#now my priority should be to become faster like its absolutely necessary. it already was years ago

[4giorno]

oh my god. i just saw some of my OLD OLD digital art like before i made my art blog and holy fuck. suddenly faith in myself completely restored

[robininthelabyrinth]

Thank you "Worthwhile Trade". The idea of Baxia turning into an guai is so interesting. I liked imagining the part where she hit NMJ for his idiocy. My brain is projecting "married couple" vibes, omg. I admit despite how weird WWX spoke about the events, the time travel part flew over my head until the tags spelled it out for me. (TBC)

(Cont'd) Also... did NMJ mean it in THAT dual-thing way when talking WRH's prefs? And the last part, where WWX used resentful energy to sub NMJ's qi. I assume he can still cultivate since his core's still there, if emptied? But I wonder what'll happen to his energy once restored Can't help but think his renewed qi will inevitably be affected by the traces of the previous energy that once circulated. He's not going to become a walking stygian tiger or something, is he? Off the wall guess, sorry!

----

sequel to Worthwhile Trade (ao3), also on tumblr

Wei Wuxian didn’t understand Nie Mingjue.

He didn’t understand the way he thought, the way he acted – the way he smiled when he woke up, the way he opened his arms when Nie Huaisang threw himself into them with a wail and said, “It was worth it for you, didi; it always is if it’s for you. Don’t you know that?” the way Wei Wuxian had always shamefully thought of saying, as if something like that could just be said like that, out in the open.

The way Nie Mingjue shrugged when the doctors said his cultivation would likely never recover, that he should have died, that they didn’t understand why he hadn’t; the way he said, seeming even satisfied, that it was a worthwhile trade.

It’s not a trade, Wei Wuxian wanted to scream at him. It’s a sacrifice! It hurts and you’re sad, no, worse, you’re resentful about it and you shouldn’t be because it was your choice, your decision, but you see someone else with everything that you worked so hard for and you’re angry when you shouldn’t be angry and you feel bad and you turn away; it hurts them when you do and you’re glad, you miserable thing, you’re happy that they’re hurt because why should you be the only one whose hurt –

Perhaps the problem wasn’t that he didn’t understand Nie Mingjue.

Perhaps it was only that he saw in Nie Mingjue his own faults, his own deficiencies, the ones he’d tried so hard to hide in the sea of his poor memory.

“You’ll die if you don’t find a way to cultivate,” he said instead, hovering by the door. He’d say that he didn’t mean to ruin the mood, but he kind of did, and Baxia’s eyes on him were cold as if she knew.

As if she knew everything.

How he’d gone back to the past, how he’d changed things, how it was his fault that Nie Mingjue – who’d never done a single thing to hurt him, who’d been upright and righteous and good and whose brother loved him enough to –

Wei Wuxian had made a point of avoiding Baxia.

Not that she was that easy to avoid. She was tall for a woman – not as tall as Nie Mingjue, but proportionate to him in the sense that she was as much taller than the average woman as he was taller than the average man – and she walked as though people should flee before her, a tread that only felt heavy because of the almost visceral rage that surrounded her like a cloud.

Nie Huaisang had found robes for her, somehow, and they were the least feminine robes Wei Wuxian had ever seen a woman wear, though he supposed he still hadn’t seen that given that Baxia wasn’t exactly a woman.  Cut in a martial style, a dark shimmering grey that seemed in some lights to be almost red – she had been born as a human in a mantle of blood and she would not let anyone forget it.

“I should have died already,” Nie Mingjue said, as if the world’s scariest guai didn’t have her hand on his shoulder right next to his vulnerable neck. “You came up with a solution, Wei-gongzi, and for that I thank you. Even if we are not able to solve the next stage, being able to see my loved ones is worthwhile.”

Wei Wuxian could learn to hate that word.

“I have a solution, of a sort,” he said, irritated and not entirely because his reveal had been preempted. He’d hoped to sort of ease into it, somehow. “You lack the capacity for regular cultivation, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use demonic cultivation.”

“What? No, we can’t do that,” Nie Huaisang said, biting his fingers anxiously. “Anyway, doesn’t demonic cultivation harm the temperament?”

“You mean my temperament can get worse?” Nie Mingjue teased, and Nie Huaisang smacked him so lightly that it didn’t even displace his clothing. “I don’t know any means of demonic cultivation, Wei-gongzi –”

“Call me Wei Wuxian,” Wei Wuxian said. “Please.”

“Wei Wuxian, then,” Nie Mingjue said. “All the methods I’ve ever heard of were forbidden for very good reasons – but perhaps those conditions are not the same in the method you know.”

Wei Wuxian tensed. “How do you know that I know one?”

“You saved me, didn’t you?” Nie Mingjue said practically, and well, yes, Wei Wuxian supposed he had a point – “And anyway, Baxia can tell.”

Wei Wuxian shivered. “I don’t use it,” he argued. “How can she tell?”

At Nie Huaisang’s instigation, Baxia had recently started experimenting with smiles. She put one on her face now.

It was terrifying.

“Tell me about it,” Nie Mingjue requested. “The powers and the price, all of it.”

“You’re actually considering this?” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “But da-ge…!”

“Wei Wuxian was not wrong when he said that I would die if I didn’t find a way to cultivate despite having given up what I have,” Nie Mingjue said. “If I die, what will you do?”

Oh, not much, just become a mastermind capable of puppeting the entire cultivation world to enact revenge for your death. Nothing big.

“But – da-ge has always put such a priority on remaining on the righteous path…”

“That’s why I asked about the costs,” Nie Mingjue said patiently. “I will not abandon righteousness simply because I adopt a new method of cultivating.”

“Everyone will revile you even if you are righteous,” Wei Wuxian warned him.

Nie Mingjue shrugged. “Who is everyone? What do I care for them? You do the right thing because it is right, not for the sake of fame.”

Wei Wuxian had once thought the same.

“If everyone in the cultivation world thinks you are evil, they will paint you as evil no matter what you do,” he insisted. “No matter how righteous your motives –”

“Let them think he’s evil, then!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “He could be the most black-hearted cultivator in the land, but he’s still my da-ge; my Nie sect and I will protect him!”

“Huaisang! No! That is not how righteousness works – if I ever truly become evil, you are to cut me off at once, kill me if necessary –”

“No way!”

“Huaisang – Baxia, tell him; evil cannot be endured –”

Baxia was looking at her fingernails. She’d picked that gesture up from Sect Leader Ouyang, when he was trying to be pointed about ignoring someone; it was extremely irritating to absolutely everyone who wanted to know who she was and what she was doing here and Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian had teamed up to convince her to keep doing it.

Possibly a mistake, in retrospect.

“Baxia. I know you agree with me on this. Evil is evil, and must be eradicated no matter who it may be.”

She gave him an unimpressed look.

“I know I’m not evil yet,” Nie Mingjue argued, apparently understanding her without any difficulty whatsoever. He’d just woken up from a month-long coma and he could already speak fluent human-saber, it was really unfair. And this man had succumbed to Jin Guangyao’s wiles? Lan Xichen had more to answer for than he knew. “But if I ever become evil – what? No, we will not burn that bridge when we come to it, that’s not even the right idiom, who is teaching you these things –”

Nie Huaisang coughed and hid his face behind a fan.

Wei Wuxian was not going to laugh.

Nie Mingjue growled at them all and turned back to Wei Wuxian. “Explain,” he demanded. “The rest of you, out.”

“But –”

“Out. One of us has to cultivate the righteous path, and if it can’t be me, it has to be you. Baxia?”

She picked Nie Huaisang up by his collar, for all the world like a mother dog picking up her pup by the scruff of its neck, and walked out.

Nie Mingjue picked up demonic cultivation faster than anyone else Wei Wuxian had ever met or even heard of. He wasn’t sure if that demonstrated an unnerving aptitude or if it was simply that Nie Mingjue was surpassingly talented – Wei Wuxian had never met anyone like himself before, someone for whom all things came easy, and it was an unexpected delight to meet a kindred soul somewhere where he’d long ago given up hope. He’d never planned to unveil demonic cultivation in this life unless he truly needed it – he didn’t want to hurt his Lan Zhan the way he had in his first life, and anyway Jiang Cheng and Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu were all alive, with hundreds of Jiang sect members to boot, there was no need for his sacrifice – but the part of him that was more researcher and inventor than cultivator luxuriated in their discussions.

Nie Mingjue was a lot more concerned than Wei Wuxian had ever been with consequences, and how to mitigate them, but he supposed that made sense: losing his cultivation hadn’t impacted that Nie temper one bit, and demonic cultivation was likely to make things worse. Moreover, Nie Mingjue was simply who he was, stiff and unbending, as much steel in his spine as in Baxia’s; he could almost be described as being rigid in his thinking except for the fact that he was in fact seriously considering becoming a demonic cultivator.

“We’re saber cultivators,” Nie Mingjue said when Wei Wuxian tentatively brought it up. “Like a saber, our nature is to be firm and unyielding, not flexible like the sword, but we cannot allow ourselves to become too rigid – a too-rigid saber will break upon encountering an obstacle. It’s a difficult balance to keep, and one made more difficult by our cultivation style.”

“The demonic cultivation aspects, you mean? Using yao to refine your saber spirit?”

“One day, though not today, I’m going to ask you how you know about that,” Nie Mingjue remarked, and although his tone was causal Wei Wuxian’s back went cold. “And I’ll expect you to tell me the truth when I do. But not today. Anyway, yes, that’s what I mean. Do you know what they mean when they say that demonic cultivation harms the temperament?”

Wei Wuxian hesitated. “I assume you’re going to tell me something other than ‘it drives you crazy and makes you kill people’?”

Nie Mingjue snorted. “Sometimes I wonder how someone as smart as you got sent home before you finished your lessons at the Cloud Recesses, but other times it’s fairly obvious.”

Wei Wuxian shrugged, embarrassed.

“Do you really not know?”

“No one taught this to me,” Wei Wuxian said, stung. “I came up with it on my own. How would I know?”

“All demonic cultivation has the same root,” Nie Mingjue said. “Obsession.”

“With killing, yeah, I know, I’ve heard it a million times –”

“Shut up and listen, you impertinent brat. The killing comes later. It starts with obsession. Obsession with righteousness, obsession with love, obsession with the pleasures of this world, with power – a human becomes a demon when they cannot overcome the obsessions within their heart, and the obsession consumes them. In time, a demonic cultivator who is obsessed with power will do whatever it takes to obtain that power, and not mind the blood shed to do it; a demonic cultivator who is obsessed with love will kill everyone who they perceive stands between them and their love, a demonic cultivator who is obsessed with righteousness will turn to murder when in their judgment something that ought to be condemned goes unpunished…”

“What about one who only wants what’s best for his family?” Wei Wuxian said, and he did not know if the challenge in his voice was about Nie Mingjue’s future or his own past.

Nie Mingjue shrugged. “Two roads that I can see: first, their family turns away from them for what they have become and they become vicious with the abandonment, becoming quick to lash out against the world and eventually doing something that causes the world to turn against them.  Second, their family stands by them, and eventually the world causes some harm to them – and the demonic cultivator turns to madness in revenge.”

“Not exactly an optimistic outlook.”

“Not especially, no.”

“You don’t seem as concerned by that as I would have thought.”

Nie Mingjue’s lips twitched. “I have a solution.”

“Would you like to share?”

“Using resentful energy to cultivate our sabers makes them prone to obsession, driving them ceaselessly to fight evil, destroy it, without discrimination. It makes them stronger, but also more dangerous – and that is why they must be carefully controlled.”

Wei Wuxian frowned. “So, what? You’re going to be the saber now? Under whose control?”

“Huaisang’s, of course,” Nie Mingjue said, as if it were obvious. “For better or for worse, he is sect leader now. Who else would it be?”

“But – what if you disagree? What if he wants to do things one way, and you another –”

“Then I argue and probably yell a lot, and if in the end he still insists on doing things his way, I listen,” Nie Mingjue said dryly. “That’s how hierarchy works. Isn’t it the same for you? When your shidi, Jiang Cheng, becomes sect leader, you’ll need to listen to him – or leave the sect. There’s no middle ground.”

Wei Wuxian scowled.

“A sect leader that can’t control his disciples is worse than a demonic cultivator,” Nie Mingjue said. “He’s weak. A target, ripe to be ripped apart and devoured by other sects – resources raided, disciples poached, responsibilities taken away...It’s not a fate I would wish on anyone. If you can’t commit to obeying, commit to leaving so that you don’t end up promising more than you can give.”

Ouch.

Just – ouch.

Great advice, fantastic advice, world-class advice, and totally useless because Jiang Cheng had travelled back in time with him and was therefore convinced that Wei Wuxian was just looking for the first way out of the Jiang sect he could find, no matter what Wei Wuxian said or did about it.

(Even Madame Yu was concerned by the new coldness in their relationship and had tried to talk to him about it, which – Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to do with that. It didn’t match any of what he had thought he’d understood.)

He decided to focus back in on the demonic cultivation lessons, shifting from theoretical discussions to the practical, and that, unfortunately, was when they encountered an issue.

“What do you mean you can’t play an instrument?” Wei Wuxian demanded, appalled. “It’s one of the Six Arts! Everyone can play some sort of instrument – even Nie Huaisang plays an instrument!”

“Everyone agreed it was better that I stop learning,” Nie Mingjue said defensively. “It’s all just plucking on strings or blowing air in pipes, and yet no matter that I did exactly what the teacher said to do, it never worked, that’s all.”

“Didn’t Zewu-jun offer to teach you…?”

“He did. And then he said it would be better if we stopped, too.”

The reason, Wei Wuxian soon learned, was that Nie Mingjue was almost completely tone deaf, and the only reason it was almost was that he was still capable of differentiating speech.

“I agree with the majority,” he said after an extremely frustrating day. “Stop. Never pick up an instrument ever again. And don’t let anyone but Zewu-jun play something especially for you, either, okay? Even if they’re highly recommended.”

“An interesting request,” Nie Mingjue said, eyebrows arched skeptically. “May I ask why?”

“Because you’ll have no idea if they’ve changed the music on you,” Wei Wuxian said bluntly. A great deal about the man’s murder in a different life made sense now, and Jin Guangyao’s brilliance in hiding the score of Turmoil inside of Clarity was a little less impressive when played to a man who thought all music, without exception, was just plucking strings or blowing air. “Musical cultivation is deadly in the right hands, especially if you lower your defenses against it. Just consider it a precaution.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyebrows remained arched, but he hummed in agreement.

“I guess we’ll have to think of a new way for you to cultivate demonic cultivation,” Wei Wuxian said, rubbing his face. He had not been planning on having to invent demonic cultivation at all in this life, and now he needed to not only ‘invent’ the original but actually come up with something new. Why was his life so hard? “How did you previously manipulate external energy?”

“With Baxia.”

“Well, that’s not helpful, is it? You can’t wield a human being. Perhaps another saber…?”

That didn’t work, primarily because it turned out that Baxia had strong feelings about Nie Mingjue even thinking about using another saber and well, as far as Wei Wuxian was concerned, whatever Baxia wanted, Baxia got.

(Nie Huaisang had had to go to Heijan once, with Wei Wuxian and Baxia accompanying him since Nie Mingjue wasn’t ready yet, and some unlucky Wen captain had tried to ambush them. That captain, and his squad, were not granted the courtesy of an intact corpse, and Baxia hadn’t even gotten a speck of blood on her nice new robes – no, Wei Wuxian would not be crossing Baxia any time soon.)

“There’s got to be something,” Wei Wuxian said, and Nie Mingjue agreed, and in the end they found something.

Nie Mingjue had been absent-mindedly playing around with one of Nie Huaisang’s fans when one of the fierce corpses Wei Wuxian had raised as practice targets had gotten loose; instinct had taken over and Nie Mingjue had lashed out with the weapon at hand as if it were a saber, and the resentful energy had surged in response –

Baxia was apparently not threatened by the notion of her master using a fan as a weapon, not even one inlaid with steel and heavy cloth with enough layers to catch a sword in.

(If Wei Wuxian needed to go have some time to himself at the sight of Nie Huaisang, dressed as a sect leader with his saber always at his side, standing next to Nie Mingjue holding a fan – well, that was his problem, and also one he intended to show to Jiang Cheng at the next possible opportunity. Someone else deserved to have their mind wrecked by the incongruity as much as he had.)

Even without the weirdness of Nie Mingjue, it was more than a little odd to see Nie Huaisang in the robes of a sect leader without him acting like the Head-shaker. The shock of having to become sect leader had fallen heavily on him: he had become a little more serious, a little more earnest (though still a bit frivolous); he was more inclined to listen and think things over, less inclined to run away.

“If da-ge is going to become a demonic cultivator, someone needs to stand behind him,” Nie Huaisang said simply when Wei Wuxian had tried probing. “He’s always held the world up for me – it’s the least I can do for him. I may not be able to do much, I might be terrible at it, but I owe it to him to at least try.”

Wei Wuxian wondered, sometimes, if Jiang Cheng would have stood up for him if only he had trusted in him, believed in him, the way Nie Mingjue believed in his notoriously useless little brother.

Maybe he’d ask, when he went back to the Jiang sect.

Maybe he’d –

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” Jiang Cheng said as a greeting, and for once Uncle Jiang didn’t disagree. “All those letters and you never once mentioned the terrors?”

“The what,” Wei Wuxian said, and that was how he learned that while he was on his way back to Yunmeng neither Baxia nor Nie Mingjue had wasted any time utilizing their newfound skills out on the battlefield.

Nie Huaisang was never going to be a particularly respected sect leader, especially by those that had met him beforehand, but evidently that wasn’t really important given that he was constantly flanked by what was being called the two terrors of Qinghe.

Nie Mingjue preferred darker colors now that he was no longer sect leader, the same dark grey shading towards black that Baxia had selected for herself, and the selection somehow made him seem even taller, verging on inhuman, and Baxia standing beside him, her human features patterned roughly after his, made the two of them appear a matched set. Nie Mingjue wielded the fan that Wei Wuxian had helped him design, which he had forged with his own hands out of the metal from the Xuanwu’s cave that Wei Wuxian had foolishly figured someone ought to get some use out of, painted over with a cinnabar array in Nie Huaisang’s careful brushstrokes, and in his hands it was both weapon and conduit for the raising of armies of corpses. Baxia, for her part, held nothing but required nothing, a sweeping gesture of her hand more devastating than a dozen blows with the saber.

They were terrifying, a nightmare writ large and unmistakably dangerous, undeniably demonic cultivators in a way that was entirely different from Wei Wuxian’s own dramatics, and it unnerved the rest of the cultivation world the way Wei Wuxian had feared it would.

“It won’t be a problem,” Jiang Cheng said impatiently. “The Nie sect are ascending in strength, and this only adds to their mystique – who would challenge them?”

“Uh, Jin Guangshan,” Wei Wuxian said. “Like last time?”

Jiang Cheng huffed. “At this rate, I don’t even think Jin Guangyao will bother defecting to the Jin sect,” he said. “Not if he knows how to play his cards right. The Nie sect’s strength in the original version was never about Chifeng-zun’s skill with the blade alone. It was the whole sect’s strength, with Chifeng-zun’s ability to wield them as skillfully as he did his saber; he’s an outstanding general. And now they have him as a general, him as a demonic cultivator, and whatever the fuck is going on with Lady Baxia –”

“I already told you. She’s a guai.”

“Like I already told you, it doesn’t matter how many times you say that, I will immediately expel the knowledge from my mind and you should too. ‘Immortal cultivator cousin that my brother named his saber after’, like what Nie Huaisang has been putting about, is a perfectly acceptable cover story.”

“And the fact that his saber disappeared at the same time?”

“Coincidence,” Jiang Cheng said firmly. “And we’re sticking with that. Anyway, the point is that if you’re an ambitious man, the Nie sect is the place to be right now and probably will continue to be in the future. This is going to be evident to both Jin Guangshan and the future Jin Guangyao, and we’ll need to deal with that.”

“I’ll keep an eye out,” Wei Wuxian promised. “After rescuing Chifeng-zun and helping with the demonic cultivation, I’ve gotten pretty close to them.”

“Mm. And how about your other mission?”

Wei Wuxian scowled at the smirk on Jiang Cheng’s face. “You know perfectly well that I haven’t had any time to seduce Lan Wangji, what with how busy I’ve been. I don’t even know for sure if he likes me yet -!”

“You’re an idiot, he does, and you’re not allowed to keep us all in suspense for two decades this time. Figure it out.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’m sticking you with the job of being an information courier and you leave for the Lan sect front line tomorrow.”

“You are the best shidi ever,” Wei Wuxian said, and meant it.

Jiang Cheng huffed. “Yeah, well,” he said as if his cheeks weren’t red. “Remember that in the future. In this life we’re the Twin Heroes, you hear me? No take-backs.”

Nie Mingjue was right: Wei Wuxian would need to either learn to obey or tell Jiang Cheng early on that he was leaving, and walking a path in the middle would only cause heartbreak all over again.

“Okay,” he said, deciding to ask Lan Wangji for advice on obedience. Surely that was something that could be learned? “Deal. You do know that that means Lan Wangji’s going to have to marry in, right?”

“Oh no,” Jiang Cheng said, voice entirely flat. “How terrible. I’ll find a way to manage dealing with that ice block somehow…listen, I don’t care if you end up calling him Wei Sizhui in this life, but don’t ruin his character. He was perfectly nice.”

“I don’t know if he’s even been born yet,” Wei Wuxian said glumly. “I’ve been looking, but…”

“I’ve asked some of Mother’s spies to keep track of Wen Ning and Wen Qing,” Jiang Cheng said. “Collecting evidence we’ll need for their inevitable post-war trial, assuming we want them to live better lives than just refugees. Give it time, we’ll find him.”

“Now I just need to see if Lan Wangji will want to raise children with me…”

“Wei Wuxian. I don’t care. Go.”

[whoaffle]

Today a person of my family was complimenting and admiring Bozos' stupid-ass fucking penis-shaped rocket...

They kept talking about how it's "amazing" and "genius" and whatever... They were really impressed by the whole "show" and by the technology used and I GET that on one hand, because it IS something different and new and it is impressive (which doesn't mean it is good, I'll develop later), and this person is much older than me and they kept insisting on how, for them, in the past, this would have sounded impossible and how it's amazing that it's happening! That one person would manage to fund that by himself and not a whole country! (which again, impressive, NOT good. The fact that ONE person has the same amount of money as a large country, while others are poorer and poorer every day... The slow erasure of a middle class as social inequality becomes more and more severe every day... The fact that all this money was conquered by exploiting several poorly paid workers in shitty jobs with bad conditions... All those are symptoms of a DEATHLY ill economic system that not only has gone WRONG already but still insists on pretending to be functional while dragging down everyone along with it to the absolute limit before it collapses entirely on itself, leaving a painful scar on the people it took advantage of AND on the planet it has exploited for so long).

Going back to the point, I get it that "space travel" is a magical sci-fi dream for many people, both young and old, and that older people who think differently from most of us young adult Tumblr users would be super impressed by it, BUT... This is still so... So bad! Most of it - if not everything about it - is such an absurd scenario!

Well, knowing by previous experience that criticizing Bezos' amount of money and how he acquired it would be useless and that he'd end up defended anyways, I tried criticizing the ecological aspect of the whole thing first! But the answer I got was "Hah! A lot of stuff pollutes the world much more and no one talks about it", which, like... 1- Your point being?? That's no excuse to ignore absolutely useless shit like this polluting the earth even more just so billionaires can feel special because they can go to space while millions of people starve, die and suffer. Besides the fact that insisting on investing in this kind of technology instead of trying to prioritize Eco-friendly technologies and research is PRECISELY why a lot of other things pollute so much more - because every time someone comes up with something new they insist on not giving a fuck about the environmental aspect of their tech... So both the issues are correlated, this is not a "different thing that is less important" this is ONE of the symptoms. And 2 - Yes we DO talk about it, very often, all the time, and we hate it, and criticize it, and wish it would change. How many younger people are legit extremely worried about the environment and about the several ways governments, industries and other large-scale processes like that damage the environment? Damn, we DO complain about those!

But OK. Didn't wanna argue, so I started just using my phone instead... Then another person joins the conversation. The two of them are now like "This technology may not be put to good use now, the Space Tourism is a bad idea and it's stupid... BUT they could use the same device for other kinds of travel! Something from the technology used here could be used later for useful projects! Imagine, we could use the same rocket type tech to make commercial international flights, for example!" and I was silently thinking "Yeah right and emit even MORE useless pollution just because people wanna get to other places EVEN faster! And just because some idiots who have the money would pay THAT MUCH to be able to go faster to Paris or whatever!"

That is NOT NECESSARY and it is not SUSTAINABLE, it is not viable in long-term! Why would we use this kind of shit that is MORE expensive and MORE pollution-emitting?? Because it's faster?? Well let me tell you something then! Being faster is not only unnecessary but in this context we are living right now, it's A BAD IDEA, because our society is ALREADY deeply sick about the need to speed up literally everything and everyone has anxiety and is unable to wait a single second for anything, and so they expect faster and faster results every time, and companies - who LOVE not giving a shit about workers' mental health and well-being - expect more and more and more in less time! And this adds up pressure and stress on people's lives - which, by the way, is one of the things THIS very person from my family always complains about 'modern days'... The fact is that if traveling between continents FASTER became an actual accessible thing, that would probably just become another stupid insane standard for our already impossible-to-keep-up-with lives! Because if you travel abroad so quickly, then you are expected to get back to work on the same day and fuck jet-lag... Or anything similar! I don't know!

Anyway, I did go on a tangent here because I'm so angry and I started ranting over my rant. Let me go back to the POINT.

I was silent all the time as they kept talking about it, because honestly, no matter what I replied, they'd be like "You're too radical!", "don't exaggerate", "there are much worse things" and SPECIALLY "but the scientific advancement!"

And my WHOLE POINT HERE is that this is NOT "advancement"! It is scientific creation, development even if you will, but not "advancement"! Because it emits ridiculous amounts of carbon and other kinds of pollution in a planet that is already suffering so much environmentally and literally CANNOT HANDLE that anymore!

It is not advancement if its so expensive that only the 1% people (who hold most the money in the world) can pay for it, while billions of others just watch and starve and die in floods and fires CAUSED by that sort of shit!

That’s not "advancement"! That is fucking technological masturbation coming from egocentric morons who only want to get more money and show off!

Advancement would be coming up with actual, real solutions that help people in their daily lives! Advancement would be coming up with technologies and solutions that would work BETTER for everyone and not just to fill billionaire's asses with MORE money! It would be to find new ways to do what we do today without destroying the environment, or finding new cheaper ways to produce products and services so that more people can have access to them! And this is the absolute OPPOSITE of that! It is insisting on a way of doing things that is outdated, unsustainable and destructive, and that doesn't FIT our reality anymore and should be left BEHIND while we still have time to change!

BESIDES scientific advancement has been happening ALL OVER the world for CENTURIES and all we need is that the RIGHT technologies get attention and investment. Eco-friendly technology EXISTS we could clean the seas, we could generate free electricity for all, we could invest on lab grown meat, we could do SO much that would be actually useful and nice and helpful, but instead those sons of BITCHES only want to play in space and maybe some day run away when the planet is too sick to be fixed, leaving us - the poor ones - behind to die.

The fact is that we don't need cocky, bastard, exploitative billionaires to have scientific advancement! It would exist anyway, perhaps in better ways! And people should STOP considering technologies that are more harmful to the world than helpful as "advancements"! Because they are not, they are a problem, they are like if a man invented a flamethrower inside a house that is literally on fire and everyone found it amazing because "now we can set fire on stuff more easily and faster" yeah like, AWESOME but can we solve the PROBLEMS caused by that instead??

And honestly, I hate the excuse that "space represents hope for many people in a world that is bound to destruction" like, there would be NO need to go to space to begin with if we focused on fixing what's wrong instead of that ridiculous bullshit disguised as research or whatever when it's obviously just two things: showing off their horrible amounts of money and making MARKETING of an unnecessary service that will only benefit those who already have the easiest lives of all of us while causing issues to all others! JUST so that these billionaires can make MORE money. It's DISGUSTING.

There is NOTHING wrong about space travel as a concept, nothing wrong with researching and developing technologies that may allow us to explore space! Space exploration would be AWESOME! BUT if we're gonna work on something like that, we have to develop it in a way that doesn't harm the world EVEN MORE. We have to have priorities! We have to focus on NOT destroying this planet, for FUCK'S sake! And if the only way we have to explore space right now is by damaging our already fucked up environment even more, then NEWSFLASH, BABY - this is not the TIME to do space travel yet! AND SPECIALLY NOT FOR BILLIONAIRE SPACE TOURISM.

[sethjacob]

Interview with Graham Lau Part 2

Here’s the second part of my conversation with Graham Lau about space exploration to help promote the Kickstarter for my new comic Astrobiology #1! It’s a sci-fi comic about a scientist and a soldier working together to explore alien worlds for new and unique forms of life that change our understanding of life itself.

Check it out on Kickstarter and consider backing us! 

Speaking of exoplanets, which of the exoplanets that we've seen orbiting around distant stars look the most promising for life? I know pretty much all of them have flaws, like they're super-Earths, they're five times the size of Earth, or they're tidally locked, or just blasted with radiation. If you had to say, what are your top picks?

You know, I might not actually be the best to answer that question. My friends, Daniel Angerhausen would be a great person to ask. So would Giada Arney, or Shawn Domogal-Goldman. I have a few friends who are doing really hardcore exoplanet research...I'm sure they all have their own list of favorites.

I know we've talked a lot about the Trappist planets, about Proxima B, and some of these other potential worlds that could be Earth-like. However, until we get good data, I'm always a little hesitant when I hear people saying “habitable zone” and “Earth-like planet”. Just because a world is about the size of the Earth and is in a similar orbit around its star as we are around ours, it doesn't necessarily make it Earth-like, in my opinion.

And so, I think until we have James Webb, and some of these other potential next generation telescopes coming out that can give us a much better idea of the atmospheres of those worlds, and then actually help us figure out what could be the geology of those worlds...it's hard to say if they're Earth-like or not.

So they could have a completely different distribution of minerals and elements. Even though it's in the same zone, if it doesn't have any carbon or whatever, it would be nothing like Earth at all?

Yeah, there could be very, very different geology. There could be a number of worlds that, much like Mars, have lost their magnetic field and had their atmosphere stripped away. Perhaps they didn't have as much metal material in their cores as the Earth. For instance, we have the Moon forming event that brought even more core material to us.

However, we also look at planets like Venus. Venus is very much like Earth. It's almost the same size, it's almost the same general composition overall...and yet the surface of Venus is a hellscape. It's 850 degrees fahrenheit, and 95 times the surface pressure we have.

And maybe worlds like Venus are far more common of these Earth-size worlds out there. And we just don't know yet. So we really need more data on the atmospheres, because that will help us then constrain some of the potential geology that could be going on down on the planet below.

Is silicon-based life, and life based on different elements...is that something that's seriously entertained and thought about?

Yes and no. You know, the idea of silicon life has been talked about starting off in science fiction. But silicon is very similar to carbon. It can make those four bonds like carbon does, and it can build long chains. But silicon-based compounds aren't nearly as strong as carbon. So the bonds that silicon makes with other atoms of itself aren't as strong as those carbon to carbon bonds as carbon to other element bonds.

So having silicon-based life, though a lot of us talk about it and consider whether or not it's possible, it doesn't really seem very likely. Unless, for some reason, you have a world that has more silicon than carbon.

Even then, I read that silicon has drawbacks, right? It's not as easy as carbon, even if you could do it?

Yeah, exactly. So those silicon bonds aren't strong, so the molecules are more likely to break down. It might not be as good for transferring energy. However, that said, a lot of the terrestrial worlds in our solar system are called “silicate planets”. They have a lot of silicon, a lot of oxygen, in the crusts of these worlds.

And so, it's always weird, we can never say “It's not possible”. What we have to do is use science to figure out whether or not its probable. And so right now, I think the jury's still out as to whether or not silicon life is a thing or could be a thing.

Water is usually talked about as one of the most important things necessary for life. But I was reading that Carl Sagan said he was a “carbon chauvinist”, but “not really much of a water chauvinist”. Could it be that life could use some kind of different liquid for a solvent besides water?

Yeah, and that's something that actually has been researched really extensively. People have considered whether liquid ammonia or methane or ethane, if super critical carbon dioxide, if various other fluids and fluid-like substances could be the solvents for life.

For instance, we have Titan, the largest moon of Saturn, and Titan has these lakes of ethane and methane. The surface of Titan is very cold. So cold that life as we know it wouldn't be able to thrive there.

Beneath the surface?

At the surface, actually. Some of us wonder if there's a potential that these lakes, these hydrocarbon lakes on Titan, could be refugia for life. If there could be things thriving in these hydrocarbon rich lakes at the surface of Titan, just down inside the waterbody.

There's even been a concept design of a submarine that would land on the lakes, and then go down into the fluid to have a look around in this hydrocarbon rich fluid and see if there could be something living down there. Once you get down below the surface, things actually warm up. And a lot of times the surface is actually water ice.

But Titan has that really intriguing methanological cycle where methane is going up, is evaporating into the atmosphere, and then reacting with sunlight at the upper edges of the atmosphere and breaking down. And then all these chemical reactions are occurring, making these larger hydrocarbons, ethane, propane, butane, and a whole slew of other things. So we have this gunk, basically raining out of Titan and infiltrating the atmosphere.

And so, if life can thrive in that kind of solvent system, it'd be interesting to go there and actually look and see if any kind of life is on Titan for us to find..

Are you frustrated at all by political processes slowing this down? Because to me, it seems like number one priority is to send something to Enceladus or Europa or Titan. But it seems like it takes a long time to do that and it's very hard to get the political will to fund it.

Absolutely, yeah. I think all of us are bothered by it. NASA's budget is the best it's ever been right now, and we're hoping to keep having it get better and better. But that said, NASA's budget is such a small amount of the overall budget of the federal government of the United States.

Right.

The amount of money that we spend on military compared to NASA is just staggering. And even though I'm all for having a really well developed military and spending our money there, the way that we do it isn't necessarily the smartest. And we waste a lot of money there as well. I would love to see if we could double NASA's budget or triple NASA'S budget, the number of things that we could do would just be incredible. And there's so much that we could do, if we had more funding and more support.

That said though, NASA's doing a pretty spectacular job. It's difficult to launch things. I mean, you know it really is rocket science. Launching these things into space, building the spacecraft...we've had some incredible spacecraft here in our lifetimes. Opportunity we just lost on Mars, after it had roved for 14 and a half years of what should have been a 90 day mission.

We keep having amazing spacecraft. We had Cassini and Galileo studying the Saturnian and Jovian systems for us. The Hubble space telescope has just been incredible. And so I'm pretty hopeful for the next generation of spacecraft. But yeah, it is certainly frustrating that, as much as we know already about our place in the universe, that we're not then taking the next steps even faster to go and explore more. And instead, we’re kind of hindering ourselves, and we're becoming a more tunnel vision, narrow focused kind of species. When we could be looking more broader, and looking out into the cosmos to learn more about who we are and why we're here.

Right. Talking about the budget, to double NASA's budget, that would be like to take .5% from the military budget. Doubling NASA's budget would be nothing in the grand scope of military budget.

Yeah. It'd be just a small little bit of what they get. But the return though is so much longer lasting. And honestly, I think space exploration and the things that we return from NASA, the data and the images, the sounds...these are things that really inspire young people to want to think beyond themselves, to want to think about their place in the cosmos as well. And so I really think space exploration is one of the greatest ways for us to do a better job of taking care of own planet.

And a what a lot of people say is, “We got problems on Earth. Why are we focusing on space?” But I think something people don't realize is the amount of technology and advances that we create through NASA by going on these missions and stuff. Aren't MRI's a big one?

There's a lot of technologies, a lot of science that we get out of space exploration. Material science comes from it. Having to learn new ways to build better materials for building our spacecrafts into space...that then trickles back into everything else we do in technology. Our computer systems, things like that, really cut their teeth on space exploration, on getting humans to the Moon. And that forced us to think more about what we were doing there.

So yeah, there's a lot we get back from it as far as technology goes. But I think the return on investment, just in the amount that we can inspire people and get them intrigued and wanting to be involved, is huge. For myself, as a communicator of science, every week, I get Facebook messages and e-mails and Twitter messages and Instagram messages, from young people around the globe, from Egypt and Morocco and South Africa and India and the UK and Russia, all kinds of places.

People want to get involved, they want to find out how they can get involved in space exploration, what they can learn, how they can help. And so, I find it kind of inspiring that a lot of people around the globe want to see us do more space exploration, want to see us do better. And I think a lot of that comes from the inspiration they get just be seeing the images and hearing about what we're learning about these other worlds.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/sethjacob/astrobiology-1

[serenavangstuff]

Juniper Publishers-Gerontological Communication

Letter to Editor

The communication is an essential element of life, we could say that to communicate is to live, is a cross-disciplinary subject and what is called Social Communication can never be divorced from any task involving promotive activities or development plans, it is a matter that is not exclusive to journalists or communicators, and should be an essential part of professional training in general. Communicate is to express, to say, to call, to summon, to inform, to imply to agree, to lead, to advise, to influence, to draw attention to something, to discover with the weapon of language, observation, reflection and analysis. And there are many ways of communicating, different languages spoken, written, mimic, the language used must be the one that is adapted to each human situation or condition and the language is impregnated with the cultural or subcultural legacy, prejudices, myths, beliefs and often influenced by passions or hatred.

The societies evolve but many prejudices, taboos, are maintained and are necessary to implement public policies that fight these obstacles of cultural development that is united to the great problem of the discrimination, an age group as important as the older adult, in spite of many efforts still occupy a secondary place in our society, despite its real importance and going against the reality of its great contribution to the nation, and that only a minority are what the language of discrimination calls "old people” in the sense of dependency.

What we think and what we feel will be what our words express and only the one who is convinced of what he says can really influence others, you can not convince anyone if you are not convinced, so you communicate correctly, so too by the need for a process of reflection, and there is a language that is adapted to the reality of the older adult and social attitude, the image of the older adult is slowly changing, is generating a new respect and that new vision, real elderly person, banished by necessity and with basic terms such as old or old, is in some way creating a new reality and that brings us a new language, a new, fairer view of reality.

That is why people who work with older adults should lead and be promoters of a new concept of aging and their words be accompanied by actions and inspire them to know, reflect and love.

Respect is not only not to insult, it is to treat them as older adults who are, as important people, even if they are really vulnerable or with dementia, to express themselves with the elderly with the greatest dignity and consideration. We will analyze the importance of this language, of this great and deserved respect and the image of the older adult today.

The aging process begins well before the age of 60, but it is true that at older age, more discrimination exists and although people over the age of 35 are already discriminated against at work, the perception is that they are "old” a lot later, that vision of what is called old age, considers essentially certain visible physical changes where at that age they are usually more emotional, obviously a superficial vision that scorns the older adult in itself, for its aspect of "old”, without considering other variables, in which people they reach a creative, intellectual or artistic development after the barrier estimated above the age of 60, and which are based on a culture that exalts youth, seeing in such old age only decay and end of life.

The aging process is for everyone, but the most obvious discrimination is the older adult, the statistics themselves deny the false perception that the older adult is a decadent, dependent or weak subject. In recent years, there has been an increase in the social participation of the elderly, with various activities that show us learning new things, using modern technological tools, capable of changing their view of things and this new view justifies the fact that let us leave aside the terms of another "reality”, of a great persistent myth. Lamentable the role of large mass media that continue to emit images of a weak older person, and shows us as a second class citizen, just as someone who needs help, the typical "old man” of the news.

Claro also show us phenomenal "elders" who are seen as oddities to amuse the public. In our country and safe in many brother countries, almost all journalists refuse to call people aged 60, without leaving the associated language, to a different reality, a language contaminated with a deprecated vision of the reality of the elderly. In a way, in all professions there are vices and what we name here, is stubbornness, a kind of rebellion before what they seem to consider "official language" or tax, for my part there is no official language but correct and this can be varied or to qualify. And in all this that the older adult thinks, in our country they do not like to be called old or old, little by little, self-image evolves, as the new image of the older adult grows. But there is also the low self-esteem of the marginalized, of the despised who will always be low and can accept almost any word that contains contempt, so we have much to do to make the elderly adults more empowered.

Now the terrible manipulation of commercial television offers "what people like," supposedly no one likes "old", except to be pitied or laughed at, commercial media underestimate citizens, induce and manipulate the " taste of people". State institutions and civil organizations carry out various activities promoting older adults and aging, such as educational events, forums, workshops, commemorative events, workshops, and work meetings, but the question is the effectiveness of these activities can have, as far as the idea of promoting, is to influence citizenship to improve the image of the elderly and reduce levels of discrimination and poor attitudes towards older adults, where there are various types of violence, almost "Institutionalized" The most notorious defects are at the origin of many promoter activities that is the lack of conviction and therefore of mere compliance, many events and groups of activities are made for a small group of representatives or professionals, in an effort to avoid costs, when it is necessary to reach more people and what is also serious, the little importance they give to the diffusion of such events, diffusion before and after realized.

In that sense, promoter activities are absolutely ineffective and serve only as a signal that officials and organizers work and they add compliance bonuses. There are working meetings with interesting speeches, but to which they do not follow conclusions for the taking of concrete actions, and they become a simple exhibition of knowledge or sterile competences as long as an action is not collected from it. It is necessary to create an interinstitutional network that is taken seriously not to make mere exhibitionism of intellectualism or party, but to draw conclusions and actionable plans of action and this requires commitment and perhaps a quota of sacrifice, are promoted and they celebrate laws but they neglect the preventive factor of education and the possibility of an articulate permanent campaign that can really raise awareness and influence.

Promotion without diffusion, is wasting resources and talents, and achieves only inefficiency, which only serves to the applause of the audience and then pure oblivion, and we must remember that the public is no longer informed as before and the internet media are fundamental to the creation of the permanent campaign, it is not enough to work, you have to prove that you work. If we want to advance faster in the promotion of the elderly, positive aging and gerontological culture, it is necessary not neglect, assertive language, ie honest, direct and clear, as well as respectful and appropriate, say what you think and feel , to impact consciences and to break up perhaps a cold sterile academicism.

Always with the development of societies is accompanied by a certain inertia, which slows down and extinguishes enthusiasm, assertive language is the language of leadership, intelligent and emotional at the same time and therefore is our weapon against the coldness of sterile academicism. Knowing how to express something correctly and passionately at the same time should be the gerontological promoter's leading weapon, to influence, to convince, using what is usually called emotional intelligence. The true commitment is rational and emotional at the same time, it allows to analyze the receiver of the message, convince, does not impose or threat, so if one has a gerontological vision and real commitment this is his language, and also leaves aside inadequate or outdated terms, to name the people and express new respect for a new vision of aging.

And the misuse of an inadequate gerontological language, in front of the elderly and the community is a gravitating error in the gerontological promoter, together with bad humor and authoritarian gestures, the lack of commitment generates many errors that bring by logic bad results. The Gerontological Promoter must consider as a priority, the crucial issue, the dissemination of promotional activities, promote is to make public the work done for the good of the community and we must know with what means of dissemination we can count. We all know that the commercial media almost totally ignore the older adult theme and gerontology and it is very difficult to access them, when we achieve something of such means is merely occasional, not systematic and do not think that we should blow the bells to fly, and think because I got a note once, it will always be.

We must think about the means that are truly within our reach and that can always be with us, we must keep in mind that preferences and orientations are changing towards the digital world and that technology with its variety of devices puts the internet closer to the people, both because of it and the cheapening of the network costs and the large amount of public that navigates and above all enters the social networks. The traditional media are behind in gerontological information and the internet media generate great alternatives, latelevision, radio can provide programs but the internet generates alternative media, information systems and gerontological information networks, which exceed by hundreds the commercial offer of traditional media.

The idea is for the promoter to maintain contact with the commercial media if possible, but it is time to take the initiative and use the means that are truly available to the citizen and create their spaces in the network, pages, blogs, groups, with a permanent work communicator and linker, join with other pages, groups and blogs, promoters must have public profiles that allow them to go acquiring many friends, followers and contacts, join larger networks and support the small, publishing is always fundamental, choose the publications well according to the objectives drawn, and have the public they wish to have. It is good to have several social networks that are linked to each other, all this will result in an increasing positioning of the institution for which you work, it is not enough to work, you have to prove that you work.

Older people are constantly increasing in the internet and social networks and in a few years will multiply because of the large number of people over 50 who remain online, social networks as spaces of communication between people, have evolved into communities in network, in constant interaction. The social networks allow a tremendous interaction, and a repercussion of the news, comcomientes, shared and the so- called "rebounds", the systematic use of networks to publish news and capture networks tends to increase, while prejudices against social networks lose floor. They are places where we see news, we learn, we entertain and at the same time we communicate, that combination that is not possible in other means, strengthens the great change in progress, the move of the public to the internet media.

The gerontological promoter must polish and revise his communicational tools, his use of the appropriate language, the expression that generates confidence and the ideas must be exposed with clarity and conviction, so that the proposals in favor of the older adult, are accepted, before, by the elderly themselves. Never think of imposing an idea, however brilliant that we believe it to be, we must listen to others and perhaps this idea will develop better and be more successful and viable. It is necessary to achieve consensus and adequately substantiate. Once consensus has been reached, seek a broad participation of others in the implementation, generate a joyful commitment and this will be a success.

When it comes to organizing an event that is commemorative, festive or educational, keep in mind always, that being such an event a promoter activity, it needs an adequate diffusion. Dissemination is a fundamental element for the success of an event and should be an integral part of the plan of this activity, with what means will be counted, since the gerontological promoter should contribute to improving the image of the elderly, influencing people and both must always have a public profile, a communicating attitude and open to information. It is important to establish communication alliances in social networks, with other institutions and gerontological projects that go in a similar way, the type, style or quality of what you publish will form your audience, unite, interact, connect are actions that do not have loses, the big favors the small and the small to the big, to relate is to grow, isolation is the worst, of work, where little is published, or almost nothing will be no public and the lack of publications will lead to failure the project.

If a gerontological institution has few activities, it is obliged to share interesting information so as not to discourage readers from related themes and interesting for the elderly or their family and professional environment. We have to work seriously the means at our disposal, we review statistics, we must set goals and always have adequate and favorable institutional relationships. Avoid linking with institutions or people with questions, which affect the institutional image and observe transparency in the promotion, be truthful and persevering in dissemination. It is possible to say that the communicating attitude is the opposite of covering up, and must therefore generate confidence, the truth can not be harmful, only the lie is, we are always ready to publish and relate well and with optimism, seriousness and work will be achieved. Objectives of adequately promoting the older adult and the gerontological culture.

There are many who consider that anonymity should be helped and without publicity, many argue in this argument to opt for an anti-communication option that often serves to cover up the lack of work and bad practices. Society, the elderly, need to know, with whom it can count and also have the right to demand transparency from the institutions and this goes also to private organizations. Transparency implies the need to inform about the activities that are carried out, and the sources of financing, it is necessary to know with which people leaders must be visible, the objectives and mission of such institutions must be known and their activities should be consistent with what they propose.

Anyone who speaks in favor of older adults and claims to have a supportive organization on their behalf is bound to have a public profile and a communicating attitude. We need institutions that are positioned, manifest their work and their objectives by the means at our disposal, that make known its name and its leaders. We talked about the proper use of internet media, the fact of having a website or a blog, or both, of having spaces in the main social networks like facebook, twitter, Google +, LinkedIn and Pinterest, a YouTube channel. It is very important that the institution and even those who lead appear in the public light and make themselves known. It is clear that there are also those who make themselves known in a biased way, they advertise focusing on a single place concealing, so it is necessary that there is an attitude of transparency showing their work their sources of financing and resource management, institutions are needed trustworthy with honest leaders.

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[lafaiette]

Little Star

Jaal is already a beautiful, handsome, marvelous man, but with a baby in his arms? He is absolutely perfect.

In which Ryder and Jaal finally meet little David, the first human baby born in Heleus.

Spoilers for “The Little Things That Matter” mission.

Podromos is precious to her, one of her successes that she allows herself to be proud of. It’s a symbol, the proof that the Initiative – and the humans – are strong and stubborn enough to live in Heleus.

After the two previous failed outposts, this one is more than a victory and she wants to enjoy every part of it.

So it doesn’t really surprise anyone when she asks Kallo to bring them to Eos and see how Bradley and his people are doing.

There are still some things they have to prepare before disobeying Tann’s direct orders and reach what appears to be Meridian and since this is probably going to be one of their most dangerous missions, Chloe wants to make sure things are okay in all the places they know.

They have already gone to Aya, Voeld, and Havarl, even finding the time to say hi to Jaal’s mother, then to Kadara and New Tuchanka. Their last stop was at the Nexus and now they are on Eos, its air clear, its sand finally not so scorching anymore.

To be completely honest, she has another reason to be on Podromos. Bradley and the colonists are her first priority, of course, just like the kett still lurking on this side of the planet, despite the destruction of their base.

But there is another person she really wants to meet here. The circumstances weren’t favorable enough before, but now they are and her curiosity, her desire to see the first human baby born in Heleus is too strong.

Now that she thinks about it, little David is a sort of pathfinder, just like her: a pioneer who will have to make the first steps in the unknown, unsure of what to expect.

He won’t carry the emotional baggage most colonists have on their shoulders, though: he never knew the Milky Way Galaxy and will never do. He will grow up considering Heleus his only home, with no old memories and old landscapes to keep him awake at night.

Not that Chloe feels that way: she misses the Milky Way, yes, she misses the Citadel and Earth, but she grew accustomed to this new home faster than she expected and she found out that others did the same.

And not just people who had good reasons to leave their old home behind: young, elderly, middle-aged people on the Nexus revealed to her that the memory of Earth or their old homeworlds doesn’t stop them from enjoying this new life and believing in it.

She agrees, even though she feels sorry for those like Liam, Suvi, and Kallo, who still cry in bed at night despite their new friends, new discoveries, new wonders this galaxy gave them.

She often wonders how things will be in a few years: she dreams of a future without kett and the pang in her heart every time she does that tells her how painful the angara’s lives have been until now; she likes to picture human and angara children playing together, then her minds add other alien kids too, a paradise of joy and understanding.

She likes to picture Heleus as a welcoming, comfortable, safe place, its planets finally viable again, the Scourge kept in check, the Initiative working as it should.

‘Someday.’ she thinks wishfully. If everything goes well on Meridian, then that dream might actually come true sooner than she hoped.

Jaal and Liam are coming with her today: they are both as interested in Podromos’ progress as her, although the latter shares that enthusiastic “we did it!” feeling with her, a personal sense of human pride for their accomplishment.

What Jaal feels is admiration and pride directed at her: he sees and acknowledges the colonists’ hard work, but he can’t stop repeating how she made this possible, as if he wants her to never forget it.

Perhaps that’s his intention: he wants to reassure her she is a great Pathfinder and leader, that she is making her dad proud too, that she’s got this.

It means everything to her and now there is something else she wants to share with him, an accomplishment perhaps even greater than the outpost.

“You never saw a human newborn, right?” she asks him as they walk out the Tempest, hand in hand. Everyone on Podromos knows they are together and it’s not like they ever hide it.

“Right. I…” Jaal blushes, giving her a shy smile. “I haven’t gotten to that part yet, while studying your species at the Cultural Center.”

“Remember Dr. Kennedy? She is here on Podromos.” She grins at him when he nods at her. “I contacted her before leaving the Nexus and she said she would be happy to show us the baby.”

Jaal’s face lightens up like the console of the Galaxy Map. Liam swears something under his breath and moves in front of them, while walking backwards.

“Shit, really?” His grin is even wider than Chloe’s. “First human baby of Heleus! That’s huge, Ryder, I gotta see him too!”

“I think the others will join us soon, so…” She smiles at the two men, squeezing Jaal’s hand. “Let’s hurry before it gets too crowded! I want to make all the funny faces at him without worrying about my reputation.”

“Do you…” Jaal stops, opens and closes his mouth to find the right words, then blurts out, faster than she expected: “Do you like children?”

She blushes too and nods. She knows why he’s asking her that and her answer clearly pleases him a lot.

“I used to babysit my neighbors’ child, when I was in highschool.” she says, smiling at the memories.

She isn’t really the greatest babysitter in the world, in her opinion – she tends to spoil the kids or panic when things go wrong and she always makes a mess in the house -, but she gets along with them well and she can understand them pretty fast. That always earned her praises, gratefulness, and a lot of personal satisfaction.

Maybe she is so good with kids in general – not including how much she spoils them and her alternative teachings, like “yeah, we can have a dessert-only dinner today” or “if a kid punch you, punch him back” -, because she is still a child too… sort of. She is definitely young, though, and not really as mature and adult as a real mom, so that probably helps.

“Babysit?” Jaal repeats, frowning in that adorable way that means he’s confused. “You used to… sit babies down?”

Liam does his best to hold himself back, but it’s too much for him and he bursts into laughter, while Chloe giggles and shakes her head, explaining:

“No, it means taking care of children for a short amount of time when their parents can’t. They pay you to do it.”

Jaal looks even more confused and even a bit flabbergasted.

“But… what about their relatives?”

“Sometimes they have none or they can’t take care of them either. Babysitting was sort of a necessary trend, back in the Milky Way.”

“Yeah, young people could earn something while just keeping an eye on some kids.” Liam shrugs. “And the parents could do whatever they needed to do without worrying about their children’s wellbeing.”

“I see.” Jaal stays quiet for a moment, then adds slowly: “It is a strange concept, though. Paying a stranger to make sure your children are safe. Angara families are so large you would never need to do something like that. The children are always taken care of, either by their siblings or other members of the family.”

“I know.” Ryder chuckles, patting his hand.

“And even if an angara was asked, under incredible circumstances, to protect the children of another family, they would do so out of the goodness of their heart, not greed.” Jaal grumbles, shaking his head. It seems this topic is particularly delicate and important for him.

“I know, Jaal.” she repeats, her voice softer, gentler. “Babysitters didn’t always do it to earn money, though. Most were happy to watch over the kids for free, especially if they knew them well.”

“Were you?” he asks, new curiosity shining in his eyes, and she chuckles, nodding.

“Yeah. The kid I used to babysit was pretty awesome, it was like having a little brother. Much younger than Scott, anyway.” She kicks a small pebble on the ground, blushing a little because Jaal’s gaze has become intense and sweet. “I often refused to take the money, especially if his parents had had a bad time at work.”

“Wow.” Liam whistles, hands in his pockets. “I’m sure I never did that. Needed that allowance too much.”

“You are a greedy person, Kosta.”

“I am.” he confirms, playing along, his tone as solemn as hers. “Can’t upgrade your omnitool without money.”

“I… I didn’t mean to offend.” Jaal suddenly says, panicking. “I wasn’t implying you were greedy or wicked for taking that money. It was a job, after all.” He swallows, turning to Chloe with big, sad, eyes. “Darling One…”

“Oh, Jaal!” she laughs, pulling him into a hug. “I know what you were trying to say. And I understand, it must be a really weird idea of a job for an angara.”

He tightens his arms around her, humming affirmatively, and he brushes his mouth against her temple, mumbling sheepishly: “Maybe, but I can see why your people needed to do it.”

“Don’t worry, big guy.” Liam says. “Also, we won’t be needing babysitters for a long time…” His grin turns smartass and smug, causing Chloe and Jaal to blush. “Unless we start procreating or adopting, of course.”

Jaal’s bioelectricity increases at those words, causing Chloe’s hair to stand up, and he lets out a timid sound. Her face is so flushed red she looks like she’s having a stroke, but she manages to keep her face somewhat blank.

“Right.” she croaks out, before grimacing. Of course her voice would betray her first.

Liam snickers without shame, proceeding forward to give them time to recover.

It will take them a while, though: Chloe is sure scientists would find a new shade of red on her face and Jaal’s static is going wild, sending pleasant vibrations all through her body. She feels tingly, like a bubbly drink.

“Well…” she chuckles nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before sliding her arm around Jaal’s waist again. She finally overcomes her shyness and embarrassment and looks up at him, wondering what she will see on his face.

Love. Tenderness. And something else too that she can’t quite recognize, something like… longing? Desire?

It makes her heart race faster and she thinks they absolutely have to return from Meridian in one piece.

“Adoption sounds pretty awesome.” she quietly says, moving her eyes down to Jaal’s Rofjinn. She smooths a wrinkle on the collar, clearing her throat. “Conception might be a little harder. Between humans and angara, I mean.”

Jaal’s bioelectricity is soaring to so high levels, he could fuel a power station with it. Her arms are a little numb and her hair must be quite the spectacle from afar, but she doesn’t care.

The look he’s giving her now is the most beautiful, intense thing she ever saw. It’s like he’s looking right into her soul, her inner core, and she is lost in the galaxies swirling in his irises.

“But…” she adds, voice even softer, almost dreamy. “I met an angara woman on Aya and she was scanning me and she said humans and angara are pretty similar and she wondered…” She stops, because Jaal’s hand is now cupping her cheek and he rested his forehead against hers, never breaking eye contact.

“She wondered… how her grand-grandchildren will look like and I…”

Now Jaal’s current is steady, less explosive, although she can still sense how excited he is. She has learned to read it pretty well and can now recognize what the little differences and sudden changes mean.

He is thrilled, happy, probably even surprised, and a smile is forming on his lips. She smiles too, sharing his same feelings, his same hopes.

Their relationship is proceeding steadfastly well and even though they still haven’t done that, the signs are all there and she knows it’s only a matter of time before they will become one with their bodies too.

Well. She is starting to sound like him.

Sahuna promised her she would introduce her to the other mothers and their children during her next visit and she is looking forward to that. She wants to meet Jaal’s nephews and nieces and see how cute angara kids are.

It would also be… educational. Useful for the future. Because if their future really is going to be much better than the present, full of promises and safety, then there might be good probabilities of settling down with Jaal and…

And she wants it. She wants to form a family with him. And even though she has no idea whether the Ama Darav family would accept her – an alien - as a new mother, hell, she is more than willing to become one and pamper all the kids and teenagers of the house.

She pictures Jaal and herself as the relatives of other kids and her heart sings. Then she imagines Jaal and herself as parents – adoptive, biological, it doesn’t matter – and her heart starts a full musical number.

Oh, she is so deep into it.

She knows it’s still too soon – Heleus is still a dangerous place, she still has many things to start and finish as Pathfinder, and both she and Jaal are pretty young. However, she can see how serious their relationship is and there is no doubt in her mind that the future has a lot of beautiful things in store for them.

It’s refreshing to have such a great, positive certainty, for once.

He’s thinking the same thing, she can see it and feel it through his bioelectricity, and their feelings for each other are strong and clear, just like he is, just like the Resistance and the angara in general are.

His smile widens and he rubs his nose against hers, an affectionate gesture he learned from one of the vids Liam sent him.

He opens his mouth to say something – and Chloe is sure the whole outpost, the whole planet, the entire universe stop for a second to hear him -, when Bradley, the only one who clearly didn’t stop, interrupts them.

“Pathfinder! Good to see you again!”

She yelps and turns to where the mayor is standing: on the stairs, right next to the open door leading into the building they need to visit. He’s grinning, hands on his hips.

“Nice to see you too, Jaal.”

“Hello.” Jaal says, nodding at the man. He is polite as always, but she can see the slight annoyance in his eyes for having been interrupted. He was going to tell her something really important, then.

“Here for the baby?” Bradley continues, pointing at the door with his thumb. “That little bundle of joy has caught more attention from the Nexus than our discoveries here on Eos.”

“Really?” she chuckles, before clearing her throat. She and Jaal are still hugging each other and even though it would better to pull away and talk normally to Bradley, she really can’t bring herself to move away from Jaal.

He clearly has no intention of letting her go, either. At least Bradley doesn’t seem to care about it, even though she can hear some of the colonists giggle and snort.

“I told Kennedy she should start selling tickets. With the kid and Liam’s soccer tournament, Podromos would become one hell of a tourist trap.”

Right then, a loud cry echoes in the outpost, coming straight from the house. It’s the unmistakable, distressed wailing of a newborn and someone swears, before being scolded for doing so.

“Not in front of the baby!”

“Shit, sorry, ma’am! Oh, damn…”

“Kosta!” Bradley roars, glaring into the room. “Stop teaching the kid bad words!”

“I’m not, I swear it!”

The wailing gets louder, probably because everyone is shouting, and Jaal snorts, shaking his head, while Chloe lets out a heavy, long sigh.

“We should get in.” she says, kissing her boyfriend’s cheek, the one where the scar is, and he agrees with a nod of his head and a sweet smile.

They pull away, but the first thing they do before entering the building with Bradley is taking each other’s hand again.

- - - -

Dr. Kennedy is lulling the child, showing Liam how to correctly hold him; the ex-cop stands there, looking at the child with an ashamed, guilty expression on his face, which breaks into another grin when little David finally calms down and starts gurgling.

“Oh, Pathfinder!” Kennedy exclaims softly as she sees Ryder and Jaal enter. She glances at their hands for a second, before looking back at Chloe with a proud smile. “Here is my little champion.”

Chloe hears Jaal hold his breath as they approach and she would be lying if she said she didn’t do the same.

The first human baby of Heleus, safe and sound thanks to her team and Dr. Kennedy’s courage, which Addison would rather call stubbornness, but who cares.

He is beautiful. Wrapped in a white cloth, he has fallen asleep. One of his tiny hands, closed into a fist, is peeking out from the blanket and Chloe coos softly, poking it with a finger.

“Oh my God, he is so cute!” Warmth spreads in her chest and her cheeks start hurting, because she is smiling a lot. “Really, Dr. Kennedy, he is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Damn right, he is.” the woman laughs, leaning in to press a light kiss on his forehead, and the little one makes a tiny, funny sound, but doesn’t wake up.

Chloe glances at Jaal, wishing to ask him what she thinks about the child: he’s staring at him and his look is almost as intense as the one he gave her before.

His eyes are so big they seem to take all the space on his face and they follow every movement, every twitch of the baby.

There is a deep rumbling sound coming from his chest, one she recognizes as the one he usually makes when he’s deep in thought, tinkering with something he’s trying to understand.

“Isn’t he adorable?” she asks him, rubbing her thumb on his hand, and he nods quickly. When he smiles – an awed smile that illuminates his face, even the whole room –, her heart skips a bit.

She imagines him making that face while watching their children and she nearly combusts on the spot.

“Want to hold him?” Kennedy asks her and before she can prepare herself, there is a mewling baby in her arms, warm and soft like a petal.

She adjusts her arms to hold his delicate neck better and the mother chuckles appreciatively at that.

“Either you are a natural or you handled your fair share of babies in the past.” She glares at Liam, whose shoulders slump. “Kosta here almost dropped him on the ground.”

“Oh, come on, now!”

“You are so cute.” Chloe coos, brushing a fingertip against David’s cheek, a feather-light touch that makes him gurgle again. He’s still sleeping, though, and she lulls him a bit.

“Yes, you are.” she continues. “The cutest human in the galaxy. Welcome to Heleus, little David.”

She taps his nose, gently, and it seems to her that the baby is smiling, although it could just be an effect of the light in the room.

“Uh, Ryder?” Liam chuckles. “I think you broke Jaal.”

She looks at her boyfriend and sees that he’s staring again: he looks enthralled and the awe on his face is so strong, so much, she blushes and laughs, looking back at the baby.

She feels… flattered. Jaal is looking at her like she is the most gorgeous sight in the world and she doesn’t know how to react to that.

“Would you like to hold him, too?” Kennedy asks him, a knowing smile on her lips. Jaal gasps and straightens his back, tense like the strings of a violin.

“May I?” he whispers, incredulous, and the woman laughs and motions him to take the baby.

“Here.” Chloe smiles, handing him David and showing him how to hold him. “Raise his head like this… Good. Now put your other hand here.”

Jaal’s hands are big and large and the small bundle of joy looks even smaller in them. But he is holding David with the utmost delicateness and care and his smile is the kindest smile she has ever seen.

“So light.” he murmurs, before tracing the baby’s brow with his gloved index finger. “And soft.”

David gurgles and wraps his minuscule hand around Jaal’s finger. Chloe’s heart stops: Jaal is already a beautiful, handsome, marvelous man, but with a baby in his arms? He is absolutely perfect.

There are people who look good only with a gun or sniper rifle in their hands, others who would never be able to even lift one without looking funny.

Then there are those special people who can kill, plan attacks on enemy bases, and plunge a knife deep into someone’s chest, but also hold children with all the love and care in the world without looking ridiculous or awkward.

Jaal is one of those special people, just like all angara, and she feels so lucky to be in his presence right now, so lucky to be able to witness this. It’s a gift the world is giving her, like a painting, a masterpiece meticulously crafted by a talented artist.

She nearly starts recording this, but her eyes just don’t want to move: she can’t stop looking at his smile, at the tender look in his eyes, at the way he completely surrenders his finger to little David.

“You are a little star. Soon you will illuminate the sky for your people. You are a very special gift.” he says, swaying a little, and David seems to agree with a high-pitched noise.

It means he’s awake; in fact, after a few moments, he opens his eyes and sets them on Jaal, who beams at him.

“Here you are!” He taps his nose like Chloe did. “I’m Jaal Ama Darav. My taoshay and I saved you and your mother on Voeld.”

“Jaal, he can’t understand that.” Liam chuckles, still not daring to approach the baby again, but at least he’s looking at him from the wall he’s leaning on.

“His soul can! It’s important to talk to babies.” Jaal fixes the blanket around David’s head, adding: “That was Liam Kosta. A wonderful, strange friend. He is a human just like you.”

“Aw, thanks, bro!”

He turns to Chloe, who is watching the scene with her mouth hanging open.

Jaal would be a fantastic father.

“Darling One!” he laughs, taking her hand and pulling her into a one-sided hug; he doesn’t even need two arms to hold David correctly and when he rests his hand on her waist, she can feel how happy he is.

His internal current is running fast, but she realizes he’s keeping it under control to avoid hurting or bothering the baby. He immediately remembered he’s not an angara and acted accordingly, mindful of the little one’s different biology.

Her heart sings and she slides an arm around his waist too.

“You are…” she murmurs, before smiling at him and concluding: “You are really good at this.”

“I have many nieces and nephews. I grew up with babies all around me.” he chuckles, kissing her head. Then he turns to David again: “This is Chloe Ryder, my taoshay! That means ‘Darling One’ or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘beloved’ in your language, little star.” His chest swells with pride. “She is the human Pathfinder. She can heal worlds, you know?”

David stars slobbering on a corner of his blanket, but that only makes Jaal smile more.

“She is the most perfect creature in the universe.” he continues and she giggles, hiding her face against his Rofjinn. “Incredibly brave, kind, and brilliant! She brings joy and life wherever she goes, a deity of renewal and joy covering the ground with flowers.”

“Wow.” Bradley smiles, raising an eyebrow. “I should take romance advice from you, boy.”

“And the funny thing is that he’s not joking. He literally talks to Ryder like this all the time and he means it all.” Liam adds, shaking his head with a grin. “It’s both embarrassing and adorable at the same time.”

“Ignore them.” Jaal grumbles, still talking with the child. “Liam thinks he’s funny, but he rarely is.”

“Oi, rude!”

“Look at her, little star. Look how beautiful she is.” He slightly raises David’s head by moving his arm and the kid’s eyes seem to focus on Chloe’s smile, although his sight isn’t much strong yet.

“Hi again!” she says, tickling his belly with a finger, making him gurgle happily. “Isn’t my Jaal awesome?”

Jaal laughs and rubs her waist and the small of her back with his broad, warm hand.

They keep talking to the baby like that, holding each other, until Kennedy makes a funny sound and says, a hand on her cheek and an incredulous smile on her face:

“Damn, Pathfinder. You would be pretty good parents, you know? Seeing you two like this, it almost looks like David is your son, not mine.”

That makes them blush so much everyone notices and starts laughing. Jaal mumbles something shyly, on his face the same expression he had while his mother complimented his qualities to Chloe.

She is going to die again and she even asks SAM on their private channel if her heart is still beating or about to stop soon.

“Your heart is working perfectly fine, although the speed of your heartbeat has increased alarmingly. Do you want me to do something about it?”

“No.” she tells him, grateful that her mental voice won’t break like her physical one. “It’s okay. Thanks, SAM.”

“I agree with Dr. Kennedy. According to my calculations and estimated data, you and Jaal would prove to be affectionate, loving parents.” A pause, during which Chloe is sure she is dying. “No matter the number of children.”

Despite her heart threatening to explode, a huge smile spreads on her face and she watches Jaal give the child back to Kennedy with a surge of love thundering in her soul.

She smiles at him when he looks at her and he smiles back, face still flushed, and their hands look for each other.

They observe in silence as Liam tries to take the baby again, helped by Kennedy and Bradley, and together they dream of the future where they will hold their little stars together.

[wontonsupremacy]

Rant/Column of Human relationships: The Judgement in continuing or cutting people off, what factors affect us?

As a starting thesis I’d like to say this is a rant, but also a pseudo Journalist attempt. Think of it like Sex and the City where the narrator rants and hypothesizes about “current dating culture”. Except mine doesn’t have sex in it quite yet. -- Scroll all the way down to see the conclusion if you don’t want to see my rants lmao.

So what happenned was that Kim and I have been hanging out wayyyy too much too closely when we still really don’t know each other. Its been highly stressful already and me getting Assistant Director to her Director was something I was scared of.  She has alot of classes and alot of things going on despite her becoming director, and with the change of directors I realize there will be huge changed in the committee-- as well as members leaving. The problem is that the committee is already wayy smaller than it should be that we have had to have other directors and ask for volunteers so much. She has family issues, especially with her dad and I realize that she probably didnt need to hear anything from me quite yet. But with me becoming assistant director, many things have come up, and I’ve also had to come up to tell her about the committee issue last friday.  Already there’s huge conflict inside me about her, because I obviously knew that I should have been soft with calling her out as a director. I also realize that I was highly stressed at her, not anyone else but her because she kept asking me to hang out, to come see her at union board, to come to here and there THEN whine about not getting her homework done. I’ve witnessed that she spends more time on youtube videos streaming while she does her homework, and lets just say it is highly frustrating for me to hang out with her when I could be productive, when I also definetly am not “part of her distraction” to do her homework and youtubing.  I guess this is how Kuro felt too, but its not more so of her and her lifestyle, but the fact that I want to help her and support her and root for her mental health and all that, but she’s not helping herself and I feel like I’m just wasting my energy and feelings. I definetly feel like Kuro. I just sigh and I don’t want to be tied down to this.  I have things to do as well, and as much as I love hanging out with someone like her who is equally needy, straight up with opinions and roasting, has a strange sense of humour and doesn’t like to deal with drama, -- I think our friendship may already becoming an end if I don’t keep my distance with her.  A match may light up quicker but go out sooner.  Lets just say that for both of us, it was necessary to take a step back, distance ourselves and at worst cut ourselves off from each other to maintain peace. I was becoming really crabby and irritative at her. I miss her, we know, we both probably do inside but I know Kim doesn’t miss me because she’s probably already smashed the door to her emotions toward me. I’ve already emotionally betrayed her- but it was necessary for the both of us right?  And its not like I had to do a “talk” about this feeling. It’s more so that I think I used the committee issue to stress talk and she got the hint. Which I must be more than grateful for, especially because I’ve been so busy that I only got irritated about this an hour ago when I accidentally thought of her and checked if she had messaged me-- and ofcourse, my butthurt ass saw she hadn’t even read my apology I typed last Friday, which clicked me on and infuriated me in some way, brought back memories of why I had been so angry, and I am typing right now.  I haven’t heard from her at all, and I’m glad that I’ve met Kuro already that I don’t have to bitch at her. I think on the positive side, I could practice being more open hearted, understanding, and more casual and lenient to this kind of lifestyle. There’s a girl that talked to be from a dating app recently and she’s like me, and I’m like Kim to her. She wants faster and more frequent texting, warming up quicker and more real talk. Lets just say I’ve already found red flags and decided not to go with it because of my anxiety. I told her me and her would just be friends, and if she responds I’m hoping not to respond anymore.  I guess its exactly that. Being stressed over small things aren’t a thing for certain seasons of certain people. If I can’t be open to that, then its the end. I think that’s what I can change if Kuro ever came back to be a friend to me, even if its not a relationship this kind of issue can definetly become a big issue to someone who wants frequent contact.  Rushing things is bad-- I guess I should put it that way, but its exactly that. Matching someone’s life tempo/speed is a thing, and should be a thing. If you can’t deal with it you leave.  Conclusion So in the end it comes down to:

Do you like this person enough to go through with dealing with them, their lifestyle, their life tempo/speed, and if you can keep that up with them-- and if they can keep up if you can’t.  It’s a cooperation, human relationships. But sometimes we need to realize who is a priority, you? or them? And the judgement that goes into this ultimately comes down to weighing their value against your life, including your own health and future possibilities you might be missing.  A good example of this would be Kade. I hated him for a huge chunk of my year I met him, we were nothing more than casual friends who ranted to each other, but lets say when he made a point in saying he didn’t want to hear anymore and he was done, I was done with him too. But I found out I actually really liked Kade, and despite him being such a rude and sassy Queen, I got over my offended ass and stuck my hand back out to him to say “How’s it going?” after a bit of a hiatus. As it turns out, he liked me enough too to say “I’m doing way better than last year.” and eventually we were visiting each other’s houses back and forth.  So do I like Kim?  It would be nice to have her over again, with some changed to how frequent I hang and how long. Occasional stay-overs would be cool. Occasional hangouts outside would be cooler since I can go home without begging for a ride.The importance here would be to find an ideal situation for a good friendship balance. My friendship balance with her is alot more distanced from her than what I’d imagined, I’m surprised, myself, but this is how comfortable I actually am around her, and not right now.  What should I improve to make this work- am I capable of these improvements?  I will have to definitely be capable of maintaining emotional distance from her. I will also have to be even more straightforward with my insecurity with her and to be nice about it. I will also have to definitely organize not only my personal life and time around her, but also “union board me” and “friend me” (via Alexis the dumb adviser, shitty I have to agree to this). This includes knowing when to call her out on certain things, and when to not, when to wait until the time is crucial. I’m definitely rooting for only mentioning things she’s doing “wrong” or “difficult” if it has become a large issue, she wants/asks my opinion, but also when there is a huge need to-- do not be “helpful” as a friend as an assistant director.  As a friend I will also need to not talk about work related things too much, if the topic comes up I will have to maintain my assistant director viewpoint. I will focus on being straightforward, to voice my opinion in other things, to joke and proceed as usual-- but I will need to clarify my own needs, to organize and manage my own time, and learn to mind my own business, but still be considerate to others. This consideration definitely has to include certain comparisons and mentioning of member/friend names to make a certain point to Kim (using Kade vs. Her was a really bad idea). The biggest issue I would have changing though, is that she will only contact you if she needs you, likes you, feels ready to talk to you, or has a specific reason she has to contact you. -- I will not ever, be able to catch her on my needs, ask her for a reliable favor, or maintain contact on stable ground. I will have to be okay with her being unreliable, expect inconsistency, and expect her to leave if she does one day and be okay with it. The thing is, it’s not that I’m not trusting her anymore, or the fact that I will never get emotionally close to her anymore either. The importance is placing trust in this negative factor of hers that I don’t like; placing trust in her consistency. In this case, I trust her to be consistent in being inconsistent, unreliable, and contacting me only on her terms. Now, I have to use these factors positively.  How?-- Usually people who act a certain way thinks it is completely normal to act this way, hence, I can act the same way and it will be justified. On the positive side, I only have to meet with her when both of us truly want to , she will never be two-sided if I do meet her, and if she hits me up that means she actually enjoys my company. When she doesn’t, she has a clear no, and whatever I send her is simply answered as ‘no’. I will have to read her action as the response, and not wait for an actual response. In general, I do like Kim a bit. Not the absolute dismay if I have lost her already, but knowing these changes, I feel better already, and I think I’m capable of these changes. This will lead to a way more casual friendship (as friendships should be in some ways?), and I think is balanced for our current closeness. We are still somewhat strangers and I think its good to clarify where we stand and how to move from this step.  As far as the improvement goes, I will see her Tuesday, and I will not stay extra hours unless she asks. If she reads my messages, messages me again to hang, that means we are not as done as I thought. But also I will see her replying at all as a sign of friendship, if not, I will appropriately see it as an end and leave it at that.  The rest? I need to chill and freak out less too quickly. Holding a casual feel is the best thing I can do. 

So here’s a list for me:

(1) Maintaining emotional distance (2) Straightforward communication of insecurities  (3) Be able to organize work and friendship separately  (3(a) -- Holding back opinions during work (she is the director) (3(b) -- Continue as usual but maintain assistant director attitude on certain topics, but also be considerate. 

(4) Trust in her consistency: she will only contact her if she wants to, she is unreliable, and she will leave if she wants to. 

(4(a) I can act the same way and she will be okay. (5) Read her action, don’t wait for her response.  (5) (example:) Don’t stay if she doesn’t ask you to. Don’t go by her terms if I have other things to do.   Only meet her if she asks.  Don’t hang if you don’t want to. Ask her if you want to, but don’t expect a response.  Do not expect anything that you haven’t asked for.  Don’t ask too much because she may not be capable of it. If she offers, she is capable of it.  Let her lead until she asks you to help.

[nathandgibsca]

How I grew CoSchedule into a $5MM+ SaaS company using this framework

I was half a decade into an agency job I was supposed to love.

On paper, that job was a great fit.

But in reality, there was this problem:

I didn’t fit in.

My work was my art. My coworkers, well, they couldn’t quite say the same – no one really seemed to care about what they were creating. It didn’t take long for my “dream job” to morph into a nine-to-five cage.

My (future) business partner and I were paddling in the same boat at this agency. After a couple beers one night, we decided to change our luck and build something we could run. Of course, we each had families, which meant we couldn’t just ghost on them because we were excited to get a new project off the ground. So every night, from 10pm to 3am, we hopped on a Skype call. Coffee pots sputtering in the background, we built Scriply, our first piece of software.

Today, I’m the cofounder and CEO of CoSchedule.

We’re a SaaS startup with users in 100+ countries around the world. In fewer than 4 years, we went from night-owl jam sessions to 8,000+ customers.

I share this so you know we didn’t go from zeroes across the board to thousands of customers by magic. (Or by dipping into the fat wallets of VC money.)

We bootstrapped this thing like you wouldn’t believe.

When we did our first demos with prospective customers to validate the product, it wasn’t even built yet. In fact, our “product” was a powerpoint deck with a UI and hyperlinks that jumped from one slide to the next.

The growth we’ve experienced hasn’t come by accident; it’s come by doing, shipping, creating, failing, learning… and never stopping.

How you take a 3 a.m. side-hustle to a growing startup

This is your inside look at how I grew CoSchedule with the One Metric That Matters (1MTM) framework, which is made up of two things:

Focus

Discipline

The 2 qualities founders need to grow their startup, by @garrett_moon via @copyhackers Click To Tweet

When you’re starting something that desperately needs customers – whether a side-hustle, agency or even a SaaS company – you need heaps of both focus AND discipline.

… If you’re in the nine-to-five cage with hopes of a brighter, freedom-filled future, this article lays out a path for you to consider.

… If you’ve already made the leap to the startup stage, you can pull specific triggers with focus and discipline.

… If you’re in an established company – but crave the results you know you’re capable of – there’s something for you, too.

… If you want growth, pay attention (and take the quiz at the end).

Hey nerd friends, meet your one metric to rule them all

The 1MTM framework, popularized in Lean Analytics: Use Data to Build a Better Startup Faster by Alistair Croll and Benjamin Yoskovitz, is simply this:

Finding the right metric to relentlessly focus on at the right time that’s appropriate to your stage of growth.

Croll and Yoskovitz describe the 1MTM as “the one number you’re completely focused on above everything else for your current stage.” Fundamentally, you focus relentlessly on what’s most important for your growth right now. Not in 6 months. Not in a year.

When I worked at the agency, it did not operate this way. For clients, we were expected to grow every “important” metric at once. This meant simultaneously:

Increasing social followers on every network

Driving more web traffic

Building a bigger email list

Generating more qualified leads

Getting a better click-through-rates

Lowering cost-per-click

Optimizing conversion rates

Winning at direct mail campaigns

Those are all awesome things. But when everything is a priority, well, nothing is.

As marketers, many of us face the new normal of a 72-hour work week. We’re all tapped for time. So trying to keep every iron white-hot is a recipe for burnout. For me, working like this equaled meager gains in many areas. Instead, we need to focus on sizeable gains in the most important area. That’s why we used the 1MTM framework for growing CoSchedule. It forces you to prioritize ONE metric. If a given campaign, project or activity does not increase your one number to rule them all, don’t do it.

This is, also, how you – as a freelancer, startup founder or growth marketing peep – should view your growth, analytics and goal-setting activities.

Bottom line: your goal metric reflects the stage your team or company is at.

1MTM works because it encourages two things: focus and discipline

Ingredient #1: Focus

1MTM makes you focus with laser-beam intensity on the one thing that matters most right now.

It’s NOT about being myopic. Rather you save yourself from diluting your growth potential by tracking 47 popcorn KPIs, like the myriad of metrics I had to grow during my agency days. When you have one primary metric, your eyes are locked onto your goal AKA the one part of the business you’ve decided to value more highly than any other.

To get CoSchedule off the ground, we needed leads (trial signups, demo requests, etc) so people would actually become customers.

Our focus was to master 2 fundamentals:

Traffic: drive it on demand

Build an audience you have direct access to

In a recent survey of 1,600 pro marketers we conducted, we found that qualified leads are the number one KPI marketers track. In order to grow, you need leads. If you’re getting leads, you need a way to nurture them. As Chet Holmes points out in The Ultimate Sales Machine, only 3% of people are ready to buy right now. You want to keep in contact with the 97% who are in the “not quite yet” stage. Not to mention that nurtured leads make 47% larger purchases than non-nurtured folks.

To nurture those leads, you need direct contact with them.

Which means – *ahem* – email. Such as an email list filling up with folks in the “not quite yet” buying stage.

And, finally, to build your all-important email list, you gotta have traffic to your website. So, you need traffic (to get those leads) and audience building (to grow a relationship with those leads) which are these two fundamentals.

Bringing us full-circle back to our two fundamentals:

Traffic

Build an audience.

Ingredient #2: Discipline

At CoSchedule, we evaluated all projects through the singular lens of our One Metric. You instantly know if a strategy is good or not, depending on how well it serves your one metric.

For us at CoSchedule, asking ourselves, “Will this help us achieve our One Metric?” helped to evaluate new opportunities.

Maybe it will. Or not. Ultimately, focus and discipline allow for the necessary behavioral changes to take place. To achieve substantive growth, both your mindset and methodologies need to change. In Lean Analytics, Alistair Croll and Benjamin Yoskovitz explain:

“. . . if you want to change behavior, your metric must be tied to the behavioral change you want.”

For our purposes, I’ll paraphrase to this: If you want to change results, your metric must be tied to the results you want.

Because of my agency days – and focusing on 45+ KPIs to simultaneously grow – this approach appealed to me. See, it’s not doing more stuff. Instead, it’s focusing on less.

How CoSchedule used the 1MTM framework to grow

Step #1: Get Traffic

At CoSchedule, we had zero pageviews, zero email subscribers and no customers.

When I hired Nathan, our head of demand generation, I told him traffic was the only metric he should care about. In short: his job was to get pageviews.

Imagine you run a retail store and you need foot traffic, right? You need people milling around and looking at your products. To increase sales, you need people dropping by on a regular basis.

For us digital folks, this works exactly the same way. We need people on our sites because they’re our primary salespeople.

Your Step #1 could be one of these traffic-related options:

Pageviews

New visitors

Unique visitors

Search hits

You can’t sell to people who aren’t there. To get more customers, we needed more traffic.

So, we worked our tails off to:

Increase pageload speed which is an official search ranking factor for Google

Optimize the user experience on our blog

Delete any sidebars or distractions

Create the best content we possibly could

… Juice up that content with special SEO sauce

While learning to drive more web traffic is a science (and art) to its own, your foundation starts with amazing content. At CoSchedule, we set our focus on creating amazing content to drive traffic. In fact, killer content is so central to our growth and marketing that we boiled down our strategy to three principles:

Pinpoint what positively impacts a huge number of people in your audience

Find those topics by analyzing your competitors and strategizing a new angle

In your content, unite your audience’s interests with your company’s value

All of that helped us grow from absolutely zero traffic to 1 million plus pageviews per month (and roughly 400,000 unique visitors).

CoSchedule’s traffic

Ever hear of a marketer named Noah Kagan?

He’s pretty sharp, starts cool things like Sumo and AppSumo and has a lot of people following him around online. Obviously, he can drive traffic with a few tweets and an email.

But what about a guy named Julien Marion? My bet is you probably haven’t heard of him.

Noah helped him build a brand-new website and grow it from zeroes to over 10,000 visitors per month. Without a large following or existing brand, Julien worked an astute plan to get there the old-school way: blood, sweat and clicks.

Julien’s traffic spike

How did he do it? He set a goal straight out of the holy 1MTM: 10k visitors in 30 days.

Step #2: Build an Audience

After the traffic is rolling in, you need to turn visitors into a loyal audience.

That means an email list!

While there are plenty of people busy pronouncing “email is dead,” other people are building lists and making bank with email. Honestly, if you’re not building an email list, you’re crazy.

In Step #2, choose your audience-related 1MTM for list growth:

Email subscribers OR

Community members

In the past four years, we’ve worked hard to figure out what works… and what doesn’t in email list building. Through copious testing, plenty of failures and eventual hockey-stick growth, we’ve learned exactly what works for us. Which are free software tools and content upgrades.

Today we grow by 20,000+ subscribers every month.

A 2014 study by VentureBeat found email marketing generates $38 for every $1 invested-catapulting email ROI lightyears ahead of social, paid search, display, and other traditional ad methods. In other words, your emails enjoy about 350% more visibility than organic social messages. And that’s just on a bad hair day.

Our experience proves those stats are true. Email has been the largest contributing factor to our growth by a factor about 300%.

Email signups are a lead metric for us, meaning they forecast profitable action that will happen. The more email signups (AKA prospects) we get, the more marketing qualified leads (MQLs) we get. Put another way, every $1 we invest in email turns into $3.

This is a key reason why 1MTM has worked to increase CoSchedule’s revenue growth from $0 to $5MM+ annually.

Over a 4-week stretch, our email signups grew by 317% and our MQLs grew by 392%. While not very fancy, this graph shows how our MQLs grew concurrent with email signups. When our most important metric grows, so does our downstream, revenue-generating metrics.

Growth in MQLs over just 4 weeks

When we used a verbatim customer quote as our subject line, we’ve routinely seen open rates from 70-90%.

Stellar!

We measure the results of our email nurture campaigns. The higher our open rates, the higher our conversions. Not rocket science, I know

For instance, this 77.54% open rate is part of a campaign nurturing signups to become qualified leads. This campaign – also called a journey in some email marketing circles – averages a 26.1% conversion rate.

So, doing some quick math here: a little more than 1 out of every 4 people who get our weekly email takes the action we’re calling them to. Higher open rates also correlate directly to this stat. The higher our open rates? The more qualified leads we generate. Therefore, the more revenue we drive.

See the deep connection between our email list and our revenue?

TWO insanely-actionable strategies that helped CoSchedule go from 0 subscribers to 350,000+ in 5 years

Subscriber Strategy #1: Content upgrades

A content upgrade is a companion resource to content like blog posts. They’re also called lead magnets or opt-in bait. Often, they are things like:

Templates

Calculators

Worksheets

Any other document that helps your audience put what you’re teaching them into practice

To use them to build an email list, we gate them behind an email opt-in form. So, your new potential subscriber gets the resource by when they provide their email address.

I know what you’re thinking: “I barely have time to write a blog post, much less create a content upgrade.”

But… what if you just created one fewer post per week and used that time to create a content upgrade? That trade would be worth it, methinks, because your list will grow faster – even though you’re publishing one less piece per week.

Content Upgrade #1 – Give away something you know works (and that you have stats to back up).

If you’re a copywriter, hand over a Word doc or PDF: “Grab these 5 proven formulas to rewrite your headlines for 347% more traffic.”

If you’re a social media strategist, offer some inspiration: “Get 3 all-star Facebook ad examples with CTRs of 63.8%!”

If you’re a freelance writer, offer a framework for your specialty: “[Case Study] Get the 3-part framework for creating high-converting case studies in under 20 mins.”

Remember the “10k traffic in 30 days” example I outlined above? After Julien Marion (and Noah) pulled it off, this challenge morphed into a beautiful content upgrade:

Give away what you know works, while simultaneously building your credibility, authority, and – most importantly – your email list!

Content Upgrade #2 – Swipe & transform your most popular blog post

At CoSchedule, one of our most popular content upgrades is from our most popular blog post of all time. In the last 12 months, it’s driven over 2.2MM pageviews. This is roughly 6% of all of our website traffic.

From this wildly popular blog post, we created an infographic: a content upgrade that has the post’s unique data and research. Plus, it includes three Google Analytics custom reports so you run your own data.

No longer a blog post, this content upgrade is a high-quality, actionable kit with quality graphics:

This content upgrade has generated 17,530 email signups alone – just from revamping a single blog post into a new format.

Best part? It was low effort to create. The Google Analytics reports were already created. And, so were the blog graphics, so we stitched them together to form the infographic.

Content Upgrade #3 – Free tools bring you free traffic

Another list-building strategy we love is free tools to help marketers stop losing traffic, increase social media engagement and up their email opens.

Alright, yes, you’re right: creating free software tools are a lot more work than blog posts. If you’re swamped for time right now, start with Content Upgrades #1 and 2 above, and work up to this one.

However, this one is a rockstar because we gate them behind an email opt-in. For example, our Headline Analyzer tool – analyzes headlines to optimize for maximum traffic – has driven 55,040 email signups. By itself.

Ultimately, every new email address is directly connected to our revenue. This makes our tools an incredible investment.

Subscriber Strategy #2 – Build your community with this “Dropbox crazy-growth” swipe

For us at CoSchedule, we focused on Subscriber Strategy #1: Content Upgrades. However, Dropbox is the perfect example of this second Subscriber Strategy.

You’ve heard the story of Dropbox’s meteoric user growth thanks to their early referral program. Whenever a user successfully referred a friend to use Dropbox, each person got 500MB of bonus storage for free.

So easy to invite your friends to Dropbox

But what you haven’t heard is… their dead-simple delivery mechanism that performed so awesomely was email. In fact, Dropbox’s Drew Houston credits 35% of their daily signups came from this program.

Not only can you show up directly in your audience’s inbox on a one-to-many basis, but your emails are on a one-to-one basis.

Because your audience forwards their “get 500MB” invite email to their own networks. Since it comes from a person they already know, trust and like, that invitee is more likely to say “yes” to signing up for Dropbox.

Ask yourself: “What am I afraid of?”

To make these simple stages work for you, you need to honestly assess which stage you’re in.

That’s what we did at the start of CoSchedule. Our answer informed our decision-making process and helped us focus on the metrics that mattered, like driving traffic and email list growth.

Once you master them, you will be able to deploy, adapt, and improve them as you go. Just like we did at the start of CoSchedule.

~ garrett

  Photo by Avi Richards on Unsplash

The post How I grew CoSchedule into a $5MM+ SaaS company using this framework appeared first on Copywriting for startups and marketers.

from SEO Tips https://copyhackers.com/2018/06/coschedule-5mm-saas-company-growth-framework/

[nothingman]

Republicans do not want the country to know what is in their health care bill.

This has become more evident each day, as the Senate plots out a secretive path toward Obamacare repeal — and top White House officials (including the president) consistently lie about what the House bill actually does.

There was even a brief moment Tuesday where Senate Republicans flirted with the idea of banning on-camera interviews in congressional hallways, a plan quickly reversed after outcry from the press.

“The extreme secrecy is a situation without precedent, at least in creating health care law” writes Julie Rovner, who has covered health care politics since 1986 and is arguably the dean of the DC health care press corps.

I don’t have quite as long of a tenure as Rovner, but I have been covering health care politics since Democrats began debating the Affordable Care Act in 2009. It’s become obvious to me, particularly this week, that Republicans plan to move more quickly and less deliberatively than Democrats did in drafting the Affordable Care Act. They intend to do this despite repeatedly and angrily criticizing the Affordable Care Act for being moved too quickly and with too little deliberation.

My biggest concern isn’t the hypocrisy; there is plenty of that in Washington. It’s that the process will lead to devastating results for millions of Americans who won’t know to speak up until the damage is done. So far, the few details that have leaked out paint a picture of a bill sure to cover millions fewer people and raise costs on those with preexisting conditions.

The plan is expected to be far-reaching, potentially bringing lifetime limits back to employer-sponsored coverage, which could mean a death sentence for some chronically ill patients who exhaust their insurance benefits.

Senate Republicans do not appear to be focused on carefully crafting policy that reflects a more conservative, free-market attempt at achieving President Donald Trump’s goals of covering every American at lower cost. They’re focused on passing something, by whatever means necessary. That may come back to haunt them electorally, but not after millions suffer the consequences.

Congress is hiding the health care bill

My professional life in 2009 and 2010 was an endless string of Affordable Care Act hearings aired on C-SPAN. I lived in New York at the time. It became a regular ritual to sit down in my cubicle, plug my headphones into my laptop, and listen to an entire day of Senate debate.

“There were hundreds of hearings and markups that lasted days — or in the case of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, months,” Rovner recalls in her piece.

Senators wanted to talk about the Affordable Care Act and why they believed they needed to pass it. They gave floor speech and after floor speech defending its provisions. Patients had months to lobby their legislators on particular issues that they thought were important. A few months ago I interviewed one woman, for example, who successfully lobbied former Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND) to add a ban on lifetime limits in health insurance.

I remember Christmas Eve 2009 in particular, when I lived in New York and my roommate’s family came to visit for the holiday. They opened presents in our living room. I was holed up in my bedroom watching the Senate vote on the ACA, the culmination of a 25-day floor debate.

There isn’t much C-SPAN to watch these days because the Senate is running a remarkably closed process. There are no committee hearings. There are no floor speeches defending the policy provisions of the bill. Senate Majority Mitch McConnell instead has assembled an ad hoc working group to hash out the details of Obamacare repeal in private meetings.

The biggest priority seems to be just passing a bill, regardless of what the bill actually looks like. Tierney Sneed, a reporter for Talking Points Memo, recently asked Sen. Orrin Hatch, who chairs the Senate Finance Committee, whether it was important to get the bill out a few days before the vote, so the public could review its provisions.

His response was telling. “Well, I think we’re not worried so much about that as we are getting it together so we can get a majority to vote for it,” he said.

The White House is lying about the health care bill

Vice President Mike Pence visited the Health and Human Services Department on Tuesday and delivered a speech to the agency’s employees.

“Now I know this room is filled with men and women who care deeply about bringing high-quality health care to every American,” Pence said. “Rest assured, Donald Trump wants the exact same thing.”

Trump is not acting that way, though. He held a Rose Garden ceremony last month to laud a bill that would cause 23 million Americans to lose coverage — a bill he praised as “incredibly well-crafted.”

This is now a consistent pattern from top Trump officials, who have decided that their strategy to hide the Republican health care plan will be to not tell the truth about what it actually does.

Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price has appeared on national television and claimed that Americans will “absolutely not” lose Medicaid coverage under the House-passed bill. Two separate, independent analyses of the AHCA find this isn’t true. Millions of Medicaid enrollees would lose coverage under that bill.

Trump himself gave an interview to CBS in April where he said that people with preexisting conditions would be protected under the AHCA. They won’t be: At the time he gave that interview, the bill had been amended to allow states to opt out of the requirement to charge people with preexisting conditions the same prices as healthy enrollees, a move that will almost certainly price some patients out of coverage.

Trump said that deductibles will go down under the Republican plan. Nonpartisan analysis expects deductibles will go up.

The White House has decided to deal with an unpopular bill by refusing to acknowledge the parts of the bill that the public doesn’t like. When asked in interviews about the expected loss in coverage or cuts to Medicaid, administration officials simply act as if they don’t exist.

This will all catch up to them — after the damage is done

At some point, of course, this strategy will catch up with Republicans. Promises that “every American” will receive “high-quality health care” will ring false when millions lose their health insurance. Once a law passes, it’s awfully hard to hide the consequences.

Republicans might lose elections if they pass the American Health Care Act. But that will only happen after people suffer the consequences of a rushed bill considered quickly with little public debate.

These are people like 62-year-old Cliff Hoskins, a retired coal miner who lives in rural Kentucky. He used to be on Medicaid expansion — he described it as the best insurance he ever had — and now has coverage through the ACA marketplace.

His out-of-pocket premium would likely triple under key Republican health care provisions.

“It’s going to at least take half, if not all, of my Social Security,” Hoskins says. “If I had to pay the full amount, that would not be good. That would put you back in poverty.”

These are people like 6-year-old Timmy Morrison, who lives in a city halfway between Washington and Baltimore. He was born premature with a rare genetic condition and has racked up $3 million in medical bills during his short life. If the Senate follows the House’s path, it would pass a bill allowing companies to once again place lifetime limits on health benefits — which would mean Timmy could run out of care.

His parents don’t know what they would do if that happens. “We don’t really know what to do right now,” his mother, Michelle Morrison, told me in February. “Should we start pressuring his doctors to do a surgery now so he can get it in time? That doesn’t feel right. Insurance is supposed to cover things that you can’t anticipate — and for us, this is one of them.”

Voters can oust Republicans in the 2018 midterm elections if they don’t like the health care plan. But for people like Cliff and Timmy, the damage will already be done. The election is secondary to their ability to get health insurance coverage. This is the most damaging part of the lack of public discourse around the Republican repeal efforts: There are millions of real lives at stake that could be hurt. These people would suffer the consequences that will happen much faster and matter much more than any election.

via Vox - All