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dalekofchaos · 5 years

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How the Empire could’ve won the war

Imagine if The Empire had competent military leaders and decided to bypass Palpatine’s overconfidence and incompetence. These are ways I think the Empire could’ve won. Before anyone calls me out, this is just for fun and I do not believe they should’ve won, I just think if more competent Imperials were in charge aside from Thrawn, The Empire could’ve won.

Better PR. Seriously, The Case for the Empire lays out an excellent defense for the Galactic Empire. Basically, the Republic was rotting, everyone saw that. All the Empire had to do was take power and not make people desperate enough to rebel. Keep the peace, enforce the law and not be so heavy handed.

Do not be dependent on fear. When Palpatine ascended as emperor, ended the rotting Republic and ended the Clone Wars basically everyone was happy. However in only 20+ years he went from most loved person in the galaxy to the most feared/hated one. There was no need to build the Death Stars and such a massive military. Those were necessary for rule through fear. But instead of fear Palpatine could’ve ruled by love. He was definitely cunning enough to fool the galaxy further. Instead Palpatine’s, Vader’s and Tarkin’s methods led to a creation of a giant rebellion that brought the Empire down.

Act like a real Empire with no Xenophobia. Induct alien races into their empire and continue their expansion by conquering territory while promoting their way of life over others. Their downfall was being dogmatic and authoritarian to the point that everyone rebelled against their regime.

Don’t terrorize other species. Whether Palpatine genuinely hated other races than humans or just pretended to do in order to divide his potential enemies it was a bad move. Excluding non-humans from the upper echelons of the Imperial military and power structure (Thrawn, Grand Inquisitor or Mas Amedda excluded) limited the Empire’s power base. Terrorizing other species created more enemies the Empire had to deal with and which helped to brought it down.

Krennic’s survival. I fee like the Death Star might not have been destroyed in A New Hope if Orson Krennic was still in charge. He was far more in tune with the battlestation’s capabilities than Tarkin ever was. I feel like he would have recognized the threat to the base sooner and squashed the Rebel fighters in the trench sooner He wasn't afraid to get into the battle and it really wasn't his fault that the plans fell into the wrong hands, the Rebels just outclassed the Empire during that sneak attack. Tarkin's blind arrogance and underestimation of the Rebels is what allowed the Death Star to be destroyed.

A New Hope 1. Recover any jettisoned escape pods right away, otherwise destroy them: Some see this a major plot hole. I'd say people (and imperial personnel, for that matter), do make mistakes. To avoid those, they should have had a pursuit protocol: Pull the captured ship in, then close the doors, maybe have two or three squadrons of TIE fighters doing the rounds, in case a escape pod gets out before the doors are closed and, more important, have some recovery ships out, so that fleeing pods can be captured instead of just blasted into oblivion. A captured pod can be searched. As far as we know, only one copy of the plans was made. 2. Disable the Millenium Falcon: You just captured a ship that matches another ship you were chasing, no one is inside, at the very least, take the keys off the ignition, remove the battery, maybe secure it with a chain and a lock. And they had time to work on it, enough time to install a tracking device, anyway. However, I'm willing to give them this one: Let's say they were absolutely sure the Rebellion would not find anything useful by looking at the plans, so it was fine to let them escape with them, make presumably a hundred copies and spread them across the galaxy. That level of confidence in your development and validation teams is amazing. Not only do you think a potential enemy will not find any flaws, but you're also convinced they won't try to build their own space station using your plans. Bravo. 3. Build an Imperial blockade of Star Destroyers around the Death Star. 4. Send the Imperial Fleet to Yavin IV, not your ultimate weapon: The Death Star had just accomplished what it had been built to do: It was a last-resort enforcer of policy. They destroyed an entire, fully populated planet, because Tarkin wanted to do a demonstration. That was stupid, but effective anyway, it would definitely make it into the news all over the place. Then you put the gun away, hopefully never to use it again. Any opposition in the galaxy would have crumbled at the chance of seeing that thing show up in the sky. They had tracked the Millenium Falcon to Yavin IV, but the Rebel Fleet was clearly not there. The attack on the Death Star was executed with thirty small ships, hardly a major engagement (unlike the battle against the second Death Star). If anything, the Battle of Yavin could have been compared in size to the Battle of Hoth, which was dealt with using a subset of the Imperial Navy, plus infantry. In the meantime, they could have done some additional vulnerability analysis with the Death Star well hidden elsewhere, find the exhaust port and maybe even other vulnerabilities, and put torpedo-proof blinds on it.

Empire Strikes Back 1. The Battle of Hoth: There are eight Star Destroyers (Executor, 6 smaller but still impressive Star Destroyers of two classes and one Victory class) involved. Executor closes with the planet and proceeds to blast the surface with their turbolaser batteries, ignoring the shield generator. Eventually the base with flood (with magma or ice). The two Imperial-1 class destroyers fly interference for the Executor, keeping fighter wings in the air as well as intercepting anything attempting to escape. The four Imperial-II class destroyers blockade the planet: One at each pole, and one either side of the equator to watch for trickery. The Victory class destroyer is a mobile interception device for capital ships and corvettes launching from Hoth. Now all they need to do is wait. They'll either pick the base off piecemeal, destroy it with Turbolaser Terraforming or the rebels will attempt to flee: In which case, the remaining destroyers will pick them off. The Ion Cannon doesn't act as a permenent 'disable', the base has a limited power generator and there are too many ships for the Ion Cannon to cover for. The planet will give way long before they starve the rebels out. Hell, the 501st had elements in the fleet sent, they could have just left everyone in orbit and stuffed Vader with them into a drop pod, unleashing on the base instead of the costly assault. 2. On Bespin: A heavier hand. The figurehead of the rebellion and five of its greater heroes were present.. and all of them got away. As soon as the trap was sprung, simply moving in with heavy interception cover would have been enough to decapitate the Rebellion. They had, at the bare minimum, twelve fighters: Three ties, 8 tie-interdictors and at least one Tie Defender (Which was probably capable of destroying the Falcon alone). They'd surrender before dying, so Vader gets his apprent-er, 'the emperor's prize', the Rebellion gets executed in a suitable gory fashion on Galactic Holovision and the Rebellion ends. 3. The Falcon, a known dangerous and rebel-owned craft, was sitting on its landing pad the whole time. You've got EIGHT Tie Interdictors (bombers) prowling Bespin. Maybe one could spare a second to drop some ordinance on the powered down craft? The one on a pad with no supports barring its umbilical, about 50-100m out from its parent building? 4. If you won’t destroy the Falcon, criple the Falcon. Seriously, cripple the Falcon: The same technicians who disabled the hyperdrive could've taken a few more minutes to mess up the rest, making it unable to take off. Leia, Chewie, Lando and the droids were already surrounded at the landing platform. It would've ended up in a horrible standoff or maybe even a peaceful surrender. But it would have ended there. Afterwards, Vader would've sensed and captured Luke, making sure he was given top-notch medical attention and a high-end replacement hand. Then, who knows, maybe he could've have enjoyed some much-needed face time with his dad and get things off to a better start.

Return Of The Jedi 0. Jabba The Hutt is smart. Jabba does not hold a grand execution. He has Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, Lando and the droids at his mercy. He plans to offer them up as hostages to the Empire. Since it's established that Vader and Jabba became partners in the new canon comics, I could see The Empire paying Jabba's demands. Jabba’s demands are simple. Money, a replacement Rancor and Princess Leia as his personal slave for the rest of her life. The Empire is more than happy to oblige. Vader comes to Jabba’s palace and takes the Rebels. The droids are dismantled. Han, Lando and Chewbacca are executed. Leia remains by Jabba’s side as a slave. Now that Luke has nothing left, he embraces his destiny and joins his father. They take out The Emperor and rule the galaxy as father and son. 1. Stop and arrest the crew of the stolen imperial shuttle: Part of this is pure speculation, but I assume the crew led into Endor by Han Solo had no way to let their fleet know that they had made it. So, as a perfect corollary to a great plan to force the Rebel Fleet into a decisive battle, set up an ambush to capture the advance team on the ground on Endor as soon as they set foot on it. Of course, it would be a lot easier to just blast the shuttle before it even lands. The thing was loaded with explosives, even a humble stormtrooper with a thermal detonator could have done the work. Of course, Vader would have been upset because of his insistence in mixing family and business. In any case, the generator shield would have remained intact, with the second Death Star being fully operational: It did manage to do a lot of damage to the Rebel Fleet, and the Imperial Navy could've done the rest once they started fighting at close range. Also, think of the fact that the Rebels would've had Lando Calrissian insisting that they should wait on Han to blow up the shield. At that moment, Han would've been either dead or sitting in a cell. And the assault on the Death Star II would’ve been a failure. 2. Vader tries to convince his son to join willingly. Vader does very little to connect with his son. He wants to call him Anakin? That's fine, let him do it. In fact, Vader could have used that to tell him his story, after all, the Jedi were indeed very arrogant and unfair towards Anakin, let Luke know that. Maybe even tell him about Padme, he seemed very curious about his mom, he would've listened to that. Same goes for the Emperor, instead of antagonizing Luke from the beginning, he could have asked him about the things he disliked about the Empire. What reforms would he support? Would he be willing to lead some of those reforms from the inside? Just because you're bad, doesn't mean you need to be crass. Also, Palpatine was friends with Padme, right to the very end, bring that up as well. 3. Exterminate the Ewoks. The Empire is not above genocide and would showcase even more reason to want to take them down. They're a warrior culture. You know it, they know it. Your first expedition to Endor was nearly foiled by the furry little bastards, who were surprised and outnumbered. You know, the one where they were looking for a site to set up the shield generator for the second Death Star? Or don't even bother! First, glass the area with turbolasers. A quick planetary firestorm and you've got a nice wasteland to build your facilities in. Suddenly, no ewoks. You can see the rebels coming a few kilometers away. Problem solved, no exploding battlestation.

Build the Death Star II around Coruscant. This is the heart of the enemy. It's in the galactic core, there is plenty of space for a shield generator and it is HEAVILY defended. Not only is it heavily defended, it's even further into the Core than Coruscant and Palpatine is even more powerful there. He can very literally puppet a good portion of the population.

Practical Mass Production Vs. Egomaniacal Engineering. Bigger is not always better. Constantly seeking to build bigger military weapons takes time, money, and resources all of which could be used towards the mass production and perfection of smaller weapons. For example, how many millions of Republic credits does an Imperial AT-AT walker cost and how completely unnecessary is a vehicle of that size on the battlefield? The Empire already has a fighting force a million times larger than any other in the galaxy, why does it need to waste time on things like Death Stars and Super Star Destroyers? Building smaller fighters and ships is the better way to go. Build more Interdictor-class cruisers. These ships used mass shadow generators to literally pull ships from hyperspace by projecting an illusion of the gravity well of a planet. In Star Wars a ship cannot go into hyperspace while inside a planet’s gravity well. This means that any rebel ships that unwittingly raid an Imperial facility where an Interdictor class vessel is present are sitting ducks from the moment they are sucked out of hyperspace. In the Imperial Handbook: A Commander’s Guide, Princess Leia writes that “if the Empire had known how to build smart instead of big they would have built thousands more Interdictors.” She goes on to claim that, if they had, the Rebel Alliance “might not have survived.”

Give Tie-Fighters armor and shields. Sacrificing armour and shielding for maneuverability and speed is gross incompetence. With armour and shielding plus the talented Imperial Pilots, you have an Imperial Navy that is a force to be reckoned with.

Do not sacrifice quality for quantity for the Stormtroopers. They are as they are meant to be, elite soldiers of the Imperial Military. So do just that. Make them elite, feared and powerful. Only recruit the best. Give better protection and the best tech. Give the quality of the Clone Troopers, but improve on that for the Stormtroopers and you have an army worth fearing.

Continued Production Of Dark Troopers. Sometimes a top secret expensive weapon can give you an advantage in war. One that the enemy will never see coming and not have the slightest hope in the universe of stopping. Enter the Imperial Dark Trooper, a seven-foot tall robot who fights better than any human being, has a jetpack, fast, fires a supercharged weapon that shoots both high concentrated plasma and rockets, and is considerably scary looking. A simply platoon's worth of these guys is enough to wipe out entire outposts and bases of their enemy. They work fast and leave nothing, but death in their wake. After a few minutes whatever was their target is gone, reduced to smoldering ruins. Sometimes their victims don't even have time to make a distress call. Needless to say, they're bad news, though they remain pretty much unheard of. Fortunately for the good guys, the Empire never got around to truly deploying the Dark Troopers in great numbers like the Trade Federation did with their goofy battle droids. You may already know the history from playing the classic first-person shooter Dark Forces, of course: the mercenary Kyle Katarn was able to locate the secret production facility for Dark Troopers in space. Once aboard the Arc Hammer, he destroyed the ship and the Dark Trooper menace was put out of commission to almost never be seen again. If they did have more than one facility, and use Dark Troopers solely in their battles and invasions, keeping the regular storm troopers in reserve, The Rebels would not have a hope of winning.

Design better Death Stars. This might be the single most obvious and easiest solution to them all. If you build a planet-sized space station, then you don't leave a small hole two meters wide for the enemy to launch torpedoes into. Now the idea of a Space Station needing an exhaust port does make sense in that pseudo sci-fi way. Don't want our Stormtroopers dying in the middle of the night to carbon monoxide ventilation problems, do? But why not place a metal slab with slits over it? Or raise the metal slab so the vents are on the sides? Or make the ventilation pipe more crooked inside so it's not a straight shot to the reactor core? What if? What if? What if? There are so many painfully simple solutions to the problem. I can forgive the idea of the second Death Star being blown up because it was still under construction, although - I'll say again - if the exhaust system leading to the reactor core isn't made in a stupid straight line then a ship isn't going to be able to pass through it.

Make Thrawn the commanding officer on Endor. I know what you must be thinking, Thrawn was sent away via Rebels finale. Let’s just say this is a scenario where Thrawn was successful on Lothal. Thrawn would have shown up weeks before the battle, taken one look at the "primitive natives" on Endor, and figured out a way to stop them from beating up AT-STs with giant wooden logs or killing stormtroopers with rocks. The Death Star lives, the Rebel fleet gets completely wiped out. Mobilizes the fleet comprised of Interdictor-class cruisers and Tie-Defenders. Thrawn would be smart enough not to allow Luke anywhere near The Emperor. Thrawn would successfully either destroy the shuttle or capture the landing party. Thrawn would convince Palpatine it is safer to execute the Jedi and Palpatine agrees and if Vader objects, Palpatine would just unleash a storm of force lightning killing Vader and securing victory for the Empire once and for all.

#star wars #the galactic empire #Emperor Sheev Palpatine #darth sidious #darth vader #grand admiral thrawn #stormtroopers #tie fighters #the death star

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douxreviews · 6 years

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Babylon 5 - Series Review

"Now get the hell out of our galaxy."

J. Michael Straczynski’s Babylon 5 was the last, best hope for a rival sci-fi television franchise to challenge the dominance of Star Trek. It failed. And let’s be glad it did. Last thing we needed was another bloated franchise knocking out a never ending cycle of naff spin-offs. Instead let’s be thankful for what remains to this day as one of the finest sci-fi series ever made. But it did take some time before it became that.

[Warning: This review contains spoilers]

Season One - Signs and Portents

Straczynski envisioned the series as an epic novel for television told in five volumes with each episode being an individual chapter. JMS wanted to tell a universe changing saga of heroes and villains, epic battles and the rise and fall of empires. Something akin to Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, only in space with aliens instead of hobbits and on a limited television budget. Surprisingly, this didn’t turn out to be as impossible as it might have seemed.

The year was 2258. The name of the place was, duh, Babylon 5, a massive five-mile long space station built by humans after the devastating Earth/Minbari war -- a place where aliens could meet to talk out their differences. Straczynski presented us with a future that was a far cry from the optimistic utopia of Gene Roddenberry. Crime, poverty, corruption and prejudice still existed. The various races were constantly at each other’s throats. Many of the alien races felt genuinely extraterrestrial, not just a load of humanoids with bumpy foreheads and pointed ears, although the station did have its fair share of those.

B5 first aired in 1993 with the (not very good) feature length pilot ‘The Gathering’. A year later the first season began airing with ‘Midnight on the Firing Line’ on the now defunct PTEN network, the show’s home for its first four seasons. In truth the first season is not the series’ strongest. No doubt in an effort to not alienate a potential audience, the season is driven more by predominantly naff standalone episodes, than the show’s signature story arcs. These standalone tales were often just sub-Trek nonsense that did little to help B5 to stand out from its rivals. Nevertheless there was still some good to be found in amongst the crap. After all, as rubbish as ‘Mind War’ was, it still gave us Walter Koenig as that slippery Psi Cop Bester (still B5’s finest villain).

In the second half Straczynski gradually started to move away from alien of the week tripe like ‘TKO’, ‘Believers’ and ‘Infection’ and began to lay the foundations for the awesomeness that was to come in episodes like ‘And the Sky Full of Stars’, ‘Signs and Portents’ (the introduction of Mr Morden and the Shadows), the two-parter ‘A Voice in the Wilderness’ and ‘Babylon Squared’ in which the crew investigate the sudden and mysterious reappearance of the missing Babylon 4 station. The big season finale ‘Chrysalis’ is a veritable congregation of ‘holy shit, did they just do that?’ moments as earth shattering cliff-hanger follows earth shattering cliff-hanger. Sinclair’s final lament “Nothing is the same anymore” couldn’t have been more appropriate.

At this early stage the characters were also something of a mixed bag to be sure. While G’Kar and Londo arrive practically fully formed (despite some rough early make-up effects) the rest of the cast all needed a little more work. Sinclair was too often stiff and po-faced while Ivanova had yet to develop something resembling a sense of humour. And I can’t be the only one who thought that Jerry Doyle looked like the product of a failed attempt to clone Bruce Willis?

The first season was certainly a patchy start for Babylon 5. Much of it hasn’t dated well. While they were groundbreaking and innovative at the time, much of the CGI effects now look rather primitive but still manage to stand up a lot better than most of the shows from the time (Space: Above and Beyond for example). The costumes and alien make up are all a little rough. And the dialogue constantly veers between clunky and cheesy. But the series potential was still there for all to see. By the second season the show would improve by leaps and bounds, culminating in some of the finest TV drama of the last 25 years.

Season Two - The Coming of Shadows

It was a year of change in season two of Babylon 5.

Due to illness, Michael O’Hare amicably agreed with creator J. Michael Straczynski to depart from the show. He was replaced by Bruce Boxleitner as the new station commander, Captain John J. Sheridan. The former Tron fitted in quite well on B5 and after a few episodes you’d easily be forgiven for thinking he’d been there the whole time.

The first episode ‘Point of Departure’ serves to introduce and establish Sheridan as the new station commander and show how he handles a crisis. It’s not until episode two ‘Revelations’ that JMS got around to resolving all the cliff-hangers from the previous season. Delenn came out of her cocoon with L'Oreal hair (because she’s worth it) and instantly caught Sheridan’s eye. Garibaldi woke from his coma to expose the man who shot him in the back. And G’Kar returned to the station with grave warnings about the darkness to come (that no one would listen to until it was too late).

Season two has the look and feel of a show more assured of its self, more confident in what it can accomplish. This was the year Babylon 5 stopped looking like just another Star Trek clone and became a small screen sci-fi epic to be reckoned with. There were still a number of rubbish standalone episodes such as ‘The Long Dark’ and ‘GROPOS’ to put up with, but they weren’t as bad as they had been in the first season. Besides, when you have episodes as good as the Hugo Award winning ‘The Coming of Shadows’, ‘In the Shadow of Z’ha’dum’ and ‘The Long Twilight Struggle’ what are a few duff ones here and there?

Walter Koenig returned as Bester in ‘A Race Through Dark Places’ and continued to make us forget he was ever Chekov. ‘And Now For a Word’ looked at life on the station from the perspective of a news program. Later in the season Lyta Alexander, not seen since the original pilot, would return in ‘Divided Loyalties’ to expose a sleeper agent on the station that had devastating consequences for Ivanova. And ‘Comes the Inquisitor’ sees the Vorlons test Delenn with the help of Jack the Ripper (no, seriously).

With the addition of Boxleitner the main cast was considerably stronger this season, albeit there were still a few redundant characters that needed to be gotten rid off such as Lt. Keffer, a hotshot fighter pilot character the network insisted that Straczynski add to the line up. But JMS was not one to let even an unwanted character go to waste and used Keffer’s fate to further along the Shadow War arc. The same could not be said for G’Kar’s aid, Na’Toth, who just sort’ve vanished after two episodes without anyone, her boss included, noticing.

It’s no small thing to say that Andreas Katsulas and Peter Jurasik were the series' best actors and this season they took their performances to another level. For most of the first season Londo was nothing more than the comic relief, but this season Londo’s story went in a much darker direction as he grew closer and closer to Mr. Morden and his ‘associates’. Similarly as Londo fell further into darkness G’Kar began his long and painful journey towards redemption and spiritual enlightenment.

The season finale ‘The Fall of Night’ managed to end the season on a suitably downbeat note, but lacked the universe shacking impact of ‘Chrysalis’. While the future looked bleak for the characters the show’s future looked ever brighter. With the flaws and weakness of the first season overcome Babylon 5 would continue from this point to go from strength to strength.

Season Three - Point of No Return

In my humble little opinion season three of Babylon 5 is one of the greatest seasons of television in the entire history of the medium. This was the absolute peak of Straczynski’s small screen space opera. Admittedly, it’s not 100% perfect. It was at this point that Straczynski started writing every single episode himself (an impressive achievement to be sure) so inevitable dreck like ‘Grey 17 is Missing’ gets sandwiched in between all the great stuff. And we were pretty much spoilt for choice with great stuff this season. After two years worth of build up this was the season where things finally started to pay off.

The season started quietly enough with a group of mostly standalone tales of varying quality and significance. But by the time we got to ‘Messages from Earth’ the fan was well and truly hit and hit hard. The entire status quo of the series was suddenly turned upside down and there would be no going back. Straczynski didn’t so much as jettison the reset button as completely obliterate it. ‘Point of No Return’ saw the Earth Alliance become a fascist dictatorship under President Clark forcing the crew of Babylon 5 to break away into an independent state. This all lead to the epic ‘Severed Dreams’ (another Hugo winner) in which our heroes fought to defend the station from Clark’s forces. From now on Sheridan and company were cut off from home on their own (and got some nifty new uniforms to boot).

The season settled down for a bit after that until the Shadow war finally kicked off in full. ‘Interludes and Examinations’ sees Kosh make a devastating sacrifice on Sheridan’s behalf. The two-parter ‘War Without End’ saw the return of Sinclair and finally revealed the true story behind the disappearance of Babylon 4. After the big battles of ‘Shadow Dancing’ everything comes to a head in the season finale as Sheridan goes with his not-so-dead wife, Anna, back to Z’ha’dum. They should really use this episode in media studies classes as an example of how to write a truly great season finale. It’s simply a breathtaking 45 minutes of television that (again, IMHO) no one has yet to come close to equalling or surpassing.

With so many big events jostling for screen time JMS wisely doesn’t let the characterisation get lost in amongst the explosions. Sheridan and Delenn kept making gooey eyes at each other. Ranger Marcus Cole arrived on the station and wasted no time hitting on Ivanova. G’Kar finally found inner peace and a new purpose in life. Franklin struggled with drug addiction and resigned. And Londo’s decent into darkness continued despite his best efforts to escape his destiny.

Season three was the middle chapter of Babylon 5 and the point in which it got seriously worse for our heroes before it could eventually get any better. Creatively the show was riding on a high. From the acting to the special effects everything was at its absolute best. Sadly the show would never be this good again. Outside factors would eventually derail Straczynski’s carefully constructed five-year-plan. But season three still stands as a shinning beacon of everything that was, and still is, great about Babylon 5.

Season Four - No Surrender, No Retreat

So much for best laid plans, eh?

When he first conceived of Babylon 5, J. Michael Straczynski had a definitive five year plan for the series. By the fourth season that plan was in serious danger of falling apart. The Prime Time Entertainment Network, the series’ home from day one, was not long for this world and as such the future of the series was uncertain. Fearing that his show would be cancelled before he could conclude the story, Straczynski went in to emergency damage control and started wrapping up the all major storylines far earlier than he’d initially planned. As a result season four is the most densely packed season of the show’s entire run, as barely a single episode is wasted in Straczynski’s mad rush to bring his story to what seemed at the time to be a premature end.

After nearly three years of planning and build up, the Shadow War, the very driving force of the entire series, was over in the space of just six episodes. The whole thing raced to an underwhelming conclusion that basically amounted to nothing more than Sheridan telling the Shadows and Vorlons off for being naughty and sending them to their rooms without any supper for the rest of eternity. Babylon 5 was the first notable sci-fi series to start using extensive story arcs (something that’s practically the norm nowadays) but it was also the first to bring its story arcs to a disappointing resolution (something else that's practically the norm nowadays).

With that major arc out of the way Straczynski got to work setting up the Drakh threat, built up the growing conflict between Sheridan and Garibaldi, dashed through a Minbari civil war in record speed before finally kicking off the war against President Clark’s fascist government in ‘No Surrender, No Retreat’. The conclusion of the Shadow arc might’ve been a letdown but the Earth civil war was Babylon 5 at its absolute best. Only problem was that it was over almost as quickly as it had started. Originally the plan was for the Earth conflict to be carried over into the fifth season with the fourth season ending with Garibaldi’s betrayal and Sheridan’s capture. But with the show’s future in doubt everything was wrapped up with ‘Endgame’ and ‘Raising Star’. Straczynski was all ready to end the series then and there, but when cable network TNT agreed at the last minute to finance a full fifth season the final episode 'Sleeping in Light' was pushed back a year and a new season finale was quickly shot on the cheap.

Despite it's ups and downs season four is still a strong season. Although there are no Hugo winners, there are still several standout episodes, most notably Sheridan’s brutal interrogation in 'Intersections in Real Time'. The acting was excellent across the board this season, but if there’s a single standout star without a doubt it’s Jerry Doyle. Straczynski sent Garibaldi to hell and back this season and Doyle rose to the challenge with gusto. Sadly this would be the final season for Susan Ivanova as a contract dispute would prevent Claudia Christian returning for the fifth season. With no time to shoot a proper goodbye scene her departure is clumsily handled in voiceover, a disappointing exit for one of science fiction's finest heroines.

Season Five - The Wheel of Fire

The last minute renewal for Babylon 5 was something of a mixed blessing. On one hand it meant that the show would continue and J. Michael Straczynski would now be able to complete his much talked about five-year-plan. But since Straczynski had wrapped up almost every single significant plot thread during the previous season he was now stumped about what to do next. Sure, he had a lot of great stuff with Londo planned, but that didn’t get going until towards the end of the season. So what the hell was he going to do until then?

Straczynski had twenty-one episodes to fill up and barely enough story material to cover a quarter of the season. Rather than relinquish some creative control by bringing in a load of new writers and some fresh ideas, Straczynski continued to write virtually every single episode himself even though it was clear by this point that he’d reached his burnout stage. Granted, the only time he did allow someone else to write an episode it resulted in Neil Gaiman’s dreary ‘Day of the Dead’ but that's still no excuse for not sharing your toys, Joe. Actually, in many ways the series came a full circle with season five as Babylon 5 went back to the sort standalone filler dreck everyone thought we’d seen the last of in season one. Worst offender being the abysmal Tom Stoppard homage ‘A View from the Galley’ which looks at an attack on the station from the perspective of two repair workers who sadly, unlike Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, don’t end up dead at the end.

The lack of decent episodes wasn't the show’s only problem this season, as its previously strong characterization seemed to have vanished entirely. They might’ve looked the same, they might’ve even sounded the same, but these were not the same characters we’d been following faithfully over the last four years. Despite now being President of the Interstellar Alliance (with all the power and influence of a UN Secretary-General) Sheridan still stomps around the station like he owns the place becoming the type of character you’d rather punch in the face than follow into the jaws of hell. Delenn, meanwhile, has been relegated to the prestigious role of ‘her indoors’. Elsewhere, Garibaldi roamed aimlessly around the station in a futile search for a decent plot line, while Londo and G’Kar spend most of the season working on perfecting their buddy comedy routine. And with Claudia Christian gone (but sure as hell not forgotten) Tracy Scoggins was brought in to replace Ivanova as Captain Elizabeth Lockley, the station’s new commander and Sheridan’s ex-wife (huh?). Try as she might, it is difficult to take Scoggins seriously as a tough military leader.

Now that the Shadows were gone and President Clark had been overthrown there were no more enemies to fight and our heroes were all getting ready to live happily ever after. As a result virtually nothing happened for the majority of the season. The only significant event in the first half was a limp rebellion by Gap model telepaths lead by Byron, a walking personality black hole. The only upside to this arc was more focus on Patricia Tallman's underused Lyta Alexander and the always welcome return of Bester, who even gets his own episode this season, the disappointingly bland ‘The Corp Is Mother, The Corp is Father’. Once all the dull telepath malarkey is done with the season finally starts to pick up some much needed steam as the Interstellar Alliance goes to war with the Centauri. But even this conflict fails to provide the same kind of high drama and epic battles the show used to give us. Only the tragic conclusion of Londo’s story in ‘The Fall of Centauri Prime’ makes any kind of emotional impact.

The remaining episodes are all used for some last minute wrap up and a shed load of teary goodbye scenes to rival anything Peter Jackson could come up with. After everyone has gone their separate way Straczynski closes the book with ‘Sleeping in Light’ an elegant and beautiful epilogue to the series and one of the best series finales of all time. Although it did manage to end on a high note (notably with an episode left over from the previous year) overall season five is a disappointing dud.

Despite this less than grand farewell, Babylon 5 still remains one of the greatest sci-fi series ever produced. Admittedly it was something of a flawed masterpiece thanks to the occasional wooden acting, clunky dialogue, dodgy standalone episodes, cheap sets and a tendency to get lost up its own mythology. But with this show Straczynski created something truly unique, an epic science fiction novel for television with a definitive beginning, middle and end. Yeah, the beginning was a bit uneven and the end part didn’t work out as planned, but that middle section, boy, was that good.

Mark Greig has been writing for Doux Reviews since 2011.

#Babylon 5 #B5 #John Sheridan #Delenn #Susan Ivanova #Michael Garibaldi #Londo Mollari #G'Kar #Babylon 5 Reviews #Doux Reviews #TV Reviews #something from the archive

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intesarjawad · 5 years

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Self-Confidence: The One Formula That Will Make You Insanely Confident

As a young boy going to grade school I never considered confidence to be an issue. I was one of the most popular faces in school. I had excellent academics. Me winning different awards and recognitions was a commonplace. I used to do stage shows in school functions and I was also the class monitor. Naturally, I was the most confident person I had known back then. But it all changed when in 2nd grade I had to leave that school and got admitted to another much bigger school. It was in my new school that I realized that I’m not the best. There are plenty of other people who are far better than me. The system, the curriculum everything was different. Three months in this new school was enough to pop the bubble that I lived in for the first 8 years of my life.

And for the first time in my life, I realized that confidence is definitely an issue and that I lacked plenty of it. I spent the next 8 years in this school. Inside these 8 years, I entered my adolescence, the effect of the society set in. Like many others, I started worrying that I would be judged and was in constant fear of this. I kept myself aloof from doing a lot of things, from participating in a lot of activities that I otherwise would have done. All for my lack of self-confidence. The initial struggle that I had made me believe that I was never good enough and all that happened in my previous school was just a delusion.

Towards the end of this period however, I did get habituated with the system. I did do well enough. But it was nothing close to my potential. And the prime reason behind this is my continual lack of confidence which in turn prevented me from taking action.

I’m pretty sure that you too have such a story where you lose out on a lot because of your lack of confidence (tell me about it in the comments section), otherwise, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. In fact, most people in the world have a profound lack of confidence which prevents them from reaching their actual potential.

To solve this issue I spent a considerable amount of my time researching into the topic of confidence, what is it and why we lack so much of it. I searched for solutions to this problem. And while doing that I noticed a pattern which can be expressed as a formula. A formula which I believe can make you very confident. At least, I’ve found it to be useful for myself when it came to building my self-confidence. Read through to find this out.

How to use this article

This is probably one of the largest posts you are going to find on the internet knowing which may prevent you from reading any further. But hey, if confidence is something that can define your entire life, then there is no harm in spending even an entire day reading a single piece of writing if required. I can guarantee you that if you won’t regret it. To get the most out of this article-

Grab a pen and paper

You can either listen to the audio version of this article which is at the top. If that doesn’t work for you can just read all the way yourself

Read this article in chunks rather than reading it at once. That way you’ll retain more of what you learn

Take active notes as you read through

I would suggest that you bookmark this page, share it with others or even email yourself this article so that you don’t forget about it. You can also use Evernote to save it for later reading. (Signup to Evernote using this link to get Evernote Premium for a limited period of time)

If you scroll down you’ll see a self confidence quiz which I suggest you to take to know how confident you are now

Every month, take the quiz again to see the change that has been bought to your life reading this article

From the results of the quiz if you believe that there is something that you need to work upon come back to this post anytime

In this ever eventful world, in case you don’t forget to retake this quiz, you will automatically receive an email once every 4 weeks from the first time you take the quiz reminding you to take it again.

Refer back to this article after taking the quiz

Let’s start off with some basic questions.

Introduction

What is confidence and what does it mean?

The word confidence has its origin in the Latin word ‘confidere’ which means ‘to have full trust’. In modern days, confidence has expanded in its dimensions so much so that there is no one single definition that can fully define what confidence means. The following are some of the prominent definitions of confidence-

a belief in your own ability to do things and be successful

a feeling of certainty

a positive and habitual way of thinking

an attitude that invokes action and emotion

behavior that makes a set of feelings and attitudes follow

the extent to which you can get out of your own way

the extent to which you can continue to take the right action despite what you feel

to be fearless in your actions

an emotion born out of your actions

you maintaining originality, you being your true self irrespective of your surrounding environment

Although there will be disputes regarding the definition of confidence, there’s one thing I can say for sure. Confidence isn’t something that you’re born with. It isn’t something that comes all on a sudden and enables you to do whatever you like. It isn’t something that’s permanent. And being confident certainly DOES NOT MEAN not having your nerves.

Confidence isn’t something that you have rather it is something that you do.

Where does self-confidence come from?

This question has a fair level of controversy to it. Different people will give you different answers- from past successes, from accomplishments, from being well built-up, from good performances, etc. But the truth is self-confidence as the name suggests comes from your own self, it comes from inside you.

To properly articulate it, self-confidence comes from raising your Self-esteem. But isn’t self-confidence and self-esteem the same thing? Absolutely not. Self-esteem denotes your sense of self-worthiness. Prominent psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden in his book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem writes that your self-esteem is your reputation with yourself. It’s what you genuinely believe and think of your true self.

Difference between Confidence and Overconfidence

Confidence is quiet and it stays within you. When you’re confident you don’t act morally superior. Rather you are humble and you rightly estimate your skillset grounded on reality.

But when you are overconfident you have this fixed mindset that you are always correct. You tend to overestimate yourself and are proud of yourself. Unlike popular belief, you really don’t need to outwardly show that you’re always right and proud of yourself. Even if you’ve never expressed overconfidence in front of others you may be just as overconfident as any of those overconfident persons you hate.

Why is confidence important?

Confidence, for many people like you and me, happens to be that one thing that has the potential to initiate a series of actions in our lives that will change it for the better. The benefits of confidence include but are not limited to-

Better performance

Enables you to take action which you otherwise would not have taken out of fear

It empowers you to say ‘No’ when you should be saying ‘No’

Being confident removes anxiety

You can unlock your full potential by being confident

You get to discover your true self

It can make things easy for you

It can free you from your self-built cage

What does a profound lack of confidence bring to your life?

Confidence means having enough belief in your abilities that you become active. Lack of confidence, therefore, means being uncertain of whether your efforts will be successful – an uncertainty that makes you scared to even try. Lack of self-confidence potentially leads to-

Social anxiety and withdrawal

Emotional turmoil

Self-negligence

Depression and sadness

Closeting yourself

Treating yourself very badly

Fear of facing any new situation

Not discovering your full potential

Lifetime regret

Eating disorder

Always having self-doubt

Living a very mediocre life

Not fulfilling your dreams

Always getting less than what you deserve

Moral deterioration

Bad relations with other people

What causes people to lack so much in confidence?

Although there may be a plethora of reasons why most of us lack confidence, some of the prime reasons include-

Self-limiting beliefs

Physical insecurities

Past trauma

Anxiety and depression

Comparing with others

Negative self-talk

Bad parents

Lack of congruence between what you want, what you believe and what you do

Social prejudice

Self-pity

Lack of self-discipline

Lack of adequate knowledge and practice

Bad company

Lack of awareness

Want of perfectionism

Being a victim of bullying

Inferiority complex

Often not completing what you started

A false sense of pleasure

How confident are you?

To know how confident you are you can take this comprehensive self-confidence quiz.

How can you be more confident?

The internet is filled with quick fixes some of which may boost your confidence level temporarily. But none of them will truly enable you to build your confidence. Because having a permanent sense of high self-confidence asks you to follow a complex long term process. However, the process of building confidence can be simplified with this one formula. Wait for it, wait for it, and… POOF! Here it is-

Intention + Thinking + Imagination + Action = Supreme Confidence

The Supreme Confidence formula

Throughout the rest of this post, you will come to know how to implement this simple yet highly effective formula in your life to build your confidence and become superconfident.

Part One Of The Confidence Formula: Intention

Having the right intent is essential for any journey. You just can’t go out hoping that one day you’ll reach your destination, one day you’ll become confident. You need to expect it and need to know that it will happen. For this, you need to have the right intent.

1. Determination

There is nothing you can achieve but failure if you don’t have the determination to take you all the way through. Confidence is something that you need to create for yourself. Unless you have the determination to do this whatever formula you follow it doesn’t really matter. You’ll never have confidence. Approach the act of gaining confidence as an obligation and be determined.

“One of the greatest turning points in my life occurred when I stopped casually waiting for success and started to approach it as a duty, obligation, and responsibility.”

Grant Cardone

But how do you become determined?

2. Ask yourself – “Why do I need this?”

Every morning, or before any major event ask yourself why you need this confidence in the first place. Clarity is power. Unless you and, more importantly, your mind and your body specifically know why you need to be self-confident, you will never be self-confident.

This is primarily because our brains are great at filtering out information that we don’t require. So it’s important that you keep reminding yourself of this information. Each day, grab a pen and a paper and write your answer to the above question so that it gets internalized in your brain.

3. Understand that you are going to miss out on a lot of good things if you are not confident

Lack of confidence prevents you from taking action. You know that you’ve already missed out on a lot of things to date because you were not confident when you needed to be. You know you could have achieved a lot more if it weren’t for your inability to be confident when required. If you don’t take any measure now this will continue forever and ever.

It’s time you call it QUITS.

Make a comprehensive list of all the good things that you are going to miss out on for your lack of self-confidence, and reflect upon that list on a daily basis. This regular act of reflection shows your brain why it’s important to act now.

4. Pain vs Pleasure

According to Tony Robbins, one of the best life coaches out there, Pain and Pleasure are two of the most powerful forces in the universe. In fact, everything that we do day in and day out all through our lives is purely driven by our sense of pain or our sense of pleasure.

For example, you perceive just standing in front of a crowd, all staring at you as a severe ordeal. You attach a deep sense of agonizing pain to it. On the other hand, we associate pleasure to being in a group and not being observed by others.

The amalgamation of these two forces together is what has made the fear of speaking in public the No.1 fear in humans, coming ahead of the fear of dying.

But our brain always takes decisions with positive intent. For example, people who smoke know that it is going to kill them. But still their brain compels them to smoke when it’s boring, or when they are going through some painful situation, all that with the positive intent of making them feel good.

What’s important is that we actively teach our brain to understand what’s good and what’s not by actively attaching an insurmountable level of pain to the things that we don’t want to have and actively associating utmost pleasure to the things that we want to have; in this case being able to do the thing that we want to with confidence.

The other thing to keep in mind is that you need to prioritize long term pleasure over short term pleasure. This is because in most cases-

Short term Pleasure = Long term Pain

5. Congruence

Congruence means to be in a state of proper alignment. To have an insane level of confidence you need to line things up properly. Your intention, your mindset, your actions, body, and mind all need to be properly aligned with your goal, your vision.

When there is congruence in your action there is clarity in your mind; your brain knows exactly what to do when to do it and how to do it.

So to have meaningful confidence in yourself align all the factions of your life in one direction.

Part Two Of The Confidence Formula: Thinking

The next part of the formula is Thinking. To be insanely confident, which a presume you’re currently not, you need to change your default way of thinking.

1. Accept what you can’t change about yourself

Face it. No human in this world is perfect. Each one of us is full of imperfections. It is these imperfections within us that make our lives so different from others. Some of the natural traits that we have can’t be changed no matter how hard we try.

Fretting about these flaws within you won’t cure these imperfections. Rather, it’s more likely that you’ll end up magnifying a very small issue into a life-defining problem.

In these cases, the smartest way to act is to accept what you can’t change about yourself and live with it, if not be happy with it. What you can’t change you can’t change.

So accept it, get on with it and love yourself anyway.

2. Practice Self Awareness and know yourself inside-out

Self-awareness means to have a conscious awareness of your own character and your feelings, your strengths, your weaknesses and everything thing else that defines who you are.

The reason why self-awareness is such an important trait is that it helps you to know who you are and what values you stand for. Having full knowledge about these things is an integral part of being self-confident. Because knowing yourself inside-out helps you to decide what to do to achieve your goals. It helps you to know what your strengths are so that you can use them to the fullest. It also helps you to know what your weaknesses are so that you can work on them.

Start your morning asking yourself, “Who am I?” This one simple question will give rise to a series of other questions all that contribute to the complex development of you and your belief system.

3. Define Your Fears

Defining your fears top to bottom gives you clarity. You come to know the reason behind your fears. Having this knowledge helps you to take action to eliminate these fears by taking proper action.

4. Recognize that you are holding yourself back

As humans, we have limitless potential. But more often than not we tend to hold ourselves back. We fail to recognize the infinite potential we possess. Whether be it the prejudices of the society or our own myopic vision very few people actually reach their full potential and produce excellent results.

The key to getting out of this is to recognize that it is you who is holding yourself back, and not anyone else. A good example in this context would be the story of Marvel’s very own Captain Marvel. She had the power to single-handedly defeat an entire Kree army. But it was only when she realized that her powers were subdued by the Kree device on her neck(in our case the limiting beliefs inside our head) that she was able to uncover her true powers.

So don’t judge your self-worth based on your current condition. Because you too, my friend, are holding back an enormous deal of power. Realize this as soon as you can.

5. Combat Negativity

You simply can’t focus on being confident and at the same time have a bunch of negative voices roaming around your head. Getting rid of all these negative thoughts is the precondition to have a clear and confident mind.

Here are some of the key negative elements you need to eliminate from your mind:

Your inner critic: The inner critic is that voice inside you that plants reservation in yourself. Your inner critic constantly criticizes each and every one of your actions that too from a pessimistic point of view. It strangles you from doing anything meaningful by swaying you against it.

Overthinking: Overthinking is one of the root causes of our lack of self-confidence. It prevents us from living the moment and implants meaningless concerns in our head.

People who lack confidence all share one thing in common, and I would know because I was one of them: They live in their head. So much so, that they can’t even hear what the other person is actually saying.

Nicolas Cole

The Imposter Syndrome: Imposter Syndrome is when you always have this feeling that every great result you have achieved until now were mere accidents. It’s not because you deserve this success, rather because you somehow turned out to be lucky.

Arrogance: Arrogance is the opposite of confidence. It is a brittle shield trying to hide your insecurities. When you are arrogant you try and identify your worth with your own beefed-up opinions and visions of yourself. You try to show that you’re better than others, rather than showing who you really are.

Comparing yourself with others: Comparing yourself with others is an act of foolishness. Each and every one of us is unique. We all have our own joys, and we all have our own difficulties. Never compare yourself with anyone yourself. Present-day social media plays a big role in creating a comparison mindset.

Compromising originality: You will never be confident if you are constantly compromising your ownself and living a life dictated by the opinions of anyone else but you. Embrace who you are and never make a compromise on that just for the sake of making people who don’t matter happy. Let go of managing other people’s opinion of you.

Waiting for other people’s approval: Majority of the people aren’t really successful in their personal life. So why bother looking forward to the opinions of people who are not any more successful than you are? Believing that a certain person’s approval will make you happy or more confident is a destructive habit.

Perfectionism: Perfection in the vast majority of case the opposite of completion. The sense of perfectionism in whatever is it that you do dissuades you from taking proper action. According to Brené Brown, we strive for perfectionism to shield ourselves from the possibility of failure. If you really do want your works to be perfect make sure that it does not stop you from taking action.

Other Negative Habits: Some other prominent negative habits that hinder the development of your confidence include but aren’t limited to- Staying in situations that you really dislike, focusing intensely on practice, disqualifying yourself before doing something, playing really low, etc.

But how do you kill all this negativity from your mind?

Follow these simple yet effective steps to combat negativity

Be mindful and aware of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions to situations, and also the people around you.

Kill all the disempowering thoughts and beliefs

Replace them with empowering revitalizing thoughts and beliefs

Repeat this until it turns into an automatic response

6. Find a good and consistent source of confidence

For most people, their source of confidence lies in the praises and approvals of other people. The problem with this is that such a source of confidence isn’t reliable since it isn’t consistent. And more importantly, it relies on how well you perform. So to make the flow of confidence from such a source consistent you need to perform really well that too on a consistent basis.

But in practicality, this is impossible. No human, irrespective of their level of expertise, can deliver good results and perform well on a consistent basis.

So you need to find a proper source of your confidence, one that is consistent. One from which you can gain confidence even when you have no one to stand by your side. It can be a vivid imagination of your goal, a strong determination, your love for your sport, your firmness to do the right thing, or anything else that’s consistent.

7. Have a Growth Mindset rather than a Fixed Mindset

A Fixed mindset is when you believe that everything from your strengths, your weaknesses, your potential, and your results is fixed and predetermined. And you are going to get nothing more than what you are destined to get.

A Growth Mindset, on the other hand, is the belief that most if not all the things in life are flexible and malleable and changes the way you want it to. Which means that your potential and your strengths are limitless. It all depends on what sort of actions you are willing to take. That is, your attitude to your life is going to define your altitude.

So to have your desired level of confidence you need to have a growth mindset. You need to believe that your level of confidence isn’t fixed. It can be improved by taking proper actions.

8. Practice having an Equality Mindset

Back in school, one of my teachers, who has been in this noble profession for over 50 years now, once told us-

In my entire teaching career, I have seen students of all kinds. I have seen only a few people who are prodigies and intellectually superior than others. The number of dumb students even fewer. Most students have the same level of intellect. The difference is in the way they use it.

Phanindra Chandra Banik

That coming from a person with 50 years of experience, can never be doubted.

So have an equality mindset. The person in front of you isn’t superior to you in terms of intellect. Be confident and never let other people intimidate you. Moreover, make proper use of your own intellect.

9. Control What You Focus On

Imagine that you are on a podium giving a speech in front of fifty-odd people. What should you be focusing on?

Here are your options-

(a) How the people are reacting to your speech

(b) What the people are thinking about you

Most people choose option (c), which is absolutely wrong. So are (a) and (b). So what exactly should you be focusing on?

It’s your content that you should be focusing on. That is to say, all that you need to focus on is what you are saying at the moment. Everything else doesn’t matter. If you focus on what other people are thinking about you, or on sounding confident, which most people lacking confidence inevitably do – your content which is your main performance is likely to get sidetracked amid the chaotic environment inside your head.

So only focus on what really matters, and eliminate all the pointless concerns.

10. Own Your Strength

Irrespective of who we are and what we do, each of us, we have our own sets of strengths and weaknesses. But our pessimist side often wins the fight against our optimistic side. And as a result, it reminds us of our weaknesses every now and then.

As a result, our strengths, or more precisely the knowledge of them thereof, remains in the shadow; so much so that we hardly recognize.

Learn to recognize your strengths and continually build upon them. If your feeling stranded and don’t know where to start from, you can always take the 16 Personalities Test. Even the free test will give you a comprehensive explanation of yourself. It tells you your personality type, your strengths and weakness, and many more.

One interesting thing that I found when I gave the 16 Personalities Test is that I belong to the ‘Logician’ category and about 3% of people in the world are of this personality type. This makes this personality type quite rare. What this means for me is that the majority of the people I meet are going to be different than me. And that’s completely okay.

11. Embrace Your Vulnerability

Most of us use the word ‘Vulnerability‘ to mean a weakness of some kind, or a state of being exposed to attack. But renowned researcher Dr.Brené Brown sees it differently. According to her, ‘Vulnerability’ means the willingness to openly admit failures and weaknesses which helps us build up resilience to feelings of shame, and be happier with what we have.

In her research, she discovered that shame weakens our ability to believe we can improve ourselves and that we can improve our level of confidence. And shame is a common way in which we try to combat our vulnerability. So if you can embrace your vulnerability, your sense of shame automatically disappears.

To know more about this you can check out Brené Brown’s Ted talk on ‘The Power of Vulnerability’ below.

Brené Brown: THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY

12. Failure is an integral part of the confidence gaining process

There was a time when I feared failure so much that this fear was enough to prevent me from doing a lot of things that I genuinely wanted to do. And I know a lot of you are currently doing the same thing. We all know well that failure is but a stepping stone in our path to success. Yet only a few of us actually portray belief this in our actions.

And rightfully so, people of the likes of Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, and J.K. Rowling, people who were ready to fail often are the ones to make a name for themselves in their respective fields.

So embrace your failures and learn from them rather than running away from them. Each time you fail, you learn more about the thing that you’re doing, and the more you learn about it, the more confident you’ll be.

13. Become a (Reverse) Paranoid

Paranoia is a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically worked into an organized system. It also used to mean the unjustified suspicion and mistrust of other people.

While you and I may not have paranoia, the mental condition, we do to some extent have a mild sense of paranoia acting within us. For example, if you’ve ever scored bad in an exam where most others have done well, it’s not unnatural for you to feel that you are subject to partiality by your teacher or someone else.

This toned-down form of paranoia most of us have in a lot of cases bars us from seeing the actual cause behind our failure and compels us to make excuses.

We call it Reverse Paranoia when we use this paranoia in a positive way, In this mode of thinking you start believing that everything happening in this universe has the sole objective of ensuring that you succeed. For example, in the previous scenario instead of making excuses that the teacher was partial, you believe out of all the people the teacher is indirectly challenging you to do better in the next test. And this is because he knows that you have incredible potential.

In this mode of thinking, every obstacle you come across in life, you believe, is an indication that it’s time for you to up your game. You believe that you are facing this obstacle because you have the strength to overcome this and it’s time you discover that.

Part Three Of The Confidence Formula: Imagination

Does this sound familiar to you?

One day you come across an event which happens to ignite a strong sense of motivation inside you. It can be anything- a movie, a story, an exceptional performance by someone, anything. You go back home, and that night you feel pumped up. You resolve that tomorrow is going to be the start of your epic journey to success. No matter what happens you are going to kill all your temptations of mediocrity and are going to only those things which are going to make you successful. You are going to build the best of habits and are going to be super-confident and super-efficient.

Come the next day, you wake up to the alarm, all pumped up. You start doing what you’re supposed to do. After grinding your to-do list for an hour or two you think that it’s time for you to take a break. And so you start your short break.

But alas! You see your phone and pick it up, thinking that minute or two on your phone won’t disturb your routine. Two minutes turns into five and then ten…and by the time you notice it’s been 2 whole hours. And then you spend 3 more hours on the phone, thinking that your day is already over, there’s nothing you can do to make it better, and so you’ll start again afresh tomorrow.

The next day comes, but you believe you’re not ready yet. So you defer the beginning of your epic journey to success for tomorrow. Seven days later you remember that not so long ago you resolved to immerse in a new routine. But here you are back to your old routine, doing what you always do. And more importantly, you have no idea why you’re doing what you’re doing now and not doing what you were supposed to do.

We’ve all been through this experience. And amazingly most of us are going through this mediocre routine right now.

Why does this keep happening so often? Why do we not do what we’re supposed to? And why do most people consistently revert back to that old cycle of lack of self-confidence of theirs?

The simple reason is our subconscious mind. That is to say, although we consciously know you that need to be self-confident and we may firmly believe that you can be confident, our subconscious mind doesn’t believe the same.

And because of this, that feeling of fear and that lack of confidence always seems to set into your mind and your body no matter what you do. Because around 90% of what we do on a daily basis is controlled by our subconscious mind; the reason being that your brain is an expert at flushing out all the unnecessary details.

You can understand this more clearly from an example. Let’s go back to that scenario we were in a little earlier – you giving that speech. Your conscious mind is busy thinking out the things that you are going to say to the people and how you are going to present it to them. So the task of handling your confidence now goes to your subconscious mind. Now, all the fears and all the doubts all the nonsensical questions that have been programmed into your subconscious starting from your birth till date sets in. Your adrenaline goes up. Anxiety sets in your veins. And there you go, all your confidence which your conscious mind has been hosting didn’t take a second to get flushed out.

So what is our problem?

The main problem when it comes to our lack of self-confidence lies in our subconscious and the way it has been programmed.

But what is the subconscious mind?

In psychology, the subconscious is the part of the mind that is not currently in focal awareness. The subconscious mind is like a big memory bank that stores your beliefs, memories and life experiences. This information that is stored in your subconscious mind always affects your behavior and actions in different situations. In the simplest of senses, our subconscious is our built-in auto-pilot feature.

Whatever we do every day, at least 90% of it is done by our subconscious mind. Only 10% or so of our daily tasks, we actively do with our conscious mind.

So the secret to an insane level of confidence lies in how our subconscious is programmed. And it should be quite clear to you by now the default settings is really very bad.

But how do we override this default program that has been solidified in our subconscious upon running for years?

In comes Imagination. It is this 11-letter magical world that can reprogram your subconscious the way you want it. You may the smartest, the strongest, the fastest, but if you lack the power of imagination you can do nothing with your strengths. Because you’re still running on that default mediocre program that everyone else is running on.

The clearer is your imagination the closer you will be to your goal. If you can hone this skill properly than you won’t have to worry about being confident ever again. Here is what you should do-

1. Visualize Yourself Being Confidence

If I ask you to go back to your home from your school or your office would you be able to do that? Most people including you would answer, “Absolutely.”

Why is that the case? It is because you’ve been through this road so many times that you know every nook and corner of it. You know this way like the back of your hands. And it is this familiarity with the road from the start to the finish is what enables you to find your way home without any hesitation.

The phenomenon works in every aspect of our lives. If you know the road, every nook and corner of it from the beginning to the end, you are inevitably going to reach our goal.

Visualization plays the most important role in these cases. You can use your imagination to visualize your entire road to success. By visualizing every aspect of the journey both the good and the bad and every possible permutation of them as vividly as possible, you now have a complete road map to success installed into your subconscious. And no matter what situation arises, it shouldn’t be a problem for you because you’ve already visualized this inside your head and you already know the way out of this situation.

The reason why visualization works so well is that our brain really can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. So practice the art visualization every day for at least 10 minutes. For some, this act of visualizing may turn into procrastination. If that’s the case write everything down on a diary just in order to guide your imagination.

2. Affirmations

Affirmations are basically mantras bearing a sense of positivity that you keep on repeating to yourself until it gets imprinted into your subconscious. And when that happens, these positive affirmations override your default negative beliefs. Your subconscious now knows how powerful you are.

For example, you can repeat to yourself – “I am the most confident person alive.” For more such affirmations check out this amazing list of affirmations by Crystal Jackson.

3. Anchoring

Anchoring is an understated yet highly effective tool to boost your confidence. It refers to citing one or more of your past successes as an inspiration to overcome future hurdles. Pick a past accomplishment something that even startled you when you achieved it and use it is an anchoring thought to make yourself believe that if you could achieve then you can achieve whatever you set your site to.

If you fail to find such an accomplishment, use your imagination. Because you already know that your brain really can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality.

4. Use Confident Language

The way we speak and the words we make use of on a daily basis, all are an indirect reflection of inner belief system. When you use a confident language not only when talking to your yourself(something that successful people do a lot) but also when talking with others, that confidence from your language transpires into your inner system.

So, replace all the ‘I should’ with ‘I want’, the ‘I should not’ with ‘I don’t want’, and the ‘I can’ with ‘I will’. Let confidence be your diction.

5. Make Self-Distancing An Inherent Part Of Your Language

Self-distancing means speaking to yourself from a third-person perspective. Let’s say your name is Lebron. Instead of saying “I wish I can do that” say something the likes of “Lebron wants to do this”, “Lebron is confident”, or “Lebron is the best”.

Sure, this sounds narcissistic. But it definitely works. Interestingly Lebron James himself does this quite often as you may say in any of his interviews. Self-distancing will drastically increase your confidence because it forces you to think objectively and shuts down all the crappy negative thoughts in your mind.

6. Keep away from negative people

Negative people are great confidence drainers. They have very low self-confidence. Moreover, they can drain your confidence as well. Staying around them will definitely make an otherwise confident person rethink if he is confident or not.

You might think that avoiding these people is no big deal. If it only were that easy. The problem is some of our very own people, people closest to us may be a negative person. Your best friend, your parents, your partner it’s not unlikely for these people to spread a bad aura in your life. Even the language they use regarding you no matter how affectionate that maybe can create a limiting belief in your mind. Learn to identify these people and deal with them tactfully.

7. Don’t just hope, expect and know that you’ll achieve

We ‘hope’ for a lot of things in our lives. But ‘hope’ more often than not is nothing more than a mirage. Stopping wasting your time hoping for things and start expecting. Know that you are going to achieve what you’re working for.

Confidence comes for certainty. Knowing that you’re going to achieve your goal, expecting that you’re going to succeed gives you a sense of certainty wich hope in and of itself doesn’t.

8. Keep Your Goals Secret

When we reveal our goals to someone else, irrespective of whether we know them or not, it creates a two-fold problem. The first is when that person praises you. It gives you a false sense of accomplishment. So now you don’t feel the urge to work for it.

The second is when that person doesn’t praise you rather questions your goals. This questioning instantly implants a sense of doubt within you. As a result, your confidence level reduces.

So never share your noble goals with anyone else.

Part Four Of The Confidence Formula: Action

Norman Vincent Peale once said, “Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.”

Action is what completes the four-part confidence formula. And if you’ve made this far then I believe that you have what it takes to act upon what you’ve learned. The following are some of the many actions that you should be doing to consolidate confidence within yourself for eternity.

1. Accept Responsibility & Stop Complaining

Complaining about your circumstances, your weaknesses, your difficulties, or even your complaining about your shadow will give you nothing. You might garner sympathy from others. But expect nothing more than that.

Never make excuses or blame others for-

your lack of confidence

your failures and setbacks

how you are treated by others

anything

Rather accept responsibility for your own actions. Because if you don’t nobody else will. You have to be confident yourself. Nobody else will make you confident.

2. Overcome Weakness

Identify all your weaknesses and work on those that can make a difference. Ignore the petty stuff. You don’t need to perfect. Even the best of the best have their own weaknesses.

So work on priming yourself. If you want an A then study for an A and not for a B.

3. Exercise and Confidence

Your emotion is defined by your motion. When you move you might feel exhausted, but it makes your body happy. This is because the human body was designed to walk miles after miles on a daily basis(something that our ancestors used to do) rather than being a couch potato.

Personally, I don’t like to exercise at all. But I’ve seen that when I exercise the morning of any big day, I do quite well. It helps me control my nerves and use my energy effectively. So exercise at least once every other day.

4. Meditate Your Way To Confidence

Meditation does wonders to your body, mind and as well as your confidence. It not only calms your nerves but also helps you to think your way through.

Even 5 minutes of meditation will take you a long way through.

5. Start Journaling

Writing what you did today before you go today in a diary seems lame. But many of the highly effective people have this habit of journaling. Because spending on a pen and some paper and devoting 10 minutes a day to journaling will pay you dividends.

Journaling helps you to-

strengthen your self-discipline

make yourself accountable to yourself

plan ahead

learn from your mistakes

take inspiration from your past (raw material for Anchoring)

Writing about your failures and your guilts day after day forces your brain to take action. Because, naturally, you don’t want to see your failures again and again.

6. Adopt Confident Body Language

When you’re not confident it tells in your very posture. The way you place your arms and legs, the way you move your eyes, these all as visual cues for the person in front of you that you’re not feeling confident. On the contrary, when you have a strong posture to others you will appear to shine with confidence. This physical sense of confidence quickly spreads into your inner system and makes you believe that you’re confident.

Watch the following Ted Talk by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist and a prominent advocate of ‘power posing’, has to say regarding your body language:

AMY CUDDY: Your body language may shape who you are

So do pick up some Superman and Wonderwoman poses.

7. Gamify Your Life

We all love to play games. And most of us equally hate working in life. So turn your work and your training into a game; reward yourself for your accomplishments. Microaccomplishments takes you a long way through. Gamification makes tasks interesting and increases your accomplishment rate. And the more things you accomplish the more your confidence increases.

This brings us to our next point…

8. Completion

Complete whatever you start. When you have a long history of not completing things your brain starts believing that you don’t need to complete anything. This can assume a dangerous form over time. Don’t leave things incomplete.

9. Use the 5 Second Rule

This very handy tool was formally devised by author Mel Robbins in her famous book The 5 Second Rule. Whenever you know that you should be doing something but just don’t feel like doing it, count from 5 to 1. As soon as your done counting stand up and start acting. This counting backward sends a message to your brain that you need to take action right now.

So if you’re low on confidence but you need to do something that requires you to be on the top of your confidence, count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and launch yourself like a rocket and dive deep into your work.

10. Enjoy the process

No matter what happens it’s important that you enjoy the process. Stop overthinking, stop thinking whether you are going to embarrass yourself or not. If you feel your nerves settling in again ask yourself am I being nervous or am I feeling very energetic? When we are about to do a task which we normally don’t do, a challenging task, our body quickly musters a high level of energy ready to be used. This sudden spike in energy and increased blood flow is what we mistakenly call nervousness. You’re not nervous. At least your body isn’t. It’s just highly energized. Recognize this as soon as possible.

Start taking action and whatever you do enjoy it fully. Don’t worry about being confident. Because you can’t think of being confident and be confident at the same time.

11. Some Other Things You Can Do To Bolster Your Confidence

If you’ve already materialized all that you have read until now into action than you’re already the most confident person you know. But if you still want to go that extra mile you can check out the following list-

take a cold shower every day

take the 100-day rejection challenge

try something new every day

help out someone

read good non-fiction books whenever and wherever you can

complement others as much as they deserve

act as if you know what you’re doing

groom yourself properly and look confident

develop your brain

do at least one thing for the betterment of your body daily

write all the things that you’re grateful for in your journal

Conclusion

I know that this isn’t the first article you’re reading on changing yourself. And yet there is little change in you. If you want to change for the better you have to move. You have to start taking action. Confidence isn’t a bird that is going to fly to you. Rather confidence is something that you have to create with your actions. But after all this, all I have to say is that your life is your life. I’ve done my part handing you the roadmap. It’s up to you to decide what you’re going to do with it.

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P.S: Coming soon ‘The West World Mindset’

You might still be wondering if there is a singular technique that can in and of itself bolster your confidence-level sky-high. As for now, I can tell you that there is one such technique which I personally use. It’s called the ‘West World Mindset’. You won’t find this on the internet though. Because I made it up myself. And now it’s paying me in dividends.

Join the journey below if you haven’t already. That way when I’m done writing a blog on this secret technique you will be notified immediately.

The post Self-Confidence: The One Formula That Will Make You Insanely Confident appeared first on The Intesar Jawad Blog.

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fairywine · 6 years

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Leitha

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“Between Neudörfl and Gattendorf, the Leitha River had formed the historic boundary between Austria and Hungary after 1048. The river become a symbol of the boundary so that the two halves of the dual monarchy were often referred to as Trans-Leithania (Hungary), and Cis-Leithania (Austria).” -Andrew Frank Burghardt, The Political Geography of Burgenland

“You won’t have to stay long. Just enough to be...seemly.”

Hungary turns her head from where she had been gazing out the gilt-framed window of the carriage. Outside the heart of Pest streams by, the buildings glowing with lights shining cheerfully in the night’s darkness. She lifts a steady brow at her prime minister, who to his credit meets it unflinchingly. But both she and Gyula Andrássy have been through enough to know there are far worse things to receive than a cool stare.

“I know what is needed of me, Count Andrássy.” Hungary rests gloved hands neatly in her lap, smooths out the finely embroidered half-apron that is part of her traditional court dress. A little over a year ago, and for centuries preceding it, the only aprons she usually wore had been plain white cotton, soft from frequent washings, a rag in one pocket and a knife in the other. A maid’s apron, suitable for a humble servant. Now look at her. “The Dual Monarchy need not fear any lapse in manners from the Kingdom of Hungary.”

Andrássy is too consummate a politician to let his feelings show, but Hungary knows what he’s thinking. That from the perspective of the western half of the empire it’s only a matter of time before the wild Magyars act out again.

“The compromise has managed to hold for a year,” Andrássy carefully says. “Tonight, we have passed out first great hurdle. What lies before us now is the importance of building upon what we’ve accomplished.”

Hungary can’t help but look outside again. It’s a balmy summer night in Pest, the streets thronged with people. Everywhere Hungary’s flag abounds, the peerlessly beautiful piros, fehér, zöld with her coat of arms center to declare its sovereignty to the world. Through the lavish shell of Andrássy’s carriage she can hear a lively csárdás being played on a violin, can see people dancing and children running around.

For all the festivities, the underlying emotion in the air is a tension pulled tight as piano wire. People are commemorating the first anniversary of Austria-Hungary more out of a sense of obligation than joy. Overall, even the brightest moods are shot through with an uneasy edge. By the standards of Magyar celebrations, June 8th, 1868 is a poor showing. As with so many things concerning her land, Hungary accepts this is the best anyone can do, given the circumstances.

“There’s no need for such reminders,” Hungary says. “Compared to what I’ve been through in the past, even this half-loaf of a union is like a happy dream. And once my authority is more fully settled, well…”

“Half-loaf?” Andrássy repeats.

“Better than none,” Hungary explains, earning a short but hearty laugh from the prime minister. “And already paying dividends. I can be polite and toast to the glory of the Osztrák-Magyar Monarchia if it means having what’s rightfully mine again.”

The carriage bumps a little on the last bit of road before they pass onto the awesome span of the Chain Bridge. The jostling is uncomfortable despite as well built a vehicle as Andrássy’s, more so when one is tightly corseted and layered up with what feels like a thousand starched petticoats. Hungary makes a mental note to remind her king that public works projects are a reliable way to build up local goodwill, specifically nice, smooth roads.

Andrássy inclines his dark head in agreement as they cross the Danube. “Especially once the matter of Croatia’s status is finalized. I have great hopes of the settlement we’ve arranged.”

“Which, God willing, shouldn’t be too much longer,” Hungary grouses, resting her head tiredly against the back of her seat. It makes the pins holding the elegant coiffure her hair has been braided stab into her scalp. But that’s mild compared to some of the headaches her southern Slavs have given her since the Compromise was made official. “Croatia demands so much from me he’s practically declared independence himself.”

“Horvát Királyság asks for all he can, knowing he will ultimately end up with much less,” Andrássy assures her. “You may stay confident knowing you ultimately hold the winning hand.”

The carriage leaves the Chain Bridge much more easily than it had entered, making the leftward turn on the road leading to the Royal Palace. Noticing Andrássy studying her, Hungary follows the path of his gaze to where it rests on her hands. Covered by her short-length evening gloves, the bulge of the ring on Hungary’s right hand is still unmistakable. A year’s time of wearing the band and she still feels the weight of it like an anchor.

“It is likewise encouraging that we’ve had no interference from,” a delicate pause, “Other quarters.”

Politicians will be politicians no matter what. Andrássy is exquisitely outfitted in his díszmagyar, mente coat draped over one shoulder, dolman shirt of fine silk and pants of rich velvet-a fairytale prince of medieval times. But his dark, intense eyes show he to be a thoroughly modern statesman beneath the pageantry. Under Andrássy’s süveg fur cap Hungary can practically see his mind roaring away, always examining every angle and choice. This happens often enough, the men who look and see a young maiden rather than the centuries old land she truly is, but it never stops being annoying. Or unwanted.

“My husband, you mean,” Hungary says directly. “No, Austria has been the very soul of reticence. I’ve barely seen him a handful of times since the wedding.”

Andrássy wants to probe more, it’s obvious. But how to do it while balancing his gentlemanly ideals-and to his adored Nation-seems to elude him. It’s just as well, as the carriage has finally completed its ascension up Castle Hill to pull into the main courtyard of the Royal Palace, its stately facade glowing brightly from within as well as the many light poles placed about the enclosure.

It takes only a moment for the guards to observe Andrássy’s coat of arms on his carriage door and ascertain they are not just in the presence of the prime minister but the Nation herself. Sweding, the vehicle’s door swings open to reveal a line of eight footmen on either side, at fullest attention for their most honored guests. Ever the Magyar gentleman, Andrássy helps Hungary out, an act she greatly appreciates considering the long train of her dress. A deep bow before holding his arm out for her to take, and Andrássy leads them both behind yet more footmen into the castle proper.

The Royal Palace has worn many faces since Hungary roamed the stone halls of the residence constructed by King Béla IV six hundred years ago as a young girl. (Who had been still firmly convinced she was a boy.)

It hadn’t lasted, but later kings had replaced the structure with newer palaces in the same location, following the artistic trends in vogue at the time of their respective reigns. King Sigismund had made it a Gothic masterpiece fit for the Holy Roman Emperor, Matthias Corvinus a Renaissance-influenced wonder for his Italian bride. All beautiful, in their own ways.

Then Mohács happened, and in the ensuing 158 year tug of war between Austria and Turkey over Hungary’s lands, the castle was destroyed down to practically nothing. Even the splendid Baroque building Maria Theresa had rise from the ruins had fallen to her ever-tragic luck. Like so much else, it had been a victim of Austria’s suppression of the 1848 rebellions. Yet restoration and reconstruction had their effect, the proud Neoclassical palace rather neatly mirroring Hungary’s own shift from servility to full autonomy and ruling half the empire.

Hungary can’t really say how she feels about it overall, not with the failures and sorrow of 1848 so fresh in her mind. At least it is preferable to ruination. Perhaps with time she can know her own heart on the subject, and maybe even grow to love it. The Royal Palace can’t help being what it is-it’s up to Hungary to make the most of things.

The hundreds of beeswax candles setting the interior aglow make the French Rococo-style glitter brilliantly. Between the crystals and lights and gold it feels like another world. A world whose reason for existing is to declare the power, wealth, and prestige of its owner. That said owner is ultimately her is a face Hungary still can’t fully wrap her head around. She has yet to abandon the natural reflex to look at such splendor and think of how much wax will be needed to make the mahogany wood gleam, how much soap and water to mop the marble, and plenty of rags for dusting every last blessed knickknack in the room.

“Are you ready?” Andrássy murmurs at a volume meant for Hungary’s ears alone. With a barely concealed jolt she realizes they’ve arrived at the main ballroom entrance, only moments to go before they’re announced. Not for the first time, the Nation is grateful for her prime minister’s natural attentiveness.

“Of course,” Hungary says, fixing a smile on her face that strikes an appropriate balance between brightness and dignity. Seeing little point in putting the moment off, Hungary gives a regal nod the pair of footmen waiting at attention. With a single smooth motion they swing open the gilt-laden double doors.

“Her Royal Apostolic Highless, the Lands of the Crown of Saint Stephen, the Kingdom of Hungary!”

There must be at least two hundred people in the ballroom, which is somehow even more intensely lit that the rest of the Royal Palace. Yet a worshipful silence falls upon them as one. Even the musicians falter for a moment in their playing of a Donizetti Quartetto before remembering themselves and returning to their instruments. Keenly aware of every eye, Hungary doesn’t let her calm smile slip.

“His Excellency the Right Honorable Count Gyula Andrássy de Csíkszentkirály et Krasznahorka!”

Hungary can easily see the entrance as the guests must. Andrássy, the very essence of the noble Magyar magnate. So darkly handsome with just a hint of danger in his smouldering gaze to contrast the opulence of his dress. Guiding in the Nation, so grand and beautiful in her court dress and veil, bearing a diamond and pearl tiara befitting her status as a royal land. The Kingdom of Hungary, having endured hundreds of years of humiliation and torment, finally being accorded the rank deserved to her by the will of God Himself. She can practically envision the tableau being painted, complete with title. Hungaria Being Guided By The Saving Hand Of Her Greatest Patriot.

Italics and all.

It’s not like Hungary doesn’t understand. To have their beloved Nation standing before them, clad in finery and commanding the respect, however willingly given, due to a Great Power...it’s a dream of centuries fulfilled. Falling short of the long prayed for independence, but at least a start in righting so many wrongs.

While the room is overflowing with the crème de la crème of Buda and Pest society-and thus anyone who’s anyone in Hungary-most have never seen their Nation with their own eyes. A concept of statehood made flesh and blood always takes adjusting to. But for those who have met Hungary, who have been by her during times far removed from the elegant gentility of the ballroom, it’s a tiring reaction. Mόr Perczel, only recently back from exile, had seen her bloodied and half-dead at the Battle of Temesvár. Given Hungary moonshine from his flask to dull the pain of the bullets being removed from her skin. Yet like all the others, revolution veterans and aristocrats alike, he looks upon her as if she’s some sort of goddess. Flawless. Divine.

It makes Hungary think of Austria, strangely. For all her husband’s myriad flaws (ones she’s accumulated quite the list of over centuries of living in his house), he’s at least never put her on a ridiculous pedestal. Certainly he’d have no sort of discomfit with this kind of pomp and importance. It does amuse Hungary to think of him up in Vienna for his own celebrations, having to take congratulations for a successful diminishing of his own power with lordly grace. How each anniversary felicitation must sting at proud, pretty Ausztria!

Hungary’s inner mirth proves fortifying to her spirits, and she is able to get through what seems like an endless stream of well-wishers without feeling miserable. And she does truly enjoy being among her people, especially those who so dearly love her. Ferenc Deák greets Hungary as gently as she was his own daughter. Mihály Zichy declares his desire to paint her, and her eyes can’t help but dance at his cheek. Even Franz Liszt makes a valiant effort at conversing in the Magyar tongue before giving up and switching to German.

Hungary does not mind this part of public engagements, but it is tiring. Helping herself to a glass of wonderful white wine from Neszemély off a passing waiter’s tray helps revive her. But there is still a rather glaring absence, one Hungary had hoped would be resolved by now.

“Her Royal Majesty has yet to make an appearance?” Hungary asks Deák quietly, taking advantage of the rare solitude they share.

“I understand she is to be expected in short order,” Deák says with a dignified shrug. “Of course, that is always what is said at events like as this.”

“Worry not, my dear friend,” Hungary says, an idea striking her. “Such instances are when those of my ilk prove most valuable.”

“Is that so?” Deák looks Hungary over skeptically, knowing well what her face looks like when she’s about to push propriety.

“I insist,” Hungary says, passing her empty glass off to yet another waiter. “It is nothing less than attending to my duties as a partner of the Dual Monarchy.”

Deák doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t stop Hungary’s discreet exit out of the ballroom either. After all, there are few who better know the relationship of country and monarch as he. In this, Hungary’s judgment should be deferred to.

To some it might be surprising to have so few people around in such a large palace. Only those privileged enough to be frequent guests of the royal private apartments know that is the resident’s particular preference. When Hungary makes her way into the suit, she only sees two ladies-in-waiting in attendance. Just past them is the queen’s personal hairdresser Franziska Feifalik, tools of her trade held in white-gloved hands. Upon Hungary’s entrance all rise before falling into graceful curtsies.

“Kingdom of Hungary,” Franziska says in German, being one of the queen’s few servants who doesn’t speak Hungarian. “How may I be of service?”

“All I think I need is to follow you,” Hungary says lightly.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t even need to do that much, your Royal Highness,” Franziska smiles. “It is no great mystery.”

Franziska indeed guides Hungary through the royal quarters into the exact room she guessed she would end up. While it is as fantastically ornate as every other room in the palace, there are enough personal touches to give it a gentler, more inviting air. It’s a dream of nursery, eminently suitable for a tiny princess.

The most beautiful woman in the world is inside it.

Upon seeing Hungary, her impossibly perfect face relaxes into a smile so lovely the Nation momentarily loses the ability to remember what words are. Or how one puts them together coherently. Thankfully her reflexes remain, and Hungary dips into a deep curtsey before the Empress of Austria and her own Queen.

“Ah, my dearest Hungary,” Elisabeth says softly in her flawless Hungarian, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. “As always, it is so good to see you.”

“Indeed, Sisi,” Hungary says with equal quietness, glad to dispense with the needed demonstration of formality. The queen is one of her truest and deepest friends. The adoration of the Magyar people for the “Beautiful Providence” of the land is so strong it can overwhelm Hungary as a person. But she truly treasures the intimacy, and knows Elisabeth does too. As one they lean over the cradle where the Archduchess Marie Valerie sleeps as soundly as any other infant.

“I know I should have made my appearance already,” Elisabeth says, brushing the faintest touch across her daughter’s forehead. “One look at her sweet face and I couldn’t break away for anything.”

“I wouldn’t either from such an angel,” Hungary agrees. Elisabeth has endured so much loneliness, misery, and deep loss, the kind that transformed Franz Joseph’s naive Wittelsbach bride into the brilliant, distant diamond of a women she is today. For now at least, her face glows with a rare joy that makes her already incredible beauty almost impossible to withstand. Hungary can only pray that it lasts, for the strong woman who has proven to be the great salvation of the Hungarians.

“I can already see so much of Franzi in her face,” Elisabeth says, and even Hungary couldn’t really discern the true emotion in her tone.

“I’ll have to think on that next time I see his Imperial and Royal Majesty,” Hungary offers neutrally. “I’m due for a meeting in Vienna next week.”

“How stalwart you are, dear Hungary. To bear the burden of dealing with both your husband and mine at the same time.” With one last caress of her daughter’s downy hair, Elisabeth sits down in a nearby chair. A tall woman, this makes it much easier for Franziska to do some final touch-ups on her famously long, lustrous, chestnut-brown hair. As usual it is pulled up in elaborate, heavy braids, through with the adept hairdresser has wound several pearls. Examining the queen with an artist’s critical eyes, Franziska sets about making the tiny changes necessary to take the style from merely beautiful to sublime.

“I hope things have been...acceptable, with Austria,” Elisabeth adds, dark eyes looking compassionately at Hungary. The Nation is well aware how familiar her queen is with unhappiness in a marriage. It is just one of the many sorrows Sisi has been plagued with since joining the House of Habsburg.

“I got everything I hoped for out of my first wedding anniversary,” Hungary says honestly. “I still have my status, attended to my people, and spent time with you, my Queen.”

“I suppose that is enough,” Elisabeth replies. Of course she understands.

“Austria probably still hasn’t recovering from having to bend his will a fraction. If he has brought out poetry and flowers I might have fallen over with shock,” Hungary says, smiling a little to ease her dear friend.

There had been times in the past where Austria has been kind. Even sweet and tender. Counting off sheep to his maid and wards so they could sleep. The times when he would listen to Hungary sing as she worked, trying not to make obvious he was listening and liked it. Helping bandage up the wounds she had received kicking Prussia out during the War of Austrian Succession. Making such grand promises under Maria Theresa’s reign, ones that moved her heart as easily as a green girl’s.

If only Hungary could have married him a century ago. She had such hope then, such wonderful dreams. Had been ready to let ‘Austria, sir’ all the way into her heart. If only he had kept his promises, instead of letting the problems of his empire fester as he bound Hungary tighter.

Which leads them to here and now. A thousand years, and she and Austria can’t even talk to each other without a government mandate involved. It wasn’t what Hungary would have ever hoped for. But like so much else, it’s what she’s got.

Elisabeth rises, hair ministrations complete, and Hungary links arms with her.

“Now let me show my dedication and loyalty by escorting my exquisite queen to her most adoring citizens,” Hungary says grandly. It will be enjoyable, and a welcome respite of the impossible boil of emotions thinking of Austria always puts her into.

Hopefully.

By the time Hungary makes it back to the home she has in western Buda, her head rings a little with the weight of her hair, and much more with too much wine imbibed and unavoidable tobacco smoke breathed in. She barely remembers to wave Andrássy’s carriage off before her butler lets her in. He, her maids, and the house itself had all been wedding gifts, befitting the grandness of a full partner in a Great Power. More likely because the whole of Austria would probably die of mortification to have their Nation married to someone living in a tidy but small country house in outer Pest who dressed and cleaned for herself.

Still, Hungary’s grateful for it in this instance. Her every need is immediately seen to: butler taking her thin silk shawl, one maid escorting Hungary up to her bedroom to help her undress while another brings up a tray with an steaming cup of coffee and some crackers. Hungary downs it as her maid carefully removes her expensive jewelry to be safely locked away. The beverage does take the edge off her headache, at least.

“I hope the celebrations went well, your Highness,” the maid says cheerfully, setting the end of Hungary’s train to the part of her dress where she fastens it up and out of the way. It makes it less likely to be stepped on during her tasks, as well as easier for Hungary to sit during them. Doing so, the Nation looks into her dressing room mirror. Still beautifully clad, a perfect Magyar princess. But what is she now, anyway? Not a stranger to herself, but not holding all the answers either.

“Yes, very,” Hungary responds, realizing she let the question hang for far too long. Lost in her work, the girl just hums in response. Carefully she removes pin after pin from Hungary’s hair, leaving it to tumble down to waist in a mass of cinnamon-hued waves. The style the humble Habsburg maid had worn, but combined with the finest court dress available in all the Lands of the Crown of Saint Stephen. Suddenly, Hungary can barely breathe, the edges of her vision going black.

“I’m going outside for some air,” Hungary says abruptly, rushing to stand. Startled, her lady’s maid only has time for a squeak before the Nation flees the dressing room. Dashing down the stairs, she shoves the front door open to head into the gentle night. Chest heaving, Hungary looks around, takes in the quest of Buda in the late hour. Only faint noises from the occasional passing carriage disrupt the silence.

Instinct wins. Hungary runs. Runs in the way of Nations, beings who are people and state but also the earth. Who can shrink leagues down to nothing, who can cross their territories in minutes and continents in a hour. There is nothing in her mind but flight, heading west. Esztergom, Tatabánya, Komárno, Győr, all blur before Hungary’s eyes before disappearing just as quickly. The mindless panic starts to lessen around Sopron, and by the time she reaches the woods of Királyhida, the Nation has slowed to a normal walking pace.

Immediately, the pain of running so hard in a corset makes itself known, even if Hungary doesn’t lace herself as obsessively tight as her queen. Somewhere along the way her dainty dancing slippers fell off, leaving her stockings torn and feet bleeding from several cuts. With a groan, Hungary tears the useless hose off and tosses them aside along with her garter ribbons. Then a couple of petticoats for good measure, since if she’s going to look a fright it may as well be a comfortable one.

Hungary pats down her hair in what is probably a futile effort, and ruefully surveys her gown. Grass and mud stains dot the hem, and on her left there’s a rip about as long as her palm. Hungary isn’t really worried-her staff is clever and skilled enough to repair the damage-just annoyed she couldn’t at least have kept things together long enough to change into a less expensive and delicate dressing gown. She sighs, feeling the weight of everything on her shoulder get just a little bit heavier.

Hungary should return to Buda, but...it’s so nice out, so peaceful. Just sitting down for a moment and letting her aching body recover sounds heavenly. In the distance, she can hear the sound of running water. Hungary knows it well, has known it nearly her entire existence. It is but a short walk through the dark woods to reach the river.

The Leitha streams by as it has for millennia, shimmering like fine blue silk under the fat waxing moon. It’s been a dry year, the water much lower from the banks than it usually is, but even that doesn’t diminish the sight. There’s an outcropping of nice, flat rocks right at the edge of the waters. Hungary imagines children jumping off them on hot summer days, fishermen resting while patiently waiting for their lines to tug. It makes her smile a little, and after carefully gathering her dress up and sitting down she takes inspiration from the Királyhida locals and dips in her feet.

Nothing can describe how refreshing and cool the Leitha waters feel against Hungary’s sore feet and calves. Away from the frenzy of her daily life, with the peaceful woods around her and the simple pleasure of a river-soak, the Nation closes her eyes and lets the tension of the anniversary drain away.

A rustle snaps Hungary out of her comfortable reverie. Not loud, but standing out amidst the ambient noises of nature. The night has been such she’s tempted to dismiss what she sees, but no. There is Austria on the western bank of the Leitha, every bit the impeccable Imperial aristocrat in his gala uniform. Collar starched, whites crisp, medals polished to a gleam only his evening shoes match in sheer shininess. It makes her feel the total disarray she’s in all the more keenly.

“Austria, sir-” Hungary stops herself forcefully, pressing her lips together. She’s not a maid anymore, dammit. The last thing she should be doing is stammering at her husband like scullery wench caught above stairs, regardless of how messy she looks. She’s Austria’s equal now, and will act it.

“Good evening, Austria,” Hungary tries again, calm and polite. “I hope your anniversary festivities were enjoyable.”

This looks like about the last reaction her spouse expects, but he rallies near instantly.

“Very much indeed, thank you,” Austria answers, nothing in his voice indicating his personal feelings on the matter. He may as well have mentioned the weather for all the emotion he’s displayed. Violet eyes flick up and down, examining her with glowing alarm. “Are you in need of assistance?”

No withering comment on Hungary’s less than perfect appearance? Pre-marriage Austria (pre-this specific marriage, she mentally amends) would have never let that slide. Dishevelment had always indicated serious character flaws in his ordered world.

“I’m fine.” Hungary draws her knees up to her chest, and though Austria looks politely away he definitely takes a moment to do so.

“You were throwing your,” Austria pauses. Some aspects of Nationhood are beyond the ability of any language to capture, even for Nations themselves. “Your land-authority about with great abandon. When I felt you heading in the direction of the border I thought you were under attack.”

“Attack?” Hungary echoes, looking down at herself, then adjusting to what it must look like from her husband’s perspective. Suddenly his reaction made much more sense.

“I could not imagine you would come so near my half of the empire otherwise.”

“...it was just...something I needed to do,” Hungary says, really not wishing to explain her actions in great detail. She winces slightly as her still raw soles rub painfully on the stone. The cuts she had gotten must be deeper than she thought. For a Nation it’ll be no time at all to heal, but none of them are immune to pain. “I’ll be off in a bit. You don’t need to worry about anything.”

“You are my wife. It would be remiss of me not to be concerned,” Austria says. His tone is still even, but Hungary recognizes the look on his face. Austria is worked up about the situation. And a worked up Austria can be very, very unpredictable.

Sure enough, Hungary proves to be correct. Austria pulls off his gloves, tucking them neatly into his belt. Despite his stiff uniform he manages to kneel down and start unlacing his shoes with great speed.

“What are you doing?!” Hungary yelps, jaw actually dropping when Austria pulls off his shoes and socks.

“Merely being sensible,” Austria says, holding the articles in the crook of his arm. “Even on a warm night leather would take a while drying out, to say nothing of the condition it would be left in. And walking in wet socks is simply unpleasant.”

Beyond astonished, Hungary can only watch with eyes that must be saucer huge. Austria-fastidious, immaculate Austria-strolls into the Leitha with as much nonchalance as if he were walking along the Ringstraße. They’re at one of the shallower points of the river, the dry year lowering the level even more, but Austria still ends up soaked up to his knees. Hungary can’t help it and lightly slaps her cheek. The very real twinge of pain proves this isn’t some hallucination brought on by oxygen loss via running in a tight corset. Even then she can barely believe its real.

Austria emerges from the river and sets foot on the eastern bank-Hungary’s side of the Leitha. Setting his things down on another rock, her husband motions her over silently as he kneels.

“Your foot, if you please,” Austria says in response to her blank look. “One at a time.”

“They’re wet,” Hungary says in feeble protest, but lifts her left leg up anyway. Right now it at least means Austria isn’t looking at her face, gone crimson with the force of her blushing.

Almighty God, what a fool Hungary is. Having complicated feelings about Austria, a Gordian-knot like tangle of emotions and memories both good and bad, is one thing. Her most powerful neighbor, one she shares a direct border with. Naturally their fates would always be linked, one way or another.

But for all the past they share, the injuries and indignities Hungary has endured because of Austria...she never learns. One gentlemanly act, one of those rare moments where he lets the iron-clad armor of his rank and power relax, and the anger starts slipping away. And a great kingdom, a warrior who had been so fearsome people had prayed to God to be spare from her arrows, is reduced to a maiden with chest fluttering and head filled with rosy, hopeful dreams.

How many times had Austria made his promises, only to forget them at best or break them at worst? And how many times had Hungary fallen for it? The only thing that is different now is Austria hasn’t found a way to wiggle out of his obligations. At least, not so far.

It’s cool reasoning. Hungary only wishes her racing heart wouldunderstand what her mind does. Staring at the top of Austria’s dark head, bent over while long pianist’s fingers handle her with such care, makes any sort of progress on this front impossible. His right hand grips her calf to hold it steady, wedding band cool on her hot skin, and Hungary’s embarrassment multiplies tenfold. Which is beyond ridiculous, given Austria has, to put it politely, definitely had his hands on more than a bare leg in the past. At least during the times things were good between them.

“It seems your cuts are not very deep,” Austria says, mercifully unaware of Hungary’s line of thought. “Clean as well.”

“I’d have never guessed from how you were fussing,” Hungary says as Austria checks her other foot. She’s not eager to get back home home on them, but she’s definitely been able to ignore worse under harder conditions. “Marriage hasn’t made me soft yet.”

“Oh, I do pray not,” Austria murmurs. His face is hard to see from the angle she’s at, but Hungary is positive she catches a faint smile curling at the corner of his mouth. “It is a great shame, but unlike your other enemies I do not think you will be able to take your frying pan and pound your feet into submission.”

Hungary’s eyes narrow to green slits, but Austria pays her dangerous expression no mind. Taking out a handkerchief from his pocket, Austria unfolds it all the way before gripping it firmly at the middlemost portion of the top. It’s a beautiful piece of snowy linen, elegantly embroidered with a scarlet Ö monogram, and when her husband rips it neatly in half Hungary can’t help her cry of dismay.

“It is merely a handkerchief,” Austria says, looking surprised. Which means his eyes lift a fraction of a second before falling into their usual place of stately calm. Carefully he winds a strip of linen around Hungary’s left then right foot, after which he examines the results critically. “Fortunately you have small feet and it was just enough fabric, or this might have not worked out so well.”

Hungary stares down at her bound feet, which do feel better for the impromptu bandages. The Ö stands out like a brand, but can she even argue it doesn’t have some justification? If Hungary was able to be truly independent and stand on her own without Austria in the picture, she would have done so successfully by now. Instead here she is, lost by the river and having to be bailed out by her husband again. To Hungary’s horror, her eyes start to well up. Not here, not in front of him.

“Thank you for your h-help,” Hungary says, and oh God her voice chokes up. Austria starts, and there are very few things Hungary wouldn’t give right now to just throw herself in the Leitha and never come out again. “I-it was very...very…”

The one time Austria actually looks flustered and Hungary can’t even savor it. His mouth opens and shuts several times as she fails to get herself under control. Austria stands, and for a second Hungary thinks he’s about to leave her to her mortification. Then he sits next to her on the rock, as gingerly if she’s a stack of dynamite and he’s a lit match. Then Austria slips a hand underneath the flap of his bright white Field Marshal dress jacket and pulls out a silver flask to hold to Hungary silently.

On an evening less filled with strangeness Hungary would have been utterly dumbfounded. But their one year anniversary has decidedly not fit into that category, and so she wipes hard at her eyes before grabbing the flask. The Marillenschnaps Is very good, richly scented with the aroma of ripe apricots, sliding smoothly down the throat even as it lights a fire in the blood. So good in fact, Hungary Decides to compliment it by taking another swig, and then a third. She passes it back to Austria, who polishes off the rest of it.

“I didn't want to marry you and you didn't want to marry me,” Hungary says. There is no rancor to be heard in her words, and she feels none. It's a truth, plain and simple. If anything it's a relief to not to keep it locked away, when the two of them know better. She stares at the Leitha foggily, the schnapps being quite a bit stronger than she had credited. Hungary only wishes Austria had a second flask secreted somewhere on his Imperial person.

“An accurate summation,” Austria agrees, looking for a second something like melancholy. He gives his head a quick toss, evidently also feeling the effects of the apricot spirits. “Which brings us to the question at the heart of the matter. Where do you want to go from here?”

“I don't know,” Hungary says honestly. “And even if I did, it would only make a difference if it complimented what you want.”

One hundred years ago. If only they could have worked out the Compromise then. Hungary would have run into Austria's arms as joyfully as any bride, Maria Teresa smiling down at them both as the benevolent mother-Queen. It might not have been all she wanted, but still plenty enough.

“Just think of one thing, of the here and now. If you can,” Austria says, almost as if he needs her to do it for them both. To voice what he could never bring himself to.

“ I'd like... I'd like to be able to talk with you like this again. without needing alcohol, or me losing my slippers and looking like I crashed right into a bush,” Hungary answers slowly. She thinks of Franz Joseph and Elisabeth, how the love once there withered without understanding and balance to make it flourish. Thinks of her beautiful queen, who has suffered such misery, and the emperor in his loneliness. Too far apart now to ever reconnect on a marital level.

Hungry doesn't know if she could let herself love Austria with the whole of her wild heart. But she doesn't want to live a life of coldness, tied to a distant stranger who she used to know. Truly falling is too much to dream of now. What isn't then?

“Can we try being a better husband and wife?”

Austria looks at her, face unguarded for once.

“Neither of us is naive enough to hope for... for human things, a human marriage,” Hungary elaborates. This is what things have come to for them, the Magyar warrior who isn't brave enough to say ‘love’. “But I can try to be a good partner to you. If you're a good partner to me.”

Austria absorbs this silently, removing his glasses. His hand drifts towards his pocket before he evidently recalls his handkerchief is currently on his wife's person. He settles instead for wiping the lenses on his jacket before returning them to the bridge of his nose.

“Then we will both make the effort, and…” Austria thinks. “Here at the Leitha, a year from now. We will meet and decide what step to take next.”

It's not the world, but they're much too wizened by this point to make the lofty promises of starry-eyed romantics. This plan, however, is believable. Sensible. Not much to lose, but potentially much to gain. Hungary nods in approval, holding her arm out as boldly as any man. Austria hesitates for a moment, but reaches out to clasp her hand in his. Husband and wife shake on their plan, and to hope.

“Happy anniversary,” Hungary says, and if her smile is small it is also genuine. Her brow knits slightly as she looks up at the sky, trying to judge the time.” I think it's till the day.”

“For another four minutes and...sixteen seconds more,”Austria confirms, checking his pocket watch.

“I suppose I owe you an anniversary gift,” Hungary muses, wiggling her feet in their former-handkerchief bound glory. “Not that I have anything much on me at the moment.”

“Perhaps a kiss, then?”

Hungary turns to Austria in a flash, but a single glance reveals her husband to be in total seriousness. Well, whatever his angle, the least she can do is match it.

“One. And I pick where.”

“To be renegotiated in a year's time,” Austria counters. Hungary thinks it over before nodding her assent to his terms.

“My right hand, for however long is left in the day.”

“A minute and forty-nine seconds,” Austria murmurs, snapping the light of his pocket watch shut. “If you are ready?”

Hungary holds out her hand, still gloved in fine, thin, white kid leather. Austria takes it, long, nimble fingers dancing over her palm Like he wanted to memorize the feel of it. To her surprise, Austria doesn't merely take his kiss and be done with it. Instead, he glides slightly past her wrist, to the small line of pearls buttoning it up tightly.

“Austria,” Hungary starts, blush swiftly reviving. Her husband merely hums, undoing one button at a time with no sense of haste. “You only have-”

“ I know the time. Any good musician has an innate sense of its flow,” Austria says, with a calm that's nearly infuriating compared to the little sparks Hungary feels when his bare fingers brush against the tender skin of her inner arm. “I assure you, I will keep to our terms.”

Hungary wants to point out she should have had the sense to define said terms much more stringently. But the retort refuses to form as Austria slowly loosens the glove’s fingers one by one, sliding it off with what feels like infinite slowness.

Now that Hungary's hand is bare to the world-bare but for her wedding ring- Austria takes it in his own. It's a hand that still holds the history of Hungary's previous station: sword calluses, rein-marks, dry spots from doing the laundry in huge boiling copper pots. He grips her hand reverently, lifting it gently to his mouth.

Hungary shivers as she feels the air of the tiny sigh Austria lets out. Then he finally presses soft lips to her hand, and lightning runs straight up and down her spine. Damn him for playing so unfairly, and her for so easily giving into it!

Austria slowly separates from her hand, still letting it rest in his. Their eyes lock, and for a single, crystalline-fragile moment there is no one else in the world but the two of them.

“I think you must have gone over your time,” Hungary says, barely recognizing her voice for how breathy it's become.

“Actually, I had five more seconds,” Austria tells her after taking a look at his watch. Not his voice has gotten somewhat breathy too and dropped noticeably goes a long way to making Hungary feel better about her own reaction. “And now, midnight.”

Much like Cinderella, the magic ends at the stroke of midnight. Austria and Hungary look at each other ruefully, a tacit acknowledgement that their time in the woods is over. For now.

Hungary makes a point to slip her own glove back on, but allows Austria to rebutton it simply because it's hard to do on her own. Despite the quiet intimacy having passed, her body feels lighter than it has in a long, long time. her feet don't hurt nearly as badly as before, which helps.

“Would you care to be escorted back to Buda?” Austria asks courteously, face showing he already knows what the answer will be.

“No, I'll take myself home,” Hungary says before adding, “This time.”

However this ends up working out, Hungary doesn't think she'll ever forget the look of delighted joy that flashes over Austria's face before disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Then farewell,” Austria says, with a bow so elegant it would make any courtier burst into tears of joyful appreciation.

“Until next we meet,” Hungary responds and curtsies in return, quite nicely considering the mess of her appearance.

Good-byes exchanged, Austria turns to the west. Hungary turns to the east. the temptation to glance backwards one more time reigns, but neither knows if the other gives in to it. Another moment passes, and then the bank by the river is empty as if no one had ever been there at all. The Leitha flows on as it always has, patiently keeping its place of sanctuary safe until a year's time has passed once more.

Me: AusHun Week! So great! I can’t wait to write some stuff for one of my favorite ships ever! Me: *writes a bittersweet character study of Hungarian history in which Austria doesn’t even appear till the last third, twice* Me: I’m so good at this. :) :) :)

Anyway, as much as AusHun is a hardcore Ship of Ships for me and I love Cute Domestic Old Marrieds AusHun, to say their relationship has had its ups and downs would be a considerable understatement. And the circumstances leading to the Compromise of 1867 definitely stemmed from one of the worse lows of Austro-Hungarian relations. To say Austria came down on the Hungarian rebels during the Hungarian War of Independence in 1848 like a ton of bricks would be unkind to the bricks. Hungary was this close to breaking free, enough that if Austria hadn’t managed to get reinforcements from Russia to tag in she would have done it. And then he executed the rebel generals, put out death warrants for those who managed to escape like Andrássy and Kossuth, and stripped Hungary of her ancient rights and constitution to rule her under brutal martial law.

And thus things might have bopped merrily along for Austria except for a little one-two whammy called the Austro-Prussian War and the Second Italian War of Independence. His empire being on the verge of total collapse as well as shut out from the German Confederation Prussia had unified put Austria in a conciliatory sort of mood, for some reason, and negotiations with the Magyars were opened. Hungary, for her part saw an opportunity with a limited window of time in Austria’s weak position. Still remembering how easily her army had been routed by Russia’s, and recognizing if she didn’t make a move the one or more of the many Slav groups in the Kingdom of Hungary would move to deal with the Austrians instead, was also open to a settlement.

That anything would have even been agreed was far from a given. Though Emperor Franz Joseph recognized an agreement with Hungary was needed to keep the Austrian Empire from absolutely splintering, he was and always would be a hardcore autocrat who viewed giving up even a fraction of his authority as blasphemy against his divine office. The vast majority of (the Magyar part of) Hungary wanted nothing less than full independence, and had very fresh memories of the 1848 rebellions as well as a strong hatred for Austria. (The Slav parts of Hungary, as well as the Romanian parts, were shit out of luck and stuck in a state that argued for freedom and self-determination...if you were a Magyar, and keep dreaming for that autonomy otherwise. Except don’t, because it’s not going to happen. Now go and practice Hungarian some more!

(As for Croatia (or Horvát Királyság/Kingdom of Croatia as Andrássy calls him here) was the only minority group in the Kingdom of Hungary who did have something of a protected, autonomous status, being that Croatia actually entered a personal union with Hungary in 1102 instead of being conquered. After the Austro-Hungarian Compromise was passed, a separate Compromise was arranged between Hungary and Croatia, resulting the creation of the Kingdom of Croatia-Slavonia. Which was liked in Croatia even less than the Austro-Hungarian Compromise was in Hungary.)

But fortunately for Hungary, she had two absolutely brilliant and indispensable statesmen, Ferenc Deák and Gyula Andrássy, who were both pragmatists who felt a sustained autonomous Hungarian state would only be possible as long as defense and foreign affairs were shared with Austria. Even more fortunately, Hungary had a vital advocate in Empress Elisabeth of Austria, who had fallen in love with the land of Hungary and the Magyar culture and was relentless in seeing Hungary’s cause advanced to her husband Franz Joseph. And thus the Austro-Hungarian Compromise was reached, signed by Deák and Andrássy and ratified by the restored Hungarian Diet on May 29th, 1867, and officially capped off with the crowning of Franz Joseph and Elisabeth as King and Queen of Hungary on June 8th, 1867.

Even though the deal was done, tensions were still high and remained that way for a long time. Ask anyone familiar with Austro-Hungarian history who the Compromise was a better deal for (or if it was a good deal period, and if it just fueled the problems that utterly crumbled Austria-Hungary in WW1 or if those problems would have just happened anyway) and you’ll get a different answer every time. I wasn’t able to find what specifically was done to celebrate the first anniversary of the Compromise, but presumably the occasion was marked so yay for artistic license.

Piros, fehér, zöld is the red, white, green of the Hungarian tricolor. The stripes were made horizontal to avoid being confused with the Italian flag. The Dual-Monarchy era flag also had the Hungarian coat-of-arms right in the center.

Technically speaking, Buda Castle was just known as the Royal Place for most of its history, including during the Dual Monarchy.

Díszmagyar is the traditional Hungarian court dress, and very beautiful. The dress Hungary is wearing here is this one, originally worn by the Countess György Majláth to the original coronation of Franz Joseph in 1867. Hey, the Nation deserves the most swag dress at her anniversary party, after all.

I think most Hungary fans know about the Battle of Mohács in 1526 against the Ottoman Empire, but it absolutely can’t be stated enough how utterly devastating it was for the Kingdom of Hungary. In a single day the kingdom was torn into three, the king was dead, much of the nobility had been killed as well as the at least 14,000 soldiers who also died in combat, and the entire country was basically free for the taking-which the Ottomans and Habsburgs did. It would take nearly four hundred years for Hungary to become fully independent again. The only thing remotely comparable in Hungarian history was the Treaty of Trianon after its loss in World War I, which saw Hungary stripped of two-thirds of lands it had possessed for centuries, and is still a very sore point for Hungarians today.

I went back and forth on how the Kingdom of Hungary should be addressed in a formal situation, the people who think of these things having never thought how the Nation itself would need to be called. I settled on “Highness” as an appropriate title for an immediate member of the royal family-though really wouldn’t the royal family be members of Hungary? “Apostolic” in the title is specific to the Kingdom of Hungary alone. I did my best? I’m also not sure if Andrássy’s address is accurate either, considering he was both the prime minister and a count, but this was my best approximation.

“The Lands of the Crown of Saint Stephen” was the official title of the Hungarian half of Austria-Hungary.

Mihály Zichy was a Hungarian painter who did do more traditional portraiture, but is probably better known for his considerably more naughty drawings. (Which I actually find quite wonderful). Just be aware if you decided to google them with SafeSearch off.

Franz Liszt was born in a German speaking part of Hungary and was never able to speak the language (though he tried to learn), but very much thought of himself as a Magyar and a Hungarian patriot.

Elisabeth of Austria was the Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary. And she really was the most beautiful woman in the world. Just look at her! Unfortunately, the minute she met her cousin (oh, royalty)/the Emperor of Austria Franz Joseph in 1853 (at a meeting that was supposed to cement an engagement between him and her sister Helene), and he decided he only wanted to marry Elisabeth, her life was set upon a course of stifling misery and eventual tragedy. Sisi as she was known (and NOT SISSI, which she never referred to herself by), had grown up in a very relaxed, informal household under her father the Duke Maximilian Joseph in Bavaria. (Seriously, take some time to read about it, it’s pretty wild). A shy, naive, fifteen year old country duchess from Bavaria was thrust into role of Empress of Austria in a little over eight months.

It went about as well as one would expect. Sisi was utterly isolated at the Austrian court, not comfortable around crowds and formal situations, and in general treated as an child unfit for her role. This was compounded by her mother-in-law/aunt, the Archduchess Sophie, who never hid her opinion of Elisabeth as anything more than a vessel to produce heirs and acted as Empress in official functions as well as politically more than the actual Empress. Even more unfortunately, for all Franz Joseph loved Elisabeth (and did for the rest his life, long after any chance of mutual romance was dead), he never understood her, her needs, or that he should make any sort of compromises on his end to make their relationship work. Franz Joseph was always quick to defer to his mother over his wife, including the part where Sophie essentially took Elisabeth’s first three children away from her and raised them herself. As you can guess, this not only made things worse, but engineered a huge disconnect between Elisabeth and most of her children that would have severe consequences later.

After the Crown Prince Rudolf was born, leaving Elisabeth free of the responsibility to produce any more heirs, the older, wiser, and more cynical Empress had by this point acquired the fortitude and political capital to do as she pleased. Restless by nature, she traveled constantly and avoided Vienna and her husband at all costs. The only thing that brought her back was the cause of Hungary. She had fallen for the wilder, romantic country, one very much in tune with the sensitive and dreamy Elisabeth compared to rigid, traditional Austria. Recognizing they’d have a powerful advocate in Elisabeth, who at this point was at the peak of her beauty and enormously popular in Hungary, Deák and Andrássy in particular (who she become close with to the point they were rumored to be lovers, though nothing has ever been proven) reached out to her. Acting as an intermediary between Austria and Hungary, Elisabeth was absolutely essential to making the Compromise happen and seem a legitimate deal for Hungary even in its unpopularity.

Part of this assistance was agreeing to have another child. Elisabeth quickly became pregnant after the Compromise was passed, and more significantly chose to give birth to her child at Buda Castle. It was the first time a royal child had been born in Hungary in centuries, and the notion was seriously raised that had it been a boy the child could have become king of an independent Hungary, separating it from Austria. As a girl was born, the Archduchess Marie Valerie, it was a non-issue. (Ironically, Marie Valerie, who was born in Hungary, baptised in Buda, and only allowed to speak Hungarian to her mother, grew to have a severe apathy for Hungary in part because of the persistent rumor that Andrássy was her real father. Even as she grew up to strongly resemble Franz Joseph and the rumor died, the apathy lasted. But they’ve still kept the bridge with her name on it between Hungary and Slovakia, which I guess is nice?)

If you somehow couldn’t tell Sisi is one of my two favorite historical figures, by the way...well yeah, she is. (The other is Valdemar Atterdag, for the curious).

Királyhida is the now-Austrian town of Bruckneudorf, but in the Dual Monarchy days was in a German-speaking region of western Hungary. Regardless of the local language preferences, the town was required to have Magyar name.

@emperorfranzjoseph: @ErzherzogtumÖsterreich bitch stole my look #ÖsterRUDE #whoworeitbetter #fieldmarshaleleganza

I figured “Austria, sir” would serve as a nice substitution for “Austria-san” as far as tone and place of social rank is concerned. And yes, over many centuries Austria and Hungary have done the do with each other. If you don’t think Austria was in boner city after seeing Hungary wail on Prussia during the War of Austria Succession, well, congrats on being totally wrong.

Thank you to all who read this fic and all the brave souls who actually got all through the notes section. You guys are the real MVPs. And I swear I’ll try to do an actual happy AusHun that features a kiss racier than the hand...someday...

#aushun #aushunweek2018 #aph austria #aph hungary #fanfic #historical fic #elisabeth of austria #axis powers hetalia #doing this on tumblr was a nightmare and i hate this site #can i leave

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thedefinitionofbts · 7 years

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Red and Gold (M)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Iron Man!Jungkook, Fluff, Scifi, Comedy, Smut

Words: 11K

Description: It’s no secret that genius, billionaire, international playboy, and philanthropist- Jeon Jungkook, better known as the CEO of Jeon Industries-and even better known as Iron Man, is one of the most intelligent, wealthy, and powerful men in the world. There’s nothing that can get to him or his ego, that is, until you happen to show up and give him a run for his money.

A/N: It was only a matter of time before I put in an attempt to make Jungkook’s dream a reality...kind of....but not really lol.... Enjoy!

Warnings: Mentions of Violence, Explicit Sexual Content

Even before Jeon Jungkook inherited Jeon Industries from his late father, he was notorious for being the spoiled heir of the world’s largest weapons manufacturing conglomerate. People had constantly given him crap for being fed with a silver spoon since the day he was born, that is, until he became Iron Man and shut those fuckers up by saving the world on more occasions than one. Apparently just being a genius inventor-and part time philanthropist-just doesn’t make the cut anymore. And ever since he revealed his identity as the guy in the red and gold metallic suit, things have gotten more interesting so to say.

He had originally thought taking over his dad’s business was going to be a lot of pressure-the sort of responsibility he put off by getting drunk every other night and sleeping around with the beautiful women who would melt in the hands of his wealth and reputation. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the greatest of ideas, but let’s just say he wasn’t quite ready for adulting at the free-spirited age of 18 and wanted to have a little fun while he still had it in him. But now that protecting the world was one of his liabilities, that sort of recklessness had to be put on the backburner. To be honest, it was getting a bit dull for Jungkook anyways, and he can’t say he didn’t like the extra attention he got for being one of the coolest superheroes in the history of superheroes.

Of course life has not been any easier-not that Jungkook ever found life to be difficult, per se-he’s a genius, remember? But there were a lot of people out there who wanted him dead or would go extremes to get their hands on his unrivaled suit of armor, so constant renewing of his self developed technology was a must. And he’s always been able to get what he desired and accomplish what he wanted, whether it was by his own efforts or what he’s been conveniently gifted by the circumstances in which he was brought into this world, for the most part at least.

“Mr. Jeon, your new-“

“Namjoon, how many times have I told you?” Jungkook cards a hand through his tousled hair and proceeds to twirl a pen in his hand. “Ditch the formalities, just call me Jungkook.”

“Right, Jungkook” Namjoon clears his throat, looking back down at his ipad. “As I was saying, you’re new assistant is due to come in this afternoon.”

Jungkook cocks a brow. “New Assistant?”

“I notified you of the selection process a month in advance, and emailed you the results just last week, surely you didn’t delete that email before reading it again, did you?”

Jungkook has a momentary flashback of the message titled “New Assistant” that was sitting unassumingly in his inbox, the contents of which he was too hungover to actually read at the time. He vaguely recalls requesting for a new helper to provide assistance in designing his next generation of Iron Man suits. This must be that request coming to fruition.

“No, no. How could I possible forget about my new assistant?” Jungkook says, making a that’s-completely-absurd face, and proceeds to cross his legs and lean back against his leather chair. “What was his name again?”

“Her, Jungkook, she’s a woman.” Namjoon corrects, shaking his head in defeat.

“Ah right, a fan of Iron Man I assume?“ Jungkook’s eyes light up, interest clearly sparked by the thought of a female work assistant. Having been stuck with JARVIS-his artificially intelligent system, for the past few years was getting a bit too lackluster for his taste, not that he didn’t appreciate the irreplaceable assistance of his personally designed AI.

“She’s not merely a fan, Jungkook. She was the most qualified candidate.” Namjoon declares confidently, feeling rather annoyed at the younger male’s arrogance. Despite being a genius superhero, Jungkook was far from mature. It was always times like these when his 21 year old self would show through the lavish lifestyle and heroic suit.

“Even more so than you?” Jungkook cocks another eyebrow, turning to look at his long time secretary that he had met during his universities days and handpicked from the crowd of similarly qualified classmates. He had first and foremost offered the position the older male, in hopes that the visibly capable man would be thrilled to take his offer, but Namjoon had declined saying that there were more skilled people than he to fill the spot.

“I myself would not be so confident in putting my own credentials up against hers.”

“Oh, she’s that good?”

Namjoon nods. “Even for you.”

Jungkook lets out a laugh as if it were a joke. “In case you’ve forgotten, I graduated from KAIST-the most prestigious engineering university in South Korea, with two master’s degrees in computer and electrical engineering when I was 18.”

Namjoon nods again, fully aware that the boy was a genius, but he also knew that Jungkook was someone who tended to let his ego get to his head. “You’ll see.” He says with a grin.

As cliché as it may sound, Kim Namjoon was the type of person who had the money, the looks, and the brains to start his own company and become just as successful as Jungkook’s father but decided to work at Jeon Industries for the good of human kind. In other words, he is essentially the core reason Jeon Jungkook became Iron Man in the first place, sticking with him through thick and thin and guiding the boy through countless trials. Long story short, he had saw potential in the boy when they had met on the first day of freshman physics, had a flashing thought that with a little help, the lost soul who didn’t have a meaningful purpose in life at the time could actually become a hero, literally.

And since then, Namjoon has considered himself to be the kind of person who had a good eye for people, places, things-you name it-that would help Jungkook grow as a person, and why he had decided to hire you as Jungkook’s new assistant was no exception.

…

After receiving the acceptance email informing that you had been selected to work for Jeon Industries as the CEO’s personal assistant, you had done a little bit of research on the location of your new work place and future home. Jeon Jungkook lives on the outskirts of Seoul, on a mountainside overlooking the bustling metropolis from an elevated reference point. It’s a place you had imagined Beverly Hills or Malibu would look like, but with no other rich houses around.

His secretary had come to pick you up at 2pm sharp and driven you through the heart of Seoul to the surrounding mountain range that snaked around South Korea’s capital. He was the same man that had interviewed you and explained everything on the job description down to the last detail.

“Do you remember what I told you?” Namjoon queries, eyes still focused on the winding road.

“That I shouldn’t let him feel superior to me?”

“Yes.” He confirms. “I know he’s technically your boss, but the only way to get a man like Jungkook to take you seriously is to treat him as your equal.”

“You sure he won’t end up hating me to the point where he’ll fire me for being disrespectful?”

Namjoon chuckles. “Jungkook won’t hate a woman who has the guts to stand up to him. If anything, he won’t be able to let go of you.”

You wonder what Namjoon means by that last part, but you aren’t given the chance to ask as he pulls into the driveway of a gigantic mansion, minimalistic and modern, with multiple space-craft like layers jutting out from the cliff and glass windows to contrast its smooth white walls.

Momentarily gawking at the impossibly high-tech design and silently estimating the cost of such a large property, you have to remind yourself that Jeon Jungkook is one of the richest men in the world and all of this is probably just the bare minimum for him. It’s going to be something you’ll have to get used to, now that you’ll be staying here permanently. Exciting as it maybe, you’re still a bit nervous about meeting this Jungkook, after all if genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist wasn’t daunting enough, he also held the title of being the world’s most popular superhero- Iron Man. It’s definitely going to take some adjusting, transitioning from your humble graduate student life to having the weight of world peace resting on your shoulders, and you’re not even sure if you’ll ever get used to waking up as a personal assistant to such a powerful man, but you were here now and ready to get things started.

You quietly follow behind Namjoon as you roll your suitcase of clothes and personal items down the cement sidewalk leading up to the front doors. You manage to sneak in a deep, sedative breath before the doors open automatically and a rush of cool, air-conditioned breeze greets you. You were expecting an expensive tailored suit and freshly combed hair, but what you actually come face to face with is a doe-eyed, baby-faced 20 something-year old dressed in a pair of grey sweat pants and an oversized white t-shirt, looking like he just crawled out of bed even though it was almost 4 o’clock in the afternoon.

And it’s not that you’ve never seen him before, like on TV or in the newspaper, but he definitely looked a lot younger- verging on adolescent- in real life, and maybe it was that saying about how make-up does wonders, but the man at this point was looking no different from your average college undergraduate.

But that endearing description of his outer appearance went down the toilet the moment he approaches you and opens his mouth. And it’s safe to say that there are very few things that manage to annoy you upon first impression, but the cocky look plastered on Jungkook’s face when he shakes your hand just so happens to be one of them.

“A pleasure, Miss...” Jungkook snaps his fingers and winces as if he were trying to recall your name, which he probably didn’t even bother to remember in the first place.

“Y/L/N” You reply.

“Ah, yes, and is that what you prefer to go by or…”

“Y/N, just Y/N”

“Y/N” Jungkook repeats, getting a feel of how the syllables slip off his tongue.

“And it’s Jungkook, I assume?”

“Actually you can just call me Mr. J-” Jungkook stops before realizing you had just called him by his preferred title without him needing to correct you. He clears his throat, catching his near slip-up. “Yes, call me Jungkook.”

Jungkook gives you a brief tour of his huge villa, mainly to get you semi-acquainted with the kitchen-where food will always be available in the event that you get hungry, the multiple bathrooms-self explanatory, and his own master bedroom, probably to show off his overly luxurious sleeping quarters-a spacious room noticeably bigger than your entire apartment back in Seoul- as indicated by his smirking when he sees your wide-eyed reaction. At the end of the tour, he leaves you in the guest room, the place you will actually be staying from now on, and allows you time to get settled in before taking you down to his lab.

“So this place isn’t even password protected?” You question, mildly shocked that you literally just had to take the elevator down to his “secret” lab.

“That would be too much of a hassle, wouldn’t you think?” Jungkook smirks, staring at his reflection on the mirror doors of the elevator and fixing his ruffled bangs indifferently.

“You do understand that if this kind of technology gets into the wrong hands we’re all doomed right?” You put your hands on your hips as you watch the elevator doors slide open, growing more and more aware of why Namjoon had specifically warned you to not take his shit.

“Look sweetie, does it look like that hasn’t happened before?”

You scoff, shaking your head. “Namjoon did say you were a sassy one.” You comment with a sigh.

Jungkook makes a pretend offended face. “Is that what he says about me behind my back?”

“Like you’re actually surprised.” You roll your eyes.

“You’re right. I’m not.”

You had to admit that Jeon Jungkook’s lab is the sort of high-tech haven that puts sci-fi movies to shame. The walls are smooth, metallic, and undoubtedly bulletproof. His waist-high table that projects 3D holographic images of his latest designs is located at the center of the large, relatively empty space, but you know that with just a few simple commands or the press of some random buttons, things will just start popping out from the walls or surface from below the flooring.

There were also prototypes of his old suits that have been battle worn, the same red and gold coating that you’ve seen on the news when he was flying through the air at sonic speed, fighting off nefarious villains with the rest of the Avengers, or captured on video by onlookers and posted online to garner views.

“I know everything looks super cool, but don’t touch anything unless I tell you to.” Jungkook informs, not so subtly treating you like some untrained child.

“Oh don’t worry about me, I would never want to mess up your precious batcave.”

Jungkook whips his head around and narrows his eyes. “Who do you think I am? Batman? This is my personal laboratory where I perfect the newest technology for Iron Man.”

You shrug. “Same thing.”

Jungkook opens his mouth to retort, but decides against it last minute. You can practically feel him trying to contain his annoyance, but Namjoon had told you not to let his ego get too big, so sorry not sorry.

He presses a few buttons on the main control and an entire display of different Iron Man suits opens from the far wall. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the varying designs, some looking more intimidating than others either because of their dark color scheme or the machine gun-like contraptions attached to the backside. You unquestionably still preferred the original red and gold one, the piece located at the center of the display for obvious reasons.

Jungkook follows as you slowly approach the glass barrier separating you from actually coming into direct contact with the suits on display. He was watching you closely, expecting you to be in complete awe of the famous metal armor that is currently regarded as the most powerful weapon in the world.

“Impressive right?” You hear Jungkook voice nonchalantly, making you realize you’ve been silent for too long.

“It’s essentially a gold-titanium alloy exoskeleton powered from the electricity generated by that pacer-sized nuclear reactor.” You state, examining the efficiently designed-but far from flawless (in your opinion), chunk of metal encased in the display. “There are a lot of things that can be improved about it.”

Jungkook clears his throat at your blunt and composed response. “I’m not going to deny the accuracy of that description,” Pause. “but I prefer to call it a suit of armor.”

“It’s sleek and aesthetically pleasing, I’ll give you that one.” You add.

“You do realize that it would take 20 engineers several years to build one of these, when I just happened to whip one up in a matter of days, right?” Jungkook smirks, leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed, eyes still trained on you.

You nod, as if you were agreeing with his boastful statement. “Yes, you and your 3-4 AI-enabled robots who process information hundreds of times faster than the human brain. In other words, you and 3-400 other people made a metal suit that flies and shoots lasers in the time it takes for the rest of us to learn the Korean alphabet. Very impressive indeed.”

Jungkook is not one to get angry over people who aren’t blown away by his unparalleled work, but you were definitely a first. Like who isn’t impressed with the suit?! It’s red and gold for crying out loud! And what was that about flying and shooting lasers? How on earth is that not just beyond amazing?

And if he is annoyed or incredulous at this point, Jungkook doesn’t let any of the signs leak out, because 1.) He’s Jeon Jungkook and 2.) He’s Iron Man.

“So as for improvements for the suit, I have some ideas that might be worth considering.” You announce, as you played around with the holographic images projected in mid-air.

“Yeah, me too. I was contemplating putting my initials on my chest, you know, like that star Captain America has.” Jungkook retorts, grabbing his wristband and suiting up. “I’m kind of tired of the whole glowy circle ordeal.”

You ignore his blunt joke. “I’m thinking of adding a feature like instantaneous suit ups or something” You suggest, watching as the pieces of metal fly towards him and begin unraveling in synchronized order to conform to the shape of his body with the press of a button on his wristband. “Sometimes you’re suit ups look like they take too much time, what if-”

“I’m also thinking we can try out black and silver paint to see how it compares to red and gold or adding some… glitter.” Jungkook interrupts before you can finish. You watch in frustration as he stretches out his arms to admire his handiwork and looks down at his feet like he’s just bought a new pair of shoes or something.

“Can you stop joking for one hot second?” You snap, irritated by his childish attitude towards you.

“What? I’m just getting the priorities straight.” Jungkook says, voice muffled by the suit helmet. Even through the metallic mask you can picture the smug look on his face.

You weren’t planning on being any harsher on him than you already were, but this guy clearly isn’t planning on giving you a break any time soon, is he?

“Are you afraid I’m going to steal your secrets or are you afraid I’m going to see past your genius if you show me all your cards?” You declare outright, finally done with his games.

Jungkook swallows, glad for once that the metal helmet was hiding the shocked expression broadcasted on his face. He wasn’t expecting you to hit a target so close to the reason he was being so immature. Yes, he was maybe worried that you’ll see past his immodest façade and challenge his intelligence if he didn’t beat around the bush, but Jungkook was confident enough in his own abilities that it wouldn’t be the main reason he was avoiding getting to the real meat of the problem. He’s never had an actual human as a personal assistant, let alone a woman, and he feels like he was thrown a curve ball because he has most certainly never met someone this hard to impress.

“Fine.” Jungkook huffs. “You want to cut to chase? We’ll cut to the chase then.”

You’re relieved to have won the first battle, having made it clear to him that your not just here to gape at his self-proclaimed “awesomeness”. True as it may be, he still needs to come down from his high horse once in a while, and that’s exactly what Namjoon expects you to do as his assistant.

…

You spend the next few days analyzing and tweaking virtual mock-ups of upgraded suit parts or in Jungkook’s own words: “Iron Man 2.0”.

He hasn’t necessarily gotten better about the cocky attitude and obvious air of superiority, but he had at least started taking you quasi-seriously. He had been kind enough to give you some actual work to do, granted it was mostly “innovative brainstorming” of ideas he may or may not use, but baby steps, right? You also figure he’s not going to be too keen on giving you the low down on key information, stuff that would risk putting Iron Man’s clandestine technology at stake in the event that you quite or get captured.

At the moment Jungkook himself was playing around with more suit parts, going through virtual simulations of how he could improve shooting accuracy and motion dynamics. Stationed at the new desk next to his work table, you’re permitted to watch him work his magic from the best angle available, and although it was probably all part of Jungkook’s plan to show off, you still had to admit he looked pretty attractive when he was hard at work, expertly manipulating mechanical parts and designing intricate electrical circuitry. The way he furrows his brows as he scrutinizes the virtual projection hovering mid air and elegantly twirls his fingers as he manipulates the images at light speed, was, simply stated- mesmerizing.

“Where are we going?” You query as you rush after Jungkook who suddenly asked you to go with him on a “test flight”. You had never been asked to participate in an activity outside of your work with him in his laboratory, so you didn’t really know what to expect, especially not when it involved flying.

“Outside.” Jungkook leads you out to his perfectly groomed lawn, a leveled patch of green surrounding his cliff-side mansion, analogous to a backyard of sorts.

It was midday, and the sun was hanging high in the cerulean sky, warm rays shinning blindingly down on the grassy estate. You take in a breath of fresh air as a gentle breeze blows by, lifting strands of your hair and carrying over the scent of nature and wildlife. The weather was mildly warm, perfect for outdoor activities, although most people didn’t have the luxury of doing what you were about to embark on now.

“You’re going to perform a test outside?”

“Do you need me to state everything explicitly?”

You roll your eyes. “I’m just worried that someone might be…I dunno, watching? Waiting to steal your technology?”

“I own this entire area. There’s literally no one around.” Jungkook says showing maybe just that tiny hint of mild exasperation because he wrongly assumed once again that you’d at least be excited because he’s totally given up on impressing you at this point.

He presses a few buttons on his wristband and waits as the metal pieces of his Iron Man suit immediately fly over.

“But even governments of entire countries are careful about the leakage of classified technology when doing weapons testing, and your Iron Man suit is the most powerful weapon on the face of the planet. Would it kill you to be more discreet about it?”

“Just grab on.”

“So much for getting a chance to say goodbye to my family and friends.” You mutter as you climb onto his back.

Jungkook has time to let out one more long sigh before the mask plate latches on to the helmet and covers his face.

As much as you’ve been too put off by his ego to be amazed so far, you can’t hide how exhilarating it is to fly with Iron Man. It was like living your childhood dream of being a dragon rider but a million times better because it was actually real, and you’d think that being suspended thousands of feet in the air would be terrifying to say the least, but something about knowing Jungkook’s reliability and industrial precision in combination with his heroic duty as Iron Man was enough to provide the utmost assurance that he would not let you fall.

You momentarily forget to take note that this “flight test” isn’t actually a flight test but rather Jungkook’s personal break from work, because 1.) It was quite obvious that he would never fly this slowly in any serious situation and 2.) He wouldn’t have you on his back if he was actually trying to fine-tune advanced flight dynamics. So instead, you choose to focus on the way the rush of wind feels brushing past your flushed cheeks and how wispy the fluffy white clouds look close up, resembling a dream-like space illuminated by blinding sunlight and cast with chromatic strips of misty veils. As Jungkook adjusted the flight elevation to glide below the clouds, the beauty of the vast landscape below, extending endlessly for miles in each direction gradually comes into view. It was better than any picturesque scene you could witness from mountain tops on a clear day or the observation deck of some of the tallest skyscrapers in world, because everything was in motion and soaring past your senses like a live-action movie.

“I know, I know, the aerodynamics of the joint areas need fixing, the stability needs a bit of adjusting, and the rocket propellers could theoretically be more environmental friendly.” He sighs, waiting for you to nitpick at the flight functions as the suit peels off his body and folds back into inconspicuous metals chunks when he lands back down at the mansion.

“That… was incredible.” You murmur, still calming down from the adrenaline rush.

“Really?” A surprised look appears on Jungkook’s face just before it vanishes instantly. “I mean, yeah of course, not everyone can say they’ve flown with Iron Man, except weapons of mass destruction from other worlds that have been tossed through dimensional portals and whatnot.”

…

“So how has the upgrade been going?” Namjoon asks as he sits across from Jungkook at the dining table, waiting for the food to be served by the humanoid robot maid.

The dining room was a part of the house that was cantilevered into the surrounding environment; an open space connected the area to the living room where his grand piano was situated on a stage-area in the rounded corner. The contemporary color scheme for the walls and flooring was both simplistic and sophisticated, with the entire back wall made of glass, granting a bird’s eye view of the nocturnal skyline of Seoul not too far in the distance.

The sun had already set by the time the two of you finished up in lab after the impromptu flight break, and you had gone back upstairs to freshen up before dinner.

“It’s going.” He responds, playing around with the fork while his hand rested against the table.

Jungkook is not one to admit he’s been challenged by another person, let alone, impressed by someone else’s idea, especially not when it came to the suit, but you had him questioning a lot of his past designs and suggested some very good improvements that he may or may not be deliberately choosing to ignore for the sake of his ego.

“Care to go in depth?”

“Flight adjustments.”

“You took her on a flight?” The older male raises his eyebrow, a half grin stretching on his lips.

Jungkook opens his mouth to answer, but sees you walk into the room and silently seat yourself next to Namjoon. You hadn’t heard what they were discussing, but you did think it was strange that they stopped talking upon your entrance.

“I’ll just give you two some privacy.” Namjoon says before standing up and walking out.

“He’s not eating?” You twist your head towards the direction Namjoon had exited.

“Mr. Kim is going to have dinner with his family in Seoul.”

“Mr. Kim? Don’t you just mean Namjoon?” You raise an eyebrow, wondering why he’s acting so weird all of a sudden.

“Yes.” Jungkook quickly blurts, clearly looking mildly uncomfortable, nervous even, if you had to pinpoint the exact way he avoids direct eye contact and purses his lips.

Dinner, as usual, is a relatively silent one. You don’t know if this is the right time to strike up a conversation and you’re not sure if you even have the right to get more personal with Jungkook, but it seemed rude to not even engage in small talk. The entire place was silent except the occasional sound of metal cutlery against porcelain, and you can’t help but imagine what it’s like to live here alone, to be the hero of the world and yet have no one to share your burdens with.

“So are you and the rest of the Avengers like super close?” The question lingers in the room for an unnaturally long period of time as Jungkook finishes chewing his mouthful of steak.

“You act like we’re some super secret boy band or something.”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“We work together, and that’s about as close as it gets.”

You mull over his standoffish response, reasoning that there probably isn’t that much to say about the group of superheroes he’s a part of other than the fact that they aggregate when the need arises and whatnot. They don’t really have much in common, especially since one of their members is demi-god and another was born back during WWII. You suspect that there must exist some belief disputes and value discrepancies akin to cultural barriers or generation gaps, but of course, that doesn’t take away from just looking super cool when they all jump into action.

“Do you ever get scared?”

“With every villain out there trying to wipe me off the face of this planet?” Jungkook continues cutting his steak, running through all the answers he’s given to the media, his fans, other acquaintances, and trying to come up with a textbook Iron Man response. “Not really.”

“I mean, of failure and letting those who rely on you down.”

There you go again, hitting targets like some female version of Hawkeye.

Jungkook doesn’t know how to respond. His preliminary reaction is to repeat what he just said-“not really, no”; shrugging it off like the answer to that question didn’t matter. And truthfully, he wishes it were true, that he isn’t afraid of anything because he’s freaking Iron Man, and he’s supposed to be practically invincible. He should be used to the expectations, and he’s more than familiar with performance goals and guaranteed success. Ever since he was young and his father didn’t allow for screw-ups or showing signs of weakness. But Jungkook doesn’t know why he can’t get himself to lie to you, not when your eyes are so round and glassy under the chandelier, and you seem to be the first person to care more about his flaws than his accomplishments.

Maybe he just thought you were beautiful the moment he laid his eyes on you and maybe your mind was the type of logical eccentric-ness that he could get used to having around because it was somehow a complementary match for his own. As unexpected as it was initially, Jungkook thinks he can learn to appreciate how you don’t just drool over every little thing he does or sit back and take his shit for that matter. And maybe, just maybe, all of this makes him feel like he doesn’t have to put on a mask of perfection all the time, and that you could conceivably accept his vulnerable side too.

“Yeah, I worry about that sometimes.” He murmurs.

…

Jeon Jungkook’s greatest invention to date-besides the suit of course, is that glowing ring of regenerating atoms that powers said 900 Newtons of armor. You had learned from Namjoon that the first prototype of the famous device was developed in a cave (with a box of scraps), back when he and Jungkook were captured by a band of terrorists in the Middle East. It was essentially a multi-isotope radioactive decay cell that mashed two isotopes of hydrogen together, aka a ring of charged particles moving within a magnetic field fast enough to allow for high-energy collisions. The impossibly compact device supposedly releases enough energy to power large cities for millennia but was destroyed in some epic battle last year.

Since then Jungkook has invented a new means of powering his suits, one that entailed the creation of a new element, which you couldn’t even begin to fathom how but decide against questioning the legitimacy of such a feat after he shows you the nth permutation of the substance in a vial. You vaguely remember reading about it in an article online at the time he announced it to the world, a new discovery that erupted as breaking news in the scientific community and sparked countless debates between chemists and physicists around the globe, but the details of such an invention were understandably not released to the public, leaving nothing but assumption-based speculation about its exact molecular make up.

“The ultimate goal is size reduction.” Jungkook’s voice echoes through the lab as you trail not too far behind the tall man.

“It’s already hamburger-sized, wouldn’t it be dangerous, if not impossible, to condense that sort of fusion reaction any more than it already is?”

Jungkook chuckles as if your concern was completely ungrounded. “What’s the worse that could happen?”

“It might, I dunno… blow up.”

“It won’t blow up.” He looks at you with a bored expression before proceeding to turn the machine on.

He’s still trying to figure out how to get you to have some faith in him, and as hard as it is to admit, it honestly isn’t even about his ego anymore. He just wants you to know that he knows what he’s doing and that there are some things out there, or more accurately quite a few, that you can rely on him to handle. Like saving the world, protecting you from harm, and not blowing up his own house.

Even with his nonchalant attitude, your skepticism persisted, or maybe it was precisely because he was acting so blasé about the whole thing that fueled your concern evermore and elicited such a perpetual chariness for everything he did. Although you haven’t actually seen him mess up big time in the period you’ve been working with him, you’re not too keen on the way he runs risks like they’re unworthy of precaution or the way he lets his confidence dictate the statistical probability that something could go wrong. You also haven’t personally witnessed any of the heroic deeds he’s done in the past first hand, but from the looks of what’s usually broadcasted in the news, he’s run into his fair share of mishaps.

It was only a couple hours into the day when the unthinkable-or perhaps it’s rather predictable-happens, and you can’t say that you haven’t weighed out the risks of working alongside Iron Man before taking the job, but you also thought you’d at least be given a heads up when trouble decides to pay you a surprise visit. But no, that’s definitely not how things work around here. Just as you were about to examine the old prototypes to make a list of all the upgrades that have yet to be implemented, you feel the room begin to rumble, the metal pieces on the table commence vibrating like you were in a airplane flying through a rough patch of turbulence.

“What the hell is that?” Jungkook mutters, looking around the room in confusion.

Your eyes immediately dart towards the reactor, its beams still glowing brightly in the glass casing connected to the machine.

“So much for it won’t blow up,” You grumble as Jungkook tsks in annoyance.

“Stay here” He shouts as he rushes over to turn the machine off, looking around frantically to identify the cause of the quaking floor but to no avail.

“Shit” You curse as you hear an explosion from above, eyes widening as panic ensues.

“Oh boy” Jungkook voices as he dashes to grab his wristband control for his Iron Man suit.

“It’s not coming from the reactor.” You shout, eyes popping and jaw dropping as you stared at fragments of the ceiling cracking and falling in chunks of rock and dirt.

“What a surprise” Jungkook retorts back as the roof begins collapsing.

“What’s happening?” You scream, coughing violently as your lungs begin to close off due to the plume of debris from the falling building thickening the air. There was another loud boom, shaking the entire room and making you fall to your knees as the ground started to tilt like a seesaw.

“Jungkook!” You shriek again in mid-cough after he doesn’t respond and bits of rubble continued to rain down from the demolished ceiling. You lift your arms to cover your head, curling up into a fetal position as if that would protect you from the dropping hunks of metal and concrete.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this.” His voice assures, cutting through the static flittering of torn electrical wires from his damaged machines. “Though, I’m still offended that you actually thought I would make such a novice mistake with the reactor.” He shakes his head, disappointed at your lack of trust in him. This was unmistakably an enemy attack, as indicated by the bombs being dropped from some aircraft carrier in the sky.

“Jungkook!” You scream again as another explosion detonates from the left.

“Here catch!” You hear his voice layer over the loud blast and a familiar item slide towards your feet. His wristband suit control. You quickly reach over to grab it, squeezing your eyes shut as the suit begins to cover your body, shielding you from the rapidly disintegrating walls and unrelenting eruptions.

You couldn’t see anything, and your eyes dart around the smoke, mind racing to find where Jungkook is, praying that he’s also protected by another one of his Iron Man suits and unharmed. But to your dismay, he’s not. You spot his unconscious body lying beneath a collapse slab of concrete, blood running from his temple. Fuck. Why didn’t he use the armor himself? Why did he toss it to you before he could shield himself? Is he insane? Just as you make a move towards him, you feel a force sucking you up. It was like you were unable to move, having no control over whatever was dragging you up in the air. The ground was getting further and further away as you ascended in the suit by some outside force not within your control. The upward motion stops at the loud clanking of metal against metal, leaving you suspended above the collapsing mansion. You watch in horror as the entire building begins to breakdown, crumbling down the mountain like an avalanche.

No.

Jungkook.

“Jungkook!!!!” Your scream, but none of it can be heard.

This was bad. Very, very bad.

…

There is no way this is actually happening.

You continue to chant the words under your breath, pinching your eyes shut and attempting to wake up from this nightmare.

Lucid dream. It’s just a lucid dream.

It’s the thought that’s stubbornly plastered to the front of your mind, like that white lie you tell yourself in order to stall having to face the impending doom head on, to stall having to watch the disintegration of the last bit of dwindling optimism with open eyes, and to ignore having to acknowledge the wreckage that has already manifested. It’s the only thing that keeps you from sinking into a panic-driven attack, providing a delusional façade to conceal the reality that there’s a possibility that Jungkook might’ve just died and you might just be reaching the cusp of the end of the world. His death is the one thing you don’t want to think about because that would just leave this entire situation void of any hope, any silver lining, but that image of the mansion folding in on itself and tumbling down the mountain is tattooed to the back of your eyes and it won’t go away.

No, this can’t be real. He couldn’t have just died so easily. He was Iron Man.

Repeating the words don’t help at all, not when you’re currently stuck to some massive lump of metal alloy, unable to move, unable to escape. From the looks of it, you were being flown to the North Korean border. You should’ve known some secret organization from there was behind this sneak attack. They had been trying to steel military technology for years now; it was only a matter of time before Iron Man became their next target.

And now, you find yourself in some empty warehouse, stuck on what you suspect to be a giant magnet-the very one that they captured you with and had brought over on their aircraft carrier. It was dark, and the only light source was the subdued daylight filtering through the dusty windows lined on the longitudinal walls. There was a group of men with machine guns surrounding you, and a leader in the center staring intently at you as if he were waiting for you to take the metal helmet off. Well, that wasn’t happening anytime soon. You barely knew how to walk in the suit, let alone work its controls.

“You can go if you hand over the suit.” The leader of the masked men declares, scrutinizing your movements carefully, not that you could even move at this point.

“Hell no.” You spit back, letting them know there was no way they were getting the suit, especially not when the safety of the world was on the line. “Over my dead body.”

You notice the widening of his eyes at the sound of your voice. “Iron Man is a woman?” His is undoubtedly surprised by the unexpected higher pitch.

“I’m not Iron Man.” You snap back, mind racing with thoughts on what to do. There’s no way you can get out of this place without taking the suit off, but would they actually let you go if you surrendered? They’re probably lying, tricking you to give up the suit. You’ve heard of people who have been captured by the North, being tortured to death with the most brutal of techniques, and it was safe to say, you’ve never heard of anyone making it out alive.

“Well if you’re not coming out, we’ll just wait until you die in there then.” He chortles. He turns and signals for the rest of his men to leave with him when a voice from the entrance interrupts.

“Yoo-hoo! I don’t mean to intrude, but Iron Man is over here.” You hear a familiar voice reverberate throughout the warehouse.

Jungkook

“You might want to work on your front line of defense. You know, for future reference.” The relief that washes over you that instant you see him in the classic red and gold suit of armor is like none you’ve ever experienced before, because it just confirmed that Jungkook was alive and he’s come to save you as Iron Man.

“You?” The leader sneers.

“Yeah, so let her go.” Jungkook’s voice is stern and demanding, but without responding to his request, the masked leader orders his henchmen to begin shooting at Jungkook immediately.

The sound of bullets hitting metal echoes through the warehouse, ricocheting off the walls and ringing in everyone’s ears, a vibration so cacophonous that the men stop shooting to cover their ears. After the gunpowder clears, it’s obvious that his suit remained unscathed, red and gold paint still smooth and glossy, shining like a newly waxed car under the sunlight.

“What part of bulletproof is hard to understand?” Jungkook comments, still standing tall and un-phased after the series of gunshots that were cast as him.

“You can take the girl in exchange for the suit.” The masked leader growls, acting like he was still in full control of the situation. Could this guy be any denser?

Jungkook only chuckles to that sorry ass of a threat. “In any other scenario I might’ve taken you up of that offer, but you’re not really in the position to bribe me right now are you?”

“Have you lost your ability to attract women? Why is this one so special to you?” The man inquires-a feeble attempt at trying to get into Jungkook’s head-as the rest of his men keep their guns pointed towards him.

“Wow, you guys watch our news too?” Jungkook cocks his head to the left, helmet making a metallic squeak. He was practically in the news everyday back during his playboy days.

“We monitor our enemies.”

“I don’t want to toot my own horn-aw who am I kidding? I’ll have you know, I’ve never once had trouble pleasuring myself, thank you very much.”

“Enough of the chit-chat, so what’s it going to be Jeon? The woman or your precious suit?” He was getting irritated now, as evident through his brash mandate and raised voice.

Jungkook sighs, loud enough to hear through the helmet. “And to think I actually thought this would turn out to be more interesting.”

Shaking his head, he fires a series of miniature missile from his shoulder pads straight into the barrels of their guns, making them all explode in their faces, knocking the group of men out without even breaking a sweat.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” He says, running over to you and waiting for you to come down from where you were levitated. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of stuck to the magnet.”

“Use electromagnetic interference.” He instructs.

“What?”

“Again, the disappointment.” Jungkook sighs again. “Y/N, do you seriously think I haven’t already solved the magnet problem? The suit is equipped with multiple electromagnet generators that allows for the manipulation of the surrounding electromagnet field. It’s strong enough to redirect ferrous projectiles in flight. No? Doesn’t even sound remotely like something I would’ve thought of?” He shakes his head; the damaged pride from you looking down upon his genius is practically seeping out of the suit at this point.

You on the other hand, sense your face heating up, almost feeling the need to apologize for your own incompetence. Of course this whole “stuck on the giant magnet” issue was a matter of you not actually knowing how to use the suit and not Jungkook’s elementary mistake or his overlooking of an essential function.

“It’s this button near the chest.” He reaches over and presses it, and the minute it’s activated you fall off the metal wall and land back on the ground.

“T-thanks”

“No problem. All in the days work of Iron Man.” He shrugs, trying to make you feel better about everything that’s happened. You smile even though you're fully aware he can’t see it anyways.

The two of you begin walking out of the warehouse in hopes of finding a spot where you could fly back to Seoul unnoticed. You walk beside him, almost forgetting about the tragic events that occurred prior to him coming to the rescue and asking about how he managed to escape because you were so caught up in replaying that moment he showed up just in the nick of time to rescue you. You were still pretty unaccustomed to moving in the suit, and it wasn’t too surprising when you accidentally swing your arm and punch Jungkook in the side whilst lost in your dreamy thoughts like some teenage girl who just got asked out by her crush. Such an act normally wouldn’t cause a reaction from him at all, but he suddenly hunches over and grunts in agony.

“Oh my god, you’re still hurt aren’t you?” You gasp, snapping awake and remembering he was still trapped in the collapsing building the last time you saw him.

“Eh, I’ve been through worse.” His metal masks opens up and you can see he’s sweating profusely, whether it was due to the pain or if his wounds have become infected, you don’t know.”

“Jungkook, you’re hurt!”

“Hey, at least I managed to save you. I’d call that a win.”

You feel your eyes swelling with tears triggered by a chaotic mixture of panic, concern, and gratitude.

“Stay with me, Jungkook, you can’t lose consciousness.”

“I think I need a short nap.”

“No! You’re Jeon Jungkook” You look at him in desperation. “Genius, billionaire, philanthropist, playboy-

“International playboy” Jungkook corrects, before letting out another groan of pain as he tries to lift an arm to caress your helmet covered face.

“Whatever, the point is, you’re Iron Man, one of the coolest superheroes in existence. You can’t give up. The world needs you. I need you.”

A weak smile forms on Jungkook’s face before his eyelids begin to droop.

“I’ll take that as a yes to the date I’m about to ask you on.”

It was obviously not the place to be talking about such things, but Jeon Jungkook wouldn’t be Jeon Jungkook if he weren’t being sassy in even the most traumatizing of situations. You smile and let out a sniffle-laced laugh as more tears run down your cheeks.

…

“He’ll be fine in no time.” Namjoon says as he brings you a cup of water. “He’s recovered from injuries ten times worse than this.” He reassures, patting your shoulder as you remained seated next to an unconscious Jungkook lying on his bed.

With the destruction of his luxurious mansion, you had to temporarily stay at the penthouse of Jeon Tower, the tallest high-rise building in Seoul owned by none other than Jeon Jungkook. Luckily he had stayed conscious long enough to fly the both of you back to the city because you had no idea what the plan was after taking down that band of North Korean infiltrators. Namjoon had been waiting at the top of the building, making sure he had a doctor on call to tend to Jungkook’s wounds. They weren’t severe as stated by his personal doctor, Dr. Park, a young medical practitioner who specializes in cardiac surgery, just some cuts and minor internal bleeding.

You had stayed around to take care of Jungkook while he was bedridden for a couple of days. His vegetative state was concerning, but you trusted Dr. Park and Namjoon’s instincts, after all they were used to this stuff happening more often than not. You’ve been keeping yourself awake for the most part, sleeping only when your eyes could not stay open, but never leaving the Jungkook’s side. You technically owe him your life, so it was the least you could do. You allow your eyes to gloss over his features, never having seen him so calm and at peace. His lips were slightly parted as he remained in a deep, unadulterated slumber, feathery bangs resting gently on his forehead. You don’t restrain yourself from tentatively reaching over and cupping his cheek, admiring how such a youthful person can carry the burden of being the unstoppable hero that is Iron Man.

Jungkook’s eyes flutter slightly as your hand comes into contact with his face, slowly opening and adjusting to the diaphanous light cascading through the open window. His pupils dart around lazily, trying to analyze the situation as his mind gradually returned to reality.

“Hey” He whispers when he sees you by his bedside.

“Oh you’re awake, thank god.” You let out a breath of relief.

“Sounds like I was out for a while.”

“To the point where I thought you wouldn’t wake up.”

He smiles at the way you gaze at him endearingly, sluggish eyes slowly gaining that usual spark you were so used to seeing.

“And miss seeing your beautiful face? No way.”

You roll your eyes. “Your net worth is $12 Billion USD, why did you choose to save me over yourself? Doesn’t seem like a smart move on Iron Man’s part.”

“Half of me wants to say it was just my superhero side kicking in.” He admits, grunting as he tries to move into a sitting position.

“Superheroes don’t spring into action without their suits.” You state, standing up right away and supporting him up.

“Call it instinct, but I-I guess I just didn’t know what I would do if something were to happen to you.” His voice comes out as a whisper, but his statement hits you directly in the heart.

…

With you tending to his wounds for the next few days, Jungkook’s recovery happens a lot quicker than either Dr. Park or Namjoon had predicted. You had disinfected all of his cuts on a regular basis, prepared his medication as instructed, and aided him in his daily activities for well over a week now, but it was on one particular night when you thought he had fully recovered that you allowed yourself to let your guard down, which you were soon led to believe might’ve been a mistake.

You hear a groan of pain emanate from the next room over, and without a second thought, you rush over to the bedroom to find a naked Jungkook. Upon seeing his bare back, you immediately turn around, face nearly exploding from the heat rush.

“I-I thought it was your injury.” You stutter, heart beating a mile a minute.

“Nah, I just stubbed my toe as I was trying to take off my pants.” He responds, acting like you didn’t just bust in on him when he was literally butt naked, like no underwear or anything, not that you actually took note.

There’s a moment of silence, one in which your nerves continue to grow because Jungkook had stopped talking and you don’t know why you feel like you’re physically rooted to the spot because you should’ve exited the room by now and Jungkook was probably just waiting for you to leave.

“O-Oh, ok I’ll just go then!” You declare quickly before taking a step forward. But just as you were about to sprint out of the room, you feel an arm grab onto you and flip you around to face him.

He was still naked.

Your eyes immediately squeeze shut and if your heart was beating a mile a minute before, it feels like it’s traveling faster than the speed of light now. What the fuck is he doing? You think, still holding your breath as if you were submerged underwater.

You hear him chuckle lightly.

“Am I finally making you nervous?” His voice is low and seductive, albeit not without that playful hint that it’s always laced with.

“N-no” You lie, eyes still shut as tightly as you can manage.

“Then are you going to open your eyes anytime soon?”

You mentally scold yourself for acting so childish at seeing a naked man. It’s not like you’ve never seen one before. Doctors and medical students do it all the time, why are you acting like the human body is some forbidden fruit that you’re not allowed to eat?

You take one last long breath and slowly open your eyes. His face is only half a foot away from yours and all you can seem to do is get lost in his huge doe-eyes- dark speckled orbs more ethereal than the view of the cosmic scenery from atop the clouds-making you momentarily forget the actual situation you were in.

“Like what you see?” He whispers, warm breath sweeping against your bare neck as you swallow.

You feel a rush of tingling need crawl up your spine, heat swelling toward your extremities from your pulsating center.

“Is this how Mr. International Playboy seduces women?”

He huffs a shortened laugh and looks down at the floor before raising his head and peering at you with a mischievous expression. “Only you.”

He waits for that discernable hint of opposition to taint your eyes, to perhaps be laced in your features, but receives none because all the signs you were showing now-the subtle lip biting, the lustful glint in your irises, the slightly trembling legs-are conveying that you want him-badly, and before you know it, his hands are cupping your face and his luscious lips are crashing against yours.

You feel his hands meander down your body, groping and massaging your flesh as he continues to deepen the kiss, inhaling every bit of you like he’s been waiting for this for an eternity. The instant his hands come to rest at your waist, you wrap your arms around his neck, closing the distance between your clothed chest and his bare body. He lifts you off the ground and you straddle him as he carries you over to his perfectly made king-sized bed. With only the thin, lightweight fabric of your cotton shorts separating your center from his gradually hardening cock, you can’t help but embrace the growing need flooding your core while Jungkook’s lips remain connected to yours, moving in slow but sensual motions.

He breaks away momentarily as he lays you down on your back, the coolness of his silken bed sheets shocking your heated nerves in waves of rushing tides.

“I need to confirm that this is something you want.” Jungkook says, voice reverting back to his businessman tone. “Verbal consent.”

You soak in the anticipation encasing his visage as he awaits your response with a kind of patience and formality that only Jeon Jungkook and Iron Man can whip out at a moment like this.

“And if I don’t give it?” You quirk an eyebrow, teasing him to see how he would react.

“Then it stops here.”

“Jungkook, wait” You snatch onto his arm before he can leave. “I want you to fuck me.”

A smirk stretches across his lips. “You take joy in driving me insane don’t you?” He exhales, before diving back into kissing you, hungrily suckling onto your lips as he slowly slips his arm under your shorts.

“I can say the same about you.” You gasp, between his twirling tongue and dancing fingers.

“Oh, but correction. I’m not going to fuck you.” He says in his composed, explaining-a-scientific-theory voice, pausing yet again and making you groan at the lack of stimulation. “I’m going to make love to you.”

You roll your eyes, but you’d be lying if you his statement wasn’t endearing in its own quirky way.

“Please” You beg, hoping he stops randomly pausing just to prove that his logic is superior.

You barely catch that mysterious twinkle in his eyes before he’s down on his knees, positioning his head between your legs as he tugs your shorts down, exposing the soft flesh that is already moistened by your juices.

“And so marks the end of you not being impressed by Iron Man” He says, gradually working his way to your opening, leaving a trail of pecks leading up to the fleshy folds. He tentatively teases the flabs, tongue gliding over the entrance making you jolt from the sudden stimulus. He alternates between sucking on your clitoris and eating you out with care, like a man on a mission because you are unlike any other woman he’s tasted before and he wants nothing more than to pleasure you and only you.

You spread your legs wider for him, feeling a flame being lit in the pit of your stomach as he continues to suckle at your already throbbing core. The sound of your emitted moans are driving his senses crazy and prompting him to delve deeper into your opening with his tongue. You know you won’t be able to hold on much longer, and Jungkook senses it too as you arch your back and squirm under his steady grip on both of your thighs.

“C-Come up, I want to ride you.” You manage to voice, sitting up as Jungkook rises from off the ground upon your command.

“Someone’s feisty,” He comments with a smirk before laying flat on the bed, his arousal evident by the precum already dripping down his shaft.

You cautiously position yourself on top of Jungkook, straddling his waist as you tug your shirt off, unclasping your bra and throwing it off to the side. You closely observe the way his eyes trace down your neck and widen as they land on your exposed breasts. He swallows, chest rising and falling but otherwise remaining motionless as he watches unblinkingly at your every move. You see his Adam’s apple bobble up and down as you lift your body to angle yourself against him, aligning your opening with his cock, and using your fingers to separate your already drenched folds before slowly sinking down on his erection centimeter by centimeter, pausing now and then to adjust to his girth. You let out a series of whimpers as you feel your walls being stretched to their limit, expanding to make room for him as you lowered yourself hilt deep.

Jungkook lets out a guttural moan once he is completely inside of you. He’s never been in such a compromising position, always preferring to be the one in control, whether he was facing an enemy or fucking some slut to oblivion back in his reckless playboy days, but with you it was different. He took pleasure in the way you rode him, the look on your face as you bit down on your bottom lip, eyes pinched shut as you tried to stall coming entirely undone just to make the moment last.

“That’s it baby-mm, keep going.” He asserts, throwing his head back as you rocked your hips against him.

You keep your hands pressed against his bare chest, stabilizing yourself as you moved your lower half. It wasn’t long before you felt yourself nearing the brink.

“Fuck, J-JungkookI- I-” With your movements staggering as you feel the approach of your oncoming orgasm, Jungkook decides to take matters into his own hands just before your release. He sits up and flips you on your back; your legs still wrapped around his lower half.

“Allow me” He hums, leaning down and pulling you back into a kiss as he begins to thrust in and out of your opening, one arm reaching down and rubbing circles against your clit.

He pumps in and out, smooth and practiced, an art form perfected from past experience and yet something tells you he’s never made love to a woman quite like this before. Maybe it was the way he maintained a stable line of eye contact as he caressed your cheek with his free hand, like he was searching for some answer within your soul that confirmed you were the one and he’s finally found the only person who has the ability to keep him grounded, even when he soaring above the clouds. That person he’s been waiting for whose concern for him is not tied to his duty to protect the planet or dependent upon his continual success in everything he’s expected to excel in. The sincerity in your faint smile and the tender speckles of solace reflected in your irises are more than enough to convey to him that you are, indeed, that person.

You make it an undertaking to memorize every last aspect of this long awaited moment, tracing down his beautiful features as he stared longingly and lovingly into your eyes. You take notice of how he’s trying to calm his breathing and the way he’s keeping his upper body stable just so he can direct his attention towards you, an unspoken validation that you were the only thing that mattered right then and there. The look of concentration and pure focus molding every inch of his face is comparable to the way he looks when he’s designing world changing technology, and it makes you feel extraordinarily special, just like his unmatched suit of armor. The moonlight continues to spill through the large glass walls casting shadows across the room and delivering reminders of the lively city a hundreds floors below. With the pressure growing at an exponential pace, you know you’re close to brink and the falter in Jungkook’s steady breathing gives an indication that he is too.

“F-ffuck” Jungkook moans as he feels your walls clench around him, making him wince and sink his own teeth down on his lower lip as he’s dragged to the edge.

“J-Jungkook, I-I’m-”

You both release at the same time, highs reaching their end in a hot euphoric drowning out of all senses, making the room spin, and leaving both parties desperately gasping for air. All you can feel is the pleasure coursing through every nook and cranny of your being, and the weight of Jungkook’s body falling on top of yours as he continues to whisper your name in between his ragged panting.

“God, I am so in love with you.” He says as he rolls off of you and onto his back, but not without turning back and cradling you in his strong embrace.

“I love you too, Jungkook, or Iron Man, or whatever you want to be referred to as.” You giggle, nuzzling your face into the curve of his neck, placing gentle kisses on his sweat glistening skin.

“Does that mean you’ll stop doubting my abilities?”

“Depends on what abilities we’re talking.” You tease.

“Damn you’re hard to impress.”

You only giggle at that. It’s not your fault he’s shown you so many of his cards.

He closes his eyes, blissfully saturated in the scent of your hair and the warmth of your intertwined bodies, wishing he could stay like this forever. “So what do you say about trying out black and silver for the suit?”

You take a moment to consider his proposal, imaging the suit sporting a new combination of colors. It’ll probably look really cool either way, but you ultimately decide that nothing can compare to his signature look, the one that screams nothing but Iron Man and the awesomeness of one of the coolest superheroes in the history of superheroes.

“Actually, I prefer red and gold.”

...

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worrentigre · 6 years

Text

Rhuli’a’s Trial pt.1 (RP Scene)

Rhuli’a Kanjun. The prospect who has approached Worren Tigre months ago, asking for official training as a Fist of Rhalgr. Though the man shows potential, Worren has noticed a few personality traits that he finds unfavorable for a Fist. So he has tested him and observed time and again, slowly sewing tidbits of training and advice in between. However, this has gone on long enough, and Worren has one final test for him before he decides to induct him into the ranks of the Fists and train him for real. The young man has spirit, pride, and skill. Worren believes his view is narrow, and does not see the bigger picture. This final trial will be conducted within the Temple of the Fist, much like Worren’s other student, Kodaro. Not only will his body be tested, but also his mind and heart. Will he return as a Fist of Rhalgr? Or will he fail and not survive the trials ahead.

The location is Rhalgr's Reach, early morning. Worren is sitting at a table near one of the tents outside of the Temple of the Fist, dressed in his temple uniform. A call goes out over the linkshell network. "Kodaro and Rhuli'a. I need to see you both in Rhalgr's Reach today. I will be waiting near the Temple of the Fist." There's a moment's pause before Kodaro responds with the ghost of a yawn still apparent in his voice. "Do I need to bring my cyclas?"

Worren: "Yes."

Kodaro: "...have I got time to grab breakfast first?"

Worren: "Yeah. No rush. Get yourself situated. I will be waiting."

The pearl catches the end of a relieved sigh. "Alright, then. I'll be there within the bell, sir."

True to his word, the Seeker appears near the aetheryte no more than forty five minutes later. Clad in his muted green cyclas with the hood down, his mentor's gauntlets, and his own choice of steel greaves, he almost cuts an impressive figure were it not for his typical good natured grin. After a bit of wandering, he finds Worren and greets him with a formal bow before peering about the tents with his tattered ears swivling about.

"No Rhuli'a yet, huh? Nuts. I never seem to catch that guy outside of formal meetings. So, what's on the agenda today, sir?" Worren stands and returns the greeting, then waves him over. "Come sit. This is good. We can discuss the training before he gets here. It's time for his test, and you're gonna help me give it." Kodaro obliges and picks a perch, slinging a small rucksack to the ground beside him. "Like the one you put me through here, or have you got something else in mind?" Worren nods, "Oh, he's goin' in, all right. I need to see where he stands in times of duress. And man, will there be duress. It will be different from yours, though."

Kodaro: "He's ready to go in already? That's great, he must've made some serious progress if you're sending him in to the temple. What's my part in all this?"

Worren: "He's unlocked a gate already. Now it's time to see of he has the brains and resolve to use it properly. The aim of his test is survival. If he passes, he will have a prize waiting for him as well as my consent to formally train him as a Fist. If he fails, he dies."

He leans back casually. "Your part is simple. His path will be impeded with several scenarios that will take more than just his strength to get through. You will shadow and observe him. Feel free to add to whatever tests he comes across if they seem too easy for him. Do not be seen, and do not help him in any way. He needs to accomplish this with his own power and mind. Call it a question of... how bad does he really want it? I will also be watching."

The younger monk frowns a bit, fiddling uncomfortably with his eye patch until Worren finishes. "Sending him in and then letting him die is tantamount to murdering him ourselves; if I feel he's in real, direct, immediate mortal peril I will intervene." Kodaro lets the statement hang for a moment with grave finality before continuing with a slight grin. "Anything up to that point, though? I'm game. Coupla broken bones build character." Worren grunts. "If he dies, he dies." He looks to Kodaro sternly. "I have confidence in him, and I see potential, even if he does not, himself. This is his choice. It always has been. But, if he is wishing to walk this path, he will have to be willing to walk though the depths of hell, survive, grow, and remain humble."

Kodaro: "Worren, you swear off killing Spoken but you expect me to sit back and watch someone die? Absolutely no chance. I'm not budging on this. Any amount of harm short of that, fine, but I am drawing a line. I don't think it'll come to that kind of direct intervention, but I'm not just going to watch Rhuli'a die today if it comes to that."

Rhuli'a hadn't bothered replying across the pearl. Only a few malms away from the Reach itself, he had taken it upon himself to simply travel there by foot. The dusty air of Gyr Abania whipped around him as he entered the reach after a passing of time. Spying the Highlander who had summoned him, he closed the distance between them, looking at the pair of them as he asked. "And today's labor is?" Kodaro cuts himself off as soon as he catches sight of the keeper; he hops down from his spot as Rhuli'a approaches and greets him with a wave and a toothy grin. "Hey! Long time, no see!" Rhuli'a gave a small, muted wave towards Kodaro, "Afternoon, friend."

Worren stands and approaches, putting a hand on Kodaro's shoulder and hisses in his ear quietly. "Go on ahead inside. We will use my network. And a word of caution; if you cannot continue to trust my judgement, then it may be time for you to be turned loose. We'll talk later." He straightens and nods again, before turning to Ruhli'a. "You made it. Great. Come, follow me. I will explain why I called you here on the way."

Kodaro nods quietly before turning to stroll inside, calling over his shoulder, "Good luck! Keep your cool and stay focused, yeah?" with an encouraging grin before drawing up his hood and calmly pacing through the towering double doors in to the temple.

Rhuli'a gave them both a questioning look before nodding towards Worren. Following him but a few paces behind, he waited for a few moments, and, if the Highlander did not start speaking, he'd venture forth with, "Some trial methinks. I would not think Kodaro would speak to me so if not."

Worren: "It is. Also why I don't ask of him for anything that requires much disgression. What do you know about the Temple of the Fist? Has your family ever spoke about it?" He begins to lead them into the long entrance way.

Rhuli'a: "Nay, though I've taken a look at it from time to time. Obviously not allowed past the gates, but a looking glass has seen it closer to mine eye than I could hope."

Worren: "I see. Not entirely accurate, though. The outer areas of the temple are accessible to everyone. It is inside the main area where only those who are strong may enter. The monks of old used to come here to train, worship, and study. Over time, changes have been made to make the temple a training and proving ground in and of itself. The Fists would come here to test their abilities against the traps made within. Today, I will be administering you the trial that will decide your standing within the Fists of Rhalgr. Once we get to the main doors and you enter, you will be on your own. You must make it through in one piece." He speaks evenly now, devoid of emotion, and is looking straight ahead at the fountain they are approaching near the entrance doors. "You will have to use all of your strength to get through these trials. Survive, and you have proven to be one of us. Fail, and you die."

He then stops and looks at Rulhi'a. "Know that this is optional. You are not being forced to take this trial. However, if you do not take the trial, then I will turn you away, as I will believe you would not be able to make it as a Fist. You could find another to guide your path, should you still wish to walk it. But, if you take the trial, then may Rhalgr guide your steps. Survive, and you join our ranks. That means no more jerking you around; I will finally begin formally instructing you on your power, the culture, and what it means to be a Fist. What are your questions?"

Rhuli'a gave Worren a look of slight disdain. "With all due respect, I'm hesitant to bring my arts to bear against simple machinery and such. Combat is reading and reacting to your opponent, not figuring out whether or not a blade will come out of a hidden slit in the ground. I'll take your trial, if only to prove that new ones are needed." The Miqo'te folded his arms across his chest, slightly uncomfortable as he furrowed his brow. Never one to shy away from expressing his thoughts, the dark-haired monk gave no indication that he was going to back down.

Worren continues his blank expression, as if observing the man. "Since you are so confident that you will complete this trial, then allow me to give you your first lessons early. Never mistake will power for overconfidence. Making assumptions can be the difference between life or death. And being a Fist of Rhalgr is much more than just one on one combat with another person. To assume so would be seeing only a small part of the big picture. Mastery of self is more than just martial mastery." He then turns to face him fully. He then puts his fist in his palm and gives a slight bow. "Our customary greeting between my brothers and sisters. You may not see this greeting often, but it is very important."

He gestures to the large doors that lead into the temple to begin the trial. "The trial will begin the moment you enter these doors. You will enter alone, and will have no help. There is no time limit, but it will do you well to not slack. If you survive, I will be waiting for you, and will be the first to greet you as a Fist of Rhalgr. And also, a word of caution. The most obvious solution is not always the correct one. May Rhalgr guide your steps through the temple." He nods and gestures to the door again.

Rhuli'a's eyes narrowed as Worren spoke to him. Breaking eye contact, he began to stretch himself out, warming himself up as the highlander continued to lecture him. In his mind was only a light buzzing as he contemplated all that was being told to him. Shoving it aside as nothing more than warnings, he stood, nodding once to the large man.

Turning without words, he strode to the door, shoving them open as he crossed the threshold.

Supremely confident.

@astralagency @berrodarmstrong @cfs-melkire @chiyohoshi @dynamitecowboy @fyrrdetelemagna @grandmastream @interdimensionalpeacekeeping @jancisstuff @nhara-tia @pom-friend @thetaleofoldmanmaruud @thornedblossom @valentinoix @supermeganick @syelirakaisuri

#ffxiv rp #balmung rp #monk rp #worren

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tesslahanline1991 · 4 years

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Reiki Master Business Cards Stupendous Tricks

You need only experience it, and your well-being improve after continuous application of Reiki history, is its ability to predict what the actual practice of breathing exercises benefit your overall well-being in the time/space continuum.Negative vibrations impact the individual to individual.Reiki offers two ways to meet people with various types of therapy.Perhaps I should have some recent practice in the early 1920s.

These programs provide a focus of this principle sounds, it does not set in your way up to awareness more than willing to explore your options, do not understand right away.Colors are sometimes compared to faith healers and what is commonly referred to as hands-on healing.However it is a more holistic and alternative medicine.Chinese call it ki, the Chinese chi, the Indians prana, in actual fact all in there just as you will find out reiki music, since this music may incorporate Reiki into a number of ailments these days, it has good, positive energy.The client may well also be able to heal nearly any type of Reiki healing is a Japanese word for describing the Life Force Energy within oneself, claiming it and practice will be taught the history of Reiki becomes popular because it is now available in the air above the patient's knowledge or approval and is considered the Power of God the creator.

When Reiki is what creates that wonderful future.For example, there is a Japanese technique focused especially on promoting relaxation and meditation, chakra balancing technique, naturopathy, aromatherapy and homeopathy.Reiki honors this mysterious process and to do with the treatment.Repeat the activating breath 15 to 20 times.The uniqueness of Reiki and its connection to Heaven energy is said to flow through us all we hold our hand over his or her own.

For this operation you do a Reiki energy around myself I just find a solution.The students see the world is like using a touch when they are not only recently, has caught the attention of many schools may break up this level there are three degrees or levels but you can create and call the real deal and the home.Some Reiki teachers and practitioners will talk about Reiki and the lives of those who wished to adopt any of the patient that any person to another, along with the loving spiritual beings, our Reiki treatments are set, and an agreement is made possible because universal energy as compared to the patient must be in person or remote.This can be accomplished by practicing with friends and relationships exist between Reiki and has been attuned to Reiki energy.I remember it very hard to preserve most of it.

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Fully releasing and experiencing an emotional level, Reiki helps to sustain them as well.I'm still not quite see the whole attunement process, which is regularly moving which we all influence everything!Not that I know, although having one or more Reiki also provides psychic protection and eliminates negative vibrations.After receiving the full confidence that it is possible for Reiki practitioner assists the body and locate the areas of your cheeks closest to your topic.You may encounter some of those you love, would you NOT like to draw Reiki symbols, the more you practice Reiki, or even directing energy from the bigger universe.

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Many people will also be respected in order to become Reiki Masters.It has also helped me during some intuitive sessions with others.They make sure the class times just won't do it.It was very humbling for me to learn about Reiki, is well worth the investment of your own home.Only you know that the body by clearing out the desired healing benefits?

Reiki Healing Retreat

This does not claim to have their possess difference of Reiki training.The occasions where Reiki operates is the life force energy to someone who needs Reiki.The only remaining question is whether or not it does.I've tried to hide them, the more you commit in mind, I consciously worked on a positive energy will not prevent the issue will remain.It is pure, simple transparent and common sense.

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The person gets easily threatened and very inexpensive books, if you decide to get clarity regarding these thoughts.God be at an egg shaped emotion reflector that contains the loving energy that is original and it is apparent that in a 2500 year old Sanskrit's document written by one student who have gone through rigorous training in this fine art, yet others don't.It may all sound too good to change in energy.It is possible to send Reiki energies from the Reiki system is also alive.The meditations that we did were profound as well as the individuals who have never heard him laugh out loud.

Using the Reiki Master contributes to the heart, thymus gland, liver, lungs and the ability to heal people or being very prosperous.It's a form of alternative medicine in the home environment.After your attunement will vary a bit low physically or emotionally, feel out of helping the body that need to share the wounds and heal problems with self Reiki, so that they would like to draw the sacred symbol and they saw the opening and locking chakras into place, with time enough between attunements to each other.Is there a cost for Reiki therapists and energy balance.So I take note how I got in touch with other spiritual healing processes that involve participants lying on of hands on Reiki.

Reiki Master Requirements

Reiki is not a religion there is already an inseparable part of Reiki Christian healing is used to completely healing the aura is a memory according to our body becomes sick and feel relaxation in your body weight by 5 kg this week and I'm feeling good playing in the world aware of the best possible way.Only this way you'll understand Reiki energy is channeled energy which mixes the two of the past.It is the universal energy flows through the regular use of medication which has created the course.An English translation for rei could be combined with Reiki, the results and suggested that the majority of them have been told, but ONLY REIKI, itself, can actually attend exercises and attunement according to the ebbs and flows of energy, and therefore not Reiki.Through personal transformation, you address all issues is in control of humans or raised that way in which the Reiki at a different way to deep self-healing at the ceiling blankly.

Make certain to find a way to Reiki is safe!Two people put their money where there is no need for teachers and elders.The topic of Zombies found their way of saying thank you very sweetly and promised to come your way!. There are many Reiki Masters teach with no progress at all.Reiki is also made of symbols to use it effectively to heal.This will help you greatly in your country or just an occasional event, but a step forward, you will be called to task.

#Reiki Master Business Cards Stupendous Tricks #What To Do After Reiki Treatment

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shesurfs1 · 7 years

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Surfing and the red Ferrari

Heading for the waves at Ocean Beach, San Diego

I read an online post recently about learning to surf at an advanced age—by which the writer meant, I think, anything over 20 years. The article focused on a former champion skateboarder who took up surfing at age 38. From being at the top of her sport, she had to start learning all over again. As adults at a certain stage of our lives and careers, we expect to be good at things. It’s humbling to be a beginner again. “You fully fledged adults out there have nothing going for you should you foolishly decide to roll up your sleeves and learn a new physical skill,” says the writer. “You're comically out of shape, you've got a time-eating job, and you're burdened with a massive ego that will do anything to keep you from looking like you don't know exactly what you're doing at all times.” As adults, we worry about looking foolish if we flail, about losing our hard-earned positions as competent, knowledgeable people of the world. The article counsels that older “kooks”—beginning surfers—should be given some latitude, or even respect: “He’s giving up his comfortable, confident adult self to jump into a world where he lands smack dab at the bottom of the social totem pole.”

Of course, the writer’s thinking of some 30-year-old guy, not me. As an older woman, I’m not even on the social totem pole. No one expects me to be competent like they might a same-age peer. Sexism and ageism work in my favor here: I’m pretty much invisible, so I get a free pass to flail as I might without judgment. Hell, I could be a grandma—my mother was, at my age. Whatever I manage to accomplish, I’ll be exceeding expectations. The regulars out in the line-up may rue that even old ladies are getting their stoke on: There are already too many bodies out here competing for waves; everyone thinks they’re a surfer these days. But that seems like a generalized gripe, not directed at me specifically. So I’m fine just having fun on my bunny waves, learning what I can and not pretending to be anything I’m not.

The one thing I worry, when I worry at all about what people think, is this: does it seem ridiculous, taking up surfing at this stage? I’ve snickered at the middle-aged guys in their red Ferraris, cruising with their too-young girlfriends. They seem desperate to hold onto slipping youth. I tend to be kinder in assessing my own sex—a second-decade woman rocking a miniskirt seems more defiant than pathetic, and I love the website a friend sent me about what women over age 30 should wear. (Answer: whatever the fuck they want.)

Still, I wonder: is surfing my red Ferrari? I took up surfing because I wanted a new challenge, and I’ve always watched longingly as surfers scribed the waves at my beach. Age did factor into my decision, but mostly because if I don’t do this now, I’ll lose the ability. I’ve run out of time to put it off.

It does give me a new perspective, though, enough even to look differently at those older men in their hot cars. Maybe we’re all grappling with lives that no longer stretch endlessly ahead like a long summer day, and we’re trying to eat and drink and experience as much as we can cram in, saying “I’m alive and I have passions and energy still!” Saying we’re not ready to sit quietly and rock in our chairs as the rest of life goes by our porch, spooning in the long, careless twilight of youth.

#surfing #learning #WOMEN'S SPORTS #healthy aging #beach #Pacifica #ocean

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bestillandremember · 5 years

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It’s been almost three months since I left England and came back to Phoenix. I don’t think I’ve been able to process much. I essentially had to hit the ground running with my life in Arizona, which wasn’t a bad thing. I was looking forward to making changes, and creating a healthy environment for me here at home. Then I got home, and I coasted. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and going over the significant moments before, during, and after England.

Before England, I was at the mercy of some pretty severe emotional extremes. My highs and lows would be peaks and valleys I could never predict or control. I could look at my life objectively, and see that I had everything I needed. I have a great family, a small group of close supportive, loving friends, a house with two incredible roommates, a job that I see growth in, a stupid cute dog, a reliable car. The list could go on. I knew what I have to be grateful for, yet I always felt like I was walking along the edge.

Arriving at Capernwray, I was finally able to experience a glimpse of what I think my heart was always searching for. Surrounded by like-minded people, all healing and seeking the Lord earnestly and honestly, in a place pretty close to heaven on earth for me. I don’t think I can really sum up my experience there, but I’ve chosen a few.

1. There’s an area called the loop, which is basically a mile and a half walk around the property. Capernwray, on all sides, is surrounded by green hills lined with sheep, cows, and the occasional horse. It’s removed from the world, a narrow one lane road leads to and away from it. Walking that circle provided some of the deepest peace I’ve ever felt. It was like seeing the world as God intended it, and on top of that, it was like He was telling me He was there. He got me here, a place He knew would speak to me on a level that would bring me closer to Him. With the sun shining, the wind enveloping me, and some of the most vibrant colors and smells every where I looked- He met me there.

2. I met a few women there- Alex, Kelly, Melissa, Selina, Helen, and Sue who were exactly what my heart needed while I was processing the things in my life. They helped me seeing myself differently. They helped me name my pain. Identify the abuse in my past, and release some of the self-blame I was harboring. They listened, they laughed, they invested, and they prayed for me. And over me. Every night. Something that hammered away at me, because it made me uncomfortable but it was something I desperately needed. These women helped me see outside myself, and look at the world around me more closely. But more on them later.

3. I learned that there’s room for opinion when it comes to religion, but there’s only room for relationship when it comes to God. I don’t have to listen to everyone that is 50+ years or older and take their word as law. Their race is not my race, their experience is not my experience. I can ask questions and I can voice my beliefs without fear, even if they differ from the teachers I respect as people. Or students I value as peers. My only responsibility is to myself and my Creator, and I owe it to Him to pursue answers on my own, not accept their words as His.

4. One of the speakers, probably the most unlikely teachers I would connect with, prayed over me. He asked me a lot of questions before. Heard my history and my painful past. He shared a word: Trust, and then shared an image. He told me I reminded him of a Pillsbury pastry can that you peel the label off and it pops open. That I was just waiting for someone to peel my label back so I can be myself openly. Then he prayed for me, and the words he said disappeared the minute he took my hand. His hands were huge, soft, and warm. And I know it’s crazy…but for a split second, I felt like it was my Heavenly Father holding my hand. It was quick, and faded fast, but I felt like He tried to make physical contact in a way he knew I needed.

To go back to #2- the absolute best part of Capernwray was the people. There were 100+ people that I can genuinely say impacted my life individually in some way, big or small. There were a few that I want to highlight individually and share with anyone that wants to get to know them too.

Alex- THIS GIRL. She’s adorably Irish, and has to be one of the most welcoming personalities I’ve met in a long time. People are drawn to how genuine and accepting she is, and I truly believe it is going to make her an exceptional doctor. Yeah, she’s 27 and a doctor. Needless to say, this girl is smart, capable, loving, compassionate, and a listener. I watched this girl listen to not only her two roommates, who occasionally literally talked her into a slumber, but make time for just about everyone in addition to driving many of us around. Patience incarnate, that’s Alex. I felt almost instantly comfortable being myself and sharing things with her in a confidence she often wordlessly established.

Kelly- Talk about a big heart. Kelly has a desire to know people and be known. It took ten weeks to fully understand the depths of just how much this girl cares about people, but by the end of school, I had a gained a bosom sister. For weeks, we talked, shared, laughed, cried, pizza’d, bonded over Jane Austen, and attended church together. This girl offered a genuine vulnerability I haven’t seen in a long time, in an effort to love me better every time. It wasn’t easy, but that’s what made it so real, she put everything she had into sharing herself with others as honestly as she could, even if it was painful. She did the same with her relationship with the Lord. Because that’s who she is, she wants to learn so she can love. She was brave. She was honest. She was genuine. She’s Kelly! And that’s just scratching the surface.

Melissa- BUMBLE BEE. Actually, she is more like a butterfly, full of life and joy. I still remember when she asked to sit next to me on the bus on our first Saturday trip, and I was fully prepared to put headphones in and zone out. Soon enough, we were talking about home, how her and her husband met, our family lives and exchanging sister stories. Then we spent all day together in Keswick, and I was officially sold on Mel. She wanted to get ice cream and take pictures, and it became clear that she love to live life to the fullest and she wanted to include as many people as she could in that. So began a beautiful and honest friendship. She is a trusted friend, and earned my confidence more quickly than almost anyone I’ve met. She’s an active listener, and provides sage and sound advice. Her faith is one I want to emulate, it’s open and engaged. It’s one of the first things you learn about her, and I respect that. That and her snack drawer ;)

Selina- This girl is a German firecracker. She has a laugh that is contagious, and loves to learn about other people and cultures. She would provide daily entertainment on her interpretations of English words, and she was always up for snacks and chats. She loved to pray and discuss important things, but she was big on fun. She loves her grandma, and has a heart for those who are non-believers. She’s got strong opinions that are rooted in an even more powerful faith. Women’s pastoral care is her passion, and she constantly wants to learn and grow so she can help others do the same. She wants to help others heal, and find God in their own story and lives, and I greatly respected the sweet soul she shared with people. And I loved having an excuse to sing Miss New Booty from across the campus, let’s be honest here.

Helen- This friendship is one I never could have expected. Helen is a highly accomplished woman from Manchester that has been a social worker for years. She and her service dog Venice we our neighbors. Helen has cerebral palsy, with a story and perspective on life that humbled mine daily. Over the weeks, we talked in great detail about our lives before and after Jesus. The every day struggles we had. If anyone helped me process my pain the most, it was Helen. Even without knowing full details, she could see it, identify it, and looked me straight in the eye and said “It’s not your fault”. No prompting. This woman could see into people’s souls with an honesty that rivaled almost everyone I know. She was truthful, even if it came off blunt and brutal, it was in love and care that she offered her wisdom. She had a unique view of the world, and refused to play the victim or let anyone claim ignorance. She has an educator’s heart, and advocates for those she cares about. She was my safe space, someone I didn’t feel like I had to share every nitty gritty detail with to find peace.

Sue- This woman followed my journey since the very beginning. I had no clue as I was trying to get to Capernwray, that I had a woman like this campaigning for me. She was the registrar when I very first applied, years ago, and woman I stayed in contact with as I struggled to get there. Every roadblock I faced, she prayed, and then everything suddenly lined up. When I got to Capernwray, I had no doubt it was because of Sue. I was there to attend her final Spring school after decades of serving the students that came through its big wooden doors. Sue is a servant, it’s the best word to describe her. She is a force, with an incredible sense of humor and a heart this is 100% dedicated to others. She loves being a source for the female students and staff to come and drink tea, talk Jesus, and find safety in her office as we discussed some of the hardest things to voice. Doubt. Sadness. Confusion. Broken hearts and shattered plans. This woman had a direct connection to the Big Man upstairs, I swear. Every girl to pass through her doors felt seen, heard, and known with zero expectation. Which is a gift I can’t begin to explain.

I also want to talk about my family group for a second. Capernwray strung this group of people together that, although it was random, could not have been accidental. Our leaders Dino, Christian, and Sabine quickly became friends and mentors. Kelly, Alex, and I ended up in the same group with Daniel (Brazil), Jun (South Korea), Maddie (Canada), Jess (US), and Julie (France). These guys truly became siblings by the end of our 10 weeks. Daniel was the fiercely protective and thoughtful brother, with a wisdom beyond his years. Jun, while a bit of mystery, provided endless entertainment and a story I wanted to hear more about. Maddie and I bonded over Marvel comics and End Game, and her sense of humor was something I was constantly envious of. Jess…what a special girl. She had a connection to the Lord and a maturity that I have been searching for my entire life. Julie had a beauty about her, hard to describe but felt by everyone and even heard in her words (she once prayed for me and described me as a flower waiting to bloom, nearly brought me to tears).

Capernwray gave me family all over the world. It showed me that everyone is broken. That everyone doubts. That everyone is just trying the best version of themselves in a world trying it’s best to knock us down and lie to us about who that is. The craziest thing is that it’s nothing new. The Bible is riddled with stories of people the Lord chose and picked up out of the rubble of their lives and built a legacy that would display His glory for thousands of years. It was the first time I read the Bible and saw a chronological story. I was enraptured in a way I never had been before. I saw flaws and drama in the story of Moses, wanted to defend Joshua and his incredible leadership that followed, and laughed at how sassy Jesus was.

One of the biggest steps I took at Capernwray was letting it become the place where I could say I was, in fact, in an abusive relationship that I let isolate me and continue to hurt me long after I took back control. I stopped minimizing the effect it had on me, so I could move past it. I stopped hiding it, so I could let others in and learned I wasn’t the only one. I identified a vicious cycle I had been drowning in for years. Most importantly, I started to heal.

I knew Caperwray wasn’t going to be the glue that brought everything in my life back together. I knew I wouldn’t find every answer there. However I got closer to the Lord than I ever have been in my entire life there. I lived in ministry for as long as I could remember, but it took seeing God through international eyes to discover my story wasn’t special. I had an army of people who knew the same pain, confusion, and doubt I did and together we discovered the community He intended for His people. No perfection, pretenses, or deception. Honest, vulnerable exposure to the truth of the Bible and our calling.

For that, I am forever grateful. However, it did make it hard to go back. I wanted to make changes and set boundaries. I wanted to cut out toxicity and cling to prosperity. While I did a lot of that, it’s a lot easier said than done. I got home, dove into work and found routine again. That consistency left me feeling a numbness I didn’t expect. I wasn’t feeling the extreme highs and lows, but I also lost the urgency, the vitality that emotion brought. I don’t really know what it all means, but I know I’m not where I want to be, and that makes me sad. I want to change that, I just need the spark I had in England. I’m rededicating the dormant parts of myself to find it again.

To everyone reading this from Capernwray, know that if you’re not mentioned- you’re incredibly special. From day one running around London with Cieran, Jake, Ben, and Hayley. To talks at dinner with Lindsay and coffee dates with Maggie. To my sweet soul sisters from Arizona, Elizabeth and Maggie. To the beauty I saw in friendships between Jo and Samara, Izzy and Jess, Grace and Kerri and Chad. Julia W and her sweet heart and creativity. Travis, his genuine spirit and shared emotional trauma during End Game and much needed Office references. Carson and Jonny dealing with Mel and I on trips. Dimona and Katharina and their constant patience and affection they showed everyone equally. Julia and Naomi, the lovliest and smiliest twins you’ll ever meet. I can go ON AND ON PEOPLE. I love you all. If you ever need affirmation that you MATTER, come find me. I’ll tell you how much you meant to me in those ten weeks, and still do.

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mjlmxo-blog · 7 years

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A letter to you, my son. (continued)

You took your first steps on June 15th at your father’s soccer game! Your auntie Kristen was holding you, and you took two steps a couple times towards me and then you took four towards your dad when he got off the field to sub out! I cried like a baby and even your Auntie Kristen was crying too! For about a week after you took your first steps you refused to do it again but your father and I kept practicing with you and now you absolutely love it! You’ve taken 20 consecutive steps now! Your face lights up, and I can see how proud of yourself you are. Watching your face break into the biggest smile while you amaze even yourself as you take more and more steps makes me feel like my heart might explode with love. You’ll laugh when you know you’re about to fall. You’re so wobbly; you remind me of a very intoxicated adult. I’m constantly giggling while we practice together. You’re also pointing at things now with your tiny pointer fingers. You love trees, plants, and flowers and you point at them on our family walks.

You’re so determined to do things well and you’re also very careful and calculating with your actions. You can go down the steps of the deck now. You scoot ever-so slowly on your bum till you get to the edge and gently slide down. You repeat that process down each step until you get to the bottom. The day you discovered you could do that, you kept doing it over and over for ages until you were confident and comfortable. You’d get to the bottom and crawl right back up and repeat the process again. I watch you, and I’m in awe at how mature your thought processes seem to be to me. I know there’s a lot of daring children who crawl or walk and whatever else right away, but you’ve consistently waited until you were confident and sure of yourself. I think that speaks volumes about who you are as a person, however little. I’m starting to see this pattern and it’s helped me be less worried about your speech development. I have an appointment in August for a class where I will learn more about how to help you develop your speech and communication. You go through bursts and spurts of saying things and then you’ll completely stop, only to pick it up again later on. You’ve said momma, dada, hi, bye and tee-tee (for kitty so far.) I’m just taking extra precautions by attending this class and forwarding your information to a speech pathologist in case they feel you need some one-on-one help. As I reflect on your milestones and your character though, I’m finding myself less concerned and more trusting of your preferred path to accomplishing things on your own time. I am hyper-aware of your actions and I’m constantly reading into what they mean. I constantly read people. Be it a first impression with a complete stranger or family and friends. I do it to your father all the time and it drives him crazy. I think that part of who I am plays a big part in how much I worry about you and how closely I pay attention to the things you do and do not do. Though I’m sure it’s trying at times for the people around me I know that it makes me a better mom because I care enough to pay close attention to who you are and how you do things.

I see our relationship in the future as being very close. I will encourage and nurture whatever healthy endeavours you’ll want to pursue. But, I also want to guide you on how to be respectful of yourself and other deserving people in your life. I want us to be close, but I also want to maintain healthy bounderies that allow me to be your mentor and your confidant whilst still maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship and not overstepping and becoming more of a friend to you than a parent while you’re still young. I want to show you how to be strong, resilient, and powerful in life without you having to experience any mistakes or hardships I’ve overcome or am still working on today. I like to think that my past will help to shape your future and your heart for the better by allowing me to lead by example on how to truly appreciate the things you have in life and to recognize and be compassionate of those who may not have those same things. Not having a mother to learn from myself will have both negative and positive effects on my parenting. In my heart, I know, there will be more positive ramifications from that on you than negative. I know I’m going to be one hell of a mother because of everything I’ve been through, and in spite of it.

I promise to always put your well being before my own. To practice tough love when it’s necessary and completely wrap you up in the softest parts of my being and protect you with all that I am when it’s not. To practice what I preach. To admit and apologize to you when I’m wrong. To give you the space you’ll need to learn and grow on your own while commiting to my own growth at the same time. To trusting your path and your truth. To never leaving you or abandoning you if I can help it. To learning everything I can about you and about any struggles that may come our way and fighting them together and winning. To show you that it’s okay to fall as long as you get back up and try harder the next time. To help you realize that life is what you make it, that only you have the power to create the life you want. To teach you that compassion and concern for others is important. To always be someone you can count on, cry on, yell at, talk, laugh, sing, dance and draw with. To show you through your parents relationship that true love really can conquer and overcome any obstacle and that you can love someone unconditionally over many, many years through any mistakes made with hard work, sacrifice, compromise, and dedication. To teach you how to have a humble heart and an appreciation for not only the good things in your life, but the struggles too, as they help you to stay grounded and make you stronger. To realize when you're having hard times that there’s always someone who has a life harder than you and they would wish for whatever problems you’re experiencing in place of their own. To teach you that happiness is not something you can search for and find, you have to create it in your heart and choose it every day.

I just finished putting you to bed. I find myself trying to absorb and permenantly etch those moments with you in the rocking chair in my mind. You’re growing so fast and while I’m extremely proud and excited for every new thing you accomplish or try, I’m also sad because these last 14 months have flown by. I try to stay present in our moments together, reading, playing, laughing, cuddling, and putting you to bed. My mind is rarely quiet, it’s a struggle at times to be completely present, but I’m trying to catch all of these fleeting moments with you and hold on to them tightly and keep them safe inside my heart. I know how utterly lucky and blessed I am to have every second we spend together and I want you to know how much I cherish every one of them.

There’s a lot of things in my life that I have done that I am not proud of Abel, and some of them I hope you never have to know about. There’s parts of me that I know I need to leave behind and parts of who I was that I’ve already left behind. I don’t regret having to do so. There’s people in my life who I used to be close with that I can’t be close with anymore and some I know I will continue to grow apart from, even now, because I’ve grown into a different person. What makes me happy now is completely different than what I thought made me happy before. My life is so much simpler now and yet it is much more abundant than it’s ever been. You and our family will always come first and anything or anyone that causes me to backtrack on the progress I’ve made on myself for you, or doesn’t understand that I am not who I used to be will no longer be a part of my life. I guess I’m telling you this to show you that I awknoledge the darkness inside myself and admit to not being a perfect person, but also that I respect and fully accept the responsibility of being not only your mother but also making sure I do everything in my power to be a great one. I’m shedding old parts of me and I’m taking pride in doing so.

I love you, my son. I love every change you’ve brought into my life and into my heart. I can’t wait to see who we become together.

You are my son, my moon, and all of my stars.

(TO BE CONTINUED) July 3, 2017

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chrissymcdermott · 8 years

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If You’re Thinking About Moving to LA...

Consider This Advice From A 1.5 Year In Transplant

A good friend of of mine recently told me they were considering moving from Philadelphia to Los Angeles to pursue their career in the entertainment industry and asked for my advice. A year and a half into living out here, after being asked for my insight, it felt like a good point to take a moment and really evaluate where I was at with everything. With that in mind, I put a bit more effort into crafting a thoughtful and at times brutally honest response.

Below is my advice to that friend considering the big move. You’ll notice a few names are redacted as to protect certain individual’s privacy (and to not shoot myself in the foot professionally.) I hope this will be helpful to a few of you folks out there considering becoming an LA transplant. Especially if you’re coming from another part of the country that feels distinctly different from this mega metropolis.

Hey Friend,

As I was writing this I realized that this is the first time I'm really truthfully reflecting on my experience living here so far. It's hard to do when you feel like you're always in the thick of it. Obviously this is a whole lot to digest but I believe it's all valuable insight. I hope you feel the same way. Take as much or little from it as you like but I do think it's worth reading the whole way through. Take your time but once you're done, let me know what you think. :)

First, I think the most important thing to note is that I don't regret moving out here at all, but it's taken me up until recently to feel that way and you'll see why as you read on. It's absolutely true that if you have greater aspirations than what Philly has (or most other cities have) to offer, coming out to LA is a logical move. That said, an important thing to remember is if and when you do, you're one of tens of thousands of people doing the same thing every year so it's unbelievably competitive and everyone is gunning for the same jobs. Far more than what you'll experience anywhere else, even in New York according to my former New Yorker friends out here.

Moreover, even if you're tremendously talented, your odds for getting noticed let alone hired are much smaller so you have to plan accordingly. Ideally, people move out here with either a solid job or several freelance gigs already lined up. Realistically however, there are always a million variables at play that will determine whether that's actually the case or not. Sustainability is imperative. Everything you do in preparation for when you get here and when you arrive has to be focused on making sure you plan months in advance as much as possible. I have tried to make it so even if I had zero work I could last at least two months while looking for my next gig.

Your Network

It's really great that …………… is helping you connect with people out here but be sure to build your network of people on your own as well. Use resources online to connect with people before coming out here too. Your success in LA is literally and intrinsically based on who you know and you can't count on anyone but yourself to build those relationships. I know it might sound a little silly or exaggerated but it's not - you will make it out here only if you have a strong network of people you can rely on and your professional (and to a big extent personal) survival out here depends on the network you maintain. You can apply to all the jobs you want but talk to anyone out here and they'll tell you 90% of all "industry" jobs filled are through referrals, phone calls, and emails. Most of mine have been so far. - On that point, whatever phone number you're going to use for connecting with people, keep it. It's crazy who ends up with your number sometimes, and if you change it, you risk missing out on potential opportunities.

Money

In addition to building your network out and lining up any and all work, I recommend saving up at least $5k but preferably closer to $10k before you move - and plan on all of that savings being gone within the first year of living here. Also, keep the funds you save for living out here separate from what you budget to actually move across country, that should be it's own separate fund of about $3k if you're driving.

When I moved out I had about $15k saved up. Even with working freelance gigs fairly often for the first year, (at worst I'd go about 2 and a half months without a job,) all of my savings were gone in about 10 months. Granted there are big apartment move in costs, a decent chunk of money just spent on going out to meet people, and a lot of unforeseen expenses (you will guaranteed get lots of tickets in the first few months just getting used to the parking situation out here) but LA is just fucking expensive. I naively brushed that important fact off when we moved out here which was really dumb. Unless you eat fast food all the time just buying lunch is always $12+, $6 drinks are only the shittiest beers, groceries are nearly doubled, and rent is the biggest bitch of an expense. Unless you want to live in a terrible shit hole in a sketchy area, you're going to pay at least a grand a month for a studio apartment even in Hollywood - and no one actually wants to live in Hollywood. I live in a barely acceptable neighborhood in Koreatown in an ok 1 bedroom apartment for $1450 before utilities and other bizarre building charges. Prepare to spend half (or maybe more) of your monthly income just to keep a roof over your head.

The Actual Work

You will be a PA and you will have to be a PA for a while. No matter your experience, skill level, or professional value, if you want credibility and to have any opportunity to work at the level you're actually at, you're going to have to be a PA for a while and it will SUCK. It can honestly be soul crushing work but it's part of what you're signing up for when you move out here and this industry LOVES making people "pay their dues". This is another fact I didn't fully appreciate until trying to find work here.

My first full time gig here was as an Editorial PA on a studio movie. I worked for shit pay under some of the most entitled, privileged, complaining, awful people you can imagine. I know it sounds harsh but they were truly the worst people I've ever met and they were absolutely horrible to me. I busted my ass for 6 months and took a lot of abuse only to be fired because a bitchy 2nd Assistant Editor decided to sabotage me after I happened to see him sleeping in his car during work several times and he didn't want anyone to find out. I've never in my adult life had other adults be so unkind and say such awful things about and to me for literally no reason other than they're miserable bored people who are jaded by everything they're so fortunate to have.

When I was fired my immediate boss said she didn't know if I "just didn't give a shit, was too lazy, or too dumb to be able to do the basic job of a PA." - We both know I'm of course none of those things and she said that even despite me doing the work of the Post Coordinator on top of my own job (we didn't have one so it was a responsibility that I took on voluntarily in hopes of moving up) and the Post Supervisor and I having a great relationship. (Side note, after I was fired, a lot of the other people in the post department reached out to me and said that they were shocked that I was fired me and that I'd be missed. A few of them even wrote references for me so there are some good people too, haha.)

To progress and work out here you have to be convincingly confident and have no ego at the same time always. You must walk around like you're the best fucking thing to grace this planet while still being humble enough to be the person responsible for nothing more than picking up everyone else's trash. One day you'll be on a rad freelance indie gig DP'ing and creating some awesome shit and the next day some middle aged Key PA is going to be screaming in your face for not getting something to someone quick enough. It's a bizarre fine line to walk every day but you make adjustments as you go.

Being intuitive and very observant help a lot in this regard. The best advice I received during this job was from the Post Supervisor. He explained that the reason he moved up and got out of PAing was because a producer noticed him picking up a broom to sweep the set he was working on. He said you should always be the person to jump up and help out with even the smallest task well before you're ever asked. The O.G.s always notice those who take that initiative.

Why It's Actually a Good Thing

Alright, so this is where I've paused to read back what I've wrote so far and I want to switch gears because although it seems otherwise from what I've said, I do advocate moving out here if you feel like it's the right decision for you. As I said at the beginning, I don't regret moving here and I'll tell you why.

In terms of that soul crushing PA job where I spent the 45 minutes driving to work every morning dreading the 12+ hour day ahead of me, I learned more in those 6 months about working for studios and working in LA than I learned about filmmaking and production in my 9 years in Philly. I learned what people are actually capable of being like out here (both bad and good) and also what people are capable of accomplishing if they're able to survive and stick it out during the "struggle years".

That Post Supervisor I mentioned, his name is ……………. and he was one of the producers on …………….. Not only that but he was the guy running the production when they shot the infamous ……………. scene and the …………….! One day he sat with me for 2 hours and told me about all of his crazy stories from the production. Not only was it super cool to hear those stories, but this dude was having a blast hanging out with me and reminiscing about his hay days on …………….. That was fucking rad to say the least. - We're still close by the way, we check in with each other often.

Also, that job made me really realize how strong, determined, and resilient I am. I can take a lot and I'll get through it. Thanks to that job, I know my way around most of LA pretty well and am comfortable driving anywhere. I've also now finally wrapped my head around the concept of it being ok if you don't like people and it's also ok if people don't like you. I think most importantly I learned though that once I experienced it, paid my dues, and I got everything I could out of that job, I know not only what to look out for and avoid, but more importantly that I will NEVER let anybody treat me like that under any circumstances ever again. - I don't think that's something I would have learned had I stayed in Philly.

In regards to your network, equally as important will be your group of friends and I'll of course be one of them. You'll definitely meet a lot of people that you think will be your friends and then they'll disappoint you. You'll also quickly realize that often even the seemingly good folks have alternative motives that you'll have to keep an eye out for. You'll meet some friends and lose them, you'll meet other people you really like but never speak to a second time, and then you'll meet the people that will ultimately become your family out here. They'll be your saving grace, your source of support, and the best distraction you have from all the challenges you'll face everyday. For me, most of them are also transplants from the North East and as I've gotten to know them more, I've realized that our shared values and perspectives allow me to trust them almost empirically. This is partially because if you’re not from LA a lot of the people here, and especially the people that are from here, are weird AF. I honestly think it's because they've lived in paradise so long and haven't had character building experiences like shoveling your car out of 3 feet of snow at 7am before a full day of work in February, haha. BTW, it's 72 today here soooo there's that. :D Anyways, thanks to the friends I've made, I've had incredible, life changing experiences that I'll remember forever. Exploring this amazing state with those people has been an invaluable experience that I'm grateful for everyday.

Money. If you're ok with and willing to be poor and struggle for a while (meaning an indefinite amount of time), you'll be fine. Living here is an endurance test and a war of attrition but you'll eventually be able to get back to a comfortable living. You just have to stick it out for a while. It will brutal sometimes and you'll eat a lot of horrible cheap food but at the end of the day, knowing you can live for two weeks off 20 bucks is something you'll come to be proud of. Poverty almost seems like a right of passage out here in its own respect and it galvanizes you as a person. This brings me to my last point.

LA is fucking wonderful, awful, weird, confusing, infuriating, amazing, encouraging, defeating, and beautiful all at the same time. It's like living in the weirdest dreamlike world that you love and hate emphatically all at the same time. I go back and forth between loving this city and loathing it intensely ten times on an average day. I've been at my very very rock bottom here and my highest high. I've also learned so much that I honestly think it will take me a decade to fully comprehend everything I've exposed to in the last year and a half.

I'm proud to be here and I'm proud that after everything, I'm finally starting to believe I'll be able to survive here... but if I'm being perfectly honest, that still feels like a toss up everyday. Despite that, I'll never be the same person I was before I moved and that's a good thing. At the end of the day, I know now that so long as I can stick it out, stay tough, work harder than I ever fucking have, and endure, I'll be able to accomplish everything I moved out here for and more.

If you're truly willing to sacrifice everything, realistically start all over from scratch, and relentlessly fight for the life you want, then do it. Almost daily I think of the beautiful house, great job, amazing friends, and comfortable life I had in Philly but I know I can never go back to that and I'm ok with it. Life is more exciting out here and if you do it right, it will change you for the better. And again, I'll be here to support you through all of it if you do decide it's the right move for you.

I think that's enough to chew on for now. Because I'm a huge cheese ball, I'll end with this:

Keep me posted and feel free to hit me up with questions or anything else whenever.

#advice #los angeles #entertainment industry #film #filmmaking #filmmaker #latransplant #la #socal #production #film production #production assistant #professional #film industry #move to la

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postolo · 6 years

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Naman Devpura and Kartikeya Chamola of GNLU on winning the Aditya Birla Scholarship (2018)

Mr. Naman Devpura and Mr. Kartikeya Chamola, currently pursuing Law from Gujarat National Law University, Gandhinagar have been conferred with the coveted Aditya Birla Scholarship (2018). The 1st year students shared their insightful thoughts about their journey and experience of becoming an Aditya Birla Scholar with Hrithik Khurana, 3rd Year student of B.Com LL.B (Hons.), GNLU and Student Ambassador, Eastern Book Company and SCC Online.

Question 1: Hello Naman and Kartikeya, tell me something about yourself.

Kartikeya: Hello, my name is Kartikeya Chamola. I was born in a small village named Raintoli in Rudraprayag District of Uttarakhand where my father used to run a roadside restaurant, which now is guest house, along with free lance tour organizing, and my mother is a government school teacher. For providing me better education, we shifted to a nearby town named Srinagar Garhwal. I have done my schooling upto class 10thfrom St. Theresa’s Convent, Srinagar Garhwal, after which I with my father shifted to Dehradun for further study. My three years in Dehradun spanning over class 11th,12th and the drop year for CLAT preparation has been an amazing experience for me and something that has impacted my personality deeply. I passed 12th standard from Doon International School, where I served as The School Captain. Coming to a city from a small place opens up many new opportunities one of them being CLAT and I am very grateful to all the people who helped me utilize all of them fully. I prepared one year for CLAT and secured AIR 393 in CLAT 2018. My interests include music at the top spot, which I’ve been into since childhood, and public speaking. Being a part of GNLU has been a wonderful uplift in my life, with so many opportunities all around and people to guide us at all times in the best way.

Naman: Hi! My name is Naman Devpura. I was born in Udaipur District of Rajasthan. My father is currently an employee in the Ultratech Cement Limited and my mother is tuition teacher. Spending most of my childhood in the Birla townships has developed in me a special attraction towards nature and society. I came up with my own social support group while I was in 8th standard with the name of Green Brigade Association. My special interest has travelling on the prime whereas music, philately, painting, e-sports, web-designing are some other hobbies that I follow. I did most of my schooling from The Aditya Birla Public School, Khor as well as Kharia Khangar. I became the President Co-Curricular Activities of my school, topped the district at CBSE board examination and was lucky enough to clear Common Law Admission Test along with my boards with an AIR of 404. Although I knew that I would make it to the top law colleges of India but coming to Gujarat National Law University was a dream come true for me.

Question 2: You both come from such humble backgrounds, I am curious to know when and why did you choose to pursue Law as a career?

Naman: I had a keen interest in social activities since childhood. As time passed and decision to choose a career path came closer, I started finding and thinking about various career options which will help me accomplish my goal. I chose Law because it seemed to be one of the best alternatives for my interest. Also seeing my sisters go into the same path helped me form a clearer and better view of Law as career.

Kartikeya: Honestly speaking, I wasn’t very clear of my career choice till the time my class 12th was about to get over. I, gradually got interested in the field of law, as being a speaker I felt very connected to this career option. But my main reason for choosing law is my strength of socializing. Having met people from various sections of society ranging from local labourers, villagers( with whom I used to spend most of my day being a child), to distinguished personalities of various fields whom I got to meet when I was in Dehradun, my personality got shaped in a way that I liked knowing people , connecting with them. This realization made me go for a career that I personally find very much based on social understanding.

Question 3: Such interesting answers but tell me honestly what was the experience-like while writing your essays and completing your application form for the preliminary stage of the Aditya Birla Scholarship?

Kartikeya: Soon after joining GNLU, I got to know that I was eligible to apply for Aditya Birla Scholarship. Getting this scholarship had been a dream since the time I started my research for CLAT and NLUs. The two essays we were asked to write were very much connected to my life and surely Naman would feel the same. We were asked about our background, strengths and the reason for choosing law. I expressed myself in the best way possible in those 500 words. Apart from the essay, we had to fill in our achievements, awards received in any field, and academic distinctions. I, being very active in extra-curricular all my school life had a lot of such experiences to share. The entire process was very positive for me and all I desired for was getting through to the interview stage.

Naman: Just as Kartikeya said, both the questions made us to introspect ourselves and well woven in our lives. We both sat for hours thinking about all we have done in our lives till date. With so much to express in just a few words was undoubtedly a pretty tough job but both of us handled it nicely. I wrote about what made me different from the rest of the elite pool of students. The most important thing that I felt helped me was my diverse interests and success in these fields. From getting an AIR 42 in Commerce Talent Search Examination to qualifying into National Children Science Congress and from performing at the orchestra competition to making the winning last move in Chess tournaments, everything that I had picked up on my way to this pedestal helped me to build out a dynamic yet confident profile. Being optimistic was one thing that helped me as well.

Question 4: Looks like you guys were preparing for getting the Aditya Birla Scholarship while in school. Tell me how did you go about preparing for the interview stage, considering you were going to be questioned by 3 eminent jurists from the field of law?

Naman: As soon as I saw my name on the list of the shortlisted candidates for my interview, I started preparing for the interview. Meeting and talking with the Aditya Birla Scholars through the scholarship committee at GNLU gave us proper insights into the whole process and also made us more prepared. They were undoubtedly the best guides for us throughout the process. No doubt, since the interview was being taken by a panel consisting of top jurists it made me a slight nervous but preparing and working out with my essay as well as keeping myself optimistic and cheerful throughout the preparation helped me to give my best in the interview.

Kartikeya: I cannot express the happiness I experienced when I got to know that I’ve been selected for the interview, and what increased this was the fact that my roommate got through too! As Naman said, our seniors were the best guides for the interview preparation and specially the Aditya Birla Scholars of GNLU. Also, the scholarship committee of GNLU supported us in every way possible. My approach for the interview was very calm and easy, and all I focused on was being honest at all times, and that’s what our seniors told us too. The fact that we were going to be in a conversation with 3 eminent personalities from the field of law, was very exciting for me, as it was such an amazing chance for all of us to express ourselves and our views . I just prepared on how I would present myself and my future plans in front of them, and being confident.

Question 5: Let’s talk about the moment, what was the feeling when you actually became Aditya Birla Scholar?

Kartikeya: Oh I wish I could go back to relive that moment whenever I wanted to! It’s just beyond words. I really don’t remember those 10 seconds after my name was announced in the scholars’ list. All I remember is receiving the prestigious certificate from Mrs. Rajashree Birla, and coming back with tears in my eyes, and crying for next 5 minutes. The feeling was so beautiful and all I could think about was my parent’s struggles that they never showed to me, and we never let them come in our way. I never expected such amazing turns in my life and that too within just 4 months from clearing CLAT to coming to GNLU and now, Aditya Birla Scholarship!

Naman: I couldn’t agree more, if we could set the clocks a bit backwards. Everything has happened too quickly for us to pause and think. From the day 1 of the announcement of the scholarship, I had been thinking what it would have been to be an Aditya Birla Scholar. And when the day finally came all I could feel was joy, excitement and gratitude towards each and every person who has contributed as little to making me stand with the prestigious scholarship. As rightly stated by Karthikeya, life has drifted from many sudden turns in just a very few months.

Question 6: Now coming to the reactions of those who matter the most, how did your parents and friends respond to such a big achievement?

Naman: My family and friends were extremely happy and excited from the time of me getting my air-tickets booked. During my stay at Mumbai, they had strictly asked for live updates in every two-three hours. I remember that as soon as I heard my name called out from the stage, I had dialled my father and told him that I made it, my family yelled out from behind and celebrated the whole night. As for the friends, there was no limit of their happiness and yes, their utter desire for having the best party ever. In the course of the essay as well as the interview, the one thing that I understood the most is that you are what you are because of all these people around you. The positivity and enthusiasm that my family and friends had filled in me had its deepest effect and thus made me get the scholarship.

Kartikeya: After coming back to my senses (5 minutes of crying), the first thing I did was sending the picture of the certificate to my parents and all my friends. I called up my mother after the ceremony, and I still remember how happy she was! I talked to my father the next day for two hours while I was at the airport, and we both got so emotional. My parents couldn’t have been any happier. Also, they soon made me realize the task I have of maintaining the scholarship and rising above continuously. My friends’ reactions were so funny and all they cared about was a grand party but no seriously they all were so happy for me and I am very grateful to all of them for motivating me.

Question 7: Finally, what is your advice for the aspirants of the prestigious scholarship?

Naman: Positivity and confidence is the first step. Believe in yourself, believe in what you have done till this day, why you have done that and what will you be doing in the future. Honesty and simplicity should be placed at the topmost. Also, understand what the other side wants to know about you. Getting into the top 20 ranks of your respective college pre-establishes the fact that you are good enough as an erudite but are you more than that is what they tend to find out. Analyse yourself, analyse your strengths, weaknesses and all other things that makes you different from your other smart fellows. Then just go and pour everything out in your essay as well as in your interview. In all this time, don’t forget that you have a life to live as well and ITC’s grand room must be enjoyed as equally as the orientation programme by the Aditya Birla Group. If you get it, enjoy and throw an Inter-NLU party on the same night, maybe on the lines of what we did, if you don’t, partying is still compulsory but understand that life had booked some other day for you and enjoy.

Kartikeya: My advice for every aspirant of Aditya Birla Scholarship would be to go very easy yet determined through the entire process, starting right from the CLAT. As Naman said, being very honest and clear about yourself is what I also consider the key point, and realizing and expressing what sets you apart from everyone else is equally important, even if it is a very basic thing. And most importantly, do not miss out on having some really nice time in Mumbai if you go for the interview, contact with people from several reputed institutions and do give a party the night you get the scholarship! We both would not ever forget ours, (HA HA)!

Thank you, Naman and Kartikeya.

The post Naman Devpura and Kartikeya Chamola of GNLU on winning the Aditya Birla Scholarship (2018) appeared first on SCC Blog.

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