#of tags. but i rewrote all of them because i think this deserves to be heard! (except im putting it in tags lmao)

[jasntodds]

hiii! could you do a comic!jason todd x reader angst where they were friends with benefits but reader developed feelings for him, and when she confesses he turns her down and "breaks up" with reader,

then a couple years later, reader moves on but jason isn't over them cause jason did like them back but was scared of commitment.

(if u want) angst prompt 35 when/if they reconnect

I literally rewrote this like 10 times because I couldn’t decide what I was gonna do with it and then it ended up being way longer than I intended lol I hope you like it!!

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Words: 4,378

Warnings: Swearing, angst, hurt/no comfort, mention of casual sex

masterlist | tag list | requests: open

You’re seated on Jason’s couch, facing him as you sit cross-legged. Your hands are in your lap, fiddling with your fingers as your hands shake. You think you’re gonna be sick.

“I-I, uh, I…like you.” You say it slower this time, barely glancing up Jason’s face. “More than a friend.” You wince with your words, wishing desperately to go back in time and not say anything.

He blinks at you and it’s the longest few seconds of your life.

“That…” Jason starts and he wants to bolt for the door. He wants to get as far away from this conversation as he possibly can.

The whole friends with benefits was supposed to be just that. Friends…with benefits. There were never supposed to be feelings because that complicates everything. Jason is very good at hiding his and keeping them to himself but you? He never thought you’d ever feel anything for him more than a friendship.

He thought, eventually, you’d find someone either at work or maybe on a shitty dating app he’d scoff and harass you over. The benefits would end and his chest would hurt a little but you’d be happy with someone who was deserving. You’d be with someone who was afraid to have this conversation.

“It’s…it’s okay if you don’t.” You chew the inside of your cheek, feeling them burn.

Jason Todd has only ever made you feel safe. It seems as though that security he offered allowed you to confess your feelings for him. You should have trusted your instincts. Bad Idea.

“I don’t.” Jason takes the out without even thinking about it and the words feel like glass on his tongue.

He watches your face fall and the rims of your eyes start to water. Your mouth opens as if you don’t know what to say and you’re grasping for anything. It’s not you, he thinks. It’s him, he thinks and he knows that’s terrible because that’s what everyone says but it’s true. He’s lying to you but it’s because he will always be a problem. He can’t bare the idea of a relationship or the commitment or anything that comes with offering himself to someone in that way.

He can’t offer the security of commitment.

This was supposes to be just friends having casual sex sometimes.

“Oh.” You finally get out and Jason thinks he’s just committed the worst crime of his life.

“You’re my best friend.” He says it and even that feels like a lie now.

You nod.

All you do is nod because you think if you try to say anything, a sob will rip your throat to shreds. You want to hold onto some part of your dignity.

Jason isn’t sure how you’d ever come back from this. He knows now. Now he knows you have feelings for him and he can’t just hold onto it. It’s too hard because he has feelings for you, too. Now that he knows, he’s terrified he will spill one day and then he’ll be sucked into something he can’t do. He’ll hurt you. He’ll hurt you worse than you are right now. Being friends with benefits was so much easier. He didn’t have to give you that part of himself. He didn’t have to worry about that part of you.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Jason keeps his voice steady, deciding maybe it’s best to just cut ties before this gets any worse for either one of you.

He thinks he’ll regret it later.

“But—“

“I can’t do it anymore.” Jason repeats himself, a little harder this time.

He knows he’ll regret it later.

“You should go.” He says it with a little bit of a bite and he really doesn’t mean to but he thinks if he doesn’t, you’ll hear his voice crack.

“Jay, I’m sorry.” You manage to get out as you get to your feet and somewhere in our stomach you feel betrayed.

It’s not that he doesn’t like you back, that’s okay. But he was supposed to be safe. Sure, he’s safe in a physical sense. You never have to even look over your shoulder or offer any paranoia when you walk with him through Gotham. You know if anything were to happen, he would know and he’d come. He’s always been safe in this protective way but he always felt safe with everything else, too.

You thought you could trust him with your words and your feelings and your heart. You thought, because he was your best friend first, even if this played out where you read the whole thing wrong, you’d be friends. He would apologize and offer some sort of condolence and you’d get over it. But, this doesn’t even feel like the Jason you’ve come to know and adore. A part of you feels lied to. You thought you could tell him anything.

“Just go.” Jason pulls in a breath. “Not tryin’ to hurt you but I can’t do it and that’s not fair to you. We shouldn’t’ve started this whole thing anyway.”

You nod again.

You think the floor might collapse from under your feet.

“Okay.” You say in defeat. “Okay.” You say it again as if the second time will ease some of the ache through your chest cavity.

It doesn’t.

And you leave with a hung head and tears stinging your eyes while Jason bites the lump in his throat down.

“You ready?” Dick asks, his arm locked with yours.

“I’m never ready for these and yet, I keep getting dragged to them.” You widen your eyes with a cornered grin.

Another gala, another night in a dress that isn’t the most comfortable, another night surrounded by rich people who don’t actually care about what the gala is for. You tend to be a plus one for Dick these days just so he doens’t have to go alone and half the time, you’re able to be an excuse to get out of there. You think that’s why he asks you.

“Thank you again.” Dick’s smile is bright and cheery, tender and kind.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome.” You brush him off with a smile as the two of you enter the building.

You hang onto Dick’s arm, walking through the large room to greet some of the business men and women who are expected to be donating tonight. Dick makes nice as he always does while you just tag along. Talking to people at thes things was never much of a strong suit or something you really wanted to do. You are exclusively here for your friend.

After the fifth group, you excuse yourself to grab drinks for you and Dick. Standing at the bar seems to be a nice break from it all so you stall for a few minutes. You take your time ordering drinks and looking around the room, noticing some of the other bats also making their rounds to different groups. It almost makes you laugh knowing they all hate these things, too. But your attention suddenly gets pulled to the side as you feel someone stand beside you. Their presence is towering.

“Hey.” He say and you’d still recognize the voice anywhere.

“Uh…hey.” You state, turning around to face Jason.

In two years, he hasn’t changed. He’s in a tux, one similar to the one Dick is wearing. Black and white, pretty standard for these things. His hair is slicked and styled to lay flat, the white streak still bright as ever. You never liked his hair done this way. It always looked best a bit disheveled and tossled. His eyes are still the prettiest shade of green you’ve ever seen. You think he looks just as pretty today as he did two years ago and then you almost mentally scold yourself for even thinking it.

“How’re you?” Jason asks, trying hi best to ignore the racing of his heart.

You’re wearing one of your favorite colors, a color Jason swore always looked best on you. The dress fits you well even though Jason is betting you’re ready to go home and change. You have your hair done neatly, styled to be out of your face. Jason saw you from across the room and he thought the whole world stopped for just a second. Something that hasn’t happened in two years.

“I’m okay.” You answer, keeping it plain, not sure how else you’re really supposed to approach this.

“Good.” Jason nods his head, sucking in a breath as he looks out to the floor. Dick is laughing with someone in a group. “What a kiss ass.” Jason mutters.

Your brows furrow. “I recall you faking a handful of laughs at these a few times.” You remind him.

You catch a hint of a smile coming ot his lips. If he actually smiles, you’ll be doomed.

“Got me there, I guess.” Jason shrugs before looking back to you. “But it’s Dick.”

You catch a hint of a smile coming ot his lips. If he actually smiles, you’ll be doomed.

You nod. “Mhm.” You hum, taking a small drink from your glass.

It’s been two years since you’ve seen each other. Two years since you’ve spoken. You went from almost nightly hookups and sleeping together, speaking nearly all day when you could, best friends, to nothing. He was your favorite person, your best friend in the entire world and now it’s like he was nothing. He was just someone you knew. It hurt then.

But you’ve moved on.

“It’s uh, good to see you.” Jason lets the words fall from his lips.

“You, too.” You answer, still remaining a bit cold, not entirely trying to.

Maybe it hurts now, too.

Talking to him now is like picking open a scabbed wound.

Jason saw you the second you came in with Dick. He’s been watching you from a distance ever since and he finally gathered the courage to talk to you, knowing you could hold a grudge better than anyone. He knew you were still holding one against him given the zero contact and zero attempt. It was a risky move coming to talk to you and he’s not entirely sure what he wanted from the conversation. All he knows is that his heart is in his throat and his hands are sweaty. He wants to smile and his stomach is knots. He thinks he misses you more than he ver thought he could.

In the two years since he’s seen you, he’s had time to think about his decision. He’s had plenty of time to wallow in his regret and still not bear to even hold the courage to try and mend things. How could he possibly mend anything whe he knows he hurt you? He’s not supposed to hurt the people that care abut him even if that seems to be what ends up happening.

He didn’t mean to hurt you, just himself.

“How are you?” You finally ask and you don’t know why you do.

Maybe it’s a habit.

Maybe you do care.

“Good.” Jason answers quickly, clearing his throat. “Same old.”

“Good.” You nod softly, quickly raising your brows.

You swore you moved on. You swore you were done. You even dated a few people since and were happy in your relationships, barely thinking about him on occasion. You were happy. Not that he really gave you any choice since he never reached out to try and fix things. In fact, you’re almost entirely positive he’s even avoided you. But, he’s standing in front of you, a careful distance away to mind your personal space and it’s like every feeling you ever had for him gets thrown back to the surface.

How the fuck does he do that?

You shake your head. “Should probably get back to Dick.” You pick up the two drinks.

“Yeah, right.” Jason answers. “It was good to see ya.” Jason pulls a breath and musters a small smile.

Your breath catches in your throat. His smile was always something you admired.

“You too, Jason.” You give him a soft nod and you think see a grimace cross his face for a half a second with the use of his name, something you almost never called him.

Jason watches you walk back to Dick and he feels the aching in his chest. It’s been two years and he has to fight the urge to call and text you. He has to fight the urge to go to your apartment after patrol. It’s why he’s avoided anything and everything you were invited to. You’d never turn down your friend because of something that happened between him and you. That just wasn’t you. So, he avoided, trying to make it easier for you at the very least. But it’s been near torture him.

He misses you.

You go back to Dick, putting on a fake smile. The rest of the night you spend trying to forget your entire interaction with Jason. Talking and joking with Dick and the either bats doesn’t seem to help. Your mind always seems to wander back to Jason just as it did forever ago. This time though, instead of some sort of giddy smile and your mind feeling all mushy, it only feels sad and achy. You think you miss him more than you’ve convinced yourself.

By the time Dick takes you home, you’re exhausted from faking your way through conversations and a few laughs. The only thing you really want to do is eat something, turn on a comfort movie, and go to bed.

Pretend like you never ran into Jason.

It’s always a risk running into Jason whenever it’s something involving the bats. It’s why you don’t go to everything you’re invited to. You were friends, friends with benefits, but friends and somehow it’s always felt more like an actual break up than anything. Somehow you’re in the middle of him and his family half the time while having also been friends with them.

The game of avoidance is exhausting.

You change into something that’s actually comfortable and find yourself rummaging through your fridge, kicking yourself for not stopping at the store yesterday.

You were tired. It seemed too much work but it’s eleven at night and you don’t have much.

You settle for some toast and swear you’ll hit the store tomorrow.

After a few minutes of staring blankly at your toaster, your toast pops and you find yourself seated on your counter. It’s bland and not all too filly but you thin it’s better than not eating anything. Maybe by the time you’re done, you’ll feel a little better.

You scroll through your phone, mindlessly eating. It’s nothing unusual as you scroll through your feeds. A few photos from friends, a few cute cat videos, and an annoying ad every few posts. In all honesty, you find yourself content sitting here. That was, until you hear the sliding of your living room window.

Mid-bite you’re pausing, looking to your window as your heart runs to your throat.

You look over to the other side of your counter, clocking your full butcher block. Not ideal, you think. You can’t throw them with great accuracy. But your baseball bat is your room and your only other option is a pan from the cupboard below you.

You settle for the butcher knife, grabbing it as you hop off the counter.

“Get out!” You grind your teeth as the figure starts to come through your window.

“Hey to you, too.”

You roll your eyes, seeing Jason emerge from the window, helmet covering his face and distorting his voice.

Of course it’s him. You couldn’t just spend the rest of your evening trying to forget about him.

“What the hell are you doing crawling through my window?” You bite back.

In all honesty, you should have locked it. It’s been two years and leaving it unlocked is still such a habit and you can’t seem to break it. Something about maybe he gets hurt one day and he still chooses to come to you. You hate the thought.

“Why the fuck is your window unlocked?” Jason quips back.

You glare back at him. “Habit.” You state sternly.

“Do you want to put the knife down?” Jason asks, reaching behind his head to the take the helmet off.

“Depends.” You raise your brows at him more to just be difficult.

He’s made your night pretty unpleasant and difficult so you’re going to make his night the same.

He matches your stare, shifting his weight to his right foot as he holds his helmet on his hip. You make an annoyed and mocking face at him before you put the knife it’s rightful place. You still fold too easily around him.

“Go on.” You gesture a hand towards him.

You hope he gets whatever it is over with so you can just go to bed. Fuck your other plans. You’re so done with tonight.

Jason bites the inside of his cheek. He tried his best to muster up the courage to come over here. He intentionally came before patrol. This way, he could always back out and if this got ugly, he would have to leave anyway.

“Just wanted to know if we could talk.” Jason says and he dodges your eyes entirely.

Your brows pull together. “About?” You roll your eyes. “You could be more forthcoming.”

Jason knew you would not make this easy. None of this is easy. If he could even communicate the fact it was hard for him that would make this whole thing easier but that seems to stick to his throat. He’s run over everything he wanted to say ever since he watched you walk back to Dick a few hours ago. He thinks he has the whole memorized but you’re just watching him, looking more annoyed than he’s ever seen you before.

He’s forgotten everything he ever wanted to say to you.

“D’ya remember that night?” Jason blurts the question out before he has a chance to turn around. He regret the question the second it leaves his lips. “And I—“

“Kicked me out of your apartment and then never spoke to me until tonight? Yes.” You finish with a bitter spite in your tone.

This is what he wanted to talk about?

“I-, well was hopin’ I could explain.” Jason sucks in a breath and he shifts his weight again to his left foot.

“After two years, now you want to explain your actions?” Your eyes are wide and you’re trying to keep your voice down but it still hurts as much you want to deny it does.

Jason sees your jaw clench and your fist ball. You look absolutely furious with him and he knows he deserves it. He should have had this conversation that night or at the very least the next day or just not two years later. He feels like he’s intruding and he has no idea what to do. The last thing he wants to do is intrude. Why did he decide to do this?

“I know it sucks.” Jason says. “I saw ya tonight and I dunno.” Jason shrugs his shoulders. “Thought about it…a lot before, too.” His voice goes a little quiet. “I’m not good at this.”

There’s a part of you that almost wants to soften. It’s not that Jason is really loud or anything but his voice is usually a little rough, not necessarily “quiet”. He’s only ever really quiet when he has to be or when he’s trying to get himself to talk about something he does not want to, around you anyway. It’s a trait you picked up on not too long into your friendship. At he time, you wished he didn’t feel the need to make himself quiet or small in order to say what he was thinking. You don’t know how you feel about it now but you don’t want to feel whatever this ache in your chest is.

“Well fucking try, Jason.” You cross your arms deciding to fight the ache with a bite.

“I was just scared.” He confesses and you don’t think you’ve ever heard him sound so small.

That’s not fair. He’s the one that hurt you. He’s the one that didn’t call after everything and now you’re standing here wanting to hug him and tell him that it’s okay. He doesn’t do it on purpose. Despite it all, you are certain Jason would never guilt you on purpose. But, you still feel guilty because you know him. You know nearly everything there is to know about him.

But it fucking hurts and you were scared, too.

“Do you think I wasn’t?” You question, your voice harsh and pained. “And I had good reason, apparently.” You spit back and you don’t know why you say it.

Jason thinks this whole thing was a bad idea. There has not been a day he doesn’t wish he could take it back. He knows it hurt you and he misses you. But, hearing that you should have been scared to tell him something makes him feel like you’re ripping his heart out of his chest. He thinks this is something how you must have felt that night.

Jason groans. “You told me you had feelings for me and I fucking didn’t know what to do! I’m not good for you!” He tries to defend himself, scrambling for any part of his original speech to come back to him. “Thought we could just…do what we were doing and you’d find someone else.” His voice almost sounds defeated.

“That’s such a load of shit.” You fire back. “I didn’t want anyone else! I wanted you!” Your hands move out in front of you as if that will get your point across.

“Fuck,” He lets out an exasperated groan. “I was fucking scared I’d fuck it up with you or you’d get hurt for being with me. I didn’t want to risk that!” Jason shakes his head and looks to the floor. There are no excuses for the way he hurt you. “I knew I’d fuck it up.”

“So what are you saying?” You shrugs your shoulders, trying to get him to get to the point.

“I-I have feelings for you, too.” Jason nearly swallows his own vocal chords.

That sends you right over the edge. You’re somewhere between pissed and in agony. How dare he come to you and confess after two years? You moved on. You have been dating and getting on with your life. You have friends that are not him or the bats. Now, he wants to show up and suddenly tell you this? And then he wants to say it’s because you deserve better. What does he know? If he knew anything, he’d know none of it mattered to you in the first place. Every doubt he ever had about himself, you didn’t care about because you always knew he was good and enough and deserving. And that actually hurts because he can’t see himself the way you always saw him. Why could he never see himself the way you saw him?

“No! You don’t get to show up two years later and suddenly tell me you like me. That’s not fair! I have moved on from you!” You scream back, not able to hold back anymore. “I told you I liked you and you told me that you couldn’t fucking do it! You kicked me out! You kicked me out of your life! That’s not fucking fair.” You can feel your voice crack as tears well behind your eyes. “You broke me and you never even apologized for it.” Your voice comes back down and you can feel your heart nearly wanting to break through your ribs.

“I-I’m sorry.” Jason’s voice is soft and small. He didn’t mean to not even apologize. He didn’t know it hurt that badly. He couldn’t even imagine it would. He should have known. “I fucking swear I am. I didn’t mean to.”

“Well you did. You couldn’t have a conversation with me to explain it. You just…cut me out of your life like I was nothing. Do you have any idea how badly that hurt?” You question and the anger is starting to flood away with heartbreak.

“Please,” Jason tries. “You should be mad but…I…I do miss you.”

It’s something you’ve wanted to hear for a long time. Sometimes, you’d think he’d show up out of the blue and tell you he misses you. He wouldn’t be in love with you or anything like that but he’d come by and he��d miss you. You’d be friends again and go back to some sort of normal. He’d be in your life again but that day never came. Not until now and it doesn’t feel the way you were hoping it would. All it does is hurt.

“I miss you, too.” Your voice is small as it cracks because you do miss him. “But that doesn’t make any of this okay.” You shake your head with the soft shrug of your shoulders.

“Just want you back even if it’s friends.” Jason feels the burning behind his eyes and he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. You’re right and he knows you are. “I’m sorry.”

You were friends for years before you even started the friends with benefits thing. You do miss him. As much as he’s hurt you, you would very much like to have him in your life again. Jason struggles sometimes with things and this is one of those things. You know. But, that doesn’t mean you should have to be someone who gets hurt because of it. As much as you want him back in your life, it’s something you don’t think you can answer at the moment.

“I’m gonna have to think on it, Jason.” You let out a sigh.

Jason nods softly, feeling absolutely crushed and defeated. “Okay.”

“You should go.” You say it softly, holding back tears and every urge you have to work it out. You’re too angry, too annoyed, too sad, and still too infatuated with him to think straight.

“I’m sorry.” Jason offers once more as he walks back to the window.

He slides on his helmet and just like that, he’s gone.

[olderthannetfic]

I'm not really contributing to any of the ongoing discussions here. Just relaying a recent experience I had.

I was perusing ao3 (as you do at 1AM) and came across a fic with a promising premise. The summary read like it was centralized around one of my favorite characters, and the tags were all tags I liked, especially so with said character.

So, I got that initial reader's high, tapped the title link like "let's gooooooo," only to get a few paragraphs in and realize that this was not a "favorite character" positive fic. Very quickly, it became apparent that this author did not like this character. The narrative was written from others' POVs with a focus on said character's less endearing traits. Traits that were not all that significant in canon. It was kind of like they took a behavior, exaggerated it to the max until it consumed and rewrote the character's personality, and then had others (that, in canon, actually like the character) bash them for it. Which is kind of weird-funny to me cause, 100%, the character is controversial. There are a lot of reasons to be critical about them. I've seen fics where the basis is 'everything is canon, but the character is completely written out.' You like them, you don't, or at the very least they're tagged character bashing.

But okay. Whatever. The tags and description were misleading. The story was disappointing. It happens. I'm the one who decided to keep reading anyway because it was actually quite well written despite the characterizations making me sad. It's all good. It's the expected hazards that come with the perusing. But then, I had let my curiosity get the better of me.

I read the comments.

Four down, I found a deleted comment. I don't how bad it must have been. But the responses to it were certainly... yeah. Someone, not the author, responded with quite the vitriol. They shared the user's pseud 'in case they deleted their comment,' said they went through the user's bookmarks, aired out the "problematic" pairings the user had read, said 'of course they like this character, they already have the leanings,' and then concluded by calling them an incest loving pedophile.

The author also responded with a remark along the lines of, "while I appreciate you taking the time to read my work, I hope you never do so again as I don't want 'your sort' here." And ended it with a 😊 ❤️.

Like... I don't know what the original user said, but did it really warrant that? The problematic ships listed weren't even problematic. The only ship they could even be referring to as 'incest' among the ones listed was a ship I know is between between two people, not related, never canonically thought themselves to be so, three years apart, mostly just really good chaotic friends, that the fandom had decided blanketedly were brother and sister. Plus, the controversial character I said was one of my favorites, canonically, has only loved one person their whole life, who is the same age as them. So I don't even know what they mean by 'leanings.'

Which, subsequently, made me wonder if the original comment had even been genuinely deserving of such harsh responses. I guess it also just bothered me a lot cause, like I said above, the pseud is still there despite the deleted comment. Anyone can go and harass them if they wanted.

I don't really have a point.

It was just a lot. I'm still thinking about it a day later, and I don't really know how to feel about it all.

--

I know how to feel about it:

This author does not deserve comments.

[osarina]

(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!

gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)

"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"

STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP

"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."

self-explanatory

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up

the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”

ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck

"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."

i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ

ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr

“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

i giggled

PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO

these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!

RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG

honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞

UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY

the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it

AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)

oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB

bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀

HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD

RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS

i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it

[togeqii]

I meant K-Pop!! I haven’t found any good K-Pop fics lately and that’s why I wanted your recs lol sorry for the confusion :)

omg! yes i can definitely recommend a few good fics haha i haven't been an avid reader for a while but i Do have a few notable favorites! i'm kinda just taking this from my rec tag on wuahae lol but . i'm ngl all the fics by these authors are so good like if you like the writing (You Will ....) you should def check out their other fics in their masterlists! also if you like the fics pleeeaaase leave feedback in their askboxes or in their notes :( i know it would mean a lot to them because it always means a lot to me!

eat, play, love by @husbandhoshi

e2l romcom au .... really Reads like a romcom i can talk at length about this fic but also lily is just a great writer . it's just good fic!! the perfect amount of funny with a touch of angst and as always Real Genuine feeling . will always rec this one <3

gold rush by @dkfile

exes-to-lovers mingyu it is just SO scrumptious .... ci masters the art of the small town nostalgia haze and the dynamics in this fic are just MWAH . conflict is perfect, characterization is perfect ... if a fic is named after a tswift song you just know it has to be good!

parallels & almosts by @httplastic

vernon friends to lovers! it's almost wong kar wai esque the way peach writes their prose ... so so pretty. always so meaningful i loved reading and analyzing their words trying to dissect metaphors and double meanings :") the type of fic where i read and i go "i wanna write like that!!!" one of the top fics i'll go to when i wanna read a nice comfort fic in winter <3

those are the most recent ones i've read but here are a few honorable mentions from fics that were released a while ago but i think about almost daily . fics that rewrote my brain chemistry .

the times we couldn’t say goodbye (the times i loved you most) by @/husbandhoshi

SORRY this is another one by lily but its the one that made me follow her.... she just gets the Hoshster im sorry ..... also this fic deserves like 10 million notes with how it made me feel . fantasy au where hoshi is a wizard and yn is the innkeeper and even though hoshi isn't someone who Stays you're always going to be the one he returns home to . GUNSHOTS .

just us and the moon (till the sun starts waking) by @97-liners

THE FIC THAT MADE ME START CARATBLR ....... actuallyyyy just read all of jackie's fics 😁😁 i feel like i rave about this fic every chance i get but its deserved idc idc i come back to read it regularly . yn in this fic is so real like the me of last summer was bawling her eyes out because of how peeled i felt reading it...... anyway its fwb!woozi and Obviously that means don't read this fic if you're a minor but . but .... i became a changed woman after i finished it . Again the perfect amount of humor + angst + Implied smut without feeling gratuitous or out of place . my hall of fame for realsies.

other people's weddings by @neonunau

ok i Just checked after going back to link this fic and i saw its at 2k notes?!?!? deserved /srs . but Again it's giving romcom ... its f2l seungcheol but the way mads depicts him is SO chef's kiss. like if lily gives him the insufferable former frat boy energy with dusty cheeto fingers then Mads writes him as Sufferable college friend cheol. the yearning is so real from him . he holds your purse . swallows his feelings it practically gives him And you (the reader) constipation but every court needs their jester and he's happy to provide ..... not to mention the side characters are so funny its insane. humor is perfect . romance is perfect . writing is perfect ..... its just good fic!!!

[gintokiu]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

love love love getting Tumblr messages, especially if they come from Rena! thank you so much for thinking to tag me and get me back on this ye olde blog. I will do my best to answer since most of my favorites are unfinished and waiting for me to have time to complete them asdfgh anyway, starting from the bottom:

5. Unfinished, unposted work: Worth the Wait

This one is fun because it's something I'm currently working on and I am soo obsessed with it; it's an AU of a fantasy game that I've put way too many hours into recently. I think that the overall premise of the story is something akin to finding things in places that you wouldn't expect them to be, which I always love when it comes to Gintoki and Hijikata, because that's kind of like, their thing? It's set right now to be three or four chapters long and ahh I can't wait for it to be done. I hope, like usual, that the AU doesn't shy people away because they might not know about it/played the game. :') I can't help I only like writing AUs I'm sorry adsfgh

4. Fahrenheit

This story has such humble beginnings and such a warm place in my heart. It was actually the first ginhiji fic I ever wrote and oh god, it was fucking horrible. Rewrote it when I matured more as a writer and am hoping that I figure out where exactly I want this one to end because it's a bit of a toss-up. Right now, I am simply enjoying writing all the modern-day fluff and antics (and sex) until the plot decides to cement itself properly in my brain.

3. Hirudinea

The big one, the one that my brain refuses to write even though I have the plot all there waiting for me to write it. The powerpoint for this story is crazy. I'm looking forward to one day getting to tie this one up with a nice little bow and give it the proper love it deserves, but I want to finish other things first. Forcing myself to write things only ever ends in me hating them and I refuse for that to be the case with this story because there is so much love for it in me and seemingly in the community <3

2. Ninety-Nine and The Flight, the Fall, and the Forsaking of a Crow

There are two for this spot because I can't make up my mind. The Flight is another one with very humble beginnings. I wrote this, god, six or so years ago originally? Rewrote it when I started posting my work and fell in love with the new rendition of it so much. I'm such a sucker for transformations and gaining new understandings of the world, which is exactly what Gintoki gets to go through, which is why it means so much to me. The pacing is there, the emotion is there. Truly one of my favorites of mine that remind myself that I can write sometimes, LOL.

Ninety-nine I love because it is so easy to write. It's the child that never backtalks, never gets in trouble-- it's just golden. The plot for this is fleshed out all the way to the end and the powerpoint is thirty slides longer than Hirudinea's at a whopping 91 slides. It's a beast. I have end chapters completely written, just waiting for the rest of it to catch up. While definitely not my most popular piece, it's the one that I love to work on the most and I hope I can give it the ending that it deserves :') ahhh there's so much I want to say but can't so I'll just leave it here and talk about it later when it gets closer to being complete.

Things That Happen During the In-Between

Certainly did not expect this work to get the recognition that it did when it was posted. When I tell y'all that I hated this story for the longest time because I reread the same scenes fifteen, twenty times over, edited each one at least three or four times super in-depth to the point where it became beyond predictable in my mind. So then I post this, and people are all like "I cried!" I'm like HUH what do you mean you cried? this work sucks?? So then I waited like a month, reread it, and understood that yeah, okay, I actually didn't do that bad of a job with this one. My personal favorite aspect of this story is the characterization, because there are so many parts where I can read through it and say with confidence that that's a very "them" thing to say/do. (I also just love and adore the second movie, it's such a good film and I'm glad that I was able to do it some justice with this story.)

this was such a treat to do, once more thank you @renamusing for tagging me <3 I'll send a few out to some authors who I think are active on my tumblr so if you get one then consider it a little forehead kiss mwha

[roseblushwrites]

ao3 wrapped [writer edition]

I know it's supposed to be an ask meme but I am not going to sit here and wait to be asked when I feel like just answering all of them right now! It has been like two decades since I last got to do a MySpace bulletin survey and frankly I miss infodumping about myself!!!

How many words have you written this year? 125,547. Which, quite honestly, does not seem like it could possibly be true.

How many works did you publish this year? 17

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? Probably Lovers in a Fable and Engraved Upon My Heart, they're my two longest one-shots and I managed to get some actual plot in with the smut for once.

What work of yours has the most hits? Lover, Be Good to Me

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? Known in the Ache. It was the first fic I'd posted in 13 years and I was not expecting a single person to notice or care.

Favorite title you used? The Force of Forbidden Love by Jusjuli Doutgods makes me laugh every time I see it still.

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? Hozier.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Cal/Merrin

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? This is mean. I'm going to say Cal/Merrin though because they have more content to be inspired by than Jyn/Cassian, and they didn't require me to do the work of making up an OC, like Gale/Tav. So they were just easier to write about.

What work was the quickest to write? I honestly don't remember! I feel like for the most part my one-shots take an average of the same amount of time to write.

What work took you the longest to write? Known in the Ache. I wrote all of it before I started posting, over about five months. The first draft was only from Jyn's POV and was about half as long as the final version - I rewrote almost every part of it for the second draft and added in all the Cassian POV sections at that point.

How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year? Seven, lol. Though most likely at least one of those will get written and posted before this year is over.

What’s your longest work of the year? Known in the Ache, 41,632 words

What’s your shortest work of the year? Watch Me Unfold, 1,963 words

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? For sure Hope to the Edge, my Merrical cowboy AU... but I also accidentally wrote an outline for a smutty one-shot in the urban fantasy Merrical AU setting I thought would never exist anywhere other than my own brain, so also that one.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Aside from the obvious ones like "established relationship" and "shameless smut" and tags for various sexual acts that are basically on all of them, the answer to this is probably "consensual voyeurism"

Your favorite character to write this year? I have to say Cal. I have not loved a character the way I love him in yearrrrrssssss. He is just so earnest and I love his journey. And I just think he and Merrin deserve to fuck nasty 🤷‍♀️

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? Gale Dekarios. Good lord. I love this sweet man but his vocabulary and speech patterns can be so hard to get right. I think (hope?) I've mostly gotten the hang of it now, but every fic I still have to basically write the version a normal person would say in the initial draft and then "Gale-ify" it on the edit.

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? Um... recent developments have me thinking a lot about a Karlach/Wyll/Dammon OT3. I've never written anything like that so it would be a challenge, but I am thinking about it 👀 kind of a lot 👀👀👀

Which work of yours have you reread the most? I actually have no idea. I usually reread everything I post several times in the first day it's up (and spot all the tiny edits I missed or new things I want to change 🙄) but after that I kind of... never look at it again lol.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 2,433 😭♥️

Which work has the most comments? Known in the Ache, because it's the oldest and longest

Did you do any collaborative works this year? No 😞 maybe next year!

Did you write any gifts this year? Yes I wrote Lovers in a Fable for Sarah aka dangerwillrobinson aka @icapturedthecastle because it was her birthday and I wanted to do something nice for her 🥰 my love language is dedicating smut to my friends

Did you receive any gifts this year? Sarah dedicated free to a good home to me on my birthday because she's the best. clone club 4 lyfe

What’s your most common category? F/M

What do you listen to while writing? Most of the time it's Goodnight Moon ASMR videos because they're always so cozy and comforting but aren't the kind of ASMR that make me sleepy, but also aren't really distracting (which music tends to get for me).

Favorite work you wrote this year? My favorite is usually whichever one I just finished, so Engraved Upon My Heart at the moment.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? I'm going to be annoying and do lines from each character in my pairings. Favorite Cal line: “I know that first one was for you,” Cal panted into her mouth. “But this one’s gonna be for me, okay?” (Bedroom Hymns) Favorite Merrin line: “You bumbled too much for it to be lurking.” (The Force of Forbidden Love by Jusjuli Doutgods) Favorite Cassian line: “It’s okay,” he said. “I’ll keep you warm.”(Known in the Ache ch. 10) Favorite Jyn line: “Can I at least get a knife or something?” (Known in the Ache ch. 9) Favorite Gale line: “Oh, but maybe we’ve already arrived at that point.” (Lover, Be Good to Me) Favorite Tav line: "You might be made of magic, but magic is not made of you." (Engraved Upon My Heart)

Biggest surprise while writing this year? Honestly, that I could still do it 🙏

[fanonplussed]

thanks @lu-sn for tagging me!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

--

first fic ever published: Settling Down, Settling In

this was Beka Cooper post-canon fic from 2011 and also the only het fic i ever wrote lollll though i then proceeded to publish nothing else for 8 years, i do still have a lot of fondness for this fic, and for the many, many het YA fantasy novels that have shaped the way i read and write

last fic published: a patient kind of guy

actually i lied, there's het in this fic too...specifically comphet, and the explorations thereof (it's a Be My Favorite fic, specifically a Pisaeng character study, nuff said). actually really proud of this one cause i like to think this fic showcases how far i've come in terms of being able to write angst, smut, humour, longing, and complex themes all in one 6k word fic

any fic i wrote for a ship only once: Five Times Wen Qing Writes to Jiang Yanli

huh, turns out i write quite a lot of ships only once, but i'm particularly proud of this femslash fic, firstly because in general there's not enough femslash in the world, and secondly because the MDZS ladies in specific deserved better!! also there's an incredible podfic recorded by some incredible people for it and listening to that was the COOLEST FREAKING THING

favorite fic for ship with most works: Thirty Years of (Someone Else's) Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!

you know what, i loved this ship SO FUCKING MUCH and this was hands down the most joyful cracktastic fic i've ever written and it's all about THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP and yeah, if i could pick one work to remember of everything i wrote for these boys, it would be this one. sigh.

fic i wish more people read: Dad Joke

speaking of joyful cracktastic fics about the magic of friendship lolllll Macau and Chay have so much potential to be INCREDIBLE together as romantic/platonic co-conspirators and i didn't even realise until i finished writing this fic--this legitimately started out with me wanting to have Macau yell "it's a dad joke" about calling Pete 'dad' and then i woke up from my 24 hour writing fugue state with new, inconvenient macauchay feels lol guess the joke is on me (also i sometimes read this fic again and still laugh at my own jokes and i'm v proud of that)

fic i agonized over the most: Starving, Faithful

okay i'm sure i agonised over The Long Road Across The Wilderness - 荒尘渡 too (42k words of yi city boys on a big bang deadline ><) but FUCKING HELL the sheer amount of SCREAMING i did about the vegaspete post-credits scene for Starving Faithful man, and how it didn't ALIGN THEMATICALLY with how i'd conceptualised vegaspete in chapters 1 through 4 with the HUNGER and the OWNERSHIP and i rewrote that ending scene SO many times (with very patient, intelligent handholding from my incredible beta) and in the end just kinda went fuck it and gave up lol tbh i still have no idea if it's as resonant or consistent as i wanted it to be but overall i think i did pretty okay with that fic anyway

fic that sprang fully formed from my mind: Seven Years

444 words of Xue Yang character study that just flowed out in like 10 minutes inspired by this piece of fanart, one of the coolest collab and writing experiences i've had because i'm a plotter so that's basically never happened to me before and has never happened to me again lol (maybe i should actively look for fanart i like to see if inspiration will strike again hmm...)

work i am proud of: all of them. genuinely. i worked hard on every single one of those fics and at least one person has enjoyed reading each one of those fics, and i dunno i just think that's really, really cool. fandom is really pretty special <3<3<3

--

tagging @ghost--houses and @giraffeter

[inactivejatpblog]

Bi agender Flynn & Bi genderfluid Reggie (qpr)

[vorcotec]

OH AND HEY! not to mention

the first time we ever hear jane raise her voice! the first time she ever mentions her own backstory! frank DESTROYED HER LIFE because of her genius, because he was a misogynist who couldn’t let her live unsubjugated and unexploited, he sabotaged and ruined her life’s work, KILLING her significant other and father of her baby in the process, he stole her child from her and kept them apart for TWENTY YEARS, and he’s about to take another of her children, and she’s begging him not to! :)

[liyazaki]

BL Tag Game

tagged by @negrowhat, @i-got-the-feels & a couple other peeps but my drafts folder is a hoarder's paradise & I don't feel like scrolling that far. I've done this one 2 or 3 times in the past & most of my answers haven't changed, so I broke the rules & rewrote some of them for funsies.

all time current favorite bl character and why Pete my beloved- make that Vegas and Pete, collectively. every time I think about their personal histories/upbringing, the trajectory of their relationship, who they fundamentally are as people- I uncover some other fascinating angle or food for thought to obsess over. I'm a lost cause & I'm not interested in being saved...just leave me locked up in the safe house room with my damaged, multifaceted blorbos.

one character from a bl you wanted to punt in to the stratosphere no character takes me from 0 to ready to commit manslaughter faster than Mork from FUTS. if I could sue to get back every second I wasted watching his cardboard-cutout, autonomy-what's-that ass, I would.

best music moment from a bl stealing Eboni's answer here: Gav and Cairo singing Ngayon to each other is one of the only music moments in a BL that doesn't make me want to jump out of the nearest window.

a popular heterosexual text you would like to see adapted in to a bl a bl you'd like to see adapted for the stage KinnPorsche- just imagine the drama and ridiculousness of a play version. the second season would need to be completed first, because we need the full story/mystery included. the sets wouldn't be too difficult to create (can already visualize a couple now) & most could be restyled and reused after intermission. maybe it's time to redo my Cherry Magic playbills…

a scene from a bl that always makes you laugh the opening scene for Absolute BL still breaks me every time. the dragging-boo-away is such a classic trope & the expression on Mob's friend's face as he's been whisked away is just- 🤣

biggest bl disappointment 7 Project was such a overly-hyped, disastrous mess. Sammy- all the actors, really- deserved so much better.

what two random bl characters would make hilarious exes two random bl characters who would be besties hear me out: Tankhun (KP) and Shiwoon (LOM). as always-on as Shiwoon is, he'd probably have no idea what to do with/think of Tankhun at first, but once he started to get a feel for Tankhun's unique brand of crazy? hoo boy- watch out, world.

who would be the funniest person to watch a BL in its entirety and which one would you make them watch. no clue. I don't like watching reaction videos of people not familiar with the genre/tropes/etc. either; I'd rather see content from people who are already into it or least acquainted with it.

best wardrobe moment/or character wardrobe from a bl any & all Tankhun ensembles- I cannot (and will not) choose.

no-pressure tagging @guzhu-furen @rainbowcolored7 @ommited-miscellaneously @omarandjohnny @talays-portkey @sunsetandthemoon & anyone else who feels like joining in.

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Reason to Come Back (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Reason to come back

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 3574

Request: "can you do something where seb(or one of his characters)and reader used to date and one day he broke up with her and after a short time he comes up with a new girl(not cheating)and the reader thinks that she’s worthless and not beautiful or good enough and that’s why he broke up with her and tries to be better(you know what to do•_-) and silently suffering etc. and with a happy ending where they get back together"

Warnings: mentions of a breakup, angst, depression, very slight mentions of disordered eating and exercise (very slight, not like most of my other fics), general feelings of worthlessness, angst

Tags: @buckys2thicc @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @barnesplums @thatfangirl42 @buckfics @babyboibucky 

A/N: I AM SO SORRY TO THE ANON THAT REQUESTED THIS SO LONG AGO AND THAT IT TOOK SO LONG! I don’t even know if they’re still here, I feel so bad. I got an anon request for this fic and I did not know about the inbox for Tumblr accounts until just recently because I’m incompetent. There’s no excuse for me taking so long to write it, but I wanted to even though it’s been 9 months since they sent it. If you’re still here anon, thank you for sticking with me!

NEW NOTE 06/04/21: I rewrote this to be for Bucky as opposed to Sebastian. It is still mostly the same, just reworded in some places. This is meant to take place in reference to the timeline of tfatws and mentions moments from the show. I am referencing “the time he was gone” as the series episode 1-6. I don’t know how much time passed but I assume it was at least a few weeks if not longer (especially between episodes 5 and 6). That’s how I wrote it.

------------------------

It was a quiet night, you under some blankets on the couch watching a movie. There was an empty bowl aside from a few popcorn kernels on the coffee table in front of you, the movie more for background noise than entertainment. You were scrolling through your phone mindlessly, looking for a distraction that would keep you occupied.

Not that it was working too well. There wasn’t much that could distract you from the fact that you were alone.

9 months. You had dated for 9 months. Not that he had been around for much of it. He had been with Sam on an extended mission, and he had been gone for a few weeks. You didn’t know much about the mission, Bucky wasn’t allowed to tell you. For your safety. You understood. It was his job, you knew that, but it could be lonely most of the time. He would call or text you if he could, but he couldn’t compromise his location. You were always happy to hear from him, but it wasn’t the same as when he was around.

You knew this would happen, and you had accepted that. It was hard, but you could manage.

You hadn’t heard from him in a weeks, but you didn’t think much of it. He and Sam must have gotten closer to the answers they had been looking for. You could only hope that he was safe. it took a toll on you, worrying about him, but you had been so happy when he had said he was coming home. But when he walked through the door, he didn’t seem excited at all.

You had wrapped your arms around him, and he had hesitantly hugged you back gently. You had known something was wrong almost immediately, pulling back and trying to meet his eyes. “Babe? Are you okay?”

“We should talk,” he said, struggling to meet your eyes.

You pulled your eyes together with concern. “Yeah, yeah what’s wrong?”

“I, uh… I don’t know if this is gonna work out.”

You shook your head, surprised. “What do you mean? What happened?”

“I just don’t think you and I work with 1,000 miles between us.”

“What?” you said in disbelief. “You’re the one who has to leave and I told you that I’m okay with it, and I am. I never thought you’d be the one with the problem with it.”

“Y/n -”

“We can work this out, Buck. You said it yourself, you don’t normally go away for that long. I’m not going anywhere, I - ”

“I can’t ask you to stay, y/n,” he said, cutting you off. You shut your mouth and shook your head. “Where is this coming from, what happened?” you asked.

He cleared his throat. “I should go.”

“You don’t get to walk away from this like that!” you exclaimed, nearly yelling.

“And I don’t have the right to expect you to wait for months while I’m out trying to save people. I thought it’d be fine but I couldn’t stop thinking about you here, alone. There’s going to be more missions, more danger. They recreated the serum. Who knows what else they’ll be able to create? You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“You don’t get to make that choice for me! I told you I’m okay with it and I still am, Bucky! I know the risks!” you said, tears pricking your eyes.

He looked away. “You deserve much better than me. Someone who can be there for you.”

You walked up to him and cupped his face. “You’re all I could ever want Bucky. Distance be damned.”

He sighed and pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tightly for a moment. “I have to go y/n. I’m sorry.”

He let you go and turned around, not even looking back to say goodbye.

That had been a couple of weeks ago. You had been crushed at first, devastated. But you were still able to function in your day-to-day life. You had a few friends to hype you up or cry with you, whatever the day was. You were able to still get to work, try to move on. And it was getting better, but the nights were still hard. It wasn’t the same when you knew he wouldn’t be coming home.

During the day you could pretend like you were waiting for that night when he would be able to call you. But at night, it was dark and you didn’t have a person you wanted to call.

You weren’t bitter, in a way you understood. You had known how relationships could be ruined by distance and work. But being a super soldier wasn’t a typical line of work. You had been okay with it, but you hadn’t thought that it would’ve affected Bucky as much as it seemed to. You had been emotional at the time, but looking back on it you could understand where he was coming from. Relationships were two-sided - just because you felt okay didn’t guarantee he was.

You knew what he did was dangerous. You had accepted that there might not have always been a happy ending. Maybe he hadn’t.

But then one day you had walked into a bar, only to see Bucky flirting with another girl, laughing away..

That was all you needed to see.

You didn’t want to read too much into it, any kind of situation could be misread. But him laughing with a very attractive girl over drinks shortly after becoming single - you couldn’t help but wonder.

You tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter, that you were reading everything wrong, but your heart still felt as though it was breaking.

She was gorgeous. Much more so than you, you had thought.

Was that why he left? Was he just wanting to get himself back out there? Had he met her and just needed to get rid of you?

You didn’t want to think that way, none of it was true. He wouldn’t do that, he was a good man. But still…

Maybe if you were different it would’ve been harder for him to leave.

Maybe you hadn’t given him a good enough reason to stay.

And maybe, if you were better, prettier, he would come back.

It started small - making more of an effort to go to the gym, not ordering takeaways every night, that sort of thing. Not that you had much of an appetite to begin with. But you didn’t realize when your days had become full of going from work to the gym, nor why you had freaked out so much when you had sprained an ankle and couldn’t do your normal workout.

You had decided to work your arms those next few days to supplement the cardio you had missed. You had kept this up until you woke up one morning struggling to turn over because you were so sore. You decided that that day, you could take a rest day.

A rest day turned into a rest week, and soon enough you were only leaving your house to go to work. And only because you needed money.

You had cut yourself off from most of your contacts, still replying every now and then so they wouldn’t be concerned. You didn’t go out with them or call them because you were worried they would see right through you. Better to stay home. Your bed would never judge you.

You had become familiar with the spots on the wall, the streaks from god knows what, the way that light would filter through your window as the sun ascended and descended the sky. Hours could pass and you could still be in the same position.

You had to keep up a front around everyone. Letting people know how much you were hurting was not an option for you. Then they would ask what was wrong and pull you aside and look at you with this concerned face that you couldn’t deal with. It was the one that everyone always gave when someone was having a bad day, the one people put on when they wanted you to think that they cared. Sometimes they did, but most of the time a person with any sense of morals would put that face on to make a person think that they cared. It’s the same way “How are you?” is more of a greeting than a genuine question.

There were people who cared, but you didn’t want to have that conversation. You didn’t even know what you were doing anymore. It was an honest thought of bettering yourself, but it was for the wrong reasons. Trying to be better for Bucky made you realize how much you missed him. How angry you really were at him. But you couldn’t take it out on him, he didn’t deserve that at all, he didn’t earn that. But you were angry at...something, and maybe it was yourself, at letting him walk out that door, of not calling him and leaving him messages. Maybe if you had fought for him he would’ve stayed. If you had said something when he distanced himself.

You felt like this was your fault. And maybe if you changed something about yourself, you would learn from your mistakes.

Not that you knew exactly what you had done or what isolating yourself would fix, or teach you for that matter.

At some point, you must have fallen asleep because your ringtone jolted you awake. You groaned, shutting your eyes again. You would let it go to voicemail, just like all of the others. If it was that important they would text you.

You let it ring, sighing when it had stopped. You readjusted in your bed, trying to fall back asleep. It was a Saturday morning, you had until Monday morning to sleep. You were going to make the most of it.

But then your phone began ringing again.

You opened your eyes again, picking up your phone to see who it was. You dropped the phone when you saw the name

Bucky Barnes

Why the fuck was he calling you? What could he possibly have to say to you?

You watched the phone ring through to voicemail, soon after seeing a voicemail was left. You didn’t bother listening to it, you didn’t need to. You simply rolled over in bed. If it were that important, he would have called sooner.

Bucky’s POV

As the call went to voicemail again, Bucky was confused. He had never known you to miss a call, ever. It wasn’t like you, he knew you would drop anything to take calls. You had said you hated people leaving voicemails because you hated them having to listen to your voicemail message. You had thought your voice had sounded weird. It was one of the little things he remembered about you that made him smile

And realize how royally he had fucked up.

Being away on a mission wasn’t anything new for him, but maintaining a serious relationship for him was. He had never met anyone like you, and he had missed you so much when he had left. He hadn’t felt anything like what he did when you smiled at him since the 40′s. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but all he could think about was how much he had missed you. And that made him think about how much you must have missed him.

He felt like he was holding you back in some way. He was used to being away in dangerous situations for periods of time but you weren’t. And no matter how much you had assured him that you were okay with the long-distance relationship, as the months went on he felt guilty for not being able to be there in the way that he wanted to.

In the way you deserved.

He broke up with you because he thought you deserved better than relying on phone calls and texts for months at a time. Someone who could be there all the time for you. Someone who you didn’t have to worry about getting shot when he left for a mission. Someone predictable and reliable. Something he couldn’t always do.

But God, did he miss you.

He regretted walking out that door. He regretted not giving you a better reason, for not calling you or texting you until now, weeks later. The more time went on, the more he felt it would be inappropriate to call you to apologize.

But he couldn’t take it anymore, so he dialed your number. And when it went to voicemail, he had gotten a little worried.

He knew he didn’t have much of a right or reason to be worried, but he had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. So, he decided to reach out to one of your friends.

Hey, is y/n alright?

Why do you want to know?

Look, I know I messed up. I just wanted to apologize and give her the answer she deserves. But she’s not answering my calls.

She doesn’t do phone calls anymore.

What do you mean?

She won’t answer calls. She won’t even come out with us anymore. Something’s up but she denies it.

When did this start?

When do you think?

Bucky’s heart sank to his stomach. This was his fault. And he had to go make it right.

Your POV

You were still in bed, wondering why Bucky had called you. It didn’t make sense to you, for him to call after all of this time. What could he possibly have to say to you? Did he want to inform you of a new girlfriend before the news caught wind of it? Did he want to come up with some dumb excuse to tell you he was sorry?

It made you scoff slightly, but the tug at your heart let you know that it wouldn’t be unwelcome.

You couldn’t deny it. As much as his leaving had hurt you, you missed him more than anything.

You wanted another chance with him, one that you weren’t sure you would get. And the thought of him coming back to you was comforting. Like maybe it wasn’t your fault. Or maybe you had done enough to win him back.

Wishful thinking.

You had lost track of time, once again, but were snapped out of your daze by knocking on your door.

What? Why would anyone be here?

You sighed. It was probably just some random person selling some random product or something.

More knocking. More insistent. You sighed, standing up and silently groaning at the soreness you felt in your body. Not necessarily from overuse, but more so from underuse. You stood you slowly, walking quietly over to your door.

More knocking.

You made it to the door and glanced through the peephole you had, eyes widening and a small gasp leaving your mouth.

Why the fuck was Bucky here?

More knocking.

You ran a hand down your face. Knowing him, he wouldn’t leave. But why did it go from calling straight to ‘I’m coming to your door’? As if he hadn’t been the one to leave you?

More knocking.

You swallowed dryly. “Why are you here?” you called out through the door.

Bucky let out a breath. “I just want to talk to you”

You shook your head on the other side of the door, wondering if you should let him speak. As if he wasn’t already living rent-free in your mind.

“Please y/n.”

You set your face hard, pulling the door open. At least you would get to say your piece to him.

“Now you wanna talk? Fine. Let’s talk.” you said, coldly.

Bucky was slightly taken aback, though he couldn’t blame you. He took in your appearance, exhaustion seeming to overtake you. Dark circles under your eyes, pale skin, you just - all life seemed to be drained from you. He scratched the back of his neck nervously before he asked quietly, “Can I come in?”

You stepped to the side, silently allowing him in, closing the door behind you. You crossed your arms over your chest and shrugged slightly. “What do you want Barnes?

“I’m sorry,” he said. You scoffed slightly, shaking your head and looking away. “Y/n look at me, please. I fucked up.”

“Well it took you long enough to figure that one out didn’t it?” you snapped, looking at him.

“Y/n please -”

“Tell me, when exactly did you figure out that maybe, just maybe, you should say you were sorry?”

“Y/n please - “

“Who was the girl? The one in the bar from a few days after we had broken up? The one you were hitting on over a couple of drinks?”

“The… what?”

“When did you feel the slightest bit of regret? When did you change your mind and decide that you didn’t want to leave?”

“I never wanted to leave you!” he exclaimed. “Can you please just listen to me?”

You looked at him, anger in your eyes but you closed your mouth. You gave him a look that said ‘I’m listening.’

He took a deep breath. “The woman at the bar was an old friend of Sam’s. He had introduced the two of us at one point. I was at a bar one night and and she came over to say hello and stayed for one drink. It’s nothing more than that.”

You took a breath. Situations could definitely be read wrong. You knew it had probably been nothing.

“When we first got together we had talked about me leaving for missions. Long-distance, unpredictable times, dangerous missions. A lot of people have a hard time keeping that going.”

“And I knew that and was okay with it.”

“Let me finish, please.” he pleaded. “I knew you knew the risks but I’m not sure I was as ready as I thought I was. I left and suddenly I couldn’t talk to you because I was worried for your safety. I couldn’t be there for you in all the ways I wanted to be. In all the ways you deserved. I just...you didn’t deserve that. You deserved so much more than that.”

You felt tears prick your eyes. “You already told me that. When you left. What’s really going on?”

He shook his head slightly. “ Sam’s sister had gotten a call with a threat towards her and her children. I couldn’t put you at risk. These people, they were super soldiers just like me. I had a few close calls with serious injuries. And I realized that if I got hurt I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t let you get hurt and I couldn’t let you worry about whether or not I would come home alive. I thought… I thought it’d be less painful for both of us if we stopped seeing each other before that happened.”

You shook your head slightly. “Why couldn’t you tell me that?” you said, a little more softly.

“I don’t know”

You shook your head. “You’re gonna have to do a lot better than I don’t know.”

“I - “ He sighed slightly. “I was scared. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was scared that I was going to lose you.”

“So you gave me up?” you asked.

“And made the biggest mistake of my entire life.”

You looked to the side and bit your lip slightly. “You know I thought it was my fault?” you turned your face back to Bucky’s confused one. “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. That if I was enough you wouldn’t have left. Or if I was better you would’ve come back.”

He shook his head and started walking towards you to comfort you. “It was never your fault angel -”

You backed up slightly. “You don’t get to call me that. Not right now, not yet at least.”

He looked hurt slightly, but he nodded. After a few moments of silence, you scoffed slightly.

“You know, as much as I hate to admit it, I fell apart these past few weeks. Told myself that the only thing I wanted and needed was having you come back. And here you are and...I don’t know, Bucky.” you shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or think, you broke up with me because you were afraid of hurting me? I - “ you rubbed your eyes. “I just… I get it, but I just wish we could’ve had this conversation weeks ago, Buck.”

“Does this mean we’re done?” he asked timidly.

“I… I don’t know. I just…. I think i need a little bit of time. Please. Just some time to think.”

He nodded, though he looked slightly disappointed. “Yeah, of course.” you nodded, walking him over to the door, opening it. He turned around. “Is it okay to give you a hug, y/n?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding, letting him wrap his arms around your waist as you looped them around his neck. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, tears forming in your eyes as you realized how much you missed this. How much you needed this. When he went to pull away, you held him a little more tightly before letting him go.

He smiled at you before turning to leave. “Take as much time as you need, y/n.”

You gave him the smallest of smiles back. “I’ll see you later Bucky.”

And with that, you closed the door behind you, not having a clue what any of this meant. This didn’t make it okay by any means, but maybe, just maybe, the two of you could start fresh. Together.

[dynyamight]

I've seen a lot of people do it, so if you are up for it~ Ship your moots!

FINALLY. THE AWAITED LIST OF MOOTS IS COMPLETE. sorry this took forever anon!!

now, this is going to be long & i will try not to overexplain my ship pairings. did i take time to think about each paring? yes. but, will they be serious? no. they are dumb & silly.

let the crack pairings begin <3!!

@dekusneakers x BAKUGOU & TODOROKI now you would think? sneakers in a throuple? how come? mmm simple. i couldn’t choose one for her so she gets both. the more the merrier. besides, she deserves love from both sides, kisses on both cheeks. one begrudgingly smooch & one icy kith. as a deku kin, she’s completely satisfied. you’re welcome

@izusun x AIZAWA & ORCA similarly, i can’t have my bestie here with just ONE babe. so, i thought why don’t we get a fatherly figure & a dad bod to give her all the love she needs. so yes, bestie, you two deserves hugs at both sides of you. a twiggy one & a muscly one. the sun needs some shade, & that shade is these men.

@midnightpirates x SUKUNA he’s a mass murderer !! you can’t— oh, but i can. you see, yanna here hates mahito & guess who was the one to fuck up his shit. ah, that’s right, it was sukuna. two mahito an/tis sitting in a tree <3 it’s the perfect match made in hell.

@goth-himbo-dabi x DOCTOR WHO once again, people might wonder: why not dabi? my answer? it’s because my bby here finds the twiggy men attractive. i know, bummer. & you can’t get any twiggy-er than david tennant & matt smith. but which doctor? all of them.

@minisheku x KAMINARI i see you simp for his dunce face. & honestly, who wouldn’t?? also, i originally put sheepku,, but that’s ,, a bit weird. but, here’s the solution. you OWN a sheepku, with kaminari. ah yes, a modern day family unit. & he can entertain you, as well as be a source of electricity for your drawing tablet !! resources !!

@oyavaski x EN you said he was hot literally in your tags earlier in a reblog. so, i am simply gifting you water to quench your thirst. may you two meet in afo, & fall in love in the subconscious of deku’s mind. will deku feel awks? yeah. but like pfft, he’s so whipped for bkg, he’ll forget you two chilling in the corner of his thoughts.

@okworstie x GOJO & WATARI i never have to look up the gojo tag, like ever. because you’re always plastering his face all over my timeline. & yes, this is a good thing. but, the same applies to watari. i have never even seen bakudiez, or whatever it’s called, but apparently he’s aro, & there’s a moth man, & tape hits post limit thursday’s? yeah just keep both, mimi.

@rrandomtthings x AN/TI as one of fellow loyal, amazing bkdks, i think it’s only fitting that you find true love with a bkdk an/ti. create the banti we seek in our community. the enemies to lovers trope is in your blood, written in your deku genes. so, i dedicate the banti movement with this small offering of a ship. may you find diamonds on the minecraft server & build a diamond cabin.

@believeyourgalaxy x ITADORI you two are such cinnamon rolls !!!! super friendly. super kind. super relatable. & together, you guys can pin over megumi. maybe hopefully, sam can help itadori with his low iq brain to finally get together with megumi. because damn, sam can be like “this is my boyfriend, itadori. & this is itadori’s boyfriend, megumi.”

@wrensknight x SHIRAKUMO i didn’t even know it was oboro birthday, until you not only made a public post about to, but made art for him. cloud boy needs that partner to respect & cherish him entirely. & you just treat him so right?? draw him so good?? i hope you can go cloud watching & then later, ride the clouds with him. till death do you guys uh,, you know,,

@b1m0 x MIDORIYA you can't stand when he gets injured, let alone reckless & trying to save the world, when he should literally be saving his own ass. but, that just means you care about him DEEPLY. plus, you both are wholesome people. obviously two cinnamon rolls make a whole bakery !! & who doesn't want a bakery ?? i sure do! wehjw idk why i brought the point here, but just know you two make sense.

@mysterionrising x RENGOKU & VIGILANTE DEKU it’s that enemies to lovers trope once again !! for someone who wrote him off as annoying the first seconds she met him, kenny sure flipped over to the stan side. ever since then, i can only see kenny when i see rengoku. but, you know who else reminds me of kenny. vigilante deku. it’s super fruity that you have an entire bomb playlist for him. so keep him too !!

@kamishima x KIRISHIMA you are the biggest kiri simp i have ever met. you basically ship kiri with anyone who makes him happy. though, you do have a lot of ships, but with kiri it’s different. & so, i was thinking ‘mmm, if bug ships kiri with so many people?? shouldn’t she ship him with HERSELF?’ boom. suddenly both kiri & bug are happy, with a lovely home. my work here is done.

@ckatsudon x LAW LIET did i dig through your blog. why yes. & you know what i found? reblogs & tags dedicated to L. he’s best boy. he’s precious. he deserves a better end. an end with you. mmhmm !! because if we rewrote death note, where you were light, i think L & light could have been canon. & that also would make you happy. & the rest of the entire world

@drfox-kinnie x UNIKITTY i don’t even know the show, let alone who unikitty is exactly. but, you reblogged a banner, confirming your love for unikitty. & so, i am of course doing you a big favor !! she’s bubbly, friendly, & passionate just like you !! & bestie, while i may not know nothing about her, i know you love her. so, maybe you two platonically have a wonderful time, adventuring with the other wholesome characters !! also,, is she big enough to travel on? if so, look i got you a cat car!!

@midorree x MINACHAKO i ship you with another ship. why? because i can. besides, you are like my moot who is genuinely a head leader of the minachako ship on my timeline, & you have steadily been converting me?? but, i also noticed that mina AND uraraka have stolen your heart, & you have yet to fight them for it back. i hope you three can go into a brawl & see who can grab each other’s hands fastest.

@kiribakuxkacchakolover x HATSUME YOU HAVE IT AS YOUR TITLE HEADER. like you are literally having a billboard that calls mei your cutie patootie. &, you ask, & you shall receive. i hope you two can be the dorkiest nerds together, & ramble for eons & eons. i hope i’m invited to the transformer wedding you two will have <,3

@balaroo x MIRUKO like before, you too have your interest out in the open in your title header. but, you see, miruko is a total babe, with confidence & ego & with this stride that makes even the most alpha male quiver. you would be a total wife to miruko’s girlboss energy & that’s why this ship totally works.

@quix-mix x FREDDY FAZBEAR my precious lil young moot, i dug into your blog & noticed you enjoy the fnaf games. & mmm are you perhaps wanting to cuddle a certain demonic teddy bear? well, i approve. he'll fall in love, head over heels, with your art, he might not possess you right away !! might. but, listen, you always do enjoy the villains (; i gotchu !!

@lonely-rabbit x LANCE you said we’re moots & i agree, we are. however, i have noooo idea what even are your preferences. so, i went digging. & it’s such a coincidence that we bonded over our voltron trauma, & yet you still continue to simp over lance. &, like i don’t blame you !!! he’ll always be dumb baby & so all i ask is that you love him, for our sake. & sanity.

[tweedlydumbtweedlydoo]

JJ Maybank x reader

Requested by anon/Summary: JJ begins to doubt your love for him. 

A/N: I’m not quite sure about this one. I had this whole idea for this request and it turned out horrible. I think i rewrote this 3 times lol. But anyways. Anon who requested this --- I hope you like it! xx 

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: OPEN {CLOSED}

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Supernatural (I’m only up to season 2, so please don’t request something with spoilers)**

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Outer Banks (Netflix):

John B Routledge

JJ Maybank

Rafe Cameron

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

JJ was busting tables at the country club when you came up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist, “Hi baby.”

He pushes your arms off his waist, “I’m working, y/n.” He’d watched you with a group of kooks eat lunch and couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. You were laughing and enjoying your time with them. He wondered how you could ever love him, a pogue, a bus boy at the country club? Why were you with him when you could have someone like those kooks you were hanging out with.

You frown and step back, “I always come visit you at work and it’s never been a problem.”

He picks up the black container full of dishes and faces you, “Yeah well, now it’s a problem.” He heads off toward the kitchen and you follow after him.

“What’s with the attitude?”

“I don’t have an attitude, y/n. Why don’t you go find you a country club rich boy and get out of my way?” He pushes open the kitchen doors and they swing shut in front of you.

What was his problem?

~

You didn’t want to go to Midsummer’s. You’d begged your mom to let you bring JJ, your boyfriend as your date, but she wouldn’t allow it. Your family was the guest of honor at the party and you weren’t going to walk in with a pogue and you would find someone else to escort you to the party is what she told you. So, here you are stuck walking in with Rafe Cameron. You knew this would start shit.

You and Rafe walked arm and arm through the double doors out to the patio, where everyone was clapping for you and your family. You wanted to roll your eyes but instead stood tall and smiled. Your eyes scanned the crowd for a certain bus boy and you finally spotted him. He was already looking back at you. You could see him shake his head and storm off back inside. This is what you wanted to talk to him about first, but he wouldn’t answer your calls or texts.

Rafe started to pull you toward his crowd of friends, “Rafe, I’m going to get a drink.”

“Bring me back one, doll face?” He asks, letting go of your arm and giving you a wink. You roll your eyes before walking off, heading toward the kitchen.

JJ rounded the corner and bumped right into you, “Sorry.” He mumbles, stepping back.

You shake your head, “No its okay.” You smile up at him, “You look good in your tux tonight.”

“Can I get you anything, miss y/l/n?” He asks politely.

You frown, “What?”

“I said, can I get you anything, miss y/l/n?”

“Yeah, my boyfriend JJ Maybank.” You cross your arms over your chest.

“Sorry. He’s unavailable right now. He’s got a job to attend too.” He pushes past you and starts to head back outside. You quickly follow after him, grabbing his arm, “JJ Maybank. What the fuck is your problem?”

He pulls his arm from your grip and faces you, “Why don’t you go back to Rafe Cameron, you know your date?”

You roll your eyes, “I tried to warn you about that, but you haven’t answered any of my calls or texts.”

“Well you two look good together.” He looks you over and whispers sadly, “He’s perfect for you.” He then slips through the door and heads to the back patio.

Your heart sinks at the words. You knew JJ was sensitive to this kind of stuff. He was from the cut, you were from figure 8 and you two weren’t made for each other. He always felt that he was never good enough for you and of course you’d remind him that you loved him, but sometimes a part of him knew this was too good to be true. Him, a pogue, with you, the most beautiful kook of the island? How did that happen? How could you love him?

~

Later that evening after dinner you finally spotted JJ again and quickly followed after him. He was going toward Pope and his dad. “JJ!”

He stopped and turned around to face you, “What?”

You walked right up to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him out toward the beach where there was more privacy.

“What the hell, y/n? I have a job to do.”

“I’ll take care of it.” You cross your arms over your chest and step in front of him, “Right now I want to know what your problem is, and we aren’t leaving until it’s settled.”

He rolls his eyes, “Just leave it y/n. Please?” He goes to walk by you, but you quickly step in front of him, blocking his way. “Y/n, move.”

You shake your head, standing your ground, “Talk to me JJ. I visited you yesterday at work and you blew me off. Then you wouldn’t answer my calls and now you’re acting all polite like I’m one of these rich snobs, calling me miss y/l/n.”

“Because you are one of these rich snobs y/n. And I’m a pogue, your bus boy at the country club. I don’t understand why you’re even with me or can even love me when you can have literally any guy up there at that country club, including Rafe Cameron himself!” He points back up to the country club.

“All of them are assholes, JJ! I don’t want any of them, I want you.” You reach out to grab him, but he steps back from you.

His eyes are filling with tears and his voice is soft, he shakes his head, “I can’t give you the life you deserve. I can’t give you what they could give you. I don’t see how you could love someone like me. I’m a kid whose dad beats him up. A dirty pogue who has nothing, came from nothing. I mean I’ll never be anything.”

You shake your head, eyes filling with tears as well, “JJ.. stop it. You are not nothing.” Your hand goes up to his cheek as he lets out a sob.

That’s when you wrap your arms around him, “I love you, JJ Maybank. More than anything in this world.”

His arms grip your body as he sobs into your shoulder. You gently rub circles onto his back, “I don’t care what life I have, as long as you’re by my side. You are the love of my life. You have my heart, every day for the rest of our lives. You’re not nothing, you’re a human being who has been dealt a horrible life, but you have trucked on. You’re a hardworking person and I’m so proud of you.” You pull away and cup his cheeks in your hand, making him look at you, “No amount of money in the world would make me love you any less. I didn’t fall in love with how much money you have or what kind of life you live. I fell in love with you, your heart, your smile, your laugh and those damn blue eyes.” You gently rub your thumb along his cheek, wiping away a tear, “I love you so much JJ. I mean you have no idea.”

He sniffs and pulls you back into his arms, “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. It’s just seeing you the other day with those kooks at lunch and then walking in with Rafe. I didn’t think I was good enough for you.”

“I should have never came with Rafe and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. If you’d walked in with me, it wouldn’t make your family look good.”  

You shake your head, “You know what?” You pull away to look at him, “Screw my family.” You smile and grab his hand, “JJ would you be my date to the Midsummer’s party?”

He chuckles, shaking his head and wiping his cheek, “You don’t have to do this. Plus, I’m on the clock.”

You shrug, “I want too. Let’s go.” You grip his hand in yours and pull him back to the party, right passed your parents and onto the middle of the dance floor, where everyone can see you. He twirls you and pulls you to him, his arm around your waist, “Everyone’s staring.”

“Let them stare.” You smile and kiss him softly, “I want to dance with my boyfriend.”

He shakes his head, pulling you closer, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Obx taglist:  @emmalvei-blog​ , @tregua-oca​ , @weirdbiwitch​ , @losers-club6​ , @treestarrrrrrrr​​ , @omgwhattheeven​​ , @normatural​​ , @lreincarnationl​​ , @laurenron​ , @junkiemuppettxx​ , @beth-winchester21​ , @divcrdown​ , @timotaychalabae​ , @moose-squirrel-asstiel​ , @tangledinsparkles​ , @prejudic3​ , @lanarichards5  @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ , @fratboystark​ , @nas-marie-loves-u​ , @sunwardsss, @annedub​ @turtlee-says-rawr​

If your name is crossed out it won’t let me tag you :( 

All posts taglist: @blossomreed​ 

[kachulein]

11 questions: tbz ver!!💞

thank you so much for tagging me @seraphimguks this was so fun to do!!🥺💖 I'm also super sorry for being insanely late with this tag, I've had it in my drafts and completely forgot about it </333

name/nickname:  Laura Jane / Kachu/Lala

country/state: Switzerland

which tbz boy is closest in age to you?  Haknyeon, he's 5 weeks younger than me^^ babie :P

who did you first notice in tbz and why? Hmm, this is hard to say. Before I was a deobi, I saw moots talking about Sunwoo and Changmin because they biased them, and I also heard of Eric (and his friendship with Felix) from said friends, and also learned that there's two more English speakers called Jacob and Kevin. I then got shipped with Younghoon once so I looked up their profile to look at him (and the others). Then I decided that Chanhee is the one who catches my eye most and called him /a bias/. After that, I noticed Hyunjun because of his airport fashion that I adored. And eventually it was Kevin and his cute self as Simply Kpop MC who caught my eye so much that I decided to stan (he's still my bias while Chanhee is my most dangerous bias wrecker haha). But honestly, I'm not sure which member I noticed first as I heard of some members through friends and not because I noticed them on my own - soooooo, you guys decide, idk.😂👉🏻👈🏻

favourite laugh in tbz?  This was so hard to decide... tbh, I really like Moonbae's laugh because - and I might be biased here - my own laugh is a mixture of Jacob's giggles and Kevin's mute suffering/dying 🤚🏻😭 But I also really like Chanhee's and Sunwoo's laugh, they're just so straightforward and loud, it's endearing :'))

if you can only meet 3 tbz members, who would it be? either Kevin, Jacob and Eric (no language barrier haha) or Kevin, Chanhee, and Changmin. I'm 100% sure about Kevin though, I need to see my ult <3 😭

first tbz song you ever heard?  uhmmmm, I think that was actually Boy because I watched their music video when they debuted (I thought a group called "The Boyz" that debuts with a song called "Boy" was super hilarious, so I wanted to check it out ajxjjsks) but I didn't start stanning them back then :( As you can see, sometimes I make bad decisions haha

1 unpopular tbz opinion? hmm, I don't think this is an unpopular opinion?? But idk what would be one since I don't really keep up with fandoms' opinions as I focus more on the artists (fandoms - in general - can be toxic, so I prefer not to engage too much and keep fangirling among my friends/mutuals - in a space where I feel comfortable and safe to express myself), so I'll just talk about /an opinion/ - not knowing whether it's unpopular or not akdkskd. So, tbz are still a bit of an "underrated" group, they've gained a lot of new fans through RTK (edit: I wrote this - all questions - before kingdom) but still, I feel like they deserve more recognition, especially for their performances. I feel like they're one of the best 4th gen performers (I will never forget RTK Reveal stage and Reveal/Checkmate MAMA stage - Hyunjae and Sunwoo going up on that thing - that I don't know what it's called in English - is SO AMAZING, LIKE WHUAT??? Honestly, these will always belong to my favourite performances because it was seriously mind-blowing.

I MEAN LOOK AT IT;;;;;;;

WOW-

So yes, I just feel like they'd deserve a lot more appreciation and recognition for these amazing stages that they deliver!! They must be working SO hard and they're so in sync and just aaaah, it's so satisfying to watch them dance and perform, you know. The world is missing out,,,,🤧🤧

another edit: add their kingdom performances to the list too, because wow, I loved them all so much, they're SO talented!!!😭😭😭

which tbz member is most similar to you? I actually rewrote this answer because I always thought it was Kevin... I still believe we have lots in common but I recently found out that - astrology wise (according to the pattern app) - I'm /very similar/ to Jacob!! The pattern app tells you how similar you are to other people based on your birth charts and there's similarity levels from: very different < somewhat similar, but mostly different < similar < very similar and I kid you not, I've probably looked at my similarity level with at least 100 people (idols, family members, friends) and while I've gotten "similar" with lots of people - Kevin for example - I've only gotten "very similar" with 3 people so far. And one of those 3 people just so happens to be Jacob, so wow! I had no idea that we're that similar based on our charts - but I guess our air sun and shared Leo rising and also shared Virgo & Pisces placements make it make sense ෆ╹ᴗ╹ෆ sorry for the ramble, I'm still so overjoyed with being so similar to him🤚🏻😭

most underrated tbz song? In my not so humble opinion, I'd like to name two of my faves - Shake You Down and Summer Time <3333

give us a good pic of your bias.  

excuse me but how am I supposed to choose JUST ONE when Kevin looks like a full course meal in every pic???✊🏻😔 Just look at him-

also, please don't hate me but I really miss his longer hair, I'm currently in mourning😭😭😭

tagging: @interstellix @http-peachie @jellihye @oddlittlefandomist @key201303 @stealerz and any other deobi - Idk who else of my moots stans them, so pls feel free to do this and tag me so I can see your answers!!^-^💞💞💞

[darklovetrash]

My unpleasant experiences in the a song of ice and fire fanfiction community

Hello, my friends. On archive of our own, my name is DancingSnowflakes23. Back in 2018 I started posting fanfiction. My first story was a Jonerys fic, but eventually I ended up writing stories in which the Rhaegar x Lyanna ship featured and had some of  the most unpleasant encounters I ever had in a fandom.  That said, I am not even a L x R stan or shipper per se, but since many of my stories feature Jon they appear as well. I have written two stories to be exact where Lyanna or Rhaegar were alive beyond canon. One was called the Loyal Knight and it had Lyanna surviving and marrying Arthur Dayne, though she cared a lot for Rhaegar whom she grieved deeply. Several anonymous people came and were bombarding my fic with comments about how I am wrong and should get my facts straight despite writing an AU story. I do not mind discussion, but I was called a dipshit numerous times and I was hurt by this behaviour, which even went to far as to question my writing. i am not perfect, but I am writing fanfic with a lot of effort and if readers disagree with the premise of a story I expect them to move on and not harrass me further.  The second fic I wrote was called Beneath the Weirwood which was an AU of Rhaegar x Lyanna surviving and there it got even worse. I was called numerous unpleasant things (Like me being racist). Sadly, I don’t have the story anymore since I rewrote it and cannot provide you with these highly-intellectual comments about the some bullshit regarding R X L over and over again. There are literal people who scoure the R  x L tag to seek out pro- R x L stories to annoy and harass authors. I am a grown up person and I was hurt about their comments and should have probably just moderated, but back then I was new to fanfiction and was stupid enough to waste my time over this stuff, but then there are maybe younger writers who are brave enough to post their stories and then they have to endure this bullshit? I could understand if they just left the fandom. Yet, I am not the only one who got this treatment. There are numerous cases of this and usually its by anonymous commeters, who all sound the same way and always repeat the same silly arguments. There are some I remember: Armansky Something, KingofKings? Not sure anymore, Dublin, UnbentGlass and what connects them is their weird obessession with all things Ashara Dayne and Elia Martell. I am not posting this to start a war and I do not think the majority of Elia fans are like these weirdos, but mabe they like to know what kind of hatred some people spread in the name of their favourite character. I am honest, I always felt Elia Martell was a character who got fucked over and deserved more characterization, but I like many other writers do not write her, because such stories draw this people to the comment sections like flies to a fire. No one wants to engage with people like that and it soured my liking for the character which I doubt is the wish for Elia Fans. On the contrary, I think most of them want Elia to be liked and admired and not be assoicated with toxcity. And with the current developements in this tag I decided to post this to show that the R X L people are not crazy people who just want to appear as victims. I am no R x L shipper and got targeted. So, I dont know what the real R x L shippers would feel for being called racists, pedos and other stuff for liking a fictional pairing. What I hope this post achives is to expose these creeps and maybe have the Elia fans purge them from their community so we can all go back to a more friendly atmosphre. Wouldn’t that we wonderful? And here to give you some examples: And this stuff is harmless compared to what some other writers got. 

[retromotherfuckers]

Six Years (Part 3)

Pairing:

Past/Eventual Bellamy Blake x Fem!Kane!Reader, Platonic!Octavia Blake

Summary:

Octavia knew who she was now, but you couldn’t figure out what the hell you’d become.

Warning: 

so much mf angst, themes of addiction and depression, self-destructive behavior and a tiny bit of comfort in there

Word Count:

2k (i got a little ~carried away~ lol)

A/N:

IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. i wasn’t happy with the og thing i had down so i literally just rewrote the whole thing in a few hours and it’s sm better than it would’ve been. me holding off posting this did wonders and i’m more confident in it too even tho i kinda think i suck at writing but also kinda don’t idk my self esteem varies wildly

Merry Christmas Eve Eve to those who celebrate ❤️

the gif (and all the other ones) are not mine and i take no credit for them

if you want to be tagged in any of my works, send me a message or an ask and i’ll add you :)

@shipshipshipau

The girl with aqua eyes - although now they were more of a spotted gray - had only seen one moment of weakness from you. It would be the last time Octavia had seen you, and you, her. 

“We’re surviving!” She had started shouting, as if she believed that set in a lower tone, her words would be construed as lies. “The human race is surviving! That’s what matters!”

“He wouldn’t be okay with this, and you know it!” Your voice broke involuntarily as it rose to match hers. You shook your head as you tried to desperately stop the ache in your chest as you brought her - probably dead - brother up. Tears clung to your eyelashes, waiting for you to blink so they had permission to fall. Your throat had been closed for a while now, and the rest was merely a weak cry. “If this is the price that we have to pay...maybe we shouldn’t be.”

You’d never know if it was the crack in your demeanor or your choice of words, but either way, her eyes softened when you spoke.

“Look at me.” You did as told and she gripped the back of your neck in one hand, pulling your forehead so close it almost came into contact with hers.

The air changed as Octavia came alive under the monster she wore for armor. Her mask coming off allowed you to let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. You would begin to regret not smashing the helmet to bits while it was off and vulnerable.

“You have to stop listening to them,” She said. “It’ll tear you apart. It’s better they get to live to hate us than die slowly and love us-”

“They don’t deserve this either, O-”

“We bare it, so they don’t have to. You’re the one that told me that. You can’t back out on me, now. I can’t do this without you.”

For so long you were okay with her needing you to do the dirty work. Besides the first time - when you did it together - she’d give the sentence and you’d see it through. Every single time, it felt like it was killing you more than them, but that didn’t matter, did it? If you weren’t going to do it, who would?

It was the last thing Octavia had asked of you and you had no intention of letting her down.

Bellamy didn’t know what he would see when they finally dropped him down into the bunker, but it definitely wasn’t that. Surrounded by more death than he was prepared for, he couldn’t help himself to not move his gaze around the arena. The fences between him and the living reminded him of the cages the Mountain Men held him in. The walls were stained deep with crimson, leaving the dull concrete behind it unrecognizable. He looked to the blonde at his side, and they asked each other the same silent question:

What the hell happened down here?

His whiskey shaded orbs kept moving, albeit reluctantly. They stopped on Marcus Kane, who looked so much older than last time. His hair and beard were inches longer and grayer than the natural brown he used to have. He was so pale, it was unnerving - almost as if he was close to death. They connected eyes briefly and that’s when the younger saw the deadly weapon held to his neck by the hands of-

No.

Your back was facing him, but it didn’t matter how long it had been, he’d never miss you. The locks that adorned your head were longer too, almost to your waist. The natural shade was faded though, like you had aged twenty years instead of six. He watched your shoulders heave and your hands start to shake as Kane talked to you.

He couldn’t pull his eyes from the impure red that dyed your skin and clothes.

While you were distracted, he chose to act, protecting Marcus from his own flesh and blood. He didn’t miss the gears in your head turning as your gaze landed on him. He saw your eyes sink into a trance of recognition and a deep sort of longing overtook your senses. The melancholic need you had tried to numb for half a decade came back in full force and held no mercy.

You remembered how he always smelled of the forest after the sky wept. You remembered how sure but gentle his touch was on your skin. You remembered how his remarkably soft lips would feel when they pushed against yours as they begged for more at every turn. You remembered how it felt to be wrapped in his arms, listening to his heart thump as he assured you everything would be alright, even if he didn’t think it would be.

Was that gone forever, now, too?

Bellamy noticed something else, though; something he didn’t recognize. Something he’d never seen before.

Something that scared him.

It had been hours since and neither of you had bothered to find the other. Getting everyone out was a great distraction for him. Talking to his little sister, whose eyes seemed to hold the same thing yours did, was another.  She had explained to him and Clarke that Wonkru had deemed her Bloodreina and you, Ripa. So, no, nothing as special as death from above or the red queen or the commander of death, but death, nonetheless.

People have done well not to forget that.

When Clarke told him you still hadn’t come out and no one had seen you, however, he didn’t have a choice anymore.

The halls were those of nightmares, spirits lurking around every corner and it was cold and empty. He knew the lights were kept low to save power but it felt almost purposeful, like they were meant to scare you. To tell you not to act out or some kind of monster would jump from the shadows and make you pay.

But he didn’t know if it was you or his sister.

A chill slithered up his spine.

If someone told him this wasn’t real, he’d do anything he could to believe them. He wished that he was seconds away from being shaken awake by Raven or Monty, and they would tell him it was just another nightmare. He wished he was still on the Ring, praying ignorantly to anyone that would listen that his family on earth were still okay. 

Breaking him from his thoughts, a yellow lamplight caught his attention. At the end of the windowless corridor, it shone out of a slightly ajar door. Using every ounce of strength he possessed to not walk away, he pushed it open. It cried at the motion, diminishing any and all remnants of silence that swallowed the floor.

His eyes found you catching yourself from falling caused by a failed attempt at standing. A half empty bottle of whatever works in one hand, the other one holding you up against the bed frame. The high-pitched creak pulled your attention to the front of the room with a furrowed brow and he allowed himself to take in your appearance.

A wrinkled, cotton shirt sat on your chest and it was a different one than before; faded white and thin, yet cleaner than the other one which was colored with blood. Your hair was damp - the result of taking a shower - but lazily tied back in a half-assed effort to get it out of your face.

You stared at each other for a minute. A million things were hitting your slow-moving thoughts at once, too much for you to even try to comprehend. He finally took one step towards you, parting his lips to say something but no sound came out. He was stumped, hundreds of words flooded his mind but not a single one sounded good enough.

Nothing he could say would make what happened in the arena okay.

It was unbearably painful. There he was, finally right in front of you, and you had no idea what to talk about. No idea what to start with, end with, bring up, discuss, laugh about, cry about, scream about. Nothing was good enough to say to the man that kept you alive for such a long time, such a long time ago. 

Too long ago.

You inevitably broke the silence, though your words came out cracked and in a slur. A defensive and humorless scoff left your lips, an effort to cover up the discomfort. Or it was because you were too drunk to shut yourself up. “You gonna say somethin’?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

You didn’t know why, but you hoped he’d sound different. It was childish and irrational, but you hoped that you could say you both changed too much and he would have nothing to hold against you.

Because no matter how far away it seemed, sometimes you could still remember what it felt like to be that innocent seventeen-year-old that hadn’t lived yet; what it felt like to be that girl who still couldn’t stand her father. To be that girl who sprained her ankle within ten minutes of being on earth for the first time. To be that girl who hadn’t made a friend aside from Clarke and Wells in her whole life. That girl who had just kissed a boy for the first time.

The girl who was loved and not lost yet.

“Well, that makes two of us.”

Where the hell did she go?

That made the room spin, and you had to blink a few times to make it stop, taking a seat on the thin mattress. You took a drink, making the liquid slosh from the base to the neck of the bottle and back again. When it settled, you rested your head between your shoulders as you heard him say your name. It bounced off the walls in the room, hitting each one again, and again, and again like it was a bullet waiting to find its target. You had wanted the word to fall from his lips for so long that you’d forgotten what it sounded like. You had forgotten what he sounded like, and you fucking hated yourself for it.

Then you realized he said, “Ripa,” and those four deadly little letters crushed your throat and stole the air from your lungs.

That name hadn’t felt right from the start, but it was what you had been simultaneously promoted to and reduced by. The only person who refused to call you that over the years, was your father. For two thousand days, he made sure to steer clear of it.

That’s not who you are and I know it, even if you don’t.

A sudden and hauntingly raw sob escaped, and you knew his eyes were on you in an instant.

“Don’t call me that,” You begged, meeting his gaze for the first time since he entered. Breath picking up, you were practically terror-stricken at the idea that all you were to him now was a murderer. You vigorously tried to shake the thought away, squeezing your eyes shut as everything that kept you numb seemed to vanish into thin air. “Y-You can’t-Not you too. Please, not you.”

Bellamy’s hand brushed your cheek and tears rained freely. You immediately leaned into the familiar and delicate warmth and you really fucking hoped this wasn’t your mind playing a trick on you.

“It’s okay, Y/N.” When he spoke this time, his words sounded choked too. His other hand cradled the back of your head as he pulled you into his chest and just...held you. “It’s okay.”

It was like you were standing at the edge of a building, teetering the edge before accidentally falling. Only, before you could plummet to your death, someone caught your hand, and it occurred to you that you really wanted them to pull you back up.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

Your voice was just so, so weak. Beaten down and broken.

“Never.” He said it with so much confidence and finality, you almost had to convince yourself it was real and not a dream. “I promise.”