#now by the way i forgive you is my favorite album by a MILE like it had that profound of an effect on me. anyway me and who.

[undead-supernova]

Right Here, Right Now

Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 (TBC)

Masterlist

plot: corroded coffin's eddie munson agrees to an interview for the first time in three years, alongside a new album that is most definitely about you.

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: talks of familial death, depressing lyricism, angst

wc: 4.1k

note: I also wrote all of the lyrics in this chapter and made the images above of the album's cover and tracklist. I feel so proud of how much my hard work is paying off. DON'T USE THESE LYRICS ANYWHERE ELSE THANK YEW

Just one more mile.

You could do it. No, really, you could.

Tour really was coming up in the next six months and you had to build up your stamina now or else you weren’t going to survive. Things really were better now, though. You’d gotten rid of your personal trainer and switched to someone who did not suggest that you stop eating. It seemed like Sophia was a better fit anyways. If anything, she told you to eat more.

So here you were, on your poor attempt at a night run.

And you promised yourself that you wouldn’t think about him and how his album was dropping any day now.

Definitely, definitely not.

It was nearly midnight anyways, a few out from the witching hour but that’s not how it went for you. If anything, you were cursed with the threat of midnight being the worst hour of each day. It was like some switch flicked on and you were a mess of a woman, splayed out in bed and thinking. Furiously scribbling in a notebook as you lost to the thoughts in your head. Curled up in a ball in the shower, the white noise perfect for your never-ending thinking.

And who could forget sitting in your kitchen with a bowl of Kraft mac and cheese. Don’t forget the thinking.

Thinking about Eddie. His voice. The way he was willing to give you more than you deserved without any rhyme or reason. How desperate you felt to reconnect, to apologize profusely and beg for some semblance of forgiveness.

And now you were here, trying to outrun your problems while watching the headlights passing the windowpane.

Tried to stop thinking about how at any moment, Eddie could show up and you’d fall into his arms without any question. You’d tell him it didn’t matter. None of it did. And he’d say he wasn’t mad anymore and that he missed you and then you’d go on living like you once did.

Before you could lose yourself to wishing on headlights, a notification popped up on your phone.

         Spotify exclusive: Listen to Corroded Coffin’s new album now!

Without any warning, you lost your footing on the treadmill and fell backwards. Hit your head on the floor, stunned. Let the pain throb in your head for only a few seconds before you dragged your body upright and clicked on the album.

Your eyes scanned the track list, heart pumping incessantly as a bead of blood rushed down your forehead. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Quickly, you threw yourself into the shower to wash off before grabbing headphones and padding into your walk-in closet. Situated yourself in the back corner, your body fitting snuggly in isolation. 

And as you pressed that green play button, your grief washed over you at every line you called your favorite.

Welcome Home

         “Dad’s disappearing acts and the award-winning smile 

         saying ‘sure, I’ll be comin’ back’

         Well, I guess we’re both suckers for a little hope every once in a while

         And, mom, is that why you stayed? Waited up praying, decaying all alone

         Just so one day, you’d be able to say, ‘Welcome home’.”

Fever

         “How could you ever fight a fever? God dammit, she’s more than a flame

         Got her pinning me down, locked inside her heat wave

         Sweat dripping, flesh gripping, I melt from her gaze

         Just one more round, promise I’ll behave

         Come on, darling, why don’t you set me ablaze?”

The Cost

         “I ruined all the plans that hadn’t been made

         Loving you as the bellbirds erupted in a haunted chorus

         Rosy pink clouds turned into showers of blood and hate

         I’m trying, baby, I’m trying to find a way out for us

         But isn’t that the cost, darling? 

         Isn’t that the price of being with me?”

Tailor-Made

         “We’re the only ones walking through the neighborhood

         Sweetheart, don’t you think I know how to hide?

         I’d never speak it, but I’d buy every house if I could

         Marry you in secret, raise our kids benevolent and kind.”

Rose Petals (Interlude)

         “Take a boy-turned-man, crucifying himself at your altar

         Convince him your devoted infatuation will never falter

         Paint his skies a vibrant pink then turn him into sheet metal

         Leave him bleeding out, fractured, scattered like rose petals.”

As Good As Dead

         “What’s more cliché than a man saying he’d die without your love

         At least if I had an open vein, I’d feel something better than being numb

         ‘There’s no such thing as fate’ my thoughts screamed so fucking loud

         But there was comfort in blind faith, that ill-fated crowd

         Had a grip on your throat. Shit, maybe it always has

         But now that I’m as good as dead, I can’t help my bitter laugh.”

A Mirage of Lovers

         “There sat Elizabeth and Al,

         on the front porch of their first house

         Blind with momentary affection

         And I swear when I looked at you,

         I thought you were a lasting confection

         But I swear there’s a mirage of lovers

         Blurring in its reflection.”

Deluge

         “It’s all there in my head, all in disarray

         A cesspool of memories, a desperation for change

         Fought for my life, thought it was so I could see you

         Mother, I know that you’re not here, I’m still trying to heal

         But please tell me now that love has always been real

         Yet I wonder if you ever believed it yourself."

Hotwire

         “Al loved a nice Hotwire

         Pull ‘em apart, let them fray, twist ‘em till they go insane

         And, yeah, I guess everyone I love is the same.”

Fallen Hero (Interlude)

         “Every time I pick up a pen

         It’s destined to dry out

         And I refuse to go outside, refuse to call my friends

         What’s the point when they’ll never understand?

         I’ll leave myself behind just to have a pinch of hope

         But I come back down from daydreams covered in blood

         Just gotta learn to change, learn to change

         Learn to accept being the fallen hero."

Intangible

         “There’s beauty in the ways of intangibility 

         Like the touch of a woman in blushing gardens far away

         The curve of her hips blooming in shades of futility

         Laughter billowing like smoke lingering in the archway

         And there’s places she will never be able to evade

         A bouquet, a veil, a lover lying await in the shade.”

Out of My Hands

         “If I could hear your knock, brought back by my revery

         Each rap, each tap still committed to my memory

         But that’s up to you, darling, it’s all up to you

         And it’s the end I’m stalling, just for you

         And I love you, baby. I love you

         I hope you know I always will

         Even if it’s out of my hands.”

Wayne

         “There’s a new family in the trailer, I really wish I could believe it

         'Cause once I thought we'd buckle under the weight of all that labor

         No more scrounging up pennies for another first-aid kit

         And you’re not here, Wayne. No, you’re not here.”

Lighter

         “Give me back my lighter, any excuse to see you

         Let it flicker, sit by the flame from sunrise ’til noon

         Come running back, consider your exile foregone

         I choose you in the low glow of dusk, love you ‘til dawn.”

Makeup starting to smudge, an outrageously expensive crop top and skirt still on, you threw off your pumps and let your aching feet lead you to the kitchen. Your black, white, and neon orange plaid outfit reflected vibrantly off the refrigerator light as you decided instead to make crescent rolls. Why the fuck not? 

You were absolutely exhausted. Sleep hadn’t been an option for you in the last twenty-four hours, what with Corroded Coffin’s album keeping you awake and the promo you’d done all day. When you’d finally arrived back to your small California home, you were irritated and in desperate need of some food.

However, as the oven began to preheat, your jumbled thoughts kept piling on top of one another. The fog was too loud for you, having to rush to your living room to grab one of your many notebooks and pens. Sat at the island and just journaled.

It was hard enough knowing that Eddie had written all of that for you. About you. The disappointment, the self-loathing. The guilt of not feeling good enough. Searching through the past mistakes of his parents to make sense of the way you fell apart. As if that was the inevitable ending to any story he was destined to begin.

You felt sick.

And even though you ate every single crescent roll, your words just sunk into the page. You could’ve sworn a third of the notebook itself was smeared in grease and flakes and the intense shame rising in your chest. It was everything you’d hated about the last six months and more, all the goddamn childish emotions and wails of what was fair and what wasn’t. As if this hadn’t been your decision in the first place.

Enough was enough when you finished your plate.

“Okay,” you mumbled to yourself before letting out a sound of frustration. “Distraction. Now.”

Grabbing your laptop, you threw yourself on your couch and logged onto YouTube. Maybe you’d watch a deep dive on an amusement park. Catch up on some commentary. Look up that one video of baby sloths talking that usually had you crying from affection.

But there on the front page was an interview with Corroded Coffin on the new album. There’d already been over a million views despite being posted that morning. Something pooled in your abdomen as you saw the thumbnail, all the members posing together.

And you knew you shouldn’t.

But fuck it, what’s a little more salt to your never-ending wounds?

As you clicked on the video, some interviewer you hadn’t heard of popped up smiling before he spoke.

“Hi, my name is Marcus Sanderson and today I’m interviewing one of the most successful metal bands in recent history, Corroded Coffin. They have been hitting commercial success lately, after their incredible album, Fire Shroud, held electronic influences which have begun to redefine and evolve the genre for the modern age.

"Their most recent album, Elizabeth & Al, has only propelled them forward. I was given the rare opportunity to talk to Eddie, Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie about not only their writing and producing process, but their personal lives. 

“First, we’ll open up with a cover of one of the band’s favorite songs of all time, ‘Solitude’ by Black Sabbath.”

It cut to the band and you couldn’t help a frustrated whine leaving your mouth at seeing him again. And, Jesus Christ, Eddie was fit like a daydream, donning a black Guns N’ Roses t-shirt with dark jeans and a long-sleeved plaid shirt tied at the waist. A shiny leather jacket, some custom-made Converse with Corroded Coffin across the bottom. Rings and bracelets galore, an obsidian choker hanging low on his neck. Black eyeliner that had wings along his lower lash line. 

You didn’t think you’d ever felt so fucking weak for him.

He stood without his guitar for once, his full attention on his singing. Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie were all decked out too, makeup mirroring Eddie’s. All looking refreshed and well-rested. You noticed there was someone else there in the background playing the flute and as they started the song with a gentle solo, it sounded ethereal.

         “My name, it means nothing. My fortune is less

         My future is shrouded in dark wilderness.”

Eddie avoided the camera, eyes darting around the room. You could see his fingers shaking, white-knuckled around the microphone despite the stability of the stand. 

         “Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on

         Everything I possessed, now they are gone

         They are gone.”

Absentmindedly chewing on your lip, you couldn't help but let it sink in. This wasn't just the band's favorite Black Sabbath song—this was Eddie's. He'd told you how the song ripped him apart. How he'd rather die than to ever relate to it personally.

         “Oh, where can I go to and what can I do?

         Nothing can please me, only thoughts are of you

         You just left when I begged you to stay.”

He leaned back as he began to change the notes of the lyrics, his voice building into a belt. Like it was a wail, like he was the most furious man alive.

         “I’ve not stopped crying since you went away

         You went away…” 

The instrumental sounded, the flute having its own solo. Extending the moment, extending the devastation that was demolishing your soul.

Eddie was crying now, wiping the corners of his eyes in the background. Smearing his eyeliner like he didn't care, nose tinged pink through the makeup. And when he came back to the mic, you could see the pain sitting in his eyes. All glassy, all excruciatingly fragile.

         “The world is a lonely place, you’re on your own

         Guess I will go home, sit down and mourn

         Crying and thinking is all that I do

         Memories I have remind me of you

         Of you.”

The footage blurred, fading before cutting to Eddie sitting alone in a chair with the interviewer opposite him. Like they were in a house, all casual and at ease.

“We’re starting off by talking to the front man, Eddie Munson,” Marcus said to the camera, smiling before turning his attention back to Eddie. “It’s nice to see you, man. You look great.”

Eddie chuckled. “Great to be back.”

Marcus nodded. “That cover of ‘Solitude’ was incredible, by the way.”

You could see some color flood into Eddie’s cheeks. “Ah, thanks. Thank you.”

“Do you feel like you’ve been in a period of solitude?”

“Uh, to be honest, kinda. I know people are, like, freaking out just ‘cause I haven’t been in public.”

“Where’ve you been?”

“Just making sure I’m focused on the work,” He gestured to himself before mimicking a pushing motion “and not on the external stuff, you know?”

“As we all should. Would you tell me a bit about your new album? Personally, I’m curious as to why you specifically named it Elizabeth & Al.”

“Yeah, uh, those are my parents’ names. My mom passed away when I was a kid and my dad…well, he wasn’t the best. But I just couldn’t stop thinking about what happens when two people who love each other just end up falling apart. Like, you just feel like you’re as good as dead, you know? And I wondered if my parents had that sort of crash and burn before she died.

“I don’t talk about it much, but my dad had a lot of issues with addiction and gambling and crime after my mom died. I didn’t grow up with the generic parent bleep. It was more like I was his friend than a son and sometimes I was a business partner. And, I don’t know, I grew up thinking that love could’ve been so simple if he gave just a little bit of effort. But I still thought he and my mom had a simple love.”

“I’m guessing they didn’t.”

Eddie let out a shaky laugh. “Yeah, no. My dad was never really good at maintaining, like, any kind of control. And it’s so weird ‘cause all he ever did was try to have control over things. But it was self-sabotage, I think. He was never in control over his life. It felt so predestined.”

“What about your mom?”

He shrugged. “I’m not really sure. I think she just wanted love. Like, grasping for that shred of love that he provided every once in a while. ‘Cause it’s not like my dad was incapable of love. Just incapable of giving her everything. Maybe I’m projecting now, but you know what I mean.”

“So, is this album from the perspective of your parents?”

“Not exactly,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “They’re kinda just the reflection, you know? Like what I say on ‘A Mirage of Lovers’. Our parents end up being a kind of mirror we hold up to ourselves. And I think it’s up to us to decide if we’ll continue that cycle or not—especially in the face of heartbreak and loss. ‘Cause you can easily sit there and accuse yourself of being like your father or your mother. But ultimately, you’re just you. You’re not your parents.”

“And you wrote all of this within the last six months, correct?”

“Yeah, it was weird. Like, I just couldn’t stop writing. I was in such a dark place and the only thing I did was sit and write. And the band is so bleeping incredible. I showed them what I was thinking, and they were super, super receptive to it. And we got to work and got it done faster than anything else we’ve made.”

Marcus smiled, something genuine and real, shaking his head in disbelief. “That timeline really does shock me, just because it’s so seamless. There’s all these tiny details and every song just flows into one another.”

“Thanks, man. That means a lot. We kinda thought that having all the songs connect was sorta like, um, a stream of consciousness, essentially.” He started gesturing with his hands and you knew he was getting more comfortable. It almost made you smile. “Like, these thoughts all run together in a big loop. Like having one of those corkboards with all the evidence and red strings, you know? All of it just ends up running together and there’s no concrete answer. It just is.

“And, man. Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie are just the best. They know me better than almost anyone and they seemed to automatically get what they needed to do. Just, like, boom, boom, boom. One after the other, we just got everything right. No one else helped produce this album and I think it shows just how much we’ve learned and evolved over our careers.” 

You felt something freeze inside you when the interviewer mentioned your name.

Eddie tried his best to seem unaffected, but you knew he was starting to squirm. You could see the top of his knee as it bounced.

“Are you two still together?” Marcus asked. “What’s the story there?”

Eddie’s eyes wandered the room, probably trying to calculate the best way to go. You selfishly wanted him to say nothing about the breakup, to refuse to confirm that it was truly over. 

He cleared his throat before scratching his temple. 

“My relationship with her is private and just between us. It always has. But I guess since I finally have a chance to say whatever I want to say, I want to make it very clear that the way the media has treated her has been just disgusting and unwarranted. She is not some plastic, shiny doll for everyone to point and laugh at."

Eddie then straightened his posture as he looked straight into the camera. "Oh, and let me be clear. If you’re sitting there talking about her bleeping body, then you are a piece of bleeping bleep and I hope you burn in hell.”  

Just like that, Marcus Sanderson moved on, the shot cutting away to a shot of the rest of the band sitting on a couch. But you weren’t listening anymore. Your head was swirling with a concoction of disbelief and epiphanies. Something…clicked.

Because you’d never had a partner mention you on a public scale. Never had a partner willing to scream your love from the top of the world and still retain privacy. Never had someone so willing to defend you despite your faults. Despite your arguments and downfalls.

And you were realizing that you…had done none of that for Eddie.

You’d sat there, in a dreamy haze because Eddie gave you everything he had. But had you really done any of those things back? Had you given him an ounce of what he gave you? 

You thought back to the AMAs, when you walked around your answers. Nearly yelled at him for standing up for you. Dropped his hand when he wanted to tell you how proud he was. Hell, you even broke up with him because of what other people said. He thought you wanted nothing from him, that you weren’t interested anymore. 

You never even said you loved him to his face.

You treated him exactly the way all your past partners treated you.

Eddie Munson had given you his world and you’d given him a fraction.

“I fucked up,” you whispered before you really processed what was happening. “I FUCKED UP!” you screeched, scrambling to stand up and check your phone. 

1:13am.

Immediately dropped it, watching it slide under the couch.

“FUCK!” you screamed again.

Dropping to your knees and enduring the carpet burn, you reached down and felt around for your phone. But you froze as you felt something else, something smaller in size. Pulled it out, recognizing Eddie’s lighter immediately. 

You flicked the lighter on, only encountering sparks the first two times. But when you watched it transform into a flame, something in your chest began to ache. It was the kindling of a once-wet fireplace, the first stroke of fire you’d felt in months. Teardrops fell freely down your chest as you found the will to fight.

Fight for what you knew you could never live without.

Fight for Eddie.

Give me back my lighter, any excuse to see you

Come running back, consider your exile foregone

Without any thought, you stuffed it into your top, found your phone, and popped up to search for some socks. Barely registered the color before yanking them on. You didn’t care how dressed up you were or how oily your face felt. How exhausted your body was or the residue of a crescent roll sticking to the side of your mouth.

You had to get to wherever Eddie was, and you had to get there now. If you didn’t talk to him tonight, you didn’t know if you’d make it to daylight.

But where was he?

The thought made you pause, hands shaking as you thought.

And before the panic could completely consume you, you called the one person who seemed to know everything.

“Woah, hello there.”

“Jeff.” 

“Hey, long time no see. Where you been?”

“Jeff, I’m sorry, but I really need you to tell me if Eddie is in California right now.”

“Uh, yeah, he is.” You tugged your white Keds on, breathing a sigh of relief. “He’s been holed up in his place for the last few days. Why?”

“I just need to talk to him,” you said, nearly out of breath as you started sprinting to the garage. “I need to talk to him.”

“Ever thought about calling?”

“Nope.”

Jeff’s laughter rang through the receiver. “You’re crazy, girl. I’ll give you that one.” A huff left your nose as you climbed into your car. “You gonna tell him you’re in love with him?”

“Yeah, yeah I am.”

“Finally.”

“Are you mad at me?” you asked, dreading any answer he’d give.

“Not at all. Just don’t leave him hanging this time, okay? He hasn’t been okay in a really long time.”

“Neither have I. I’m hoping to fix this and let it stay fixed.”

“Go get your man.”

As the garage door lifted, you noticed the pouring rain.

Of course it started fucking storming within the last hour and a half you’d been home. Of fucking course.

“Bye, Jeff,” you said quickly.

“Bye, girl!”

As you filed out of your driveway, a black SUV was already pulling out behind you. The protection was part of the job. You knew this. But sometimes, you just wanted to tell Scott that you had shit to do on your own.

But there was no time for this.

You just continued to drive, letting the soft hum of “The Long And Winding Road” by The Beatles lead you right back to the very place you knew you belonged.

“Scott,” James acknowledged.

“James.”

It felt like a showdown, Scott stepping in front of you at the gates. As soon as you’d arrived, you’d been prevented from pulling into the driveway. And it was James who’d crossed his arms over his dauntingly ripped chest, staring you down like you’d committed a crime.

You couldn’t blame him.

“What’s the situation?”

You tried not to roll your eyes. “I need to talk to Eddie.”

“It’s two in the morning. Kid finally fell asleep for once.”

“Let her in, James,” Scott said. “They’re people. Just let them figure it out on their own without us.”

“I really want to fix this,” you explained, earning a lifted eyebrow from James. “He’s everything to me and I know I screwed up. I know that. But I want to at least try to mend this. I’m a fucking idiot. Just…please.” Your eyes began to water. “Please let me try.”

James gave you a hard stare for what felt like ten minutes. Like he was assessing the risk. 

But then he opened the gate, stepping to the side. 

“Thank you,” you breathed, rushing past him to the door.

You knocked quite rapidly, your heartbeat matching the pace. Heard it pulse in your ears. Teetered on each foot as the adrenaline continued to catapult you further into madness. Waiting and waiting and waiting until— 

There he was, barely visible in the glow of the front porch light, eyes squinting. Messy curls frizzing, wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. No accessories, no socks on his feet.

It seemed like he finally registered it was you when he straightened his posture. Eddie gazed down at your body and back up again, eyes widening with every passing second. 

“Hey,” you finally whispered.

“Hey.”

bless @strangergraphics for always having the sickest dividers.

[rpfisfine]

do you hate miles?🤨

i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright

i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest

also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them

hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay

[monstrsball]

my favorite line in each song on noah kahan's stick season (we'll all be here forever)

this will be long so i am just putting it all under the cut <33 if you haven't, you should listen to stick season by noah kahan btw

Northern Attitude

"Forgive my northern attitude, oh, I was raised on little light."

Stick Season

"And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose."

honestly really hard to narrow it down for this one because i love so many lines in this long... "I'm no longer funny cause I miss the way you laugh" is another one i really like.

All My Love

"Now I know your name, but not who you are."

(runner-up: "If you need me, dear, I'm the same as I was" )

this is one of my favorite songs on the album in general because it's just so... relatable, idk. like this is a song about a past relationship but it makes me think about the friends i lost touch with after i graduated high school. makes me emo.

She Calls Me Back

"I still dial 822-993-167"

the pre-chorus just tickles my brain... i enjoy it a lot but specifically this line. idk man. otherwise i don't have like strong emotions tied to this song or anything but i do like it.

"Oh, there was heaven in your eyes. I was not baptized" is also good though... really love the way he sings it too

Come Over

"Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want"

New Perspective

"You and all of your new perspective now Wish I could shut it in a closet And drag you back down"

Everywhere, Everything

"Everywhere, everything, I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat"

Orange Juice

"Are we all just crows to you now?"

there are so many parts of this song that i absolutely adore... it's so hard to pick one. the post-chorus is genuinely incredible. my favorite part of the song.

Strawberry Wine

"No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft"

Growing Sideways

"I'm terrified that I might never have met me."

Halloween

"But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in And the bridges have long since been burnt"

Homesick

"I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them. Spend the rest of my life with what could have been And I will die in the house that I grew up in"

as i've said before.... this song seems to perfectly sum up what being in your 20s is like lmao. (it's very much about growing up in new england but it's also so 'what being in your 20s is like' to me)

Still

"You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it"

The View Between Villages

"The things that I lost here, the people I knew They got me surrounded for a mile or two."

The View Between Villages (extended) <- technically the last song on the album but i'm putting it here so it goes with the original

"I'm back between villages and everything's still"

okay i was going to pick a lyric that was unique to the extended version but i couldn't. i just love this one, i have to represent it.

Your Needs, My Needs

"I'm naming the stars in the sky after you"

however, the bridge is also INCREDIBLE and perhaps my favorite part but i don't want to just write the entirety of it. and i think what makes it my favorite is less the lyrics and just the way he sings it and the way it... intensifies and gets louder?? idk. but it makes me crazy.

Dial Drunk

"'Son are you a danger to yourself?' Fuck that sir, just let me call"

another one where the bridge is my favorite part of the song and i didn't want to just write the entirety of it lol. this line IS from the bridge though

Paul Revere

"And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence If I could leave, I would have already left"

No Complaints

"Yes, I'm young and living dreams In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen"

Call Your Mom

"I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom"

once again, the bridge is the best part of the song imo but this line gets to me too. this whole song makes me tear up though... had to force myself not to cry one time when it came on while i was in the car with my dad.

You're Gonna Go Far

"We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we lost"

this is the hinata shouyou song to me... so ofc this is my favorite line. <33 i think about him and karasuno whenever i listen to it and it makes me so so so emo, i want to cry. hinata fans gather and listen to this song.

also have recently started appreciating "Making quiet calculations where the fault lies"... makes me think about a certain ship that i'm sure you will never be able to guess [sarcasm] <- world's most predictable girl

[burdenofsigynsarms]

Love Is Where All Of Us Belong

A GentleBeard Mix

Spotify and YouTube versions!

Inspired by Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach, and the music of Our Flag Means Death

31 songs, 1hr 48mins without ads

I finished this playlist last year, and decided to share it as we await season 2!

An asterisk indicates a song is from the original soundtrack. These songs form our core sound for this mix. My usual ship mixes tend to be a touch… chaotic. But I wanted this one to feel seamless with the established sound of the series. Now let’s set sail on the seas of love!

“I suppose if you found the absolutely two perfect people... then they could potentially... Co-captain?” ~ Stede Bonnet

*A Pirate’s Life – Joel Fry ‘Oh, a pirate’s life sounds just right. Sounds quite nice.’ I had to include Frenchie’s little ditty about pirating as our opener.

Lost Coastlines – Okkervil River ‘The ship's deck now sags from the weight of our tracks. As we pace beneath flags black and battered.’ I kinda stumbled across this one by accident. But it has a great ‘setting off on an adventure’ sound to it that I really like, and it goes well with our sound and lyrical imagery.

*Miles From Nowhere – Yusuf/Cat Stevens 'Cause I know when I find it, my honey. It's gonna make me feel good.’ Probably one of my favorite songs from the soundtrack. Working on this mix I have discovered I really love our boy, Cat Stevens. Expect to hear more from him in the near future.

Soul of the Sea – Heart ‘You dreamer in the sand. Just lie there laughing ‘til the fall.’ When I saw Heart had a song on the Dreamboat Annie album called Soul of the Sea I was like, “Oh, this is gonna be good.” And I was not wrong. I love the ocean sounds on the track, and the theme of casting your sorrows to the sea.

The Sundown – Ennio Morricone Since Il Triello was on the original soundtrack, we had to have some Morricone up in here. I love the calm before the storm feeling this song has.

*The Empty Boat – Caetano Veloso This one is just a vibe, and a really important song for sound in this mix. The guitar, the maracas, the uneasy feeling of the discordant instruments that builds up to that jazzy vibe. Perfection.

*Perfect Day – Lou Reed ‘You made me forget myself. I thought I was someone else. Someone good.’ This song really has that happy lyrics/sad feeling vibe that is very disconcerting to listen to. The part of the show where it plays is just SO SAD, and I think the highlighted lyric really hits how Ed’s relationship with Stede makes him feel like a better person than he thinks he is.

“This is who I am, Stede. Can you see me now? You were always gonna realize what I am." ~ Edward Teach

Trouble – Yusuf/Cat Stevens ‘I've seen your eyes. And I can see death's disguise. Hangin' on me.’ The concept of ‘death’s disguise’ and how it relates to Ed’s Blackbeard persona, and by extension the Kraken, really hit the spot for me. Plus this song just has a ‘beat up by life’ vibe that is great.

*Locomotive Breath – Jethro Tull ‘No way to slow down.’ What is it about Locomotive Breath that makes it sound like a self-destructive spiral?

Love Calls You by Your Name – Leonard Cohen ‘Your body lost in legend. The beast so very tame. But here, right here. Between the birthmark and the stain. Between the ocean and your open vein... Love calls you by your name’ The guitar work that Leonard is doing on this album is impeccable. I’m too emotionally scarred by Avalanche to include it on this mix, but I had to include something from Songs of Love and Hate on here.

Beacon Hill – Damien Jurado ‘And if you return to me, oh, if you return to me. It's all right, baby.’ This song captures the feeling of wanting someone to come home, but knowing they won’t be the same that feels very appropriate for this ship.

String Reprise/Treaty – Leonard Cohen ‘I wish there was a treaty. Between your love and mine.’ Did someone order a plate of forgiveness and reconciliation?

Pastoral II – Moondog I discovered that Moondog is primarily a composer, and the album that High on a Rocky Ledge is from is one of his few lyrical ventures. I love how soft this piece is; it gives me big Stede vibes.

“How does it feel to be in love?” “It feels... easy? It's just like breathing... I hope you find that.” “I think I have.” “Really? What's her name?” “Ed. His name is Ed.” ~ Stede and Mary Bonnet

Throw Me Now Your Arms –Damien Jurado ‘Let me be the one at day's end. Who you can depend on, hand in hand.’ I don’t think I have the words to fully express how much I love this song and how much it had to be here. The imagery in the lyrics is just so spot on.

*High on a Rocky Ledge – Moondog ‘If you've the yen to pluck, then pluck us both. For we who have lived as one wish to die as one.’ This song has such a lovely, soft, fairytale-esque vibe. Also, the lyrics about sacrificing yourself to be with the one you love turn out to be super relevant to our pairing.

Time Has Told Me – Nick Drake ‘And time will tell you. To stay by my side. To keep on trying. 'Til there's no more to hide.’ Nick Drake is another one of my happy discoveries while building this mix. His voice, and the guitar, is just so good.

*The Chain – Fleetwood Mac ‘And if you don't love me now. You will never love me again.’ The almighty. The holy of holies. The song which 80% of the fanfiction for this series draws its titles from. One of unquestionably the best sequences in show, and an all-around banger.

Wild World – Yusuf/Cat Stevens ‘If you gotta leave take good care. Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear. Then a lot of nice things turn bad out there.’ This song is SO SASSY. It reminds me of all the shit everyone gives Stede about not being realistic or prepared to be a pirate. I love the dig about ‘nice things to wear’, especially for our clothes horse Captain Bonnet.

Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen ‘I'm not looking for another as I wander in my time.’ ‘You know my love goes with you as your love stays with me. It's just the way it changes, like the shoreline and the sea.’ I can’t begin to describe to absolute hair-pulling experience it was looking for something soft and romantic in Leonard Cohen’s discography. But Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye came through in a BIG way.

(Love Me Like Music) I’ll Be Your Song – Heart ‘Can you feel the light shine. You know this song's yours and mine.’ Sometimes when life gets hard, you gotta reconnect with that loving feeling.

Take A Chance On Me – ABBA ‘Let me tell you now. My love is strong enough to last when things are rough. It's magic.’ I don’t know if it’s the lasting impact of Mamma Mia on my psyche, but ABBA is perfect on any ship mix. Whatever the vibe is, they have you covered. And Take A Chance On Me is the perfect ‘take me back, we belong together’ song.

"There. Look at that. You wear fine things well." ~ Stede Bonnet

Gnossienne No. 5 (Arr. For Guitar) – Erik Satie, Sebastian Llinares Known in the fandom as the ‘Fine Things Motif’, this piece plays during Ed and Stede’s romantic moments together. I was VERY excited to find this guitar arrangement since it plays so nicely with the rest of the music on this mix.

Don’t Be Shy – Yusuf/Cat Stevens ‘Love is better than a song. Love is where all of us belong.’ Ah, the namesake for this playlist. This is one of my corner-stone, cannot live without songs on this playlist. It’s so soft and perfect.

This Magic Moment – Lou Reed ‘And then it happened. It took me by surprise. I knew that you felt it too. By the look in your eyes’ Is that sexual tension? In my playlist? *gasp*

“These past few weeks have been the most fun I've had in ages, years, maybe ever. So, I reckon what makes Ed happy is... you.” ~ Edward Teach

Everywhere – Fleetwood Mac ‘Something's happening. Happening to me. My friends say I'm acting peculiarly.’ ‘I want to be with you everywhere.’ The song that started us down this road. I was listening to Fleetwood Mac, trying to un-stick The Chain from my brain, when this came on and I went, “What if I made a ship mix?” And here we are.

Dreamboat Annie (Fantasy Child) – Heart ‘Little ship of dreams.’ It’s silly but this just always makes me think of the Revenge sailing off into the sunset.

Reasons For Waiting – Jethro Tull ‘Came a thousand miles. Just to catch you while you're smiling.’ You know, when Jethro Tull can chill with the flute just a little, they can make some pretty freaking beautiful music. This song has big, sexy energy to me. Making out in the afternoon sun. Just warm and tingly and lovely.

*Our Prayer – The Beach Boys I’ll let you decide what I was thinking when I put this song here…

The Air That I Breathe – The Hollies ‘If I could make a wish. I think I'd pass.’ If this isn’t soft, sweet, love-making music, then I don’t know what is honestly. It just has that post-coital bliss sound to it. Plus, if that highlighted lyric doesn’t scream pure contentment, what does?

When All Is Said and Done – ABBA ‘It's so strange when you're down and lying on the floor. How you rise, shake your head, get up and ask for more.’ I was so excited to discover that this was originally a fast-paced song. It’s SO MUCH BETTER than the slowed down version they have in Mamma Mia. I thought it’d be nice to come towards a close with a song about looking back on adventures with the ones we love, and looking forward to what’s to come.

Candle On The Water – Okkervil River ‘Look for me, reaching out to show. As sure as rivers flow. I'll never let you go.’ Is it one of my playlists without an end credit song? I should think not. I had to include Candle On The Water on this playlist; the lighthouse imagery played in too beautifully with Stede and the symbology around his character. And, it would seem I’m totally incapable of making a playlist without at least one Disney song, so this fulfills my quota :’D

Thank you for listening! I hope you’ve enjoyed our musical journey with Blackbeard and the Gentleman Pirate! Until next time!

[write-like-wright]

since you did the prosecutors before can we get exes headcanons for them (like what they would be like if they were ur ex LMAO)? if this is too broad u can pick ur favorite aspect of it (u dumping them, them dumping u, seeing them in public one month later 🥰 etc)

skjdksfnfjnf this is so funny yes!

Being their ex: Ace Attorney rival prosecutor edition

Miles Edgeworth

if you thought he was awkward while you were dating, wait until you see him after your breakup

he does NOT know how to behave around you at all anymore

mostly attempts to avoid you

may or may not pull another one of his "prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death" stunts

goes to Europe for a few months to compose himself and figure out how to proceed

he's especially stumped if you are somehow obligated to interact, either through work or maybe if you live nearby

tries his best to be civil and gentlemanly, but it's painfully obvious he'd rather be anywhere else in the world at that moment

I imagine you'd have mutual friends, so before every group outing he asks if you're going to be there

something may suddenly come up if the answer is yes

*cough, cough* "I can't, I'm sick"

"boo you, Edgeworth"

I'm assuming you broke up either because of how much he works or because he fears for your safety because of your relationship

maybe it was just a heated steel samurai discussion taken too far

Franziska von Karma

oh boy, this is not gonna go well

so cold to you in the public

throws around a "foolish fool" or two your way

grips her whip so tight her knuckles turn white

cries when she gets home

absolutely cannot forgive herself for allowing someone to know her so intimately and see her in her vulnerable moments and then they're just... gone

probably puts her off dating for a while

if I had to guess why you broke up, I'd assume it was due to her intensity or competitive nature

Diego Armando/Godot

this man has many, many exes

not much changes in his demeanour towards you

he's as cool and as smooth as ever, but is careful not to cross over into the flirty territory

you're either addicted to caffeine or absolutely repulsed by it at this point

walking by a coffee shop makes you uncomfortable

don't know why you broke up, but you get back together at least twice before separating for good

Klavier Gavin

Klav remains his good old, friendly self

will drop an album about your breakup

expect a lot of hate from his stans

the media hounds you

you get invited to participate in a few reality shows probably

he feels bad and tries to defend you

offers to make it up to you by taking you out for dinner

you hook up

you break up again because you can't stand the constant scrutiny and him being away for long periods of time

rinse and repeat

Simon Blackquill

there are so many potential reasons why you could've broken up

too intense? scary at times?? manipulative without even realizing it??? spends half his life savings on a fancy katana???? who knows with him

goes full emo

do you guys know that canonically those marks on his face are from crying so much in prison? yeah (they're apparently starting to heal too, good for him)

acts all tough at work, goes home and cries to HIM - Gone With The Sin blasting at full volume

flip-flops between being a gentleman and a jerk should you meet in public

makes a few snarky comments about you and your relationship to hurt you, then has a minor freakout when realization.exe kicks in and he notices you actually are hurt

apologises by sending you cute bird pics

"Look at what Taka did today."

"He's wearing the bandana you bought him :)"

"Please respond I'm so sorry don't block me"

You eventually remain friends so you can get bird visitation rights

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi

acts polite and smiles sweetly, but occasionally ends the conversation with "I will pray for you", not unlike a hostile southern lady

you miss him and his expensive haircare and skincare products

you can definitely live without the 8-hour sermons

perhaps the cultural differences were too hard to overcome? or maybe it was the constant travelling? in either case, you mutually decide that ending your relationship would be for the best

I imagine dating literal royalty would be exhausting

Barok van Zieks

make no mistake, this WILL cause a scandal

no matter the reason for your separation, get ready to deal with some serious gossip

everywhere you go, you notice people whispering about you

"I hear they ended their betrothal with Lord van Zieks."

"Well, I say! Can't imagine dealing with the Reaper myself."

everyone wants to hear your side of the story and any potential dirt you may have on him

Barok acts as gentlemanly as ever, as befits a man of his standing

he's a solitary man, but his solitude soon leads to loneliness and resentment

his consumption of fine vintages increases by tenfold

whatever it is that happened between the two of you must have been major

betrothals are not lightly ended, especially with the heir of a powerful noble family

might not even be your doing, perhaps family got involved

perhaps, his family reputation has been besmirched? ahem

Bonus: Kazuma Asogi

poor Kazuma can't catch a break

Ryu gets a tear-stained letter written on 18 sheets of paper, front and back

"Oh, dear," Susato sighs. "I suppose this means the wedding is off."

while he's no lord, he is a prosecutor in the service of Her Majesty and the news of a courtship ending would be scandalous

perhaps, for that reason, and fearing how the public would react to your relationship (it is Victorian England we're talking about after all, Van Zieks' views are far from unique), you chose to keep it a secret

at first exciting, your secret meetings and whispered words soon become tiresome

the fear of being caught is always gnawing at you

he may lash out initially when you leave him

offers to make your relationship public, to hell with the society

you both know it's a bad idea

"This is all your fault." he sighs as he pours himself another chalice of Van Ziek's fine vintage.

"My fault? How is your poor performance today in court my fault, my Nipponese friend?" Barok spits out. "You have been distraught for days now, man! Pull yourself together!"

"Not you specifically," Kazuma brushes off. "Your kind."

"My kind?"

"Stuck up posh twats."

Gina walks in just as they're about to draw their blades

listen babes I'm a Kazuma simp this is the only way i could envision dumping his ass

[kaitycole]

I Hope

Summary: No one but Drake knows why he and Riley broke up, so what happens when Liam, Maxwell and Drake spot her three years later during their trip to New York?

Pairings: Drake x Riley (past tense)

Word Count: 1977

Warnings: PG-13? Mentions of cheating and alcohol

Song lyrics are from I Hope by Gabby Barrett. Highly recommend it!

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? You don’t have to go out with us.” Liam asks Drake while he slips on his jacket.

Liam, Drake, and Maxwell had decided to return to New York as a pit stop to Liam’s diplomatic travels to Canada. They hadn’t been there since before his social season, when they went there for his bachelor party and met Riley. The shine of Riley wore off when they got back to Cordonia, it was no one’s fault, they just didn’t click well under the pressure of the court. However, she did pair well with Drake and through the social season, the two had a heated affair.

“I’ll be fine. It’s been almost three years.” Drake shrugs, grabbing his phone and keys. Riley and Drake didn’t try to hide their relationship from their friends so when they broke it off they told everyone. The details of what caused their break-up wasn’t public knowledge. No one pressed the issue either, but all wished both the best, especially Riley since she was heading back to the states.

“But she could be here.” Maxwell chimed in, he came off super supportive but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss his Little Blossom. He was the one who tried the hardest to learn why they split, wanted to know what happened that was so bad she wouldn’t even stay in Ramsford with him. But all she’d give him was a sad smile and the overused phrase, “Sometimes things just don’t work out.”

“I highly doubt it. Brooks had big dreams, she wouldn’t have stayed here.”

Knowing that they weren’t going to change his mind, they all head out with Bastien in tow. Originally, they decided to go to the bar they went and met Riley, but since it seemed to upset Drake, they opted to go to a western bar. They went to one in Cordonia on Drake’s birthday, but Maxwell was positive one in the US would be even better.

“This place already looks so awesome!” Maxwell praises as they all slip into a booth and place a quick order of beer, burgers and fries.

Liam looks at a nearby flyer, “Seems like they’re gonna have some live entertainment tonight.”

The three of them are enjoying their meals, ordering an extra round of beers just as a crack of the microphone catches their attention.

“We hope everyone is enjoying their meals, let’s give a round of applause for tonight’s entertainment Riley Brooks!”

Maxwell and Liam share a look as the room fills with an applause while Drake’s face completely pales.

“I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.” Liam quickly says as Maxwell starts nodding, “exactly, I bet it’s a pretty common American name.” Drake doesn’t say anything, watching as Riley walks onto the stage, thanking the crowd for having her before she sits on the stool.

“This is one of my favorite songs from my debut album that will be releasing shortly.” She starts to strum the guitar that’s on her lap, the room instantly silencing, anxiously waiting.

“Holy shit! That’s Riley!” Maxwell exclaims and Liam just sits there, jaw almost on the ground.

As her lyrics start to flow through the room, several people begin swaying to the beat while the two royals share a look, glancing over to see Drake’s expression. However, Drake isn’t listening to the words, the sound of her voice takes him back to one of his favorite memories of their relationship.

I, I hope she makes you smile/ The way you made me smile on the other end of a phone In the middle of a highway driving alone/ Oh baby I, I hope you hear a song That makes you sing along and gets you thinking about her Then the last several miles turn into a blur, yeah

*                      * “Drake, stop!” Riley shouts, giggling as he picks her up, carrying her towards the couch. He plops her down on the couch before handing her a guitar. “What’s this?”

“I got you a new guitar.” They have only been together for a few months, but he couldn’t help himself. Her current guitar is aged, Riley couldn’t remember exactly when she got it, but it had to be at least seven years old, if not older. The neck of it was loose much like the fretboard, but for a cheap acoustic guitar, it still worked.

But Drake knows for someone who has the dream of becoming a musician, an old, worn, and cracked guitar just isn’t going to cut it. So the only rational choice he had was to buy her a replacement because her happiness makes him happy.

Her eyes light up, he could swear he sees stars in her eyes as she runs gently fingers across the surface, her fingers dipping as they follow the curve of the waist of the instrument. She turns it to sit flat on her lap, grazing the strings causing a small hum to fill the room.

“I love it.” Riley places it on the cushion next to her before throwing herself into Drake, wrapping her arms around his neck, peppering him with kisses as she thanks him over and over.

He laughs, kissing her back repeatedly before leaning back to look at her, “play me one of your songs.”

Her face flushes, she’s only ever played covers for him, too afraid to play something she wrote for him, not wanting to show that much vulnerability. She chews on the inside of her cheek, worried that he’ll hate it, scared that he would just tear it apart, but when she looks up and see his soft smile all that fear disappears.

*                      * I hope she comes along and wrecks every one of your plans/ I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on her hand I hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams/ She's everything you're ever gonna need

“Earth to Drake, you still with us?” Maxwell waves his hand in front of Drake’s face.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Drake shakes his head, “guess I zoned out a bit.” “I always knew Riley was talented, did she ever play this for you, Drake?” “No, must be one she wrote after she left.” “Wonder if we’ll finally know why the two of you broke up.” Maxwell looks at Drake who just ignores him.

And then I hope she cheats/ Like you did on me And then I hope she cheats/ Like you did on me

Drake pales as Maxwell and Liam go speechless, sharing an ‘oh shit’ expression. Suddenly they both wish they could unlearn this revelation, wanting to go back to the blissful ignorance they had these last three years.

“Guess that answers that.” Liam clears his throat before taking a sip of his now warm beer.

Maxwell finally picks his jaw off the ground, “maybe she dated someone else within the last three years.”

Yeah, babe, I hope she shows up in a 2 AM pic from her friend Hanging on to a guy and you just ain't him I hope you stay up all night all alone, waitin' by the phone/ And then she calls

Riley looks around the room, she feels most comfortable on stage, even when the emotions she’s letting out through her lyrics are painful. But when her eyes meet Drake’s, the guitar in her lap suddenly feels heavier than usual and the words slightly burn as they come out, her mind taking her back to the last time she saw him.

And baby, I, I hope you work it out/ Forgive and just about forget And take her on a first date again/ And when you lean in for a kiss

*                      * “Riley, won’t you even talk to me?” Drake reaches out, grabbing her wrist trying to stop her from walking out of the room.

“I don’t think there’s anything left to talk about!” She jerks her wrist out of his grip, storming out of the bedroom.

“I think there is.”

Drake’s following Riley as she makes her way through each room, snatching up her things as she shoves them in a bag. He continues to try to get her to just stop, to just listen to him because he’s confident that he can fix things even though Riley brushes off each attempt he makes.

She’s not crying anymore, even though her heart is still breaking each time he tries to defend himself. Her eyes are red and they sting but she won’t let that stop her because the only thing she wants is to get as far from Drake as she can. Her mind is racing as she grabs her belongings or at least the ones she needs now, knowing she can either get the rest later or just leave them there and replace them.

She whips around, staring Drake straight in the face, “no there isn’t. If you wanna talk so bad, call that bitch whose been blowing up your phone.” “I said I was sorry.” His classic puppy dog pout shows up, Riley biting down on her bottom lip, that face use to melt her heart, now not so much. “I meant it Riley, I am sorry.”

She shakes her head, slinging on of her bags over her shoulder, pulling the other one behind her as she gets to the door. She opens it, walking a few steps out before pulling the cliché of turning around for one final statement, “but you weren’t sorry before you got caught.”

*                      * And then I hope she cheats/ Like you did on me And then I hope she cheats/ Like you did on me

Drake’s standing outside the bar waiting for Riley to come out, he sent Maxwell and Liam back to the hotel without him. He told himself that if he ever got the chance, he’d take it, try to get her to listen to what he tried to tell her before.

“Riley!”

Her grip on the handle of her case tightens as she swallows down her nerves. She should’ve guessed that he’d linger though she’d have much rather seen Liam or Maxwell. Clenching her teeth, she turns around, facing the one person she never wanted to see again.

“It’s not safe to talk to strangers in New York, you know?”

“Don’t be like that Riley.” He steps closer to her, the street light illuminating her features.

“Be like what? I don’t know you anymore Drake.” She shakes her head, exhaling through her nose loudly, “if I even really knew you back then.”

“You did know me,” he reaches out for her, “I made a mistake and I just want to right that.”

Her hand feels odd in his now, almost as if the memory of it fitting seamlessly was just some made-up fantasy. When she first left, she was pissed and refused to disrespect herself by listening to any pathetic explanation, but when the first year passed, she started to wonder if she made a mistake. She often thought about what he might’ve said and maybe she had blown things out of proportion. Eventually she let go of her second-guessing, realizing that if it was meant to be then things would’ve turned out differently, using that anger to fuel her drive to become successful.

She smiles, squeezing his hand before letting it drop from hers. “It’s too late for that. I really do hope that you meet the right girl, she’s just not me.”

“Ri…” “Tell Max and Liam it was nice to see them and I hope things are well.” She turns, walking away from him just like she did years ago, but this time feeling more confident.

He runs his fingers through his hair, watching her leave again, just like last time regretting not being able to get her to stay.

Like you did on me

Perma tags: @gkittylove99  @sirbeepsalot  @texaskitten30​   @hopefulmoonobject​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​    

[hidelaney]

Hi Delaney!

Ah, yes the quarantine. It’s getting to me. Definitely. Suddenly I have no office to go to. But it’s good, I think. Make the CEO realize the upper management has no literal reasons to keep us in the office. Like at all. Seriously, everyone from my team is working from home and the level of productivity is actually better. Because guess what? Not having people breathing down our necks is SUPER helpful. So HA!

Okay, about Larry Stylinson. You’re right, I did fall into YouTube Blackhole. And Twitter. And I just watched 1D San Siro concert. By watching, I mean I actually paused the work I’m doing and looked at the screen while it played. Admittedly I was also doing chores but! It wasn’t just background music! It counted!

When I said I could put Larry Stylinson in a microwave and be done with it, I mean the theories and compilation videos are so readily available and easy to digest like, comparable to instant meals.

It’s so neatly packaged, too. Like, I was introduced to Larry Stylinson basically yesterday. Now I could recite the storyline in my head whenever I please. Or when I want to please you, in this case.

Let’s see if I can get it all summarized down here. FYI, I’m borrowing your assumption that Taylor was in on it the whole time. And Eleanor, too. Because I actually know of her existence now! Character discovery! Except they’re real people so I feel the need to point out that I’m making all the assumptions all over the place. I’m doing this for you, my dear Delaney.

Keep in mind that we all need character growths and personal developments when I make non-flattering assumptions toward your favorite people here, ok?

First up! HS & TL met in a toilet.

Now it’s debatable whether it was during an X-Factor audition or Battle of the Bands. For the sake’s of my next argument, I’m going with they knew each other before X-Factor. Likely during their time in White Eskimo and The Rogue, respectively. Their (unconfirmed?) first words to each other were ‘Oops!’ & ‘Hi’

Up next, the X-Factor audition and getting put together in a band.

So here is where I kind of needed my first assumption for this to work. Their chemistry was so obviously through the roof. It made so much sense if they were already sort-of friends and then got put together in a band. Plus, I don’t think the way Louis jumped into Harry’s arms is something a relative stranger would do. And if they only knew each other out of everyone there, it’s no wonder they were both so apparently clingy and codependent. It’s like a situation where both of them went ‘I have no idea what’s gonna happen next, but at least I know you and you know me. So we’re bestie now. No take back!”

And then there’re video diaries, twitter cams, radio interviews, and other broadcasting media they appeared in. These need no explanation because you’ve probably seen all of them and I have functioning ears and eyes. So, yes, I saw videos of them being all disgustingly cute all over the place. During the so-called ‘Fetus’ phase (a wording which I personally find rather disturbing, no offense to your anatomy textbooks or anything.) They’re so sweet. Especially whenever there’s a mention of how they moved in and lived together. Their interactions must’ve been responsible for so many tooth cavities. So many aww-worthy moments. On stage, on screen, behind the scenes, potato cams. Basically everywhere in front of everyone.

Then 1D blew up and were well on their way to become their label’s biggest and brightest BCG-metrix star. It’s not hard to see why investors’d be invested (lol) in employing every marketing strategy possible to keep 1D in the spotlight.

There’s a twofold marketing exploitation to Larry Stylinson that I see from miles away.

Hard sell the heteronormative version of the boys. (To capture major market shares)

Never had Harry or Louis explicitly confirm nor deny their relationship status. (To capture additional market shares with queerbaiting)

But let’s say Harry and Louis were actually together and making 1) too difficult to achieve. Otherwise this whole thing falls apart like a wet house of cards.

Thus, here came what I’d like to call ‘dousing a fire with gasoline’. This is where there’s a sudden drop of their interactions in public and Larry Stylinson isn’t a cutesy smashup name of two boys who got along like a house on fire anymore. This is the part where a ship turned into a full fledged conspiracy theory. And it’s MEGA COOL WICKED awesome.

I say this in the nicest way possible. A tragedy is the grandest form of entertainments. Misery loves having friends.

Also, I’d like to say this. I’m having fun thinking of this as a fictional arc. Because I still feel like it will shatter my heart in to a million pieces if anything resembling what I write next was true.

Since breaking into US market was the Kickstarter into a global one, to the US 1D went.

This was where the heavy closeting got way more difficult to handle. Elounor had the excuse of Eleanor being a private citizen and therefore should be left alone for the most part. Haylor was the complete opposite. Taylor Swift was and still is an American Sweetheart. Harry Styles might have been the most famous British Harry if it weren’t for a (former?) prince and a wizard. (Seriously, we should not call any of our hypothetical future children ‘Harry’ unless you thought ‘Albus Severus Potter’ was a good idea. Poor kiddo.)

The saddest part about Harry Styles public image was how reminiscent of Emma Watson it felt. The minute they turned eighteen, their media portrayals immediately became hyper-sexualized. Suddenly, they left the human zoo into an open hunting game. Famous lives are terrifying.

Anyhow, say, Taylor Swift knew what the US music industry was like. She’s been playing the long game for quite some time. She got to know Harry and then became rather protective of him. Her conclusion was that ‘hyping up Haylor’ would: 1) increase media exposure for both Taylor and 1D which would translate to bigger channels of revenue for all involved, 2) hold the speculation about Harry’s sexual orientation at bay because, as horrible as it sounds, gays don’t sell in America.

This one fit nicely with your ‘Out of the Woods’ interpretation. Taylor wasn’t just spending time with Harry. She was actively enforcing the lock on the closet. Which explains why Louis seemed to resent Taylor quite obviously and quite a lot. His own heteronormative scripts with Eleanor had been relatively tame. Harry’s whirlwind series of romances in public had only just begun.

As Harry started gaining a womanizer reputation in earnest, so did the Almost-Subtle Couple Tattoo Sprees.

If ‘Always in my heart @Harry_Styles . Yours sincerely, Louis’ tweet was a sign that circumstances were about to go south for them. The tattoos were signs that the circumstances had already gone to shit. The tragic package had been shipped, signed, and delivered.

This is where non-flattering assumptions rise to the surface. I think 1D had been overworked past the point of exhaustion. Self-destruction as a coping mechanism became rather prevalent and pervasive within the band. The boys gleefully collected regrets as a new favorite pastime, some more than others. Consequences were nipping at their heels.

Then Zayn left right in the middle of a world tour and all hell broke loose.

Here comes the biggest Assumption Affair!

Louis and Liam, the last to release their solo debut albums, were the most prominent songwriters for the band. I’m not going to go on about Liam because I’m here to give you Larry Stylinson. And this is already way too long as it is. But, needless to say, the first discussion of a prospective solo career probably hit them the hardest.

If each song they wrote was a battle scar, Louis was still bleeding for the band when Harry, of all people, brought up the idea of a hiatus and solo careers. Realizing how many songs Harry already had waiting in the back catalogue must’ve felt like a slap in the face. Or a punch in the gut. Whichever you think is worse/more dramatic. I’m not picky.

Remember self-destruction as coping mechanism? What about relationship-destruction as coping mechanism? Louis cheated and had a baby with someone else. Infidelity at its finest.

ALERT! THIS IS A NEON SIGN OF ASSUMPTION AFFAIR! Please don’t kill me. I told you I was gonna make unflattering assumptions toward your favorite people. I just did as I promised!!! *run for cover*

Anyway...

I’m gonna take you back a little. I mentioned earlier how Eleanor was a private citizen and therefore should be left alone. At times when Louis desperately needed to be left alone, Elounor makes so much sense. If she’s a PR-only girlfriend, she’s a stellar employee. If it’s not just a PR thing, she’s as forgiving as a saint. Just, if it’s Harry and Louis, they likely both messed up and hurt each other badly. If it’s Louis and Eleanor,... I mean... Have you seen a meme where you misspell a word so badly that the autocorrect goes, ‘I don’t know what to tell you, man’?... Louis would be that misspelled word and Eleanor would be the very best autocorrect that practically brute force through every word in the Oxford AND Urban dictionary to find out what that word was. If that’s who she is, then bless her soul. However, for the sake of this argument, we will proceed with the assumption that she’s the star employee of the decade.

Losing loved ones and grieving for them are inevitable parts of human lives. Nothing put more things into perspectives than losing someone so fundamentally dear to you. When I heard Louis Tomlinson’s ‘Two of Us’ for the first time, I remembered walking through an actual forest my grandpa planted for us because he wanted to make sure his great grandkids would have a nice home to grow up in. Do you remember when you called and told me that he died the night I got on my first solo international flight ten months after the fact? I wanted to hate you for keeping something this big a secret from me. I wanted to hate everybody at home for that. But then you told me that it was what my grandpa had wanted. That he didn’t want me to be a sad sack of an exchange student. That you decided to not listen to my parents and call to tell me just before I was due home. So that I’d have time to feel hurt about being lied to. So that I could get all the angry words out. So that I wouldn’t scream at my parents when I got home and learnt the truth. So that you could take the brunt of my grief instead.

I just took a break to have a little cry. Where was I? Oh, yeah. You did the best you could for me when I lost my grandpa. I still managed to effectively shut you out for months. Just because you were the messenger of the bad news. What I’m trying to say is that grief changes people. It changed me. For the worst for a bit. And then for the better once I came to term with what it means to me. There’s a quote from Rosamund Lupton that sums it up neatly.

“Grief is love turned into an eternal missing.”

I guess this is the part where I connected the dots back to Harry and Louis. Well, their music definitely give grief different names. Both albums talk about coming to term with it and moving forward. Every songs they wrote could be woven to fit the narrative of Larry Stylinson and events surrounding them. If you buy the theory, then the good news is both Fine Line & Walls seemed to have a positive ending. One thing I know for sure, though, is that no matter how convincing a conspiracy theory maybe, it could all be built upon a faulty assumption. I’d probably have a way easier time disregarding Elouner if I didn’t have you as a solid proof in my life that, yes, people like the best autocorrect exists. It’s funny how I feel no hesitation at all in categorizing Haylor as a calculated move. Because in my head that’s just par for the course in business. And it genuinely terrifies me in a way. Who the hell I could’ve become if it weren’t for you knocking me off the ground and pouring kindness on me.

I know I skipped a lot of stuff. Missing names like Caroline, Danielle, Kendall, Freddie, Camille, Xander, etc. But HS and LT have a decade of history on public record and, frankly, my interest ran out four paragraphs ago. So just let me conclude this.

I think it’s tiring, spending this much time speculating on someone else’s relationship history. I must admit that I had to get it out of my chest because it was way too interesting to let go off. But now, I feel like I’m just going to stream Heartbreak Weather and listen to ‘No Judgement’ on repeat. Nile is my favorite non-problematic celebrity. I could spell his name so wrong and it probably won’t be an issue as long as I politely say, “Sorry, Mr Niall Horan”

This quarantine clearly leaves me with too much time on my hands.

Virtual hugs and kisses

Your Incredible Sasha 😘

[atths--twice]

Next story! I wrote this one at a request from @season4mulder​ asking for a story based on the video I’m sure we’ve all seen, of a dad dancing in the bathroom with his little girl in her bath towel, singing along to a Maroon 5 song. Not wanting to completely copy that, I made up my own version and I hope you enjoy it. 💜

Daydreams and Realities    2/5

Spanning the time of their partnership, discoveries are made about each other. Sharing of beloved memories, creates new ones that are passed down through the years.

Motel rooms were famously well known for having thin walls, something Scully was always skeptical of, until she spent more time on the road than in her own apartment, and she could attest to the fact.

Through those thin walls she heard so much: television shows, loud laughter, conversations, fights, heartbreak, and sex.

So much sex.

She never hated the sound of pleasure and the cry of release more so than when she lay alone and sexless on scratchy motel sheets, in another no name town, following some lead that struck Mulder’s fancy.

It was not all bad, though. Some nights she heard wonderful sounds of happiness and excitement, and she learned some things about her partner she may never have known.

In the early days, when they had been thrown together and strangers to one another, she kept her distance once they were back at their motel rooms. Usually after an exhausting day, she would shower and get in bed, sleep overtaking her as soon as her head hit the pillow.

But as they became comfortable with each other, she began to learn more about him. He liked iced tea, vanilla ice cream cones, strawberries, and preferred waffles over pancakes. He liked older music, especially Elvis, singing along anytime a song came on the radio.

One morning though, as she walked across the room to grab her shoes, she heard quiet singing coming from Mulder’s. Smiling, she stepped closer to the adjoining door, pressed her ear to the crack and listened, expecting to hear an Elvis song.

What she heard instead caused her to pull her head back in surprise. Smiling wider, she placed her ear back on the crack of the door and hummed along as he sang.

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings Of the bluebird as she sings The six-o'clock alarm would never ring But it rings and I rise Wipe the sleep out of my eyes My shavin’ razor's cold, and it stings

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

You once thought of me As a white knight on his steed Now you know how happy I can be Oh, and our good time starts and end Without dollar one to spend But how much, baby, do we really need

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

Believing him to be finished, she stepped away from the door, and grabbed her shoes. As she sat on the bed, he belted out louder than before and she giggled, covering her mouth in case he heard her.

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen Cheer up, sleepy Jean

She could hear him moving around as he started the song over and she imagined him dancing as he got ready for the day.

Wondering what made him choose that song, she grinned, planning to tease him about it later. Subtlety, of course.

Waiting for him to knock on her door, she thought of that song and the memories tied to it. It had not been until she was older that she appreciated it, when both she and Missy had giggled over pictures of Davy Jones. They sang that song loudly into hairbrushes as they looked in the mirror, laughing and falling onto their beds.

Hearing Mulder sing it however, there had to be a story behind it.

As they drove away from the motel, she began to hum the tune. Keeping her eyes on the road, and him in her peripheral, she saw him whip his head around to look at her.

“Yeah, I heard you,” she said, turning to look at him with a smirk. “Who would have known you liked The Monkees, Agent Mulder?” She smiled at him and he shook his head.

“I don’t like The Monkees,” he said, his eyes flicking to the road.

“Ha!” She laughed and shook her head. “As I was just treated to a rousing rendition of “Daydream Believer,” you’ll have to forgive me if I find that to be untrue.” He sighed, but she saw the smile pulling at his lips. “I’m waiting.”

He sighed again and glanced at her with a smile before looking back at the road. “My mother liked The Monkees. I remember her playing the records when I was younger. Especially when Samantha was little. The Birds, The Bees, & The Monkees… she used to put it on and dance around with her, singing the words as she did. I heard those songs so often, they are permanently seared in my brain. I guess today, they just needed to come out.” He smiled and she nodded.

“She liked Davy Jones?”

“Jones? No, no… she loved Micky Dolenz. Always said he was handsome and had the best singing voice of the four.” He shrugged and she stared at him with a smile. “Did you like Davy Jones, Scully?” He raised his eyebrows and glanced at her.

“Of course. He was the heartthrob.”

“Pfft. A bit short.”

“Hey!”

“Well, I suppose not for you.” She smacked his arm, both of them laughing.  

“The Birds, The Bees, & The Monkees was my favorite album,” she told him and he grinned.

From that moment, any Monkees song they heard made them smile. Sometimes even singing along loudly, depending on their location, or level of tiredness. They shouted and laughed as they discussed who the best member was and he teased her for loving Davy Jones. Even going so far as to speak in an English accent, which she pretended to hate, but secretly loved. It became their thing, along with millions of others.

Ups and downs, years together and some apart, and then some spent literally running for their lives, they moved into a little house of their own. Someplace out of the city, far from prying eyes, the nearest neighbor, nearly a half of a mile away.

Before there was hardly anything filling it and making it a home, they danced to The Monkees record they both loved. Where Mulder found the record and the record player she had no idea, but she suspected her mother had a hand in it somehow.

While “Daydream Believer” was the most popular song from that album, the one he played first was “We Were Made for Each Other.” Pulling her close and singing softly in her ear, they danced slowly around the empty room, her eyes closed as he held her.

I wanted you from the first day I saw you, The first day I looked into your eyes That's when I knew that I would adore you It was no surprise

We were made for each other As the stars were made for the sky We were made for each other. No other love have I.

You took my hand. Was it then you had known it? Was that when you started loving me? Was it the way I smiled that had shown it? Was that the day you could see?

We were made for each other As the stars were made for the sky. We were made for each other No other love have I.

We were made for each other As the stars are made for the sky. We were made for each other No other love have I.

One song later, still slow dancing in silence, their song started and he twirled her out and back in again, both of them laughing.

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

He looked into her eyes with a smile, before he kissed her, and spun them around the room, singing loudly as they did. She laughed, happy to be in a home, someplace solid and sure, with the man she loved.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“Hmm. The feeling is more than mutual, Miss Scully,” he whispered with a kiss.

As the house filled and became cluttered, their lives changed. In times of stress and sadness though, the record player was turned on and he pulled her into his arms, dancing around the room as she cried or told him of her day. Sometimes both. His attention and the feel of his arms around her always helped, even if the sadness still remained.

Years passed, rather uneventfully in their little house, until one day it was eventful and they broke, splintering far past the fix of a simple spin around the room as the scratchy sound of a beloved record filled the air.

They separated, each missing the other greatly, but needing the time apart to repair themselves and then to repair together.

Unbeknownst to them, as they slowly made their way back to one another, a new life was created; another miracle child began to grow inside of her, seventeen years after the first one had come into the world.

They were both elated and scared simultaneously. What would this child represent? Would it be like William, a child hunted and desired to be used by others?

Their fears were allayed when their daughter was born. Perfect, beautiful, and normal. She became the light in their lives, what should have been years ago. In the happy and celebrated was also a sadness, but one they both now discussed, tears shared instead of hidden.

It was nearly impossible to be sad for too long with a baby in the house. One with big blue eyes and a bubbly happy laugh. She charmed herself around Mulder’s finger the second she arrived into the world and that doting attention did not wane as she grew into an inquisitive toddler. They were the best of friends and Scully loved watching them together.

They still had dance parties, the old record player dusted off, despite all the songs they could ever want to hear, available to them at the push of a button.

“Not the same,” Mulder said, as the record began to play and he picked Faith up, dancing with her around the living room as she shrieked and giggled.

She was exposed to The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Monkees, The Mamas and The Papas, Cher, Prince, Elvis, musicals, and so much more. She loved all of it, her little body moving to the beat of the music.

When she was grumpy, or her tears could not be stopped, Mulder stuck with the tried and true song from the past, turning on or singing “Daydream Believer,” as he held her tight.

She heard it many times and as a result, it was one of the first songs she knew, calling it “day-de” and swaying as she reached her little arms up to be held.

As her vocabulary increased, she was able to sing along, and they were both tickled as she belted out the words. Not completely correct, but that made it even more adorable.

One late summer afternoon, when the heat was just beginning to become intolerable, Scully escaped to the cool of the air conditioned car, went to get some food for dinner. Their portable air conditioner was nice, but the car was much better, as she could have all the vents to herself.

Walking into the store, she took her time deciding, relaxing in the cool of the building. Finally choosing a precooked chicken, ingredients for a salad, a baguette and some ice cream, she left the store. Blasting the air again, she drove home.

When she arrived, she shook her head with a smile as she took the bags from the car. The hose was lying in the wet grass, attached to the oscillating sprinkler head. No sign of either Mulder or Faith, the excursion outside must have been a quick one.

She walked past Bella, snoozing in the shade on the porch, and into the cool of the house, sighing with relief. Putting away the groceries, she could hear the shower running and then shutting off. As she finished her task, her curiosity got the better of her and she walked upstairs quietly.

As she got to their bedroom door, she heard the familiar song start and then Mulder’s voice singing above it.

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings Of the bluebird as she sing The six-o'clock alarm would never ring But it rings and I rise Wipe the sleep out of my eyes My shavin’ razor's cold, and it stings

Stepping to the bathroom doorway with a smile, she saw them both wrapped in towels: his dark blue one was around his waist and she was wearing her purple hooded one. He spun them around and they both sang out loudly to the song coming from his phone.

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

You once thought of me As a white knight on his steed Now you know how happy I can be

Taking out her phone, Scully began to record them.

Oh, and our good time starts and end Without dollar one to spend But how much, baby, do we really need

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

They looked at Scully, singing together, Faith grinning from ear to ear.

“Mommy! We singin’!”

“Big finish, my Faithy!”

He spun them around, then back and forth, bouncing her in his arms.

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen

Cheer up sleepy Jean Oh, what can it mean to a Daydream believer and a Homecoming queen Cheer up sleepy Jean

They stopped as the song finished and bent toward Scully, as though taking a bow. She laughed and stopped the video, turning off her phone and slipping it into her pocket. She took Faith and squeezed her as she spun her around.

“What’s going on up here?” she asked as she tickled her, pulling the hood of the towel down and finding her hair wet.

“Well, Daddy had a fantastic idea to play in the sprinkler,” Mulder said, unwrapping his towel and she saw he was in a bathing suit. She looked him up and down, admiring his near naked body, but he did not notice as he was throwing his towel on the tub. “It seemed like a perfect idea: a warm day and nice cool water. We changed, grabbed our towels and well… it was fun until I saw her shivering and I felt terrible. She was so chilly, I thought a warm shower would warm her the fastest and so, here we are.” He shrugged and smiled, rubbing Faith’s back as he stepped closer to them.

“Daddy,” she said, reaching for him. “We had fun in the water.”

“We did,” he smiled, holding her and kissing her cheek. “Next time we decide to do that, we’ll have a little pool or something, and let the water warm up in the sunshine first.”

“Okay, Daddy,” she said so solemnly, they both laughed.

“Let’s get changed and we’ll have a little snack. How does that sound?” he asked and she nodded. Handing her to Scully, he winked and danced out of the room.

Giggling, she and Faith followed and continued on to Faith’s bedroom where Scully changed her out of her little ruffly strawberry bathing suit and into a sundress.

“Did you have fun with Daddy?”

“Yup. Daddy is my bestest friend.”

“Yes, I know he is,” Scully said with a smile, running her fingers through Faith’s hair.

“I love you, Mommy,” Faith said, wrapping her arms around her neck.

“I love you too, my baby,” she said, lifting her off the changing table, grabbing her towel, and leaving the room.

Tossing the towel to Mulder as he emerged from the bedroom, dressed and running his fingers through his hair, she continued down the stairs, setting Faith down at the bottom.

“How about apples, cheese, and pretzels? Does that sound good?”

“Yeah!”

Scully smiled as she went to get the snack ready and Faith played with her toys. Mulder joined her in the kitchen, Faith laughing at the monster voice he used upon entering the room.

“Eat this on the porch?” he asked and she nodded. They put the plate of cheese and bowls of apples and pretzels on a tray, along with a water bottle for Faith.

Opening the door, Bella woke up and stretched before walking over to Faith with a wagging tail, licking her cheek when she was close. Mulder set the tray on the railing and handed Faith a couple pretzels. She took a bite of one and gave the other half to Bella.

“Oh honey, don’t… eh,” Mulder said, with a dismissive wave, knowing his words would fall on deaf ears. She shared her food with Bella no matter the constant admonitions not to do it.

Scully smiled as she watched her, a little girl doing things her way, no matter what they told her. She was going to be a tough one. Catching Mulder’s eye, he shook his head, undoubtedly thinking along the same lines.

“Well, your little sprinkler idea may have been a bust, but at least the grass got some water,” she teased as she walked over to take an apple off the plate. He laughed and put his arm around her.

“Always look on the bright side of life, ” he sang softly and she laughed, remembering nights of watching Monthy Python with him, and laughing hysterically.

As he sang the chorus again, she whistled the accompanying tune. Putting her arm around his waist, she rested her head on his shoulder. Looking at Faith and Bella sitting together on the porch step, she smiled.

The bright side of life, daydreams, yellow submarines, over the rainbow… she would take all the happiness she could get.

[whyamistill-writingpages]

Lover First Impressions

Okay, so. a little late, I know. Believe me, I listened to Lover as soon as it came out like everyone else. And as I listened to it for the first time, without anyone else’s input or opinions or impressions, I recorded my thoughts. 

I took a break from tumblr and social media for my mental health and to focus on my life and lately I’ve been more twitter/instagram. But I thought @taylorswift would get a kick out of my reactions (and the rest of you) so I thought I’d finally post!

1.       I Forgot That You Existed

·         OH MY GOD HER VOICE

·         I love the beat!

·         The way she says “indifference”

·         SHE LAUGHED

·         The chorus may not be my *most* favorite part, but honestly I love her voice and the verses are AMAZING and she laughs like three times!

·         Conclusion: I love. Probably not my fave, we’ll see, but I love

 2.       Cruel Summer

·         Oh my god WHAT IS THIS

·         SO GOOD

·         IT’S SO GOOD

·         The beat plus her voice plus oh my god

·         Devils roll the dice angels roll their eyes

·         Said I’m fine but it wasn’t true. I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you

 3.       Lover (trying to remember first impressions)

·         Okay so nice, interesting beat

·         Probably not my favorite, but it’s good

·         Oh my god the way she SINGS

·         Okay so I love it

 4.       The Man

·         IT’S SO GOOD

·         Oh my GOD

·         I’m so sick of running as fast as I CAN wondering if I’d get there faster if I was a MAN

·         The bEAT

·         It’s all good if you’re bad it’s all good if you’re mad

·         Okay I love it like a lot

 5.       The Archer (trying to remember)

·         Hmm what am I hearing? OH MY GOD IS THAT BATTLE??? *crying, screaming* OH no it’s just a false taylor account

·         Okay so not battle

·         Interesting though

·         OH MY GOD THE ROOM IS ON FIRE INVISIBLE SMOKE I’M CRYING

·         THIS IS ANXIETY

·         I LOVE

6.       I Think He Knows

·         I love the beat, reminds me of a song I can’t remember

·         I LOVE THE WAY THIS SOUNDS

·         THE DETAILS

·         OH MY GOD

·         IT’S LIKE I’M SEVENTEEN

·         THAT AHHHHH

·         I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

·         SKIPPING DOWN SIXTEENTH AVENUE

·         I’M SCREAMING THE BRIDGE

·         OH MY GOD

·         IT’S SO GOOD

 7.       Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

·         Interesting sound

·         Definitely a shift from the last one

·         I LOVE HER VOICE

·         Marching band playiiiiing

·         Ripped up my prom dress??? I ran for my life????

·         I counted days? I counted miles?

·         THIS IS SO GOOD

·         The whole school is rolling dice !!!!!!

·         I’M SCREAMING OH MY GOD

·         IT’S SO SAD WE PAINT THE TOWN BLUE

·         MY TEAM IS LOSING

·         I SEE THE HIGH FIVES BETWEEN THE BAD GUYS

·         THE LYRICS

·         OH MY FUCKING GOD HOWWWWWW

·         OH-KAY! LIKE A CHEERLEADER OH MY GOD

·         THE CHEERLEADER SOUNDS OH MY GOD AGAINST HER

·         Violins?????

·         I JUST GOT CHILLS

·         This is so creative and different oh my god this is so COOL

 8.       Paper Rings

·         INTERESTING SOUND

·         I love her voice

·         I went home and stalked you on the internet lmaoooooo

·         Little bit creepy lol

·         ID MARRY YOU WITH PAPER RINGS

·         This is such a throwback sound

·         Standing here so TALL

·         Kiss you twice cause it’s gonna be alright

·         This reminds me of eighties pop tbh

·         IN ALL MY DREAMS YOU’RE THE ONE I WANT AHHHHHHHOHHHHH

·         This’ll be fun on tour for suuuuure

 9.       Cornelia Street

·         Well definitely different than the rest of the album so far I think

·         That echoing sound is so interesting

·         Filling in the blanks as we go

·         This is so nice

·         Very soothing sounding

·         And baby

·         This chorus gives me CHILLLLSSSSS

·         Her voice on AGAIN oh my GOD

·         Sat on the roof like king of my heart???? I’M SCREAMING AHHHHH

·         I hope I never lose you in the bridge???? That AGAIN???? ATTACK ME WHAT I COULD CRY

·         This city screams your name

·         The sound of the car door at the end???? Oh my GOD

 10.   Death By A Thousand Cuts

·         Huhhhh

·         What is this beginning sound?

·         This is so DIFFERENT

·         I love her VOICE IN THIS

·         The SOUNDS in this SONG

·         I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright?????

·         Is this more detail to CIWYW??

·         IF THE STORY’S OVER WHY AM I STILL WRITING PAGES

·         THIS BRIDGE UHHHHHHH

·         Okay oh my GOD I love that

 11.   London Boy

·         HE’S TALKING AT THE BEGINNING????

·         THIS BEAT

·         WHAT

·         HER VOICE

·         THE CHORUS

·         I FANCY YOUUUUUU

·         MY AMERICAN SMILE

·         I GUESS ALL THE RUMORS ARE TRUE

·         THIS BRIDGE THE WAY SHE SINGS IT

·         The way she calls Stella a queen awwwww

12.   Soon You’ll Get Better

·         Ooohhh this guitar

·         OH MY GOD IM GONNA CRY

·         Desperate people find faith

·         SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER

·         Cause you have to

·         I just pretend it isn’t REAL

·         OH MY GOD

·         I love this old taylor country sound

·         WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO

·         OK I’M CRYING

·         HER VOICE KEEPS ALMOST BREAKING

 13.   False God

·         This is a weird sound

·         Huhhhh

·         I really love her voice in this

·         For some reason I’m getting jazzy vibes

·         I can’t talk to you when I’m like this! Like the ME! Video

·         Blind FAITH

·         I’m not sure if this is a happy song or not tbh

·         It sounds like both sad and strained and yet like it could be happy? Idk?

·         This needs a relisten to understand for sure

·         This lo-o-o-ve

·         All the way she sings love like OKAY

 14.   You Need to Calm Down (trying to remember my initial reaction)

·         Interesting beat

·         And I’m just like DAMN it’s seven AM!

·         AND SNAKES AND STONES NEVER BROOKE MY BOOOOONES LIKE OOOOHHHHOOOHHHOHHHH

·         YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

·         AHHHHH GOODDDDD

·         AND SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOOO

·         A Very Good Song

 15.   Afterglow

·         Is that like stomping?

·         This is such an interesting sound

·         OOHHH

·         Boxing with NO GLOVES

·         This is really good

·         But it makes you look like the bad guy, Taylor

·         Ooooohhhhh

·         Its all ME in my HEAD

·         The way it sounds at the END OHHHHH

 16.   ME! (can’t remember a lot)

·         Ohhh her voice! I LOVE IT

·         This is FUN

·         I know that I’m a handful baby UH!

·         And you can’t spell AWESOME without ME

 17.   It’s Nice to Have a Friend

·         Huh

·         This sounds interesting

·         What instrument am I hearing?

·         Another school metaphor

·         I love the cadence

·         I really love this it’s so interestinggggg

·         A HORN????

·         I love the sounds in this song

 18.   Daylight

·         Hmmm right in with words

·         Ohhh her voiiiiiice I can’t get over it in this album

·         I’ll tell you the truth but never GOODBYE

·         NOW I SEE DAYLIGHT

·         THIS SECOND VERSE AFTER THE CHORUS AHHHHH

·         This is so varied

·         I love the way she sings daylight ahhhhhh

·         SHE’S TALKING?????

Okay so I hope yall had fun reading that lmaoooo those were my honest reactions. Even though I’m late to the party forgive me :)

[taehyungiestummy]

Stuck -- Chapter Three

Masterlist     Previous     Next

Word Count: 3569

           “Our train ride over was nice,” I yawn as the first girl steps up to the table, getting the meet and greet started.

           “Too bad we had to wake up super early,” Emily rubs her right eye.

           In order to get to the meet and greet place early enough to get a good spot in line, Emily and I had to wake up around four in the morning. Then we had to take a train to a city a few hours away. Thankfully, BTS’s manager was kind enough to give us access to the boys’ hotel rooms so we could drop off our backpacks. Then we headed over to stand in line, which is the hard part.

           “We could just run up there, and they would be just as happy,” I fix my face mask with a cute panda mouth on it. “That’s unfair to everyone else though, and would make us look like total bitches.”

           “You have better self-control than that,” Emily pats my head. Her mouth covered by a mask with a cute cat mouth on it.

           “This is like an airport security line,” I grumble, checking out my outfit. I decided on a short while and black striped skirt, a blue t-shirt with Hello Kitty and the definition of cute on it, thigh high black socks with panda faces on the top, grey high-top Converse with Totoro’s of varying sizes scattered on them.

           “It kind of is, but the end is so much better.” Emily’s outfit she picked out is a pair of jean booty shorts, a white t-shirt with an old camera in the center that looks drawn, thigh high black socks with cat faces on the top, low top grey Converse with white polka dots.

           “Is this your first time at a meet and greet?” A girl with a high ponytail turns around with a girl with stick straight hair.

           “Yes, it is,” Emily pulls her mask away from her mouth. “Any tips?”

           “Just be yourself,” the one with straight hair smiles. “Try to keep your emotions as in check as possible. Don’t ass them anything weird or personal.”

           “That’ll be hard,” I chuckle.

           “Sorry?” Ponytail looks at me. “Your mask muffled your words. Could you move it?”

           “Oh, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Emily looks around at the three of us.”

           “Why not? Oh no, do you have a pimple on your chin?”

           I giggle, shaking my head.

           “Well, what is it?” Straight Hair slightly pouts.

           I look at Emily and shrug, “Why not?”

           “Just please, stay calm,” Emily looks over at the two girls.

           I slowly move my mask away from my mouth, grinning with just the right side of my lips. “Hi, I’m Amber.”

           The two girls in front of me are completely shocked. Their eyes widen, and their mouths hang open just a little bit.

           “Okay, the line moved a few steps,” I giggle bringing the girls back to reality, so we can keep up to the ones in front of us.

           “I can’t believe it’s you,” Ponytail whispers, and then clears her throat. “Sorry, don’t know why I just whispered.”

           “No worries,” I rub my hand over the back of my neck. “When you get up to the boys, please don’t say we are here. We’ve been planning this surprise for so long.”

           “Of course,” Straight Hair nods. “We will keep our mouths shut.”

           “Thank you,” I slightly bow.

           “So, what is Taehyung like?” Ponytail asks.

           “He is a cutie,” Emily answers. “Him and Amber fit together so well. They can make each other smile by just being around one another. The look of love they give each other is so pure. I am telling the truth when I say they are the cutest couple I have ever seen.”

           “I can concur,” I nod; my cheeks have a small heat to them. “Tae makes me feel so loved and protected. He’s a lovely boy and deserves only the best.”

           “You are the best,” Straight Hair smiles. “You are so lucky to have caught his eye.”

           “I am not the best,” I shuffle us forward. “I have many problems. A short attention span, people tire me out, I’m antisocial at times, and my mental health has dips that I can’t control.”

           “Taehyung helps you with all of that,” Emily tucks some hair behind my ear. “He loves you for all you are.”

           “I think Taehyung has talked about how you struggle with certain things. “Ponytail says. “He said something about your looks during one interview. I remember him talking about how people make you sleepy. Those issues didn’t keep Taehyung away, and they shouldn’t keep anyone away.”

           “Thank you,” I bite my bottom lip. “If you two have anymore questions to ask, please do ask. Anything to pass the time.”

           For the next hour or so, Emily and I chat away with the two girls. Ponytail’s name ends up being Haewon, and Straight Hair is Mina. They are super kind and funny. Emily even tells them that she is the girlfriend that Namjoon has been alluding to. Both of us give the girls a follow on Twitter. Their days are made before they step up to the boys.

           “This is it,” I pull my mask back up, making sure that it is on properly.

           “Be ready to be scolded for no glasses,” Emily adjusts her mask.

           I roll my eyes, “They can spot me a mile away with them on. I think that can let it slide this one time.”

           “I’m sure they’ll forgive you,” she pats my shoulder. “Well, look at that, you are up.”

           With a small shove from my best friend, I am in front of the first boy.

           “Hello Seokjin-oppa,” I feel my brain swim as everything begins to settle in.

           “Oh, you say my name so cutely,” Seokjin claps a few times before signing my Forever Young album. “You look so cute,” he looks up at me with a smile.

           “I like your blonde hair. The recent music videos were amazing. Your dancing has improved so much,” I pull my mask down. “I’m excited to dance with you,” I smirk.

           Seokjin’s eyes widen a bit, “Is it really my girlfriend’s cousin?”

           I quickly nod a few times, “Surprised?”

           His face relaxes, and a big smile replaces his confused look. “Very. It is nice though. We have missed you two girls very much.”

           I let go of my mask, so it covers my mouth again. “And we have missed you. Do I really say your name in a cute way?”

           “Have I never told you that you do? Something about your American accent makes my name sound so cute from you,” he passes my album to the left.

           “I’ll see you later, Seokjin-oppa,” I giggle. “It is good to be home.

           The two of us smile at each other one last time before I side-step to be in front of Jimin.

           “A cute lover of pandas, I see,” Jimin glances at me before signing my album.

           “Pandas are just so cute,” I feel my cheeks slowly heating up.

           Jimin places his permanent marker down, looking up at me. His black hair even better in person. “So, does the cute panda have a name?”

           “Amber,” I see a flicker of excitement in his eyes when my name leaves my mouth.

           “I know an Amber who is such a cutie,” he sighs. “I wish she’d come and live over here soon.”

           “Is this other Amber an American?” I pull my mask down to show my smirk. “Like me?”

           Jimin takes in a gasp of air, and then in the next few seconds he turns shy. His shoulders rise to hide his blushing cheeks, and a giggle leaves his lips. “I can’t believe I just said all that to you.”

           “You are the real cutie,” I giggle with him. “Look at us, blushing like crazy.”

           “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” He lets his shoulders fall, and a tender smile appears on his lips.

           “To surprise you,” I cover my mouth with my mask. “I’m here to stay now, so I’ll see you later, Chim-Chim.”

           “Call me oppa too,” he pouts, pushing my album to the next boy.

           “Your black hair is so sexy, Jimin-oppa,” I wink, my cheeks flaming.

           “Thank you,” he bursts into giggles.

           I take a deep breath, side-stepping to be in front of Hoseok.

           “Jimin is such a flirt,” Hoseok shakes his head as he signs my album. “You poor thing. Your face is so red,” he chuckles, looking up at me.

           “The blush will never go away,” I sigh. “That’s why you boys do to me.”

           “Have we met before?” Hoseok furrows his eyebrows together, leaning closer to me.

           “I don’t know, Hobi-opp. Have we?” I pull my mask down.

           He loudly gasps, leaning back. “Kid? Is that really you?”

           I lowly chuckle, “Yes, it is me, Amber. In the flesh.”

           Hoseok repositions in his chair, a lovely smile on his face. “This was a nice surprise,” he runs a hand through his light brown hair. “I know a boy who is going to lose it, though.”

           “I know,” I glance down at Taehyung talking to Mina. “It’s been a few months too long. But, now I am here to stay.”

           “Good, I think we all need you here with us kid,” he pats my head.

           I pull my mask back up. “I need you seven just as much.”

           “Good think you are here to stay,” he passes my album along.

           “I don’t want to be anywhere else,” I nod before stepping to the side to be in front of Jungkook.

           “Hi,” Jungkook hums, signing my album.

           “Hello Jungkook-oppa,” I innocently say, batting my eyelashes.

           Jungkook’s head darts up, and he curiously looks at me. “I don’t think I’m your oppa. You look older. I should be calling you noona.”

           I chuckle, “Oh Kookie, you are so wrong.”

           “You sound so familiar. Do I know you?” He ruffles his dark brown hair with his hand. “Wait, adorable girl?”

           I giggle, “Is that my nickname? Strange, but cute at the same time.”

           “Well, I have to be unique somehow,” he smirks.

           I pull my mask down a for a few seconds. “I like it. You’re cute, and any nickname from you boys makes my heart flutter.”

           “Adorable. Everything you do and say. It’s unreal.”

           “Will you let me call you oppa? I am younger than you.”

           “I’ll think about it. It does sound super cute coming from you, but so does Kookie,” he passes my album to Taehyung.

           I nod, “Whatever is most comfortable for you.”

           “I’ll get back to you. For now, move on to the next boy, you adorable girl.”

           I wink, feeling my chees heat up and watching Jungkook’s redden.

           “Just shuffle over,” he chuckles.

           I side step to be in front of the boy I have wanted to see for so long. “Taehyung-oppa,” I make my voice slightly higher pitched. “I have waited so long to see you. You’re my favorite.”

           Taehyung smiles that boxy smile I fell in love with two years ago. “It is nice to meet you. Was the wait okay?”

           “It was good. I made two new friends.”

           “Ah, that’s always good,” he looks up at me, locking eyes with mine. “Your eyes…they are so pretty,” his smile changes to a tender one.

           “I get lost in yours,” I let my voice go back to normal.

           His eyes widen as it all sinks in. As he realizes who I am.

           I slowly unhook my mask from my ears, placing it onto the table. “Hi babe. Sorry I lied,” I awkwardly grin.

           “Jagiya!” Taehyung bursts up out of his seat, sending his chair tumbling behind him.

           The next moment happens in just the way Taehyung told me it would last might on the phone. His left hand lands on the back of my neck, pulling us together as best he can with the table in between us. He brushes our noses together, and lightly touches our lips in the quickest of kisses. The box smile is back on his face as he rests his forehead on mine. The claps and cheers form the fans around me can’t pull me off cloud nine.

           “Pay back for me lying to you about not being able to fly back on your birthday?” Taehyung places his right hand on the table to keep from falling into me.

           “I hadn’t even thought about it,” I smirk, running a hand through his washed out pick hair.

           “Wait, Amber,” Namjoon stands up, making his chair go flying behind him. “Emily?!”

           Taehyung and I turn our heads to look over at Namjoon to see him with a huge smile on his face.

           “Little one,” Yoongi leans over to look at me.

           “Ha, hi guys,” I giggle. “Hello ARMYs all around me!”

           Taehyung lets go of me, leaning back and seeing his chair has been set back up. “She’s cute, isn’t she?!”

           A chorus of ‘yes’ hits my ears, and I embarrassingly smile as a heat attacks my cheeks once again.

           Namjoon has retrieved his chair, and is sitting back down.

           I grab my mask, seeing security rushing around to calm people down. “I can’t wait to see all the photos and videos of us kissing.”

           Taehyung awkwardly giggles, “Sorry about that. More pictures of us get out every day. Seems kind of pointless now to worry about it.”

           “We can go out and whatever we want without worry.”

           “Will you come behind the table to be with me?”

           “Of course, Tae. I’ve missed you, and I cam here to be with you today.”

           Taehyung passes my album onto Namjoon. “I have missed you more than I thought I would.”

           I side-step, seeing Namjoon giddy makes me even more happy. “She’s almost to you, keep it together Namjoon.”

           Namjoon chuckles, “I can’t believe you kept this from us. It is a nice surprise, though. Welcome back to Korea,” he looks down and signs my album.

           “Good to be back,” I glance over to see Yoongi looking at me.

           “Two boys have missed you very much,” Namjoon passes my album to the boy I see as a big brother.

           “I missed them just as much, and I missed the five other boys almost as much.

           Namjoon messes with his aqua hair, “You are part of this crazy Bangtan family now.”

           “Just the crazy family I needed to join,” I giggle before stepping in front of Yoongi.

           “Little one, you are so sneaky,” Yoongi wastes no time in signing my album. “I could almost call you a brat.”

           “No, you couldn’t,” I pout. “I am too cute to be a brat.”

           “Eh,” he shrugs. “I’ll call my little sister whatever I want.”

           “With your wavy hair, we almost pass as siblings. Though, it’s silver, or grey, and I almost have all blue hair now.”

           “I’m sure that I’ll be coloring it a new shade soon. Regardless, we are siblings. Not blood, but still.”

           I slightly smile. Am I still a brat if I say that I will for sure sing on your mixtape?” I whisper the last word.

           Yoongi grins, holding back a gummy smile. “You’ll love your parts, I promise. Now, get behind this table so you can be with your boyfriend.”

           I giggle, “Maybe I’ll hang out with you. I love you too.”

           “I love you, little one,” he hands me my album.

           I step to the side to wait for Emily. Once she’s next to me, a security man leads us behind the table. Emily takes a seat behind Namjoon, patting his head before taking out her phone. I take my seat next to Taehyung, and he instantly pats my knee with his left hand.

           “You could have sat on my lap,” Taehyung smirks.

           “Oh, shush up,” I giggle, shoving him.

           “You two are super cute,” a girl smiles.

           “Thank you,” Taehyung hums. “It means a lot that ARMY support us.”

           I nod quickly, giving a no teeth smile.

           “All these people must be making you nervous,” the girl says.

           “Just a tad,” I choke out. “Tae makes me feel better.”

           Taehyung sits up a little straighter, “That’s me. Protector of my jagi.”

           As the meet and greet goes on, more and more ARMY comment on how they love Taehyung and mine’s relationship. They find both of us super cute, and think we blend well together.

           At one point, a mail ARMY gets too flirty with me. Taehyung notices how quiet I get, after being so open with everyone else, and grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers.

           “Jagi, ignore him,” Taehyung pulls me into him. “Boys can be so dumb. This one can’t get it through is brain that you are mine.” He places a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

           “Tae,” I whine, watching the boy sulk to the next Bangtan member.

           “Sorry, I just couldn’t stand him flirting so blatantly with me right here.”

           I roll my eyes, pushing him away. “I was getting a bit flustered, so thank you.”

           A few more ARMY pass by, and I calm down as they say nice things about Taehyung and me. My confidence is soaring, and I feel so happy.

           “Hello Taehyung-oppa,” a girl bats her eyelashes and innocently smiles.

           “Hi,” Taehyung smiles back.

           “You are so handsome, oppa,” the girl reaches out and touches Taehyung’s hand.

           “Thank you,” he chuckles. “You are very pretty.”

           I catch the girl’s eyes as Taehyung looks down to sign her album. She has a smirk on her lips and a taunt in her gaze.

           My stomach tightens, and I can’t stand being here as she is clearly trying to get a rise out of me.

           “Tae, I’m going to hand with Yoongi-oppa for a little bit,” I stand up, fixing my socks.

           “What?” Taehyung looks back at me. “Is something wrong?”

           “No, nothing is wrong,” I resist the urge to glance up at the girl. “I’ve just missed him, that’s all.”

           “Okay, I’ll come get you after my last sign.”

           I nod, “I love you.”

           “I love you,” he gives me a wink before turning back to the girl.

           As I walk away, carrying the chair quite awkwardly, I glare at the girl who tried to make me jealous, and succeeded.

           “Little one, why the angry face?” Yoongi ruffles my hair as I place my chair down next to him and plop down.

           “A girl,” I grumble. “Tae is so oblivious when someone flirts with him, but if it is at me, then he always notices.”

           It goes quiet as Yoongi interacts with the fan, but as soon as he can he responds. “Don’t mind him. He’s just too loving. I’ll talk to him, though. Knock some sense into him.”

           “What are the plans for today?” I lean back in my seat.

           “Lunch after this,” Yoongi answers as the girl he was interacting with walks off. “Then a live thing for it being Bangtan’s third year since debut. Then chill in our hotel rooms, and a train ride home early the next morning.”

           “I can’t wait to get home,” I happily sigh.

           “Hello Yoongi-oppa,” the girl that was flirting with Taehyung steps up.

           “Bitch,” I grumble under my breath.

           Yoongi understands in an instant, and becomes very cold to the girl in front of him. “Hello.”

           “I see Amber ran over to you. What are you, her boyfriend now?” She scoffs.

           “She’s my little sister,” Yoongi shoves the album at the girl. “Treat her with respect. Amber is loved by all seven of us, and that is never going to change. Good day,” he rolls his eyes.

           The girl angerly pouts, but makes her way away from the table without another word.

           “Yoongi, thank you for standing up for me,” I brush my hand across his arm. “You didn’t have to do that. Probably shouldn’t have done that.”

           I needed to. No one messes with my little sister like that.”

           The biggest smile spreads onto my face, and it doesn’t leave for the rest of the shot time the meet and greet goes on.

           “Jagiya~” Taehyung tickles my sides.

           “Tae,” I can’t hold in my giggles.

           “Are you okay now? I’m sorry if I angered you.”

           “I’m okay now,” I look up at my boyfriend. “Yoongi cheered me up.

           “Thanks hyung,” Taehyung pats Yoongi’s shoulder.

           “Next time Taehyung, don’t let a girl flirt with you in front of little one, and then just let her walk away,” Yoongi shakes his head.

           “Amber,” Taehyung cups my face with his big hands. “Why didn’t you just come out and say it? I can’t read your mind. Please, speak up, princess.”

           I pull his hands off my face, giving a quick, slightly hurt, smile. “Have I ever done that in a situation like that? She’s gone now, so it doesn’t matter.”

           Taehyung kisses my forehead, “I am sorry. With all my heart. This is so new to me even still. I will do better next time.”

           I wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his chest. “I’ll try to speak up next time. I will not walk away. We are big kids and can figure it out.”

           “This is why we talk it out. Now, you have to let go of me so we can end this meet and greet, and then I will be all yours.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I’m going to be honest, this was one of my favorite scenes to write out of all three books. It was super cute, and I just love it. I hope you enjoyed reading it! I’d love to know what you thought! :D

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2007

18 to 19 years old. Things were slowly starting to get better and better.

15 honorable mentions, but this is still only a top 10. What an incredible, amazing year for music. My favorite hit song for the entire decade is in there! I think everyone already knows what that is because I am, in fact, extremely predictable.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Second to third year of my History studies. Met a great guy. So great, in fact, that I married him in 2019 because we’re still living together 13 years later. Got my first summer job but spent my first pay on driving lessons, because, again, I needed to get out of my parents’ appartment and knowing how to drive would be good to find a job. I had a much better access to internet. I still had great grades. Things were getting much better.

I stopped making my personal lists of favorite songs that year, and I had an mp3 player, which really opened a world of possibilities even if you could only put something like 40 songs on it, at best.

I was still reading Rock Mag a lot. As you can see, the biggest controversy at the time was what was emo and what wasn’t.

We were alright.

As far as non-elligible songs go, well there’s I Still Remember by Bloc Party (and the fact I can’t put it on the list is a heartbreak and a half) and basically everything from Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails. Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation all had pretty good albums too.

Here’s a metric ton of honorable mentions first!

Snow (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - Perfectly pleasant song.

D.A.N.C.E (Justice) - Never understood why this was so popular. Still good.

Love is Gone (David Guetta) - Heyyyy another repetitive dance track, perfect.

Miracle (Cascada), Smack That (Akon), Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol), SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) and Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - Still elligible songs for that year. Still great songs. Still not making the list.

Butterfly (Superbus) - I didn’t like this band, but I liked that song.

Thanks for the Memories (Fall Out Boy) - Same here basically.

Who Knew (Pink) - Not her best, but not her worst by a mile either.

Walk It Out (Unk) - Stayed in my head for days, I swear. I have no idea what the general opinion about it is nowadays. Maybe that’s a humiliating pick and I genuinely have no idea.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) - I do, however, know that the fact this very nearly made the list IS hilarious.

Alive (Mondotek) - Laugh all you want about the tektonik phenomenon, this is still a banger and a half.

Sound of Freedom (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B) - Not as good as Rock This Party. That’s the only thing I can say against it.

Umbrella (Rihanna) - This is an edit because holy shit I forgot Umbrella. It very nearly made the list too. Sorry.

And now, possibly one of the best top tens yet.

10 - This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)

US: #32 / FR: #71

Almost everyone got the lyrics wrong. The title is way too long. I really don’t like this band of pretentious idiots; if you’re gonna be pretentious at least write about something more grand and epic than your own navel, and go all out (more on that later). Nobody ever really cared about their supposed feud with Panic! At The Disco. And, to make matters even worse, the singer looked exactly like the terrible ex I had punched in the face the previous year.

This is still a damn good song and it’s on the list instead of any of the honorable mentions.

RIP me.

9 - How To Save A Life (The Fray)

US: #24 / FR: Not on the list

You already know I loved The Fray. This song could have apparently also made the previous list but it’s on this one instead. It was overplayed. I still loved it.

8 - U + Ur Hand (Pink)

US: #29 / FR: Not on the list

In 2002, I bought Pink’s Missundaztood album and as you might remember this was the second album I ever bought in my life, right before the gigantic trainwreck that highschool was.

The fact that about five years (that felt like twelve) later, Pink was on the other side of that trainwreck, back in my earphones, just as energetic and fun as she was before, was nothing short of heartwarming.

7 - Je Suis Un Homme (Zazie)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I’m not gonna beat around the bush. This song is terrifying.

Here’s a translation. Yeah, it’s about humanity destroying the Earth and itself in various ways, and it’s preachy, but holy shit, how can something be so bleak, so scary and still so catchy. It’s a mystery.

6 - Double Je (Christophe Willem)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

When I first heard this song, I genuinely thought that was also Zazie and I was like oh wow, she’s learned to have fun again after that bleak, bleak song.

But no. She only wrote it, and it’s sung by this guy. It’s relatable as hell (”When I grow up it’s gonna be easy, I’ll finally know what I am”, “Who’s fault is it? / I’m something and its opposite / Double me”). The fact that a guy had this kind of voice and that a ton of people loved it (enough for him to win a big talent show and make this the second biggest song of the year!) also did wonders for my dysphoria, by the way.

5 - Ta Meuf (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

This is a song applying the most obnoxious rap and hip hop clichés about gangsters (and guys in general) to a woman, and she ends up terrorising all the guys and they’re realising these clichés might, in fact, be really toxic.

It’s a great song about gender roles usually seen in this kind of music and instead of being preachy, it’s hilarious, and well-written (I mean, it’s Faf Larage, it’s a given, but still). Check it out.

4 - Relax Take It Easy (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #12

All hail the new king of pop. He was here to stay and what a breath of fresh air he was. This was very much his year in Europe as soon as the album Life In Cartoon Motion dropped.

My significant other absolutely loved this album and we listened to it wayyyy, way too much, and even with all the radio overplay AND the overplay when we were together, I still can’t get enough of this album.

3 - Love Today (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #39

Here he is again!

If this was any other year this would top the list very easily. What were the US even thinking back then to not let this guy chart. Why isn’t Mika a huge star over there too. What is your problem guys. Do you have something against fun or what.

Anyway, here’s possibly the best comment on the music video:

I mean. You’re not wrong.

2 - What I’ve Done (Linkin Park)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

Aaaaaaand they’re back. And they’re once again topping my list. Lord have mercy on me. I loved them so much.

This was the first step into their modern sound, less raw, more U2. A couple of years later, when Lacuna Coil released Shallow Life, I used to joke that Lacuna Coil was trying to sound more and more like Linkin Park, that Linkin Park was trying to sound more and more like U2, and that U2 was trying to sound more and more like boring garbage and. I mean. I wasn’t wrong there.

My absolute favorite part of the song is at 2:24, when the music calms down a bit and the lyrics go “I start again / And whatever pain may come / Today this ends / I’m forgiving what I’ve done” and then the guitar explodes again. So powerful. Love it.

And now you’re probably thinking “so... Linkin Park was back, and with such a top quality song and it’s NOT your #1? After you put a Linkin Park song or a Linkin Park remix at #1 for three years in a row in 2002, 2003 AND 2004? What’s going on, Jo? Are you okay?”

Oh I’m more than okay. Friends and enemies, here comes the absolute best hit song of the entire decade and possibly of my entire life so far.

You probably already know what it is.

1 - Welcome to the Black Parade (My Chemical Romance)

US: #59 / FR: Not on the list (shame on you French charts)

I know I keep complaining about stuff I love not charting, or charting but not high enough to make any year-end list, but... How was this even allowed to chart. Why and how did it end up on the US year-end list when so many more radio-friendly hits I loved couldn’t even scratch the hot 100.

I’m not complaining at all. I’m just baffled.

Play the first note on a piano and I’m already a wreck. Heck, I’m pretty sure everyone from my generation is. It was basically our very own Bohemian Rhapsody. It still is. Where do I even start.

Oh. I know. Look at this page from a 2006 Rock Mag, it’s gold.

Yep, they highlighted The Open Door by Evanescence and praised it, and were like “this is very risky and ambitious and we’re not sure you’re gonna like this” for The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. Hilarious in hindsight.

A few months later, the same magazine was desesperately using double pages to interview them because everyone adored the album.

So in case you’ve never listened to it (I’m... not even sure why I’m doing this since I’m pretty sure even people who don’t like this type of music have tried to out of sheer curiosity), it’s a concept album about a guy (...possibly. I mean there’s a lot of trans and/or nonbinary hints in the lyrics and did you really NEED to make all of this more relatable? What the hell guys) dying of cancer, remembering all the good and the bad things that happened in his life, and since his fondest memory is seeing a marching band once as a child, death arrives in the form of a marching band. He then settles some scores with his friends and family, says his goodbyes, and... and doesn’t die in the end. He ends up surviving the whole ordeal, and the last song, Famous Last Words, is one the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. It’s so propulsive, uplifting and motivating. “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”. Holy. Shit. Sadly, it’s not elligible.

Welcome to the Black Parade is basically the centerpiece of the album, as you already know or might have guessed, but here’s the thing. It also works out of context because there’s already an entire narrative arc within this one song. It’s larger than life. It’s about death and the meaning of existence. It basically contains all the stages of grief, and the conclusion it reaches is that this guy will be remembered and therefore, he will transcend death. It’s full of rage and passion and triumph. There’s key changes. There’s tempo changes. There’s everything. It’s a rock opera in a single song. I put it on my mp3 player immediately after listening to the album, and it’s still on my mp3 player today. I never, ever removed it. I listened to it countless times and every single time, it feels like rewatching one of my favorite movies.

Best hit song of 2007 by a mile. Best hit song of the decade, hands down, and now that the 2010s are over, I’m pretty confident in saying nothing has topped it so far. I’d say “fight me” if I thought this was a controversial opinion, but it’s not even that controversial.

And that feels damn right.

Next up: Is... is this a list with actual filler? Are you telling us there was ONE mediocre year for music in the 2000s? Sounds fake but okay

[voidiots]

Character Profile : Una’to Bajhiri

For many of us, music is a source of inspiration for our characters, so I want to know what songs inspire and/or relate to your muse! Choose between 10-15 songs, compile them into an album and tag some friends to share the beat! 

Lost Children - Mr. Kitty

A child dies at birth Window of life is shut For what my time was worth Time ticks another cut

Resist the urge to perfect thee Create the curse you live to see Swallow the boy's ejected seed You're not the one I wish to be

Dramaturgy - Jubyphonic Cover

All they want now is safety from what’s around Waiting for help but never learning how I don’t wanna think now I’ll play dumb anyhow Always been me, empty, a body but nobody here to see

The Chattering Lack of Common Sense - Ghost and Pals I could never understand How first impressions go unplanned Everybody hides their face How could I have noticed? Nonetheless, we're all the same There's many things from where we came Show a smile, we're rather bored Nothing lines up anymore

Merry Go Round - Yohio

Pure fabrication, false information Twisted narration… leaving you blind

Take the blame now You mess with our minds, telling lies to our eyes I won’t take no part in this broken merry go round

Shapeless and silent, the shadows are haunting me Gruesome and grievous Yes, ghastly and grim

Dust Hymn - Purity Ring

Water spills down o'er The glass left always full There's a dew under the bed where Sweat and dreams hath tread Your feet would touch the floor Drift around like boards Hang you like a lullaby

bury a friend - Billie Eillish

What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

Just Beneath the Flames - Digital Daggers

We were kings and queens of bedlam We were happy to exist In discomfort we've created Though we dreamed of more than this We had embers in our bloodlines Iron lungs beneath our skin Though our hearts were barely beating We were bleeding out within

Despicable - Grandson

How I wish I told a different tale Like we chased the light, and his love prevailed But his blood ran cold, and his skin went pale She got a letter in the mail, it said: "I'm doing you a favor, doing you a favor"

OK - 8 Graves

The evil that I hold inside Bed of nails on which I lie I made it There's nowhere left for me to hide Racing towards the other side I hate it All of my ranting and raving I’m waxing and waning And I don't see an end in sight Maybe I'm just masquerading As way beyond saving So I don’t even have to fight

Blackout - Aviva

Blackout, blackout I hear them calling Blackout, blackout They're calling for your blood They’ll never get enough Not until you Blackout, blackout Hear them calling

Karma - Alec Benjamin

Outrunning karma That boy, he's such a charmer All the bugs and their larva Follow him out to Colorado Ten dozen hearts in a bag Their bodies lying He'll drag them down to Colorado A modern desperado And he'll race for miles through the night He runs because he knows he cannot hide He's never gonna make it All the poor people he's forsaken Karma is always gonna chase him for his lies It's just a game of waiting From the church steeple down to Satan Karma, there's really no escape until he dies

Control - Halsey

I sat alone, in bed 'til the morning I'm crying, "They're coming for me" And I tried to hold these secrets inside me My mind's like a deadly disease

I'm bigger than my body I'm colder than this home I'm meaner than my demons I'm bigger than these bones

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me" I can't help this awful energy Goddamn right, you should be scared of me Who is in control?

The Silent - The Tragic Tantrum

Which wouldn't be so bad Except they don't ask for permission They just get inside you And set upon their mission Or better than that They'll get into your veins And seep into your bloodstream Which causes lots of pain Or better than that They'll make you go insane If the little bugger slimes Reach into your brain Or better than that In your soul they'll lurk A place to worship You've become their church

Whisper - Burn the Ballroom

Come in sit down sweet angel Leave me all your tears Tell me all of your troubles The weight of your short years Love is only a river drowning all of your cheer Sell me all of your laughter and I will take some of your fear His favorite days were the mornings she came with confessions of cardinal sin A beast in the business of selling forgiveness dead eyes on a treacherous grin And he laps up the vice like a wolf in the night He's the left hand of God on the stage And with one hand he offers salvation to lovers the other it taketh away

I Created A Monster! - IYF & Nobody Remix

Excorcism ft. Cyber Diva - Creep-P

Exorcists can't save me now I swear to you that I'm fine Please let me die to be found He speaks for me, nerves that I grind Speaking louder in my own voice Blocked by the voice of a demon inside I act coy and I play nice Only to die on the inside I need an exorcism I need an exorcism I need an exorcism I need an exorcism I need an exorcism I need an exorcism I need an exorcism I need an exorcism

Tagged by @lareine-kira​. I went with the full fifteen songs for fun. Though one has no lyrics and it isn’t at all organized lol.

Open tags on this one since I’m kind of late. <3

[vrgamertc]

John Prine was an Army veteran walking a U.S. Postal Service beat in Chicago and writing songs on the side when Kris Kristofferson heard him and helped spread the word about Prine’s gifts. Pretty soon, he resigned as a letter carrier; his supervisor snickered, “You’ll be back.” Nearly 50 years later, this January, he was given a lifetime achievement Grammy for his contributions to songwriting. The singing mailman almost always had the last laugh.

Prine, who died on Tuesday from complications of the coronavirus, was legitimately unique. He took familiar blues themes — my baby left me — but filled them with whimsy and kindness. He liked a saucy lyric, and wrote movingly, in character, of the quiet lives and loneliness of humdrum people. He seemed like a Zen sage and offered an uncynical live-and-let-live morality in his songs, writing in a colloquial voice that revealed a love of the way Americans speak. He showed how much humor you could put in a song and still be taken seriously. He had less in common with any other songwriter than he did with Mark Twain.

He grew up in Maywood, a western suburb of Chicago, and was reared by working-class parents from Kentucky, where he often spent summers with relatives and fell in love with country music and bluegrass. By 13, he was performing in rural jamborees. When he debuted in 1971, in his mid-20s, he sounded like an old man already, so years later, when he got old and went through two cancer treatments, he still sounded like himself. From his first to his last, he wrote songs that were tender, hilarious, and wise, without grandstanding any of these traits. Here are 15 of the best.

‘Angel From Montgomery’ (1971)

“Angel From Montgomery,” his best-known song, begins with a little declarative startle: “I am an old woman, named after my mother.” It’s an incisive and terrifying look at the dissatisfactions of a bad marriage and a woman’s sense of being economically trapped in her misery. Bonnie Raitt recorded it three years later and uncovered some of the song’s dormant melodies.

‘Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore’ (1971)

Prine’s self-titled 1971 debut album is a playlist all its own; it has more great songs than a lot of respected songwriters have in their entire careers. The moral stance of this sprightly folk-rock ditty is a response to what he saw as sham patriotism during the Nixon years, and it remains relevant: “Jesus don’t like killing/No matter what the reason’s for.” Prine, a former altar boy, stopped playing it live for a number of years, but when George W. Bush became president, Prine said, “I thought I’d bring it back.”

‘Hello in There’ (1971)

Some fans and critics are put off by this song and its slightly lesser companion, “Sam Stone,” which they see as performative displays of sensitivity toward the vulnerable, or what we now call virtue signaling. Yet somehow, we don’t ever criticize singers for signaling vices and meanness. Prine sings in the voice of an old married man with a dead son, who spends his days in silence and loneliness, and who at the end of the song, asks people to be kind to the elderly.

‘The Frying Pan’ (1972)

For his second album, “Diamonds in the Rough,” Prine assembled a small, mostly acoustic band and pursued a front-porch, Appalachian simplicity. Like a lot of his songs, this one takes a lighthearted view of domestic complications: A man comes home and discovers his wife has run off with a traveling salesman. He cries miserably, recounts what he loved about her (“I miss the way she used to yell at me/The way she used to cuss and moan”), and full of pride, comes to the wrong conclusion: Never leave your wife at home.

‘Please Don’t Bury Me’ (1973)

For people who love Prine’s music, there’s some small solace in listening to his songs about death, which have the same sense of mischief and acceptance as the ones about broken marriages. (Try “Mexican Home” or “He Was in Heaven Before He Died.”) The narrator is dead, and as angels explain to him how it happened, they also recap his last wish: to not be dropped into a cold grave, but to be put to practical use, as an organ donor: “I’d druther have ’em cut me up/And pass me all around.” A kind of recycling anthem from his terrific third album, “Sweet Revenge.”

‘You Never Can Tell’ (1975)

Almost like an apology, Prine concludes “Sweet Revenge,” a grieving, downhearted album, with an exuberant Chuck Berry cover, one great writer nodding to another. The Memphis R&B guitarist Steve Cropper produced the record and put together a crack horn section, which pushes ahead of some barrelhouse piano. Prine wasn’t a rocker, but he could rock.

‘That’s the Way the World Goes Round’ (1978)

Prine seemed to have an unlimited ability to expand and vary songwriting structures and perspectives. This track, which has been covered by Miranda Lambert and Norah Jones, has two verses: In the first, the narrator describes a drunk who “beats his old lady with a rubber hose,” and in the second, the narrator gets stuck in a frozen bathtub (it’s hard to explain) and imagines the worst until a sudden sun thaws him out. Both verses illustrate the refrain: that’s the way the world goes round. Even when circumstances are bad in Prine songs, he favors optimism and acceptance.

‘Iron Ore Betty’ (1978)

A lot of Prine songs celebrate physical pleasure: food, dancing and sex, which he gallantly prefers to call “making love.” The working-class singer in this soulful, up-tempo shuffle feels unreserved delight at having a girlfriend (“We receive our mail in the same mailbox/And we watch the same TV”), and wants us to know he and Betty aren’t just friends (“I got rug burns on my elbows/She’s got ’em on her knees”). OK guy, we get it.

‘Just Wanna Be With You’ (1980)

A stomping number from “Storm Windows” in the style of Chuck Berry, with the Rolling Stones sideman Wayne Perkins on guitar. Prine’s lyrics don’t distinguish between reality and absurdity — they don’t clash, they mix — and here’s one more way to say you’re happy and in love: “I don’t even care what kind of gum I chew.” And another: “Lonely won’t be lonesome when we get through.”

��Let’s Talk Dirty in Hawaiian’ (1986)

Prine had a sideline in novelty songs, which give full voice to his comic absurdity, throwaways that are worth saving, including the 1973 semi-hit “Dear Abby,” and this now-problematic number from “German Afternoons” inspired by a paperback book called “Instant Hawaiian.” Prine and his co-writer Fred Koller began making up Hawaiian-sounding nonsense words full of sexual innuendo, and Lloyd Green added airport-Tiki-bar bar steel guitar for maximum faux authenticity. You can say Prine’s loving disposition makes the song OK, and you can also say it doesn’t.

‘All the Best’ (1991)

After five years away, Prine returned with “The Missing Years,” a Grammy-winning album produced by Howie Epstein, Tom Petty’s bass player. The singer in this gentle, masterly miniature claims to want good things for an ex-lover, but feelings aren’t simple: “I wish you don’t do like I do/And never fall in love with someone like you” twists the knife. Now recording for his own label, Oh Boy Records, Prine was about to hit a hot streak.

‘Lake Marie’ (1995)

Bob Dylan, who was a huge fan, called the haunted, mysterious “Lake Marie” his favorite Prine song, and who are we to disagree with Dylan on the topic of songwriting? Even though Epstein’s booming production draws too much attention to itself, “Lost Dogs + Mixed Blessings” is full of winners: the simple, loving ballad “Day is Done,” the rapid-fire doggerel of “We Are the Lonely” and the calm, ornery “Quit Hollerin’ at Me,” where Prine tells his wife that the neighbors “already think my name is ‘Where in the hell you been?’”

‘In Spite of Ourselves’ (1999)

Prine was diagnosed with cancer, and doctors removed a tumor from the right side of his neck, which took away his already-modest ability to project his voice. But incredibly, his stolid singing was now perfect for harmonies, and he cut a duets album called “In Spite of Ourselves” with female country and Americana singers. On its one original song, Prine and Iris DeMent trade backhanded compliments (“She thinks all my jokes are corny/Convict movies make her horny”) that read like a divorce complaint, but turn out to be only pillow talk.

‘Some Humans Ain’t Human’ (2005)

At seven minutes and three seconds, this track from “Fair and Square” is the longest song on any of his studio albums. A cloud of slide guitar keeps this soft waltz afloat and allows Prine to express his disapproval of, if not contempt for, so-called humans who lack empathy for others. There’s a couplet that is clearly about George W. Bush, and Prine noticed that some audience members were surprised by it. “I never tried to rub it in anybody’s face, but I thought it was pretty clear that I wasn’t a closet Republican,” he told the Houston Press.

‘When I Get to Heaven’ (2018)

In 2013, doctors removed the cancerous part of Prine’s left lung, which sidelined and weakened him. It’s hard now to listen to his final album, “The Tree of Forgiveness,” which was nominated for three Grammys, and not think that Prine heard the clock ticking louder. There’s so much tenderness in “Knockin’ on Your Screen Door,” about a man whose family left him with only an 8-track tape of George Jones, and in the elegiac, reassuring parental entreaty “Summer’s End.” In the last song, “When I Get to Heaven,” Prine describes his ideal afterlife: a rock band, a cushy hotel, a girl, a cocktail (“vodka and ginger ale”) and “a cigarette that’s nine miles long.” He removes his watch, and asks, “What are you gonna do with time after you’ve bought the farm?”

[softboyuris]

Love of My Life

Roger Taylor x Reader

3.6k+ words

A/N: this is my first fic for Queen and also just in a while, I haven’t written something for fun in a while so there’s that. This is inspired by this post and @blushmis fic of the same name (they were the anon) so go check their story out 

He promised he’d call after the show but that didn’t stop your anxiety from getting the best of you sitting by the phone, leg bouncing up and down. It’s a different time zone. You never really know when the show will be over. He promised. 

Roger and you had been together the better part of three years. You had been Brian’s neighbor for most of your life and he treated you like his little sister so when he went off to university with you two years behind him, you missed him dearly but were relieved to have space. Now you could be the rebellious teen you’d always tried to be but failed cause Brian was always by your side, keeping you out of trouble.

You packed a lot into those two short years. To your surprise, Brian was actually proud of you. Or at least that’s what you thought until he practically forced you to attend the same uni as him. Which you didn’t mind. Brian had become a changed man in college, joining a band, staying out late and going to parties after his gigs.

Your first day was great only because you finally got to see Smile, Brian’s band, perform. Although you weren’t too fond of the drummer when you first met, something between then and now made you fall for him.

As soon as Freddie joined the band, you knew they would be a success. With Freddie’s vocal range and drive and the bands' raw talent and songwriting skills, there was no way they wouldn’t hit the charts one day.

Roger became the infamous playboy, much to your dismay. You hadn’t told anyone of your feelings for the drummer but you always had a sneaking suspicion Brian knew.

After weeks of meaningless bathroom hookups after gigs, hanging off each other at the afterparties and kisses that didn’t even mean much, Roger stopped hooking up with other girls. You two never actually made it official. It was just an unspoken thing that you were his and he was yours. 

Now they were on tour for A Night At The Opera which you sadly were not able to come on due to finances. Rog promised that he would call every Monday night, even if they had a gig and he hadn’t missed one yet, no matter how late in the night it was that he called, you were there to answer.

You missed him more than words could express and could barely wait for him to get home in the following month.

But no matter how much you missed him and trusted him, you couldn’t help but think about all the girls that throw themselves at him during shows and at the afterparties. You had more trust in him than anyone else but there was always going to be a part of your mind that wandered to those thoughts.

Sitting, anxiety bubbling in your stomach, the thoughts get the best of you. What if he was- is cheating? You would never know. He’s a good enough liar although you know he would never want to lie to you. He would be honest and break and beg for your forgiveness.

He hasn’t cheated before so it’s not like you have good reason to think he will. He knows your past and knows that’s something unforgivable in your eyes. And you love the idiot so what are you suppose to do. It’s just, this is the first time you haven’t been by his side during a tour or recording session. You’ve always been there.

When the phone rings you’re not expecting it. Your heart is racing when you pick up the phone, whether from nerves or excitement you don’t know.

There’s lots of noise on the other end. He’s definitely at an afterparty. “Y/N?” Knowing it’s you, he doesn’t wait for a response. “I’m sorry I’m calling so late, I got swept up. It was such a fantastic show.”

“Rog, I can’t-” You were cut off by Roger relaying the same thing you were about to say to him to you before saying he’d call back in a second, “just let me find someplace quieter.”

You place the phone down with a shake in your hands. You know it will be easier for the both of you if you’re out of the picture, at least while they’re on tour. He’s at an afterparty, of course, there will be girls there, but hearing them yell Roger’s name in the background of the call made your stomach churn with jealousy.

You’re phone rings again but this time you’re expecting it, letting it ring through a couple of times before picking up. It’s much quieter on the other end this time.

“Sorry, it was so loud. I couldn’t hear a thing.” Roger’s soft voice comes through the receiver and you have to swallow back the tears closing up your throat. 

“Look, Roger-”

“I miss you. Sorry for interrupting, I know how much you hate when I do that but I really miss you.” You can hear his sad smile through his words, making what you need to say ten times harder.

“I miss you too. But, I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think it’s best if I stay out of your way.” You can hear Roger start to protest but you cut him off. “It hurts to be apart from you for so long and not having any idea what you’re getting up to. I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t- I can’t be that girl that’s waiting at home for you. I love you. I am sorry. I just think we’ll both be better off this way.” 

You hang up before he can answer, sinking further down into your bed. You don’t bother wiping away the tears, letting them fall as they will while you focus on trying to breathe.

He calls the next morning. And the morning after that. For a week, he calls every morning. You never answer but you know it’s him. You have to keep telling yourself you made the right choice. Now he can do what he wants without being held back by the girl at home.

Nearly half a year later and you haven’t spoken to the band in just about the same amount of time. Brian calls occasionally but you rarely have the heart to answer. As does Freddie, whom you find is easier to talk to. He never brings it up, acts like nothing has happened although he never mentions Roger. But even still, your chats are short and sweet, little updates here and there.

Queen, as a promotion for A Day At The Races, is holding a small concert that is going to be broadcasted. Your friends, being major Queen fans, are throwing a little viewing party. You didn’t want to go but you support the band no matter what’s happened. 

You’re currently sitting beside one of your closest friends, Margaret. Everyone’s been walking on eggshells around you except for her. It’s like the whole party thinks you’ll hear the beginning riff to one of Queen’s songs and have a breakdown. But Killer Queen is playing lightly in the background and it’s having no effect on you. At least that’s what you’re telling people.

The thought of seeing Roger, even if he is hundreds of miles away and on a screen, has got your stomach in knots. About a month after you broke up with him, you started hearing rumours about girls who were successfully throwing themselves at him. You weren’t sure if there was any validity to such statements but a part of you believed them.

“Hey, it’s starting!” Someone whose voice you don’t recognize shouts from the other end of the apartment. Margaret rolls her eyes but only you notice. She’s the one who thought to throw this party and almost instantly regretted it, not being a social person.

Everything runs nice and smooth. They perform wonderfully, no shock there. Freddie has just as much spunk in him as he did when you first met him when he was living in the same flat as Roger.

You hadn’t realized how much you missed them, all of them, and their music. and then the lights started dimming, putting a spotlight on Fred and Brian who started strumming a simple melody on his guitar. You instantly knew what song was about to play and your stomach pinched.

Love of My Life was one of your favorite Queen songs. It was the first song you had heard off of the album after Roger insisted on singing it to you in bed one night. Memories you had suppressed and tried to get rid of came back.

You make it through the rest of the performance but leave shortly after. All you want to do when you get home is collapse face down on your bed and cry. But there’s another thing coming for you when you walk into your flat to your phone ringing, on the last line you suppose.

Forgetting the possibility that it could be Roger, you frantically cross the space of your flat, grasping for your phone from across the counter, “Hello?”

“Oh darling, you answered. It’s been ages.” Freddie’s familiar voice rings in your ears and you find yourself frowning a bit.

“Fred. Yeah, I guess it has been a while.” You force a smile onto your face, sensing that he can tell your upset although you don’t know why. “I saw the show. You guys did wonderfully, as always.”

You can tell Freddie is smiling when he answers, “Why thank you. I do think we did exceptionally well tonight.”

“The rendition of Love Of My Life did get me. You have such a powerful voice.” The words slip from your lips without you noticing. You have no clue why you’ve just told Fred this but you have a sneaking suspicion he does.

“It’s weird. For once, when I sang that tonight it wasn’t for Mary or some lover. It was for you.” Freddie doesn’t have to elaborate for you to understand what he means. “He’s been in a mood since you left him. It’s hard to get him up on stage sometimes dear.”

“I really fucked him up, didn’t I?” You think back to when Freddie was performing tonight. You could vaguely see Roger in the background, taking a rest from playing the drums. He had his eyes closed. You can’t help but think of how many times you’ve cried over him, wondering if it’s the same for him. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“Do you not trust him?” Freddie’s question throws you.

“Of course I trust him. I trust him more than anything else in this world. I just figured it would be easier if I wasn’t there, you know?” You’re nibbling on your lip trying to keep the tears at bay.

“He never cheated. Brian would have literally beat his ass. There would be little of Queen left if he had. Obviously, there were girls all over him at the parties but he never went home with any of them. He only had eyes for you darling. Only has eyes for you.” There’s a moment of silence that seems to stretch on forever. Freddie doesn’t say anything even though you’re sure he can hear your sniffles.

“I love him.”

“He loves you.” The words come from Fred’s mouth almost as soon as you’ve finished saying your own and you have to pause to breathe.

“But Fred, I’ve been cheated on before. Every guy I’ve dated has cheated. And Rog.. well Roger’s built to cheat, he’s got the reputation to back him up.” You know it’s not a good argument. Whatever you say won’t be good enough because you know Roger was one of the best things to ever happen to you and you blew it.

“You didn’t blow it, sweetheart. He still loves you, don’t think he’ll ever stop. It’s bloody annoying really. Won’t get out of his stupid funk.” Another beat of silence and you know he’s right but he doesn’t give you time to agree. “We’re doing some finishing touches on our album tomorrow. You should come down. Mary’ll be there and the boys would love to see you after all this time.”

“We’ll see Freddie.” Is all you say back before goodnights are exchanged. If you weren’t mistaken, you could hear Freddie telling Roger something about you as you hung up the phone.

You do show up. Of course, you do. When the Freddie Mercury, your beloved friend, asks you to come watch them record you come. There is no saying no even if you want to postpone this confrontation as much as possible.

You’re laughing at something Mary has said when you bump into someone passing through the doorframe. You snap your head around uttering an apology but stopping in your tracks.

Roger looks at you, expression ranging from angry to happy to sad in a matter of seconds. And then he’s turning around. Huffing his way over to his drum kit which he starts tweaking immediately. Probably more as a distraction than anything else.

“Darling, you came!” Freddie beams, throwing his arms around you. He gives you a quick hug and peck on the cheek before taking Mary’s hand and pulling her into the other room.

When you turn around Brian and John are walking up to you. You smile brightly at Brian, engulfing him in a bear hug, and giving John a tight squeeze before leaning back to look at the two of them. “It’s been a while.”

“Feels longer than only a few months,” Brian says.

“We’ve missed you.” John chimes, giving a bright smile.

“All of us,” Brian says noticing your gaze wondering in between them to the drummer behind them, making his hands busy with his drums. You look up with a half smile and sad eyes. “He’s been in a mood.”

“Fred told me.” You sigh. “But that doesn’t mean he misses me.” You cross your arms over your chest.

Brian gives you an all-knowing look. “We’ll give you two some space,” John says, ushering Brian out the door. You start to protest but the door is shut in your face before you can get the first word out.

You slowly turn around on the balls of your feet, biting your lip, not realizing how hard, and wincing as a result. Roger looks up from his drums for a split second. Your eyes are trained on the ground. “I would say I’m sorry but,”

“You’re not?” Roger finishes in question. He’s moved around to the back of his drums, standing in front of the stool and looking at you accusingly. Although you can see the sadness in his eyes.

“No. Because sorry isn’t good enough. Saying I messed up and breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life isn’t something you’d accept.” You hadn’t realized you were getting choked up until you felt a tear fall down your cheek. 

“But it’s true. I fucked up. I fucked you up. I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with you and I am sorry. Really truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“But you did.” You look up to see Roger’s features have softened. “You hurt me. You broke my heart. And yet I still love you. How fucked up is that? I know you broke up with me because you thought it would be easier but it’s the exact opposite. I thought you trusted me.” His voice is getting louder and firmer and his last statement hurts your heart. He knows how much you value honesty and trust in a relationship.

You’ve moved towards him, halfway to his drum kit. Your hands involuntarily reach out for his which is why you stopped far enough away that you can’t touch him. “I do, Rog. I trust you more than anything else in the universe. But not knowing, it got the best of me.”

“I would never cheat on you. Never.” The finality of his statement makes you want to close the distance between you two and hug him like it’s the last time you’d ever get to.

“I know.” Your voice is small and frail and your trembling, which you hadn’t noticed before. “Trust me, I know. Just- fuck. I love you so god damn much and not being able to see you every day was tearing me apart. And with my past, although it’s no excuse-”

You hadn’t realized that Roger had moved around his drum kit and was now standing in front of you. “It’s no excuse but it’s still valid as a reason.” You didn’t have the heart to look him in the eyes, opting to stare at the intricate pattern of the carpet.

Roger made it hard for you not to look at him when he got down on his knees, looking up at you. When your eyes locked, you could see all the love he still had for you mixed with pain in his eyes. “I love. I always will. And I know you haven’t forgiven me yet,”

“forgiven you?”

Roger shushes you, reaching into his pocket. You choke as he brings the box into your eye line. “You haven’t forgiven me yet but I forgive you even though I don’t think you were wrong for what you did. I never cheated. I would and will never cheat on you but I understand fully why you’d think I would. I was going to do this after the tour ended but naturally, I couldn’t. And I’ve got nothing to lose.

“Y/N, I love you so much more than I can probably express in words but I’ll try. I love how you laugh and cry and smile and get angry and jealous. I love how your history is a part of you but not who you are. I love that you don’t take anyone's shit and you stand up for what you believe in even if the world isn’t listening. I love that you love me despite my petty tantrums and outbursts. I love how you are always there for me and somehow predict what I’m going to do next better than I do.

« I love how easily we work together and how smooth things have been for us. Even through the fights, we know we are bigger than them and get through it. I love how you tug on my hair in bed and how easy you are after gigs,” you glare at him for that one but it’s with a smile.

“I love how easy it is to love you. And I want that, well forever if you’ll have me. So please, even though it’s cheesy, make me the happiest man in Queen and marry me Y/N.”

Somewhere in his speech, he opened the box. You weren’t paying attention, too lost in his words to notice. But it’s a small little diamond, nothing extra or big. It’s exactly what you had described as the perfect ring to Roger nearly eight years ago when you first met and he said he was gonna marry you someday.

Before you’re even nodding yes, Roger is taking the ring out of the box, and slipping it on your ring finger. “Of fucking course, I’ll marry you, Rog.”

Your smile is one that cannot be concealed even when he leans in to kiss you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you ridiculously close to him. But you smile into the kiss anyway. One which turns heated very quickly. In both your defenses, you haven’t seen each other in over a year with him having been on tour before everything happened. 

You’re laying on the scratchy carpet behind the drums, a sweaty, shirtless Roger collapsed on top of you when there’s a knock at the door.

“I don’t know if it’s make-up or break-up sex but we only have the studio for a certain amount of time,” John shouts through the door at the two of you.

“Oh let the lovers be.” You can hear Freddie retort followed by Mary’s laugh.

Roger is quick to help you dress, not worrying about buttoning up his shirt as John manages to get the door open. “It was never locked buddy,” Roger says as John staggers in, not expecting the door to open.

He gives Roger a baffled look as Brian eyes the two of you and Freddie smirks. “Looks like Rog is in a better mood.”

“Oh fuck off Freddie.” He scoffs, fixing his hair which looks disheveled thanks to you. You give him a smirk as you make your way over to Mary, taking her hand and leading her into the room over.

“So...” Mary inquires as she sits down beside you on the sofa. You pour yourself some water, offering her some as well which she gladly accepts.

“So what?” You return, taking a sip of your water. Mary’s eyes go wide, almost dropping her cup. “What?” She carefully puts hers and your drink down before grabbing for your left hand.

“What is this?” She asks, examining the ring.

“What do you think it is?” You can’t help but smile.

Mary looks up at you, not dropping your hand before looking to Roger in the studio who gives you a wink. “I can’t believe it. The bastard finally did it.” She looks back over to you, matching the smirk on your face. “Looks like he loves something more than his car.” 

“Finally.”

[thefreshfinds]

Soul Food: The Fine Arts - Sugar Shacks

By: Natalee Gilbert

With open arms, Soul Food: The Fine Arts took in all walks of life and allowed passionate creatives to express theirselves freely. Beyond a non-existent canvas, souls were captivated by the performer’s artistic flair. Through the means of all-around awareness, relatability and just having fun — Soul Food: The Fine Arts created a settling ambience. But really, it was everyone involved who made this event worthwhile. It was hard to not take notice of the musician and poet’s way with words. In the hands of urgency, they reeled out inner thoughts, doubts even fears. Other times, they would lend a hand (with precaution). Still, everyone was there to simply enjoy the arts. Sparks flied, friendships rekindled and networks formulated in a smooth manner.

A tale of all tales — Soul Food: The Fine Arts is one for the books. Certainly, this event will go down in history.

Here are 5 creatives that I had the pleasure to speak to with at this diverse event and thank you Big Dawg K for the opportunity:

Ivan Polanco: A singer/songwriter who creates R&B and acoustic pop music — Ivan Polanco is one who provides within his lyrics that he’s just a young man growing up in this day in age. Sure, every guy has love/heartbreak songs but for him its to a certain extent. In his perspective, his music speaks about what a young man encompasses during his growth. Sonically, Ivan’s voice embodies real emotion and care. Moreso, it’s very soft, crystallized and adaptable to change when needed be. Initially Polanco started his music career with the drums. Since his dad was also fond of singing and songwriting, he would play the drums for him from time to time. But Pacheco’s dad seen it more as a hobby. Being a self-taught musician, Ivan decided to dabble into singing and sought to write his own music. A source says that Polanco knew Big Dawg K earlier on. But they lost contact, reconnected and discovered (10 years later) that they both were still making music. In a span of 9 years, Polanco has released 4 albums. Currently, he’s working on another called To Grow. Essentially, it comes with the notion that “this man is 26,” he’s grateful for those he’s encountered and very proud of his journey. Besides being an artist, Polanco is a personal trainer. His advice to all is to be happy with who you are. “Find your voice.” he adds.

LINKS:

1. Website: https://ivanpolanco.com/home

2. Instagram: @ivanpolanco.music

Bobby Sanchez: Bobby Sanchez is one who passes it forward. In the name of education — Sanchez does his part in informing the world about current issues that are (sometimes) unheard of. But really, he wants to be more than heard. Sanchez aims to decolonize the way others think and reconstruct the past in a narrative that’s centered around the indigenous perspective. Apart from this, Sanchez’s cadence depicts the pain felt by our ancestors. In pursuit, his words are taken with much intensity and remembrance. A 24 year old hip-hop artist and poet from New Rochelle, New York — Bobby Sanchez started writing raps/poetry seriously after leaving high school. Back then, it helped him to find purpose and healed him from the depression he was going through at the time so, he went with it. At the break of dawn, Sanchez keeps his family in mind because they keep him motivated. Funnily enough, his ancestors are also a source for inspiration. Sanchez adds “I can feel their [his ancestors] presence on a daily basis.” A strength of his in music, comes from the truth. “It takes courage to speak out against issues that others are not talking about.” For instance, his song “Pasion” was him, looking within to find a truth. To warm up, he reads books about new concepts so it can be added between the lines of his rhymes. “Most books have to do with colonialism, relating to Latin America, as well as indigenous cosmology.” Sanchez says. Currently, Sanchez is sitting on about 9-10 songs. He plans on releasing them every week for the next couple of months.

LINKS:

1. Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/bobbysanchezmusic

2. Instagram: @bobbysanchezmusic

Lady Kay: The saying “..walk a mile in someone else's shoes.” goes a pretty long way. Especially when you’re Lady Kay. At most, empathic — Lady Kay possesses the skill to feel and understand. As part of her execution, Lady Kay gives a powerful delivery when it comes to speaking the world’s truth. Still, it gets tough for her to do so, when revealing her own. To define her style, Kay says its moreso persona poems. Essentially, Kay goes into their perspective but it can get difficult at times when she has to come for herself. For instance Kay’s poem ‘Don’t Sleep With An Artist’ takes a jab at those who get romantically involved with artist. And funnily enough, she is an artist. Sometimes, she even offends those who listen unintentionally because they believe her poem is about them. But, she’s just doing her part through bold statements and social awareness. Lady Kay put the pen to the pad in 3rd grade. Then she pursued spoken word after high school. Kay adds “I’m not really emotional, but I can write out feelings.” Really, this is what pushed her towards poetry. Now, Kay is apart of a collective called Femsovl. The goal for all 3 is to create events that are calm, cool and collected. In Kay’s words, she relates with this: “To speak your truth whether on a soap box or stage. Its all you" From her poetry, Lady Kay wants others to feel the intensity. She is currently working on a book that’ll include short stories, interactive pieces and illustrations.

LINKS:

1. Instagram: @kaybeethelady

Smoove Babii: One who armors the heart on his sleeve — Smoove Babii speaks from within and astounds others with his familiarity on personal experiences. But really, he self-identifies as “a fireball of energy who just demands attention with his presence.” Smoove Babii comes with the intent of being a safe haven for those who need it. He’d like for people to feel safe when they tune in. However, what he really means is that he’d like for others to feel safe being theirselves. Babii adds “I want them to feel safe by knowing their not the only ones in life going through or has been through what they might experience.” In a passionate tonality, Babii is able to reel out inner emotions. To put it further, his poetry is raw, aggressive and often times, understanding. Likewise, there’s no theme to his mastery. “My mood really determines how creative my poetry gets.” Smoove Babii says. Speaking of which, his favorite verse out of his poems is: What to do? Is the question I ask myself every day. MJ has been trying to tell us for years that, THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT US! So, I talk to THE MAN IN THE MIRROR as I put my coat on. Everybody wants to be THRILLER but they out there trying to make us GHOST! I get BUTTERFLIES in my stomach every time I walk out my door. Seeing who's trying to ROCK WITH ME! Hope my family doesn't have to REMEMBER THE TIMES I MOONWALK back through my door. Look at my brothers as JACKSON 5 and go to school to learn my ABCs and make it easy as 123 and stop leaving BILLY JEANS and chasing these girls to ROCK THEY WORLD! We all are not SCARECROWS, WE ALL HAVE BRAINS, we must show them that WE ARE NOT ALONE and together we are INVINCIBLE so they can just BEAT IT with all those images of all us being SMOOTH CRIMINALS! This is bigger than being BLACK OR WHITE, that's why I get down on my knees and pray at night. Not to forgive me for my sins or beg to let me in but for forgiveness, just in case the cops have to JOE JACKSON me and I can't see my kids. 

From Smoove Babii’s upcoming poetry expect it to be more personal, deep, and talk about adventures that have formed him into who he is. Also, expect poetry albums and poetry EP’s as well. Maybe even a collab with Oliver The Writer. His first EP is out now on SoundCloud. It’s called Welcome To My Ghetto Gospel.

LINKS:

1. Soundcloud: https://m.soundcloud.com/user-515974176/sets/welcome-to-my-ghetto-gospel

2. Instagram: @smoovebabii

Acoustic Cat: Acoustic Cat reminds us why we fell in love with music to begin with. As he goes to great lengths to bring back fine tunes, Acoustic Cat adds his flair through guitar progressions and gruffness. Likewise, Cat goes for a sound that’s more 60’s-70’s. To start off, Acoustic Cat got his big break after joining a rock/medal band. Although he toured around New York City with them and considered them “brothers”, Cat ventured off on his own. To describe what he goes for, its moreso a “naked” sound. In a word it’s an exploration of rock, jazz and everything in between. On the other hand, Acoustic Cat says his now-solo career is a learning curve. But the more he does it, the easier it gets. One message he tries to tell others is to stay positive. Through life’s ups and downs, Cat won’t stop until his sound becomes universal.

LINKS:

1. Website: www.acousticcat.com

2. Instagram: @theacousticcat

[melodystaroftheworld]

371 RANDOM GET TO KNOW ME TAG QUESTIONS 1.What is your full name?Melody Grace Kelly Cahill 2.What does your name mean? 3.Are you named after anyone? Kelly is the last name of one of my fathers bandmates. 4. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to? Harmony 5. Where are you from? Dublin 6. Where were you born? Dublin 7.Where did you grow up? Dublin and L.A. 8.Who did you look up to growing up? My father and his bandmates 9.What are your best characteristics? 10 What are your favorite things about yourself? 11.Which of your parents are you closest to? My dad 12.Which of your parents are you more like? My dad 13.Are your grandparents still married? Yep 14. What relative was important to you growing up & why? 15.What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents? What Goldenridge is actually. 16.What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? They would have named me after one of my fathers bandmates. 17.What do you call your grandparents? Nan and Poppy 18.What is your best physical feature?My smile What is your biggest accomplishment? 19.Probably making the successful transition to being a adult while keeping my fame. 20.What is your biggest fear? Losing my power. 21.What is your biggest regret? Walking back to the hotel that night. 22.What is your eye color? Green 23.What inspires you? The world around me. 24.What is the most important thing in your life? My career 25. What has required the most courage of you in your life so far? Standing up to the tabloids after my rape 26.Who is your favorite actor? Tom Hiddleston 27.Who is your favorite actress? Meryl Streep 28.Who is your favorite celebrity?  Lin Manuel Miranda 29.Who is your favorite musician? Ed Sheeran 30.Who’s your favorite person in the world? My best friend Olive . 31.What is your favorite childhood memory? 32.What is your favorite color? Green! 33. What is your favorite cultural activity? Singing along with people in the pub 34 What is your favorite drink? Bay breeze and coke 35.What is your favorite fairytale? Beauty and the Beast 36.What is your favorite food? Pizza. 37.What is your favorite holiday destination? Paris or one of the Disney Parks 38.What is your favorite ice-cream flavor? Cookie dough 39.What is your favorite music genre? Broadway 40.What is your favorite physical activity? Dancing 41.What is your favorite quote? Recently, Forget Regret or life is yours to miss. 42.What is your favorite snack? Harvest cheddar Sun chip 43.What is your favorite song? No day but Today. 44.What is your favorite sport? Football or as you Americans call it soccer 45.What is your favorite time of the day? Dusk 46.What is your favorite type of clothing? Dressy 47.What is your favorite way to pass time? Performing 48. What is the name of your favorite restaurant? Maggie McFlys 49.What is your all-time favorite town or city? Why? 50.What is your favorite candle scent? Strawberry 51.What is your favorite social media channel? 52.Where’s your favorite place to take an out-of-town guest? In Dublin, it has to be the helix, In LA it has to be the sign

53.What was your favorite subject in High School? English 54.What was your least favorite subject in High School? Math 55.What was your favorite TV show when you were a child? Joan of Arcadia 56.What do you love about your favorite TV Show? How long it's been on the air. 57.Are you scared of heights? No 58.Are you high maintenance? Yep. Not personality wise but a star thing 59.Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others? Build my own empire 60 Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on? Avoid 61.Are you a dog person or cat person? Both but Dog 62.Are you a fan of any sports team? Not really 63.Are you a good cook? Yep 64.Are you an early adopter or late-adopter? Early adopter 65.If you had more courage what would you do differently in your life now? I would make my image my own. 66.What is good about how you are living your life right now? I'm taking a break from working 67.If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be? 68.Who has left the most impact on your life? My fathers agent. 69.What aspect of your life needs tremendous improvement? My personal 70. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your life? A kid jumped over five people to get to me. 71.Who is the best teacher you’ve ever had?  Colm Keegan, he gave me online lessons when I was a kid 72.Who is the biggest pack rat you know? My friend Bella 73.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens? If job related my agent, if personal my dad 74.Who is the first person you call when something horrible happens? My agent 75.Who is the worst boss you’ve ever had? I had a bad agent for a month as a kid 76.Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows? Yes 77.Can you do a split? No 78.Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yep 79.Can you whistle? Yep 80.Can you dance? Yep 81.Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes 82.Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away? Some of them 83.Do you sing in the shower? Yep 84 Do you sleep with the lights on or off? Off 85.Do you spell the color as grey or gray? Gray 86.Do you take any pills or medication daily? No 87.Do you prefer kissing or cuddling? Kissing 88.Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Wjy? Be honest, Shoot straight. I can handle itm 89.Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook? Titanic 90.Do you have a catchphrase? No 91.Do you have a garden? No 92.Do you have a hidden dream that you’ve never shared with anyone? Yes 93.Do you have a tattoo? Yes 94 Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why? Both. In my public life I have a ton of acquaintances and my private life has a handfull of close friends 95.Do you have any allergies? Nope 96. Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where? No. 97.Do you have pets? Yep 98.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for? Yep 99.Do you carry a donor card? Yep 100. Do you have a best friend, if so, then who? Olive! 101.Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not? No, knowledge is power. 102. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yep 103.Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know? My dad 104.Who sent the last text message you received? My dad 105.Who was the last person you ate dinner with? My agent 106.Who was your first Boyfriend/Girlfriend? A kid named Daniel 107.Who was your first Celebrity crush? Orlando Bloom 108.Who was your first friend in college? College? What college? 109.Who would you tell first if you found a dead body in your garden? My agent 110.What is your most embarrassing moment? When I fell off the stage during a misstep 111.What is your most used swear word? Fuck 112 What is your star sign? Leo 113 What is something that amazes you? The pyramids. 114 What is at the top of your bucket list? Finding love 115 What is something you look for in a partner? Them being able to deal with my fame 116.What is the name of your first pet? Toby 117.What scares you about aging? Losing my appeal, my star power. 118.How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?  Not very 119.How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize? Very 120.How far away from your birthplace do you live now?.5,157 miles 121.How many Boyfriends/Girlfriends have you had? 3 122.How many countries have you been to?100 123.How many oceans have you swum in? 3 124.How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? Over 100 125 How many relationships have you been in? 3 126.How many rings before you answer the phone? 2 127.How many tattoos do you have? One single tattoo 128.How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? 30 129 How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real? Probably 11 130.How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? 6 131Would you ever consider living abroad? Been there currently doing that 132.How many days could you last in solitary confinement? One 133.Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not? 134.Have you ever suffered a fracture? Yep 135.Have you ever dated two people at a time? No 136.Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, but Hollywood is like one 137 Have you ever ridden on a motorbike? No 138.Have you ever taken self-defense lessons? Yep 139.Have you ever visited a country outside your continent? Yep 140.Have you ever won a trophy or an award? What was it for? I've won a bunch of grammys. Best new artist and best pop album 141.Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series? Which one is your favorite? Read them all. Harry Potter 142.At what age did you go on your first date? 12 143.After a breakup, would you rather be alone or be surrounded by friends? Friends 144.What female celebrity do you wish was your sister? Taylor Swift 145.What flavor of tea do you enjoy? Barry's Irish Breakfast 147.What is a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone? When a fan gave me a bra. It wasn't theirs. 148.What is one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why? Clean, I just simply don't have time 149.What is the first amusement park you’ve been to? Disney World 150.What is the last compliment you got? A young fan complimenting my dress 151.What is the most boring movie you’ve watched? A Pokemon movie 152 What is the scariest movie you’ve watched? The prodigy. 153.What is the worst grade you got on a test? I think like a c 154.What is the farthest-away place you’ve been? Japan 155.What is under your bed? A box of toys 156.What is on the walls of the room you are in?  Posters from my tours 157.What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up? Kink 158.What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? How much I work. 159.Where do you buy your jeans? Levi 160.Where were you on Valentine’s Day? On stage 161.Where would you want to retire to? The countryside in Ireland 162.What is something you are gifted at? Songwriting 163.What is something you wish you were gifted at doing? Public Speaking, interviews are fine but giving a speech to.a group of people.. 164.What is the best compliment you have ever received? I have all of your music 165.What is the first movie you remember seeing? Harry Potter 166.What is the first thing you do when you get home? Take off my shoes 167.What is the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Japan 168.What is the one item you can’t leave home without? My notebook 169.What do you like about your home? How personalised it is 170What do you love about living in your neighborhood? The things to play with 171.If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do? Put a studio for art in my house 172.Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl 173.What time do you usually get up in the morning? 8 am 174.What time is your usual bed time? 10 on non show nights and like 4 am on show nights 175.What is the first thing you do when you open your eyes in the morning? Look at the clock 176.What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? What I have to do that day 177 What is the first app you check when you wake up in the morning? Twitter 178.Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Yep 179.What is the first time you were allowed to put on make-up? Age 8 180.What is the first book you remember reading? Mary Poppins 181.What kind of books do you like to read? Fantasy 182 What is the last book you read? LOTR 183.What book do you remember as being important to you? Wizard of Oz 184.What is the last film you saw? Mary Poppins Returns 185.What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema? Infinity War. 186.What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Some tracks 187.What is the last thing you watched on TV? The masked Singer 188.What is the thing you change the TV channel with? Remote 189.What kind of car do you drive? Lambo 190. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? Japanese would be cool 191 What male celebrity do you wish was your brother? Chris Evans is cool 192. What medical conditions do you have? None 193 What piece of technology can you not live without? My phone 194.What position do you sleep in? On my back 195. What religion will you raise your children to practice?  Catholic 196.What was the best news you ever received? When I was signed to a contract 197.What was the first concert you ever attended? My father's when I was like two 198.What was the first tattoo you got? A claddagh ring on the back of my neck 199.What was the last thing you bought? A Starbucks frappe 200 What was the name of your first pet? Toby 201 What was your first cooking experience? I made hamburgers on tour when I was like 9. 202.What was your first ever cell phone? Iphone 203.What word do you use to address a group of people? Guys? Folks? Or any other word? Guys and gals 204 What would you name your daughter if you had one? Harmony 205.What would you name your son if you had one? Colm 206.What is your strongest sense? If you had to give up one of your senses, which would it be? My hearing.  Smell. 207.What do you dislike about living in your neighborhood? Being in an apartment 208. What drains your energy? Being alone 209. What is the best part of your job? Performing for people 210. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life? I have only had the one 211. Do you love your job? Yep! 212.What is the hardest part of your job? The lack of privacy 213.What was your first job? Musician 214.If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be? I'm currently living it 215.If you had time to do volunteer work, what would you do? Volunteer with animals 216.What takes the biggest chunk of your paycheck? My food. 217.Are you satisfied with how you spend your money? What would you change? Very happy.  Nothing really 218.How do you replenish your energy? Take a long bath 219. What about religion has changed for you as you’ve aged?  I've stopped going to church. 220.What artistic endeavors have you tried & decided you were bad at? I'm horrible at pottery 221.What current world events are really troubling to you? The current administration. Global Warming 222. What dreams have you given up on as unrealistic? Being a doctor 223.What has been the hardest thing for you to face or learn? That people will prey on children 224 What is one of the worse things that could happen to you? It's already happened 225.What is something that scares you that you would never ever try? Sky diving 226.What is something you’ve never done that you’d like to try? Some more extreme kinks 227.What is the pettiest thing you’ve done to prove a point?  Wrote a love song that wasn't a love song. 228.What app do you use most? Twitter 229.How often do you skip breakfast? Once in a blue moon 230.Did your mother go to college? Yep 231 Describe yourself in a single sentence? The sweet but dark pop star. 232 On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your fashion sense? 8 233.On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your driving skills? 4. I can get myself around if needed 234.On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, rate your cooking skills? 9 235. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest and 1 being the lowest, how good a kisser are you? 8 236.One thing you know now that you wish you had known as a kid? That fame isn't all it's cracked up to be. 237.When making an entrance into a party, do you make your presence known? Yep 238. What are some of your bad habits? Biting my nails, tearing apart tissues. 239.What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new? Prettyness, how kind they are, How honest they are. 240.What color is your bedroom carpet? A light blue 241. What did you do for your last birthday? I gave a small show for charity 242.What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight? I think that was a cat 243.What did you want to be when you grew up? Musician 244.What do you call carbonated drink called? Soda 245.What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining? Sunshower 246.What do you consider unforgivable? Betrayal 247.What do you do for a living? I'm a pop star 248.Is there any item you collect? Jewelry 249.Are you a hoarder? Nope 250.Do you know how to pump your own gas? Yep 251.Do you love dancing? Yes 252.Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? To both the Irish and the USA's 253.What is the longest period you’ve spent in a hospital? 2 days 254 Most ridiculous thing you’ve had to visit the hospital for? My broken arm 255.What is something most people don’t know about you? That I'm kinky 256.To what extent do you trust people? It varys, if you've made your way into my inner circle , I trust you completely. 257.What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive? I curl up under my weighted blanket 258.What do you do most when you are bored? Play on my phone 259. What do you find yourself always procrastinating? Interviews 260.What do you think about the most? My career 261.Is your father bald? Nope 262.What makes you proud of your father? His success. 263.What makes you proud of your mother? Her being a woman in power 264.What makes you sad about your Dad’s life & unmet dreams? How much he works 265.What makes you sad about your Mother’s life & unmet dreams? How much she works 266.How are you different from your Dad? I don't have stage fright 267. How are you different from your Mother? I'm taller than her 268.How are you glad that you are like your Dad? Music. 269.How are you glad that you are like your Mother? My class 270.When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long-term result? My best friend Olive. She came up and talked to me at one of my shows when I was young. We are best friends and see each other every week. 271.Are you close to anyone now that you initially disliked? My current stage manager.  She tried to boss me around not within her role.  She's one of the few people who knows of my other life.  Her name is Emily 272.What non-profit do you believe in supporting? Animal shelters 273.What piece of art did you see that you’ve never forgotten? The gates of Hell by Rodin

274.How does music matter to you? Its my life. I am a world famous pop star.

275.What type of music you dislike most? Rap

276.If you had 1 year left to live, what would you do for you? Spend it indulging in everything

277.If you had a day left to live and you could spend it with anyone you choose, who would it be? My father.

278.If you inherited $100,000 right now, how would you spend it? Donate it to charity

279. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? Hah. I already have that checked off

280.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Make kink normal.

281.If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be? I've not had lunch with Barack Obama

282.If you could give your younger self any advice what would it be? That night don't walk to the hotel

283.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? I'd like to see more of Japan

284.If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? Dublin

285.If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be? Robert F Kennedy

286.If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be? My friend from primary, Zoe

287.If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people? 6 months

288.If you have a nickname, what is it?  Mel , Mels

289.If you could choose only one, would you rather go to Paris or London? London

290.If you could live forever, would you rather stay one age forever or get older? One age forever

291.If you could pick one, would you rather have infinite money or unending love? Money

292.If you could save just one, would you rather save Humanity or the Earth?  Earth

293.When did you suffer your first heartbreak?

294.When was the first time you were on a plane? Age 2

295.When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

296.When was the last time you got in a fist fight? Never

297.When was the last time you pushed yourself to your physical limits?  Last tour

298.How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like? Constantly.  Different things depending on what I'm doing

299 Is anyone in your family in the army? Nope

300. Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Full

301.Pick one, a comedy movie or a horror movie? Comedy

302.Pick one, cats or dogs? Dogs

303 Pick one, chatting or phone call? Phone call

304.Pick one, cheat or be cheated on? Be cheated on

305.Pick one, chicken or beef? Beef

306.Pick one, Coke or Pepsi? Coke

307.Pick one, exceptional strength or intelligence intelligence

308.Pick one, forgiveness or vengeance? Vengeance

309.Pick one, free health care or free education? Education

310.Pick one, Halloween or Valentine’s Day Halloween

311.Pick one, IOS or Android? IOS

312.Pick one, kill or be killed? Kill

313.Pick one, meat or fish? Meat

314.Pick one, monopoly or chess? Monopoly

315 Pick one, Nike or Adidas? Nike

316 Pick one, Pepsi or Coca-Cola? Coca cola

317.Pick one, stripes or Polka dot? Polka dot

318.Pick one, summer or winter? Summer

319.Pick one, texting or phone calls? Texting

320.Pick one, vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate

321 Would you rather go bungee jumping or skydiving? Bungee jumping

322.Would you rather always be overdressed or always be underdressed? Overdressed

323.Would you rather be a genius or be wealthy? Genius

324 Would you rather be a hammer or a nail? Hammer

325 Would you rather be a lonely genius or an idiot with a lot of friends? Genius

326.Would you rather be able to play 10 different instruments beautifully or speak 10 different languages fluently? Thats hard. 10 languages

327.Would you rather deal with a crying baby or a saucy and spoilt child? Crying baby

328.Would you rather do cardio or lift weights? Cardio

329.Would you rather drink a carbonated drink or fruit Juice? Juice

330.Would you rather forget to pack clean underwear when traveling or forget to pack your footwear? Underwear

331 Would you rather have 1 million dollars right now or one penny doubling every day for thirty days? Million

332.Would you rather have 1,000,000 in your bank account or an IQ of 145+? IQ

333 Would you rather have 6 sons or 6 daughters? Daughters

334.Would you rather have a 99% chance to win $100,000 or a 50-50 chance at $10 million? 99%

335 Would you rather have a big stomach or fat cheeks? Cheeks

336.Would you rather have a friend who’s very blunt with their words or a friend who tells a lot of white lies? Blunt

337.Would you rather have a live-in massage therapist or a live-in chef? Chef

338.Would you rather have a roommate that eats a lot or one that sleeps a lot? Sleeps

339.Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent? British

340.Would you rather have annoying neighbors or neighbors who you always seem to annoy? Annoying neighbors

341.Would you rather have the ugliest house in a beautiful neighborhood or the most beautiful house in an ugly neighborhood?  Beautiful in ugly

342 Would you rather have to change your clothes five times a day or wear the same outfit five times in a row? Change

343.Would you rather live in a five bedroom apartment all alone or live in a one bedroom apartment with five kids? Alone. I don't want kids

344.Would you rather live in a place where it’s always raining or a place where the sun never goes down? Raining

345.Would you rather live in a rural area or the suburbs? Suburbs

346.Would you rather live in an apartment or house? House. I need my space

347.Would you rather live in ancient Greece or ancient Rome? Rome

348.Would you rather not be able to go out in the daytime or not be able to go out in the night time? Day

349.Would you rather talk in your sleep or fart in your sleep? Talk

350.Would you rather walk funny or talk funny? Walk

351.Would you rather your parents were able to read your thoughts or your crush was able to read your thoughts? Crush