#i just like a nice read that’s all my standard really consists of

[ohitslen]

OH WAIT I HAVENT SAID IT YET BUT I HAVE READ THE FICS YOU GUYS HAVE RECOMMENDED TO ME SO UH THANKS THEY ARE SUPER AWESOME‼️‼️ I LOVED THEM THANKS MUA MUA MUA

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

What I Mean When I Say, "I Ship Huskerdust"

When I say, "I ship Huskerdust," I don't mean that I think it would be a perfect example of a healthy relationship. Because it wouldn't be.

They've both got issues that they would need to work through if they wanted their relationship to succeed.

On Angel's side, there's the fact that his prior interactions with Husk basically consisted of him flirting with Husk, and Husk making it clear that he wasn't interested, and Angel ignoring that and doing it again. That's harassment.

Yes, Angel stops doing it after Episode 4, but he never explicitly apologises for it. That was a missed opportunity, in my opinion. It was a change for the show to say loudly and clearly, "Hey, trauma sucks, we get that, but it's not an excuse to treat people badly yourself. You grow by owning up to your mistakes and trying to be better than the person who hurt you."

Speaking of trauma...

Angel is being abused by Valentino and exploited in the porn industry. That's not a personal failing. It's not Angel's fault. But it has affected him deeply, and it's something that he and Husk would need to work through.

It's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. Angel will cry, Angel will get angry, Angel will lash out. He will behave inappropriately, and he will keep being hypersexual because he knows how to do it and sometimes it feels like the safest option. And he will have no idea how to just rest with a loved one and trust them. So Husk will need to be the bigger person and take all the ups and downs and keep loving Angel through the dark days.

But I don't know if Husk has what it takes to do that.

That leads me nicely onto the issues on Husk's side. For starters, there's his judgemental attitude. He's a gambler, and therefore believes he can read people and know everything about them. Angel's "It's not an act!" outburst shakes Husk and makes him realise that he didn't really know what was going on.

But even after that, Husk is still judging Angel. It happens in Episode 6, when Angel is offered drugs by Cherri Bomb and Husk says, "Look, you wanna fuck up all your progress, be my guest. I just ... I just thought you were better than that."

Addicts can relapse if they go back to their old environments and old relationships. It happens. And it's probably not a good idea to be so condemnatory about it.

Can you imagine what Husk's reaction would be if Angel really did relapse? Would Angel feel safe opening up to Husk again if he knew how badly Husk could take it?

Sometimes, it seems as though Husk puts Angel on a pedestal. In Episode 8, when he tells Angel, "I guess you have changed," Angel doesn't look convinced, instead changing the subject. Husk sees Angel as better than Angel thinks he is.

And that goes hand-in-hand with when he was judging Angel more harshly in earlier episodes. Husk applies higher standards to Angel.

I think part of the reason why Husk is so hard on Angel is because Husk sees something in Angel that he doesn't see in himself - youth and potential. Husk has made it clear that he isn't trying to get into Heaven. He probably doesn't think he deserves it. That's why he told Angel not to look for answers to problems at the bottom of a bottle, but continued to drink himself.

My theory is that Husk is working on Angel because he finds it easier than working on himself.

It's much easier to judge and boss around others than to acknowledge and rectify your own flaws. To borrow a metaphor from Jesus Christ himself, Husk is trying to take specks of sawdust out of Angel's eye while he's still got plenty of planks in his own eye.

One of those planks being his complicity in the Overlord system.

Yes, I should probably mention that Husk used to be an Overlord. He used to participate in the very system that is now trapping and torturing Angel.

And he gambled with the souls that he owned! He put their afterlives at stake! Can you imagine being owned by Husk, thinking you knew where you stood, and then waking up one day to be told that you were now owned by someone else? Potentially someone as bad as Valentino?

(Now, I don't think Husk ever actually played a game with Valentino, given that he can't seem to remember Val's name in Episode 6, but still, the implications are horrifying.)

Angel didn't have too big a reaction when Husk opened up about his past. But that's probably because he was still reeling a bit from his own outburst. Once it had sunk in, how did he feel?

How can Angel feel safe and loved around someone who used to own souls and gamble with them carelessly? Someone who apparently still has his Overlord powers? Someone who could turn into yet another Valentino in the wrong circumstances?

How can a romance work?

Can a romance work?

Despite all of that?!

No, when I say, "I ship Huskerdust," I don't mean, "I think they're fluffy and adorable and 100% unproblematic." I mean, "Huskerdust contains interesting dynamics that are fun to explore." There's something about their interactions that I enjoy.

And Huskerdust could be a good way for the cartoon to dive into its themes of redemption and second changes.

Husk could change Angel for the better. We can see that, after Episode 4, Angel is willing to be more honest about what he's going through. He actually tells Niffty about the gruelling 16-hour shift Valentino put him through, instead of trying to pretend he's been all right.

If they became an official couple, Husk could show Angel what it's like to have someone genuinely care for him and his wellbeing, not just use him for money-making or self-gratification. Since Husk isn't interested in Angel's hypersexual porn star persona, it would be a chance for Angel to take the time to figure out who he (Anthony?) really is.

Angel could change Husk for the better, too. Other Tumblr bloggers have pointed out that Husk seemed to be drinking a little less after Episode 4. Perhaps watching Angel attempting self-improvement encouraged Husk to give it a go as well, albeit in a more low-key way.

And if Husk was the one who got Angel out of his contract with Valentino, that would be a great culmination of his character arc. It would be his own personal redemption for participating in the cruel Overlord system, because he'd be freeing someone from an Overlord's control. He'd be correcting his past mistakes. I for one would love to see that in a future season.

That is what I mean when I say "I ship Huskerdust."

TL;DR Angel and Husk are not perfect people, not by a long shot - but they could be perfect for each other.

[brucebocchi]

Winter 2024 anime, Pt. 2: Mixed reactions, the bench, and the gems

hey y'all, this is also up on my ko-fi! it's free to read both here and there, but i'm struggling financially rn so i could appreciate if you'd throw a few bucks my way if you liked it! part 1 can be found here.

And we're back for part 2! Here's all the new stuff I finished this season, and one more I'll get back to later. As with before, these are sorted alphabetically within each category and are not ranked as of yet.

Also as before, the OP for each series is linked in the title. Check them all out if the header images aren't giving you the right feel for each show, but also check them out because most of them were actually pretty damn good this season.

[Solo Leveling OP voice] LET'S GET IT!

Mixed Bags:

Hokkaido Gals Are Super Adorable!

Your standard, quasi-harem “easily flustered Regular Guy wins over hot girls just by being really nice” shonen romcom. I really don’t have much to say about this one other than if you’ve seen My Dress-Up Darling, you’ve basically seen this already. The only thing that really sets it apart is the setting.

Tsubasa (voiced by Nobunaga Shimazaki, in a FAR cry from his turn as Mahito in Jujutsu Kaisen) is a straight-laced Tokyoite whose family situation lands him in a small city in the frozen boonies of Hokkaido. While looking for the bus to his new house, he runs into a gyaru in the snowy wild, the underdressed, hilariously-proportioned Minami, and they hit it off. It turns out they go to the same school, there are other cute girls there who take a shine to him as well, it’s nothing new.

I ultimately don’t have much to say about Hokkaido Gals, but I do have a soft spot for series like this, and after reading ahead in the manga I felt obligated to see it through. This is all junk food, but it’s all stuff you’ve seen done better in other series. I also have a soft spot for gyaru in anime and manga, and while I do like Minami just fine, she isn’t Marin Kitagawa or Rumiko Manbagi. I don’t really have it in me to recommend this show to many, though, at least not until another season rolls around, if that ever happens. The manga genuinely does get a lot better as it goes on, but the really worthwhile stuff may not happen until a third season, and I just don’t see that happening. 

The manga has issues that the anime isn’t willing or able to solve, chief of which being the visuals. The art style of the manga is wildly inconsistent, and getting a mediocre animation team on this didn’t help matters at all. While the colors often pop nicely against the pretty, snowy backdrops, nobody looks all that great overall. The characters are recognizable, but they just plain don’t look great a lot of the time, nor do they look consistent from one cut to the next; I said that Minami’s proportions are hilarious, but just as hilarious is how wildly they vacillate from one scene to the next for the sake of trying to titillate the viewer.

My biggest takeaway from both the manga and anime was everything I learned about Hokkaido in the process, and if the series is taking subsidies from the island’s tourism bureau, then it’s a job well done. I want some goddamn jingisukan now. The OP is a great time, though. I’m shocked it took over a decade for us to get a proper “Uptown Funk” knockoff in an anime.

Metallic Rouge

I’ll be upfront in saying that this was my biggest disappointment of the season by far. This show had so much going for it, and what we got was… ugh.

There was an unbelievable amount of promise from the outset: This was Studio Bones’ commemorative 25th anniversary production, and coming from the studio that gave us all-timer adaptations like Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and Mob Psycho 100, not to mention later works from Cowboy Bebop creator Shinichiro Watanabe (including the Cowboy Bebop movie), you can’t fault anyone for having high expectations. It looked to be a fitting production as well: Watanabe’s influence shines through immediately in the gorgeous, lived-in cyberpunk off-world locales and racially diverse cast. Action takes the form of dope robo-tokusatsu transformation fisticuffs, and it’s entirely in 2D animation to boot. The first couple of episodes were killer, too; everything looked and sounded amazing, and there were just enough plot threads teased out that I just had to see how they’d unravel.

It brings me no joy, then, to say that Metallic Rouge collapses into a jumbled mess. I don’t even want to bother talking about what happens in the show because I don’t fucking care anymore. There are few media experiences more sobering than to have it dawn on you over a span of several weeks that “oh… this isn’t actually all that good, is it?” Episode after episode piles on with sloppy lore, weak worldbuilding, warring factions whose names you immediately forget, pointless double-crosses, and the most predictable twist you’ve ever seen. For a while I was willing to accept the fact that I didn’t know what was going on half the time and expected things to become clearer, but now I’m not entirely sure the writers knew either. The stakes apparently kept rising and everything just kept getting more claustrophobic. I’m glad it’s over, if only because if I had to hear “Clair de Lune” one more fucking time, I was going to go ballistic. 

There are several attempts at emotional beats, as the story is rife with tragedy and sacrifice, and every single one lands with a wet thud. Nobody gets enough time, motivation, or characterization for any of these things to feel like they actually matter, and that’s especially a shame because the finale might have been able to stick the landing if the previous episodes were less dense and better paced. Emphasis on “almost,” though, because just before the season ends, we get the absolute most pointless fakeout I’ve seen since The Rise of Skywalker, which is the lowest point of comparison you can make for any work of sci-fi.

This is especially frustrating because on paper, there is so much to like here. Rouge and Naomi are likable-enough deuteragonists with a fun dynamic, and they’d make easy yuri bait in a better show. The characters are all pretty and uniquely designed across the board, and the overall aesthetic, almost a pastiche of late-90’s anime futurism, is undeniable. The toku suit designs are neat and several of the action scenes are gorgeous. The score and soundtrack are outstanding (except for the aforementioned Debussy indulgence). I have few complaints about how the show looks and sounds; the style is great! All of my issues lie with the substance.

Metallic Rouge may have had all the ingredients, but it just needed more time to cook; whether that would have been by doubling the episode count or by more carefully planning the pacing and trimming some of the fat from the lore, I’m still not sure. Probably both. It probably needed better writers, too. Maybe it just isn’t as smart as it acts and there was no way to satisfyingly resolve the clumsy civil rights allegories that bring it uncomfortably close to the likes of Detroit: Become Human. So all of the above, I guess. I tend to adore stories that involve artificially-intelligent beings developing their own wills and emotions and learning to cut their own strings (the likes of Blade Runner, Nier Automata, even a couple of character arcs in the Persona series), but this ain’t it. I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just disappointed.

If there are two positives that will stick with me, though, they would be the absolute banger of an OP and, of course, Naomi Orthmann herself (pictured above, left). Outstanding character design. I’m mildly obsessed. She deserved a better show.

The Unwanted Undead Adventurer

This one isn’t even worth talking about, so here’s a brief synopsis, then I’ll add some commentary, and then we’ll all move on with our lives. 

Rentt, a beloved but mediocre adventurer in a fantasy town, gets lost in the mysterious labyrinth that all adventurers explore for personal gain, gets waxed by a dragon, and awakens as a shitty-looking CGI skeleton. He notices, though, that he’s able to level up better as a skeleton than he did as a human, and with the more monsters he defeats, the more he evolves into something closer to human. The rest isn’t really worth discussing.

If I’m being honest, I should’ve dropped this show much sooner. It looks kinda lousy most of the time, the plot (inasmuch as there even is one) is boring, character designs are forgettable (except for Rentt’s closest ally, Lorraine, holy hell) and it seems wholly uninterested in actually building its own setting. If it returns for a second season, I won’t be there, nor will I feel like I’m missing anything. Each episode felt like a chore to watch. I probably only saw it through because 1) I liked looking at Lorraine, I know what I’m about, and 2) I didn’t want to lump it in with the shows I did drop. The Unwanted Undead Adventurer isn’t as patently upsetting or frustrating as those three, but it just plain isn’t a very good show.

The Witch and the Beast

This show could have been so much more. I was drawn in by the gorgeous character designs and intriguing blend of Victorian gothic aesthetics and architecture with modern infrastructure, and very quickly disappointed by just about everything else. The first episode is an exceptional proof of concept, and almost everything that follows is an upsetting showcase of what could have been.

The story centers around Ashaf, a languid, chain-smoking agent of the governing church with a big-ass coffin strapped to his back, and his partner Guideau, a snarling hyena in a young woman’s body, as they investigate abuses of magic across the continent in search of nefarious witches. Guideau in particular has a bone to pick with witches, as the body they presently inhabit is the result of a witch’s curse, and they remain in furious pursuit of the one who cursed them. The curse can be temporarily undone by a kiss with a witch, allowing Guideau’s true body, a hulking brute confined to the coffin, to escape and wreak havoc. Meaning that on a few occasions we get a girl-on-girl kiss followed by a big dude wrecking shit. There’s also other investigations of serial killings, necromancy, and a cursed sword, and here’s hoping you like those, because the coffin breaks are few and far between.

This wasn’t great! By the third episode I had the sneaking suspicion that the animation talent on hand just wasn’t enough to support the aesthetic. While the character designs are exceptional, almost everyone looks awful in any shot that isn’t completely focused on them. This is especially true of Guideau, who looks so inconsistently off-model from one shot to the next that I’m still not entirely sure what they’re supposed to look like, and that’s kind of unforgivable when we’re talking about a main character. Everything looks too dim and too shiny at the same time, and action scenes look like shit more often than they look interesting. I can see so many flickers of something excellent (or at least really good-looking) in Witch and the Beast, and everything else that keeps those flickers from actually igniting makes it so much more frustrating to watch. Maybe just read the manga instead; the panels I've seen from it were uniformly gorgeous.

Actually, yeah, you should probably just read the manga, because for a season of anime, the pacing is atrocious too. It’s clearly trying to angle for a monster-of-the-week format, but each of these mini-arcs is a little too dense for a single episode, so multiple episodes are dedicated to these one-off curiosities, most of which do nothing to advance the plot or show off what the show does best. And if one of them isn’t particularly interesting, you’re saddled with it for the next two weeks like you've been stuck munching on a mealy apple. And I know you can only adapt so much in a 12-episode season, but the decision to end the season on a flashback arc and a lore dump was baffling. That’s not world-building, that’s lazy, and it made the show’s existing pacing issues feel that much more inane.

I feel like I was sold a false bill of goods. I can only imagine how the mangaka feels about this. Dull and uninspiring all around. What a waste.

The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic

Isekai, unassuming high school boy gains a unique power, impending war with the Demon Lord, yadda yadda yadda. The Wrong Way to Use Healing Magic isn’t anything new or special by any means, nor is it particularly well-animated or -paced, but at its best it’s silly and charming enough that it made a nice, brainless palate cleanser on Fridays.

Usato, your standard quiet high schooler, ends up walking home on a rainy evening with the popular, attractive student council president and VP, when an isekai portal happens. It turns out that it was just the seito-kai that was invited along for the ride (and President Suzune, as it turns out, is fucking psyched to get to be in an isekai), and Usato got caught along with them. When tested for magical aptitude, Suzune and VP Kazuki hit the jackpot with electric and light affinities, respectively, but things go awry when Usato’s reading turns up with healing magic. Terror strikes the palace as the intimidating dommy-mommy Captain Rose barges in to spirit Usato away from his new friends and into her squadron of goons to train him as a combat medic.

As character comedy goes, this one is actually pretty solid at times. Shogo Sakata is plenty of fun as the put-upon, lippy Usato (a much louder role than Chainsaw Man’s Aki Hayakawa), and Atsuko Tanaka (Major Kusanagi herself!) is a blast as the terrifying Rose, an uncompromising slave driver of a drill sergeant with a secret soft side. The dynamic between them is great, too; Usato is over Rose’s shit from the beginning and isn’t afraid to talk back to her, but before you know it, this transforms into friendly banter as Rose clearly takes a shine to Usato and knows he can handle any punishment she doles out. Suzune’s also a bunch of fun now that she’s broken away from having to be the competent, popular girl at school and gets to fully lean into being a complete dork.

Wrong Way also works decently as an isekai, because it makes an effort to stay rooted in high fantasy rather than fall back on JRPG mechanics, meaning there are no stat screens! It also avoids the trappings of wish-fulfillment isekai series by having Usato start out as a regular-ass guy; he’s not a Kirito type, just someone Rose sees as a rough gem in need of cutting. There are no cheat skills or OP weapons or anything, just a kid training every day to get stronger so he can protect the people close to him, and that’s the kind of anime protagonist you should want to be.

For better and for worse, I get serious mid-00s vibes from this one; watch the OP if you don’t believe me. Some of the colors pop uncannily in that early-digipaint-era way, and the animation is pretty middling; the most fluid animation we see is whenever Suzune is acting like a creep. Much like those mid-00s anime, though, Wrong Way may have benefited from being weekly (or twice as long) rather than seasonal. There’s a ton of planting with very little payoff, and it doesn’t feel like the actual scope of the story has even been addressed yet. We don’t even learn why the series has the name it does until someone literally says it aloud in the 11th episode. I may have to reevaluate this season after a possible second, if we ever get one, because this doesn’t stand too well on its own.

Of the anime in this “mixed bags” segment, I’d say I enjoyed Wrong Way the most, but it still had enough problems for me to keep it here. It’s not a particularly bad anime, but it’s not especially good either. I guess we can slot it into what Hazel refers to as “good mid.”

On Hold: 

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?! (three episodes watched)

Man, what a title. That was the main draw for this BL series, which on paper is basically a gay version of the Mel Gibson vehicle What Women Want. 

Adachi (a surname that will always make me laugh thanks to Persona 4), a gloomy salaryman, has hit the big 3-0 without getting any, and now he can somehow read anyone’s thoughts just by making physical contact with them. Just as he laments that this is his life now, he accidentally bumps into his handsome, popular coworker, Kurosawa, whom he learns has been harboring a massive crush on Adachi this whole time. Well dang, what now? Kurosawa’s a really nice, thoughtful dude, but Adachi’s never even thought about being with a man before! And isn’t there something wrong with already knowing this secret? How can he even go into the office and look Kurosawa in those big, handsome eyes… every single day…

What I’ve seen so far has been pretty solid, if not particularly well animated. The visuals are really my only gripe here; I just put it off for way too long and didn’t have it in me to finish it on time to actually get this thing written and published. Yaoi isn’t my forte, which feels like a shortcoming on my end as a fledgling bisexual, and I’ve already remarked on the solid LGBT representation this past season, so I do plan on hopping back on this one.

I gotta say, the co-leading voice actors put in serious work this season. Adachi is voiced by Chiaki Kobayashi, who continued his role as Stark in Frieren, returned to Mashle as Mash Burnedead, and contributed to Metallic Rouge’s cluttered cast as Noid. Kurosawa’s seiyuu, Ryota Suzuki (of whom I’ll always be a fan for his masterful turn as Yu Ishigami in Kaguya-sama), also held down leading roles in Bang Brave Bang Bravern and The Unwanted Undead Adventurer. They’ve been great in the few episodes of Cherry Magic! that I’ve seen so far, and they’ll be a huge part of what brings me back.

The Gems:

Bang Brave Bang Bravern

I feel like the mark of a perfectly audacious piece of media is in the moments where I find myself incredulously shouting “WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING” at the screen, and Bravern made me do that at least once per episode. I have so many things to say about what makes this show great but all of it can be summed up as “it fucks so goddamn hard.”

A joint military exercise in Hawaii between Japanese and American mech pilots goes south as a sudden invasion by metalloid aliens portends certain doom for humanity. Just in the nick of time, though, a bombastic, autonomous mech named Bravern arrives from space and insists that ace pilot Isami Ao take his reins. Isami reluctantly agrees, and to his consternation, Bravern goes full tokusatsu on everyone’s asses, complete with fully-diegetic theme music, and keeps the threat at bay. With Bravern continuing to pester him to act as a pilot, Isami is forced to take up the mantle of a reluctant hero as everyone rallies around Bravern to save Earth. Tagging along is blond-haired, blue-eyed American pilot Lewis Smith, who gets to live out all of his Top Gun fantasies, right down to the latent homosexuality.

That last point isn’t a projection or anything: This show is legitimately gay as hell, and it rules. Bravern’s feelings towards Isami feel far more romantic than what you’d expect from a literal robot, and his description of how it felt to have Isami pilot him for the first time, as relayed to a grim-faced military council, is riddled with hilarious innuendo. Isami struggles not only with shouldering the burden of needing to be a hero to all of humanity, but also being beset on both sides by a loud, insistent mecha and a dewy-eyed gaijin, both of whom very well seem to want to get in his pants. Intricate rituals punctuate Isami and Lewis’ angsty relationship as these broad-shouldered, muscular men grow ever closer. It’s also worth reiterating that Isami is voiced by Ryota Suzuki, who also voiced Kurosawa in Cherry Magic!, and that may not have even been his gayest role this season. I’m not super well-versed in mecha as a genre, but I do know that there’s a lot of Warrior’s Bond-type stuff in these series, and Bravern lays it on thick. And hard.

This show looks killer, by the way. CGI implementation in 2D anime is still a touchy subject, but Bravern features some of the best I’ve ever seen. Simple cel-shading goes a long way to the point where, outside of some uncanny motion, Bravern himself feels perfectly blended into the hand-drawn animation. Mecha designs range from realistic military-style tech to otherworldly sentient robots, and battle sequences run the same gamut as the stakes rise. As goofy as all of the above may sound, it’s committed to being a grandiose, big-time mecha showcase.

This is as good as camp gets in anime; Bravern does for the mecha genre what Akiba Maid War did for yakuza film pastiche (I have also heard positive comparisons to Samurai Flamenco, which I’ll have to get on ASAP). It’s an excellent mecha show in its own right, and wildly hilarious to boot. Bravern himself is very genre-savvy and seemingly a bit of an otaku himself; he loves acting like a mecha hero, to everyone else’s chagrin. Several of the villains (also mechanical beings, voiced by an all-star seiyuu roster that includes Kenjiro Tsuda, the aforementioned Atsuko Tanaka, and Rie Kugimiya) are total dorks themselves. A CIA interrogator tries to waterboard a mecha at one point. Bravern is a deeply silly show, but its heart is planted as firmly on its sleeve as its tongue is in its cheek: For as wacky as it can get, the story still unfolds with a straight face and excellent emotional beats. 

This show also has the most unskippable ED of any anime since Chainsaw Man dropped a new one every week. I will not say what happens. You cannot predict what it is. Just watch it. One of the top YouTube comments on that video says “When I saw this ending after episode 2, I thought I was going crazy.” That’s a ringing endorsement.

Chained Soldier

On the heels of 100 Girlfriends completely rewiring my brain, I was raring for some more good old-fashioned anime trash. I was told that there would be plenty this season, but you can consult the “dropped” section to see how well that worked out for me. Chained Soldier came with some significant hype, and soon enough into the first episode I realized that I’d actually skimmed through this manga before (don’t ask why), so I was on board immediately. Now here’s some nice trashy fun.

The world is in peril thanks to creatures called Shuuki that can advance on our world via portals from another dimension. Women primarily lead the charge against these monsters, as this dimension produces a special fruit that can lend them (and not men) otherworldly powers to help them in the fight. Yuuki, a perfectly normal young man, ends up in grave danger as he stumbles into a portal, where he is saved by the beautiful Kyouka, a commander who is able to subjugate Shuuki at will and use them to fight others. In a bind, she asks Yuuki if she can subjugate him, which he agrees to by licking her finger and transforming into a monster himself, at her beck and call. Because of his utility in battle, Yuuki is enlisted into her squad of baddies (and also an 11-year-old), living in their home as a caretaker and answering directly to Kyouka as her “slave.”

I know. Hear me out.

I put “slave” in scare quotes because Chained Soldier fortunately isn’t going full Shield Hero on us; this arrangement has a give-and-take baked in. See, every time Yuuki completes his service, Kyouka (or whomever else takes advantage of this anomaly) is compelled to carry out whatever suitable “reward” springs from his unconscious, and this is where the ecchi kicks in. Sometimes it’s a kiss, and sometimes it’s something a little more; the reward corresponds to the length and intensity of Yuuki’s contributions to battle, so the heat can turn up in the form of, say, clothed face-sitting, a good scrubbing in the bath, or some nice, casual CBT. All of this is to say that “slave” is a bit of a buzzword here: It’s more of a dom/sub situationship with a lot of extra steps.

Yes, just about everything that isn’t an action setup is full-on harem trash, and Chained Soldier lays it on thick, right down to full-on nudity. Nothing about this show resembles high art, but I can’t help but admire such a high level of commitment to its aesthetic, including the sleaze. It fully commits to the bit and doesn’t even bother lampshading its own trashiness. Chained Soldier knows what it’s about, and I respect that. It also has the good sense not to sexualize the youngest girl, which is a point in its favor that I can’t award a couple other shows previously discussed.

And while this show is plenty fun, the action sequences often excellent, and the character designs usually delightful, there’s not actually a whole lot going on here. As I said with Mashle, I know that battle manga like this can take a minute to really get cooking, and as I said with Witch and the Beast, 12 episodes may not always be a sufficient runtime to adapt enough to break ground, but the debut season feels more like a proof of concept than anything else. That being said, Chained Soldier’s manga has a very effusive audience, and its praises don’t seem to entirely be about the boobs and butts, so I’ll wait patiently for the second season. I think it’s earned that much.

Delicious in Dungeon

This is the one I’m having the hardest time writing about because it so confidently and so completely speaks for itself that anything I could add would feel like scattering sawdust at the beach. Dungeon Meshi (I refuse to call it by its official English title) is a widely beloved manga among those who’ve read it, and for Studio Trigger to do an honest-to-goodness manga adaptation for the first time might as well be front page news among anime fans. 

The story follows Laios, the deeply weird human hero, as he delves back into a bizarre and mysterious dungeon to rescue his sister Falin from the belly of a dragon, along with his misfit party: The neurotic half-elven mage Marcille, the temperamental halfling rogue Chilchuck, and the dwarven warrior-slash-chef Senshi. The party is frequently low on supplies, so to survive the trip they’ll need to subsist on the most abundant resource in the dungeon: Monsters. Senshi’s aptitude in the kitchen helps ensure that everything is edible and sufficiently tasty, regardless of how nasty the monster it came from may have been. With monster obstructions out of the way and their bellies filled, our party delves deeper into the dungeon as the mysteries deepen in kind.

I love the character dynamics in this so goddamn much. Marcille and Chilchuck are frequently put off by the dubious monster food presented to them, but their consternation is worsened by the fact that Laios’ fascination with the monsters it came from annoys the shit out of them. I referred to him as “deeply weird,” but that doesn’t begin to describe his absolute galaxy brain, and I mean it as a term of endearment. Laios is deeply knowledgeable and curious about the fauna in the dungeon, and not just how they taste: He is vocally curious about how certain monster attacks may feel, sings along with siren songs, and even keeps a hardcover bestiary inside his breastplate. He’s one of those people you turn to if you have a question on a hyperspecific subject, but you have to be careful how you ask it or else you’re trapped for the next two hours. And I love him for it.

Even putting the comedy aside, there is a fascinating human element at play in Dungeon Meshi, and I can tell that that surface has barely even been scratched yet. Marcille is just as dogged in her pursuit of saving Falin as Laios is, maybe even moreso (remember what I keep saying about LGBT representation this season?). Chilchuck continues to convince himself that he’s only in the job for his own personal gain, but you can see that mask slipping. And I still wanna know what Senshi’s deal is. Even with the five major players I listed, there’s an increasingly deep roster surrounding them—showcasing a broad spectrum of races and ethnicities, both real and fantastical—each with their own histories and motivations, and I cannot wait to see how they play out and interact with one another. There seem to be much deeper themes at play here as well as we learn more about perceptions and grudges between differing races, oppositional magics, clashing ideologies, and the monetary incentives that drive both the dungeon’s exploration and its very existence. I’m here for it.

I’ve been holding off on reading the manga until the season is up in June (though I could crack any day), but I know a loving adaptation when I see one. Not that Trigger ever slacks off in the animation department, but they absolutely brought their A-game here. Everyone looks bouncy and cartoony in the way only Trigger can pull off while still looking as close as possible to Ryoko Kui’s source material (as far as I can tell). As with Frieren, the action sequences aren’t frequent, nor are they entirely what the show is about, but they look incredible every single time. And the food, of course, looks incredible, no matter how weird. This is practically a cooking anime and a fantasy dungeon anime at the same time, and both aspects are visually on point at all times.

I’m obviously speaking from my own bubble as one of the six people who still use Tumblr in 2024, but I rarely see new anime make a splash like this on social media every single week, and the ones that I do are usually the monster shonen hits like Chainsaw Man or Jujutsu Kaisen. Dungeon Meshi deserves the exposure and success it’s attained, and I’m excited to see it continue. I’d easily slot this right up there with Bravern as one of the best new anime of the season.

A Sign of Affection

I’ve seen a hell of a lot of shonen slice-of-life romances in the past year and change, so a nice fluffy shoujo like this was an excellent palate cleanser. There were a hell of a lot of Big Action Setpieces and panicky teens and grim dungeon crawlers this season, and at the end of the week I wanted to unwind with a bunch of pretty twenty-somethings falling in love with each other.

The show centers on Yuki, a young woman living with congenital hearing loss, making do at a public college after growing up at a school for the deaf. Though she’s able to get by with LINE messages and lip reading, she’s unprepared when a foreigner asks for help, but she’s saved by a handsome and mysterious young man named Itsuomi. He’s able to help out, and takes an interest in her when he realizes his fellow undergrad is deaf, and Yuki takes an interest in kind because he’s really goddamn hot. It turns out that he’s a polyglot and an avid world-traveler, but sign language is not in his purview. This mutual interest sparks the concern of her childhood friend, Oushi, one of the few people in her life who already use sign language, who wants to be sure that nothing untoward is happening. And it isn’t, because this is just a really lovely, low-stakes romance story.

This is pure, unfiltered shoujo at its best. Yuki’s internal monologue is peppered with flowery prose, and everything and everyone looks soft and beautiful. Fashionable, doe-eyed women and pillowy-lipped ikemen abound (seriously, holy shit, the lips on these boys) as the scope widens and the main love interests’ friends explore their own possible love stories. Itsuomi is very much of the “mysterious boy” archetype you’ll find in romance stories in this demographic, but he’s not hiding any sort of dark past like you’d typically expect; he’s just an interesting guy who keeps his personal life close to the vest. He’s a self-appointed world citizen who loves learning about how people of all cultures live their lives, and in Yuki he sees someone within his home turf who happens to live in her own world entirely. And it’s easy to see his forward behavior with Yuki as infantilizing at first (Oushi sure does, and I’ll get back to him in a second), but as they grow closer Itsuomi quickly becomes much more considerate of her boundaries and learns to accommodate her as he studies sign language and gestures that help ensure her comfort. This is a story about Yuki’s horizons broadening just as much as it is about Itsuomi wanting to be let into Yuki’s narrow world, and that sort of synergy makes for some exceptional romance.

A Sign of Affection deserves some credit for refusing to shy away from Yuki’s disability and making a point of depicting her world as one that does little to accommodate her. Very few people in her daily life ever bothered to learn sign language, she relies on a friend to take notes during lectures, and work is hard to come by. It’s an honest depiction that makes an effort not to be exploitative, which is a breath of fresh air. Not only that, but there’s some interesting meta-commentary in there: The only major conflict in the story stems from Oushi’s jealousy, and his reservations about Itsuomi possibly “taking advantage of” Yuki almost feel like he believes that he’s the only one who knows what’s best for her just because he’s done the bare minimum to accommodate her. He thinks he’s coming from a good place, but he winds up accidentally infantilizing her in exactly the way he thinks Itsuomi might. That’s a particularly interesting bit of irony!

I’ve seen enough shonen-oriented romcoms where an unassuming Regular Guy gets flustered as a way-too-casual girl pushes his buttons (hell, I’ve already reviewed two of those this season), so it’s nice to see the formula flipped for a shoujo as Yuki and her best friend Rin blush and squee over Itsuomi and his coworker Kyouya, respectively. A Sign of Affection isn’t afraid to get a little silly with it, either; plenty of these moments are punctuated by characters’ faces going low-detail or full chibi, and they are cute as shit every single time.

This one was just cozy as hell. If you’re into this sort of thing, swaddle yourself in it and bask.

Solo Leveling

I let this one collect dust after the third episode and didn’t pick it back up until the season was almost up, and honestly, I was kinda dreading it: The trailers didn’t look too promising, the show was slow to start, and it looked like yet another derivative JRPG-style dungeon crawler that managed to get popular. Turns out, nah, this show actually kinda fucks and the web novel series and webtoon it’s based on are popular for a reason. The story is nothing special, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a perfectly serviceable turn-your-brain-off action spectacle with a bit more lying beneath the surface.

In a modern-day South Korea where portals to mysterious dungeons open up and threaten the populace, those who can brave the dungeons, known as hunters, are an invaluable human resource. Once someone is assigned a grade as a hunter, they have that grade for life, barring some rare occurrences. Sung Jinwoo is at the lowest rung on that ladder as an E-rank, incapable of improvement, assigned the epithet “the weakest hunter of all mankind.” He mostly shows up to portal raids as a warm body to fill a quota, and one such job goes haywire as most of the raid party, Jinwoo included, is brutally slaughtered in an arcane secondary dungeon within a portal. He somehow wakes up in a hospital, unharmed, and able to access a digital menu before his eyes that exhorts him to do the One Punch Man workout every day, lest he incur punishment. He gets hilariously chadly in the span of a few days in the hospital, including an inexplicable haircut, and finds access to dungeons only he can enter and levels up within this new system.

This one gets off to a slow start and may have benefited from a longer premiere like Oshi no Ko or Frieren, but once the table is fully set, Solo Leveling really starts to cook. Jinwoo’s titular leveling process is a blast from one fight to the next, and as he moves to work in the dungeons that other hunters can access, it turns out he’s been training with the weights on. He’s suddenly fighting way above his pay grade, and after staving off attacks from hunters taking advantage of portals for nefarious ends, he is recruited by an ambitious corporate scion to make some real coin and establish an independent association of hunters.

While it can feel like there’s a whole bunch of table-setting between portal sequences, it’s some smart worldbuilding on Solo Leveling’s end to establish how portal hunting became a central pillar of this society, and doubly so how political and capitalist interests can leave a wide berth for corruption and bad actors. If there’s money to be made in hunting, of course people will find ways to make even more at the expense of others, both at the corporate and individual levels. There’s a lot of talk in there about “survival of the fittest” and “natural selection” and that… makes me nervous.

Those are terms that can be used to justify immoral actions in the name of money, sure, but Jinwoo also uses them to justify his own process. To what end is he constantly improving himself? Sure, he's doing what he can to provide for his younger sister and their ailing mother, but I see less and less humanity in him as this goes on. There are constant hints at something far more sinister at play than just a dude getting stronger for himself, not the least of which being “the system,” the UI that implores him to keep taking on these “quests.” Something, or someone, seems to be guiding him. Whenever another hunter turns on Jinwoo, of course his self-defense instincts kick in, but system pop-ups instruct him to defeat X number of hostiles like it’s a normal video game scenario. There’s something eerily depersonalized about these encounters, despite them being full-on mortal combat, that gives me serious Ender’s Game vibes. Consider me intrigued.

I’d heard that the Solo Leveling manhwa’s main draw was its visuals, and though I had my doubts early on, I'm sold now. This is a pretty solid presentation! Hiroyuki Sawano turned in yet another banger soundtrack to punctuate all the action setpieces, helping to stitch together a fairly complete tapestry. Said setpieces are exhilarating and almost impressively bloody, and while the animation is nothing impressive in the day-to-day, it goes absolutely batshit when the gloves come off. Movement is inhumanly fluid and the visuals can go into the same loose, psychedelic territories we’ve seen in the likes of Mob Psycho and the second season of Jujutsu Kaisen. If this is the new meta for shonen action, I’m not complaining.

By all rights, this is a pretty decent show, but if I’m being honest, this one just hasn’t stuck with me much. And that’s fine! Sometimes I just wanna see some nutty action stuff and move on with my day. Solo Leveling hits that spot perfectly, and I'll be right back there when it returns for its next season.

‘Tis Time for “Torture,” Princess

I was surprised to learn that the gag manga this is based on, with such a seemingly simple premise, has been running for well over 200 chapters and counting. As the anime progressed, I was far more pleasantly surprised to learn that it actually works.

In a standard anime fantasy world where the forces of good are fighting the demonic Hellhorde, an unnamed warrior princess and her talking enchanted sword are taken prisoner and subjected to torture as they’re squeezed for intel. Said “torture,” as the title’s scare quotes would suggest, is mildly unconventional, as the demon baddie inquisitor, aptly named Torture Tortura, attempts to ply the princess by presenting her with tantalizingly delicious-looking food that she can only partake in if she coughs up some info. Naturally, the princess caves every single time, but her intel is often inane and useless, so the “torture” continues. It’s not all food, though: The princess is soon held out of arm’s reach of adorable baby animals by a gyaru beastgirl, pampered into submission by a spa-loving giantess, and is faced with a tsundere vampire faildaughter, who… tries. 

And you’d think that would be it; the joke wears thin and you move onto something else. Before you realize it, though, something’s changed: The princess and her captors are quickly becoming friends. The premise almost feels perfunctory: These inquisitors are actual people just doing their jobs, and whatever happens after the princess’ myriad confessions is fair game. There’s no malice or animosity, even during the “torture” sessions themselves: Everyone will have a blast and grow closer as friends, and then the princess will voluntarily go back to her bedless cell. It’s like Sam and Ralph after they clock out, except they’re almost always off the clock. Everyone is genuinely looking out for each other in all directions, and the only thing that keeps the torture going is the need for a status quo to return to, even as it grows more elastic. If anything, Time for "Torture" is a good example of committing to the bit without having to necessarily rely on it.

The real irony in all of this is that it becomes increasingly apparent that the princess is having her needs met in captivity far better than she ever did back home. In her proud proclamations about how she’ll never cave to the temptations before her (shortly before she does just that), the princess often talks about her upbringing and her time as the head of an imperial legion, but these stories often betray her lack of friendship or any of the little things that make life worth living. Her life as royalty was one of isolation and deprivation, to the point where she finds more freedom and fulfillment as a prisoner. She truly lives in a society.

Hellholm, on the other hand, has a surprisingly healthy approach to things like work-life balance, food, and leisure, and its most valuable prisoner is no exception. The Hell-Lord himself is a surprising exemplar of this; for as much as he looks and talks like your standard terrifying JRPG demon king, he’s a surprisingly good dude! He looks after his family, employees, and even the captive princess as if they are all one and the same; he exhibits strong principles and an aversion to conflict, sees to his employees' needs and wants alike, and is a supportive, loving father to his unbelievably precious little daughter (who also serves as a “torturer,” to the princess’ delight). He’s also a big time anime dork, and even bonds with a knight attempting to rescue the princess over their shared otakudom before sending him off peacefully. As “villains” go, he’s top tier.

Time for "Torture" is nothing groundbreaking by any stretch, but it’s a cute, silly time and it plays with anime fantasy tropes in the same way a six-month-old German shepherd “plays” with a cheap stuffed toy. How long the premise holds up is entirely up to you, but I had a lot of fun with it. I have no idea how this ended up being one of the better shows this season, but I guess it just scratched the right itch for me.

[danmeiconfession]

This is my unspoken feelings about SVSS.

I mean, if we want an entire list of people in the SVSS world that SY doesn't really care about because they're fictional characters:

1. Zhuzhi-lang, who like, cared about him and died... yes, it was complicated, but seriously, SY, the guy was practically a simp for you. No tears? 2. His disciples that...aren't Luo Binghe? I mean, does the guy even teach? 3. All the girls he tries to throw at LBH because he thinks owning women and feeding them sexually to a sword is okay if it's Luo Binghe doing it? 4. The Palace Master, who NICE LBH turned into a human stick. NICE LBH. > And yes, the guy deserved it! ... Or did he? What level of serious crime merits human stick-ness, instead of just straight out execution?

But, you know, that sort of thing is normal for the xianxia world, so it doesn't matter! Also, they're all fictional characters!

And okay, if he treated the entire novel like a fiction novel, you could get away with it...except he's clearly humanised Luo Binghe. So...?

(Even if beating your disciples is super xianxia world too... so only bad stuff that happens to Luo Binghe matters? I mean, SQQ is railed on for whipping Luo Binghe and locking him up in a woodshed, but he basically dismisses neighbouring Liu Qingge's training practice of showing up on Baizan, beating his disciples to a pulp, and buggering off. Which of these is the worst corporal punishment for a cultivation student?

It's an honest question because we can't compare student experiences to tell if LQG beats up his students worse than SQQ whips them, but it's the kind of statement that makes you go...huh. So if this is what this world is like, SQQ's actions are kind of...sucky, but not objectively terrible when compared to the xianxia world standard? And Luo's Binghe's experience may not be objectively more terrible than the average cultivation student on certain peaks. Hell it might even be mild! Unfortunately the novel didn't give us enough real content to judge consistency...

Like a lot regarding Shen jiu and what we think of him is based on others perception of him and the audience as well. I can't get a good read on him because of that but he's honest perfect angst fic potential lol.

Yeah.

.

[pigeonflavouredcake]

Here's my unwanted opinion on some witchcraft books

This is a list of opinions I have on some popular witchcraft, occult and practitioner related books. I don't talk about anything I haven't read myself.

This is in no way stopping you from reading them yourself, it's just what I think of them as an experienced practitioner and pagan.

I now have a Goodreads account you can look at if you're curious what else I've read but it's a mess and I've just added my bookshelf on in bulk.

Lisa Lister - Witch

To get this out of the way. It's bio essentialist crap and we all know this by know but it bears repeating. This is an example I've used in my grimoire of how transphobia seeps into spiritual spaces and goes unchecked under the guise of feminism and women empowerment. Arguing that a witch's power comes from her womb as a bowl of nature and creative magic. If that's what you like to draw from then all power to you, I have no problem with that. What I have a problem with is that Lister directly infers that the title of 'witch' is exclusive to this specific demographic of women.

I find her statements gross and dehumanising to women and her argument falls apart completely when you remember that not every woman has a womb, big duh moment I know. It correlates with TERF ideology that certain women are inherently more powerful because of a female reproductive system as opposed to women as a whole being powerful because of their autonomy as human beings. "But if that's true then what's stopping cis men, trans and nonbinary people from being practitioners?" LITERALLY NOTHING!

Sky Alexander - The Modern Witchcraft Spell Book and The Modern Witchcraft Grimoire

Very simple. Pretty cover. Overall they make for ok resources for beginners but once you're out of the beginner phase they really fall flat. Alexander doesn't provide much context when referencing certain tools and practices and tends to confuse witchcraft with wicca.

The Farrars - A Witches' Bible

Dated. Uses the G slur. Their books are all mislabelled wicca which makes sense because these books have been around since the 90's when there wasn't much of a difference and you can tell. They do not hold up to today's standards. They are a good example of how practices have historically been conflated in pop culture.

Does discuss ritual nUdity (they call it skyclad) and includes pictures. I wanted to mention it here to not surprise anyone in case any of you aren't comfortable with it.

Rachel Patterson - Grimoire of a Kitchen Witch

A book about kitchen witchcraft that doesn't include any kitchen witchcraft. It's more like a basic beginners grimoire. Very repetitive.

Features a chapter on hoodoo which I'm unsure about. I don't know anything about hoodoo or rootwork but I'm assuming it's a practice exclusive to the black community in America due to it developing during the period of enslavement in the US. I'm also assuming that Patterson isn't a part of this community due to being white and British. If I'm wrong and Patterson is genuinely part of the practice and can honestly speak on the topic please correct me.

Scott Cunningham - Encyclopaedia of Magical Herbs

A good resource for correspondences, easy to digest but Cunningham focuses on wicca (again) using wiccan practices like complementarianism and gendering nature which to me makes no sense (I know about the law of polarity but I do not agree with it). The pictures of plants are nice but the folklore provided for them is pretty minimal. You can find all the same info for free online.

Judika Illes - Encyclopaedia of Spirits

Honestly not that bad. There's a lot of information and it's pretty consistent throughout. It's a huge book though, it can be kind of overwhelming but they take from multiple sources when discussing the mythos of deities which is a plus. The pages are very thin and delicate which can make it hard to read the text.

Joey Hulin - Your Spiritual Almanac

it's eh in the broadest sense. I liked the folklore and the eco action sections but I didn't really absorb any of it. a lot of the corresponce lists was information I already knew about. It felt very repetitive. Would have loved to have seen more detailed information about the changes happening in nature each month.

Rachel Pollack - Seventy Eight Degrees of Wisdom

Pollack is very informative, and honestly a great resource for tarot work, she knows her shit and isn't afraid to info dump. The only thing I didn't really like is all the mentions of dualism like of mother v father, male v female but that's entirely my issue and it's the nature of tarot to be dualistic, It just isn't a necessity to me and my practice. Still a great book.

Aleister Crowley - Magick

A great example of what not to do. Appropriates dharmic practices and Jewish mysticism. When he wasn't stealing from other cultures or being a massive contrarian Crowley was writing about sex magic and it's discussed here in uncomfortable detail.

[ofthecaravel]

I'd Rather Be With You

Sequel to But You Look So Cool

Summary: Happy (????) Holidays!

Tags: Being home with your family for the holidays, The Twins conspiring, shame, doubt, arguing, Danny being a saint, NSFW at the very very end for like 2 secs

Words: 3k

A/N: Itty bitty holiday sequel to my most beloved! Wanted to touch more on Sam's family dynamic and what they've been up to since we left them. Thanks for reading MWAH

~~~

“Oh, my God, you were serious.”

“Did you think I was lying?”

“I mean, a little! Can you blame me?”

The Kiszka twins -home for the holidays, clutching wine glasses, and peeking around a doorway- were struggling to understand just what they were seeing. Not only had Sam brought someone home for Christmas (which is something they had never, ever expected from him, at least not in the state he’d been in for the past couple of years), but he had brought Danny Wagner. Danny fuckin’ Wagner, who stuck out in their collective consciousness for being a consistent presence during their Sunday school days and very briefly being the solitary member of their high school’s golf team. A nice, well adjusted boy with a nice, well adjusted family that he could easily be spending a much merrier Christmas Eve with. But here he was, laughing in the quiet living room of the Kiszka household and going through a photo album with Sam and their sister.  

“Crazy,” Jake murmured into a sip of his wine, shaking his head slightly as Josh nodded thoughtfully next to him. 

“It’s not like I’m mad he’s here,” Josh added, his eyebrows still high in surprise. “It’s just funny to see him next to Sam.”

They did admittedly look a little out of place nestled shoulder to shoulder. Danny’s smiling face was aglow with a wine drunk blush, snuggled up in a well fitting blue sweater and his hair tucked dotingly behind his ear. Sam, on the other hand, had his knees clad in oil stained mechanics pants and pulled up to his chin, looking not unlike an anxious pretzel as he chewed on his thumb and rested his head on Danny’s shoulder. 

“He pierced his ears,” Josh noted as he wiped some crumbs off the chest of his sweater. “Ya think Sam had something to do with that?”

“Definitely,” Jake smiled, his lips still stuck to the lip of his glass. “He probably did it for him. He’s gonna corrupt that sweet kid. Poor guy.”

“He’s been doing better,” Josh argued on behalf of his baby brother. “He’s got a job and his own place now. I swear Mom was gonna start charging him rent.”

“She would never,” Jake hummed, tuning in to the sound of their mother in the kitchen, talking to someone on the phone as dishes clinked in the sink. “He could crash the car into the house and she’d forgive him.”

“I guess the standards have been set pretty low,” Josh mumbled. Jake sighed a little and Josh cringed at his own words, slotting another cookie into his mouth and pulling out his phone.

He’d meant it as a joke, but it was still weird to even allude to everything that had gone down with their dad. It was hard to ignore, mostly when they were all together. It made it all the more obvious that someone was missing from the equation. Sure, he was a phone call away, but none of the siblings really wanted to talk to him. The twins were already graduating when their dad had been arrested, and they quickly escaped the immediate fallout with the titles of valedictorian, salutatorian, and two full ride scholarships that they rode the hell out of town. Ronnie had escaped into time with their mom and a myriad of friends to disappear in. And Sam…Sam had found his escape in means that only added to the fallout of the situation. 

So, yeah. The joke didn’t land. 

Especially during December. The family that used to fill their house simply didn’t bother to come by anymore, leaving only the immediate family to desperately try and revive a festive cheer that none of them really believed in anymore. Sam had barely attended the past few gatherings, and Jake and Josh had skipped them altogether under the pretense of their busy lives and jobs in Detroit. So imagine the oddity of having someone know all of the tension that would come with their awful little Christmas party and deciding to come anyway. 

“It’s just weird, dude,” Jake said plainly, finishing off his drink and setting it down loudly. “Kinda thought we’d be the ones bringing people home to try and fill the silence.”

“He’s making us look bad,” Josh chuckled, making a fond noise in response to seeing Danny give Sam a quick kiss to the forehead. “Look at that! What witchcraft has he been cooking up in his shitty little basement to swing that?”

“Love potions,” Jake responded in a silly voice and they both erupted into harmonizing giggles. 

The three on the couch looked up in confusion at them, which only made them laugh harder. Sam bristled instantly and Danny turned to see his eyes flicker with insecurity before glazing into a cold glinting squint.

“Shut the fuck up!” Sam barked, immediately (and correctly) assuming they were laughing at his expense.

“Sam!” their mom yelled from the kitchen, and Sam immediately closed his mouth and continued to glare stormily at his snorting brothers. 

“What’s funny?” Danny asked innocently, applying a gentle pressure to Sam’s shoulder with his own to try and calm him a little. Sam had been touchy for days leading up to this and Danny was honestly running out of ideas on how to soothe him.

“Nothing, nothing,” Jake said coolly, turning his back on them to return a bottle to their bar cart.

“He’s drunk,” Josh accused teasingly, exchanging an amused look with Danny that made Danny ease up ever so slightly.

“He’s an idiot,” Ronnie quipped, which Sam passionately nodded in agreement with. 

“You’re an idiot,” Jake retorted, his words carrying no bite as he and his sister traded mocking faces at each other while Danny watched with a shy smile. While the bickering continued, he looked over at Sam and melted a little at the sight. Around his siblings, Sam seemed smaller and softer than when he was trying to put on a suave front when he was on his own. Danny had obviously seen through that facade over a year ago, but Sam still attempted to carry himself with that same edge that Danny had fallen for but never really bought. However, in his childhood home surrounded by family and the ghosts of dynamics established long ago, there was no hiding for Sam. He was a little boy in a leather jacket being picked on lovingly by his big brothers and sister, and while Danny knew that Sam was going to be annoyed for the rest of the night, he really couldn’t help but find the whole scene adorable. 

“Danny is very tired and we are going to bed!” Sam finally shouted over his jabbering siblings, holding onto Danny’s arm and tugging to try and get him to his feet. 

“Aw, lame, Sam, come on!” Jake cackled while Danny gave Sam a look of confusion and amusement as they both stood up. “We were all gonna stay up until midnight and throw rocks at Santa’s sleigh.”

“I thought we were seducing him,” Josh complained, clearly much more into his idea. 

“Well, give him my number, then,” Sam countered. “Or throw a rock in my honor. I can’t be around you assholes for a minute longer.”

“That’s not very festive of you, Sammy,” Ronnie frowned, pulling on his sleeve as Sam attempted to shuffle Danny across the room almost as if he were a human shield. “Come on, stay.”

“I really am tired,” Danny said with remorse, giving all of Sam’s siblings a sincerely sympathetic smile. “But we’ll be up bright and early for presents, I promise.”

“You’re the sweetest, Danny,” Jake replied, clapping Danny on the back as they passed. “Don’t know why you bother with this street urchin.”

Sam rolled his eyes but Danny felt the genuine shiver of irritation from him as Josh and Ronnie hummed similar sentiments about Danny and Sam being…Danny and Sam.  

“Goodnight, you guys,” Danny bid them, giving a little wave as Sam practically dragged him up the stairs. 

--

They had all tossed him enthusiastic and properly festive goodnights as he chuckled and let himself get pulled along by Sam, who let out a frustrated sigh the second they were out of earshot. Danny only got a moment of appreciating the cute, vintage wallpaper of the hallway and the childhood photos hung up before Sam pulled him into his old bedroom and closed the door noisily behind them. Sam immediately collapsed face first into his pillow and let out a muffled groan while Danny cracked his neck and did a little perimeter walk of the room. He ghosted his fingers over posters ripped haphazardly out of magazines and Scotch taped to the wall and sun bleached science fair ribbons. Sam let out another noisy sigh while Danny continued to dote on every tchotchke and think with red cheeks about another time he’d surveyed Sam’s room while Sam vied for his attention. 

“They only razz you because they love you, baby,” Danny hummed, finally turning away from the sweetly dorky photos of Sam and his school peers to smile at Sam sprawled dramatically on his twin bed. 

“I wish they would do it in a way that didn’t remind me I’m such a fantastic fuck up,” Sam spat bitterly, flipping so he was staring up at the ceiling. His eyes were flat and dark in the way that Danny had seen for so many years and his heart fluttered sadly as he sat on the edge of the bed and put a reassuring hand on Sam’s cheek. Sam immediately let out a little huff and nuzzled against his palm.

“You’re really warm,” Danny noted simply as he felt the heat brewing on Sam’s skin.

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m fucking pissed off,” Sam muttered, rolling his eyes dismissively and shaking his head slightly as he stared at the wall and allowed Danny to swipe his thumb over his cheek and smooth his hair.

“You’re not a fuck up, Sam. I hate hearing you say that,” Danny assured Sam, using every ounce of sincerity in his body when he said it. Sam didn’t answer, simply continuing to chew on his lip and petulantly avoid eye contact. 

“Hey, can you look at me when I’m talking to you?” Danny asked sternly.

“Can you stop pretending like I’m some pathetic wimp fishing for a compliment?” Sam snapped, pulling Danny’s hand off of his face and rearranging himself again to stare into the expanse of the room. Danny recoiled slightly, unable to fend off the sting of Sam rejecting his kindness. But after a year of learning how to navigate Sam’s many tantrums and categorizing the roots of the meltdowns, he knew that Sam didn’t mean to hurt him. He never did. 

“Sammy,” Danny said softly, moving further onto the bed and tucking his feet under Sam’s legs. “I know you were really hesitant to come and do this at all.”

“They just make me so mad,” Sam whispered. “There’s just, like, this hole whenever we’re all together. Dad, I mean. His stupid choices and then, you know, my stupid choices. I don’t…I don’t want to be another empty space for them. And I feel like no matter what I do, I’m gonna be that.”

Danny couldn’t stand to give Sam his space for a second longer. He lowered himself to lay behind Sam and Sam immediately turned and buried his head into the crook of Danny’s neck, the both of them awkwardly entangling to keep Sam as close as possible to Danny’s chest while they clung together. There weren’t any tears from Sam, but Danny could feel the shudder in his thin chest as he fought to even out his breathing and calm down.

“And then,” Sam continued weakly, his voice high with emotion as he stumbled over his words frantically. “They’re giving me all that shit about how great you are and how you don’t belong with me. Like I don’t already know that. Fuck, Danny, I’m sorry but I agree with them. You deserve so much better than me and my-”

“Sam-”

“I’m serious, I swear I’m just waiting for you to wake up and realize I’m an asshole with-”

“Sam.” 

Sam, ever the obedient listener even in the midst of a full blown rant, cut himself off with a ragged exhale and pressed his mouth against Danny’s neck to silence himself. Danny held the back of his head and rested his lips right next to Sam’s ear, resisting the urge to nip his earlobe like he usually did when he was this close. 

“Sam,” Danny whispered, soft and smooth and steady. “You know I love you. You know I hate hearing you talk about yourself like this. I know you’ve had a lot of trouble coping with everything since your dad went away, and I know you made a lot of choices that you’re not proud of. But, I mean, you were a kid. A really hurt kid. And you’ve been trying so hard to change from the person you were and frankly, I can hardly believe you can’t see how much you’ve grown in this past year alone. You’re amazing.”

Sam sniffled slightly and burrowed up further against Danny. Danny smiled, his mind fuzzy with fondness as he thought about every instance that proved his own point. Sam, who quietly leafed through self help books rented from the library and wrote down all the tips and tricks he could because he was so determined to stop picking fights with anyone and everyone. Sam, who taught himself to cook with nothing but the cooking channel and the goal of having a new dish for Danny to try every week. Sam, who had worked infuriating shifts at the mechanics to pay for the lovingly hand picked presents for his family that now lay under the tree downstairs. Sam, who Danny loved more than anything.

“You should be with a good man,” Sam breathed, barely audible. “You’re gonna die wishing you hadn’t wasted so much time on me.”

“Good men die too,” Danny replied with a disbelieving laugh. “I’d rather be with you.”

Danny felt Sam’s lips smile slightly against his skin and he kissed his temple, still gently cupping the back of his silken head as his other hand absently doodled soothing shapes on the considerable curve of Sam’s back. If his hand dipped any lower, he’d be tracing the inky wings of the lower back tattoo Sam had surprised him with a few months back. Danny’s cheeks burned thinking about it for a moment too long and he channeled the warmth into pressing more kisses against Sam’s hair.

After a few minutes of silence, Sam pulled away just enough to look up at Danny through his starry lashes and give him a lovelorn smile. 

“Thank you,” Sam whispered sincerely, tucking a frizzy wave behind Danny’s ear with his deft calloused fingers. “I’m sorry for spinning out on you.”

“Family makes everybody crazy,” Danny shrugged, reaching up between them to lightly hold Sam’s chin with his thumb and forefinger. “And you never have to apologize. I’m happy to help.”

Danny tried and failed to smother his smile watching Sam’s pupils blow wide with affection as Danny kept a hold on his jaw. 

“I love you, Sammy,” Danny purred, teasingly brushing his nose against Sam’s. “And for the record, I have never once thought you were bad. You’re actually very, very good.”

“How good?” Sam asked bashfully, his lips parting to let out a shaky smiling breath as he playfully pressed his finger against Danny’s lip. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was hearing mountains and mountains of praise from Danny. And with all things considered, Danny figured he was owed it in.

“So good,” Danny grinned, tapping Sam’s nose. “You’ve always been so good for me, Sammy, right from the start. Such a good listener especially. So gentle and kind and nothing but good. And so, so pretty.”

“Now you’re just buttering me up,” Sam murmured with flushed cheeks, still staring unabashedly at Danny’s lips.

“I’m serious,” Danny rasped, his hand moving to properly cup Sam’s jaw with his fingers pressed right behind his ear. “If I had known how well you take direction, I probably would’ve started bossing you around a lot sooner.”

Sam’s eyes widened slightly and Danny knew he was teetering on the edge of falling deep into a sweet, needy headspace that he’d initially been shocked to uncover. But these days? He counted on it. 

“You want me to boss you around a little, baby?” Danny asked gently. “Do you want to forget your hard night and let me do the thinking for a little bit? And then you can wake up nice and happy on Christmas morning and open all the presents I got you. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah,” Sam breathed desperately. “Please.” 

Despite his impatience, he always knew what Danny wanted to hear from him.

“I didn’t even have to ask you to say please,” Danny delighted, finally giving Sam a kiss but pulling away far too quickly to whisper again. “You’re gonna have to be quiet, okay? I know that’s not your strong suit but we can’t have anyone hearing all your cute little noises.”

Sam nodded eagerly and, with both hands firmly planted on the sides of Danny’s head, pulled Danny into a much longer kiss that had Danny readjusting to pin Sam under him. Under any normal circumstance, Danny would’ve had Sam by the throat for grabbing him the way he did. He would’ve had him on his knees until there were tears in his eyes showing Danny how sorry he was for getting handsy without asking Danny first. But maybe Danny was feeling the holiday spirit a little more than usual and decided to show Sam some mercy. He’d bring it up later after Sam had the nice, black necktie Danny had gifted him as an early present wrapped around his wrists. 

“Love you,” Sam murmured dreamily against Danny’s lips as Danny put his weight on his knees and began moving his hands up to smooth over Sam’s chest and play with his waistband.

“Love you too,” Danny echoed with a mischievous smile. 

He didn’t give the chance for Sam to speak again before his palm muffled Sam’s chatty mouth and stifled his growls and whines until the first rose flush of dawn stretched over the newfallen snow and the lovesick boys tangled in a creaky little bed.

--

[erosuguru]

Hi, I really love you're writings, it's so good!! Can I request a fem chubby reader with Shidou? Like the reader is being insecure about herself and Shidou fucking her in front of the mirror and telling her that he loves every inch of her body. Thank you so much btw! ❤️

hi omg tysm!! I kinda went crazy on this but i hope i did well dskjjjfbsjh :’)) shidou is so yummy idk how to explain it, I had to look up gross pickup lines for this lmao

Mirror, Mirror

Ryusei Shidou x reader, reader is female and chubby, all characters are 18+, Shidou and reader are in established relationship, Shidou being whipped for reader, approx 2.2k words

CW: NSFW, Shidou being gross, dirty talk, lots of groping, mirror sex, nutting inside, Shidou calls reader lame but cute pet names (pookie, sugar, sweetheart, baby) little proof reading

notes: this is the first request ive gotten and i kinda took a while on it kdshfkj kinda mad at myself cuz i had the chance to post it on his birthday but nOOO ugh either way enjoy !!

Shidou couldn’t care less about beauty standards, he thought the general image of beauty the people around him established was boring, he indulges in Gyaruo fashion, knowing his style wasn’t common he didn’t care about people’s staring; he knew he looked good either way (plus he has zero hesitation to fight so he welcomes any comment, the repercussions are not his fault though <3)

Whenever Shidou is around you, he has to blurt out an overly sexual or praising comment about your appearance.

The comments have a wide range, a simple “Lookin’ good, Sugar!” or a cheesy “Call me a pirate ‘cause just found some booty!”, and the worst of them, the explicit ones he whispers to you whenever your shared friends are around like “the condom In my pocket expires tomorrow, be a doll and help me use it?”

even if his words were crude it was nice to know someone found your body appealing and you never took it to heart given he was this sexual with his words with everyone. Shidou notices how much you prefer to wear clothes that hid your figure and it invokes some kind of internal struggle in him. on one hand, it made him want to rip those rags off you and dress you in something more scandalous. On the other, he told himself that you were hiding that pretty body because you don’t want anyone other than him to look at you

Shidou’s confidence boosts helped you see yourself in a better light but you still insisted on bigger sweaters and hoodies, it infuriated him, even after establishing a relationship with him your wardrobe didn’t change. That didn’t stop him from being handsy with you, always having a hand on you anywhere you two went.

If you were sharing a meal in a restaurant he had his hand on your thigh lightly stroking, if you were with friends he always had an arm around your waist as he chatted away about god knows what. His favorite by far is when you wear jeans, he could easily rest his hand in your butt pocket and watch you grow flustered, it was adorable how you acted so shy even though his hands were already pretty familiar with your body.

You had been staying in recently because of some doubtful thoughts that even Shidou’s comments couldn’t chase away, you spent your day trying to be productive by cleaning around your place then getting some work done on your computer before your loud boyfriend barged in with a package of cupcakes from the bakery you enjoyed.

You didn’t know which was worse, the fact that you wanted to stay away from the sweet delicacies or that your boyfriend caught you in your stay-at-home clothes consisting of shorts and a tank top.

Even as you tried shutting the door and telling him you’re busy, he insisted on coming in, although he kept saying he came by because he was worried- his excited expression said it all that this was the first time you wore something that showed so much skin around him.

Shidou stood in your living room and listened to you explain your recent absence as he was examining your physique, he was listening but his mind was going elsewhere as he drank in more and more of his view of you pacing around your living room busying your hands so your mind won’t be occupied by the worry of what is he thinking while looking at you so intently.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as silence filled the room, oh shit- it was his turn to talk.

“… aw I’m sorry baby, I wish I knew! Come here!” He pulled you into a hug, it took you a moment to get over the closeness in such a bare outfit before returning the gesture, he cooed words of encouragement to you.

“Everybody gets those thoughts Pookie!, even your dashingly handsome boyfriend gets those thoughts, but remember…” he slid his hands down below your waist, both his hands settling on your ass and squeezing at the clothed flesh immediately you gasped and let out a surprised noise startled at the sudden action.

“No matter what your worried head tells you, you’ll always be the sexiest bitch around~” he ended the sentence with a devilish chuckle as he watched you grow embarrassed from his groping, you set a hand on his forearms in an attempt to get him to slow down as he watched how well his hands cupped your ass cheeks over your shoulder, he could see it spilling in the gaps between his fingers.

“Shidou! Don’t do that!” You got over your initial shock and he pouted at you, sticking out his bottom lip as if he just got scolded. “How can I resist?! showin’ off this pretty ass while you’re alone at home? I should come over all the time!”

He kept one hand on your ass as the other ventured under your tank top, feeling your soft flesh and kneading it as he watched you fumble and stutter “Shidou..! Not there- hey! Watch it..!” He had a smile on that practically tore through his cheeks.

“Why don’t we take this to your room, hmm? I know a great body positivity exercise~”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

How did Shidou always manage to coax you into saying yes? You had no idea, you had no idea how you agreed to let him lay you down on your stomach as he hurriedly tugged your shorts off you, burying his face into your neck as he kissed and licked whispering sweet words to you. He spent his time groping and feeling you under your clothes as you tried your best to return his affections, but he didn’t mind, if it was up to Shidou he would gladly shower you with love, praise, and something else that would be too vulgar to add.

“You’re so pretty like this, baby~” he muttered to you as he removed your shorts fully, sitting up so you could feel his growing erection against your ass, he noticed just how well you two were positioned where your full-length mirror could reflect the view perfectly to him, a wicked grin plastered his features.

“Can you look up for me, sugar?” at his command, you followed and your eyes connected with the image of you on all fours with your shorts hanging from your excited boyfriend’s hand, he let out a sinister giggle at your expression as embarrassment filled you.

“Shidou- can we move? Please? I look stupid- AH?!” You were cut off as you felt his hand sharply smack your ass after he threw aside your shorts, he rubbed the sore spot and shushed you as you looked at his reflection in disbelief.

“… SHIDOU?!”

“I’m sorry sugar! I can’t let you badmouth my pretty girl like that!”

Removing his hands from you, he shuffled as he freed his hard cock from his tight pants, hissing as it practically bounced out his clothes “I’m gonna fuck you like this, ‘kay? so you’ll know just how fuckin’ gorgeous you are..” He promised referring to how he’ll use you in front of your mirror, His hands gripped the flesh of your hips as he pulled you back to him. Slowly maneuvering his hips in short movements, he felt his dick run up and down your slit, he bit down on his bottom lip as he felt your slick cover his length with each stroke.

You wanted to deny this, you felt awkward as your eyes darted back and forth between your reflection and his, you can’t deny Shidou’s affection when he spent so much prepping you for a good dicking down and your rationality was slipping away with each delicious rub of his cock nestling between your thighs waiting for you to give him permission.

“… okay, fine..! But-“

“Yeah yeah, red for no, yellow for so-so, green for ‘fuck me harder Ryusei’~” He giggled at his wording as his free hand moved down and adjusted his cock to slip in quickly

As you were about to complain about his vulgarity once more, he gripped your hips and pulled your ass to him, as he thrusted his hips to meet you in the middle, biting down his bottom lip and releasing a long groan that layered with your gasp that melted into a moan. His cock squeezed in perfectly like you were a pussy pocket molded perfectly just for him, he watched your expression in the mirror as he made sure he was balls deep inside you, relishing in how your pussy hugged his cock so perfectly practically brainwashing him.

As Shidou slowly moved his hips at first to get used to the warmth (as much as you felt incredible, he didn’t wanna act like some virgin and bust so early), he noticed how you lowered your head and that set him off; his hand reached out and grabbed a fistful of your hair and lifted you so you’d sit on your knees with your back arched, a startled noise escaped your lips.

“That won’t do baby! Come on, look! Take a good look!” He urged you between pants as he gradually sped up, hips slapping against yours as your wetness grew, your struggled to get a good look through your boyfriend’s fucking, your reflection showed your figure but this time you couldn’t turn away, Shidou had a way of fucking you so thoroughly- of slutting you out so beautifully, it was shameful to say but it was the only way to describe it.

“Ahh- ah! Shidou- I can’t- its too embarrassing!” You finally managed to speak out through the pleasure, Shidou gave you a particularly hard thrust at your words forcing a surprised moan out of you “first, Call me by my first name.. second, I told you to look”

He slowed down his thrusts as his hand guided your head by your chin to the mirror, giving you a clear view of yourself, his hand had pulled your shirt up to reveal your chest to him, one hand holding your hip as the other squeezed and groped at your breast.

“See?” Shidou started as he made eye contact with you in the mirror “You’re such a pretty goddess~” he practically purred as he admired how your body bounced and jiggled with every impact of his hips, not faltering as he pistoned his cock into you making sure you had a good view of it all; one hand squeezed at your chest enjoying how your breast spilled between his fingers, the other gripping at your love handles as leverage to smack your hips down to his making sure his cock was reaching all the right places, a perfect view of your loving boyfriend making sure every curve, dip and crevice of your body is appreciated.

“Fuck- mmmh! So good baby, you look so good on my dick like this..” He whispered sweetly to you, your thighs trembled as his praise went straight to your core “I’m so fuckin’ lucky, you’re a beauty..” his words weren’t empty compliments, he studied your body so closely as he fucked his cock deep into you with nothing but love and adoration in his eyes. Ryusei Shidou genuinely and wholeheartedly thinks you're the most gorgeous woman to ever exist.

“you like it when I make you bounce on my dick? Yeah? You’re so fuckin’ cute, I love you~” he cooed at you turning your head to give you a sloppy kiss, tongue slipping into your mouth with ease as he swallowed your moans, separating in between kisses inducing a wet noise everytime you did.

“Ryusei..! Ah- ahn- Ryuseiii! I-I’m close..! shit, I’m so close..!” You spoke through your blabbers and moans, Shidou’s cock practically throbbed in excitement as you called him by his first name.

Shortly after you came, body shaking as soreness settled into your knees, Shidou allowed you to lower your head as a mercy since the sensitivity was getting to you, the way your pussy sucked him in, especially after tightening from your orgasm he couldn’t hold himself back.

“G’nna cum, ‘m gonna cum sweetheart, you’re gonna be good for me and take it all right? Yeah, take it, take it..!” he urged you as he neared his end, his thrusts shortening and picking up speed as he finally filled you, he stilled and made sure to shove his entire length deep inside as his cum practically overflowed and dripped out of you, down his cock and dripping on your bed sheets.

You were exhausted and fucked out, you wanted to move into a more comfortable position but Shidou practically flopped onto you, refusing to pull out just yet.

“Ryusei- get off..” You tried sitting up and he only groaned, throwing more of his weight on you as he maneuvered your body under him to lay more comfortably.

“naaah~ stay with me here a little bit! Afterglow helps lots with body positivity y’know?” you were confident most of his information about ‘body positivity’ was wrong.. but it was the thought that counts you suppose.

“(Name)? you know I meant all that stuff, right?” he asked while fixing your hair away from your face, you know he's serious as he called out to you curiously, among all the filth he speaks shamelessly he was still earnest in his affections.

“… I do, thank you Ryusei” Hearing you say his name so sweetly made his heart throb in his chest as he cuddled you, kissing the back of your neck he uttered “I love you, gorgeous~”

[ettawritesnstudies]

Hi Etta! Sorry if you already mentioned this, but where/how did you find your editors? (If you don't mind sharing)

Don't mind at all!

I know there are companies like Reedsy and the Writers Digest which have databases of editors, but that seemed really overwhelming. At the end of the day, the best way to get resources is to network (make friends, and hope their mutuals like you too).

Last year, I did an interview for Amanda Auler on Instagram and she boosted my account, so months later I ended up doing an interview for Addison Horner. He does editing for indie authors, so I asked him for a sample edit and liked it, but I wanted to get other points of comparison first, so I asked around and came up with a short list of editors. I contacted them, and when I had enough to compare, I ended up deciding I liked Addison best and drew up a contract with him. God moment that I found him so quickly.

But if I had to give this advice to someone else I'd recommend following these steps:

Read books in your genre. Read INDIE AUTHORS in your genre. Review their books. Follow them on social media. Be a friendly fan but don't make it weird.

Indie authors are one person publishing teams desperate for engagement and positive attention. They will thank you for your help and be willing to pay it forward when the time comes.

Once you have a handful of books you like that have similar vibes to your book, flip to the acknowledgements and find the editors name.

Google the editor, find their site, submit your inquiry, email works better than a form.

If you can't find the editor online, DM the indie author and ask "hey I really liked your book and it's a good comp title for my WIP. Who's your editor and what was your experience with them like? Do you mind pointing me their way?" Follow the author's advice. Repeat as needed.

(I've only ever received nice responses to this, don't be anxious. If they don't reply they're probably just busy, not annoyed).

When you contact editors, ask about their availability, rates, and be specific about what type of editing you need. Ask for a free sample edit. Mine were 250-2500 words.

Supply details about your WIP. Mine looked like this:

Title: Runaways

Genre: Middle Grade Portal Fantasy. I'm not labeling it as "Christian Fiction" as religion isn't a focus point of the story, but there are significant underlying Catholic themes.

Premise: When Cecelia goes missing one stormy Halloween night, her older sister, Hannah, must venture into the faerie courts to learn the truth about their past and bring her home. (Linked WIP Page with additional information)

Length: About 86,000 words, 180 pages (Times New Roman, 12pt, double spaced, standard 1in margins formatting). 21 chapters with an epilogue

Style: 3rd person limited, present tense. 3 POV characters: primarily Hannah at first, and then Cecelia and the third added later, alternating.

Status/Timeline/Availability: Currently with a 2nd round of beta readers, and I'll be getting feedback by March 31st. After editing the draft to reflect their feedback and doing my own line edits, I'll be looking for a line/copy edit around April/May or early summer.

Types of edits needed: As I understand, every editor uses "line" and "copy" edit slightly differently, but I'm looking for a combination of both styles if possible: checking for internal consistency, logical choreography, adequate descriptions, minor plot or worldbuilding errors, as well as language concerns like cutting crutch words, making sentence structure more dynamic, choosing the right verbs, etc. Developmental editing not needed. Waiting to do proofreading at the moment

When perusing at the editors site, look for credentials/certifications, their backlog of works, and testimonials

If you don't have enough options following this method, join some discord servers! I'm in a local NaNoWriMo group and a Catholic Writers Guild called Inkwells and Anvils which were both useful. I think there might be some writeblr ones as well. Find the critiques channel and send the same information there^^

Compare sample edits. Who respects your voice? Who supplied the most insightful comments? Do you vibe over email? Are they willing to do a stylesheet? Do they like your book? Can you set up a 15 minute zoom call to see if you vibe and discuss details?

Look at prices. My rate is $.015 a word but that's pretty cheap for the industry. Most of the rates I saw publicly were between $.02-.03/word for line editing.

Pray/sleep on it

Once you pick your best option, set a date to send them the manuscript, sign contracts, and make payment.

Send a polite email to the other editors and say "I regret to say you're not quite the right fit for this book, but I appreciate all your time, help, and advice! I hope to work with you in the future" or something along those lines. Don't burn your bridges.

Celebrate!

This whole process took me a couple weeks, everyone was very punctual and professional and friendly. I ended up going with Addison not only because he was the cheapest but also because he made 3X the number of comments as any other writer, and his comments were specific and useful. He understood my characters immediately, I think in part because his writing style is similar to mine, based on his debut novel, Marrow and Soul. We're both Christians who like YA dark fantasy. It's a good match. He's still taking clients for later in the year if that's your vibes. I also worked with Amber Burdett and Sariah Solomon, who were both lovely.

I wish you the best of luck finding an editor who fits your story! I hope this was helpful and not overly long.

[comfort-writing]

Crayons and Cassettes

Chapter 6: Party at Harrington’s

You are a kindergarten teacher. Eddie’s daughter, Sage, is in your class. Eddie helps you relax after a couple grueling months.

warnings: smoking and drinking. mental health- anxiety- is depicted. this fic will be 18+ in later chapters- minors DNI!! no use of y/n. (please let me know if I missed anything)

a/n: I feel much better about this chapter. btw I totally wanted to get it out last night but I fell asleep after work oops. let me know in the comments or my asks if you want to be added to the tag list! requests are open!

word count: 2.9k

Chapter 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 || 11 || 12 || 13 || 14 (coming soon!)

Once school was back in full swing, you were busy, to put it lightly. Spring semester was always filled with setting up IEP and 504 recommendations for your students to be analyzed for in the first grade, as well as trying to have every student achieve mastery of all of the state standards. You had to make sure all of your students could write their name without mistakes, tie their shoes, know numbers one through fifty and the alphabet, knew a lot of sight words, and most, if not all, should be able to read basic books.

You were working hard to try and make sure that all of your students achieved. But that didn’t come without sacrifice. You and Eddie still called, but the calls were usually less than twenty minutes, as you needed to grade assignments and lesson plan for the days ahead. You still saw him at pickup line, but instead of those days where you were stressed being few and far between, they were growing more frequent.

You could tell he was getting worried about you. He’d even said it on your last phone call.

“Are you doing okay? You seem really stressed lately.” He cautioned, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Oh, I’m fine. The spring semester is always like this. I’m just not used to having such a large class size is all. They said that next year won’t be so bad. Apparently everyone decided to have babies at the same time that you did.” You joked, trying to downplay your anxiety.

“Is there anything I can do to help you out?”

“I’m not sure… just- being able to talk sometimes is nice. Allows me decompress a little. But if I think of anything else, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Okay..” He said warily, still not quite sure about where your head was really at.

You didn’t want to burden him with anything. You’d always had pretty bad anxiety, but you had learned to manage it pretty well on your own over the years. However, when life got stressful, it was more difficult to deal with, especially due to the fact that you didn’t have much time for yourself.

He’d invited you out to a little get together with his friends the other night. You said you weren’t sure, mainly because you felt like you had a pile of work that needed to get done and taking one night off might put you back. But he mentioned that you didn’t have to stay if you didn’t want to. He just wanted you to meet his friends- it was a casual hang out, nothing serious. You hesitantly agreed, thinking that maybe this might help you chill out a little bit.

It was tonight. Eddie said he’d drive you, which you appreciated, as despite you living in Hawkins since the summer, you still didn’t know your way around town outside of the main roads. You were standing in your closet, trying to decide what to wear.

Casual. Cute. Nothing too sexy or serious. Just- regular clothes. You should have something like that, right? You dug through your closet. It didn’t help that the majority of your wardrobe consisted of colorful dresses you wore to your kindergarten class. Honestly, dressing for five year olds was easier than dressing for adults, in your opinion. You decided on a pair of jeans and a light, comfortable sweater. It was nearing March, so it wasn’t snowing anymore, but it was still cold out. You put on your everyday makeup that you wore to school and tied back your hair, pulling out a few strands to frame your face. Earrings, bracelets, watch. Easy. Cute, comfortable, casual. You grabbed a pair of white sneakers and threw them on. Just as you were finishing tying your left shoelace, you heard a knock at the front door.

You answered the door, “Hey, Eds, come on in. I just have to grab my purse.” You said, letting him into the entryway.

“You look nice.” He smiled genuinely.

You were in a bit of a rush, the anxiety still having a hold on you, “Ah- thanks.” You said quickly, rushing to the living room to grab your bag. You walked back to Eddie, eyes looking a little worried, “Ready to go?” You asked, almost walking past him to head out the door.

He stopped you, placing both hands on your shoulders, “Hey.. Take a breath. Relax.” He said, taking a deep breath, eyeing you to follow suit. You did, relaxing your shoulders a bit. “This is supposed to be fun. You deserve a break. You’ve been wearing yourself out. One night off isn’t going to cause your kids to fail.” He reassured you.

You took another deep breath, “I know… I know. It’s just been a bit much is all. I want my students to succeed.”

“And they will.” He insisted. “But they can’t do that without your help. And how can you really help them if you’re so stressed all the time? You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of them.”

You sighed, “Yeah.. you’re right.” His words were reassuring enough for now.

“Okay. Let’s go have fun, yeah? And remember, if it’s too much, we can just leave. There’s no pressure for you to stay. I’ll drive you home and you can work or relax.” He said, squeezing your shoulders gently before letting go. You nodded, and he opened the front door for you, locking it behind you guys before walking you to his van.

Before you had the chance to open your own door, Eddie jogged over and opened it for you, taking a grandiose bow. You laughed, for what felt like the first time in at least a week. Ever the gentleman. He walked over to the drivers side after shutting your door, and the two of you pulled off to drive to Steve’s.

The moment you arrived at the cute little corner lot house, Eddie jumped out and opened the car door for you, taking your hand and helping you out of the car. He gave it a quick squeeze before letting it go.

You guys walked up to the door, and Eddie just waltzed right on through the door. You felt bad just walking into a strangers house, so you stood in the doorway for a moment. “Sup Harrington, you big lug.” Eddie laughed, wrapping an arm around Steve’s shoulder and bending him to ruffle his hair. Steve laughed and shoved him off, then noticed you in the doorway.

“Hey, come on in, don’t be shy.” He smiled warmly.

You stepped further into the entry way and shut the door behind you. Steve walked over to you and stuck his hand out, shaking yours politely, “Steve. Nice to meet you.” You told him your name and once you’d been introduced, Steve and Eddie walked you to the living room to meet the rest of the group. Everyone seemed warm and welcoming enough.

The younger bunch were back for spring break, so everyone had a lot to catch up on. You mainly listened to the conversation, just taking everything in. You sat at the end of the sofa, with Robin next to you and Eddie squatted on the arm rest. You’d been chatting with her, finding out the two of you had a lot in common.

“You want a drink?” Robin offered, getting up to go grab one for herself.

“Uh, sure. What do you have?” You asked.

She reached her hand out, you took it, and she helped you off of the couch, “We’ve got a lot, and I’m not even sure what all there is.” She chuckled as you followed her to the kitchen. She swung open the fridge like she lived there and reached in the back, grabbing a beer before leaning on the freezer and allowing you to scan the contents. You grabbed some premade cocktail in a can before shutting the door.

“So.. you and Eddie, huh?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows at you.

You couldn’t fight the red tint that flooded your cheeks, “Ah- well.. not really?” You said, shrugging your shoulders.

Robin frowned and cracked open her beer, taking a swig, “What’s the holdup? He’s like, toootally into you. And if I could bet on it, I’d put down money and say that you’re into him.”

You sighed, “That’s already been established.”

She gave you a confused look, “So.. why aren’t you two a thing?”

“My job. Unfortunately, it’s like, illegal for me to date a parent. Plus, in this town, it’s not like we can be secretive about it- gossip runs rampant.”

“Ah- yeah, I guess that makes sense. Don’t worry., my lips are sealed”

“Thanks. But it still kinda sucks though.” You chuckled, bumping her shoulder

“I feel that. When I was in college, my girlfriend and I had to be like, mega-cautious around everyone. I know it’s not the same, but I know what it’s like to have to hide how ya feel.” She reassured.

“Thanks Robin.” You smiled, taking a sip of your drink.

She nodded and the two of you walked back to the couch, finding Eddie laid out where the two of you previously sat. Robin groaned and shoved him, trying to get him to move off of the couch. He rolled off, hitting the ground with a thud, and you and Robin quickly scrambled over him and into your seats, giggling. Eddie laughed and pointed an accusatory finger, “I knew I shouldn’t have introduced the two of you.”

You and Robin shared a knowing look and laughed, watching as he got up off of the ground and moved to sit on the armrest once again, leaning against the back of the couch and resting his arm on the cushion above your shoulder.

After a while of sitting and listening to his buddies laugh and tell old stories, with you chiming in at certain points, Eddie leaned down to whisper in your ear, “I’m gonna go out back for a smoke. Want to come with?” He asked.

You nodded and followed him through the house and onto the back patio. You sighed into the cold March air, seeing your own breath. He took a cigarette and a lighter out of his jacket pocket. He offered you one, to which you politely declined, before lighting it and taking a drag.

“You having a good time?” He asked, leaning over the patio’s railing and looking into the backyard.

You matched his position, “Yeah. Your friends are really nice.” You smiled.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. You deserve to.” He told you, leaning over and bumping your shoulder with his own.

You hummed and looked up, seeing the starry sky. It made you feel small, but not in a bad way.

“Just think, only two more months and you’re home free.” He mused.

You giggled, “You mean we’re home free.”

He smiled, “Well yeah, but I was mainly talking about you. You’ve been so stressed lately with all the hard work you’ve been doing.” He paused, looking over to you, “I’ve been worried about you. I mean, I haven’t known you that long, but I can tell that all of it has had an effect on you.”

You sighed, turning around to face the house. You placed your hands on your face and dragged them down, “I know.” You grumbled, your voice muffled by your hands. You let them fall and rested your elbows on the railing, leaning back. “I just feel like I haven’t had a moment to breathe since January. Spring semester is normally stressful, but it’s usually not this bad.”

Eddie nodded, taking another drag of his cigarette, letting you continue.

“I just- anxiety is a bitch, you know?”

Eddie laughed at that, coughing through it as the smoke spilled from his lungs. “Boy do I know it.” He said, once he’d gained his bearings. “But like I said, only two more months. You’re almost there. And really, I know I’ve already said this, but if you need any help with anything, you let me know, okay?”

You nodded and leaned your head on his shoulder, “Thank you, Eddie.” You whispered. He smiled and kissed the top of your head before laying his own on top of yours. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying each others silent company as Eddie finished his cigarette, making sure to blow the smoke away from you.

He snubbed out the end of his smoke in the little ashtray on the railing before looking down at you, “Ready to go back in?” He asked quietly.

“Do we have to? This is so nice.” You pleaded.

“You’re shivering. You’re going to freeze to death.”

“Ugh, fine. If we have to.” You groaned dramatically.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your arms quickly to warm you up, “Come on, cutie.” He said, walking you back inside.

You laughed as you two walked back into the house, feeling yourself begin to defrost as you walked back to the living room together. You plopped back down next to Robin and she gave you a silent wink, to which you rolled your eyes and smiled.

Around ten, everyone was heading out, so you and Eddie followed suit. You said goodbye to everyone, you and Robin exchanging numbers, and Steve giving you a big bear hug. Eddie walked you out to his van, opening the door for you before climbing in himself. The two of you drove home, laughing and recalling funny things that people had said that night, listening to the radio on a low volume.

Once he pulled up to your house, he walked you to your door. “Hey, thank you for tonight. I had fun.” You smiled, leaning against your door frame.

“Me too. I’m glad you came along.” He had one hand in his jacket pocket as he used his thumb to fiddle with the rings on his other hand.

You looked up at him. He looked so handsome in the moonlight. You looked around for a moment, taking in that nobody was on the street and the neighbors’ lights were off.

“Are they planning anything like this again soon?” You asked.

“Not that I know of, but I’ll let you know when we do.”

You nodded, taking a step closer to him. “Really.. thank you.” You said sincerely as you wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He was a little surprised, but he hugged you back, wrapping one arm around your waist and using the other to rub your back.

To an outsider, the hug may have look like it lasted too long, but neither of you cared. You just enjoyed each others warmth and physical contact in that moment. You could have been there forever and neither of you would have noticed.

You pulled away slightly, looking up at him. He smiled softly down at you. You glanced around one last time before looking back up at him. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

After a moment, Eddie bent down and whispered in your ear, “You’re making it very hard not to kiss you right now.”

You squeezed him closer, taking a steady breath before whispering back, “I never said you couldn’t.”

He pulled back and looked around like you had already done, making sure nobody was around. Your porch light was off, so nobody could really see you guys anyways. He looked back at you for confirmation that this was okay. You nodded.

He didn’t waste another moment before leaning down and capturing your lips in his own, moving one hand to hold your cheek as he did so. His lips were warm and soft and he tasted faintly of cigarettes, but you didn’t mind. You felt like you were surrounded by him: his lips, his hair, his tall and lean figure. He smelled like smoke and some sort of warm and spicy cologne.

He kissed you gently, not looking for anything more than this. You melted into it, your arms wrapping around his shoulders lazily. Neither of you knew how long it lasted, it could have been a second or it could have been an eternity. But when he pulled back, the both of you feeling a little breathless, it felt too soon.

The two of you shared a look before smiling at each other. He leaned down and kissed your temple sweetly before he pulled away, your arms falling to your sides and feeling empty. “I’ll see you tomorrow at pickup?” He whispered.

You nodded dumbly, and watched him step off of your front porch. “Good night, beautiful.” He said with a wink, heading back to his car. You wanted to say good night as well, but you felt as though your voice would betray you in that moment, so you silently unlocked your door and walked inside your house, locking it behind you.

You leaned against your front door, taking a moment to let it all sink in.

Man, you felt like a teenager again.

Tag list: @mcueveryday @bebe0701 @emma77645 @edsforehead @manda-panda-monium @nina211544

[sluttysnails334]

My South Park high school appearances and style headcanons Pt. 1!

Stan

• has blue eyes

• hair is wavy and he’ll dye it darker or blond depending on his mood, but he doesn’t do anything else to it so it just appears unmanaged

• shorter like his dad, maybe around 5”9/10

• he gets light freckles on his face in the summer, but then breaks out in the fall. I think since he lives in Colorado he’s really pale, but I think if he lived in a warmer place he be tan.

• naturally in shape even though he doesn’t work out consistently

• ears are pierced ( by Kenny )

• dresses between basic & edgy, wears flannels with band tees and ripped jeans & Chuck Taylors lot. In the winter he’ll wear doc martens

Kyle

• greenish brown, hazel eyes

• tall as fuck, like 6”2 6”3ish

• lanky, like some muscle but not much, its giving noodle

• hair is very curly, but he doesn’t know what to do with it, so it’s frizzy all the time

• has naturally straight teeth

• hooked nose

• bad acne

• needs glasses, but only wears them around ppl he’s comfortable with, hardcore contact person

• very preppy bc his mom would freak if dressed any other way, so standard denim jeans, collared shirts, sweaters vest, loafers, kinda dresses like a vineyard vines boy back from 2014

Cartman

• he never really loses weight

• blue eyes

• also bad acne

• has peach fuzz

• short very short 5”6

• thin brown hair

• he wears clothes that he doesn’t wash, with shirts that are so worn out you can’t even read what was written on them, with shoes that are off brand, but he wants you to believe they are branded so he prints out fake labels

Kenny

• has really good blond hair, the best of the group

• has a gap in his teeth

• has piercings, he gave himself! mainly on his face & ears

• freckles

• brown eyes, & lazy eye

• has a small nose

• tall & skinny around 6”1, but wears oversized clothes so you’d never know, actually really fashionable, king of layering and doesn’t fuck with gender specific clothing. He’ll wear a dress or a skirt and won’t give two shits about it. Gets all his clothes from thrift stores, but has been wearing the same pair of shoes for years

Craig

• dark brown hair that he actually takes care of

• clear skin

• also 6”3 maybe even 6”4 but in excellent shape, due to being a huge gym rat

• occasionally has his nails painted but only black or dark blue ( tweek does it )

• had braces for FOUR years, it was bad y’all

• very vainy arms

• green eyes

• has his right ear cartilage pierced, and silly stick & pokes all over his arms, he eventually will get tattoos and possibly more ear piercings but never on his face bc Tweek told him not too

• classic middle american teenage boy clothes like skinny jeans or joggers, vans, graphic tees, hoodies, beanies, big Nike guy, sometimes he’ll “dress up” which will consisted on a blazer and some nice slacks, he wants dress more rugged but doesn’t put effort into shopping

Tweek

• blue eyes very blue

• actually has curly hair but is unaware so he just brushes his curls out and the humidity causes it to be fly away and frizzy

• freckles freckles freckles freckles

• average height, 6”0 even

• in shape due to gym dates with crog but wears like clothes that would make you think he isn’t

• long eyelashes

• he wears light make up sometimes like blush or concealer, Bebe said it would bring out his features

• nails are painted, paints Craigs so they match

• I feel like on a day to day he will dress dark academica, sweaters, button downs, collard shirts, khakis, big khaki guy, but when he dresses up, it’s like Kurt from Glee, lol hippo broach moment if you will

anyways I did this bc I can’t draw lol but it was fun

[chronotopes]

beyond all the wonderfully crafted bloody interpersonal dramas of young adulthood in the text of aivide, the scene(s) i keep coming back to in my mind the most are the ones in chapter three, aivide's internship in queen's pass and her conversations with annise and lauris. i'd love tohear the process behind those!

OOOH yes absolutely. ngl when i reblogged this i was like 'if anyone sends something i hope they ask about lauris and annise' so congrats you win... appreciation.

putting this under a cut because it'll inevitably get long.

structurally chapter three was the last atp chapter i drafted because it was the last one that it occurred to me i needed. originally fucked up as that was i wrote it to timeskip from chapter two to chapter four, which in hindsight is batshit, but at the time of first writing atp i was very insecure about asking friends, let alone strangers, to read my oc backstory and therefore determined to keep it as short, word count and chapter-wise, as possible. however upon realizing that i really, really needed a buffer zone between the two Big Explosive Event chapters, the things i'd cover in it became immediately obvious: a snapshot of the legal proceedings between nora's father and bancra's mother, insight into terift fleure's damage control work for the stolen mines from the previous chapter and vtn, and, crucially, aivide interacting with older teals.

that's lauris and annise's fairly straightforward narrative purpose: bait-and-switch reasonable authority figures/surrogate mothers in a novel that is teeming with more obviously-bad choices of surrogate mother. i outlined my purpose with them pretty clearly – in the same way that nora is sometimes written to goad the audience into thinking 'can't aivide just get with the program and live in a straightforward love story already?', lauris and annise are me dangling them in front of you and saying 'ooh you want aivide to have surrogate parents. you want her to trust these people.' they're a hot middle aged butch/femme relationship, something that reads as trustworthy and appealing to us, the gay audience (because we are gay) and to aivide inside the story (because of al2rnia's own cultural concepts and standards - hot butch teal is just as specific and culturally visible of a beauty standard as the pearls-and-pencil-skirt secretary bullshit that stelad embodied.) they're funny! they're nice to aivide! they.... do not have substantial issues with the way the world works, and they haven't for a long time.

bc that's the other part of lauris and annise that i really wanted to get across: they're post-stelad teals, and stelad is not universally hated in the way that aivide's narration would have you believe. she's easy to make fun of for what a clear curmudgeon she is, but lauris's dialogue here -

LAURIS: You hear the pre-Optimizer success stories. The Latoils, the Styeles, the Wrothes, the Caerals, the Seldens— LAURIS: You don’t hear about trolls who deserved better but didn’t receive it— LAURIS: Of course we all complained, growing up reading her. Of course we thought it was unfair that our ancestors could have dreamt of overnight stardom, all while we could hope for nothing but decades of work— LAURIS: But decades of work are more reliable than the chance that some supervisor might grow attached to your story— LAURIS: And the kind of qualities your ancestor’s system rewards are far more consistent and useful than a pleasant sense of humor or a capacity for selling oneself. AIVIDE: <[ but – but everything else; ] AIVIDE: <[ the exams, the reporting rules; ] LAURIS: Unpleasant, certainly— LAURIS: But a better deterrent against dishonesty than the rather naive assumption that one’s peers are by default honest— LAURIS: You may have heard that a teal is nigh-impossible to bribe. Do you think that this truth is an inherent quality, or that it has always been that way—? LAURIS: There is not as much distance as you may think between splitting hairs over academic integrity and functionally wiping out corruption in settings where corruption can be deadly.

is an essential part of the story to me because it illuminates not only that stelad is quite widely admired among older, more successful teals, but that aivide just kind of straight up denies that. on top of the more straightforward worldbuilding about the varying teal politics regarding chiono-style vs eubala-style (aka stelad-style) mobility, this is one of our many flags that The Audience Should Not Take Aivide's Stelad Takes At Face Value, because not only is aivide uniquely unqualified to speak on them in a level-headed manner, she also just straight up does not have all the facts!

and – maintaining the awareness that lauris is the raytheon technologies social media coordinator and ultimately not a person aivide comes away respecting as much as nora clearly wants her to – this exchange also highlights something aivide's narration skims over, which is that chiono-style middle management really did harm people and was ultimately sort of deranged and patronizing. lauris and aivide are both so stuck thinking about which is better that they don't consider they've set themselves up for a false binary lol.

i know this is super long but i also wanted to talk about annise a little. obviously part of what annise does is deliver worldbuilding about movies and their creators, cueing aivide to consider entertainment as informed by non-static ideologies and preferences, and setting up for the conclusion of the novel and the revelations of the epilogue – the person who signed off on all those jade movies is real, she's profoundly deranged, she fucked your internet crush's mom, and 1300 years after that she may or may not have fucked yours. Their exchange about movies is the beginning of the cues (from the Aivide perspective, rather than the Vinbre perspective) that eubala is a human character in this novel rather than just a force.

But i also like this exchange with annise very much – 

ANNISE: This is nice. ANNISE: Reminds me of college. All too often, these days, Laurie and I find ourselves in indigo-grade restaurants. ANNISE: But it’s nice to imagine We could be in a college town. AIVIDE: <[ you both went to amhl santerre, right? ] ANNISE: Yes. Laurie and I met there, in fact. When I was ten sWeeps old, I Went to bed Weeping the night after Santerre’s academic excellence gala, convinced it Was going to be the most romantic night of my life forever. ANNISE: Of course, xe and I Were lucky. Xe had some connections through their title. That helped us just enough to be considered for Work in the same toWn and With the same company. ANNISE: I Was smart, but xe Was brilliant. I stood starstruck that night as the Provost shook xer hand and recognized xer on sight. ANNISE: The Provost Wasn’t Savant yet then, of course.

– because while lauris's commentary on upward mobility and the impact of the principles is our insight into normie successteal workplace politics, this section is our insight into normie successteal relationship ideals. All of the things aivide and donnah (and, centuries before that, stelad) grew up idolizing, seen from the opposite perspective. And of course, setting up the mythic status of the AMHL's Academic Excellence Gala is a surprise that will help us in chapter 6, when it's a conflict flash point between aivide and donnah.

sorry for writing soso much and not even getting to the fact that aivide is doing the fucking military industrial complex's dirty work for the entire week she's there but i like lauris and annise and wanted to discuss what i think they bring to this narrative :) thank you for the ask!

[fincalinde]

nie huaisang and/or nie mingjue for the ask meme 🧋

Bold! Very bold. Standard disclaimer that I'm aware not everyone is aiming for canon consistency in their fan content, but I find it disheartening that there is so little content produced where the end result is canon consistent. When I express frustrations it is in relation to trends and not specific fics or individuals.

Nie Huaisang

a song that reminds me of them

I honestly don't have any songs that remind me of him, beyond the very weak connection of the results of the impact he has on other characters. He's not a character with much interiority, so nothing really clicked for me in that regard.

what they smell like

I imagine he smells pretty good since he likes to dress well and wear jewellery and that implies he's relatively fastidious. I am guessing he probably smells like clean human in the early part of his life, and then maybe once he's clan leader he has more scope to have whatever incenses he wants floating through the Unclean Realm so then he might smell of those. And obviously there's various hair oils—he's got his signature look with his rings and his fan so it's possible he has a signature hair oil. But maybe it would be declassé to wear so much hair oil that everyone else can smell it and you'd only be able to tell up close and personal oh my god why have I written this many words about how NHS smells

an otp

There's certainly no one in the cast he makes sense with. My personal feeling is that he's really not the type of person who's ever going to work effectively in any kind of partnership, so I don't see him ever being in a relationship that would be a healthy and successful one. I imagine he does marry postcanon though - now is the time to sire heirs and keep the Nie on top.

a notp

The idea of NHS with JGY is particularly distasteful to me.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Personally, I think the collective dynamic of the Venerated Triad isn't complete without NHS as the unofficial fourth member. LWJ, as is typical, opts out and doesn't give LXC the courtesy of referring to his sworn brothers with fraternal address (not that LXC minds, ilhsm). NHS however is all in on this bonus brother scheme. Not only does he address LXC and JGY as er-ge and san-ge, but he actually treats them like big brothers. He's pleased to see LXC, he's even more pleased to see JGY (omg presents), and it's quite nice that JGY in particular is trying to make up for NMJ's weaknesses in this area. That's not to say that JGY is correct to not make any demands of NHS at all, but he's certainly attempting to be a moderating influence and it's just all really interesting to me.

Of course once NMJ is dead, there's presumably not much time before his corpse first escapes its tomb and NHS concludes there was foul play. So we can't read too much into the way NHS runs back and forth to JGY and LXC, in the sense that obviously a large part of this is an act. But it's still interesting, and I think a lot of people forget that the narration says NHS is bothering LXC at the Cloud Recesses just as often as he's flinging himself on san-ge for fuss and support. This could become its own very long post, so I'll stop here.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

Obviously there are numerous 'headcanons' I disagree with, but to pick one of the most irritating ones, I really dislike this recurring theme I see of NHS showing his hand either postcanon or in divergences. This is a man who never broke character in all of canon—why on earth is he suddenly monologuing at length about his grievances in front of [insert characters here]? Canonically, all he does is obliquely confirm to WWX that he was behind setting the arm on the Mo family, manipulating MXY, killing the cats and luring the juniors, desecrating MS' body etc. But it's all implied and he does not ever relinquish plausible deniability.

It really makes no sense to me to think that NHS would drop his act postcanon, either in the canon scenario of dead JGY, or in a divergence scenario where JGY survives. As infuriating as it would be for him if JGY escaped, he's going to redouble his efforts rather than sabotage himself by confirming WWX's suspicions to literally anyone. He's held it together thus far even when it looked like his plan might go awry, and there's no reason to think he can't continue to hold it together through any further plans and/or confrontations.

NHS' greatest weapon is his ability to not break character, and we already know he doesn't break character in victory. So, a setback as basic as JGY surviving would just not be enough for him to relinquish his modus operandi. I really think he'd be privately furious and distressed, but would continue to disguise that and simply attempt to regroup. (Although, as I have also said before - in a divergence where JGY knows NHS is his enemy, NHS is toast. JGY outclasses NHS on every level and the only advantage NHS has is JGY's profound belief in his harmlessness. Once that is gone, it's game over.)

the position they sleep in

I've never really thought about this but I bet when he was little he would crawl into NMJ's bed and proceed to keep him awake all night by fidgeting.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

Maybe one day I'll confirm how he fits in to my ATLA AU and write that. I do know where he is and what he's doing.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

I can't say I've ever paid much attention, but I definitely find the wardrobe of CQL NHS to be disappointingly bland and unmemorable, so maybe just his default official artwork outfit? Seems like it fits the canonical brief of being sharp and fashionable with bonus fan.

—

Nie Mingjue

a song that reminds me of them

Definitely Running Deep by Delara.

Looking deep inside my thoughts And reflected shit I thought I could control But I'm paralysed and terrified And it's killing me but maybe that is fine

what they smell like

Human being + something a little bit metallic.

an otp

He's canonically ace as in no interest in relationships or sex, so none. As a side note I do think it's interesting that he doesn't marry and father children - I assume before the war he thinks he'll have more time, and afterwards he realises time is too short for him to raise and train his own children. But there's just a whisper in there of the classic NMJ 'do as I say not as I do' approach, because it's still a choice he's made that was influenced by his own preferences rather than solely his duty as clan leader.

a notp

I cannot think of any ship I dislike more than Nieyao. If I get into this it will become a dissertation, so we'll just leave it there. Suffice to say:

Physical abuse and mortal terror are not things that interest me when I'm shipping.

I am not in the habit of ignoring canonical character dynamics for my own convenience.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Perhaps weirdly, I really enjoy NMJ and LXC because of the layers. I really like that the affection between them is genuine but that they just do not get each other and you can see throughout the flashbacks the way their relationship is eroding. And it's not drastic, dramatic erosion like NMJ and JGY, but instead the kind of sad recognisable drifting apart of two people who became friends in their youth because they're from similar backgrounds and have unique and heavy responsibilities—but those similarities are just not enough the older they get, and the more time passes the more apparent it becomes that they have fundamentally different outlooks on life.

I like that NMJ refuses to engage with LXC's basic point about context mattering, yet before he's fully in the grip of the sabre spirit maxing out his worst instincts, he's still capable of being moved by human sympathy when it's LXC making the argument. I like that LXC is the only person NMJ is ever visibly pleased to see. I really believe NMJ cares deeply about LXC, his only actual friend.

And, conversely, I also really like that NMJ is able to see that LXC has a closer bond and rapport with JGY and is frustrated by that. I don't know that I'd go all in on the theory that he's jealous of how close LXC and JGY are as a primary motivation as that's a bit too basic, but I do think that feeling of exclusion is one of the many factors swimming around in the murky depths of the dynamic of their sworn brotherhood.

Finally, I just love the contrast between LXC's relatively clear-eyed view of JGY, where he has a very good understanding of who JGY is and what he's all about even if he's not aware of all the lengths JGY ultimately has to go to, with his absolute obliviousness to who NMJ really is. NMJ is literally trying to stab JGY to death in public and only LXC's intervention prevents murder and yet another inter-clan war, and LXC is still like oh dear, Da-ge really is under a lot of stress. LXC is drifting further and further from NMJ (see the excellent meta from @xiyao-feels for a breakdown of this). Yet he still thinks of NMJ as being at heart the youthful clan leader he first befriended, rather than the current worst self incarnation whose negative qualities have been turned up to the max and who is a lethal ticking time bomb, a danger to everyone around him.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

As always, do not get me started. I am absolutely baffled as to where cuddly wuddly giant teddy gym bunny biker Etsy crafter in touch with his fee-fees all bark and no bite NMJ comes from, because he certainly does not feature in canon. I'll stand by this for both MDZS and CQL. I've probably spilt enough ink on MDZS NMJ and we are given very detailed insight into his state of mind so that's a lot easier to reference, but it's worth noting that CQL NMJ is just as profoundly hypocritical and violent and it's vital to incorporate that into his character. Writing only his superficial righteousness, his love for NHS and his affection for LXC is really not enough. It annoys me when aspects of characters are excised in order to sanitise them for what appears to be mainly shipping purposes.

the position they sleep in

I think maybe it varies but he doesn't move much in the night unless he has nightmares. Which no one knows about because he always sleeps alone.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

I also know what this guy is doing in my ATLA AU, and I'm super boring and not a huge fan of genuine crossovers—usually I prefer mashups where the characters of one canon are integrated into the setting of another without aping the original plot. I think it's really important to retain his arc of a) losing himself to all his worst qualities, and b) acknowledging that he's choosing to lose himself and handling it badly, but also it's not much of a choice when he can't opt out of the system he's in. I'm thinking maybe an X-Men AU where he has some kind of power that causes sabre-spirit-type degeneration and violence? It would need some kinks worked out of it but might be a decent shout.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

Obviously his best look is when WWX is flicking his naked disembodied torso. Iconic.

[amaranthsynthesis]

Hey um, if its not too much trouble (I get sometimes a character is trans and that's not the big part of his story) would you mind talking about that for Ballard?

I'm trans and its been really nice seeing all the trans Tavs/Durges. Ballard is my fav. :3

hi anon it is not too much trouble at ALL, I have a lot of thoughts about trans characters in fantasy in general and Ballard in specific because I am incapable of being chill even for a moment. THANK YOU for asking and for saying he's a fav <3 <3 <3

Quick disclaimer: Like. A trans character (either hc or oc or canon) is never gonna be something I don't love; I remember when this just wasn't something you saw in fandom spaces at all, let along in actual media. I remember reading Khaos Komix in 07 or 08 and getting to Tom's story and feeling so strange and overwhelmed in a way I genuinely did not understand for another decade, bc I didn't even know it was an option, let alone one that I was identifying with--and I didn't encounter it again for fucking ages! But we're here now!! That's exciting!! That being said: I don't really get a ton out of settings where it's normalized and perfectly accepted and easily obtainable, the kind of toothless fantasy escapism that just tacks it on like it changes nothing about that character's childhood or adolescence or relationships or ability to connect with others. I'm not saying every setting has to be violently transphobic (although there is a kind of validation to that kind of story!), but the opposition to/hostility to/ignorance about transness is such an integral part of my experiences that I don't connect without those elements. So all of my trans characters (which is most of them, at this point) are very deliberate in how I conceptualize their gender and how it affects their story.

So to Ballard specifically! Backstory dump et all below the cut, this turned out.... rly long. I'm doing an ask game as well, feel free to send some questions in :3

Ballard grew up in Menzobarrenzen, fostered into House Halvyriin after the Matron received a dream from Bhaal about the baby he made and just kind of dumped on the side of the road (thanks dad). Drow society is matriarchal, and he was raised as female with the intention of taking a leadership role in the House and in Menzobarrenzen in general--his education consisted entirely of martial skills, diplomacy and communication, oration, discernment, etc. He wasn't permitted to learn any of the arts, or to really associate at all with anything 'frivolous'. Getting a beautifully crafted knife and just wishing for it to have been a necklace, or a doll, or a lovely tunic. I think he understood even at the time that this wasn't even a standard all girls had to meet, or even all presumed-heirs, but because of his nature he had to be the best weapon possible, without weakness or flaw. They do not hide it from him that he's Bhaalspawn, and in fact make it very clear that he was a gift to them from Bhaal and he has a grand purpose to achieve, but in the House and in the world outside.

His training was accelerated, and very intense, because the first time the Dark Urge came for him he was six years old and took out a a dozen or so people in the House before anyone thought to be prepared for a two foot tall murder machine--mostly servants or slaves, so the Matron was able to take it in stride easily enough, but after that he was very closely monitored and controlled, and severely emotionally repressed. This is the first time Sceleritas Fel showed up, after the bloodbath when Ballard was alone again. He offers some amount of advice and comfort, and indicates he knows much that Ballard does not: "You are ahead of schedule, my lady--no, that's not right at all, is it? Worry not, my lord, and know that your father has a plan for you. You must focus on your lessons, for now, and we will meet again in time."

(I think if you have a demonic butler who can die and be resurrected with zero difficulty or complication he SHOULD have some weird timeline powers, imo. Love Sceleritas as comedic relief, but also as the first and only genuine care even approaching parental feelings that Ballard ever had.)

He's six, so he fuckin forgets, and the urge is quieted enough that it doesn't trouble him for another ten years; so he very dutifully allows himself to be pruned and shaped into a perfect female heir and a perfect tool. At 16 he has his first period, and that, combined with the effects of puberty he is already having, drives him into a rage he cannot define the source of. He is in the process of destroying his room to the stonework when Sceleritas comes back--he only doesn't immediately kill him because he's so surprised to see this person he had assumed was a figment of his childhood imagination. They go through this whole exchange of 'my lord', 'why are you calling me that', 'I'm not wrong, even if you don't see it yet', 'well I don't have time to deal with this right now do I so (chucks it back in the vault)'. And then Ballard only interacts with the concept of his gender very intermittently and with both hands over his eyes for the next twenty years. Sceleritas is very firm in only calling him 'my lord' and 'young master' as he teaches him knives, poisons, etc but he simply does not address him in mixed company, which is not very often. Everyone else finds him deeply disturbing.

Only two other people ever know, while he still lives in the underdark. The first is Imton, a follower of Loviatar who is brought in as one of Ballard's many tutors to teach him a) 'to teach him stoicism in the face of pain' and b) to teach him how to apply violence and brutality without killing. (He is based on every fat drag queen I have ever fallen briefly in love with from the audience seating--super pretty, gorgeous, draping clothing, tons of jewelry--very sparkly shiny). Imton is known as 'the Jeweled Whip of Menzobarrenzen'--he is a very highly regarded sex worker, as much as anything else, and he ends up being Ballard's first lover. He has a lot of feelings about his first time, since Imton was still teaching as much as he was fucking and Ballard was somewhat infatuated with him, but he has such a bad physical reaction of disgust and shame afterward.

That's the final nail in the coffin for 'ah, I cannot keep ignoring this, can I' and he ends up having a bit of a breakdown trying to explain it to Imton without having any of the necessary vocabulary. Imton, being a worldly and reasonable guy who interacts with people who are not just Lolth and Bhaal worshipers, is like 'Ah! Ok. I can work with that. Let's get you some information.'

(Imton gave Ballard his dagger earrings he wears most every day and is also who the Emperor sniped it's dream guardian look from, fun little facts that don't make me upset at all.)

The second person to know is the Matron Halvyriin, and it is not until the second time Ballard tries to challenge her when he is 36. (A 'challenge' being my way of reconciling WotC 'elves reach social maturity at 100' with the actual timeline in BG: drow are expected to mature faster, and can prove their growth by besting their head of house in combat in order to be treated as full adults). His first, a decade prior, he failed; it's not expected that this time he will succeed either, as most don't until their 50s. He does manage to beat the Matron, however, to everyone's surprise including his own. She expresses the first pride she ever has in him, and says he will be the best Matron the House will have seen in generations when he takes the position from her.

Ballard confesses that he cannot be the Matron, and reveals himself to be a man to her, and it all goes to shit very rapidly after that.

He explains to Gortash later than any other Matron would most likely have killed him for that, and that she would have, too, if she had not loved Bhaal more than Lolth. She tried instead to banish and disown him. "Her mercy was her own ending," he says. He killed her and most of her guard and then everyone between him and the exit, and he burned House Halvyriin behind him when he fled. Later he finds out hardly anyone survived, and the house itself is no more--he still uses the house name so other drow are occasionally surprised to find some far-flung male of the lost House Halvyriin.

Sceleritas guides him to Baldurs Gate, when he leaves the underdark, and he's able to use some of the information Imton gave him to pursue transition. I imagine that HRT isn't too difficult to find, given alchemy being so easily accessible, but it is a bit more specialized so not every shop will be able to help. Part of me wants to say Sceleritas helped with top surgery but we have seen his surgical skills and I do not think that wise! It's reasonably straightforward at this point, except that the combination of the dark urge, a lifetime of repressed emotions suddenly given the opportunity to express themselves, and the hormonal volatility of second puberty means that for a year or so Ballard has a really hard time maintaining control of the Urge, and does a couple of really badly managed murder sprees he doesn't remember well.

This is before he's able to take control of or clean up the remnants of the Bhaalist cult in Baldur's Gate, so he ends up commandeering like a single dingy cell in the temple to lock himself in werewolf-style whenever he takes the potion equivalent of his shot every couple of weeks. Once his body got used to the new hormones it settled down! And, freed from the expectations of the rigid society he grew up in, he experiments more with pretty things. Earrings, necklaces, costume jewelry just as much as actual gold or silver, beautiful and embroidered and sheer fabrics, growing his hair out, wearing makeup etc. He likes to be pretty. He doesn't let it impact his mobility or access to weaponry, and he has to be fairly practical about things getting ruined by blood, but he's never without some simply jewelry or makeup prior to the tadpole.

I imagine that trans people aren't common in Faerun, but they aren't super unusual either. Most of Ballard's lovers have been surprised to find that he doesn't have the equipment they expected, but are reasonably willing to adapt to the situation. Bottom surgery isn't something he is interested in, but there are certainly some options available for both sides of the fence, both in terms of actual surgery and in terms of augmentative devices.

After the tadpole, when Ballard doesn't remember anything, he doesn't even think to wonder about his body or top surgery scars--it registers as normal. If prompted he is able to retrieve the information, but it's also very funny to imagine the first encounter he has with Astarion has a brief moment of 'what is THAT' (local man has forgotten about penises).

This is such a ramble and I'm sure I will remember things I meant to include later, but yeah! There are soooo many trans tavs and durges and they have been nothing but a delight to see, I love them all and I love hearing everyone's interpretations.

[variousqueerthings]

You're monsters. Here you are, hiding away at the end of time. Do you even know why? Because you are hated.

Hell Bent... and I think this will be a funny old rating after Heaven Sent.... I wonder if I need to at one point in the future once I'm a bit less inured with this era of dw go back and watch capaldi's era again with somewhat unblinkered eyes, because my confession is that... I don't understand a lot of what happened in Hell Bent, and I'm not sure if it's because it's a whole lotta nonsense or because I've maybe gone a little too hard on watching this era in a relatively short timeframe

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 7/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 2/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 7/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 6/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 4/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 7/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 3/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 5/10

FULL RATING: 61/100 (if I can count….)

this rating is so fuckn funny to me. really up and down the scale! still, for anyone who's seen me rate a M*ffat finale before, this is by far the highest rated one. fuckn. easily. and all you needed to do, was centre the Companion character. didn't even need to write a plot that made sense (clearly)

OBJECTIFICATION: leaving on a high note, Clara is Not Objectified! neither is anyone else. gosh my standards are low sometimes.

PLOT-POINT: Clara is Not just a plot point in this either! woo! it takes us awhile to get to her, but then she has some pretty strong opinions, which she does enforce, on how she should be treated, which I think is especially Neat opposite Time Lords, who often tend to see humans (amongst many others) as inherently unimportant in the grand scheme of things

this episode honestly single-handedly gives me a lot of what I'd been constantly asking for with Clara, and while it is... well, it's very very very late into her run, it is nice that she leaves on a highnote. this idea of not wanting to die, and fighting against that death until it's on her terms is far more how I read Clara-as-character as well, versus the whole Thing in Face The Raven. thiiiis is who I see her as, at core

COMPLEXITY: so I actually went and looked at the wiki rundown of this episode and it states this -- "Aided by the Gallifreyan military, the Doctor usurps and exiles Lord President Rassilon. Now the new President, the Doctor learns that Rassilon imprisoned him in the dial to force him to confess about the Hybrid, which is prophesied by the Time Lords to stand in Gallifrey's ruins and unravel the Web of Time."

and I'm like, yeah, that's... that's what I thought happened uh, which... is all really dumb, as far as I can tell. wh- how did the Doctor's Confession Dial get to Gallifrey? why did they trap the Doctor in there as the best way to figure out the "truth" about the Hybrid? why does anyone think the Doctor knows anything about this in the first place? oh gosh, there's stuff here that belongs on the "godlike" doctor point, so I'll skip the "aided by the military" bit for now, but also... is this post-Time War then (yes, because they mention the Doctor is war hero... sigh) but... is Rassilon still in charge? how was that so easy???? what is the Web of Time, did we learn about this earlier???

all of this kind of -- as far as I can tell -- happens in the episode in a sort of "you know, all of this naturally a progression from one thing to the next" kind of way, and it's... it's not a natural progression! I've said a couple of times this season that it feels like I've missed an episode, but oh booooy does this episode hammer that home.

and that's just the opening, what happens next???

ok so the Doctor has the Time Lords retrieve Clara at the moment of her death, this is fine -- I mean, I still don't know why he's on Gallifrey to begin with, how they brought him there, or why they're doing as he tells them, but the Clara part of this story is actually the part that I enjoy!!! this is Clara's strongest episode this season and it's her goodbye! (well, I'm glad her goodbye episode doesn't suck actually, I'm glad she gets a nice send-off)

anyway then the Doctor and Clara run around Gallifrey for a bit, because technically Clara needs to go back and die, the Doctor steals a Tardis, all of this middle section, great, my love T'nia Miller is a Time Lord!!!! aw yeah!

then they go to the end end end of the Universe I guess and stumble over... Me! Me is fuckn! Still alive!!!!!!!! not a fucking scratch!!!!!!! how??????? why??????????? what is your purpose!!!!!!!

no, her purpose is to give this counterpoint about immortality and the Doctor, there's a metaphor here on idk. being this long-lived I guess. it's been done better before, numerous times, better with Jack, better with that guy in Lazarus Experiment, better in The God Complex, better with a whole buncha Time Lords, better in The Three Doctors, and I'm sure a whole host of other Classic!Who episodes I have yet to watch

the thing about Me is that she's introduced halfway through the season, her first episode is pretty good, her second episode is fiiine -- I'd say good even, on its own/in connection with the first episode, and then her third episode hits and I kinda... oh she's there to be an antagonist, but in a mysterious way where you're not sure where she stands, except she's made a whole bunch of errors, which she's not really enough of a character for me to feel any kind of sympathy with. when she realises she killed Clara, and she apologises, I don't care because she and Clara don't really have a relationship that makes it land for me

when she talks about the difficulties in setting up that refugee society, I don't care because I know we're not going to get anything really about this society and it's not going to influence the rest of the plot, and it didn't

she's such a thinly drawn character, that her use as a metaphor or a parable or a comparison or whatever she's meant to be doing is too loose for me to figure out what it is. it sucks to be immortal? I... I guess?

and now the Doctor wonders if she's not the Hybrid (which is the plottwist when the Doctor says "the Hybrid is me," he's actually saying "Me" as a name, fuckn... get it???) but... I still don't get why this Hybrid matters outside of a sudden prophecy or how it affects the greater universe that's been built. it feels like a last-minute addition to this season that they very quickly gave a few key characters a line here and there to allude to and then hoped it would stick. it makes no goshdarn sense!

technically I like this episode better than I've liked any other previous M*ffat-era finale episode, because it feels far more personal than any of those -- it's really about Clara saying goodbye on her own terms and that I really like

but the plot to get there is, as far as I can tell, nonsensical in its own internal logic.

oh, ok, to return to said plot, they're at the end of the Universe and Me -- the most immortal of all the immortals... somehow..... -- is just hanging out there in the ruins of Gallifrey, which... how'd she get there don't even worry about it, because we won't know and we've already apparently brought Gallifrey back into the main Universe somehow and I guess she just instinctively knew she'd come across the Doctor here or... idk, idkkkkk... I don't know. so much in this I don't know

the Doctor has a cunning plan to get rid of Clara's memory so that the Time Lords can't find her (?) and Clara overhears and rightfully goes "nuh-uh-uh, that's fucked up dude" (sure is, also... don't understand why it would work), but then she goes how about we basically roll the dice and one of us loses their memory and the Doctor says that sounds fair, and they do that and the Doctor has some brief Clara-amnesia

I don't understand why they do this. actually this is the main one that has me scratching my head. was it so that Clara could run while the Doctor was an amnesiac, is that what it was? I genuinely feel like maybe I just missed something on this one, but anyway, yeah, the Doctor pieces it back together, Clara runs off with Me in their Tardis (which the Doctor stole earlier) which got stuck as an American diner, the Doctor leaves in his Tardis, which had all the graffiti on it that Rigsy did, which disappears as the Tardis leaves

I think I need to rewatch that ending, because I was unclear actually on whether the Doctor remembers her face or not. it's not something that really bothers me in the way the rest of the plot-happenings in this episode do, but it's just something I wonder. I think that ending is good. I think it's bittersweet. I think it's a shame that Me doesn't feel more drawn, and that Clara didn't have much to do this season, so that them running off together felt like a natural next step, but I will take it as something one can definitely work with

I think it felt very natural to what I do feel I understand about Clara's character, and I like that she left the Doctor behind to go off on her own terms (honestly I never felt like she actually valued the Doctor much beyond what he was doing for her, but that's another post -- not like an "anti" post or anything, more of a "so Clara's kind of a messy bitch" post, which from what I've seen in fandom is something that's pretty chill of an opinion and in fact features heavily in why many people do like her character)

but yeah that plot... what?

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: Clara is in suspension and will eventually die, but on her own terms. the Doctor is alone again.

Gallifrey is uh... still not sure tbh. that was confusing. Rassilon is deposed? is he? does it matter? I don't think it matters

I'll still rate this point highly, because it is another of the big switches in the story -- new companion will be coming up, let's see how these events affect the Doctor's relationship with her

COMPANIONS MATTER: Clara is more proactive in this episode than most any other of her run since... s7 I'd say. I'd have to double-check on that statement, but it has been a continuous Thing to me that Clara is there to talk fast, make witty comments, and either wait for the Doctor to give her instructions, or take matters into her own hands in ways that make her straight-up villain coded at times

in this one once she's on Gallifrey with the Doctor and they're running around in this spooky place, there's some Stuff she does, while the Doctor fetches the ersatz Tardis + she calls out the Time Lords for sucking, which is always winner behaviour

and then she decides when she dies, in the future... the long way round. still not sure about the whole mindwipe thing, but at least that's on her terms as well (although again... not villain coded but certainly unhinged and for what, that one)

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: there's this bit at the beginning that I find insufferable, where the Doctor returns to the barn they were raised in (I do think it's funny that s7 showed the barn and then s8 was like "no yeah they were literally raised in a barn") and all the Shobogans (I'm assuming?) gather around, whispering tales of this super cool basically mythological figure, and then Rassilon orders the troops to capture the Doctor and the Doctor simply sends them off by being so cool, and then at the end Rassilon goes "fuckit kill him" and the troops are all going "no, this guy's a War Hero" and join with the Doctor and depose Rassilon for the sake of how fuckn Cool this guy is

it's everything I dislike in Who boiled into like. what was it 15 minutes or whatever of television?

also the Doctor then just steals another Tardis and runs off again, why did we need this whole build-up, there were other ways to get the Doctor to the citadel (like just straight up capturing him, you're being depicted as a military state, wtf do you care if someone has a good reputation in a war, even your super special war, and also why is the Doctor banking on this reputation, what is this whole bit saying???)

ohhhhhhhh it's soo. urgh. for the rest of the episode, the Doctor doesn't actually take centre stage so much in my opinion. once Clara is back, yeah there's some "ooh the Doctor what'll he do now" but mainly it's Clara with a bit of Time War lore sprinkled in, and then the whole bit at the end of the Universe where they reveal... do they reveal the Hybrid? is it just "the Doctor did too much to help Clara and that was bad"? genuinely does the Hybrid come up again ever???

but yeah that beginning.... at least Capaldi actually does look cool, whenever they tried something like this with Matt Smith, I was like, why is everyone staring in awe at a 12yr old?

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: what is the Time War anymore but a way to make the Doctor's street cred go up?

there is stuff, like the Tardis looking like the 1963 Tardis, "reverse the polarity," the memory wipe references Donna, the Bad Wolf motif inexplicably shows up (I do wonder what that has to do with this episode) -- it's just the way that war is talked about makes my skin itch, otherwise relatively chill

“SEXINESS”: and thus, we send Clara on her next journey, happy in the knowledge that JLC, along with Capaldi, cured this run from terrible sexy dialogue

INTERNAL WORLD: Gallifrey as society? I hardly knew her. Military politics? dictatorship? Shobogans? idk, here's a barn, and now here's some. rooms. end of the Universe Gallifrey? uh. is also there

I think especially after setting up so many questions in the previous episode and ending it on that shot of the Citadel, this is kind of a let-down

POLITICS: so it's not really that political, but I did highlight the military element a few times, and I do think there should be more to it on this show than "this war guy good and that war guy bad because this is the hero and you're not." there has been more gravitas given to it than that, including in M*ffat's run so idk why... this.....

I also think the Doctor's own political relationship with Gallifrey is kind of not really a Thing in this -- and the Doctor has a more complicated relationship that "Time Lords Bad/Good" or even "always outside the Status Quo." The Doctor has done Status Quoing before, even though they're technically not a big fan of a lot of the setup in this place, but in this story none of that is really what's interesting

also a brief extra moment of "oh now I'm regenerated into a Woman, I realise that the other me was so full of Testosterone and Ego" that... ok we get it, you're trying feminism on for size. now we just need to get into the third wave, at least

FULL RATING: 61/100 (if I can count….)

AFTER ALL OF THAT, Clara leaves on a high. isn't that funny.

but seriously, there's so many questions I have, and if they do in fact get answered in the episode, mea culpa and all that, but uh. yeah, I was going "wait what's going on? why?" the entire way through

sometimes nonsense has gotta be gotten through in service to emotional pay-off, I guess. Au revoir Clara, hope you have a lovely time doing exactly what you've been doing before: getting into a toxic relationship with an ancient being in a time travel machine

(and next episode we say goodbye to River as well, lotta fuckn goodbyes happening huh)

similar question to last episode, why is it called Hell Bent? (I really need to get that list of questions together so I can do a concentrated search)

[keepsmagnetoaway]

X-Men 66 (March 1970)

Roy Thomas/Sal Buscema

Well, this is it: the end of the original X-Men run. After this, the title kept publishing, but it was just reprints of already existing issues for almost five years, until it was revived. See the end of this post for my general reflections on this series and for details on what I'll be reading next, but in the meantime let's see how this all ends up.

Is it with a heartfelt farewell to the team, tying it all up nicely? It absolutely is not. The writers clearly had not learned that the book was about to be cancelled, so in this issue they attempt to wake the revived Professor X from the latest of his many comas, and also incidentaly fight the Hulk, in Vegas.

Hulk is great, we love Hulk, and also he talks properly - that is, not properly - in this issue.

I also really like the art in this issue. It's Sal Buscema, in the only X-Men issue he ever drew, because, again, this title was in chaos and on the verge of cancellation, but it has a nice pop art feel to it, combining some of the wilder effects of Adams with a brighter, cleaner feel which I quite enjoy.

But obviously with hindsight it's a bit hard to care about all this. Here we go, this is the very last panel: my guess is they learned, last minute, about the cancellation, which is why there's a sort of "that's al folks" rather than a tease for the next issue, but clearly the issue as whole was plotted and drawn without this knowledge. What would it have been like to read this in 1970, assuming cheerfully that they'd all be back next month? It's kind of impossible to say.

So...there we go. The standard opinion on the original run of X-Men is that it was very much a B-tier product of Marvel's great 60s golden age: Stan Lee and Jack Kirby were throwing off ideas and characters left and right, X-Men included, but they never gave the mutants the same attention and love that went into, say, Spiderman or the Fantastic Four, and they were also never quite fully integrated into the wider Marvel universe the way the Avengers were.

As a result of this, the title very clearly drifted, changing personnel frequently and seldom managing to launch long-term storylines or to shake things up: efforts to do that tended to fizzle out. Sometimes, of course, the constant chopping and changing led to brief golden moments like Jim Steranko or Neal Adams being assigned to the art, but more often it was a problem for the title.

I think that's prevailing view is basically accurate, although it's remarkable just how much the style and feel of the book changes in this run alone: by the end, even without people like Adams, we're a long, long way from the clunky early 60s stuff.

What struck me more, though, when reading these was how little they seem to be about the X-Men: both in that the villains, or single-issue side characters, often end up driving the plot and having the more interesting personalities, and in that the whole "hated and feared mutants" thing crops up only very seldom, and never consistently. The idea of X-Men as a character- and team-driven story about outcasts from society really isn't here: that comes out of the team's 70s reinvention, which I look forward to getting to.

But not yet! Because once again my trusty reading guide is instructing me to pause in the strictly chronological-publishing order to instead read a number of later stories that have been set in the period between the end of the original team's run and the 70s revival. These look like a really interesting mix: there's some more First Class (sigh) and another First Class-esque series going back to fill in the gaps, but alongside them there's a smattering of early 70s comics from other series in which the X-Men popped up as guest stars to remind everyone that they weren't dead yet, and then there's some prequel series that lay the (retroactive) groundwork for some of the major 70s characters like Wolverine and Emma Frost. All told these should keep me busy for a couple of months, and then it'll be into the classic 70s run. See you next time...

[mellueminate]

Nosy asks for the neon green robot.

2. What are you obsessed with right now?

4. What piercings do you want?

22. Tag someone you think is hot.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather?

-🌌

Thanks for asking bestie 💚

2. I don't think I can say I'm obsessed with it, but the hobby I am most consistent about these days is The Critically Acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV. I am also doing my best to read Journey to the West and Baldwin's Giovanni's Room but sometin wrond wif me and it takes me a really long time to read.

4. Just standard ear piercings for nice dangly earrings... I still need to make that appointment actually 😔. Maybe more down the line, but for now that's all I want.

22. All my mutuals are hot 😤!! But I don't wanna tag like 30 people 😅🥹 so @ceo-of-lesbians hope you don't mind 💚

50. Light or moderate rain and full cloud cover! I'm waterproof, UV reflective, and love listening to soft music and drinking coffee while watching the rain fall.