#not only a sexy beast

[cerberus253]

I got a few dreams that I had this year to speak about.

The first one was started as the common “running away from things that hurt me, then a bunch of people who support me come out and defend me, and an all out war breaks loose while I try to run and hide” kind of dream. Instead of those who were supporting me, they were the crazed cultists from The Pathless, who follow the Godslayer, but they were technically still on my side because GS and I are on friendly terms, but it turns out they were also trying to catch me (while also keeping the enemy away from me). They did eventually capture me, of course bringing me to GS, but I what I was not expecting was being at an alter. Godslayer was trying to marry me. Flattering as it was, I was not ready for marriage, and I found the situation was so funny that I woke up laughing.

(The Godslayer; picture does not do him justice with his domineering and intimidating presence)

Second dream, I was doing a sort of “rivalry war” with Messmer the Impaler, where technically we were both amicable with each other, but we were doing a legit war with each other because we thought it was fun and wanted to see who was better (relax, it’s just a dream; I do not condone such senseless violence just for the sake of fun). Eventually we went toe-to-toe, and something completely unexpected happened: Fucker the Impaler wanted to marry me. Again, flattered, not ready for marriage, and really funny, but I legit felt like I had to warm him about Godslayer, who also wanted my hand. He didn’t care, and I was like, “Honey, you got a big storm coming,” because motherfucking Godslayer is crazy and will kill on sight.

(Messmer the Impaler; picture does not show his silly pantsless twink legs)

Third and last dream, I was again surrounded by people who wanted to hurt me and those who wanted to help me, but those who wanted to help me started to go against me. This, of course, broke my heart and had me break down in my dreams, crying and heartache and all. One of the people that I was friends with, who I have not seen in a very long time, appeared and acted as my Knight in ~~Bloody~~ Shining Armor. That man was Stefano Valentini, and that fucker also decided it was about time to marry me. This was just getting ridiculous at this point, but I told him the same thing I told the other two: Flattered, not ready, this is funny, FUCKER YOU BETTER RUN because you have NO chance against the last two guys that wanted the same thing. Run as fast as your spaghetti-ass legs can carry you!

(Stefano Valentini; picture does not show how much of a horrific killer he is)

So now I’m literally in the, “Fuck, Marry, Kill” situation with these three freaks and I’m not only scared/curious on anyone else wanting my hand, but also what will happen when all of them (or most) are in the same dream.

[spaciebabie]

oh so you wanna fuck that monster huh. make sexy art of them without giving them muscles and/or making them look human

[eclipseshotel]

What Elder Predator sees when he wakes up to me snuggled beside him

[compacflt]

in regard to the icemav convo about american made cars: I think it would be funny if after mav gets his regular license, ice buys him a truck that they can use for transporting stuff to the hangar and when he gifts it to mav all the man can do is laugh bc stamped across the ass is MAVERICK. It’s a 2023 ford maverick (in area 51 bc I’m partial to that color)

and mav likes it, but he doesn’t love driving it bc it’s so big (and he just likes being a passenger princess too much), so ice drives it mostly which inspires a whole lot of jokes about ice liking having maverick’s name stamped on his ass. bradley gags from the other room every time.

if it matters to u, i agree with this hc 150% on rhetoric grounds. thank god for your mind.

however i would like to raise the issue that recent american pickup trucks have become non-useful, overexpensive, and suburban-coded in a way i think ice and mav would reject. the ford maverick was built with the intention of dropping kindergarteners off at school, not of actually doing hard labor. see below infographic for what I mean.

It’s a fucking travesty. Trucks are so ugly and useless now. the maverick is not immune to this. (maverick below)

what good is having a fucking truck if it can’t even hold two REGULAR ASS BIKES in the bed. & when the bed is empty the chassis is unbalanced in a way that leads to more accidents etc. (tbf that was true in the 70s/80s too but im feeling more hateful towards modern trucks rn). In short—the modern American pickup truck is no longer useful, it’s a way to virtue signal to other Americans that you *think * you know what hard labor is, even when you’re driving around in a glorified odyssey with a teeny tiny bed that can barely hold a couple bags of mulch for the back garden

ice & mav don’t even have any little kids anymore, i think they’d consider a backseat useless & a waste of space

SO i would like to offer you a Compromise, which is that ice & mav buy either (or both) a 1974 ford maverick AND/OR a 1990 ford maverick

for the Funny Name & coolness factor (& the “making Bradley vom cause of how cute his parents are” factor), and then soup up, like, a 1984 Chevy C10 for actual towing/hauling purposes.

[senditothemoonn]

[thiscatiscreepy]

Other people creaturefying the mechs: soooo their ears are longer and pointier, I'll give them a lil tail with some fur at the end, slightly sharper teeth would look good, maybe they'll even have some scales, aww they look so cute :)

Me creaturefying the mechs: what if Ivy was a huge praying mantis.

[forcedhesitation]

it’s completely bananas to me that halsin's sex scene features a moment where he somehow loses control of his druidic powers and wildshapes into a bear, because he’s apparently that horny. like...gale had to be infected with a mindflayer tadpole for him to make mistakes in his spellcasting, even though he already carried a small nuclear bomb of evil, weave-consuming magic in his chest. what THE fuck is halsin’s excuse? like, as funny as it is for an archdruid to be so overcome with lust upon seeing a tdick that he loses his grip on his abilities, it makes absolutely no sense! what do you mean that this guy has enough power to open a portal to the shadowfell, and rescue a little fey boy from it, but he can't control his wildshaping because "bear horny?" HUH?

[earfgoddesss]

should probably unblock the zooka tag because I can’t see everyone’s beautiful cool responses to my shipping stuff. I just need that warning in order to prepare myself from seeing those beasts together…

[uhzuku]

okay after acheron and aventurine, the cowboy is next on the hitlist bc godDAMN—

[inkykeiji]

good morning i am absolutely in love with him and in love with the little tufts of hair curling up oh-so-sweetly at the base of his skull <3

i am twirling the strands around my cute lil fingers and then tugging juuust enough to have him growling slightly—nothing more than a soft lil rumble vibrating behind his ribs—and his features faintly scrunching in a barely there wince, lips spreading into a smirk a mere moment later as he chastises me for being such a little brat <333

[hourcat]

which pierre makes charles more hot and bothered: beast!pierre or prince!pierre?

oh this is a stellar question. STELLAR.

first and foremost i do think beast pierre is more werewolf-beast than full on batb!beast. so this isnt full on bestiality kehdjfndkdk.

but anyway. i think beast!pierre takes the crown for Best Pusher Of Charles' Buttons. like he's wild, and he's BEEN wild for years. you know? so not only does he frustrate charles bc of his inability to Interact Normally, but also he's trying to see WHO he's dealing with. so he gets charles all in a tizzy all the time to see what lies beneath™. prince!pierre is smitten and soft and grateful and, most importantly, no longer cursed - which like. he still gets charles all hot and whatnot! but he's tamed at that point. but beast pierre is a devil. he's insatiable. when charles finally goes to bed w him it's like.....hoo! god help that little bookworm princess.