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goodgodbean · 5 years

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Dancing With A Stranger

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Prompt used

**Not based on the song by Sam Smith and Normani**

Description: Reader and Ashton Irwin are strangers at a club, and Reader has something to prove.

Words: 1,583

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Bars, night life, alcohol, three words that would never describe you. As a serious college student, living in Boston, you barely have time to breath, between text books, classes, and trying to remember to eat. People talk about the freshman 15, when the college freshman gain about 15 pounds, but for you it was the freshman 20, and you lost them. When you almost looked anorexic at one point, your roommate dragged you down to the cafeteria and forced pasta down your throat. So it became routine, every night after her 7pm class, the two of you would be the last out of the dining hall.

Today was special though. You and your roommate Cammie Carson, finished finals. It’s still a week before you had to vacate campus in favor of going home, but it was done. Junior year is down the drain, and finally would you put your legal drinking age to good use. She drags you out to some ‘hip’ club in the heart of the city, forces you through the line, before dumping you on a barstool, with the hot press of bodies around you. Everybody in the whole club it seemed wanted to get around you to the bartender, who did nothing to help the situation. You have no idea where your roommate went, but that was the least of your worries. You were just trying to get out of the throng of people gathered around you.

You slip off the stool (more like got pushed off), and started to one of the corners of the room with all intentions of hiding. It’s dark in the corner, a perfect hiding spot away from the light show. You’re shocked when you find that the corner is already occupied. You make a quick turn to walk away from the curly-haired boy, but he had already seen you.

“You’re welcome to stand with me,” He has to shout over the music, but the offer seems genuine. So once again you change the trajectory of your walk and make your way over to him. He’s leaning against one of the wall, almost in the corner completely. You lean against the other wall and cross your arms over my chest. The ridiculous dress Cammie forced you into suddenly seems to get tighter with him near you. Now that you are both almost chest to chest you can see his features more clearly. A strong jaw, floppy hair that looks like an unnatural shade of red, and high cheekbones looks down at you.

“Thanks,” You nod to him, expecting that to be the last of your conversation. You scan the room, just to keep your eyes off the gorgeous guy unnaturally near you. You hadn’t been this near to a guy since Freshman year of college. You still had a boyfriend then, and were intimate, but long-distance didn’t look good on either of you and a messy break-up happened. Since then, you dove into your studies so much that you wouldn’t even notice the glances some guys give you.

“Do you come here often?” The handsome man asks, taking a sip out of a beer. His eyes are piercing yours and your mouth becomes dry. How do you react when the sexist man you’ve ever seen is staring into your eyes with his sole focus on you? You try to compose yourself, and it eventually works.

“God, no.” A response was shot out. He looks at you shocked, and you are suddenly aware how aggressive and embarrassing your response is. You close your eyes, thinking you’ve already messed up polite small talk. How does someone do that so quickly?

“Do you not like clubs?” He asks, getting over his initial shock. His eyebrows are tucked in and he looks genuinely curious for your response.

“No, there isn’t really any appeal to me. My friend dragged me here,” you say, with a small and quick shrug. You continue to scan the crowed after a couple moments of silence, but when he speaks it brings your attention back to him.

“People come here to distract from their insufferable lives, plus, once you start dancing you might really enjoy yourself,” He challenges. You're not one to back down from a challenge, but this challenge is from a stranger. One that you will probably never meet again. One that you don’t even know the name of. Something about the offer makes you want to drag him out to the floor, but your head is red flags and warning bells.

“Trust me, I don’t need a distraction from my life. I love my life,” You don’t know why you're getting so defensive with a stranger. But it feels natural to oppose him. By the shock on his face, he hasn’t been told off in awhile and something makes you proud that you did. “Plus it’s just so… I don’t know? Dirty?” You struggle to find the word as you watch people grind on each other. All of them no doubt strangers. Any respectable couple would never be seen here.

“It’s not dirty. We’re all consenting adults here. I think you’re just scared,” He once again is challenging me, but this time I fall for it.

“I’m not scared!” You shout a little louder than you need to.

The man just shakes his head a little to show that he doesn’t believe me. “You are.”

“I’m really really not.” At this point you don’t know when you got so flustered. Why are you so nervous? Is your face red? It’s all fleeting thoughts when he says his next sentence.

“Change my mind.” It’s the ultimate challenge. Would you take the bait? Well you were never one to back down.

“Okay. Dance with me. You’ll see,” You sound cocky to the ear, but your insides are buzzing around and you might throw up at any second. The man just lifts his eyebrows for a moment, but you find his hand and drag him in the mess of people grinding on each other.

His hands find your hips easily, and you start your tease by swinging your hips a little. You feel stiff, even to yourself, and definitely to the man. He squeezes your side a little and leans down to your ear. “Let go,” He whispers. It feels like a magical spell, or maybe just validation, but your really start dancing.

You couldn’t describe what happened, or how you danced. All you really remember is shouting lyrics, his endless brown eyes, your hips moving, and the bodies around you bumping into you. In those fleeting moments, did you feel free. As corny and cliche as if might sound, you lost yourself in the music. You forgot about your exam papers, studies, packing to leave, and just about anything in your life. You forgot your own name for minutes at a time. It didn’t bother you for a moment that your didn’t know your dancing partners name

So when another pop-song-made-EDM finished, it felt natural to kiss him. His head ducked down a little, yours peaked up, and while the next song starts, your tongues clash. It feels like nothing else in the world, kissing this stranger.

It feels like sunshine on your skin, summer nights, campfire stories, and most of all it feels like home. A home that you know you’ll never have. So when you pull away, and yell into his ear that your getting a drink, you know your not going to find him again. You find your friend at the bar, and you drag her out.

Little did you know that the man, Ashton Irwin, was looking for you the rest of the night, wanting a number. Wanting to see you again. Wanting something more than an electrifying kiss. You were gone though, nowhere to be found.

So it’s the next morning in your dorm room, that you wake up to Cammie squealing. You groan, and even though you didn’t drink, you felt hung-over. “What Cammie?” You ask, almost falling asleep as she tries to catch her breath.

“Did you know Ashton Irwin was at the club last night?” She is yelling, and you're sure the other student can hear her through the thin walls.

“Who?” you ask. You’re eyes can’t even open all the way.

“Ashton Irwin! From 5 Seconds of Summer!” She’s yelling and shoving a phone in your face. You open your eyes enough to see a paparazzi picture of the man you were dancing with last night. You don’t know how to respond for the first time in your life. You, the know-it-all suddenly doesn’t know the answer. The idea of that scares you.

It’s hours later though that you reach a final decision about your feelings. There’s no point in trying to tweet to him. With the mess of tweets and Instagram DM’s that he gets, yours would be lost in the crowd. So, coming to the conclusion that you’ll never see him again. He’ll never be interested you like that. It was a one-night thing that won’t be repeated. It’s the secret you may carry to your grave, because the experience shouldn’t be tainted with other peoples opinions. For that one night he was a stranger. He wasn’t Ashton Irwin from the band 5SOS, he was just a stranger to you.

He’ll always be your stranger.

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sniffsnuffs-blog · 6 years

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Thank You Amberlynn and Eugenia

(Trigger warning: Eating disorders)

I watch two different types of youtubers. On one hand I have Ms. Amberlynnreid who struggles with binge eating. On the other I have Ms. Eugenia Cooney, a woman who struggles with anorexia.

While I have been a long time Amberlynn watcher, almost over a year, I've only just gotten into Eugenia Cooney. Both make my heart hurt, Amberlynn encouraged me to be honest with myself and take care of myself but only through her weight gain of 200+lbs.

I was starting to get to where I was proud of eating less than 900 calories and that I was going to lose so much weight. I was so happy that I was getting results, I had lost about 20 pounds in the summer I found Amberlynn and I was getting the encouragement of my peers around me. I got loads of "You look great!" and various forms of "Slay girl!" But you don't think about how deep you're in when you're going down from 220lbs. I realized though I was getting weird, eating the lightest possible breakfast, typically coffee with 2 creams it was constantly how many calories was in this, what about that, meat has too many calories so let's be vegetarian, more liquids lots of liquids coffee is too many calories with cream so tea is better, you know bad ED thoughts.

While I was here I found Eugenia Cooney. She very clearly is anorexic, from her first video you can see it. She unfortunately has never gotten help for her disorder and now we're seeing what comes from long term anorexia. Today I have made sure that I'm going to keep eating but have a healthy balance.

It has been terribly difficult to come to terms with having a healthy balance, I'm still losing weight but I'm doing this the healthy way now. I'm eating at the minimum 1,200 calories and once I get close to my goal weight I'll ease myself into a maintaining caloric need. While I wish the best for the both of them I can't help but feel like they won't be around much longer. I'm so grateful to them for helping me in my personal growth and I'll be really sad to see them gone from the world at such young ages. But I thank them profusely for helping me before I got too deep on either spectrum. Thank you Amberlynn Reid for helping me start my diet. Thank you Eugenia Cooney for making sure I eat enough. I'll miss both of you dearly.

Tl;dr: I watched ALR and ended up getting obsessed with my weight to a point of being happy with 900 calories per day, Eugenia reminded me that eating is important.

#eating disroders #eating disoder tw #amberlynn reid #eugenia cooney #recovery #my story

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fuckedupfairyy-blog · 7 years

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So yeah, here goes.

So here’s my story, as pathetic as it may be. This is my story.

I had a great childhood, my parents split when I was 10. I blamed myself, only now I’m older I’ve realized it’s not my fault and it was for the best. I was bullied throughout primary school, called a fatty, pushed down, followed and called names. He terrorized me. Then secondary school nothing changed, it just got worse. There were more bullies, they treated me worse. I would walk into class and the boys would laugh and shout “thunder thighs” and say my name in a stupid voices, throwing things.. It was basically hell. So I started looking for attention and compliments elsewhere.

When I was in year 8, aged 13 I signed myself up for adult dating sites. I got loads of compliments and it made me feel amazing. Then being the stupid nieeve girl I was I starting chatting to a guy from Bodmin and arranged to meet him for Pizza and TV. He picked me up from school and my whole life changed from there.

He was a police officer and took serious advantage of me. I still blame myself, because if I wasnt so stupid to get into the car he wouldn’t of been able to rape me or keep me hostage.

From then on I started self harming, every night. I couldn’t get to sleep without making myself bleed. It became a addiction, I then started to become obsessed over my weight. Hating every part of me, crying in front of the mirror because of the constant bullies and flashbacks. I was big, size 22. I was on Tumblr on my desktop in my room everyday, looking at depressing quotes and talking to other people in chat rooms with depression aswell. Then I stumbled across Thinspiration. It ruined me, constantly obsessing over the fact I was fat. So I stole 2 a4 text books from school and sat in the library and printed out hundreds of thinspo pics and motivational quotes. Not so positive, more like.. “Everytime you binge you’re another week away from your goal weight” and a picture of a fat girl and a picture of a anorexic girl saying “cake or water? your choice.” It became my life, calorie counting, not eating for days, challenging myself on how much exercise I can do in a day without collapsing. Basically destroying my body. But I didn’t care, because within a month I had lost 30lbs and I wasnt complaining. In fact I was so happy with myself that i couldn’t stop, from a simple diet I was obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about calories, goal weights and everything in between. I would spend lessons writing out meal plans and drawing tiny girls and my free time telling my abusive ex boyfriend about what I had and hadn’t ate. Then I’d stay up all night self harming and planning out the next day.

The worst part was the hallucinations, I would see ‘The Black Man’ I used to call him. A dark male figure with no face sat on my desk in the corner or the bed looking in my direction. I would try and scream and shout but nothing would come out so I ended up sitting there having a panic attack until my mum came in and he would disappear. This happened for 2 years every night, I would wake up with sleep paralysis nearly every night seeing the same man in the corner screaming not being able to move for about 20 minutes before the scream left my body and my mum came rushing in. It was hell.

I was working with CAMHS who are a children mental health service and they diagnosed me with PTSD, depression, anxiety, EDNOS, body dismorphia and borderline psychosis.

My ex boyfriend was controlling and manipulative. He would also encourage my weight loss, which I guess in a way is totally fair because I was obese. He would stop me hanging out with my friends because he wanted me to himself and kept feeding me drugs so I wouldn’t go anywhere. When I was in year 10 I was doing my photography exam and hadn’t eaten in nearly 9 days. My body basically had a meltdown and I was phsycially sick until I ate something. But as you can imagine after 9 days of just water there wasn’t much to come up so it was a painful and horrifying experience..

After that I didn’t want to stop, after loosing 14lbs in 9 days I was so happy that i carried on making meal plans and exercising all night.

I then got into pills and acid, acid didn’t effect me until the summer where i did the bad acid and after that my mood changed. I would do pills for 2/3 days in a tent with my ex and not sleep then go back to my mums and all hell would break loose. She would say something I didn’t like and i would switch, turn into the most nasty disgusting girl and daughter you can imagine. Screaming in my mums face, punching holes in the walls, kicking holes in the doors, smashing everything in my way until she called the police, i would be detained and then the same would happen the next day. It got so bad that the police told my mum to just call the mental health ward if I kicked off again and I would be sectioned. I ran away from home and lived in a broken car in a car park in Veryan for 2 weeks. To be honest it was great, apart from when I was up by the club in Veryan and saw this women and man. It was a dark night and there was a elderly women stood in the middle of the road. I walked over to her and asked if she was okay she didn’t respond. She was stood there bending down petting her dog then standing up again. But as if it was a video on loop. The dog was running up to me, jumping up at me. It was only a little white Jack Russell. Then i turned around to ask Ash what was going on and he was freaking out. Because he couldn’t see her. Now, i realise it was a hallucination but it still scared the fuck out of me. I could feel the dogs wet paws, see the lady and her blue coat. I turned and there was a man in a trench coat stood on the pavement moving his figure to ask to come over. So I did, and when I did. He disappeared and as I turned so did she. I was convinced it was a ghost but he couldn’t see or hear anything.

Now too this day if I walk down a dark road or anything similar alone i will see the dog running up and down the road.

My other hallucination is also one that has stuck with me throughout my life, The Monkey Man.

He’s a normal, medium sized man around 6ft 3 but he’s got a mask of a monkey stuck to his face and he follows me everywhere i walk alone in the dark. He will be walking just behind my left side and when i turn around and look at him he melts into the ground but when i look forward and then back again he does the same. So I just keep looking out the cornor of my eye to make sure he’s still there and to he honest now it feels like hes protecting me in some sort of way. He’s got my other voice, he’s my opposite but also just like me because he gives me advice on what I’m thinking. Don’t think im crazy, i haven’t seen him in around a year but to be honest, if I was walking alone I would see him and the dog again.

Things now are different, im hardly alone so have not much time to think properly so when i do think it effects the people around me which sucks. I’m a lot better now then I was, I dont get sleep paralysis, i don’t have a weight loss book, I’m eating more then 500 calories a day (which used to be my absolute max), i’ve got a good boyfriend and I dont have to walk places in the dark on my own anymore so I dont notice the hallucinations.

But im still not 100% because little things trigger me, like any mention about my weight at all or me eating anything triggers me and makes me want to fast and exercise. I am pretty sensitive at the moment and I shouldn’t be, but im working on it. I want to be the strong and powerful girl who is independent and gets shit done the first and right way! I will be the strong and powerful girl! I want to have kids one day and be the best mum in whole world, give them everything they need plus more love and care then any kid has ever had. But I also want to be the best wife in the world, I’m going to tone my body up and get fit, learn how to cook the best food ever, be the best and cleaning and be smart funny and good in the bedroom. So you cant say im not getting anywhere because the first step is acceptance which ive done and the next step is to create goals and ive done that. All i need to do now is put those goals into place and i will be flying. Ive got a amazing boyfriend who keeps me on track and makes me feel a little more beautiful every day so as long as we stick together I don't think I'll have any problems. Fuck my past, I am who i am.

Thanks for listening……

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lovemesomesurveys · 7 years

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What color of suit did your father wear to your parents wedding? If your parents were never married, what kind of dress / suit would you like to wear to your own wedding? I don’t know if I want to get married, so.

What is your favorite show? How often do you watch it? I have several favorite shows.

Are Zhu Zhu pets really that awesome? No.

Ideally, how many children would you want in the future? I don’t know if I want kids, either.

What is something that you hate to do every day? Take my medicine.

Do you believe that true love can be found online? It happens.

Have you ever just lost interest in a friend? I’m often the one people lose interest in.

If you had to live in an extreme environment — think Sahara, Antarctica, under the sea, on the Moon— where would you want to live? Why? Antarctica. I’m afraid of deep water and I can’t swim, the idea of outer space scares me, and I don’t do well even just during the summer. Those places just sound worse to me.

What does your last outgoing text say? I don’t feel like checking.

How was your day overall? It’s been okay now that I’m somewhere that has working AC and I’m not dying.

Have you kissed someone more than 20 times in 13? In 2013? Yes. At 13? No.

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? One.

How often do you hold back what you want to say? Most of the time.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely? I have no idea. No one texts me except for my parents and brother, and I live with them. Although, my mom does sometimes text me from her room and she has done so at night to tell me something she just remembered or about something on TV.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Yes.

Who did you last ride in a car with besides family? It’s been so long since I’ve been in a car with anyone other than family.

How do you know the last male you texted? He’s my brother.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? Yes.

Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you? In a general sense.

Last movie you saw in theaters? Beauty and the Beast.

Do you laugh a lot? Sure.

Are you good at giving directions? Nooo. I’m horrible.

What does your mom call you? Sis or Steph.

Are you afraid of roller coasters? Yes.

Ever had a song sang about/for you? No.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yes.

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap? Yes.

Is it hard for you to be happy for someone else? No.

If you could have one language, one habit, and one skill “downloaded” straight into your brain, what would they be? I’d be fluent in Spanish, take better care of myself, and be able to draw.

What are some upcoming films you’re looking forward to seeing? The Last Jedi, but I still have a few months to go.

Write a sentence in another language: Estoy escuchando un video de YouTube.

Do you know what emancipation of minors is? Yes.

Are you one to ditch set plans? Sometimes, but I always feel crappy about it. I try and give a good amount of notice, though. I don’t wait last minute.

Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No.

Can you actually play an instrument or do you say it to be cool? I can’t play one and I don’t say I can.

What big city do you live near? Los Angeles.

Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? Sure.

Is there a Sonic in your area? Yes.

Have you ever gone to a thrift store? Yes.

When is the last time you sneezed? Yesterday.

Are you happy with your weight? No.

If you had to choose, would you rather be anorexic or bulimic? I would rather not be either. That’s a very serious thing.

Have you ever starved yourself/made yourself throw up? No.

Do you think Johnny Depp is attractive? No.

Are you happy with the state you live in? Yes.

How many times have you seen the opposite sex naked? Never in person.

How many times have you seen the same sex naked? Never in person. Other than myself, ha.

Do u type lyke dis or do you type normally? Oh my gosh no I don’t type lyke dis.

Have you ever gotten in a physical fight? Did you win? Never been in one.

Are you registered to vote? Yes.

When days go by, do you cross them off on the calendar? Nope.

Are you currently counting down to something? If so, what? Summer being over.

How old were you when you got text messaging? Sixteen was when I got my first cell phone.

Do you pay rent to your parents? No.

What do you think of Obama’s new healthcare bill? Old survey.

How many icons are on your desktop? Zero.

Do you spit or swallow? --

Ever wrote something on a bathroom wall? No.

Do you dye eggs for Easter? I did all the time growing up, up until like three years ago. ha.

What color hair did the last person you kissed have? Brown.

Do you like your eye color? It’s alright.

What’s the nearest beach? One that’s about 2 hours away.

Ever been to Florida? No.

What type of car did you ride in last? Honda.

Are you excited for summer 2013? Buddy, it’s summer 2017.

What class were your parents (ex. class of ‘75)? I don’t feel like calculating.

Are you in debt right now? For what? Yes.

What color is your phone? Rose gold.

Have you ever had someone read a text message they weren’t supposed to see? No.

What’s the minimum age you think someone should have a cell phone at? I don’t know. Like 12 or 13.

Would you ever work night crew? No.

How old is the last person you texted? 50.

Has the power ever went out in your area when it wasn’t even storming? Yeah. It happens during the summer sometimes. Or if someone hits a power line or something.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? I sleep with the TV on.

Do you ever get scared of the dark? Under what circumstances do you feel afraid in darkness? If I’m alone.

Who was the last person that lied to you, or that you can recall lying to you? What did they lie about? How did you find out they were lying? I don’t recall.

Do you know anyone that says they don’t lie, ever? How do you feel about this? No, but if someone said that they’d be lying.

Do you ever use the term “smashed” to describe someone as being very drunk? No.

What do you think makes a person ugly, physically? Well that’s rude.

What do you think makes a person ugly, personality-wise? Arrogant, cocky, obnoxious, disrespectful, thinks they’re better than everyone, rude...

Has anyone ever called you ugly, straight up, before? How did you react to this? No.

Who is the most stubborn person you know {excluding yourself}? My dad. I get it from him.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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surveysonfleek · 7 years

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183.

What color of suit did your father wear to your parents wedding? If your parents were never married, what kind of dress / suit would you like to wear to your own wedding? i think black? i haven’t seen their wedding photos in years.

What is your favorite show? How often do you watch it? the office. sadly it ended like 3-4 years ago but ever once in awhile i’ll rewatch the entire series.

Are Zhu Zhu pets really that awesome? i have no idea.

Ideally, how many children would you want in the future? at least two. depending how childbirth goes and our financial situation i wouldn’t mind having more.

What is something that you hate to do every day? if i have work, going to work lol.

Do you believe that true love can be found online? i don’t see why not.

Have you ever just lost interest in a friend? yes. one of my friends is a teacher and will not stop talking about her job. like, that’s all she talks about. i still love her as a friend but i’m over the same kinds of conversation again and again.

If you had to live in an extreme environment — think Sahara, Antarctica, under the sea, on the Moon— where would you want to live? Why? sahara or antarctica with a great air con/heater system. not a fan of the ocean or the lack of gravity on the moon.

What does your last outgoing text say? i’m home.

How was your day overall? annoying.

Have you kissed someone more than 20 times in 13? in 13? like 2013? if so then yes.

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? two. my dad and boyfriend.

How often do you hold back what you want to say? a lot of the time, or i’ll just find a nicer way to say it.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely? my bofyriend.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? yes.

Who did you last ride in a car with besides family? my boyfriend.

How do you know the last male you texted? he’s my boyfriend.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? yep.

Did your last kiss take place on a bed? no.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you? yes.

Last movie you saw in theaters? fantastic beasts. i haven’t gone to the movies this year at all lol.

Do you laugh a lot? yes.

Are you good at giving directions? if i’m familiar with the area then yeah.

What does your mom call you? by my childhood nickname. it’s embarrassing.

Are you afraid of roller coasters? generally i like them.

Ever had a song sang about/for you? yeah but like a 10 second song lol.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? yep.

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap? nope. i can’t fake being nice either. not even to customers.

Is it hard for you to be happy for someone else? no.

If you could have one language, one habit, and one skill “downloaded” straight into your brain, what would they be? spanish, going to the gym everyday andddd being a pro at I.T.

What are some upcoming films you’re looking forward to seeing? not really.

Write a sentence in another language: bakit gising pa ako?

Do you know what emancipation of minors is? yep.

Are you one to ditch set plans? hardly. i’m that one friend that’ll always stick to plans.

Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? yes.

Can you actually play an instrument or do you say it to be cool? i’ve memorized some pieces on guitar but my nails haven’t been short enough in forever.

What big city do you live near? sydney.

Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? sure.

Is there a Sonic in your area? no.

Have you ever gone to a thrift store? yes.

When is the last time you sneezed? i forgot.

Are you happy with your weight? nope.

If you had to choose, would you rather be anorexic or bulimic? neither. come on now.

Have you ever starved yourself/made yourself throw up? no. actually i’ve made myself throw up after a night of drinking. i knew i wouldn’t feel any better unless i threw it all up.

Do you think Johnny Depp is attractive? he was gorgeous when he was a lot younger. he’s not attractive to me at all now.

Are you happy with the state you live in? yes.

How many times have you seen the opposite sex naked? plenty of times. just my boyfriend though.

How many times have you seen the same sex naked? a couple times.

Do u type lyke dis or do you type normally? normally.

Have you ever gotten in a physical fight? Did you win? no.

Are you registered to vote? yes.

When days go by, do you cross them off on the calendar? no.

Are you currently counting down to something? If so, what? my anniversary i guess.

How old were you when you got text messaging? hmmm 12 maybe?

Do you pay rent to your parents? yes.

What do you think of Obama’s new healthcare bill? i’m not american. so no idea.

How many icons are on your desktop? maybe 20.

Do you spit or swallow? spit.

Ever wrote something on a bathroom wall? no.

Do you dye eggs for Easter? no.

What color hair did the last person you kissed have? brown.

Do you like your eye color? it’s okay.

What’s the nearest beach? about an hour away.

Ever been to Florida? yes.

What type of car did you ride in last? suzuki alto.

Are you excited for summer 2013? ages ago!

What class were your parents (ex. class of ‘75)? they’re different ages. plus i can’t calculate when they graduated right now coz i’m lazy.

Are you in debt right now? For what? yeah, just a credit card. paying it off soon.

What color is your phone? grey.

Have you ever had someone read a text message they weren’t supposed to see? yep.

What’s the minimum age you think someone should have a cell phone at? for emergencies, any age i guess. no smart phones until 10-12 though.

Would you ever work night crew? i have.

How old is the last person you texted? 26.

Has the power ever went out in your area when it wasn’t even storming? yes.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? lights off.

Do you ever get scared of the dark? Under what circumstances do you feel afraid in darkness? i love the darkness in my own room. i’m a bit more afraid of the dark in places i’m not familiar with.

Who was the last person that lied to you, or that you can recall lying to you? What did they lie about? How did you find out they were lying? my boyfriend’s brother is a serial liar and lies to absolutely everyone. idk what’s wrong with him. it’s getting worse.

Do you know anyone that says they don’t lie, ever? How do you feel about this? yes. clearly i don’t believe it. i’m sure everyone’s made a little white lie once.

Do you ever use the term “smashed” to describe someone as being very drunk? yes.

What do you think makes a person ugly, physically? idk, i guess how their features make up their face? i don’t really call anyone ugly though.

What do you think makes a person ugly, personality-wise? just someone who’s cocky, arrogant, ignorant and rude.

Has anyone ever called you ugly, straight up, before? How did you react to this? i don’t think so...

Who is the most stubborn person you know {excluding yourself}? my mum.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions #bored

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jessicakehoe · 5 years

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How Mina Gerges Went From Being a Viral Meme to a Body Positivity Champion

Mina Gerges has had a rollercoaster few years. Since 2015, when his elaborate Instagram recreations of celebrity red carpet looks went viral, he’s dealt with a fallout with his family, a body image battle, homophobia, and online trolls but has emerged as a body positivity champion and now, one of the faces of Sephora Canada’s new national campaign. Read on for our interview with Gerges about body diversity, LGBTQ representation and more.

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Literally crying in excitement to share that I’m in Sephora’s new national campaign😭 When I was 9 years old, I’d sneak into my mom’s room and wear her red lipstick when she wasn’t home. I went to an all-boys school in Abu Dhabi and had to pretend to be someone I’m not so that I’d fit in and not get bullied more, and I always cherished these moments of joy I felt in my mom’s red lipstick. I think about my younger self, and how much he needed to know that he’d be okay. That there’s nothing wrong with him for being different. That our culture may never understand him, but that he’s so beautiful and nothing’s wrong with him. Fast forward to this monumental campaign – a gay Middle Eastern immigrant as the face of a makeup brand. I’ve been looking at this picture for a week, in awe of the confidence and power that radiate through this image. I see resilience and beauty, shining so bright and unapologetically as an openly gay Middle Eastern man despite belonging to a culture that systemically erases and persecutes our LGBTQ community. Representation matters, and I am grateful to fight for the visibility of our community and share the struggles we face, because we’re still so unrepresented in the media. To think that this can give hope to just one young queer Middle Eastern person that they matter, that they’re seen, and that there’s nothing wrong with them brings me tears. I’m beyond grateful that my first ever campaign is with a brand like Sephora that has always been a safe space for me to explore my gender expression, and that’s so unapologetic and bold about celebrating diversity. To me, beauty is reclaiming my culture from the toxic masculinity that’s so engrained within it, and creating new narratives about what it means to be LGBTQ and Middle Eastern/ North African. To that young, scared, lonely Mina who was always told there’s something wrong with him for being gay, I just want you to know that you’ll be okay, and you’re going to look so beautiful in billboards all over this country one day. Shot by the incredible @leeorwild 🌟@sephoracanada #SephoraPartner

A post shared by MINA GERGES (مينا) (@itsminagerges) on Jul 2, 2019 at 4:01pm PDT

Buzzfeed writing a post about your Instagram account is the sort of thing most teens dream about. But for Mina Gerges, then a 19-year-old student at Western University, it was a bittersweet moment. Yes, his cheeky red carpet recreations suddenly had thousands more likes, his inbox was flooded with emails and interview requests, and he’d even gotten a repost from Katy Perry but that Buzzfeed story had another consequence: it outed him to his conservative Egyptian parents.

“We somehow went eight months without talking about it,” recounts Gerges over black coffee at a Toronto cafe. But unbeknownst to him, his parents were Googling him every day, suddenly privy to the secret life that Gerges had been living for months. They’d seen the tongue-in-cheek recreations he’d been shooting in his bedroom with the help of his sisters (looks that included a dress fashioned out of a garbage bag and tinfoil to echo Jennifer Lopez’s outfit at the 2015 Vanity Fair Oscar party and curtains painstakingly painted to resemble Kim Kardashian’s look for the 2015 Met Gala), the interviews he’d been giving to various media outlets, and even the Arabic news sites that had picked up the story. Finally, several months after that first Buzzfeed post in January 2015, his parents sat him down to talk.

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Yes, those are cheese slices on my head 🧀😂 #MetGala #MinaGerges #RitaOra

A post shared by MINA GERGES (مينا) (@itsminagerges) on May 1, 2017 at 8:06pm PDT

“The language barrier made it so difficult to communicate what I felt or to communicate even what it is [to be gay],” explains Gerges. “At the time the only Arabic word for what it means to be gay, ‘khaneeth,’ directly translated to something negative—it connotes being a pervert, effeminate, and is more commonly used as a way of saying faggot.”

Since then, fuelled by the efforts of LGBTQ activists, the terminology has expanded to include words like ‘mithli’ which translates to “same” or “homo,” but the perception of queer people as being sexually deviant is so ingrained in Middle Eastern culture that no matter how hard Gerges tried to mend the relationship with his parents, nothing worked. Hard as that was—and continues to be—it also gave him the motivation to use his social media presence to change the way the Arab community viewed LGBTQ people, and to give them positive examples to look to.

“A lot of what I do now is informed from what I learned trying to deal with my parents,” he says. “I’m educating myself on what it’s like to be queer in the Middle East and what I can do with my platform to talk about this or to create any kind of change. And I’ve found a community of kids who have felt exactly the way that I have felt. I take that back. Not just kids, but older men and younger men, queer women, trans people from the Middle East, who have found similarities in our stories.”

Photography by Samuel Engelking

Gerges, who grew up between Cairo in Egypt and Abu Dhabi in the UAE, moved to Canada at the age of 12 with his mother and two sisters (his father came later). In both the countries where he grew up, being gay or even acknowledging LGBTQ people or rights was completely missing from the culture. In fact, he had no idea what the word ‘gay’ meant or even that it existed until someone called him that in high school. To be out and proud may not have been something Gerges ever saw growing up, but even after moving to Canada it was a very narrow version of “gay” that his formative understanding of the term was built on.

“The first time I Googled “gay men” all I saw was images of white, muscular, slim men,” he says. “So I thought that that was the norm.”

In trying to fit that mould as a young man grappling with his identity and sexuality, Gerges went down a spiral of eating disorders and body dysmorphia. He became anorexic in his first year of university, a time when he was not only struggling with being accepted in the gay community “as a plus-size man of colour” but also deeply unhappy studying science, something his parents had encouraged him to do. (He later switched to media studies.) When he began his celeb recreation posts in the summer of 2014, he was already suffering from anorexia.

“The people who may have followed me from the very beginning saw a Mina who was anorexic, at 150 lbs. And when I was in recovery shortly after, I started gaining back some weight and I was happy. But it was hard to find that happiness when I went on social media. I was at the height of my creativity where it wasn’t just drag, it was DIY, it was kind of like the golden age of my work. But all that people could comment about was my weight. I was like ‘I just spent eight hours painting this garbage bag so it can look like a million dollar dress and all you have to say is to call me a whale.’ It broke me. It was one of the worst things I’ve experienced in my life.”

He took eight months off social media between October 2015 and May 2016. During this hiatus, Gerges took the time to heal, using the distance from people’s hateful comments to learn how to love and accept his body. When he was finally ready to return to social media, he made a promise to himself that things were going to be different.

Photography by Samuel Engelking

“I decided I wasn’t going to FaceTune my body anymore. Instead of hiding it I’m going to be so unapologetic about this body and maybe if people see confidence they will be less likely to say mean things. Honestly something as simple as not FaceTuning out stretch marks felt like such a liberating act of protest. And also reclaiming a platform that I was basically bullied off of.”

And that was the beginning of a new chapter for Gerges’ public persona. In 2018 he posted a shirtless picture of himself along with a lengthy caption about why it was “the scariest yet most empowering post I’ve ever made.”

“The feedback was unlike anything that I had ever experienced. It was a lot of people from the LGBT community, not just men, who were sharing with me very similar stories about their struggles with their body image and experiencing an eating disorder. That’s when it clicked for me. I’d felt so alone when I was 19-20 years old but here I was getting all these messages from people telling me they’d had the exact same journey but were ashamed to talk about it. That’s when I was like ‘this is my calling.’ Let’s shift this conversation.”

Last year, Gerges did a nude photo shoot with NOW Toronto for their annual Body Issue. He posted the nude photos on Instagram when the issue came out and lost 4000 followers.

“You see male models who are thin and muscular pose for pictures just like these, or even more scandalous ones, and those pictures end up in editorials and in ad campaigns for Dolce & Gabbana and Versace.” But when a body like his is nude, he says, the comments move swiftly from praise to criticism. “That double standard is why we need to talk about body positivity and the fact that bodies like mine, which don’t fit into this beauty ideal, experience the world differently and are treated differently because of it. It was crazy to get the backlash for that when thinner, more muscular guys are being praised for the exact same thing.”

Photography by Samuel Engelking

“It was a voice that needed to be heard and a story that needed to be told,” says Samuel Engelking, the photographer who shot the images for the Love Your Body issue. Engelking, who has photographed the likes of Margaret Atwood, Ai Weiwei and MIA, says of working with Gerges, “When we first met on set I was immediately taken by his positive spirit and confidence despite the unusual circumstances of the shoot.”

This newfound confidence is what Gerges’ followers are responding to, and he’s seen a shift in the way they interact with him online, even though the negative and hurtful comments about him, his body and his Middle Eastern identity—even from others in the Arab world—do still keep rolling in.

“Giving up my culture as these, for lack of a better word, these haters would want me to, is not an option,” he says. “I refuse to be shamed out of my culture. It is mine just as much as it is yours. Nothing that you can do will prevent me from embracing being Egyptian and being North African. You cannot take that away from me.”

The post How Mina Gerges Went From Being a Viral Meme to a Body Positivity Champion appeared first on FASHION Magazine.

How Mina Gerges Went From Being a Viral Meme to a Body Positivity Champion published first on https://borboletabags.tumblr.com/

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thankgodforcheatdays-blog · 6 years

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Background story Part2

I’d gain and lose and gain and lose which was this vicious cycle, that was where my binging took full affect on me. I’d lose weight for a year then gain it back by binging. Up until 7 th grade where I was probably my heaviest where when I would wear skirts and be walking around my thighs would burn in between. After 7 th grade I had lost all my weight due to me growing up and everyone’s comments of how I wasn’t skinny enough which was a normal thing to be 100 pounds and look anorexic. I moved to U.S.A. With my father at age of 14 in 9 th grade and I was so happy to be out of that hell hole. Not until I was about 18 had 6 months or so to graduate high school decided to visit my mom and family back in my country. I had an anxiety thinking what if they think I’m fat and everyone I’ll ever see will mention how I wasn’t skinny enough so in stress I started eating more and that’s when I was at my heaviest back than which was 184lbs. I was my first year of college around fall going into winter I started to get my shit together and lost 15-20 pounds. When it came time to visit back I was in high 150’s. When I got to my country of course everyone told me how much I’ve gained that I needed to lose weight and I shouldn’t be this fat at my age. I’m 5’4 and the weight I was I was NOT looking fat.. probably chubby but definitely not fat. When I was there I was stressed out from everyone putting pressure so I continued my exercise even more than I used to, barely ate and when I got back to U.S at the end of the summer I had lost another 20lbs. I was in my low 140’s when I got back everyone was telling me how nice I looked and how I lost so much weight but back home everyone still thought I was fat. I remained In mid 130’s after getting back up until 3 years after when I started to gain all the weight back. I didn’t care anymore, I stopped exercising because it was too overwhelming not eating and exercising 6-7 times a week for 2 hours at the gym. I gave up all at once and my body was so starved I couldn’t control myself to not binge again so I started again. By age of 24 my highest weight hit 209... I know it’s terrible but I couldn’t control my starve binge cycle. Not until last year 2018 I got it under control beginning of the year. I was so desperate and broken inside I was willing to take any help I got, I didn’t want to feel that way ever again and wanted to never binge again. That’s when I came across this book called brain over binge. After reading it I realized how hard others have it. Mine wasn’t as bad as I thought from reading what I’ve read but it was bad enough to keep me depressed. I overcame the binging and started all over again, I haven’t binged since.. I mean yes I have over eaten at times but never binged to the point where I felt disgusted of my body at night when it was uncomfortable for me to sleep at night. Since September 2017 I had lost close to 30 pounds just from not binging anymore and exercising here and there. Currently I am working on putting all this suffer and pain I had to go though for body image to impress others and I just want to be at my normal comfortable weight again. Not to be 135 and still feel fat like I used to. I have faith in myself that somehow, someway I will do this and lose more and be completely comfortable in my body which I’m not right now. So here goes to getting my body, mind and spirit backs. Back to a place where things were simpler and no one was focused on weight.

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jamesgeiiger · 6 years

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He’s a ‘tech addict’ who works in the tech industry

BELLEVUE, Wash. — The young men sit in chairs in a circle in a small meeting room in suburban Seattle and introduce themselves before they speak. It is much like any other 12-step meeting — but with a twist.

“Hi, my name is,” each begins. Then something like, “and I’m an internet and tech addict.”

The eight who’ve gathered here are beset by a level of tech obsession that’s different than it is for those of us who like to say we’re addicted to our phones or an app or some new show on a streaming video service. For them, tech gets in the way of daily functioning and self-care. We’re talking flunk-your-classes, can’t-find-a-job, live-in-a-dark-hole kinds of problems, with depression, anxiety and sometimes suicidal thoughts part of the mix.

There’s Christian, a 20-year-old college student from Wyoming who has a traumatic brain injury. His mom urged him to seek help because he was “medicating” his depression with video games and marijuana.

Seth, a 28-year-old from Minnesota, used video games and any number of things to try to numb his shame after a car he was driving crashed, seriously injuring his brother.

Wes, 21, an Eagle Scout and college student from Michigan, played video games 80 hours a week, only stopping to eat every two to three days. He lost 25 pounds and failed his classes.

Across town there is another young man who attended this meeting, before his work schedule changed — and his work places him squarely at risk of temptation.

He does cloud maintenance for a suburban Seattle tech company. For a self-described tech addict, this is like working in the lion’s den, labouring for the very industry that peddles the games, videos and other online content that long has been his vice.

“I’m like an alcoholic working at a bar,” the 27-year-old laments.

——

“The drugs of old are now repackaged. We have a new foe,” Cosette Rae says of the barrage of tech. A former developer in the tech world, she heads a Seattle area rehab centre called reSTART Life, one of the few residential programs in the nation specializing in tech addiction.

Use of that word — addiction — when it comes to devices, online content and the like, is still debated in the mental health world. But many practitioners agree that tech use is increasingly intertwined with the problems of those seeking help.

An American Academy of Pediatrics review of worldwide research found that excessive use of video games alone is a serious problem for as many as 9 per cent of young people. This summer, the World Health Organization also added “gaming disorder” to its list of afflictions. A similar diagnosis is being considered in the United States.

It can be a taboo subject in an industry that frequently faces criticism for using “persuasive design,” intentionally harnessing psychological concepts to make tech all the more enticing. That’s why the 27-year-old who works at the tech company spoke on condition that his identity not be revealed. He fears that speaking out could hurt his fledgling career.

“I stay in the tech industry because I truly believe that technology can help other people,” the young man says. He wants to do good.

But as his co-workers huddle nearby, talking excitedly about their latest video game exploits, he puts on his headphones, hoping to block the frequent topic of conversation in this tech-centric part of the world.

Even the computer screen in front of him could lead him astray. But he digs in, typing determinedly on his keyboard to refocus on the task at hand.

——

The demons are not easy to wrestle for this young man, who was born in 1991, the very year the World Wide Web went public.

As a toddler, he sat on his dad’s lap as they played simple video games on a Mac Classic II computer. Together in their Seattle area home, they browsed the internet on what was then a ground-breaking new service called Prodigy. The sound of the bouncy, then high-pitched tones of the dial-up connection are etched in his memory.

By early elementary school, he got his first Super Nintendo system and fell in love with “Yoshi’s Story,” a game where the main character searched for “lucky fruit.”

As he grew, so did one of the world’s major tech hubs. Led by Microsoft, it rose from the nondescript suburban landscape and farm fields here, just a short drive from the home he still shares with his mom, who split from her husband when their only child was 11.

The boy dreamt of being part of this tech boom and, in eighth grade, wrote a note to himself. “I want to be a computer engineer,” it read.

Very bright and with a head full of facts and figures, he usually did well in school. He also took an interest in music and acting but recalls how playing games increasingly became a way to escape life — the pain he felt, for instance, when his parents divorced or when his first serious girlfriend broke his heart at age 14. That relationship still ranks as his longest.

“Hey, do you wanna go out?” friends would ask.

“No, man, I got plans. I can’t do it this weekend. Sorry,” was his typical response, if he answered at all.

“And then I’d just go play video games,” he says of his adolescent “dark days,” exacerbated by attention deficit disorder, depression and major social anxiety.

Even now, if he thinks he’s said something stupid to someone, his words are replaced with a verbal tick – “Tsst, tsst” — as he replays the conversation in his head.

“There’s always a catalyst and then it usually bubbles up these feelings of avoidance,” he says. “I go online instead of dealing with my feelings.”

He’d been seeing a therapist since his parents’ divorce. But attending college out of state allowed more freedom and less structure, so he spent even more time online. His grades plummeted, forcing him to change majors, from engineering to business.

Eventually, he graduated in 2016 and moved home. Each day, he’d go to a nearby restaurant or the library to use the Wi-Fi, claiming he was looking for a job but having no luck.

Instead, he was spending hours on Reddit, an online forum where people share news and comments, or viewing YouTube videos. Sometimes, he watched online porn.

Even now, his mom doesn’t know that he lied. “I still need to apologize for that,” he says, quietly.

——

The apologies will come later, in Step 9 of his 12-step program, which he found with the help of a therapist who specializes in tech addiction. He began attending meetings of the local group called Internet & Tech Addiction Anonymous in the fall of 2016 and landed his current job a couple months later.

For a while now, he’s been stuck on Step 4 — the personal inventory — a challenge to take a deep look at himself and the source of his problems. “It can be overwhelming,” he says.

The young men at the recent 12-step meeting understand the struggle.

“I had to be convinced that this was a ‘thing,”‘ says Walker, a 19-year-old from Washington whose parents insisted he get help after video gaming trashed his first semester of college. He and others from the meeting agreed to speak only if identified by first name, as required by the 12-step tenets.

That’s where facilities like reSTART come in. They share a group home after spending several weeks in therapy and “detoxing” at a secluded ranch. One recent early morning at the ranch outside Carnation, Washington, an 18-year-old from California named Robel was up early to feed horses, goats and a couple of farm cats — a much different routine than staying up late to play video games. He and other young men in the house also cook meals for one another and take on other chores.

Eventually, they write “life balance plans,” committing to eating well and regular sleep and exercise. They find jobs and new ways to socialize, and many eventually return to college once they show they can maintain “sobriety” in the real world. They make “bottom line” promises to give up video games or any other problem content, as well as drugs and alcohol, if those are issues. They’re also given monitored smartphones with limited function — calls, texts and emails and access to maps.

“It’s more like an eating disorder because they have to learn to use tech,” just as anorexics need to eat, says Hilarie Cash, chief clinical officer and another co-founder at reSTART, which opened nearly a decade ago. They’ve since added an adolescent program and will soon offer outpatient services because of growing demand.

The young tech worker, who grew up just down the road, didn’t have the funds to go to such a program — it’s not covered by insurance, because tech addiction is not yet an official diagnosis.

But he, too, has apps on his phone that send reports about what he’s viewing to his 12-step sponsor, a fellow tech addict named Charlie, a 30-year-old reSTART graduate.

At home, the young man also persuaded his mom to get rid of Wi-Fi to lessen the temptation. Mom struggles with her own addiction — over-eating — so she’s tried to be as supportive as she can.

It hasn’t been easy for her son, who still relapses every month or two with an extended online binge. He’s managed to keep his job. But sometimes, he wishes he could be more like his co-workers, who spend a lot of their leisure time playing video games and seem to function just fine.

“Deep down, I think there’s a longing to be one of those people,” Charlie says.

That’s true, the young man concedes. He still has those days when he’s tired, upset or extremely bored — and he tests the limits.

He tells himself he’s not as bad as other addicts. Charlie knows something’s up when his calls or texts aren’t returned for several days, or even weeks.

“Then,” the young man says, “I discover very quickly that I am actually an addict, and I do need to do this.”

Having Charlie to lean on helps. “He’s a role model,” he says.

“He has a place of his own. He has a dog. He has friends.”

That’s what he wants for himself.

——

Online:

Internet & Tech Addiction Anonymous: http://www.netaddictionanon.com

reSTART Life: https://netaddictionrecovery.com

Children and Screens: http://www.childrenandscreens.com

——

Martha Irvine, an AP national writer and visual journalists, can be reached at mirvine//twitter.com/irvineap

He’s a ‘tech addict’ who works in the tech industry published first on https://worldwideinvestforum.tumblr.com/

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mikemortgage · 6 years