#note to self: do not forget

[thebibliosphere]

There are a lot of things I'm sad about in my life. You don't get to go through the kind of medical trauma I've been through and come out unscathed on the other side.

But one thing I'm really bitter about is that I can't remember my wedding anymore. The pernicious anemia took it from me and wiped my brain clean. Except it's not clean, not really. I remember it in patches. Like red wine stains on a white rug that have never quite lifted out no matter how hard you try.

I look at the pictures on my bookcase, and they feel like remembering a story someone else has told me. There's a young woman in a white dress wearing my face, and she looks happy. I'm happy for her. But you can see the strain around her eyes, too. The pain she's hiding because no one with authority believes her when she says her body doesn't feel right. That something is Wrong.

They won't believe her for another decade. They won't believe her until it's almost too late, and it's that lateness that will rob her of her memories and turn them into a wavering rainbow suspended in the fine haze of watery sunlight that occasionally surfaces through the blanks.

There's one memory that's real, though. Solid. It's not my vows. It's not my father walking me down the aisle. (Though those are there, just hazy and dream-like). It's our first dance.

It's the lights dimming around the room as the staff cleared the floor, causing the fishbowls full of white roses and LED lights on the tables to wobble like pools of moonlight against dark paneled walls.

It's the band inviting us out onto the floor and us giggling because we know what's coming next, and no one else does. It's the twang of a banjo reverberating around the room through the speakers, followed by the dulcet tones of Kermit the Frog wondering why there are so many songs about rainbows.

It's us waltzing around the enclosed circle of light, singing to each other out of tune and grinning like idiots as everyone around us starts to laugh.

It's everyone joining in on the song because it's the Muppets, and everyone knows the words. It's 100+ people singing the Rainbow Connection, some laughing, some a bit tearful, because it's bringing back memories. Because it's making a new one.

It's looking up at my new husband through the brain fog and all the pain in my body and thinking, "I want to remember this moment forever."

I don't know what entity was out there listening to me at that moment and chose to grant that wish. I don't know why this is the one memory that stuck while everything else in my brain got decimated into scattered, fragmented snapshots. But I'm so, so thankful it is.

[dailygihun]

day 6 || this era lasted like 2 minutes but i love it anyway

[skyloftian-nutcase]

*turns off porch light* *puts away treats*

Well, now it’s time to focus on All Hallow’s Eve, on the dead and the month dedicated to them, and FLUFFVEMBER :D

I might post some angst tonight, but maybe I’ll just write more fluff for November instead. :)

[possiblyi4657]

So! I keep on saying i want to post here more often, but then i forget and leave this account for another year BUT THIS CHANGES NOW.

Here’s some cool bridges i built yesterday in creative Minecraft, i am super proud of the design and will definitely upload more screenshots of either my bridges improved or if i build something else that im proud of!!!

[ardenrosegarden]

slowly making my way through more

part 1

[pollen]

hi fellow neurodivergent people

i hate to jump on the "i think i might have adhd" bandwagon, but if i think i might have adhd, how do i bring it up to my care team as a 28-year-old cis woman who was a massive overachiever until i couldn't keep up the ruse anymore?

[leopardom]

i need you all to start crediting your sources when you post videos/photos/gifs because i’m one of those people who wanna know who originally posts what 😩

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

fascinating revelations out of my dad's professional coaching of the whole family today

my mom scored astonishingly high on empathy and caring for a woman who seemed to find it next to impossible to express that to me

my dad has done an insane amount of work to be so warm and personable considering that his natural inclination is towards strong reserve rooted in anxiety (just like me!!)

my sister shocked - SHOCKED 🙄 - to learn that she scores almost zero in empathy AND very high on manipulation

actually shocking reveal that my sister always knew she was my mom's favorite. like I kind of assumed she was mean to both of us but apparently most of the biting comments were for me

[reinabeestudio]

you stop shaving as a woman and people just dont know what to call you anymore huh

[officialcombaticons]

things to do this year that will be fun and/or make me happy (a non-exhaustive list but we've got to start somewhere):

volunteer to run one/two-shot ttrpgs for groups here and there

finally put up that damn wallpaper in my office (I have figured out a way that should make this endeavor easier)

get frames for at least some of the art prints I have

hang up said art

experiment with painting (watercolors mostly)

keep doing cross-stitch/embroidery

read more books than last year (audio books would pair nicely with the prev two points)

get back to one of my WIPs

check back in idk a few months and see where we're at?

[coridallasmultipass]

Ah fuck lol, I just clicked on my profile and realized I need to change my age on all my socials, ughhhh. 🙃

[vvelegrin]

man another thing that's been very nice about having moved out of my dad's house is that... i am under no obligation to convey anything to anyone <3 i don't have to tell my parents about my doctor appointments, i don't have to tell people my intentions, i don't have to defend making purchases or arranging my life in a way that makes things easier or more pleasant because people don't even have to know about these things in the first place.

it's really fucking nice.

[hauntingblue]

Can you believe Otto Hightower got kidnapped and ended up in the venomverse having a road trip with his second family???

[sensitivedead]

end of mania and i feel fine. i was worried i'd immediatly be down but nah i feel like i got so much out but i did it in a way that was embarrasing for the moment only, so I have no regrets or anything to be regretful for so MUAH

[quotidian-oblivion]

So ofc I have plans to move out once I am able to, but I don't think I can live alone. Ever.

a) I will get scared that there is a Slender-Man-like creature always watching me

b) Shifting from living with 5 people, 3 of who are the shriekiest and loudest gremlins ever encountered, to just living by yourself doesn't sound like a good plan. I will drown in my loneliness.

But mostly because

c) I will not sleep. Ever. If no one reminds me. And I will not eat either. Probably would die out of starvation and dehydration (/nsrs)

Because my dad has to keep reminding me at around 12 that "Hey, it's 12, go tf to sleep" and I scrunch my eyebrows and go "Really?? What??"

Because I looked at the time, 11:30pm, today, and realized that I forgot to eat lunch and dinner. And I hadn't had breakfast either. Just pasta and a couple Tim Tams while at school and iced coffee & a handful of mini sugar biscuits after coming home.

So, to my future roommate: I apologize. Just a tad. Idk how you're gonna put up with me, but I am excellent at looking after other people's healths and will make you warm soup and lemon, honey and ginger tea if you so much as even blow your nose thrice around me in one day.

Call it a mutual symbiotic relationship.

[articskele]

Guys the yearning….. gguys……..