#not what you believe the subtext of their interactions are

[fordtato]

Alex Hirsch will imply or say through text and subtext of books about FiddAuthor and BillFord, while Dan Povenmire and Swampy Marsh will just have Perryshmirtz moments on Chibi shorts and tiktoks... and you know, sometimes I'm glad I get to live in this world. (I made this weird train of thought connection through the ending joke in Bill's interview in the book.)

SPOILERS: Look, no matter how one feels about it, Hirsch used terminology associated with romance and breakups throughout nearly every interaction between Ford and Bill. "Attracted-to," "will-they-won't-they," "were we even partners?," starting a conversation after a fight with "Can we talk?", calling Fiddleford a "third wheel," etc. - THESE ARE QUOTES.

Also, Bill uses language that is INCREDIBLY tied to abusive relationships when talking to Ford: "who else will make you feel like this?" etc.

Hell, Bill goes on a drunken bender after the breakup. Mabel calls Ford Bill's ex, and tells him to "get over" her Grunkle.

I've seen some discussion on the timeline on whether or not it's problematic to make BillFord canon and my thoughts are: this book DEPICTING an abusive pairing (or at least using language that echoes an abusive relationship), and then framing it through the lens of an unreliable abusive narrator is not the same thing as glorifying, romanticizing, or supporting the pairing. The people reading this recognize that Bill is a villain and not to be trusted, you know? It isn't even shades of grey, it's 100% depicted as the most ruinous thing in Ford's life. Hell, I think it's just very compelling writing. I love this. I think it's so interesting. Books should be able to tackle this.

And then the Fiddauthor fodder. The FIDDFODDER. He handmakes Ford two xmas presents, and makes nothing for Emma-May??? HE COMES BACK FOR FORD AFTER HIS FIGHT WITH HIS WIFE? AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES IN COLLEGE? AND FIDDS MADE 5 PROTOTYPES TO HANDKNIT FORD GLOVES??

The book also has a reference to Ford possibly being ace. Ford has nightmares about a pop quiz asking him what he's attracted to. He answers "planning and preparation." So, I have layered feelings about these tongue-in-cheek references to asexuality without just SAYING asexuality, you know? Like when it's wrapped in a joke, I think it affects how meaningful it is, but I'm not ace, so it's up to ace people to decide how they feel about this. But I do think it's interesting.

At the very least, this book adds queer undertones to the way Ford and Bill interact. Book of Bill gave more queer undertones in the TEXT, not just subtext, to how Ford interacts with others, and while that experience is translated through an abusive relationship, it's still there.

Y'all, this man is queer. I can't believe I'm not seeing everyone talking about this. Ford is queer. I don't know how to define his relationship with Bill Cipher, but it isn't straight.

[ckret2]

i know you're reading the book rn, but i need to know is it true that bill has a redemption arc??? and that billford is canon??? I HAVENT GOTTEN MY COPY YET BUT IM SEEING OTHER PEOPLES COMMENTS AND POSTS ABOUT IT I NEED TO KNOW😭

As of the end of the book, Bill is in the process of being forced into a redemption arc. Please understand that I say that like "the airplane is in the process of being forced into a shoebox." It's not successful thus far and might never be successful from what the book presents. But the road is offered to him.

In my opinion, Bill & Ford's relationship is being written like a (mostly one-sided) romantic relationship (from Bill toward Ford), with multiple in-text parallels between how Bill talks about romance and how Bill interacts with Ford, and I believe the romantic coding is deliberate. I have not yet read something that explicitly verifies Romantic Emotions Are Happening and I don't expect to.

Like, we're at a point where Bill crushing on Ford has less textual support than Dipper crushing on Wendy, but more textual support than Tyler Cutebiker crushing on Manly Dan, and maybe even more textual support than whatever thing Dipper & Pacifica have going on.

It's left open-ended enough that you CAN go "Bill's just platonically obsessed with Ford and platonically trying to 'seduce' him and platonically heartbroken when Ford rejects their partnership after learning what Bill's up to." That is still an option. But this is some INCREDIBLY heavy romantic subtext.

At this point, "there's no romantic feelings on anybody's part here" is no longer the most default/neutral reading of Bill & Ford; it's gotta be, like, a choice. A choice that remains valid within the canon text, but still a choice.

So not "canon" as in "the word love is brought up between them" or "they were in a relationship," but "canon" as in "I believe wholeheartedly that the writer's intent was to make us think about a (toxic) romantic relationship when reading these scenes, whether or not such a relationship ever took place." The text doesn't quite go there, but it openly invites you to go there if you want.

I firmly believed the book wouldn't be any more billfordish than the show & J3 were—just some light, probably unintentional subtext. It completely blew past my expectations.

[olasketches]

I find sukuna's enraged reaction to being pitied so interesting, considering that he, himself, admitted that he didn't expect that someone (or maybe just yuuji) offering him pity would anger him so much. honestly looking at all sukuna's interaction with other characters like jogo, yuuji, gojo... the contrast in how he talks about being strong and how he talks about being weak is quite striking.

despite having a huge superiority complex, he never gives any boasting comments about himself, like gojo for example. he even praises others, sorcerer and curses alike, for their strength, which again is contrary to gojo who often belittles and degrades his opponents. however, sukuna's behaviour is not actually opposite of gojo's, because while he admires others' strength, he finds being weak disgusting in itself. you see, gojo never had a problem with other people being weak because being weak is not something he could ever relate to like "yeah, those guys are weak but how is that my problem?". others being weak never really disgusted him, not like it does sukuna, but rather amused him (probably why he teased and bullied utahime and ichiji so much lol) anyway, my point is that, sukuna's attitude doesn't contrast gojo's, it mirrors it.

gojo's problem was that he was obsessed with being the strongest. he desperately wanted to live up to his title, but not because he had some deep-seated insecurity about being weak, but because that's all he's ever been. he wrapped his entire identity around it, which in result made him believe that he could only relate to people who were just as strong as him. then there is sukuna... who on the other hand... (dramatic pause)... is obsessed with being weak or rather he desperately doesn't want to be seen as someone who's weak. sukuna keeps insulting and belittling yuuji for being weak, despite yuuji CLEARLY not being weak. yuuji's own humanity and the strength he derives from it, exposes sukuna's own deep-seated weakness and dare I say... insecurity.

at the beginning of this post I said how sukuna has a big superiority complex, which now, after the recent canon events it almost borderlines with an inferiority complex. the thing is that, superiority complex and inferiority complex are kinda the same thing. they both stem from a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy, with the only difference being that someone with an inferiority complex tends to express these feelings as anxiety and submissiveness, whereas someone with a superiority complex overcompensates by acting as if they're god's gift to mankind, which is the later for both sukuna and gojo. however, unlike gojo, whose own superiority complex comes from the fact he was treated like a god by everyone in his clan since he was born, sukuna's superiority complex and its origins can still only be found in the subtext. we know that he was born an unwanted little wretch and people hated him, most likely feared him due to his own abnormal appearance and probably later his overwhelming strength. I don't want to dive too much into this since we don't actually know sukuna's backstory, we can only speculate based on what we know. however, it's his conversation with yuuji after he possessed megumi that interest me the most. he says...

Well, saying it from my perspective; why are all of you so weak. Why (are you) so obsessed over living despite being so weak

and let's not forget, sukuna is the only character who thinks yuuji is weak, which makes the rest of his speech all the more interesting, as he continues...

How can living things who keep collapsing easily say that they wish to be happy forever?

now this is funny, because several chapters later he admitted that no matter how many times he tries to break yuuji, he keeps getting back up, he's either contradicting himself again (and well.. he IS) or...

It’s better for all of you to spend your whole life crushing fitting misfortune for you

he's not only referring to yuuji here... sukuna genuinely believes that the weak should spend their whole lives chewing on their suffering, as is their natural state... but why?

after yuuji offered sukuna mercy, sukuna felt looked down upon and got down right pissed, which even shocked sukuna himself. why would that offend him? after all, he KNOWS he's strong not even gojo's taunts could get to him or yorozu trying to teach him about love, something he supposedly already knows about. why did yuuji offering him sympathy enraged him so much? shouldn't he just laugh in his face for believing he could beat him?? it seems like.. MAYBE.. in that moment, yuuji unintentionally touched on a very sore spot there, revealing sukuna's own insecurity: being seen as weak.

[nekrotiize]

I respect that Toriyama was not fond of writing romance and tried to avoid actively depicting it, tending to instead focus on literally every other kind of dynamic. It made things more fun to watch for me, since I’m a gay aromantic and gravely tired of forced heterosexual romances in media- oftentimes they lack any chemistry but in a way where it’s clear they tried really hard to make it look ideal, thus looping it back around to being worse. Oftentimes forced heterosexual romance plots wind up within the realm of misogyny, with a lot of it being able to be summed up with “good guy wins the girl,” as if a woman is a possession- a trophy to be won and paraded around, rather than a fully realized human being with wants and needs and wishes and dreams.

Toriyama’s vague attempts at writing romance lacked chemistry but in a way that was fucking hilarious. These people are married. I’m supposed to believe that they are married, love each other, and function romantically. I’m supposed to believe that they kiss and cuddle and have sex. They’re bitchy dysfunctional best friends at most. His focus on anything but romance accidentally made it so that the most romantic and sexual tension we see are between Goku and Vegeta. I sincerely do not think the gay subtext was intentional, and it’s deeply funny that it worked out that way. It’s genuinely impossible to ignore just how gay they are, especially Vegeta. What the hell was Toriyama on with Vegeta.

I don’t think it was intentional, the way he was written- so, so dearly obsessed with Goku, above all else. Above his son, his wife, his daughter, above his own life, and the fate of the world- the way Goku and Vegeta interact with and handle each other. I don’t think they were intended to be gay, but do you think Toriyama knew? His editors? The publishers? The animators? The fans clearly knew. The staff side of things had to have known at least a little bit, right?

[windienine]

the best game of 2024 was an hour-long visual novel demo, and i can't tell you how it ends

attack and dethrone god.

okay. oh my god. soul of sovereignty by ggdg (of lady of the shard & deltarune fame) is discounted for only a few more days, so i need to get this one out while the iron's hot.

so: i'm inviting you along on another journey. we're following a polite gentleman of the wizardly inclination (loïc) who is approached by a sickly woman in dire need (ysmé). all she requests, in her plea, is an escort to guide her to the nearby temple. his decision to support her may turn out to be the most important choice he ever makes.

... have you ever enjoyed the kind of narrative that traps two people with heavily contrasting motives and personalities together in an unbreakable contract? do you like stories of absolute devotion?

i could look at this shot forever ngl

... are you compelled by immersive speculative fantasy worlds where the use and study of magic heavily influences the rhythm of people's day-to-day lives?

(really intriguing magical linguistics system going on here)

... do you ever promise too much of yourself to others, sometimes, even when it's a bad idea?

... if it was possible -- if you could -- would you abandon your humanity for the power to change your world forever?

and, whatever you may feel in your heart about the above...

do you want to see behind the eyes of a hot trans girl as she bullshits her way into a truly volatile level of power and influence and gets everything she wants?

(+ her pet dilf lovely assistant)

if even one of these elicited a "yes," i think you'll love this story.

i'll go out of a limb:

i think, if you open up your heart, you'll find yourself falling for both of the leads. It's a game that really wants you to look at it from every angle, take it apart, and ask questions about loïc, ysmé, their stories, and what they believe to be true about the world and one another. subtext -- especially the charged subtext this story throws at you and hopes you'll piece together -- is a beautiful thing.

the number of talksprites in this demo is kind of staggering

the jrpg-inspired world of the mosaic and its surroundings is as vibrant as it is profoundly lonely, color folded into every facet of its character as you move through it. appropriately, it's really invested in a lot of questions that arise not just from high fantasy as a genre, but from the modern fantasy sensibilities of jrpgs and the interrogation of what divinity even means in a world where the gods are forces you can interact with and draw power from, however indirectly.

what can i even say? that gg and toby fox's collab score for the prelude is downright heavenly and made it onto my work playlist right alongside the deltarune ost the day it came out on bandcamp? that gg's art, especially their use of light, conveys every scene with vivid beauty?

i wouldn't be posting so much of it if i didn't want to eat every CG. oh my god. he's so pretty. it's not even fair

beyond all of that, i think the game's main resonance point with people is that gg's writing is genuinely thoughtful. they use art detail and deft character writing to convey everything about the leads, using the limited time you get with it to paint layers and layers of information on who these people are and why they make the decisions they do. soulsov's roughly an-hour-and-change of text, expressive talksprites, and lush CGs is infused with so much heart and so much horror and so much intrigue that it leaves you feeling like you're a part of this world, carried along for the ride right alongside the two leads. gg clearly really adores these two, and that level of passion makes everything loïc and ysmé do shine even brighter. in spite of (or perhaps because of) all their friction and flaws, they're easy to love.

(it's really fun to read aloud as a script, too! ysmé's a hoot.)

i hope you experience it with high expectations and an open heart. i don't think it will disappoint. it is, perhaps, just a little bit magical.

i hope you see it through to the end!

[extremely-judgemental]

Subtext is completely lost in this fandom. I partly blame SJM for it. This is a rant from both reading and writing standpoint and leans towards the characters since I like to psychoanalyse them.

The one thing that tired me the most in these books is the excessive narration. I don’t mean the wordy description to support world-building but the never-ending monologues. SJM takes ‘show, don’t tell’ advice literally with the visual cues when it should apply to the characters and their personalities as well. Where subtext usually exposes depth of these characters and lets you decide who they are, SJM strips away that chance by writing it down for you word by word. The reason so many are going with 'in the book' argument is exactly this.

Here’s what I mean.

In real life, people don’t think linearly. They have an idea about themselves as much as they have about everyone else around them. There are self-imposed restrictions on their thoughts based on who they believe to be and who they strive to be. And it shows in their interaction with outside world. Say, when someone is ashamed of their actions, they will deny it for as long as possible. Someone who regrets something, they will sugarcoat it.

But in her books, her characters think clearly—way too clearly so that you latch onto the ideas she perpetuates. You don’t get to know them based on their thoughts, words, and actions, and see how these three support each other. You don't get a chance to draw conclusions as to if they are the hero/villain and good/evil based on their actions. If their behaviours match their words or if their choices are acceptable. Because SJM sets it in words for you. The characters come with a label beforehand. (Feyre, Rhysand and Inner Circle are good guys. Tamlin, Eris and Nesta, sometimes Lucien are evil.) It's why so many toxic and abusive themes are dismissed because it’s the 'good guy' or the 'morally grey guy’ who does it.

And so, her lead or ‘good’ characters fall flat since they have everything figured out. They know themselves inside out. They are never wrong about themselves, there’s no part they hide from themselves or the others. There’s nothing for you to read and identify the beauty or ugliness in the character. There’s no depth in them because they don’t contradict themselves, they don’t struggle to be someone they always believed to be. They don’t have to prove anything to themselves or others. They say what they think and they do what they say. They are very aware of their shortcomings and they all seem to know the exact consequences of their decisions.

Feyre doesn’t change in the three books. Her ‘rags to riches’ story doesn’t lead to much character growth. She starts out as an adamant, reckless child and ends up being arrogant, reckless woman with a crown. She doesn’t undergo a shift in personality but climbs up the social hierarchy. And that’s considered character development. Rhysand remains the same throughout. He starts out as a villain but later revealed as a good guy playing bad. Instead of growing into a hero—given his crimes, his ill deeds are negated with sympathetic backstory. And from there, it’s a flat line. There’s no growth.

In the end how does the character change in the aftermath of the events? Which of their beliefs are shattered and rebuilt? What is the emotional impact on the other characters? SJM does offer some closure on these regards but they are solely focused on a list of traumas and specific reactions set by SJM herself. And so readers refuse to think for themselves how these scenarios may play out and take the words relayed through the unreliable narrators who are essentially preaching SJM’s biases. Also, when they are so explicitly written down, there’s not much room for subtext. After going through pages and pages of justification, it tires you from using reason.

Even if we get past this (writing) flaw, there are other major issues. Story telling is a way of experiencing life. It helps build empathy, compassion and understanding of the world. Even in a fantasy book, when that world doesn’t exist, when the characters aren’t real, their journey are drawn from real life experiences. Relating to these characters is subjective and solely depends on the reader, but determining the rightness of their actions is not. This too is warped as SJM dictates which behaviour is acceptable and how far through her lead characters(Feyre vs Nesta imprisonment). Instead of allowing you to judge the choices, the verdict is spoon-fed through the ‘hero’. If the characters are forgiven, it’s not abuse. It’s a simple mistake. (It’s a mistake if it happens once and if there’s a changed behaviour after the apology.) If the characters are happy in the end, their acts are admissible. Unless SJM stamps the word ‘abuser’ and ‘bad guy’ in block letters herself(Tamlin), it's not even considered a possibility.

In short, ‘reading between the lines’ exists as long as it supports what the author preaches. When it contradicts ‘it’s in the books’. Logic is valid only if you use it to justify the fan favourites and applaud them. Empathy is conditional. Compassion is conditional. Critical thinking is so discouraged in this fandom that it’s pitiful.

[amorisastrum]

What if the Knox and Chris sub-plot had meaning?

WAIT NO GUYS IM SORRY PLEASE HEAR ME OUT I BEG PLE-

Okay I'm starting this post off by restating my downright hatred for Knox. I do not like his character, what he did was wrong, it's creepy and fucking disgusting. I will however like to talk about how his relationship with Chris could have potentially added to the story.

We all know (at least I hope) that practically everything in this film has meaning. I had spent ages wondering why they thought it was a good idea to include this frankly ridiculous sub plot to the story. And then I thought about it. Like really thought about it. I don't exactly remember what I was doing when I thought about it, but I do know that I had DPS playing in the background. (I initially thought about this on April 7th. It is May 29th when I am typing this up.)

So, here are all my reasons as to why I think they added the Knox and Chris sub-plot!

My first point is about this scene:

I believe that this line could be a form of foreshadowing. Yes, it is Knox being a dramatic and insufferable prick but it also feels like it could be more. Obviously it isn't Knox who dies in the end, but the idea of not being able to have something leading to suicide feels very important to the story.

Neil is unable to achieve a career in acting because of his father. As well as this, he is being taken away from his family. His real family. By not being able to have this thing that he so desperately wants, he feels like there is no other solution than death.

Knox says that if he can't have Chris he will kill himself, Neil has practically everything he loves stripped away from him- he cannot have it. So... He kills himself. There is a lot of foreshadowing in this film that hints to Neil's death at the end of the film and I do truly believe that this is a part of that foreshadowing.

My next point is that it is used as a form of contrast.

We see that Knox is extremely open about his attraction to Chris... In a multitude of ways, repeatedly throughout the film. Whether his actions that show his attraction are good or not is a different matter (Knox... God how I hate you.)

Arguably this is used as a juxtaposition. Knox (and Chris?) are relatively open about their attraction to one another- while Neil and Todd are very closed off about it. It is never explicitly stated that Neil and Todd like each other in that way, but through subtext it is heavily implied.

Why might this be? Well, considering the film is set in 1959, it could be because homosexuality simply wasn't legal at this point in time. Neil and Todd weren't allowed to be open about liking each other. Being open about it could put them in danger, they had no choice but to stay quiet.

However, as well as a contrast, it poses similarities between Knox and Chris and Neil and Todd. By setting up this contrast, it only brings to the surface some quite significant similarities.

Because let's be real.

How can THIS be a look of true love...

And THIS not be?

Or falling in love or admiring one's beauty or WHATEVER you want to call it. That's not the point. The point is, they're not that different.

You can see similarities between Knox's behaviour towards Chris and Todd's behaviour towards Neil (and vice versa). One of the main similarities is, well, how they look at one another. I personally don't see how the way Knox and Chris look at each other is true love but the way Todd and Neil look at one another is just... Them being roommates.

The juxtaposition between the two sets of people (I didn't know how else to say this) just doesn't seem accidental. The constant mention of Knox's feelings and love towards Chris just makes the way Neil and Todd interact more obviously... Romantic? Loving?

Their love is stated to allow the audience to see how similar they are to Todd and Neil, while still sticking to one of the key concepts of the film - conformity. Neil and Todd having to conform to societal standards, not being able to share their love for one another.

Knox's feelings for Chris are explicitly stated, repeatedly, because Todd's and Neil's can't. It makes it more noticeable. Neil and Todd's feelings can't really be stated due to the law. So they do it with Knox instead. The similarities can be seen throughout the film in how Knox treats Chris and how Neil and Todd treat one another.

Because again, how can Knox look at Chris like that and that show that he is in love, but Neil look at Todd like that and that just be... Them being friends?

The answer is, it can't. Not really.

Although Knox is a lot more explicit with his feelings towards Chris than the other two are with one another, the feelings they have are the same. Whether it is portrayed in the same way or not, it's love.

[sheikfangirl]

Since you're the Queen of Puppet Zelda, what are your thoughts on these possible explanations for her level of autonomy?

Is Puppet Zelda merely made of Gloom and acts as a physical extension of Gannondorf himself so he has a set of eyes, ears, and hands that can travel and exert influence outside of his perch in the Depths, but as a higher quality puppet/projection (and therefore more taxing on his power to maintain) than the Gloom Hands and Phantom Gannons? Or is she a separate being entirely, created by him, but given her own agency, mind, and will to make her own decisions, in so far as she's still a slave to doing Gannondorf's bidding? She doesn't need constant effort on his part to control or exist, but would have probably cost him a chunk of his power upfront to create.

Could she be something else?

First, let's rectify one thing: I am NOT the Queen of Puppet Zelda. Puppet Zelda IS MY QUEEN. (But thanks for the compliment, I am blushing over here 🤭)

Secondly, thank you so much for your interest in my HC. I will happily share my thoughts on this criminally underused character that has drama written all over. This is an overview okay because I feel I could write a freakin thesis paper on Puppet Zelda 

Quick note: I am not pretending to be right or to have the absolute truth. This is my headcanon, the backstory in the back of my mind when I draw my Puppet Zelda art.

All headcanons are valid, games are interactive media, and the relationship and connections one has with a game are personal.

As you might know, English is not my first language and  visual support helps me explain things... so I made a graphic. I hope this will help understand my take of this character and why I love her so much🤣🤷‍♀️

In a nutshell:

I think Puppet Zelda is an independent minion created by Ganondorf using his magic powers. He created a shell in Zelda's image from 10 000 years ago to do his bidding and re-used her 10 000 years later to distract Link to buy himself the time to regenerate to full power.

Exhibit A: Ganondorf's Magic

If Ganondorf can spawn a whole list of monsters and gloom hands, he created Puppet Zelda too. The monsters are not continually controlled by Ganondorf, right? They do his bidding, they do what they were "programmed & designed" for, we might even say. I think it's the same for Puppet Zelda. But she is definitely a more defined and complex creation.

Exhibit B: The Hot henchwoman trope

I am not gonna lie: This is one of my very favorite tropes.... EVER! I always fall for the hot henchwomen. Ganon's quote from the glorious Sanctum scene during  the "Crisis at Hyrule Castle" scene makes me absolutely think she is indeed autonomous. "Did my puppet distract you?" Ganondorf asks Link in that chilling and subtext filled scene.

Puppet Zelda had one objective: To distract Link.

Ganon was busy regenerating. Having to control or act through someone would've been too power consuming. I don't buy it's a manifestation of him. AT ALL. so...yeah. hot henchwoman trope. Also, I'm a lesbian and I have no interest whatsoever in Ganondorf.

...HOT HENCHWOMAN TROPE SUPREMACY!! Yep. Fanservice for me.

Exhibit C: Real Zelda's Angst

This is where it's getting twistingly FUN.

This is an HC I assimilated like a borg from my ZHS buddy @kazraza  Her theory is so ***** angsty and delicious and I love it! 

At the time of King Rauru and Queen Sonia, Ganondorf created a pawn with Zelda's appearance so that it could get close to them and attack.

Then, in order to distract Link 10 000 years later, Ganondorf had to "refine" his weapon. He needed "data and real Zelda knowledge" uploaded into Puppet Zelda to ensure her credibility and the success of her mission. He wanted to make sure she could distract Link and trick him. 

And where did all this personal knowledge of Real Zelda's innermost intimate thoughts and insecurities come from, you may ask?

Well from the real Zelda herself of course!!

But when and where was this data collected?

We believe all of Zelda's Angst was leached directly from her during her 100 years mystic battle containing Calamity Ganon in this Malice Cocoon in Breath of the Wild. *GASP* Puppet Zelda was there all along in Breath of the Wild....absorbing all of Zelda's angst!!!

This is why everyone was confused and tricked by Puppet Zelda in TotK. This is why Puppet Zelda asks Link if he remembers their time at Hyrule Castle: she has Zelda's pre-calamity memories and this why Link is so tortured in my art! She can REALLY mess with him big time. I really like to think there is a part of real Zelda inside Puppet Zelda. Her dark side: Her anger, her cockiness, her jealousy, her selfishness... her desire. 

She is also kind of Zelda's answer to Dark Link.

Alright I wrote enough for tonight. To whoever took precious minutes of their lives to read this well...thank you! I am now moving on with my life too 🤣

For more HC about Puppet Zelda, her powers and influences, this should be all covered in future art

(i hope)

Cheers!! And glory to Puppet Zelda ✋

[thetommoway-oioii]

Rant Time™ !!!

so i recently became invested in the 9-1-1 universe. not gonna lie I started with lone star because tk and carlos kept popping up all over my feeds everywhere with their wedding pics and of-fucking-course I immediately looked up the show because I'm not gonna pass up any canon queer rep?? hello!! anyway this ain't about tarlos. after I was done with lone star I started interacting with stuff from that fandom and came to find that one of the characters from the main show recently came out as bi and boy oh boy was I excited as fuck. two days later I'm starting my 9-1-1 binge. I knew absolutely nothing about the characters, storyline or the show except what I saw in the crossover episode and I was so pleasantly surprised that there's already canon queer rep present from the beginning of the show!!! (shout out to henren and michaeldavid absolute legends)

anyway I keep getting sidetracked, what I'm here to rant about is how fucking dumb some of the new watchers like me are?!! I had no idea how this t*mmy person was because all I knew was a gif of him kissing buck. you can imagine my surprise when I first saw him in the flashbacks and found out what an absolute dickwad he used to be?!?! and I could not believe that buck was gonna kiss this dude in the future. there was no fucking way. either there was gonna be a huge redemption character arc or something or he'll have a fuckin twin or something cause no chance they're setting future buck up with this asshole.

anyway lo and behold s2 comes around and in comes eddie diaz with this big brown eyes and slutty tank top and of course I knew who eddie was. come on now be for real. I might have not been a part of the fandom before but there's no way you can exist on tumblr and not know who eddie and buck were. and like any other shipping-prone fan, I thought people were setting buddie up based on subtle sterek-esque subtext but imagine my surprise when slowly throughout the show they became deancas-esque obvious. the connection they developed, the trust, the bond. how they found home and family and sense of belonging and safety in each other. how eddie and chris and buck himself baby trapped himself. I was so sure that buddie would eventually become canon in s7 because there's no other way right. maybe the the whole BT thing was some weird profound realization moment for buck or something.

back to the point. what I'm mad about is how the new watchers are completely Ignoring clear signs of buddie and on top of that shaming or right out calling the buddie shippers crazy all the while blindly supporting a character that is clearly a Major Fucking Dickwad from the beginning. making excuses like he was figuring himself out in the past or he's canonly queer while eddie clearly isn't. as if T*mmy figuring himself out excuses him being a shit person or the literal fact that just because eddie has not come out yet he's not queer. buck was straight UNTIL he came out as bi. anyway that's mostly all I wanted to say. yes I started the show because of a BT kiss gif but once I actually watched the show, it was easy to figure out what was right in front of me.

I urge new watchers like me to take the time and really understand and watch the show and not just look at it from face value or consume information through social media osmosis.

[lillified]

Just curious, why do you ship Megastar?

[long post incoming, apologies, you activated my sleeper phrase]

Short answer: I like these characters and their potential. I like the idea of them, and I made up new versions because I want to see their dynamic and subtext taken seriously, and not flanderized/made into a meanspirited joke by media that is supposed to be "mature"

Long answer:

when i was watching transformers as a kid i was really interested in the dynamic of two characters who are mean and jaded and instinctively push eachother away, but work extremely well together. i didn't really understand coding yet, but in my interest in the decepticons as an entity with an ideological identity that wasn't just "bad guy" (transformers was like. the first time i really started thinking about deeper meanings and propaganda in media, which probably explains why i am as obnoxious as I am) I was always sad with how megatron and starscream never really got the chance to have their dynamic approached in a different way. in a lot of ways those two are the heart and soul of the decepticons, and I've always thought that putting more care and attention into their relationship and not just writing it off as a cruel plot device would be the first step in having a more nuanced view of the Decepticons as a whole

personally I believe that, in a similar way to batman and the joker, those two have always had a dynamic that kind of blurs the lines, and at times is outright suggested. unfortunately though, like batman and the joker, over time an unwillingness to engage with the reality of that uncomfortable, sort of meanspirited coding just led to the near-sighted stereotyping becoming crueler and more abusive. acknowledging that it exists at all means acknowledging there was that bias, so the "joke" was just repeated until it became the only thing their interactions were really known for. it's an act of flanderization, and that makes me sad

i guess my case in point is--they have a lot of potential that just isn't realized. even in places where their relationship is given depth there's still almost always this really tonally dissonant violence to their interactions that's never unpacked, not really, because how are you going to sell toys of that? moreover, how are you going to make megatron "redeemable" after that? what could be considered strange, poorly executed slapstick in its origin became aesthetically worse and worse, but was never given serious thought--and I think that makes the story, overall, worse! "maturing" the brand didn't make it smarter, it just made an elephant in the room, and now Transformers is so locked in to its decided status quo that we haven't had a different perspective on any of these characters since Animated.

I apologize for the rant, but it's something I think about alot and your question is somewhat related to that. I'm frustrated by how dismissively these characters are written in versions of Transformers that are supposed to "smart" and "mature", I'm frustrated by how that negatively impacts the story, and I'm frustrated by how the people who like these characters can be dismissive of it. I think there's a lot of story potential and thematic insight into the decepticons that can be gained by looking at these two as characters with a history, and not just a bad joke! I think that you can have all the best parts--the sabotage, betrayal, bitterness, and the irony of someone you refuse to trust who still manages to know you better than anyone else, and have that shown through actions and character development, and actually written instead of having to be overscored by unintelligible violence for the sake of being "dark" and reaffirming, in the cheapest way possible, that you're looking at characters who are evil! I want to see that in a story!

my work is honestly not really about what I think transformers IS, or HAS to be, but what I think it has the potential to be, and what my interpretation of the themes means to me. I want to see all of the Decepticons viewed with a different lens, and these two are probably the most important Decepticons, both on a story/thematic level and a cultural one. transformers was the first piece of media I was really consciously critically thinking about, entirely by chance, and in the interest of art and human expression I want to make something different that is interested in being more thoughtful

anyway, sorry again for rambling. I might delete this later to keep my page clean, but I appreciate the question! I'd give more specific examples of why I like the stuff I made up but those would be spoilers.

[wntrmelts]

Why I view/write Kaeya as living an inherently feminine experience

(reposting this essay from twitter)

This entire post will be a long string of observations and headcanons surrounding why I believe Kaeya’s story is an inherently feminine experience. It includes canon interactions but also explanations as to why I write him in a certain way in my works. Also, I would like to establish that with ‘feminine’ I am not explicitly talking about gender expression, but more so the societal expectations and gender roles that have been put on women. By this definition, a feminine experience is not exclusive to women only.

Starting in his childhood, Kaeya is described as being gentle and polite by Adelinde (1) whilst Diluc was described as more rambunctious. As they grew up, Kaeya, being the more reserved one, seemed to always stay in Diluc’s shadow (2).

The question is whether this was by choice or something that was imposed upon him. In a way, I think it’s both. To survive, he made sure not to cause trouble or speak out of turn, listening to and pleasing the authoritative figures in his life instead.

After Diluc was out of the picture and out of the KoF, Kaeya was given a completely different role. He was expected to lead now, his previous persona would not suffice in an environment like this. He had to be respected, and in order to gain the respect of his new subordinates, he had to change. He became louder and more visible, he had to learn how to stand his ground. This isn’t only reflected in his personality, but also his appearance. A big silhouette that exudes status with the gold accents and fur coat; it demands attention and communicates confidence to outsiders.

Kaeya as we know him has a very big personality. It’s hard to definitively say whether he enjoys the attention he gets from outsiders. Where does the act stop and his true self begin?

In his hangout, we can see him scurrying away with the traveler once he starts getting approached and praised for his on-stage performance in Port Ormos (3).

From the way he treats the interactions, it seems that he can humor these interactions when needed, but does not particularly enjoy them. There seems to be a dichotomy between the way he presents himself and how wishes other people to perceive him, and his true desires. I don’t think this means that he completely dislikes the way he presents himself. After having played this part for so long, it would make sense that at least part of it melds into his true self, but it does imply that his change post-fight isn’t 100% a case of ‘flourishing into his true self’ as his Vision story might suggest.

On that note, the attention Kaeya seems to get from bystanders seems to be something he does not seem /entirely/ comfortable with. Besides the fan interactions in Port Ormos, Kaeya also mentions in his hangout that he got approached by a group of mercenaries to dance (4).

The subtext suggests they were flirting with him, and whilst it is possible Kaeya genuinely did not realize this, I don’t believe someone like him would be oblivious to the implications of the interaction. He doesn’t name for what it was, plays it off lightly, and moves on. 

(To be fair, you can also take him at his word for this interaction. It really depends on how much you want to believe him. But also, my mans is not smiling in these?? At all??)

Now this goes into headcanon territory but I believe Kaeya is very aware of how people look at him. He’s been described to be eye-catching in his character story 5 (5), good-looking by multiple NPCs, even the traveler calls him handsome (6).

Point is: Kaeya looks good! He knows it, but as we’ve established before, he does not always like it. Despite his own discomfort, he still believes he can use this to his advantage. Because as we know, for him, the ends justify the means (7).

Perhaps he plays up his charm a little because he knows what it will get him, or because people will underestimate his true nature if he keeps it up. 

So for my personal interpretation: he’s ‘flirty’, not because he likes it, but because it helps him get things done. The reactions he gets out of it may or may not disgust him a little, but his sense of self-worth is not enough to stop him from using these tactics to get ahead.

Lastly, I would like to discuss how Kaeya, despite everything that has happened to him, does not outwardly express any of his anger frequently. At least, not in an obvious sense. To keep up appearances and to maintain his image, he never bursts out in anger, shouts, or yells. He is always hyperaware of how other people view him, and being angry is simply not appropriate. He remains composed in the presence of others even if he might want to shout or be angry. 

In short, the performative aspects of Kaeya’s character reflect a very specific part of the female experience to me. Always keeping in check with what other people’s expectations are, not wanting to take up too much space when he was younger but having to learn how to take up more space to gain other people’s respect when he got older, dealing with unwanted attention but not voicing complaints and dismissing them to not make a big deal out of it; these are all parts of it. 

All of this is super self-indulgent so don’t take it too seriously~ Just wanted to justify why I think he gets to sit with the girls :D

References (yes, I'm extra):

Kaeya Hangout: Taste of Home https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Taste_of_Home 

Kaeya’s Vision Story https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

Kaeya Hangout: All the World’s a Stage https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/All_the_World%27s_a_Stage#Must_It_Be_So? 

Kaeya Hangout: Poems Dedicated to the Wind https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Poems_Dedicated_to_the_Wind 

Kaeya Character Story 5 https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

Archon Quest: Prologue: When the Wind Dies Down https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/When_the_Wind_Dies_Down 

Kaeya Character Story 2 https://genshin-impact.fandom.com/wiki/Kaeya/Lore 

[invisiblerambler]

Carmy doesn't deserve to be left and Sydney doesn't deserve to leave

None of the relationship between the two of them is about what one or the other deserves.

Fundamentally they have never interacted in a way that could be that transactional.

Thinking about this in terms of what Carmy or Syd deserves is such a flattening of both of their characters.

No one (mostly) deserves to have bad things happen to them, and despite all his many many bad coping mechanisms and lash-outs Carmy doesn't deserve to be abandoned again.

He will not recover if Syd leaves him. Do you think he's going to treat anyone better by her deepening his most fundamental trauma wound?

There is whether he realizes it or not a part of Carmy that thinks Syd was sent by Michael to carry out what he could not.

In a more immediate sense he believes this about Claire. I know her character is forced and awkward, but there is an element of realism to the way that Carmy had to regress back into past versions of himself in that environment.

Carm tells Sydney his sister doesn't think he's a genius, but more than that none of his family see him for who he was in New York or Napa or Cophenhagen. They understand he is extremely talented but that doesn't cancel out the fact that they also knew him as a snot-nosed kid.

Carmy feels like he has to complete something by dating Claire. Mikey forced him to come back to Chicago be a part of the restaurant he never wanted Carm to be a part of, but if he has to be here he might as well be with the girl Michael wanted him to be with. Fundamentally Mikey just wanted Carm to be happy fulfilled and safe but Carm doesn't understand Claire was just the stand in for that.

ANYWAYS back to Sydney, Sydney represents the evolved version of that idea. It has always felt like this subtext that Carmy wishes she could have met Mikey and some part of him feels incomplete because of that, but I think he also wants to believe Mikey sent Sydney, not to save him because she is not his babysitter, but like I said to carry out what Mikey couldn't. A true partner in all senses of the word, and I think Richie eventually warming up to Syd is in a way Mikey approving of her by proxy.

Back to the point I was making 5 paragraphs ago, Carmy will not get better or be encouraged to get better if one of the people he is the most emotionally intimate with in his whole life leaves him.

Yes, Syd is fair to demand more out of Carmy and to require better treatment and boundaries and all of the things that would make it a healthy partnership. But that doesn't mean Carm deserves to be dealt a mortal emotional wound in the process. Yes this is a TV show and these people aren't real, but if we start treating life like a chess game like this...

Sydney does not actually need to leave in order for Carm to realize what he needs to realize. He already learned that lesson with Mikey, and by showing that Carm can learn that lesson before the relationship is fully beyond the point of repair (obviously because of death in Mikey's case) is the most profound growth the show could give him.

No he will not be all the way there, he has a lot of work he needs to do, but one of his biggest problems is the way he refuses to let anyone be excellent alongside him. The ultimate growth for him is realizing that greatness doesn't mean anything when you're alone. Jess echoes this when she says she's around great people when she's not at work.

So much of this show is about the way that ambitious and creative people fundamentally cannot survive when they are cut off from everyone else. Carmy is the antithesis of the tortured creative genius because at every point where he cuts everyone else off he fails. That's why I don't think the review can be a pan, because even with him cutting off Syd at every turn she is still the bones of that restaurant.

So Carm does not deserve to be dealt more emotional trauma. Syd deserves to be happy in whatever way that looks like.

[auramgold]

On Acht and Romance

going into side order, from the september direct trailer where Acht was first revealed i remember the joke at the time clearly being "and now Marina's ex is here".

the way this line [image description in alt] was written was basically the only evidence for this kind of idea, when the theories were kind of "Marina's order tantrum is sucking people in from her past and the DLC will be about going through her memories", so ellipses in a line like this is basically all theory crafters on no info need to go for shipping.

i'm not one who's super into plot theory crafting, i know full well the tendency to theorize something that's cooler than what you actually get and being disappointed that the story didn't live up to your imagination. the things i was obsessed with in side order promotional material was the obvious bleached coral theme, the symbolism of coral ejecting it that which keeps it safe out of stress being mapped onto Marina, the idea of her pushing those she loves (and those that keep her colorful) away out of a spiral (and it does turn out that was basically exactly what the prologue was going for)

so the whole "Acht and Marina exes" thing was kinda just a joke to me, wasn't even on my radar as something they were actually going to lean into, frankly i was still scared nintendo was going to make them kill pearlina by sending Marina to superhell or smth and we'd end up with a splatoonified destiel meme

so when the DLC comes out and it is legitimately a "they knew each other since childhood" thing, and the running bit is Acht feeling awkward third-wheeling pearlina, and it's explicit in text that one of the reasons they're coming back after the DLC is over is to scope out Pearl as the girl who took down the NILS statue who is now dating Marina... it struck me as really interesting.

at first it was me keeping up the "Marina and Acht are exes" as a joke, but as i kept reading dialogue lines, it slowly became less of a joke, they were to some degree dating because opposite but complimentary autisms, and then drifting apart as Marina got pulled away on the big girl assignment with DJ Octavio, and then the despair of knowing Marina left without even saying goodbye to Acht... it fits well into that reading, it slowly became less of a joke to believe that

but the thing that really makes me think this is intentional subtext is the final Acht diary entry you get from clearing Eight's palette. through the rest of side order talking about Acht's backstory, it seemed like they were retconning the OE lore that Acht had gotten themself sanitized intentionally, losing themself so they could explore their music deeper. but in the final diary, where Acht directly says they drifted into the deepsea metro to fall into their music, because, and i quote

"Hey, Marina. You can guess the chaos your desertion caused. I ended up without much to do except make music. "

they fell into a depression spiral when their girlfriend deserted their society without so much as saying goodbye, falling into their music deep away from interacting with everyone else, to the point that, as the old lore implies, they chose to give up their identity to escape the depression, but sanitization so thoroughly did it that they forget even making the choice.

so when they get brought out of that haze back into being themself again, with the only the barest strung-together horrified memories of what happened in the half a decade interim gap in their life, only to find themself replaced by some inkling they don't know at all, of course they're gonna be awkward seeing the two flirting.

they put on a stoic face because that's clearly their coping mechanism within this damaged body they barely recognize, hiding their eyes behind their tinted glasses so they can't be seen beneath. but the only time they let themself be vulnerable, the only time their eyes can be seen, is when they charge out in the climax when the world is at stake, diving in to try to save Marina, leaving the elevator and its protection behind to help the only person they remember ever caring about.

it's why i don't really like the aroace reading that much, because i think this reading is even more tragic and fits into the themes. the world has changed, it can't go back to how it once was, you can't put the octolings back in the canyon bottle. Marina abandoned Acht to the point they got their identity destroyed willingly to escape the pain, and when Acht came back they were replaced by the inkling whose voice they remember even through the haze of sanitized memories.

the lingering effects of sanitization have changed how they relate to everything (i think there's a fair argument to be made for the idea that sanitization took their gender can't have shit in the deepsea metro), but Acht clearly still cares for Marina and still, the slightest bit, resents having to be reminded repeatedly every time pearlina flirts in front of them how they were replaced.

[yangsharperavery]

so here's the thing...

i've written about this topic a few times during and after season 1, but the carmy and sydney of it all remains a highly contested and discussed topic. even after season two.

what i find so truly fascinating is that chris storer and joanna calo and everyone involved with the creation of this lovely, well constructed show absolutely could have created the duo they work SO hard in the press to convince viewership they intended.

if they really wanted sydney to be a psuedo/standin sibling for the one carmy lost, or the brainy, determined business partner that comes in to orient a sinking ship...

there are a couple hundred ways they could have managed that and made it abundantly clear that's what the angle was within the dynamic between carmy and sydney.

instead... we have all this very overtly (and covertly) romantic, potent and simmering subtext regarding the nature of their relationship and what they mean to one another, their effect on each other and their seemingly endless potential.

in a whole host of ways there are a number of scenes that literally don't make sense without the lens of the undercurrent of feelings or reverence or romance or something that exists between them beyond the intended business partners/co-creatives.

there are ways to narratively parallel sydney as a mirror and equal and peer of carmy's void of all ambiguity and romantic tension and any energy of awkward longing or confusion.

but that's not actually what we got. i've been consuming television media for most of my life. i've watched hundreds of shows; shipping has never been a requirement for my viewership or interest.

which leads me to believe that there's either a bunch of deflection/dismissing happening for a very distinct reason. or there's been a bait and switch planned from the beginning.

you would literally have to remove 75% of the nuance within carmy and sydney's interactions for the stictly platonic claims to make sense and effectively land.

you'd have to go through and remove various staging, shot selection, editing, music choices and sometimes entire scenes to accurately convey original or "intended" messaging.

to completely eradicate the liminal space of subjectivity between them.

why is carmy talking about tina looking like sydney with that distinct expression on his face when they all wear that apron?

why are they being awkward at the lockers like it isn't customary for coworkers and business partners to go out after work for dinner or drinks or whatever (literally evidenced by tina this season)?

why is sydney mentioning jealousy at all when it comes to carmy's relationship? especially when it makes perfect sense for her to be upset with him for not pulling his weight?

why is sydney entering into carmy's life for the first time and deciding to stay, the second time, something that literally brings him out of his panic? when it could have been him cooking, his drawings, his staff, his gf. ANYTHING else.

they effectively made sydney an emotional, mental and energetic tether for him in that scene. for what reason? business partner ones or????

why do they bicker like an old married couple? is that customary for creative collaborators and coworkers?

why superimpose sydney, parallel her doing something the audience saw carmy do last season, and then show her going about her night while he's by contrast, with his girlfriend? why show a random closeup of a meaningful tattoo on her shoulder? no thematic significance beyond the grind of the restaurant world and career ambition?

why is there an obvious awkward breaking of energy after a highly vulnerable and tender moment between the two of them under the table? why does sydney noticeably fidget/adjust herself/her apron when he walks away to get her gift?

there's actually a hundred instances of these questions you could ask over the course of the two seasons when it comes to them.

so the reasoning behind the shipper pushback is baffling and a bit laughable.

some people bring into question, perhaps this is just the natural chemistry that jaw and ayo bring to their characters bc they're obviously good friends.

which... sure. i guess. but even that begs the question, you wrote and shot and constructed a story a specific way and then your two actors sort of bled on and expanded the material in a very obvious way you didn't expect?

cool, cool. so again... you're surprised that could lead to viewership seeing something deeper than mere platonic business partners?

that's shocking and surprising to you?

no way.

especially considering storer and calo have commented on how close jaw and ayo are and that their dynamic is different than the one she has with ebon and lionel. which is hilarious bc she adores ebon and has been out of the country traveling with lionel (and some other people from odd future.)

so clearly they all enjoy each other, are friends and get along.

but why even make that note of demarcation regarding jaw and ayo's dynamic and STILL be like "oh yeah, we didn't write or mean for them to be a romance " you're shocked that people SEE something given your storytelling and their obvious connection that even you, the creators themselves remarked on?!?!

there's a picture from the golden globes of ayo holding jaw's mom's hands during his acceptance speech. like they're really besties.

but i'm sorry, they can't bestie themselves into what carmy and sydney clearly exemplify on our screens without an entire framework at their disposal. because they're talented and professionals.

so if the writing is saying something, then it's intentional.

maybe the intention was to have their characters skirt and skate on the periphery of each other.

maybe it was for things to be awkward and weird and undefined or hectic and toxic.

maybe they weren't ever gonna have some relegated idea of a shipper's happily ever after.

people have feelings that go unexpressed and undefined. people fall in love and then don't end up together.

maybe the slow burn fizzles out, maybe it explodes or implodes, maybe one of them self denies, maybe they both do.

maybe it will or won’t be addressed directly or covertly. that's actually not a requirement for its existence.

to act like there isn't something true and obvious and visceral that exists between these characters is frankly like asking those who watch your show not to use their eyes and their brains.

impossible.

[azuresins]

Kuroshitsuji is not queer-coded. You are not as smart as you think you are. Your opinions about the series, are not factual. The manga has no canon queer ships at all.

I don't know why you're so obsessed with me or why you're trolling me this hard, this feels personal. But just in case. I am beginning to think people have completely forgotten what subtext is. Kuroshitsuji started out in 2006... Kuroshitsuji as a manga is attracting a queer audience, absolutely. I'm going to assume you don't know the difference between Queer-bait, Queer-coded, and Representation... and that's super unfortunate, for you. None of those, are the same thing. It's not scandalous to say that you don't need a ship, in order for a story to be queer-coded and meant to attract a queer audience. The Found Family trope? Queer-Coded. The Non-human/Monster interaction with humans trope? Queer-Coded. Going against Christian hegemony? Queer-coded. Crossdressing? Queer-coded. Gender nonconformity? Queer-coded. Shapeshifting? Queer-coded. Complete transformation of identity? Queer-coded. Even if Kuroshitsuji only had but ONE, of those tropes I mentioned (and I suspect I missed some, these are just the ones off the top of my head). It would still be Queer-coded, and Queer people will gather toward it. Yana knows this. But even if she didn't...? If this story and it's construction was all just one huuuge coincidence...? It doesn't make the story less queer-coded. All that aside. It doesn't actually matter if a creator of any media at all, intended to attract a queer audience or not, if they write with any of those tropes in mind-- queer people will still be drawn to it. A creator can declare their work wasn't intended to attract queer people, or for queer people to be drawn to it, and scream how much they don't like it... if they want to. It wont end well for them, though. They'll alienate a huge portion of their fanbase and also get made fun of, a lot. People will, undoubtedly, ask the question, 'If you didn't mean for queer people to read this, then why did you write about these themes that are queer-tropes and resonate so strongly with queer people?' And, the author usually responds in kind, by showing a steadily decline of quality of their work, and tries to write-in a lot of strange rules and stipulations after-the-fact to try to 'unqueer' their story as much as they can. Or else, they try to write something else and either way, what they write, ends up being a pile a of shit. Because surprise-surprise ... it's actually very difficult to write a good story without ANY queer tropes and queer themes. Look at what happened to the Wizard Author (that's exactly what happened, in case you were wondering). But apparently, I'm not very smart. So believe whatever you want.

[vivalas-vega]

real friends / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part one

hehe a new fic, this honestly started as a one shot and then I got carried away, what’s new. excited to explore this sorta-enemies to sorta-friends to lovers idea!!! lmk what you think :) (the summary is weak, I’ll update it tomorrow when I have more brain capacity)

real friends / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part one

add yourself to my taglist

word count: 2.8k

warnings: jake’s an ass but he redeems himself, mentions of death, language, think that’s it

“What the fuck, Bagman?” you asked, storming after him through the hangar. 

“Can I help you with something, Cobra?” He turned to face you, that megawatt smirk stopping you in your tracks as a new wave of anger rolled through you.

“Just living up to your name, are we? What the hell was that up there?” You threw your helmet down on a nearby table and stared up at him with an intensity he had to genuinely try not to be rattled by. “We’re supposed to be teaching them something, us staying at Top Gun is not an excuse for you to fuck off and showboat and play darts at the Hard Deck every night.”

“I think I did teach them something, sweetheart.” His nonchalance was infuriating, prickling your skin and filling you with a desire to hit him.

“And what the hell might that be?” you questioned.

“What to do if you find yourself without a wingman. You know better than anyone it can happen in the blink of an eye,” he said and you felt your heart drop. Somewhere behind you Bob dropped his coffee cup, the sound of ceramic colliding with the concrete registering faintly in the back of your mind as you stared at Hangman. Rooster and Phoenix had been watching from a few feet away, casually enjoying the latest Cobra-Hangman showdown but now looked between the two of you in utter horror at the words Hangman dared to speak.

“Cobra-” Hangman started, realizing what he had said too late. “Fuck, that’s not what I meant,” he took a step towards you, arms outstretched as if he wanted to pull you in but you took a step back, shaking your head at him.

“You said it, Hangman, least you could do is be a man and own it.” you sneered, giving him one last look laced with disappointment and disgust as you pushed past him. Rooster went to follow you but Phoenix stopped him.

“Give her a minute,” she muttered, walking up to Hangman. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” she asked and he was at a loss for words. She just nodded her head and walked towards the door you had just stormed through, “she genuinely cares about you, you know,” she said, stopping at the door and calling out to him, “you have a shitty way of returning the favor.” 

You sat on a bench in the locker room, your flight suit you’d just kicked off crumpled at your feet as Rooster slowly approached and sat beside you. “I’m fine, Roo, don’t need to check on me.” 

“It’s okay if you’re not,” he replied. “It was a low blow. I’m the last person to defend him, but for what it’s worth I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it.”

“Hard to miss the subtext, Rooster.” you sighed, appreciating the fact that the two of them had gotten to the point where he would even be having this conversation with you, but not sharing the same outlook on Hangman’s jab. “It’s on me for believing that he’d changed, even a little, after the mission. It’s Hangman’s world, we’re all just living in it.”

It was Rooster’s turn to sigh, “I think he has, Cobra, he’s just… you know how he is, he gets challenged and he slips back into asshole-Hangman to overcompensate and protect himself from it, and 90 percent of your interactions are you challenging him. I think you should talk to him, if it’s any consolation he looked like a kicked puppy when you walked away.” 

“It's a little bit of a consolation,” you laughed dryly. He leaned in to kiss your temple before standing and leaving you alone with your thoughts. Being stationed to North Island as the newly-official Dagger Squad had brought you peace and comfort, teaching at Top Gun for the last month was a well-needed and well-deserved break for all of you, and you’d grown so much closer knowing when you eventually were deployed again it would be together. They had all been there right after you lost your wingman. You were assigned to the detachment only a few weeks after, your commanding officer had said something about regretting the timing of it but your presence on the mission was a direct order from way up. They’d all seen how it affected you in the air and on the ground, watching as you fought against the tidal wave of emotions threatening to pull you under every day, and were the very reason you stayed afloat and earned a place among the selected members for the mission.

Hangman had made great strides, losing some of the bravado and being more of a team player. Until he met you, he’d never seen firsthand the effect losing a teammate had on someone. He hadn’t admitted it aloud to anyone, but your panicked shouts over the radio when being ordered to stay on track after Maverick and Rooster went down struck him to his very core, had awoken something in him he didn’t even know was there. He couldn’t handle hearing your distress, let alone seeing it when you arrived back and tuned out every order to fly after them, to go against his own callsign and put his ass on the line for his teammates. Ever since that day he’d been different, kinder and softer, while still maintaining some of that cocky arrogance that was simply just a Hangman thing. You’d seen the progress before your very eyes, watched him grow and become a better human and better pilot, and you tried to remind yourself of that but the sting of him throwing the loss of your wingman in your face overpowered it all, it opened a pit in your stomach and had tears stinging at your eyes as you quickly stood to gather your belongings and go home. 

Home was what you had needed. A hot shower and the lack of your stiff uniform allowed you room to breathe, room to just be without worrying about the eyes of your teammates, your students, and your superiors. You’d known from the beginning, from the moment you put the pen to your Naval Academy application that you were choosing one of the hardest paths available to you. It was a hard enough road on it’s own, but throw in the simple fact of being a woman had you working ten times harder for a fraction of the praise and recognition until you finally clawed your way up, established yourself as one of the best, earned a call sign that echoed throughout bases across the world. It had angered you at first, being told ‘huh, I expected you to be a guy,’ when people finally got to put a face to the name, but that had all changed when you met Hangman.

“And what do we have here?” The tall blonde asked, oozing arrogance as his eyes trailed your form. 

“Cobra,” you introduced, eyes narrowing and mouth turning down in disgust at the feeling of his eyes looking everywhere but your own.

“Cobra? The Cobra? Well damn, I guess I should have figured you’d be joining us. Best of the best and all. Have to say sweetheart, you are exactly what I pictured.” Your resolve broke, raising an eyebrow and looking at him inquisitively. This was a first, normally people couldn’t wait to tell you how much you were not what they imagined.

“Is that so? Are you saying that to butter me up or did you really not picture a Keanu Reeves type?”

“No way, the stories I’ve heard about you, darlin’? Only a woman could be that calculated.” 

Hangman saw you, like really saw you, as much as it was a fact you hated to admit. You two were more alike than not, two hotshot pilots with something to prove and tongues sharper than knives. Before he’d even met you he knew you had the same fire and hunger as him, someone who simply wouldn’t accept not being the best even if it killed you. You had something most people didn’t, Hangman’s respect, and that always showed even when you were nose-to-nose screaming in each other’s faces, cursing the very moment the other was born. 

Your phone dinged from its abandoned spot on the couch next to you, pulling your eyes from the spot on the wall they’d been boring a hole into as your thoughts ran rampant.

Ken Doll: I’m outside. 

You sighed, setting your phone back down, keen on ignoring it and letting him sit out there as long as he liked until he finally went home. Your leg began shaking as your foot tapped erratically on the floor below you, watching the hands tick by signaling one minute… three minutes… ten minutes.

Ken Doll: Please?

You stood, marching to your front door and throwing it open to reveal a Hangman you’d only ever seen once before. There was no smirk, no biting comment about taking your time, no cocky attitude, all that was before you was a guilty man who, quite honestly, looked like shit. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Got it,” you said, already angling to close your door in his face, but he stuck his foot out, wincing as the sharp edge of the wood dug in before bouncing back. 

“Look, I get you’re pissed but knock it off.” he said, exhaling sharply as he pushed your door all the way open and into your home as you stumbled backwards and looked at him bewildered.

“Excuse me?”

“I did a shitty thing, but you say all the time we’re a family so let’s act like it. Families fuck up and then they talk about it, so let’s talk,” he walked over to your couch and sat down right in the spot you were previously occupying. Your face contorted into something resembling confusion as you tentatively walked to the couch and sat, keeping as much distance between the two of you as possible.

“Alright, talk,” you said exasperated, gesturing as if to say the floor is yours. 

“I shouldn’t have left you wide open in the air like that. You were right, that’s not what we’re here to do and I should have been there to cover you. I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but you really didn’t need me... regardless, you shouldn’t have been in the position of having to figure it out on your own,” his tone was gentle and you took a moment to wonder if you preferred this Hangman or the one from a few hours ago. At least with the latter you knew how to handle it and what to expect, this was uncharted territory and you fiddled with your fingers in discomfort.

“Is that all?” you asked, your voice small.

“No, I shouldn’t have said that. You were standing there yelling at me and you had that look in your eyes that honestly scares the shit out of me, and I don’t know… old Hangman took over and wanted to hit you where it would hurt, but I- I don’t want to be that anymore. You drive me nuts and genuinely piss me off more than anyone I’ve ever met, but I don’t want to actually hurt you and I’m sorry that I did.” 

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” you all but muttered, keeping your gaze anywhere but on him as you pretended to be interested in the hem of your sweatshirt. It was silent for a moment as Hangman tried to formulate a response but he didn’t really have one, he desperately wished that you would say more than that. This was uncharted territory for him too, he’d spent ten minutes in his car reading articles from therapy websites about how to genuinely apologize to make sure he got it right, knowing if he didn’t he’d only make things worse. You were sitting there a few feet away from him, refusing to look at him and fiddling with your sweatshirt and he felt like he might throw up, almost wishing you were screaming at him instead of looking so small. He’s fucked up with you a dozen times in the past, whether it be pissing you off in the air or taking the friendly fire a little too far when playing pool at the Hard Deck but this was different, it was personal and pointed directly at your deepest hurt. You two were the least-close of the entire squad, your friendship being summed up into competition and the occasional surface-level conversation over a beer when everyone else busied themselves elsewhere, and Hangman had worked overtime to get it to that point. He didn’t know if he could handle you going back to ignoring him over this misstep.

He felt panic bubble in his chest as he saw a tear slide down your cheek, “fuck, Cobra,” he scooted closer to you and your body went rigid with his proximity, “I said something stupid and now you’re crying, and I- tell me how I can fix this.” 

You just shook your head, “although I’m not surprised your immediate thought is this being about you,” you said with a soft laugh as you wiped your cheeks, “I was actually thinking about Henry.” Hangman relaxed a little, waiting for you to continue, “I think he would’ve liked you to be honest. He was constantly on my ass… he always said his day of work wasn’t done unless he had humbled me at least once,” you laughed again, “if he were here he would tell me to let this go, to stop being mad at you and focus on why it actually upset me.”

“You’ve never talked about him before,” he commented, now that he thought about it he’d never even heard you say his name. He only knew it through overhearing a conversation between Cyclone and Maverick. Maverick had been fighting tooth and nail for you while Cyclone thought you were a ticking time bomb that needed to be grounded. It didn’t take long for everyone to piece together what had happened, the way you snapped like a rubber band every time Hangman lived up to his name, the way Maverick treated you with a gentleness he didn’t have for anyone else… not even Rooster. The final clue was a night out that first week, you’d been talking about your former teams and Phoenix had told a funny story about her old wingman, something you’d thought Henry would find hysterical. You’d pulled your phone out and started to say ‘oh my god, I have got to tell mine-” before your face fell, immediately putting a wall up and trying to push past it like you’d never opened your mouth. Hangman had relayed the overheard conversation and from that moment on it was an unspoken truth everyone knew but didn’t acknowledge directly, giving you support when you needed it without addressing the elephant in the room.

“Most of the time it doesn’t feel like it actually happened, like it was maybe just a bad dream. I’m pretty sure my brain tricks me into thinking he’s just with a new squad on deployment because it’s easier than the alternative. I’m not angry about what you said, I’m angry that you reminded me.” 

His eyebrows furrowed as he processed what you said, the words splitting his heart in two. “Cobra, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you shook your head, “I mean… it is but, it’s just one of those things, you know? I could have just as easily been reminded by a memory from my Instagram stories or an old squadmate reaching out. I don’t really have anything to be mad at you for… this is what we do, we yell at each other and say things we don’t really mean.”

“Do you ever think maybe we shouldn’t do that?” he asked.

“No. I like our dynamic, I don’t know why I didn’t realize it until today but it reminds me of what I had with Henry, the only thing missing is the actual friendship part.” You smiled sadly, feeling like it was maybe a harsh thing to say.

“I’d like to be your friend, like… your actual friend. Not just someone you spar with and get your ass kicked by in pool.”

You scoffed, “you don’t always kick my ass.”

“Percentage wise, I’m pretty sure I come out on top.” 

��Have you been keeping count?”

“Not really, but I just know I’ve won more than you have.”

“Oh, you just know? That’s some bulletproof evidence, Seresin, when your career in aviation crashes and burns I think you’ve got a real shot at making it as a lawyer.” He chuckled at your response, happy to see you coming back out of your shell.

“What do you say, Rattlesnake, wanna be real friends?” he asked, extending his hand.

“That’s not my name, you’re off to a bad start.” He just raised an eyebrow at you and you cracked, smiling and shaking on it, “real friends.” 

“Who knows, maybe more... I’m told my charm is irresistible,” he said with that famous smirk, using the leverage of still holding your hand to pull you closer and you just laughed before shoving him.

“Yeah, in your dreams, Bagman.”

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