#obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g

[smoshingatut]

I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative

[life-set-to-random]

Oh dear lord… the Ninja Tribunal arch. So much to unpack. Give me strength…

I’m going to try and be fair, I’m going to mention something positive for every complaint I make. I don’t want to be that person after all.

Firstly, please, please, for the love of all things , STOP CALLING OUT ATTACKS LIKE A CHEAP 90S ANIME DUB!!! The original cringe. 😖

Ok, nice thing time. These four were very likable (if not superfluous). I found myself wanting to know more about them and even shipping some of them with the Hamato brothers, if not romantically then at least as besties. Sadly they spend the entire arch building up friendships between these humans and the Turtles only to kill them off in the end. But it feels SO forced. We weren’t given enough time with them to really cry over them as individuals so much as morn the wasted potential they were brimming with. I get they couldn’t kill off the Turtles and thus needed some “Red Shirts” to try and sell the high stakes, but still.

And what about the relatives they were threatened with in the first episode of the arch? Joi Reynard’s Aunt who lives in Japan (I’m assuming Army or Navy brat, she’s WAY too caucasian to even be half Japanese, I’m assuming French ancestry), and Adam McCay’s brother (who never gets a name) in Miami Florida? Faraji Ngala and Yoshida Tora aren’t given specific loved ones to fret over but Tora obviously has someone because he apologizes to Mikey “…our families are at stake.”

Did anyone notify those poor people that their relatives died?! Because they weren’t even mentioned after this.

Side note while we’re on the subject of the folks left behind back on the home front, I hope April or one of the other human Allie’s back in NY are taking care of Klunk. With the way the Hamato clan keeps getting kidnaped for long periods of time, the poor fluff ball could starve easily.

These four, ugh where to start?

Positive note, beautiful visual designs, if not a westerner’s usual hodgepodge of Asian fantasy stereotypes. 🙄😑

Weak backstory, contorting groundbreaking original canon for this series into a very boring and predictable bit of nonsense. Completely unnecessary and obviously half assed, to the point where the Turtles sum it up so succinctly you want to say to Splinter and The Ancient One “That’s how you tell a story!”

Oh and their attitudes sucked! Almost as bad as their communication skills. Thankfully, when he arrived, Splinter flat out called them out on their crap. “How can they prepare themselves if you do not tell them anything?!”

Probably should say something positive again… Um, their voice actors were great?😅 And I love the juxtaposition of the girl being the one to represent strength and having a huge man representing stealth.

The weapons. Positive observations, they’re real weapon types and are actually pretty cool looking. Also it’s nice to see the boys deviated from their comfort zones (not Leo unfortunately, the writers just can’t separate him from swords in their minds apparently). How Leo gets his is so infuriatingly complicated when it didn’t need to be and falls into the trope of “black guy dies first” (then the girl, then the sweetheart, then the cool dude. Did we take a wrong turn into a late 90s horror movie or something?).

The monsters. None of these creatures look like their Japanese inspiration AT ALL! And none of them are Tengu, Tengu doesn’t even mean “demon”! They just stuck Tengu on the end of every other Japanese Yokai name! For no good reason!

I kept hearing that line from Princess Bride in my head. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

I’m not even Asian and I’m so offended and confused, I can’t imagine how an actual member of the Japanese culture must feel getting shit on like this. Whoever wrote this arch did not respect the source material, the source culture, or the audience because they obviously assumed we were all stupid unaware kids! Ether that, or they were seriously lazy, I suspect both.

And if you’re going to give an English speaking cast of white people Japanese words to say, TEACH THEM HOW TO £¥€&ING SAY THEM CORRECTLY! Jeezus Henry Christmas! (Best Herminone Granger voice) It’s “Oh-Knee” not “On-Eye”!

Bright side, they do look awesome.🤷🏻‍♀️

Im going to have to post about the Tribunal’s dragon forms on another post, I’ve run out of picture space.😑

[four-rabbit]

Game Night

I don’t really know what this is, I’m just glad I was finally able to finish a sanders sides’ fanfic for the first time. 

This fanfic was born from the last video, obviously, and the realization that the creativity twins canonically feel physical pain when their ideas are desregard or their function is “offended” let’s say, which I had to exagerate and turn int angst, of course, so enjoy!

Summary: Remus get sick so frequently that those nights have became his idea of a sleepover. 

Ship: platonic dukeceit. Or romantic. You can interpret it however you want

Characters: Remus Sanders, Virgil Sanders and Janus Sanders 

Warnings: swearing, kinda grapphic descriptions of pain and sickness, mentions to vomit. Also maybe some umsympathetic Virgil? I don’t see it like that, but I guess it depends on how you interpret it. 

Word Count: 1729

Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language

-----------------------------------------------------------------

If Remus was real, he would be dead. 

And if snakes could demonstrate worry, they would make exactly the same expression that Janus had after looking at the thermometer. 

"How do you manage to get so bad so quickly?" 

"What can I say, being bad is the only thing I'm good at" Remus joked, the words scratching his throat as an unwanted cough came with them. Janus rolled his eyes, trying to seem calm. And falling. 

"Any idea what was the cause this time?" Remus' focus went down to the old and familiar sheet, which he fiddled with, avoiding the question. 

"How hot am I?" He vaguely pointed to the thermometer. 

"You have a 113°F fever" 

"Well, fuck. That's a new record" he touched his own forehead, smiling almost maniacally right after "Shit. How long do you think it takes until my brain melts? 

"Bold of you to assume it hadn't already" Virgil was the one to answer, entering the room with a bowl of hot soup in his hands. 

"Wow Virgil, that was fast " Janus lied, raising an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"I was trying to actually cook something real for once"

"Please don't tell me your burned the kitchen" the half-snake child replied, with some amount of actual fear behind the dramatic hand to his chest and horrified expression. 

"Ha ha" pause "...not on purpose" Virgil replied, looking away. 

 "Yeah, that's my job!"

"Remus, eat your soup, the grownups are talking" the embodiment of Fear interrupted jokingly, even though any of them was older then twelve. Then he turned to Janus again, already guessing what he was going to say "but... it's fine now. I took care of it" Janus made a mental note to go take a look at the damage as fast as possible. They could all be kids, but Janus knew very well he was the only responsible there. 

"I don't like it...!" Creativity replied, sounding like a child who doesn't want to eat salad. Janus sighed as his thoughts were interrupted, conjuring a bottle of perfume and poured it in the meal. 

"Now eat" and so he did. Virgil raised an eyebrow, but he was smiling, trying not to be so worried. Or at least not demonstrate it. After so many times, he should be used to it, but... well, he was Fear. It was his job to keep track of the worst case scenarios.

"Did he get better?"

"On the contrary. The fever is higher than ever"

"And I also feel like someone ripped my bones out of my skin and then put them back, but like... in the wrong way" Remus added, spilling hot soup all over the sheet and his clothes by trying to communicate with his mouth full. 

"So it's one of those nights" Virgil mumbled.

"I'm afraid so" 

Remus finished his soup smiling like there was no tomorrow, opening his arms despite how much that simple gesture hurted "Game night while I'm dying!" Janus smiled, with more sadness in his eyes than anything else. 

"I'll get the monopoly"

•••

"I won"

"No, you did fucking not" Remus immediately answered, not even looking away from his cards.

"You can see for yourself" Janus showed his game, which clearly meant a victory, indeed. Remus tossed his cards on the sheet like it was their fault. He was so fucking close!

"You cheated" Virgil said sharply, as if it was an undeniable fact. 

"Do you have any proof? Janus challenged, not losing a beat or his mischievous smile.

"Yeah. It's the only thing you know how to do" the teenager replied, his tone as cold as a lake in the winter. Janus looked down before he could help himself. Couldn't he keep it down for at least one night? The night Remus needed both of them?

The cards caught fire. It was an accident, but Remus decided to go with that, jumping out of the sheets, trying to ignore the terrible twist that movement gave to his stomach. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he threw up. At least that way these two would stop fucking fighting. 

"What the hell?!" Virgil exclaimed, tossing his game away like it was burning. Which was the case, indeed.

"Let's watch a horror movie!" Well, he got their attention. 

"Did you need to burn things before saying that?!" Virgil screamed. He was standing and seemed even more distressed.This was a mistake, Janus realized. It was foolish to think they could ignore their differences for the sake of Remus. 

"It's more fun this way! What can it be? One of the classics? Some shitty obscure one?" He kept trying, getting out of bed and walking toward Virgil, who walked away from him. Janus immediately got up too, already anticipating the disaster that situation could turn to. A worst one. Because it was already a disaster. 

"Please, control yourselves"

"I'm controlled! I'm not the one burning things" Virgil replied, the trace of the tempestuous tongue in his voice proving that he was anything but in control. 

"Remus, please. Apologize for burning the cards"

"It's just some stupid paper!

"Now"

"It was a fucking accident"

"We all know it wasn't" Janus almost, almost told Virgil to shut up after that. But he didn't need to make things worse than they already were.

"It was a fucking accident" his voice started getting threatened, his eyes started shining with a red danger "But you know what wouldn't be a fucking accident? if I..." his vision went black, a headache that felt like someone had opened his skull being everything that existed and then not even that. 

Anxiety got out of the room immediately after his friend fainted, keeping his gaze to the ground, knowing that he wouldn't be able to stand any amount of time alone with Deceit. 

•••

   Remus wished he was real, so he would be dead. 

   He felt like someone had catched his body on fire, then hit his head with an axe, then exchanged his blood for poison and his bones with knives. 

   "I knew you were stupid, but not stupid enough to try and suggest an idea for Thomas. On your own. After terrorizing him the whole night. Literally hours after recovering from your last..." Janus looked down at his friend, in one of the only moments he didn't try to hide his emotions. Fear. Somebody had to fill the vacancy now that Virgil is gone, I suppose. 

   "It was..." He coughed blood. "A good idea"

   "Oh yeah, I'm sure he thought the same" Janus rolled his eyes. Remus tried to say that he would be fine, but his throat still hurt from the acid of his stomach and the scratching of his coughs. 

   "I told you to not do anything too dangerous. We are..." he looked down to his gloves which, as he knew, covered up for the scales that apparently had decided that half of his face was not punishment enough. "In a delicate situation, now that..."

   "The emo is gone. I know" Remus completed, his voice not much more than a whisper. 

   "Oh please, no. We are better off without him haunting us all day. If he prefers to deal with them, the only thing I feel is pity" anyone else would have believed that. Remus knew it was bullshit the second those words left his mouth. But he didn't say that. Mostly because he was feeling nauseous again and he learned that, apparently, people don't like if you throw up while trying to talk to them. 

   Janus stayed in silence for a couple more seconds, then something changed in his eyes and he got up.

   "Well, if you need me, I'll be reading" said, but before he could go too far, Remus grabbed the bottom of his coat, deciding to make use of his positions of creativity, as with a snap of his fingers green words appeared in the air:

   "It's game night, not a fucking book club"

   "I don't think you're able to play games right now"

   "I've never been better in my entire fucking life"

   The words glitched as his consciousness stumbled. 

   "Remus"

   "You've been reading, studying, planning, whatever every fucking time we were together" he finally was able to find his voice again "Is it me, Virgil, or just you being a dick? 

   "You need to rest"

   "I'm gonna vomit on your shoes"

   Janus sighed, sitting again on the bed. 

   "What do you propose?"

   "Truth or dare" Janus never plays truth or dare. The two of them, Virgil and Remus, would play it at any given opportunity, on the other hand. 

   "Don't test me"

   Floating words again: "I'm gonna take it easy"

   "You never take it easy."

   Remus frowned. 

   "Ok" the half-snake man sighed "let's find a compromise: I can play Never Have I Ever" 

   Remus smiled diabolically. So they had a deal. 

•••

   "Finally! It's been so long since our last sleepover!"

   "This is anything but a sleepover" Janus replied, not looking away from his book.

   "Yes it is! We're sleeping together not in a sexual way and wearing pajamas.

   "I'm not-" Remus snapped his fingers and suddenly Janus had a yellow onesie on. "...I'm not having a sleepover with you. And you're not even that bad"

   "But I'll be. And in the meantime... Please play truth or dare with me just this time please please" he said in one breath. 

   "You already know my opinion about this game"

   "I know that you like it! You would always laugh and even participate when me and Virgin played!" Janus flinched.

   "That was a long time ago"

   "Just two rounds!" 

   "I..."

   "C'mon! You're not gonna lose an arm if you play just one time. And even if you did, you would still have five perfectly good ones left"

  Janus hesitated. He knew Remus would get worse. It was obvious by the tiredness in his voice, even when he was so excited. And how pale he was. How deep his eyeshadow appeared, making him seem like a dead body. 

   He sighed. Remus smiled from ear to ear. Literally.

   "Truth or dare?!" Asked as if he was a child whose birthday had come earlier.

   "Dare, obviously" Janus said, unable to stop himself from smiling at his friend's happiness, even though they both knew it wouldn't last long. 

   But that was okay. Because they would have one another. And that was enough. It had to be.

[phoenixyfriend]

The MILFnevka AU

Once again something that was brainstormed en masse on the GG fanworks server.

I was... very much spearheading this one, but I dragged in @professorsparklepants for a lot, because Anevka, as well as input from @fenerismoon, @purronronner, @gelpenss​, and @whirlibird. The original conversation took place mid-September of 2019.

AU where Tarvek's side of the family squeezed in an extra generation or so.

Aaronev was still Lu's generation, but he had Anevka young, and she was an only child who was already an adult by the time Lu disappeared. As a result, Aaronev let her married before she ended up in the machine (because he wasn’t desperate yet), and he couldn't risk drawing the attention by the time Agatha’s gen is being born.

So instead of being Tarvek's SISTER, she's his MOM.

Anevka formed her own faction, separate from the Aaronev and vaguely aligned with Terabithia’s.

She insisted Martellus and his branch hang out with Tarvek because being an only child is lonely, and also it keeps Tarvek out of his grandfather's sights and vague plans of body-hopping.

She is a Protective Momma who is a little TOO down with murdering anyone who threatens her child.

Agatha: you're just going to listen to your evil mom? Because no offense but that's worked out really bad for me so far. Tarvek: She's not EVIL, just... Valois... anyway the Baron knows what she's like and mostly he just rolls his eyes and tries to keep her away from Queen DuPree.

Anevka is definitely the mom that uses her position as mother of the king/heir to stockpile as much power as possible and control everything behind the scenes. Tarvek is currently trying to undermine this and wrestle back control as secretly as possible.

Wine mom with eighty hidden stabbing implements.

When Agatha is discovered, Anevka still kills her dad, but it's not like she can steal Agatha's voice in this AU, so she just settles for aggressively matchmaking her with Tarvek.

Anevka's managed to rein her dad in, mostly, because she's a powerful spark with an Undefined Husband who nonetheless has enough good connections to cause a ruckus if he finds out about the Summoning Throne, and he's too sparky to wasp.

This did lead to his early death and no siblings for Tarvek, but not before Anevka managed to fight her dad down to ONLY trying to throne the girls who were legitimately likely to be Agatha.

And then Agatha's in Sturmhalten and Anevka's just like. Well. Time for plan A. And kills her dad.

Regarding Gil...  She kinda wants to pat him on the head and tell him to try harder.

I'm not wholly convinced Tarvek got kicked off of Castle Wulfenbach, depending on how Anevka married and decided to approach things. She might have warned Tarvek to AVOID stealing information, even, if she was worried about Aaronev trying to do something.

Less "do whatever you can to help us gain power" and more "do whatever you can to stay out of Sturmhalten."

Tarvek: My mom is a bitch and I love her so much

Klaus hates it when Anevka comes to CW because she acts like some unholy cross between Lucrezia, Terabithia, and Zantabraxus and she keeps hitting on his top enforcers but with knives and pretty dresses.

Unstoppable Divorce energies

Anevka: Do you like my new dress? Klaus: Your bodice is far too low cut, please stop visiting me dressed like my ex. I'm the same age as your father. Anevka: I know, it's really fun to watch you suffer as you fail to resist the urge to tell me to put on a sweater.

Tarvek: MOTHER YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF ALL MY FRIENDS PLEASE STOP HITTING ON THE BARON AURGH. Anevka: I'm not HITTING on him, I'm trying to make his face turn puce. Anevka: I am, however, hitting on Von Pinn. She looks like she knows how to have fun. Tarvek: MOTHER.

Tarvek, to Gil: the baron can't be your dad, he's old enough to be your grandfather. Gil: He’s at a solid age for both.

Anevka and Klaus have zero actual attraction to each other but there's definitely A Dynamic that's eerily reminiscent of his relationship with Bang, with slightly less "I did a violence, be proud of me" and slightly more "I did a sexy and/or politics, be proud of me."

Tarvek: I have a problem. Gil: What's up? Tarvek: All of our friends want to fuck my mom. Zulenna: I don't. Tarvek: That's because she used to put you in time-out when we were five.

Anevka is prime Dangerous Widow material. She didn't actually kill her husband but a hell of a lot of people think she did.

Seffie thinks her Auntie 'Nevka is the COOLEST

Anevka having an intermittent fling with that "darlingly stupid young hero, Tryggvassen" makes me laugh way too hard and also dips into my nonsense love of Otharnevka.

At one point we did sidle over into “what if Single Father KB tho”

Like they met at some point on vacation while the kids were still kids, which does lose us the “Anevka aggressively ships her kid with Agatha” thing, so I’m not sticking with this but there’s some hella fun tidbits.

Anevka: Guess what. Klaus, very tired: What. Anevka: I'm getting married. Klaus: Again? Good for you. I hope this one lives longer. Anevka: He has the same name as you. Klaus: Get out of my house.

KB isn't a widower, things are just complicated and everyone blames Lu. There's time travel involved, of course.

"So your daughter--" "Sister." "...how--" "Just... just blame my mother."

He's LEGALLY Agatha's dad, maybe? Their dynamic is parent-child. Just, you know, as far as blood goes...

Anevka wants KB to help her bag Othar again. KB thinks she means finally killing him. Anevka: I might. Haven't decided yet.

Overall, though, including KB is too complicated without undermining the entire premise I want. Which is mostly canon but Anevka is Tarvek's embarrassing, mysterious, prone-to-assassination mother.

Seriously though, the entire attraction here is Anevka having the Dangerous Widow Whom No Man Can Tie Down vibe

She's a solo act. Some flings, sure, but overall? Chaos. Refined, elegant chaos.

Anevka as Bang’s sugar mom was suggested. We were obviously all on board.

Bang doesn’t need a sugar mom, but it makes the vein in Klaus's forehead throb, and that's very important.

Bang absolutely tries to get Tarvek to call her “mom” while she’s ‘dating’ Anevka. One time he does call her that and it throws her for SUCH A LOOP because no wrong.

Anevka occasionally daydreams of a world where she could have both Othar and Bang at the same time without them IMMEDIATELY trying to kill each other. Only occasionally, though, she has evidence to plant and blood to spill.

BACK TO ANEVKA SHIPPING HER KID WITH HIS POLITICALLY-APPROPRIATE CRUSH.

Anevka: Oh look, my future daughter-in-law. Tarvek, tired: Mother, she doesn't like me. Anevka: Whyever not? You're clever, handsome, politically apt, charming, sensitive, heir to a throne, you are EVERYTHING a maiden could wish for. Tarvek: You just think that because you're my mom. Agatha: No, no, she's not wrong. You're just not someone I trust. At all. Especially since you say you've been a honeypot before. Anevka: See? A simple hurdle, dear, I'm sure you could whip him into shape in no time. I could even loan you the whip. And the harness, perh-- Tarvek: MOTHER.

Anevka sends Tarvek out with Othar for “field trips.”

It’s great!! Multi-purpose! Absolutely helps boost Tarvek’s image if he’s associated with Known Hero, gets Othar out of her hair for a little bit, sometimes he can be pointed in a direction that’s useful to her.

Othar refers to this outings as “stepfather-stepson bonding times.” Tarvek absolutely hates it. Detests it, really.

Somehow something goes wrong and like 50% of the time and he ends up getting accused of murder, probably.

It’s so unfair. Especially since of the two of them, Othar is more likely to murder than him. (It’s because everyone knows what those Valois types are like, and Othar is a hero.)

Gil: What's so embarrassing about your mom? Your mom's nice. (To me.)

She gives him head pats and lollipops. His own dad certainly never gives him head pats OR lollipops.

Anevka: Well I WAS going to push him towards dear little Seffie, but he seems to be quite enamored with YOU, darling. Tarvek: Mother, PLEASE stop getting invested in my love life.

Anevka’s job is to meddle, he’s lucky she isn’t drawing up contracts and going Full Arrangement.

I also love the idea of Anevka having one of those "sunshine embodied anime mom" smiles as she says "Oh Tarvek, dear, look at all your little friends!"

She's genuinely enthused but Klaus is heavily disturbed by Anevka smiling like that.

"Is she going to sacrifice them?" "Uh, no, it isn't Sunday."

Human sacrifice is actually garish and passe these days, haven’t you heard?

Just imagining one of those Stately Child and Parent portraits with Anevka and Tarvek here.

When Tarvek was born, Anevka has an "I've only had my son for an hour and a half" moment... and then just shrugged and rolled with it.

Anevka "Hot Mom" Sturmvoraus is one of the MANY banes of Klaus's existence, but she's definitely one of the friendliest on the list... as much as he may resent that, at times.

Anevka: Is the Baron in? Boris: Actually... [Crashing noise] Boris: He just left. Anevka, pulling on the rocket boots she stole from Othar and heading towards the broken window leading to the outside of the ship: That's alright, I'll catch up.

(I love how Anevka's name just lends itself so well to AU portmanteaus.)

Anevka definitely susses out Gil's identity but she doesn't actually DO anything about it other than angling for Useful Connections.

She's always telling Tarvek to bring his friend along, and Klaus doesn't want Gil anywhere near that family but he doesn't want it to look like he has any particular interest in Gil.

Imagine Klaus actually encouraging Gil to persue Agatha with the idea that it will put some distance between Gil and "that damn woman and her spawn." Anevka for her part is pushing Agatha towards Tarvek. Meanwhile the three of them are working it out between themselves.

She just has This Energy, folks:

Tarvek: Oh no. Theo: Whats the matter? That's your mom, right? Tarvek: Oh NO, she's wearing her 'NEWLY WIDOWED BUT OUT ON THE PROWL' OUTFIT Theo: ????? She hasn’t been widowed- Tarvek: SHES AFTER THE BARON AND I'M GOING TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT, THEO

The one thing here is that Anevka's not into Klaus and he's not into her but by GOD is she going to fuck with his head about it.

She’s just doing this for the Big Dick Energy of trying to Get Baron Wulfenbach.

Embarrassing mom of the deadliest degree.

Tarvek: YOU’RE GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE. Anevka: Don't be so dramatic, let your mother have a bit of fun. Besides, he's not expelling you anymore, is he? Tarvek: I almost wish he was-

Also Gil and Tarvek reconciling early on due to the immense power of being Embarrassed By Your Parents.

Anevka and Klaus getting increasingly bitchy at each other at dinner, and Tarvek and Gil are just. Bright red and glowering at them.

They’re DESTROYING their COOL TEEN CRED.

Tarvek doesn't ever wants to marry a woman who has been married before, not because of some weird distaste of so-called "sloppy seconds," but rather that he's just scared that they're going to be like his mom, and planning to kill him for his money.

Tarvek, waking up in the middle of the night: What if they really do get married and I have to have Gil as a stepbrother. Tarvek: (screams internally for a few hours)

Anevka is also that Sailor J contouring video

While Otharnevka is... this thing

Some more relevant Vibes: Divorce Court Half-Mourning Upper East Side Widow

Everyone always assumed she had murdered her husband. It was a natural assumption, but ultimately wrong. She had had plans in place to kill him if the need arose, but in the end she hadn’t needed them.

Most people grossly underestimated how complicated it was to arrange for someone to be t-boned by a semi carrying flammable chemicals.

Othar as Anevka's second trophy husband and Tarvek's annoying stepdad has a very specific energy.

That energy is at least 20% "the lovebirds take anniversary honeymoons every year" and 60% "Tarvek hates being in the room with them because they're gross and embarrassing."

This is partly fun because Othar being Tarvek’s stepdad is... a lot.

But honestly, I'm also just enjoying cougar Anevka with Trophy Husband Othar. They're actually in love!!! BUT. Cougar with a trophy husband.

Anevka makes sly comments about Othar and Klaus having sexual tension.

Also I have headcanons about NB Tarvek and like

I think she'd be supportive up until the point of "you want to be Storm King, don't you?"

Less "this isn't natural and you shouldn't be this way" and more "this is going to cause you trouble due to social norms."

"Keep it under wraps until your throne is secure, then you can come out in a blaze of glory." No dresses in public until you're king, then do whatever you want. After all, “Your Majesty” is gender neutral.

Anevka caught Tarvek playing dressup in her closet one time and just criticized the color relationships.

And you must try to avoid wearing that particular shade at all, my dear, it really doesn't look imperial.

[robotslenderman]

OTP Meme

Yoinked from @aelwen​.

Starting off with my Super Problematic Arturo/Olivia, will probably do the same quiz with other ships as well.

For those who are not aware: Arturo kidnapped Olivia at the end of CoNY while trying to figure out what to do with her and ended up keeping her around, and she’s blood bound to him (for non VTM fans, that’s basically a love potion). So yeah, there’s a huge power imbalance and a drug-induced Stockholm Syndrome here, and one half is a megalomaniac. There is a shitton of dubcon.

You have been warned.

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Arturo, but like, that’s not saying much. I can see him only raising his voice when he’s pushed almost to his limit and even then only to say something like “DON’T INTERRUPT” when he’s in a monologue or a “NO” to cut someone else off.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Neither of them.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

OLIVIA LOL. Arturo has known she’s been wanting out since the beginning but the blood bond kept her compliant until Qadir and her Coterie finally got their shit together and busted her out. Arturo may have gone completely apeshit trying to get her back but then once he knew the blood bond had timed out, gave it up and let her go.

Who trashes the house?

Neither of them. Toreadors do not trash their own house and Olivia too desperately wants to please Arturo to get messy even if that was her style.

Plus, you know, they have ghouls to clean up after them.

Do either of them get physical?

ngl for the first few months Olivia keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop on that, since Arturo absolutely bitchslapped Sophie at the end of CoNY, but after a while she realises he’s not typically violent and calms down.

How often do they argue/disagree?

Almost never, due to the blood bond. Olivia occasionally pushes it, but never goes too far (by Arturo’s standards). She’s too chemically wired to want to please him to full out disagree or argue.

Who is the first to apologize?

Olivia, for obvious reasons. Arturo does apologise from time to time, but rarely, and usually accompanied with an eyeroll inducing monologue pontificating about something or other. (Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the monologue itself is not an apology.)

SEX.

(Headcanon interlude -- vampire sex is basically blood drinking, whether mutual or not, given how aroused both drinker and drinkee become. They can have “human” sex with blush of life, but it’s not nearly as satisfying without the blood drinking. So yeah keep in mind I’m not talking about human sex here, even though there might be some of that accompanying the blood drinking.)

Who is on top? Who is on bottom?

Olivia on top. Kind of hard to suck the blood from someone’s throat if you’re on the bottom.

Any kinks?

They’re vampires, what do you think?

Who has the strangest desires?

Arturo thinks he’s weird as shit for enjoying it when she cuddles up to him lmfao.

Who’s dominant in bed?

Arturo, despite positions.

Is head ever in the equation?

Nope. Although I’m sure if Arturo managed to get her back when she escaped he might’ve been relieved enough to do it.

If so, who is better at performing it?

N/A

Ever had sex in public?

He never lets her out, so no.

Although... he does have ghouls, and he treats them like he’d treat a portrait on the wall. Olivia is often mortified by the stuff she’ll do in front of them when the blood bond’s at full strength.

Who moans the most?

Definitely Arturo. It’s vampire sex, Olivia’s too busy drinking blood to make noise.

Who leaves the most marks?

Neither, they heal too quickly.

Who is the more experienced of the two?

With mortal sex it sort of balances out -- Arturo was apparently a canonical playboy when he was alive, but obviously that stopped forty years ago so that evens out there. With Olivia, she’s slept with a few people but got too wrapped up in work towards the end of her life to have a sex life.

Plus, Vampire Sex Is Different, as I’ve said a million times already, so... they’re not blushing virgins but neither of them are at a level where you can say either of them is more experienced than the other. Sure, Arturo has Panhard drinking from him too, but in my headcanon her drinking from his wrist is not sexual even by vampire standards. Olivia was the first he let bite from his neck.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

I think there’s far more emotion in it than Arturo is ever willing to admit.

How long do they usually last?

As long as Olivia can draw it out without diablerising him, lmao. He does get into the habit of keeping himself topped up for her when it gets sexual though.

In human-sex terms, well... vampires have way more stamina than humans. But again, not as satisfying, so they tend to leave that for when Arturo’s low on vitae or when he has a few hours free (which isn’t often).

Rough or soft?

Soft.  Unless Arturo’s been to visit Panhard or Adelaide. Olivia gets bitey when she’s jealous and Arturo finds it endearing.

Is protection used?

Really?

Does it ever get boring?

By mortal standards, certainly. But drinking/being drunk from by a vampire feels so good that for them, no, it never gets boring.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

Anywhere the ghouls are working. Olivia dies inside a little once the post-nut clarity kicks in. The ghouls just GTFO and don’t make eye contact for a while.

Arturo doesn’t think of them as people...

FAMILY.

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

Jesus fucking Christ my blood ran cold just READING this question. Nope nope npoe NOPE. Even if they could have children, NOOOOOOO. GOD, NO. NOOOOO. NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE

As for childer? Vampires are single parents by nature, so they’re not raising any together. If anything, Arturo is seriously considering adopting Olivia as his childe by the time she GTFO’s. 

(For non-VTM fans: I swear that is not as fucked up as it looks. “Childe” = vampire who hasn’t been a vampire for long. It’s a mentor/mentee relationship, not a parent/child relationship, despite the terminology. Vampires seem to be way more likely to have romantic/sexual entanglements with sires/childer than anyone else because of the power imbalance and how fucking dangerous it is to get involved with a vampire on your level. Why yes creatures who drink blood from humans are fucked up, what tipped you off?)

If so, how many children do they want/have?

I’m charging you for my therapy bills.

AFFECTION.

Who likes to cuddle?

Goes without saying that the blood bond makes Olivia a cuddle slut, but Arturo enjoys it way more than he is willing to admit.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

Arturoooo. Those poor fucking ghouls.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves?

Arturo.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

They’re vampires.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Arturo is a slut for headscritches.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

The sofas near the windows overlooking New York.

SLEEPING.

Who snores?

They’re vamps, they literally sleep like they’re dead. VTM vampires are easily mistaken for corpses unless you know what to look for, such as the fact they don’t stink and that insects and scavengers aren’t helping themselves.

My headcanon is that younger and higher humanity vampires sleep more akin to something like humans, and so younger vampires like Olivia might sometimes wake during the day (altho quickly pass out again), move in their sleep, or dream, or accidentally use blush of life. Closest she comes to snoring is by accidentally using blush of life in her sleep and therefore breathing.

If both do, who snores the loudest?

N/A

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

Sleep separately, up until the first attempt to bust Olivia out, at which point Arturo gets clingy and insists she sleeps next to him in his bed. It’s not like he’d wake up if any ghouls showed up to liberate her, but it makes him feel better.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

Cozy up.

What do they wear to bed?

Olivia is still in the habit of wearing PJs, but Arturo just wears whatever he was wearing that day.

Are either of them insomniacs?

No, it’s extremely difficult for vampires to stay awake when the sun comes up.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

Nope, they wouldn’t work.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

Depends on how clingy Arturo’s feeling that night.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

Both of them.

Who wakes up first?

They both wake up around the same time.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Arturo will fucking murder any ghouls that bleed all over his bed, so neither.

What is their favourite sleeping position?

Arturo likes to cling to Olivia after the first liberation attempt.

Do they set an alarm each night?

No need.

Who has nightmares?

Olivia, due to her young age, is able to dream from time to time and therefore gets nightmares. After Arturo, she gets way more -- although that’s not because of any trauma from the Arturo incident (although she’s definitely spooked by it, the blood bond actually protected her from the trauma it would cause because of the nature of how trauma forms), but more because of the idea of oh god what if someone WORSE than him puts me under a blood bond?!

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Arturo. Despises. Modern. Television.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Olivia is the only one out of the two of them that dreams. For Arturo, being older and with lower humanity, it’s more akin to being put under anaesthesia.

Her dreams aren’t that ridiculous, though.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Olivia doesn’t sprawl, but she does move in her sleep so I suppose she’s closest.

Who makes the bed?

The ghouls.

What time is bed time?

Up to half an hour before dawn, depending on their mood and if they feel like just curling up and talking before they black out.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Not really. Arturo likes to go over his schedule, have a sip from a ghoul, but that’s about it.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Arturo, if he’s dreading something that night.

WORK.

Who is the busiest?

Fucking Arturo is always running around feeding his one million ghouls and three blood bonded pets, and feeding himself to keep them under his control, and that’s not counting when he’s getting up to schemes or schmoozing in Elysium. Dude is pretty much out of the penthouse from dusk to dawn most of the week and when he’s at home actually working he’s shut up in his study.

Olivia? Bored out of her fucking mind at home binging on Netflix or books. After working 70+ hours a week when she was alive she is not used to having this much free time.

Who rakes in the highest income?

Arturo, obviously. Famous architect with a shitton of shady “associates”.

Are any of them unemployed?

Olivia.

Who takes the most sick days?

They don’t do sick days.

What are their jobs?

Arturo’s a Harpy, if that counts as a job (think vampire socialite), and also an architect.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Arturo is the boss, even if he pretends not to be at Elysium.

Olivia had to do a lot of sucking up in life. She does not miss that bit.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Arturo. He does what the fuck he wants.

Who stresses the most?

Believe it or not, Arturo. He’s got a lot of balls in the air and works hard to keep himself from dropping them. After Hope’s failed attempt at getting Olivia out, he gets even more stressed out.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

Olivia does not miss her job but also doesn’t know who she is without it, now.

Arturo enjoys his job. He’s always enjoyed it, but after being Embraced he became completely obsessed with it.

Are they financially stable?

Yep. Famous architect who designs for both kindred and kine elites? Yeah.

HOME.

Who does the washing?

The ghouls.

Who takes out the trash?

Ghouls

Who does the ironing?

Ghouuuuls.

Who does the cooking?

Nobody, they just munch on a ghoul.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

I’m not shitting you when I say that Lucas, one of the ghouls, is most likely to try and sneakily cook something on Arturo’s never-used stovetop when he’s out and accidentally fuck it up in the process.

Who is messier?

Arturo, but that’s not saying much. He tends to pick up after himself if he doesn’t have to go out of his way to do it, and there’s ghouls to do the rest.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

My headcanon is that vampires do, in fact, pee because they need to get rid of metabolic waste somehow. So that’d be Olivia.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Arturo, if it doesn’t upset the aesthetic of the room too much (fucking Toreadors). Olivia did start leaving her stuff around for the ghouls but it stressed out Arturo so she stopped.

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

Neither of them.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Arturo usually takes the subway, but if the ghouls are driving him somewhere it’s definitely Lucas who fucks up the most.

Who answers the telephone?

They don’t have a landline. Olivia doesn’t have a phone.

Who mows the lawn?

They have a penthouse.

Who does the vacuuming?

The ghouls, usually Alex.

Who does the groceries?

Nobody, although the ghouls sometimes stash stuff in the fridge Arturo keeps for the aesthetic. It doesn’t bother him as long as they keep their shit put away.

Who takes the longest to shower?

Olivia likes to shower almost every day out of habit and because the warmth is soothing.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Arturo. This is the guy who wears glasses he doesn’t need because he likes the aesthetic. No way in hell he isn’t in there for ages preening himself.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Is money a problem?

Not at all.

How many cars do they own?

Arturo almost certainly has something fancy and hipstery that he barely uses.

What’s their song?

LMFAO sorry this question made me laugh my ass off because a PERFECT song appeared in my head immediately:

 “Every Breath You Take” by the Police

but unironically, and with total awareness of the actual fucking meaning of the song.

Specifically, the cover in minor key. The really creepy one by Chase Holfeder.

(There is a reason, other than the blood bond, that Olivia hangs the fuck tight and waits for Qadir to get her out instead of making a break for it herself. And there’s a reason why she bolts to the other side of the country when the blood bond wears off. She ain’t taking any chances.)

Do they live in the city or in the country?

New York City, baby.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Own it. It used to belong to Charlotte, Arturo’s sire. He got it when she carked it.

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

Arturo’s a Toreador so I see him as having a love/hate relationship with his surroundings depending on what they are at the moment.

As for Olivia, it’s fancier than she’s used to but mostly the cabin fever drives her crazy from time to time.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Arturo gets up to all kinds of shit -- Elysium schmoozing, bossing ghouls around, doing architecture/engineering work, researching, making deals with Kaiser, feeding Adelaide and Panhard...

Olivia? Mostly Netflix binging, hanging out with the ghouls, and wishing she could go out for a fucking walk or something.

Where did they first meet?

At Elysium. Arturo was one of the people she talked to that night. She said his glasses looked good on him when he was bitching about them. He said “you bet they do.”

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Arturo tends to make less purchases but moves more money when he does.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Neither of them, dear god.

Any mental issues?

what do you think

Arturo: I would be here all day.

Olivia: she actually winds up less traumatised than she thought she would once the blood bond wore off. The blood bond actually protected her in that way -- trauma needs fear to take root, even if it’s fear after the fact. So while she was very nervous in the first few months of captivity, once she realised Arturo wasn’t going to hurt her or anything she settled right down and isn’t scarred by that. She is scared that she’ll have to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life, she is scared he’ll try to take her back, but she’s not scared of him, if that makes sense?

But the whole “wow, anyone could do this to me and they could be a lot worse than he ended up being”? Yeah, that fucking terrifies her, so she does end up with a lot of trauma around that afterwards. Yeah, she was a captive for a while, but... she ended up very, very lucky in who her captor was, and she knows it. Arturo didn’t go out of his way to be nice to her, but he wasn’t a complete asshole either. Worse he did (dubcon, captivity and blood bond aside) was snap at her every now and then and be self-absorbed.

She actually finds it pretty hard to deal with life after captivity because... well. There’s a lot worse than Arturo out there. She’s an orphan. Kindred are pretty fucking horrible and she doesn’t have Arturo protecting her any more.

Sometimes the gilded cage was way easier to deal with. Sometimes she really, really misses not having to fight for her survival. Sometimes she wants to go back. She often wants to go back.

So yeah -- there is some trauma there, just... not the trauma she expected to end up dealing with. She expected to feel violated and to hate the guy. She doesn’t. She didn’t expect to feel lost, scared and exposed without him. She does.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Olivia, not that she’d ever show it. Sometimes it’s just satisfying to watch the puppet master deal with tiny little wrenches in the works like that.

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Olivia hates them.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Arturo rolls his eyes and gets a ghoul to do it.

Do they have any fears for their future?

Arturo, once he realised how attached he got to Olivia, was terrified of losing her.

Their favourite place?

They both like the couches in the haven that sit next to the huge windows that overlook the city.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Every now and then a ghoul gets some really good vitae as a treat for Olivia.

(So yeah, neither.)

Who pays the bills?

Arturo.

Who’s the tallest?

Arturo.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Neither.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Neither.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Olivia sings under her breath when it’s just the ghouls around, but not loudly, and never in front of Arturo.

What do they tease each other about?

Ooof, Arturo likes to rub salt in the wound by calling her his little pet, but ofc blood bonded Olivia doesn’t feel hurt by that. It’s not until post-New York that she’s like “DUDE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT???”

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

Arturo, naturally. I think it’s physically impossible for a Toreador not to cringe at someone’s clothing every now and then.

Who crushed first?

... Both? Sorta.

Olivia naturally had the blood bond, but Arturo was the first that actually caught genuine feelings.

Olivia did have some genuine fond feelings even after the blood bond wore off, but not enough that she let that stop her from GTFOing to LA.

Any alcohol or substance-related problems?

You mean, aside from Olivia’s literal addiction to Arturo’s blood? The one that compels her to have strong feelings for him to the point that even though she’s captive and could walk out the door at any time, she doesn’t?

Yeah, I’d say that’s a substance problem.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

Arturo, if he was desperate enough to feed on a drunk, but even then -- blood has a very low alcohol content compared to actual alcohol, and while I HC that vampires are sensitive enough to alcohol that they can get a buzz from drinking from someone drunk enough... it’s just a buzz.

Who swears the most?

Arturo.

[theshinsun]

Hyuuga and Izuki for character thing please? 🙃

Oh sweet, thanks for sending some more! This may be long bc there’s two again.

Hyuuga

How I feel about this character

A+ captain 👌. He puts up with so much shit and loves his team so much and he’s such a good character okay, so much respect. That whole arc where he quits basketball and Kiyoshi has to convince him to play and you can just Tell he still loves the game he’s just been severely discouraged (”I know that! that’s why I’m so bored every day!”) that was *chef’s kiss*. I also love the bit where he asks Riko how he can make shots under pressure and she threatens to break his shit for every one he misses and he Actually Agrees like goddamn. That’s dedication. Also this absolute NERD collecting army general figures (people pass it off as him forcing a new hobby when he’s quitting bball but he actually does seem to love them and know a lot about them and I love that). He’s so good. His relationship with the whole team is so good and his ability to lead them and keep even the uppity freshman duo in line is perfect. Quality organic senpai material.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Riko (100% canon team parents and that one valid straight ship. I love how they can be this terrifying evil duo and still so sweet with each other, how they support each other and get on each other’s nerves and still have each other/the team’s back at all times. wholesome af) 

Kiyoshi (their whole relationship is amazing, from the way they meet and Kiyoshi’s pestering and Hyuuga refusing to acknowledge that he’s right and they work well together, and then finally getting his shit together and that Promise he makes when Kiyoshi is injured?? good shit good shit. I also like him, Kiyoshi and Riko as a poly trio.)

Mibuchi (I MEAN. Mibuchi’s interest in Hyuuga is canon and the way he’s so flirty with him is actually pretty adorable. I’d love for them to actually be a couple with Hyuuga trying to be the stoic unfazed cool guy and then Mibuchi opens his fucking mouth and he turns into a blushing stammering mess) 

Izuki (what can I say I love ships that come with banter. these guys have got some long-standing history too, and I’m always a sucker for that. Izuki would drive Hyuuga up the fucking wall but they’ve also got some major camaraderie and obviously care for each other a lot. it’d def never be boring when they’re together)

Sakurai (get that apologetic mushroom. the dynamic between these two is so odd but it kinda just works for me, esp Sakurai’s sulkiness trying to prove he’s better that he doesn’t really show anyone else)

Kasamatsu (give me them good captain ships hells ye. I feel like Kasamatsu’s really come to respect him by the second Kaijo/Seirin game and they’re both such tough unyielding characters I’d love to see them get to be soft together)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Kiyoshi (I can’t have a non-romantic OTP without it also working as a romantic ship can I) what can I say, the reason they work so well as a ship is also the reason they work so well as friends. The history and mutual trust between them, the determination and the promise that binds them together, they’re just such a good pair no matter how they fit together. They’ve also got a healthy dose of exasperated teasing banter about them and you know I eat that shit up. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Blond Hyuuga is valid. *braces self* 

LISTEN my kink is long hair ok and even if he’d gotten it cut again I kinda wish he’d kept the color the bleached blond works with his eyes. Fight me.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Guy wears rimless glasses and plays basketball and you’re telling me he never gets them broken even once? It’s not so much a suggestion for improvement as much as a nitpick for realism’s sake, but it was the first damn thing my roommate pointed out about him and now I can’t stop thinking it.

Izuki

How I feel about this character

ALL HAIL THE PUN MASTER. Tbh I kinda wish I spoke some modicum of Japanese just so the majority of this guy’s jokes wouldn’t fly over my head, but still, even from what my ear and the subs have been able to gather, game recognize game. Izuki’s just an enjoyable character tbh, the way he puts his all into basketball with the rest of his team, the way he’s been playing the longest out of all of them and polished his skills over time, his intellect, his good jokes and absolutely TERRIBLE jokes and the way he harasses/bonds with Hyuuga, he’s such an all-around good egg and I don’t see him get enough love.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

This list will be pretty short bc there aren’t all that many people... he interacts with one-on-one in canon? Which is kinda a shame tbh.

Hyuuga (As I said above, they’ve got history, they poke each other and get up in each other’s space and still have a rock solid foundation of support and trust for each other they’re a pure ship)

Kiyoshi (who on this team wouldn’t love this big lug to pieces? these two seem to be the only ones in Seirin with any common sense [at times they’ve also both got their fair share of nonsense to be sure] and have their own respectively odd personalities that would probably mesh really well together)

Takao (I talked about their birds-of-a-feather dynamic before in my list for Takao and I stand by it. they’re a good match with lots in common and the sass would be Endless)

Hayama (the ONE PERSON he gets to laugh at his jokes. they’re such an unlikely fit but I love the idea of the two of them just wreaking havoc as a couple)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Koganei (say whaat at last a purely platonic relationship for this question). They’re such good bros tho, idk if I could see them as a couple, per se, but the way they play off each other is always hilarious and the way they each do their part to work together and support the team is fuckin wholesome. The arc of them working with Kiyoshi to form Seirin’s team in the first place is quality, and the shenanigans they get into over the course of the show never fail to delight me. Just a solid, good friendship that I’m here for.

My unpopular opinion about this character

LET HIM MAKE PUNS. This is more a disagreement with the characters in the show itself than with the fandom, but this guy is fuckin witty (even if his jokes are often groan-worthy, the wordplay itself, from what I’m able to understand, is really clever and that shit’s not easy to come up with on the spot). I respect his efforts and enthusiasm, at least, and as someone whose personality also revolves around lame jokes I will defend this guy to the grave.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

We get the briefest, barest mention of him being the one who’s played basketball since way back in grade school and therefore being the most experienced player, but it’s way in season 3 and is never really explored in any depth. Can we get some more backstory/growth for this guy, please? He doesn’t suffer from a lack of screentime (none of the Seirin guys do really) but I think a few of them do suffer from a lack of character development, and this guy’s got the foundation for something great I’m just not sure it was followed through on as well as it could’ve been. 

Tbh considering how well all the characters — even minor ones — in a show like, say... Haikyuu!! are fleshed out and given time and ways to grow and change, I just wish some of KNB’s supporting characters got the same love. It’s one of the show’s main weaknesses and while it doesn’t necessarily detract from the experience, there’s definitely some room for improvement there and I’m just kinda sad we didn’t get it.

[upthehillask]

i’d love to hear your cursed child opinions!

Oh boy, well now you’ve unleashed me :D lol I don’t know if you’re interested more in what I loved or in what I’d critique, so I’ll go for both I guess? And you can read whichever you like :) But tbh you won’t hear anything new from me that you haven’t heard other fans talk about. Anyways, here are my thoughts on the actual play: [Spoiler alert I guess!]

Things I loved:

- THE MAGIC!!! The effects were EVERYTHING. The time warp, the telephone booth, the floo, the underwater, the dementors, the writings on the walls, and so much more… Really cool!!! And I loved the whole vibe and aesthetic of the play too, it felt authentic and fitting! THE SWISHY CLOAKS!! I want them!!

- The scenes I especially enjoyed were Harry’s nightmares, glimpses into his past and scenes from the books in general. I think they executed those quite well, made me really soft! Especially the scenes of little Harry in his cupboard and also him in the graveyard. Gripped my heart. Oh, I also loved that they finally showed Cedric in the end, he was so perfect!!

- Draco. Yes yes yes to dad Draco. Still bitchy, pretentious, and petty, trying so hard to play cool and tough, but a pained softie deep inside—we STAN. The relationship between him and his son I CRI EVRITIEM!!! Draco in the alternative timeline letting Scorpius do what he believes in, Draco in the real timeline hugging his son, I LIVE. And oh my god that scene where Draco walked in to Harry crying.. GOD. Yes emotions, yes vulnerability, yes bonding, yes yes yes. (Though I still can’t get over the ponytail. Would’ve been more than fine if Lucius hadn’t been portrayed with long hair lol)

- I loved Albus!! He’s a good Slytherin boy! That’s all I have to say. He’s a good friend and son who tries his best. I liked him a lot, more so now after watching the play. He really did remind me of Harry in a lot of ways. (Also, unpopular opinion, but I always loved Albus Severus’ name and I always will, fight me.)

- And just all the dad-son relationships, parenthood themes, friendship between the boys, related conflicts… Loved all of them. Touching, inspiring, couldn’t get enough!

- McGonagall was fcking ON POINT. Fcking QUEEN. Get it girl. Show em how to understand and respect children 👏👏👏

- I really loved Snape too! It was nice to finally see him being his self that only Dumbledore got to see in the books. I loved his demeanor too. I know actors change, but the one I saw portrayed Snape in a way that felt more canon. As much as I love Alan Rickman, he was a bit too graceful and sophisticated for canon Snape. In the play, however, Snape was kind of more rough, more rash, less pulled together in a way that he spoke and moved. It’s subtle but I lived for that. Also he was finally short. Yes.

- I feel like I have to mention Harry too. I actually quite liked him, so I’m gonna put him under this list as well. Yeah, that one scene where he threatened McGonagall into strict surveillance of his son is a bit much, errr 😅😅😅 But overall, I like the idea of him struggling as a father, making mistakes and learning from them. He’s a good egg.

- Ron and Hermione, my babies!! I had issues with Ron’s characterization, but I did mostly enjoy the portrayal of their relationship. I liked that their roles within the play were mostly to be together or to find their ways to each other. Since so many fans are against their ship, I was really excited to see them. And I just loved Hermione in general. They got her characterization almost on-point too, I think. I just love her 🥰

- In general, I enjoyed a lot of the dialogue. I liked all those strong, emotional one-liners that make you gasp. Harry saying things, Albus saying things, Scorpius, Draco, Ginny, others… There were good examples of lines they’d say that perfectly articulated everything that they embodied or felt or were dealing with. Well done there.

Okayyy I’m sure there’s more I could think of, definitely, but I’ll stop here since this is already a lot 😁

Things I questioned:

- So the one single biggest thing that I am the most critical of has to do with the plot itself, and it’s about Cedric turning into a Death Eater. I’m sorry but I just can’t. I could write a whole essay on how this makes no canonical sense (and I probably will if you ask me lmaoo), but to sum it up, Cedric eventually turning bitter and evil because he was publicly humiliated directly contradicts his canon character development. Cedric’s humility, kindness, and fairness are the core qualities around which Cedric’s personality was developed in the books. He almost explicitly places popularity, glory, and reputation second, and that’s critical, because if failure and humiliation were to affect him so drastically, his primary core values needed to be broken down and changed beforehand, but they never weren’t. So presenting the Triwizard incident as the turning point for him does not make any sense, and as a result the rest of the narrative falls apart. This is a plot hole and hasty writing.

- Yeah, Bellatrix having a child is still kinda weird 🙃🙃 I just hate that because in the books Bellatrix played the archetype of this anti-mother, the antithesis of motherhood and motherly love. I feel like having her voluntarily bring a child into this world destroys that symbolism. It makes me unsatisfied.

- I had some issues with the very beginning and the whole “montage” of events leading up to the fourth year. I found it overwhelming and disorienting, even though I’ve already read the script and knew what’s going on. Still, I felt like I was hit by a train, watching all the fast-paced scenes, cliché chaotic small talk going on, years going by… It felt messy for some reason. I feel like I need to watch it again in order to fully catch up and process everything I saw, and that’s not a good sign. But I didn’t hate it, I just wish we were more eased into the story.

- Scorpius. Now listen. When I read the script, Scorpius was my favorite character. I LOVED him, this awkward nerd who loves his dad and best friend with all his heart. The way I grew to imagine him was quite not how he was portrayed in the play. I know the dialogue and everything’s all the same, but idk, Scorpius in the play was way more hyper, bolder than I pictured, and worst of all, he was going out of his way to be this wannabe player. He seemed so all over the place, even acting a bit arrogant sometimes, celebrating moments of over-confidence, chasing after girls, trying to be everything BUT himself. But that honestly might just be my takeaway alone. There’s nothing actually wrong with his character, I just found myself slightly disappointed with him in the play specifically. I wish I could see the play again to actually analyze things more thoroughly to explain why I feel this way, but I can’t. I still like Scorpius, but a different version of him. (tho damn did I love those skinny pants on him lmao 👌👌)

- Moaning Myrtle. Like, I laughed, it was funny, but it just wasn’t very tasteful lol and I was left feeling a bit uncomfortable from the idea of this young murdered girl writhing and thirsting over literally everyone. The play really blew that out of proportion and idk it’s kinda awkward when I think about it 😅 And in general, there was just so much thirsting… with Rose, Polly Chapman, Delphi… Not to mention Albus kissing his AUNT… Like damn chill JK please 😂 Weird cliches and teenage hormones aren’t the only source of comedy okay?? 😂😂😂 Also, speaking of Myrtle, I kinda wish there was something mentioned about Draco having had been friends with her in sixth year. Idk it would’ve been nice to see that relationship somehow reminisced since we didn’t really get to see it :) 

- Craig Bowker Jr... If he was supposed to be a parallel to Cedric, both being the spare, why did he get literally zero attention?? We don’t really know who he is, we don’t see anyone hurting because of his death, he’s killed with such apathy. We don’t even see his parent grieving, like we saw Amos (who also happen to be an integral part to the plot of CC!). The whole parallel is so incomplete. Poor Craig and his unsymbolic death..

- Ok I am obviously elaborating way too much so let me just quickly summarize the rest of things I don’t actually hate but might wanna rant about: RON IS NOT A JOKSTER—GEORGE IS. RON IS A FIGHTER. HE IS ALSO HARRY’S BEST FRIEND, NOT HERMIONE, BUT HE WAS MADE USELESS AND UNNEEDED, WHICH IS HIS ACTUAL WORST FEAR, SO WHO THE FUCK DARED. ROSE IS MORE THAN A BITCHY ROMANTIC INTEREST AND A BAD FRIEND. WHERE THE HELL IS HUGO. GINNY’S EVEN COOLER THAN SHE WAS PORTRAYED, I PROMISE. THE SURPRISE SECOND TIME TURNER ERRRR LOUSY PLOT DEVICE I’M SORRY. LACKLUSTER PLOT IN GENERAL, THE ONLY ACTUAL TWIST IS DELPHI’S REVEAL—NOT ENOUGH, JKR KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS, THE BOOKS WERE FULL OF TWISTS AND TURNS (but that’s kinda okay with me because the relationships between characters in CC really made the whole story worth it).

Alright enough :’D I’m not actually upset, just exaggerating haha Because overall, I liked the play. I wanna see it again. And I wanna analyze it more, too. I’m so excited I finally got to watch it. It’s far from flawless, but I’m still happy with it overall and want to approach it positively! Sure, I’ll rant when it’s ranting time, but I do love it (: