#obligatory there's no Wrong Way to enjoy a show you don't have to love him or the early seasons

[hesgomorrah]

atp i will straight up block people who villainize trapper for leaving like way to show how little you understand what the show is about

[vixstarria]

The Sheath of Frontiers

So, in light of the disparity between the amount of Wyll content compared with the other companions, I felt it would be prudent for my Tav and Astarion to seduce him. Enjoy!

AO3

Astarion x F!Tav x Wyll

18+, humour, smut, threesome, soft dom/service top Astarion, sub/bottom Wyll, Tav and Astarion are both little shits, anal etc

This is probably more really lewd and descriptive comedy than erotica, you have been warned.

Approx. 3,400 words (gods, these things just keep getting longer and longer)

Written in 3rd person, and Tav's name is... *drumroll* Tav. Hey, I don't know who you want to relate to here, take your pick.

Tav, Astarion and Wyll occupied a booth at the Elfsong. They were the last ones still up drinking after a long day roaming the city. 

“But don’t you ever feel... tempted?” Astarion threw Wyll a sultry look from beneath his eyelashes, circling the rim of his wineglass with one finger.  

Tav had been watching the subtle seduction show unfold for the past while. She wasn’t sure whether Wyll was oblivious to Astarion’s flirtation, or impervious to it, but either way, the man would not budge.  

“Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want the moment to be special for my one and only. Anticipated. Meaningful. And what could hold more significance than waiting until after marriage vows?” Wyll answered. 

“Yes, yes, you are ever the romantic hero and want to make it ‘special’ for your chosen one, blah blah...” Astarion rolled his eyes, sipping his wine spiked with Tav’s blood. “But you’ve admitted you’re no virgin, it’s not as though you’re ‘saving yourself’ for anyone. What about casual no strings encounters? Simple carnal lust, for hells’ sake!” 

“You never know when or where you might find true love. Wouldn’t want to accidentally spoil it from the beginning,” Wyll said, with a smile and a head shake. 

Astarion threw a quick look of pure vexation at Tav, as she tried to hide her laugh behind her own goblet. She’d told him he wouldn’t be able to crack the ‘Blade of Frontiers’ - something he took as a personal challenge.  

“Hmm... You know, you should marry us!” Astarion suddenly exclaimed. “I would make an exemplary spouse for a duke! You should see me entertain at balls. Tav might be found to be acceptable as well, after a good scrub.” 

Tav threw a piece of pie crust at Astarion in response. 

“We wouldn’t accept your proposal without a test ride, though,” Astarion warned.  

“What, marry both of you? ...First of all, polygamy is not legal.” Wyll seemed a bit thrown off by the sudden change in the direction of the conversation.  

“So make it legal, the reigns of power are in your hands. Or will be,” Astarion shrugged. 

“Astarion, we both know the entire legal system would collapse if polygamy was to be permitted officially. Can you imagine all the complications? Especially all the implications it would bear for noble families and their hereditary lines of succession,” the future Duke Ravengard rambled.  

“I see what you’re saying, and I agree, but there could be a provision to allow persons who are unable to produce heirs to marry into the noble families as secondary spouses,” Astarion countered. “And you could always implement obligatory prenuptial agreements to simplify asset division.” 

Tav screamed inwardly: once Astarion started talking legalese the only way to get him to shut up was by literally occupying his mouth with something else, one way or another. 

Meanwhile, Wyll shook his head. 

“That would only serve to provide obligation-free unfair advantage to such persons,” he said. “It is nothing but furthering nepotism.” 

“I see nothing wrong with persons gaining unfair advantage, as long as I am those persons,” Astarion parried. 

“I could marry Tav and provide you with some kind of concubine status, if you wish,” Wyll suggested. 

“Not interested,” Astarion scoffed, sipping his wine. “I’m afraid we’re a package deal.” 

Tav groaned in frustration and got up.  

“I’ve had enough of this. Wyll, you don’t need to worry about spoiling any 'precious moments’ here - neither Astarion nor I have any interest in letting you make honest people of us anyway.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Astarion muttered with a huff, sipping more of his wine. 

“Shut up, Astarion,” Tav threw. “I’m going upstairs, and I, for one, intend to fuck this vampire before the night is over. Are you coming with us or not?” 

Astarion choked on his drink. If this was all it would take to lure the Blade into their bed – Tav would never let him live it down. 

“I uh... I must confess – I have never done that before,” Wyll said, visibly flustered. 

“What, fuck a vampire? Most people haven’t.” Tav shrugged. 

“Not that either, but what I meant was... be intimate with a man,” Wyll forced out. 

He jumped a little as he suddenly found Astarion’s lips a hair’s breadth away from his ear. He hadn’t noticed the vampire inching closer to him. 

“Would you like to..?” Astarion purred. 

“It’s nothing you haven’t done yourself hundreds of times, what’s so shameful and difficult?” Tav teased. 

“That's not true,” Wyll protested.  

Tav tilted her head and shot him a look that said ‘oh please’. 

“No, I mean that. Ever since I... entered that contract, I’ve hardly ever indulged. Never know when she might be watching. ...Doesn’t your patron ever watch as well..?” 

“Sometimes...” Tav mused. “But after a while it’s like fucking with a cat in the room. You learn to ignore it. As long as it doesn’t jump on the bed and sniff your asscrack while you’re in the middle of it, it’s fine.” 

“Ahem,” Astarion cleared his throat. “Can we please concentrate on the matter at hand?” 

Astarion sat on the edge of the bed in full naked glory as Tav, also in a state of almost total undress, sat behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waist, the other stroking his cock.  

Meanwhile, Wyll perched on the opposite edge of the bed, trying to look anywhere but at the couple in front of him.  

“Eyes down here, darling,” Astarion drawled. “If Miz-” 

“Don’t say her name!” 

“If that skank decides to show up, she’ll get more than she’s bargained for.” 

Wyll finally allowed himself to gape openly at the scene in front of him.

Astarion’s cock was surprisingly thick and veined, and flushed at the tip. Perhaps it was the only part of him that could be flushed with blood. Wyll tried, habitually, to distract himself from his own arousal with thoughts of the workings behind vampire erections, to no avail – his own cock was straining against his pants almost painfully. He observed, almost in a state of a surreal daze, as Tav used her thumb to spread a new bead of precum over the head of Astarion’s cock, and reflexively licked his lips.  

She noticed and let out a satisfied hum. 

“Why don’t you come help?” she purred. 

“Hmm?” Wyll seemed to snap out of his daze. “You want me to take over..?” 

“No, like I said, this is hardly something you haven’t done before – try something new.” Tav grinned. “Why don’t you come down here and kneel in front of him?” 

Somehow, Wyll’s legs got him down onto the floor between Astarion’s thighs. The vampire himself leaned back against Tav, his head thrown back over her shoulder, with a vague smile on his lips. 

“Really...?” Wyll breathed a shaky laugh. “I thought we would start with some baby steps. Maybe a kiss..?” 

“No, no darling...” Tav cooed. “Don’t be silly. Kissing is way too intimate. Just lick his balls for now.” 

Still not quite believing what was happening, Wyll went ahead and did as he was told. Two things, he noticed immediately. One, the overwhelming scent of Astarion’s musk was making his head spin. He wanted to simply bury his nose in the spot between his shaft and balls and inhale, but he wasn’t sure whether that would be appropriate. And two, his ministrations immediately made Astarion groan, the sound sweet music to his ears. 

By then Tav had moved out from behind Astarion’s back and lounged on the bed next to him, her hand still stroking his cock, and watched Wyll’s efforts. 

“Good boy,” she purred approvingly. 

“Love?” Astarion said.  

“Hmm?” Tav hummed. 

“You talk too much.”  

Wyll watched Astarion push her head, quite unceremoniously, down towards his groin. She let out a somewhat annoyed sound, but went right on, taking his cock in her mouth. 

“Finally, some silence,” Astarion groaned.  

Once again, Wyll found himself gawking at the display now mere inches before him, as she worked the length of Astarion’s erection with her lips, her cheeks hollowing - obviously a practiced motion for the two, as they entered a familiar rhythm, Astarion’s hips bucking up, his fingers tangled in her hair, as she bobbed her head.  

Tav’s eyes met Wyll’s, and she released Astarion’s dick from her mouth, with a loud plopping sound and a sigh. She lifted Wyll’s chin with one finger.  

“Now you can take over,” she whispered, getting up.  

Wyll hesitated, taking Astarion’s cock in his hand.  

‘Huh... Not cold at all,’ he thought.  

“Don’t tell me the Blade is intimidated,” Astarion taunted. 

Wyll tried to think of a witty retort, but, for once, his mind was blank, and in any event it hardly seemed appropriate to orate and put on heroic airs whilst on his knees between Astarion’s legs. He decided it would be prudent to simply put the dick in his mouth.  

Tav had made it look so easy... She slurped that thing up like a horse with a carrot. But Wyll found himself struggling, despite quite enjoying the taste and sensation of tender skin on his tongue. 

Astarion sucked his breath in, with a hiss.  

“Teeth...” he said. “We keep our teeth behind our lips, darling.” 

Wyll tried to mumble an apology without removing Astarion’s cock from his mouth.  

“And don’t talk with your mouth full. Gods, you’re from a decent family, haven’t they taught you any manners..? ...There, that’s better.” 

“Is he doing a good job?” Wyll heard Tav’s voice somewhere in the room.  

“Well...” said Astarion.  

“Hey!” she exclaimed. “Wyll, honey, you know you can bite him if he’s mean to you, right? You’re the one with the power here, right now.” She got back on the bed, holding something in her hand. “But why are you still dressed?” she laughed.  

Wyll released Astarion from his mouth and fumbled with his clothing. Meanwhile, Tav had slid onto Astarion’s lap, and they busied themselves with each other. Their sheer hunger for one another, as they kissed and exchanged caresses, made Wyll feel like a third wheel, but Tav quickly turned her attention back to him.  

“My love, I think he’s bored,” she said to Astarion. “Should we wake Halsin up again?”  

“Are you trying to educate or traumatise him..?” Astarion murmured in response. “But that reminds me of something...” 

Astarion positioned Tav to sit on his lap with her back against him, guiding her onto his cock. She moaned as he entered her, his knees spreading her legs as his hands roamed her body, stroking between her legs as he bucked his hips up into her.  

“It was such a breathtaking view, I thought he would enjoy it as well,” he murmured. “Like what you see?” he directed at Wyll. 

Nothing in Wyll’s life had prepared him for this. Eyes locked on the spectacle before him, he had at last begun stroking himself, staying in time with Astarion’s movements. He didn’t notice as Astarion went to whisper something in Tav’s ear.  

“Do you want to taste her?” Astarion goaded.  

“Yes,” Wyll breathed, leaning forward. 

“Ah ah! Not like that.” Astarion intercepted him, pulling out of Tav. She got up, returning onto the bed with a giggle. Astarion’s cock glistened with her juices.  

“Go ahead now,” Astarion purred. 

Wyll eagerly took Astarion into his mouth again. Tav’s taste on Astarion’s cock combined with Astarion’s own precum was absolutely divine, and Wyll greedily lapped up as much as he could.  

“Much, much better this time...” Astarion purred approvingly. “Consider that a little treat... But that’s enough now. Come here...” Astarion pulled Wyll up by one of his horns, directing him onto the bed and pushing against his chest until he was on his back.  

Tav angled a pillow under his head so his horns wouldn’t get in the way, and laid down on her side near Wyll, and smiled at him, lightly caressing his face with her fingertips. Wyll’s heart beat like a mad thing trying to break out of its cage, as Astarion crawled on top of him, with a predatory look in his eyes. 

“So just how... ‘intimate’ were you thinking of getting?” Tav asked, softly.  

Wyll swallowed hard as Astarion emitted a soft growl and started kissing down his neck, his hand slowly working its way up the inside of Wyll’s thigh.  

“Is this about my blood, or are we now well enough acquainted to kiss..?” Wyll managed. 

Astarion lifted his head with a small sigh. 

“She’s asking whether the Blade might want to become a sheath for a spell,” he explained.  

Wyll found himself at a loss for words again.  

“...Can’t the Blade remain a blade?” he asked, finally.  

“That’s not on the table today, darling,” Astarion shook his head. “But we can entertain ourselves in other ways.” 

“Well then I uh... I think yes maybe..?” Wyll sputtered. 

“Yes what..?” Astarion asked, his voice low and husky, rolling over to lay on Wyll’s other side. “Do you want me to fuck you? Say it.” 

Any words Wyll might have said died somewhere between his racing heart and his suddenly parched throat, but his cock twitched visibly, jerking up and landing with a resounding thud on his abdomen.  

Tav and Astarion both turned their heads at the impressive display. 

“Why don’t I take it slow, and you can tell me if you want to stop at any moment..?” Astarion asked, unable to contain a grin. 

Wyll did not object to that. 

Tav had been trailing her fingertips lower and lower, leaving feather light caresses on Wyll’s skin, until she reached his straining erection. Meanwhile, Astarion had reached for the object she’d retrieved earlier. It turned out to be a vial with some kind of oil.  

“You’re in expert hands, you know,” she whispered in his ear. “I’ll admit, I’m actually excited for you.” 

Wyll watched Astarion pour some of the oil on his fingers. Lying between Tav and Astarion, he gained the distinct impression of having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  

‘Who am I kidding?’ he thought. ‘They’re both devils.’ 

Tav reached and took his cock in her hand, just as Astarion spread some oil on it, before moving down to cup and gently tug on his balls with his hand. 

“Ah, you weren’t kidding about bumps and ridges!” Tav giggled. “My, they look fun!” 

“Bring your knees up,” Astarion purred.  

Wyll swiftly complied, and the vampire went to nibble on Wyll’s earlobe as his hand slipped lower. His finger circled and teased his puckered hole, while Tav continued to stroke his cock. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Astarion whispered in his ear. 

“Hnngaa-ah!” said Wyll, bringing his knees higher. 

Tav and Astarion exchanged a look.  

“I think that meant ‘no, don’t stop’,” said Tav.  

“I think so too,” Astarion agreed. “Very well.” 

Astarion applied more and more pressure as he teased Wyll’s hole.  

“Try to relax,” he purred, working a single finger in. “Breathe... It’s just a finger, for crying out loud.” 

Wyll whimpered, his cock twitching again, to Tav’s immediate delight, as Astarion continued to gradually work his digit in further, thrusting in and out, spreading more oil in and around.  

“That’s it,” Astarion whispered. “I think we can add one more.” 

Astarion’s thrusting had grown more persistent, as he added another finger, all the while watching Wyll’s expression with a lidded gaze.  

Wyll was finding himself being reduced to a blushing, mewling mess, throwing his head back as much as his horns would allow, with his eyes shut.  

Tav had begun licking and nibbling on his neck. 

“Do you like it?” Tav purred, as Wyll nodded. “Think you’re ready for more?” 

“Yes,” he whispered, almost inaudibly, rolling his hips in time with Astarion’s fingers now. His cock was leaking obscene amounts of precum onto Tav’s hand as she continued to play with it. 

“Get down here then,” Astarion directed him closer to the edge of the bed without pulling his fingers out.  

“Do be gentle, Astarion, it’s his first time after all,” Tav called out as Wyll slipped out from her hand, drawn after Astarion. She got up to wet a washcloth in the basin, leaving it within Astarion’s reach.  

‘Is that..? Oh. Well, that makes sense.’ Wyll’s scrambled brain thought.  

“Well, if I can’t marry into the Ravengard family, I guess I’ll settle for deflowering the heir,” Astarion grinned. 

Wyll let out an involuntary whine as Astarion’s fingers left his ass. 

“Don’t worry, darling, there’s more on the way,” Astarion drawled.  

Wyll watched Astarion spread more oil on his own cock, before falling back again, shutting his eyes and whimpering in anticipation.  

Astarion set a torturously slow pace as he worked his cock in, stretching Wyll more and more with slow, shallow thrusts that gradually grew deeper and deeper. 

“Good...” Astarion groaned, slowly sliding in and out of Wyll almost fully now. “Who knew you’d be so good...” 

He picked up the pace, setting a steady rhythm with his thrusts once it was clear Wyll was comfortable with it.  

“So how does it feel to be fucked?” Astarion asked with a devilish grin.

“Oh leave him be, he’s already going through a lot” Tav cut in, reclining near Wyll again.  

Wyll looked up at her. She was smiling at him so sweetly... He reached towards her. 

“I didn’t say you could touch her,” Astarion warned with a forceful thrust, making Wyll yelp. 

“I wouldn’t anger him, if I were you,” Tav whispered, slowly running a finger down between the ridges of his muscles. “He still holds a grudge about your little seduction attempt back in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, you know.” 

“What in the hells are you two gossiping about..?” followed from Astarion.  

“My heart, he’s doing so well, don’t you think he’s earned another little treat?” Tav asked Astarion, ignoring his question.  

“I’m the only one here who’s earned any treats,” Astarion muttered. “But sure.”  

He slowly pulled his hard length out of Wyll. 

“On your feet!” 

Wyll scrambled up, bending over the edge of the bed. Tav stayed on the bed, edging over to sit before him with her legs spread. 

“Still want a taste?” she purred with a wicked smile. 

Astarion entered him again, with a perhaps slightly too forceful thrust, making Wyll collapse face-first between Tav’s legs. With a groan, he plunged his tongue between her folds, earning a moan from her.  

Wyll’s efforts might have been somewhat sloppy, but he made up for it in sheer enthusiasm as he lapped at her, eagerly. 

Unbeknown to Wyll, Astarion caught Tav’s eyes and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She shrugged and waved her fingers in a ‘so-so’ motion back at him. Astarion nodded with a roll of his eyes.  

Wyll was caught off-guard when Astarion reached around him to take his neglected cock in his hand.  

“Let’s get you off and let you rest, little prince,” Astarion murmured.  

His cool hand was firm and practiced in a way that Tav’s simply could not be, its deliberate movements incessantly urging Wyll towards a release. 

Wyll completely lost all traces of composure and simply moaned between Tav’s legs as Astarion worked him.  

“Can’t multi-task, darling?” Astarion teased. “That’s alright, I’ll finish that job myself later as well.” 

Wyll lifted himself on his arms, trying to push his hips back against Astarion’s as Tav slipped out from under him. 

“Alright, give him a peck, I know he wants one so desperately...” Astarion said begrudgingly. 

Tav returned to lift Wyll’s head and kissed him, tenderly, her tongue swirling and dancing against his, as Astarion continued to fuck and stroke him.  

“I said a peck! Gods, woman, offer you a hand – you'll take the whole arm, every time.” 

Astarion’s grip on Wyll’s cock tightened, his hand speeding up, until Wyll couldn’t take it anymore and finally erupted, crying out and whimpering into Tav’s mouth, as he spilled a thick and well overdue load onto the sheets as Astarion continued to stroke him.  

He was still gasping, trying to catch his breath when Astarion slid out of him, giving Wyll's ass a loud smack, before wiping himself and Wyll down.  

At last, Wyll collapsed on the bed next to Tav.  

“Gods...” was all he could muster.  

Astarion gave him a self-satisfied smirk as he joined them on the bed, kissing his way up Tav’s leg.  

“Now shall I show you how to actually satisfy a woman? So you know what to do with your ‘one and only’ later?” 

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed, this work is part of a series, check out the rest of it

AO3

~~~~~

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[anavatazes]

Hi. *shuffles feet* Been a while. Might still be a bit yet before I start posting regularly again. Long of the short? Had a bit of mental break and needed a break. Slowly easing my way back into things. Slowly.

Obligatory picture of Mara, taking the youngest to school. Her favorite thing, next to eating ❤️.

Anyway, heart is still in a stranglehold by Joel. Pedro as Joel is NOT helping, as he does 😏.

And what really prompted this, was one of my original heartbreakers from when I was a teen, in combination with one of my most favorite characters in comics are coming together again to expand on their time together in the Savage Land 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠.

Is it January yet 🤤🤤?

Uncanny X-Men 269, 274 & 275 were my favorites when they came out. Rogue was already my favorite character among Storm and Nightcrawler, but this story really captured her essence. She was depowered, just arrived out of Siege Perilous, no one else around, and is attacked by the Mauraders. She uses Gateway's ability to escape but ends up in the land of dinos, fighting Carol Danvers, and being saved by the missing Magneto?! Who Jim Lee really could draw 🤤🫠. It's a great story, and I recommend it.

And now, this January, they are revisiting that story to fill in some gaps. I do hope they don't do any retcons. There is enough hate from Rogue/Gambit shippers as it is, that if they even get a hint of Magneto anywhere near Rogue, they explode. It's like, dude, fucking chill. Gambit has been the end game all along. We all knew it from the moment the Cajun first laid eyes on her. They are married now. If ya'll don't stop, I'm gonna start hating a favorite couple of mine... and it's not the one you want.

Also, no retcons in this, because, well, Magneto is the king of retcons, and I am tired of it. The major being his children Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver. Sorry, not sorry, you cannot still draw Pietro like Max, and say Max did not birth that boy. Nope. Even acts like him, still. It's Max Eisenhardt, Jr. So, no retcons. Don't cheapen the Legacy romance nor ruin things in the ROMY world.

Seeing more of Magneto helping Rogue figure out what is wrong with her powers, please! The man is a fucking genius. Self-taught in so much, too! Let the man show off! Part of what makes him so hot 🔥.

I want to see Colossus' son. Other than a blip here and there, we saw him last in the 80s, I think? Even if it's in passing with the tribes Ka-zar and Shanna are helping, just something!!!! The X-Men know he’s there. WTF happened to him?! This would be perfect for it.

Zaladane. More backstory, please. We were never given 100% yea or nea if she is, in fact, another of Magneto's children or what her exact connection to Polaris is. Not sure what I want, other than closure. This is as close to a return for the character as we're gonna get, and I will enjoy every minute.

I read a good chunk of Tim Seeley's run on Nightwing, and he's good. There is hope that this just won't be a wet dream of a scantily clad chick with two half nekkid guys and dinosaurs! Dick Grayson is a pretty complex character, as are Rogue and Magneto, so I feel they are in good hands.

As a few who are reading this know, I've been looking for pre-order information. I still haven't found any. But I did find an exact release date for issue #1 -

January 15, 2025. It's already on my calendar. I will probably blow my husband's mind and buy both digital and physical on this straight away. I always get digital on the Kindle and use the points I earn to buy more digital, which saves me tons of $$$$. Then, I will buy the TPB or individual issues of the books I want. It's rare I go straight in. But I want more Rogue stories, and this is how you get more Rogue stories.

Hope all that was understandable. Thanks to a stupid change in insurance, I am without one of my meds, and I am feeling it. Lack of sleep, high anxiety levels, and a breakthrough migraine that won't stop. I may not have been all that coherent 😄. Anyway, love you bitches. I am making my way back. Slowly.

[onmyyan]

Hi!! Your answer to my last question about Cas and his family made me so softt-

I have a question if you don't mind? But are there any types of people that the Delmont family kinda wouldn't approve of for their family members? Or are they sure that the men of the family can handle whatever kind of darling they desire?

Also I love the image of teen Caspian in the kitchen! I kinda imagine him in there with his Ma just humming a little tune and jebeksnwk, I just love him sm! I bet his mom is super kind and sweet! I wanna just dance around with him in the kitchen while things bake while belting some silly little song-

Sorry for sending so much! I just really enjoy your writings and the way you tell things! Have a good day or night and it's okay to take a break and eat a snack in case you haven't today!

A/N: Omgggg sweet anon you never have to apologize for sending in asks I love writing its so much fun!!! And his family is a riot I adore them so much🖤❤ also im sorry if I'm posting too much Caspian content (EDITED 12/16/22)

T/W: Yandere shenanigans, Cas fantasizes about a future family

Fun fact! He still does this cute humming thing while he cooks! Most of the time he doesn't even notice he's doing it until he sees you've paused what you're in the middle of to smile at him in a way that pulls his focus from the stove. If he catches you singing it's a whole thing, he'll turn up the song and take your hand, the way he fully committed to his role made it impossible to feel embarrassed. Seeing such a large, imposing man, belt out ABBA with full seriousness is a sight.

The first time you meet his Mother you're shaking like a leaf, terrified to make the wrong impression and scare off Caspian (something that was quite literally impossible.) He's both incredibly touched you were so worried but also lived in a constant state of needing to assure your happiness, so he tried everything he could to convince you she'd love you, that no matter what happened he'd be leaving this place just as in enamored as he came in but you couldn't be pacified, that is until you met her and the small woman threw herself around you with the warmest smile.

She'd gush over you to Caspian as she greeted him the same, her warm welcome wouldn't stop there as she, like her son, showed her love through food and had made a feast for what looked like an entire family.

Caspian barely got a word in the way you two talked and laughed with one another, he could really cry at the sight, especially when she hopped up asking for your help finishing the desserts she'd made just for the occasion. It was like a filter had gone over his eyes, he could see it now, a few kids running around the house the same way he and his brothers did, his mother would be sitting there giving pointers and stealing bits of the fruit you'd have brought from your garden back home. He'd have his youngest on his hip, the other hand would be feeding you from a spoon for the obligatory taste test. He was only pulled out of the fantasy by the sounds of your combined laughter.

Now as for if they have approval issues with darlings.

There's this unspoken rule, that while they'll share the most base-level things about them, they are not to interfere with each other's darlings unless specifically asked.

If they didn't strictly follow these rules, disaster would strike. Take the time in High school when Gabe and Ricky found out they both had their eyes on the same girl, they were on each other like dogs, both bloody and bruised because while Gabriel was much bigger, Ricky had this scary state he'd fall into where he just wailed on someone or something until he wasn't angry anymore if the others tried to step in they risked getting pulled into the scrap, it only stopped because their Mother came home, she rushed inside once she heard the commotion and snatched both of them up by the ear.

After their shared punishment of cleaning the whole house, they'd come up with the system they still used today, all in an effort to keep the peace. Both agreed to share the names and photos of their darling in their brothers-only group chat from that point on, that way if anyone had something to say they could before said brother got attached, Caspian had always found the system stupid and only ever agreed to it to get the younger two off his ass, he followed his heart and wouldn't stop until he had you securely in his arms. Damn what anyone said.

And yet, that first night after he met you he found himself sending over the most recent selfie you'd uploaded, he found your socials seconds after finding your full name and waited on bated breath for their response.

Gabe: 'She's cute, you meet her in that class you took today? Need any info?' Gabe was always the best at getting information fast, people loved him which meant he had connections.

'No thanks- I wanna do it myself.' He shot back, the second he sent that picture your fate had been sealed with him entwined.

Marcos: 'Took you long enough, any problems?'

That was Marcos for "Does she have anyone in her life in the way you want me to handle?"

'So far so good, no rats on the runway.' His two youngest brothers had a taste for violence and often enjoyed the process of clearing off those rats. He knew if he needed something done messy and mean, Marcos was the man.

Ricky: 👍

Caspian rolled his eyes not expecting much more from his enigma of a sibling. And lastly, he waited on his hardest to please family members.

Manny had yet to respond, instead, about fifteen minutes passed then Caspian received a call.

"You serious about her Cas?"

"As a heart attack little man." The nickname was a cheap play but he knew it soothe his violently protective little brother. "I gotta wait a minute before then but when she's ready for it I'd love for you to meet her Manny." He heard a shaky inhale before a deep sigh, ever the unpredictable one, he soon flipped his tone, now sounding like the 22-year-old he was, "You gotta' tell me everything Cas! What's she like? Does she smell good? Do you have a ton in common or is it like opposites attract kinda thing??" He'd spend the whole night on the phone dishing to his brother, the weight off his chest gone.

All in all, they play it safe!! Although in a fucked up timeline they all want the same Darling- Oh baby you are gone.

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future: The Animated Series, s02ep05 “Verne's New Friend” Review and Commentary

Previous episodes linked here.

In this episode: the obligatory kids' show "girls and boys can be friends" plotline.

We're back in Real Doc's lab for the opening segment, a rarity this season! Doc's got a lot of mysterious, bubbling liquids around him, and he takes a drink from a beaker, informing us it's water. However, he then picks up another one, which contains H2SO4 (sulfuric acid).

Remember when I covered the first season and kept making note of Doc's seemingly deteriorating mental state? The guy was a whole other level of unhinged in these opening segments. Zany, off the rails, and just plain WEIRD (said with the utmost affection). This live-action scene is no different, and it's not something that can really be captured properly in text. I feel I must include an actual clip to give you a taste of what Animated Series Real Doc is like.

What is. wrong with him.

The thing that really gets me (aside from the way he says, "Poisooooonnn...") is the way he smiles after.

If I didn't know and love Doc Brown, I would be terrified of this man. This could be in a horror movie. The last thing you see before the mad scientist takes you down.

Ultimately, the point of Doc's odd little display is to convey to us that things are not always what they seem. As many of our lead-ins into the cartoon part of the show, this one begins with Verne.

He and a bunch of buddies are gathered at a local baseball field and are ready to start up their game. It's guys only, though, and when two girls express their desire to play, Verne tells them, "Get lost. Girls can't play ball!" He and some of the other boys then start making jokes about how the girls should go fix their hair or do their nails instead. Oh, Verne...

I feel like this is a VERY common thing in 90s shows. The whole "boy discovers girls can play sports/be tough/enjoy the same things he does" was done over and over in TV.

During the game, the ball gets hit out of the field and is caught by a kid sitting on the sidewalk. The kid returns the ball with an amazing pitch, and Verne is instantly impressed. He asks the kid to be on his team, and they immediately form a quick friendship.

And with the whole "Verne doesn't want to play with girls" plotline having been immediately established in the first 20 seconds of this episode, let's really consider for a moment where they might be going here, shall we? Verne's just met a kid who plays baseball better than he does and who loves comic books as well. This kid is always wearing a hat. I'm thinkin' Vernie is in for a surprise when he gets to know his new friend better.

While at the comic store, the kids come across a poster for The Bob Brothers All-Star International Circus, and they want to go. The worker at the store informs them that it's an old poster, and the circus happened in 1933 and is now out of business. (Nice reference to "The Bobs" here!)

When Verne's friend (who we don't have a name for yet) expresses disappointment at not being able to see the show, Verne says maybe they can go to the circus. "Can you keep a secret?" he asks. Verne is about to spill the secret of time travel to a kid he's known all of two hours.

He and his friend sneak into the garage and hop into the DeLorean, programming it to the date of the circus and taking off on their little trip. Btw, Doc had been working on the car in that same moment. Doc is UNDER THE CAR when it's driven out of the garage.

As they drive along the street, a hand reaches from somewhere behind Verne and he panics, thinking it's Doc. (He hadn't seen him under the car) It's Marty, though! He'd been searching around in the car for something Doc needed in his repairs and has now been taken along for the ride against his will. He also shows absolutely zero concern at seeing Verne's friend sitting in the passenger seat. No "Who is this?" or "Verne, you told someone about time travel?!". Nothing.

The three of them arrive in 1933 and go straight to the circus. They're the only members in the audience.

They soon discover why the circus went out of business. It's awful. The band plays terrible music, the acts are boring (the "ferocious" lion is asleep during his performance), the tightrope walker is only two feet off the ground and terrified, and the Bob brothers running the show are a couple of clumsy goofballs. Verne, Marty, and Verne's friend are bored to tears.

When it comes time to see the human cannonball, one of the Bobs announces that the act has to be canceled due to a "slight occupational hazard." This is the human cannonball.

The only way the act can go on is if someone from the audience volunteers to do it themself. Sounds very legal!!!

Marty accidentally volunteers himself to be the cannonball because he picks that exact moment to wave his hands in an attempt to signal the guy selling peanuts. Good going, Marty. He's promptly launched into the air, out of the tent, and crash lands on the DeLorean, sending pieces of it flying.

(If you look closely at the sign in the background, it says "Tannen Farm")

After taking a look at the car later on, Marty informs his little buddies of some bad news: the carburetor is cracked. He says he might be able to fix it with a paperclip, though. Verne's friend, who we learn a moment later is called "Chris," is able to help out by offering a bobby pin. Verne is baffled. Why would a boy be carrying around a bobby pin??

As Marty works on the car, Verne and Chris sneak back into the circus, where they overhear a Tannen telling the Bobs that they'll have to pay him double from now on in order to keep using his land. The kids climb a nearby ladder up to a platform so they can get a better vantage point, and a series of wacky events follow. Verne and Chris fall from the platform but grab onto a unicycle and end up riding it across a tightrope, then they fling themselves into a clown car, a runaway tire crashes into a group of acrobats, and so on. Pure chaos.

Once everything is settled, Mac Tannen comes running over to one of his pigs, scooping it up and cuddling it and doing all sorts of baby talk to it.

"Cleopatra! Poor little baby-wabey. Did the baddy-waddy wittle boys frighten Daddy's itty-bitty piggy-wiggy?"

And you know what? It's kind of endearing seeing a Tannen acting all affectionate and loving toward something. Look at how happy that pig is. She has a bow in her hair!

As a result of all the shenanigans, he ends up telling the Bobs that he now wants triple the rent money, plus extra for damages. If he doesn't get it by the next night, he's going to take over running the circus. Verne and Chris are forced to stay and help out around the place in order to pay back the money for all the stuff they broke. Verne comes up with a plan to get the money rolling in quickly, and he and Chris ride an elephant into town to advertise and give away free tickets. That night, the stadium is completely packed, and Verne tells the Bobs that they'll make a ton of money selling food and souvenirs.

Unfortunately, the sisters who do the trapeze act have just quit, and it's their biggest act of the night. Verne says it's no sweat; he and Chris will do the act because "We can do anything any old girls can do."

Wearing some of Doc's "booster belts", Verne and Chris prepare for their trapeze act debut.

Marty says they look silly, especially wearing hats, and Verne takes his off. Chris refuses to do the same. Hmmm....

Also, I need to drop another screenshot of Mac with his pig as they sit in the audience.

The show begins with Chris and Verne, who fly around the air with ease due to their booster belts. The audience goes wild.

(this has nothing to do with the plot, but I want to draw attention to a scene where Mac's skin tone flashes back and forth noticeably)

I'm truly fascinated by the amount of mistakes and wonky animation in this series. People's eyes and skin change color out of nowhere and the character designs vary episode to episode. There's no consistency at all.

Returning back to the episode, the pair is in the middle of their most daring stunt when Chris's hat flies off and reveals....she's a GIRL! Who could have seen this coming?

Verne is so shocked that he falls from his own trapeze and begins plummeting to the ground. Chris swoops in and saves him just in time. Once they land and a crowd of people gathers in awe, Verne stalks off angrily.

Outside, the Bobs pay Mac Tannen all the money they owe him, followed by another very obvious mistake. Mac calls to his pig, who appears a moment later carrying an armful of food and souvenirs. A second later all that stuff is gone, and it's just the pig walking away. Holding nothing.

What was going on in the studio that animated this show??

Over at the DeLorean, Verne is ranting to Marty about how upset he is that Chris was a girl this whole time. How could he have shared so many things he loved with A GIRL?? Marty doesn't get what the big deal is. He says that some of his best friends are girls. "She's still the same person you liked before," he goes on to tell Verne, to which Verne continues complaining. Marty tells him he better knock it off or his friendship with Chris (whose name is really Christine) is going to be over.

With the car fixed, they all pile into the car, where Verne continues to give Chris the cold shoulder for betraying him or something. Idk. Verne is convinced girls have cooties. But the whole reason that Chris hid the fact she's a girl is specifically because it was the only way she could be included in those "boy activities." Verne never would have asked her to play baseball or read comics with him if he'd known from the start.

Once back home, Verne joins his buddies for a game of baseball. As he chases after the ball, he runs into Chris. She hands him the ball, and Verne awkwardly asks her if she wants to play with them. And that's where the cartoon portion ends.

All is well. Verne has come to his senses and realized that it's okay to have friends who are girls. We don't get to see any scenes of how Verne comes to change his mind, though. It just happens. He's angry at her one moment, then asks her to play 20 seconds later in the next scene. I get that there's very limited time to tell a story in a kids' cartoon, but it would've been nice to see Verne having that moment of, "Hey, maybe I was wrong."

We go back to Doc's lab, where he reiterates the lesson that appearances can be deceiving. For example, his elaborate setup of tubes and colorful liquids is actually an invention that creates the perfect water balloon. You see, he's preparing for his and Verne's semi-annual water fight, and he's discovered an exact formula that helps the balloons fly further and have the biggest burst ratio.

I love Doc being a dad. Establishing regular water balloon fights with his son and using the power of science to beat him is something he absolutely would do.

And that about does it for this episode! It was okay. Verne was annoying in it, but I liked Chris (I was very much considered a "tomboy" as a kid), and Marty actually came through with some common sense and good advice. Like I said, I feel like I've seen this same kind of storyline a hundred times from various shows and movies. It was a popular one in the 80s through the early 2000s, it seems.

Join me next time as I go into the episode without any prior knowledge, because it's called "Bravelord and the Demon Monstrux" which intrigues me so much that I don't even want to read the episode summary.

[shouldhavebeenpersephone]

AAAAAAAAAAH One Way by S.J. Jordan was SO GOOD! Going for the sequel next but pleasssseee do you have any show or movie recs??

AAAAAAAAAA I am so glad you enjoyed it! Feel free to scream at me about it ANY time. I think I may have to go and reread it now.

In regards to other recommendations... oooooh boy. I have so many. This took me a while because I was considering if this would be respectful to the strikes, but we haven't been told to stay away from any streaming services etc. yet, so after removing a scab from the recommendation list I decided to post it. Apologies in advance for the tangents I go on for every single recommendation. Some of these have been quite popular so you might know of them but it still felt worth mentioning.

Under the cut is a non-exhaustive list of media in no particular order that makes me want to eat glass. Take a shot every time I say heartbreaking.

Movies

Lord of the Rings 1/2/3 - I feel no need to explain myself. If you haven't seen this please for the love of god get your hands on the extended versions and watch them. Then read the books and watch the movies again. Rinse and repeat.

How to Train Your Dragon and How to Train Your Dragon 2 - You read that right, NOT the third movie. In this house the third movie doesn't exist. This is an animated movie and sequel based on the book it shares a name with by Cressida Cowel. The movie follows protagonist Hiccup who lives in a town of Vikings who hunt and kill dragons. He finds out that he can't kill a dragon he has caught, and is surprised when the dragon won't kill him either. His curiosity gets the best of him and he returns to watch the dragon in it's hideout, and a beautiful friendship emerges from a very messy situation. It doesn't happen often that a movie is better than the book, especially if the source material has been changed so drastically, but HTTYD pulls it off. The first movie was also my introduction to fandom, and both movies have an incredibly special place in my heart. Fun fact: I actually am the OP of a pretty popular fandom headcannon and it makes me giggle every time I see it be mentioned in the HTTYD tag.

Inception - Obligatory action movie. Heist movie except sci-fi and also everyone is queer and sexy (no it's not canon but it is canon to me). Conman Leo DiCaprio breaks into rich boy Cilian Murphy's dreams to convince him to give up his father's business in exchange for getting his criminal file wiped clean so he can see his kids again. I love sad dads and I love mind games and I love high stakes and I love time fuckery and I love mentally ill women. Watch it if you also do.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire - Perfect. Showstopping. Incredible. Does not pass the reverse Bechdel test. It is so incredibly hearthbreaking and soft and tender. Period drama with lesbians. Painter Noémi Merlant is hired to pretend to be a companion to Adèle Haenel while secretly painting her portrait to be sent off to a man she is being married off to. There is betrayal and trust and community and lust and it's so gorgeous to look at. The attention to detail is incredible and I want to kiss Céline Sciamma for bringing this movie to my screen. I cry every time I watch it. Queer heartache done right.

The Lake House - I don't know if this movie is actually that good but to me it is perfect. Contractor Keanu Reeves moves into a gorgeous lake house (my dream home) and starts receiving letters addressed to the previous owner and doctor Sandra Bullock. When he gets a letter from her with her new address and sees it's to a building that's still in development, the two skeptics come to the conclusion they are living years apart and their post box is some sort of portal. They fall in love, things go wrong, things go right, and there is a dog!

Series

Orphan Black - Listen. Listen. LISTEN. Tatiana Maslany. Wow. She plays a dozen (if not more) clones and I still have a hard time believing they weren't all different people. Trouble kid forced to be an adult because she is a mother sees herself jump in front of a train and uhhhh has issues with that. She then discovers there are so many others like her, that they were a part of a cloning project and that she is a bit of a special case. There is a lot of plot I cannot summarize but it's deliciously queer (one of the main character clones is a lesbian as well as two prominent gay side characters and other minor queer and trans characters). Found family, questions of what it means to love and of morality, some wonderfully written character arcs and a decently satisfying end. First few episodes can be a bit hard to get into, but Tatiana Maslany is incredible and the show is totally worth it.

Adventure Time - This is a big comfort show for me, not only because Marceline and Princess Bubblegum were one of my first queer ships ever, but also because I enjoy this show just as much as an adult. No real main story line, you could watch individual episodes and still follow it. There are some heavy themes, but they are always handled so wonderfully and with a true sense of childlike wonder, and it makes me have faith in humanity again. Finn the Human and Jake the Dog go on adventures together in a gigantic fantasy land and meet lots of interesting figures. Even the evil characters get attention, compassion, screen time, and dignity. It's heartbreaking and beautiful and so so so good.

The Mentalist - Sorry, there is a cop show in here. Simon Baker is an ex 'psychic' grieving father and husband working as a consultant with the CBI. His boss, Robin Tunney, is so in love with him she looks stupid. It's basically a man who is too smart for his own good running around, being charming or extremely annoying, and an exhausted tough-love type of woman running around fixing his messes. Oh and they catch killers. I am a Patric Jane kinnie, sue me. Jane and Lisbon are also very Griddlehark to me, kind of a what could have been if they had been friends from the beginning.

Russian Doll - Have I ever mentioned how much I love Natasha Lyonne? This is a kind of sexier Groundhog Day, where Natasha Lyonne keeps dying and waking up in the bathroom of her friend throwing her a birthday party. She loses her mind in the midst of gorgeous scenes, seriously beautiful cinematography, and in sexy ass outfits. If you like mind fuckery, cinematography, and sexy women this is the show for you. It sure is the show for me.

Arcane - Speaking of gorgeous visuals, Arcane is a beast of a show with such an incredible and unique look. Also so many hot and/or gay women. There are a few men too, they're okay, I do like me a pathetic little guy so it works. But WOMEN. So many powerful, intelligent, cunning, courageous women. I have to admit that I remember very little of the storyline, but I do know that they took 'Manic Pixie Dream Girl', said "yes and", and made a truly incredible and multi dimensional character with Jinx, with fully fleshed out motivations and morals (or lack thereof), understandable but still properly wrong actions, and such incredible story building around her progressing mental troubles. Must watch.

The Sandman - This one is not technically an obsession I have ever had, but it is a great watch and rewatch. I adore Vivienne Acheampong as Lucienne and I adore Gwendoline Christie as Lucifer and I adore Kirby Howell-Baptiste as Death. I also love pretty much anything that comes out of Neil Gaiman's brain so that helps. Great casting is what makes this show a winner for me. Morpheus/Dream gets locked up by some insane guy trying to capture death to bring back his son and he spends the rest of the show dealing with the consequences of being gone for decades. Tom Sturridge is a wet cat of a man and I do like that a lot as well. Very pretty cinematography seals the deal.

Misc.

The Magnus Archives - Podcast wildcard. Horror and paranormal and delicious. I love voice actors so much and archivists are hot. Becoming something you didn't choose and dealing with the repercussions of no longer really being human is so !!!!!!! I love it when people just go through the horrors. Everyone's voices scratch something in my brain that nothing else can reach. Brilliant piece of media.

What Remains of Edith Finch - Game wildcard. Semi-sandbox semi-railroad narrative. Gorgeous visual representations of so many difficult things in life. Particularly, the bit where one of Edith's family members loses himself to his own imagination is so gorgeous and heartbreaking. I have written essays on the cinematography of this game. It is so beautiful. Whether you lay it or watch a playthrough, you have to witness this.

MISSED RECOMMENDATIONS ARE HERE

There you have it.

I am sure there is more and I am sure I will be hitting my head on a wall after remembering something I forgot to include. Anyway- enjoy!

[wench-and-jezebel]

NCIS Reaction: Seadog

Wench (@scripted-downfall) reacts [with (maybe) occasional asides by Jezebel (@typicalopposite)]

Love this song [Same :)]

Rude.  They turned it off [So very! ☹️]

Rude apathetic person suddenly got way less apathetic

Dude, no shit, they probably fell off the boat when they got shot

Actually watching the intro this time… Heya, Tony.  Abby continues to be adorable.  (Yes, I know we've seen that scene but shhh)  [I always liked it]

Weatherly looks so different without the glasses

YES.  AVOID THE SEMINARS

Being rude to Tony againnnn :(

He's so happyyyyyyy

Buddy, just call shotgun earlier.  It's called being quick on the... draw.  HAH.  Hah.  Get it?  Do… Jezebel, do you get it?  [*silence*]

Dude, Tony was doing something alskdjf  Leave him be

Oh, we've got the obligatory scold-the-local-law-enforcement-officer scene. (To be clear... I get the point but also.  So strategically unwise.  They kinda need the locals’ assistance, and that’s a quick way to get booted off the case, I’m about 99% sure.)

laksjdf Not Tony flirting with the reporter to get her number

[Ducky you savage] !!!

All the under-his-breath asides about that cop alkdsjf

I love Ducky's hat

And we've got cash

If they do not stop being jerks to Tony-

Mary Celeste?  Ghost Ship-vibes

That wasn't the point, Kate, don't be obtuse.  [☠️☠️☠️]

I appreciate characters who compulsively fiddle --- so much like me, fr --- so Tony's flipping the pen is great

Poor Ducky

alskdfjalkdsjf Duckyyyyyy [I love himmmmm]

Oh no not the anti-drug programme.  I swear, people running anti-drug-programmes in these shows always get mixed up in actual drugs, and are usually innocent

"You five-0, ain't you?"  Wrong show, actually :)

Man legit just climbed the fence

Leave.  Tony.  Alone.  Plz.

"Untied States" alksdjfalksdfj  Whoops

Gibbs, I recognize that you think you're hot shit, but you don't have to be an ass to everyone [😂😂😂😂]

ABBY SIGNS!!! YOU'RE AWESOME, MY DEAR!  [YESSSS]

Her hair's more lab-accurate this time

Poor Tony :(

I love the name Jethro, it must be said

Reporter chick's not wrong

Poor Tonyyyyyy

HE'S LEARNING SIGNNNNN (...ish)

– – –

Be proud of me: I actually remembered the midpoint reaction!  Woot woot!

I continue to enjoy the show…  Not a fixation-worthy enjoyment yet, but I like it.  Abby and Tony are still head-and-shoulders above the rest; then Ducky.  Kate kinda annoys me, and, tbh, so does Gibbs.  Writing has been decent --- yards better than CSI, which I regret knowing --- and acting's been decent (as far as I noticed)... Plotlines haven't been bad.  Again, there's some iffy writing in terms of the actual cases --- I'm looking at you, parachute-death-last-episode --- but I haven't noticed any quite yet this episode.

Tony continues to be picked on more than is deserved.  (You know, I might be fine with this if it were more evenly shared, but --- like with Alec in Dark Angel --- it's mainly just reserved for Tony.  Maybe even more so, since there was at least Sketchy to share the picking-on in DA, but there's no one else here.  [Once McGee is on it’s kind of a someone picks on Tony Tony picks on McGee situation]  See, now that’s not bad!  At least it's-  I legit almost wrote consensual, but I *meant* mutual.  Although, technically, ig, it’s both.  [And it’s hilarious because once Ziva comes on McGee tries to do the same to her but she’s just like no]  Oh nooooo.  Guess I’ll see that when it happens.  Love triangle, perhaps?  I kid, I kid.  Unless…?

Also, Kate and Gibbs both come across as very... I'll say self-confident, but that's putting it nicely.  More like arrogant.  They've got the same "I know what I'm doing" mentality that annoys the crap out of me in Max (DA), Sam (SPN), et al.  And Gibbs has that whole I-don't-have-to-explain-myself-ever-because-I'm-hot-shit enigmatic thing working, and that always pisses me off too; like, just fricking talk, okay???? You've got a team; just freaking use it!

Aight… grabbing water and then continuing.  (See, look, I don’t just drink coffee!)

– – – 

Ya girl’s being healthy and fetched an actual dinner too, which is truly shocking… but now I’m ready, so!  Onward we go!

Rolly tray

Y'all didn't have to do the reverse-Miranda-rights like that but, also, kudos to Tony for the sarcasm in the process

Once again; talk to your fricking teammmm

Tony, Tony, Tony... Your sarcasm is gonna get you in trouble soon

^x2

GIBBS IS SITTING ON THE AUTOPSY TABLE AGAIN.  (That cannot be sterile)

I can't tell if those two are helping each other or tearing their business down; it might well be both

Puppy!!!

Okay, I swear, now they're comparing Alec-character to dogs again; whyyyy

They made the same joke in Dark Angel.  Twice [☠️😂]

[☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  The whine.  THE WHINE ☠️☠️☠️ Poor dog]

[Pew pew pew]

STOP WITH THE DOG COMPARISON, HOLY HELL  [He (Tony) looked up]  I’m sorry, but what does it say about how you treat your coworkers/subordinates that they’ll answer to dog whistles.  This is worse than DW!Mickey and K-9  :(

Poor Tony lkajsdf

Poor Tony (again) not getting to interview the girls :(  aksjdflkasjdf :)

Not the “low on testosterone or gay” plz

TONY GETS TO INTERVIEW THE GIRLS

Oh, the feeb’s being an asshole too

WHY IS THIS THE SECOND OF THREE EPISODES CONCERNED WITH TERRORISM!  WHAT IS THIS, 24?!?!  [A lot are I think.. it’s a military show ☠️]  Yeah, well, it’s not a counter-terrorism show!!!

That was President Logan!!!  His actor always plays sketchy people, but I love him anyway, ngl

“Chutzpah” is such a good word

IS THAT BELLE?!!?  OH MY GOD, IS THAT BELLE?!?!?  IT IS!!!  OH MY FRIGGING GOD, EMILIE MY BELOVED!!! 

[I love the accent]  ikr.  My sister hates Australian accents, but idk why

idk if that guy was hugging or injured, ngl

Tony's flirting actually worked!  I had no doubt; serves them right for giving him shit about it!

Ngl, this whole conversation is just Tony’s version of Alec-vs-Max: “I’m thinking.”  “You’re talking.”  “I can do both!”  “I doubt that.”

Go on, Tony, show 'em up for their doubts

Abbyyyyyy

Kate's annoying  [Fun fact she’s blonde. She had to dye her hair EVERY DAY]  Dedication from the actress changes nothing about my (current) dislike for the character alskdjf

"You're holding out on us!  That is not nice!"  Abby, my beloved

(scandalized): TONY

(scandalized): ABBY

Match made in... well, maybe not Heaven, but-

Y’all, can we stop the annoying teasing-about-relationships-and-flirting stuff?  This is going on too long to be not-serious, and it’s annoying.

I. I think we might have found a show that has more terrorist activity than 24.  And that’s centered around the Counter-Terrorism Unit.  What the bloody hell.  [😂😂😂😂]

Kate’s still being annoying

"He could just be doing his job"  Yeah, the gun really sells that.  Definitely just your ordinary power guy.

"Phone's got detonators"  I'm shocked.  It's almost like the plan was to detonate stuff.

The lights are on!!!  Hell yeah!!!

Okay, but that background noise *cannot* be good for that recording

Y'all are a bit.  Close.  Wanna... take a step back there?

Whoa, first names.  Is that allowed???

Isn't this the second time he's been picked up by this chick?

Thus is it finished!

– – –

Aside from the probably-excessive number of terrorist attacks — literally, I’ve seen three episodes, and this is the second one with a terrorist connection — I’m still enjoying it!  Tbh, my opinion hasn’t much changed from the midpoint, so I don’t know what to add… I would say that the episode kinda… spiraled?  Like, we were still on drug-running as of after halfway through the episode, and it suddenly became a 24 episode?  Then somehow got resolved really quickly?  But, pacing issues aside, it wasn’t bad!  And that’s basically the only opinion shift from halfway through, so.  There ya go!

‘Til next time!

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

*ehem*

im gonna start this off by saying this year will mark 4 years of me with this bitch as not just an f/o, but my main f/o

Keigo Takami, better known by his hero name, Wing Hero: Hawks ! from My Hero Academia. where do I even start with this asshole. being the number 2 pro hero of japan, he is cocky beyond belief in the best most infuriating way. i couldnt even begin to explain how much or for all the reasons I love and adore this stupid birdman, so instead I offer whatever this word vomit is

now I have *checks doc* 4.6k of just basic information about us written out so I'll try to give you the cliff notes version. I was originally going to school to become a search and rescue focused hero, but a villain incident during my 3rd year left me unable to continue with that plan. ending up in a low paying desk job, to get some extra income I signed up for one of the sugar daddy finding websites. and what do you know it just so happened to be keigo that was interested in being my sugar daddy. *insert devloping relationship, angst, and a time skip* wham bam a loving committed relationship is born. neither of us are the best at taking care of ourselves, but gods know we take care of each other

now enjoy some stupid random things pulled straight from my google doc;

He coos back at pigeons and will talk about "the pigeon tea". He talks about it so seriously that no ones knows if he actually can talk to the pidgeons or not

*puts on a sheet with slits for his wings for halloween* im a poultry-geist

late night slap happy holding his face v seriously asks “keigo can you talk to pigeons” “....coo” “tHATS NOT AN ANSWER???” v serious whisper “i am the pigeon whisperer”

obligatory picrew

and a few more photos bc hes pretty and I want to show him off

I don't have a ship playlist but I do have one for keigo that has a lot of love songs thrown in bc I'm a lovesick bitch so

I don't have a ship playlist for us but I do have one for keigo that has sappy songs in it bc I'm a lovesick bastard and of course that bled into his character playlist are you kidding me. so have that

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◇─◇──◇── @mimic-of-hysy  x Hawks! ──◇──◇─◇

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□ I wanna start with just how badly I think Hawks needed you in his life. Someone who can know him and love his every eccentricity, give him a reason care for himself by caring for you.

□ Something tells me he was never ashamed of having fallen in love with a non-famous hero. That he was so fully supportive of you in everyway and only annoyed by busybodies who asked when he'd grow out of this phase with you. His reaction, his publicist reminds him, could have messed with his ranking. He couldn't care less.

□ I think the public grows to love you too, for the record.

□ Why do I see him trying so hard to bake cookies for you as a surprise??

□ He has 100% "taught" you some bird speak. Jury is out on whether it was just to give himself a giggle or not. The mystery of does he REALLY speak PIGEON??? continues.

□ You love to tease him about the one time he walked into your balcony door, because holy shit, he turned himself into the silliest fucking stereotype. You occasionally bid him goodbye with a kiss and an affectionate, "don't fly into any windows today, birdbrain."

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did I assume wrong?? yall are publicly together now,, right?

I'd love to hear more about the early days. The sneaking around and how quickly you both felt the connection hehe

ALSO ARE THE WINGS SOFT I NEED TO KNOW HOW SOFT THE WINGS ARE IM SORRY.

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Come make my day, tell me about your self ship, and get some hcs of your own.

[strangeswift]

Controversial opinion but I cannot take non-straight!Eddie / Steve / Nancy / Max / Lucas / El etc headcanons or theories seriously.

I get that ppl all have headcanons about the characters and it is also because they want to see themselves in these characters or like certain dynamics between the chaarcters. But for the love of me, I just cannot really like it. Fanfics are fun and all but there's just something that irks me about non-straight!Steve or Eddie headcanons. Because there is literally nothing that shows or suggests that these guys are actually non-straight, nor there is any actual romantic dynamic written between them. It is also annoying that they are put in the same place as ships like Byler that actually has canon evidence and is half-way canon already. It is also that the writers havent spent so much time on queercoding Will and Mike's characters but then they just..... forgot to actually queercode Nancy, Max, Lucas and El? I heavily dislike it when ppl say Nancy must be a lesbian bc she doesnt actually love Steve or Jonathan. I dislike it when Max must be bisexual because... uh... because what? Because she might have had a crush on El? People basing Lucas ''bisexuality'' on Lucas's ST book bc he described a fellow black kid bc he was happy that he found another black kid like himself.... just doesnt sit right with me. I dont like it when ppl say El is a lesbian bc 'she got stuck in the lab and called nancy and other females pretty too'.

Bruh not everyone is non-straight, ok? Some characters (actually most characters) are straight on this show and dont have that sort of characterization. I am sorry i just cannot take Stddie seriously even if the fic is written well

Hi anon! I believe you are conflating headcanons and theories.

Let's define our terms!

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, "Headcanon refers to something that a fan imagines to be true about a character even though no information supporting that belief is spelled out in the text. Sometimes that involves filling in your own explanation for a character’s strange motivation, or projecting aspects onto a character that make them more relatable to you."

So headcanons aren't something to be "taken seriously" in the first place. They're just for fun. And if headcanons about characters being queer aren't fun for you, just don't engage with the content. Unfollow, block, filter, whatever you gotta do.

Now... Is this the part where I remind everyone that I DON'T LIKE ST3DDIE EITHER. (Obligatory link to my St3ddie post that I will CONTINUE TO LINK in every single one of my responses on this topic.) I agree that Steve being heterosexual in canon is important to his character, and I don't personally HC him as queer for that reason. People HCing Steve as queer isn't problematic though because HCs don't affect canon and they don't even need to be based in canon! Because they are for fun! I promoted the St3ddie script because I'm a huge fan of Ella's writing and I enjoyed it for that reason. And she doesn't ship St3ddie either! It wasn't meant to be taken so seriously. It was for fun.

Also.

Most people who HC the characters you mentioned as queer fully realize that they were not written as such and aren't trying to comvince you that they are. Personally? My sexuality HCs (except Mike, but that's more of a theory than a HC) are based mostly on vibes.

For example: Lucas is bi to me because one time I saw a tweet that said that Lucas had a little crush on Will when they were younger, and I thought that was cute. And it's fun! Based in canon? No. Cute? Yes!! I hadn't even heard about the section in his book, and obviously when I did, I recognized that it was not meant to imply that Lucas was attracted to that kid (and yes it also rubs me wrong when people misinterpret it as such, because it takes away from the real meaning.) But Lucas is bi to me because I think it's cute and fun, not because there's any canonical evidence. And I literally don't care. Because it's a headcanon.

Max is bi because she's cool, and straight people are not cool.

Nancy Wheeler is bi because I want her so bad.

El is a lesbian because that's how I personally choose to interpret some of her actions. Not because I believe the Duffers wrote her that way.

Anyway. Hope this helps.

[jbreenr]

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐥𝐥

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale × Reader

Summary: You wanted to meet Ransom's family, he wanted to make sure you'd never want it again.

Word count: 3k.

Warning: Poorly written smut (+18 only, please), public sex (prompt 11), fingering, unprotected sex (don't do that, kids. be responsible), a bit of dirty talk, the Thrombeys being the Thrombeys. And I think that's it.

A/N: So, after finding out one of my stories was stolen an translated in Wattpad, I did not know if I should post this just yet but, what the hell? Let's do it. Anyway, this is for @stargazingfangirl18 and @navybrat817 's Shameless Hoes for Chris Challenge so, happy belated birthday! Yaaay. 🥳 Hope you like this at least a little and that it's not as bad as my paranoid brain thinks it is. Also, I just love how the prompts fit perfectly together, don't you? As always, lack of vocabulary and grammatical mistakes abound. *apologizes in español*

Wheel results (just attaching evidence):

ᴹʸ ᵍⁱᶠ

Draining, tedious, exasperating. Those were some of the adjectives Ransom associated with Thrombey family reunions. He'd arrive late, have some sort of conversation with his grandfather and leave early to do whatever that took him away from that big house.

Today though, he had a reason to stay for more than half an hour.

If it was up to him, you two would have stayed at home, happy, relaxed, and most importantly, naked in his bed, having a more pleasant time than the one you were most likely about to have. 

He tried to persuade you. Of course he did! But your insistence and puppy eyes made it impossible for him to say no to your request. 

So, here you were, getting out of his car, cake in sweaty hands and an excited smile on your lips, an expression so different from Ransom's, who seemed to be ready to get back behind the wheel and drive straight to Canada.

He didn't knock; he simply opened the door and held it for you to enter. If the three floor house was imposing from the outside, you felt impressed by the inside. Extravagant sculptures, apparently expensive paintings and other kinds of pieces of art were scattered everywhere, telling you just how wealthy and eccentric Ransom's family were. 

“That's Harlan Thrombey! ” You exclaimed as you stood in front of the portrait of your forever favorite author holding a knife and a book.

“So?” Ransom asked, unconcerned.

You turned to him open-mouthed, the cake almost slipping off your palms as you went to playfully slap him in the arm.

“How come you are related to Harlan Thrombey and you didn't tell me?” Your question was more of a shock than an accusation.

The carefree gesture he did with his shoulders only accentuated his next words. “I did not think you would be interested in knowing.”

“I wouldn’t be interested?” Incredulity, flowing out of your lips. “He’s the best thriller author of all time! He’s like today’s Edgar Allan Poe!”

To say that you didn't believe him was an understatement. He knew for a fact that you liked Harlan Thrombey's books, just taking a look at the bookshelf in your apartment was proof enough of that.

“We call him grandpa here.” Said a femenine voice. A brunette walked in your direction, her pretty features hardening as she looked at your boyfriend. “Don't we, Hugh?”

He seemed to be ready to say something but decided not to. Instead he inhaled and placed his hand on your back.

“This is Y/N, the only reason I’m not telling you what you need to hear right now.”

Her eyes rolled in irritation and then turned to you. “I’m Meg. Let's introduce you to the rest of the family, shall we?.” And she dragged you to the room where more people were gathered together, discussing something, not before sending a deadly glare at Ransom.

Given the distance between you and him, you didn't listen to the heavy sigh he let out before waking behind.

“Everyone!” Meg called, making everyone leave whatever they were doing to look at her –and you, in consequence. “Meet Y/N, Hugh's new friend.” She then proceeded to introduce every single member of the family, including the housekeeper and the nurse, except for the grandfather, who apparently had a moment of inspiration and left them momentarily to put his ideas on paper.

None of them left their seat to go and shake your hand except for Meg's energetic mom, who hugged you and expressed how much she loved your coat even though it was soooo last season.

Sitting on a couch next to Ransom, you half expected someone to ask you about how you two met or how long had you been dating or what was it that you did for a living. Nothing. As fast as their attention was on you, it fell from you to their previous discussion.

You now understood why Ransom jokingly suggested deep cleaning the house instead of attending that reunion.

What you weren't aware of, Ransom thought, was that all of them were behaving wonderfully compared to previous times.

You didn't know if you felt more disappointed or uncomfortable. Ransom had left your side to go to the studio for a second and you had barely had any interaction with his family. All of them, dipped in their own matters to even notice your presence. 

Fran, the housekeeper, was kind enough to take the cake to the kitchen and offer you a glass of water, but after giving it to you, she disappeared along with Meg and the nurse. 

“So,” All at once, the room went quiet as Ransom's uncle spoke. “Have you read any of dad's books, Y/N?” Only until you heard your name was that your head snapped up.

“Oh, uhm… yeah. I'm a big fan.” Taken by surprise, you simply answered.

“Really? Which one have you read?”

And to that question, you felt suddenly included in the conversation since you had knowledge of the topic.

“I'm like fifty pages from finishing 'The Needle Game' and intrigue is eating me alive.” As you heard the excitement in your voice, you tried to compose yourself and said “Though 'Nick Of Time' is my favorite.” You smiled at him, hoping that your answer was a good one.

The woman that was introduced to you as Ransom's mother nodded as she licked her lips. The light of the fireplace, reflecting on her glasses as she moved her head up and down.

“Have you read 'Ultimatum' or 'Drop In The Pocket', dear?” Her tone was curious, but the look on her face said differently.

You responded anyway. “They're not bad. I feel like the ending of 'Drop In The Pocket' was a little vague and out of line but it can always be interpreted as an open ending so…” The change in their expressions told you that you had to add something else to that answer. Maybe it was not time for literature humor yet. “But I enjoyed both.”

She hummed and took her drink, detaching from the talk that continued with courtesy questions until it morphed into a heated discussion between Ransom's father and uncle, who would repeatedly ask for your opinion to back up his own.

The discomfort you felt, dispelled to be replaced by the disturbance of being bombarded with dozens of questions at a time, each louder than the other until they changed to a completely different topic to which you were occasionally included as a neutral point of view.

“She knows what she's talking about!” Said Richard at some point when you confirmed one of his arguments. “Thank you, dear.”

Ransom came back from his obligatory argument with his grandfather to find you nowhere to be seen. 

“She's using the bathroom.” Informed Jacob, who did not take his eyes off of his cellphone. 

Thinking that you went there to hide, he started his way to your potential direction until an overheard observation from his mother stopped him halfway through. 

“… Did you hear how she talked about dad's work? Oh, I assure you she won't make it to next week with Ransom.”

Her and Richard's backs were to him, both of them unaware that their son was listening to their share of opinions.

“And did you see her hands?” Joni joined the criticism contest. “She could use some moisturizer, I tell you.”

As usual, they ignored her attempt to fit in and kept going.

“I know it's contradictory to say this,” Richard paused, as to make his point clear. “But he could do better.”

Despite their whispering, Ransom heard every single word and was glad that you were not there to see what was about to happen… 

Ransom's words stuck on his throat when he saw you making your way out of the bathroom, fixing the skirt of your dress, with such niceness and warmth directed to him as you smiled, oblivious to the fact that the people you were trying to get to like you weren't going to. 

His parents were right. He could do better. He could determine to not see them ever again and it would be the best thing to happen to him… Besides you, obviously.

“What's wrong?” Your concern was evident, just as his annoyance was undeniable.

Cold hands caressed his cheeks and Ransom thought of going back to Joni and tell her to fuck off. Your touch was soft, comforting, and gave him the greatest idea he'd ever had.

“I want to show you something.” Was his answer. It was better if you were the one who decided to never step on that house for the rest of your lives. It didn't matter if it was out of embarrassment.

Taking your hand in his, he guided you up the stairs to the first landing. The creaking sound of the old structure, probably alerting everyone in the other room that you were going to the next floor.

“Are you okay?” The sweet giggle that you let out when he abruptly stopped, almost making him feel bad about what he was seconds away from doing. 

“Better than ever.” And he stamped his lips to yours. 

Taken aback, it took you a second to respond. Hands on each side of his face as his own explored your body. When his fingers lifted your dress to caress your ass cheeks was when you ended the kiss. 

“What are you doing?” You asked in a breathless whisper. “Not that I'm complaining.”

You were cornered against the wall with Ransom towering in front of your smaller frame.

Trying to escape from whatever he had in mind was useless, you knew that much. Though, you were not sure if you really wanted to escape.

“What I've been wanting to do ever since you got a shower without me this morning.” His lips found your jaw and descended to your neck where he sucked to create a bruise. Your eyes closed to the sensation.

“Wait. No, wait.” His fingertip that had started rubbing your still clothed bud paused it's motions as his eyes focused back on your face. “We can't do it. Not here.”

Ransom's finger went back to work, bringing a soft moan that you tried to suppress. “Why not? No one's gonna come here.” His other hand moved up your thigh to lift it. “Even if they did, they wouldn't notice.”

With an expert swing of his wrist, he moved your panties aside, letting the cold air that wandered inside the house hit you before his skilled middle finger entered you while still managing to rub your clit in circles with his thumb.

Adrenaline ran through your veins, fuel activating every nerve in your body and shaking away fear from your brain, replacing it with lust and boldness.

“I'm blaming you if we get caught.” Your hips jolted forward wanting to feel more of his hand, the contradiction between your words and actions, making him smirk.

He added a second finger. Knuckles deep and his cold ring slowly warming against the inside of your thigh, he said, “I'll take responsibility, sweetheart.” Pumping his fingers in and out, he felt your slick running down the back of his hand to his wrist, wetting his overly expensive watch and the cuff of his cozy sweater .“But I can't assure you we won't get caught.”

His words, instead of working as a bucket of cold water as one would expect, increased your need to be touched by him, the yearning for him to take you right there and then. 

“Damn it, Ransom.” One of your hands flew to his shoulder to hold onto him for dear life. “I'm close.”

“You're not cumming unless I'm inside you, pretty thing.” At what point did he unfasten his belt and unzipped his trousers, you had no idea. The friction of his digits was gone in a second but the feeling of his already leaking tip rubbing against your most sensitive parts was enough to make you forget about those trifles.

Your lips opened, ready to tell him to keep his voice down when he suddenly thrusted home, stretching you out so deliciously that you had to cover your mouth to muffle the moan that threatened to inform everyone of your current activities.

Ransom's breathing hitched. Being inside you was a dream come true, feeling your walls enveloping his cock so fucking good… it was like you were made for each other, and he was going to prove it, even if his family didn't really get to know.

His hips started moving. Back and forth, back and forth. Delicately at first, letting you adjust to his size but the second he felt you throbbing around him, he increased the pace. Little by little his pounds gained power and energy.

Your whimpers –stuck in your throat, leaving only soft snuffles that crashed against Ransom's cheek, soon became more rapid, erratic and as his fingers dug in the flesh of your thigh to keep you still while he accommodated to go even deeper you heard a creaking noise.

Your boyfriend's blue eyes met yours, his movements never faltering despite the alert given by the dark wooden floor under your feet.

There was a conflict in your head, and Ransom could tell. The way you tightened and the pleading look on your face told different stories, yet Ransom knew they had the same ending.

Shaking your head, your eyes asked him not to do it, but you knew Ransom well enough to be sure that not even begging could stop him. 

“You love it, don't you?” His smile grew bigger as his change of position allowed him to hit your sweet spot on and on, ripping high pitched whines from you and obligating you to close your eyes. “The thought of getting caught. The image of someone seeing how good I make you feel.” The placement of his foot, making the landing creak repeatedly each time he pushed up accompanying every word. “Fuck, you're talking me so well. Such a dirty girl, uh.”

His big hand yanked the strap of your dress down, exposing your left boob. Your already hard nipple was soon attacked by Ransom's fingertips. He'd pinch and twist it slightly, just enough to make your back arch in search of his touch.

Pleasure was overflowing your senses, you could feel your heart thudding in your ears and your legs losing strength. Your hand left your mouth to grip at the back of Ransom's neck to keep you from falling.

The sight of your lower lip trapped between your teeth didn't please Ransom. In other circumstances, he would've let you stay that way, as quiet as possible so no one would walk on you. This time though, it was his intention to rip the most delicious sounds from your lips so you thought of the possibility of his family listening.

And so, he lent to kiss you, passion and desire transmitted through his breath. His tongue asked for a permission that was not really required, but as you let it in, Ransom took the opportunity to bite down your lip.

With your lips forcefully parted and Ransom's restless hand traveling back to your bundle, you had no other option than to moan with each quick circle his digits drew.

A series of laughs and undistinguished words were heard from a distance. Both Ransom and you turned to see what they were about, stopping in your tracks with him still buried deep inside your needy cunt.

“Guess dinner's ready.” Unbothered about the information he just gave, he hid his face in the crook of your neck and resumed his movements.

A shaky oh, fuck fell from your lips as you felt the familiar knot in your stomach forming. Your head flew back, hitting the wall with a soft thud. 

“Careful. We don't want to be obvious, do we?” You knew you were about to explode, and by the way your walls were clenching and your trembling body tried to separate from him, Ransom knew as well. “Let go, sweetheart.” A roar erupted from him as he felt you tightening around his length. “Cum for me.”

With a last, powerful thrust of his hips, you let out a silent scream. The coil snapped, making you see a kaleidoscope of colors behind your eyelids and listen to a loud ring in your ears. 

Ransom followed right after, cursing as he finished inside of you, coating you with every last drop and making sure everything would stay there.

He slid out, leaving you with a feeling of emptiness as he zipped his trousers and took a step back to let you fix your appearance.

You managed to accommodate your dress just in time for Ransom's family to walk out of the room they were in to see you. Your agitated breathing and blushed cheeks, getting everyone's attention. 

“Are you okay, dear?” Ransom's dad asked.

“She's fine.” Your boyfriend answered for you. “She's feeling a little sick. I better take her home.” He took you by the hand and helped you down the stairs to the door, which you thanked. Had he not done it, you would have tripped taking the first step.

“But she hasn't met grandpa yet.” Meg noted, furrowing her brows.

“It'll be next time.” And with that, Ransom took you out of the house and in the passenger seat of his car without giving anyone the chance to say goodbye.

When you were at a considerable distance, you sighed, letting out the air you didn't know you were holding.

“Just so you know, there won't be a next time.” You informed him, against your want to meet his grandfather.

“Why not?” He asked with a chuckle, already knowing the answer. 

“Cause embarrassment won't let me come back in the near future.”

Behind an eye roll and a tap on your thigh, Ransom hid the triumphant grimace his perfectly carried out plan gave him.

[aziraphales-library]

hey!! I was wondering if you had any fic recs about Aziraphale and Crowley having Real Honest Conversations Like The Adults Older-Than-Earth Beings that they are? or like talking about The Things They Don't Talk About (aka The Fall/War, the fact that they love eachother, the fact that Crowley has loved Az for 6000 years, maybe about heaven's abuse of Az? and about how fucking shitty Hell must be to Crowley?)

I mostly just wanna read some health communication (or attempts of) about pretty much any of the many things these two should talk about

thanks <3

Hello! There are many fic where our favourite occult and ethereal beings Actually Have A Conversation, here is just a small selection for you...

The Years Belie (We Lived a Lie) by IneffableDoll (T)

In which Aziraphale and Crowley have eight very important conversations about past hurts, misunderstandings, and scars - and come to terms with them. Healing is never simple, but it’s easier to do with someone you love (Real soft y’all. Disgustingly soft.)

I Want to Break Free... by Mirach (T)

There is something wrong with Aziraphale today and Crowley needs to figure out what and/or coax the angel to tell him. Cutting the ties that held you for 6000 years can hurt. A lot.

Dancing in the Moonlight by Elphen (T)

Post-canon. Crowley and Aziraphale are enjoying their retirement in their cottage in the South Downs and in particular, this late spring evening out in the garden. They've been taking it slow in their relationship but they are in one. As conversation continues, slightly inebriated, a few things are revealed, such as Aziraphale's inability to think others might find him worth looking at, in lust or even just appreciation. Crowley tries to set the record straight, which for some reason ends up involving dancing. That neither he nor Aziraphale can do. That isn't going to stop him, though. He's going to show Aziraphale that he is very much worth looking at, for any and all pleasant reasons.

The Night Before the Rest of Their Lives by AnonymousDandelion (T)

“Who was it you lost?" Aziraphale says softly. “When I was… ah, when I was looking for a body. You said you lost someone. Your best friend.” Crowley stares. Whatever the expression on his face, it is evidently sufficiently outraged that it makes Aziraphale take half a step backwards. “Crowley…” “You. Bleeding. Idiot,” Crowley grits out. "That was you."

~ ~ ~

The obligatory night-after-Armageddon't. Featuring emotions, expression of emotions, misunderstandings, resolving of misunderstandings, long-overdue words of affirmation, comfort, communication, cuddling, sprinklings of banter, and the interpretation of a prophecy.

A Stair of Swords by Janara (M)

"Just above our terror, the stars painted this story in perfect silver calligraphy. And our souls, too often abused by ignorance, covered our eyes with mercy.” Aberjhani, I Made My Boy Out of Poetry *

After the Apocalypse that wasn't, Aziraphale and Crowley are settling into their new life together. One day Aziraphale comes across a painting that brings up old memories.

Convergent Evolution by sharkhette (NR)

"You could stay here, if you like," Aziraphale said quickly, before he could lose his nerve and change his mind. Crowley stilled, staring at him. "It's a bit silly for you to go trekking all the way back to your flat only to turn around and come straight back here first thing in the morning. I've got a room upstairs you can sleep in. It's got a bed and everything. I've never really used it myself—never got the hang of sleeping, I'm afraid—but it looks quite comfortable. Maybe not up to your standards as far as style goes, but I always thought that a bed was a bed." He finally shut his mouth to stop any more embarrassing words from tumbling out.

"Thanks," Crowley said slowly, "but the couch would be fine, really."

- Mod D

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[delta-magnetic]

aight SO a little bit ago i asked if anybody wanted to see my longass ranking/ramble of dm albums

so here it is (with only part of it above the cut)! i should probably go back over the ones i didnt say much on but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i wrote this like a week ago?

original template had from God Tier - Shit Tier but i couldnt bring myself to call any of these shit (or even give an F to)

(note: the order within the ranks is purely chronological)

S tier

Music for the Masses (1987)- obligatory "my favorite song of all time is on this album". the other songs on here are also incredible (notably Strangelove, Behind the Wheel, and Nothing). arguably my favorite bonus tracks of any of the albums. this album has the essential dark tones/vibes but probably in the most beautiful way of any of the albums. 9/10 (not 10 purely because i do not like I Want You Now. the breathing makes me v uncomfy jdknfbs)

Violator (1990)- the depeche mode album. there were "hits" on other albums, but literally every single one of their BIGGEST hits was on this album (Personal Jesus, Enjoy the Silence, and Policy of Truth). and those hits do a good job of showing you what depeche mode is about, and what violator is about, but listening to the whole thing is another experience. 10/10 whether you only passively care about dm or you're a huge fan you should absolutely give this one a listen

Songs of Faith and Devotion (1993)- notice how i didn't say the best album on violator? thats because this one is. hands fucking down. dave's best vocal performances are on this album, which even he himself has said (on Condemnation). following up violator was tough but i say this did so very well. it went in another, slightly bluesy direction, but was still undeniably dm. 11/10 holy fuck

Ultra (1997)- now i know i gave sofad an 11, but i still consider this one to be my favorite dm album. imo it combines the aspects of the previous two wonderfully, a similar groove to sofad but wouldn't be out of place on violator. being the first album after alan left, there is the slightest hint of "things are going to evolve once again", and that's completely okay. 10/10 ily ultra

A tier

Construction Time Again (1983)- i'd say this is the album where they finally hit their groove. very synthy, but it's not just bright and poppy now. this is also when they first really started sampling sounds, and they did well with it. a while ago richard spencer, known far-right bitch, called dm the "band of the alt-right" and dave famously told him to fuck off, and "has he even heard our music??". he cited some songs from music for the masses i think, but i'd say really this album is probably what dave was talking about with that statement. there is literally a song on here called The Landscape is Changing. anyways 10/10 there are sounds on this one that also make me a little uncomfy (namely the whispering in Told You So) but this album is just so good

Sounds of the Universe (2009)- so i said cta was when they hit their groove, i'd say sotu is when they hit it again after alan left (ultra was kinda like when you let go of a kid on a bike, and they're doing pretty good at first). dave actually contributes some songs on this album, and specifically Miles Away/The Truth Is is pretty great. has both the most hopeful dm song (Peace) and arguably the most up-frontly depressed dm song (Wrong). 9/10 it's a bit longer than the typical album but still a fantastic listen

Delta Machine (2013)- they went bluesy on sofad, and they REALLY did here. where sofad was more of a slow boil, this one goes in this direction with a bit more force. uhh tbh don't have much else on this one except i have yet to listen to Happens All The Time (a bonus song) w/o crying lol. 9/10 sound can get a teensy bit muddied at times but still very solid album

Spirit (2017)- most recent album! and oh boy if you thought they were disgruntled at the world during cta, they are pissed here. first album where theres swearing. some ppl think this was written in response to richard spencer but this existed before that, just happened to release pretty soon after which is still amazing. sound is beautiful here, dave's voice is still very strong (and even carried over some of that soul from delta machine), and i'd even say it's one of martins best performances. 10/10 this is modern dm and i love it

B tier

Black Celebration (1985)- this album is pure concentrated dm vibes. dark tones, industrial influence, synths. a bit too hyped up imo, but still very deserving of some hype. the best transitions of any dm album. dave and martins voices are great here, but especially when they're singing together (a really good example being Here is The House), some of the best harmonies between them on this album. 9/10 an essential dm album. literally if you somehow made it this far but stop reading here the one thing i ask of you is to listen to Stripped

Exciter (2001)- so that bike analogy about ultra? this is where the kid eventually falls over. definitely a different sound. like sofad and delta machine went in different directions than previous albums, but something about exciter's vibes were REALLY different without necessarily feeling like it was heading towards a different genre. BUT! this is still a super underrated album. this is a very good "i want some quieter dm vibes to listen to" album (ofc save for Dead of Night which is very loud lol). 8/10 not super up there for me but i do find myself listening to this album quite a bit

Playing the Angel (2005)- ok i didnt have much to say on delta machine but i like, really dont immediately here. first album in which dave contributes songs! and all of the ones he wrote (Suffer Well, I Want it All, Nothing's Impossible) are pretty solid. Macro is also an incredible song like holy shit. 8/10 sound (balance especially) is a little worse than delta machine's but oh MAN are there some good songs on here.

C tier

Speak and Spell (1981)- alright now we're lower down the list. i know i cant/shouldnt be too mean to the very first album, so i won't. but man is this as poppy as synthpop gets (which i know can be mostly attributed to vince, who then left after this album). i have not listened this album very much because of that, but i do listen to a good number of the songs off of it on the regular. 7/10 vocals are kinda drowned out at times, but cant hate baby dave and the lads too much. it's very sugary sweet, but in a fun way

Some Great Reward (1984)- i really don't listen to this one as much as i should tbh. this album i actually like almost all the songs off if it even! but i just don't listen to the whole thing together often. i'd put more eloquent thoughts and feelings on this one but i'm writing this shortly after having taken a zquil sO my brain has kinda run out of steam now lol sorry. In Your Memory and Set Me Free (Remotivate Me) are very good tho omg. 8/10 if there was a letter between C and D i'd have put this in that spot

aaaand finally, D tier

A Broken Frame (1982)- i did these as S-D and not S-F because i couldnt be that mean ndjkfsb but im srry something had to be at the bottom still. actually had this and Speak and Spell switched at first but then i realized I liked more songs off of the sas. (again would put more but zquil REALLY tryna take me down now, think i'll actually attempt sleep now). 6/10 just not one i super vibe with. the sound here is REALLY off balance a lot but hey this was mart kinda on his own and he gave it his bestest shot

[ouraidengray4]

I Love My Toddler, but I Sure Don't Like Him (and That's OK)

I had just begun the nightly ritual of contemplating what on God’s green earth my son might be willing to eat for dinner. A list of 20 or more food items raced through my head, but I mentally dismissed each one as a contender. Blueberries? Maybe yesterday he’d eat them, but tonight he’d surely pitch a fit. Goldfish? He’ll see straight through that blatant attempt to nourish his growing body. Yogurt? Maybe… maybe I could get him to eat a cup of yogurt.

I was nearing the end of an exhausting 13-hour day at home with my children, ages 22 months and 2 months. Eight weeks after giving birth to my youngest, I was recovering from a small surgical procedure, but my children were too young to know that I was in a fragile state. But just as I settled on my dinner game plan and started walking to the fridge for the yogurt cups, my toddler made his move. I looked up just in time to witness his tiny body hurtling through the living room… right before he joyfully bit my rear end, ramming my raw, swollen surgical incision into the wooden rim of the dining room table.

Did I anticipate birthing a child who appears to have a Dahmer-like, persistent need to bite those nearest and dearest to him? Or a kid who, at 2 years of age, still has not uttered the word "Mommy," although he can name every other relative in his extended family tree and once casually dropped the term "percussive" into a conversation? No. Like most parents, I naively made the decision to procreate without considering that my delightful, chubby, curly-headed baby would one day be stolen in the night and replaced by a skinny toddler with lightning-fast mood shifts that would make a seesaw look well-balanced.

I thought I knew what I was getting into when my biological clock, which had obliged me for so long by remaining blissfully silent, began loudly and insistently ticking the day I hit 30. I had babysat since I was 12 years old, and in my 20s, I had worked a two-year stint as a nanny for a little boy. It was this little boy, his personality, and my memory of our days together that gave me the added confidence to forge ahead with parenthood. It was the kind of deluded thinking that leads retirees to purchase beachfront real estate in Florida. Sure, it’s a bad idea for most people, but in my case, it just might work out.

My young charge turns out to have been an exceptionally chill toddler. Each morning, after his parents left for work, he would quietly play with his toys while I cleaned up the kitchen. And he was perfectly happy to play at my feet while I knitted and listened to NPR. That’s right: I held shiny, sharp knitting needles and used colorful balls of yarn right under his nose, and he didn’t grab them, desperate to ram the needles into an electrical outlet and hog-tie the cat with the yarn. If I wanted, I could leave the room to use the bathroom knowing my Fair Isle socks or tiny hat would be in exactly the same place when I returned to the living room.

I thought I knew what I was getting into when my biological clock, which had obliged me for so long by remaining blissfully silent, began loudly and insistently ticking the day I hit 30.

Later in the morning, he would lay still enough for me to change his diaper and clothe him, so we could leave the house for an outing. Was there some occasional bribery to get him not to wiggle while I dealt with a particularly bad poopsplosion? Sure, but never did I fear his changing table would end up resembling the walls in a Russian orphanage. Later, he would voluntarily eat food—virtually any kind of food I put in front of him. And then, wonder of wonders, he would take a three-hour nap, leaving me to sit in peace with a novel and cup of tea.

Initially there were some signs that my own son was not going to be the kind of kid that quietly played while I got things done, but I was so enamoured of this happy, outgoing, joyful baby that I looked past his fussy periods and need for constant activity. Almost from the beginning, my son was excited to see new people, and never cried when he was handed off to a relative or friend. He would laugh and scream when the dogs walked by, reaching out pudgy, fat-ringed hands to grab their fur as his heart beat faster than I was certain was healthy. Taking him to restaurants, the biggest hurdle for most new parents, was never a chore because he was so easily occupied watching the people around him. Although he was a handful, he was also a joy to be around.

But as he entered his toddler years, he came to resemble the baby of my imagination less and less. I was more than just surprised by his behavior; I felt guilty. This was the phase of parenting when everyone told me I was supposed to be enjoying all my son’s new skills. Now that he could run and walk, say a few words, and eat without choking, things were supposed to be getting better. Life was supposed to be easier. Instead, everything seemed more difficult, and I would find myself almost resentful that this iteration of my son had replaced the newborn and infant version that had brought me so much joy.

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Surely this made me not only a very bad mother but also a very bad person. What was wrong with me for feeling this way when my Facebook feed was full of friends posting pictures of their perfect apple-picking expeditions and visits to Santa with their toddlers? I found myself wondering if I had created this monster through subpar parenting and some kind of psychic neglect. Eventually, I realized that parents who don’t seem totally exasperated by their toddlers are either saints or the world’s biggest liars.

As I considered those pictures of my friend’s kid smiling out from the pumpkin patch in her adorably coordinated holiday ensemble, I began to have an inkling of what it took to get her there. Parents dragging a reticent toddler into the mall to find the perfect outfit, all while she screamed and kicked because a toy that hadn’t been obligatory yesterday had been left behind; a morning spent bribing her with cookies and her favorite show if she would only allow them to dress her in said outfit; the world’s longest car ride to the little farm, as they struggled with a kid who had woken up six times the night before and refused to eat breakfast, followed by an agonizing 45 minutes posing and reposing, bribing and cajoling, to get that one perfect picture to post on Facebook.

Maybe, like me, these parents had a toddler that was challenging, exhausting, and sometimes downright unpleasant. And perhaps, like me, these parents pushed through and were careful to document the truly joyful moments as a reminder of why they were struggling so hard for a kid that didn’t always seem to appreciate them. And maybe some people were just posting these pristine photos to save face... because living with toddlers is frequently a nightmare.

Looking back at pictures of my son when he was 9 weeks old and 9 months old, I certainly miss the good old days. Now I try to remember that fat, happy baby when the 2-year-old staring me down has used up every last bit of my patience. Sometimes it’s easier to muster some sympathy for his 20th tantrum of the day if I imagine it’s that baby in front of me who needs to be comforted. Someday, I remind myself, he’ll be potty trained and able to tie his own shoes. He’ll be someone who doesn’t need everything from me, and I’ll look back wistfully on the days when he relied on me for every cheese stick and story book. Eventually, he’ll be a full-blown adult with his own toddler driving him crazy, and I’ll be able to tell him stories about all the night wakings, public meltdowns, and emotional blowups he put me through.

The other day, when I went to pick him up from daycare, he actually ran across the room to me and smiled. Sure, his classmate Chester was the only one who yelled "Mommy" when I walked through the door, but at least my son stopped smashing his truck into the wall long enough to let me know he missed me. And that’s enough for now.

Olivia Williams is a full-time attorney turned stay-at-home feminist and mother of two. She enjoys craft beers, yoga, and the rare opportunity to read a Victorian novel in the bathtub. Follow her on Twitter @oawillia.

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