like lbr we’ve seen his inner darkness, Guts as an apostle would be a nightmare. He wouldn’t care about anyone except Griffith, possibly to the point of low key being a threat to the rest of the Hawks, and he’d be extremely possessive and needy. I don’t think he’d be like, completely out of control like the armour makes him, but I feel like his judgement would be shot, his impulse control would be shot, he’d have way more casual asshole tendencies a la Black Swordsman Guts (or even his imo insufferable cockiness post-vacation). He’d still have that eagerness to please wrt Griffith tho, so he wouldn’t be completely beyond Griffith’s control. He’d obey orders, at least to the same extent he did as an ordinary human lol, and he wouldn’t do anything to threaten Griffith’s image, his control and leadership over the rest of the Hawks, like insubordination or w/e. He likes the idea of Griffith being feared, and of being the only one (give or take Casca, probably) to see the vulnerable side of him. And he likes the idea of Griffith needing him to achieve his dream as well as needing him emotionally.

Like, in chapter 71 Guts basically realized that his desire to become Griffith’s equal by finding a dream of his own was stupid and doomed from the start, so I don’t think Griffith pursuing his dream again while he has no goals himself would bother him because now he knows how important he is to Griffith. And also I imagine post-torture Griffith would be willing and able to tell him that he values him over the dream. Even shares that it feels like an obligation to him. Like after that torture chamber monologue it’s easy to see him being more emotionally forthcoming with Guts, more revealing, more self-aware, at least in some ways.

They would both relish the sheer intensity of the others’ feelings for him, but Griffith would be afraid of his own feelings, how vulnerable they make him, and he’d be afraid of Guts’ literal monstrosity, both rationally because he’s a big undefeatable obsessive monster, and irrationally because apostles instill instinctive fear in humans. (That instinctive fear as symbolic of Griffith’s intense life-ruining feelings esp post-torture might be interesting tbh.) Guts would be afraid of Griffith hating him or growing indifferent, but as an apostle that would manifest in clinginess and possessiveness and a constant craving for proof of Griffith’s feelings. And for Griffith’s part he could take advantage of that in manipulative ways. Like I love the idea of an intense toxic relationship where the life-ruining feelings between them are occasionally weaponized by both.

Oh and you also got Griffith’s self loathing and guilt, and the knowledge that Guts became a monster entirely because of him, to help him, plus he rescued and healed him, and so he’d also be torn between feeling like he doesn’t deserve Guts, and feeling like he deserves Guts but in a penitent way, esp if he feels responsible for his monsterism, which he would whether that’s rational or not. Plus also feeling like Guts, as a monster who sacrificed a bunch of his friends to become one and now wreaks havoc in battle, is the only person who can understand him. “Do you think I’m cruel?” “What kind of question is that for the guy who killed a hundred men?” writ large. All the emotional dysfunctionality implied in that exchange taken to 100.

Griffith getting more ruthless and fucked up and taking comfort in a fucked up relationship with a literal monster as he pursues his dream. “You’re rough enough to share this with to the end.” Griffith in part relishing Guts’ monstrosity because it means they’re in this together. They’ll be together because who else would want them? Like a dark contrast to a happy Golden Age AU where Guts tells Griffith how he really sees him and it’s a step towards emotional healing and self love and whatever, this would be Griffith hating himself and being comforted by the thought that Guts is down in the dark with him. Dragging each other down instead of lifting each other up, yk.

(Guts tells Griffith he doesn’t regret it. This applies to both becoming a monster for Griffith’s sake, and leaving in the first place and all the destruction that caused, since it eventually led to both of them getting everything they’ve ever wanted. A kingdom, the Hawks, each other, everything worked out perfectly. Right?)

Also you have Casca and the rest of the Hawks for that excellent outsider/disturbed onlooker pov. Casca’s got her close relationship with both as well as her protectiveness of Griffith. Judeau’s got his detached perceptive observation. Corkus has his outrage and resentment. All good potential perspectives on this imo. Like eg imagine Corkus sowing discord by pointing out that they have no reason to trust Guts esp now that he’s a literal monster since he’s not even a Hawk after abandoning them, and they can’t even trust Griffith to keep him in line because lbr Griffith already fucked them all over once because of Guts.

Idk how it would end though. Something fucked up. Like say Griffith achieves the dream, settles into ruling, the realization that he only hates himself more than ever eventually creeps up on him, and he ends up goading Guts into killing him, like an impulsive and somewhat subconscious act of suicide. Guts becomes Zodd 2.0, wandering battlefields, looking for someone strong enough to take him out. Or maybe just living miserably ever after as Griff sets his sights on an empire (bc he can’t stop, bc as soon as he stops that’s akin to declaring that this end is worth all the deaths and pain and etc on the road to it, and nothing’s actually worth that, so he’s trapped and it sucks) would be a nice anticlimactic ending. Yk, something depressing.

Like overall it would be a giant trainwreck with extreme contrasts wrt power dynamics and emotions, which is basically my favourite kind of thing. Like there are definitely way more straightfoward ways to get dark and edgy griffguts lmao, like about a million post-Eclipse scenarios, but still it’s probably my favourite of the darker ideas I’ve had.

I just love the idea of post-torture Griffith + apostle Guts lol they’d be like the epitome of dysfunctional yet inseparable, and it’s a great starting point for compounding all of Griffith’s canon issues and exploring them.