#ode to joy is just so joyful

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | November 4th-10th 2024

I think we can all agree that last week was a bit of a rollercoaster? 🙃 At least we still have our emotional support gay firefighter show ❤️

(as always, if you know someone who's not tagged, please tag them in the comments!)

Complete

Good Luck Babe by jesuisici33/ @jesuisici33 (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda | 1K | Teen): Buck nods. His own face still has that kicked puppy look. But he manages a smile. Even sad, Buck’s smiles light his face up. Eddie thinks he could never get tired of Buck’s smiles. “Why did you shave it off? I need a distraction. A happy one.” “I’m working on no longer denying myself fruit juice.” It’s Buck’s turn to open and close his mouth in confusion. “O…kay? I don’t know what that means.”

watch you win, watch you cry by wenttoafortuneteller (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda, Pre-Buddie | 1K | Teen): Buck lets out a long, tired sigh and admits: “Tommy broke up with me.” “Oh,” Eddie says. He makes a conscious effort not to smile.

your shoulders brush (no proof, one touch) by farfromthstars/ @doeeyeseddie (S8E6: Confessions Coda, Pre-Buddie | 1K | General): “It’s not funny,” Buck whines. “I just thought– we have– were having a good time together. And he’s been so great through the whole figuring myself out, he made me feel so, um, so secure in my sexuality, you know?” “Well, you’re not any less bisexual if you’re not dating him,” Eddie shrugs. “So I guess he didn’t feel the same way, then?” “Kind of?” Buck turns on the couch and pulls one of his legs up. His knee nudges Eddie’s thigh, and Eddie is suddenly very aware that he’s not wearing pants.

ode to a conversation by markofalover/ @markofalover (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda, Getting Together 3K | Explicit): “He was right to break it off, because—Josh asked if I thought about him when he wasn’t around, and if his concerns and happiness were important to me, if I saw a future, and, Eddie, I—” “Buck,” Eddie cuts through again, and this time Buck listens. Closes his mouth and stares at him with big blue eyes, and Eddie. Eddie’s heart is in his mouth. It’s right in front of him. “Come here.”

It’s Always Been You by scarmaddiewrites (S8, Getting Together, PWP | 3K | Explicit): Buck and Eddie travel to Texas to pick up Chris and run into some issues, all leading to them finally getting together.

ode to joy by signetsealed/ @gayeddieagenda (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda, PWP | 3K | Explicit): “Okay,” Buck says. "Let's do that.” Eddie frowns. “Do what? Dance?” “Sure,” Buck says. “That, or whatever else you were thinking of doing. We can…be joyful.”

i must confess, i’m in love with my own sins by inbetweenthestacks/ @organizedstardust (S8E6: Confessions Spec | 3K | Teen): “I just want it to be easy, you know? I don’t want to have to think about if I’m acting the right way or saying the right thing. I just want to have a-a person. I want someone that wants to stand next to me. I want to know someone is always gonna pick me, no matter what, they’ll have my back. Like how it is with—“ he stops short. Buck, he almost says. Like how it is with Buck. — Eddie goes to confession and has a few revelations.

lock me down tonight by lecornergirl/ @clusterbuck (PWP, Getting Together | 4K | Explicit): Buck grabs the bathroom door, but freezes before he can open it more than an inch. Because Eddie is in the shower, but he’s not crying. Eddie is standing with one arm braced against the tiled wall, turned away from the door. The shower spray cascades over his muscled back and the curve of his ass. His other hand is wrapped around his cock.

"What the fuck, make your move." by dylaesthetics (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda, PWP | 4K | Explicit): When Buck smashes their mouths together, Eddie forgets how to breathe. Then, he isn’t all that interested in basic human necessities such as that. He thinks, at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs instead lie Kissing Buck, Making Buck moan, and Trying not to come in my briefs. ~ OR Eddie is Buck's last.

Thankful for You by scarmaddiewrites (S8, BT Break-Up, Pre-Buddie): The one where Buck plans Thanksgiving dinner at his place and then breaks up with his boyfriend.

Take The Bitter With The Sweet by fruitsdoesnotknow/ @tayf-ghost (Ravi POV, Gettign Together | 5K | Teen): No one thought to brief Ravi on the Buckley-Diaz situation when he finally joins the 118. Spoiler, it goes about as well as a car crash.

first and last by hispolestar (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda | 6K | Explicit): And suddenly, like Eddie summoned him, Buck is standing in front of his door. Eddie’s not sure if this indicates that God is real, because He saw Eddie’s quest for joy, or if it’s just Evan Buckley. It’s probably the latter.

The Only Truth by phdmama/ @phdmama (Magic AU, Getting Together | 6K | Explicit): Eddie says, “I fucking hate you.” At least, that’s what Eddie intends to say, because he means it, in that moment he absolutely means it, having just watched Buck rappel four stories down a burning building and hit the ground eight seconds ahead of the roof caving in. What comes out instead is, “I fucking love you.” Luckily, just as he had opened his mouth, the roof had, in fact, collapsed, which caused a lot of commotion and noise and whatnot, and Eddie’s words, his very strange and unintended words, get lost in the mayhem. Huh, Eddie thinks as his body moves on autopilot, racing across the cracked asphalt of the parking lot. That was weird.

a night in early october by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Post-S5, Getting Together | 6K | Mature): Buck comes home from an extra shift, and Eddie makes him dinner.

sweet talk with a hint of sin by justhockey (Post-S8E6: Confessions Coda, Getting Together, PWP | 7K | Explicit): He doesn’t want to stop; he doesn’t even want to slow down. He wants this, here, for the rest of his life. And he’s past wondering if he deserves it, past thinking he isn’t good enough for a man like Buck, past being scared of the love that lives inside of him. He wants Buck selfishly, wants him greedily, and if he’s willing to give himself over to Eddie, then Eddie isn’t a selfless enough man to say no. He isn’t strong enough to deny himself such joy. “Need you,” Eddie begs. “Please, Buck. Please.”

said that i was fine, said it from my coffin by justhockey (Post-S7, BT Break-Up, Getting Together | 7K | Teen): Buck leans in so close that Eddie can feel his breath on his cheek when he asks, “Hey, are you sure you’re alright?” “I’m fine,” Eddie lies. And it doesn’t matter that he feels like he’s dying. Like the version of himself that he’s always been is suddenly a stranger to him - just a mask he’d spent his entire life hiding behind, without ever even realising he was wearing it. It doesn’t matter that Eddie is…that he’s gay. Because he knows - as surely as he knows that the sun will rise again tomorrow - that the only person he has ever, and will ever, truly love is Buck. And Buck isn’t his to love.

don’t mention any other name (that doesn’t sound like mine) by bandshirts (Post-S7, Getting Together | 9K | Mature): Or, Eddie flirts with a man at a gay bar. Buck is totally normal about it. (Spoiler: he’s not.)

so only say my name (it will be held against you) by bandshirts (Post-7x04, Getting Together | 10K | Explicit): Or, Buck accidentally says Eddie’s name during sex, figures out some things about himself, and finally gets the right guy this time.

WIP

wicked dreams by hispolestar (Post-S7, BT Break-Up, Eddie Sexuality Crisis, Getting Together | 3/9 | 14K | Explicit): Eddie’s trouble starts with a dream. Well, it actually starts much earlier, when he runs into a woman who is the literal carbon copy of his dead wife. Or, alternatively it starts with a lightning bolt. Or a sniper. Or a firetruck. Or a car crash. Or, realistically, a grenade embedded in a seventh-grade teacher’s leg. It starts with blue eyes, broad shoulders and a tenacity that shocks Eddie to his very core. But right now, Eddie’s trouble starts with a dream. ~ Eddie, alone and confused, is navigating Christopher's extended stay in Texas, while also grappling with feelings he's been repressing for seven years. Buck, who misses Chris dearly, is struggling under Gerrard and his boyfriend's dismissive attitude. In the wreckage of their lives, they find each other.

I guess your mama didn't know the gift she got when she got you by disasterbuck/ @disasterbuck (Post-S7, Fake Relationship | 5/? | 10K | Teen): "He has someone else he can go to," Eddie said automatically, Buck's smiling face flashing into his mind. "Your friend Buck doesn't count," she said dismissively, and Eddie felt his hackles rising defensively. "I'm talking about a partner, Eddie. Someone who will commit to being with you and Christopher for the rest of your lives." "Buck is committed," Eddie said before he could think about what he was saying. "He's not going anywhere." There was a pause on the other end of the line. "When you say committed…" she asked hesitantly, voice trailing off. - Tired of his mom's nagging, Eddie tells a lie that spirals wildly out of control.

Gentle On My Mind by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon Divergent, Shannon Lives, Buck/Eddie/Shannon | 7/? | 44K | Explicit): In which Shannon lives, tells a lie, and sends hers, Eddie's, and Buck's lives down a very different path.

& such by colonoscopys/ @colonoscopys (81K | Teen): prompts and spec fics and codas and all the works jumbled mumbled into one place.

Chapter 20: GAY EDDIE REAL (1K)

Podfic

🔥[podfic] a night in early october by half_bakedboy/ @half-bakedboy // fic by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Post-S5, Getting Together | 30-45min | Mature): Buck comes home from an extra shift, and Eddie makes him dinner.

Re-read

woke up the girl who looked just like you, i almost said your name by rarakiplin (gmontys)/ @hoediaz (S5, Out Eddie, Getting Together | 9K | Teen): Or, five times Eddie dates a guy a little too similar to Buck, and one time he dates the real deal.

[louisupdates]

FULL ARTICLE ON EUPHORIAZINE

By Saskia Postema 26.4.2024

Mere days after winning “Artist of the Year” at the inaugural Northern Music Awards, Louis Tomlinson is celebrating the only way he knows how – by giving back. Tomlinson just dropped a surprise album, which includes a curated list of live performances over the past years. It’s a risky move, as live albums are notoriously difficult to make worthwhile. But there’s no doubt about it: Tomlinson is deserving of that award, and the recordings on Louis Tomlinson: LIVE deserve to live forever.

After an initial stop-start to his solo career, Tomlinson has certainly flourished since finally getting to hit the stage. He’s been touring extensively over the past few years, performing a mix of tracks from his first two albums. Both were solid records that heavily referenced anthemic, rich sonic soundscapes. In fact, Tomlinson previously admitted that he wrote certain tracks with a live show in mind. Indeed, songs like “Face The Music,” “Out Of My System” and “The Greatest,” from his No. 1 selling album Faith in the Future, absolutely benefit from the live instrumentals compared to their studio versions.

It isn’t often that live performances consistently seem to not only live up to but objectively improve the perfectly engineered studio recordings. Perhaps it’s the love that the album so clearly captures for live music that does it. The singer-songwriter is an avid fan of his own fans and gets to share a collective experience of joy with them. Just listen to the crowds serenading Tomlinson in return during “Chicago,” recorded live in – you guessed it, Chicago. From Tomlinson’s perspective, audiences across the world have always been part of breathing life into these live recordings. Now, people get to live that same experience with him by listening to this record that is woven together with impeccably mixed joyful screaming in the background.

Tomlinson’s storytelling isn’t hindered by the crowd’s reaction. Rather, it is bolstered by it. In both power ballads like “Common People” as well as raucous tracks like “Silver Tongues.” The live setting seems to function almost akin to a prism – each song shining brighter, richer, fuller. Perhaps the only track that is tighter in the original version, is the seductive “Written All Over Your Face.” Nonetheless, the instrumental break and palpable, wild excitement make for an enjoyable listen.

Similarly, right in the middle of the highly addictive “All This Time/We Are Beauty” mash-up, a fan can be heard screaming “I love you” if you listen closely. The sheer adulation of the crowd is decidedly earned. Tomlinson has worked hard to prove himself, despite never having lacked the talent. Perhaps merely the confidence that he could do it, would do it, has done it. Nevertheless, he’s been open about the tension between his own love for music, and his at times debilitating need for perfection. As he’s settled into his career, a quiet undertone of determination and grit, of relief and fulfillment – of gratitude remains in every single show.

On “Saturdays,” you can actually hear Tomlinson mumble that the view’s never been better from where he’s stood on stage. It’s a high-maintenance track with all the right ingredients for a Tomlinson classic. There’s confessional lyricism, emotive delivery, and a gradual yet powerful crescendo in musical arrangement. It needs to be sung with conviction, and it’s clear that Tomlinson pulls power from the audience to deliver.

Notably, none of the covers that Tomlinson frequently incorporates in his concerts made it onto this live album. With that in mind, perhaps this release signals that Tomlinson has finally embraced his own artistry. Because if anything, Louis Tomlinson: LIVE is a reckless celebration record. An ode to joy, the synergy between artist and audience, and the impact of well-timed, flawlessly executed live guitar solos.

[chenouttachen]

in celebration of seventeen's 10th anniversary (oh my god, how did we get here??) i wanted to share my top 10 seventeen songs (as of this current moment right now - it varies every day!)

i've been following seventeen since pre-debut (i was a nu'est fan from debut and in the throes of seventeen tv) so i have a huge amount of nostalgia for the early years and anything sentimental. i really love seventeen an incredible amount! so without further ado, my top 10!

10. Kidult (henggarae, 2020) scoups written songs my beloved. it's just such a beautiful song about getting older and not wanting to lose yourself and making sure that you spend your life being exactly who you want to be.

9. Drift Away (Love&Letter, 2016) this one is pure nostalgia. i loved it the first time i heard it, and haven't let go of it since. i often think of their tipsy live and everyone needing the lyrics on their phone to sing it because it's been so long since they've sung it.

8. Fronting (Boys Be, 2015) okay, hear me out: it's a banger. we've got hoshi, we've got woozi, we've got hip-hop unit AND we've got the most hoshi-choreo you've ever seen in your life. no one gets her like i do.

7. Second Life (An Ode, 2019) it's just so pretty, okay? it's vocal unit, and it's so sad and yet so hopeful. classic woozi/bumzu collab.

6. Super (FML, 2023) I LOVE MY TEAM I LOVE MY CREW!!! the buzz i get from this song never lessens. no one loves seventeen more than seventeen and i adore them.

5. Anyone (Your Choice, 2021) the song? unforgettable. chan in that outfit? unforgivable. this song, mv and choreo were a true revelation and it always always hits.

4. Smile Flower (Going Seventeen, 2016) again, seventeen singing about how much they love each other. the sentiment of cherishing every moment together, being so happy in each other's company, but knowing that if they ever have to part they'll have these memories and they'll make them smile. ugh. beloved beloved boys.

3. Thanks (Director's Cut, 2018) i told you - it's the emotions!! first, the song is beautiful. the vocals throughout, and the heartfelt emotions. the choreo is stunning, and the fanchant is wonderfully impossible. it was also one of the first real dedicated fan songs we got, and it makes me feel so warm every time i listen to it.

2. Healing (Love&Letter: Repackage, 2016) this one really is just for me. just like the title, it brings me healing and joy whenever i listen to it. but i also have such fondness for the music video. it was filmed the one and only time they came to australia (c'mon guys it was 2016 please please please come back - you didn't even have a concert it was a fanmeet!!), and my friend and i got lost roaming the streets of melbourne the same day they were filming. we didn't see them, but there's just such a strong sense of connection to the whole thing.

1.Pretty U (Love&Letter, 2016) she's perfect. no notes. it's fun, it's bright, it's joyful. you have josh's iconic mistake, the first dance prac they had to film out of the practice room b/c they needed the space, an utterly perfect part-switch practice, and every step of the choreo is packed with personality and inside jokes. there is no song better, in the execution and delight that pair together. (i just wish they would re-do the sound on the music video because it's still atrocious and it's been 9 years)

[hldailyupdate]

Mere days after winning “Artist of the Year” at the inaugural Northern Music Awards, Louis Tomlinson is celebrating the only way he knows how – by giving back. Tomlinson just dropped a surprise album, which includes a curated list of live performances over the past years. It’s a risky move, as live albums are notoriously difficult to make worthwhile. But there’s no doubt about it: Tomlinson is deserving of that award, and the recordings on Louis Tomlinson: LIVE deserve to live forever.

After an initial stop-start to his solo career, Tomlinson has certainly flourished since finally getting to hit the stage. He’s been touring extensively over the past few years, performing a mix of tracks from his first two albums. Both were solid records that heavily referenced anthemic, rich sonic soundscapes. In fact, Tomlinson previously admitted that he wrote certain tracks with a live show in mind. Indeed, songs like “Face The Music,” “Out Of My System” and “The Greatest,” from his No. 1 selling album Faith in the Future, absolutely benefit from the live instrumentals compared to their studio versions.

It isn’t often that live performances consistently seem to not only live up to but objectively improve the perfectly engineered studio recordings. Perhaps it’s the love that the album so clearly captures for live music that does it. The singer-songwriter is an avid fan of his own fans and gets to share a collective experience of joy with them. Just listen to the crowds serenading Tomlinson in return during “Chicago,” recorded live in – you guessed it, Chicago. From Tomlinson’s perspective, audiences across the world have always been part of breathing life into these live recordings. Now, people get to live that same experience with him by listening to this record that is woven together with impeccably mixed joyful screaming in the background.

Tomlinson’s storytelling isn’t hindered by the crowd’s reaction. Rather, it is bolstered by it. In both power ballads like “Common People” as well as raucous tracks like “Silver Tongues.” The live setting seems to function almost akin to a prism – each song shining brighter, richer, fuller. Perhaps the only track that is tighter in the original version, is the seductive “Written All Over Your Face.” Nonetheless, the instrumental break and palpable, wild excitement make for an enjoyable listen.

Similarly, right in the middle of the highly addictive “All This Time/We Are Beauty” mash-up, a fan can be heard screaming “I love you” if you listen closely. The sheer adulation of the crowd is decidedly earned. Tomlinson has worked hard to prove himself, despite never having lacked the talent. Perhaps merely the confidence that he could do it, would do it, has done it. Nevertheless, he’s been open about the tension between his own love for music, and his at times debilitating need for perfection. As he’s settled into his career, a quiet undertone of determination and grit, of relief and fulfillment – of gratitude remains in every single show.

On “Saturdays,” you can actually hear Tomlinson mumble that the view’s never been better from where he’s stood on stage. It’s a high-maintenance track with all the right ingredients for a Tomlinson classic. There’s confessional lyricism, emotive delivery, and a gradual yet powerful crescendo in musical arrangement. It needs to be sung with conviction, and it’s clear that Tomlinson pulls power from the audience to deliver.

Notably, none of the covers that Tomlinson frequently incorporates in his concerts made it onto this live album. With that in mind, perhaps this release signals that Tomlinson has finally embraced his own artistry. Because if anything, Louis Tomlinson: LIVE is a reckless celebration record. An ode to joy, the synergy between artist and audience, and the impact of well-timed, flawlessly executed live guitar solos.

[dailytomlinson]

Mere days after winning “Artist of the Year” at the inaugural Northern Music Awards, Louis Tomlinson is celebrating the only way he knows how – by giving back. Tomlinson just dropped a surprise album, which includes a curated list of live performances over the past years. It’s a risky move, as live albums are notoriously difficult to make worthwhile. But there’s no doubt about it: Tomlinson is deserving of that award, and the recordings on Louis Tomlinson: LIVE deserve to live forever.

After an initial stop-start to his solo career, Tomlinson has certainly flourished since finally getting to hit the stage. He’s been touring extensively over the past few years, performing a mix of tracks from his first two albums. Both were solid records that heavily referenced anthemic, rich sonic soundscapes. In fact, Tomlinson previously admitted that he wrote certain tracks with a live show in mind. Indeed, songs like “Face The Music,” “Out Of My System” and “The Greatest,” from his No. 1 selling album Faith in the Future, absolutely benefit from the live instrumentals compared to their studio versions.

It isn’t often that live performances consistently seem to not only live up to but objectively improve the perfectly engineered studio recordings. Perhaps it’s the love that the album so clearly captures for live music that does it. The singer-songwriter is an avid fan of his own fans and gets to share a collective experience of joy with them. Just listen to the crowds serenading Tomlinson in return during “Chicago,” recorded live in – you guessed it, Chicago. From Tomlinson’s perspective, audiences across the world have always been part of breathing life into these live recordings. Now, people get to live that same experience with him by listening to this record that is woven together with impeccably mixed joyful screaming in the background.

Tomlinson’s storytelling isn’t hindered by the crowd’s reaction. Rather, it is bolstered by it. In both power ballads like “Common People” as well as raucous tracks like “Silver Tongues.” The live setting seems to function almost akin to a prism – each song shining brighter, richer, fuller. Perhaps the only track that is tighter in the original version, is the seductive “Written All Over Your Face.” Nonetheless, the instrumental break and palpable, wild excitement make for an enjoyable listen.

Similarly, right in the middle of the highly addictive “All This Time/We Are Beauty” mash-up, a fan can be heard screaming “I love you” if you listen closely. The sheer adulation of the crowd is decidedly earned. Tomlinson has worked hard to prove himself, despite never having lacked the talent. Perhaps merely the confidence that he could do it, would do it, has done it. Nevertheless, he’s been open about the tension between his own love for music, and his at times debilitating need for perfection. As he’s settled into his career, a quiet undertone of determination and grit, of relief and fulfillment – of gratitude remains in every single show.

On “Saturdays,” you can actually hear Tomlinson mumble that the view’s never been better from where he’s stood on stage. It’s a high-maintenance track with all the right ingredients for a Tomlinson classic. There’s confessional lyricism, emotive delivery, and a gradual yet powerful crescendo in musical arrangement. It needs to be sung with conviction, and it’s clear that Tomlinson pulls power from the audience to deliver.

Notably, none of the covers that Tomlinson frequently incorporates in his concerts made it onto this live album. With that in mind, perhaps this release signals that Tomlinson has finally embraced his own artistry. Because if anything, Louis Tomlinson: LIVE is a reckless celebration record. An ode to joy, the synergy between artist and audience, and the impact of well-timed, flawlessly executed live guitar solos.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Mere days after winning “Artist of the Year” at the inaugural Northern Music Awards, Louis Tomlinson is celebrating the only way he knows how – by giving back. Tomlinson just dropped a surprise album, which includes a curated list of live performances over the past years. It’s a risky move, as live albums are notoriously difficult to make worthwhile. But there’s no doubt about it: Tomlinson is deserving of that award, and the recordings on Louis Tomlinson: LIVE deserve to live forever.

After an initial stop-start to his solo career, Tomlinson has certainly flourished since finally getting to hit the stage. He’s been touring extensively over the past few years, performing a mix of tracks from his first two albums. Both were solid records that heavily referenced anthemic, rich sonic soundscapes. In fact, Tomlinson previously admitted that he wrote certain tracks with a live show in mind. Indeed, songs like “Face The Music,” “Out Of My System” and “The Greatest,” from his No. 1 selling album Faith in the Future, absolutely benefit from the live instrumentals compared to their studio versions.

It isn’t often that live performances consistently seem to not only live up to but objectively improve the perfectly engineered studio recordings. Perhaps it’s the love that the album so clearly captures for live music that does it. The singer-songwriter is an avid fan of his own fans and gets to share a collective experience of joy with them. Just listen to the crowds serenading Tomlinson in return during “Chicago,” recorded live in – you guessed it, Chicago. From Tomlinson’s perspective, audiences across the world have always been part of breathing life into these live recordings. Now, people get to live that same experience with him by listening to this record that is woven together with impeccably mixed joyful screaming in the background.

Tomlinson’s storytelling isn’t hindered by the crowd’s reaction. Rather, it is bolstered by it. In both power ballads like “Common People” as well as raucous tracks like “Silver Tongues.” The live setting seems to function almost akin to a prism – each song shining brighter, richer, fuller. Perhaps the only track that is tighter in the original version, is the seductive “Written All Over Your Face.” Nonetheless, the instrumental break and palpable, wild excitement make for an enjoyable listen.

Similarly, right in the middle of the highly addictive “All This Time/We Are Beauty” mash-up, a fan can be heard screaming “I love you” if you listen closely. The sheer adulation of the crowd is decidedly earned. Tomlinson has worked hard to prove himself, despite never having lacked the talent. Perhaps merely the confidence that he could do it, would do it, has done it. Nevertheless, he’s been open about the tension between his own love for music, and his at times debilitating need for perfection. As he’s settled into his career, a quiet undertone of determination and grit, of relief and fulfillment – of gratitude remains in every single show.

On “Saturdays,” you can actually hear Tomlinson mumble that the view’s never been better from where he’s stood on stage. It’s a high-maintenance track with all the right ingredients for a Tomlinson classic. There’s confessional lyricism, emotive delivery, and a gradual yet powerful crescendo in musical arrangement. It needs to be sung with conviction, and it’s clear that Tomlinson pulls power from the audience to deliver.

Notably, none of the covers that Tomlinson frequently incorporates in his concerts made it onto this live album. With that in mind, perhaps this release signals that Tomlinson has finally embraced his own artistry. Because if anything, Louis Tomlinson: LIVE is a reckless celebration record. An ode to joy, the synergy between artist and audience, and the impact of well-timed, flawlessly executed live guitar solos.

[paperstorm]

Hello, regarding your last post of “answering a question” ref TK’s OD incident. (Anon asked if TK was being too dramatic to kill himself due to Alex cheated on him? Was it an accidental OD or did he mean to kill himself?) I'm sorry that I don't seem to be able to add a link to the OP.

I’m not entirely sure whether I should just ‘reblog’ whilst adding comments or write it as a separate piece. In the end I decided to message you like this. Because I realise that it’s going to be a rather long one. Please ignore this if it’s tedious & unnecessary. 

Where do I start? It’s ‘silly’ in a way to discuss such a heavy topic - OD/suicide of a fictional character. Yet, it dawdles in my head, I have to let it out, otherwise it will just stew my heid.

When I watched/read TK’s incident, the first thing that crops up in my head is Ian Curtis, lead singer of Joy Division. (Ian Curtis killed himself in his home in 1980 at the age of 23, following a breakup with his wife.) I have no idea how many people in this fandom know about Joy Division (& British post punk Indie rock, new wave rock in general? Glorious music, one of my favourite genres.) I must say that Joy Division and some of their songs are just perfect for TK, for his relationship problems, drug issues, his self-destruction, his depression, mental health issues, guilt, self-loathing, despair… And above all: his desperate, yet pure & infatuated desire for love and being loved. 

(Ironically the band’s called Joy Division - there’s Nothing joyful in their music whatsoever! It cannot be further from the truth, I find their music excruciatingly depressing. LOL I don’t often listen to their songs, too bloody grim.)

One of the Joy Division’s songs is called ‘Disorder’, in which Ian sang, “But lose the feeling. Feeling, feeling, feeling… …” (It’s so painful to listen to, from the very first time when I heard it I felt so ‘gutting’, but I never thought that I’d have the opportunity to see it being visually played out - until now, by TK.)

Remember that TK’s words: “It’s just grey…. And I just feel numb all the time…. I just wanted to feel something…” I cannot think of a better piece of lyrics depicting TK’s feeling more accurately than that. The bleakness, the pain, gut wrenching as hell. 

Coming back to the OP: Is it OD or deliberate suicide? I agree with your analysis - it’s a combination, a ‘long-time-coming, multifaceted, naturally aspirated & engineered tragedy’. It’s a manifestation of one’s existential dread, unfortunately it’s deadly. Fortunately, TK was lucky enough to be saved on that one occasion and more importantly, ultimately saved by Carlos. 

I read a few of your Tarlos fics (I Love them all!), I know that you don’t shy away from talking about mental health issues, you skillfully dissect human emotions, relationship dynamics, psychological impacts on both parties in a relationship… I love how you tackle such complex issues, you deal with them beautifully, with such elegance & love. So I worked up my courage & write this to say: what a big impact your writing has on me. Thank you!

Extra: 

Here’s a little piece about Ian Curtis, written by Peter Hook, the bassist of Joy Division/New Order, published by the Guardian 13 years ago: https://www.theguardian.com/music/2011/jun/14/joy-division-ian-curtis-suicide

I like Joy Division! And definitely agree some of their songs are perfect for season one TK when he’s in all that turmoil, those are great lyrics for him.

[rayrayor]

Weekly Tag Wednesday - ON A Saturday ! Oh yeah! 💃

Name: Rachel or Rayray

Zodiac:Aquarius

Fuzzy socks or fuzzy blanket: It is 18 degrees, I have both but am having an ice pop. I have issues🤬

Do you enjoy winter? No. But we might be moving to the high desert so trying to get used to it. But it means football, fan fics and hot toddy’s. So tolerable or meh or bleh

What’s your comfort book or movie? I have watched moonstruck way too much in 20 years lol. I am doing my panda planner and reading fan fic Been Loving You Too Long ( re read so I skip some hard chapter of Mickey with an OC)

What’s your favourite way to wind down after a long day? yoga and an adult gummy 😁

Tell me something you like about yourself: I became a mom at 45 , somehow I rocked it

Favourite Artist: Hmm music just revisiting The High Woman . Art my good friend. Fan art … @darthvaders-wife @sweetperversiongirl @luluxa

How do you practice self care? I have an empath who helps me use energy work. Salt soaks, and dog walks

A book you want to read this year: Going back to reread old Agatha Christy Mystery’s . Wrote in bomb she,tees during the blitz in WW2.

What’s a song that makes you feel joyful? ODE to Joy every time

What advice would you give your younger self? Forgive your big mistakes , others did .

And finally, you’re given a plane ticket to anywhere in the world, no strings, where are you going. Back to India for several months, then Nepal.

@jrooc @guinguin1984 @mybrainismelted @juliakayy thank you for the tag

Tagging : @notherenewjersey @sweetbee78 @creepkinginc @depressedstressedlemonzest @darlingian

[usa2025store01]

Bluey Heeler Family Limited Edition Air Jordan 1

Link Product: https://flavorhauted.com/product/bluey-heeler-family-limited-edition-air-jordan-1/

Whimsy Meets Iconic: Bluey Heeler Family Limited Edition Air Jordan 1

In a world where fashion meets fandom, where streetwear blends seamlessly with storytelling, comes one of the most delightful and unexpected collaborations of the year: the Bluey Heeler Family Limited Edition Air Jordan 1. This is more than a sneaker—it’s a celebration of childhood, family, and fun, wrapped in the iconic silhouette of a cultural legend. The result? A bold, vibrant, and utterly joyful tribute to one of the most beloved animated shows of the decade—Bluey.

Whether you’re a parent, collector, sneakerhead, or simply someone who knows the magic of a good dance party, this pair of kicks is the ultimate crossover between comfort, style, and sentiment.

A Design That Dances with Personality

The first thing that hits you is the playful color palette. A gentle mix of baby blue, sandy tan, soft orange, and crisp white brings the world of Bluey to life on every panel. Each shade mirrors the animated charm of the Heeler family’s world—sunny Brisbane skies, backyard playdates, and heartwarming family moments.

Prominently displayed along the outer side panels are full-color illustrations of Bluey and her family—Mum (Chilli), Dad (Bandit), and little sister Bingo—all mid-dance, perfectly capturing their playful, energetic vibe. Above them reads a hand-drawn-style badge: “DANCE PARTY”—an iconic phrase from the show that instantly brings a smile to fans young and old.

Every inch of the shoe is an ode to detail. From the subtle paw prints around the toe box and heel, to the “Bluey” logo on the midsole, and the orange swoosh accented with a painted drip effect (reminiscent of youthful art projects), these sneakers embody pure animated joy in motion.

Classic Structure, Fresh Flavor

Built on the foundation of the legendary Air Jordan 1 silhouette, this edition remains true to the sneaker’s basketball roots while taking on a lighthearted new persona. The high-top design offers ankle support and an unmistakable throwback to MJ’s era, while the thematic color blocking ensures these shoes stand out in any crowd—whether you’re at the playground or on the pavement.

The base leather looks premium yet soft, suggesting wearability without compromising design integrity. The stitching is immaculate, and every overlay, print, and patch holds up to close scrutiny—a true blend of craftsmanship and character.

More Than a Sneaker: A Cultural Moment

What makes this sneaker exceptional isn’t just its design—it’s the emotion it carries. Bluey has become more than a children’s show; it’s a cultural phenomenon. It’s a series that resonates with kids, parents, and families across the globe through wholesome storytelling, relatable family dynamics, and a deep respect for imagination.

To translate that spirit into fashion—specifically into a sneaker as iconic as the Air Jordan 1—is nothing short of brilliant. These shoes aren’t just worn. They’re felt. They bring joy to both nostalgic adults and enthusiastic children, making them the perfect multigenerational sneaker.

Whether you’re gifting it to your little Bluey fan or adding it to your collector’s shelf next to Travis Scotts and Off-Whites, this pair stands in a league of its own.

Comfort and Everyday Magic

Let’s not forget function. While the design is whimsical, the construction remains solid. Expect cushioned soles for bounce and play, breathable tongue padding, and reliable traction on the outsole. Whether you’re running errands, dancing in the living room, or strolling through your favorite theme park, these kicks deliver on everyday comfort.

And the best part? They’re conversation starters. These shoes won’t just turn heads—they’ll spark stories, laughter, and Bluey quotes on the fly. Because when you wear something so joyful, the world reacts with joy in return.

A Collector’s Treasure: Limited and Legendary

The phrase “limited edition” gets thrown around often, but in this case, it really means something. The Bluey Heeler Family Jordan 1s are expected to be highly sought after, and for good reason. They blend exclusivity, pop culture relevance, and authentic emotion in a way that very few sneakers ever achieve.

For collectors, this is a unique addition that bridges fandom genres—animation, streetwear, and sports history. For casual fans, it’s a heartfelt reminder of the stories and characters that bring us joy daily.

This is not just a product. It’s a time capsule. A memory in motion. A keepsake that will mean more and more with each passing year.

Final Verdict: A Sneaker with Soul and Smile

The Bluey Heeler Family Limited Edition Air Jordan 1 is what happens when art, nostalgia, and design excellence align. It’s a joyful tribute to creativity, family, and storytelling, all grounded in one of the most respected silhouettes in sneaker history.

For fans of Bluey, it’s the ultimate expression of love. For sneakerheads, it’s a fresh twist on a classic. For everyone else, it’s a reminder that fashion doesn’t always have to be serious—sometimes, it just needs to make you smile.

[organicrosehipskin]

organic rosehip skincare

Ah, welcome to the delightful realm of organic rosehip skincare—a beauty regimen inspired by the grace of blooming roses and the potent allure of nature's bounty. Imagine a skincare routine that goes beyond the surface, tapping into the rejuvenating power of organic rosehip to unveil a radiant and playful version of yourself.

The Blossoming Beauty Secret:

Organic rosehip, derived from the fruit of the rose plant, is a beauty secret that has been cherished through the ages. Picture a field of organically cultivated roses, each tiny fruit brimming with the goodness of essential fatty acids, vitamins, and antioxidants. It's not just skincare; it's a botanical journey towards a more vibrant complexion.

Radiance in a Bottle:

Organic rosehip oil, the star of this skincare symphony, is like bottled radiance waiting to grace your skin. Rich in vitamin C, this golden elixir brightens your complexion with a playful glow. Picture the sun-kissed touch of rosehip oil, absorbing into your skin to reveal a luminosity that goes beyond the surface.

Nature's Timeless Elixir:

As you massage organic rosehip oil onto your skin, envision the timeless elixir working its magic. The antioxidants present in rosehip oil engage in a dance with free radicals, reducing the signs of aging with a natural and gentle touch. Wrinkles and fine lines take a back seat as your skin embraces the rejuvenating properties of this botanical marvel.

Gentle Hydration:

Imagine the gentle caress of organic rosehip oil providing hydration without the heavy feel. Unlike some skincare concoctions that weigh you down, rosehip oil is like a breath of fresh air for your skin. It quenches your skin's thirst, leaving it supple and hydrated with a playful bounce.

A Symphony of Healing:

Organic rosehip skincare isn't just about aesthetics; it's about healing. Picture the soothing notes of rosehip oil addressing skin concerns like scars and blemishes. The essential fatty acids in rosehip oil encourage skin regeneration, creating a harmonious symphony that revitalizes and restores your skin's natural beauty.

Versatile Beauty Ally:

Organic rosehip extends beyond a singular role in your skincare routine. Imagine a world where rosehip-infused cleansers gently wash away impurities, where rosehip-infused serums provide an extra layer of protection, and where rosehip-infused masks offer a spa-like experience in the comfort of your home. It's a versatile beauty ally that adapts to your every skincare need.

Mindful Origins:

What makes organic rosehip skincare even more enchanting is its mindful origin. Picture fields where these tiny red wonders are cultivated without the use of synthetic pesticides or harsh chemicals. Organic rosehip skincare is a commitment to skincare that doesn't compromise the health of your skin or the well-being of the planet.

Rituals of Self-Love:

Envision your skincare routine becoming a ritual of self-love. Picture yourself taking a moment each day to indulge in the playful luxury of organic rosehip. It's not just about the physical benefits; it's about creating a mindful space where skincare becomes a joyful expression of self-care.

Sustainable Beauty:

In this playful ode to organic rosehip skincare, let's not forget its impact on sustainability. Picture a world where beauty isn't at the expense of the environment. Choosing organic rosehip skincare is a step towards a more sustainable beauty regimen, where the pursuit of radiant skin aligns with a love for the planet.

In conclusion, organic rosehip skincare is an invitation to a beauty journey that transcends the superficial. It's about embracing the healing power of nature, reveling in the glow of radiant skin, and fostering a connection between self-care and environmental care. So, let the petals of organic rosehip grace your skincare routine, and embark on a botanical adventure towards a more luminous and playful you. Here's to radiant skin, mindful beauty, and the joy of embracing nature's timeless secrets!

Ah, let's embark on a delightful journey into the realm of organic rosehip skincare—a bouquet of beauty secrets waiting to unveil their magic on your skin. Picture a skincare routine infused with the vibrancy of blooming roses and the nourishing touch of organic goodness. From serums to balms, let's explore the playful wonders that organic rosehip brings to the world of skincare.

The Blossoming Beauty Secret:

Organic rosehip, derived from the fruit of the rose plant, isn't just a beauty secret; it's a floral revelation. Rich in vitamins, antioxidants, and essential fatty acids, rosehip oil becomes the hero ingredient, turning your skincare routine into a playful celebration of nature's bounty.

Nurturing Radiance with Vitamin C:

Imagine your skin soaking in the goodness of vitamin C, the radiant nutrient that brightens and revitalizes. Organic rosehip is a vitamin C powerhouse, offering a playful splash of antioxidants that work tirelessly to combat free radicals, leaving your skin with a luminous glow. It's like a burst of sunshine in a bottle, infusing your complexion with vitality.

Playful Hydration with Essential Fatty Acids:

Picture your skin indulging in a hydrating dance with essential fatty acids. Organic rosehip is naturally abundant in these fatty heroes, promoting skin elasticity and moisture retention. It's not just about a surface-level glow; it's about nourishing your skin from within, creating a plump and dewy canvas.

Age-Defying Magic:

Organic rosehip is like a time-traveling companion for your skin. With its natural ability to promote collagen production, it becomes a playful ally in the fight against fine lines and wrinkles. Imagine a skincare routine that not only pampers your skin but also embraces the beauty of aging gracefully.

Gentle Soothing Symphony:

For sensitive skin yearning for a gentle touch, organic rosehip is the answer. Picture a soothing symphony playing as the oil calms redness and irritation, leaving behind a trail of tranquility. It's skincare that understands the language of your skin, responding with a comforting hug rather than a harsh embrace.

Versatility in a Bottle:

Organic rosehip doesn't limit itself to a singular role. Imagine a skincare product that wears multiple hats with playful flair. Whether it's a nourishing facial oil, a rejuvenating serum, or a silky balm, rosehip adapts to your skincare needs, becoming the versatile darling of your beauty arsenal.

The Organic Promise:

In this playful escapade into skincare, let's not forget the organic promise that comes with rosehip. Picture fields where these organic treasures are cultivated without the interference of synthetic pesticides or chemicals. Choosing organic rosehip is not just a skincare decision; it's a commitment to the purity of nature, ensuring that every drop that graces your skin is untainted by harmful residues.

A Ritual of Self-Love:

Envision your skincare routine as a ritual of self-love, where each application of organic rosehip becomes a moment of indulgence. It's not just about achieving a flawless complexion; it's about embracing the playful journey of self-care, allowing the floral magic to unfold as you pamper your skin.

Creating Your Skincare Symphony:

Organic rosehip skincare isn't a one-size-fits-all affair. Picture creating your skincare symphony, blending and layering products to suit your unique needs. Whether you're crafting a morning routine that invigorates your day or an evening ritual that soothes your senses, let organic rosehip be the playful conductor of your skincare orchestra.

In conclusion, organic rosehip skincare is more than a beauty routine; it's a sensorial journey into the heart of nature. With its nutrient-rich profile, age-defying magic, and versatile applications, organic rosehip becomes a playful companion in your quest for radiant and healthy skin. So, let the floral enchantment unfold, and may your skincare routine be a celebration of beauty, nature, and self-love. Here's to the playful glow that organic rosehip brings to your skincare canvas!

[effyeffa]

a comprehensive list of (almost) all of my spotify playlists, sorted by theme

category 1: a bit of everything.

every feeling everywhere all at once opened by brian eno, closed by mitski, in between an eclectic mix of everything to scream cry and dance to  essentials. as the title suggests this is the music that makes up the foundation of my identity. funkadelic, air, spiritualized, y la bamba, weyes blood etc etc multitudes: similar idea but older. more hip hop in there, a little time capsule of 2017

seasonal playlists: these are closed chapters that won’t be altered

forbidden fruit february. self explanatory. aquarius season is for yearning and getting messy, thanks fiona apple idlings of march is when spring begins again, just barely but there’s a careful joy spreading. joyful tunes! this must be the place! spring has sprung and continues springing. instrumental interludes as standalone songs, everything sounds like water. the time that we wasted just hit like a wave begin again, another spring playlist. this time with childish gambino, laura marling, hayley williams, guns’n’roses, the classic combo april flowers. short and sweet, alice phoebe lou meets car seat headrest slowly come the saints of summer. do you remember when st vincent said daddy’s home well i made a whole playlist about it. mika is in there. genuinely no idea what was going on that summer. never ending summer, this IS the season of the witch. we love a strange mix of oldies and french and german new wave  i can’t believe summer is over and oh it’s so sentimental, it’s a cherry-coloured funk winter walking. it’s giving phoebe bridgers in the graveyard, mountain goats, springsteen, mother mother winter fruits: the first big thief singles off their latest album came out and sent me down this particular spiral. frankie cosmos and mitski, niche italian indie pop

playlists i still edit/add to, first: good moods.

still you. skinshape, biig piig, kadhja bonet, julia jacklin autobahn, a roadtrip playlist, best friends laughing, mostly italian 70s/80s many moons ago: it’s pop! it’s happy things! silly goofy times golden hour! an old one. started this in 2018, sylvan esso was big, king krule, her’s, clairo will you always love like this? dream pop. lesbianism. st south.  everyday’s a holiday: okay kaya and rex orange county, steve lacy vibes maybe i wasn’t there: kendrick, dijon, rosalía come on over & do the twist. they’re love songs. aching with nostalgia but happy coffee in bed is teetering on the edge between a lovely warm soup of emotions and desperate yearning clear the fog is where the yearning begins in earnest.

moody moods.

free drinks at the local bar, we’ve got mac demarco, the strokes, girlpool. you know the drill take me for a spin: something of a continuation of free drinks a few years later now including sam cohen, kevin morby. sad-ish music that still works if played in public ring: odes to being happysad on public transport in berlin, short and sweet peel you like a fruit. THEE playlist of psychological warfare.  i would be an electrician: if you enjoy julien baker’s happy to be here, the following ten tracks might do similar damage to your psyche  no more bad news from my jorja smith phase, also greentea peng, arlo parks gloomy. it’s the end of the world, sharon van etten said, and love is a losing game, and there’s stormy weather and love will tear us apart.  calm there’s definitely a flatsound track in there. be warned.  

and here’s three completely new ones, works in progress, not yet categorised:

touch. a very specific moment in time. listening to beach house and rhye with all my friends on a big couch, drifting off together, crying a little, holding on tightly all the in between: the only place that matters is by your side, mama you’ve been on my mind, only the strong survive, don’t think twice it’s alright. songs that transcend time and space transitional. seeing angels in everything

already this post is way too long. i have so many playlists, my god. i have a whole folder sorted by genre, one by decade, more by concepts and themes. i’m currently sorting through everything and thought i’d share my process, maybe you’ll find something for yourself new in my chaos :)

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buddie & Ode to Joy

Tagging @raiphend​. I think you read my other post on this (thanks!) and might be interested in this one.

Beethoven’s Ode to Joy was used in two episodes of 911: Jinx 406 and Dumb Luck 514. The piece is so epic and also not in line with the show’s usual soundtrack selections. Though to be fair the song was only hummed in Dumb Luck. I don’t think we can ignore it either case. I shared my initial unformed thoughts about Ode to Joy in a Buddie context here. I finally think I have something more coherent to say lol.

Ode to Joy is an epic symphony about the joy and ecstasy of coming together. It’s about humanity joining with the divine/universe, humanity joining with one another, and individuals coming together in love/romantic union. I think it’s intentional that the song was chosen for episodes about the universe attempting to guide us and about finding meaning in the apparent chaos of existence.

In Jinx, the firefam is running all over LA dealing with a range of emergencies because Ravi used the word “quiet”. In that episode, the firefam themselves experience two emergencies. The powerline falls on the firetruck and they have to be rescued and Brian steals the firetruck, preventing them from helping people in need. The firefam conversation during the powerline collapse was the one that brought us “the universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen” comment. This was Buck’s line to Eddie. The second firefam emergency situation brought us Eddie asking Brian to be brave and do the right thing and get unstuck from his pattern. Both situations underscore the fact that Eddie couldn’t hear the universe so universe had to raise her voice to be heard. Isn’t that what a 911 call is? Raising your voice so that you can be heard, found, and rescued. The universe was signaling that Eddie was in a state of emergency way back in s4, just nobody quite noticed, least of all him! 

The emergencies (among other things) were the sign for Eddie to seek help and make important changes in his life. Unfortunately he misread the signs. Remember, he reconnected with and started dating Ana in Jinx! He misheard what the universe was screaming for him to do. I think that misread of the situation is marked by the fireworks scene in Jinx where a man mishandles the fireworks which are usually signs of joyful celebration and actually accidentally ends up burning his house/home down. This dangerous scene unfolds while Ode to Joy is playing! Eddie’s growing interest in Ana was distracting him from the deeper more relevant issues in his life in addition to her just not being the person he really wanted in his life. Eddie needed a joyful union or two in his life but not with Ana. Ode to Joy felt so mismatched with what was going on in the episode and I think that was on purpose.

In Dumb Luck, the firefam saves a woman impaled by a stop sign. She had a big red flag on the back of her bicycle and a sign asking people to share the road. The woman had been humming Ode to Joy just before the accident. She was basically calling for people to come together and share the road with her. To slow down and be patient and enjoy the ride. Remember, the truck went too fast over a speed bump which sent the stolen stop sign flying at her. Buck was on that call. I think Buck’s reservations about Taylor were the speed bump that he ignored and it’s causing both him and Taylor (who I don’t care about and also don’t full on hate) a lot of grief. On top of that, Buck was on that call with Lucy. They worked together to pull out the stop sign. I think Lucy is another speed bump on Buck’s road to Eddie. Eddie being the one he should be sharing the road with but he’s dealing with the Taylor of it all and Lucy acted as a catalyst for all the drama that’s needed to break Taylor and Lucy up. I really don’t think he’s going to date her or anything. She’s just there as an additional sign that his relationship with Taylor is not good for him at all.

Again we get Ode to Joy mismatched with the situation. A lonely person on a mostly quiet road being bypassed and ignored by passersby. She’s angry when they swerve around her because they’re not sharing the road but still she’s humming Ode to Joy. I think it symbolizes the way that Buck wants a deep and meaningful romantic connection with someone but he’s on the Taylor road right now and he’s somewhat isolated. He doesn’t have her interact much with the 118/Eddie (and with the exception of the dinner in 511) it’s usually for work when she does interaction marginally with them. 

The person that Buck does seem to be sharing the road with is Eddie but he hasn’t realized that yet. The person Eddie is being brave with and getting unstuck with is Buck but he doesn’t seem to fully realize that yet either, or he hasn’t admitted it to himself.

Ode to Joy is about honoring the universe’s call to come together and to be together, to share our lives and joys. Both Eddie and Buck want that and need that but they are taking detours left and right. Eddie has slowed down and stopped to check his GPS and reroute but Buck is still cycling down that lonely back road humming the tune but not actually building the kind of life that with manifest the spirit of Ode to Joy. Well, he’s totally building that life with Eddie but that won’t click with him until he realizes that he’s doing it!

[mrsalwayswrite]

Too Late To Hold My Heart (Joe Liebgott x Reader)

Alright, i’m not 100% sure about this but here ya go. Just something that came to mind. Lemme know what y’all think! I usually shy away from writing angst...

Warnings: ANGST, a couple swear words, a tiny bit of fluff (I’m so sorry for all the feels)

 Words:2600

Tag List: @happyveday @sydney-m​ @saritanotserena

  Joe Liebgott reclined on the cushioned chair, open bottle of schnapps in hand. Watching. Unable to tear his gaze away. He should have been ecstatic. He should have been shouting from the rooftops, running around, causing mayhem like the others. Joining in the revelry surrounding him with abandon. Drinking from the cup of life handed to him and the other paratroopers. 

 The war in Europe was over. 

 VE Day. 

 Everyone was getting drunk off their asses in celebration. They had somehow survived and made it to the end. Alcohol flowed freely. Laughter and exclamations, the background of the town they were currently occupying. Luz and Christianson were loudly singing in the next room over, the radio drowned out by their voices. Even Martin was belly-laughing across the room, a bottle in hand. 

 Yet instead of getting drunk to celebrate, Joe was getting drunk to forget. 

 To forget you. 

 He could still remember how you felt in his hands, the way your sighs tasted on his lips. The hopes and dreams you confessed to him in the nights you shared a foxhole. How you whispered his name, the sound rolling off your lips. How you held him so tightly as he sobbed in your arms the night after Tipper got hit. Intoxicating memories that threatened to drown him now.

 The worst part. 

 He could see you across the room, laughing openly with your head tipped back and hand over your mouth, as if to contain the beguiling sound. In the glow of the surrounding lamps, you were a vision of true beauty and carefree joy. 

 The problem?

 Floyd Talbert's arm, possessively around your waist, pulling you closer into his side on the couch you both were sitting on. 

 Joe took another swig of the schnapps, grimacing at the taste. Those around him continued to talk and laugh, oblivious to his simmering anger. 

 He could still see it. Just a few hours ago as they got word of the Nazis' surrender, everyone had been cheering and running around like children set loose on a playground. Joe had hurried to find you, to see your smile, to embrace you. For so long you two had talked about this moment. The end of the war. 

 Instead, his feet stuck to the cobbled road, trapped as if in cement. Shock and anger colored his world in vibrant hues, the joy around him turning into dull grays. For there was Talbert running to you, scooping you up in his arms, swinging you around without a care in the word. And as he set you back on your feet, he kissed you as if you were the very air he needed. 

 Those who witnessed it either laughed or stared in shock. A couple wolf whistles sounded amongst the cheering. 

 But Joe felt like a white-hot dagger had been stuck into his chest, burning his heart. 

 For you had kissed Talbert back just as passionately. 

 So here he sat, surrounded by revelry, surrounded by his fellow paratroopers celebrating the war's end in Europe. Only that joy seemed to bypass him, leaving him to wallow in confusion and anger. 

 The way you breathed out his name as he kissed you, like he was the only thing keeping you tied down to this world. Your hands in his hair, holding him against you. Your soft skin in the moonlight. The quiet laughter as you stared into each other's eyes after. The teasing about not getting caught by the others… He could remember it all. 

 Now though, it was someone else who laid a kiss to your temple, making you giggle sweetly. Someone else who had their arm around you. Someone else who you were gazing up at like they put the stars in the sky. 

 It was supposed to be him. It was always supposed to be him. He planned on changing your last name to Liebgott. He had thought of your future together so many times. The only thing that kept him sane through the past several months. 

 Now this tasted like betrayal. 

 And he was not sure who he was furious with- himself or you. 

 Eventually, he watched you bid goodnight to those around you, giggling as your feet swayed slightly. You had always been a lightweight. A quick peck on the lips to Talbert; then you disappeared into the back and up the stairs where your room in the house was. 

 Without a second thought, Joe drained the rest of the bottle in his hand. Not even paying attention to the taste anymore. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, dropping the bottle on the ground.

 And he followed you. 

 *****

 You pulled the pins out of your hair, letting it down from the chignon it had been in. Bubbles danced in your belly, both from joy and from the champagne you had been sipping on. VE Day. A part of you never thought this day would ever come. Next, you took off your OD jacket, tossing it onto the bed next to you, leaving you standing there in your white undershirt and OD trousers and socks. 

 Wait?

 You giggled as you stared down at your sock-clad feet. You remembered wearing your boots earlier. At some point you must have taken them off. Well, you might remember throwing one at Luz. Hopefully Tab could help you find them in the morning. Or someone with the least severe hangover. You giggled again thinking of poor Gene who was going to be dealing with all these hungover paratroopers coming to him for pain meds. Maybe you should volunteer to help him. You did not drink that much to be affected in the morning. It was better for the company that you remained mostly sober. 

 The door to your solitary room opened behind you. Surprised, you turned around, ready to tease whoever came in. Was someone bringing up your boots?

 When Liebgott stepped through, the words froze on your tongue and all the joyful bubbles popped, leaving you feeling hollow and nauseous. 

 He stood just inside the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. His hair was messy, as if he ran his hand through it too many times. Eyes slightly glassy but obscured by the fire burning in them. "So, you and Tab, huh? How long has this been going on?"

 "Joe…I think you should leave." You turned back around and ran your fingers through your hair, preparing to braid your hair like you did every night. 

 "What? Was it before or after us, huh?" Even without looking at him, you could imagine the sneer on his face. His voice that at one time used to be so gentle and kind to you, now was harsh and grating. 

 "I don't wanna talk about it."

 In a couple steps, he was behind you, gripping your arm to whirl you around violently. "Answer the goddamn question, y/n!"

 "There was never an 'us'." You spat out, surprising yourself with the venom in your own voice. 

 He took a step back, eyes wide in shock. Then as what you said sunk in, the fire burning in his eyes turned into an inferno that threatened to burn you both in its wake. "What the fuck are you talking about? Of course, there was an us! We fucked in Mourmelon! We talked about our futures! About life together after the war!  Even in Albourne, there was always an us!"

 "And then you shut me out!" You yelled back at him. 

 Chest heaving, you covered your mouth with your hand for a moment, trying to force back the flood of pain and emotions clawing desperately to escape. When you continued speaking, you kept your eyes on his dog tags hanging over his shirt, your voice low as if confessing a sin. "We used to talk about everything. I thought that if we both survived this war, we might--" You stopped yourself from finishing that sentence. "It doesn't matter now. In Bastogne, you cut me off. You wouldn't talk to me. You ignored me. I got injured and needed you, but you weren't there. Even in Haguenau, it was like you never saw me. I was suddenly invisible to you. What was I supposed to think?"

 His eyes were wide, mouth open slightly, as if now recognizing the effects of his actions. He licked his lips, then reached his hand out like he meant to cup your cheek but thought better of it and dropped it back to his side. "I... I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I made you cry and that-- SHIT! I'm not a good man. I'm a selfish asshole. I just… I wanted to be better for you."

 "Joe, don't-" 

 "No, damn it." He interrupted you, grabbing a fistful of your loose hair and tipping your head up, forcing your eyes to meet his. "I didn't want blood on my hands the next time I touched you, held you, kissed you. I needed to be a good man for you. What you fucking deserve. But I couldn't do it. Not there. I just thought...after. When the war was over. We could try again."

 "Why didn't you tell me?"

 "Did I mention I'm a selfish asshole yet?"

 You chuckled, placing your hands on his chest. His rapid heartbeat under your fingers matched your own. His fist loosened in your hair, fingers running through it like he knew you loved. A subtle sigh escaped your lips without permission at the gentle touch. How long had it been since he touched you like this?

 "Please, y/n, please." He begged, voice cracking at the end. "Give me another chance." 

 You shook your head, dropping your gaze. "You had it, but you pushed me away when I needed you. I can't...I can't go through that again. It hurt too much."

 "Was there ever really a chance? For us?"

 "Joe… I… I can't…" Tears flooded your eyes; you desperately fought to keep them from falling. 

 So slowly, he ran his hand through your hair one last time then took a half step back. "And Tab?"

 "He has always been a friend, even in Toccoa. He looked out for me. And in Bastogne, he was there for me. We took care of each other, especially after I got injured but couldn't leave the line. He helped me pick up the pieces of myself after. It wasn't supposed to happen. We were only supposed to be friends. But...things changed."

 He nodded, then rubbed the back of his neck while looking out the window. He tugged his lower lip into his mouth for a second, before staring at you once again. "Can I kiss you? One last time?"

 "No. That would only hurt us both."

 "Yeah...well if it means anything… I'm sorry. For everything."

 "Me too." You covered your mouth with your hand, physically suppressing the sob that felt lodged in your throat. Peeking through your watery eyes, you could just make out the tears in his own as he stared at you longingly. 

 You two stood there gazing at one another, a million unspoken words laying on the ground between your feet. Words you both wished you had said in the past, but it was too late now. Too late to pick them up, dust them off and share them. Like your hearts. Hopes, dreams and desires that pulled on you two, keeping you together. Those strings were cut. Severed by the hatchet of insecurity, war and pain. It was too late to try and save those strings. 

 It was all months too late. 

 How you wished it was different. 

 "Everything alright here?" Talbert asked, standing in the doorway. His gaze jumped rapidly between you and Liebgott, still standing only a step apart. His jacket was unbuttoned, pieces of hair sticking up haphazardly like someone tried to give him a noogie. 

 "Yeah, yeah." You met Tab's eyes, taking another step back from Liebgott. Quickly, you wiped your eyes with the heel of your hand. "Just talking about home. Hopefully we can see it soon."

 "Oh yeah, I forgot you both are from San Francisco. Small world, huh?" He smiled, leaning against the doorframe. 

 "Small world. Well, I should probably get to sleep. Good night, Joe." 

 "Yeah." Liebgott stared at you like he was burning your image into his mind permanently; you could feel his eyes caressing your cheeks and lips. Without another word, he turned on his heel and walked out with a quick, 'see ya, Tab' over his shoulder.

 Pushing off the doorframe, Talbert approached you. He scanned you like he was looking for an injury, then gently pulled you into his warm embrace. He kissed the top of your head once you burrowed into his arms. "Hey, you alright, baby?"

 "I'm fine. I promise. I just...I'm ready to go back. To go home, you know?"

 "I know. I am too. But don't get too comfortable in California. You're gonna come live with me in Kokomo."

 You giggled, tipping your face up to look at his smug expression. "Oh, I am? What if I want you to stay in Cali with me? You did say you've always wanted to live near the ocean."

 "I did, didn't I?"

 "Mmm...we could get a little house near the bay. Not too close to my parents though. My sister will probably fight me to try and snatch you up."

 "Well, that would be the first time I've had sisters fight over me before."

 You swatted his chest but he only laughed, pulling you against him again. 

 "You don't have to worry about your sister. I've only got eyes for you. Been that way for a while." He lightly kissed your lips, a tease of affection. "Alright, you've made a valid argument for California. I think I might be persuaded to change my mind."

 "Good. As a reward, we can get a dog. Maybe call him Trigger?"

 He smiled brilliantly, "Have I mentioned how much I love you, baby." He tucked your head under his. The feeling of being fully surrounded by his comforting embrace, released the tension you carried. His hand skimmed up and down your back as you just held one another. No matter the circumstances, you had always been able to find a semblance of peace while in his arms. 

 With Liebgott, your affections for him had felt like a shooting star. You could not help but get caught up by him, struck by the power and beauty, wishing for it to always continue on. Now though, you knew. Shooting stars never last forever. They eventually have to come down.

 While with Talbert, he was your lighthouse. In your darkest moments when you did not think you could continue, he whispered words of comfort in your ear, held your bloodied hand in his. He drew you out of the quagmire of darkness, guiding you, encouraging you to keep going. Something he did every day, even now. With a soft smile, a gentle touch, he reminded you that you were not alone. From day one in Toccoa, he had stood in your corner. He was safety and stability amongst chaos. You fully trusted him, with more than just your heart. 

 You happened to turn your head, peeking towards the doorway. Only to see Joe staring at you, looking like he had been gutted. You met his gaze while in the arms of the man you loved and trusted. He must have lingered or came back. It did not matter though. He had heard. The idea of a place by the bay, a family dog...those were things you two had talked about before. Now they were dreams you shared with another. 

 After a long moment, he tucked his hands in his pockets and turned away, disappearing from view. You turned your face back into Tab's chest, heart fraying at the seams. 

 How was it possible for love to be the best and worst thing you had ever experienced?

[1ddotdhq]

☀️ Mon 26 Oct ‘20 Part 1 💙

Tell us a story about love, Harry, the fans demanded, and give it a happy ending. In a way, he did that, but it isn’t what you’d expect. Instead of creating a standard love story, the Golden video was an ode to joy: goofy and joyful and playful and FUN which is really what a good love story should be - a true love letter to the song! It dropped at 12 pm EST (which was an hour EARLIER than Sony Italia said it would) and was entirely Harry goofing off and running (literally running) around the Italian coast. Earlier today, AP dropped an interview with him talking about Golden, among other things, and he’d said about the song, “it’s one of the first songs when I was making the album and it's always been a source of joy for me. And I wanted to make a video that encapsulated that. I’d like to think it will maybe cheer a couple of people up. Cheered me up!” The video cheered me up immensely, too, and I particularly liked the costumes: alongside the Steven Daley floral pants and fisherman’s hat we saw the other day, he included a blue (yes, that blue) blazer over a striped blue and white shirt, complete with tattered vans on his feet, the flowy shirt we’d seen him wear in filming, and his swim shorts! And don't worry darlings, it is still a Harry video, he IS submerged in water at one point (as is the camera, giving us some nice Eroda!fish POV shots.) Remember those pap shots of him and Molly Hawkins at the pool where everyone was like “we CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT the paps INVADED HIS PRIVACY”? Well, no, actually, it was for the music video - He’s even wearing that blue daffodil Eliou necklace in both the video and the picture! There were no other characters to introduce in the video, it was just him joking around, except for a motorcyclist with a neon green helmet and a few old women at the very end who’d car Harry decided to climb. You can sort of see her waving at him to get off of her car and him just...giggling at her and popping his ankle into the air like the queen he is. What was notably MISSING from the video was: the boat scenes, the purple gown outfit, and the vespa! I wonder what happened to those shots? I’d very much like to see that footage if HSHQ wants to release a director’s cut for the video, but as we know that Ben Winston had a hand in producing this, and given his history of withholding footage, I wouldn’t hold my breath….

Is that it for Harry? *Checks notes* why NO it is NOT! Well, okay, first, let’s talk about the reaction to the video: fans love it! It’s everything we wanted but never expected! Parallels have been made between the outfit he wore in Golden and WMYB wayyy back in the day, and it’s true: semi-longhaired Harry wearing striped shirts HAS made a comeback almost ten years later! It’s like his own little version of the ‘how it started...how it’s going’ memes going around. Harry Lambert posted tons of behind the scenes shots, including one of Harry in a feathered Steven Dayler hat, and Harry himself posted a picture to his instagram of him throwing up the middle finger by biting the lace glove and pulling it off of his hand! He’s in the Louis blue blazer and it's a very funny and cute picture and it reminds us that Louis does NOT have a monopoly on middle finger pictures: Harry can pull them off too THANK YOU VERY MUCH! This picture was a super popular one; it was liked by Helene Horlyck, Gene Gallagher, Sandy Beales, Harry Lambert, and even Micheal Blackwell (Louis’ guitarist!). Harris Reed - who can’t help themselves, they’re as in love with that color blue as we are - “The colour of dreams 💙” . They were not the only blue heart in the comments, lots of people chimed in with their 💙💙 love - MTV even made a (joking) post speculating that it was Louis in car that Harry crawled on, and Eliou was discovered to sell both middle finger candles (suggested color: blue) and peace sign candle (suggested color: green). I...want them both. Helene Pambrun then added to the Harry praise by celebrating her third anniversary with the team (“~ 3 years ago [Harry] opened a new chapter of my life”), thanking him for the opportunity, but also perhaps saying goodbye? She says, “There is still a long way to find who I really am and what I want/need to be...what I know, though is that I certainly miss all of those faces who I’ve been...sharing the last 3 years [with]”. I guess we’ll find out sooner or later if she’s still around, but her pictures have been a joy! 

And now for the news I don’t think anyone was expecting: Harry is investing in a new stadium in Manchester that aims to add jobs to the economy, engage the community, and create a space that musicians would want to play at as well as a welcoming space for fans. He mentions how much he misses live music (hey we have a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert video for you!) and how Manchester was his hometown, which made this a very personal investment for him. Building a new arena may seem highly counterintuitive at a moment when arenas are shut down indefinitely due to contagion concerns, but it seems to us that building new music venues at this time, while not possible for most people or places, might be kind of optimal; a new venue can include conscientious future-looking measures incorporating ventilation and seating innovations for the times we live in in a way that's hard to retrofit to existing spaces. We don't know yet if it WILL, but it COULD! It's being built by Oak View Group, an Irving Azoff enterprise, and we're told that Harry “will take more than just a capital interest, he will also be actively involved in the development of the project.” Getting ahead of the curve and building the first contagion conscious arena sounds very Azoff and like something Harry would throw himself into: we're eager to hear whether it's the case. “As long as everything's in order by 2023, hopefully they’ll let me play there. If I haven’t messed it up yet,” he says: yes we all hope so too!

[every-aj-needs-an-angel]

So last week was a particularly tough one for me, one of the rubbish things about getting older is that everyone I used to rely on now has their own lives. I’m no longer the practice baby because they all have their own so when life hits like a ton of bricks, I’m usually just left to crawl through it alone but this time I had help here. I could log in and there’d be a beautiful piece of artwork, a mind blowing gif, some incredible writing or a fun ask game going on and long story short it all just helped so much that I wanted to give something back, even if it pales in comparison its the thought that counts right? Anyway this little sort of AU idea has been floating around my head for a while so I decided to try to write it out as an ode to all the lovely blogs, just for being their wonderful selves. @yusufnicolo @ssungods @marwankenzari @nicolodigenovas @noenoaholi @aliceblakeart @ahkaraii @fereldenturnip @hachinana87 @luminarai @mannadraws @tiups @monicashipsnickyjoe @nico-di-genova @nilefreemans @quyhns @fantasticbeastsandheretofindthem @leanconnoli @pirateladyoftherbbc @spearmintthief @starsisbig @stuart-littles-gay-attorney Thank you so much and sorry in advance.

I’ve Been Dreaming Of You My Whole Life.

A Joe/Nicky tale.

When Yusuf was finally born there was no wailing, no snuffling, no hiccuping sobs, just silence. His mother wasn’t surprised, it had been a long and arduous labour and she was too numb to be sad or disappointed yet. No one tried to save little Yusuf, he was born in a different time, no one yet knew how or that it was even possible. Although a short time later when baby Yusuf not only started to breathe, but scream as healthily as any other baby, all on his own, they were all delighted by their miracle. No one questioned it, just grateful for their beautiful bundle of joy, especially when their first born turned out to be their only child.

Little Nicolò was a surprise, born as the third child to parents thought too old to have another, his elder siblings taking care of him when he would become too fussy and restless. Ten year old, Lucia would take her baby brother on long walks to entertain him, fashioning a sling to carry him on her back when his little legs grew tired of walking. Thirteen year old, Ermo on his way back from town, caught up to his younger siblings on the road leading back to their home. Nico was tiring of being carried, kicking and whining, but the sun was starting to set and not wanting to stop so close to home, Ermo agreed to hold Nicolò steady while he was released from his sling. Disaster struck, however, when the teen was distracted by their neighbours daughter waving enthusiastically and shouting his name, Ermo turned his back on his siblings to return her attentions and Nicolò fell from the sling hitting the ground with a dull thud. An impassioned argument started between the two siblings until they realised with horror that for the first time in his life Nicolò was completely silent and frighteningly still. Ermo sprinted home to fetch their parents but by the time the family arrived back to where the accident had happened, Nicolò was up and wandering around, babbling to his sobbing sister. Their father checked Nicolò over and they went home, not thinking too much of it, just happy that the littlest member was unharmed but the two older siblings learned to be much more careful with their baby brother.

Yusuf had always dreamed of three people, always the same three people, until one day he started to dream of a little boy as well. Unfortunately for Yusuf he didn’t have any real friends, other children were always mean to him even though he was always kind, he didn’t understand why but he didn’t mind much. Instead he kept the people from his dreams close to him, taking them into his heart, they became his friends, hoping one day the weapon wielding ladies and their battle ready companion would come and rescue him from his ordinary and lonely life. The dreams of the boy with the sky coloured eyes and the wild mop of hair started just as life became simultaneously better and worse for Yusuf, better for his new friend, worse in the way he was treated, although the other children’s scorn at a growing boy having imaginary friends did have one advantage in that, in his attempt to explain how he saw the world, Yusuf became a highly adept artist.

The dreams were interpreted differently by Nicolò, when he saw a tiny baby or a little boy with a head full of tiny ringlets, kind eyes and a dazzling smile mixed with images of three adults, always together, smiling even in battle; Nicolò thought them a calling. Visions of a numinous little boy mistaken for the Messiah and, depending on how old Nicolò was, either disciples or those known as the Three Wise Men. His family encouraged this hypothesis when he told them of the dreams, especially after a few years of the same recurring characters, even if the dreams themselves sometimes differed, no one questioned the theory that there were bigger plans for their Nico. The dreams fuelled his belief, strengthening it all throughout his life, thinking he’d been chosen for a purpose, especially as his morals wavered over a choice between leaving the priesthood or joining Ermo in going to battle. Nicolò wasn’t sure he was as brave as the three friends he saw every night but by his late teens he was sure his visions were guiding him in the right direction so he set off with his big brother.

Once word of invaders reached Yusuf’s people he suddenly became less enamoured with the idea of people who fought so easily. Images of the blue eyed boy, slowly becoming a man, were always fewer than those of the three unlikely best friends but he now woke in a cold sweat whenever he saw them. Their laughter once joyful, now seemed taunting rather than comforting. Yusuf began to wonder whether he’d known of the invasion all his life and had never heeded the warning. He offered to take night watch, learning how to fight in the day, readying himself to defend his home until bone deep exhaustion took over and he didn’t dream, just slept. He repeated this behaviour until the battle came, although he almost missed it, running into the fray in time to see sky blue eyes, that he knew better than he knew his own, staring back in disbelief.

Nicolò’s shock was quickly taken over by anger, deep rooted fear that maybe what he’d been seeing for as long as he could remember wasn’t what he thought after all, that he’d blindly walked into this life. The trust he’d put into his assumed visions shattering as he stared back into the face of the young man he should hate but knew all too well, leaving deep betrayal and visions of the horrors he’d seen since he started his journey bubbling in his mind's eye, fuelling his rage like a lightning storm, death, destruction and his big brother’s broken body and lifeless eyes causing a red mist. Nicolò was unseeing with it, could barely breathe and trembling with the need to do something.

Yusuf couldn’t quite believe his eyes, rubbing at them trying to clear what he presumed was a sleep deprived haze, those distinctive features, the azure eyes staring back, it just seemed impossible, especially when they mirrored such recognition. Surely such a kind and brilliant person couldn’t be a part of this, couldn’t be a part of the death and destruction of the reputation that preceded the invaders, eyes so beautifully blue that crinkled just so when he smiled, couldn’t hate so deeply that he would join such an unjust cause. It had to be a hallucination or maybe he was still asleep and dreaming. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d dreamed of battles, only those dreams were usually filled with laughter whereas now all he could hear was the clangs of metal and the rage of men.

Nicolò charged forward not really sure what he was doing, what he really wanted to do was run away, far away, all the way back home. He didn’t know why he was running into the mess that surrounded him, he certainly didn’t realise he was holding his sword until it was sticking in the boy he’d been dreaming of for as long as he could remember, who seemed equally shocked to have instinctively reached for his own weapon slicing blindly but precisely. The choking and lack of breath wasn’t as scary as Nico had assumed it would be. The rage he’d felt not moments ago draining from him in an instant was replaced by a deep disappointment that he’d never get to find out what the dreams meant or who the boy now in front of him was. It was a little late to ask even if they had the capacity to do so and as he sunk to the ground watching the light fade from the familiar brown eyes and from around his vision he wondered if they’d meet again, wherever it was they were going now.

Waking alone in a field full of bodies but the one you died with felt bizarre to Yusuf, he still wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming but he was quite sure his imagination wasn’t good enough to conjure the sights and smells that surrounded him, his only comfort being that there seemed to be more dead invaders than those of his people. He realised that he now had a choice, he could go home and wait for the next battle or he could leave in the hopes of catching up to the blue eyed boy, in the hopes of getting some answers. Maybe he knew that they dreamed of each other, maybe he dreamed of the three friends too and maybe he knew why they dreamed of each other. Although right now a more pressing question seemed to be why did you just stab me? but somehow Yusuf instinctively knew that he’d not really meant it, or maybe that was wishful thinking. As he checked himself for the wound he realised it was missing, he wondered again if he was just dreaming but decided either way he was going after his friend. Yusuf chuckled to himself as he realised that he still classed his murderer as his friend, maybe there was something wrong with him like the others had always said after all.

It was three days after the battle and Nicolò had never felt so alone, his brother and his battalion dead, the person he dreamed of was too. He wondered if this was his punishment for questioning his purpose, being left to roam the world alone, maybe he’d get home and find his mother and sister gone too. Nicolò just wanted to sleep but he couldn’t, images taking over his mind, the resonating metal, the taste of blood, tiny matted ringlets on a lifeless body that usually exuded vivacity, he was almost certain he’d only stopped being ill because his body had nothing left to give. At this point he really didn’t care, he would either finally get some rest or his body would give up altogether but the footsteps coming towards him had him instinctively on his feet, weapon in hand and he was reminded that he came from a long line of warriors, it’d take more than a little brooding to change who he was, who he came from, they were all a part of him whether he liked it or not.

Yusuf shuffled to a stop, three days he’d walked and now here he was with a blade sticking out of his chest, he supposed by now he shouldn’t be surprised but surprise was one of the emotions reflected back at him in the sleep deprived, manic blue eyes of the one person he was determined to find, though Yusuf’s slowly staling brain wondered if this one was real, maybe the other three were too. Consciousness flickered as he fell to his knees, concern, confusion and, going by the little crinkle in his dark eyebrows, annoyance pouring out of the blue, washing over Yusuf along with the warmth of the campfire that had led him in the right direction, the yellow light causing some of the flecks to appear green adding an ethereal aura to the one person he simultaneously knew and didn’t, who he fervently he hoped he’d wake again to see.

Present Day

“I thought you said you’d killed each other many times” Nile asked

“Oh, we did! Not always on purpose, of course,” Joe laughed

“We didn’t speak the same language, communication was difficult to start with,” Nicky elaborated, turning back to the stove.

“It sounds like there’s a story behind that!” Nile exclaimed, excitedly banging her hands on the kitchen table.

“Oh there is,” Andy sniggered, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Please, no,” Nicky whined, refusing to look at the group.

“Tell Nile what the first thing you learned to say was,” Andy tittered, Nile turning her full attention to Nicky’s back. Joe reached out to hold Nicky’s hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth as Nicky mumbles inaudibly.

“What was that?” Nile asked giddily.

“I’ve been dreaming of you my whole life,” Joe and Nicky repeat in unison, Nicky turned to look at Joe, a soft smile crinkling his eyes.

Neither man notices Nile’s revering gaze or Andy silently gaining her attention and them both sneaking out the kitchen leaving the lovers to their reminiscing.

[thesquireinvictus]

Aesthetic - describe your ideal winter aesthetic. Balaclava - do you like wearing hats? what’s your go-to? Dance - what’s your favorite winter or Christmas song? Growth - what are you looking forward to in the new year? Joy - what’s your favorite part about this time of year? Lights - do you like decorating? Loved - no question, just remember that you’re loved! Read - what’s your favorite book you’ve read this year? Sugarplum - do you have a favorite holiday time dessert? xoxo

Aesthetic - describe your ideal winter aesthetic. My fondest 'winter aesthetic' memories are of snow days and especially snow nights. When I was a winsome stripling, it might have snowed a few times each year, often in the night, and I'd go out in nothing more substantial than my cardigan and jeans and amble wondrously in it for hours and hours and hours till I was hardly sensible to myself. There's nothing like snowfall's quiet, nothing like the dark of night against a constant, joyful flurry, nothing like so much life lived in one long, magical evening. Several times in my life, we've had a blizzard or ice storm, and the world's been frozen over, locked in the sheen and clasp of endless white winter, for a week or two at a stretch; those were very special, dreamlike times.

Balaclava - do you like wearing hats? what's your go-to? I'm just shy of 6'7" with a mass of thick loose-curly hair so almost no hats fit my head. The couple I've found that do fit, I'm exceedingly fond of. There was a cloth cap made of bright, patterned patches that I can't find that I liked a lot. And I have a "long beanie" (very hip skater of me) to keep me warm if it's cold.

Dance - what’s your favorite winter or Christmas song? My one true tune is 'In the Bleak Midwinter' of Rossetti and Holst. Others are 'The Holly and the Ivy' 'Rejoice and be Merry' 'Angels from the Realms of Glory' 'Coventry Carol' 'Good King Wenceslas' (best one for caroling b/c you can BELT it and laugh about it) 'Hark the Harald Angels Sing' 'Illuminare, Jerusalem' b/c it captures the mystery side of Christmas, 'Wexford Carol' done all gentle and dulcet, Auld Lang Syne, obvs.

Growth - what are you looking forward to in the new year? Recovery, rest, recuperation.

Joy - what’s your favorite part about this time of year? The extra awareness of the good in the world.

Lights - do you like decorating? I like the decorations, but I'm not fond of unpacking them, putting them out, or putting them back up. If I ever had my own decorations and my own house, I'd almost certainly enjoy it all then.

Loved - no question, just remember that you’re loved! A warn handshake, my dearest hort.

Read - what’s your favorite book you’ve read this year? Life and Fate! A new translation of Eugene Onegin! Barker's 'The Brontes' (superb)! Laurie Lee's 'As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning'! 'Doctor Thorne'! Yeats' 'The Celtic Twilight'! MacDonald's 'Unspoken Sermons'! Le Carre's 'The Night Manager'! I continue to read 'The Tale of Genji'! 'Little Dorrit'! More and more Chesterton! I've been rereading 'The Pallisers' series (such an undertaking; very Genji-like, in fact).

Sugarplum - do you have a favorite holiday time dessert? Figgy pudding! I could write an ode to figgy pudding. Mincemeat pies! Gingerbread bikkies!